You smoke pot, you go, you go to 711. I get some munchies. I get some skittles. I get something to drink. Cause I got the munchies. I've been smoking dope.

I got the munchies.

On this episode of the commercial break, when I saw Joe walk out on that stage with an eye half closed, I was like, oh, we're fucked.

Well, I know there was all that talk beforehand about he's gonna be on stimulants.

Well, he should have been. Where was the cocaine? I said this before the debate. Who cares? Him, the coke, whatever. If he dies, well, we got a plan. The constitution wrote it out. There's a succession plan somewhere. The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Aw, yeah, cats and kittens. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the tailor to my scooter, Kristen Joy Hoadley. Best to you, Kristen.

Best to you, Brian.

Best to you out there in the podcast universe. Joining us back from an extent unintendedly.

Extended, you and me.

Oh, Jesus. I don't even know what to say. I'm like half a step away from death, I think.

I know. I came back from my trip.

Oh, God, it was crazy.

You were headed to the ER.

I was, because I gotta tell you. Well, how was your trip? For once, let's not talk about me. Let's talk about you.

It was amazing. It was amazing. We had a big trip planned with some family and friends up to Vancouver.

I heard it's beautiful.

Oh, my God.

I've heard it's lovely.

It was so beautiful.

We.

The end point was to see the Rolling Stones up there, and so. But we all kind of made a trip out of it in different ways. There are, like, 15 of us up there.

So did you guys, like, hang out all the time together, or was it just, like, everyone off but you got together for certain things?

Exactly.

Okay, gotcha.

Yeah. Yeah. So Jeff and I decided to do four nights in Seattle, which was. I had never been to Seattle or Vancouver before, and they were both lovely places. I brought all of this rain gear, thinking I was gonna have to, you know, you hear about how rainy.

That's the stereotype of Seattle. It's always raining, it's always chilly. It's like, like San Francisco a little bit in the sense that there's always a mist blowing in or rain, and then it's chilly.

Yeah, but this was not the case. It was nice there. Very, very nice.

Thanks. Global warming.

I know. Yeah. They were having a heat wave, and that was like, you know, 80 degrees.

Oh, God, I wish it was 80 degrees.

So we were, you know, Jeff and I were like, this is nothing.

Yeah, whatever.

It's 109.

You guys have jackets on. Brisk out here.

Meanwhile, people are in bikinis at the beach.

I know. Yeah. People are shedding clothing as they walk down like topless girls. Like, I just can't stand the boob sweat. I gotta get it out.

So we did a lot of the touristy things, but also just kind of, you know, enjoyed ourselves there at each city. And they're both very beautiful. But Vancouver, wow. I mean, the striking beauty of all the mountains in the background with the water there, it's. They're very outdoorsy. There's lots of things to do outdoors. We rented bikes. We walked around a lot and just enjoyed ourselves. So.

I'm glad you got the time off.

I know.

I'm glad you got the time off. I wish I could say the same, but I'm not here to argue. Right. I'm not hating on your vacation.

I actually.

I'm happy for you. I really am.

I know. Thank you.

Because this is a, you know, this is a non stop go, go, go kind of thing. And, you know, we have to pepper in.

Yeah. You have to take mental breaks.

You do.

Just get out of the environment.

Yeah. You really do. You got to kind of take yourself out of the rat race and a little bit of the stress. And I. You know, there are some stressors that do come with podcasts, I gotta be honest. Mainly the money. But we're working on it. We're working on it. Yeah. So I'm really glad you sent me some pictures. I saw that you went to the birthplace of grunge.

Yes, the place which I have been.

To, by the way.

The place where Nirvana played their first concert, I guess. And that wall was crazy with all the different pictures.

Yeah, they have all the posters.

Yeah.

What's it called again?

The headshots of the bands with the signatures and the things and.

What's it called again?

It's called the central saloon. Saloon.

The central saloon. Okay. I think we're getting that right. We might. We might get that wrong, but, yeah, that place is amazing. And the bands that they have the posters of the bands that have played.

There, like mud hunting. Yeah, all of them.

All of it. Anybody who was considered grunge stopped by there probably first. Right. Because that was just one of the places that welcomed those kind of shows and had those shows. And there's lots of stories and, like, biographies and stuff like that. You can read about. It is a very famous place. I'm glad you got to go there. And thank you for the pictures. I do appreciate it.

Yes, you are welcome.

