Hi.

Hi. We're in the same location.

Finally. This is the only location I want to be in.

You're never supposed to go to a second location. But in this case, it's necessary.

It's necessary. I like it. I like being in your location. I feel like, ding, synced.

I know. You've been gone for a A long time. You've been traversing. Traversing. The landscape of the world.

Yes. Your parents have been visiting. Your family.

My parents are in town. My parents are in town. Oh, which we have an update. I did mention it on a fact check because, okay, last week, me and you talked about Hand in Marriage. We had a synced squad member write in about Hand in Marriage stuff. That's a good question. It was such a good question, and we had a conversation about it, and Dax wade in. And then we recorded a fact check. After that, he had some updates. He was like, I've been thinking about it. And his opinion was the same, but he had come up with another analogy.

Another reason for it. Exactly. A better reason for it.

So that was on the last fact check. But my dad was in town, so I got to ask him straight up. Straight to the source. Straight to the source if that was his expectation. He really could barely wrap his head around it. Okay. He was like, No, that's silly. He used the words that's silly.

That's the right term, by the way. That's exactly right.

He was just like, Why? It's true. This is no judgment to anyone who's done that or has decided that that's important to them. But for him and my mom, well, He also was very much on the page of like, Yeah, why would it just be me? That makes no sense. And then he said the thing that would make him upset is if I didn't call. Not beforehand, because how would I know? But if after, he just found out later or something. On Instagram? Yeah, exactly. He was like, That is offensive. But essentially, which I get. He's like, You owe us something, but this person doesn't owe us anything.

I love that. You were like, his response was Ask her. Yeah.

That was so good. Yeah, he said, I would say, Ask her.

Maybe I'm wrong, but the way that you were raised, I don't think we could meet a lot of people whose daughters and fathers don't agree on this. I think given your entire relationship and the way you've been raised, I think everyone must probably be aligned, that you do want that or you don't want that, or that you're neutral or different.

It's funny that you bring that up. Because of that conversation and just many conversations over the course of them being here, I was really sitting with how I've been raised. When you're just living your life and making decisions, you don't really think about that. How you've been raised really does play such a massive part in the way you see the world and how you behave. And I was really tuned into that and really recognizing like, wow, I think they've had a bigger impact than I thought.

For sure. In what specific ways does it come up for you when you think about it?

I think in some of these patriarchal things that are really, really embedded in our culture. I'm not saying I don't succumb to those. I do. We all do. But my dad is just really not patriarchal at all. Yeah. I was really seeing that, not just in what he was saying, but even just the way he behaves and the way he is. He defers a lot to my mom. They make a lot of decisions together. They challenge each other in a very specific way. He's not the default at all, and his opinion is not the default at all. So it's interesting. It's interesting. I never really realized that they don't play those gender roles.

Yeah, I have basically the same experience, which is probably why we get along. We have the same dad. We were saying, your dad did great with the sim, giving you the exact same dad, but white. He did that. Yeah, he did it. He just replicated himself. He did.

But made him white. He's like, Let's see what happens here. Yes.

How does this go? How does this go? Pretty much. It's pretty good. It's less what they say. It's more what they do. Same thing where my dad was so involved with taking care of us. And even when I was really young, my mom worked a lot. So my dad was the one cooking and putting us to bed, doing all of that, raising. My mom wasn't more nurturing. Domestic. Yeah, or domestic. They really shared things. It's more in the actions.

What is interesting now that you're bringing that up is I definitely think my mom is more domestic, and I think she enjoys that. She loves to cook, and she likes plants. We all know that she has like 400 plants. She's really into perfumes right now. She tried on so many perfumes over four days. She had so many of those little paper sticks that you spray the perfume on. We would be at a place and she would just be pulling out all these sticks and smelling them. Oh, my God. She's just on a fragrance ramp right now.

In her fragrance era. Yeah, she's in her fragrance era.

She likes a lot of, I think, classic female tropes, but it's just the way they talk about issues. There just doesn't seem to be any sense that the men, should or do, have any inherent power. My dad says that's because Carola, where they're both from, used to be a very matriarchal society, and his mom was a very strong maternal figure. That just made him look at the world in that way.

I remember studying Carola. It was this huge feminist utopia. I did development studies as my major, and it was just like, I want to go.

I want to see it. We got to go.

Yeah. We should totally do a girls trip with your dad.

Yeah, exactly.

I don't know. I have this weird analogy. And when I'm dating or at work or whatever, there are men who are men, and there are men who are just people. Yes. That's a great way of putting it. You know what I mean? It's almost this intangible thing. But even when you're on a date with a guy who's just a person and is a full person or a man and has to prove that he's a man or you see that it's important to him. I think my dad has always just been a person. Yes. He's not the man of the house. Obviously, two girls and my mom, so he was always the only boy. So there were definitely moments where... I think when I was little, I went up to my dad, apparently, and I was like, Do you feel bad that you're the only boy? I really was like, because I went to this birthday party once. I got invited by a boy in my class. I was really excited, showed up in my tights and my cute little dress, and it was just boys. I tried to integrate their culture. I was trying to assimilate.

It was different from any birthday party I'd ever been to because all they did was one boy was playing a video game and we were all watching him, and I started to cry, and my mom came and got me. Because I just was like... I felt so uncomfortable.

I felt so uncomfortable.

You knew even then? I knew. Oh, yeah. And then I did this swimming class three years later, and I remember it was the blue level. I don't know if you guys had colors, but that's what we did in Canada. God, I don't know.

The swimming is blocked out. You don't know? You didn't- That's not.

Yeah.

Traumatic. Blocked out. There's no way for me to recall it.

