Guys, welcome. It's time for another- Hey. Session of Smartless Cold Open. Smartless Cold Open. Yeah. Who would like to begin? Anybody want to begin? Willy's in hysterics over a joke that Sean just told that America, you cannot hear. Because if you did, you'd never like Sean Hayes again.

Welcome to Smartless.

Smart. Lies.

Smart.

Lies.

Smart. Lies. Smart. Lies.

J. B. You look... J. B. Looks like a guy with the glasses and the hat and the beard and the hair. He looks like he's spending the weekend. He's parked the van up in Bend, Oregon. He's up in Bend. He's going to do some windsurfing on the river at the Gorge.

It's disgusting.

He's up at the Gorge. You know what?

These are frames.

They look good.

I like those frames. Listen, these are frames that you would see on Plastic Man, if you're as old as I am. Yeah, for sure. They're tragically hip now that my wife made me get. I just get them at the house, but I wore them today and they're transition lenses, so they get that little smurky half-tint. The problem is I'm keeping them at home so no one sees them, but I've been on Zooms all day. Will's just reminding me that I've looked like a freaking douchebag all day. No, you don't.

I said you look crunchy. I didn't see you look like a douchebag. I said you look like you're up in Oregon. I got this hipster, little trucker hat on and everything. The glasses look like you could have a neck tattoo. Yeah, right? You could be that you live in Highland Park.

Wait, let me ask you this. What's a part that you would never get asked to play or would want to play?

Probably this guy.

For real?

Well, yeah. The part I'm playing, that's why I grew up this dumb ass beard and long hair is because I'm playing a guy that is... He's got a drug history and he makes a lot of bad decisions. They usually get cast as some smart middle-aged white dick. Anyway.

Well, we'll let the audience do the math on that one.

I I was going to do the math for you.

You guys. Wait, so what's going on? Have you guys had the dumb, dumb, busy day like me? I mean, today, it's just like it kept coming.

No, I had a super slow day today.

I did.

I had a bunch of-I went to the eye doctor. Oh, check this out. Look at this. I went to the eye doctor today.

Which one was sick?

Can you see?

Oh, yeah, it's still a little...

One's dilated? Two were dilated. So did Scottie have to drive you today? Or did you take risks by yourself?

I was like, I'm fine, I'm fine. I pulled out in the traffic. I was like, Oh, I don't think I'm fine.

J. B, I thought about you when I got dressed for this because I've been doing a bunch of stuff and I worked out. I did two different kinds of workouts today, but I'm in. It's been in transition. I'm transitioning between different parts of my day, and I thought, You know who's going to love my look? I'm going to have to give you the full because you're going to hate so much.

You've already got on the baggy neck.

He's got the crocs on.

He's got white crocs on, guys, with the heel strap. Wow.

Then Camo shorts. And camo shorts. And then golf socks.

You've got an indoor outfit on today like me, or have you been outside? I remember one time-Did anybody see that today?

I went outside. I went, nobody saw this. But I remember one of my favorite was seeing you. You and I were hanging with Krasinski. This is minimum 15 years ago, and he was wearing some stupid little socks with his vans. Then you just look over and you go, Laundry day.

No, I don't think I said that because that's the line we've always heard. I think I just said, Confident?

Yeah. That was the other one that you said. No, sorry. Confident? No, you didn't say confident. You just went, Confident.

Which is just so silly.

It's so good. It's dumb.

But wait, how did... Sorry, guest, we're going to get right to you because you're even busier than all three of us combined. How did the white crocs find their way into your closet?

It's it anyway. Well, you know what? Thanks for the plug. My friends at dicks. Com sent me a bunch of stuff. We've seen it, Will. They sent me a bunch of stuff. That's nice, did they? Bless their hearts. Instead of money? Yeah, they sent crocs for me. Instead of money? For me, yeah, that seems fair.

Did you not get compensated for the commercial? I did.

You're looking at them. They're called crocs.

