My mom screamed like, What's going on?

You were winded.

I was like, You killed him. You eat. Guys, we're back. We're back indeed. Before we go into the question of the week, I have a thing that I've been seeing, bro. I'm not going to lie, it's got me locked in. Have you, man, seen Ayame's little love triangle thing on TikTok? This girl's taking over.

Really?

It's juicy. Okay. Right. I knew you guys wouldn't know about it, so I'm going to lock you in. It's so juicy. Basically, Ayame, yeah? Yeah. A little while ago. I need... Carry up before we start, if she's listening, obviously she is, I want my royalties. I want my royalties. Okay. There's this guy on TikTok called Yuval, right?

Okay.

And he can find anyone, you, man.

Basically, what-I've seen that. She She was in a hotel when he found her. I saw her react to that.

There. He does a thing where people... Well, some people call him out and be like, they'll do a quick 360 of where they are, anywhere in the world. Then they'll be like, You've all find me. Then he'll be like, easy peasy. Then he'll go, First of all, I did this and I geo-located this and the sun is from here. He goes, You're in this room at this time. Then he'll go there. Then some people will be like, Bro, you're so jarring being 6'2. He was like, That's what you think. Then he'll be like, You're at this which is this. I went to there and measured each brick. Based on where you're stood next to, it means you're actually 5'6. He'll count pixels and things. Jesus. You guys are fucking sick, bro. But anyway, he did one ages ago of Ayame. The first one he ever did was either a restaurant or a hotel. I can't remember.

Okay, the one I've seen his hotel.

The one I've seen his hotel, but I don't know if that's the first one. I was the one that sent it to her. I was like, Bro, have you seen this?

Okay.

Then went. Then she would tease him like, Where am I now? Where am I now? He would keep finding her. Her and Yuval would just have this back and forth for time.On.

Tiktok?yeah.

It was sexy. Okay. Yeah. They've had her and Yuval have had this saga for time. Find me. Yeah, where the other day there was one where she was at a wedding or whatever, and she caught the bouquet, and then it was just like, Find me. It's turned into this whole love affair. It's so juicy, bro. Everyone's locked I'm in. Okay. Intro Oliver.

Okay.

Oliver is just like another TikTok brand. He's got a million TikTok or whatever. They were at an event a few weeks ago together.

Him and O'Yame. Oliver and Oyeame.

Okay. Everyone's in the comments like, Wagon, Wagon, Wagon, Oliver. So now it's a love triangle. Okay. So now, Yvonne and Oliver are doing clapbacks at each other. It's giving Bridget Jones's diary. Yeah, it's giving Bridget Jones's diary. Okay. And now they're doing TikToks clashing each other.For.

The love ofFor the I love of O'Yamme.

Okay. The other day, Yuval wrote Vows to Ayame. Juicy. Juicy. Okay, what the fuck? Go on TikTok and pull up. Yuval's letter.

My dearest day, army. Oh, turn up. It feels strange to say after finding your time and time here. But the truth is, I've been lost a long time. Years I spent searching for a pixelated picture in the background of my own life, unable to even locate what city I was in. I was terrible at finding myself, but for some reason, I had no trouble finding you.

I was terrible at finding myself, but for some reason, I had no trouble finding you.

You taught me that it was possible to find something I didn't even know I was looking for. This started as a momentary hyper fixation and it's turned into my life.

You are spitting.

I wish I could be there to tell you this now. I'd blame my absence on logistics, but that wouldn't be entirely true. The truth is I'm scared. I'm scared of what will happen when I truly find you, and I need to know I'll be ready when I do. And I will if God wills it, and it appears she shall. Somehow I can't find the words to describe what I'm feeling in this painful moment. I know you asked for vows, so here they are. I vow to find the words to tell you what you deserve, and when I do, I vow to tell you them myself. By the next full moon, my darling, so the Moon light from above can help us find our way to each other. With love, you've all.

Bro, spin. Yeah, okay. Yeah, so bro, that's what's popping at the minute on TikTok, this man. He did some secret little placement thing on a coffee shop. He was like, I want you to go to... He's like, Oh, you know how you'd like to go to this coffee shop all the time? He's like, Not the regular one, the one you went to on fucking May 16th or something like that. Go to that one at 3:00 PM. There's going to be a little one of the tables for you. Jesus. Yeah, he's doing international embargoes.

Jesus. Yeah, you've all been-Show me this.

Show me this, Oliver, brother. Oliver is trying to fuck up the bag. Yeah. Far left. That 5.9. Yeah. This is the event. Yeah, this is what started the whole thing.

My name on the list.

I'm a name on the list. You'll always be my first. You're both on it. So, yeah, bro, they're fighting for our heart at the minute. I'm saying plot twist. If you have all touches down, I'm saying we get the three of them in a room, we get them on the couch and we just let them speak. Let them speak.

Say less.

Yeah, bro. It's juicy, bro. It's juicy. I'm putting the feeders out now. If you, man, are ready to squash this and find out, yeah, really, really what's good, Ayame, Yuvar, Oliver, we can get you on the S&G couch and we can hash this out.

This love triangle can be a linear thing.

Yeah, bro. We can find, we can double up. Yeah, maybe Ellisis will put his hat in the game. You never know. You never know, bro. You never know what's going to happen in these situations. True.

Ellisis will spit. Yeah, Ellisis can spit, of course.

Yeah. Naughty. But anyway, so that's what's going on on TikTok right now. It's enticing, bro. Fair play. And what's really cool about it as well is, Uvalding, in order to get people wrapped up in it, obviously, he's done a donate to He did a Palestine thing, right? Yeah. Yeah. So donate to this Palestinian cause, and then I'll come to London. So he's obviously utilizing the snowball effect of the virality of this situation to donate to good causes, bro. This guy's living it up. Fair. Doing the damn thing, man. It's juicy.

Fair play. Juicy. Fair play to him.

Anyway, back to regular business.

All right. Regular programming. I'm somewhat locked in. I want them on a sofa. I'm not going to lie. I want him on a sofa. I want to figure out who's really on it.

He's really about it. Yeah.

Who really wants love? Yeah. Facts. Or who's here for the TikTok?

Who's here for the TikTok and who's actually here for it? Yeah. All right, bro. The feelings are out.