We'll find it. Anyway, in Level Blue, I showed up and again was the only girl. This was a hugely dramatic moment because I, again, cried. And I was a little older at that point. I maybe 11 or 12. So I was a little too old to be so averse to boys and men. But I just felt this discomfort. I was like, I don't want to go back. I don't want to go back. And my mom was like, You are so going back. We paid $125. It's 12 lessons for 12 weeks. You're going back. I would just cry in the car. So I never went back. I don't know. Did you ever have those moments where you're with boys? I still get it. Even I was at this dinner, I was doing a story for her. Can you say anything about it or no?

It's very cool. I can say it's It's out pretty soon, but I don't think it'll be up by next Wednesday.

It'll be the following week. But yeah, I got asked to do a cover story- Very cool. For a very cool person for a very cool magazine. I have such a crush on this person. You developed a crush. I really did. It's so inappropriate because I'm writing a story. Flip the script.

This is what happens all the time.

100%. She's not into women. Obviously, I've made jokes about it. She's not uncomfortable. I wouldn't be I'm not saying this if there's any level. Yes.

Well, it's good to fall in love with your subjects. It is. That's what they say. Yes.

That means you've formed a bond. But all this to say that I was at a dinner the night before, or we were all at this dinner, and there was a lot of women, but there were also men, and I was at the part of the table. This happens to me a lot where I think people think, they're like, Oh, Liz will be like, talk it in. Good around men. Yeah. Or like, Oh, I'll put her next to the awkward guys that don't really mesh so that she'll... I I middle really well. You know the middle? The Larry David, the Curbier. We don't know this. Oh, say no. Okay. So there's an episode, and I think it's not the last season with the one before with Richard Kind. And it's like, Are you a middle? Basically, they have a dinner party, and they don't put people who middle well in the middle, you're a middle. You and Dax, 100%. That means you can make good conversation. You pull people in. You're not boring. You can talk. You can talk, basically. If you've been to a bad dinner party, you know those seated dinners where you're like, Oh, my God, that was a amazing and incredible.

And then other ones where you're like, I need this to end. And why is the food taking so long? And that's because there's probably bad middles. Someone who starts a conversation, but the topic is not really relevant to everyone or very specific to the one person they're next to. And so then other people can't really...

So I think- Interesting.

You're a very good middle. So I've been in situations where I just want to hang out with my friends. I just want to have a good time. But then I'm between this weird tech guy and this, Brazilian real estate I'm like, Okay, tell me about your relationships with your dad. Let's try and go deep here. And I do end up learning things, but it's exhausting. So all this to say that I was in this position, and I was like, You know what? I'm not going to try and pull these men. I don't want to talk to three men right now. I feel so mean. That's not mean. But it's just, again, not all women and not all men. But generally speaking, it's just so much easier for me to connect with women. And I think women are just more gifted with thinking about how you're They have more empathy.

Again, yes, not all.

Not all and not all. It's mostly because men aren't taught these things or are not valued with men. But anyway, this is 18 tangents. No, it's always how it goes. Have you ever been... Do you like being around boys, or do you feel that like, God, I just wish that was a woman I could just sit down with?

I think I'm good around boys. But yeah, do I feel safer? Safer sounds extreme. I feel more at ease with women. No question. A group of men is scary. It's a different energy. That's right. For me, I think I'm on in a little bit of a different way. If it's a group, if it's one on one, to me, depending on the person, it's all just dependent on the person. That's true.

100 %.

But in groups, I'm trying to remember the last time I was with just a group of guys. I don't remember the last time that happened. But even on armchair.

Yeah, because if there's a male guest- And then it's just me.

And then it's a different energy. Yeah.

I remember a Man enough, that was one of my biggest... At the beginning, I was like, If there's a male guest, you're not going to hear from me. You guys are all going to bro out, which didn't happen. But that was my fear because you can just get erased. But then, not a... Again, we're just going to dis on everybody.

This episode will be called Not All. Not All. Exactly.

Not All Women. And by the way, I'm literally describing myself. I think that women can also be exhausting. Even if you're tired, you're not feeling... You're like, Oh, I got to make this person feel comfortable, or I got to ask her a lot of questions. Sometimes when I'm around guys, it's just chiller, and I do feel like, I don't have to smile so much. I don't have to be a beat or keep up a conversation. It just be like, whatever.

I think this is so much about just individual people versus any mass characterization. 100%. My level of comfort is just across the board with so many genders. It really just depends on personality. 100%. But this goes back to what you said, I think so eloquently about men who define themselves as a man versus men who define themselves as just a person. If you're in a group of men who define themselves as men, then it's harder to be a woman there. Yes.

And maybe that's why with these boys, they obviously weren't men, yet they were eight.

They were getting there.

They were getting there and learning how to do it. And maybe, this is why I love us in this show. I never thought about it this way, but now Now that we're talking about it, maybe there were boys at this party who also felt uncomfortable. Us just watching someone play video games and like, this is awkward. Why aren't we talking?

Why are we playing a game together? They were probably so jealous of you that you got to leave. Maybe. You had an excuse to leave.

Because I'm a girl and I'm nice.

You're a sissy girl. She can't handle it, and she cry. But really, they're like, I want to go home.

Yeah, I want to go home, too. I hate it here.

Why are we watching this guy play video games? That sucks.

What birthday party is that? I don't know. Again, Please write in if you were an eight-year-old boy.

If you've been to a eight-year-old boy's birthday party and you did other stuff.

Also, it's just such a bold move to invite only boys and then one girl. It's sweet, I guess.

I think they thought of you as one of the guys. I don't. But that's weird because it doesn't seem like you were being that.

No. It is a funny... It's an interesting choice, but I was stronger because of it.

It was formative, like how you turned out. This reminds me of so many things. One is before we get too far in, we need to tell people what's going on with this show.

