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Yourself, almost like a religion, like he was a God.

On the turning room of mirrors, we explore a world of lights and music. But it's also a closed society that follows its own rules and expectations, some of them extreme.

It's a tight, tight world, and people are still afraid to talk.

Binge the full season of the turning room of mirrors now on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts, lemonade.

So in the garden season, the only produce that we'll buy is fruit. But everything else we don't have to buy, they love to run all around the garden.

That's Jessica. She's a 27 year old stay at home mom in Oklahoma City. She's got a serious green thumb and a glorious backyard garden. Blossoming trellises and plots of soil sprawl across the grass, leafy greens swaying the breeze.

A dewberry. We just planted our first peach tree, and then we freeze a lot of our okra and beans and stuff to have over winter. And our squash, that was actually baby's first food when she started eating solids.

Jessica has three kids, all under the age of six. Yes, you heard that right, all under six. There's a five year old and a two year old chasing each other through the yard and an infant strapped to her body. And they're not just growing fruits and veggies in the garden. Jessica is teaching them there, too.

It's called wild bath is like the kind of curriculum that you can do where it's learning outside, taking like sticks and I and incorporating them in lessons. And you can hit like multiple subjects. How many dandelions I know.

As someone who is child free, I love seeing parents really lean into that awe and wonder and reflect it back to their kids. Even when the babies are yelling, using you as a jungle gem, and bungee jumping off your earrings. Seeing parents like Jessica stay calm through the storm has taught me a lot about caregiving. But all the patience in the world doesn't pay the rent or for the groceries or for childcare. Parents are up against some dire financial and systemic challenges. So we're going to hear the story of how one mom approaches caring. Even when it seems like all the odds are stacked against her. This is squeezed. I'm your host, Yvette Nicole Brown. Episode two, meet Jessica.

I just heard the garage door open. Who could be home? Daddy. It's Daddy.

Daddy.

Yeah, I'm home.

Daddy. And we see. Oh, no.

Daddy at home. Yeah, I'm home. When Jessica met her husband Juan in college, she was drawn to his cute dating profile. She learned that he was born in Mexico, grew up on a farm, and worked as an automotive technician.

On the first date, I was kind of nervous. Like, we spent over an hour, like, trying to figure out where we wanted to go to eat. And then we finally decided to go to a pizza place.

As they dated, her crush bloomed. After two years, they got married. It was 2018.

We only had 25 people at our wedding. We didn't want to spend a lot of money. It was just pretty simple. It was out in the country, a very rocky road back then.

Jessica spent her days caring for other people's kids. And let me just say, anyone who changes diapers as part of their daily routine automatically has my respect. Dealing with the smell, the chaos every day for years.

Woo.

They're doing God's work. And for childcare workers who have kids of their own, navigating care is a whole different beast. And double diaper duty. I wanted to understand how Jessica juggled her job with becoming a mom herself. So she called me from the only place she could find some peace and quiet. Her car parked in the garage while Juan got the kids ready for bed. It took some finessing to get the setup just right.

I started working in daycare a little bit in college.

Oh, no. Did she freeze? Shift in the car. Shift in the car.

Okay. Can you hear me now?

There you are. You can unmute now, too, I think. I think we're good.

I worked for a local church, and I started out in their summer camp and choir. And from there, I became, like a nanny for several of the families. And I started working in daycare a little bit in college. I think I was around 18 or.

19 when she wasn't at her daycare job at the University of Oklahoma. Jessica, who's biracial, half black and half white, learned about african american health and history. She wanted to help people, starting with the children she already cared for.

My passion is women and children. Naturally, working with daycare, you're exposed to both. And I just love that kids are so excited to learn and that everything's just new for them. There's a lot of lessons that you can learn from children on patients and so many aspects of life.

Jessica still remembers her first day working at the daycare.

I was excited for the challenge because you instantly get told who the rough kids are. And so those were the kids that I was drawn to because they kind of reminded me of myself. I was spending extra time paying attention to those kids and trying to meet their needs. It was kind of crazy because I'm like, I'm in charge of this group of kids by myself. That's it. But there was just excitement from recess and having twelve three year olds chase me around.

That's chaos. It's fun, it's beautiful. Joy is loud chaos, but that's some chaos.

It's easier once they're potty trained. When you have like several two and three year olds that you're constantly changing diapers, it makes the day rougher.

So what were your biggest challenges? Can you, I know the amount of kids you had of the same age range could be one, but can you name a couple of other challenges from that experience?

