My biggest problem is how can I do as little work as possible? At this point, I'm clocking in only seven minutes of actual work a day. I look busy all day. I'm constantly typing. I'll just go to other computers that nobody uses and put a floppy disk in and go, Yeah, this one's running. This one's running hot. On this episode of the Commercial Break. I remember that at the radio station, we had some version of that, too. Yes, we did. I don't know. Daily deal. Yeah, 92.7 Daily deal. Two for one hot air balloons ride with Bob's Hot Air Balloon. Bob's. Insurance covered the last accident. Bob's, we were cleared of any wrongdoing.

Bob's, don't look at our reviews.

The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. The 30 in the morning. Oh, yeah, cats and kittens, welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian This is the Swift to my Kelsey, Kristen Joy, Holden. Best to you, Chrissy.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. How the hell are you? Thanks for joining us again. I got to tell you, my house has been a little bit of I don't know, like a landmine zone here in the last 24 hours, and I don't know what happened, but everyone has the ass. Everyone is farting up a storm. Apparently, it has to do with some lentils, some tainted lentils that went around the house.

Oh, the lentils.

Oh, my God, Chrissy.

I saw them eating the lentils yesterday.

I luckily stayed away from the lentils.

I love lentils.

I like them. I just didn't have them yesterday. I just didn't have them. Noémie, who comes here and helps with the kids and stuff, she made up and cooked up wonderful lentils. She's a wonderful cook. Noémie and Astrid, they're wonderful cooks and wonderful chefs, if you will. Chef. I don't mean to say cook. It's a chef. They're making it with love and beauty and mixing all stuff together. And so yesterday afternoon, it's lentils for the 14 15 kids. And then at night, it's this hot dog-rice combination, but not like normal hot dogs, like little sausages. Tiny little sausages, you buy them at Whole Foods or whatever. They're delicious. I'll show them.

Like the little Vienna sausages?

Not Vienna because that sounds like something you would shit out instantaneously.

I used to love those when I was a kid, though.

The can of the Viennas? Yes, I did when I was a kid. Seriously? Oh, God, I couldn't even look at the slime that was in there. I was like, Oh, that's slimy.

I don't like them now, but I did.

No, God bless. You shouldn't like Viennas in your adulthood. That's just not a thing. It's like sardines or whatever they call them on me or fucking Caesar's Sal. It drives me crazy. Anyway, so I see them eating the lentils, and then we go, then hot dogs for dinner. I'm like, Oh, okay. I go to give the kids bath. One of the kids, I'm taking her pants down, trying to get them undressed to get in the bath. I was like, Whoa, jeez. Settle down there. She's laughing. She thinks it's funny. I'm like, Fart, fart. I just The smell that came out of that young lady's butt was unbelievable. It was crazy. I was like, Okay, all right, everyone's got gas. It means your stomach's working in the right direction. If you're farting, you're not dying, right? Right.

It's churning and working.

Then I got six kids in the bath, and it turns into a sauna in there. The kids are just farting left and right. I was floored at how much air was coming out of their stomachs. They're all laughing. It's bubbling up. The smell is disgusting. I'm like, I got to get out of This is gross, guys. What did you have? And then so now they're all bathed and I start putting their clothes on. And I'm like, You have to go take a shit.

You got to shit.

You got to go poop. No, Daddy, I don't have to poop. What's going on with your butt? I don't know. It's making noises. And I was like, Yeah, it's making lots of noises. The baby is literally... She's got one of those little toys where she pushes herself around. She's literally going on air power just back and forth down the hallway. I swear to God. It sounded like that Jetson. Flying down.

That's for the Jetsons.

Yes. They had that noise when they flew around. She was just happy as a clam. She thought it was the The funniest thing ever. So then, okay, all right, guys, everyone settle their asses down. Let's try. Let's try get through a night. I wake up. One of the kids is sleeping with me. I wake up in the middle of the night and I am, holy shit. What is that smell? I thought for sure, blue pooped on the floor. For fucking sure, blue pooped on the floor. I get up, I'm aggravated already. You should see me. You should see the state I get in when blue poops. Blue pooped in this studio yesterday. No. I thought my head was going to pop off of my shoulders. Those kids ran into a different room. They knew what was coming. They knew Daddy doesn't yell much, but this is what Daddy is about to lose his shit over the shit. Because it was one of my kids that noticed it. The studio doors open. All 30 kids are walking down the hallway because I'm trying to herd them into a bedroom so I could, I don't know, tell them something or watch a movie or whatever.

One of the kids stops, looks in my studio, and she goes, Uh-oh, Daddy. I knew instantly. I knew exactly what had happened. I was like, Blue! Blue is hiding somewhere because she knows. Oh, yeah, you can't find her. All those kids ran. They just ran. They just shot off in a different direction. I know. I know there are audience members who get upset when I angrily talk about Blue.

The dog.

The dog. I know you're probably like, Leave that poor fucking dog alone. I don't hit the dog. No.

I'm not hitting the dog. No. There's never been abuse to the dog.

No, no, no, no, no, the dog. The dog gets treats. The truth is the dog is a very spoiled dog, and it's at my hand that it's spoiled, usually. So as much bitching as I do, I'm just bitching. Because if you had a dog that never stopped barking or shitting or pissing in your house, you would also find some level of frustration. Yes. But I got to be honest, when I came in here to clean up the droppings of my little rat that lives in this house, when I came in here, I couldn't tell the difference because as the kids were running away, they were literally pooting all the way down the hallway. Finally, I told Astrid, Hey, babe, there's a lot of gas in this ass. There's a lot of gasses in those asses. I'm not sure. Maybe there's a virus going around. We should be mindful of this. I'm always feeling like I need to tell Astrid something about how our children are in some imminent doom. She's like, They had lentils for lunch. I was like, Lentils?

Lentils caused that much?