God, those are expensive crocs.

They sent me crocs for the kids and me. So we all got them. I've never really worn crocs, and I'm going to be honest.

They're pretty great.

They're really comfortable. They're super comfortable.

Really quick, I have a Crocs story. I was doing Promises Promises, and afterwards I met... Thank you, thank you, thank you. And afterwards, I went out and did the meet and greet that you have to do sometimes. If you want to say hi, and there's a very button up family. The little boy, he was nine years old. He had a suit on with the crocs, and the girl had a little dress on. After the show, you're fired up, you're doing bits, you're doing bits, you're trying to be funny, you're trying to still entertain them. The little girl, she's like, Can you sign my program? I was like, Sure. What's your name? She's like, Sue. I go, What a tsunami of a performance or some stupid joke. Then I looked at him and he took off his croc and he said, Wait. He took off his croc and he said, Can you sign this? I go, Yeah. Wait, shit.

Yeah, he said, How about you sign this for your crock of shit performance? Is that what he said?

No.

Didn't you tell me one time in a really low moment of your life, you were crocs to a meet and beat?

Wait, what's a meet and beat?

Oh, sure. Oh, boy. Oh, really? Listeners, can you just call Sean real quick for us? Oh, a meet and beat. Okay, I did the math. Okay, guys, do you like football? Hey, Willy. What? Sean, do you like football?

Yeah, I actually really do. Sure, man. Do you like golf?

Yeah.

Do you like horse racing? Do you like car racing? Do you like basketball? Yeah. Do you like the Olympics? Yeah. Our guest today is the guy that's been holding your hand for about 35 years through some of the most exciting live television and personal excellence ever. He is as casual and comforting as he is knowledgeable and anxiety-inducing. He's your favorite house guest, but he's got no idea where you live, guys. He knows all the things about sports, but is not an athlete. He is as familiar as a family member, but you don't know a thing about him until now. Will, Sean, listeners, please welcome the star of the highest-rated television show 13 years running and the host of the upcoming Summer Olympics in Paris, the one and only Mr. Mike Tariko.

I knew it. I knew it. He did.

Big reveal. There I am.

Is that an intro?

God, I was trying to write that down. I want to repeat that. That's awesome, man.

Thank you. Jason's busy day. He wrote that intro. Yeah.

Welcome, Mike. Thank you, guys. It's very good to have you here.

I am a listener, and it's an honor to be on, although I'm nervous as hell.

Please, you don't have time to listen to Dumbass Podcast. We're a lot of losers.

Maybe you didn't catch the part where I'm wearing crocs, Mike. I did.

