Tu Lam, welcome to the show again.

Thank you.

It's good to have you back, man.

It's great to be back.

But, um. So you were actually, if I remember correctly, you were the last episode that we recorded in the attic of my house. So things have developed a little bit since the last time you've been here.

Yes.

And things have also developed quite a bit with you since we've. Since your last episode. And we'll get into some of that. But I'm not going to give you a full intro. Cause you don't really need one. But just for the audience, if you didn't see his first interview, which I can't imagine anybody that hadn't, but retired special forces operator, one of the top tactical trainers in the country. A call of duty character to include being on the COVID which we'll get into. And now author. So you got the new book out the way of Ronin, which will be coming out on May 21.

Yes.

We'll probably release this right before then. Just for. What is the book about? Is it your life story?

It's about my life story.

It is.

It is.

So that'll be linked in the description. So everybody can go get a pre order. Or if you're watching this after the time of the release, just order it on Amazon, please.

Pre order.

But, uh, yeah, I can't. I. You know, dude, I'm so honored that I got one of the. That's like the first copy, right?

You got the very first copy.

The first copy.

Pulled it out of your mailbox, and you were doing your interview, and I was at, you know, your house with. With Katie and Ruthie, and they asked me to walk. Walked all the way down to your mailbox, literally that long driveway. And it was there. Yeah, man. So you got the first copy.

Very honored to have the first copy. So I'm gonna need you to sign that.

Yes.

And then it'll get framed and put into the museum that we're building here. But. So today's interview is going to be. I want to talk to you a little bit about the call of duty stuff. I want to talk to you about what inspired you to write the book, you know, your life story and get it out there. And then. And then what I'm really looking forward to talking to you about is we've both been on a healing journey since our last interview. We both have gotten into psychedelic therapy. We've explored all kinds of other things that work, and I can't just. You went full into that and you came out a new man. And so I really want to dive deep into that first before we go any farther and get into the weeds. I have a Patreon account. They're our top supporters. They've been here since the very beginning, even before the podcast ever even started. And so one thing that I do for them is I give them the opportunity to ask the guest a question. And so this question is from Greg, and basically what he's saying, this is a long question, but basically what he's saying is he knows that you train a lot of law enforcement, and what he's asking is this kind of goes along with our EDC pocket dump.

But what Greg is asking is, you're around a lot of law enforcement. You train a lot of law enforcement. Are law enforcement saying that they are worried about the uptick in crime that's been happening? Are you getting any inside gouge on what those guys are worried about? And if they think crime is going to continue to get worse?

See training literally across America, east to West coast. I'm very intimate with SWAT teams, street officers, patrol officers, all of them, highway patrol, counter narcotics, and I work with a lot of task force. And I tell you the main concern is they don't have the support, you know, political repercussions from doing their job, you know, arresting a person. They can lose their badge if they shoot a person in self defense. Literally, they can lose their badge. Border patrol, you know, they can lose their badge if they forcefully stop immigrants. So that was the main concern that I saw across, you know, the police departments was that if they do their job, they'll be scrutinized.

Yeah.

Now, there was. There was a few incidents where officers on the side of a road and they get ambushed. You know, when I was in New Orleans, I was training their counter narcotics teams in Baton Rouge, and we left New Orleans that. That morning, and a cop got shot in the face. Are you serious? Yeah. Literally got shot in the face that morning as we were moving to Baton Rouge because he was controlling street traffic. Do I think there's an uptick in crime? If you don't have the proper law enforcement in place that can execute their jobs, you're gonna have an uptick in crime. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah.

So the biggest concern for law enforcement is that their legs have been chopped out from under them. They have no support from political figures, they have no support from their leadership. And depending on where they're. Where they're working, they don't have any support from the local community because they've bastardized them. You know, do you see, do the police or the law enforcement guys that you're training, I mean, are they worried about an uptick in crime? What do they say they do now that, I mean, how do. How are they. I couldn't imagine being a cop today. I could not imagine it. But what do they. I mean, you see this happening all over in certain states where department stores are just getting ransacked by thugs, you know, and there are states now, I think that if your home is being robbed, if it's not a threaten, it's not a light threatening situation, don't even call the police. They're not going to respond. What are the cops doing now in place of, you know, what they used to do, which is fight crime?

You know, I work with some of the best in the nation, man, and I tell you, these are great Americans.

Yeah.

And, you know, yeah. They don't have the proper support, but they're gonna do what they do to protect their community.

Yeah.

And I worked around some of the best. And I tell you, like, yeah, you take away their budget, you take away their support, but these are great Americans. They're going to do what they do regardless of your support. But it is a concern to me as a civilian. Is that okay? So if police officers can't respond to their community because their hands are tied, budgeting, manning issues, whatever. So who's going to protect the civilians?

Well, that's kind of what I'm getting at. I mean, that's. Nobody is gonna protect him. I mean, it's a, you know, I think that a lot of people are, you know, there's that old saying, you reap what you sow. And I think a lot of people are feeling that now, especially the ones that are trapped, you know, where they live, that had that big, you know, the big defund the police movement. It's not working out so good. Better luck next time.

You know, people always say, hey, I'll call the police. Okay, so let's just even talk about history. The Elly riots. Everybody knows about the El riot, so I'm gonna bring it up. You know, there were certain portions of the city that was shut down. They're like, hey, I'm not gonna get to you. So these Koreans are on the rooftop with guns, trying to protect their business from getting burned down because they were told nobody's gonna come for you. So what about the civilians, is what I say, you know, and one of the things I do is I train civilians. I train our law abiding because they need that help and they're the ones that are gonna be the first responders protecting their family and themselves. Law enforcement. Yes. That's your job. You're not gonna get to them in time. I tell you that.

Yeah. Yeah. Touchy subjects, man. Touchy subjects. But thank you for answering, Greg on my Patreon. So, one last thing, and then we get into the weeds. This is probably the only reason you came back here. But, you know, everybody gets a gift.

Yes.

And I know you'll smash those. Made in the league. Made in the USA. They're still legal in all 50 states. It's been about two and a half years since you've been on, and they're still legal in all 50 states.

And these gummies are bigger.

Yeah.

They're, like, bulkier. They're like commando gummies. Thank you. Yeah.

You're welcome. But, yeah. So, since the last interview, things have kind of blown up for you, it seems like. And you're already a call of Duty character now. You're on the COVID of Call of Duty. You got your new book out the way of the Ronin, and, I mean, things are just going really well for you. And, you know, before, I just want to say, you know, it's just nice to see somebody with a platform like you have that is still a very good example to today's youth.

Thank you.

And there's a lot of people that have been on the show that I say that, too. But, you know, I just. I really mean it. And when we. When I look for guests, you know, and we're gonna do a life story on them, I look for somebody that's going to be a positive example to the world, and you just. You have it, man. Like, you're a great example. You have a great message. It's all about love and healing, and it's just you're doing great things, man.

Thank you.

So, thank you. I appreciate that. But call of duty, okay. On the COVID Yes. How did that happen.

Man? First is a blessing, right? When I say that working with Infinity Ward was a blessing, it was really cool to even experience that in a lifetime, right? To be, you know, doing motion capture. They put me in this tight suit with these balls, and, you know, literally, I go out there and I film, right? How to kill people with weapons. It's fun. But the thing is, you know, we were working with them, and we built a close relationship with them. They scanned me in the game at Modern Warfare one, season three, I came into the game, and my character was really popular. When I say I was the number one downloadable character in Modern Warfare. And they called me back to Hollywood, and I was filming Modern Warfare two right before it was coming out. And at that time, they were like, this was a l shaped intersection in a hallway. How would you attack it? You know, and I'm like, how many guys? I have two guys. And I would, you know, clear the hallway the way I would, you know, normally clear hallway, and we collapsed up there, enter a room, control the room, dominate the room.

So they had all these cones, and I would do these drills. And, man, I tell you, you know, I was 45 at the time when I started filming, right? And I tell you, man, like, the older you get, like, because they made me do these movements, and I'm in this tight suit, and it's really hot in there. You know, they got cameras all over me, and they have grid squares on this floor, and you have to perform these movements at a certain grid square, and you look up these huge monitors. It's a different world with your avatar. And they had this speed bar, right? And I gradually it will pick up the speed. So literally, at one point, I was sprinting to try to keep up with that speed bar, and there's a lot of. A lot of movements. And it reminded me back on the teams, like, I would have to go through the shoot house, perform over and over and over. And, yeah, we did that. And my character became really popular, and the vice president wanted to do something nice for me. I guess it was totally a surprise.

You didn't know you were gonna be on the COVID you know, I knew.