I did not have, I did not have such a great time on my vacation. So we went to. Our vacation kind of got fucked up. We were going to go to do something. We're going to go out of town with the kids just for like a little short vacation and then hopefully another one at the end of the summer. But it didn't necessarily work out that way for a myriad of reasons. And then we decided, okay, let's. We already knew we were going to go to dad's and lake house where he lives.

That's a good getaway.

It is a good getaway. He lives in this beautiful lake up in South Carolina. It's rather private, but he lives in a large neighborhood. That's a lake neighborhood. So lots of nice, beautiful houses. And the lake is, you know, the lake is the lake. It's a lake. It's. I don't know what to say.

The lake is a lake is a lake. Of course.

Of course. Of course. It is literally a puddle of water that happens to be 40ft deep. You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

And it generates electricity. It's a man made lake, so it generates electricity. But, you know, lake is not like, I don't know, think of the ocean as like, you know, oh, fresh waves coming every 15 minutes. And sometimes when you go to those beautiful locations, it's like blue water. You can see straight down to the bottom. Not every part of the ocean, but some parts of the ocean. And so that's what you. I don't know, the lake water is a little bit different. And I, by the way, I have. Lake water is where I learned how to swim. Lake water is.

Yeah. Oh, well, living in Georgia, that's what you did. Grew up going to the lake and.

But, and I grew up in Chicago with the greatest of lakes, you know, whatever that lake is. Lake Michigan. I'm still recovering, so if I'm a little slow today, it sound a little bit like my voice is down. I'm not down. I'm just trying to recover because here's what happened. So we went, we had a lovely time. Fourth of, we watched soccer all weekend long. It was awesome. We went Thursday, Friday, Saturday, it's all soccer all the time. And we had a great time watching with my parents. The kids had a lot of fun. We had some birthdays with the kids up there, um, which was fun. Sunday morning, we wake up. It's one of my kids birthdays. And so we wake up and grams is what we call her, has a party already planned at like 09:00 in the morning. And this is the day we're going to leave also. But my kid wanted to wake up with his grandparents on his birthday. That was his wish. And so that's why we stayed until Sunday morning. So she's got cupcakes, you know, lots of frosting, big breakfast. All this stuff is planned, but it's happening so early in the morning.

And sometimes I get a little concerned about the kids ingesting so much sugar because I remember when I was a kid, if I ingested that much sugar, certainly a puke was coming at some point, right? It just was coming. Or a total meltdown. One of the two.

Oh, yeah. Or both.

My kids are not pukers by nature. They didn't puke half as much as I did when I was a kid, so. But, you know, okay, all this sugar, then we. The tradition is, where do you want to go to eat? Either go to lunch or a dinner. It's all you. What do you want to do? Where do you want to go to eat your meal?

New choice.

My kid says, McDonald's. And Astrid and I look at each other and we're like, fuck. We knew that was gonna happen, but we were hoping. We tried to convince him, like, Culver's, and he's like, there's not happy meal at Culver. Okay, okay, okay.

He wanted the door.

Chick fil a not open on Sundays. Even he knows that, right? And he's like, they don't give you toys. They give you books. And now they get these, like, minions. The minions movie is coming out, which everybody's, you know, kids are excited about. Even I'm excited about, actually. And they got this new minions box with these collectibles. And so they're going crazy over there. But I know for a fact that the kids are just going to want the toy and then they're going to throw the food away because they don't eat McDonald's. They just don't like it. I've noticed over the years, whenever we get McDonald's, whenever they beg and beg for it, what happens? They eat half the french fries and none of the other.

I love it. McDonald's is basically selling the toy and throwing in the food.

And they've always been doing that. That's what they've always been doing. But there was a point when I felt like, you know, when I worked there so many years, ago when I worked there, I liked the food. The food actually tasted good. Now I got to make my own food. So that was a little bit of a different story. But I still thought the food was okay, you know, no hating on McDonald's if you like McDonald's. And I know for a lot of people, it's. That's what you eat because that's what you have to eat, because you don't have time, you don't have money, you don't have whatever. So I'm not. I'm not trying to, like, this isn't a classist remark. I don't think McDonald's is. The quality is where it was at some point. Right. And I think most people could agree on this if you been to McDonald's on any kind of regular basis, so. But when we get these kids the food, they eat half the french fries, they eat none of the protein. They take one bite of a nugget or take one bite of a burger, they put it down, and then all of a sudden, it's just not eaten.

