Hi, everyone, and welcome to shattered silence stories of recovering resilience. My name is Jori. I just want to start off by saying that I am so grateful for all the people that have been in my life that could even make this happen. I'm here with Scott from aspire. Thank you so much for being here with us.

Thank you for having me.

I, you know, I just want to start off, too, by kind of, I guess, just talking about how even, like, this came to be about, first off, you know, my fiance Kyle, passed away, and it was very sudden and unexpected. So, first off, I just think that it's hard to say, like, why I'm even credible to sit here and do this podcast, but, I mean, I've had a lot of grief and some trauma and things that I've dealt with in my life. I was speaking with a friend that, you know, and work with, and it just happened to come up about, you know, a podcast and working with aspire and working with Citroen marketing, and we're.

Making it happen, you know, thank you for having me again. I watch you, and I know that you're incredibly passionate about, well, this topic, for sure, and you love Kyle and you love your family, and you want to just be able to have a venue to be able to get information out to people that really need to hear it. So this is a huge deal, and it's a little nervous. I'm a little nervous sitting here right now, but it's for a good cause.

Yeah, it is. Yeah. And I really appreciate you guys. I mean, all of aspire from even being able to sponsor us and do this for us for people, not for me, for people. You know what I mean?

We value this time with you in this partnership.

I really appreciate that.

I feel like it's gonna be a. It's from the heart, right?

Of course.

I love to get involved with things from the heart, and you've got a huge heart, and I feel like you're gonna just help lots of people and really just kind of talk about things that maybe aren't always comfortable to talk about.

100%. Yeah. Can you tell us just a little bit about yourself, how you got started with aspire and just a little bit. Yeah. About your background and how you got into that.

Thank you. Yeah. You know what's crazy is I really didn't plan on having a program like aspire. It wasn't a, you know, and aspires got really big, you know, and I didn't. Didn't plan on that. We, me and a couple of people got together, I think it was in 2015, and we decided we wanted to start a program for families, for parents, for adults, and for young people, adolescents that were struggling with addiction issues at first, right? And so we opened up this little office over off a white lane. It was a little thousand square foot office, little bitty place, and within a year we were like elbow to elbow. So biggest, so crazy that we decided, wow, we have to move. So we did, and we ended up finding another place, like, you know, really big office, you know, like almost 4000. Next thing you know, we're filling that place up too, right? And then one of the things happened is we got together and we thought, you know, substance abuse is a big deal. Alcoholism, drug addiction, stuff like that. It's huge. But also mental health, that was really kind of come, you know, I mean, it was becoming more apparent to me that these issues go hand in hand a lot of times.

So you talk about the post traumatic stress and all these other things that people go through and then self medicating, a lot of that stuff with the alcohol or drugs. So then we started aspire behavioral health and open up another huge office in Bakersfield. Right? And then it just went from there. I mean, we're in like Santa Clarita, Simi Valley, Fresno, Slo Victorville, and even in Phoenix, Arizona now. So, yeah, so I guess it's been nine years that aspire has been open. Gosh, that is so, yeah, just planting seeds and that's our model is planting seeds and saving lives. And to me, this is another way to hanging out with you, man, is another way to plant those seeds.

Yeah, totally. I mean, that, that's the goal, you know what I mean? To plant the seeds. Basically, our goal for this podcast is to just give people hope that they can reach out and get help. It doesn't have to be a stigma like that you can't reach out. There's so many people that you don't even realize that are in your same shoes. There's so many people that struggle, whether it is just mental health or it is mental health that was not treated and then led to addiction or whatever it may be, even if it's just like, for me, like trauma, you know, just going through trauma and grief and that is also hand in hand with mental health, you know, depression and all that. And so I just feel like it just, I was on, you know, Instagram and social media after Kyle passed, kind of sharing a little bit about my feelings and the way that I was, know, feeling in the days after Kyle passed. And I just had a lot of feedback. I had a lot of feedback by people telling me that me sharing is helping them or they can relate or people that were in my shoes before me that are reaching out and just giving me advice to help me out.

And I know how much I've appreciated people reaching out to me to give me that advice or just tell me, like, thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. And it just really got me thinking.

You know, well, and, you know, this being our first podcast, your first podcast, you feel like you want to tell everybody, like, what? Yeah. Why we're here.