But they didn't really say it yet. You know, I kind of like, okay, why are you giving me so much attention? And I would capture these movements, and there was a certain point where, you know, they. After the photo shoot, so I had a photo shoot, they redid my whole costume. What is really cool about the whole thing, Sean, is like, you know, I'm a really big samurai fan.

Yeah.

You know, I study samurai philosophy, and, you know, it's part of who I am, bushido. And, you know, Masashi Miurmoto, the ronin, you know, he kind of influenced me to be a ronin in this modern world. Why I'm saying that is the teachings of five rings is he broke down fire, water, earth, you know, ground. He broke down void. These five teachings that kind of guided me through life. Infinity War. So it was my man, it was my anniversary, so my wife and I, we flew out to Malibu beach to hang out at this Airbnb, literally right on the beach, you know, beautiful they actually filmed that movie Spanglish, really? With Adam Sandler, literally right in the house that we stayed at. They modernized the house, but that was the house, literally. And we would hang out on the beach and infinity wardrobe man there in Hollywood. They drove out. You know, one of the guys met me. He. You know, he talked about the book of five rings. He asked me a few things. And when they put my gate, my character on the title in Modern Warfare two, season two, season two, they redid a whole world around my character, Ronin.

So when I say that. So modern warfare, they did a whole world where it was. It was Japan. Right. And it had the teachings of the five rings in there.

Wow.

You know, and. And I tell you, man, like, it's very humbling to think, like, you know, you know my story. Like, I found Bushido at a very young age. You know, I told you a whole story on the last interview, but now that code of ethics, a warrior man, is being shared to the world in the most popular view game platform. Right. And, you know, for me to be my character, Ronan, but also to give philosophy to the world, that's amazing.

I did not realize that, you know, something else that I think is really neat that the Call of Duty did is they. I mean, they really. It's you. It's your weapons that you designed. I mean, how many weapons are. How many Ronin weapons are in the game that you use for your character?

Just about everyone I use, they have created that weapon.

Which ones are they?

You know, we used m one a. That's on the game. We used the m four rifle specifically. How I would rig it up. You know, the teams. Right. We would rig up our rifles a certain way, and they literally configure that rifle with the camouflage. My pistols.

It's your products, though, correct? It's your designed.

It is. So what they do is their artist takes the original design and, you know, through copyright and all that, they have to protect their company, and they will change a few things on it. So, my signature on my rifles, I have a gold bolt with a. With a dragon symbol on it. It's a nickel boron bowl, but it's a gold bolt. Something I wanted that's unique to me. And it was certain camouflage pattern. They put that on the game. That is really cool with the optics that I usually run.

Very, very cool. Very cool.

You know, the swords.

Yeah.

So I want to tell you, these swords were handmade for me by this blade maker in Japan. His name is Kiku. Kiku has. Dude, he's like, three years backlogged, right? We met when I was filming for the history channel, knife or death. He asked me what sword would I like him to make for me. I asked him to make two washitashi sword. Washitashi in the samurai sword line is the. So you have your katana, which is a sword, and your washitashi, which is a short sword. Miramoto Musashi wield the short and the long sword, and he called him heaven and earth.

Interesting.

So I asked Kiku to forge me heaven and earth, two washitashi swords. Why? I'm saying, as those washitashi swords got scanned unto the video game, and that's what my character uses to hack up people. So when I was doing motion capture, they had these Kali sticks, you know, the Filipino one sticks. And, you know, when I worked Kali, I was in the Philippines, you know, doing PSD work for General Warscher back then and training their counterterrorism units. And I would learn Kylie and knife fighting from the Filipinos. So here I am in motion capture studio, killing this guy with two Kali sticks, doing Kali. And that translated to my swords on the game.

Very cool, man. Very cool. That is. That has to be. I mean, the video game industry, from what I understand, is bigger than the music and movie industry combined. It's the biggest entertainment industry in the world. And you are on. Don't quote me on this, but it has to be at least one of the most, one of the most popular games in the world. Call of Duty. The Call of Duty franchises. Everybody knows what Call of Duty franchise, and even me, who, I'm not a gamer, but I have played it. And just to see their version of you running around doing your thing, that has to be just pretty surreal.

You know, I want to share with you the story, man. Like, so when I was little, I was really into Gi Joes, right? So I read Gi Joe comic books, and guess who's my favorite character? Storm Shadow. The ninja, right? I was so drawn to storm shadow and snake eyes, the two ninjas. If you guys don't know Gi Joe, somehow I became a ninja in a video game, right? Because when they designed my character, he looks like a ninja. Yeah, he has night vision, all that. That's what a ninja would use nowadays, right, if special operations are ninjas. So the thing is, man, they put a ninja on the game. But back when I was young, like, I idolized Gi Joe, and somehow I became the modern day Gi Joe. So, you know, it's just kind of funny.

That is very cool, man. But let's move into. Let's move into healing. So at the same time, when you left, I think shortly after that, maybe I don't want to. I don't want to speak for you, but we both wound up in a dark place at some point in time, and we both had found and researched psychedelics, and I think we both, at the end of, I shouldn't say the end of our journeys because it never really ends until it's over. But you seem to be a new man now, and I know that my healing journey continues to change me. And so I. I wanna get into. I think the book was probably part of the healing process. Am I mistaken?

The book's part of the healing process.

So I want to get into, you know, what kind of things you've done to heal your mind and your body. And to start with that, I'd like to start with your daily routine because you are a very disciplined individual. You spend a lot of time working on yourself, both your mind and your body and your family. And so I'd like to, you know, I know you have a rigorous meditation pattern, and so let's start with daily routine. Hey, guys, you've heard me talk about them before, and I'm excited to talk about them again. I want to tell you about Hoist IV level hydration. Hoist is made in the USA and has half the sugar and three times the electrolytes than some other sports drinks without artificial dyes or preservatives. In addition to being one of three hydration products authorized by the military, they upped the ante for hydration by offering a product with less sugar and more electrolytes. Hoist is on a majority of us military bases globally, serving our warfighters in operations and training. I wish I had hoist as an option hydration during my military career, especially my favorite flavor, strawberry lemonade. Also, Hoist offers military and first responders an everyday discount when they use their government id at checkout.

And I really appreciate that. You can use their store locator on their website to find a store near you, or you can purchase directly from drinkhoist.com where you can use my code Sean to save 15% off their website. Go check out their website, that's drinkhoist.com, and use my code Sean to save 15%. This show is sponsored by Better help. We all carry around different stressors, big and small, and at times we keep carrying them around rather than processing them and letting them go. Keeping everything bottled up can start to affect us negatively. Therapy is a safe place to get things off your chest. Therapy from Betterhelp is helpful for learning positive coping skills and how to set boundaries. It empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma, it's for everyone. If you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Get it off your chest with betterhelp. Visit betterhelp.com sean today to get 10% off your first month.

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You know, the morning routine is the most important routine and the reason why it sets up the framework for the whole day. And a lot of guys, we don't place energy on the morning routine or importance on it because we are so reactive to our day. Being proactive to your day sets up a mindset, a routine, a ritual discipline. So the morning routine is not easy. It's not easy, and I plan it, so it's not easy. 04:00 in the morning is not easy for anybody to get up. I choose to get up at 04:00 in the morning. And the reason why at that time is the brain is still half asleep. So you're still at slow brain waves. Right. So long as I don't spark my dopamine, right, release, which is getting on the phone right away, turning on tv, stressing out. Right. Long as I don't do that, I'm still in that slow brain wave. So literally, I get up at 04:00 in the morning, brush my teeth, you know, dude, I let my dogs out, and I have the biomat. Right? So then the biomat, basically, it grounds me. So when I say that is, you ever woke up and instantly you had anxieties?

All the time.

Yeah, me too, at one point. So that's. That's the nervous system getting taxed. Okay. And what you got to do is you got to really focus on your nervous system, not your thoughts, your nervous system. Okay. So that's your nervous system, the anxieties. So initially, what I do in the mornings, I want to ground myself. So meditation. Meditation is so important because you're dropping that brain wave to slow brain waves, but you're conscious, and when you're able to do that, you're able to kind of reprogram the subconscious. You're able to influence that. And that's the program. That's 95% of how your day goes through the subconscious, your program. So that's. That's what I focus on first mind.

So. So you get up at 04:00 a.m. And you get on this biomat, and the biomat resets your frequencies.