Now, when do you tweak in the time to back in the day?Yeah. Going back to when ABC had the Olympics. And remember the wide world of sports when it started?Jim McKay.Yes. It was the ski jumper falling off the side of the hill.The best. I mean, not for him, but The best for us.The guy's name is Venco Bogotai. That was his name.I sat at the top of that ski jump in Austria once. Did you? Yeah. There's a big graveyard at the bottom of it. It's like, that's all you can see from the top of that ski jump is just this massive graveyard. Anyway, go ahead.Explains why he took the exit ramp to the left. That was funny. Yeah, exactly. He got distracted. Yeah, but it was the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, but it was up close and personal. That was their tagline for the profiles. One of the great executives in the history of television, not just sports television, Dick Embersall, because he was involved with Lorne Michiels with Saturday Night Live and all that stuff. Dick really brought... He was working with Rune at ABC as a researcher in the '70s, and he brought that sensibility and that storytelling to NBC way before I got there, when NBC got the Olympics. And that has defined our division since Dick was there and all the people who learned from him who are now in charge. Tell a story. Make me care about the people.It's my favorite part of the Olympics because these are people that are not making money in sports yet. They have to be an amateur to be an intern.Well, that's changed a little bit.Yes, it's some sports. But for the most part, you are tuning in to see the people that you live next door to that are having these two minutes, this opportunity for personal excellence that they have been training for for 10 15 years. Are they going to be overwhelmed by the moment, by the media, by the stress, or are they going to soar to new heights because they're charged up? The pressure is incredible. I just met them with this five-minute piece that started way Back then, and I think was Roonage's idea, get to know the athlete. Then as soon as you're done with that story, you cut right to them on the starting line. It's just like, Oh, my God.Because now you're invested.You guys are storytellers in your own way, so you get it. Here's the difference now. You don't have five minutes. People aren't going to sit around for your story in five minutes. Our adjustment has become make it bite-size, make you care about somebody, and then show me their event Or even the night before, Hey, here's this athlete's story. And tomorrow night, they go for gold.Right. Yeah, you started a little bit earlier.You had Sean at bite size, by the way.I'm in. I just showed up.You started even at the opening ceremonies. You guys started by just dropping little breadcrumbs on certain- No, it's really cool.Mike, let's go back a little bit because obviously you're at the top of the game. As Jason pointed out, Sunday Night Football is the number one show on TV, right? Yes. You You've been doing this at the top. What is that moment? You're Mike Tariko at Syracuse. How do you become sports commentator, play-by-play, sports host of the Biggish? What is that thing? Are you calling games when you're in your bedroom when you're 11? A little bit.You just drove down the street to Bristol and just circled the building a couple of times, right? Throw headshots out the window.Let me in. No, seriously, when I was a little kid, he asked my mom, This is what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a sportscaster from being a little kid. That's so cool. A I'm really, I am 55 years later, living my dream still every so great. I love work.Where was that?Queens. Queens, New York. When I grew up, I was listening to Marv Albert, about late-night TV. Well, but I don't get to go to- I thought you said that about doing a multi-cam.I guess I want a bunch of jobs.Why don't you just enjoy what you got?You're right. That's a good note.Sorry. No, sorry. Tell me about it.You get to go to every single great event in the best seat possible, and then you get to talk to the people who won right afterwards.Yeah, that is pretty cool.It's pretty cool.I like my job in that I get to sit and listen to have him describe it to me.It feels like such a luxury. My job is watcher.Yeah. It's true. Get him to walk me through it.There is something cozy about what you're saying, Jason, I think, or Will. I can't remember.For For any of you out there that are still listening to this episode that are not sports fans, which I hope there are still many, hopefully you agree that this guy, the reason you like him is because you might watch a sporting event that you don't really like or know how the sports played, but he's explaining it to you. It's a familiar, cozy voice and presence that I guess is a talent.That's where I was going with that. That's where I was going.That's what you were about to say.But I said it longer and more boringly.And interrupted him. But he covers all the sports, right? Like he covers... Here it comes.Oh, no. He's the NFL. You can always sniff it out because whoever's going to do it tease themselves up.Yeah. No. They just nudge their way in their Oh, yeah.But you said- Well, he calls all the sports during the year, but he's going to be the host of the Olympics, but he's not going to be doing any play, bye, play, Very good. Land that steel bird.I wrote down play by play.Smartless.Smartless.Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbeco, and Michael Grandeterry.Smartless.If you like SmartLess, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wundry Plus in the WNDYRI app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wndyri. Com/survey.It's all a light-hearted nightmare on our podcast, Morbid.We're your hosts. I'm Elaina Irkart. And I'm Ash Kelly. Our show is part true crime, part spooky, and part comedy.The stories we cover are well-researched.He claimed and confessed to officially killing up to 28 people.Just with a touch of humor.I just like to go ahead and say that if there's no band called Malevolent Deity, that is pretty great.A dash of sarcasm and just garnished a bit with a little bit of cursing. This motherfucker lied.Like a liar.Like a liar. And if you're a weirdo like us and love to cozy up to a creepy tale of the Paranormal, or you love to hop in the way back machine and dissect the details of some of history's most notorious crimes, you should tune in to our podcast, Morbid. Follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to episodes early and ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

back in the day?

