Hi, I'm John Goodman, grizzled show business veteran, and you're listening to SmartLess.

Smartless. Smartless. Smartless. Smartless. Smartless. I It was almost just a little bit late today because I may have just had one of my first sessions, definitely first half dozen. I can't count them on one hand, the amount of times I've gone on Instagram. You guys are familiar Are you heard of this?

Yes, I've heard of this.

Oh, my God, this is so good.

This is my dream come true, you describing Instagram.

I'm watching a video on it, right? It's a small- Keep going. And funny stuff Life is happening. People are falling and hurting themselves. Then my thumb accidentally hits the screen and it disappears, goes up, and there's another one right underneath it. That's right. It's similar, but then I don't know. I did it again, and then it's some a sports thing, and then someone's selling me something. Anyway, I don't think it's Instamatic or instantaneous. I think it's Instagram.Instagram.I.

Think it's what it is.You don't usually go on there?.

Com, I What is it?

You don't usually go. What is it?

Can I just... Was that just you describing using Instagram?

Yeah, I think. You know what I'm talking about. You've been there.

So you really don't honestly use.

But we're not alone.

You don't usually go on there, Jason.

No, but I get it now. You can sit there and I did what I thought was going to be five minutes, and all of a sudden my alarm went off to get to the computer to start this. I was like, Oh, fuck. Good thing I set an alarm.

It's the demise of our whole institution.

It's everything. Now, Sean and I send each other videos that we think are funny. Yes. It's really easy to do. Would you like in on that? That's a funny way to communicate.

If I see something on Instagram that I like, I could send that to you.

There's a little thing I can click. There's a little icon there and you can hit it. Then if we're all following each other, you can send it to one of us, and then we go like, That's so funny because it's true, or whatever.

Right. Or, saw it. Thanks, old man.Yeah, exactly.

Wait, so now we can send you videos and you'll actually watch them?

Yes, I think I will. I might not... Oh, but you know what I don't do is if you send me a video that when I click on it, it says, Oh, the person whose video this is will know that you are watching it, then I don't click on those. What does that mean? Does that mean the person's a private?

Nobody knows what you're looking at unless you like it.

No. When Amanda sends me something and I got a click, I have to say that they're going to see that it's me.

No, that's just a phone call.

I don't know. But this is, listen, this stuff, and it's all here on one of these. You guys have one of these phones? This is with the pictures on the front of it?

This is the beginning of the end.

Because I just got rid of the one that closes. It looks like a Pac-Man.

By the way, this is our generation equivalent of when our dads used to say, I saw this thing in the paper today.

Or on the TV. Right.

On the TV.

Wait, that was a picture of Maple, and I saw her for her birthday. I saw Maple last night.

Look at that.

Yeah, she just turned 12. I know. I love her.

Scotty and I got her some beads that she can wear on her wrist, and we got her a little leather bound thing that she can draw on because she's such a good drawer.

She's an incredible artist.

She's an amazing artist.

And an incredible athlete.

Yes, amazing.

She's so good. She's been kicking ass. They beat another big team. You know that you were at the game. She told me who they beat the other night. I was like, no way.

No, I know. It's crazy. Did I already bore you guys with the fact that it was the Boston Celtics. It was the Boston Celtics. She's in sixth grade and she plays on the boys team because she's such a badass. It's the first time in the history of the school.

Yeah, it's amazing.

That a girl's ever played on the boys team. It's so rad. I know. I love her.

It's so wild, Jason. It's nighttime. It's seven o'clock. Are you getting sleepy?

Just about. I had a long day of work, but this is the highlight of Look at you two. Please don't fuck it up with a shit guest, Arnett. You know what? If this is a terrible get, let's just end it here.

I can't wait. I'm so glad. I can't wait for you to eat this shit. You're eating these words. You're moments away from eating. You're going to be so embarrassed.

You're going to be-It fucking better be good.

You're going to bow down to the power of this dude.

One of these first?

Let's do a dad joke first, and then we're going to make him bow down. One dad joke. Go ahead, Sean.

It's been too long already.

I can't find my gone in 60 Seconds DVD. It was here a minute ago.

Okay. All right, so here we go. We've wasted this person's time, and he deserves so much more respect than that. Well, we'll see. Jason, I am so sorry because this is a guy who's been doing it for a long time at the highest level. He's been nominated for, I think he's won an Emmy nominated for seven times Golden Globe nominated four times. He's been just nominated and won everything.