I have to breathe into it. So basically there is a breathing practice that you have to do. Meditation is a breathing practice for me. My breathing practice is I go off an old hindu breathing practice. I have many breathing practices, but in the morning, what I want to do is I want to go into deep inhales and long exhales. Right? And that's the Hindu. But with the Hindu is they roll their belly. It's almost. They roll their belly on the way out. So when. When you roll your belly belly to spine, what you're doing is you're activating the lower abdominal. We breathe very shallow in our day. In our upper lungs, we don't breathe right, and majority of our energy is stored within the solar plex area. If you just meditate, breathe into it, you'll feel, oh, man, I feel something here. Well, that's. That's the anxieties and that's the nervous system. Right. So you have to be able to breathe into it. So if I do that every single morning, when am I doing something, creating a habit. I'm reprogramming every morning. Reprogramming every morning.

My mind, how long does this take you?

You know, I started off, you know, I've tried to be overachiever. Sometimes I start off 30 minutes and I couldn't get thoughts out. It got louder for me, but I would sit there every morning at 04:00 in the morning, man. And I sat there for three years failing every day. Thoughts, thoughts. I would come out, but then I think about it. How much stuff have we seen on the teams? My background wore? How much stuff have I seen? Yeah, there's a lot of thoughts there. So I let it, man. I just let it run. And there was a certain point where my meditation practice caught up the skill. And I'm able to let go of thought and breathe into emotion. That's how you actually move energy. So in the morning, when I ground myself out, if I feel anxieties, that's gone by the time my day hits. See, if you wake up in anxieties, dude, if you don't do anything about it, it drags on all day, doesn't it? And what happens when you have anxieties? It tax the nervous system. It puts you in a state of survival. You're not present.

You know, we talked about this yesterday, I believe, about meditation and some of the. I was doing great. It's pretty much completely fallen off. And when I was getting. When I felt like I was getting good at it, it was. Somebody at one point along the line had told me, thoughts are like clouds. They just pass through. And I could get to the point where all of my thoughts would pass through, and then I would go into this. I guess it would be a meditative state, and I wouldn't know how long I would be there. And once, until I came back to. And once I realized, it's kind of like a realization for me, like, oh, shit, I have no more. Like, all the thoughts are gone. That, to me, was kind of like the signal. Like, all right, you're. You're done for today's. Today's meditation is wrapped up. You can move about your day. And then it kind of fell off. And I tried to get back into it, and, you know, I don't wake up with anxieties every morning, but, you know, there are. There's especially being a business owner, you know, it's.

It's. Things come up. You know what I mean? A lot. And as I'm sure you can relate, and being a public figure, things come up a lot. A lot of hate comes towards me also. A lot of love. But, you know, as humans, we gravitate towards the hate. It's just how we're programmed, right? And so I'll get there. And a lot of times, I. I wind up in this wheel, you know, where I cannot. It's somebody's coming at me or whatever it is. And I wind up in this wheel. And I feel like by sitting there not doing anything, it makes it worse. Does that make sense? And so I get frustrated. I leave my meditation, and I just go about my day. Cause that's it gets that off my mind rather than sitting. Can you relate to that at all?

Okay, so, deeper than that. Thoughts. Thoughts feel emotion. So let's just say you wake up with anxieties. That's an energy. And an energy wants to stay alive. It needs to stay alive. And how do you feel? Energy through thoughts. So, let's say you feel anxieties. You wake up, and you're like, oh, man, I got this meeting today. I got to talk to this guy. Oh, God, I got. I got to take my kid here. You know, you have a lot of daddy duties, right? You have a lot of, like, life duties. So that attaches on to the emotion if I was to tell you, let go of thought and focus on feel. We have three minds. We have thoughts. We have a heart, and we have our gut. The gut and the heart can be trusted. The mind can't be. So when you're hearing thoughts, let it go and focus in on feel. When I wake up and I have anxieties, right away, I could feel it, right? And I still have it sometimes today. But when I wake up and I feel it, I thank it, because I can release it now. And literally, it takes me 30 seconds.

Wow.

30 seconds.

30 seconds to transmute that energy. You can't kill energy. You can't just eliminate energy. Energy's forever. Our soul energy. Right, it's forever. But what you can do is transmute energy.

Transmute.

Okay, so let's go back, right? Go back in time where you had a bad relationship, right? And she broke your heart.

Mm hmm.

Fast forward that a year later. You don't care. You don't even care. Time heals things, so you transmute it through time. But what if I tell you you can transmute it faster than that? Instead of suffering for a year, you can transmute it within, I don't know, minutes. So transmuting energy is that you gotta feel energy. So energy wants to be felt. You know, look, what? Every day, I'm telling you, Sean, it took me literally nine and a half years to figure it out. And the green berets, you know, we're really good at intelligence. Understand the situation and what happened. If the situation, the enemy, is you. You know, we're trained how to find, fix, and kill the enemy abroad. But what happened, the enemy is you. So you got to find the patterns. So the pattern was anxieties in the morning, okay? The patterns was thoughts that controlled me throughout my day. And thoughts are tied to emotion. The more thoughts I have, the more emotions I'm going to feel. So if I can let go of thought and let that emotion pass like the clouds, then it doesn't affect you. You know, I.

Religion wise, I'm a Christian. I believe in Jesus. But I also believe that there were great that walked this planet, that taught us about God and healing and stuff like that. Buddha is one. And buddha taught us about letting go. But what if I tell you I don't know how to let go? Took me nine and a half years to understand it.

Interesting. Well, what else do you have in your morning routine?

So after I meditate, for now, I meditate 2 hours.

2 hours?

2 hours.

So four to six is meditation because.

I know, I can program myself. I'm not only working on programming ground myself for that day, I'm working on trauma as well. I have a lot of trauma, you know, so. Yeah, work on that. So whatever energy rises, I breathe into it, and I let it go through the biomat. So that biomat moves energy. Right. So if I'm able to drop into delta brain waves and be totally conscious, imagine if I'm injecting positive afflimation into it. So I'm hearing positive affirmation, bypassing my conscious mind and programming my subconscious.

Very interesting. So is it 2 hours exactly of meditation?

Yeah, I set a timer.

Okay. Okay.

Mm hmm. I set a timer, and usually why I do for 2 hours, that's long meditation, and I like long meditations now because I'm my practice there for it. But when I first started, it was two minutes, five minutes, if I can just not talk to myself or think. And now I can go up to 2 hours without thought.

Wow. Wow.

So, after meditation, then, you know, I go upstairs and I change into my workout outfit. I got a gym downstairs, and I start cardio. Cardio in the morning is so important because what it does, it moves the left and right side of your brain if you're doing alternate movements, like stair stepper, if you're walking, if you're running the alternate movements, the alternate movements, it pulls you into the present moment. That's why I like cardio. And also cardio is great in the mornings because I do what's called fasting cardio. So the older you get, what? Your metazole slows down, right. When you get off the teams, your metazole is slow, whatever your lifestyle is for me. So I fast. I start fasting around 06:00 at night. So no carbs and no sugar at noon. Carbs and sugar. If I was to consume it in the morning, carbs I consume in the morning. And then around noon, it's just protein and vegetables. Nighttime, no carbs, no sugar. So when I wake up in the morning, I'm deprived of what I've been fasting of. Carbs and sugar, and I hit cardio right away. In a fat burning zone, man.

It burns straight to your fat.

Nice.

You're not burning sugar. You're not burning through carbs.

Nice.

So cardio in the morning. So, after I do cardio in the morning, usually it's long cardio, and I don't listen to music. I either don't listen to music, and I'm just trying to be present with quietness or I listen to podcasts that improves me, or I listen to philosophy, or I listen to lectures about neuroscience. I listen to something that improves me as a human being, religion, God. I listen to all that in the morning, because in the morning is about positivity. And after cardio, my cold plunge. So after you induce all that inflammation, right? Cold plunging gets rid of inflammation. Inflammation can lead to heart attacks, right? So cardio, weight training, it causes all that. So what I do is I co plunge. I co plunge for five minutes.

You cold plunge for five minutes?

Yes, I cold plunge for five. After, like, a minute and 45 seconds for me, my body goes numb, and I'm, you know, I'm fine. But that first, you'll hit fight or flight when I say it, as, you'll hit survival, where you feel like you're gonna die, like your mind is gonna say, hey, get out. Right? And that's what you want. You want to push through that, because on the other side, resilience. And on your side, it's like dopamine release in a positive way. So imagine. So I cold plunge at five minutes, and then I get out, and I don't jump in a hot shower. I let my body warm up itself. So I'm shivering, okay? As I'm eating breakfast, and I eat a healthy breakfast, and I go to work. So that's, that's my morning.

What do you eat for breakfast?

You know, a healthy breakfast. Just a steak, egg. You know, when I bulk. Right. Just because I'm in Hollywood now, I have to keep a certain image, so I have to eat a certain routine.

Yeah.

Right.

Yeah. So how long, how long does your routine take before. How long are you spending on yourself before you go to work?

Four to nine.

Four to nine. So 5 hours of self.

