That's what I'm doing. Invite me back to you on the first link. You're getting robbed. You're getting robbed. You're getting robbed. It's exactly what I'm doing.

Guys, it's a happy.

New Year. Happy, flipping New Year, guys.

Guys, it's 2024. Indeed. Right, before we get started with anything today, I teased it before we're going to do a challenge, right?

Yes. Yes, I'm excited.

We're going to do an S&G challenge. I'm going to tell you guys what it is right now. Everyone at home can join in, whatever. I was racking my brain of what to do for context. I've been doing it for a couple of weeks, racking my brain thinking, what's the best thing to do? Because some of us are trying to get bigger, some of us are trying to get smaller. Some of us prefer cardio. There's not very many things I wanted to do like measurements and weight loss and all these other things that doesn't really apply to everyone. It wouldn't be a fair thing. I found something that is going to be a fair thing. Okay. Right, cool. What we are going to do is for the months of January and February, we're going to do it for eight weeks. Depending on I need to order you guys some stuff, so depending on when it arrives, we'll start then. It will be eight weeks from then. I've ordered myself a whoop watch or a whoop band, whatever they call it. I'm annoyed because I'm giving them daylight and they ain't paid us nothing. But I'm not saying it's going to be good.

It could be shitting. But anyway, I've ordered these bands here. What you can do, I'm going to order them for everyone. And we're going to... It's a subscription thing, so I'm going to sort out subscription for everyone. Then for the eight weeks, what they use is a measurement of strain, so how much strain you're putting on your body in a day. Sleep and recovery. You can create a leaderboard that measures, it would be a separate leaderboard for how much strain, how much sleep, how much recovery. At the end of the eight weeks, whoever has the mean top across all three will win the £1,000 prize, okay?

Okay, yeah.

That's.

Interesting. It's equal for everyone. Some of us might be better at sleeping. Some of us might get better recovery than others. Some of us might do more exercise than others. Yeah, it could be a case where I'm doing way more exercise, but I'm lacking on my sleep, whereas, Ellis is getting way more sleep, and he's lacking on his exercise, and then we've got the same amount of points. -cool, that sounds interesting. -it should get us into a nice swing where we're taking our sleep seriously. We're taking our fitness seriously, our recovery seriously. -makes sense. -it should benefit us overall very well as opposed to because of the recovery aspect as well, it will disincentivise us because some of the things I was doing, we would be incentivised to be waking up at 3:00 in the morning and going for a 10-mile run to get those points up. Do you know what I mean?

I'm competitive.

-i wouldn't do that. -if I woke up and saw that you man were 4,000 steps ahead of me, I'm getting up whatever time I get up and going. I'm doing stuff. I'm not losing.

You can see it live. You can see.

Everyone's been live. We'll be able to see all of our shit live.

Wow.

I swear. Yeah, for the whole eight weeks we'll be able to see our.

Shit live. That's going to get toxic.

Yeah. It's going to get messy you man. Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to see.

The whole thing live. I have to keep it on permanently?

Yeah, you keep it on. It's waterproof, everything. You keep it on all times. Okay, cool. Yeah, we'll see at the end of the eight weeks. Who's the most elite human?

-of course, sounds like a good idea. -all right. Physical S&G 100.

Yeah, man. Guys, place your bets at home and we'll check in week by week about where the leaderboard is and how everyone's doing and stuff like that. Because it's on the app, we should be able to post it on the episodes. Yeah, we should be able to get the stuff on the episodes where everyone's-Just try and grab it away. I'm excited because I need excuses to make my sleep count. I need excuses. The strain thing as well, if I'm in there, it gives you a strain rating of your day and stuff like that. It could be a day where you're in the gym and then one of us strain rating is up. One of us has been working, then the other one has just been chilling in there. We're about to see you all. We're about.

To see you all. Okay, okay.

I'm.

Excited. -gang. -i'm really excited. Okay, guys. On top of that, before we get into it, does anyone have any resolutions or not?

I'm trying to see if I had any last year if I lived up to them. I probably did because we do it every year. If I lived up to them, who knows? Do I have any this year? Come back to me. Come back to me.

Do I have any resolutions this year? You know what? Not to sound all high and mighty. I think the year just passed has been probably the best year of my life.

I can agree. I can attest to that.

There's been a lot of up and downs definitely with fitness and health. But for the last two months-ish, I think I said the other day, apart from last week, was just super busy, just like Christmasy shit. Apart from last week, I've trained for the last two months, I've trained at least four times a week every week, sometimes five and six. Where I'm at right now, if I can keep that going into this new year, I'm going to be gaffled. I'm like, What's the last? Come on. 2023, we went to America twice. We did some cool friendship stuff. Obviously, when I did the guest of the Year, I was going through all of the, obviously, the old clips and stuff, and just the quality of the clips from the Taser episode up until Michael's episode, for example, which was the last one of the year, night and day. You'd never guess it was the same year. It looked completely different. I was like, Damn, we've done stuff. We've done stuff. I don't have any resolutions. Just try and have at least as good a 2024 as I did in 2023, I think.

More of the same. Fair-to-that. I can attest that I agree with that as well. 2023 was probably the best year of my life so far. I'm just happy to keep on coming in and doing the same shit, man. -it's juicy, man. -that's the juiciest thing I could ask for, man. I'm going to try and keep my fitness up as well as I can this year. The last week or so, obviously, I've been ill as hell. But yeah, just trying to keep that up and that should be okay.