I wasn't making very much, but I was the highest paid teacher at my daycare center when I first started. I was making ten an hour and at the end of it I went up to twelve an hour. And so it was becoming a situation where I wasn't making enough money and I was doing side jobs and in school and it was just honestly not sustainable.

All right, this is bad as I thought it was. How did you find out that you were making more than anyone else there?

Any job I've had, I've always been open with my coworkers because the more people talk about wages, the more whether it's helping to unionize or just for transparency's sake. So when I found out I was making the most, I was very surprised cause I thought I wasn't making enough.

I respect you for sharing because I think you're absolutely right. The reason most people, especially women, don't get the pay that they deserve is because they don't share information. Because there's this big, you shouldn't tell anybody. You really should. Everybody should share. Hearing that Jessica made ten to $12 an hour might sound outrageous, but in early childcare the median pay across the US is around $14 per hour. Thats barely above the poverty line for a family of four on top of that, only a third of these workers get health insurance through their jobs. Nearly all of them are women. Disproportionately women of color. And black people in the industry, like Jessica, earn just three fourths of what white people do. Clearly, Jessica was up against a lot in this industry, and she wanted to have her own family. So after a few years, she decided to quit. It seemed like the best choice.

I knew that I wanted to have kids, and I just didn't see how it was going to be possible for me to breastfeed and be involved more in their education and for safety reasons as well. It seemed like the best thing if we wanted to have kids is that I was going to have to bring them to work with me.

Jessica couldn't afford to send her kids to her daycare. Sadly, childcare workers in every state earn too little to pay for their own kids care. So Jessica looked for other jobs where she could also watch her first child. Eventually, she got one at a grocery store that seemed to fit the bill.

So I returned back to work two weeks after I gave birth to Magdaleno, which was earlier than I had expected. It was hard because it's still so early. Postpartum.

Did I hear correctly that you only were able to be home for two weeks before you had to go to work after your baby?

Yes, that's correct.

Two weeks.

Yeah.

Okay. Oh, my goodness.

I was bringing him to work with me. I was working in stores, like health food stores, doing demos, so he would just stay in my baby, wrap the whole time, and it was fine until one of the stores reported me to my company.

It was the early days of the pandemic, and after a co worker reported Jessica for bringing her baby to work, she lost her job. Jessica was devastated, and she struggled to find another job she could safely take her kids to. Eventually, she had no choice but to stay home and care for her kids, which became even more necessary after she had her third baby last year.

I never even planned to be a stay at home mom. In the beginning, I was worried about my student loan payments, which I'm still concerned about now, but also just having the income for us to survive. Like, at the time, my husband wasn't making that much in his job. It wasn't affordable for us, and we did. I didn't know that it would be, basically until Covid happened, and then I didn't have another choice but to stay home.

In recent years, at least 10% of all children have a parent who quit or drastically change their work due to childcare barriers. Around half of the women who don't work care for their children full time. And for most stay at home moms, the cost of child care has a major impact on their choice to work or nothing. Clearly, Jessica is not alone. At least she has the support of her husband, Juan.

Juan supports us in a lot of different ways. Financially, he makes most of the income in the household, so he helps out a lot there and then. The thing I love most about want is that all present wild ideas, and he's like, if you want to do it, like, we'll find a way to, like, make it happen. So I don't think I've really had anyone in my life that's been like that for me before. That they'll listen and actually follow through with their promises to be. They're telling me the cheesecake that I made is ready.

Oh, ready. That's good to know.

Thank you. I'll be there in a minute.

Okay. Jessica and Juan have had to make difficult decisions for the good of their family. Juan supports them financially. Jessica stays home with the kids. It's a compromise that thousands of families are forced to make, especially with multiple children. You can't afford childcare, so you stay home. But staying home makes it hard to build wealth and stability at the same time. This isn't some burden Jessica stuck with. It's a labor of love. And her deep down pull towards caregiving goes all the way back to her own childhood. More on that after the break.

This show is sponsored by Betterhelp. We want to talk to you about something that can make a big difference in your life. Therapy. In the hustle and bustle of our daily routines, it's easy to let our mental health take a back seat. Whether you're juggling work, family, or personal commitments, finding time for yourself can be challenging. Therapy has been a game changer for so many people. We are huge fans here at squeezed because therapy is self care. It's a dedicated time to focus on yourself, to work through any challenges, and to develop positive coping strategies. Betterhelp is an online platform that makes therapy accessible and convenient. You can do it from the comfort of your own home on a schedule that works for you. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time at no additional charge. If you need to never skip therapy day with Betterhelp, visit betterhelp.com squeezed today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp help.com squeezed. Hey, everyone, it's Stephanie Whittleswacks here. I'm the co founder of Lemonade Media and an executive producer of Squeezed. I myself have had experience caring for a family member, which is why I'm so excited to talk about this next sponsor, GoFundMe.