That's just in the mornings.

Very interesting.

And then I go to work. Right. And, you know, fortunately, I get to work with my wife and stuff like that. So go to work. I handle all that. And I break out around two or three, and then that starts my weight training session. Gotta do cardio in the morning. I go do strength training now. So then my strength training is usually about an hour, 2 hours, hour and a half. You know, when I say that stretching and, you know, all that, and the weight training starts. And then right before I go to bed, I preheat this infrared sauna. It's a portable sauna, right. I preheated to 170 degrees for 30 minutes, and I meditate in it for 30 minutes.

That's a lot of self care.

You know, a lot of self work, man.

That's amazing.

Yeah, because I realized at a certain point I wasn't happy, and nothing made me happy. Like, when I say I saw after the show, you know, everything was going great because, you know, I was growing. In business, I was growing, but everything was exploring. I was working on myself through meditation. But, dude, you know, meditation can only take you so far, right? And at that point, I didn't realize that childhood trauma has a lot to do with your current state of mental health, you know, and I had a lot of trauma. I was born in war. I escaped genocide. I was left for dead for nearly 30 days. We escaped on the boat, refugee camps, parents divorce, racism. Like, I had all those trauma before I even hit seven years old. Before even the analytical mind was even developed. It went straight to my subconscious. So why am I saying this? Is because we have a mental health crisis in America, right? And we need to do something about it. And self work helped me. Veterans, we've been at war for what, 20 years? This 20 year war. It's time that we heal our country.

It's time we heal. Like, I don't think we healed out the Vietnam War.

What was. So you've been on. When did we meet? It was about two and a half years ago, correct? It was about two and a half years ago, give or take couple months. You came on the show, we release it. Business explodes. What? We both went and did a psychedelic therapy right around the same time. And I can't. I think I went first. Did I go first?

Yeah. I want to tell you, man, like, you were an influencer. For me to do it, you went first. So I want to remind you, so, you know, we had our interview, and you came back and, you know, you and I became friends, and you told me you're. You're thinking about doing that. And I remember one of your guests, you know, kind of ran that foundation, and you went underneath that program. And, man, the episode you release.

You.

Know, it helped me. Right? And. And also at that time, I was interested in it because my meditation, dude, they only can take you so far seriously, right? And you went. You went to Mexico. You came back, you shared your experience. You and I, we shared, you know, we talked on the phone, and you helped me. Right, you helped me get into the program. You sent me the link, and.

I.

Went to Mexico because of you. And I had to tell you, man, like, I want to share my experience about Mexico. You know, I never did. Never did. When I say that I heard, you know, my voices started turning against me. It was telling me to do things and. And that's what happens. There is a certain point in that your nervous system gets so taxed and anxieties are so much. Thoughts get latched on to emotion. Thoughts and emotions connected, right? So your mind and body's connected, so it has to support whatever you're feeling. And at that point, man, I was. I was bad. So here I am. I go, you know, literally, I think is right after you and I go to Mexico. And there was two Navy guys, a marine and NFL, you know, he did a whole career in the NFL, you know. So imagine the TBI and Ibogen was the treatment. So Ibogen is off of the boga route from Africa. And what it does, they call it the tree of life, the root. But I began. It had the abilities to kind of remap our brain, right? It helps TBI helps, uh.

It helps trauma, right? It is one of the most aggressive treatments out there. So I went down there, I loaded up on a van, was moving south into Mexico. I don't even know I was doing, man, I grabbed my phone, logging waypoints, like in case we made contact, right, with some drug cartel. And, you know, um. And then we ended up at the safe house. It looked like a CIA safe house, at least, you know, right on the beach, same place you were. And, you know, you sent me pictures, so I knew where you were sitting looking at the beach underneath, you know, the overhead. So I knew. I knew what you were doing, you know, when I was there. And I tell you, man, like, so I want to go straight to the treatment, you know, you got doctors, you got everything there is legit, you know, it's in a safe house. And it happened at night. So these sage the area to get rid of, you know, whatever bad energy. And we prayed, we invited God, Jesus and love and, man, I took the ibegan and they had these little pills, you know, and, you know, I'm really sensitive, so it hit me faster than any one of them, right?

And I remember, like, the Navy guy was right next to me and he had the huge mirror like you talked about. And my face started shifting and I wanted to see my face warp and bend. But, man, I started getting nauseous. I started vomiting over myself. So I lay down, right, and I put that mask. I think I was the first one, man, I tell you, man, like, everybody else had this amazing experience and all I felt was like, fucking pain and misery for 15 hours, you know, the worst. The worst I ever felt. And, man, there was a certain point where I felt like somebody was, like, ripping out my hair. When I say that is, you know, I had all these really negative thoughts, you know, and it was consuming my mind, and I felt like some old guy, like, literally, I felt him, like, on my chest ripping my hair out. But he was actually pulling out these negative things, thoughts. And I mean, thousands, hundreds of thousands of thoughts. It was all negative, you know, it started off with my military career. I could feel it literally, as he was ripping it.

I could feel thoughts and emotion, and it's just all. It was just anxiety. Like, if I had a gun there, I would have ended it. That's how horrible it was for me.

Wow.

And, you know, every anxiety, everything, I felt loneliness, everything just kind of rushed. And then, man, you're so nauseous, right? Like, under that, you know, any movement, you're so nauseous. I'm vomiting. And the things I'm seeing that's coming out of me is not. It's not this world, you know? You know, it's evil stuff. And, dude, at around 06:00 in the morning, you kind of come to, and literally, I could almost see the smoke on the ground from us, and all of us are exhausted. Like, we just went to war, you know? And then I started crying and I wanted to vomit. I remember that freaking stupid, freaking african music was going. I had enough. So I ripped off all my stuff, all my heart, body. I ripped it all off. I ripped out my iv. I was done. And of course, the paramedics grabbed me, put me back down, but, dude, I was done. I was worst off than I ever was. The voices were so strong now. They carried me. Two guys carried me to my room. They laid me in bed. The walls were moving. Everything was energy. If I had a gun, I would have ended it.

It was horrible. And I. Man, it was horrible. So then our mutual friend in Mexico came in, and he's like, you know, you feeling all right? And I was like, no, no, I'm not good, man. And he said, well, if it makes you feel any better, Sean was worse off than you. And I don't know, man. I instantly felt better. Oh, great, you know, I instantly feel better. I'm like, really? Are you serious? Sean was worse. And they're like, dude, he was a lot worse. And I don't know, I just felt better.

I'm happy. I could take a small part in that.

I was still in it for a long time, so they actually had to put me down with some sleeping pills. I cried sleeping because I didn't know how I can live like this. The voices were strong, man like. And that energy was dark.

Mm hmm.

So I fell asleep, and I woke up the next morning, and it looks like a scene out of the Christmas carol. You ever seen the Christmas carol where he jumps out of bed?

He's like, oh, it's Christmas day, right?

And he's all happy. I jumped out of bed, and I didn't hear the voices anymore. And I opened up the window. I'm right on beach. I could hear the beach. The wind was blowing. I was like, oh, my God, it's a beautiful day. And I literally almost ran outside. I jumped on the, like, I felt the grass and the palm trees and earth. You know, it was beautiful. But then that within a few hours, I had to, you know, smoked at five meo DMT that toad venom. And tell you the truth, I was petrified of that toad venom stuff. I was last into order. So I'm hearing everybody outside. You know, it could be loud, right? It could be scary. So it's kind of like the gauntlet. So I'm the last one. I come out, and there's this big stone frog looking at me, and, you know, he looks like a crack pipe, and he hits it. Handshake. And he gave me the full dosage. And, you know, like you, I saw the light, and I came through, and everything became one, and. And I asked to get hit again. He hit me again. I went back through, and what I.

I would say I felt. I didn't see anything. People, you know, say they saw all those images for me, I didn't see anything. The only thing I felt was love, man. Like, love at a level that no human being can ever love you. And I knew it was God, you know? And I was kind of floating out there because you kind of lose sense of your body, right? You're out of your body. And I felt gravity pulling me back to my body at that point. I was in so much pain anyway, so I said I didn't know who I was talking to. God, really, I was, what the fuck you want me to do? What's my purpose? And clear as day, you know, it came through me, through, like, a thought, and say, well, you're the celebrity now. Why don't you make your words count? So, you know, I've been trying to make my words count ever since.

Do you think your words didn't count before you did this? Cause, too, you've always. You've always had a very positive, encouraging message.

Mm hmm. I didn't talk about God.

This is true.