Okay. Yeah, menace. Menace.

Just one big one. It's always been on the back burner. Basically, it's always been in the back burner. I've never gave it full focus. I'm going to start making my own content.

Let's go. I knew you were going to say that.

I knew you were going to say too. Because the thing is, I was going to put that video, and then it was like, I just put it off. I was like, I just want to focus on this show and all this stuff. I was just focusing on that and then getting better at editing and focusing on stuff like that. Then I said to myself the other week, I was like, Look, cool. Let's just fucking execute now. Because I've got loads of notes on videos, a shit ton of notes of stuff I want to do. There's so many ideas. It's like, I'm just fucking execute it then. Just do it. That is the main thing. Literally just start creating my own content and stop overthinking stuff.

Nice.

Stop overthinking it. Stop overthinking is right, bro. This is going to be good. This is going to be… This is a bit shit. This needs to... Just do it. Let's post it.

-back on. -nice, bro.

Well played. That's my plan for the year.

-brilliant. -ramsky?

-ramsky. Get back on it. Routine again. Food-wise as well. Both need to be just as disciplined as... Well, not as disciplined as when I was competing, but just get back on it properly. Just been up and down recently. Continue practicing bass guitar. Nice. I've been on that. And network with more creative minds and also content as well. Just get onto my own content, man. It's right there. I have ideas that on my way here to the studio, I'm sat on the underground in my notes, writing stuff out, planning the stuff, write skits. They just come to my mind that I just... I have them there to execute them. Nice. Just do it. Yeah, man. I'm on it. That's it.

Nice, man. That's a nice little wholesome start to the show. Yes. I'm gassed. I'm gassed. Right, guys. So again, we teased. We've got some new segments for everyone today. It's going to be juicy. I'm going to be participating a little bit more now moving forward with the questions of the week, make it a little bit more interesting. We're going to go back to our roots with the character play and the role play and the immersiveness. We're an immersive show now, guys. I'm inside your living rooms.

Brains.

I was brain. I'm inside your brain. You saw my face, didn't I?

-yeah.

Not your guts, man. Not on.

The New.

Year's Day. Not on the New Year's Day. The flipping, let me find my thing. You got it? I'm out of touch, bro. I don't do this stuff. I usually just sit and wait. What was the question of.

The week? The question of the week, the first question of the year actually is New Year's resolutions, wrong answers only.

-wrong answers only. What we'll do is I'm going to play a character. I'm going to say what my resolutions are and I want to embody it. You play a character and we'll go a little... Pingo ponga.

Okay, so New Year's resolution, guys, wrong.

Answers only. Right. Daddy, what's your New Year's resolution?

To manipulate this bitch even more than the New Year. That is my New Year's resolution.

Fair. Yeah. Fair.

Okay. What about yours?

I'm going to leave my baby daddy alone. I'm not going there again. You're sure? I'm leaving his ass alone, bro. I'm leaving him alone.

All right, cool. Back to mine. I'm going to make her cry more.

You're really-Yeah. Yeah, you're the same.

Person twice over. I'm making a cry more.

Yeah. Are you sure this is the right thing to do?

Positive.

All right, cool. I know what I'm going to do. This year, I'm going to pick up the phone knowing Toxic lives on the other end. I'm going to pick up that phone anyway. I'm going to pick it up anyway because I know only good can come from that. That's what I want. Say less.

What I'm trying to do is I'm making it my mission to disappoint my family by having a child out of wedlock. That's exactly what I'm going to do in the new year. -that's exactly what I'm going to do in.

The new year.

-sware. -yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. Say less, my guy. All right, all right. You know what I'm going to do? You know if you had from, what's it called? Shits and gigs? Yeah. I'm going to make him admit he loves cock. -cool. -he's going to admit it once and for all.

To piggyback off that, you know what I'm going to do? What are you trying to do? I'm trying to touch more Mandems with Deanies and say it was an accident.

With what?

Deenies. With Deanies and.

Say it was an accident. All right, say less. Do you know what I'm trying to act? No. Okay, all seriousness. You know what actually I'm trying to do next year. This year, sorry. Get less bitches, man.

It's tough.

Bro.

It's just-Yeah, it's long in it. I hate it.

I just want to get less bitches.

I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. I hear you. You might know I don't really like my cardio bag, but what I'm trying to do this year, get more cardio in by continuing to run away from love.

It's.

Not for you. Just keep running away. Stay healthy.

Fair.

Yeah, man.

Two birds, one stone situation. There you go. -there you go.

-all right. -joke-same-first.

-all right, cool, cool. Do you know what I'm actually really desperately trying to do this year? Tell me. Not get pregnant by nick Cannon.

-i mean, the odds.

Are that slim. -yes, man.

-the odds are that slim.

-resolutions just... -yeah, saying stuff. -yeah, they fold and they unfold. I reckon I'll make it through Q1. And then he's bursting me up. He's running me up.

In Q2, it's long. -he loves.

A youth. -he's put like him. -wow. -he loves a youth. -yeah.

Speaking of youths, I'm finally going to come round to put in sand in my baby daddy's gas tank.

That's what I'm going to do. -you've been.

