You're shouting. Josephine! Josephine! Where are you?

Josephine! Yeah, yeah.

It's what I'm hearing too. Bro, she wasn't at Yard. No! She wasn't at Yard.

She's like, Where's my wife?

No, no, no. Where's my wife?

And we are back.

With the second best podcast in the world.

Second best podcast in the world. Guys, I just want to have a quick public service announcement, okay? Who had does PSAs all the time. I want to have PSAs all the time. You know what? I feel like we've been saying that we're the second best in the world, but we had the discussion the other day, and we're not feeling like the second best in the world right now. We've been a bit complacent.

The.

Lion climbing the mountain is always hungers in the line at the top.

Hundred.

Percent. Yeah, when you're doing stuff like what we do, it's easy to get complacent.

It's a triple plaque room at the moment.

Bro, there's plaques everywhere in here. There's Echo in the room.

It's so big. Yeah, there's sets you ain't seeing.

Yeah, I'm wearing boxes that you man ain't seen material like this before.

Facts.

When your balls are as comfy as mine, it's easy to take your foot off the gas and just let it.

Ride, isn't it?

Yeah, cruise control. Yeah, cruise control thing. I feel like we've lost the speed in our jab. Do you know what I mean? We've lost.

The speed in our jab. We need to pick up.

Weights now.

-yeah, man.

I feel like we're getting a bit loose, a bit comfortable. Man, I'm just bringing out a new podcast every other Wednesday, and I'm seeing stuff and I'm thinking, bro, are we actually the boys we think we are? Are we actually the don's we think we are? Or are we just saying stuff? We decided we're going to finish out the year on a high like we always do. Come January, we've got three new segments for you, man. It's going to be exciting.

Plot and scheme and plan.

We're going to do a big rebrand. This is another thing. Everyone thinks they can change. I'm not throwing any shade. Couple of man think because they can change the studio, it's a rebrand. Couple of man think because they changed the backdrop.

It's a.

New brand. Watch the content, you man. Watch the content. It's going to change a little bit. Not much.

Just starting to spice it up.

Just spicing it up a little bit. Yeah, man, a.

Bit of season.

Yeah, none of.

This.

Panes to the side, just stick it in raw stuff in it. We're wetting it up now.

January is wet, wet. Yeah, we're wet now. It's wet, wet. It's moist.

And moist. Yeah, January is wet, wet.

Yeah, come on, man. Anyway, let me allow Foo how to do his top five, his question of the week.

Let's hope it's funny. This can't be other to fake laugh. Joking. I don't ever fake laugh.

He doesn't fake laugh.

But- The thing is, people think I fake laugh. I have a terrible fake laugh. If you hit me fake laugh, I go, Ha ha!

Okay, cool. Noted. Sorry, I was useless.

I was useless content. I'm off to a bad, so I was useless content. Say what you want to say. I'm sorry.

This question of the week was-.

Because you know what's actually… I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm joking. I'm jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity.

I jiggity. I jiggity. I jiggity. Worse response from the group chat after you've shown them who you're talking to. That was the question of the week.

How many… Can I take a of the most popular?

Go.

On. As long as you're happy.

Yep, that's why I didn't add that.

Dang. All right, okay.

Cool. Yeah. First one, who added Bro-Ski?

No. Who added Browsky?

Nah. Who added Browsky?

Listen to me, bro. If I put in the group chat, my ting, and one of you man, at the balls to say who added Bro-Ski.

Who added Browsky? Who added Browsky?

I'm swinging.

Jaws off. Yeah, you're messing with the feng shui of the chat. Who added Bro-Ski? All right, you just sent one to the chat here. Sent a painting to the... Well, to you. To me, yeah.

To you, she's a lanker. Yeah, beauty and eye.

Anyways, you don't want to grab some food? Yeah, it's tough. It's tough. Next, at least you don't have to worry about her cheating. Okay.

Are these friendships? Are these actual friendships?

They're group chats.

So they must be. Question, would you man lie to me or would you just tell her how it is? You'd lie to me, isn't it?

It depends. I don't think I would lie to you. I genuinely don't think-You tell me she's butters. I wouldn't tell you she's buttered, but I wouldn't lie to you.

You wouldn't like, cosign it? What would you just ignore it? You'd give me it anyways, just go food.

No, I would say some. But it's annoying because you already know that you're probably not confident about what you're about to put in the chat anyway. Your tone would set the tone for the rest.

Of us. Yeah, because when I'm screenshotting a picture from 37 weeks ago.

We already know that she's not up to scratch, and that's your business. Do you know what I mean? That's just your business. I'll just be like, cool. Cool? Cool.

I'll be upset. Cool. I'd have to lock it off from there.

Just cool, bro.

Cool.

As long as you're happy, yeah. That's the usual chat. As long as you're happy.

How would you feel if I said that to you?

Oh, devastated, bro. -really? -devastated. I'd really feel like I don't have source.

How would you want me to respond if I thought she was buzz?

Just cool as well? Nah, I would want you to tell me I could have the world and then I don't understand why you're.

Saying it for less. Knowing me, knowing me, I would say like... I don't know what I'd say. I wouldn't say it because I was going to make a joke and just be like, so we're just doing charity. -that was in one of them as well. -we're just doing charity. But I don't know what I would... To actually say, I think I would screenshot your own Instagram. I think I would screenshot your own thing. You know those animations on Instagram that do like the circle and they just animate like that. Like a little picture that you can add to. If I did a thing on my story and you can have something like that, I would do that on your blue tick. Oh, my God. Make it make sense.

Long story short, make it make sense.

I would see your thing, screenshot your own front page, circle the blue tick and then add a gift.

Just leave it there. You step out. Step out. Let the rest of the man do what they need to do.

Say less. Yeah, I would say as long as you're happy, but define happiness. Facts. How are we defining happiness?

Facts. Facts. Facts. Damn. I'd have to lock it. Yeah, of course. I couldn't bring it around. I couldn't bring it around to the group. Anyway, worst response from the group chat after you've shown them who you're talking to. Hes looks like he will give you salmonella.

Salmonella? He looks.

Like raw chicken. He just looks raw.

He just looks unhealthy.

They.

Removed me from the group chat. That couldn't happen. You could never be admin. I put a sweet one that I've been talking to for three weeks in the chat, Yeah, you man. I'm the soft launch in this one. Then all I see is food had been removed.

Soft launch in this one. I think I would take the piss. If you did that, I would love to be like, Rem, check your message. In the group chat I'll say, Rem, check your chat.

Back in MSN days, I'd be pinging it. I want all your.

Phones to vibrate. -take a chat, take.

A chat. No, don't violate me like that. You might have separate chats.

Outside and I'm just there. You know we could add the reaction to the message. I'll give you one of them.

I'd have to delete. This message has been deleted. Soft launch. Wow. Damn. All right. Someone said, Bro, the aim is to settle down, not to settle for less.

That's rough. That is rough. That's straight to the point though. Are you.

Trying to show us you have no standards? Next, they just blue-ticked me. Fair.

Blue... I just got...

Yeah. Just two blue ticks. The whole group seen it. See that also, no.

Yeah. Yeah, entertain me. Even if she's dead, entertain me.

Yeah? Air.

We're not friends.

We're just not friends. We're not boys. You man have a really good... Actually, no, Rems is not as good as you. Me and Rem are probably the loudest when we get Ed. Oh, yeah. In our group chat, we're very vocal about being Ed. I charge you when I get Ed. You don't ever say anything.

I can't be bothered with you, man, when I get Ed. I'm not charging you. I can't be bothered with anyone once I get Ed.

The worst part is getting Ed and then you man and our carry on- -carry on, carry on.

Carry on, carry on. -i mean, convo. -yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's a fucking.

Pissed take. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It makes me realize I'm the least favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not all equal on the screen. I'm clearly the least favorite, and it's clearly fine. It is what it is. That's how I feel. -wow. -it's jarring. It's jarring. I don't know all of you might have.

Been there before. Yeah, facts. I know half the time, Toby just replies to be polite.

Toby's got about 17 different group chats. I've got the bottom of the barrel in group chats.

Oh, I don't understand.

He's got 16 of them pinned and ours is like chat 32. -pinned? -yeah.

Ours is chat 32. He always just does laughing faces. He doesn't do anything else. Laugh and dip. Laugh and dip, bro. All the crying faces. That's all he does. Three cries and bounces.

Let me make this.

Money else here. Yeah, bro. You're trying to be rubbish.

Holla at me when there's an invite to certain. Holla at me when we're grabbing food or something. I'm a down-finished chit chat. All right. Worst response once you put a thing in a group chat. Oh, not that cock sucker again. Not that cock sucker again.

Not that cock.

Sucker again. Yeah. Next one. Oh, yeah. I remember passing her around.

No. No. No. No. I'll strip my top off. Fucking fight me.

I remember passing her around.