They're a legume. Does it really affect your stomach like that? It can, yeah. I don't know. I've had a lot lentils, and I don't remember being that poody. I mean, they were just pooting left and right.

It depends, I think, on maybe what you had, what's your stomach state.

Yeah.

You were already in it.

You put the lentils. Yeah, when you put Vienna sausages and broccoli on top of them. It's just all mixing into this saucy soup.

Oh, God, broccoli.

Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. I mean, this morning, it seems like it calmed down a little bit, which I'm really happy about. But we were in the car waiting for Christie. I had to pick her up from the car shop. We were in the car waiting, and I just heard a... I look back and I'm like, okay- They're laughing. Yes. Who farted? And no one would admit to it because I think they were afraid I was going to yell at them. But listen, farting is part of life. You got to get it out.

It's one of those things.

It's the human body. It's one of those things. You know that the relationship is getting serious when you can fart around the other person. That first fart that comes out, we all know it. We've all been there. We've all been in that relationship.

It's usually an accident, too. Like, Yeah.

Yeah.

Whoops. Then you both laugh. Yes. Then you know it's okay. But if the other person is- If the other person gets turned off. Then that's not a good healthy relationship.

I told you that I had learned. I had trained my body to hold in farts. That's not good for your body. I know it wasn't because it tore up my fucking stomach. I'm telling you what, the next morning, I'd be writhing in pain.

I'd be like, Oh.

But I trained my body. Just don't let it out. Just don't let it go anywhere. Now I'm like, Let it fly, kid. I don't care. I'll be at church. I'm like, I actually don't go to church. But if I did go to church, I would fart. But I always thought the the mark of the serious relationship, the mark of when things are getting serious, is when you can do those bodily functions in front of each other and not worry about it. I never forget when I was a kid, Oh, you want to do Story Time with Brian?

Let's do it.

Okay, Story Time with Brian. When I was 12 or 13 years old, I played a lot of soccer when I was a kid, so I had a soccer coach. That soccer coach had a son on the team. That son on the team, he was probably clocking in at about 2:05 at 12 or 13 years old. Big, big boy. I think that's why his dad was the coach, so that he could make sure that his son got playing time. Because he wasn't the best soccer player. He wasn't very athletic or any athletic at all. Not like I was. Trust me, I got less playing time than his son did. But Anyway, nice guys. We hung around them for a while, and his dad had playboys out in the open. I think I've mentioned this before. His dad had playboys out in the open. His mom knew about the playboys. The playboys oftentimes would be accessed by us without any drama. The dad would just be like, If you're curious, go look, which is weird, but okay. I look back on it now and I think there was probably something weird going on, but I didn't spend enough time with them to really know, so I wasn't that concerned.

I think I spent the night over there once or twice. I don't remember anything weird happening. But anyway. There were these playboys, and they would just pass them around. This family was very open about everything as a point of the conversation.

About bodies and sexuality? About everything. Which can be good. Oh, about everything.

About everything. The mom, when she would cook breakfast or lunch or if we'd be over there with snacks, the mom would always inevitably start up a conversation about something having to do with sex or body parts. Oh, wow. Yeah, I'm going to get back on it, maybe this was a little weird, actually. Now, I'm having some unprocessed trauma coming out here on this show.

That's what we do here at the show.

She said to us, unprompted, she said to us one time, Kids, The secret, the keys to a long-lasting relationship. The secret to a long-lasting relationship is to never shit in front of each other. That's what she said. Never shit in front of each other. Now, I think that's good in theory, but I'm not sure it's absolutely ironclad in practice.

A steadfast rule.

Well, generally, yes. I don't know anybody likes to shit in front of somebody else. No. That would be weird. That in and of itself would cause red flags. That's unprocessed trauma right there.

Yeah, you at least closed the door. Yes. But when you have- Even if the person is in the next room.

Even if they're right next door to you, you close the door so that they don't have to hear all your comings and goings. I mean, that's a big, sloppy mess in there. Who knows what's going on? Stomacks can be upset. I don't need to tell you you're human. I know. You've had a bad shit once in a while. It's like, God, I hope no one's on the other end of that door. We've all been in that public bathroom when we're just dying inside. We're praying that nobody can hear us or smell us. But when you have children, All of that gets thrown out the window because those kids are going to see you shit and you're going to see those kids shit. It's part of the growing up process. Like I said, there is no preloaded software on those children. You have to wipe them because that's what you have to do. You have to teach them how to wipe, right? Yes. It's sometimes when you get involved in the daily activities of the children, like wiping their asses, you start to understand who they are as a person based on the smells that come out of them.

You're like, Oh, I don't know about you, but I will never forget. As a child, my dad's stank. My dad's stank was a defining stank. It was like a fingerprint. I know that stank. I know where it comes from. I smelled it often because we were children and we would run into the bathroom when my dad was... And my dad would be, Get the fuck out of here. Leave me alone. I'm done. I'm done. Five minutes of privacy, blah, blah, blah. But you would smell the stank. I know that it is embedded into my head. If today someone came around with a jar of farts, I would be able to identify my dad based solely on his ass. That's it. My dad's ass, I'd be able to identify him. So you start, there's like a little fingerprint that goes along with that smell. Few of my children, I don't know what dead animals are inside of them, but they are like full-grown adults with their stomachs. It's unreal to me. I'm like, Where is that? When you first have kids and they start pooping, the day that they're born, you know? Yes. What comes out of them is not poop.

It's like a little tarry-like substance. It doesn't smell.

Sure, because it's liquid that's going in.

It's like unprocessed cholesterol or something like that, right? It's just a little bit of whatever. I forgot to call like, melcomin or something. Melcom, melcomin, they call it a thing. For the first five days, that's what they process. They process whatever they've been ingesting in the womb. But there's not really a smell to it. It's not sneaky. Then for the first six months of their life, they stink a little bit here and there, but generally it's just milk, so it doesn't really smell all that bad. By the time they turn six months old, Chrissy, they are just, This is why I can't change my children. I can't do it. When there's a poop, I always look at Astrid and I'm like, Please do this for me. Please don't make me. Because I'm going to throw up on myself. Yes. And so when the entire house is smelling like a rotten ass, I just can't take it. And then my dog is adding on top of it. It's really obnoxious, actually. I'm living in some third hellish universe where I'm broke and stressed out and my tooth hurts and the kids are all farty and the dog won't stop shitting.

