Transcribe your podcast
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Chil, the wheeze are woe. The wiggle are guggled.

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The.

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Yes.

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Are yon.

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The sneeze are snows. The blink are just blunks. On this episode of The commercial break. Did you know that it takes a drop of water 90 days to travel the entirety of the Mississippi River? Or that one person's circulatory system, late end-to-end, is more than 60,000 miles long? Also, the bumblebee bat is the world's smallest mammal. Here's another interesting factoid. One hair appointment by Theresa Caputo uses over 62 bottles of Gorilla glue just to keep that hair looking, helmet picture perfect. And finally, usually the commercial break only releases episodes Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. However, we love you. You've been good to us, so we're going to be good to you. We've pulled together a few clips from last week's episode to catch you up on all the comings, goings, hilarious, and shenanigans of the commercial break. While it's not our normal MO to be releasing episodes on off days, we want to keep you on your toes, freshen things up, change things around, and we may or may not be contractually obligated to put out a bunch more episodes. I kid, I kid, no one's going to put us under contract. We're just having some fun here in the studio, and we thought we'd pass it on to you.

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Chrissy and I will be back in studio later on this week to bring you brand new episodes of The commercial break. But until then, enjoy this Tuesday CliffsNotes version of TCB. And now, a short disclaimer. The commercial break is not, in fact, contractually to do anything. The commercial break has not been FDA tested. The commercial break may or may not cause extra hair growth under your armpits, on your elbows, on your knuckle, on your knees, on your toes, on your wife's toes, on your partner's toes, on your children's toes, on your dog's toes. The commercial break is not responsible for idiots, fuck-to-wads, ass-hats, shitheads, doosh-caneos, Players, tick-down boys, f-boys, garans, rude people, nice people, short people, tall people, people with three ears, people with one nostril, people with four belly buttons. The commercial break is not recommended. If you are pregnant, might be pregnant, thinking about getting pregnant, trying to get pregnant, not trying to get pregnant, living in a house, renting an apartment, trying to buy a condo, sleeping under a porch, riding an empty rail car, shopping at Target, having Walmart delivered, getting your McDonalds without pickles, eating your French fries with milkshakes, taking too many selfies, licking your finger and sticking it in the socket.

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The commercial break has not been medically tested for any reason at any time for anyone with any conditions. If this is a life-threatening emergency, please hang up and dial 911. Questions, comments, and complaints can be sent to the commercial break by dialing 111-31-31-31-31-21-71-71-21-71-21-21. Dial extension one. Please listen to the entire message as our options have changed. The commercial break may or may not offer you a discount on an extended car warranty. The commercial break, we're tons of fun. The next episode of The commercial break starts now.

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All right, folks, you heard the man. This lovely little Tuesday episode is going to be a hodgepodge of the best of last week. So first up is a clip where Brian and I get into the nitty gritty of dating these days. Yeah, if you know you know.

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When you start filtering through these, have you had physical in-person dates with some of these people? Yes. Okay, what did that look like?

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Not.

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Great. No.

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Someone will look hot. They got their little outfits in there, which is like, mm, yummy. They'll look hot. They have a good profile, good answers, whatever. And then you meet them and I'm like, God, you are dry as a bone. I'm like, There is not a lick of personality here. I'm like, One of the things you have to do, and I know how this sounds, but whatever, this is just who I am, I have to be really careful. Am I having a good time on this date because I am fun? Or am I having a good time because they're actually contributing to the conversation? Because I'm chatty. I'll just talk, remember what I'm like? Me too. And have a little ball, make myself laugh. I always like to say no one makes me laugh harder than I do. And then I'm like, I leave and I'm like, Oh, that was fun. And then I'm like.

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Did he say anything? Wait, was that fun? Did he say anything? Yeah. Was that really fun or did I just make.

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It fun? Yeah. And then I'm like, They probably hate me because all I did was yammer. But then sometimes you get someone who's just so... Them and their profile just do not match. They're a personality catfish. And then.

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Like, this- A personality catfish? I love them.

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Yeah, well, there's one guy he had funny answers, good outfits, whatever, shows up to the state, boring as boss.

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Sleepy.

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Joe. Yeah, and he also didn't really understand some of my funny answers, and it was awkward to have to explain it. I think he thought I was a good time girl, but then I was like, He.

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Thought he was going to get some ass, but you were just having.

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Fun with it. I was like, I'm trying to date.

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Yeah.

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And then he kissed me at the end. It was a horrible. It was literally two little cold, wet, slimy anchovies. It was horrible.

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They were coming at me. Every time that someone talks about a bad kiss now, all I can think about is that episode that Chrissy and I watched where the guy was swallowing that girl's tongue. It was absolutely disgusting. That was hard. It's hard to watch.

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It was hard to.

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Listen to. Yeah. Have you watched the latest episode, the latest season of Love is Blind? I have not. Okay, so I'll just share this with you, guys. I won't ruin it for you. But there's a Love is Blind couple who they get along from the beginning straight off the bat. It's clear, they're matched. There's a couple every season that just right off the first date, they get along and they never look at anybody else for the entire season. There's one of these couples, he's really engaging. She's really cute and gives good... They're bantering back and forth. It seems like a couple that could possibly work out. But when they meet, he almost instantly goes silent and does not contribute to any... It's painful to watch on camera. It's painful. Astrid and I were just screaming at the television, Answer the fucking question. Say something. Do anything. She would ask him a question and he'd be like, Mm-hmm.

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Oh, I hate that.

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She kept on saying to the camera in these side moments, I don't know what's going on here because the guy that I knew in the pods, we never stopped talking. Now he said 10 words in the entire four days of the honeymoon. That's so weird.

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Did they look like a match?