You know, there was a lot of asian philosophy and, you know, philosophical martial arts stuff, and, yeah, that leads you to God, and that's a practice. But I pursued violence at one point, you know. Yeah, I need to talk about God. I need to walk in that path of that. And that's what I came to realize, you know? So I came down, entered my body. I cried, you know, on the beach, reborn. Well, what's that even mean? So I come back home, you know, and the thing about these treatments, it remaps your brain so you don't have any more, like, negative. Like, you don't hear the voices. You go into what's called honeymoon state when you come back. Like, if you go on these treatments, you got to make sure you come back to a peaceful environment, or it can fuck you up, you know? I didn't come home to a peaceful environment. I had to jump right into it, you know? For me, that was the first time that, man, I just didn't know what to do anymore. Right. There was so the trauma, whatever happens, it burns from your frontal lobe right to your rear.

So that, you know, coming back home and having to deal with certain traumas, man, you. It can really mess you up. And, you know, when I came home, it really messed me up. It put me on, man. It put me on a horrible path. I was worst off. Now.

What do you want to go into? What you came home to?

No.

Okay.

No, but the thing about that is, like, everybody has, you know, nobody's perfect.

Mm hmm.

You know, we made mistakes in the past. I tried to write my past. I couldn't. And the thing. The thing is, many burns, man. It burns right into your subconscious. After this treatment, think about. You remapped your brain. You came home, and it. I don't know if it was a deeper scar, but I tell you, like, I was worst off than I ever did. And I want to tell you, man, like, at that time, business was growing, clients were growing. My training was successful. I'm gonna cover call of duty photo shoots, sponsors. Ben Sih was in hell, you know? And I put on a good face right where spec ops guys were. We're good at that. Putting on a mask. So I did. I put on a mask. I went out there and smiled in front of the people inside. I'm dying. I went to. I spoke to a thousand narcotics officer. I'm standing there talking about motivation and happiness inside. I'm not even at the vets gala, when I was the keynote speaker, they asked me to speak. So I'm gonna speak for the people. I'm gonna speak for us so we can get our treatment.

But, dude, I wasn't. I'm not 100% healed, right? So I'm being this person that I wasn't healed, you know? And literally, I was on a photo shoot for a call of duty in Utah. And the very next day, our friend, our neutral friend, flew in to give me the five meo because I was that bad off. The five meo? The toad venom. So I came home, man, and he saved me.

How did that differ? How did that one. This was the actual real toad venom? Correct. Dorogan goes before synthetic in Mexico was the synthetic. How did that differ for you? Was it different?

Anything that is human or man made, it doesn't have the God in it, the spirit. When you eat a plant, it came from organic root that was made by God. God is in all things. So when man makes it, it's not from God. He's for man. When I smoked the organic five meo DMT from our mutual friend under ceremony, when I say that you gotta open up that space, there's certain process to do this in and, you know, messing with the spirit world. You don't want to. You don't want to fuck around. You want to come in protected. So he protected me, man. I died, you know, and I went through that light again. Felt God, cried, came back down, came back up. So I did it eight times. And what you do is. So the five meo is such a strong DMT. It's very fast acting, dude. It clears energy. So within our energy centers, right, you got your chakras, right? Very hindu in teachings, but you got your center line energy centers, your root chakra, you know, your heart chakra, all these chakras. And what happens is, energy gets stuck within our solar plexus.

You ever feel tight around here, Shawn?

All the time.

All the time, right? Because that's where the energy gets stored. So that's why meditation is so important for you. So it gets stuck right here. So what am I telling you? Your energy never even makes it to your heart.

So are you saying energy, is it initiated in the gut?

Well, that's where the trauma is. So we want to clear negative energy. You want to clear negative energy. So if this is negative energy that's stored in the gut, you got to breathe into the gut, right? And what I found is, dude, that's so, like, you could be a meditator for 15 years, and maybe you get to 10% of YOur trauma. Fuck that. I need to fast forward this process. So that's why psychedelics is important.

Can you go through the chakras? Do you know them all?

You know, you have to shoot. I don't know any name, but you have your root chakra, which literally in your groin area, and you have another chakra in your navel and then your solar plex and then your heart and then up in your upper lung area here and then your throat. So there's seven chakras. And then you have the enlightened chakra to kind of over your head. Cause energy kind of drapes over, like a waterfall around you. And people tell me, man, gosh, I get so many. People tell me, oh, don't exist. Energy. God exists. God is the purest energy, and we are just a ray of light that's connected to the SouRce. So YOUR energy. So if energy is stuck here, you need to know a practice of moving enErgy. The ancients, our ancestors, knew this practice.

How do you think we get disconnected from the source? That's an interesting, that's an interesting way to put it, that chakras are aligned and that we are all energy connected to the main source. You had, we had spoken about this yesterday.

You know, Sean, beautiful family. You have a beautiful family, man. And I met your kids. And at that age that they're in, they're connected. Mm hmm. They're not impeached by trauma and the impurities of this world. So that's your chakras. So that's why you see a child always happy and playing and talking to themselves, because that's the way we should be. We should live in that state of joy. But we can't because we store energy here first. We don't know how to release. If I say, hey, if that energy's there, let it go, Sean. How? Okay. 1st, 2nd are you even believe? Do you even believe that everything is energy? Not everybody believes that. Everybody sees this physical world as it. And you know what? You got a right to believe what you believe. But if you want a clear energy, you got to believe in energy, right? So if it's here and it's impeaching, how can you ever, your sinner vessel, ever have connection to the source? You're impeaching it right here in here through thought. So you can never hear the source. And you ever had your, okay, you ever had your son?

He misbehaved, and there's no, no sense talking to him, right then.

Yes, I have.

So what about Sean, who is angry and has anxieties and don't want to sit still in meditation. You ever think you're going to hear the source?

No.

Okay, so you know it's in the Bible. Sit still. Know that I am God. God is everything, but you have to sit still. And that goes back to meditation. You know, people try to throw meditation on me as, like, a religion. Oh, he's buddhist. No, I'm christian. I meditate. It makes me a better christian. Seriously?

Yeah.

So, yeah, that's how we lose to source and also our choices. We got free will. Think about this, man. If you sustain trauma and neglect from zero to seven years old in your subconscious mind before you even can think, and that's 95% of your program, don't you think you're gonna. You're kind of behind in life? You think you're going to believe in God unless you raise in a family that teaches you God in values. What happened. You're not raised in that. What happened? If your background is about survival, it's a different upbringing, right?

You think we have free will?

Hmm. That's. That's a deep question. So I feel that God controls all things. Controls all things, you know? And I think that we have free will in the choices we make. Do you choose the source or you choose desire? Your desires, your personal desires, which is, for us, is sin. Really? You choose God or you choose. I feel like that's our freedom of choice.

It's interesting you say that. I've thought a lot about this. I mean, it's one of the, what, paramount questions of all humans and Christianity and probably every religion. Do we actually have free will? And I've actually come to the exact same conclusion. I think the only thing you can control in your life is whether you believe and accept God, or if you don't, that's it. There's no other. I don't think there's any other free will. And you're the only other person that I've heard say that.

Oh, good.

Talk to a lot of people about this offline and. Cause I think it's one of the most fascinating questions, but, you know, I don't want to. How did you come to that conclusion?

Working on myself. You know, I have a choice. Okay, so I'm gonna geek out here. Star wars, right? Jedis. And so after the Jedi war. Look, I don't even watch Star wars, but I know the storyline. So you got these warriors, these elite warriors that come back after war, and some of them, they reach a still point. Do you choose the light or do you choose the dark side. And there's two practices. Do you practice the light, which is spirituality, God, or do you practice darkness? Right. Sin, what do you live in? And it's kind of like the Jedi's, right? They come back and you have one that's, you know, talks about Zen and being focused and humanity and compassion and other ones destroying the universe. When we got out of service, the team guys, man, we all reached a point of, I call it a distill point, where you have to make a decision. And you and I have peers that went down the dark side, drinking and womanizing. Where did it leave them? Usually leads them to suicide. And then you got guys like us who like, you know, look, we're not perfect, but man, we're going to spend the rest of our lives trying to be at least right and following the word of God.

So that's, that's the light and the darkness. And I feel it's very like, you know, Star wars in that, you know, analogy, you know, and I see it in our peers, you know, when I see my friends turn dark, their eyes turn dark.

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You know, so psychedelics though. So then the five Meo DMT, you know, he really kind of gave me a band aid. But I will tell you, I don't know how to navigate that. So when I say navigate is there's a certain surrender that you have to do to these people, psychedelics. And at that point in the game, I didn't know how, you know, before.