Oh, yes.

Which is nothing bad. We have nothing bad to report, but things are changing as- Pronouncing a divorce.

Yeah, exactly. It's not your fault. You didn't do anything. Don't worry. I mean, Daddy still love you.

We'll both be there at your soccer games. It's amicable. No, no, no. There's no divorce, but armchair is moving over to WNDRI starting September first. Because of that, only our armchair shows are going to be at WNDRI. Armchair Expert, Armchair Experts on Expert, and Armchair Anonymous will be on its own feed. You'll still be able to listen to it absolutely everywhere. Nothing's changing, except what's changing is when you go to the Armchair Expert feed, what you see is those three shows plus synced plus Biteless Bird and plus any of the limited shows that we put on there. But now it's just going to be those three. And so we're going to put synced on its own feed. And all that means... It's so simple. All that means is in order to find us, you just type in synced, as opposed to typing in arm share expert. Type in synced. You'll see us there. All our previous episodes will be there. I think we'll put Race to 35 on there, too. If anyone wants to revisit that. And then all our new episodes will be on there. So subscribe, download, and don't worry when we're not on the armchair feed anymore.

We're still here. You just have to type in it. Anywhere you get your podcast.

It's fun to have a dedicated feed or a little feed.

It is fun.

We can decorate it however we want.

Oh, my God. I don't know.

Let's make it cute. I don't know how.

But it is fun. And it's just a little cleaner. You'll be able to have it all in one place as opposed to a bunch of different things.

Because I don't know how people... It's hard to find. We were talking about this the other day. People in the most wonderful interactions still come up to me and tell me about Race to 35, or that they just listen to it. And I'm like, wow.

How did you even find it?

Yeah, I don't even know. So, yeah, it'll be easier to look it up.

Please follow us over there. Continue to listen. Again, none of the content is changing. I mean, we might add some more fun stuff, maybe, but it's the same. You just have to type in. I was telling someone else about it because just candidly, we've seen this happen multiple times, but for some reason, often when new feeds start, People are deterred by just newness. Change is hard. I hate change. I know. Me too.

I'm excited. But when you told me at first, I was like, Oh, no, change.

That's a very fair feeling. And I definitely have been... We put a door on the bathroom, and I've been in grief mode for three months. It's crazy how we are drawn to sameness. Yeah.

Predictability.

As we're talking about this, it's actually giving me a lot of compassion for a group of the country that is very adverse to change and progression, where we say, we're like, That's crazy. How can that be? How could they not want that? But I think part of it is just this human need for consistency. Totally. And not wanting to take those hard steps into moving forward. It's giving me a little compassion.

Well, compassion and accountability, it still doesn't mean accountability and to be better But it is important to move forward, even though it's hard.

But we can do hard things. We can do hard things. As we learned in Race 35, think, ding, ding, ding, go back and listen that. So there is a hurdle of it's not just going to drop into your feed as it is, but if you just type it in and subscribe, it will drop into your feed.

If you do it, it will mean a lot to us, and it means we won't feel sad for a few days. We're like, Oh, my God. Are people going to... And leave a review, be part of our feed.

Because we really love I love this show, and it's so fun. The audience we have amassed is so awesome. I ran into this guy at a wine bar, obviously, with my parents in Culver City, Randa. He was like, I love all your shows. I just listened to Bailas Bird, and he was like, And I'm caught up on sync. And he just listens the whole thing. And it made me so happy and proud. And also, I'm so grateful that women listen. But when I hear about men listening, I do a little extra tingly just because as we were just talking about men's men, I could see you feeling like, Well, that's not for me. We've discussed this with Anthony. Hi, Anthony. Even though Anthony is- Our number one listener. He's a person and not a man's man. But still.

Women listen to male podcasts all the time. All the top ones. Exactly. Not all the top ones, but a lot of them are men. I listen to male podcasts all the time. Constantly. Yeah.

Anyway, so follow us over. This isn't happening immediately. We have a couple more weeks, but to start transitioning.

But they can go and subscribe on the feed.

Yeah. I talked to Rob today, so I think that should go up soon. If it's not up right now, it will be up in the next couple of days.

Imminately.

Support for Sinkt comes from Lumie. If the summer heat has you worrying about the strength of your deodorant, listen, we're going to talk to you about the only deodorant you will ever need. It's called Lumie Whole Body Deodorant, and it's formulated for all the places that tend to It gets stinky when the weather warms up. Pits, private's feet. Look, it's more than arm pits that get stinky.

I actually love using Lumie on my feet because we've talked about Stinky feet on the show a lot. Yes. Which again, can just be like, if you're going somewhere and you know you're going to have to remove your shoes and just have it. It's so hot and gross. Exactly. Just have it on.

Especially with cute shoes, you can't wear a soft.

Exactly. Loomy starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, cream tube deodorant, two free products of your choice like a body wash and deodorant wipes and free shipping. As a special offer for listeners, new customers get 15% off all Lumide products with our exclusive code. If you combine the 15% off with the already discounted starter pack, that equals over 40% off your starter pack. Use code sync for 15% off your first purchase at lumideodorant. Com. That's code sync, S-Y-N-C, at lumedeodorant. Com.

We are supported by Our Place. Okay, we talk about Forever Chemicals a lot because we're scared of them, as we should be. Our place makes amazing cookware. It's so pretty. It's so pretty to have out on your oven or just out on your countertop. Their products are made without PFAS and Teflon. In comparison, most of today's non-stick pants do contain them. It's a female-founded brand, which we love to support.

You can tell because it looks awesome. It will make your whole kitchen look extra cute. Whenever guests come over, we always leave the Our Place pan out because it's so cute and it makes the whole kitchen come together. It does. Everyone says it's like a Barbie kitchen, and that's because of Our Pan. I love it. They have this beautiful one in pink, which I really recommend. It's like a peach pink. It's really pretty.