Putting it off? I've been putting it off. Because you're a good person. I'm a good person, but I was a good person. What, 20, 34?

180. All right, bet. You know what I'm thinking? I'm actually going to finally start doing this year as well because I'm just bored of the natural ways. I'm going to start paying for Pompom.

Is it? Okay.

I've got Phem. That. I'm already on the train of getting less bitches, so I'm already going to... That's going to be easier to facilitate and I'm making money. So ego facto. There we go. Pay for the pussy. There we go. All right, come on. I hear it.

What I'm actually going to do is try a lot less on this internet beef. I'm going to try and pick fewer internet fights. That's awesome. Yeah, I think that's the role I need to adopt.

All right.

Say less.

I am actually going to let my ex ruin my life one more time. Just one. One more time. Yeah, one more time, and then.

I'm charging it. I'm going to double down. I'm going to see if all of my exes one last time. Just one last time. Just so they know.

Yeah, that's funny because you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to get sluttered out all of 2024. Sluttered me out.

Caviar, I'm going to rob every shit that invites me back to the yard on the first link. That's what I'm doing. Invite me back to the yard on the first link. -you're getting robbed. -you're getting robbed. You're getting robbed. That's exactly what I'm doing.

All right. Okay, I think that's all I've got. How many you got? Two more?

I've got a couple more.

All right. Wait, no, I've got one more. I just realized, just remembered. I just remember I've got one more that I actually need to do? I need to successfully break up with my girlfriend without her telling me she's going to end her life.

I think that piggybacks off what I'm going to do next year or this year as well is I'm going to try and take people's minds more effectively.

-you're going to take their man more effectively. You've not been effective in your man stealing.

Yeah, I've not been stealing it effectively.

This.

Year. I'm doubling down.

Yeah, clean cut. You're mine. I rate it.

That's me. That's me.

All right, cool. Jesus Christ. You got one more? No, that's it. All right, say less.

Oh, wrong answers only.

Right, so guys, a Paz. Fwag's has got a new game for us this year. Top five obviously ended. If you watched the Christmas special, you know what happened there. It was a bloodbath.

It.

Was a bloodbath.

New Year, New Rules, new game.

What's the new game?

So the new game is called Back to School. Okay. And this is for everyone. It's wholesome, it's fun, it's interactive. Everyone can learn some. What I'm going to do, obviously you're still going to need your pads or your whiteboards rather, and your pens, what I'm going to do is I'm going to ask five Key Stage Three questions. For those that don't know that aren't from the UK what Key Stage Three is, that's the ages between 11 and 14. It could be different subjects, maths, English, science, geography, history, whatever. I'll repeat the question twice. Some are multiple choice, some aren't to help you guys out, but even some of the multiple choice ones are a bit techy. I'll reveal the answers after all five questions have.

Been asked.

Key stage three. We've literally all been there, so there's no excuse.

What age did you.

Say it was again, sorry?

-11 to 14. -11 to 14. Year seven to year nine. That's not that easy.

All right, cool, I'm ready.

-it's back to school. -back to school.

-everyone got their stuff. That's when I was messing about as well.

I.

Wasn't listening. I was not listening.

Start paying attention today, boys. We're actually heading back to school. Everyone got their pads? Yeah. Cool. Question number one: Select the adjectives in the following sentence.

It's tough already. I don't know what adjective is. I don't.

Know what it is. I've forgotten.

The road comprised of large houses and a tiny shop.

It is a good game. It is a good game.

Question two. Is everyone locked, by the way? Yeah. Question two. Oh, caveat. If there is a draw, I will obviously ask bonus questions. All right, cool. Which of the following PH numbers indicates a neutral substance? 1, 5, 7, 14. -locked? Yeah. Cool. Which of these is not a factor of 60? 10, 15, 20, 25.

This is terrifying. This is terrifying.

This is embarrassing.

Number four. Spell amphibian. Are you all locked?

I think so.

Number five: What is the capital of Scotland?

Are you locked? Yeah, I'm locked. Oh, God. I don't think I know that one.

Are you all locked? Yeah, I'm cool. That's it. Cool. Those five questions done. Cool. Select the adjectives in the following sentence. The road comprised of large houses and a tiny shop. Rem, what did you write?

Large.

And tiny. Large and tiny would be correct.

Ellis, what did you write? I wrote comprised.

James, what did you write? Large and tiny.

Cool.

Fuck.

Me. And there we go. We're off to.

The races. Objectives are descriptive words.

Yeah, I know now.

Question number two: Which of the following pH numbers indicates a neutral substance? Ellis, what did you put?

I've got five.

Rem, what did you put?

One.

James.

What did you put? Seven. Seven.

Question number three: Which of these is not a factor of 60? 10, 15, 20, 25. James, what did you put?

Twenty-five.

Ellis? 25. Rem? 25. Twenty-five. Question number four: spell amphibian. Rem, go first.

A-m-p-h-i-b-i-a-n.

-ellis. -must be the exact same.

Show me your boards, please.

It would be hard to see it.

-you love to write small. -yeah, I know. It baffles me.

Yeah. Yeah, you write that.

I can't see yours. Sorry. Colp. Colp. Yes. Is that correct? -fair. -amphibian, correct. -thank God.

I don't think.