The feelings are out. I know you might watch the show anyway, so just comment below. Yeah. Just comment below.

Comment below and see if we can pattern it.

We can buy in it. We can have you on.

Yeah, man. So sick.

Question of the week. We're back to our regular degula. And the question of the week this week was, what's the worst thing you've helped someone hide? How many you got?

Not many. You know Because I rate the fact on this one that I don't have many because bear replies. I ain't no snitch. I ain't no snitch. I ain't no fucking snitch. I'm not snitching. So I was like, all right, stand on business.

I like it. Well, to be fair, especially where you were getting your responses from, it was bait.

Yeah, it's public. I've got 1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

I think I've got eight or nine, so nothing crazy either. All right, cool. What's the worst thing you've helped someone hide? I helped him hide When she was in the attic. She fell through the ceiling. Oh, for God's sake.

For God's sake.

That's heinous.

That is heinous. Heinous. All right. Worst thing you've helped someone hide, yeah? They were sending stories in this one. My mate at school, this is dread, my mate at school trod in dog shit and it somehow got in his bag. At the end of the lesson-Got in his bag? Yeah, got on his school bag. Okay. Yeah, I don't know how. At the end of the lesson, he put his bag on in his lap. So now he's got dog shit on his shirt and the front of his trousers. Hell on Earth. He asked me to help him, so I pretended to fall off my chair so he could get out in the commotion. Yeah, that's a friend.

That's a friend. That's a boy. That's a friend.

That's a boy.

To get out of the commotion. Yeah. Would you do that for me? Yeah, of course.

You wouldn't.

I wouldn't fall on the floor to save it from dog shit.

In a classroom. I would. If you had to scream and shout and flap on the floor. I would. In school. I would. You would? Yeah.

I'm not the one in dog shit. That's a no-brainer for me.

What happens when I get out of the commercial and now what are you doing?

I'm standing up.

And just be like, what?

I'm fine now. I'm fine now. What else is there?

Yeah, fair enough. I'm ready, dude. I would expect you to be like, I'm not embarrassing myself like that.

No, that's minor. What's the worst thing you've helped someone hide? My friend hid chlamedia treatment in her boyfriend's drink.

Wow. I'm sure a lot of people have done that.

That's That is bonkers.

I'm sure a lot of people have done that.

That's bonkers.

A girl I used to talk to, but never... Oh, wow, this is the same thing. No, it's not, but yeah. A girl I used to talk to It's the same thing. It's actually completely different. But never smashed. One night, I asked her why she never gave me any. She showed me her STD papers from the doctor, and I was like, wow. I tried calling my boy, but he wouldn't pick up, only to find out they smashed raw. I kept a zipped lip and never said anything. Fair.

Damn. Wait, what?

He was about to clap the ting.

But she's already clapped his boy.

No, that was it. He used to talk to her. He asked her, How come you never let me hit? She showed a paper, SDD ting. I'm assuming time-lapse or something happened, and then the boy is about to clap it. He's belling the boy like, Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, The fuck? Of course, I'm telling you.

What the fuck? All right, cool. Say less. Next one. What's the worst thing you've helped someone hide? Curry goat, rice and peas, and 2Ka grapes. There were eight Jamaicans around.

That's funny. That's actually funny.

Too K. A. G. G.

I hate. The thing is, K. A. G. Is not even the best flavor. It's not. But it just resonates. Yeah, it does.

2 K8 Grapes.

There were eight Jamaicans around.

That's hilarious.

That's funny, bro. Right. Worst thing you've helped someone hide. For a summer, my neighbor would go into her dad's broken down truck in their backyard. One day, I went to see what was going on, only to catch her getting freaky all alone. She begged me not to tell her dad. Bro, she used to just go into this broken down truck to fap.What? What? Crazy.

Begged me not to tell Paul.

Don't tell my dad. I won't. I won't.

Yeah.

Why is it always a solo donor?

Yeah, yeah. Barter. What's the worst thing you've I thought someone hide? I watched my brother's sidechicks kids for a whole summer and hid it from the husband's wife. Did I even land?

His brother was smashing a married woman While he was smashing the married woman, the little brother was looking after the kids. I watched my brother's side chicks kids for a whole summer and hid it from the husband's wife. Did I even land? His brother was smashing a married woman, and while he was smashing the married woman, the little brother was looking after the kids.

I watched my brother's side chicks kids a whole summer and hid it from the wife.

The wife? From the brother's wife? The brother's wife, yeah. Oh. Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, complex.

Yeah, very complex.

Right. Oh my God, this one's horrible. When I was a kid, my dad used to go on tons of business trips. My job was to clear out the car when it got back. As you can already guess, I used to clear out empty condom packets. Now, every time I feel bad about cheating, I'm consoled by this memory. Thanks, dad.As you can guess.Yes. As you can guess, condom rappers galore.

Like standard.

Standard. Wow. Because that's on business trips. Wow. Wow. Yeah. Did you not even catch the end?

I heard the end. I heard the end, but I don't know why that bit spun me the most.

The end spun me, bro. When I said, thanks, dad, because every time I get a guilty conscience, I just remember this is dad's back.

And I'm consoled. Yeah, this is normal for me. It's hereditary.

Apples and trees.

Yeah, it doesn't fall far from. Jesus Christ.

Newton's laws. Wow.

All right, worst thing you've helped someone hide, our shared pocket pussy. Our A shared pocket pussy. That's disgusting.

That's disgusting. That's disgusting. That's disgusting. Right. My last one. The worst thing you've helped someone hide. The other baby. Ra. The other baby.

How are you hiding that?

Easy. You're thinking too physical. Donny's got a wife and a kid, and he's got a ting and a kid.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, There's a brejian in the middle, hiding. Okay, fucking hell.

You thought physical, hide and seek? Yeah. No.

I helped my boyfriend hide the fact that he's gay from his family before they caught him with my brother.

Damn. He couldn't keep that offense.

Mad. Offense is crazy. Worst thing you've helped someone hide. Her car. Because a sideman bought it for her, her main thought was mine for two years.

What's the point? What's actually the point?

It's crazy. Last one. My two friends had a threesome with my other friend's baby daddy whilst she was pregnant.

I'm ready to put my foot down. I think women are worse than men. 100%. I'm actually ready to put my foot down.

