Look, I may not be as smart as my female coworkers, but I had a much louder voice than them and a significantly less amount of shame. So that's very helpful in a meeting when they make a really good point. No one else has heard it yet, and I can just sort of repeat that point, but much louder and take full credit. Follow for more tips on how to succeed in corporate America. On this episode of the commercial break, we're going to get me, Jeff, Astrid, and Chrissy all bending over, and you're gonna have a blindfold on, and you're gonna have to smell our scrundel sacks and tell who's using Lumi and who's not. That's. That is putting the rubber to the road.

I'm gonna tell Jeff to use it during the festival weekend. Oh, yeah, he does.

Swamp it.

Taste test it.

You'll taste test it.

Gee, I didn't mean to say taste test.

Wow, Chrissy's on fire. Look at that. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. 30 in the morning. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is my co host, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us. We appreciate it. Have you ever been stopped at an airport, like for extra. Additional screening or anything like that?

I'm trying to think if I have, maybe just like my bag has.

Because you had a bomb in it, right?

And that was a flag. They flagged it.

They swiped that thing down. We went through security with baby formula. We would have to go through extra security. It was ridiculous. We'd have to get that swipey thing and they have to put it. What are they swiping for anyway? Literally on the gloves and nitroglycerin or something. I don't know, biochemicals, some shit like that.

Yeah. That's always been like my full size expensive shampoo that then I now have to throw away.

I know. I've thrown so much shit away at the airport. So much shit away. When I was a smoker, remember, they take your lighters?

Oh, yeah.

And they'd throw them away. That was the worst of the worst, because then when you could smoke in an airport, you would be like, everyone would be using one lighter. There'd be 30 people in a smoking room, and one person would have managed to snipe. I know. They don't have them anymore. Now they're dog pissing rooms. They are they put Astroturf on it.

I think in San Francisco might be like a yoga room.

Oh, God. God damn. Taking all our fun away. Now, I'm not promoting smoking. I think it's terrible and you shouldn't do it. And I did it for many years, and I wish I. And I don't take that back. I do miss smoking sometimes. I really do. Do you miss smoking sometimes? You never miss smoking?

No. In fact, I was passing somebody on a walk the other day and they were smoking. It was a construction worker, and I was like, oh.

Oh, that's. That's what gets me. That's when I miss it the most, is when I walk by somebody who's smoking a cigarette. God damn. God damn.

Once a year, I think I do smoke a cigarette.

Yeah, I do.

Some kind of party or something.

I do. I get a. I get a pass.

Remind myself why I don't like it.

You know where I get a pass? I get a pass at conferences. That's where I get a pass. That's where I smoke my one cigarette a year. But by the time I get halfway through the cigarette, I'm like, fuck this. Gross. Yeah, I don't want that anymore. And then, God damn, when someone offers me a cigar, I'm like, whoa, tobacco overload. I like smoking a cigar every once in a while, but I just find that I don't know how to do it right. No, no.

It's just kind of a cool thing.

We were at this.

I've been to a couple of those cigar bars and. Yeah, I remember inhaling them and then just. Yeah, you're not supposed to inhale.

Didn't you and I go to, like, a speakeasy once here in Atlanta? Like a secret cigar bar where all you would do is drink and then feel more nauseous because of all the cigar smoke in there. Oh, it was the worst. I used to tell people when I was running bars, I'd be like, don't smoke cigars in here. Please don't do it. Take it outside.

It is a very pronounced smell.

Yeah, it is. We went to a cigar bar. Two stories about cigars. First, my first honeymoon, we went down to Cabo, and we're in Cabo. And the day that we get to Cabo, the night that we get to Cabo, there is a category four hurricane bearing down on Cabo San Lucas.

That was an omen.

We canceled the honeymoon to save the money. No, no, no. It was fun. We had a good time. Yeah, but we show up and we show up at this really shitty all inclusive resort where everybody has gone, there's, like, nobody in the resort. We're the only ones that show up. And when we get to the room, all we can smell is paint because they are repainting the building, like that wing of the building, and the paint fumes are overwhelming.

Oh, God.

So I get up in the morning, like 06:00 a.m.. I grab a cup of coffee. I walk down the beach, two resorts down. There's like a whatever, a Hilton, los Cabos or whatever it was. And I'm like, well, we don't have the money. We're broke as a joke, but we're gonna stay here because I'm not gonna stay in the shitty all inclusive resort with paint fumes all day long. So we roll over there, and the night, the second night that we're there is when the hurricane hits. And so now we are in a hotel bar where they have hurricane shutters up. You can hear them banging so loudly, it's scary, the wind. I've never heard wind like this. It's just howling. But the bar is lively. There's probably like ten or 15 of us.

Yeah, everybody's drinking, ready for the disaster.

That's it. If we're going to die, let's die here. Cabo San Lucas in this bar. And there is a guy roll, a lady, excuse me, who's rolling cigars with cuban tobacco. So it's a cuban cigar, right? Technically, I guess it's a cuban cigar. And so she's rolling them and they're just giving them out because, you know, we're all gonna die. Yeah, we're all gonna die. Why? Why charge the guy for a cigar? Let's just let him smoke it. And they let us smoke them inside of there. And I'm telling you what, I got so sick. I mean, it might have been the 13 bud lights, but I'm pretty sure it was the cigar. I got so sick to my stomach smoking that cigar. And I had an older guy came over to me. He was like a french guy or something, right? And he was talking to us, such a lovely coupe. You were smoking a cigar. And I go, oh, yeah, I'm smoking this cigar because it's terrible. He's not smoking the cigar the right way. I'm like, what? And he goes, you're smoking the cigar like a cigarette smoker. And he's like, you can't do that.

And I'm like, but as a cigarette smoker, I can't help but do that. I want to inhale every time I smoke and I got so I was like, hugging the porcelain.

Yeah, I think I've gotten sick from that, too.