We move on, that's a great point. Because when you, for me included, I don't know anybody that hasn't faced the death experience, and not everybody that I know had a great experience on both ibogaine and five, but especially the five. It takes a. It takes a lot of courage to willfully die. It takes a lot of trust. I mean, how did you. I feel like you don't get a full breakthrough unless you have the courage to die. And I think a lot of people that go and they're hoping to get healing from five don't have the courage to let go and die. And I don't say that lightly. I'm not calling anybody, you know, a wuss or scared. I mean, it's the most frightening experience of my life, because you, in your own mind, you are. You are dying. There isn't, you are 110% certain you are dying. And it takes, you know, it takes some people a long time, you know, to actually have a breakthrough on five. And some people break through on the first time. Like. Like I broke through on the first time, but I let myself die. What was it for you that.

Did you willfully die?

Not at that point. And I didn't know how to die. So then that happened. And then, you know, being at the vets gala, being the, you know, keynote speaker, man, it introduced me to that community. Like, I got the best healers in the world. I got, you know, right there meeting them. And one of the guys that I met, you know, I'm going to secure the location because it's a very close knit community of spec ops guys, and they have these safe houses that we go to around the world that I don't want to expose location. But there was a guy I met and he was. He was a healer using Wachuma.

What is Uchuma?

Wachuma is a masculine psychedelic cactus. Right. So you heard of Athwasca? So Athwasca is a vine in the Amazon. And like I said, each psychedelic or each plant has a spirit. Has a spirit. So when the toad entered your body, that was a spirit entering your body. It feels different. Right. So the feminine plant of Atwaska from the Amazon vine, it's a feminine teacher. So they call her grandmother and what Chuma's grandfather plants. So, you know, in the healing process, a grandmother, how would she heal you? She'll yell at you and be mean to you. Really? But she'll end up loving you. She loves you. And the grandfather sits you on his lap and say, yeah, I too messed up, man. And it's going to be okay, so a compassionate psychedelic plant. So Wachima was found by natives. When I say that, you know, during the expansion, Wes, they're wiping out Native Americans, and they're, you know, killing generations of them. And there was this story of a female. She was in the desert, and, you know, she was dying of dehydration, right? She's running away from the westerners who wiped out her village. And she was illusiono.

And then she saw this cactus, and the cactus said, drink me. So she did. She cut open the cactus and, you know, and she saw visions, right? And the vision was, take me back to your people and let me heal you. So for generations, this cactus has been healing natives. I mean, think about the trauma they've been through. So the healer that I was introduced to, he's a white guy, long white hair. He looks kind of like Jesus, you know, skinny guy, you know, but the natives go to him as the healer. So this guy is legit. He's known around the world here. He is, my friend. So, you know, I went to. So I've been doing Wachima nine times now, right? So you drink. So there's this cactus, and they brew it into a tea right? Under full moon. So there's this whole ceremony behind it and everything. So they brew it under full moon, and then I drank, like, three cups of it. So they opened up the ceremony, would go to this retreat, you know, that supposed location, and they opened up the ceremony with clearing the space. Only invite God, Jesus love, you know, he opens up the corridor.

And that's really important because you and I. Okay, if I was to say analogy was, you and I are sitting underwater. We're all underwater. And, you know, things move underwater and things brush up against you. There's always things in this empty space. It's not empty if you believe in energy, right? So we. We drank it the. The cup. He basically closed off that space of negative energy. Can't get into this space. And what it does, it. It's so bitter. Like this cactus, dude, it's one of. It's nasty stuff, right? It's just really bitter. But the bitterness, what it does is stirs up your lower abdominal. Stirs it all up, right? And there's a certain point where it goes up. It goes up right into your. Your solar plex area, and then it bottoms out. Basically. It drops out and your heart opens. Right. It's really weird. Like, when I say the heart opens, if I was described it, the heart is the biggest mind, the biggest muscle. When I say that is energy wise, the heart produces more power, more energy that radiates out from this chakra than any other chakra.

What is the feeling like? I mean, when you. We've spoke pretty in depth about a blocked heart, and I remember talking to you the first time you came back from doing cactus, and I have very suppressed emotions. It's hard for me to. How do I say this? I feel like I've become. My heart has become calloused, and it's very rough. And I don't feel a lot other than anger. And I'm not saying I'm angry all the time, but that is. It's like I'm missing emotions. At some point in my life, I have lost the ability to feel certain emotions. And, you know, I do feel gratitude and I do feel happiness. I'm not gonna lie. It's. It. Especially gratitude is. It's not often, and it's far and few in between. And so when you say that the heart unlocks, are you feeling all of these emotions?

Mm hmm. No, what I feel is I. The heart is outside my physical body. It radiates the energy radiates outside. I can actually feel the heart energy radiating outside my body. Okay, so heart opens. So the whole thing about this whole treatment, right? So it's not just decay.

Hold on. Is it like an intuition? Like, you feel the energy going out. Is it love? Is it gratitude? Like, is it rage releasing? Like, what is the feeling? Expansion of the heart, expansion of the. So would you say it's intimidating if.

I was to feel my heart? Imagine that expanding past your body. No love, not any emotion. Just. You just kind of feel it growing.

Okay.

Like, imagine a heart getting bigger, but the energy radiates outside the body.

Okay?

Right? So then it goes. Okay. So now you open up your heart chakra. That bitterness dropped out. So now those emotions are going to start going up, right? So all your suppressed emotions that you push down into the lower root chakra, now it's going to start coming up and imagine it hitting your heart. So the practice in the Hindu is that you got to go into. You got to find a steel point. So steel point is on a deep inhalations and long exhalations. You let go of thought, and you focus on the feel. There's no thought there. You're just feeling that emotion, and you breathe into it, and you roll your belly, right? And once that medicine drops out, I would tell you there's a certain point on the deep exhale that the body takes over. So if you know those vacuum bags and you, you know, you pack clothes in it, and you. You suck out all the, you know, air for the vacuum. Well, imagine when you're deep breathing, there's a certain point where all that. All that oxygen getting sucked every portion of your lower, like, you feel it leaving. So what you're doing is moving energy.

At that point in my knowledge of the cactus, energy start moving. So, literally, it is energy. It's a surge of energy. It looks like a bolt of lightning, right? So there was a certain point where I would lay there, and I will sit straight up because the energy just locked me straight up, right. You know, slammed me back down on the ground. And it rotate my shoulders, right, and it'll pull. It looked kind of like the exorcist, but totally not. I'm conscious, and it was. Slammed me back down to the ground. And there was a certain point, like, throughout my practices, I would say about my 6th time I was in, I knew how to control energy. So as this energy surged, I would move like jujitsu. I would just move and play around with the energy, right? And then there was a certain point where I found my still point, where energy is just moving through you, and you're sitting. So it's like a mountain and wind, right, blowing through. I felt that. And energy was literally just moving through my body, right? And, uh, dude, I want to tell you, man, like, at these treatment centers, dude, I had a damn neck red squadron operator.

I had a c squadron operator from the unit. I had my ex teammate. These are the baddest dudes I know on the planet. Like, this group in these units, and they're there. They're there, man, like, trying to find God. And, you know, you know, I know you and I, we talked about this. Do you think it's a coincidence that you and I are in the same journey and every warrior that we know that was worth a shit is on the same journey? I told you, like, if God, if there's a holy war, wouldn't God wake up his warriors first? And I'm seeing these, my peers there, and, dude, they're petrified. This red squadron damneck holding a cross, shaking because we're about to drop in. So dropping in is when we are in this room and we're all meditating together. And when you get the same people in the same room in the same frequency, breathing, it changes the game, right? It moves energy. So there was a certain point, man, that. So I want to say this was my 7th time and was telling me I needed to go deeper, going deeper is inhalations and exhalations all the way to your abdominal.

And I exhaled out, and I had no more air. I heard the voice tell me to go deeper. When I say the voice is the cactus. It's a spirit. And you don't hear a voice. You just know what to do. You don't hear anything. You just have a feeling. It's like a bird had a feeling how to fly when he kicks off the nest. The mother didn't teach him how to fly. Right. I just had a feeling to go deeper. He got to a certain point where I had no more air, and it said, go deeper. So I knew what it meant. He was telling me to die. Can you imagine, like, inhaling in your nose and exhaling out to the point where you have no more air and you continue to go until you die or pass out? That's what it's telling me to do, to die. And, man, you know, I'm at this treatment center, and I had my wife back at home, and I literally said goodbye to her because I was gonna die. So I got in, man, and they got all these tribal instruments, and what it does is they play these tribal instruments when you're breathing this HIndu practice, and it moves energy.