Yeah. I mean, you know, it never. It's never, like, easy. And I shouldn't say never, because this is my first time experiencing this, but it's not easy to just come out and say, hey, this is how Kyle passed. You know, I feel like people. It's a normal, like, reaction to be, like, what happened? What happened? You know, he was young. It was sudden. So I feel like it's totally normal for people to question and ask, but a lot of people don't realize that, you know, it could have been traumatic, and it could have been nothing. Just not an easy thing to share, you know? And so I'm so grateful that I've had family and friends and anyone that's just been in my life that's given me, like, the space to not have to, like, just talk about it and share everything, because I do share a lot. Like I said, I share a lot, but it's not like just picking up your phone and going on an Instagram story and saying, hey, by the way, this is how Kyle died. You know? Like, it's. It's not easy. And so, you know, I mean, I'm just.

I'll just be honest. And. And I just. Everything. Everything was just, like, a normal day with Kyle and I. You know, we did get into, like, a little bit of a tiff the night before, which is, like, normal, though. It was. It was not like a yemenite, all out, like, crazy fight. It was just like, we kind of fought, but we were still, like, you know, hey, I'll see you in a little bit when you're at home, you know? And so he left that morning. We were kind of talking, you know, our son at the time was only nine months old. So I was at my sister's, and I went to go swimming at my sister's house, and he had told me, okay, I just got off work. I'm heading home. I'm just gonna put on a movie, and I'll see you guys when, you know, when you get back. Like, okay, sounds good. And so I was at my sister's for a little while, and I headed home, and I walked in my front door, and I'm, like, calling him. And, you know, I didn't see him anywhere. But when you walk in my hallway, you will see my kitchen.

My kitchen overlooks my living room. And so I saw the tv was on, but it was, like, on a screensaver, so had been, like, paused or whatever, off for a little while. So I was like, oh, that's weird. Maybe he went to go take a shower, you know? So I went into our room, and he's not in the shower. And so I'm, like, putting our stuff down, just calling him. And so then I walk back towards the living room. I'm about to call him, or actually, no, I checked his location. I was like, he's home. Weird, you know? So I walk back out towards the living room, and that's when I saw him. And it was just a different point of view coming from the living or coming from my bedroom to the living room. And I could see him. He was, like, sitting on the couch, but his head. And, like, his chest was to his knees, and his head was, like, hanging between his knees. And I just screamed to. And I just said, kyle. And when I said that, it, you know, scared our son and he just started screaming. And, I mean, obviously, just the way that he was, like, laying, like, you don't just lay like that.

So, like, I knew that something was really wrong, and so I went over there and I put my hand on his chest, and I, like, flipped him up on the couch, and he was purple, and I was like, oh, my God. His eyes were closed, but he was purple. And it's like, oh, my God, kyle, kyle, kyle. You know, just, like, slapping him in the face. Like, what's going on? What's going on? My baby is screaming. And I'm just like, it's okay, it's okay, you know, and I'm trying to figure out just, like, what. What's the best thing to do, you know, when you're in just shock? And so I, um. I'm just, like, in shock, you know, even just telling the story. I'm just thinking frantically how my mind was in a million different places. And so I called 911 after I, like, was, like, kind of slapping him in the face. And then, like, I had set Brooks right next to him and it was on the couch and he's nine months old. And then I'm like, oh, my gosh. Wait. He's gonna just roll off the couch, you know? And then I'm like, oh, my gosh.

But I have to help him. And I'm just like. I'm so frantic, you know? And so I end up picking up Brooks, and I'm just staring at Kyle for a second, and he's just unconscious, you know, just, like, laying there on the couch. And I'm like, okay, maybe if I bring him next door, I'll bring Brooks next door, and then I'll come back and I'll get Kyle situated. I'm like, no, what if he still has time? Like, you know, I need to hurry up. And so I call 911. I put on speakerphone, and I'm just, like, slapping him, and I'm like, kyle, wake up. Wake up. Please wake up. And then when I got ahold of 911, they were just like, okay, he needs to get to a flat surface. You need him on the hard ground. So I grabbed his ankles, and I yanked him off the couch. And, like, I remember this so clearly because I was like, adrenaline. Yeah, I. He felt like a freaking feather. Like, I ripped him off that couch so fast, and I just. To think that I'm sitting there and he's telling me how to give him compressions while my nine month old son watches and, you know, try and find some of the little things that are little blessings, I guess you would say.