100%. Women are worse. They're more calculated in that conniven way.

Yeah, that stuff's insane.

That wouldn't happen in a male friendship group. It just wouldn't.It's.

Impossible.it.

Wouldn't.it.

Wouldn't.it's impossible.It just wouldn't.It's impossible.It just wouldn't.It's nothing to discuss.It wouldn't. It wouldn't. It's impossible.

It just wouldn't. It's impossible. It just wouldn't. It's nothing to discuss.

It wouldn't. Yeah, women love banging their friend's man. They're obsessed with it.

Yeah, we need to put out a poll or something.

Yeah, 100%.

Because this is crazy.

It was confirmed in the Girl Code episode. Every other response was, Banged my friend's man, banged my My friend's man, banged my friend's man.

Or flattered or lips or this or that, whatever.

Banged her husband.

That's wild, man.

Yeah, it's crazy. Wow. Anyway. The streets. The streets are freezing. Yeah. Welcome to the show, guys. Welcome to the show, guys. Welcome back. So, news update. We're changing the pitch.

Talk to him.

We are officially number 18 in the world on Patreon. We want to be at least number three.

That means you guys have a job to do.

Yeah, everyone has a job to do. Head on over to Patreon. Com/schitzandgigs. Yes, sir. Also on Patreon, we have the second biggest internet show on the planet. It's called the Log Cabin. Facts. Where we do really cool stuff that we all spoke about doing. It's really competitive. It's really fun. Yes, sir. Recently, we went and did Ninja Warrior. We did. We learned how to skateboard. We did. We jumped out of a plane. We did. We did a cooking competition. We did. What else we've done on there? We actually learned more about each other with who's more likely to. Facts as well. We've done some Q&A stuff on there. It's really good.

It's really fun. Play some retro games on there.

Yeah. Anyway, guys, head on over to patreon. Com, force our shits and gigs. Join the Log Cabin. Enjoy yourself. It is literally ground-breaking, unbelievably good content. And this is going to play the trailer. We're in conversations to license our show to a very well-known company. The deal fell through. Then Fuhad was like, I think we should do the show anyway. Guys. Cool, guys. Come on, man. It is Log Cabin episode 1. Episode two, episode three. What's this? Episode four. This is episode four. We're in a swing. We are in a swing, guys. Today, we're in the kitchen. This has been cooking for months, bro.

Let's not even try and guesstimate. Months. Big dick.

Fuck me. People just aren't doing stuff like this. It's really not. It's food had a birthday. Long story short, we got him a con, okay? As a dude, you just don't have shit happen to you like this very often. It's scary hours. Why am I so fucking nervous about this?

Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know what I'm doing. Oh, God. The procedure, happiness. We're in Miami, and we're doing skydiving today. I'm really I'm pissed off. I'm not in the mood, bro.

Let's go.

We're going to take two minutes.

It's two. It was it. It was it. Let's fucking go. The phone case alone is crazy.

Cool. I have a small update. I have taken a break from my Whoop for one week just to get the skin indentations out.

Yeah.

Yeah. And to wash my bands. I miss it, man. I'm going to be honest.

I bet.

I miss it.

I'm used to it. Every morning, I'm like, what's my recovery?

What's my sleep? Yeah, They need the stats to tell me whether I've slept or not.

I don't know. It's crazy.

But I need to know if I'm working out properly or not. I think I'm on day flipping three or four without it. I'm going to finish up the week because I said I was, and then I'm jumping straight back in. We've got a month before we go to America. You think I'm fucking joking when I say, Snatch little Katie cat. Say less. All right. The cum gutters, them things there. I'm going to wear my trousers at my pubic bone. You, man, are going to see me in jeans, blue jeans, no boxers. Just sat just above my pubes, bro.

What's my man's name? What's that musician called that sang topless, Old Brother, Black Brother, Brown. What's that song called? Dianjilo.

Dianjilo, yeah. Have it your way. That's the brother. Yeah, oiled up like Dianjolo, bro. Calm gutters galore. Just asking people, how does it feel?

How does it feel indeed? Yeah. Damn.

Dianjolo was jacked as shit.

Yeah, he was jacked. Yeah.

Exactly how he's wearing his trousers there is exactly how I'm going to wear mine for three months straight. Yeah, I've got four weeks to get in D'Angelo condition.

Yeah, D'Angelo condition.

Brown sugar D'Angelo is where we're looking to be. Brown sugar bank. Yeah, no gap necessary. Come on. Yeah, that's where we're at. I've got four weeks to get there. I've been eating steak and veg for the last three days. I've been drinking water like it's going out of fashion. I'm on it. Good. I'm going to gym at seven o'clock in the morning. Good. I'm on it, but now I need to get my loop back to actually lock in. Yeah, I hear you. Exciting times. I hear you, bro. Exciting I've got a thread if you're interested.

Oh, yes, I'm always interested in threads.

Okay, so this thread I found on Instagram. It said, If you followed your childhood dream job, what would you be right now?

Okay.

Some of the sources are fucking hilarious. I wouldn't be here.

I wouldn't be here. Where would you be? I'd be driving an ice cream truck, my dude. I've done told you, man. I wanted to be an ice cream truck driver since I was in year four. I wouldn't be here.

The way you said, I wouldn't be here. Like, say you're still gutty that you're not. I wouldn't be here. Wow. One bro said, either a soldier or an Argos delivery driver. Fair. What child looks at an Argos delivery driver and be like, That's the shit. That's your dream. That's the shit.

They probably wanted to take all the stuff.

Yeah, they were gassed off what was being brought to them.

Oh, 100%.

So we're looking forward to seeing our ghost, my lads. Yeah, neutral bullets galore.

Yeah. Yeah. Okay. What was your dream job as a kid? A cat. Brother? A cat. There were bear-a-dees.

Jesus.

Yeah, right. This one was me. I'll be a super Saiyan.

Fucking facts.

Do you, man, understand how desperate I was to be a Super Sai as a kid? Oh, my God. I would sit there screaming. I would go in my bubble bath, put the bubbles on my head till it spikes up like that, and just be there, splash in and screaming. No, you never. 100%. Why would I not?

How high was the ting? As high as I could.