Second cigar story is. And I've had lots of scars in my life. These are just the two that are pronounced stories. I go to a podcast conference. We're trying to woo some big podcaster. It's like twelve of us out at the famous restaurant in Houston or something. And there's a guy who lives there in Houston, and he's an older gentleman, and he is one of these guys who parties hard at his advanced age. Like, way too hard. The kind of partying you think you should probably put down in your twenties. But this guy, and he's known for this, he's just known to be this guy, right? The old alcoholic that everyone puts up with because, hey, why not?

Well, he can never stop because then he can never go back to it.

Yeah, I think his liver is pickled. And so if he. If he stops, he will die for sure. So he's. This place that we go in Houston is a mexican restaurant, authentic mexican, very famous. And they also have, like, the world's best cigar selection or whatever. So we all eat, we go outside, we go into the cigar room, so this guy can show us what the best cigars in the world is. And hey, it's on.

Big humidor.

Yeah, humidor. It's on us. Let's get a nice cigar. And hey, what do you want there, Brian? Chico Mondico. Or do you want a pango? Pango? And I'm like, I don't fucking care, whatever. Chico Mondico. They had no, it's a $100 cigar or something like that. And I'm telling you what, Chrissy, I lit it like everybody else lit theirs. And then I slowly just started slow.

Yeah, this. They roll it.

Hey, it look like a bunch of idiots.

They roll it and light it.

Look like bunch of idiots sucking on a dildo. You know, getting it all sloppy at the end. It's the grossest thing. You're just like licking your own saliva. It's all mashed in there. It's all wet and weird. And so I light it, but then slowly underneath the table, I'm just putting it out. I didn't take three puffs. I was done. I wasn't even drinking. I was just like, I'm gonna get sick to myself. But I didn't need to smoke the cigar because everybody else around me was smoking the cigar. And that was fine. I get on a plane two and a half days later with the same jeans that I had worn out.

Oh, and it still smelled. Yep.

And the lady next to me asked if I had smoked a cigar before I got on the plane. She goes, ah, you smell so nice. My husband used to smoke cigars. He's passed now of cigar related cancer. But did you smoke a cigar recently? And I was like, two and a half days ago. She's like, I can smell. It smells so good. What she really meant was, get me out of this chair. My husband was an idiot.

Oh, my hair. I remember after being in one of those cigar bars used to really smell.

You know, it's amazing to me that I smoked a cigarette. Smoked cigarettes as children. Listen, I grew up in a much different time. It was kind of that weird, you know, people have known that tobacco smoking, cigarette smoking specifically has caused cancer since, like, the forties or fifties. But it never became a thing until, like, the late eighties, early nineties, when people like California started, you know, banning it in restaurants and stuff. Like, California was really at the forefront of making sure that none of us had fun with cigarettes. And they raised the prices to dollar 15 a pack or whatever in the early nineties. But when I was growing up in the nineties, my mother was a cigarette smoker.

Me too.

All of my family members at some point or another. And I'm just talking extended family, aunts, uncles, even my dad, for a short period of time early in his life, was a cigarette smoker. I grew up in Chicago, where it was not unusual to go to a dinner party and everybody was smoking cigarettes. Absolutely in the house. Ashtrays in the house.

Yep. I remember that. I'm amazed that my dad put up with that, because he's never smoked. And my mom was just, yeah, we would have.

I remember going to your house, your, your parents house, and your mom was smoking cigarettes in the kitchen. And I was like, whoa, it's kind of old fashioned. I like it. I like it. Reminds me of my youth.

Well, too. They used to make it look so romantic, like in movies and things. Yeah, it is sex.

It is romantic. Yeah. There's something just sexy about a cigarette. I know that I'm telling the kids what not to do, but. But when I was a teenager, probably 1415, maybe even 13, I started smoking cigarettes, you know, randomly here and there. And I cannot believe it now, looking back on that, that my parents didn't realize that we were smokers, probably because other people in the house were smoking like my mother.

Right.

But the clothing reeked of cigarette smoke. I mean, reeked of cigarette smoke. And then finally I think my parents just gave up and they were like, fine, you can smoke cigarettes, but you gotta do it out in the garage, out in the front. So we were 1516 years old and people loved to come to my house because everybody smoked cigarettes. Every teenager I knew smoked cigarettes at least once in a while. And they all could do it at my house.

Exactly.

Out on the front.

Everybody smoked.

I'm surprised my parents didn't get arrested. I mean, honestly, like smoking cigarettes right there on the porch with those teenagers. Imagine doing that today. Imagine doing that today. Imagine me letting my children smoke cigarettes out in the front of the house and just making it a place where people could smoke cigarettes all the time. It's crazy. It's crazy how things have changed in just such a short 50 years. I've. I've almost been alive.

No, it really has been, though, like 20 years. It changed dramatically.

So anyway, back to your lighter. Back to the lighters and the airport security. I wanted to share a story that I think is just like out crazy. There is a couple now, two couples who went to the Turks who went to Turks and Caicos. And both of the men in the couples brought, accidentally brought ammunition, gun bullets in their bags because they were hunters and they had put it in there for whatever, and then they just forgot that they had some extra ammunition that was rolling around in their suitcase or in a bag in their suitcase. They are now looking at spending twelve years in jail because of the extra ammunition that they brought. Both of these guys are looking at twelve years. They've had their passports taken away. One of them has been on the island for 75 days.

Really?

And he can't leave the country. He's bailed out. He spent the first few days at jail, they bailed him out. He's got to wait till his trial. And the punishment for this is twelve years in a jail in Turks and Caicos. Now, I'd rather be in jail in Turks and Caicos than, you know, sing sing or something like that. For sure. Rikers island. But still, I mean, I think I read about this.

I was like, wow, that's incredible. I mean, it's a good reminder to check.

It is a huge reminder.

How did they make it in to. I don't know what the TSA checks for.

Do you know what? Have you ever been through a TSA check line? Listen, this is a thankless job. It is.

It's a thankless job. My shampoo is thrown away.

I know.

What about the bullets?