Yeah, it's like a parallel universe.

It It is a parallel universe. But how do I shift back to that other universe?

You can't. You got to get on the show Dark Matter.

Dark Matter? Oh, here we go again with Dark Matter. Haven't watched it. Don't know it. Do you remember the first time you farted in front of Jeff?

I don't know if I remember the first time, but I remember A-time. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

What? I remember this morning when I was like, Hey, Jeff, pull my finger. No.

I generally try not to do Christie's like, I'll be back. I think I was laughing.

I'm going to water the weeds. Christie goes outside to do some gardening. Yeah. And she just lets it fly. Jeff's like, It's 26 degrees and snowing. It's okay, honey. It'll be spring before you know it.

I got to get the mulch. I got to get ready.

Oh my God. That's too funny. I could see you hiding in around the house. I'll be back in a minute. Hey, we're in the middle of something here. You and Jeff are making love and you're like, I'll be back. I got to go water the roses.

No, no, there's definitely not a time making love. Oh, No.

No. Well, then you haven't lived. No. You haven't lived if you haven't been farted on during sex.

No, I have not.

No, I didn't say you did. I bet it's happened. You You may just not have been aware of it. You may have been in the throes of passion. I mean, you're letting loose. You're just letting everything fly. You're in weird positions. You're letting everything fly. Don't tell me a fart hasn't come out during sex because I know it has. You may not be aware of it, but it has. I know it. If I could wind back the loop on all of your love-making sessions, I know I would hear a fart somewhere in there. Not from you, maybe, but from your farter.

All right, well, I haven't known it. What's that? I said I have not known it to happen.

Okay, well, I want you to carry a notebook with you.

And note it?

We should note our farts. We should do that. We should write notes, and then we'll put it on our show notes. Here's the exact- You start. I'm crazy. You start it.

I've never farted in the studio either.

No, I haven't either. Yeah. No. Not while you're here, at least. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I spend lots of time in here. It's a courtesy. Yeah, it's a courtesy to everybody in this small, God-forsaken studio of ours. We just got to keep it clean. Yeah. Okay, I'm not going to tell the story. I was going to tell the story, but I'm not going to tell it. I'm going to save someone some embarrassment. I'm not going to tell the story. But I have definitely been farted on during sex. It has definitely happened, and it was not... It was mood killing. I'm just going to say that. Well, yeah. Mood killing. I couldn't go on. I just couldn't.

No, that's what- I started to fake laugh because it was a funny moment.

I started to fake... It's lots of noises during sex, and a lot of them could probably be mistaken for farts. But this was truly and surely a fart because what came after the funny noise was then a smell that was undeniable, right? That smell, because I'm so sensitive to smells, I laughed, but it was a fake laugh, just to...

Lighten the mood.

Not to lighten the mood, to give myself a rip cord, right? Okay. Essentially, so that I could explain while I was quickly gaining a softy and going to run out of the room. It was gross. It was just gross. I was like, Oh, God. You couldn't have held that in until later on tonight when I was sleeping and headed out the balcony for a minute or something.

Or at least got to the bathroom.

Yeah, I think that's a good principle. That is a good principle. Is that when you're, at least when you're first dating somebody is excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Even if you have to embarrassingly admit that that's what you were doing, Hey, I had some bad gas, and so I went into the bathroom. Exactly. I think I'd take that any day of the week.

Rather than experience it.

I dated this This girl one time, and obviously, I'm not going to say the name, but I dated this girl one time, and it wasn't date number two. We were on my couch watching a movie, and she literally lifted up her leg. It was like, and I thought, Oh. Well. Thanks. Wow. Yeah. And what do you say? It was like...

All right. She was used to doing that.

I didn't know what to say. I really did know what to say. I thought, wow. Well, part of me felt like I shouldn't say anything. This is a liberated woman who just feels like she can do whatever. She should do whatever she needs to do whenever she needs to do it. I can appreciate that. But then part of me thought, no, Brian, there are some simple guiderails that you have to put on dating. One of them is, let's not fart until the 50th date. The 50th date, then you get comfortable enough to lift up your leg and fart. But date number Number two. Ask me how long I dated that girl. No more. On and off for three and a half years. There was something about the liberation then.

Something about that liberation.

Something about that liberation. Something about the liberation of the ass just made me so happy. I hope you're listening to this during your breakfast. Yeah. Good morning. Good morning with commercial break. During your lovemaking. This is why we can never have a morning show on radio. No. It's because Brian's mind It works in this serious way. Hambone and Hodeley. Hambone and Hodeley. I want to do another episode of Hambone and Hodeley, by the way. We should. Yeah, we're going to. All right, okay, listen, let's take a break, and then we'll be back. I got something interesting to talk to you as if morning farts wasn't enough to get you going. I got something else to talk to you about.

Great.

All right. We'll be back.

What? Hi, it's Christina again. Here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast. Com for all things audio, video, and T-C-B-D-O. Give us a follow on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at T-C-B Podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking, but I promise this is the last TCB phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212-433-3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212-433-3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

I'm Tanksynatra. And I'm Investigator Slater. And together we co-host a podcast called Psychopedia, which is a true crime podcast infused with comedy making it a crimety. Each week, Investigator Slater brings us a wild and thoroughly researched true crime case. I'm here to digest it all and react just like you probably are right there on the other side of the microphone. Somehow, I've got to present each case with the detail and respect it deserves while also cracking up tank's perfectly timed humor and thought-provoking questions. Listen to and follow Psychopedia on the free Aussie app or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, so Jenna in our audience. I'm going to do an ask TCB next week. We're going to have- Yes, we discussed that. But I wanted to throw out this because it made me think, and it piggybacks off what we were talking about with dating. Jenna from our audience, hi, Jenna, wants to know how we feel about tableside manners when it comes to dating somebody. Tableside manners and being turned off by how someone eats or what they eat during the initial courting phase of the relationship. Now, here's my take on this. My parents drilled manners into my head, drilled it into my head.