We just apologize now.

I'll just start with an apology. No, no, no. Because you I'm not going to eat shit. But more than that, because I don't even want to get into his credits because they're all the greatest, funiest, amazing movies, not just funny, but also dramatic, but really, for me, such a huge influence on my life. You guys know because I have on the show used him consistently as the gold standard. I talk about people being okay, being in bad movies, but always being good. He is always my example, as you guys know, of the guy who's never turned in a bad performance ever.

But he's been in a lot of bad movies.

We got it. One of the things that I love about him most that he and I have in common is the line when he said, You guys lost to a bunch of fucking nerds. Guys, it's the all-time champ for me. It's John Goodman.

I'm so sorry, Mr. Goodman.

How are you, fellows?

Oh, no. I can't follow that.

Johnny Goodman.

Well done, Will. Mr.

John Goodman. By the way, every word he just said is true. Every single Every single thing you've ever done is phenomenal. I agree. Every performance. There's not a dud in them. It's true. And always associated with good people.

He does reference you quite a bit as the bar to jump over.

It is true. John, at risk of embarrassing you further. What a pleasure to meet you. And thank you for coming and doing this and joining us.

My pleasure. Thank you. It's America's favorite podcast. Thank you for welcoming me into your pod.

This is cool.

Well, I do I use that you often, and I'm sorry, again, at risk of embarrassing you, as the gold standard of someone who's always good and never turns in a bad performance. I've been such a fan of yours for such a long time, and you've done so many different things, and you've crossed. You've done comedy, you've done sitcoms, multiple really fantastic sitcoms, like the old-school standard, like multi-cams, like with an audience that is just... And to do that, pull it off well... Sorry, Sean. To pull it off well...

It's the best job in the world.

It's the best job in the world. But then you've had an incredible career in film, but you started in theater is where I'm driving at. Oh, here comes Sean.

Here comes now.

This is where Will and I just sit back.

I want to hear about what that start was like for you, Mr. Goodman, because I don't know the story and what your journey was.

I had nowhere else to go.

Excellent. Next question.

No, Well, I sabotaged my own education. The only time I got lit up was doing plays, and I decided to make that my major since I was inches from being thrown out of school. Really? Everything took off after that. As soon as I found out how wonderful it can be, then I started to want to learn history, English, whatever I needed to pull out of my bag of tricks when performing a role.

Oh, wow. So then you could stay in school and stay a part of the theater Department?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

That's pretty cool.

Where was that? So you were in school. Were you in Missouri? Is that right?

It was called Southwest Missouri State University. Now it's called Missouri State University.

But then you moved to New York. Is that how that went?

That is true. That took the Amtrak from St. Louis to New York in August of 1975.

Holy shit. And did you have a destination? Other than the city, were you like, I'm going to go do this, or were you just like, I'm rolling the dice here?

I was a frightened hick The main thing I wanted to do was take classes with Uta Hagen and get into the actor's studio and learn some more.

And did you get in there?

I did not. I left about a month and a half later doing a dinner theater, non-equity dinner theater version of 1776.

What dinner theater?

The Lockomedia Dinner Playhouse in Springborough, Ohio.

I worked at Pesant Run dinner theater in St. Charles, Illinois.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. Which I just found out Ben Stiller's parents did Summer Stock there.

Oh, right. Yeah.

Summer Chicken Stock, I guess, because it's dinner theater. There we go. Hey, guys.

So dinner theater There is what it sounds like, correct? You sit there, you're at your tables, they serve you the whole thing while the play is going on, and the actors are-How dare they make noise.

Well, that's what I was going to say. You got the glasses clinking in the fork. It's terrible. People getting lit.

Yeah, getting lit and whistling the waiter over because the shit's not right.

They put the tables right up to the edge of the stage.

They sure do.

I was playing Tommy Giles and the Music Man, and I doing something, fell right on top of one of the tables and had to keep going. It was so ridiculous. It's where to God.

Just living your dream with a bunch of pasta sauce in your pants.

This is my buddy Hackett.

Was there ever a time when you're on stage and you're like, Oh, man, that smells pretty good down there.