Are you a pimp? What do you mean? I remember on.

Some.

Christmas cracker. This man said she's subhuman. I remember passing her around. Wow. That's crazy. Wow.

Yeah, that's crazy. That's crazy. Straight to the next one. You love ugly things, ain't it? You love ugly things, ain't it?

That's actually something I can imagine in our group chat. You love ugly things, ain't it?

That's.

The best.

Next one. That's the dude who gave me chlamydia. See that's tough.

Yeah, that is tough.

This one. Why did you.

Look at Rem like that? No, it's just...

I'm just looking at you. I just looked up.

I just looked up, bro. Next one. Do you want my honest opinion? And that's it. And that's just it. No, I don't.

Pham, that's just it. No, I don't.

That's how you know, charged. Everything's charged.

Do you want my honest opinion? Obviously not.

Damn. My friend called him bird chest boy. Bird chest boy.

That's a piss take.

This one? They said she looked like an improper fraction and then removed me. Man, said she's top heavy. An improper fraction. Twenty-one over three. Oh, God.

An improper fraction.

Improper.

Fraction. That's two, and it's annoying because it would take a minute for it to land on me. Digest. Yeah, yeah. What's he talking about? And then I've fucking- And then removed you.

That's a violation, man. Did they ever give me opportunity to just respond or something?

Batti was flat.

Oh.

It was the worst.

Flat Batti and just top.

Half just... And just tigs.

Waity. I'm glad to see you're staying in your league.

Damn.

Don't show too many people. Your enemies will laugh.

That sound like a South African word chat.

Your enemies would laugh.

When people.

Use the word enemies.

It cracks me up every single time. Your enemies will laugh.

I got a few more. All right, bet. He looks like the type of person that makes you hold your breath when he walks past. That's the thing. Damn. That's a.

Fucking piss tank. That is.

Last two, sorry. Is that not one of your students? It's a court case. Come on. Last one. You're 30 and still entertaining donkeys. Girl, make your mistakes count.

Make your mistakes count.

Yeah.

Damn. Brutal. I do feel like women are a lot more honest about that stuff.

You think?

Yeah.

Based on what- In a group chat or face-to-face or in general?

In general. Based on conversations I've had with women about how they talk about someone, if their friend brings in a bread.

That.

They're not checking for, they're very vocal about, Who the fuck is this guy?

Do you think... Okay, let's say for us, for example, I brought a man into the group chat or man into our circle say, Oh, this is my new man. I'm the girl, right? This is my new man. You're the breadwin. You were lost. I'm sorry, context. You lost me for a second. No, I'm trying to.

Explain it to you.

Sorry. I'm the girl bringing a new man in. You have an issue or you say your truth. Do you think me as the girl would think, Oh, she's just jealous?

Hundred and twenty five %.

Because that's where my thought went.

This is.

Where the cycle goes.

You bring him in, I say, Yuck. You can do better. He looks like an asshole. You say, Wow, you clearly fancy him, which makes me fancy him more and you're jealous and you're excommunicato now. And then-I clearly fancy him more. Then he was going to give you chlamydia. Excommunic. Then he's going to give you chlamysia twice. Try and separate you from your family and a loved one. Mentally torment you, and then six months later you're going to come back to me, apologize, I'll forgive you, and then we'll be stronger than ever until it happens again. Facts, yes. That's exactly how those things go.

Same old cycle. It's long.

It is long. Also it's long because if I is as breadwin as well, I can't ever see myself telling you about a girl that I don't like because what if you marry her? Then what?

Okay, but would you tell me how you feel about her in terms of when you say you don't like her? Is it the appearance or personality-wise?

It depends. Prime example, Hicky girl.

Yeah.

When you told me about the hicky situation, I was very vocal.

If.

You'd married her, I would charge it. But you already know deep down in the air. I don't have an issue with her looks or how she's a person, but she's fucking with you. If you want to accept that abuse, that's on you. That's on you. I can learn to love her. But yeah, that situation would be more to do with that. Unless she would have to... But because we're such close friends, I wouldn't have to tell you, for example, if it was her personality, you would see my reaction as is happening, because I'm only ever going to see her with you. So when I'm seeing this personality that I'm not liking, you will see that I don't like it. So I would never have to tell you like.

The fuck. Fuck yeah, I would see it. You would see it. The latest day, I was sink. Because it's jarring because I would already know what the personality is like, and I'm just one eye open, ignoring red flags and something. I'm bitting at the moment.

-colourblind. -yeah, exactly.

I feel like the dog literally acting like a dog.

Literally acting like a dog. Until you see her from that- That third person? -that third person when she's chatting to me and I'm like...

I was like, Yeah, my whole world comes crumbling apart. But fair?

Fair play. Fair. All right.

Anyway, guys, welcome. Welcome back, welcome back.

Welcome back. Welcome back, guys. Let me put my water down, man. Let me speak properly. Guys, welcome back to the show. Obviously, I get the PSA. We're on fire right now. We're going for it right now. We want to bring the enjoyment today, and we've got a long, juicy episode for you. Pause. Guys, if you want more long, juicy stuff, head on over to patron. Com/shitsandgigs. It's going to cost you a very, very, very minimal donation of three pound a month.

10p a day.

All you do is run the PE to SNG and you get long, juicy stuff.

All.

The time. Fax. Four years worth of content on there to binge, you get first DIBs on tickets like the O2 Arena.

Tickets are flying off the shelf.

We have a few tickets left. When I say a few, you know what's juicy about these venues? We can sit here and be like, Guys, they're flying off the shelves. You have to get them now. People are like, Shut up, you're a liar. You're just trying to sell stuff. You can actually go on the O2 website and it will show you exactly how many seats are left. It will show you- There's not many, bro. Hurry up.

There's not many, bro. -yeah, and that's on you.

That's on you, bro. Did we set up the O2 arena? Nearly.

We have nearly.

Do we also need your help to finish it off? Yeah. Unfortunately. Guys, so run it up because your boys will be embarrassed. If we have to go there on the day and say, couldn't sell it out, but we tried our best, embarrassed.

I need to see every single bum on every single seat.

Yeah, obviously you know what your boys are on egotistical, immature, sometimes well-mannered, but high egos, bro. We just won't show up.

Yeah, man.

How about that? How about that? Yeah.

And sure as to take care of it.

Yeah. How about.

We just won't.

Show up? We just want to show up. We just want to show up. Yeah. You got so much fucking confidence not to come. Facts. How about we just don't come then? Buy your ticket, man. Anyway, buy the ticket, please, guys. If you're watching on YouTube, subscribe to the channel. If you're listening on any audio platform, please leave us a nice review. It actually does mean a lot. I'm going to say this, I said it before, but I'll say it again. When you guys leave reviews, it tells the platform, okay, guys, these man are serious. It's like an Uber thing. You get an Uber driver who's got three stars, he's never going to work again. Facts. No one's ever picking up that Uber driver. That's buzz. No one wants that.

Meody. Meody driver. We need five-star reviews, so the platforms could be like, You know what? They've got a weird name and they're also fucking black.

But the streets love them clearly.

But the streets say they're all right. And if they're all right with the streets.

They're.

Right with me. That's facts. But anyway, guys, so without any further ado, we're going to get into the game, which is also an improper fraction because your boys aren't top. Top five is here. And yeah, man, let's get down to it.

According to world data, can you guys name me the top five countries with the largest average penis size?

The largest average penis size.

It gives it to me in centimeters, but I'll take it in inches as well. Pausing. Pausing.. Pausing.

I.

Said.

Pausing. Come on.

Come on, man. You said the worst one last week, to be fair. What did I say? -i thought I was in the den. -what did you say? -i thought I was in the den. -what did you say? -i thought I was in the den. -what did you say? -i don't know, I'm rex. You said, Sign on reacts. You said, Talk about man's bat at your son. I remember. I do.

Remember that. I can't.

Remember what I said. Yeah, I edited it yesterday. It was the girls... -short chick, two guys. -yeah, which was in the booth. -you said, My man's cheek, son? -yeah. My man's cheek, son? I said, Yeah? If that's what you want, then that's what you want.

That was funny. Yeah, that's not worse than what you just said.

That's not worse than what.

You just said.

I'll take it in ages.

-not worse, but it's up there.

That's.

Crazy. Whatever, man.

Right, top five average penis size by country. Okay, I'm locked.

Locked. Rem? -locked? -yeah, locked. Oh, shit. Okay, everyone's locked. Cool. Ellis, you locked first, so hit me. This is just random. So, USA.

Fair.

Russia.

Far too gold. Huh?

Sorry, I'm just chatting. There's always comments when I read my answers.

No, don't say that. No, there is.

Every time I do answers there's always...

You know what? Sorry, bro. You know what? No, no, no.

That's all I hear when I read.