I'd get that. I'm not going to write. -same, bro. I don't think I've got this last one right though.

Capital cities. What is the capital of Scotland? Just to let you know, there are options, but I didn't want to give them because I want you man to all think. But the multiple choice was either Aberdeen, Dundee, Edinburgh, Glasgow.

Aberdeen.

There's four options of the country.

No, no, no. There's a multiple choice. There was a multiple choice, but I didn't give the multiple choice. Sorry, say what you want about it. Sorry, yeah. So, Rem, sorry, what capital city did you put?

I've put Aberdeen, but now you've just said those four.

Aberdeen.

I put Edinburgh.

Fuck. I put Glasgow. Edinburgh. I knew.

It was Edinburgh.

Yeah. I knew it. Well played. Well fucking played.

Scores are 4-3-3. So, James, you won the first round, so it's 1-0. Yeah. Gang. Picking up where we left off.

Gang. Exactly, man. We start as we mean to go on. That is.

The first edition of Back to School and James is in the lead.

That was terrifying, bro. I really didn't like that. No, but I loved it, but it was really stressful. Tune in.

For next week.

You know what I like about that? Obviously with top five, there are certain ones where I'm like, I don't care if I win or lose. I secretly care, but if I don't know what Scholar Johansson's height is, I'm not going to kill myself, you know?

But yeah, whereas this mocks you.

Yeah, this is a mockery. Yeah, all right. That's the whole point.

That's literally.

The whole point. Okay, gang. Right. That was fun. Gang. Right. So next up, I'll tell you... Actually, let's do trash news now, and then I don't want to overwhelm everyone with the news segments. I've got a news segment after trash news. All right, cool.

Cool. A Chinese company is making its workers run two miles every day if they want to get a better bonus.

Incentive. Facts.

Facts. If I read this incorrectly, if I butcher this, I'm sorry. Guang Ding, Dingpo paper in China is offering a unique business based on employees running distances. Chairman, Lin, Z-Yong announced that running 62 miles monthly, earns a bonus of 130% of the salary.

While 31 miles secures a month's salary bonus, those managing 19 miles get a 30% annual bonus. Lim emphasizes the link between employee health and business success. But the initiative faced criticism on Webo with concerns about potential injuries and skepticism about the company's future. -the company's future. -yeah, I don't know about the company's future, but I've often heard about, I'm sure it was China, and their policies for health in the workplace.

-they don't play at all, do they?

-they're not always around. I've heard some companies do yoga on the... -on the.

Skyscrapers, on the roof.

Yeah, and they do Tai Chi and shit. Yeah, they do that before they start the day. Can you imagine that? We don't have... I don't even know if they have the weather for it, but say if we have indoor complex, skyscrapers, whatever, central London, even then, I don't imagine British people, English people.

Doing anything like that. We don't have the... It's not even tolerance, ain't even a word. We don't have the time, I guess. Time and...

But you say time, but I think if a company was that invested in the health of the employees, say it was a nine to five, you would still come in at nine, but your work day would just start at ten. It's not even about having time. The company takes time out of your nine to 5:00 to.

Implement this thing. When I say time, I don't mean necessarily saying it's taking time out of my day. I'm just saying I mentally don't have the time for it. Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah. But do you if-Not me personally, but I'm just saying I feel like the general UK public won't have the mental.

Time for it. -no, they don't. -do you know what I mean? -they don't, yeah.

Because that involves if it's something like running, for example, that then involves bringing a change of clothes to work, doing this. You have to think about so many.

Other things. -30 %.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that it's not going to incent. It's a massive incentive. But I'm saying some people still won't do it. I think it's a very good idea. I think it's a very, very.

Good idea. I would definitely do it. Yeah, I reckon people will start doing it certain times of year. Certain shit that they want going on in their life, that month they're doing.

The run.

There you go. That month you're doing the run. Christmas season, December?

Yeah, everyone's.

Turning up at eight.

Everyone's turning up at eight, running.

For an hour. Yeah, but that's a bit peak though. They need to do it a little bit more fairly obviously because people... A couple of man can't run two miles. True. It needs to be something like burn X amount of calories. Something like that where for certain people, if you're morbidly obese, burning this many calories could literally be the equivalent of you walking up a flight of stairs. Whereas if you're really in really good shape, burning the same amount of calories would require you to do a lot more. But effort levels, exertion would end up being the same. I think that would be a lot more appropriate than run two miles. You're making these bags because two miles for a couple, man. If I'm 60.

You.

Need to offer me much more than 30 % to get me two miles down the road.

Yeah, fair. Unless you've been doing it for a couple of years and then you're just agile about it. But yeah, I hear you completely.

I hear you completely. Interesting though, but also, China is a communist country. So all this, I'm overweight, disabled, old, they don't care. They don't hear that. Then you're just not getting the P, are you? That's the end of it. True. Because everyone in the comments, What if you can't do it? You got health and this and that. China don't care about that noise. No, they don't. They don't care about fair. Run or don't run. It's not my problem. Good work should beget. Who says beget in a normal sentence? Good work should beget a bonus. Not this horse shit. Beget is nuts. That's Biblical. Us: Darlene bought cakes, everyone. China: Run if you still want to have a job. Damn. Okay, fair play. Did you also know in... I've seen a comment about TikTok. Did you know in China they don't play with TikTok? If you're under a certain age, you only see educational TikToks.