I couldn't get hired for their next show, but my girlfriend did. So I went down there just to get out of New York and work as a waiter in the dinner theater. Wow. That's amazing. For the summer. But I cut the grass. I did all kinds of odd jobs and made enough money to pay off my student loans that summer.

Sorry, Sean. New York was a total wipeout, and so you- No, not at all.

I left. It was a horrible winter, and I was broke, and I couldn't get arrested as a waiter or anything else. I I got one night's work as a bouncer in a club called the Adam's Apple, and they had this German head bouncer who was telling us how to rip guy's mouth open when you got their head down on the curve and then you stop the back of their head and their teeth come out. Check, please. Yeah, I had to show up the next day.

So then where did you go at that?

That's the only job I had in the city.

So then it does sound like New York, it wasn't really bearing a lot of fruit.

It was also at the time it was Ford to City dropped dead. They were defaulting on their loans. The city was just going to hell. The subways were terrifying. The graffiti All this stuff. I was a kid from the suburbs. But I was determined to live there because I dug it.

You left for a little bit, went to Ohio, and then you came back to New York?

Yeah, I came back, and then I got my card about a month after that.

Your equity card or a SAG card?

Yeah, my equity card doing a bus and truck of the robber bridegroom.

Oh, my God. That is so...

How old were you? You were about 20?What?

Yeah, 23, 24.

Any other options available to you at that moment, either practically or just emotionally? Were you attracted to anything else? Could you have taken a fork in the road been something else at that moment?

No. The way I look back on it now, it unfolds itself like it was a calling. When I get kicked out of a class, they'd send me to the library, and I would sit there and read plays. I'm 14, 15 years old. I have no idea why.

Was anybody in your family doing that? No.

My brother was a fan of theater. He's a bit older than me. And we'd go into Clayton, Missouri, and pick up the New York Times every Sunday, literally. It's way to ton back then. And I would go to the Arts and Leisures, and basically to look at the Hirsfield cartoons. And then I just start following what shows were up. I had no idea why.

You just enjoyed it?

Yeah. Why were you getting kicked out of class? Were you just running your mouth and you wanted to perform and get attention?

I had to have attention. Yeah, exactly. Learning was learning bad, attention good.

Yeah, I had the same problem. So then, John, then New York, you stuck it out there and things really started to Did you take up traction, or was the big break out in Los Angeles or somewhere in between?

I had a series of little breaks. When I got back from the tour, at one time, I had a bunch pictures, resumes, stapled them all together. In desperation, I was sending them out to the theaters. One guy, great advertising, picked up my picture, called me in. I got the gig, and he set me up with commercial agents. And then I couldn't not get them for some reason. I've been goofing off. Start making money on those. I've been goofing on them my whole life.

Well, it's also like I speak on behalf of the four of us. If you can't do anything else, you have to make make this work. You know what I mean?

You got to pay the bills, at least.

By that time, I was hanging out with a lot of real actors at a place up on the West Side, and I got to hate myself for doing commercials Commercial. I was all screwed up, and I was really getting into drinking at the time. And I resented doing commercials because other guys were doing what I thought was real work. Right. So I didn't care. I think that's why I got so many of them. And I got a lot of them.

And in defense of commercials, I do like commercials. Stanley Kubrick said, They're the only form of the medium where you can actually acquire perfection because they're just 30 seconds They're very intricately made nowadays, especially-The lighting alone, man, would take forever to set up, and it had to be just right and the product just right. And we will be right back.

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All right, back to the show.

John, you had what Jason... You were getting so many... What Jason likes to call you had at that time, it seems to me you had a sexy indifference. You didn't care. You didn't go in there. You didn't want it too bad. Then you just kept getting him. I know that that feeling, especially when you're younger, I remember thinking like, Man, I'm not going to read in my first age and being like, It's pilot season. You're going to read for some sitcoms? I'm like, Sitcoms? How dare you? Are you out of your mind?

I'm sorry. I'm an artist.

Yeah. Then all of a sudden, I'm so broken. I'm like, Fuck, let me... I'll read for anything, please. You know what I mean?

You know what, though? Rosanne was so theater. A lot of sitcoms don't feel like theater, and a lot of them do, which is what they should feel like. And Roseanne, to me, anytime I watched it, it was like, Oh, I'm in New York watching a play every single time. That's a good point.

It was different for the time because the I'm antidote to a lot of things like Dallas and dynasty and all these rich folk things. And I think we hit a nerve. I know my nerves were being- God, does it go that far back?