Then my former mother-in-law, my ex's mom, taught me how to eat like a French person. Now She's literally miss manners. Literally miss manners. Had that got that book? What is that book? Emily something or other. Emily Post. She had that book in her house. She was all about tableside manners, like prim and proper eating, where you put the spoons in the forks. She knew where all the spoons in the forks went, and she made sure I knew where all the spoons and the forks went before I ever met any of the additional family members. She wanted to make sure she wasn't... She made me change my Birkenstocks and she made me learn manner. But I did appreciate that at that time in my life. I had already, I think, been a well-mannered human being, but now I learned, I took it up a notch, right? Exactly. Now, I'm not expecting everyone's going to eat French style. I mean, with French manners, I think that's probably taking it. I think I take it too far, quite frankly. But I do teach my kids manners, too. I want them to know, please and thank you, are two of the most important words you can use, and you do not slop food into your mouth like you're eating out of a pigsty.

It's just not the right thing to do. Or at least, in my opinion, it's not the proper thing to do. You can bestow upon everybody else to the table a little bit of grace by not drooling your food all over your face. That's just a thing. Wipe your mouth when you're done.

Yes, use the napkin. Yeah.

What Jenna is asking, and the reason why Jenna is asking, there's a bigger story to this, and I'm not going to share all of it, but the bigger story to this is she is dating a gentleman, and the first couple of dates were non-food-related dates. She said they just went for ice cream one time, and then they were at a movie, and then they went to see a concert, and then they went to some festival or something. Then on the fourth or fifth date, they went and had dinner, a proper sit down dinner. First of all, that's weird. Why wouldn't it take five dates to eat something? Yeah, I know. That seems like a go-to. But she said that she was very turned off by the manner in which the gentleman ate, that he was otherwise a good-looking dude who seemed like he had his shit together. Then he grabbed his fork like this and was like, slopping it into his mouth. You know what I'm saying? He took the whole hand and wrapped it around fork and then just shovel the food in. Now, I don't know. Everybody grows up differently and everybody has different parents.

I don't know what turn-up truck this guy fell off of. But at the end of the day, I don't appreciate I mean, I'm not going to think you're a bad human being if you shovel food into your mouth.

No, but it would be a turn off.

Certainly would be a turn off. I also don't know that that's who I would marry. I wouldn't want to date them for a long period of time because I think I would be turned off by that type of eating.

Right, because throughout, then the rest your life, there's going to be lots of eating situations. Could be with office people. Could- Family? Family, obviously. Friends. Friends? I mean, yeah.

Sister-wife?

You never know. I don't know that that's hard to also say, Hey, what are you doing?

I mean, yeah.

That's not something I don't think you can wait on to change.

Hey, darling. By the way- You're eating like a real asshole. You mind if I change that for you? Because I don't know how old Jenna is, but by the time you're dating, you're living on your own and you're dating, let's assume she's in her 20s or 30s. By the time you're on your own and dating, old dogs, new tricks. It is hard to teach an old dog new tricks. When you're used to eating with your entire hand and just shoveling food into your mouth, it's probably going to take a lot of horse-breaking in order to get that in there. I agree with you here, Jenna. I can see why you're turned off by it. I don't know. You could ask them to take an etiquette class. They have them out there. They're available.

Yeah, that's hard to bring up, though. Maybe it could be a new activity to do together. Let's go to this eating class. You mean like a cooking class? No, it's where we learn how to eat. No, no. We walk in- But there's going to be delicious food, too.

And there's 17 six-year-olds sitting there. Honey, I've got a fantastic date for you tonight. Listen, I'm going to drop you off at East West Middle School, and you're going to go in there, and you're going to come back a changed man. If you want to hit this, you got to get that. You know what I'm saying? You got to learn how to put that fork in your hand, honey.

Yeah, I mean, that's going to be tough.

Jenna, if you like him enough- If you do like him enough. And this is a big enough turn off, this is not like trying to ask somebody to change their personality for you, right? Right. Please stop playing golf so much. That's That's not something that I think is... I mean, please stop playing golf so much. Okay, but please stop playing golf because I don't like small white balls, right? I don't know. But that's one thing. Hey, I have an idea that could help us both because, quite frankly, you eat like a monkey who just snorted crystal meth, and I don't appreciate it.

Maybe there's a Groupon.

There's a Groupon for that. Christie will find it. I know. Christie's the only person still on Groupon. Christie's the last human being.

I used to love the Groupons until they started going really bad. I remember Jeff and I were first dating. I was like, Look, I got these massages for us, and we drive all the way out somewhere. I didn't realize it was far away. And then the massages were terrible.

You can South Carolina.

The woman was just spreading oil and then took a cell phone call in the middle of the... Oh. It was like a couples massage, too. So Jeff next to me. And so I was like, Okay, maybe I need to be done with the Groupon.

When they said couples massage, they meant, Come on, Jeff, we'll be a couple for an hour. I'll whack you off and you'll be gone. When you showed up, they were like, Oh, shit, we really got a massage. That Groupon was a thing for a minute, wasn't it? It was. Oh, yeah. It was hot. Remember, we tried to all this time- I did a painting class, pottery, massage. Oh, God. It was everything. It was terrible. It was everything. Yeah, and they all... Most Most of them went bad. Yes. Unless it was just like two for one margaritas at Chili's or something like that, right? Half-price margaritas at chili's. Anything service-based went sideways because the people hated you. The second you said you had a Groupon, they were like, Fuck you. There's no money in this. I can't believe I got roped into this. Now I owe Groupon a million dollars. They're never going to let me out of the contract. These things live forever. It was a miserable thing. Is Groupon still around?