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I thought that he was handsome in a caveman-ish type way. Hard jaw. He's a fireman. Hard jaw, hard face. Yeah, I don't know. I'll show you a picture on the break. All right, we'll see. But my estimation was that the moment they met, he wasn't into her. I will say this out loud that Astrid thought it was the opposite. She wasn't into him. But my opinion is that he is so... He's such a fireman. He's such a dude. He's such a, I don't know, farm-fresh-to-table. You know what I'm saying? He didn't like the fact that she had long eyelashes. He didn't like the fact that she had makeup on. He didn't like the fact that she dolled herself up. That, to me, seemed like an excuse for I just don't like you altogether. I just don't like the way you look. Love is not blind. I'm going to tell you right now. I don't think for a second it's blind. It's blind until you see the person, or it's blind when you're actually blind. But that's the only two ways that love is blind.

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No, you have to have some level of attraction. Some level of? Absolutely. Like, physical attraction. Like, for me, being pansexual, it's definitely more about the vibe and about the person. But there has to obviously be... I don't look at someone and be like, Oh, my God, I'm so attracted to them. That does not happen very often. But even it's like you're attracted to someone's energy, someone's vibe, whatever it is about them that you're just like, Oh, yeah. There has to be something. You can't just, I don't know, not be attracted to them at all physically.

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So you, as a pansexual, you don't get those lightning bolt moments very often where you look at someone across the room and you're like, Oh, I'm really physically attracted to them.

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You have to- It doesn't happen very often. It happened recently, and I was just like, Wow. I was like, Whoa. I was like, I need to calm down.

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Oh, really? Yeah. And did you get to talk to this special someone?

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Yeah, building a friendship at.

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The moment. Building a friendship.

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My ass. Well, I'm trying to whiz on my.

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Way in there, Brian. Go. Is it he or she? She. It's a she? Yeah. Okay. I need to follow up on this. Now the whole TCB universe needs to follow up on Christina. I'll let you know. And her love life. I bring up the example of the love is blind example, because I went on a few Tinder dates, and each of them a shitshow in their own right. Naturally. I did not have the problem of someone not being responsive during the conversation or cold or standoffish, or however you want to say it. I had the opposite, which was the women that I went out with, they seemed perfectly normal via text message, and everything was going well. But the three of them that I met in person, I don't know. All three of them drank a lot of alcohol really quickly, so they were way drunk. Now, to be fair, I can also drink a lot of alcohol really quickly. Of course. That's probably nerves, and you want to get the best of you, and you meet somebody, they're having a good time, you're having a good time. But I physically had to get one of them out of the tree.

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She was like a cow. Do you remember this story? I had literally-.

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How did that happen? How did it get to that point?

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Okay, so her and I have this series of conversations that are going on for, let's call it two months. Okay. When we finally agree to meet, she's a little bit older than I am. She's two years older than I am. Beautiful woman. I was attracted to her. The moment that I saw her Facebook or her Tinder profile, I was attracted to her. We connect, we start talking for a couple of months, and then we decide that we're going to meet. When we meet, I didn't realize it on the Tinder app, but when I saw her in person, I recognized her. I recognized her from a former life. I knew who she was. It took us a few minutes to place it, but we actually went to the same school, to the same high school. That's fun. She was a couple of years older than me. It was interesting. We shared friends in common. I wasn't friends with her when I was in high school, but there were friends of mine that were friends with her. Now we have some commonality. I'm like, Okay, this is starting off well. We have a lot to talk about.

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The conversation never lagged. We are out on the patio. It's a beautiful fall day. We're drinking a couple of margaritas, but I noticed she's starting to get ahead of me on the margaritas. Okay, I'm scared. Yeah. Let's say we're three margaritas in, and maybe I'm a margarita and a couple of Bud Lights in. I'm drinking Bud Light now, and she orders a pitcher of margaritas on.

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Her own.

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For herself. Yeah, for herself. She's like, Will you just have a little bit so it doesn't look like I'm an alcoholic. I'm like, Oh, shit, here we go.

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You're like, We're just going to say it. You're just going to say.

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It out loud. I know how this night's going to end. I got to get some cocaine.

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I'm driving me crazy.

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I know exactly how this night's.

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Going to end.

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Not great. Not great. We travel on to the next place. We'd sit there for a couple of hours, and we'd travel on to the next place. We walk down the street. I know that she's inebriated, but I'm also got a pretty good buzz on. So now we're at that point in the day where you're just having fun. You're a little trashed. Everything's going, I.

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Guess, okay. Just wild, and you're just.

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Having fun. Friday night, we go to this crazy, busy bar. We sit down, we find a couple of bar stools, we sit down, and she starts physically, I don't want to say attacking, but she starts getting really physical and handsy. It happened very quickly. Like hand in the crotch type of handsy. Oh, boy. Which at the time, I'm sure I was all excited about, but thinking back on it, it's a little cringe. Yeah, that's so aggressive. And she was kissing my neck, and then she was pulling my face toward her face, trying to get me to kiss. Anyway, I say, Listen, maybe we should call it a night because I can sense just how drunk she is. Maybe we should call it a night. We'll get together another night. Maybe we can hook up next weekend because I'm not feeling comfortable with the situation. Well, she got upset by the fact that I wanted to end the date, and she walked outside to go smoke a cigarette. The next thing I know, the boutsers coming up to me and he's like, Hey, man, were you with that girl? That tall girl, that girl with the blonde hair.

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I'm like, I was. He's like, She was outside smoking a cigarette and she climbed the tree out front. I'm like, What? He goes, She climbed the tree out front. Now, she won't come down. Can you come talk to her? I'm like, She climbed a tree outside out front?

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Just to get away.

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From you. Christina. I go outside and it is literally as if we're in a movie. There are maybe 15 people standing around this oak tree that is easily climbable, like a young tree that's easily climbable, and she is 20 feet in the air. It is insane. She's 20 feet in the air. And I'm like, I can't even remember the girl's name. Thank God. Probably I want to embarrass the poor girl. But I'm like, Hey, come on down. We'll go to another bar. We'll have some fun. We'll do some drinking. She is absolutely refusing to come from the tree. She's like, I'm staying here. No one can understand her. She's not making much sense. She's starting to cry. Oh, no. So guess who shows up next? The fire department and the police officers.

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Boy, I thought you were going to say, Chrissy. No, the.