When was the...

What was the year? 1987, I think the pilot Shit.

I think I graduated or tried to graduate high school that year.

I wanted to get to Roseanne because I really think, I mean, when you guys were doing it at its best, it was just unrivaled. I watched it every week. I was such a massive fan of what you guys did, all the work, the writing, everything about it, I thought was so good. How did that come into your orbit, John? At the time, where were you at when that came around and you read that?

I was out here for something. In LA? Yeah. It was Is there a movie or a commercial? And I got hip and ran a Corvette. I thought I was hot shit. I had a couple of bucks, and I remember going to the audition in that Corvette, and I walked in. I didn't know much about her. I'd seen her in some Pizza Hut commercials. I've seen a couple of clips, and she was really good, like on the Carson show. I walked in. It was very friendly, and I read, and I just knew I had the gig.

Did you want that gig? Where were you in your career at that point?

I was living out of suitcase. Places all the time because I was just starting to get films. Starting in 1985, I was a book on a lot of movies.

That was after Revenge of the Nerds.

Yeah, that was shot in '83.

When did you start your incredible collaboration with the Coen Brothers? Was that during the run of Rosanne or was it after?

No, it was before. It was in 1985. Oh, wow. I just got a lead in a film that David Byrne directed.

Really?

Yeah, it was called True Stories. It's really interesting looking. Oh, yeah. I want to see that. And I was just really getting... I'd show up. I'd go to dailies because I wanted to.

When you were working with the Collins?

No, it was before that with David Byrne. And I was really getting into films. I wasn't scared as I was. And I got called. I was in New York on a week off or something. Anyway, I was in New York. They called me in for Raising Arizona. And we just sat down and goof around for about an hour. Really? That was the audition. And then I read and loved.

I bet you felt like you got it.

No, I didn't know, but I never had it.

You sitting in an office for an hour. You got to feel like you got something there.

I never had a more fun audition before our since. We just sat and goofed around. I was going to say we were on At the same level humor-wise, but those guys are geniuses.

Yeah, they are. No kidding. But I can't imagine.

Well, yes, I can't imagine. I was going to say that did they let you contribute once you got in there and really started I mean, that character is so specific, John. I mean, what an incredible job you did with that character. I have to assume that you augmented that dialog a little bit or no? They're pretty specific, right?

I wouldn't know how to augment any better than they wrote it. We had rehearsal time on Lubowski. So by the time we shot, we were in pretty good shape with the dialog. And that's why a lot of people asked me if it was improvised.

It was just so conversational.

Because we were facile with it.

What was that process like making that? I mean, the big Labowski, obviously, is held up as one of the all-time great. One of my faves.

It was just lovely. Man, it's just a great time. Great hang.

Do you remember reading that script the first time?

Yeah.

Did you know Steve and Jeff beforehand, or was the chemistry just great luck?

Great luck.

Yeah.

Isn't that wild? Chismet, man. Everybody hit it off.

You read that, they send you that script, and you're like, what? You're like, holy shit.

Did they write it for you? I bet they did.

Oh, Labowski? Yeah. That and Barton Fink. And the last one I did for Which was the last one? Inside Lou and Davis. Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Beautiful movie.

A little bit more of a serious turn.

Yeah, it was cool.

Yeah. Talk about that. I mean, think about the breadth of characters that you played with them at the helm as writer and directors, and all with such different tones, too. What does that shift like, that dynamic working with them on films that have such a hugely, vastly different tone to them?

They're such film fans and magpies for popular culture. They just throw in everything and it works. They've got great ears for people's dialog, for human speech.

Will worked with Barry Sonnenfeld.

I was about to bring up Barry.

I love Barry.

I'm friends with... We've had him on this show, and I've been friends with Barry for a number of years, and I worked with him a couple of times. You obviously worked with him on a bunch of great films, Jay, you mentioned, and also very different. Raising Arizona, Miller's Crossing, were both Barry films. Again, so totally different from the script and the way they looked and fantastic. Plastic. He talked about his first... What was his first?

Oh, Blood Simple.

Yeah, Blood Simple.

Blood Simple was their first.

He claims that they hired him because he had a camera.

Yeah, I believe that. But Back then, they were broke, and they would just know what they wanted, and they'd invent ways to do it. Like these guys from the '20s, if they had a problem, they'd solve it and strap a camera on a board I'm on run with it.