But obviously, my mom was frugal with the bubbles in it. There's only so much saying I can get. There's only so much saying. That's jokes. I remember we had hardwood floors in our bathroom. One time, I was gasped, bro. I stood up in a bath naked as fuck, and then just I thought I could jump out of the bath and land it like Superman When I say, bro, I two foot jumped out this bath and slit as soon as I smacked my head on the bath and laid there just bubbly and naked. My mom screamed like, What's going on?

You were winded.

I was like, You killed I can't say it. I was like, Bro, the saying life is not for me. Oh, God. I'm never going to make it.

That's hilarious. That is hilarious.

Bro, these men would gas you into thinking you could be anything. Facts.

That's facts. Jesus Christ. A super saying. Yeah. There's nothing more I wanted than being an animated character and just living the dream.

Yeah, bro. I used to sit. I told you, man, at Nindrall the other day, Patreon. Com, what's that shit thing is. The doorway situation, the Spider-Man doorway?

I jumped on that bitch, yeah.

Bro, yeah, I would lick my hands and lick my feet and just pounce in there and stay there and scream, Mom, yeah. Call me Peter. If you followed your dream job, what would you be now? Turn in the letters on the Wheel of Fortune.

Fair? Yeah. Fair?

Okay, fair. I like that answer.

That's nostalgia.

Wheel of Fortune. Wheel of Fortune, bro.

Wow.

Yeah. To be fair, I used to think Not that I wanted that job, but I used to think that job's lit. Carol Vordermen on Countdown.

Numbers and letters.

I was thinking she's just turning-Turning cards, yeah.consonance. Consonance is Just turning consonence and you're just banging, just standing there turning consonants.

But she would do mental math as well.

The math thing was crazy.

Yeah, math thing was crazy.

Even Homegirl Now is the math thing is crazy. She's lit.

I don't know her name, but she's lit.

She is lit. You, man, don't understand how many of these responses there were? A male star.

Really? Yeah, my early 14, 15, maybe.

It It didn't make sense that that's a job.

Yeah. I mean, girls. I was thinking, these men are living the dream. How would man them getting away with this? That's why I kept on thinking to myself.

There can't be a salary.

Yeah. How's mans getting away with this? Yeah. Because they're just banging Banging Langers. Even if they're not Banging Langers, they're getting paid to bang them ones that aren't Langers.

Oh, 1 million %, bro. It didn't make sense to me, man. That's crazy. I think it was the only thing that knocked me out of that fantasy was What was that show, bro? Euro Trash.

Was that on MTV?

It was on site and crazy, bro.

I remember the name. I can't remember what channel it was on. I do remember the name, though.

Bro, there was a show called Euro Trash.

I'm pretty sure. It was on a music channel.

Yeah, it was on a music channel. Yeah, it was on at 2:00 in the morning. When I say these, it was like an interview thing, and they were just interviewed by themselves all the time. They'd interview the male ones, and it just seemed dark, bro. Really? Yeah, it really I was like, this doesn't seem fun. I remember, I'm pretty sure Louthero did one on part one time. Fair. Again, dark. There was another documentary I watched. I was clearly locked in. I was doing market research. There was another documentary I watched one time. Where there's one Brosky. This is one that knocked me out. This one Brosky was working as a dream boy, I thought. He was like a stripper. What Donnie would do, he'd do his stripper-ting, and he'd be like, dancing for the middle-aged women, and it just looked horrendous. And there'd be in some broken down nasty club in Slough or somewhere. Then he'd get through that and then they'd go and wash all the oil off. Then he'd go straight from that job in this dingy club to drive to some bando-looking thing and bang a girl because his other job was a bouncer.

Then he'd bang this girl and they'd be really formal when they meet. They'd be like, Oh, hi, how are you? Then they'd He'd get naked over there, she'd get naked over there, and then they'd meet in the middle of the bed, and it was just like, Oh, it's made for sick. Then they'd do their shoot, they'd do their scene. Then once it was all said and done, she would clean herself up and go, and he'd be like, Oh, it's really I'm probably just going to sleep here. I can sleep on-On set? On set. I just turned off the lights and sleep there, and I was like, No, this ain't it. What? This ain't it, bro.

This ain't the life. That's back in the 90s.

I looked at it, I said, That's not the life, bro. I was I'm convinced this was the dream job. Not the life at all.

Yeah, that sounds horrendous.

Yeah, it looked horrendous, bro.

That sounds absolutely horrendous. Also, obviously, we're speaking on part now. The actual dynamic of OnlyFans aside, let's go cameras, crew, lighting, everything. The dynamic of banging a check on multiple people whilst multiple other people are there just trying to do their job is insanity to me. That was nuts.

Yeah, it's nuts.

It's insanity to me.

It was It was an episode of Californication, where the agent, I can't remember what that agent's name again. Charlie. Charlie. Charlie was in love with a one-star in one season, and he agreed to let them shoot a scene at his house. Then I think something went wrong with the male actor, and he couldn't do the scene, and they didn't need his face in it. Charlie got roped in to do in the scene. The pressure. When he came up in this little robe. The pressure's like 30 man with cameras there, and the chics just waiting. She's like, It's okay, you can do it. And he was like, Okay.

No, I couldn't hear that. I couldn't hear that. It's okay, you can do it.

There's not a softer texture in this dimension than what would be between my legs at that point? It would never run, bro.

It wouldn't.

It would never in a million years run, bro.

Fuck that completely.

Oh, my God.

Very good show, though. This or Entourage?

Now you're asking, bro. What's that thing called? Sophie's Choice? Is that what it is? That one didn't land at all, did it? You know about Sophie's Choice?

I actually don't know the reference.

It's basically a woman picking which one of her kids should die. Wow. It's impossible. Anyway, didn't land. Californication or Entourage. I've probably watched them both twice over. I would say I'm I think Californication is a better show. Hank Moody is every man's man. But it doesn't make sense how he's getting all these gyal. It inspired me, but also demotivated me Because I was like, it's not making sense.

He was getting gyal, bro. Every season.

I'm pretty sure he patted Megan Good in one season. What are we talking about? He was getting too many gyal, bro. He He bought a Porsche one day and then banged a girl who sold it to him in the car. It's not making any sense. But I really, really love California Keisha. The ups and downs used to send me, though. Entourage, I think I enjoyed more because it was actually a life that I could dream was like...