You know what? They eat all of the apples that they give it.

That's good.

That's what they eat. Yeah. And we don't demand that they eat just the apples. That's just the way it happens, so. Okay, but it's a birthday, and what are you going to do? They want that. They want that. Okay, so we try and convince them otherwise. No. So we go to this Mickey D's. They want to go to the Mickey D's also because they want to play in the play place.

Oh, right.

In South Carolina, we find this McDonald's that's relatively close on the way home, and we go. We see they have a play place. Okay. Everybody gets out of the car, you know, and we get into. So Astrid goes to order food. Oh, my God, it's such a nightmare. And the youngest one is having a total meltdown because it's nap time. And she's, like, the most, you know, I don't know. She's just built a little different than the rest of the kids. I think she feels like she wants to be a part of everything that the kids are doing, but she can't. The other kids, but she can't because she's too young.

Yeah.

So you can't watch the iPad. You can't have the phone. You can't open up the refrigerator and get your own food. That's not what happens at one and a half years old. So we walk in to the Mickey D's, and Astrid goes, to order the food. And I say, I'll take the kids to the play place. You get the food, and I'll handle it. The second that we get into that play place area. You know that everyone knows that area.

Oh, yeah.

You open the door. There it is. There's that area that has not been cleaned. Yes. Since 1972. I don't understand why they don't clean these places, like, weekly at least. But the kids want to take off their shoes. They're wearing, like, crocs. And I'm like, no, no, no, no. And it says right here, take care for your shoes. I says, I know what it says, but I don't give a shit. There are no McDonald's playground police. Let's keep our shoes on. But, of course, then that's a meltdown. So. Okay, all right. Take that. Take off your shoes. So now they are climbing all over this place, and my youngest one wants to follow them. So daddy has to go with her because she wants to climb up all these stairs and go down this slide. It's too tall. She'd never been there. So I'm trying to, like, give her a little bit of freedom, but not too much, you know what I'm saying? So I'm following her up, and I can see french fries from 1922, pieces of hamburger. I'm sure there's puke on it.

Oh, yeah.

It's supposed to be, like, red colored stairs. They are black. Like charcoal had been spread on them. And that's not charcoal. That's dirt, mud, and whatever else the fuck is going on in there. So I am instantly grossed out by this. Astrid brings the food. What happens? They play with the toy. They get back in the play place. They forget about the food. Okay, whatever. I guess we're just gonna. I just. We guess we just spent $130 on food no one's ever gonna eat. But all right, it's a birthday. We're gonna, you know, make it a joyous occasion. Make it a joyous occasion.

You sound like you're joyful.

I'm having a whole time over there. I'm having a whole conniption fit. My OCD brain is like Hydra. I'm trying to be joyful, but I'm like, keep on giving them astrid looks. I'm like, all right. And she's like, I know, I know. What are you gonna do? And I'm like, so we get back in the car, and now we've had. We've been in the lake. We've eaten lots of sugar. We've now been to this play place, we've had bites of pieces of McDonald's. We've now put our hands on our feet all. But by the way, before we left at McDonald's, we literally took them into the bathroom to try and give them, like, a McDonald's shower, right? I was, like, putting feet in the also disgusting sink that's at McDonald's because I guess they don't clean those either. I don't know what's going on, but we delouse them. We get them into the car. There's antibacterial, there's wipes. We're taking, like, Clorox wipes and wiping our children's faces like, we're just trying to get any germs that might be there off of them, put them into the car. Two and a half hours back home, we get, I don't know, 30 minutes from home.

We're on this big highway here in Atlanta, going into Atlanta, and one of my daughters, who's got a pacifier in her mouth, starts mumbling something. And I could see her back there. I said, what are you saying? And so my wife leans back, pulls out the. What we call Chupa pacifier. And what are you saying? I have to poop. And I said, oh, you have to poop? And she goes, I have to poop. And so this is not a usual thing for any of the kids to say. Like, we're driving and they have to poop. We've never had that kind of emergency. So I was like, okay. And Astro goes, can you wait 15 or 20 minutes? We can pull over or 30 minutes, and we can get back to the house. Do you think you can wait 30 minutes or 15 minutes? And she says, yes, I think I can wait. And as soon as she finishes the word wait, or whatever the last word of the sentence was, a stream of cupcake colored puke comes flying out of her mouth all over it's Insta smell instantly, everywhere. Instantly, you hear the splattering that only puke can make, that sound that only puke can make.