I'm so glad he wasn't older so that he remembers watching me try and resuscitate his dad, but he's a little baby. He's screaming next to me while I'm trying to, like, save his dad's life. And, like, I just. In that moment, I just sat there like, please, God, don't take him from me, because I know that feeling. I have lost a couple people in my life, and I was actually. I mean, I was with my best friend when she got hit by a car as a kid, and so it just brings back memories, too. I'm like, there's no way this could be happening right now. There's no way, you know? And so it was. I have my phone on speakerphone with 911, you know, and they're counting me. Like I'm doing compressions, and they're doing the beats, you know, like, one, two. And I just remember. I just kept going over and over again. I was like, how far, you guys? I don't know how much longer he has. Oh, my God. And then seeing that clock on my phone scared me even more because I'm like, oh, my gosh. He has not even taken a breath for seven minutes now.

And then it got longer and longer, and then. So right over ten minutes, I finally get a knock on the door, or a pound on the door, and I just picked up brooks. And I ran to the door, and it was the, you know, fire department and the emts. And I'm just like, he's over there. And they went in there, and they just threw their stuff down, and I just ran out front holding Brooks. And I just first called Kyle's dad. He was the first person I called, said, greg, you gotta get here fast. I don't know what's going on with Kyle, but he's been unconscious for a long time. I came home, and he was on the couch, unconscious. And so he just says, we're on our way. And so then I called my mom. Like, mom, I need you to get here. I don't know what's going on with Kyle. And, you know, then the phone calls just started going. And that's one thing, too. You think about, like, hearing everyone's different perspectives. Like, hearing my mom's perspective and how. Where, you know, you remember exactly where you were when you get that phone call.

You know, just like when, you know, when my cousin passed away or whoever, you know, the news that I've heard over the phone, I. It's just something you never forget.

It is etched in your mind.

It is etched in your mind. And, I mean, I don't know if that's part of just, like, you know, a traumatic event. Even if you weren't there finding out that someone you loved passed away, you're always going to remember the way you found out. Um, but just after that, it's just us out in the front yard, you know, because family members slowly start to get there. Like Kyle's parents and then my mom, and then my sister, and then Kyle's brothers and their wives, and just my dad. And then it's like, just us, immediate family, and we're just sitting on my grass in the front yard, like, just, like, what is happening? And I'm literally. My brain's not even trying to process what happened at this point. I'm just kind of, like.

You're, like, in shock.

I'm in complete shock. I'm so confused, you know? I'm like, I just talked to him. Like, I literally just talked to him. And he seemed fine, you know? And so finally, the EMTs come to the door, and I, at this point, have no idea how long they were in there. But they come to the doors, and they're like, can we have the immediate family come? So it was just me and Kyle's parents. We went to the door, and I just remember this, like, visually. I just remember everything. And they were just like, I'm so sorry, but we did all we can do. And that's, like, that doesn't happen in real life. That happens in movies, you know? Like, that doesn't happen to you. And I just remember Kyle's mom just, like, dropping to her knees, and all of us just like, there's no way. There's just no way. You know.

His parents are really good people, too. They are his mom and dad.

Yeah.

Beautiful.

Yeah. And, you know, it's just like. Sorry.

No, you gotta let it out.

I know.

Well, you know, for me, I wanted to say a lot of things while you were sharing your story, because it just kind of was bringing up all kinds of feelings for me. I was like, and I'm getting choked up over here, but I felt like it was important for you to let that out and let the world know what you went through. I mean.

Yeah.

What a. What a gosh, I don't even know what to say. It just. It broke my heart hearing you talk. And I picture your little boy, and, you know, I was envisioning the whole scene as you were laying it out for us, and, my gosh, that's terrible. And if you knew Kyle, which I had the pleasure of knowing him, you know, when he was young, a teenager, and what a beautiful soul he has and had, he would smile, and he could, like, light up a room. You know what I mean?

I know.

And he was so talented, a musician, and.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, he was funny and just. He was kind.

Yeah. Yeah. All the things. Like, that's a big reason, too, of why I even want to do this, because he. Right before he passed, he was helping one of his good friends get to treatment. He was suffering from alcohol addiction, and he's like, buddy, it's okay. I've been there before. Let's take you. Let's go. Let's get you better, you know? And. And he.

I could see that.

Yeah. That's just who he was. He just loved his friends, and even. I shouldn't even say friends. He just loved people.

Yeah.