Them out. No, you know what? That's made me feel like shit. Yeah, well-I'm genuinely sorry. That had nothing to do with the answers that you chose. Yeah, it's fine. I fucking.

Apologize, bro. Number three, Iceland. Sweden. Yeah. This has nothing to do with thrown out, Nigeria.

It's not nothing to do with that. How would we know if it had anything to do with your ad? I don't know.

Why would I know if it had anything to do with me anyway? -rated. -i'm lying? Jimmy, next.

The Congo.

All right.

Ethiopia. Let's go. Sierra Leone. This has everything to do if you add Nigeria. And then little props to myself, Grenada as well. Cool.

Remsky.

Ghana. Yeah. Uganda.

Yeah. Uganda. Yeah, boy. I got that. You just... Yeah. -yeah? -oh, God.

-shit.

-chunidad?

-my brother. Yeah, the Scorpion?

-chunidad, the Scorpion? -chunidad, the Scorpion? -yeah, yeah.

Nigeria and obviously Jamaica.

And obviously, Jamaica. Obviously. It's obviously, isn't it?

Jimmy went to Congo, Ethiopia, Sierra Leone, Nigeria, Grenada. Remski went Ghana, Uganda, Trinny, Nigeria, Jamaica. Ellis, you went USA, Russia, Iceland, Sweden, Nigeria. I'll just pick names out of a hat. I'm not going to lie. Pardon? I'll just pick some names out of a hat. I'm not going to lie. Fair. It's fine.

We all do that. Very blonde names. I like where your head's at. It was a shameless plug.

Right, 10. 15.69 centimeters, Egypt.

Swear.

According to world data.

Come on, Egypt.

Number nine, 15.71, Canada.

Also fair. What's going on?

Number eight, 15.74 centimeters, France.

Interesting.

What was that? Eight? Yeah. Seven, 15.86, 87, sorry, Netherlands.

I just might be onto something here. This is not shining a great light. Number six.

15.87 tied with Netherlands, Cuba.

Fair, I could see that.

Can you?

Cuba? Yeah. There's men that come out of Cuba.

True.

Like?

I'm sure they've got, can you check this for me? I'm sure they've got an outrageous... Is it Cuba or Colombia? I might be getting mixed up. I might be the two. Wrestling team? Yeah. I've been Cuba wrestling. Yeah, look at that dick right there, bro. Look at that print.

Third pick in. For fuck' sake.

Come on, my guy. Case closed, man.

Say less.

Say.

Less, man. Say less. I didn't disagree, but yeah. Say less. Number five: 15.89, centimeters equivalent to 6.25 inches, Senegal.

Damn it, man. I was trying my best to get these typer countries.

Number 4, 16.01, equivalent to 6.3 inches, Haiti. Fuck's sake. Number three: 16.51, equivalent to 6.5 inches, Bolivia.

Damn, man.

Number two: 16.67 centimeters, equivalent to 6.6 inches, Cameroon.

You see what I'm saying? Yeah, It was Cameroon.

Number one, 17.61, equivalent to 6.9 inches, Ecuador.

Useless. What a useless little game. Equidor. Right. Have you got any more? So we can find a winner? No one got anything, right?

Yeah, no one got anything. -so the closest.

Personthank God for that.

By the way. Interesting. So number 10 was what? Did I say Egypt? Yeah. 11 Georgia, 12 Italy, 13 Brazil, 14 Sweden.

Well played. Yes. I was way off. This whole... Yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

Well, why am I all weird?

I'm pretty sure I.

Found cock and porn. Why am I all fucking weird, man?

Yeah. It's all.

Good, G. Let's get the weird ones. -so what's that? Someone has to. 15, 10, 5? 15, 10, 5. Yeah, come on, man. You like the multiplication.

However we get there, we get there, man. Facts. Okay, my bro, apparently you've got a confession to.

Read us. I do have a confession. This is from Reddit. Found it juicy. Here we go. My roommate matched with a girl last week. She came over to hang out with us. Long story short, I fingered her. That's the title. Damn. As the title says, he matched with her and Bumble. After a day of talking, she came over. We have a very small house with cats and my room is basically the cat's room. He sometimes goes straight to his room with the girls, but sometimes I play wingman. He has at least 2-3 girls over a week.

Who is this guy? A legend, apparently. Some Haitian, isn't it?

Some long-dick Haitian. Me and his new girl clicked like crazy. We do the same paraphernalia, i. E, Yeah? We do the same paraphernalia, have similar fucked-up thoughts, and she's more or less the female version of me. The sexual tension was immediate as... Sorry, the sexual tension was immediate, and she sat by me the first night. That night, we climbed a big silo, it's like a tall tower or like an underground chamber type of thing. At the top, my roommate was behind us, and me and her had the moment where we almost kissed. I've only known my roommate for three months, but I feel really bad because we're pretty close. I've spoken about past traumas and most importantly, we're writing partners, hoping to make a film together. In short, he's a great guy and I'm just a scumbag. The night ended and I wasn't able to stop thinking about her. My roommate is leaving for a month tomorrow for school and the idea of not seeing her again is killing me. Wow! Can you imagine? I pretended to make a call, stepped outside and took her number. I was going to text her tomorrow when he left, but she ended up coming back anyway.

Again, she sits by me, laughs at the things I say, and this time she flat out said, I think you're hot. My roommate picked up a vibe and I could tell he was in a bad mood. We ended up drinking and she didn't want to drive, so her brother picked her up and then went to go to Waffle House. It was at this time I used the number I stole two days ago. She said she wouldn't tell him. The texts were getting flirty, but nothing overt. Until she said she was coming back to get her car and I said I can come say hi. My roommate was asleep. She said, You're really trying to commit some immorality here, her. And to which I said, fingers crossed. That's exactly what happened. Oh, dear. I made out and fingered for about 20 minutes and almost went all the way. Now she's coming back in two days to see me since he will be gone.

Damn, that is a.

Scumbag move. That is a scumbag confession move.

He better marry her.

He'd be pregnant, he won't.

Of course he won't. But damn, I'm not going to lie, that's forbidden and sexy. But that's disgusting. It is. I would be the not... Okay, one trying to grips her number would be if I somehow found my way lost in this situation, me trying to grips the number would be the first like.

Punching my stomach. What am I doing? What the fuck am I doing? Facts.

If that didn't work and I still went for it, her saying, Ra, you're really trying to commit some immorality would be the, I'm not doing this. Fingers crossed. Fingers crossed is crazy. You're basically saying, Ra, you're really trying to fuck over your in it? I'm not being like, gang. -obviously. -yeah. That would be the second one where I'm like, What am I actually doing? This is butters. Especially when he's asleep and all this stuff. It's like crazy. She would have to, in order to break me like that, she would have to take 110% of the control.

Hundred %.

-i would have to be an innocent bystander.

-hundred %, yeah. -who just have on me and I've got no way out.

Yeah, and I'm horny at this point. Facts. But I have to be drunk, drunk, drunk, drunk. Yeah. But also, yeah, this whole, Oh, we've only known each other for three months.

Excuses.

That's their writing.

Partner's excuse.

Yeah, that's crazy. But sexy.

But just- I mean, it could happen, though. I can see it happening in terms of not necessarily personally with me, but new environment. You stay with some random person, you end up being writing buddies or partners or whatever, you have something in common and you want to try and work together. He's bearing in mind he's always bringing things back. And me, not nine times out of ten, maybe like six times out of ten, I'm winged manning for you as well. I'm part of your plan anyway. Do you know what I mean? I'm part of this plan. Sometimes I might get a little.

Something on the side. I'll just tell you the facts. If you're bringing three things round a week, this one, I'm like, Bro, no offense, you're going to have to sign me this one. We're laughing together.

I might be getting some.

Yeah, I understand you've put on the groundwork as a bit fucked up. I think you actually might have to sign me this one.

But as far as. She's on it and it's nothing to do with me.

I'm just here. Yeah, I'm just chilling, bro. She's down. She's down, man. And you heard it. She said I'm hot.

That's not my fault.

What are we doing about this? Hey. Yeah, if I said that to you, obviously we're boy-to-boy, so it's a bit different. But if I know you're free to my mind and said, bro, I'm not going to let you have to sign me this one. I think she's moving a bit mad. If you were like, no.

That's just a greed. Because if I'm bringing two chicks a week, two chicks a week every week, I can slide one. Yeah, facts, bro.

You don't even care.

Yeah, I can slide.

But then you'd have to because I'm like, That's what you're really on. I don't have to say that's what you're really, really on. From when the cats live in my room, my bro. They live in my room, my bro. Look what.

I'm doing for you, bro. Facts, bro. You're getting pussy and I'm getting kick.

It doesn't work that-It.

Doesn't work that way.

You're getting the metaphors. I'm getting the actual litter. Facts. Facts. Bro, slide me the thing.

She's.

Down.

-i need something man. Greed is the word. You're a little.