I don't know. Are they a thing anymore? I don't know, but remember living social, I think, was another one. All of these competitors popped up. Yes, they all popped up real quick and they all went away just as quick. Because a lot of the places went out of business. Yes.

Some places did go out of business. That's correct. I'm sure Shirley's Etiquette School was one of them. Two for one, and she got a bunch of Jenna's boyfriends down there with Groupon. I remember that at the radio station, we had some version of that, too. Yes, we did. I don't know. Daily deal. Yeah, 92.7 Daily deal. Two for one hot air balloons rides with Bob's Hot Air Balloons. Bob's. Insurance covered the last accident. Bob's, we were cleared of any wrongdoing.

Bob's, don't look at our reviews. Yeah.

Bob's, it don't look so great, but it's nice.

Don't mind this healing take we got at Party Yeah.

Jenna, I don't know what to tell you here. This is a good one, but a weird one, and I don't know how to- It's a hard one. It's a hard one because you're only a couple of dates in.

If everything else is great, everything else is great, then maybe you could also give it another shot. Yeah. Maybe he was just testing you to see if you really liked him. That's it.

That's true.

By slopping up his food and saying, If she liked it, this is a test.

You know, there was that one That one show, which was a 90 Day Fiancé, where the girl came. This guy was a real estate entrepreneur in Atlanta, which is like saying there's a pine tree in Atlanta. Everybody's a real estate entrepreneur in Atlanta. Yes. A music producer, a real estate entrepreneur, a hip hop mogul, everybody, an actor, an actress, whatever. It's not real. Everyone has three titles, including me, so don't worry about it. I'm throwing stones in a glass house on purpose. So the truth is, this guy was a... What's he saying? He was a real estate-entrepreneur. That's actually so accurate.

I know. You were one for a while. I was.

I was. It's true. I was a real estate entrepreneur.

I think I tried to help you and your entrepreneurial- Yeah, you did. I was your assistant.

But Chrissy smartly got out within six months. I stayed in for 10 years. I forgot where I was going with a real estate entrepreneur. I was talking about manors.

You said 90 Day Fiance.

Oh, 90 Day Fiance? Okay. Guys are real estate entrepreneur in Atlanta. Yes, of course. They're like everybody. But so one of his things was the girl coming from South Africa, wherever she was coming from to be his 90 day fiance, he was concerned she was going to want his money. Right. So what he did is he, instead of picking her up in airport in his Hummer. I saw that one.

Did you see that one? Yes.

He picks her up in some 1992 Chevy with a wheel falling off of it that he borrowed from Brian, his friend in the real estate business.

Yes, correct.

He's also a famous podcaster. So instead of all the shiny toys in the big house, he basically picks her up in a shitty car and brings her to one of his investment properties he just bought that basically looks like something straight out of A&E's hoarder.

Well, no, I think it was like his- His grandma's house or something. Yes, his grandmother's house.

But he was going to fix it up. It was a terrible- She was shocked. She was shocked to her credit, because I would have gotten back on the plane. I am not that shallow of a person, but I don't care. I would have gotten back on the plane.

Well, this was before because leading up to this, he was flashy with his watches and his stuff.

But he never did that with her. He would always take the FaceTime phone calls against a white wall so she could never see his house. He was really over thinking this way too much. He was basically scamming her. I mean, opposite scamming her. He was reverse scamming her. Anyway, so she shows up and then And she's like, whatever. And this goes on for two fucking weeks before he eventually says, Oh, no, this is my multimillion dollar mansion. And this is my homeowner. I just want to make sure you weren't in it for the money. And she was like, Of course I was the entire time.

She's like, Fuck you. Because that was mean. Exactly. Do to me. Also, we're supposed to be getting married. Yeah.

Why are you doing that? You're 58 million dollars in debt. You pick me up in your Chevy Alderado or whatever it is. It's not even an Alderado, it's an Alderado. The point is, Jenna, maybe he's trying to test you a little bit. Could be. Could be. I mean, you guys didn't eat for four or five. Maybe either he's testing you or he also knows how bad his table manners are. He said, I want to avoid eating until she gets to know me a little bit. Listen, truth and transparency. I've said this forever, and I believe it to my core. You can say anything to anyone. It's all about how you say it. That's it. You can say anything to anyone. It just depends on how you're saying it. If you come add somebody witchy, witchy and bitchy, then it's likely you're not going to get the response you're looking for. If you say it with kindness and then say, I'm holding space for that, you can basically get away with anything. Just say, I'm holding space for that.

Holding space for that.

I've got so much space for that. So just go to him, Jenna, and you say, Hey, Rick or Morty or whatever your fucking name is, Ren or Stimpy, I'm going to say, Hey, listen, I think you're a great dude, and I think there's potential here. I like you. We've seen each other a number of times. I think we can go with this. I think we need to do this. But I'm a little turned off by the way that you're eating. It's not probably your fault, but I would love to see if I can help you manor up a little bit when it comes to the dinnertime exploits. What we're going to do is we're going to play strip manners. I'm going to take a piece of clothing off every time you eat correctly. Every time you set your fork down correctly after you're eating. I went out to eat with one of these dudes. I was also a real estate entrepreneur. Yes, you were. Developers are a weird bunch of dudes. They come from all different... And girls, they come from all different walks of life. Some of them super successful. Some of them tell you they're super successful.

Some of them are clearly never going to make a dime in the business, but they're trying anyway. God bless you, whatever it is you choose to do. I was at a dinner with a real successful entrepreneur, real estate guy, a guy that builds 40-story buildings and makes money off of it.

The ones you like to go up in the elevator?