Did you see that progression? Have you seen that evolution? Because you've been with them for so long, and they might say the same about you, the evolution of them as filmmakers from Raising Arizona to Lou and David. I mean, it must be Pretty significant.

Yeah, more of a shortcut than anything else. The more experience they got, the easier it gets.

The less they need to say. Yeah.

Yeah. Moving forward in your career, in your life, do you still have the fire in your belly that you had when you were a kid to just pursue, keep going, challenging yourself?

It's much different now.

Yeah. In what way?

Because I feel like I'm still learning. The last couple of years have been goofy for me because I've been trying to be good, and it doesn't work that way. Planning things way too much. At the root of that was the fear of losing trust in myself. So I overcompensated by working way too hard. And I've just come out of that in the last year or so. And it's... There's so much to learn.

How did you manage to come out of that?

Back Basically, having a nervous breakdown. No, it was bad with everything. And it just finally, it just purged out of me. I went to the therapist one day, and then for the rest of the day, it was horrible. Nothing everything. I woke up the next day and... The cherubs danced around my head, but it just felt a lot better. You got to be relaxed when you do stuff and open and listen.

Do you find that? I'm finding that the older I get, the smarter I get, the smarter we all get, but with the added intelligence or observational skills comes the burden of trying to manage all of the new stuff that you're absorbing and learning.

There's something brilliant about staying ignorant.

Yeah, it just keeps complicating stuff and making things more dynamic and more fun, but it's more of a challenge, and you got to keep up.

You You have to be ready to listen to yourself. You have to be relaxed. Hard. For me, that was the key. I already know this stuff, and that's the one thing I didn't trust myself about. I didn't make it to Stella Adler. I didn't make it to Uta Hagen. I got into the studio, but I've never been there. And I felt I didn't have a base for everything. And it finally dawned on I know this stuff. I've been doing this for 50 years. You know it. And it's there. If you listen for it, if you let it come to you, it's boom.

Yeah. Did it start to feel like you weren't doing anything? And then you realized, well, that's because I'm just natural at it, and I do know all this stuff. And I've just found sometimes if I If I'm so comfortable in a character, I can sometimes feel like, Oh, I'm just phoning this in. I'm just walking this through. And then you feel like, Oh, then maybe I should play this scene a little. I should act a little harder. And then it feels like, Well, now I'm really working today. But then you might watch playback or just even hear your own voice and be like, No, God, this isn't working. This feels like shit. And then you go back to just doing it normally and it's like, No, that's great. That's fine. I know this stuff. And you just happen to be naturalized. At it. I wonder if that's how athletes feel when they're just playing, they're just in it.

That's what it is, just play. And listening.

Do you find as you're changing as a person, that it changes the kinds of roles that you look to do since what we do is an exercise in personal exploration we happen to get paid for?

I don't know. I've been doing the same role for the last same two roles. No, you haven't. For the last four or five years.

Yeah.

I haven't really had much of a chance to do everything else.

Because you've been doing the Connor. You're talking about the Connor.

The Connor and the Righteous Jumpstones.

Yeah, It's also, John, it's also wild to hear you talk about whatever, whether I've read about stuff that you've been struggling with and you're so nice to be open about your journey, just being more comfortable in your own skin and getting to know yourself, as Jason said, as we get older, that it's always so surprising, and it's never not surprising to look at you, somebody I've always admired, and it's like, Wow, that's such a cool career. I'd love to have his career. Like, amazing actor, everything he does. To hear somebody like you speak publicly about whatever your issue is, whatever you're going through, is really eye-opening because from over here, it's like, Oh, he's got this career of a lifetime. It's always so surprising, and it shouldn't be.

It's also so helpful to To me, because the same goes for me as far as my admiration for you. But it makes me feel a lot better about all the human feelings I have that are sometimes challenging.

It's like, I don't know.

It's It's silly that we all need a reminder that everybody's human, but it's really nice to hear. So thank you for sharing all that.

My pleasure. It's just to help myself and maybe help somebody else. But yeah, when I I've been clean about 16 years now. That's great. The last 16 years, I've had to grow a lot into my normal age, and it's been a lot, but I'm glad I did it.

Oh, that's great.