And he really cared about the impact, or he was just so empathetic with how people were struggling, because he knows that he's had struggles, and he wanted to give anyone and everyone the chance, you know what I mean?

Like, you never judged.

No, he didn't.

Last time I saw you guys was. I don't know, I think it was at the Condors game or something. I. And it was either home Depot or Lowe's or the Condors gave.

Yeah, maybe.

Is that like the boat rv show? I don't know. But. But you guys were walking. I remember you had your boy in a stroller, and. And he comes, like, right up to me, a big old smile, and I remember he gave the most warmest hug. Like he's a hugger.

Oh, yeah.

And he hugged me, and he was so proud of you and his. And his little boy. And, you know, and right away wanted to make sure that you guys were included in the, you know, with me. And it was. He's just a beautiful soul.

And one thing, too, about him was that it's like we all kind of made fun of him a little bit because he would always be like, oh, well, my best friend. Like, the joke was my best friend Paul, and then it was like, oh, my best friend, Kellen. Oh, my best friend Jake. Oh, my other best friend Jake. Oh, my best friend. So he had the most best friends out of any person you would know. So, you know, he just really did. And he. He just really. He loved his people, you know, and he, like, he would even say to everybody as you would leave or whatever, love you. Bye. Love you. He would. And, like, I swear, it's even, like, if you. Even one of my friends that he was, like, not even close with, he told me, he's like, yeah, you guys were leaving. He's like, all right, love you, man. And I was like, love you. That's just really, like, who he was. He just. He really did. Like, he had this infectious laugh and smile and just this energy about him and everyone. Everyone loved to be around him. Like, they could just.

They knew when Kaho was in the room because he wasn't going to be quiet, for one. And, yeah, he just had that energy.

Did they. Did the doctors ever find out what. What had happened?

So, yeah, it took. It took quite a while after the fact to figure out what actually happened. They had to do an autopsy and all this stuff, and, you know, I was trying to be an investigator and go through his phone and everything, and ultimately, I did find out that he did buy street pills, and it had fentanyl in it.

Wow.

So one thing, too, is that I know that especially our youth right now is, like, just wild and, you know, I mean, I feel like it is every generation, but you know what I mean? It's like, kids experimenting with this and that. And you hear like young, like fentanyl deaths.

Can I talk on that a little bit? You know? Yeah. So, yeah, for the last, probably in 1992, I started a program to work in the schools. Right.

Okay.

The whole, that's the whole purpose of this program was just to get involved. And one of the things that we found out is that. So it was all high schools at first and being in the high schools, and, you know, a lot of kids in the high schools are drinking or doing drugs, you know, different, different levels. Well, now it's gone where now we're working in a lot of the junior highs and because kids 7th and 8th grade are, you know, using, vaping, smoking marijuana, drinking, taking pills and stuff like that. And I've had conversations with a lot of the people that work in the junior highs, and they're saying, scott, now we need. We probably need to get you guys into the elementary schools. Like the fourth, fifth and 6th graders are vaping and drinking and popping pills. And I'm thinking to myself, wow, like a lot of times parents say, well, hey, you know what? We drank a little bit, we smoked a little pop, maybe in high school and college, and we turned out okay. But it's way different than it used to be. You know, the marijuana is 100 times more powerful than it used to be back in the seventies and eighties.

And now, like, you just touched on the drug dealers and stuff are lacing a lot of these drugs with fentanyl.

Yes.

And I mean, they're sprinkling it on the marijuana. Kids don't know that they're smoking pot. Like, hey, it's just a little weed. They don't know that it's got fentanyl in it. So now they're getting addicted to the fentanyl at a really young age, and it only takes the amount of fentanyl about the size of a pencil lead to overdose on.

I know, right? Yeah, yeah.

So we're having a lot of young people, 13, 1415 year olds, that are dying from fentanyl overdoses along with all the adults.

Right.

But definitely. And I know Kyle and I know that he probably wasn't even reaching out for fentanyl as a drug. It might have been a pill of some sort or another, and it happened to be laced with fentanyl. He probably didn't even know what he was taking.