Yeah. Going back to when ABC had the Olympics. And remember the wide world of sports when it started?

Jim McKay.

Yes. It was the ski jumper falling off the side of the hill.

The best. I mean, not for him, but The best for us.

The guy's name is Venco Bogotai. That was his name.

I sat at the top of that ski jump in Austria once. Did you? Yeah. There's a big graveyard at the bottom of it. It's like, that's all you can see from the top of that ski jump is just this massive graveyard. Anyway, go ahead.

Explains why he took the exit ramp to the left. That was funny. Yeah, exactly. He got distracted. Yeah, but it was the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat, but it was up close and personal. That was their tagline for the profiles. One of the great executives in the history of television, not just sports television, Dick Embersall, because he was involved with Lorne Michiels with Saturday Night Live and all that stuff. Dick really brought... He was working with Rune at ABC as a researcher in the '70s, and he brought that sensibility and that storytelling to NBC way before I got there, when NBC got the Olympics. And that has defined our division since Dick was there and all the people who learned from him who are now in charge. Tell a story. Make me care about the people.

It's my favorite part of the Olympics because these are people that are not making money in sports yet. They have to be an amateur to be an intern.

Well, that's changed a little bit.

Yes, it's some sports. But for the most part, you are tuning in to see the people that you live next door to that are having these two minutes, this opportunity for personal excellence that they have been training for for 10 15 years. Are they going to be overwhelmed by the moment, by the media, by the stress, or are they going to soar to new heights because they're charged up? The pressure is incredible. I just met them with this five-minute piece that started way Back then, and I think was Roonage's idea, get to know the athlete. Then as soon as you're done with that story, you cut right to them on the starting line. It's just like, Oh, my God.

Because now you're invested.

You guys are storytellers in your own way, so you get it. Here's the difference now. You don't have five minutes. People aren't going to sit around for your story in five minutes. Our adjustment has become make it bite-size, make you care about somebody, and then show me their event Or even the night before, Hey, here's this athlete's story. And tomorrow night, they go for gold.

Right. Yeah, you started a little bit earlier.

You had Sean at bite size, by the way.

I'm in. I just showed up.

You started even at the opening ceremonies. You guys started by just dropping little breadcrumbs on certain- No, it's really cool.

Mike, let's go back a little bit because obviously you're at the top of the game. As Jason pointed out, Sunday Night Football is the number one show on TV, right? Yes. You You've been doing this at the top. What is that moment? You're Mike Tariko at Syracuse. How do you become sports commentator, play-by-play, sports host of the Biggish? What is that thing? Are you calling games when you're in your bedroom when you're 11? A little bit.

You just drove down the street to Bristol and just circled the building a couple of times, right? Throw headshots out the window.

Let me in. No, seriously, when I was a little kid, he asked my mom, This is what I wanted to do. I wanted to be a sportscaster from being a little kid. That's so cool. A I'm really, I am 55 years later, living my dream still every so great. I love work.

Where was that?