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Craziest thing, not the craziest thing, but a funny fact about this night is that Chrissy lived within 30 steps of this bar that we were at. But, Chrissy and I were in a disagreement. We were having a little lovers quarrel, not a lovers quarrel, but a friends quarrel, because I was dating another woman that Chrissy didn't approve of. Anyway, I.

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Don't know. Oh, my God, Brian.

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Finally, we get this person out of the tree. It took a combination of firefighters and police officers to talk her down. The police officers were like, You either get in a cab or an Uber now, or we're taking her to jail for disorderly. I was like, Okay, I'll take her home. I literally put her in a cab. She was like, You're coming home with me. You're coming home with me. I'm going to fuck you so you're coming home with me. I'm like, I'm not fucking no cat, okay? I just got you out of a tree. What do you want me to do? This is the most embarrassing thing. There's literally a hundred people standing outside and and all of them are wondering why I brought you to this bar to go up a tree. I don't get embarrassed a lot in life, but I.

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Was feeling really embarrassed. I'm feeling secondhand embarrassment just hearing the story.

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So I asked her her her address. I put it into my phone. We called the cab. When the cab came, she kept on saying, You're going to come home with me. I'm going to fuck you. I've been like, Fuck you. I've been like, I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I can't fuck you. I don't want those claws to come out. You just.

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Climbed a fucking tree. I feel like you might.

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Bite me. Yeah, I don't know what your.

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House is going to be like. You don't want to lose my penis tonight.

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I know. Are you going to jump off your balcony? Are we going to end up on the roof? What are we going to do?

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What's going on? It doesn't sound like a.

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Good time. Fucking Spiderman. Yeah. So I just kept placating her. Yeah, we're going to go back to your house. We're going back to your house. When the cab came, I gave them the address and swiped my credit card. It was like, See you. Bye. Have a good day. I just never had much luck on those apps. And I think because it's so transactional in nature, it never really made me feel all that good.

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And there's no... It's transactional. There's no responsibility to anyone, and there's no consequences if.

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You suck. No, that's an interesting point.

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Yeah, and so there's no one making sure you respond or make sure you're nice to someone or whatever. And people, they just don't... You know how on the internet, I guess it's the same thing as hiding behind your keyboard. Sure. This person isn't real to you until you meet them, and that sucks. And so I've much... I find it much better to date friends of friends or people you work with. No, that's always a bad idea. But never ends well.

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There's only two employees in this company.

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No, not this company.

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You could talk to Chrissy if you want to.

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Not what I meant, but okay, anyway. Friends of friends, anything like that, because then you do have a responsibility, at least to your friend, to be nice to this person. Yes. And like treat someone with respect.

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That's an interesting point. Maybe that's part of what's missing. Maybe you just hit on something that's very interesting and maybe something that I never thought about. When youTraditionally, before the dating apps came along, you could call a date line, or you could get a matchmaker or somebody like that. But typically, you would find somebody through your social circle, or through work, or friends of people that you work with, whatever. Nowadays, you're literally two strangers passing in the night. And so if someone ghosts you, there's no teeth to it because they just ghost you and they figure, I'll never see that person again. What does it matter? It's one of a thousand people that I've hooked up with on this dating app, why does it really matter? But I think that is making life very difficult for a lot of young folks. It's lonely.

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Yeah. And it's lonely, too. It's hard. It's not fun. They just, I don't know.

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I feel like loneliness is a disease that is fueling a lot of the shit that's going on around the world right now. Absolutely. I think loneliness is a disease, and I think it's pervasive. I think it's an epidemic.

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It's like, weirdly, we're extremely connected to everyone, but then through that, everything is so niche that you're also really separated from everyone. And then your social interaction suffers as well. I don't know, a lot of COVID, our social interaction has suffered because we just don't have it in the same way. During COVID, I got a retail job because I was like, I need to.

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See people. I need.

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To be out. I need to.

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Talk to people. I need to stop being alone with only my sister all the time. It's just not working.

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Did you date anybody during the pandemic?

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I had a situation, shit, for a year of it. I guess it was the latter part of the pandemic.

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And did they keep you company during some of that pandemic? Did you all go back and forth to your house? Or was it mainly an online relationship?

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I guess at that point, a lot of us were working retail, so we.

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Were all-vaxed and.

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Hacks and ready to go. Yeah, and we were all in the same... We would see each other. So, yeah, we did a lot of hanging out and things were getting more normal, and we did a lot of outdoor activities. So yeah, that was fun.

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Have you been ghosted a lot on that app.

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On Hinge? Not like... I don't think like an intentional ghost. Okay. Do you know.

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What I mean? I think it's just- The conversation dropped off. Yeah, it's.

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Just a fade away because I think most of the time, no one really cares or is fun. One annoying thing, though, was I was out one night and I was like, Let's ball. Let's wild out. And I was like, Okay, so I was trying to message this morning. I was like, Someone's actually cute. This is exciting. And so we traded phone numbers, started talking. I was trying to basically convince him to come out to the bar to hang out with me and my friends, and then he never did. I was like, Oh, that's so annoying, because now I know that you were only in it for the ass. I was like, Dang, that sucks. I know. Get off Hinge if you're on it for ass. It's not supposed to be for you. But then I'm also like, now I'm just like, Fuck it. Fuck you guys.

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Yeah, fuck it. Fuck you guys.

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I'm out. I will just find someone some.

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Other way. You deserve everything that... First of all, you're a people pleaser, I can already tell, right? Number two. I'm called out, but okay. -called out, okay? I am too guilty. And on my day of birth. On your birthday? Well, I mean, people pleaser is not a bad thing. It just means- It's not a good thing. Well, in a relationship or when you're trying to date, maybe not. I am so guilty of this. I have an attorney and an agent, and he will tell me all the time, You're too fucking nice. You're a people pleaser. You just want to say yes to everybody. And it's true, I do. And like you, I could go and sit and have a great time with a fucking rock because I just entertain myself. I may not be entertaining anybody else, but to me, I'm entertaining. Yeah, I'm chatting away. So I have been guilty in my dating life of carrying things on for way too fucking long because I think that it's interesting. But what it really is that I'm interesting and someone else is just different than me. They're not supposed to be there, right? They're not supposed to be my person.