Yeah, yeah. And that's the thing, is that all these street drugs have fentanyl in it. And that's why I brought that up, too, about the youth is because it's like, you know, you. They can't experiment now with Kyle. An eight dollar pill. $8. $8. And it ended everything. My son now has to live without a dad. You know, I'm you without a husband. Exactly. You know, we never get to have our wedding, you know, and so it's. It's just, I don't. I do and I don't. I want to scare these kids and everyone else like that. You can't risk it because really, one. One time can. Can end it all. And, like, I mean, and even if you have. If you've are. If you're already down that path, that's why aspire is here, too. You know, I talked a little bit with some of Kyle's, like, military buddies, you know, and it's like the PTSD and the trauma that they go through, you know, it's like, it's. It's so, so common for, I mean, anyone that's dealing with this to start on drugs or alcohol and just use that as kind of their crutch, you know, let me.

Let me talk on that, too, because you bring up these really important points, and I want to make sure that we hit on them. So our military. Thank God for our military. Right, right. And I love those guys. Guys, when we started to aspire, we would never turn away a veteran that wanted help. I don't care if they had insurance or didn't have insurance money. No money didn't matter to me. No veteran will ever be turned away.

I love that.

And we're still that way.

Yeah.

Same thing with youth. If youth really want help and they want to come into the program and get better, man, we're not going to turn them away. We want to help them, which is really cool. But the first responders are law enforcement, correctional officers, sheriffs, BPD, or any of the PD's. The. Any of those guys, I mean, they go through such traumatic things on a daily basis, and in my mind, I'm not one. Right. But I've worked with lots of guys and gals that are. And they're supposed to be strong and tough, and they are. They really are. But who, when the crisis is overdeveloped, where do they go to get help, right? Because there's the stigma that if they go get help, then maybe they're weak or maybe they can't handle. They can't handle their mustard or whatever. Right? They can't handle it. But that's so not true. And we need to get rid of that stigma and allow our first responders and our veterans, the courtesy that know, hey, man, you guys are tough, and you went through a ton, and it's okay to feel it and deal with it because once you heal from it, you get that much stronger and you can go back and be.

Be even, you know, a better, stronger. I don't. I want to call them a badass, but, you know, they are. You know, I mean, you can go out there and really, like, kick butt, man. Right, and do what you do, you know? And I love the brotherhood of all that. I just wish that. That our law enforcement, all those people, you know, the. Even the fire. Fire personnel, you know, the. The fire department guys and gals, you know, where do they go to get help, right? And it's okay to get help. So I love what you're doing. I love this. You know, you call me with this idea about this podcast, and I'm like, what a brave lady you are.

Thank you.

To open up your life and your heart and then to be able to, like, put it out to the world. I'm. I'm kind of an older guy, so I don't really get this whole social media podcast. You know, I don't tweet or anything. You know, I don't know how to do all that, but I believe in it. It can reach the masses, right?

And I think that. I mean, I think that with a podcast or the social medias, that's. That's where the youth is also gonna see it, too. You know, they're all over social media. So I just really do want that message to reach them, because even if this podcast helps just one person, that's one person, you know, man, if they're.

Breathing, if they're out there listening to this show right now and they're breathing, we have hope.

Right? Right.

You know, and we don't have to shame a lot of people with addictions.

They're.

They're beautiful, kind, compassionate people. They really are. A lot of times they're. They have broken copers, you know, and they're. And so they use what I call alcohol or drugs as a medication, as a coping tool to be able to deal with life, right? But if you think about it, if you could take that kind, beautiful soul, and you can. And by the way, a lot of times they don't look that way, right? They get tattooed up and they get piercings and all that is they just want to push people away, right? They just want to scare people to not come into their bubble, you know? And really, you get the hardest core people like that. And they're really the. If you can get past that exterior, man, they're like huge teddy bears, you know, no offense, anybody out there. I'm not trying to say you're a teddy bear. So, you know, but. But they are. They got good hearts, right? And they can do really big things. So, I mean, you got to get through that exterior. You get them in a program like aspire or anywhere that. That can help them, teach them the tools that they need at the same time, right?

You get the family members involved because families, they're confused. They don't know how to help or not help. Some of them want to give them a bunch of money and bail them out of things and, you know, take care of all their problems, and they think that's going to help. And, you know, a lot of situations, I always tell parents or adults or loved ones, you need to lovingly. This is a key word, though, right? Lovingly allow the person in your life to suffer the natural consequences of their own actions. Meaning, like, if I go out and I commit a crime while I'm drunk or high, maybe my parents shouldn't go out and buy me a really good attorney to help me fight that case, because maybe they ought to allow me to kind of suffer the natural consequences of my actions, right? Because otherwise, I'll never learn. You're a mom. You got a little baby. You always say. You always say, stove hot. Stove hot, right? Well, the kid, all they want to do is touch that stove to see really how hot it is. You know what I mean? And every time, if you go to block the way when the kid goes to touch the stove, you know, it doesn't really help because eventually, when you're not around, maybe the kid throws themselves on the stove, whereas before, if they would have touched it with their finger, they would have burned.