That's exactly who I was with, yes. The one I went up to the construction elevator with. I went out to dinner with him and his team and some other people associated with- Other entrepreneurs. Other entrepreneur real estate people, which was all of Atlanta. We all went to Hall's. Pookey and Snookey or whatever their names are. Pookey and Pat. I'm sitting across from a financier, a private equity guy who is doing private equity, funding equity into these buildings. He was shoveling food in his mouth. He was wearing a $1,000 suit, and he was shoveling food into his mouth. He had literally, literally been born yesterday. He was chewing his steak with his mouth open. He had food coming down the side of his mouth. He stuffed his napkin into his shirt. No. Yes, I'm not even kidding you. Not even kidding you. Well, he had the $1,000 suit. I thought to myself, Pay a fucking $1,000 to get some manners. Just do that. I couldn't even- Or just get it dry cleaned. Chrissy, this is how I had it. I had the conversation with him like I have conversations with you is I'm staring straight ahead, but you're the next to me.

I'm saying, I never look at you once. I did because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle the shoveling of the food in the mouth. Had not all the noises and open mouth- Was he married? I don't know. I didn't ask him. I don't care. Probably not. I don't know. The only thing I remember about that fucking dinner is the dude who shoveled the food in his mouth. That's the only thing I remember. That's how important I think it is. Listen, I get it. It takes all kinds. Again, you're not a bad person because you shovel food in your mouth. That doesn't make you a bad person. It doesn't discount you. I just may not want to eat with you. I just may not want to eat with you.

What about a really fast eater? I remember I was out to lunch one time. Oh, guilty. Yeah. Guys do it, I think, a lot. Not to say I'm a super slow eater, but I'm a normal, I think I'm a normal eater. I remember going out to lunch with time with this guy that I worked with, and I turned around. We had just ordered and just got in the food. I turned around talking to somebody else, turned back around, it's gone. Really? All of it. I was like, whoa.

Yeah, that's a little fast. That's way fast. I speed up my eating. I've sped up my eating since I have children.

Well, right.

I've been saying this for however many years I've had kids. One of these days, I'm going to have a normal meal again. I'm going to actually be able to sit down and eat my meal in peace. Every parent knows this. You cannot eat in peace when you have small children at all. Because the second you put your butt in the chair, they want something else. The second you put your butt back in the chair, the next one needs the same exact thing that you just got. It'll be like, Daddy, I'm thirsty. Can I have some water? Sure, son. Let me get you some water. You get up, you get the water. Everybody in the kitchen knows exactly what you're doing. Then you sit back down to put the water down. Then my daughter goes, Daddy, I need some water. Why didn't you ask me when you got up with Matias? I didn't need it. I didn't need it then. I wasn't thirsty, though.

I know.

It's so terrible.

It is a rotating thing of what people need.

I know. But fast eating, I do. My dad used to tell me, he said, Slow down, son. It's not going anywhere. I think when you're in a big family, sometimes you eat a lot so you can get to second, fill yourself up so you can get the second, so you can get more food. It's like a psychological thing that goes on. Eating fast, as long as you're eating with manners, whatever. Right. Okay, cool. On the other hand, I do have a friend, and we so dislike going out to eat with her because it will take her seven seven and a half hours to eat the appetizer, the appetizer, and then forget about the real meal. Basically, everyone hangs their head in total misery if the dessert menu comes out because we all know we're here till fucking three o'clock in the morning. She doesn't care about being the last one in the restaurant. She doesn't care that half her plate isn't finished and there's nobody in the restaurant and the sun is coming up from yesterday. I mean, no, she doesn't care. She doesn't care. She eats so slow, a bite every half an hour.

I can't take it.

Yeah, if you're out with people, you need to match the speed.

She doesn't get it. She does not get it. She does not get it. I love her to death. I love her, love her, love her. Please eat. How about a fork full every five minutes? That's still eating pretty fucking slow, but at least we're getting there. At least we're going somewhere. One every half an hour. I don't even think I'm kidding here. If I brought Astrid in right now, she would tell you the same thing. If I said the name off air and I said, How does she eat? She would go, Oh, my God, I hate eating with her. She eats so slow. We have kids. We don't want to spend our entire time away from our children with the baby stuff that we're paying money for to watch you take one bite every two days.

Yeah. No, you should definitely catch the vibe.

Because once you're there, then in the middle of the meal, you can't then say, Oh, we got to go, while someone's still eating their food.

I know.

I'm good at Irish goodbyes, but I have manners. So I know at least At least finish the main course before you say goodbye. If you fail out on a dessert every once in a while, okay, I'm not going to think ill of you. But if I haven't even eaten half of my steak and you're already out the door, that's rude. I feel rude. But it took you seven hours to get there. You literally When you eat that first bite of food that you ate. You probably have to shit out right now. It's already digested.

It's already made its way.

I'm already smelling the steak poots from your first bite because your body's already processed it. Please I'm going to get faster. Here's the point, Jenna, as we go to break. My point is, you can have a conversation with him, or there's lots of fish in the sea, and you can just move on to someone who's got to be- I think I would try another meal and see if the same thing happened.

Yes. Also gage Is this the last meal? Or are we going to work on this?

Is this the last supper? Or are we going to rise again? Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. I agree with Chrissy here. This is a fixable issue. If he chooses to get on board with the idea and if you can find a way to wrap it into a conversation without completely offending him. Maybe the other thing is if you don't get as upset about it as some people do, then you know what you do. You just let it ride for a couple more months. Really get into a serious relationship, and then you got all the room in the world to have that conversation. Because if he really likes you, he's likely to say, Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't realize that was bothers him.

I mean, everything else would have to be good, though. Great.

You must be getting digged down.

Everything.

Digged down.

Every other thing needs to be great in order to move forward with that for months.

Yes. Hurtin' and squirtin'. That's what I got to say. You got to be hurtin' and squirtin' after lovemaking if this is going to go well. If not, just find another dude. There's another dick out there somewhere. Glad you came to the commercial break for advice, Jenna? Question mark? All right, let's take a break and we'll be there. Oh, Yuckles. Oh, good old Yuckles. Clown school and dating advice.