Queens. Queens, New York. When I grew up, I was listening to Marv Albert, about late-night TV. Well, but I don't get to go to- I thought you said that about doing a multi-cam.I guess I want a bunch of jobs.Why don't you just enjoy what you got?You're right. That's a good note.Sorry. No, sorry. Tell me about it.You get to go to every single great event in the best seat possible, and then you get to talk to the people who won right afterwards.Yeah, that is pretty cool.It's pretty cool.I like my job in that I get to sit and listen to have him describe it to me.It feels like such a luxury. My job is watcher.Yeah. It's true. Get him to walk me through it.There is something cozy about what you're saying, Jason, I think, or Will. I can't remember.For For any of you out there that are still listening to this episode that are not sports fans, which I hope there are still many, hopefully you agree that this guy, the reason you like him is because you might watch a sporting event that you don't really like or know how the sports played, but he's explaining it to you. It's a familiar, cozy voice and presence that I guess is a talent.That's where I was going with that. That's where I was going.That's what you were about to say.But I said it longer and more boringly.And interrupted him. But he covers all the sports, right? Like he covers... Here it comes.Oh, no. He's the NFL. You can always sniff it out because whoever's going to do it tease themselves up.Yeah. No. They just nudge their way in their Oh, yeah.But you said- Well, he calls all the sports during the year, but he's going to be the host of the Olympics, but he's not going to be doing any play, bye, play, Very good. Land that steel bird.I wrote down play by play.Smartless.Smartless.Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbeco, and Michael Grandeterry.Smartless.If you like SmartLess, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wundry Plus in the WNDYRI app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wndyri. Com/survey.It's all a light-hearted nightmare on our podcast, Morbid.We're your hosts. I'm Elaina Irkart. And I'm Ash Kelly. Our show is part true crime, part spooky, and part comedy.The stories we cover are well-researched.He claimed and confessed to officially killing up to 28 people.Just with a touch of humor.I just like to go ahead and say that if there's no band called Malevolent Deity, that is pretty great.A dash of sarcasm and just garnished a bit with a little bit of cursing. This motherfucker lied.Like a liar.Like a liar. And if you're a weirdo like us and love to cozy up to a creepy tale of the Paranormal, or you love to hop in the way back machine and dissect the details of some of history's most notorious crimes, you should tune in to our podcast, Morbid. Follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to episodes early and ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.

about late-night TV. Well, but I don't get to go to- I thought you said that about doing a multi-cam.

I guess I want a bunch of jobs.

Why don't you just enjoy what you got?

You're right. That's a good note.

Sorry. No, sorry. Tell me about it.

You get to go to every single great event in the best seat possible, and then you get to talk to the people who won right afterwards.

Yeah, that is pretty cool.

It's pretty cool.

I like my job in that I get to sit and listen to have him describe it to me.

It feels like such a luxury. My job is watcher.

Yeah. It's true. Get him to walk me through it.

There is something cozy about what you're saying, Jason, I think, or Will. I can't remember.

For For any of you out there that are still listening to this episode that are not sports fans, which I hope there are still many, hopefully you agree that this guy, the reason you like him is because you might watch a sporting event that you don't really like or know how the sports played, but he's explaining it to you. It's a familiar, cozy voice and presence that I guess is a talent.

That's where I was going with that. That's where I was going.

That's what you were about to say.

But I said it longer and more boringly.

And interrupted him. But he covers all the sports, right? Like he covers... Here it comes.

Oh, no. He's the NFL. You can always sniff it out because whoever's going to do it tease themselves up.

Yeah. No. They just nudge their way in their Oh, yeah.

But you said- Well, he calls all the sports during the year, but he's going to be the host of the Olympics, but he's not going to be doing any play, bye, play, Very good. Land that steel bird.

I wrote down play by play.

Smartless.

Smartless.

Smartless is 100% organic and artisanally handcrafted by Rob Armjarff, Bennett Barbeco, and Michael Grandeterry.

Smartless.

If you like SmartLess, you can listen early and ad-free right now by joining Wundry Plus in the WNDYRI app or on Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by filling out a short survey at wndyri. Com/survey.

It's all a light-hearted nightmare on our podcast, Morbid.

We're your hosts. I'm Elaina Irkart. And I'm Ash Kelly. Our show is part true crime, part spooky, and part comedy.

The stories we cover are well-researched.

He claimed and confessed to officially killing up to 28 people.

Just with a touch of humor.

I just like to go ahead and say that if there's no band called Malevolent Deity, that is pretty great.

A dash of sarcasm and just garnished a bit with a little bit of cursing. This motherfucker lied.

Like a liar.

Like a liar. And if you're a weirdo like us and love to cozy up to a creepy tale of the Paranormal, or you love to hop in the way back machine and dissect the details of some of history's most notorious crimes, you should tune in to our podcast, Morbid. Follow Morbid on the Wondery app or wherever you get your podcasts. You can listen to episodes early and ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.