Got hot, you know? Ouch. Don't do that now. Mama's not here. I'm going to launch myself on the stove, and now I'm burnt. Real burnt.

That's a good comparison.

Does that kind of make.

Yeah. Yeah, it does. We have a message from our sponsors, aspire counseling services. We just want to remind everyone that seeking treatment should never be stigmatized. Traumatized. Aspire specializes in providing support and treatment for both teens and adults with mental health and substance use disorders. Recognizing that these conditions often do coexist, they are an amazing resource, and you can get started by texting or calling the number 888-585-7373 to enroll at any time I want to touch I want to touch a little bit about just the coming out and sharing this story because, you know, I didn't want it to be, like, this whole, like, reveal. Like, hey, let's now, like, announce how Kyle died. You know, it was never like that. I never knew if I was gonna share how he passed. I also is, you know, had to also consider the family. Like, it's not just my life, it's their life, too. And how do you guys feel about it? Kind of. And I. When I spoke with. At least when I spoke with Kyle's sister's sister in laws, you know, they were just like, this is. This is your story, you know? Like, that's your story, you know?

And so it's like, okay. I mean, yeah, you're right. It is, like, my story and how I found him. But I also just want the family to be, like, still comfortable with, essentially with the world knowing how he died, you know? So how'd that go?

I mean, are they okay with it?

Yeah. Oh, my gosh. His parents are, like, so, like, so excited for this podcast. You know? They're like, you know, I just feel like the way that things happened, like, God has a plan, essentially, you know? And it's just the way that I was having lunch with my friend, and I mentioned that maybe a podcast would be cool because I like to write and talk about blogging and stuff, and I'm like, but a podcast would be better, I think. Cause I can just talk and talk and talk. And so when we talked about that, she's like, oh, my gosh. Stephen just made a podcast room, and no one's even used it yet.

That's a nice room.

He's the owner of Citron, by the way.

Citron did a good job.

So then Citron. Yeah, Citron has a room, and I'm like, okay. She's like, I'm gonna go and talk with them right now. She goes here to talk with Stephen, and then you're already here talking with Stephen. Like, what are the chances, you know? And then. And then it's like, hey, what about this person? Podcasts and whatever. It's like, everyone's on board, and so, like, I'm so thankful to you and to Citroen just for. I mean, believing in me, essentially. Like, you have to believe in me a little bit to, like, want to, like, do this podcast and give me a sponsorship. Like, when I heard that, I was, like, mind blown my start crying. I'm just like, there's no way. How is this happening?

Well, it's not. It's not easy to take a risk like what you're doing.

Yeah.

I mean, when you sit up here and I watch the tears running down your cheeks, not everybody can do that.

Yeah.

Right. So if you're willing to get out and put yourself out like that, we're in it 100%. We're in it to win it with you.

Yeah.

And, man, I appreciate that.

And, you know, everyone's timeline is different, though, because I just feel like I've connected with so many people since starting this podcast. Just like, okay. You know, I want people to be able to share the. Their own stories and, you know, it's. It's really, um. It's therapeutic for some people just to be able to. To finally openly talk about what they want to share, you know, their story and their struggles and things like that. But someone that I did connect with, you know, or I guess a couple people, it's been over five years for them. One woman that I spoke with that will be on an episode later, she just told her kids for the first time, and her husband passed away five years ago.

Wow, that's a lot to hold on to for that long.

Yeah. And so it's like, I'm so grateful that I essentially got the green light to be able to be vulnerable and share this story, because ultimately my goal is just to help people. It's not to just have the spotlight on me, like, oh, look at me, and I'm, you know. You know what I mean? I never got that from you, but it just. I just had to share that about somewhat, like, multiple people that I know that still have not shared their story yet because it's so hard. Don't. If I just want to say to anybody that is not sure of how to approach someone that has had a significant loss, I've been okay with it, but just try and allow them to share in their own time.

Like, tread lightly.