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You deserve everything you should get, and you need someone as entertaining as you.

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I agree. I need.

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Someone fun. You need someone fun.

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Someone who's ready.

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To roll. So call626 STCB 3 if you're interesting and ready to roll. We got to put a... Okay, she's pansexual, so there's a male or female or elephant or donkey, whatever you want. Oh, my God. But...

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Not the vibes I'm going for.

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On the inter-web. Oh, my God. That's an inside joke. The other thing is we should put a... Is there an age limit for guys or gals that you're looking for?

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I don't want anyone younger than 26 or younger, I think. Oh, fuck, no. I need your brain to be fully developed.

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Yeah.

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And then age...

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Forty-five? -up around that. -forty-five?

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That's so old. No offense.

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None taken, I guess.

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I think my age limit on the apps is probably like 27 to 33. Jeez. Which is a pretty thing. But I guess I'm open. I don't know at this point.

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Who cares? You don't need to date a 45 year old.

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That just.

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Seems like a lot. It is a lot.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah, Brian, we get it. But back to me. I mean, this TCB promo. Leave us a voicemail at 626, ask TCB 3, and you might just hear yourself on the show. Want to text us instead? Lucky for you, we also have a number just for that. Text us at 855 tcb 8383, and give us compliments. You can also always go to tcbpodcast. Com for all of our audio and video. Find us on Instagram @thecommercialbreak and on TikTok @tcbodcast and find us on YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for fully-edited episodes. Now that that's done, let's listen to a few sponsors and get back to this episode of The Commercial Break. Well, I hope you enjoyed that more than I'm enjoying dating. I mean, that's really not saying a lot, so at least give me that. Next on our journey, we've got Brian and Chrisie watching Lyle Wagner's the most sensual show ever. Now, I don't know about you guys, but my first question when I heard the segment was, Who the fuck is Lyle Wagner? And my second question was, Will a penis pump solve my dating problems? I mean, I don't know. Why don't you guys listen and tell me?

[00:23:18]

I was trolling on the internet. As you do. As I like to do. And I found a full 30-minute, which we won't go through all of it, but 30-minute infomercial, late-night infomercial, dedicated to the man who needs a little help besides his hand, the man without a hand looking to get a little help with his pissle party, if you know what I mean. Getting his pissle pole-like. His pole-like pissle. So without further ado, I'd like to present to you this 30-minute info-mercial. Well, I'm super excited. On Ybron. Ybron, the penis-enhancing supplement. Are you ready? I'm ready. Let's do it. Let's take a look. Let me back up here a little bit. I just want to show the beginning of this because I think it's an important prelude to what we're- Part of the story? Yes. The following special program deals with a new.

[00:24:13]

Homeopathic product, Ybron, just.

[00:24:16]

Released to.

[00:24:16]

Deal with the problem of non-organic male impudency.

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Non-organic? Because of non-organic? What the fuck does that mean? I don't know. I've got my penis in whole foods. Where do I get help with the whole foods, penises? I think this is less of a disclaimer and more trying to get people excited about what's coming up. Right, or that it's official. Yeah, it's official. Many doctors have taken a look at this. Even though we can't claim anything' in this 30-minute infomercial, we just wanted you to know. Just take our word for it. That if you have a non-organic penis and you're looking for help, this is the thing for you. Weibron. Weibron.

[00:24:57]

You were discretion as suggested. The opinions expressed are those of.

[00:25:00]

The doctors and.

[00:25:01]

Professionals that appear and may not necessarily be that of.

[00:25:04]

The general.

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Medical or.

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Scientific community. Right. It's not really expected. The opinions suggested by these four fucking quacks are generally not accepted by anybody else. Right. Let me go ahead and get that out of the way.

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On the low end, I think we should say that about one out of every eight men in the United States have male, sexual dysfunction, or impudence.

[00:25:26]

There we go. This guy's pumping up a penis pump. Yeah, that's a penis pump. You put a penis implant. Oh, okay. They surgically put it in your penis, and then you have to pump it up. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Hurry up, baby. Get it in front of my cockney plates. Well, how do they put it in there? Hey, girl, it's Carl. You know that pump we got for the air mattress? Get it out. I'm on the way over. It can pump me up for… It would have pulled me up to 90%. I'm pumped up. Hey, honey, it's me, Carl. I just want to call and let you know to get yourself ready. In 30 minutes I'm going to start to deflate. I should make fun. You're going to be me in like two years.

[00:26:21]

Do women have an imitant problem? Welcome to Let's talk.

[00:26:26]

With Lyle Wagner. Let's talk with Lyle Wagner. I love it because they made it talk show style, but this is an actual paid commercial. Of course, it's a paid commercial, and everybody in the audience is paid, and the guys up on stage are paid, and anyone who appears on their behalf is paid. Lyle Wagner doesn't even know what the fuck he's about to talk about. Lyle Wagner is such a professional. He's one of these... Half of you don't even know, would never know who Lyle Wagner is. I've seen him. I've seen him. I think he was on Dallas, right? He's like a bit actor from the '70s. Weird television shows like Dallas and dynasty, and he was in some of these movies. Never really famous guy. But he's a handsome, very tanned man with a Pompadour, like one of those Elvis Pompadours. Yeah, it is. It's silver. Did Jeff get the palpator the other day? Did he go for the palpator? He didn't go for the Papadour this time. I don't know why. If there's any Everdysiac in the world, it'd be Jeff with a Papadour. Absolutely. I told Jeff he could borrow my penis pump when I'm done.

[00:27:33]

Thank you, and welcome to Let's Talk.

[00:27:37]

We have another- Did you notice how everybody started clapping and stopped clapping at the exact same time? Yes. This is. Stop.

[00:27:44]

The interesting show today. As usual, we ask you, the viewing audience, to let us know what you want to talk about. You picked quite a subject today, sex and sensuality.