Glutton in it. Yeah. I guess in that light.

It can happen. All right, Say less, say less. -yeah. Okay, cool. Right, Remsky, trash news, please.

Yeah, boy.

You might have seen this. Ruby Rose shares desperate text from number one only fan, Sander.

I have.

Not seen this. The word desperate is... They should have loud, man.

Yeah, who put that word in there?

Why?

Wait, you'll see why.

Okay, say less.

There's a few texts and whatnot from him to her.

All right.

Let's get into this.

Randon, weird, only fan.

-this is the one that he saved us, right?

Come on, man.

Friday 6:44. What are you doing tonight then?

Why aren't you answering me?

Why aren't you answering me? I thought we had a genuine connection. Ruby, why aren't you answering me? I have invested so much money into our relationship. I am in love with you. Why won't you love me? Why won't you.

Love me is nuts.

Leaked messages from her only fan's top subscriber where he offered to pay 400K for a response. I should have read that first, sorry. He offered to pay 400K for a response and has sent tens of thousands of dollars to her already this month. I've spent 30,000 more on you since we met because I thought we had something genuine and real.

Lost.

I will empty my bank account just to be with you. I will travel across the country just to randomly run into you again. I will never be over you. You are the love of my life.

I'm assuming that picture was prior to all these messages. The picture of them together in the first slide.

-of course, yeah.

-was prior to that. That's why you're saying again. Yeah, this must have.

Been the first linkup. Then ever since then, it's gone crazy. Jesus, he was hooked.

-it's crazy. -oh, he was hooked.

Surprise. What do you think? It took almost three hours.

Oh, no.

I will send you 10 Bitcoin right now if you answer me. That is worth almost $400,000. All you have to do is respond to me with one word, Ruby. Please, I need your attention. I need to make sure that my kitchen.

Is safe. That's enough. Right there. That's enough. But carry on. My kitchen. Oh, my God.

All right. Bitcoin is one of those investments I was talking with you about on OnlyFunds when you were asking me what I did to make so much money. I promise you it will be the best investment of your... Of our life. All you have to do is just react to one message of mine. Please, I beg you. I cannot think to live without you.

Who's that, by the way?

It's meant to be Ruby.

That's meant to be Ruby. The tat that he got from two slides ago.

That looks nothing like her. That looks nothing like her.

It's giving more like Christina Millian.

Yes, it is. I might put number one, Spender, on the ting.

-yeah. -grosky. My first instinct was that it's actually just.

All.

Some marketing scheme thing for her. I genuinely don't think I sleep better at night under the pretense that there is not one human being down this catastrophically.

-you would be surprised, bro. -over all, I think. -you would be surprised.

-i think I would be surprised, but I said I sleep better know it. Yeah, fair. I sleep good thinking that there's not brares out there that go to these lengths to get a response to a message, bro.

He needs the fantasy to continue. That's why he's saying just react. Give me something. Just react.

Just acknowledge I'm alive.

Yeah, because I need something, bro. Lucid Robb man said, bro, go in the bathroom, rub one out, and rethink your decisions. Your bag. That's facts, bro. Pnc will knock you out of this immediately. Four hundred bags.

And the fact that she didn't reply as well as P.

Yeah, she's got balls. Would you reply?

If I.

Was Ruby? Yeah.

Probably not now.

If you said, I've got 400 for you right now. Just react. Doo something.

I will double tap that phone. Yeah, facts. That's not what.

You're saying.

Facts.

Yeah, facts, bro. All of us are. As soon as that transaction is done, I'm blocking you.

Yeah.

Crazy. Ruby, please.

You're going to hell, bro. Why? You would take that 400K and then that's it.

That's on him. He said 400k for a reaction and react him, and mine not.

That's on him, bro. You shouldn't have been that bad.

Don't do, bro. Don't come in the kitchen if you can't cook, my bro.

I mean, I get it. I'm just saying.

Like, Wow. No, don't get me wrong. He's down catastrophically and it's actually that he needs to see someone. He does. But yeah, man dropped 90 bags in a month.

Something like that, yeah. In that second slide, yeah. He's caked, boy. Like I said, I think it makes more sense to me that they actually are cool. He's rich, they're cool. As a marketing ploy to get a viral story. Kind of like, what was it, Jason Love?

Oh.

Yeah. They've continued now. They've got other people in their mix and whatnot during his podcast. My man blew up after that.

Who did?

-didn't the bread with the Adam-22?

Yeah. No, he's.

Been- Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, he didn't blow up for shit after that. He's been blown. Their podcast has been making a mill a month way before this Jason Love thing.

Has it got bigger since then?

I don't think so. Well, it might have. It might have.

Well, that's the point of making.

I thought that it reached more people. That video made bags. Yeah, so- On.

Her OF. That ploy that they just put together, obviously, that's just wild. Yeah. I'm not doing that out there, that's why I thought this was like on the.

Same class. Yeah, I hear it on the market in front of you.

I hear it on the market front. I think if it was a marketing thing, there would have been more talk about her content. In the text, it would have been like, I've never seen stuff like this before. You made me feel like this way. I'm fucking love you. I'm about to just join my account. As opposed to just like, I met you one time and I'm getting a tattoo, all this stuff. But I'm not going to lie, it has made me think like, What's going on this OF, though? What does this OF look like?

You're feeling to sign up?

I've never signed up. I feel like if I was ever to sign up out of interest, it would have to be in this public space with all of you, man.

Do you.

Know what I mean? I mean, it has to be for pure research purposes, and we're signing up now on the business card, on OBS for all to see. It can't be something to do at home. I need to see with all you, man.

We're all in it together, basically.

Yeah, we're all equally liable, bro. Yeah, I hear it. Yeah, but that's nuts. You know what I heard? I heard apparently, I don't know if it's chat and shit. I saw an article that said, Iggy as Zalio is doing nuts.

On there. -i know where. -yeah. There was a top two. It was Iggy and someone else. I saw it too. Maybe Nicky Minage.

Nicky.

I think it was Iggy and Nicky. I think so.

Nicky's OF just from like, teenage James.

Maybe Cardi. One of them. Cardi.

One of them. Definitely Cardi. Maybe Cardi. I haven't seen Nicky up there. I've seen Cardi up.

There a few times.

-maybe Cardi. Yeah, Iggy is doing stuff on her.

She's got a figurino on her.

Yeah, but Iggy is it? Bang. Yeah, Iggy's bar. She's nine-foot tall, but she is bang it. If I wasn't OF slob, I'd be all in that IGy one, boy.

Wow. It's good. To be fair, she needed a bag because the rap career wasn't...

Her career's plummeted.

Yeah, it wasn't the one. It didn't help with the Yossi accent when she was trying to rap. It just didn't help.

Yeah, she had some bangers, though.

She did have a couple back in the day. I can't remember what.

They were. I can't remember what they were. Hold up, please. What was her first actual bang? Because she.

Had some bang. I'm sure she had one with Tiger.

Yeah, she definitely had one with Tiger.

Fancy.

Fancy?

Fancy.

That was a massive-How does that go? I'm so fancy. Oh, yeah. That one. That was a Rosalina.

Oh, fancy. Oh, fancy.

Is the one. Fancy, yeah. It was trouble. -work, I don't remember that. -nine years ago, 1.1 billion views. Fair. Damn. Yeah, that's the one there.

-found standard trouble. I don't.

Know any of these. I don't remember any of these. I do remember that bounce one, actually. Fair play, man. Ruby, she did a stream with that homeboy the other day, in it? Who? Neon?

What does she do, Ruby? Apart from OF, what does Ruby do?

She does music. Does she? Yeah. I can't name you one of her songs. She does music. Yeah, she's done a tingle with Kai. Yeah, she did that stream with Neon. Right, guys, let's take a very, very quick break just to keep the lights on as we do. Come on. Listen close. Landscape is a one-stop shop for all your holiday needs. They've got the perfect gift in the performance package 5.0 Ultra. Includes lots of perfect stocking stuffers. Pause. What could be better than giving the gift of good hygiene and a few laughs. Starting with the lawnmower 5.0 Ultra, this is a crown jewel of the holidays, and dare I say, the best ball trimmer of all time. The Electric Razor's advanced skin-safe technology is a lifesaver and known for reducing nicks and cuts on his Santa sack.

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That's going to give you a humble 20% off and free shipping. Let's get back to the episode. Let's. Anyway. Okay, cool. You've got a thread for.

Us, G. I do. What's the funniest, inconvenient curse to put on someone?

I was actually going to do this thread. It's funny because actually this is so convenient because this is going to be the first thread why I actually haven't read it first. I read the first two slides, I was like, Oh, juice. Then just saved it, and I was going to do it on this episode. -gang. -so well played.

I've taken some of the comments. Well, the comments are better than the actual comments. Oh, really? Yeah, the comments are better than the slides. -gang. -fuck it. Have you got it already? I'm not going to do... You do the slides, I'll do the comments.