John, the last time I saw you, I was going to say this when you first popped on in the show today, but the last time I saw you was Saturday Night Live when I hosted in 2001 at the after-party. You came, everybody was partying, and you walked in and pulled your pants down and walked all the way across the entire room, and everybody was dying laughing. I was like, Is that John Goodman with his pants down?

I don't remember that.

That's longer than 16 years ago.

I'm cursed with a bad memory like that. I will remember stuff like that. But this one?

No, believe me, 300 people that were there remember it.

Oh, my God. Oh, It was great. You were so good on that show, too. There's going to be a lot of stuff missing from your autobiography because of your inability to recall some of that stuff. I got the same problem.

I got to pad it with blank pages. Draw your own conclusions. And Cliffy the Clown.

We'll be right back.

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And now back to the show.

I remember seeing you on SNL. It was, I think, Amy, my ex-wife's first year on the show, and you hosted. And I just stayed very far away. I remember seeing you at the after-party and I'm like, oh, my God. Yeah.

I hit it off with her from jumping.

Yeah.

She and Seth wrote a bit, and we did it. I thought it was a brilliant bit, but I just, I really dug her. Yeah, she's cool. It made me feel welcome.

Well, you were so good. You had such a facility for that. You could have been an all-time great cast member for sure.

Yeah, I don't know how to do improv.

No, but you don't need to.

I auditioned for it in 1980 when everybody quit. You did? No, it was a new cast. No way. Did you really? Yeah. You know who got it? Lauryn Metcalf. Oh, wow. But I don't think she ever went on air. I don't know what happened, but she was one of the people they picked.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know that. Oh, it was horrible. It was open calls, and they had guys walking around in Blues Brothers costumes, by the score. No way. It was a hideous dream. No way. Despiration, flop sweat.

Oh, fuck, man.

Would that have been a job that you would have really, really loved being a part of that cast?

That used to be my favorite thing to do every year. I'd get so goddamn scared and just hit the door and walk onto the floor. It was great, man. I was a big fan of the National Lampoon when I was in college. And when I saw a lot of the writing staff from Saturday Night Live, I was really intrigued. It was a hit to me. I I remember parties used to stop when it had come on and people would watch television.

For sure. Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

It was a big deal.

Who were your big idles when you were a kid, when you went to get an acting or a comedy or anything?

Who were you like? Well, I'm almost ashamed to say Brando.

Why?

That's great.

Yeah, a lot of people my age will say that. I just never seen anything like him. And I didn't I didn't really pay that much attention to movies. I liked him.

What was the thing that was distractingly different about him per the style that was around right then?

He looked like he was making it up. Right. He had a 1950, '51 look more like an incredibly good-looking guy that walked off the street.

Right. So the style was much more- That's presentational. Broad. Yeah. Presentational back before that, right? It was a much bigger thing.

It's a style.

He and Montgomery Cliff and all those guys, right?

Yeah. He got more naturalistic. Montgomery Cliff was another icebreaker.

He was one of my adults, too, even though he's a little before my time, he was one of the guys I loved him. You're pretty old. I am pretty old.

Yeah. I think people are sliding. The kids today are sliding away from that stuff that I I just raised with the group theater. Everything was based from that. And the Stanislavskiites and then the sects that developed among the acting teachers. It seems like people are getting away from that now.

But did you want to get into comedy where you're like, okay, I'm going to be... I think that I'm quite adept at comedy. Did you know that? Was that something that you were like...

I was good at comedy in the classroom, and when I thought it was still cute to mug. No, it has to be necessarily really structured. Comedy play, as opposed to improv, but there are rules there, too, and it has its own structure. It could be terribly hard, but when it's easy, man, it applies, and there's nothing like it.

I have John, a lot of the times on this show-I thought Sean was going to say, I have to go, guys. I thought that Sean was going to say.

I'm going right now.

No, I have to. Wait a minute. I am presently going.

It's warm.

No, I have to ask if you have any tragic theater stories like mine falling on the table at the dinner tail, only because I love them because they're so shocking to me.

The worst thing that ever happened to me was in... Well, two things happened in this show. I was doing a musical in 1985 on Broadway, and I was doing it for a while.

Which one? Do you remember?