We all need help sometimes, and when that moment comes, GoFundMe is the best place to raise the funds you need. It's super easy, and you can get started in just a few minutes. I've seen a few friends start campaigns for all sorts of things, and it's been so amazing to see the community rally around them and offer support. With GoFundMe, launching a fundraiser is as easy as a few taps on your phone. They provide everything you need to make your fundraiser a success. From tips and resources to helpful tools along the way. It's free to start, free to manage, and designed to help you reach your goals. With a supportive community of 150 million people, GoFundMe leads the way in fundraising. Plus, you can access your funds whenever you need them, even if you haven't met your goal yet. Start your fundraiser today through our special URL, goFundme.com squeezed. And as one of our listeners, you will get a free coaching session with a GoFundMe expert. Whether you're just starting a fundraiser today or later down the line, start today@gofundme.com. that's gofundme.com squeezed.

We know Jessica is a great mom, but when Jessica was little, life looked a lot different.

I was just dealing with a lot that was going on at my mom's house, and I was acting out, like, trying to get attention, trying to get love. My father was in prison. In and out of most of my childhood, he had said he was going on vacation, and so there would be times I couldn't reach him. And I would just call and call and call, and I didn't know what was going on until I was about to be a teenager. And there wasn't really that many people to rely on during that time. And so, like, I went into foster care when I was age twelve. My siblings and I did. It was actually part of my choice.

Jessica couldn't rely on her parents, and even though social services knew the situation, Jessica and her family didn't seem to get the help they needed. Jessica was also the eldest of five siblings and felt the pressure of their safety on her shoulders. Living in an abusive household without support systems forced her to grow up fast. And one day, she made a very grown up decision.

My mom had been given a warning that they were going to remove us in 48 hours if she didn't make the house conditions more livable and if, like, certain behavioral things didn't change. And, like, 24 hours into that, I called DHS and told them to pick my siblings and I up, that it wasn't going to happen and there was no point in waiting.

That is such a mighty decision to make, to have to do that as a kid. I can only imagine. Over the course of four years in foster care, Jessica was placed in more than 14 different homes. As she moved again and again across Oklahoma, she and her siblings were separated, so she got to know the majority white state alone. As a black teen, she learned the God fearing, gun toting majority politics. She switched schools ten times. Through the chaos, Jessica sometimes saw her siblings and parents at court supervised meetups. But those meetups trickled out, then stopped.

Completely at the end of it. I ended up graduating high school at 16 years old. I got emancipated and started college and started living on my own. So it was a wild experience, but it made me very, like, self driven and resourceful, even though I didn't have that many great role models growing up, there were a few people that were part of Team Jess, and so one of them was Jane Sutter, who was the CEO for the boys and Girls Club here. And she was really my main advocate. She helped me get my driver's license, and I call her mama Sutter, and she's someone like, I call whether something's good or bad happens in my life.

So, Washington school your way out?

Yeah. So school was my way out of poverty, out of the generational curses in my family, and it was a way that I could get by on my own merit. And so I was able to pull myself, like, out of everything that I had went through, all of the abuse and trauma, and really, like, make something positive happen.

How do you feel your childhood experiences have affected the way you parent now? Were there certain fears or worries you had when you first got pregnant?

I was afraid that I would repeat, like, my parents offenses and just not be, like, the greatest mom. And there was just so many fears of. I've never seen people do this in a way that is healthy for a child, but there was a lot of optimism of breaking the cycles and wanting the world to be different.

I'm imagining, what was it like the first time you held your baby and being a mom for the first time? You didn't have a model for that either.

It was just hard to believe that he was mine and like, that, we were gonna get to take him home. And there was just this feeling of love, like, feeling your heart grow.

Jessica was relieved as her heart grew to make room for this new, beautiful creature. But she was also sad thinking about her younger self as a parent.

Thinking about my childhood just makes me wonder how my mom was able to treat my siblings and I the way that she did. Like, as much as I love my kids, I'm like, if she loved my siblings and I a fraction of this, then she could have moved mountains and made our life different.

I don't know what Jessica's parents were going through when she was a kid, but after meeting Jessica, I know that she's found a way to manage her struggles and is successfully building a bridge far away from the trauma she experienced.

It's hard because it's not like I can text my mom, like, asking for parenting advice.