I think I did know that. Swag. Yeah, and.

It cuts off after 9:00 PM or something like that as well.

It's a Chinese.

Up, right? Yeah, the Chinese own up. I'm Chinese-based.

I've seen conspiracies saying that, bro, China sent TikTok here to destroy us because people in the West, the TikToks that blow up are not the TikToks that blow up in China. Lab experiments blow up in China. Double-the-tongue. Here, just titties and dancing. Titties and dancing and idiots like me and Fuad. Blow up on TikTok. Fools blow up on TikTok over here. Incentivized for foolishness. That man are incentivized to be smart.

Trump tried to remove it, didn't he? When Trump.

Tried to remove it. Yeah, he was like, I'm not on this at all. Get rid. Yeah, man. All the mums were like, Brother, I'm not taking the iPad off him. I'm not doing it, bro. You're not getting rid of TikTok. I can.

Tell you that now. The iPad equals peace and quiet.

Facts, bro.

Yeah, these man could never tell me they're taking TikTok off me. What would you do? What would you do? What would.

You do? What would you do? What would you actually.

Do though? Obviously nothing. What can I do? I'd moan. I come in here and I'm on. You come.

To work.

And moan. Yeah, and eight million less people would hear me.

Fair.

Oh, wow. Okay, cool. I've got a segment, guys. It's a fun one. The segment that I'm going to do is called Who Am I? I'm going to pick someone. This could be a celebrity. It could be someone we know. It could be a fictional character. It could be a historical figure. It could be anyone.

I like that. I like the range.

Yeah, it could be literally anyone. I'm going to describe myself and my story in a way that James would normally talk, and it's up to you guys to figure out who am I.

Is it a case of we just shout the.

Person out? No, because I don't want to ruin the game. I'm not going to put it in a situation where 10 seconds in, you might have just shout and stuff. We're going to have checkpoints. I'm going to go through the story at the end. I'm going to ask you to guess who am I. Then if you ain't got it, I will continue. Okay. Cool. Yeah. To make it better, actually, to make it more of a team sport, we'll use the whiteboards to write down who you think, as opposed to one person shouting out and then everyone being like, Oh.

That's.

That. Yeah. Yeah.

Cool. Ready? Yeah, ready.

Okay, well done you man. Well done. I thought I'd come in there and tell you man a little something about me in it. I grew up in England. Okay. Small little town. To be fair, life was a bit buzz to start off with. Obviously just normal life. Grew up with my parents. Well, not my parents like my mom, like my mom's siblings. Like my aunt, uncle grew up with them and they're you as well. Yeah, man, obviously went to school, didn't really have any friends. Family wasn't really tight with them. I felt, to be fair, when I was growing up, I felt a little bit lost. Didn't really feel like I fit in. Then when I was like 12, 13, I went to boarding school and boarding school was good. Boarding school was very, very good. I made friends quickly on day one and it was like a trio thing. There was three of us and we were just gang, bro. When I say the three of us used to run this school, I don't like to obviously gas myself up, but you'd say I was pretty much the ringleader of this trio. Bro, we were just on stuff.

You know what's mad as well, yeah? Every time we would fuck around in school and do some foolishness, the teachers, the head teachers, all this stuff, they would try and move vex, but they're low-key, be gas in it. They'd be gas on us and they would reward us. It was live. It was life as life. Basically, every day looked like lesson, lesson, lesson. This teacher is a waste man. This teacher likes me. We get into some fuckery, learn some cool shit. Then, yeah, man, at the end of the day, I'm thinking, I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. I'm expelled. Big head teacher would turn around and be like, My Don, yeah, you're him still. It went on like that for a little while, but I realized early on one or two brothers hated me. Hated me. There was one Bre, hated my guts. Don't know why. He's just a dickhead. He had all his little fucking minions, whatever you want to call him, that hated me as well. While I'm just trying to live my school life, the whole time I'm trying to educate myself, chill with my breadwins, learn some shit, and every now and again, I'm bumping into this dickhead, and we're going to have to go toe to toe and scrap.

First check point. Any guesses?

Nah, nothing man.

Gang. I feel.

Like Rems got some.

Ksi?

No. Interesting. None. Cool? Yeah. Cool. All right, I'll continue. Cool. So bearing in mind what I'm going to do, guys, is I'm intentionally making it incredibly critic in the first chapter. Out. Then the more chats as we go on, they'll get easier and easier and easier and easier. Okay? Yeah. Cool. Right. As I said, I'm bumping into this guy from time to time. He's a dickhead. He's making my life difficult. Then I'm realizing that this guy's renowned for being a dickhead. This guy is renowned for causing trouble, bro. This guy pisses people so much, every time you bring them up, they don't want to chat about him. They don't even want to say his name. I'm learning that like, This guy has been beefing me for a minute, and he's been beefing everyone for a minute. Moving on, again, it's just me and my two breadarins in this school. Then I'm learning that I'm actually him. The bread that the main guy that's that no one wants to chat about, I'm learning I'm just as famous as him. This beef we've been having, we've been having this beef since I was born. Then I found out that the reason I live with my fucking mom's sister, her husband, and this dickhead you is because this Brett killed, bro, my mom and dad, and he tried to kill me.