Yes, it's so cute. Our Place has 75,000 five-star reviews on their award-winning products, and they've been mentioned in the New York Times, Bon Appetit. You might have seen it on TV in people's kitchens and docs like Selena Gomez and David Beckham. I mean, come on. It's everywhere. Go to fromourplace. Com and enter our code, sync, at checkout to receive 10% off site-wide. That's fromourplace. Com code, sync, S-Y-N-C. Our Place offers a 100-day trial with free shipping and returns. What else is going on in your world? Any updates? Any events?

There was... Okay. There's a vulnerable event. Oh. That I had in Denmark that I was thinking about you during.

Oh, so you went to Denmark?

I went to Denmark.

That's a big event.

It's a big event. Yeah. I went to an amazing gay wedding. How was it? It was wonderful.

Even though you don't like weddings, did it turn you a little bit?

No, it did. Danish weddings are the best. Danish culture in general just meshes with me so well. What about it? This is where my story had a confronting issue because what I love about it is that in many ways, it's the opposite of America and even some parts of Canada. There's more similarities, honestly, with Canada than the US, but it's a very equitable culture and society. That's why I moved there when I was 20 because I was obsessed with their social safety net and their ability to implement gender equality policies and to have equal representation in government, all these things that I just was like, why doesn't this happen? What have they figured out that we haven't? And you feel that in so many parts of the culture where there's a term, I'm not even going to try and say it because I'll say it so wrong. It's like, Okay? That's what everything sounds like. But it means you're not better than anyone else. And that's why they have no prom queen or prom king. There's no hierarchy. There's no hierarchy because if you're prom queen, that's embarrassing. You think you're better.

Oh, it's a little tall poppy syndrome.

Yes, that's exactly right, which is the opposite of America, which is America dream, fight and become the best. And I relate to that, too. It's almost like I have two sides.

I very much relate to that. Yes. But I see why it's problematic as well.

Totally. I'm back there and I'm like, it's a huge bike culture, which I don't know how to drive. It's just not a car-centric place. Everyone's hot. Insane.

How's the diversity there?

Oh, not great. There are certain areas that have more diversity, but that was one of the big things. I remember moving there and I was like, oh, got it. Okay, there's some racism, and it's not this perfect place. Also, just because I have brown hair and I'm a little olive, people, when I lived there, were like, you look exactly like Penalupi Cruz. That's what I got every... And no one here says that. No one thinks that.

I mean, I can see it. I mean, not really. It's not a huge stretch.

Not really. But they're like, Oh, my God. All this to say that I'm like, I want to move here. And then I get to the airport. Oh, no. My idealized self concept completely eroded because I travel a lot, so I have a certain status with my airline. I always fly with the same airline, which is life hack. I wish I'd known that earlier than I did. But if you fly with the same airline, sometimes it meets more layovers. It's annoying or more expensive. But at the end of the day, it's priority boarding. You'll just get better seats. It's just a better experience. And so I've gotten used to, I guess, a certain level of comfort and hierarchy They're like, And so I get to the airport, I have my giant bag. I don't know what happens, but every time a cab driver helps me with the bag, they're like, Are you traveling with stones? What is in this bag? You overpack. I overpack, and I don't know why it's heavy. I mean, our podcast equipment, it's not that heavy, though. No, it's not. It's not. Sometimes I go like, Maybe it's the mic. No. I know.

It's probably not. Anyway, I don't know how it gets that way, but it does. But every time I fly, because I'm playing with Delta. I love Delta. Me, too.

They're my airline as well.

I literally would die for them. So every time I fly with Delta, it's over. But they put the little heavy tag, and then they say it's heavy. Oh, yeah. And you don't pay. And I don't pay. I don't even know. It's like, it's a couple... You don't even know. It's a couple... I mean, I don't know. It's literally I know. This is so bad. And then she goes, Oh, it's over. It's 600 krona. It's like 150 bucks or something. It's still expensive.

Significant. Yeah.

And I just looked at her and I was like, What? I was literally like this rich white lady like, I don't understand what you're saying to me. It's over. I was like, No, but I always fly.

You're like, It's always over. It's always over. And I never pay. I never pay.

Did you cause a scene? No, I didn't. I just looked confused. I'd never been denied anything in my life. And I was like, I'm going to just go with it. And again, she's not being rude, but I'm like, Oh, okay. I guess she's right, but I've never had to do this. Then I'm like, the person taking out this stuff being so chaotic. I transfer into a second bag. I'm doing stuff. And she's like, Okay, just make sure to hurry because there's passport control and your plate is whatever. I'm like, chill. I have global entries, so I'm used to, yes, there are lines, but I don't spend hours in it. I get there and then I see this little cute shop. Oh, no. I'm not totally leisurely, but I am allowing myself to- From what you're used to do it. Yes, exactly. Then I'm walking through the gates, and then I'm almost at my gate, and then all of a sudden I just see this huge mass of people, the biggest line I've ever seen in the middle of the airport. I'm confused. A lot of people are confused, by the way. We didn't realize we have to go through this huge line of passport control to get to our gate.

And so we're all packed in this line, and I'm trying to find a guy. I'm like, Oh, where's the global entry? Yeah. He's like, Are you an ambassador? I was like, No.

You're like, No, I paid for this.

Yeah, I paid 300 or whatever global entries. No, I'm just special. And he's like, No, this is the line. And I just stood there for... Yeah. And I almost missed my flight. It was so stressful. And I realized I see myself as this person that wants no hierarchies. But then I'm like, Oh, I benefit from my underlying status.