I know. And they get like I read somewhere they had like four to 7000 guns were taken from people in security last year. Four to 7000 guns. What are you doing? Yeah, listen, whatever. Talk about the gun debate and responsible versus irresponsible gun ownership and all this other bullshit. We'll leave that for a different show. But when you're getting on an airplane, I think we can all universally agree that a flying fuselage, a flying piece of tin up in the air, that depends on. On not having holes in it.

Yes.

Is probably the worst place to have a gun that can put holes in it, you know what I'm saying? Accidentally goes off. Whatever happens. It's just probably a bad idea to let guns anywhere near an airplane unless you're an air marshal who's trained to do it. And so I don't think this is a mistake that I would ever make. But, you know, I know plenty of people. I have a friend who brings every kind of narcotic you could think of on airplanes. It doesn't even phase him. It doesn't even phase him. And sometimes I'll call them up for advice. I'm like, you know, hey, where do I stick my pound of cocaine? Watch, I'm gonna get stopped at fucking TSA. Next time. They're gonna flag me. I'm gonna get Tsa'd. And I just wrap your head around spending twelve years in jail for having a few extra, you know, hunting bullets in your case. Can you imagine?

No.

And one of these guys has a family. I mean, how terrible. We gotta go see dad and Turks and Caicos. That's a good excuse to go on vacation, I guess.

Yeah. You might as well just go ahead and buy a place down there then.

I mean, you would think that there's like some kind of, like somebody who can do something, like a US consulate or something could go and be like, hey, he's really sorry. He's really sorry. Isn't it?

And it was just the bullets themselves.

That's it. That's it. Just bullets. But the gun laws are so strict there that they don't want people even having bullets. And it's considered a huge offense. I think this is one of the British Turks and Caicos Islands, too. So you think with our relationship with them, you could just say, hey, accidental. Yeah, accidental. Maya culpa. So sorry. Didn't mean to. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I feel like this came up at another point, too. And it's a big. It makes a big story and then they do get out of it.

I think they will I don't think they can put. I mean, I don't know, because, you know, what's good for the goose is good for the gander or whatever. The actual saying is fuck you. But you would think that there's somebody out there that can offer some help in this way. You know? Can't Biden pick up the phone? Jingle jangle, Turks and Caicos and say, hey, accidento, accidento. Gotta go take a nap now. How about Trump sleeping in court? I'm sorry, I know we don't talk about politics, but I think this is the funniest fucking thing that Trump is farting and falling asleep in court like my grandpa used to do. He used to fall asleep, watch a judge wapner, and just fart all the time. I'll never forget it. The room smelled terrible. Grandpa was snoring and drooling on himself. But, hey, people's court was on, so I'd stick around and deal with it. Both these guys, man, we're gonna have to wheel them both in and out of all the way. Oh, my God, Trump, he's just so funny. He's such a caricature of himself. He's like, there's no one else on earth like him.

No one else on earth like him. And for that, I do have to give him a little bit of credit. He's an original. He's an original. We've never seen anything like Trump. And, you know, some people might pray that we never see anything again like Trump. But that's a. That's for a different story. Anyway, okay, let's do this. I want to take a quick break, and then I have a really interesting story I thought I'd share with you.

Ooh.

Okay, we'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath. And now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right, it's 212433. And you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail, and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and dm us on Instagram at thecommercial break and on TikTokcbpodcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast.com dot. Now, I'm going to thank g one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G. And here they are.

Hey, podcast universe. I'm super excited to be talking about an old friend of mine, Jordan Harbinger, and his podcast, the Jordan Harbinger show. You know that Chrissy and I don't do a lot of talking about other podcasts, but the Jordan Harbinger show definitely deserves a mention. And here's why. Imagine the serious version of the commercial break where you actually learn facts from actual experts and in depth interviews, all the crazy, interesting, weird and philosophical stuff that we find on the commercial break to have fun with. Jordan takes some of those same topics, and he applies a degree of serious journalism to it. And he is an excellent interviewer, maybe one of the best in the business, in my opinion. We know for a fact that a lot of people who listen to the commercial break also listen to the Jordan Harbinger show. So if you haven't yet taken a listen, go search the Jordan Harbinger podcasts on Apple or wherever you get your podcasts, or head over to his website, Jordan harbinger.com. That's h a r b, as in boy. I n as in Nancy, G E R. Jordan has been a longtime supporter of the show, and many people have written in and thanked me for turning them on to Jordan Harbinger, including one of our staff members, who is like a Jordan Harbinger super fan.

And to quote her, Jordan Harbinger is like the commercial break with actual facts and a lot less laughing. We think you're going to love the Jordan Harbinger show. So go search on Apple wherever you find your podcasts or get started with those starter packs at Jordan harbinger.com. And we want to thank Jordan for being a supporter of the commercial break. Oh, before I talk about this story, I wanted to share that Jeff, this weekend in Memphis, your husband, Jeff, the guy you're married to. Am I right about that?

That's right.

The guy that you're married to, Jeff Jizzy Jazz. Jeff, music producer extraordinaire and festival promoter Jeff Bransford, married to this girl right here. For what reason, we don't understand yet, but science will soon catch up. Quantum computer. Quantum computer shooting will figure it out.

Yes, it will. Oh, my God. I was laughing, Zoe.

Oh, my God. That's a pee your pants episode for sure. At least for us, anyway. And the quantum Witch will be back, I guarantee that.

Oh, yeah.

Jeff is throwing a music party called a festival. For those of you that don't know, it's all the raids. It's a three day festival called Riverbeat.

That's right, the Riverbeat Music festival.

Listen to the heartbeat of the river with your favorite musician. And who's playing? Michael McDonald.

I've seen him live there. He's great. He's not there. The fugees.

Oh, the fugees. Are they all back together?

They will be. All of them.

You're kidding me.

No, no.

Seriously?

Yes.

My cliff John and everybody.

Yeah.

They're all making it down.

Making it down Lauryn Hill. We'll see what kind of time delay that is.

Lauryn Hill.