Now I know it's just beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef, beef. This guy is powerful as fuck. Now it's my mission. Now it's my life goal to take this beef to the end, and I need to kill him before he kills me. That's checkpoint two.

I don't know who it is, but I'm leaning towards fictional character.

Okay.

Yeah.

Leaning towards.

Fiction a character. I'm thinking superhero-esque.

I was thinking Batman at first, but then I remember growing up in England.

I thought of Batman.

Right. Cool. Moving into chapter three, if anyone wants to make a guess now, you can stop me at any time. Just write it down, show me, and then I'll say yes or no, and then we'll go from there, okay? Cool. Cool. Like I said, it's my life's mission now to take down this prayer that no one wants to say his name. We've had this beef since the day I was born. He killed my parents. It's me and my friends against the world, essentially. I'm learning more...

Let me just DM you.

Rem would like to make a guess. Rem is correct.

What the fuck?

Rem is correct.

Okay.

Right.

Go back over what you've in your phase one, phase two.

Cool. The story is over. Phase one, we spoke about... Well done, Rem.

Thank you.

I'm actually so gas because my biggest fear is that you man, we're just going to get it like that and I'm like, This whole segment's charged.

Yeah. Right. I like.

The phases. Cool. So phase one, what did we learn? We learned that... So Rem's got the point, regardless. So if you guys can shout out now. So phase one, we learnt that I grew up in England. I grew up with my aunt and uncle and my cousin who's a bellend. I didn't fit in. I always knew I was different and I only realized where I belonged when I moved to boarding school. Whilst at boarding school, I met my two best friends and the three of us were roaming around and every time we would get in trouble would be rewarded by our head teacher. As I'm living my life in this new school, I.

Realise-i know who is. Who? Can I say? Yeah. Harry Potter. Yes, Harry Potter. Fair play.

I.

Knew.

It.

Was fictional. As soon as I… Yeah, Harry Potter. Well played. It's good. -gang. -yeah, I played Harry Potter.

Yeah. All right, gang. I'm going to do one of them every week. -cool.

-it's a good game.

Yeah, very good.

You're.

Fucking-it's a thinker. Yeah, I.

Guess you're.

More than good. All right, that's one point for Rem. I'm going to keep a tally. Cool, right. If you guys got a question for the team.

I do have a question for the team, and you have to answer.

All right, cool. Okay.

In our friendship group, Ellis included, as well as your extended friendship group two, if you had to pick, would you rather die first or die last? First.

First. Why?

You have to obviously say why.

I to this point have not experienced loss, like serious loss. Every year that goes on, I'm not going to lie to you, man, in here I get more and more scared that someone close to me is going to pass away because it's going to happen. For some reason, God's left all of it until this second half of my life. I'm still in the first half, technically, but yeah, I hope so. I hope so. But yeah, I'm 32 and I've not experienced any of it, so all of it is going to come. Bang, bang, bang, bang. For me personally, I've always thought I think I'd rather it just be me first. I don't have to deal with any of it. I don't have to deal with any of it because I was watching first dates a few weeks.

Ago and.

Some woman was saying that she was going on a date and she was saying in the space of a year, she lost her husband, her mom, and one of her nephews or something like that.

That's a year.

Bro, she spun out of control. Wow. She was depressed, bro, for a good couple of years. I was like, I'm just not on that stuff, to be honest. I'd rather just go out.

Damn.

So first, 100%. I couldn't see you man, pass before my eyes. I'm telling you now, I'm not going to more than one of your funerals. I'm just not on it at all. Okay.

-yeah. -ellis? Yeah, man, it's terrifying. Yeah, the thought of like, I'd rather go first. I don't want to go through that pain. But then I feel bad for-For everyone else. -i also feel bad.

For everyone else.

You know what I mean?

Yeah. You wouldn't know though.

-fagg, you'd be feeling.

-i know, yeah. You'd be feeling.

-you would never know, but- -I.

Know, yeah, it's true.

You would never know. -you would never know, but- -Virgins.

That's tough, man. That's tough.

Yeah, Rem.

No one got the virgins right? No mind.

I can't take the clock.

To the mile? Seventy-two virgins? Yeah.

First, I think. Yeah. Dealing with the pain of just carrying that pain of your closest ones, just losing them and losing them, losing them. What life is that? You are each and every time that happens, realizing that you're becoming more lonely and lonely and lonely from those who you spent so much of your life with. That's just, yeah, that is depressive. It's scary, man. It's super scary. Yeah, so, first, I think.

Fair, yeah, I think it's a unanimous decision. I would say first as well. I wouldn't be able to go to four or five funerals. The last one was murder. I'd jump in the same car. I was.

Thinking, yeah, just put the soil on top of me.

That would be too much for me. But it's also one of those ones where if I was to pick last, who's coming to my funeral? Which friends of mine are.

Coming to my funeral? Facts.

Definitely first. Definitely, definitely first. Even I wouldn't want to go first.

Do.

You know what I mean?

I'm living. Okay, let's flip it. Let's say we're all lined up because this is what I know. I know you and I know how your brain works. We're all lined up. Terrorist is there.

Oh, God.

He was like, Who wants to go first? You still have to go to the funeral of every person.

Okay.