[00:27:58]

Thank you for calling Lyle Wagner's direct telephone line. Please leave a message after the beep. Oh, sorry. Hey, Lyle, it's me, Cindy, from Oklahoma. I really want to talk about my husband's half-hard cock. Are you able to do a whole episode on his half-hard cock? Yeah, people were writing in. Just so happens we have a sponsor that talks about half-hard-hard, Cox. Do you think anybody ever wrote into Let's Talk? No. No, of course not.

[00:28:34]

It's certainly a motivating force in our lives we see all around us, and their advertising, the music, the clothing that we wear.

[00:28:41]

It's a hardcore part.

[00:28:43]

A few things. However, for the 20 million men in this country today who are sexually impotent or experiencing some degree of that problem, sex takes on a very different light, which can lead to extreme frustration and a possible breakdown in a relationship. The focus of today's Let's Talk is on male impotence or the inability to perform sexually.

[00:29:06]

Some of these guys in their audience, they're like, Yeah, tell me more. I know, especially that guy with a cowboy hat on. I know this guy with a cowboy hat on right behind you. You go to YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak to watch this. But there's a guy with a cowboy hat on behind him, and this guy is like, he's the guy who has never cracked a smile in his entire life, but his brain is working overdrive right now. He's like, I've been waiting for this all my life. I've been riding these damn horses, gave me half-cock, quarter-cock. It's a non-organic. It will be- Non-organic quarter-cock.

[00:29:35]

Some explicit sexual problems. We recommend using viewer discretion. In other words, today's program may not be appropriate for the.

[00:29:44]

Younger viewers. You don't say, Lyle Wagner. That was a hard call to make. May not be appropriate for the youngest of viewers. But you decide. It's up to you. Yeah, you decide.

[00:29:57]

Now, the first thing that we're going to be talking about is this product called Ybron. It's manufactured by Smith Davis Farmical.

[00:30:05]

Farmical? Oh, the old farmical company. Oh, Pharmacol. Okay, this board meeting of Ybron is called order, and the first order of business is this clearly doesn't work, and it's probably going to cause men's penises to fall off. We can't call it a pharmaceutical. Sir, I have an idea. We could call it a pharmacol. Oh, I like that. There you go. What exactly is a pharmacol? The pharmaceutical? The commercial break. It's a comedy podcast. We can't call it a comedy podcast. A comedy podcast.

[00:30:43]

I've been reported to be changing people's lives by stimulating sexual desire. I understand that the product is not only for the men who are sexually impotent, but also for the guys who may need to put a little zest back in their sexual relationship. Zest.

[00:30:59]

I don't know. Every time I hear the word zest, I think of a lemon peel. Right. I think of a mixologist adding zest. The zest, yeah, with the little grater. -with absolutely no taste to my drink. Right. It's like, Why did you just do that? It's lemon essence. It's lemon essence? What it really is is the rind of a fucking lemon. If you can not put that in my drink, I certainly would appreciate it. Sounds like you need a little zest in your love life.

[00:31:27]

Right now, I'd like to introduce today's guest. First of all, we have with us Mr. Gary Ballin.

[00:31:33]

He's President of- I really wanted to say that Gary Ballin, because that would have just- Ballin. I think it is Ballin. -fallin, Gary from Smith, Davis, Farmacles. Farmacles. What a.

[00:31:46]

Load of chip.

[00:31:49]

Farmacles. I know. I've never heard that again. Crowding Farger. The commercial for Crowding Farger. Farmacos. You never heard that again because the FDA immediately made that illegal. Yeah, they had to. You can't do such thing as a farmacol. -and there's.

[00:32:10]

No such thing as a Pharmacol. -costic relations at Smith Davis Farmacol. Next, Dr. Marvin Hausmann, a board-certified urologist, a researcher, and medical director of the Center for Sexual Function in Los Angeles. Finally, Dr. Leonard Rappaport, a board-certified practicing surgeon and medical consultant.

[00:32:26]

Gentlemen, welcome-The three men that were just introduced there, one of which is, we'll hear from here in just a second, it seems like Dr. Rappaport here probably is the least likely to experience impotence. I feel like he's on a boat somewhere. Remember we talked about lake life? Yes. How the old men just drive around the yachts? Right. With hot young women all over them? Right. I feel like Rappaport's the guy who's got a big boat. Rappaport, for sure, is doing that.

[00:32:50]

Let's talk. Mr. Ballin, we were talking before we went on the air about your product, Wybron, and you were telling me that this has been changing people's lives. Could you share that with our audience? Yes, Lyle.

[00:33:02]

I can. Besides the couple of incidents of penises falling out, things have been going really well. I was going to say they're going to the hospital. We gave this to 300 germels, and we found that half of them died from having too much sex. It's amazing. Let me take off my glasses and make things better.

[00:33:25]

We.

[00:33:25]

Originally.

[00:33:26]

Developed the product to treat.

[00:33:28]

Male.

[00:33:29]

Impudence.

[00:33:30]

However, after various.

[00:33:32]

Clinical tests, we discovered that not only did it help, frankly.

[00:33:37]

The impudence. It did take off the glasses. It did take off the glasses. He's getting serious. First of all, why do I feel like Gary Ballin was part of these clinical tests. I bet he did try that. We all took a little wire around and went on down to the Cheetah. Take a look at some hot tits. Which clinical test did you do? We slathered Y-Brown all over our bodies. Is it topical or is it pill? I don't know. I tried to order just about the phone number. It was disconnected. I didn't find anything about Smith, Gary, Pharmacles, or whatever it is. But it.

[00:34:17]

Also helped those who are experiencing a.

[00:34:20]

Loss of.

[00:34:21]

Sexual desire. Is Y-brown a drug? No, not in the conventional sense.

[00:34:26]

No, not in any sense whatsoever. I don't know. You throw it in the air and you walk through it. It'll work real well for you.

[00:34:37]

The natural therapeutic product developed in the homeopathy manner, which is considered safe and efficacious. What? So it's all natural.

[00:34:48]

It's considered safe and superficial. It's considered super fragile, just to get me out of the way. It's fine. It's fine. Don't worry about it. Put it in your baths, slather it on your cock, snort it up your nose. It's perfectly safe. Absolutely. Okay.