She doesn't have a role model for motherhood, but she's making her way on her own and guiding her kids down a positive life path. Even with the best intentions, Jessica can't shield her kids from everything. Living in Oklahoma can be scary, especially when you're black. In 2021, the state passed anti critical race theory laws for schools that can look like book banning, refuting the existence of racism, and continuing to deny the injustice of the Tulsa race massacre. Jessica also worries about guns and shootings. All of this strongly influences her parenting choices. So she prepares her kids for the heaviness of life while teaching them the importance of advocacy and standing up for what's right.

My oldest, he's been to protest with me so early, Covid, when there was a lot of, like, protests in the area for black lives matter and being involved in the community and, like, teaching them that some people will look at your skin differently, and I that's not okay. I want my children to be advocates of change and showing that it takes loud people to make change in the world.

Jessica is raising some mighty warriors, and they're going to need that fighting spirit wherever they go in the world.

It's important to me to teach my wild daughters that they have to stand up for themselves and stand up for others.

Shoot. They were at war in that house, and they were winning. She has the patience of job. It was like she had twelve arms. When I tell you I needed a stiff drink after just seeing her do it on Zoom, I was like, girl, you tired? You gotta be babies everywhere. But she is truly doing her part within the limitations. She's giving her kids everything she wished for in her own childhood. We'll get into how and more after the break.

This show is sponsored by better help. We want to talk to you about something that can make a big difference in your life. Therapy. In the hustle and bustle of our daily routines, it's easy to let our mental health take a back seat. Whether you're juggling work, family or personal commitments, finding time for yourself can be challenging. Therapy has been a game changer for so many people. We are huge fans here at squeezed because therapy is self care. It's a dedicated time to focus on yourself, to work through any challenges, and to develop positive coping strategies. Betterhelp is an online platform that makes therapy accessible and convenient. You can do it from the comfort of your own home on a schedule that works for you. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist, and you can switch therapists at any time at no additional charge. If you need to never skip therapy day with betterhelp, visit betterhelp.com squeezed today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp help.com squeezed. Hey everyone, it's Stephanie Whittles wax here. I'm the co founder of Lemonade Media and an executive producer of Squeezed.

I myself have had experience caring for a family member, which is why I'm so excited to talk about this next sponsor, GoFundMe. We all need help sometimes, and when that moment comes, GoFundMe is the best place to raise the funds you need. It's super easy and you can get started in just a few minutes. I've seen a few friends start campaigns for all sorts of things, and it's been so amazing to see the community rally around them and offer support. With GoFundMe, launching a fundraiser is as easy as a few taps on your phone. They provide everything you need to make your fundraiser a success. From tips and resources to helpful tools along the way. It's free to start, free to manage and designed to help you reach your goals. With a supportive community of 150 million people, GoFundMe leads the way in fundraising. Plus you can access your funds whenever you need them, even if you haven't met your goal yet. Start your fundraiser today through our special URL, GoFundme.com squeezed. And as one of our listeners, you will get a free coaching session with a GoFundMe expert. Whether you're just starting a fundraiser today or later down the line, start today@gofundme.com. that's Gofundme.com squeezed.

Jessica isn't just staying home to watch her kids, she's homeschooling them, too. She's got a stunning home classroom. It's filled with books, toys, and art supplies. The kids names are printed across three wooden wall hangings, surrounded by rainbow colored posters on everything from feelings to farm animals.

There's songs all throughout the room. There's a lot of studies that show that by five years old, if a child knows eight nursery rhymes, then they tend to be better readers. One grim Shan rock in the morning dew. Another one sprouted, and then there were three. Two green shamrocks growing beneath the tree. Another one sprouted, and then there were three. Three.

Oh, my God. Those sweet little voices. Jessica gets a lot of ideas from the Montessori philosophy of self directed, hands on learning. I know you might be thinking Montessori, those expensive, fancy schools, but she has found a way to do it herself with limited money and resources.

So I set up a sensory bin. Some fuzzy green pipe cleaners, black beans, and some soybeans. There's little jingle bells in here that has noise. You just have to watch, making sure she doesn't put this stuff in her mouth. But it's still fun to just play and, like, hear the toys move around and work on their fine motor skills of opening, closing the scoops, and just practice.

Jessica's kids get to sing, play, and learn in the same structured routine every single day. That's exactly what kids need to feel safe and secure. It's what she learned from college and childcare.

Circle time. Come on now for circle time. What's the season? What's the season that we're in? Is it fall? Is it spring? Is it summer? Is it winter? What's the season? It was winter. It just switched spring. We're gonna have to change it on our board later.