Yeah, yeah. You know, I mean, don't not talk about them because I feel like you don't want to, like, tiptoe around the fact that this person has passed. But I also feel like, you know, especially if it's recent, it's more like, oh, my gosh, I'm. I can't imagine what you're going through. I'm here if you need me kind of thing. And just try not to push them to tell their story because I promise some people will just finally click and be like, you know what? I think it will help for me to talk about it that way. I don't have to have this secret, too. You know what I mean?

I learned something a long time ago, and I'm gonna cut you off. A family is only as sick as its secrets.

Yeah. Right?

And so I vowed, when I heard that I was a lot younger, I thought, I'm telling the world everything. My poor mom and dad are like, you have to tell them all. Everything. I'm like, mom, I do. I gotta say that I can't have any more secrets. Right? Like, we're only as sick as our secrets, mom.

Right.

She's like, well, I don't want your grandma to find out. You know? It is what it is, right?

Yeah. You know, because I do feel like just. I mean, addiction in general, just. Just with addiction, that is one thing. More than any of the others, I feel like that really, nobody wants to talk about.

Yeah.

Like, mental health, I feel like, is already becoming more and more common to talk about.

It's okay to be depressed or whatever.

Right? And you see. You see shows and ads and all this stuff, like, about, you know, just, you know, mental health.

Yeah.

Things and that it's okay to be depressed or go through this and that. But I feel like addiction isn't as much talked about. It's not, but especially from an addict's perspective, because they don't want to feel judged, you know? And that is one thing that, with Kyle, I dealt with a lot, because he. He did have a problem before I met him at some point in time. And then he went into the military, and that was his, like, everything. You know, he. He had this high purpose, you know, he felt like. I mean, he loved to serve his country, and he just, like, that was his everything. Like, it really was his everything. And he was good at it. The day he died, he talked about it over and over and over again. I mean, he watched the Vietnam war on the History Channel all the time. I was like, again. You know, he just really, truly like that. That was his passion, you know? But coming back from the military, it was him trying to find his purpose in the world after having such a high purpose in the military. And he just felt like, you know, going and working in the oil fields isn't gonna do it for me, you know, not something that he felt fully fulfilled.

Yeah. He wasn't passionate about it. I mean, there was at a small period of time, he. He did start to get excited about that and a new job and stuff like that. But you could tell it always was like. It was just always weighing him down. Just that. Just him being out of the military and so he did. At one point in our relationship, after he got out of the military, he did struggle for a little while with going back to pain medication, and that's when he spoke with you again after he had met you years prior. But I. He spoke with you again, and he did get help, and he was not afraid. He wasn't afraid to go get help, necessarily. But I don't know. It's like no matter what, he just. He was just in this vicious cycle himself. But the thing is that I feel like he never actually got to his, like, root problem. You know what I mean? Like, he never really, like, sat and talked with other military guys, and he had talked about, oh, aspire has some military, like, group, and I think maybe you brought him onto that or told him about it.

And he came home and told me about it, and he was excited, you know, he was just like, oh, that's so cool.

I feel like they would understand each other.

Yeah, exactly. And I really wish that he followed through with doing that, or I wish maybe I would have given him just a little bit more push to go and do that and to. And who knows where we would be, you know?

It's hard to feel that way. It's really hard to wish I should have.

I know.

I don't want to beat you. I don't want you to beat yourself up.

I know.

You know what's crazy with the whole. I think about people that are drinking or doing drugs and they struggle with that. Right? And I feel like. I feel like when you even go back and forth, I call it switching seats on the Titanic. Because if you got a problem with, you know, say you're. Say you're drinking, and then maybe you switch to taking pills or you switch to doing something else, and then you think, okay, well, I'm not going to do the hard drugs anymore, but I'm going to go back to drinking. I call it switching seats on the Titanic. Because, man, it doesn't matter what, at that point, it doesn't matter what seat you're sitting on. The ship's going down. You know what I mean? And so we got a really. We just got to really understand that not everybody can drink or do drugs and be normal.

Right, right.

And I don't even know if there is a whole, like, normal drug addict. Right. There's a normal. But alcohol is, you know, like, it's been around for a long time. It's a social thing. A lot of people drink. And I'm not saying that everybody that drinks is an alcoholic.

Right?