He's saying like, I'm taking you all out. Regardless. Regardless? Yeah. The first one is going today. Then you're going to go to the funeral, and then the last one could be in 50 years. Who knows? But at some point, I'm taking you all out. I was saying on that day, he's... Who's first? Are you saying you? No. Yeah.

What the fuck? Because that's murder. That's different. I don't want to get killed. I might want to die first, I don't want to get killed.

All right, so who's first then? That's not to me. Yeah, it is now. Why is that to you? Yeah, because he said. He said, I like those lips. Who's first? Tell us. That's not me. Yeah, you're saying not me.

I said, dealer's choice.

Nah. You're the.

Dealer, bro. The dealer is you.

It's either you or pick someone.

I wouldn't be able to pick someone, the guilt, because I wouldn't be able to say, I'll be pointing like, Okay, him first. And then I actually see the I wouldn't be able to live.

With that. -all of us look at you like... Exactly. I wouldn't be looking at you. Why? Because I'm picking you.

I wouldn't be able to take that, man. I just couldn't live with that guilt. No, of course, man. I would never be able to live with that guilt. No. Ever in my entire life, it would murk me every day, every single day. That's just jokes. I like the look of those lips. Who's going first? The fuck?

Sorry, it's the first thing I can see. It's just the first thing I can see. Oh, God. Okay, cool. You've got a dilemma for us, right?

I do. Let me give you a little background. Me and my boyfriend have been together for eight years and are 22 at present. Okay. They've been together since 14.

14? Like the marriage tree at school.

He's the complete love of my life, and we are each other's first everything, including first and only sexual partner. Unfortunately, growing up, I was completely controlling and I limited everything for him. I would be very jealous over every little thing. Rediculous, I know, but I was young and dumb and thought this is how I would keep him on. Then I ended up cheating, kissing one of my guy friends at the time. Needless to say, we had a break at about 17 and then ended up coming back to each other. We now live together in our own home and have a very happy, healthy relationship where I don't struggle with jealousy. Actually, I'm the other way in terms of mentioning open relationships to him, ETC. He's very turbulent as an individual and swings through emotions. For example, being completely in love for one minute and the next minute saying he doesn't care about me and I'm not what he wants because he feels trapped because we bought a house together. This usually contrasts with him telling me he's sorry the next morning and I'm the only person he's talking to or talking to about it. He literally has no friends and doesn't do anything to get friends either.

I am his complete emotional support system and he refuses to get help, i. E, therapy or starter club to make new friends. He always says he will. I know you're still the one and I'd be empty without you. But this has included at points accusing me of cheating and being cold with me all night, then profusely apologizing in the morning. I fully believe and trust this man is not cheating on me. He's not the type of person. Anyway, recently he's been down and has expressed he doesn't really find me attractive anymore. Admittedly, I put on weight since we started dating. But when I was 14 when we started dating, but I still get guys chatting me up ETC at work, so I hope I'm not fully ugly. Actually he said to me yesterday night that he feels like I ruined his upbringing/adolescent life and he's still angry for that. I accept this and listen to him for hours about basically how shit I used to be. He does say, I have completely a different and more laidback girlfriend now and he finds that a headfuck. I've offered to leave, told him I'll be fine on my own and told him he has to do what's best for him and I support him whatever and every time he says what he wants in our relationship.

We literally haven't had sex in months, and he told me he finds himself flirting with other girls too. She wrote, I really don't mind about flirting because I'm a flirty person as well.

I love my.

Life with the thought that ignorance is bliss. Fair.

That was a 180. -yeah, a complete 180.

Fair. I spoke to him about this and said, We need to improve this because I swear I'm not even looking at my colleagues any different. He was like, My head just isn't in it. I can't give you what you want. She was also in brackets. I do like everything. I do everything, including calling him Daddy, getting him choked, ETC, so I guess it's not-.

Getting him what?

And getting choked. I said getting him choked. -oh, yeah. -getting choked. -yeah. I do.

Everything, including calling him Daddy and getting choked.

I guess it's not like he can just stick it in and be done. But even a quick session would be an improvement at this point. I just want it. What do I do? I'm exhausted of sitting through hours of basically being told I'm shit, but equally as my mess from when I was younger. How can I move forward with him because I don't want anyone else, but I'm struggling with everything? I've never considered cheating as much as I do currently and can't get this out of my head, probably because I'm deprived. I know that won't help things, but it's tempting me when home life is just as shit as it is, just craving some stability or just someone to love me for who I am. Please help me.

Jesus Christ.

Long story short, been together for eight years. They're currently 22. They both agreed that they're each other's love of their lives, first sexual interaction, things like that. Unfortunately, she was very controlling when she was younger in their relationship days because she thought that's how she could keep a man. She ended up kissing one of her guy friends when they were 17. They broke up, needed to stay to go back together. And she tried to talk about open relationships and try not to be as jealous as she used to be. He's very turbulent through his emotions. One day he says he loves her. The next day he says he's not sure, he's not really on it. He finds himself flirting with other people. She doesn't mind because she flirts too, but it's nothing too deep because it's an ignorance, it's bliss situation. She clearly wants to be more physical in the sack where he's not really on it. And she's putting out all the stops, calling him Daddy, getting choked. And yeah, she's even asking for a quick session. That would do it for her basically, long story short. And she's now asking what should she do?

Because it's a mindfuck for her.