-all right, but...

What's the funniest, inconvenient curse to put on someone? Every time you put on a sock, there's a loose thread that gets caught in between your toes. Oh, my God.

You know it's actually crazy. I haven't had that happen to me since I was a kid, and I'd forgot it was even a thing until you just said that school socks, they used to happen to me all the fucking time. Jarring. Oh, my God.

Jarring. Jarring. What a curse.

Wow, what a curse. Every single time.

Every time you sit down to watch TV, the remote will be on the kitchen counter.

I'll scream. I would scream.

You get comfy and everything.

It's so annoying. I don't even like when there's two cushions away. If you have to take the furthest arm to-.

Yeah, I just want to.

Hear it. Yeah, put it here. The audio will be slightly off sync for every video they watch. That's impossible.

That would piss me. You wouldn't watch a thing.

I'm.

Turning off. You wouldn't watch a thing, bro.

That is actually the single most frustrating thing in the world. I can't stand that, bro.

Sync it up, man. Every time you wash your hands, the water run downs your arm under your sleeve. Every single day. Do you.

Know how annoying that is? Wow. These lot have nailed it.

Yeah, they have. The comments, they slapped.

You can't stay in the bathroom for more than five minutes. Yeah, your morning? Yeah. You couldn't. You couldn't. I would have to.

You know when... You know when you literally let shit pile up? I would literally have to let the shit pile up and then scream in there and just...

I can imagine staying at your house, hearing you go in there in the morning and then hear the five-minute alarm ring and you scream.

I'm still toward heading off the five. Oh, my days. That's so funny. That's true, so you go.

Okay. Every 50th breath you take is a hiccup.

That would jar me.

I haven't had hiccups in years whenever I do.

Wow, I can't stand it. I've probably the last time I had a hiccup, to be fair.

My brother does this weird thing that every time he hiccups, he burps as well.

That happens to me. That happens to me if I hiccup straight after drinking something.

Oh, okay, yeah.

But not in a general, basically.

I can't think of anything more butters. To see you drink, hiccup, and burp if I'm your thing?

That's a trifecta.

Yeah, that has to.

Get blocked. Yeah, that's butters. Wow. Always feel like there's hair on your face. Yeah, and.

You're just all.

The time.

Or like the cobweb thing.

And you have to go like this.

Now, bro. This is the only thing I'm happy about for winter. In my yard, obviously you see the drive. Yes. I'm going to say in the trees, in the bushes, spiders live in that bitch.

They're hard workers. These men are hard workers.

The.

Spiders? Yeah. Okay. During the summertime, every night where I park my car, they would attach webs to my car. Every morning I'm going to the driver's side face, I had to start doing karate chops to get to my door, bro. It was infuriating. No way. It was infuriating. I didn't know what to do. Okay, cool. Feeling the need to go to the bathroom on random moments, but then never actually been able to go.

That would also piss me off highly.

I have a weird thing, right? If I bust a nut, I can't piss. I can. Right, it's weird, right? For some reason, my body knows the difference between when I bash and when I have sex. If I have sex, I can piss straight after them. Everybody's good. If I fap and then piss immediately after, I will feel like I need a piss for the next three hours.

Okay. Yeah, I can see what you're saying. I can see what you're saying because you feel like you've not emptied the tank.

Yeah, I feel like I need to piss. Then I'll be laying in bed trying to sleep and I need to piss. Especially if I've been drinking, it makes it a million times worse. Oh, my good grief. It's torture.

I hate you on that. I hate you on that. Both sides of your pillow are warm. Both sides. No.

No. I know how you like to sleep as well.

You need.

A chill side. Yeah, yeah. That's love me. That's Rome's dream. That's Aaron's dream.

No.

Both hot and sides. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no. That's crazy talk. You fart when you lie.

I think I'll be okay with that, you know. Really? Yeah, I don't lie that often. I don't lie.

That often at all. I don't actually like that often. But imagine like you're actually to.

Be fair, baby white-looking man.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little sign, and I'm like, Swah! Swah! I'm like, no, you literally chat shit. You literally chat shit. You sticky little bastard.

I must have said, swear. Accused me straight away.

That's jokes. Wow, that's funny.

That's jokes. The urge to sneeze any time you start a face to face conversation with someone.

That would really, really, really piss me off. Do you want to piss me off more? Is this one. This one, our friendship wouldn't last.

Yeah.

Especially if this happened to you, our friendship wouldn't last. Things randomly disappear from the calendar. Yeah.

I live off the calendar. Facts. Oh, my God.

Our calendar is everything. Oh, my God. If things are disappearing for one of us or not the other, I couldn't bell you twice in the same week as I.

Said, Where are you? Oh, no. Where are you? My whole B, James. I'm at yard. You're what?

You're where?

The shoot.

Starts in 15. Yeah. You're taking a fucking piss.

Yeah.

That couldn't happen more than once in the same span of three months.

Oh, we couldn't.

And we.

Still live in this old guilty.

Yeah, facts. Jesus Christ. And then you'll try and explain that, bro, it was not in the class. Shut up!

Remember. Yeah, fucking remember.

I can't do better.

Do better.

Oh, my days. Oh, my God.

I've got a couple more.

Yeah. Next one.

Whenever you want to take a picture, your phone says, storage full.

This one perfectly comes out with this one. Every time you charge your phone, it has to be so precise you can't move it an inch.

I've actually been there, bro. I've been there. I think everyone's been there with a.

Charger before. When the wires.

Start to fray? Yeah.

Oh, my God.

There was a time where I'm sure it was probably like three iPhones ago. Charge it and had to wrap it and then lay it flat. So it just.

Was perfect. I used to have to charge it, put my phone on something higher, and then put a book or something here. To bend the tank. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. And in them times we're not just buying a new charger. You're just not buying a new charger. You're making it work. You're going to figure that shit out.

Facts, bro. I ain't got new charge of money.

Facts, bro.

Charger is expensive. Oh, my God.

All right, last one for me. All the floor tiles in your house are not aligned.

That's annoying.

That would jar me. Just seeing that would.

Jar me. That's annoying. That's annoying. Just want to finish minor. A sharp pebble appears in their shoe every time they put it on.

That's not minor. That'll piss me off every single time.

No, it's not minor. It's just not very thought-provoking. It's a very easy one to say because it is just so frustrating.

Yeah, they'll irk me.

Especially if obviously you get in a habit and especially if you're doing this before because you know and you put it on and it still happens. I'd break my knuckle. I'd break my knuckle every day. I've always said big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, big, major issues never really bother me. It's minute little inconveniences send me crazy.

Yes, little things like I've forgotten where I put some and I can't find it and I'm in a rush to leave the yard. I'm angry at everyone, even though it's.

My fault. I'll take it out on literally everyone. I'll take it out on.

Everyone, bro. That is the most jarring thing. The most jarring thing. Oh, my God.

Cool. Right. I know you want to speak about Napoleon, so I'm going to let you do that in a sec. Question. Okay. Have you finished Master's Day?

No, I am up to the last six, I want to say. They're each cooking... Like, start as main desserts for the main 90 people in the restaurant. That's what I'm up to. But I've not finished that episode.

Okay, I won't spoil it then.

Lauren's out. I'm pissed about that. Yeah, I know who's out. Obviously, I saw Philippe was out. So it's Tommy, Kasey.

Charlie?

Not Gingery. That's Tom in it. The vegan guy. Yes, Charlie. 22, head chef. The end of the end, boss man. Aaron Daly. Hey, you're on mute.

Hold on.

He hasn't clocked, so what he's done is fine. But also, I was going to say-.

I know what I just did, but I just didn't think that you was pre on the screen still, before you was just chatting to James, obviously.

Oh, no. I can't do that. You're sorry. Okay, that means I can.

Speak now. I was going to say anyway, I had a feeling he was going to win because he's not flopped. He's not flopped. All season, he's not flopped.

He hasn't had a misstep. I think when he won, so for audio listeners, Tom won. Yeah. 24, Ginger, Tom won. He didn't miss a beat the whole competition. He had one thing that I'm pretty sure the only critique he had all season was when he made these little scullop-canoli-looking things with the cream. It was mixed.

With like a- Was that Scullop Threeways or something?

Yeah, he did Scallop Three-ways on one of them. It was only Greg that was like, I can't really taste the scullop in that. That was his only.

Critique, the.

Whole thing. He actually even brings it up at the end. He was so stressed about that one thing he said he thought he was going home that day. But Tom, unbelievable talent.

Hundred %.

Hundred %. You, man, I'm actually gassed. Obviously, love this season. I was riding for Lauren and Philippe the most. I got a DM from both of them, gassed.

Obviously.

Philippe hit me up yesterday. I was like, Yo, gang, thanks for the support. Let's pattern a ting. I'll cook for you. And I was like, a jet. Gang, I'm down. So, yeah, we're going to try and pattern something next month.