Jelly roll.

Jelly roll. Jelly roll.

Yeah. Jelly roll is a big one.

He's got jelly roll. Geez. Jeezy. Jazzy Jeff. Whoa, look at him. High flute. When is. When do we get, like, a private plane trip over there or something?

We're working on it.

Come on. I mean, there's got to be a private plane somewhere that could take us over there.

Right there for sure is.

Okay.

Well, we don't own it.

Well, I mean, you know, the owner of the best. I feel like. I feel like there. I feel like there should be some synergy beyond a tent at Menfo. Like, we should have an ongoing relationship with Riverbeat, and we should be the official Mc's of Riverbeat. And now Wyclaw Fajon and Laurinha Hill in Riverbeat.

Big boy and killer Mike.

Big boy and killer Mike. Black pumas. Love black pumas.

I know. I know. They're really good.

Didn't they play Mempho one year?

They did.

Okay. Just making sure. Okay. Wow. There you go. Get your tickets. What's that? Riverbeat music festival.com or riverbeat.com. Riverbeat.com. What a name.

Riverbed. I know.

Wow. That's really cool. Congratulations. Thank you. To Jeff.

To Jeff.

We'll be here sitting, diddling our thumbs, but, you know, congratulations to Jeff. But I did want to mention that if you are in the Memphis area or you want to go see any of the acts mentioned, you can go get your tickets@riverbeat.com. Jeff, a little love. Although I'm sure he doesn't need it with those names. Is it sold out? Is it getting close to sold out?

No, it's the first year they're doing this, you know, first year festivals.

Yeah, but with names like that. Yeah, you would imagine that there's gonna be quite a few people there. Yeah. Wow. Good for him. I'm so surprised that the Fujis are getting back together, playing a show for your little old Jeff.

I know.

Oh, man. I'm gonna touch his grundle sack next time I see him.

You tell Jeff that's the greeting. Did you do a show about that, about the greeting.

Just tap your nuts a little bit.

Just walk up to each other and.

Grab, instead of the tap, tap on the undersack. What I'm gonna do is just do a little love scrub. I'm gonna call it a love scrub. I just take my hand and kind of rub it under his taint. Hey, Jim.

Good to see you, buddy.

Smell my fingers and say thank you. Is there something going on? I thought I heard someone screaming or something. Yeah, you just do a little grundle touch and then you just smell your fingers and you go, yep. Clean, fresh.

Call it a love sack.

So fresh and so clean. Clean. It's a sack tap.

Sack tap.

Yeah, it's a love sack tap. Hey, Jeff. Tink, Tink. Tell him to put on that kitchen frock and I'll come from behind and I'll give him a little scrundle scrub.

Scrundle scrub apron.

How do you get so clean down there, Jeff? Smells great.

Sponsored by dude wipes.

Yeah, sponsor. Sponsored by Lumi. That lady, she's not a sponsor of the show, but that lady who made that cream that you put on your butt and it's supposed to keep you at an odor zero for.

It's not a cream, it's like a deodorant stick. And I bought some, you know, thinking it was deodorant. I didn't know that. You could apparently use it all over your whole body.

Use it on your piano.

I haven't tried the rest of the.

Body, but we'll try it and then we'll do a smell test here and we'll let the audience know. Actually, we're going to do a raffle. Who's going to smell Chrissy and Jeff scundal sacks? A blind scrundle sniffing. That's what we're going. We're going to get me, Jeff, Astrid and Chrissy all bending over and you're going to have a blindfold on and you're going to have to smell our scrundel sacks and tell who's using Lumi and who's not. That is putting the rubber to the road.

I'm going to tell Jeff to use it during the festival weekend.

Oh, yeah, he does. As swamp.

Taste test it.

You'll taste test it?

I didn't mean to say taste test.

Wow. Chrissy's on fire.

Look at that.

Honey. Cut that into a clip for us, Christina. I want that all around the world.

I did not mean to say taste.

Press release. Chrissy. Taste tests slovies with jizzy jazz, riverbeat swamp ass. He's got riverbeat ass.

That's love.

That is love. You go and you say, honey, let me check down there real quick. Make sure you're the freshest of. Freshest you've got. Wycloff.

It's all for the show.

That's right. Excuse me, Wycloff. Give me a minute. Yep, you're good to go, buddy. Get back with those fugees. Oh, my God. That is awesome. Congratulations to Jeff. Riverbeat.com. Go get your tickets if you're in the Memphis area. And then Mempho, of course, coming up later.

Yes. In October.

And who's playing at that?

Well, that hasn't been announced yet.

Okay.

It's a very things off the air.

You tell me a couple things off air, and then I'll repeat two weeks.

After river beat is smoke slam, which is the big bar.

Smoke slam.

It's the first year they're doing it.

Oh, it must be a different smoke slam I'm talking about.

This is over the barbecue. And they always have a barbecue fest each year, and so Jeff and his team have taken it over, and it's going to be fun. I'm so excited that he was like, I've never learned so much about barbecue fest.

Oh, yeah.

In my life. I mean, all these teams that do all kinds of crazy stuff, there are professional barbecue, and they just go around different barbecue festivals.

Yeah, yeah, that's it. And that's what they do. And there's so many of them. There's a storyline going on on one of those stupid TLC shows I watch seven little johnstons. One of the kids, he's actually an adult now. He has gotten into barbecue, and so they're, like, entering, and they live here in Georgia, so they're entering, like, little small barbecue contests, you know, festivals, whatever they are. And there's, like, some good money to be made. Like, top prize, $2,500. $2,500 for cooking some barbecue? Yep. And probably cost $2,500 to buy all the meat in the eclipse, but you know what I'm saying.

Yeah.

They have television shows about it.

I know. There's one on Netflix, and I love it. And Melissa, that's one of the judges on. There is gonna be a judge at the smoke slam.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Oh, there you go. You can. A little star struck.

Yes.

Are you.

I'm kind of fangirling.

Are you really?

Yes.