Maybe we should add Manner School.

Oh, Manner School. I'll teach Good kid. I'll do it in mass. I'll go live on that fucking YouTube. I'll figure out how to connect this thing to YouTube to go live so we can give them manners. So people don't eat like, morons anymore. All right. We'll be back.

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the Commercial Break, and then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433. Com. 3 3 3, TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content, call and leave us a message at 212 433 3, TCB. And don't forget to check out tcbpodcast. Com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the Commercial Break.

Another thing that Jenna asked about that I forgot, the second part of the question was, it's not only about the way that he eats, it's the things that he has eaten while they have been together. Oh, right. She says that he has a little bit of, I don't know, a down-home I don't know how to say it. I think how she put it was- Down home. Down home. He eats the worst thing on the menu and then has it specially made. I should pull up the text message. But what she said was he ordered... They went restaurant, they had all things, steaks and pastas and all this, a rather nice restaurant. Then on the bar menu where they were not sitting, they had a burger on the bar menu. When the waitress came, she ordered whatever pasta dish, and he asked the waitress, Can I please get a burger from the bar? To which Jenna responded, Hey, they have really good steaks and stuff here. If you want some meat, they have a really good steak, you can get that. Because she was feeling embarrassed, and now he was having this special order, Can I go get it from the bar?

Kind of thing. Then the waitress She goes and asks, he comes back, she says, Yeah, okay, we usually don't do this, but okay, if you want a burger, they'll make a burger and they'll bring it over here to you in the dining room. Then he starts special ordering it. I want this cheese. Can you have extra mayonnaise? Can I get two sides of ketchup? Basically, they're at this nice restaurant and he asked for a steak with ketchup, basically. I thought to myself, Well, I don't think that's as big of a deal as the way that you eat it because tastes in food are particular. I eat cream and cereal, for God's I mean, there's lots of different things that people eat. Sometimes you're just that person. You like that thing that you like, and if it's on the menu, you want to get it and you don't want to go anywhere. I have said this a million times. Astrid and I, just like every other couple in the world, here's the conversation. When we get a free time to ourselves. Here's the conversation. What do you want to eat? Where do you want to go to eat?

I don't know. Where do you want to go to eat? I don't know. You pick. I don't know. How about Tommy's? No, I don't want to go to Tommy's. How about John's? No, we've been to John's a bunch. How about Alberto's? No, I don't like Alberto's. I'm not in the mood for that. Then you end up going to the same place where you've always gone before because that's it. But I like that. You know why I like that? I've decided in my old age because we've talked about this. Yes, we have. Because when you go and you branch out into something new, you end up being miserable, no doubt. It always happens. You're just fucking miserable. You're like, We should have gone to Tommy's. We should have gone to Tommy's. But if I go to a restaurant, a new restaurant, and I see something that I like, if I go to an Italian restaurant, I happen to like lasagna or I like the Piccolini or whatever they fucking call it. I like that. If I go to an Italian restaurant, I want to order that. It's the measure of a good Italian restaurant to me.

Do you make a good lasagna? Do you have a Chianti Classico? Or do you make your bread with three-day-old croûtons? Do you make your croûtons with three-day-old bread? Do you secretly mix in anchovies into your Caesar salad, even though half of America is allergic and sick from them? Yes, you do. If you do that, let's go to an Italian restaurant. If not, I don't want to go out on a ledge. If I go to a new restaurant, I'm not going to order. Maybe if they have a house specialty, okay, but I'm not going to order some crazy thing off the menu when I can see that they have what I like right there. I'm not blaming the person you're dating. I'm not blaming them as much for the choices of their food as to the way that they eat it. Now I'm thinking about this, how did he shovel a burger?

I was wondering that, too. Is he cutting it with the fork and then shoveling it?

Well, now, if he cut the burger with a fork, that's red flag. Yes, he is chopping up bodies in his basement. You know he is. So just forget about it. Just forget about it.

Well, again, once again, I think it deserves another test. If you will, another situation.

She said in the text messages or in the message that she had indeed been... They'd been out a couple of times. She was just saying that this is what she's noticed, what she's picked up. Oh, it has been happening. Well, she said on the first date that they went to, he was shoveling food in his mouth with a fork and she didn't like it, and she thought that it was rude and gross.

I mean, it sounds like it's bothering her enough to write into us about it. Yeah. I think it might be a deal breaker.

I think so, too. Yeah. I think Jenna is basically wrote in to tell us she's breaking up with the guy she's dating.

And wanted confirmation from us.

She wanted us to make her feel good. Well, Jenna, since you sent the message in four months ago, I hope you're still not with us.

Let us know. Let us know what happened.

Yeah, give Give us some feedback. Keep us posted on that.

Pun intended.

Pun intended. What's a bad thing to go out and eat on a first date? What would you think if someone took you somewhere and you were like, Oh, no, I don't want to go. Lentals. Lentals and hot dogs. Lentals. Yeah, lentals and hot dogs.

Ribs, like something saucy, and it's going to get in your teeth.

Yeah. Can I ask why every restaurant feels the need to put fucking parsley on top of everything. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Why? It's like a little color, and you can't really taste it.

Who fucking cares? Yeah, you can't taste it. It adds no taste. It adds no value. I don't think it adds color. I think it adds grossness because I know that fucking piece of parsley is getting stuck in this one gimpy-ass tooth I got. I know it is. I know for a fact it is because it does every time that I have parsley in my food, and I'm not interested anymore. I don't care about parsley. Let's leave the parsley off.

We'll start saying it.

No parsley. No parsley. How old the Yeah, parsley is a trick, and it's probably full of diseases and rat droppings or something like that. What? Yes. You could go to one of those grocery store. What do they call them? Grocery stores.

What do they call them?