He is an experiment.

Yeah, I'm going to have to tell him like, give me the bed, but work it through.

I don't want coffee, Juley. I don't want.

Coffee, Zu. I trust you, but hey, this is my one shot, one opportunity. I don't want to leave literally with a bad taste tomorrow. I'm gassed. Obviously, you're coming, right?

Yes. Obviously, you're coming. I was thinking, I really want to be there, but I don't want to ask. Yeah. So gang. Yes, I'm coming.

Yeah, man. I'm excited. I'm excited. Yeah, I'm stoked. Good. Good. Lauren, if you're listening, if you want to tag team this bitch. -laure, you can.

Cook, man. -hit up.

Your boy. Let's make an extravaganza. Facts.

Facts. I'm down for that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Gang, gang, gang, gang.

Right. Napoleon. I watched Napoleon yesterday, and when the trailer came out, I think I watched the trailer when I went to watch The Creator. When I watched the trailer, I was thinking, Wow, this motherfucker is going to be amazing. Like the war scenes, just the way it was depicted, the cinematography, directed by ridley Scott. You just feel like this is going to be an A-1 movie. The movie is like two and a half hours long, and obviously it shows the life somewhat of Napoleon Bonaparte, things he loves, war, his wife, Josephine, things like that. But what I didn't like about... Actually, first and foremost, what I did love about the movie, the different wars and all the battles that he had that they showed was sick. The cinematography of it was sick. The planning was sick. Just the arms' house of it was sick. The way Napoleon doesn't take shit was sick. And yeah, I enjoyed it. What I didn't enjoy, first of all, he loved Josephine.

He loved Josephine.

She looks lank from here.

He absolutely loved Josephine, but she obviously, it's a spoiler because this part of his life, this is a Wikipedia, whatever. He wanted a youth so bad he needed an heir to continue this dynasty. She couldn't bear anything.

He loves her too much to laugh. Try a new thing.

Yeah, he.

Tried it.

What's the word I'm looking for? Yeah. Thinking of Game of Thrones, the matrons that live in the castle, whatever that's like, Oh, you can try this girl. You can try that girl. One of those hollered him saying there's an 18-year-old brunette fresh in your bed. No, bro. We're going to see whether it's her eggs or your sperm. Bang around. Let's find out. Nia is pregnant.

Swag.

Nia is pregnant. In what?

He charged her. After 15 years, he charged Josephine. But his heart couldn't.

Take it. He knew what his mind wanted, but his heart couldn't take it. So they exiled her to some... She still lives in fancy castle or whatever. He was writing to her all the time. All the time. But bearing in mind, by the time when they got married, they got married early, but he was still doing wars. So he was going away for time. He was writing her, writing her saying, Oh, I love you. I miss you. I can't wait to come and see you, blah, blah, blah. The reason why I'm fighting these wars is because of you. She wasn't replying to one of them.

Of course not.

She was getting banged by Nex man. She was getting gagged.

Oh.

No. Our next man who sought out their wedding day. Absolutely railed, bro. And man came back. He heard the talk of the town. One of these boys in the war count was-Wait.

Whose wedding day?

So, Napoleon and Josephine's wedding day, Josephine clocked one breader whilst walking down the aisle.

Oh, and that's the bread you brought food to the Newcastle?

No, they didn't bang in the castle. They banged in their yard whilst Napoleon was.

Out- -fighting for France.

-yeah. That's what happened, obviously. Town cries and had that overseas. Yeah, man was in Egypt hearing it overseas, and one of these boys was like, Oh, I'm hearing your ting is a slut. He's like, Not my thing. You're lying. Where did you hear this information from? Blah, blah, blah. He said, All right, that's what the streets are saying.

It's just bait. She's not even.

Hiding it. What the streets are saying is like, bet. On a low-down thing, grab me a ship, I'm going back home.

-oh, my God. -grab me.

A ship, I'm going back home.

-don't let anyone know I'm coming home.

-don't let anyone.

Know.

I'm coming back home. That's the scariest thing I can think of. I'm coming back home. Man pulled up back to Yard now and he's like, Yeah? You shouting. Josephine! Josephine!

Where are you? Josephine!

It's why I'm here in truth. Bro, she wasn't at Yard. No! She wasn't at Yard. She's like, Where's my wife? Where's my wife?

-wasn't at yard.

These times he's got a U-by next thing.

No, this is pre. This is pre. Okay, okay. She wasn't at yard.

So she's scarring.

Back home.

Now the horses are running. Oh, my days. She gets back as a rainy day. She sees all of her suitcases outside. She breaks down, my bro. She said, Please. She said, Please, loud me. You are gone. Allow me.

That's a bar I'm.

Not hearing. You are gone. Neverme. No one's going, no one's doing nothing. Allow me.

And she asked him, Were you not banging.

Things out.

There as well? He's like, Of course I was.

But I'm Napoleon. But I'm Napoleon. I did love them. This was just a means to an end.

This is just to keep my mind straight on the battle. Straight on the battle. I'm writing.

To you every day, my John.

Are you not replying to me? The not replying is a fucking piss tank. Long story short.

They stayed together for 15 years. No, he wanted to.

He was banging her every which way under the sun, under the tables, dogy, everything. He was banging her, banging her, banging her nothing. And bearing in mind she had to you to the previous relationship. Oh, raw. From a previous relationship. Damn.

So yeah, my girl was.

Like, Yo, there's an 18-year-old in your bed. Let's see what going on. Is it her or is it you? Straight away pregnant. How do you exiled her? She went to some castle, but he obviously still loves her, still loving everything. It was going for war, going to war, going to war, going to war. But every time he'd come back, he'd go visit her in the castle. But she obviously resented him, but understood at the same time. And man brought the baby for the first time saying, Look at my hair.

-that's crazy. -look at my hair. Just leave.

You at home. -she turned away and then turned back.

To be like, I know you're.

Napoleon, so I've got to look. There's only so much rude and that's like a present to you. Yeah, there's only so.

Much before you.

Get beheaded. Because that's the first scene of the movie. One yet got beheaded, bro. One of his things?

No, just 18. Just a change. Just to.

Let you know what went on. What was on back in this 1761 or whatever it was. But yeah, I need to see this movie. Don't get me wrong. There are some good qualities of this movie, but what I didn't like was there wasn't a lot of continuity in the sense of something would happen like October 1761, and then it will.

Be a five minute scene that it will jump to.

May 1762.

Do you know what I mean? There was no-I wonder.

If that's... Because I told you the Apple TV version is four hours. Yes. I wonder if that's why. I might rewatch it on Apple because they jumped a lot throughout the whole movie. They did that. It's hard to really keep up with the dates because I don't remember what the first day was the day they did flashbacks or whatever. That bit annoyed me, but I was.

Locked into the war and the strategies. I'm locked in, Napoleon didn't play. I heard. Napoleon didn't play. I'm excited to say because Napoleon is one massive part of history that they teach that I don't even know anything about him. In my history.

School, history school, in.

My history lessons, we didn't learn about Napoleon whatsoever. Yeah, we just knew of him. Yeah, and my thing was just World War II and some other boring shit. But Napoleon is one.

That sounds interesting.

I also wanted to learn about Alexander the.

Great and them ting there. That would be good.

-that would be good. There's an Alexander movie, I'm sure. I want to know. I want to see a Genghis Khan movie. There's a Genghis Khan movie called... I've seen it a few times. It's a movie called Mongol, and it's about Genghis Khan 2007. Yeah, it's a good movie, bro, but it's a very… I can't remember it that much, but I'm sure I've seen it twice as well. It's a very like… They humanize him a lot. Okay. Yeah, it's about Temur-Jun (莹 峻 ). Who later becomes Genghis Khan. Yeah, so it's all about him as a kid growing up, becoming Genghis Khan. But it doesn't because, bro, Genghis Khan, I'm sure they said there's a percentage of the human race that are all direct lineage to Genghis Khan. This rare took over the world at one point. They don't show that in this movie to that degree. It's more like early life, how he became who he is and all these things and warring tribes and what he had to do to just become who he is basically. But it doesn't show him and the height of his power. But there's a series called... The film is intended to be the first part of a trilogy about Genghis.

Oh, first part of a trilogy makes sense. If it was the first.

Part of a trilogy that.

Just never got fucking done, that would make perfect sense because this one's all early stuff. Wow, that makes perfect sense. Because it just doesn't show the nitty gritty. Maybe they didn't just do two and three. Yeah, I don't think they did two and three. Unless if they.

Did, I didn't see it.