I'm trying to concentrate on the road, but now I'm, like, full blown emergency in my head because I start rolling down the windows, and I'm, like, leaning my hand back to say, it's okay. But she. Then she's puking more. And I'm like, oh, take my hand away. I don't want that all over me. Asteroids unbuckled. Now she's trying to get in the back seat, you know, to, like, make sure that she doesn't, like, ingest any of this puke that's just coming. Pouring violent, projectile vomiting. And she is really puking. So now, and I don't recommend this, I'm probably driving 98. Get to the next exit, because as soon as she started puking, I knew I had to pull over, but I couldn't get to this exit, so I had to go to the next exit. So I am going, and I mean, I am going. We pull over, we get to a grocery store, and it's just everywhere, Chrissy. I mean, it is everywhere. And the thing about the car seats.

Is there's the little crevices every.

Yes. It all just goes floating down into the bottom of the car and the car seat and the fabric and everything. And it's not only in hers, it's in the other kids, too, because she's projectile vomiting. It's in the, like the. Like the, you know, the little air blowers and the back seat, it's in, like, the little vents. Yeah, the air blowers. Oh, my God. We'll never get that smell out of the car. Never. So we get to this grocery store, and I say, okay, what? I'm thinking to myself, what do we need? We need wipes. We need napkins, we need paper. We need, like, trash bags so he can try and get this puke into contained. And I'm instantly thinking that this is a sugar induced puke, right? But then I remember that on Saturday night. On Saturday night, my daughter, the youngest one, had, like, viscous diarrhea for, like, 10 hours. She just kept. She just kept chang. We kept changing diapers every hour on the hour. And so I thought, oh, maybe these two are related. Maybe this is McDonald's related. Maybe it's lake related. I have no idea. But I don't care at this point.

I just want to get these kids home. So we get them home. She continues to throw up through the rest of the evening till about 09:00 at night. I know. Poor thing. And I take the birthday kid out for ice cream. And the store, we do some, like, daddy time, right?

More sugar.

Yeah, more sugar. Exactly. I'm such a dumb dad. I'm such a dumb dad. Not only more sugar for him, but more sugar for me, because I, of course, got to get a milkshake when I'm there. You know, there's, like, this new ice cream place. It's great. So. So anyway, so we get wrapped up with all of that. At about 09:00, her stomach has settled down. Everything's a little calm in the house. And thank God, blue is at the vet boarding. Because if blue had been here, it would have been like a whole nother level of chaos. Because blue likes to eat the puke, you know, or she barks at people who are puking. So I was just like, oh, thank God for small favors. So, okay. 930, 10:00 I go, I take a shower. I come out of the shower, I'm getting ready to get into bed, and I just stop for 1 second. Because all of a sudden I get, like, dizzy. Like a weird dizziness. It's not a nauseous. It's not, like, nauseous. It's a weird dizziness. And I'm like, wow, I'm a little bit dizzy. I wonder what that's all about. Maybe now I'm thinking that it has to do with how much sugar I've had or the fact that I ate McDonald's.

Like, maybe I'm just full, right? And it's making me, like, a little weirded out of. I lay in bed, I go, okay, listen, Brian, the best thing that you can do right now is sleep. Sleep it off. That's like, the number one rule. If you're hungover, if you're drunk, if you're high, if you're whatever, just sleep it off. Your body will recover while you're in a state of comatose. And that did not happen because an hour and a half, 2 hours later, I wake up, and for five minutes, I'm trying to decide with myself, have you ever been in this position where a sickness is coming on and you don't really know if you're sick, you're trying to convince yourself it might be something else?

I'm not gonna throw up, am I?

I'm not gonna throw up. I'm uncomfortable. Yeah, I ate too much bubble. I had that milkshake at 06:00 yeah.

It'S a little bubble.

It just needs to work itself out. I'll shit it. I'll shit it out tomorrow. I don't wanna be bothered. And you're tired, so you're like, I don't wanna be bothered to get up to go to the bathroom. I don't wanna see if this is anything. I just wanna go back to sleep. But as I'm trying to fall back asleep, it hits. And when it hits, I literally. I jumped up out of the bed like a cat that had just heard some kind of scary noise and bounced off the couch. I jumped up so fast. And Astrid, he immediately woke up and was like, what's going on? And I ran into the bathroom and I started violently puking, and it did not stop for three and a half hours. At one point, it was so bad. And I hate to say this out on air, but I guess I'm just gonna. What else? I mean, what else is left? What left? What of my dignity is left?