You know. You know, we're watching. We're watching. Is it cake?

Oh, yeah.

Okay. And Felicia Day is one of the judges that, and my kids just love the show. It actually is. I'm not a big, huge fan. I'm not going to say that. Never mind. I love the show. I. My kids love the show. And it's really interesting. 30 minutes episodes. It's easy to digest.

It's crazy to see how realistic those cameras are.

I know, it's insane. They had a burger episode, and I legitimately couldn't tell if those were some of those were cakes or burgers. I was like, I don't know. But, you know, it's all trickery with the camera. You know, the right camera angle and the lighting and all that. But, yeah, interesting show. And our friend Felicia Day is on there, so go check it out on Netflix. I think it actually is a very popular show because it wasn't like the top ten or something. Anyway, story, I wanted to talk about more couples. More couples are choosing this. This is the headline, this type of vacation over normal traveling experiences. And what they are talking about is what is being referred to as wholly originally as the sleep cation. So a lot of couples and a lot of hotels and spas all around the world are now starting to cater to people who want to do nothing on their vacation. They want to rest. They want to sleep. They don't want to get hurried. They don't want to make plans. They don't want to do anything. They want to catch up on sleep. What does it say about our society when sleeping is something you have to then go pay to do?

Do you know what I'm saying? Like seven to 9 hours of sleep. That's what most experts say you should get. How many. How much sleep do you think you get?

I know that I get on average, seven.

You do?

Age night. I wear my watch to bed.

Lucky you. Lucky you, man. That sounds nice.

Do not have 30 children.

You do not have 30 children. I mean, there isn't a night when we don't get woken up at least once, probably twice, more like three or four times, because kids, like, you know, the other night, one of my kids peed the bed. It just happens, you know, it's one of those things. They're little and that happens. Sometimes they can't control their bladder. Sometimes I can't control my jizz. That's just the way it is. I'm literally a testosterone machine, if you know what I mean. That's the way it is. So I don't get seven to 9 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I'm in the bed for seven to 9 hours. I'm just not sleeping for seven to 9 hours.

Right.

But what does it say about our society if you are literally thinking about taking a vacation and what you want to do on vacation is something you should normally just fucking do? Do you know what I'm saying? It's part of being a human being. It's getting that rest, recovering your brain, recovering your body. But no, you have to go pay thousands of dollars to do that in peace and fucking quiet. I get it. I'm a parent for parents. I get this. There are so many memes out there and Instagram reels and TikTok videos about how parents go on vacation with the intention of, you know, going out to dinner and romanticizing and going to the museum or whatever they're going to do. And what they end up doing is sleeping till 01:00 in the afternoon, ordering room service, screwing, and then going right back to bed.

I mean, it's a good day.

That. That would be a good day.

A breeze flowing through the scrunch.

Yeah. Breezing right under your undercarriage. That's right. That's right.

Yeah.

But this. This feels to me like another, I guess, thumbtack on the map of where humanity is going when you have to take a vacation just to fucking sleep. I think a lot of people, they're so overworked and overstressed and overtired and partying all night long or working all night long, whatever, and they forget that sleep is such an important part of what we do.

Necessity.

Now, I say this, and I am a guy for who much of my young adult life didn't sleep on purpose. I didn't sleep. You know what I'm saying? I would choose not to sleep. I would choose to ingest things that would keep me up for extended periods of time and then bitch and complain about how tired I was. Well, stop doing cocaine till five, six in the morning, and then maybe you'll get a good night's sleep. But I am. Listen, I watch these kids sleep and fuckity fuck if I ain't jealous.

Do you know what I'm saying? The kids sleep is just so peaceful.

No bill collectors calling.

Yeah.

No ups packages to drop off, no Amazon to buy, no groceries to worry about. Not a fucking thing. And I think to myself, this is the best time of your life. Zero to seven. Best time of your life. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. And Astrid and all parents will recognize this. Astrid and I are so crazed to keep those children asleep at the times when we need them to sleep. Like at night.

Oh, yeah.

Right between seven eight o'clock at night and six and 08:00 in the morning. We are so crazed to do that that we will literally scream at our children in the car if they start to fall asleep.

Right.

And I mean scream like angry.

I mean like, hey, stay awake. Hey, buddy, don't go to sleep. Don't go to sleep.

Look, there's an eagle. It's on fire. Here. Let's listen to Taylor Swift's new album, really loud. Let me open all the windows. It's only 40 degrees outside this morning. Because I know, and every parent knows this, the worst possible thing that can happen is that you go to the grocery store and you have to take your kids with you at 03:00 in the afternoon and you know that if one of them falls asleep, even for 1 second, you are fucking for the entire night.

Yes.

It's like they can suck in 1 second of sleep and be propelled for the next 24 hours. If I slept like that, if I close my eyes, I need. I need ten more hours of sleep. Those kids, they close their eyes just once. Just once. It's like their brain wholly resets.

I know.

And they are ready to go for the next 24 hours.

I have nephews, I mean, who are six and eight and. Yeah, same. They, they got like ten minutes of sleep from the ballpark to the house and.

And now you're fucked. And now for the rest of the night, wound up. And then you got to find something to exhaust the energy. It is a dance that every parent does that. I know. I know all the parents out there that are listening to us, which is probably one. It's probably my in laws, but I know all the parents are listening to us out there right now are just screaming at the speaker because they're like, yes, that's exactly what happens. I shake the car. Sometimes I'm driving down the road, I'll shake the car. I'll stop real quick. I'll put the music up loud. I'll turn the windows on. I'll throw air conditioning on. 64. Yes. I'll crash into. I'll crash into trees.

God.

I'll pick up random strangers. Yeah. I'll pick up random strangers in the car. I put blue on top of them. I don't. I'll tape their eyes open. I don't care. I'll do whatever to avoid that ten second nap. I will. I was driving home the other day, I. My, one of my kids, one of my sons, he's desperate to go with me and I'm just gonna go to the UPS store. And I'm gonna go to the publisher.

Yes, I wanna go.