Netflix has a show about Genghis Khan. Do you see it? It's not about him. It is about him, but it's about Marco Polo. Yes, Marco Polo. Okay. Marco Polo is about Genghis Khan. Yeah. Marco Polo is about a tradesman who gets captured by a Genghis Khan and has to work for him because he speaks English or speaks languages or something like that. I've seen the first season. I got to be bored. I didn't really watch the second season. But I would very much there's a podcast called like... It's not called this, but it's like Horrible Histories-esque type thing where there's a guy who's a massive history buff. Dan Carlin, I think is his name, who has a three or four-part series about the rise of Genghis Khan. I've seen I've listened to the first two episodes of it. It's good. It's long. Because it's obviously audio-only, it's long. I was into it, but he gets into molecular detail about stuff. But bro, when I say this guy was on stuff, they would have mountains of bodies. They'd run through somewhere and leave like mountains-of-bodies. Mountains of bodies to the point where people thought it was like actual mountains.

From the distance that they're walking, they're walking, they're pulling up, and it's a mountain. They'll pull up and it's just... Jesus. He was on a different thing. Jesus, man. Right. One last thing, yeah? Okay. Before we wrap up the episode, this is old news, but I don't think people put enough respect on Gordon Ramsey's old shows from like... You know, like Kitchen Nightmare? Yeah. Not Hell's Kitchen. Hell's Kitchen could do one. I find it so boring. Kitchen Nightmare, where Donnie would run up in the-Is that where he changes up the restaurant? Yeah, he runs up in there and there's a shit restaurant and it's just not patting him. Brother, that's obviously decent. He had one little sidequest show for a little bit called Hotel Hell or whatever. Rings of -He basically did the same thing for hotels as he did the kitchens. You, man. Because obviously I spend a lot of time in hotels now, isn't it? I just watch terrestrial TV a.

Lot of the.

Time when I'm bored. When we get home from an event and as I'm falling asleep, I'll put it on. It's 1:00 in the morning, Hotel Hell is on. Brother, when I say these people in America with these dodgy ass hotels are tapped, they're.

Tapped, bro.

I was watching one the other day, some woman, this woman is crazy. He'd pull up in there and he had this weird little dirt checker. The place was dirty and he did something on the carpet and it showed a reading of the level of dirt in this thing. He was there with the owner of the hotel who was just like, lady in her 50s who was just tapped.

Then the.

Rest of the staff were there. How about he pulls up and he says the average rating, like an acceptable rating.

Of dirt.

Is between like 35 and 70 units on this measurement thing. He had measured the carpet, it was 800. He said, and you know how he reacts to things as well. He was like, What's going on? What's going on? Eight hundred? Are you taking a piss? The lady's like, Oh, you know what? To be fair, I think people bring their dirty shoes in here and their bikes. He's like, That's not an excuse. Why is it 800? Then the owner was like, I don't know. I don't know what's going on. I think it's bikes and shoes and stuff. Then one of the staff was like, Don't even lie to him. Then she was like- Just laugh. She just lost her job. One of the staff was like, Don't even lie to him. You know damn well on my first shift here when I was shadowing you, you had diarrhea all up in this bitch. You shat all over the carpet. When I say the owner didn't even take a breath, she was like, Bro, yeah, I have diarrhea now and again, but I don't think he's talking about that right now. Why are you bringing that up?

What? Ma'am, the lady was tapped. Then this is the first time I've seen Gordon actually have enough. He'd had enough, bro. He went downstairs and she lives in the hotel. Her office is her room. He pulled up into the office. He's like, Take me to the office. I don't want to talk about it anymore. Take me to your office. I open up the office. You see the bed in there. He's like, Why is there a bed in there? She gets in it. She got in the bed fully closed. She's like, This is just where I sleep. He was like, You know? He's like, Darling, darling. Darling, darling, what are you talking about? Yeah, come on. Come on. Come on. Then she was like, It's nice. She's like, It's nice, bro. I love it here. I get to finish my work, tuck into bed. I wake up, there's a beautiful view. He's like, Darling, you don't have any windows. You don't have any windows.

-it's a beautiful view.

-hey, bro. -she's crazy. Oh, my God. That one was the single funniest thing I've seen. I watched another one the other day, and he's got this... That's Hotel Hell, and he also had 24 hours in hell or sat in like that. It's like kitchen nightmares.

You put up to.

A restaurant, restaurant's failing. He's got this truck that pulls up outside. It's got a portable kitchen and he teaches them how to fix up. It's basically kitchen nightmares on steroids. Instead of having the two weeks with them that he had before, he's got 24 hours. Okay. He goes up in there disguised. Okay. When I say this is so extra. Also, go back to the hotel hell. They're starting in this contract where he signed a channel four where this brae gets naked every episode. Gordon. Gordon. This guy is impulsive, bro. Every episode of Hotel Hell, he'll be in there like, This is disgusting. This is disgusting. He'll be like, Oh, I'm so disgusting. I'm not going to have a bath. This brother, every time when I say he's ass out every episode, my guy.

It doesn't.

Make sense. At some point- It must be contract. -bro, it's so freaky and it has to be contracted. What the fuck? This flat white ass, every episode, bro, he needs to wash himself, draws off just cheeks. I'm not having a bath in a 800-plus unit hotel. Facts. Never. Over. Facts. I wouldn't want to put my bare foot in a shower. Facts, bro. There's no chance.

Of getting naked.

Sitting in a bathtub. Bro, I'm saying it's contractual, bro. Every time he's cheeks out. That's crazy. Anyway, the 24 hours in Helting, whatever? Yeah. Bro, I watched one the other day. They were in New Orleans. You wouldn't have stood.

For this for one second. What I say? He pulls up in disguise to this place here. On a loop painting. Oh, yeah. He's got some fake goatee on and some like-The top hat. Yeah, little hat thing and glasses.

What's jokes is, what the funny thing is they never signed up for Gordon to come to their thing. Basically, the production company approaches them or they've applied for a refurb show. But they don't know. They don't know. Okay. They've applied for a refurb show. He pulls up in disguise. He pulls up to this New Orleans thing. When I say the servers are three women in their 70s, three.

Black women in.

Their 70s.

They.

Could give a fuck about this job. Okay. At one point, they were just tworking on the restaurant floor. They were just tworking. Two of them clapping and the one in the middle just like, Yeah, bro. Hands on you. Let the coochie breathe. Oh, my God. Bro, it was despicable. What the fuck? Gordon's like, serve me.

Oh, my God. Serve me. There's one.

Bit they cut to where Brey was just like, Oh, can I have like... He ordered some drinks. He's like, Can I have my drinks? She was like, Yeah, I just offered you water. He was like, Oh, okay, yeah, I have some water. She's like, You can't hear good, can you? I just offered you water. You can't hear very well, can you? He was like, bro, Gordon was like, swear. What's going on here?

Obviously ordered.

The food. Dirty, dirty, dirty, dirty. Him and his boys, eating, eating, eating. He cut the chicken. Chicken is raw. Obviously, Gordon, stop eating you man. Stop eating. Don't eat it. Don't eat it. Spit out. You man, spit out. Spit out. Pham, so extra. Stood up. Disguise off. Everybody? Everybody? This restaurant is closed. Owner comes out, What the fuck? Owner comes like, What the fuck? Restaurant was closed, everyone. Don't take another bite. This restaurant is closed. Everyone's standing like, What's going on? What's going on? Yeah. All of a sudden because it's Gordon Ramsey, no one says shut the fuck up. What do you mean the restaurant is closed, bro? I'll tell everyone, keep eating fat. Keep eating. If you think this is free, you're crazy. Keep eating. You're paying me with God. Yeah, keep eating, bro. Put your disguise back on that anyone else is like, Oh, it's Chef Ramsey. Chef Ramsey. He said, This bitch is closed. You man, we've been recording you for the last two weeks.

Get outside and.

I'm going to show you what I've gone on. In the whole street, they put this.

Cinema-level screen on.

When I say.

They were recording.

All the behind-the-scene stuff, they put secret cameras in the restaurant. When they said, Oh, it's a makeover show or whatever, they put secret cameras everywhere for two weeks.

They popped in there.

Said, Oh, you've made it. We're doing the refurb show. We just want to scope out the place and then we'll be back in two weeks to actually start the show. Then what they do is to put the secret cameras in, fuck off. They've exposed the whole thing. Blah, blah, blah, blah. When I say there were rats and roaches in this bitch. No, man. Donnie bopped in there. The owner walked into the kitchen and there was a family of rats on the floor. That's violation. That's one, Fab. When I say he didn't even blink, he looked to them, kissed his teeth and carried on serving. He did it, Fab? Carried on serving food, bro.

Then one lady wards in, she's like, You've disturbed.

The family. You've disturbed the family. Bear making jokes about these rats, bro. One of the managers, she's a dirty bitch by the way.

One of the managers.