[00:35:08]

Dr. Hausman- Dr.

[00:35:11]

Hausman, we have 28 more minutes on this special. Do you mind talking a little bit more about this? -these people develop.

[00:35:18]

The lack of sexual drive and possibly become impotent. Well, you have to view this in terms of two phases or two causations, the organic versus the emotional or psychological. The organic or physical is any decrease in blood flow, such as can occur in patients.

[00:35:37]

With diabetes? Okay, now we're learning about the organic. Yeah, organic is impotent. It's physically impotent. Right, but the non-organic is emotional. Just means it's all in your head. Right. They're going to help with that. That's right. Okay. What Y-Brown really does is it makes your partner look better. It's mine, never matter. That's right. Y-brown is actually a VHS cassette with port on it. You take it out of the box and you put it in.

[00:36:04]

Heart disease, people with atherosclerosis. Many people don't realize, but when they take anti high blood pressure medications, they have associated sexual dysfunction. A person who has low back injury cannot perform adequately because of the association of the pain with the movement during sexual activity. On the other hand, we have the psychological or emotional stresses of society, job stress, marital discord, even performance anxiety. Just the fear of failure of a man engaging in sexual function can lead to total failure.

[00:36:39]

Oh, I know that feeling. I know that feeling. The good news is I don't feel that I'm in a fear of failure until after I actually fail. So I'm good, and then I'm like, Shit, again, Brian?

[00:36:52]

I see. Lots of things then.

[00:36:55]

Lots of things. I can see the director in the back like, Thank God we paid for Lyle Wagner. He's real good on the fly, guys. Somebody in the control room gave me somebody else.

[00:37:10]

Integrant in the product Wybron here to some of your patients with favorable results. Is that correct? That's correct. We've used yohembin, which is a product that has activity in the central nervous system. Yohembin.

[00:37:24]

In the head. We use yohembin. It's ayahuasca. It's DMT. It'll make any old hang look great. I think that's like green tea or something. Right.

[00:37:41]

Dysdia and it causes an increase in libido or sexual desire. We've also had evidence that it increases penile, erectile response. We have a little surprise for you today. One of Dr. Hausman's patients, we have evidence- We have evidence. -will be joining us today.

[00:37:56]

I love surprises. What is it? It's one of Dr. Rappaport's patients. That's not a surprise. I don't care.

[00:38:06]

Please let's.

[00:38:07]

Welcome- Oprah is giving away cars in the studio next door. I got Jack and Jill and the silly marital problems.

[00:38:16]

Thank you, Carl and Maria for being with us. Now, Carl, as we understand it, you had lost your sexual desire and ability, but you were helped through Dr. Hausmann's treatment program. Is that correct? That's correct, Lurey. Please talk with us about that. A few years ago, I lost my sexual desire and frequency of erections.

[00:38:38]

And.

[00:38:40]

Things were looking pretty bad.

[00:38:42]

I think Carl is in his late '80s. Don't you think that's the time when you should be losing the frequency of your erection? I think it was the time. Poor Mary over there. She's like, I thought it was over. I thought I got Carl on me. I thought it was already down. I thought I got Carl on me. I thought I got Carl on me. I thought it was already down. I suffered many years, and finally I ran into a.

[00:39:02]

Friend of Dr.

[00:39:03]

Hausman, and- We started talking about my erectile- We started talking about my cock, and next thing you know, it's slamming some Weibrad out there. We had a dear friend. I don't know about you, but when you have a friend like Dr. Carl, everything's going to be fine. That sounds like a strange story, doesn't it? Yeah. What are you guys at a dinner party? So what do you do about your quarter-boners? I'm glad you asked. I got a friend who just invented this shit called Weibron. Hey, I got something in the bag. You want me to jack some on you? I wrote a little note and ask.

[00:39:37]

Him for advice.

[00:39:38]

He referred me- He wrote him a note? He wrote him a note. He wrote him a note. That was sweet of him. You can write him a note, ask him for advice. Dear Dr. Hausman. That's what you do. My cock is broken. Somebody you don't know.

[00:39:48]

Just.

[00:39:48]

Write him a note. I got this piece of mail today. It's about a broken cock. Thank God we have Weibrad.

[00:39:55]

Dr. Hauston, and I was enrolled.

[00:39:57]

Into the program.

[00:39:59]

That was three.

[00:40:00]

Months ago.

[00:40:01]

The program really worked great for me because my.

[00:40:05]

Health condition and outlook for life and philosophy. I want to know what the program is. It's a program like you show up at a meeting, there's a bunch of strippers and porn playing on in the background. I want to know what the program is. What does that mean? I'm interested.

[00:40:22]

Sex Drive greatly improved, and we both enjoy life.

[00:40:27]

A lot more. We go hiking. Now that my penis works, we're both having a great time. He's saying we go hiking. Oh, they go hiking with his bony? We've got an extra walking stick now. I don't know why I find this so funny, but I do. For Mary over there, she's like, Oh, God, I wish Carl would get off me. I know. Yeah. There's got to be a point at every woman's life, in every relationship, when you're like, I just wish this guy would get off me.

[00:41:05]

Okay, podcast besties, time for one more quick break, and then it's back to the drama. Check out tcbpodcast. Com for all of our episodes and YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for fully edited video episodes. Find us on Instagram @thecommercialbreak and on TikTok @tcbpodcast. And of course, if you want to get in touch with us, which of course, you do, leave us a voicemail at (626) ask_tcb3 or text us at 855 tcb 8383. Now let's listen to some sponsors and get this show going. Sounds like Mary and I are having very different life experiences at the moment. Anyway, I have got one final segment for you all, and this time it's Brian and Ashton discussing the couple of the moment. No, not themselves, but Taylor and Travis.

[00:41:59]

I'm going to ask you a couple of questions that I know you are an expert on the subject matter. Oh, really? Yes. When you said you wanted to- Are you going.

[00:42:08]

To ask me.

[00:42:08]

About Venezuela? I'm not going to ask you about Venezuela. I'll keep doing that show. Do you like or dislike the voice that I do for you?