Feasible.

It's the least feasible thing. But the idea of being a movie star and you and all your boys moving to a mansion and then just paint the town red, and then you have the ups and downs, highs and lows, It just seemed so sick, especially around the time that we were watching it. We were all living together at that time.

Bro, what a dream, man. It's an entourage for me, to be honest, because it's the same again. I was so It's just that it's just sucked into their reality. I thought that this was achievable for us.

I don't know who was going to... It was probably going to be Jacob.

Yeah. At the time, yeah.

I think that bred some resentment in me because I expected that from him. Because it never happened.

I hear you. It never happened, bro.

I thought, once Jacob makes it, we're all out. We're going to move to LA into our mansion and we're all pattern. He made it and nothing happened. He went on his way.

He went on his way and just waited for us. Yeah, bro.

He waited a decade.

Yeah, it never happened. Jesus Christ. Fuck.

Yeah, I actually do remember that. I remember thinking, this is going to be us.

That's hilarious. Who would you be?In Entourage.In.

The Entourage.

Pull up the cast again. I really don't remember. Obviously, there's My Man, there's His Brother, there's turtle, there's...

There's turtle. There's Eric, there's turtle. There's...

Zoom in, please, as well.

Johnny Drama. Eric, turtle, Johnny drama, and that's it really, isn't it?

Vincent, Ari Gold.

Megan's obviously Ari.

Megan will definitely be Ari. I think I'll be turtle. I think if I remember correctly, turtle was the one that had a bit of sense about him in terms of-You're thinking incorrectly.

Really? Turtle was the one-I'm seeing his face, and it's reminding me of Eric was the one with sense. Eric became his manager. Okay.vince's manager.Yes. During the drama was obviously the loser brother.

Yeah, we remember that.

Then turtle was the one that's like, girls would be like, I'll bang you if you introduce me to Vince. He was like, I'm here for it. Turtle was the one that was just there for vibes. He was the only one who was truly, truly, truly there for vibes.

I mean, I still got a pattern. I'm not going to lie to you. At that age? At that age, yeah. I'm just there for vibes, yeah.

I'll bang you if you introduced me to Jacob and you would have been like, Yeah, cool.

Vibes, bro. Ten years ago? Vibes.

Fair. It's fair. Not me, boy. My pride can't handle that.

Ten years ago?

Yeah, not me.

This was about Mark Warburg, isn't it?

Yeah, it's loosely based on Mark Wilbur's life. Before Rem gets to speak, I'm just going to claim Eric. I'm not taking... If you're taking tell, I'm not taking John.

Yeah, Johnny can do one. I'm sorry. Johnny can do one.

I'm not taking Johnny, bro. He was on the ropes. He was on the ropes.

Struggling.

Lloyd.oh, man, what a show.

What a show. I might watch it again. Yeah, it's a very good show. 8 Seasons, wow. Was there a movie as well, if I'm not mistaken? Yeah, it was.

It was good. Good movie as well.

I can't remember the movie, but yeah.

What a time. He patterned. Vince patterned Emily Ratajkowski in that movie. Oh, fair play. Yeah, he stays patterned by his bro. Fair play. I remember at the end of season one or season two, he's about to get a private jet, and he asked someone to get... He asked, Are you asking someone, Can you give me Scarlett Johansson's number? And then he gets it and he just starts chirping. I was What world is this guy living in?

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, what world is he living in, bro?Vince was cleaning up.He was.

What's he been in since this?

Nothing, bro. This was eight seasons long.

I ain't seeing him in shit.

He looks 47. Wow.

Devil Wears Prada.Oh.

Yeah.i.

Don't remember that at all.Is.

He the love interest?

No, not the interest. He's her main boyfriend in Devil Wears Prada.

I've never seen the Devil Wears Prada, bro. Anne Hathaway?

Yeah. Yeah.

Vinnie-mero Streep as well.is.

Anne Hathaway's boyfriend in that.

Okay, cool. Right. We were in a retard. Where did this even come from? I was mid-thread.Oh.

Yeah, shit.Oh, wow. Yeah, we stepped to the left. All right, let me finish this up real quick. I'm just going to bang them out. Pause. If you followed in your child on a dream job, what would you be right now? A police dog.

That's a sick one.

A police dog. Yeah, that's a sick one.

As a kid-Hang on, what? Yeah. As a kid, when you see a police dog working with the force and they're obviously just sniffing, sniffing, sniffing, you can't comprehend how sick it is that this dog has a specific job to only find drugs. In your mind, you're deep in. That's what it's there for. The connection between, obviously, man and dog is amazing. Now it's this extra job on top. You never thought that was cool as a kid?

Never. Seeing police dogs. In my entire life, never.

I I still to this day think police dogs are cool. The jobs that they have, even dogs for the blind as well. Do you know how intelligent they are?

I mean, I understand that they're intelligent. I've never saw it. I thought, Yeah, that's me.

Yeah, I It's going to be a dog as a kid. Because the bond between man and dog is so strong as a kid.

You, man, are not deep in it. You're not deep in it.

And now there's an extra dog on top. You said some stuff in this show, rep.

But this chat...

That's real. As a kid, seeing a police dog is like the Alsatians now. When you've seen how aggy they get.

And the dog It's for the blind.

All right, brother.

The bond between man and dog.

You said some stuff on this show, but that is funny.

Say less. Fair play, bro. Each to their own.

The fan to each.

If you followed your childhood dream job, where would you be right now? A Competitive Eater. That was me. Fax. When I used to watch Man vs. Food, I was like, Adam Richmond is the boss, bro.

Yeah, Man vs. Food, what a time.

Adam Richmond is a boss, bro.

He does something else now, doesn't he? Or he did something else after that.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure he lives in the UK now as well.

Yeah, he's got a show on Netflix right now. Adam Eats Britain. That's the one.

Pause it now.

Pause it now. Yeah.

Next one, a dinosaur. Next one, This was me working in Toys R Us. Wow. This one had a million of the same responses. Trigger. Working in Toys R Us. Oh, yeah, you don't know whether... You didn't even know what a uniform looks like.

I don't even know what the uniform looks like. Wow. I just know the colors of the toys are in the Us. That's crazy.

Toys are us. I was so upset that my mom wasn't the mom that would let me ride the bikes around the shop.