So vibration. Sound moves energy helps that. It moves that trauma through your body. And this medicine's telling me to die, man. So I inhaled in, and I got scared. So I exhaled out, and I'm like, okay, okay, I'm gonna die now, right? And I got scared again. So it took me a few rhythms in order to say, okay, I'm gonna die. So then I exhale out, man, if I was to, like, put an image on it, it's like we're free diving down deeper, deeper into the ocean. And as you off gas, right, at some point you start trickling, right? And then you have to off gas, and then you can see darkness. You know, I. When I say darkness is, dude, I have my eyes closed wearing a mask, right? But I could feel it engulfing my body. And, man, I kept on exhaling. I got to the point where you can almost. I felt like I needed to urinate on myself. Like I was dying. I was losing, you know, control, my body. I was going there for the first time, man. I saw my first vision.

What did you see?

Well, at first I felt my ancestors. I felt them, you know, in the deeper I went, dude, I saw a garden open up, and I saw Jesus, and I saw Buddha, and I saw Kishna, all the saints. It was exactly how I thought Jesus would look. And I kept on going deeper in the hole and. And I died. When I said I died, this man, I exhaled out and to the point where literally I passed out. But what happens is the body resets. So there was a certain point when I was dying, I was dying, and I kind of saw the visions, and the deeper I can go, I can kind of see more of it. That unveiling what's on the other side, and your body reset. So basically, I had my eyes closed, right? So then I felt like defibrillator hit me, and it. My heart opened up again and I was breathing. And then this time, my body was just shaking or trauma was leaving, right. I hit that point, surrender, clear as day. Die again. So I died again. And my heart exploded. Die again, died again, died again. I don't know how many times I died.

And it got to a certain point, said, okay, okay, that's enough. And, uh, I.

What would you see each. Was it the same experience every time you died?

No. After I died the first time, it was, I just trigger. Now I know how to release. Now I know how to release. And my body was releasing energy, and everything was moving through me. But that was the point. It was teaching me all this. Nine times it took me. Right. It was teaching me to die, and I was shaking. Anyways, I got out. I ran outside. Because you got to ground yourself. When you say ground yourself is you got to touch Earth. And, you know, Earth was pulling energy from my body. You know, people that has gone through this healing would know what that feels like. You know, you're literally pulling energy, like.

The earth is absorbing.

Yeah, you're shaking, and it's pulling energy. You could literally feel it. And that's the trauma. And I heard from the healer, this is not yours to keep. It's the earth. Give it back. You know, we came from our dirt, and we will return to dirt. Our physical body, at least our soul, is eternal. So here I am. Now I know how to release. And then with the biomat that was there, did I move energy? And I tell you, man, it's like. So remember I told you the nervous system get taxed? So imagine you get wind up. That's why they say, oh, you're nervous. You're all wound up, right? And it literally is. Your nervous system is wound up. So every time you're. You're shaking, you're releasing. You're unwinding that nervous system. Brian used to get up almost every morning with anxieties. Almost every morning. And, you know, I'm a big, disciplined guy. Still, I was failing. That's why you need the psychedelic, because it speeds up your meditation practice by freaking 20 years. Now I know how to do it, okay? So then I went outside and I told the healer it told me to die.

And he looks at me, he's like, uh huh. Just normal like that. I'm like. So I did. He goes, uh huh. And I'm like, what's that mean? He goes, well, actually, that's an old hindu practice. Yogis used to do the same practice without being on psychedelics. Can you imagine right now you're sitting there off gassing until you pass out. It's so painful right here. It's so like, like drowning. You know that pain you feel in your lungs?

Yeah.

That's the pain I felt as I was dying, taking my last breath. So, man, I died and I died again. And then I started seeing, you know, our mutual friend. He always said, I get the download too. You know? I don't even know how to take that. Besides, I am connected.

Do you think you'll do it again?

Yes. So, you know, one of the things I do is, you know, I have a lot of work to do still. Thank you for saying I've gone a long ways, but I have a long ways to go still. I sit in the spring and fall with machima as these sacras are blooming in the spring, I would sit with the medicine, and as the leaves turn colors in the fall, I would sit with the medicine. And I do that because it's very samurai, right? But literally, that's the time I need to process and train. Because the medicine teaches you. You take it back to your everyday life. Then you come back, it teaches you another lesson, and you take it to your everyday life. Okay? So now I knew how to die and surrender. So I thought that I knew it all. I thought the medicine taught me when it needed. The thing about the medicine is the ultimate Kung fu teacher kung fu lesson. Seriously, you know, when I say that is the kung Fu lesson is who's mightier than he who controls his own mind is mightier than a thousand times a thousand men and a thousand.

That's an old kung fu lesson. And it was trying to teach me this, but I already died. So in my mind, I won this war. I know how to release. So the last day, we drank more cactus than we ever drank that day. And you're on your third day. So your heart is fully dilated, open. So this means you can drop in really easy, right? Really easy to that steel point. I thought I knew it all, so I went in and it was telling me to die. So I'm like, okay. In my mind, I knew my body's gonna reset, so I started off gassing, and at the point where your body resets, this time it didn't reset. I knew I was gonna die. So off gas again, I'm waiting for that body to reset. And, man, my lungs were hurting like, I had no more air, and I'm trying to push, push, push, and he wouldn't reset. Every time I would come out of it, my body would start shaking, but I wouldn't reset. As in I wouldn't die. My heart explode, right? So I'm like, what is. What is it? Because the plant is always teaching you something.

What are you showing me? So it says, go deeper. So this time I went deeper, and my ancestors showed up again, and they were in this vietnamese we call al ya. This outfit, the ceremonious outfit. And my. I felt like it was my grandfather. He told me to die and hurry up because he was very impatient. I felt that. So I off gassed, and then this time, my body wouldn't reset. And I got to a certain point where I just couldn't do it. And I tried to kill myself. Like, literally, I really did. But there was a certain point of consciousness that I knew I had maybe a little bit more in me. So, you know, like, God is in everything, right? So we're not in you. So why are we looking for everywhere else when it's right here, you know? And that's what the cactus taught me, you know? And now I apply to my everyday life. I do stay away from the hard psychedelics these days. I don't need it. The hard ones is five meo, you know, Changa is another one. So I smoke changa. Changa is this fast acting DMT, but it just attacks you different.

You'll feel this energy move up your spine near your energy center, you know, to clear that energy. It's a ride Saran. But, you know, that's what I. Man, that's what I've been doing since our last conversation. And in between that, working on myself and also working on my marriage. Just trying to be a better person for my wife. I want to talk about this, man. When I was. Okay in your. Like, when I was in my twenties and I first came to teams, dude, the teams. And I'm pretty sure some same with the navy. Like the a teams, dude. High divorce rate, right? Like, oh, yeah, very high. Especially young age on the teams very. You're always gone.

Yeah.

In Okinawa was gone ten months out of here. Right. And so, you know, when you. When you see the older guys on the team, man, they're barely holding a marriage together. They're not happy. A bunch of alcoholics. Right. And you're just young team guy, like, you don't think you're going to end up like them.

Yeah.

You know, and I, you know, I served a whole career, you know, on the teams and. And I would tell you, like, marriage was really hard, like, because it's a lot like, to be at a certain level in the military has got to be about you to sharpen that sword. It's got to be about you, like, to go to our training and all that. Like, you're always gone. You have to. It's got to be if you want a career, like, you want to excel in that. It was about me. And, you know, Ruthie, she, man, she was a strong girl, you know, like, she put herself to college. She used to work at a gym as a desk receptionist. Like, she started from the bottom, you know? And as I deployed, she got her master's degree, you know, and I never even, like, because I was so stuck in my own lane. War hate. Did I ever even, like, take time to go, wow, you sacrifice a lot, right? So I continue to do my thing and when I got out, I, man, I hit my dark time and I couldn't be that, that guy that, you know, I used to be.

I had to take a step back and, man, she stepped forward, you know, for me. And, you know, she has a mastery in business and gowning. She built her company, like, logistically, you know, I'm the face, but, man, she runs like she does all the background. You know, I couldn't do without her. And as we, when we first got out, I was going through depression. I was, you know, and for the first man, for three years, she was in and out of the hospital. You know, she had a lot of medical issues. She had a tumor that they found. So a lot of surgery, man, you just kind of see your wife, like, her health isn't all there and you realize it's all like, temporary, right? So that kind of started changing me in that aspect. I wanted to be better for my wife, you know?

How is your relationship now after, after all the different ventures you've taken to for self healing?

Oh, man, our marriage is the best it's ever been. Seriously, you know, financially, we're, you know, we're successful, but also like, to work with my wife, like your business partner. And, you know, we respect each other's lane, you know, she supports me in everything I do. Like, she's my best friend, you know. And, man, just to have that moment with her every day, it's amazing, you know? And she's amazing business person. Like, we go into these big business deals and these big time CEO's and president big companies and she usually gets what she wants, you know? Well, you know, she's, she's honest and she's a good person. She knows what we're worth. But yeah, she usually get what she wants. And she's the reason why I'm better today, right? Because I wanted to be better, but also like business. It's her, you know. I'm truly grateful, man.