Yeah, I wanna go. I'm gonna go. And you know, I like the starts pulling up my heart strings. And I'm like, he wants to do a little daddy area, right? It's 415 in the afternoon. I know there's a danger zone, but I figure seven minutes to the public's. The UPS store is right next door. We can make it a fun little trip. I'll sing, I'll dance. I get in the car, I start driving. We are six minutes into a seven minute drive. And I look back and his head is rolling around like this with his eyes rolling in the back of his head. He's right about to fall asleep. And so light is green, nobody behind me. And I just hit the brakes and he's like. And he flies forward and then backwards. I was like, hey, buddy, we're almost there. And he's like, ha. He's like a drunken sailor. He's like, ah.

It'S so true.

So then I'm just like shaking the car gently as we're driving into the parking lot. And I'm like, come on, buddy. Come on. You want to go to the mp's store? Let's go, go, go.

Daddy time. Daddy time.

Daddy, let's go. Just like making all kind of noises.

I know, I've seen it happen because I remember when you used to come pick me up because for a while there I was trying to be very green and do the Marta station where I live. I did it for a little while, but you would come pick me up and then I'd look in the back and there would be the 30 kids.

All, yeah, well, when they're real young, it's okay, right? Because they need 20 hours of sleep. Like they're like cats, right? They just need 20 hours of sleep. They're just gonna sleep when they're really young. But after they pass one or one and a half years old, you got to be extra careful because they need it. Like, you know, 16 hours of sleep. But you got to break that up in a certain way. And it's always got, it's like anything. It's nature abhors non routine shit. You have to keep it on a routine you do so that they know their little brains know when it's time to go to sleep and when it's time to be awake. If you reset that fucking brain, you are in for hell. We won't give our kids those drugs. A lot of people give the melatonin to the kids. We have done that before in certain situations. So I'm not saying we've never done it, but we have tried our best to stay away from, like, you know, doping our kids for our own selfish reasons. But you just. You can never let them sleep in that, like, noon to 06:00 you cannot let those older children take a nap because it's just all over for you.

Then they never go to sleep. And the worst thing in the world as a parent is being frustrated, tired, just ready to, like, collapse into a couch. You've had so much stress and nervousness and anxiety all day long taking care of these kids. And listen, I get the good end of the stick because I'm in here a couple hours a day at least. And Astrid works for us, too, so she also has work to do. And I'll take the kids sometimes also. But the worst part about it is when you get there and it's like 7738 o'clock, it's bedtime. And you put those older kids to bed and all they do is just giggle and talk. It is the most pure, angelic, lovely thing to watch your kids interact with each other in that way. And all you want to do is take your foot and put it on their eyeballs and make them go to sleep. That's all you want to do. I'm just being honest about it. All you want to do is shut the fuck up and go to sleep. That's what I want to say.

Bryan Cranston did that. The go the fuck to sleep.

Yeah. So did Samuel Jackson, which I think is the funnier version. But Brian. Brian Cranston does a good one, too. Go the fuck to sleep, which I actually played for my children.

They didn't know what it meant.

Listen, cursing is the sign of intelligence, so I figure you've embraced that. Yes, I've embraced that. Holy. Because that's like my third language. English, Spanish. And I have a virtual Webster's dictionary of Cuss words. I make them up sometimes.

I know.

All right, let's take a break. I want to talk about TikTok. Oh, yeah, I know. I know. We're going to have to talk. Why shouldn't we talk about it? You know what I'm saying? Because it's going away. So let's talk about it now.

Let's talk about it now.

All right, we'll be.

What?

Oh, hi, it's christina again, here. To remind you to go to tcbpodcast.com for all things audio, video and tcbeedio. Give us a follow on Instagram hecommercialbreak and on TikTok. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCv phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212433 tcb. Once more for the people in the back. That's 212433 tcb. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel@YouTube.com, thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get.

Back to the show. Okay, tick tock. Last week, the are people in charge way up at the top, what are those people called? Congressmen and senators. Right. So all those folks up top, some of them. Some of them idiots, yeah. They passed this foreign aid bill that has, you know, aid for israel, aid for ukraine, and then attached to it also, or in this, I think maybe in a separate bill, they are forcing the hand of tick Tock and this byte dance to sell to any, to a another corporation that is not chinese owned. So everybody is freaking out. Tick tock has spent millions and millions and millions of dollars lobbying Congress and also paying creators to make commercials and say things on tick tock like, don't take away my TikTok. That's not exactly what's going to happen. Tick tock is a highly valuable social media company with access to hundreds of millions of people in the world. And it is so popular that it won't go away. I can promise you this. Somebody, some group of billionaires, hopefully not Elon Musk, somebody is going to buy that fucking company because you don't let something that valuable just go in the trash.

It's not going to happen. And I don't know how I feel about this necessarily, but I understand the concerns, and I believe that, you know, our leaders up in Washington and locally do need to put the reins somehow, put some constraints on social media. This is different because I think that it is. They are concerned that China has all this information. They are dropping these social media apps like tick tock into your phones, and then those phones collect all the information. And if you think that, just say something. Say something with your phone. Say something that. Pick a topic that you have never, ever talked about. Pick a place you would never vacation. Talk about it with your loved one or your friend or whatever in the.

Room with your phone, and you will start to get ads for it.

You will start to get Instagram or TikTok ads, Facebook ads. You will start to get ads for. It might take a day or two. But it will happen.

It does. It happens. Yeah.

Astrid and I have tested this 50.

I did it, too.

Yeah. And it absolutely is true. Because if you read the terms of service, you're allowing these people, these companies, to collect all this information up to and including metadata around conversations your microphone can be on and listening when you don't even know it because you gave permission for the app to do that. Because no one ever reads the terms of service. No one, including me. I don't read the terms of service. Right. And part of that is, I guess, just we're living in a society where that is the cost of admission, but part of that is really super concerning. And imagine a foreign government then has all that information where they may be culling through it in much more detail. Right. It's. It's.