Around the shop, yeah.

Some mums just didn't give a fuck, bro. Everyone had their own scooter. Everyone's playing football in Some kids were allowed to do what they wanted. My mom wouldn't let us in until we knew exactly what we were buying.

Wow. How would you know, though? Exactly. It's like going food shopping and saying you're just sticking to your food shopping list. You don't know until you see it.

Yeah, she wasn't playing games, bro. She was like, Tell me what you want. We're not just going, let's go Toys are Us and figure shit out. What do you want, big man? I'm like, Okay, I want a Bayblade. Cool. We're walking in, we're walking straight to the Bay blades. You're picking your Bayblade and we're leaving.

Parents didn't want their kids to be happy. Our generation's parents didn't want their kids to be happy. That's a fact. That's a fact.

The fact you've never been Toys R Us is insane. Insanity, bro.

Where did you get your toys? Argos gifts, I guess. Oh, come on. I didn't play with that many toys when I was a youth. That's on gold. That's sad. It is sad, but I'm 33 now. I don't care.

Yeah, fair. Don't you? Because we have this conversation three times.

I play into it. Yeah, fair.

Right. Last one. This one have bear of the same. Repeat, repeat, repeat.WWE champion.Oh, wow.

I loved wrestling. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, that's the one for me. Wow. I'm not champion because I would never have wanted to fight like that, but I was so engulfed with that shit. I can imagine, bro. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That was me. That was really me.

Damn, bro. I don't know what... If I followed my dream, just to be fair, athlete. I was so adamant I was going to be running the Olympics.

How old is this? Secondary school times? Are you talking about primary school?

Primary school, Olympics, secondary school, MBA.

You had dreams, brother. Foo head? Not to say your dreams haven't been successful today, but you've had dreams.

Bro, my parents gaslit me into thinking it was possible.

I mean, that's also a good thing.

It's a good thing because they love me. But the way my dad would be like, Bro, you think you're going... Bro, summer holidays, I would be at my dad's house in his village. There's fuck all to do there. And there was an outdoor court near his house. It was like 20 minutes walk from his house. Bro, if there was ever a day when we used to stay at my dad's for three weeks and my mom's for three weeks. If there was ever a day that I wasn't on that court, my dad would be there like, You think you're going to make it to the NBA? You think Kobe Bryant is just sitting at home playing PlayStation, bro? He was out there training, and I was like, Fucking fax he was, bro. Let me go play. I'll play for eight hours a day.

Just me.

Eight hours a day practicing basketball. For what?

For what? He pushed you, though.

He pushed me, bro. Fair play to him. He pushed me. Fair play to him. Until it was time for me to be like, Mom, can you drop me to training? Yeah. She said, This is-There's no training needed. This is all a dream. It's all a dream, James. Stop. Wake up.

Oh, my God.

No one's dropping you to training.

Fuck, man. That's what I'm saying about parents, our parents.

Yeah, bro. They didn't really want it for us. She dropped me one time. After that time, she was like, If you think I'm doing that again, figure it out. Oh my God. I was like, All right, it's top then. It's literally charged.That's a shame.It is.It was a shame. It was a shame, but game is the game. Guys, let's take a very, very, very, very, very quick break to talk about manscaped. Yes, sir. Remember that old beard trimmer your dad's been using since you were a kid? Yeah. It's time for an upgrade. Introducing the face shaver. That's a must-have for that smooth finish Daddy loves. That's insane. The manscaped handyman. Powerful and compact, this face shaver isn't just for home use. It's perfect for quick touch-ups on the go. Its precision blades ensure a clean shave every time, making it an essential tool for any dad's grooming routine. Yeah, mom. If you are ready to give the gift that keeps on giving for Daddy, please go to manscaped. Com. If you want an extra 20% off plus free shipping, it's really easy. All you need to do is use the code SNG.Ciona.

Mcgulf.and.

Let's get back to the episode. Right, you've got a dilemma for us now.

I do. I've resorted to our favorite ghost writers.Oh, you found a juicy one?Yeah, I found a juicy 6 Brown Chicks. My wife and I had a fight about how I am selfish with my money. I surprised my wife at a new job, intercepted her Uber ride, and scooped her for a date. I recreated our first date. I took her to our favorite secluded spot. We talked a Chipotle. You've seen this one? I've read this one. Finish off. We've talked a Chipotle in the truck. I've got comments. Under the stars. We kissed. She was hesitant during foreplay. She said, I want to shower first. But she smelt good to me. I played in her panties and there was a condom inside. We don't use condoms. Wife reveals she was an escort. She works outside the building and that her Uber driver was a paying client. She didn't apologize. Instead, she was annoyed. Your date cost me $75. I don't know what to do. Advice. That is such a whirlwind.

Your Uber driver was a paying client.

You owe me That's not my wife I'm looking at. How are you also not knowing your wife's an escort?

I'm pretty sure in the future, we were all married, we could all look at each other with confidence and say, If my wife was an escort, I don't think I'd know about it.

Why?

Because for one, we just want peace.

That's a fact.

We just want peace and none of us are insecure enough to worry about what she's doing when she leaves between the hours of 7:00 and 11:00, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.

That's also a fact.

She says she's going to Bingo. She's going to Bingo. Looks like she's going to Bingo. With a girl. I get peace and quiet every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Hey, there's no complaints here. There's no complaints, bro. It's a perfect marriage.

Fair play.

You're not going to be thinking, My wife's an escort. What's she doing? Fair. Yeah. Fair. Then if someone's like, Do you think she's out buying another guy? You'd be like, She wouldn't dare.

Facts. Why would that even cross your mind?

She would ruin all of this.For that?Impossible.

Yeah.impossible. These times, she's on a street corner.Corner.

With doms inside her.Yeah. That?

Yeah.

I said he was playing with her pussy in a car and felt a condo.

I'll jump outside of my skin.

How is she not also noticed that it's still in there?

She knows exactly what's still in there. She said, Let me shower.

True. She did say, Let me shower. He said, Oh, baby, you smell good to me.

You smell good to me.

That's diabolical. That's another guy's scent on her. That's what that is.

That is diabolical. I don't want to think All that stuff like that, man.

That is diabolical. What a dilemma.