Yeah, Big River. And I was supposed to come out and surprise my son, Huckleberry Finn. And before, I was standing behind this flat waiting to go on, and I couldn't remember my first line. And I panicked. Oh, God. And I panicked. And it just wouldn't come. And the cue was there, and I was going to step out and say, Ladies and gentlemen, I'm so sorry. I can't. And the line popped into my head. But that happened for four nights straight.

Yeah.

Wait, did the line pop in your head once you stepped on the stage or before you did?

As soon as I opened my mouth.

Isn't that amazing? Oh, God.

Isn't it amazing how that happened? Yeah.

It's right there. And I don't know why it happened. And the second was my son was supposed to hit me in... Huck Finn was supposed to hit me in the jaw with a a stool, three-legged stool. And one night, I forgot to... Turn. I forgot to put my hand up and throw my head back, and I caught it. It drove my jaw back into my head. It knocked me out. And I got up and finished the show. Oh, really? No, I finished my scene, and then I had to go down the street to the hospital.

No way.

You didn't have a broken jaw, did you?

No. No, but it was touch and go for about five days there when I didn't show up.

Understudy started getting stretched out.

Yeah. Let him have it for a while.

This performance is after. You just took like 10 feet, a step 10 feet away. So it was really far away from me. No, but I understand that thing about the line. I was doing Hairspray Live on NBC. This is like five years ago, eight years ago, I remember. It's live in front of the whole country, and I'm playing Mr. Pinky or something like that. It's that sensation. I rehearsed and rehearsed. Now I'm behind the door. It's live in front of the country, and it's a big deal. I opened the doors and I had the sensation, I think it was Marty Short and Harvey Firestein or something like that. I said in my head, Am I supposed to be here right now? Oh my God. I think I may have entered too early, all in the span of half of a second. Oh, yeah.

You can put a whole dictionary in that half of a second.

Totally. I'm sitting there and I turned to him and I mouthed the first line instead of singing it. It looks like the sound was cut out.That's.

Perfect.it's horrible. It was a technical glitch at the top of my number.

What a fucking disaster.

It was a disaster. The panic inside was so unbelievable that then I started singing the second line. It was just awful. It was awful.

God, I can't wait to see that. How did it turn out?

We also had, I think, the first or second preview of the front page. Did about five or six years ago. And there were guys that came in, sat in the front row, put their drinks on the stage and their feet up there. And then one guy got up and started going, I love you, John Goodman. I love you, John Goodman. I love... And I go, I'll just not say anything. Please make... And he got up. He got up, he walked out of the theater. Just drunk. That was a little frightening.

No kidding.

There was two girls who candid this show called An Act of God, and there was these two girls that were bombed out of it.

No, I don't think so. This time.

Yeah, no, I saw it. I saw it at the Amundson. That's right.

They were bombed out of their minds. From the second I walked out, they were screaming like, Oh, my God, I love it, in front of everybody. Everybody was crying. Yeah, exactly. Screaming. I was like, they're not only drunk, I think they're on drugs or something. I think I've told this story on the show before. But they were so gone. In my head, while I'm talking, in my head, I'm like, I think I have to stop the show. I go, Excuse me a second. I walked off stage. This is on Broadway. Told the stage manager, You got to get the two girls out of there. They're not moving. They're clapping and laughing. Laughing at every word.

Wait, wasn't this a one-man show?

Yes, this was a one-man show.So you walked off the stage.Walked off stage. Left the stage empty. Left the stage empty. The security guards came down, removed them. The whole audience laughed. I walked on and I said, And that's the power of God. Because I was playing God. And I just kept going. But it's awful. People just don't know how to behave in the theater. It's the moral of the story.

It's getting worse, too.

It is getting worse. It is getting worse.

Oh, man. John Goodman, we have taken up way too much of your time, man. Just honestly, from afar, from very afar, just been such an admirer and just a complete fan I'm a fan of yours.

I am a huge fan of you guys as well. Great. Yeah. Okay. I'm going to cut it short there, but thank you.

I really, really appreciate you hanging out with us for an hour.

I was terrified at the beginning of this. Oh, man. Really? You guys are so good.

Again, that just makes us feel incredible that we're even on your radar, let alone... Thank you.

We're just ding-dongs.

Ding-dongs with a Wi-Fi connection.

Jason's in New York with a Wi-Fi connection in a rented apartment. He's just starting a job. Sean's in Hancock Park facing away from his TV. I can hear somebody vacuuming above me. I'm like, What? This is a joke. We're a bunch of clowns.