[00:42:16]

I think it's funny. I don't think it's... That's how my accent sounds.

[00:42:24]

No, no, no, no, no, no. It's way exaggerated. I'm not even sure I'm doing a Venezuelan accent.

[00:42:28]

I really hope it doesn't.

[00:42:29]

Sound like that. No, no, no, no. But the.

[00:42:33]

Thing to me is that I feel like when I hear you doing it, that's also the accent you used.

[00:42:41]

To- For your aunt.

[00:42:43]

-for my aunt or for your friend's mom. You know what I'm saying? It's like, well, you're just repurposing.

[00:42:51]

I am repurposing the same accent for your aunt, for my friend's mother, and for you. For most female Venezuelans, that's the voice that I use, but I can only do so much. There's only so many voices in my head. You understand? I'm not even sure I'm doing a Venezuelan accent. I think I'm just doing some goofy Latin accent. But it's all in good fun. Not that it's any of our business. It shouldn't be any of our business. But what's good for the goose is good for the gander. I feel like Taylor Swift has become the female Pete Davidson, so to speak. She is on a terra. I'm in.

[00:43:28]

You're going to get the whole billions of Swifty's out there against you just by saying that Taylor Swift has become the Pete Davidson. If he was more popular.

[00:43:42]

Than she is. He dated Kim Kardashian.

[00:43:46]

You want me to tell you the list of people Taylor.

[00:43:49]

Swift has dated? Well, that's when I'm asking. The question is more pointed than that. I don't want to get into... It doesn't matter how many people Taylor Swift is dated. Oh, no, I don't care. I don't give a shit about her dating. I don't care. I mean, I don't give a shit.

[00:43:59]

Who she dates. What I'm saying is to take the names and how celebrities that she has dated.

[00:44:04]

Here's the comparison. Pete Davidson is on an epic run dating beautiful women, and it seems oddly misplaced, right? With Pete. But with Taylor, it doesn't seem oddly misplaced, at least physically, because she's a beautiful woman, and she's in the prime of her life, and she's single, and she should be out there having fun. But with Travis, Kelsey, do you think that there's any ulterior motive to dating Travis, Kelsey?

[00:44:34]

You.

[00:44:36]

Don't want to say?

[00:44:37]

Well, the reality is that I don't know. I didn't even know who Travis, Kelsey was.

[00:44:43]

To be honest with you. I don't think a lot of people knew who.

[00:44:45]

Travis Kelsey was. I understand now that he is a superstar.

[00:44:48]

He's a really good football player.

[00:44:50]

-in the football community. But I don't know one thing about football. So, of course, I didn't know about him. Now that I've seen all the posts and everything they have talked about him, he's handsome. I think he's handsome. I think he's a good looking dude. Yeah. I don't know if it's PR or not. In my brain, why? Pr for what?

[00:45:16]

She doesn't need it. I think you're giving us an example of why. You have nothing to do with the NFL. You don't care. You have no understanding of what the game is all about.

[00:45:26]

So you think it's more from his side than her side.

[00:45:29]

I wonder if maybe the relationship is earnest. You don't know anything about the NFL, but now all of a sudden you're paying attention to Travis Kelsie. I don't know if the relationship is fake. I don't think it's all a PR stunt, but I wonder if the NFL has really... I mean, it's obvious. They have really taken this opportunity to welcome in people who otherwise may not have anything to do with the NFL. I've heard that the NFL is trying to cater to mothers who may not may not have ever wanted their children to play football, and they're trying to soften up the image a little bit.

[00:46:05]

Well, I'm.

[00:46:05]

Not solving that. No. No.

[00:46:08]

I don't care. Also, I'm not a crazy Swifty, which, no, I'm not. You think I am, but I am really not.

[00:46:20]

Well, I don't think you're a crazy Swifty.

[00:46:22]

No, I mean, I love them. I think what they do, it's very nice. It's very fun. But I don't even get the emails that tell you. I know some real Swifty's, and you know them, too. But I'm not following Travis, Kelsey. I now know who he is. I know his face, but I'm not doing research about him or anything like that. I don't care.

[00:46:51]

Okay, whatever. Well, I've watched so many videos about this now, and it seems like there are many people, most mostly men, mostly white, mostly middle-aged like me, who are not falling for the bait, so to speak. They think that the NFL is paying too much attention to this relationship. They think that the newscasters, the broadcasters of the NFL, games are paying too much attention to the relationship. They think it's just a circus that is intended to bring attention to the NFL in general. Taylor Swift, maybe. Travis Kelsey, he's a rising star. He's been a star in the NFL for a while. Maybe that's a reason to focus in on the relationship and all of the excitement that goes with it. My never ending curiosity around what these huge superstars do or don't do to get press. Is this a press stunt? Is this a PR stunt? Could be. Could be, maybe. Yeah. Like, Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson, is that a press stunt?

[00:47:56]

I mean, the reality is we would never know.

[00:47:58]

We will never know.

[00:47:59]

I just feel like from.

[00:48:02]

Her.

[00:48:05]

Perspective, what amount of PR do you need more than all that you have gotten this year with your tour?

[00:48:14]

If you want to bite on the apple, if you want to bite on the conspiracy apple, some people are saying that Taylor is already so incredibly popular that there's only one base of people that she can pull more fans from, and that would be men, guys, dudes who would listen to her music or who would otherwise not feel comfortable saying, I like Taylor Swift's music. But let's be honest about that. I don't think that that's a thing.

[00:48:44]

I don't think that's how it works. I don't think just because-.

[00:48:46]

How much is enough? I mean, you have a billion people.

[00:48:49]

To listen to you. Also, do you want every single person on Earth to like your music? I get it. Well, that could be a dream, right? Yeah. But I don't know her personally, clearly. I'm not her friend. I wish you did. I wish too. But I would assume that I don't think she's worried about losing fans or getting more fans. I mean, I think she's done.

[00:49:19]

Well enough. I can't imagine being Taylor Swift for a day right now. I just can't imagine it. She is so incredibly well-known. She is so popular. She is so rich. She is so powerful. But it's got to be like living in a fishbowl. You know what I'm saying? It's got every moment of your life is scrutinized. Everything that you do, everything that you say, you have almost no personal freedoms that you can't plan out ahead of time. That has.