What a dilemma indeed. What situations to be in. As soon as you started the first sentence, I was like, I've read this.

Yeah, what situations to be in.

Speaking of situations to be in, do you know what I watched the other day? Can't remember what it's called, The thing on Netflix, The Fucking fake footballer, impersonator.

The girlfriend who...

I've not seen it. Football fraudster, something.

The football fraudster is exactly what it's called.

I'm not seeing it. I think you were talking about what you've already brought up before in the past. The NFL guy, the catfish. The fake girlfriend. The fake girlfriend, catfish.

That was hell. That was hell. That was actually a guy.

Yeah, that was a guy. It was untold, I think. That was a untold one. That was hell. But this is called football fraud. Pull it up, please.

Football fraudster, bro.

I've seen the trailer, but I've not seen the show.

One Congolese brother was moving mad. He patterned one Love Island thing. Yeah, took her for a ride. Basically, long story, that smirk. That smirk is all you see the whole documentary. That smirk is all you see.

Is he Congolese? Yeah. I could tell. Bro. I could tell.

He was smirking everyone. Jesus. When I say Basically, he was calm at football in it.Not amazing.Okay. But he played for a couple of teams here and there. But what he was doing, bro, when I say this guy, he had an undying urge to live the life. Bro, he went to Pen multiple times for fraud. So wherever he was at, he was stealing credit card details, bro. Oh. Yeah. So when he was with this live island thing, so what he would do, he'd be living off one person's credit card and he'd go to Mayfair. He'd be all up in the clubs, bro. Pat and the Ting, Love Bomer. Still the credit card details. Now he's spending off two. Bro, as one credit card is getting canceled, he's already moved on to the next. Wow. Bro, he was moving mad, bro. He could be anyone he wanted to be, bro. He could do all the accents easily. Really? To her, he put an R on from Georgia. To only her, he's got an American accent. She thinks he's American. Wow. To a next thing, he's got a London accent. To a next thing, he's got a French accent.

This is Tinder Swindle all over again.

Yeah, bro. He was moving crazy. Wow. He's got girlfriend after girlfriend, bro. He's just playing. He's like, I'm a footballer, this. For her, for this Georgia thing, he said, My mom's a celebrity in America. I can't tell you who she is. Yada, yada, yada. They're in a relationship. For a next thing, he's like, I'm a footballer. Yada, yada, yada. Because he's actually good at football, bro, he moved to somewhere up north. I can't even remember. He moved to Scotland. He moved to Scotland with one ting, and she knew a couple footballers. You know exactly how she knows them. They didn't get into it. Take one look at you. You know exactly how she knows them. Introduced Donny to the footballers. He's playing for the team now. Really? Yeah. Her credit card gets snagged. He's making boys with the other players. Their credit cards are getting snagged. He's spending, spending, spending, spending, spending on the bait, banking up some credit card up. If your credit card gets snagged, bro, if you've got cake, you're not going to know until next month's statement. Yeah. Wow. If you've got a 30K limit on your car, bro, Bro, Donny is in there, bro.

He, Pat and Thierry on Rui's ex, said he was in the Marines or something. These times, they put her Cooz card on blast as well. It was peak.On the show?On the show, yeah. Bro, he patterned her coutes card, was spending on there. He got sent to Penn. Just the day before he went to Penn, he called her up and said, Babe, I'm going away on a mission. Wait for me. Bro, and he'd be be belling her while he's in Penn. A mission? I'm going away on a mission. Wait for me. He'll be in Pen for a year, bro. Did his year stint in Pen, came out, straight back to Henry's wife. Wow. Babe, I'm back on my mission. Hotels, hotels, hotels, sweet, sweet, sweet, sweet, That thing.What he would do, bro, is he was so obsessed with the lifestyle, bro. He'll go to a new city, build him, and be like, There's a Chelsea player coming up from London. He's going to be staying in like wolves or somewhere random for a week. He'll pattern up a limo service. I need a driver for a week. He'll be like, Patron. He'll just be like, Invoiced Chelsea at the end of the week.

Because we don't know how much it's going to cost because they're going to be driving me here, there, and everywhere, bro. So he'll pattern everything. The driver's gassed. I'm driving around a football I'm driving around a footballer. Stay in this place, stay in that place. Take me to London, take me to Scotland, take me to here, take me to there, bro. Take me shopping, take me this, take me there, take me that, bro. Mad, mad, mad, mad, mad. Another thing what he would do is he would pretend to be an American, buy everything on a credit card, and then there'll be times where he couldn't pay for his hotel rooms or the room service or was that anymore on a credit card. So he would call the fucking driver service who are an hour away. They'd be like, Cool, I need you to come down. I'm going to send me an invoice. I'm going to pay on my credit card, and then I need you to come down and use that money to pay for my hotel. They'll be like, Cool, cool, cool. It ended up racking up where he's sending them down, sending them down, sending them, Pay for my hotel, pay for my hotel, pay for my hotel, pay for my hotel.

And they're like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, an American card and they blocked it because he's like, Don't worry, don't worry. And they'll just believe him. They'll just believe him because the first few went through. They'll just believe him, bro. For one driver service, he whacked up 100 grand. Wow. And Donny was chasing him like, Bro, you owe me 100 grand. And because they're so scared of burning bridges, because they've heard of all these other stories where one fucking driver got a link with a Chelsea player, which linked to another Chelsea player, which links to another player, which linked to this, which linked to that. Now, anytime fucking Jamie Fox is in the UK, all of a sudden they're using it. All these other drivers are hearing all these stories, bro, about success stories from all the other drivers. As soon as they pattern footballer, they're willing to do whatever it takes. And they're thinking, Bro, what's a hundred grand to him? He's good for it. And they'll always be texting them like, Bro, he's good for it. And what made them believe that he's definitely good for it is even though He was just messaging, saying, Bro, you need to pay this invoice.

You need to pay this invoice. He'd be like, Yeah, I'm on it. But he wouldn't air them. He would say, Come tonight and pay for my hotel. Come tonight and pay for my hotel. But because he's still using the service, they're like, Obviously, he's going to pay it. Because if he was mugging me off, he would have been dips.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A hundred grand he racked up from one company, bro.

Wow, that's insane.

Then every time he's in pen, he's already patented his next target. How? That's a lifestyle. I don't know is the answer to how.