I'm so glad you said this. I really, really am because I think the problem is hypocrisy, right? In not seeing nothing's perfect. And I actually like pieces of this, and I like pieces of this.

And that's normal.

That's everyone. And I think it's important to admit that, especially as someone who is vocal about a lot of important issues. It doesn't mean you're not a person. And I actually think It's better because people just hear like, yeah, I think everything should be fully egalitarian. And just like, we can all wait 15 hours and we should. And that's what it goes. All it does is make me feel like a bad person because I'm like, fuck that. No, thank you. But I guess I'm bad for liking elements of a hierarchy. But I'm not because it is very human. We are animals that come out of hierarchies. And not to say we can't break those down. We can and should and we're evolving. But it's okay is all to say. And I think it's good to know that there are benefits to all things.

Yeah. For me, airline hierarchy or whatever, I guess is because I've gotten I'm used to it because I travel is taxing for me, and I want to do less of it. But there's this sense of like, I was just in an airport two days. I'm so tired. These people are doing this once a year. I deserve. But it's like, no, you... I don't know. It was just very interesting.

It is interesting.

I was like, wow. Again, I love it on a governmental level. 100% taxes, and I appreciated it so much in so many ways. But then, yeah, there's an Icelandic airline that's super cheap. If you want to go to Iceland, it's from New York. I remember it was like $400 or something crazy. Oh, my God. Crazy. I mean, this was like pre-2020, so maybe it's more now. But a very low price, easy, frequent airline, and they have no seating assignment. Like Southwest. But also they have no classes. You're like, Cool. And then you're like, Depending. I don't know.

It's just like- What I think is controversial to say, but I believe is true. I see it in my life a lot. People who are very liberal in their ideals and are very outspoken about all of those tenets and equality and feminism and all of these things. I don't mean you. It does sound like I'm talking exactly about you.

Yeah, there's contradiction.

There's so much contradiction, and I see it pop up. It makes me so much more angry when the contradiction happens from that person than when it's someone who's just like, No, I fucking love first class, and I think we should continue to have it. That's that person's point of view instead of... This is my presentational point of view, but internally, when push comes to shove, I like money. I've seen that happen to people where it's like, I'm anti-consumerism. Amazon's horrible. Yet when I'm in situations with them where money is concerned, they want it. It's not that they're like, Oh, everything should be 50/50. No, they're not.

It's also a very liberal elite thing around the election. And there's a whole discourse on TikTok right now around these very ultra-left progressive voices. When Kamala Harris got the endorsement and became the nominee of them being like, She's a cop, basically pointing out all these ways that she's not up to par on issues. And it was a lot of white, and there were a lot of popular Black voices on the platform that were like, If you're calling for a revolution from your Brownstone in Brooklyn. Again, it's not to discount anyone's opinions and whatever. You can vote however you want. But I think there's been an interesting conversation about exactly what you're talking about.

I see it in misogyny a lot, where it's just like, okay, this is what you say, but I see your actions behind the scenes. And, Nope. It feels so much worse. It feels like such a big slap in the face. Betrayal. Yeah, it does. Truly, it feels worse than someone I was like, Well, I think men should be in power.

Being honest, I've always felt that way. I prefer a sexist guy over a male ally, quote, unquote, who's actually not. The level of betrayal is so much worse. And again, it's sad because it's made me very wary of any man who makes his whole brand being a feminist or even any white person who makes their whole brand being antiracist. Exactly. That's what we want. And again, there's been some discourse around, is that even possible? Do people who make this other identity group, their whole brand, even kosher in a way?

To me, it's just so presentational.

You're trying to prove something. I mean, the most feminist guys I know have never wanted to even whenever I'm like, Oh, but you're such a great guy. You're such a great... They never want to accept that. Yeah. It's hard with my dad. I remember whatever had this, This is what a feminist T-shirt. I was like, Oh, my God, because the internet loves my dad, even though he has mixed feelings about it. He is an influencer. I was like, Oh, people will love you in this shirt. He was like, No, I don't want to brand myself as like... And again, the kinds of people maybe who do want to wear those shirts.

It's for a reason.

It's for a reason. I mean, this is a dark drop, but I was in a literal abusive relationship early on when I moved to New York. This guy literally would wear this what if I missed it looks like T-shirt and post pictures of himself in that while being violent. You know what I mean? He just- The irony. Yeah. And so now I'm very like, if you're wearing feminist march, I'm a little skeptical. Just be authentic. I hope this is not taken as like, if they do them, if they don't. I just think there's like a sniff test.

Not just men.

No, not just men. No. Not all. Not all. Not all. Not all.

We're back. Not all and not just for women, too. It's the same situation where I'm like, Wait, what? You're saying this, but then you're doing this. Why don't you just do that and say it's complicated? Yeah. Because it is.

Right.

Okay, let's do some cues. Okay, let's do some cues. Oh my gosh. My birthday is coming up.

I know. Oh my God, wait.

I haven't made any plans. You feel conflicted? Yeah. I didn't expect this, but I think I'm stressed about it.

Okay, 37 really put me through it. Why is it? I didn't expect it to have the effect that it did. But maybe a midlife crisis is bigger and I'm going to be like, Oh, that's so funny that I thought that that's what it was. But 37, the number did something to me.

There is something about it. I just want to ignore it, and I just wanted to come and go, which is weird. But also, I think I'm going to force myself to do something. I think it's nice. It's a good excuse to get people you like in a room, but maybe more on that next week. But I think I am like, Let's talk about it.

It helped me a I thought working through the feelings. After that birthday, I was like, Maybe this is the last big birthday that I'm doing. I don't know if I need- But you didn't do a huge birthday or anything. You're right.

I thought that was great.