Bro, she hasn't got experience. She can't crack an egg, by the way. I'll get to that bit in a minute. She can't crack an egg. One of the managers, they're just heating stuff in the microwave. She looked to the plate and said, I think there's a roach leg in this. Van, picked out the roach leg and as she's gone like that, it spilled over the plate. Van, she licked it and then said, Service, please. This is all on the camera. The owner couldn't believe his eyes. The level exposure, he was like, raw, raw, raw, raw, raw. The manager turned to him and she said, I'm so sorry. I'm so- The manager said to Gordon. No, turn to her boss. Even though he don't give a fuck, she turns to him and said, I'm so sorry. I've embarrassed you. He's a sharp man. All the customers that were just in there are watching this whole screen thing as well. They are screaming. Oh, my God. Gordon's like, This is fucking disgusting. This is fucking... I've never seen anything as putrid as this in my 257 years in the restaurant business. Oh, my God. Bro, crazy.

He's like.

We've got 24 hours to fix this bitch up. He makes them work all night. Facts. He makes them work all night. Facts. He brings them and it's like, These are three top star chefs. They're going to teach you. This is the menu. They're going to teach you in the next 24 hours. Then the manager is up there. She couldn't do shit. This is why I can't crack an egg. Yeah, they were trying to make a Hollondays with some poached eggs. She couldn't crack the egg. How is that? Every time she's trying to crack it, split in. Crack, split. Crack, split.

Makes it.

In the water, fucks it. Every time, fucks it, fucks it, fucks it. Gordon pulled Donnie to the side and said, FAM. I'm not going to lie to you. Why is she working here? Facts, bro.

He was like, What do.

You mean? He said, Tell me the truth. Do you just feel fucking sorry for her? He was cunning this woman. Do you just feel fucking sorry for her? I'm almost like, To be fair, yeah. Slightly, he said, Femme, I'm not going to tell you how to run your restaurant. Do something about it. I thought he was going to wait for the next day. Man pulled us aside now, said we need to chat. He pulled us aside and said, We need to have a chat. She was like, What? Go on, go on, go on. He said, Go home. Femme, He said, Go home. Straight face. I need you to go home. She broke down. You may say she's shit at her job. She said, Permanently. Permanently. Permanently. She said, Permanently. He was like, Permanent. Barlin. He said, Is there anything I could do? I'm so sorry. I'm trying my best. He said, FAM. You just.

Don't have the skill set. We can't use you.

Go home is crazy. Yeah, go home. I'm going to need you to go home. Thing is with me, if my boss said that, I'd be like, Gang, I'm going. Because I think I'm coming back tomorrow.

Facts, bro. The fact.

That she asks, Do you mean permanently?, means she knows just how bad she is. Yeah. She never thought that day would come, though. Pham. She said, I've got no money. What am I going to do? You can't crack an egg, my boy.

Yeah, fam. That's the conversation that you.

Have to have with these people. You can't crack.

An egg and you work. You're the manager of my restaurant. That's crazy talk.

I need you to go. That's crazy talk. Yeah, she had to go. Bro. Damn. Why can I say it's hands... Hotel Hill and there's.

24 Hours to Helen back, whatever it's called.

Two of the single funniest shows I've ever seen in my life. Say less. Two of the... I know Hotel Hill is charged. I'm going to.

Put his.

Feelings out there. Channel 4, if you're looking for a.

Replacement host for Hotel Hill.

Or 24 Hours to Helen back, whatever you man call it, your boys, your boys. Because when I say this thing is too funny. We're on a muck or something. I won't tolerate stuff. Not the hotel, restaurant one, I.

Wouldn't tolerate stuff. When the pensions were talking to the thing, you would have stood up. That is...

I can't even think of the attitude. Bro, it was nuts. I want to say these man need to retire.

The only people that weren't working all.

Night with these three servers. One of the ladies came back, obviously, when they come back, he's redone the menu. They're all doing the.

Taste.

Test. One of the ladies came back, did the taste test like, Fuck, that's nice. That's nice. That's nice. Ten minutes later, she was kipping. She was on the table, kipping, bro. Gordon used it as the narrative of like, We're all trying so hard, but some of the staff members are showing fatigue. Bro, she just got to work. She literally popped in, tasted two cake and then gripped on a thing. The restaurant needs.

To get shut down.

Yeah, that's why the establishment is serious. Wow. Bro, two of.

The funniest shows I can't wait because I'm staying in.

The hotel tonight. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's me tonight. Say less. I'm going to stay out just long enough to get home.

I.

Think it's five past one in the morning they put this bitch on. I'm watching it, bro. Say less. It's too funny.

All right, man. All right.

Anyway, bro, these shows are the singular, most funny thing I've seen. Jesus Christ. I have to get involved. Jesus Christ. I don't know what I need to do. I have to get involved. But I'd.

Also be terrible because I'm not eating the things they put there. Oh, yeah, I'll be scared.

You don't even know what you're in for. You're trying to turn bullshit into greatness. Yeah. The way obviously he goes in there, tastes it, and then sees all this cockroach stuff, I'd choke someone.

Yeah, that was send me. The production team would be dragging me off him. Send me. Wait, you said cockroach. She's actually flying it off and licking it. Service, please. I was not all watching that video, I'm breaking her.

That would send me. Bro, it's fucking out of order, man.

You know in Red Light Green Light, in Square games where she's clocks all the faces. I need AI to clock every single face, and I need all their details. Every single one of their details, they can't.

Find a job in this industry again. I was watching it, yeah. I was thinking, Fuck.

This.

Rebrand. This nigga.

Needs to go to jail.

Hundred %. Put his in jail, bro. He's eating cockroach legs and his manager spit.

Put this bitch in jail. Rats in the kitchen and say, Oh, you're disturbing the family.

Let's walk around them. Bro, I promise you now, yeah, funniest thing. Oh, my days. I can't see stuff like that. Homegirl says she had diarrhea and it's.

Not to be spoken about. It's got.

Nothing to do with the dirt on the floor. It's got everything to do with that. It's only got to do with it. Bro, funniest thing, man. That's my new fix. When I'm stuck in a hotel bored, that's my new fix, bro. Anyway, guys, that's today's episode. Next week's episode gents, mental note now, next week's episode is Christmas special. I want to see Christmas jumpers, Christmas segments, something some Christmas IG question. Also, actually, fuck it, before we leave, 75 hard update. I get messages on a daily basis. We haven't had an update in three months. Yeah, basically, obviously, you restarted twice. I'm on my third one. My third try.

But yeah, I'm on day fucking 39, I think. Nice. Well played. I'll be done mid-Jan. So it's not long. Okay, sick. It's going to sit. This is the best attempt I've done as well. I compared the picture the other day from right at the beginning, because I've not really had a break until yesterday. -zuay! -i said... -zuay! -yeah. -seeing a little... -yeah. -my brother. -yeah, it's going well, man. -yeah, it's going well. -all right, man. I'm gas.

-well played, bro. -zuay. All right.

Fucking make it. You have to.

Make it this time. Oh, I will. Like I said, this has been the best attempt in terms of momentum and stuff. Like, 100%.

Very nice. I ordered a- -I've had that sick. -a whoop wristband. I've heard they're good. -you need to.

Get one -They're clever little busters as well. You can't actually just order.

The item. It's a subscription model.

You don't have to pay. There's no upfront cost. You just pay the subscription, which is like £15 a month. But it's clever because I'm assuming as soon as you can't subscription, the thing don't work no more. Because it's connected to your phone, I'm assuming.

Yeah, but that's supposed to.

Measure your sleep, your recovery rate, your everything, bro. Obviously, I've been on my gym ting, food has been shit this month only because of the time I've spent in this fucking city, away from home. My prep is all over the place. But again, no excuses, accountability. By the time this thing drops, it's probably going to be New Year when I start again and I've got the whoop and stuff like that. We're going to do a ting-ting. Say less. You, man. We're going.

To do.

A ting-ting-ting. Your boys teeth are going to be tight. Say less.

I'm not even playing. -say less.

It makes.

A huge difference, man. I got the Apple Watch the other day, the other week or whatever. It makes a huge difference. I've been tracking my steps. Sleep is a big thing as well.

Honestly, it makes a ton of a difference. I think.

We should do.

A challenge in Jan. Okay, I'm done. Yeah, I trained with Rem the other day. We went hard. My back was killing me the next day, by the way. Bro, my lats were sore to the touch. -gang. -to the touch. I don't know what the challenge needs to be. We'll have a think, we'll figure it out. But I think there should be some challenge.

Reward, either for two months, eight week challenge. -i'm done. -yeah. Maybe a step challenge or something.

I'm done.

Whatever it is.

I'm done. Yeah? Yeah, that'd be cool. Prize as well. -yeah, I'm done. -holcim prize.

-standard. -like a bag.

-standard. -yeah? -yeah. -a bag. Yeah, like a bag.

I'm done. -yeah, like a bag. I'm done. I'm done. Say less. Let's go. All right, guys.

See you next week, Christmas special. Blah, blah, blah. Okay, yeah.