I would say bloody Nora, mate. Right, honestly, every fiber of my being is saying charge it and move on. But it's 2024, I'm trying not to just be Mr. Charge it. But also you can't be with someone who resents you. In my opinion, you have to charge it because the Brenda literally resents you.

He can't escape that childhood.

That childhood trauma, whatever you want to call it. He's traumatized by the relationship, but this relationship is all he knows. Now he's billy-billy and he wants to get off his chest. He's told to her face, I don't find you attractive anymore. That for one, by the way, is just ping, ping, ping done. Before we get into all this childhood trauma stuff, trauma, sorry, don't find you attractive. Charged. If you don't find me attractive, we're done here. That's it. Then she sat down with him for hours and hours multiple times talking about like, You were so shit then and you were so shit then. Obviously, he's just getting bare.

Stuff off his chest.

He needs to go see a professor. She needs to stand up and be like, Cool, you've got it off your chest. Clearly, it's still burning you. You need to go speak to someone professionally because I'm not a punching bag. I'm sorry, but I'm not a punching bag. But yeah, I personally, I'm not a professional. I don't see how this relationship works. He resents you, doesn't find you attractive, and you're his entire emotional support system. Just red flag after red flag after red flag after red flag. You man haven't banged him months. He openly tells you that he's been looking at things at work or whatever. You said you've been flirting with people at work. This thing is a shit show. What are you doing?

Yeah, I agree. Within the same breath, you're 22. It may seem as if this is the be all and end all considering you've been in a eight-year relationship, but you will both find someone else.

Young love, young love. Anything I need, I find him my young love.

Yeah, young love will take a soul. It will take a soul.

It took my soul.

Multiple times. But yeah, man, you man will find someone else. It's tough because you think once you do break up, your world is going to end. But by the time you hit like 25, you probably might not ever remember so much of why you were in that.

Situation in first place. Bro, 100% you won't. My girl's 22 years old, hasn't been banged in months. What crazy chat.

Is that? Yeah, 22.

You stay banging at 22. You stay naked, bro.

Yeah. For both of your benefits, you guys are clearly comfortable enough to express your thoughts in its entirety to each other, which I can commend, but also you both now have to do the right thing and go your separate ways because it's clearly not working, regardless of the fact that you guys are emotionally available towards one another in terms of the communication. But that's just not enough. -facts. -that's far from enough. Like James said, either seek professional help and see where that can go, or unfortunately, Mr. 2024 is going to have to charge it.

Unfortunately. Calm. Right. Rapidly wrap.

Rapidy.

Wrap. That was an interesting episode. I enjoyed it. Some dark points, some high points and some dark points. Dark points? Yeah, I don't know. When you asked about the killing thing, it just made me sad. Yeah. No, not killing. The death thing.

The death, yeah. I was watching a show that made me ask it. There's a show I'm watching on Netflix called Where Are You Running From? It's actually Turkish and it's pretty decent. Good cinematography, good plot. It made me ask the question, that's why I wrote it down.

Fair. Forgot to mention. Leave the world behind. Watched it.

Thoughts.

Exactly as you said.

Intriguing thought. The whole thing.

Until.

-you could have literally watched another hour.

Yeah, it literally seemed like the headwriter was like balls deep in it and then was like, Who can be bothered? Who cares? -dropped the pen. It sounds like he was like, going, going, going, going. Then a ting just walked in and was like, Take me. He said, The end. He just wrote The end, and then charged it.

-the end, and then charged it. I like the director went home as well.

I could see where you're going, especially with the the music score and the camera work. It was different. It was different. It was good. The daughter, the black daughter? Yes. What a bitch. What an absolute bitch. The Mahashala Ali, whatever. How do we pronounce his name? -actor. -actor, yeah. He acts as tits off. -he does act. He really does. I loved Ethan Hawks character as well. When he said about the... I could tell when they first arrived, him because he tried to get the whiskey cabinet before. But as soon as he was digling keys, I was thinking he's going to make him a whiskey. He's going to make a whiskey. He made him that cocktail, and my.

Mom was like, Raw.

That's a cocktail. Like a god farm or something. Yeah, man, it was good. Yeah, I enjoyed it, man. It was good. But yeah, anyway, guys until next week, I wouldn't even do an introduction. It's fine.

Do it now.

Yeah, do an intro. Do an intro now.

Right, guys, welcome back in the new year, 2024. Thank you for joining us today. Yes, sir. I am your co-host, James.

I'm your co-host, Vile of the Wags.

If you enjoy our content and would like to enjoy some more of it, please head on over to patron. Com/shitsandgigs. It's going to only cost you three pound a month. It can be a day. Please run the PE to S-N-G and indoctrinate yourself into this culture, man. Into this club, into this cult, be a top boy, a top girl. Yeah, man, it's a vibe and it's popping off. Facts. Do we have the biggest, best, greatest patron in the country? Probs. If you had said yes, I'm just going to cosign and say yes. Yes, we do. Yeah, we do. That's the end of it. Guys, head on over there. Enjoy yourself. Have a time. Join the Discord. Have a chat. If you are watching on YouTube, please subscribe to the channel. It means a lot to us. It means everything to us. If you are listening on any audio platform, please leave a nice review. Five Stars is obviously preferable. But yeah, without any further ado, love, love, love.