I'm so happy for you guys, man. You are a, you're a new person and it's. You're a lot happier. I can see it. I mean, there is a piece about you now that I didn't see before and just. I'm really happy for you.

Thank you. I appreciate that.

But two, let's take a quick break. When we come back, I want to get into how the book helped you with your healing journey. Those of you that have been around srs for a while know that we take mental health very seriously here. So seriously that in almost every episode, you'll find a segment where we discuss how to improve your mental health. And part of improving your mental health is keeping your mind sharp. And part of keeping your mind sharp is giving it the fuel that it needs to balance energy, focus, cognition, and just regenerating your brain. That triggered me to go on a journey to find the supplement that supports brain health with the cleanest of ingredients on the planet. And I found it. I was actually going to start my own company and do this, but I found Laird superfoods. I've partnered with them. Now I'm a partial owner and I really believe in these products. Here's my favorite product, performance mushrooms. Bilaired superfoods. Brain fuel. You put this in your coffee, you can put it in your tea, you can drink it raw, you can mix it with their greens, you can do all kinds of stuff.

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And the one portion that we have not covered is your new book, the way of Ronin, and how that kind of played a role in your healing process.

It was literally after our last interview, you know, that I started writing my book. And the reason why I say that is because, you know, I wrote three chapters of the book, and then I got with a major publishing company, Harbor Collins, one of the biggest published company in the world. And I got with them because I needed to understand that landscape. I don't know the book. I'm not an author. Right, until now. So with my busy schedule, man, at that point of my Enron growth, we were in a new city every other week, training law enforcement, and we were building our company, you know, manufacturing engineers, like, you know, very busy. And I was writing a book, right? So I used to, like, write the chapters, and I'll submit my chapters to, like, a ghost writer I hired through the publishing company, because the ghostwriter knows how to put the fonts, the proper format. They know the landscape. And that's why I hired it. And it got to a point, man, it was just taking a lot of time to write the book. And I needed to streamline this process with my traveling, with, running a business, with everything else.

So I got with my ghostwriter. We would do a Zoom call every week, every other week for a year. So the book took a year to write and under the contract had been this amount of words. And, you know, this is the book they wanted. And like, so we, we signed a contract with Hopper Collins. The reason why I wrote the book in the first place is, you know, man, like, when I share my story with you and, you know, your platform. It's great, you know, you're doing great stuff, and you have a lot of subscribers, you know, and, man, you know, a lot of people reached out to me, you know, just thank me for your show, you know, and just to be, you know, as open as I am sensitive, you know, sometimes, but to share my journey, and I realized that, you know, and this happened, you know, so two and a half years, I've been getting emails about this show still, you know, so why not help others, you know, like, why not write a book that's in detail about your struggles and your mistakes and your life and purpose driven by a warrior's perspective?

The way of Ronan, you know, HarperCollins. At first, I wanted the way of the tiger.

The way of the tiger?

Yeah, that was the name of the tiger. Wait, I was born a year to tiger?

All right, all right.

But they. They quickly said no. So I'm like, what are you guys thinking? They're like, can we tie it into call of duty? Because, you know, call of duty, the biggest franchise, I'm like, okay, the way around it. And, you know, when I wrote that title, the way of Ronin. So Bushido is the way, the warrior, Bushido, the way the samurai. And they had a code of ethics that they had to live by. Bushido, you know, the code of ethics in war, right, is you got your teammates back. You're gonna die on the battlefield for this cause. And after a hundred years after war, stating, pirates, Japan, can you imagine? These are peaceful samurais. Now, they don't have war stating, takegawa yet. So you brought peace to 250 years award. And they were reflecting on the war, stating periods of Japan, what it means to be a wartime samurai. These are peacetime samurais. So in the book of Hakikura, they wrote what it meant to be samurai. And the very first word Bushido was ever written in history, in japanese literature, Bushiro. But that happened, like, 150 years after war, staying pirates. Japan during war, stating periods, there was no such word as Bushiro.

The war stating, samurai only knew as the way. Hmm. The way is like, you know, when. When you enter a door and you got a collapser sector and you gotta. You gotta support the number one man going through the door. His six. You're gonna die for that. There's no code for it, just around written rule, right? So in war, St periods was only known as the way. But then, you know, I took deeper meaning to that, like Christianity, the way, God, the flow. Wu Wang, the effortless way. It's Lao Tzu in confucialism. In daoism, he talks about the flow, surrender and to the flow of the universe, right? And before, everybody said, oh, that's hokey pokey, right? Whatever. The Tao Jing that was written by Lao Tzu is the most translated text in the world, next to the Holy Bible. And it was written 500 years before the birth of Jesus Christ. And he talked about the way. So I put the way, because in my path as a warrior, I found God.

Did that help you heal by revisiting your entire life again? Putting it into text?

At first, it put me into, like, man, because the shadows, you know, and the emotions come out. And you're trying to be as detailed in these descriptions as much as you can remember. And a lot of them, man, it's trauma.

Yeah.

So that surface. But, you know, as well as I do, journaling helps trauma healing. And I didn't know at the time, as I was writing, I was healing. I was putting that emotion onto words.

Yeah.

I did have a breakdown after the book where I had to retreat to. To sit with, you know, psychedelics and kind of ground myself. You know, the book wasn't easy to write.

Do you have any. I mean, you're putting something in print that you can never take back. And does that bring you any anxiety?

Of course.

Getting ready for that release?

Of course, yeah. You know, but I've been meditating on and I've been praying on it that, you know, people would take these words and apply it to their life to better themselves, because that's what the word is about.

What part of that book brings you the most anxiety that people are gonna read, that you're thinking, maybe I shouldn't have put that in there.

No. Like my childhood, you know, people. You know, I actually, you know, because I'm on social media, you know, I am an influencer. And if you're successful, people are gonna like you or hate you. You know, I had people tell me that I never escaped from Vietnam. I was never on a boat, but here I have pictures of it. You know, people told me I was never this, never that, you know, but never served with me, you know, or people tell me who I am or what they think I am, and they saw me at a certain point in my career, you know? And I'll tell you, my whole career, my military career, wasn't all that outstanding. You know, I wasn't the most stellar soldier. I have my traumas, and I have my mistakes, too, you know? And. Yeah, so that's. That's what I see coming out of it. You know, haters gonna hate the people who support you, gonna support you, you know, and it's up to me on how I choose to navigate that.

Last question. Then we'll wrap it up. You'd mentioned you want people to learn from your mistakes and that you put your mistakes in that book. What do you think the biggest mistake of your life has been?

You know, at one point, I was consumed by a lot of hate. You know how you talked about your heart when there's a shield around it and you don't, you can't feel? Well, I had that my whole life as a child, too. And I think back on my. My history is like, dude, you're born in war. Your family was ripped apart. They got put in prison camps. You escaped genocide on a fucking boat, left for dead for 30 days when you're like, three years old. That's what the world gave me. And then in refugee camps, we barely survived. And we made these states. We're spit on, flicked off, and told we're nothing. Even in the military, I was told I was nothing. So the thing is this. It's like, when the world gives you shit, do you give the world shit? Do you just let that defeat you, or do you rise up and be something more? And my book was kind of like that. You know, I didn't know I was rising up to be more, but I did. And I. And God gives us a choice, and I didn't know at the time, but I chose to be a warrior, right?

And, you know, the path of a warrior, man, that's the steepest mountain you can climb, and you fall. You make a mistake, you fall. It's death. Like, when we come out of the battlefield, in our minds, if you lose that battle inside, it's death for us because we go there and, you know, and I saw a lot of my teammates, you know, got out and they. They suffer, and they. They went down that route and I lost them. So my book, you know, if I'm able to kind of heal myself through meditation, through spirituality, finding God, through psychedelics or whatever, all that stuff I'm talking about in here, apparently I did something right then. Why not give that gift or that answer to people that are suffering in this world? It's not just soldiers that are suffering, veterans. We got a mental health crisis in America. So why not let people heal? Why not talk about, like, my journey to healing, trying to be a better person? I'm not that great. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but, man, I'm a human being that tries.

Once again, man, you got a great message and a lot of people are going to read that. We get a lot of emails, too, you know, from your episode still to this day, two and a half years later, and it's one of my favorites. But, man, I just, I want to say thank you for coming back on. And again, it's a, it's an honor, brother, and appreciate you. And, man, I can't wait. I can't wait to get this one out there. And I can't wait to see how the book does. I know it's going to do amazing. And I love you, bro.

You are my brother.

A outstanding, just great human being. Thank you for being who you are.