Wow. Yeah. Mr.c'est his actual name?

I can't remember. They bay out bare times. Mehdi. Mehdi Abalimba.

Abalimba.

Abalimba.

Medhi Abalimba. Say less.

Yeah, he was merking everyone, bro.

He had everyone on the ropes. I don't even remember him as a footballer at all.

No, he was playing... You wouldn't, bro. He was playing for...

No, he wouldn't. He was pretending to be Gael-He was pretending to be Gael-He was pretending to be Gael-He wasn't actually playing for Chelsea.

He was playing for some Bro, I think the best he ever got was promoted to the Championship.

I see. I think he was pretending to be Gael Kakuta.

Yeah, he was. From Chelsea, but yeah.Wow.Yeah. He was doing this for years, bro.

I was earning 300 a week in Farnborough town.

Yeah, he was playing for Farnborough, bro. He got demoted to a semi-pro at one point. Damn.yeah, bro. Damn.it was interesting.That's.

A doc.Yeah, I watched that this week.

He was swindling things, bro.

Yeah, I watched that this week.Swindling.

Tings.wow.swindling Tings.

With a smile on his face.Oh.

He stays smiling.Yeah.

That's a con man.

Yeah, and it gets racy at one point. Yeah. Because when it gets to the elephant in the Room because he's been impersonating Gel Kakuta for time. It gets to the point where someone's like, How do they think this is the same person?

Oh, God.

Then, bro, they interview three white people in a row like, I just think it's the intensity of the situation is making it seem like you're just believing in the dirt. Everyone was like, Yeah, it's tough. Okay. It was very tough. Interesting. Yeah, it wasn't a bad watch. Say less.

I'll give it a I don't know much.

Who am I?

Yes, please. Yeah. Yes, please.

Cool. All I'll tell you is I'm a fictional character, and I'm just going to speak how James would speak. Take guesses. I'll go to tell you my story. Take guesses as of when you will. All right. Yeah?

Fictional character.

Fictional character. You, man, know the rules. None of this. Are you finie from fucking... Yeah. No, bro. The name. Yeah, yeah, cool. Cool. From the jump, to give context, my dad, on road, big boy. Okay. Yeah, respected, caked, big boy on road. Okay? So one day, I'm obviously trying to take over the family business. I'm bopping through, bopping through, trying to make deals here, deals there, deals here. And on a little ransom thing, a couple of men snag me in it. So I'm thinking, these dickheads, they think I'm a pusse. So Say less. They snag me, had me up. Was I shook? Yes. Did I let them know? No. They've snag me up with one other brayer as well. They're like, Ransom, ransom, ransom, ransom, ransom, I'm thinking, I low-key have to escape. This is getting mad. I'm thinking the ransom is not getting paid and they're not getting what they want, so I'm going to have to get out of here. I chat to Homeboy, and I'm like, Bro, we're going to have to break out. He's on a bit of a pussy-o-ting. And I was like, Bro, it's either we get out or we lose our lives.

These men are not going to let us out. So we pull up, and on a quick, We're getting out of the bandeau today. Pulled through the door, I walk around and find out. I escape. So when I escape, I'm gas now and I'm thinking, Bro, I'm really him. So now I'm taking over the family business, and the new business is literally being him. I take what I learned from my experience over there. I upgrade myself, and now all of a sudden, I'm the biggest man on road.

Are you Ironman? Motherfuck. I'm Ironman. I am Ironman.

I am Ironman.Let's go.Well played.Let's go, man.Ironman.

1, obviously.Yeah.Come on, man.Well.

Played.come on, man. Well played. Come on, man. He was good at this game. Come on, man. You feel good in this game.

Come on, man. I'm not going to say it again.

Ellis is livid. Because I went too fucking... I was thinking just like, gangster. Yeah, that's why I led you left, bro. Come on, man. Yeah. Protect your neck.

Rewerski, did you have a clue?

I had no idea, bro. What the fuck? I was not even close.

Gang, just before we finish, apologies to the audio listeners. I have a video I to show you, man. I randomly stumbled across it the other day. When I say it is the fun, it's like three seconds long. It's the funiest fucking video I've seen in many, many years. Okay.

I love this video. I love this video. Did you read the caption of that video?

No, I don't think so.

It deployed like an airbag. That's the caption I saw.

His stomach. He felt so hard, he got pregnant. Bro.

Bro, he's flawed.

He's flawed, bro.

Deployed like an airbag is crazy.

The fact that he tried to start...

Oh, my days.

He's done for. Why would you go back on the thing? Oh, my days. After what they just did to you.

One thing I would say about these American family get-together things, this always looks jokes. It does look always looks fucking hilarious.

It does always look fucking hilarious, but at someone's expense. Factually. Yeah, and that's not going to be me.

Someone's making a fall out of themselves every year, and it's always that uncle.

Bro, I dread the day that I'm unk in these situations. I fucking dread the day that old man, Unk James, is trying to do a slip and slide and falls so hard.

That your stomach deploys like an airbag.

His stomach was like it deploys like an airbag, and I can't stand up. That's For the sake of a barbecue. No, bro, fuck all of that. Funny, though. I saw that the other day. I was like, this is the funniest video I've ever seen in my life. It popped a button.

Bro. Yeah, that's when you need to make some changes. Oh, 100%. That's when you need to make some changes. I'm getting lipo that weekend. Yeah.

That weekend. Speaking of lipo, I remember random. We were speaking about it, obviously, earlier with the bodybuilder and stuff like that. Yeah. On Patreon, pretty proud of us. Ten Me A Day. Run a beat. S and G. Say less. That I remember when I used to do a show, who had was Adam and I should get lipo. Did I? You used to preach lipo to me all the time. I don't remember. When you were asking me, How's dieting going? How's this going? How's that going? I remember you'd always reply like, kiss my teeth. Just, bro, just lipo.

To me, that sounds like me. Why are we doing? That sounds like me. I'm not going to lie to you. It's the easier option. It's the easier option. Yeah.

Lipo.

That's so funny to me, bro. Fucking hell.

Fuck, man. Fun times. Right. Charging?

Yes.

Right, guys, that's it for today.Thank you very much.Bisour.We'll catch you next time.Bisour.Love of love.

Gang, gang, gang.