There's no boundaries.

There's no boundaries. Why start now? Yeah, why start now? So I want to tell you what. I want to tell you what happened, but let's take a break first, and then we'll get to that. We'll be back. Hi.

No, you're not dreaming. And yes, this is a new promo. See, I made you wait, and now look how happy you are. I know, I know. You're smiling. Anyway, since we're here, why don't you just hop on over to Instagram and give us a follow hecommercialbreak. Seriously, please. It's getting hard for me to listen to Brian and Chrissy Begg. So just follow us on Instagram again. That's the commercialbreak. You can also follow us on TikTok, ecBpodcast, and of course, you know where to go for all things TCB. That is tcbpodcast.com, baby. And of course, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at 212433 TCB. Yep, that phone number is no longer new, but it is still around, and that's a win. 212433 TCV. Love you. Bye.

Get your laugh on with me, Chris Jericho. And the talk is Jericho podcast. We've got guns n Roses hall of Famer Duff McKagan and his joke of the week every Friday. Plus regular visits from the hilarious Brad Williams and special appearances by everyone from Gabrielle Fluffy Iglesias, Mark Marin, Dennis Miller, Cheech Marin, Kevin Nealon. If they're funny, they're on talk as Jericho, so listen to and follow talk is Jericho now on the free odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts. All right, I hope you're not having lunch.

McDonald's lunch.

Yeah, McDonald's lunch. Yeah. Get away from the McDonald's if you're about to hear this part of the story or if you're a little grossed out by these type of things and fast forward for a couple minutes. So at one point in the night, it's probably like three and a half hours after this started, my stomach starts hurting. And so now I understand the real nature of this demon that has now been unleashed in my fucking stomach. I am about to do the old shit and puke at the same time, which I have seen people do. But I have never done myself.

Oh, it's bad.

Oh, my God, Chrissy, you're having to switch or either. No. I sat on the toilet. I grabbed the trash can. It was trash. Full of trash, by the way. Yes, full of trash. I had no choice. There was no time for a clean bucket or an empty trash can or a bag. There was no time. It was an emergency. Code red. I had to go. And the door. So just. We have a pretty big bathroom, but then we have a water closet. Like a toilet closet? Like a toilet room. Right? And so the toilet. During the puking part of the three and a half hours, Astrid would come in and check on me. Probably every time I puked, she would be up, like. Like the amazing woman that she is.

I know.

She would be like, honey, okay, like.

That a while back, and we both were trying to check on each other, of course. But that's what you do sometimes. You just need to be.

So when I sat on the toilet and it started coming out of both ends at the same time time I was literally heaving. And that heaving was making me go right into the. I mean, it was just like. I was just blowing out both heads. And I could hear Astrid walking in the room and I slammed the water closet door. But I'm like, no, not this. Anything but this.

You can't see this.

You may be changing my diapers 30 years from now, but I won't let this happen. I won't allow it. This is. This is not in the vows. You do not vow to through thick and thin, shitting and puking at the same time. You don't do it. There are just some states of embarrassment that not any other human being needs to see. And this was it. And even in my wrecked state of mind, I knew it. I was like, I'm not gonna do it. Boom. I just slammed the door. I actually put my hand up first, and then I slammed the door. I put my hand up, like, you're not gonna see this. You managed to. All my drinking drama was done by the time we met. Please. All my embarrassing moments I thought were out of my life. This was terrible. It was terrible. And then it continued for the next 24 hours, probably for a total of 36 hours. Anything that I would try and drink, a sip of water would go down, and then an hour later, I'd be throwing it up. Not immediately, like, an hour later.

Mine that I had recently was, like, immediate.

Oh, God.

I mean, you're so thirsty.

Yeah.

Too. And you've got puke mouth.

Yeah. Puke mouth, puke nose, puke ass. I mean, you got it all. You got puke sweat. I'm clammy. I can see my pores have turned into, like, giant pores. I don't know why that happens, but I could literally see into my own trying to release. Yes. My skin was puking sweat and clamminess and oils. It was just like, everything was wrong. I had to shave my. You know, I pretty shaved my head on my face pretty regularly. Like, I keep this high and tight. But I had been at my dad's for, like, four days, and so it was getting just a little bit scraggly. Not even bad. It was just a little bit scraggly. I couldn't take it. I had to shave because I was achy in my beard. I was aching in my beard. That's how bad it was.