There was a reckoning of accepting it. I'm the youngest I'll ever be. And I get it. I didn't expect it.

Yeah. Okay. I'm sorry. I'm looking for them for some. No, no, no. Okay, here we go. How about this? Should I ask my partner before losing weight? Hi, Monica and Liz, long-time listener of the entire AE umbrella here. Oh, this is from Ray. This is an extremely taboo subject, so maybe in writing this other women will hear and won't feel as lonely. I've struggled with carrying weight and PCOS for years. I gained a lot of weight during the pandemic, and no matter what exercise, how many times a week, I just not lose it. My husband and I are going to start trying in winter for a baby, and I've always wanted to lose the weight before I get pregnant just so I can be the healthiest version of myself for the baby and for me. My husband is away on a work trip right now for over a week, and I was told by a doctor I would be a great candidate for a am I glutide to help lose weight. I am beyond devastated in how I look, and I really think I want to do it. I guess my question is, do I need to ask permission or ask my husband his opinion on it?

Or can I just say, FYI, I'm on these pills now? Ozempic and other semi-glutides are so new, and everyone says it's the easy way out, and I'm not sure what his response would be. Thanks, ladies. Really good question. I always land on the side of like, no, you don't ever have to ask anyone permission to do whatever you want to your body. But I mean, yeah, period. That is how I feel. And then I do think it's something to share because remember when we had the person who found the erectile dysfunction pills and it was like, why wouldn't he tell her? And that felt a little weird. I mean, this is like that, but that was a man's body, and this is a woman's body, which is interesting because with their man's body, I was like, maybe you should share. And for this, I'm like, you don't need to do anything. But it's all the same. It's all about intimacy and connection. And I think you do what you want to do. And it seems like you want to take these and do it, see how it goes. But I would definitely tell your partner.

I don't think it's a big deal. It's so, at this point, common, and it's helping so many people. You've checked in with your doctor. You You've done all the right things. It sounds like it would be really helpful to you, so why not do it? I would not ask for permission. I don't think you should ask for permission to be on any medication. Exactly. But you certainly can let your partner know. If you do have reservations about it, I would discuss it with him because he's your partner, and it's a great thing to talk about with your partner and chat through. But if you decided that you want to do it, I would just share, I'm going to do this, and my doctor says it's a good idea, and I want to do it.

I've also been prefacing more when I'm entering conversations that make me a little anxious, whether they should or shouldn't. I've been saying that more out loud before the conversation starts to the person. Hey, I want to talk about something. For some reason, I'm nervous to say it, but I went to the doctor, we talked about blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and you tell them. And I think just saying, I'm uncomfortable to talk about it, or I feel a little nervous, lets the person in onto your emotion. And then hopefully, if they're kind, they won't be like, Well, why are you doing that? Because they know you already feel a little bit sensitive. Or you can say, This is a little bit of a sensitive topic for me. Yeah. So I feel a little weird about talking about it, but I obviously want to include you, and I want to tell you that I want to try this. I think prefacing will help you. It'll just help you set the groundwork.

And be honest about how you're feeling.

Of course, when I read that you're upset with your body, that's sad. Of course, I want you to hear from us like, You're perfect. You don't need to do anything. And you are. But if it is going to make you feel better, that is the only thing that matters.

I think a year ago when it was new, it's probably been around for more than a year, but I think in a mainstream way.

Yeah, they've been around for a long time, but in this new fashion.

Right. Of not just extremely wealthy people having it. Or again, maybe I have a misunderstanding of what it was, but I think less people were on it or it was less available. It was less mainstream. I've just had so many friends be on it and it has helped them in so many ways. Even not big weight loss, but at a friend who has diabetes and has different autoimmune issues and just losing those 10 pounds help her in all these other ways. I just think, why not? Anyway, maybe there's this perception But I just think, screw it. You're living at this during this time where there's this drug that could help you in ways that have not been available before. This is just exciting. Take the opportunity. Yeah, take it and bring that energy to the conversation. If you're being very like, he might read into it or be concerned. I think if you come in excited, and it's a little different from what you're suggesting, which, again, don't fake anything, but come in with the energy that you want him to be receiving it.

Yeah, share your true emotion behind it, whatever that is. And maybe it's both. But also, look, people do have opinions on these things, and they don't belong to you. People have opinions on everything. People have opinions on antidepressants. I'm not going to not take them because people's opinions on them when it helps me, you just have to take care of yourself.

You do. And typically, if we have good partners, whatever medication it is, whether it's antidepressants or Ozempic or whatever other form of it, usually your partner is just happy.

If it's a good medication for you, yeah, and you're not struggling as much, then that's wonderful.

It helps your mood. If you're happier or feeling confident, that's going to lead into your relationship, too. Oh my God. 100 %. And your doctor, you know. Yeah. Weighed in on this. They wade in on it, and it can be helpful in so many ways.

I would just think your partner would be excited that you are seeking a treatment that's right for you. Yeah. Okay, great. When do you say, I love you? This is from Sarah. Oh, I already love it. Hi, Monique and Liz. I'm currently in a committed relationship with a sweet man. We had our first date, December 30th, 2023, and I've been official since February 25th. I started falling in love with him early on and have known I was for sure in love with him since March. However, we have still not said, I love you. We often tell each other we like each other a lot and have big feelings, but I think both of us are scared to say the L word. I have been really hurt in the past by being I'm the first one to say these words and have not had the best reaction. I really wanted to wait for him to say it first this time around, but I'm becoming impatient.

Shouldn't he know after six months of monogamously dating each other, should I swallow my fear and say it first, even if he's not ready to say it back? Help. I was just watching the episode of Sex in the City on the plane.

Oh, my.