So thank you for doing that.

The great John Goodman. Thank you, my friend. What an honor.

Yeah. Thank you for the invite, man. It's been wonderful. Anytime. Thank you.

Thanks, pal.

That was fantastic. Thank you, John, very much.

Adios.

That was John Goodman. That's John Goodman.

The gold standard, as I said.

The gold standard. Maybe the best, most classical name in the history of all names. I wonder, what is his middle name? Is it equally classic and American? Let's look it up. Like a Frank or something like that? John Frank Goodman.

Something like that. Steven, actually. I think it's Steven. Yeah, there you go.

That works.

Is it really? John Steven Goodman.

That was a fantastic get there, Will. I set myself up for that and got a real beat down.

How about he's killing it on the Conners, too? Isn't the Conners still running?

We didn't even get a 10. I want to get it. So he does the Rosanne. He's doing two television series. They do it 12 years. Rosanne is like 263 episodes or something, right? And then he goes, and now they've done almost 100 episodes of the Conners.Unbelievable.Yeah. And in that time, he's made 10 movies with the Coen brothers amongst others. He's just been in like, The guy has just done it all. I'm not going to cry. I'm sorry. I just had a little bit of gas.

It's just gas, America.

To be him and to sustain all that through all... I don't know, whatever. It just means you're great.

Yeah, he's just got it.

He is great, and he has been great for his whole career and has stayed employed.

His whole career. I guarantee you this. I bet you if you go back and you find some of those early commercials, you watch them and you're like, This guy's great.

Absolutely. By the way, I have seen those early commercials when he's really young. I think it was a burger commercial or something, and you're like, Oh, yeah, that guy's great.

He's great, right?

But Revent of the Nerds was one of the first four four or five things he did. He was like, you watch that movie and you go, Oh, you feel like that guy had been around forever.

Exactly. He feels iconic. He feels iconic, and it's one of his first films. You're like, Oh, That's John Goodman.

I don't know why I remember the one line from Roseanne. I don't know why I remember this. They were on vacation and they got an argument and they were in the Bahamas or something. Roseanne goes, You know what, Dan? We should have gone on separate vacations. I go to the Bahamas and you go to hell. I was like, Oh, my God. I was like, I can't believe they just said that. I was so young. I was like, I can't believe they said it on TV.

That's a great line. That was Produced by the great Tom Werner.

I know. And the Connor is still produced by the great Tom Werner, our friend and- I love that Tom Werner. Chairman of Liverpool Football Club.

And pretty strong eight handicap?

Maybe.

Right? Is he? I'm trying to think.

He's a good golfer. He's not to be underestimated.

I wanted to say happy birthday to our buddy Billy Hogan over there at Liverpool Football Club. I think we missed it, but they're big fans.

Did you want to sing to him right now? Because Washana, I'd love to sign off first, if that's okay. Before I do it? If you're going to be singing. Yeah, just before you start singing.

But you know I always do a classic. It's like an homage to Marilyn Monroe. I always do that real classic.

No, don't lift up your sweat pants for him. I'm trying to think up a buy.

Let me see if I got one.

Are we supposed to... You know what? Here's what I'd like. It was two things. The first one was confirmed or re-suggested by the great Justin Thoreau earlier today. We need to have some live questions from from the fans, or at least read a question online.

I actually would love that. We are going to maybe do something like that. But go ahead.

I would like also in that same folder, some suggestions for buys from our listeners. I'm sure they would come up with these like, Why don't they ever use this word?

First of all, I do have a buy that I was getting to, but I want to say two things about it. I think that you're right, JB. I think that's a good idea. Yeah, I love that. But I will also say this, we are not taking fucking creative suggestions from Thoreau.

From fucking Justin Thoreau. No, you know what? You're right.

So fucking keep him. Every time I see him, he says the same. You know what you guys ought to do? I'm like, Shut the fuck up. I don't tell you how to cut your sleeves off.

Yeah.

Fuck you, Justin.

Out to the mouth.

Yeah, fuck you, Thoreau. You fucking fuck.

On three.

No, on three, Fuck you, Thoreau. Are you ready? One, two, three. Fuck you, Thoreau. Anyway, guys, I did get some new bye, Focals. That's true. I did get some. I'm really sad. Bye.

Congrats.

Smart.

Smart.

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