What do they call them? Grocery stores. You can go there and get like a pound of parsley for a dollar. You're telling me that ain't sitting in rat shit somewhere? I know what it is. I know. It's big parsley. They're trying to get one over on us. I know what you're up to, big parsley.

Parsley, what who are the lobbyists.

Oh, yeah. The lobbyists for Big Parsley. Everybody knows. Stay away from Big Parsley. Stay away from Big Parsley.

I think you just need to ask for no parsley.

No parsley. You come to me on the day of my daughter's wedding and you ask me to take out the parsley. You will pay, you will pay. Every fucking chef in America feels like parsley is a part of the meal. I hate it. I really do dislike parsley. I don't find that... Because once I learned that there was actually no flavor in parsley, like when I started working in restaurants, and I would work in the window where the food comes out, and then you got to put it together for one table, and then the waiter takes it. Every time there would be a big bowl of parsley, and every time the chef would be like, Parsley, parsley, parsley.

A little sprinkling.

Yeah. Make sure it goes out with parsley.

Parsley does actually have taste and it's part of a good Italian reasoning. But the parsley that you're talking about as just a garnish is a little flutter of it. You just don't like it because it gets in your teeth.

I don't like it because it gets in your teeth and it serves no purpose and it just looks like weird bugs on your food. Why are we doing that?

You're also color blind.

Well, that's true. It looks like black leaves to me, but I don't care. I don't like it. It's twice as disturbing to me as it is probably to most people. I don't like it. I don't mind it. Dirty secret about parsley, probably sits in the refrigerator for days and days on end in a bowl chopped up waiting to be dried parsley all over your food. No one needs it. It doesn't add any monetary value, any flavor. It might be good in Italian dressing or Italian seasoned, but I guarantee you, if I went today, right after we get done, and I went into that kitchen and I mixed up a batch of fresh Italian seasonal and I didn't put in the parsley, you wouldn't be able to tell the difference. I I guarantee you. I guarantee you.

We're going to test this.

Yeah, I have no idea how to make Italian seasoned. Exactly. What do I need to make Italian season? Salt, pepper, something?

Basal, oregano, garlic.

Okay, basil, oregano, and garlic. Those things have flavor. And I know partially has a little bit of flavor. But I ain't going to the finest Italian restaurant here in Atlanta and then coming out of there and going, wow, that parsley, it really made the meal. I'm telling you what, that parsley? Wow. Why was that parsley fresh today?

Yeah, no, you're probably not going to remember the parsley.

Man, I'm telling you what, it was good.

And then that chef came over. You'll know you had it because it'll be in your teeth. Yeah, that's right.

Every other one will know I had it, too. You never see a waiter come over with one of those swirly things with the cheese. You never say, Would you like some of the fresh parsley? No, no, I don't. It's ridiculous. Why are we lying to our son? Parsley is the greatest lie ever told in America. I'm sure of it. Why do we need it? For what? For whom? Who is the first person to ask for parsley? I'd like a spaghetti of meat balls a parsley.

It doesn't happen. It's a garnish.

Garnish, which means trash. I mean, trashnish is what it should be called. Gar trash. I don't know what it is. It's terrible.

You're going to have big parsley after I don't care about it.

I'd rather have big parsley than scientology. I'll tell you that much right now.

You're going to start receiving lots of parsley.

Parsley-related. I know someone's going to say, Do some research before you talk shit about parsley.

I thought he used to like the show.

Never listening to the show again. We'll get to that next week. Oh, my God, Chrissy. I'm telling you, I'm telling you what, I just don't believe that parsley is the thing we should be putting in the food. No parsley for you. No parsley for me. You know what's going to happen? The next time I go to eat somewhere, they're going to go, There's that asshole. I see the asshole over there. The Parsley asshole. I'm going to make him Parsley with spaghetti and beetples instead of spaghetti and beetples with parsley. I'm in trouble with Big Parsley. Yes, you are. All right.

You sound like a treat to go to dinner.

Oh, I'm lovely. I'm just a joy to be around right now.

I never do this. I'm just glad I made it through your test all these years. Yeah.

You eat appropriately. I don't think we've been overparceling anywhere.

Probably because we were mostly drinking.

Yeah, that's true. 17 bud lights will do that to you. I'm just a miserable prick since I put down the bud light. Oh, my God. All right, Wendy McClendon-Covey. We've had a lot of commentary about our wonderful interview with Wendy McClendon-Covey. A lovely, lovely Wendy Covey.

She's just fun. She is.

She's a lot of fun. She's got a new show coming out on NBC this fall. Do us a favor. Go take a listen to her episode. That was Tuesday's episode. And then we got links in the show notes to all of that stuff. Support Wendy because she supports the show by just showing up. Yes, thank you. Just agreeing to come on the show. Then next week, the wonderful, extraordinarily funny Joe Dombrowski will be with us, and we're super excited about that interview. That'll be next Tuesday. So check out Wendy this Tuesday, Joe next Tuesday. And then we got a lot of other great guests coming in the door. Can't believe it. I know. Can't believe it. I know. Quite frankly, I don't know what happened. It's surreal. It is surreal. I don't know what... The wool is over everybody's eyes. And we're the only ones seeing clearly, apparently. This is the one rare case where I think I'm actually seeing things as they are, and everybody else is star struck by the commercial break. We Or like some guests recently told us, it's free publicity. No one really cares about us. They just want to get to our audience.

They want to get to you, the podcast listeners. That's right. So just know it's your fault.

And they're reacting. The audience loves it.

The audience does love it, for the most part. The audience, for the most part, the audience loves it. All right, tcbpodcast. Com. All the audio, all the video right there. One location. Get your free Tcb sticker by hitting the Contact Us button, 212-432. 3333. T-c-b. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, we take them all at the Commercial Break on Instagram, youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak for the interviews and selected episodes. Okay, Christie, I guess that's all I can do today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I always say, we do say and we must say, goodbye.

I get ass.