Where she says, I love you, and he doesn't say it back. What do you think? I mean, you're in love with each other. You've been dating for six months. And if you're not, then you shouldn't date anymore. Oh my God, Liz. That's such a Liz. Sorry. That is such a Liz answer that you're in love because you've been dating six months. I mean, okay.

I'm pretty... Yeah. I think you're probably right. And then if you're not, then you want to know because like, do you really want to keep dating this person if they're not sure after six months? Yeah. Do you think you would last that long, six months without... Without being in love? In love? Yeah. You would? Yeah. Monogamously? I guess I don't know. No. It just depends on the person because if I'm enjoying them a ton, if it's just like, this is super fun and I'm enjoying it, I don't necessarily know if I'm like, this is a lifetime type of love. Maybe not. But my take on saying I love you in general is I think you say it when you just want the person to know it's true. And it's not actually about hearing it back. I know this is really hard, and it's easier said than done, but it's such an overwhelming feeling for you and that you are gaining from loving, not from just being loved, but from that perspective, you're gaining something.

I think that's when you share it. There's no expectation because it's not about that. It's not like, I'm saying this to know if you love me back. It's just, I'm saying this because I want you to know that that's how I feel.

But then they don't say it back. Would you feel okay about that? Because even, again, in the episode of Sex in the City, she says, he hasn't said it back, so he has a few weeks or we break up. Because what do you do? Can you keep dating someone after you said, I love you, and they don't? Well, I guess it depends on how they react. If they say, I'm like, what? I guess we could roleplay. There's only two ways. I mean, you either say it back or you don't. But if they say like, That's really hard for me to say. What if they say this?

I love spending time with you. This is also a friend episode, too.

I love spending time with you, but I'm not ready to say that. How do you... Well, here's the thing.

Here's the real truth. Does it change if you love them? I think you're lying to yourself if you think it does. No, but it changes how much you're going to invest in the relationship. It might change that. It might change that. But then that is information. But you shouldn't regret saying what is your truth. I think we both agree in the sense that I think she should say it. If you're feeling it, it's been six months. You're getting impatient. You want- You want to Also, I feel like when you say, I like you a lot, it's code for... Because again, I've been in that situation. It's like, I like you so much. Again, I'm a recovering codependent, but I just feel like that means I'm trying not to say, I love you. You're trying not to say it. Because when do you say that to anyone? I like you so much. You don't say that. If you're at the point where you're saying those things. No. Okay, wait. Someone has said that to me. They probably loved you. No. Or we could do it the bachelor way. Slash bachelorette. Which is first they Say, first comes love, then comes marriage.

For sure. And they're two days apart. They say, I'm really falling for you. Oh. It's like, that means I'm falling in love, basically. So you could say, I'm really falling for you. And again, you gage the reaction. And if they say it back, that means that they're falling in love with you.

Yeah, that's a good middle ground. I still think you should say it, but also it's scary. Of course it is. This is the unfortunate truth. You love him. So there's no going back from that. To me, it's like, you might as well say it. It's your truth. All the times I've said I love you first, it was by mistake. It literally comes out. Also, it is going to come out. It's going to come out at the funniest, and it I remember with my ex, David, we were like, whatever, a few dates in. I'm sorry. Day number two. No, I'm kidding. I made him wait seven dates to even kiss me. That was our big joke because he was very scary because he was older than me, so ready for a commitment and so available. And I was a little freaked out. But it was Christmas, and he'd given me this super sweet typewriter, pink typewriter, because he knew I was a writer.

I remember I was trying not to cry, but I was super moved. And then I go into the cab leaving his place, and I'm like, bye. Literally, the door closed. I'm like, I love you. And then we both just are in shock and laughing. And then the cab just drives away. And I was like, oh, my God, that's so funny. It just popped out. But okay, this is a different type of conversation. Now in 2024, in America. Everyone says, I love you all the time, right?

It's just popping out of everyone's mouth with your friends, with people you've met twice. It's just a constant. It's true. If I was dating someone and they got in the car and they were like, bye, I love you.

I wouldn't even hear that as I love you.

I would just hear that as like, oh, yeah, that's the sign off that people are doing these days. Guys don't do it as much. You think a guy would just love you? I mean, I guess they do, but it's common with women. I mean, my guy friends, we all say it. My guy friends say it back, but they don't initiate.

This is so annoying. There's a vacuum. You think we can hear it? Holly? Oh, no. It seems like they're doing- Maybe he's almost done. I feel like it's just When he started.

No, I can hear him coming back down. Oh, it's out. Okay, it's in the hallway. This happened before. Sounds. Jess got his colonoscopy yesterday. Oh. Yeah. Actually, it made me think we should get colonoscopies at the same time. Like, we did race to 35.

But I think we have some time. But actually, I don't know. I've had one. You have?

Because you're having stomach issues. Because you're having stomach issues. I'd never put on a tampon. I was 19, and I got my period, so I had to go both holes. They were going to go up my butt, and I had to go up I'm like, Okay, perfect. It worked. They're like, We don't want to hear about that.

When you had your colonoscopy, did you have to take the pills or did you drink the drink? I drank the drink.

How much poop? I moved the TV into the bathroom because we didn't have iPhones back then. I just watched Friends for 12 hours while I could. What did Jess do? A pill?

I don't know.

I want to call him. Call him. See how it went.

It has nothing to do with what we're talking about. We really took a tangent because of the vacuum. But I do think colon health is important.

It's very important.

A lot of people under 35 are getting colon cancer.

I know. It's a huge problem.

Maybe I do need to get one. I think you only have to start when you're... 40? I think it's 50 because I think Kristen is Hi. Hi, you're on synced. I'm on synced. Hi. Is that like on hinge? Exactly. Yes. Oh, my God. The vacuum.