I understand, overwhelming for me at this point where I'm just like, I don't even know how to. I think it's like a fire hydrant.

Oh, it is a fire.

I mean, I don't know how you stop all of that. You have to go through serious measures to erase your data. Erase yourself. I mean, I got an alert the other day, like, data breach.

Oh, it happens to me every three days.

I mean, I'm like, great. They have my Social Security number somewhere. Okay, great. And then there's a united healthcare data breach.

Oh, yeah, I got the United healthcare one, too.

I don't know what to.

It's like, great. All my health care information is out there. But then if I call to get life insurance, they know everything about me anyway. Because there are companies, the billion dollar companies that collect this information, like LexisNexis. And all these people, they collect this information. Your social media posts, your credit card transactions, everybody that you call, every address that you've ever had, you know what you look like, how old you are, what your preferences are, which kind of porn you like to watch. I mean, you don't think it's happening. It's happening. It's happening. If you have an iPhone or an Android, it's happening. If you use a computer, it's happening. If you use your credit card, it's happening. It's all happening. And how do you stop it? I don't think you can. That's the reality of living in 2024, and China does it to such a degree that they give social scores to people. Did you know this?

That's right.

They have cameras everywhere, and they watch what you do. And highly advanced systems of computers then watch what you do, watch your behavior. Listen to your conversations.

Crazy. So scary.

I know.

Black show, black mirrors.

Oh, God, I couldn't. I had to stop watching black.

I was.

It was making me so anxious.

Well, there was an episode about that, but.

Score. Remember the one, the black meat, where they were all, like, recording each other? Like, you know, you were a human and you were recording everything that you ever did? It's like, I'll go back in your recording.

I know. Yeah, it's happening.

I saw a guy the other day, had his bike riding the bike down the street with one of those, you know, Facebook or whatever they call them. Those. The goggles. Yeah, the apple. Got the apple eyes or whatever they call us or. No, no, it's the new apple one where you can, like, you know, go like this. So dude's riding down the street, and he's, like, making hand gestures in the air. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? What happened? What happened? My mom wouldn't want me wearing sunglasses when I rode down the street on a bicycle because she said I couldn't see. I mean, now you're wiring, like, oculus while you're riding down the street, you're in virtual reality. You're checking email and, you know, with your hand, like, up in the air. It's amazing technology. No doubt about it.

It's super cool.

Super cool. But it's not for me. It's not for me. I'm not gonna do that. I don't want to look like the fucking moron at the Starbucks going like this and being like, I just did an online order. I'd like to pick it up. Take your fucking glasses off and look at me, you sh t. And you're standing right in front of me. You can't order that. The kid couldn't have been more than 1415 years old either. And I was like, holy shit. First, which parents in which universe buys their kid the apple gat? The apple gaggles, or whatever they're called, and lets him ride down the street on a bicycle with those things attached to his head. That's insane to me. It's insane.

Yeah. I don't see how you could be paying attention to everything around you, but.

Those apple glasses are then picking up on everything this child does, where he goes, how he gets there, what speed he's going. I mean, we all have gps trackers on our wrists or in our hands. It's insane. So I get the concern that tick tock is giving all this information directly to a foreign government. I'm not 100% certain that it's true, but I imagine there are people in some level of government that know much more than I do. Right, true. So how do you feel about it?

I mean, I agree, but again, I feel like it's a fire hose, and I don't really know how to stop at all.

Yeah.

From spreading. I mean, I don't. No, it's. To me, it's like the. It's like the quantum computer.

And it.

Can do a lot of things.

Oh, yes. It's got many different purposes. You're going to love it. Quantum computing. Soon you will be wearing a big quant on your head, and I will dictate what you do and where you go. Yes. You want to go to Starbucks? Not yet. Check your social score. You've got a d minus. Chrissy for Ludin. Vesivious acts in the bedroom with jizzy jazz Jeff in his scrandle sack. Quantum computing knows we know everything.

Oh, and I feel like by the time. Now that it's gotten to law. Yes, yes.

You think the law is going to stop us?

No, no.

Quantum computing is. That's what we do. We take the constitution and we mix it up with a little bit of Donald Trump farts, and then, poof. Quantum computing is making your life better. We rewrote the Constitution for you. Just look in your apple gaggles. Oh, so pretty. That constitution. Yeah. Let me give you another example.

Why were they going to force to then them to sell it to? And how would they.

There's going to be a buyer. I mean, that's. They're forcing the sale. They're forcing the sale of the company. And if no one buys it, they will shut it down. They will not allow it in the United States. They will essentially put. They'll make Apple pull it from the App Store, they'll make Google pull it from the Android store or whatever, but that'll never happen because it's so popular. I mean, here's the thing. What's crazy is, and I know that this is, like, there are so many things to be concerned about, but the thing everybody's up in arms about is TikTok. You take it from our phones, which is great. I read an article the other day, and I think this is an example of what the government, what people in government may be concerned about. Texas town. Small Texas town.

Okay.

Russian hackers, known russian hackers, took responsibility for a small Texas town, actually, multiple small Texas towns near New Mexico. Their water systems broke down and flooded. And the reason why they broke down and flooded, they didn't really break down. The reason why they flooded is because russian hackers got ahold of, got into the system, the water tower system, and made it overflow itself. And so it was just pouring water out into the desert for, like, 45 minutes until they could gain control back of the system. And then these hackers put a video on TikTok of them inside the system, pressing the buttons, making it happen, which is insane. It's a physical. It's a physical attack from a hacker, which is insane. And I think what the people in government may be concerned about is that China or other nefarious actors are going to have such control over the inflow of information and the people who have these, you know, the apps on their phone and all this, that they may be able to do physical damage in the real world. I believe that, like, start fucking with your phone or telling Brian to take a right when he's supposed to take a left.

I blame it on tick tock. That's what I'm going to say to Astro next time. Why are we taking the back roads? Tick tock. Because tick tock China, that's why. It's all the chinese government's fault. That's what's happening. And so I do get, like, yeah.