[00:49:49]

To be tough.

[00:49:50]

I.

[00:49:50]

Imagine. Especially also in the dating world, because then someone that is going to date you, they really have to be confident on themselves. I mean, they're really exposing their entire lives from the moment they decide to.

[00:50:06]

Date you. Oh, for sure. Travis, Kelsey was already very popular amongst those who were in the NFL. Yeah, but not the level.

[00:50:12]

No, no, no, no, no. It's like what I saw this one-feel of a guy in a podcast that they were talking about this topic. One of them said, defending the NFL side, he was like, Yeah, but Travis, Kelsey, he's a superstar. He's won this and that, Super Bowels and all that. He has 20 million followers on Instagram. Of course. Clearly, he is a star, right? But then the other guy says, Yeah, dude, but Taylor Swift has 300 million followers on Instagram. It's more like Taylor Swift is famous worldwide. Absolutely. Whereas Travis, he's famous in the United States, which, granted, is a huge country, right? And therefore he has, he's very popular. But he's popular here. If you talk about Travis Kelsey, I don't know, in Madrid, in Asia or something, wherever, they're going to be like, Who are you talking about?

[00:51:15]

Who the fuck is Travis Kelsey? If you say it's a guy that's dating Taylor Swift- The dating Taylor Swift. -then they're going to be like, Oh. -then they're going to be like that. You're so right about this. And 20 million followers. I mean, we're lucky to have 2,000 followers on Instagram, you know what I'm saying? Not even. Yeah. And I know what it's like to live in that Fishbowl, that fame Fishbowl. It's really difficult. I mean, that one time I was noticed by someone here locally, and it was uncomfortable. It was an uncomfortable feeling. It was exciting. It was interesting, but it was also an uncomfortable feeling that you could be picked out in the crowd for something that you do that I consider my work. Now, Travis, Kelsey, and Taylor Swift are both living in this fishbowl that is the Taylor Swift world, and it's got to be insanely intense to do that. I can't imagine. I personally think my take on this is that Taylor and Travis have a real relationship. They are dating. I don't think this is a pre-planned press stunt. I don't think the NFL is paying her money to do this.

[00:52:19]

I don't believe in all the conspiracy bullshit. I believe that they had a relationship and that she has drawn a lot of attention to the relationship because she shows up at the games and she's in the box with other famous people. I mean, that's good PR on behalf of Taylor.

[00:52:36]

But that's something like, let's say you were a football player, and we were dating. Well, of course, at some point, I want to go and support you and watch you play your game. That's what you do, right? Sure. Just like if I was, I don't know, a dancer or a singer or something, you would want to come to one of my shows. Eventually, the relationship, it's like, serious enough, I guess. Yeah, that's the attention she gets. She's just doing something normal. If she's really dating him and they've been dating for a couple of months or whatever, well, it.

[00:53:11]

Only makes sense. It's only natural for her to want to go and support him.

[00:53:14]

Yeah, and for him to have her there, right? Yeah. And of course, his family also goes. I would think that's very normal. Sure. The difference here is that Taylor Swift cannot take one step without- No, she.

[00:53:29]

Can't take one step anywhere. That movie that she has of the concert tours, it's like hundreds of millions of dollars. Are you going tomorrow? It's hundreds of millions of dollars that movie has already made. There are movies with Jennifer Aniston in it and Tom Hanks in it that have not made hundreds of millions of dollars.

[00:53:46]

I saw a post last night that she made. Yesterday was the premiere. So she was in L. A. Doing all of that event. And she posted that because of unprecedented sales, they had to add another date. So that movie is actually available now today, starting today because they had to at Thursday. It was coming out on Friday. Wow. And they had to add Thursday.

[00:54:14]

So-so that more people.

[00:54:16]

Could-as we record right.

[00:54:17]

Now- The.

[00:54:17]

Movie's available. -those tickets for today are going to be... She said she was releasing them at 10:00 AM or something.

[00:54:24]

Jesus Christ. What an incredible story this woman has. She is the most famous person on Earth right now, besides Jesus Christ and a couple of others, right? But she is getting to Michael Jackson level fame, I think. This is once in a generation, once in a lifetime. This is crazy. Once in a lifetime, do you see this superstar come out? I applaud it. I think it's fantastic. I think it's great. I love- She's very talented. She's very talented. It's not my favorite music in the world- Fair enough. -but I can listen to some of her songs and not want to turn off the radio. There are some songs that I think are catchy. She smells wonderful. That's a plus. Have you smelled her? Yes, I have. Taylor Swift came to a radio station that I was working. I was working in a cluster of radio stations on the business side. Taylor Swift, right when her first album came out, and it was a country album, she came to the local country station, and a couple of us got to see her. Then she did a performance of that album inside of a room. We got.

[00:55:26]

You know. Yeah, but at that time, she was not.

[00:55:28]

Even half. No, at that time, it was crazy. In the building, it was crazy. Oh, really? No, I'm telling you, it was crazy in the building. People were fighting to get upstairs to see Taylor Swift. She has been a rocket engine since the moment that she-.

[00:55:39]

That's like 2008.

[00:55:40]

Something like that, I think. 2009, yeah.

[00:55:42]

I was in.

[00:55:42]

Senior year, yeah, I remember. Yeah, I was 52 years old. The age difference between us is crazy.

[00:55:49]

All right, everyone, that is it. That is the end of our little Best of the Week show. I hope you enjoyed it. And just know that Brian and Krista will be back together soon and it'll be wonderful. But in the meantime, if you want to get in touch with us, you know the drill. Go to tcbpodcast. Com. You can find all of our episodes, all of our audio and video content. You can also go to YouTube. Com/thecommercialbreak for fully edited video episodes. You can also find us on Instagram @thecommercialbreak and on TikTok @tcbpodcast. And you can also call us and leave us a little voicemail at (626) ask. Tcb. 3, or you can text us at (8 by 5) tcb. 8383. Goodbye.