There's a vacuum. I think you can hear it, but we really wanted to check in on your colonoscopy.

Liz had one, too, once. She said she brought her TV into the bathroom so she could make her poops. She did a podcast about her colonoscopy? No. This was pre-podcasting. This was pre-podcasting, although we did just say maybe the two of us should get colonoscopies at the same time and do that.

But I wanted to know how it went for you and also about how the pooping went. Race to ask us. I don't know what you call it, too. I'll do your next podcast. Everything was good. It was all clear all night, last night and this morning. Clear yellow, I said. And they're like, Oh, that's good. Oh.

A lot of yellow.

The poop? White grape juice. I like white grape juice now. The Beast Frost was not my favorite, but I added some Maldon's, which makes everything great. Obviously. I watched all of hacks. I watched half of evil. So I watched two seasons of things. Nice. And then, let's See, my butt was a little sore this morning from all the pooping. And then I got there, and I was 2:32, so I felt like I lost five pounds. I know it's not real, but I really felt like I was a skinny girl. I was very skinny this morning, and it was pretty easy, breasy. I went in, they put anesthesia on me, and then I woke up, and I was a little groggy.

I'm still a little groggy. My friend Chris came and picked me up because I wasn't allowed.

Yeah, I working.

Otherwise, I was supposed to be speaking.

And then we got breakfast burritos. Oh, nice.

So you feel fine now, body-wise? Yeah, I'm pretty much fine. I mean, earmuffs. I think I'm not allowed to drink, but I think I got whited out. I asked her to white it out. So I think I think on the new protocol, it says I can drink.

I think it actually says I should drink.

Yeah, I think it says that. I think you have to. Yeah. But I think she winks at me and put a spell on the Xerox because the one I got, it says you should.

And the original one, it said I shouldn't. Okay. That was antiquated, and they've updated their system.

How often were the bowel movements? Good question. Once they started, because it took about an hour and a half for it to get going, the Skiddly Dews moving. Once the skiddly do started moving, it was once every 45 minutes, but no pain. Oh, that's good. For any bottoms out there who's douched before, it was like, Oh, that for me.

Oh, you're like, I'm used to this. Okay, That's good. You douche?

Liz is asking- No, I didn't douche.

No.

In general, she's asking if you douche. I douche before sex. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Bottoms do this.

I didn't know that they were going to find polyp immediately.

So that made me a little nervous right before I went under.

And I woke up and I go, Polyp? And he said it really groggy. And he goes, No polyp. That's great.

Okay, so all in all, that was it. Those were the main questions. We just wanted to check in on you and also teach people about colon help. Yeah. Yeah. I'm glad I did it. Love you, girls. Okay. Love you. Bye.

See, love you.

Oh, God. We did it.

See, but we said it first.

No, he said it.

He said it? I don't remember. I think he said, Love you, girls. That's what he said. That's what happens.

That's why I think- Love you doesn't count, but I love you.

The I is important.

It's huge. It's everything. It's massive. I think is the whole point.

And eye contact. Well, again, I. It's all I.

It's both eye contact and the word I. If you have both, it's real. Have you ever said it like that? Like, looked in someone's eyes and said it, and then do you cry? Again, because it always comes out of me. So every time it's like a funny bit.

My last boyfriend, the same thing where we're just like, it was very early, too.

It was like way too early, but we were like, goofing around.

And I was like, I love you. And I was like, and I put my hand on my mouth. I was like, no, no, no, I didn't say it. And it's just cute. Oh, that's funny. But I don't think you should make it serious, though. It's in a little moment.

But sometimes it's not serious, but when you're really feeling it. Totally. But I prefer it in a casual because I think it's cuter.

This is mixed messages from you. Oh, interesting.

And maybe from me, too. I feel like normally we I'd be reversed on this. I'd be like, Keep it really casual. You're right. Don't make it an intimate. And you'd be like, No, I really want it to be special. But you don't. No.

Because when you know you love someone, sometimes it's a big gesture or a big thing they do, and you're like, But usually, it's like they're literally just... I remember this boyfriend had very young, early 20s, but he just flipped this bottle cap and kicked it and looked at me and was like, Oh. And I was like, Oh, my God.

I love him.

It's usually in a dumb moment.

I think that's the time you say it. I agree. Yes.

I'm excited. I'm happy for her that she's in love.

Me too. Sweet. It's so fun. It's lucky and it's fun. And even if it doesn't go exactly the way you want, you can remember that.

Loving someone is a very good feeling. There's also like, okay, one last His Goofy Way, I did it once with Daneating Denmark boyfriend that I- King? Imported. No. The one that I dated after King. His friend, but whatever. But we did it for two years. It was very serious. But I remember he left, or I left Denmark, and we had this time together. It was really sweet. Then he had told me that he used to spell I love you. I love you in Denmark is Ja es elskadei, I love you. He was like, Oh, I used to spell it with an A instead of an E. I remember there was just this funny spelling that he would do with it. I remember writing him an email, I think back then, because we didn't... I guess you could text. But again, this was pre-iPhone. It was 15 years ago. In an email, I think I wrote like, Ja eske daj with the little mistakes so that it was like a cute casual, but still a way of declaring it. Don't try and plan it. But I just think it's better when it feels not casual, but just normal.

That it's not this big grand gesture, and you're not putting all this pressure on the person to say.

I agree. I definitely agree with that. But I think you should say it. Good luck. Good luck. All right. Well, I think that's it for today. We'll see you next week. We'll still be on the armchair feed next week, but we'll probably have our feed up and going by next week. So go over there, subscribe, and we love you guys.

Keep writing in. We love these questions. We really do. They get better and better every week.

I didn't even think it was possible. All right. Love you. Love you.