But I'm saying that some people that do drink are alcoholic or they drink alcoholically, right? And. But they struggle because they're like, man, all my friends are doing this. Why can't I do it and just be okay, right? How come I tend to cross that line? Why can't I have, like, two or three and stop? Because a lot of people, they have two or three, man. They're having four or five or six, and then they cross that invisible line, and then it's on and cracking, right? It's a whole. It's like Doctor Jekyll and Mister Hyde. Where did you come from? You're not even the person I even know, you know? And. And they just can't do it. And they. And they almost kill them. They kill themselves. I hate to use that word. I shouldn't say that word, but they. They struggle to try to drink like a normal person.

Right.

I almost wish that alcohol wasn't even around.

I know, I know.

If I could have my one wish, I probably would hate me, but I would, because I just wish that. Because it just hurts so many people, you know, and really like heroin and all these other, like, hard drugs. People worry about those, but really, alcohol is one of the only drugs on the planet that you can die from withdrawals from it. People wouldn't even know that. They think, oh, I'm glad I'm not doing heroin. You know what I mean? Yeah, dude, alcohol is what's gonna kill you.

Right?

It's alcohol. You know? And I always get in a lot of trouble for that because I got friends that drink, and I know I love that drink, and they're like, scott, you know, you're such a buzzkill, bro. But I'm not trying to be a buzzkill. I'm just. I'm just wanting people. I just see the. I see all the trauma that families.

And people go through, especially being, like, in counseling.

And it's been 30, almost 39 years doing this, and I've been. You know, you're like.

I know. I've seen it. I've seen that.

And please don't hate us. Right? Please. I'm getting into some kind of. Some touchy areas right here. I really am. But I'm doing it from my heart. I really am. And I'm not judging people. Please.

It's because you care.

I do. I really do. I want people to have a good life. I mean, I don't want them to suffer. Like I've seen.

Yeah, you just see people. Yeah. So I feel like, for the most part. We covered everything that I kind of want to touch about as far as the podcast goes.

You know, we'll think of more stuff later.

Yeah, we will. We will. Absolutely. So, Scott, thank you again so much for coming and talking and just aspire in general, too, for just being such a big part of this.

And thanks for having me one more time, and I appreciate you and everything that you're doing. I know that you're doing this from your heart. There's no monetary gains here for you, really. Just trying to reach out and share your story, Kyle's story.

Yes.

Thank you for that.

Thank you. And if you could just share how people can get in touch with aspire.

Thank you. Yeah. So they can look us up on the web, right? Aspirecounselingservice.com. all one word. Aspirecounselingservice.com. there's an eight, eight eight number that they can get on there. I don't have memorize, but they can look at that, get a hold of Evan or one of our admissions people that are amazing and just ask questions.

And can I also ask, too? You guys have a couple different locations out of Bakersfield?

We do, yeah. And so we have them in Slo, Fresno, Santa Clarita, Simi Valley, Victorville, two in Bakersfield and one in Phoenix, Arizona.

Okay.

And then we do. Let me tell you a little bit about that. We do intensive outpatient programs, right? So people come. So we have an adolescent tract, and we have an adult track, so they're separate.

Okay.

And then we have a substance abuse, alcohol and substance abuse track, and we have a mental health track, so all of that separate, and we kind of keep those populations separated. But the intensive outpatient program, and then, which is like three nights a week, 3 hours a night, or we have some day treatment programs, too, where they come five days a week, 6 hours a day. It's all outpatient. We don't do any residential. We have a lot of residential programs that we work with. So if a person needs that level of care after the assessment, we can then assess and then refer them out to higher levels. But, yeah, the programs are great. We have amazing therapists. We have psychiatrists, we have substance abuse counselors, a lot of really gifted individuals that are going to help, and it's cool because they can tailor the treatment for that individual or that family. And it's not all one size fits all, and that's what I think is really special.

Can I also ask, too, so you mentioned briefly about the family. So if there is someone that wants to just reach out because they have someone struggling. Is that something they can do?

Absolutely. And definitely ask questions. We also have twelve step support group meetings at a lot of our facilities. We have like Al Anon and stuff for family members of people that are struggling, but they can always just call and ask questions and what do I do and how can I help and things like that. We encourage them.

Okay. Awesome. Awesome. Thank you. Well, thank you, everybody, for tuning into our very first episode of shattered stories of recovering resilience. Again, my name is Jori. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram, TikTok, and Facebook. And then also you can watch full episodes on YouTube. You can also listen to full episodes on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.