Trying to get some kind of handle.

Yeah, this could get kinetic. Right? Right now, it's just kind of a war of information, but it could get kinetic. And I. And I do understand that. And so, you know, until quantum computing comes along and saves us all, that's it. Well, you think I love TikTok. Cock. Cock. That's my new hat, is called cock.

Cock.

Quantum cock. I'm going to put little Mark Zuckerberg hair, and then I'll take Jizzy Jeff, scundal sack, throw some lumi in there.

And poop loomy poof.

Quantum cock, your favorite new app. Don't worry, it's controlled by quantum computing, making everyone's life better and safer. What do you think, Chrissy?

I love it.

I'm taking control of the camera on your iPhone, and I'll be able to see you and Jizzy Jeff making sushi in the nude. I can't wait. We're literally going to suck in thousands of hours of Chrissy and Jeff inside their house and wha bam. Quantum cock. We know everything we need to know from Chrissy and Jeff. Jeff got the Fujis back together. No, quantum computing did. It's not the real Fujis. It's a quantum hologram, like Michael Jackson or the Bee gees. We're going to put them on stage in holographic form starring quantum computing. What do the Fujis sing again? I gotta sharpen up before riverbeat.

That's why we gotta feed it into you.

Yes, Chrissy. I've taken Wycliffe John, and I've cut him up into small pieces and thrown him in with. With Bob Dylan and Bruce Springsteen. Two of the whitest guys you know. And I've mixed it up and wa bam. Lauren Hill is now singing killing me softly. You'll never be the same again once you see the Fujis on quantum monographics. Bring your apple gaggles and your cocktail. Cocktalk is the new social media app that controls you from the inside. It works on a molecular level. Chrissy, how does it work? No one knows.

I can explain it.

Not explainable. You'd need a quantum computer to explain quantum computing to a quantum computer. It's crazy. It's the third level of inception is what it is. We need quantum computing to figure out all of the movies like inception.

That's true.

That's true.

That is really true.

I need inception. I need quantum computing to help me explain inception. Or what was the other one he did? The one most recently about everything going in reverse. Syncope or whatever. No, Syncope is the name of his. What is that guy? What is that director?

I know. God.

Okay, hold on. Not gonna be an idiot here. Hold on. Gonna try and get something right.

Syncope.

Syncope is the name of his exception.

Now, your phone knows.

Yeah, my phone knows. It knows everything. Christopher Nolan. All the Christopher Nolan movies. Oh, tenant.

That's right, tenant. That's right.

Tenant and Dunkirk. Is he. Is it now, or was it then or. How much time did he have left? I don't know. Everything's exploding. It's about world War two, but I don't know. Is it now? Is it then? Which level of the dream are they in? Why are they going backwards? Why is everything so slow? Now? Tell us, Christopher Nolan, you've had quantum computing for as long as ever. You are the quantum computer. I think he is literally Christopher Nolan hooked up to a machine and. Explain interstellar to me, please. Why is he pressing all those books? What's going on? I can't understand. Nolan. I don't understand. You know what's more powerful than quantum computing? Christopher Nolan.

That's true. I know. I just went back a little while. A little while back, I went to go and watch inception again.

Yeah.

Because I was like, you know, now that I know, I'm going to watch it again.

And now that I've studied. Now that I've studied to watch inception, I still couldn't. You know what? That's a good question for one of our guests, actually. Do you understand inception movie? Can you explain it to us, please? Yeah.

Because I just saw an article that said something about it, and they were like, it's really when he goes down the elevator and then this and that, and I thought, okay, I'm gonna go back and watch it and look for this stuff.

And I. I mean, I do understand inception, but it is. It is really complicated and it's brilliant, but it's complicated. Same with tenant. Tenant is twice as confusing as that. And interstellar.

That one, I kind of get.

Interstellar kind of moves in a one direction, but then he's pressing the books, and he's out in outer space, and I don't know, he's talking. Ever something about something. I don't know. Dunkirk is my favorite, because I think Dunkirk, you can get. It's just a World War Two movie. Watch Dunkirk. Oh, so good. You got to watch it. So good. What's your favorite Christmas Christopher Nolan movie, and how little do you understand it? Let us know. Let us know. We would love to talk to you about it. You can dial us up 212433 TCB. That's 212-43-3822 for those of you that can't spell TCB, you need quantum computers. Riddle me this, TCB. What does three TCB really mean? I know, but we do have some people lined up to come on the show, and we'd love for you to be a part of that. If you have a question for Chrissy or I, you want to talk over some silly subject or you just want to shoot the shit, we would be happy to have you on air. So dial us up 212433 TCB. Actually text us or leave us a voicemail and just give us a little synopsis.

Not, don't give us, like, an inception.

Right.

Yeah, make it understandable. But you can text that phone. You can also text that phone number. If you have questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, you don't have to come on the air. You can just text us and we'll be happy to respond. Tcbpodcast.com. That's where you go. You find out more about Chrissy and I. The audio, all the video right there. One location@tcbpodcast.com. Also, you can get your free TCB sticker. Hit the contact us button. There's a drop down menu says, I want my free stickers. Send us your physical address and away we go. Little announcement about the YouTube page. YouTube page will now be dedicated to interviews, audio versions, and select episodes. For now, we've got big plans coming, Chris. And so while we've got those big plans coming, we need to, we need to pick and choose our battles on YouTube. Let's put it that way. So, YouTube.com thecommercialbreak oh, actually, YouTube.com, the commercial break. The commercial break on Instagram, TCB, podcast on tick tock, and yeah, we'd love to hear for you. Thank you. For everyone who's writing in, leaving nice reviews. We really appreciate it. Keep it coming. It's one of the few things that keeps gas in our tank because financially, well, we'll save that for another episode.

Okay, chrissy, I guess that's all I can do for today. But I'll tell you that I love.

You, I love you.

I'll say best to you, best to you, best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, christy and I always say, we do say, and we must sing goodbye.

I get ass.