Moms like Jessica, who care for and teach their kids at home, are building the future generation with their own two hands. Not only is it one of the most important jobs out there, it's a privilege, too. And Jessica has a lot to say about that.

I want people to know that stay at home moms are more diverse than people think. I think a lot of people think stay at home moms are generally rich white women, but that's not always the case. For some people, it's more affordable to stay home than to, like, send your kids to daycare. It's kind of an honor to be a stay at home mom as a black woman, because this isn't something that black women have always been able to do for a while is actually prohibited.

Jessica's right. Throughout history, we black women have been denied the choice to stay home with our kids. In the 1960s, as women pushed for more freedom outside the home, some white women advocated for moms to stay home. But black women still worked as maids, cooks, and nannies to some of those same white women while also raising their own children. Most black people grew up seeing their mothers as the matriarchs of their families and communities. Black women are seen as always having it all together, juggling multiple jobs, caring for children, praising in church, cooking at home, protesting, all while remaining undervalued. Its why experts have coined the term superwoman schema. Its the toxic expectation that black women must stay strong, reject vulnerability, and keep caring for everyone around them while they their own needs go unmet. The superwoman schema goes all the way back to slavery. Racism, disenfranchisement, and limited resources during and after that time forced black women to be mother, nurturer, and breadwinner for everybody out of necessity. We have always had to work for as long as we've been on this land. So Jessica choosing to raise her own kids full time might not seem significant, but actually, it's exceptional.

If you could tell preteen Jessica something based on everything you know now, what would you say to her?

I'd say it's gonna be all right, that you're gonna figure it out. You're gonna find your own way, and it's not gonna be like anyone else's way.

What I would tell her is that one day, you're going to meet a really old lady that is gonna be very impressed with you and the life you have built and the generational curses you have brought in. One generation, and that old lady is me, and she's very, very proud of you. You've done good, kid.

I appreciate that. I admire you so much and all the strides that you've made for black women in particular. You don't care as much about the check. You actually care about what you do. And you actually turn a lot of things down because they're not right for you. That's something that I don't think a lot of people know about you.

We're walking the same path, you and I, because you also turn things down and say no to things that don't serve you. So thank you so much for giving me my flowers. I appreciate it. It's nice to hear. And thank you for making the time to talk to us. Honey.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome. Honey, get to that cheesecake. I heard it's done. Get in there. We all have had to deal with unhealthy cycles in our lives, often ones we've inherited from family and even ancestors, people who lacked the ability or tools to change their circumstances. So breaking generational patterns like poverty and abuse for the health of ourselves and our kids is essential but difficult, especially without adequate support from the government and our communities. For too long, parents like Jessica, who were born into rough situations, have been forced to figure out so much of it alone. We can't keep expecting this. Strong communities create strong individuals. When we prioritize things like affordable childcare, livable wages, paid parental leave, better equipped public schools, and quality social services, everyone benefits. Every parent, no matter their circumstances, needs these things. It's time the rest of us stand together and demand them. This is squeezed I'm your host, Yvette Nicole Brown. There's more squeeze with limonada. Premium subscribers get exclusive access to bonus content like previously unheard clips from all our voices in this series. Subscribe now on Apple Podcasts. Squeezed is a lemonade mediaev I'm your host, Yvette Nicole Brown.

Crystal Genesis is our senior producer, Julia Yorkt, Tess Navotny and Hannah Boomershine are our producers. Field production by Beth Wallace. Ivan Kurayev is our engineer. Our theme music is by Andy, Kristen's daughter, with additional music by APM Music. Jackie Danziger is our vp of narrative content. Executive producers are me, Yvette Nicolae Brown, Jessica Cordova Kramer, and Stephanie Widows Wax this show was created in partnership with the Robert Wood Johnson Foundation, a leading national philanthropy dedicated to taking bold leaps to transform health in our lifetime and pave the way together to a future where health is no longer a privilege but a right. Special thanks to early childhood nonprofit Zero three for their help on this episode. Follow squeezed wherever you get your podcasts or listen ad free on Amazon Music with your prime membership.

Hi everyone, Gloria Riviera here, and we are back for another season of no one is coming to save us, a podcast about America's childcare crisis. This season, we're delving deep into five critical issues facing our country through the lens of child poverty, mental health, housing, climate change, and the public school system. By exploring these connections, we aim to highlight that child care is not an isolated issue, but one that influences all facets of american life. Season four of no one is coming to save us will be available August 22. Wherever you get your podcasts.