The hairs were hurting.

But here's the worst. So 24 hours later, we had another birthday. We have birthdays back to back. 7th and eight. We had a birthday back to back.

This is as I'm rolling into town on that Monday.

So we have. So it's this kid's turn now. The one who had puked in the car, it's her turn to now have what she wants. And by the way, Astrid got sick about 12 hours after I did. But she did not get it near as bad as I did. I mean, she's a poor girl. At one point, we were, like, texting anybody we could. We were like, the lady who helps out around the house. Are you available? My dad and Graham's, even though they're, like, 4 hours away. And by the way, they offered to come. And then we thought, well, if this is contagious, maybe it's not a good idea that they get sick. Because Astrid and I were both down, and the kids don't give a fuck. They just want to play and yell and scream. And the more you ignore them, the worse they get.

Exactly.

At one point, I got really fussy. I was like, for God's sake, do you not know how to be human fucking beings? And most of my kids, like, I said those words, and their eyes were like, what did he just say? They got scared. But I was just so sick. I mean, you're worse when you're sick, I'm sure. So my kid decides that she wants pizza. Cause we obviously can't go anywhere. So what can be delivered? Pizza. Right. Well, first she wanted sushi, and I was like, you bring sushi into this house, and it's all over, girl. And that ain't happening.

She wanted sushi.

Yeah. Plus, you just got done having the same thing. Like. No. So pizza. I walked into that kitchen, I smelled that pizza for 1 second, and I was right back in the bathroom. It was crazy. It was insane. There was no control over it. No breath work, no amount of muscle, no amount of, like, motor function was going to help this. It was all going to hell in a hand basket. So yesterday morning, which is Tuesday, yesterday morning, I. I woke up and my heart was racing. I had no liquid in my mouth whatsoever. I was like sandpaper. Yes. My eyes were, like, in the back of my head. Literally. My eyes were like. You could see that my eyes were in my skull. And so Astrid was like, that's it. You are going to the ER immediately. And she had wanted to call the ambulance. The ambulance. And then when I spent three and a half hours in the bathroom, she really did. She was like, that's it.

We need to go to the point of getting so where I was.

Yeah, it was just so bad. And the noises that I were making were like noises of a small child. I mean, I'm a big fucking baby anyway. But then you get me like this where I can't control it, and I'm like. I'm making these, like, high pitched noises that my daughter didn't even make. I'm like, I think that's why Astro was in the bathroom the whole time, because she's like, what are those noises coming out of him? Sounds like we're having sex, but that's not. It sounds like sex, but, nope. Clearly not getting fucked now. So I. You know, I was really dehydrated, and it just made me feel so terrible. Like, I. This is how bad. So we're watching the soccer games on Tuesday. We're watching, like, Spain versus whoever. And we're watching the game. Spain versus France. We're watching the game. France scores. And I'm like, oh, no, Spain scores. And I get excited for, like, a moment that I'm feeling like half like a human being. I get, like, the adrenaline kicks in and I get excited and I'm like, yes. And I get up and, you know, Astrid's doing her little dance.

And I'm like, yes. And I'm doing this little dance. Chrissy. I was out of breath for 47 minutes. I couldn't catch my breath. I was like.

Oh, God. Yeah, your body was.

She wouldn't even let me walk to the. To the fucking mailbox. She was like, nope, not going to the mailbox. Lay it back down. So, thank God for her, but I don't know what it is. But sometimes when I go to my dad's house, I come back with a bad case of something. I got salmonella a couple of years ago. I had that for two fucking weeks. I was shitting myself. I lost 27 pounds in two weeks. It was crazy. I lost ten pounds. Well, I look good for the summer at least. I lost 27. I went to Starbucks this morning. The girl was like, did you lose weight? And I was like, yes, two days ago. Over the last two days, I lost ten pounds. It was unbelievable. It was a miserable experience. So that's why you've been hearing.

Sorry. Yeah. That is why there have been repeats.

And why Christina has been so faithfully holding the fort down. Thank God for Christina.

Yes.

Thank God for my wife and thank you for all the support. Some people texted in when they heard. Christina said something about the.

She did.

She said something about, you know, there's a virus or the vid or something is going around their house.

The fact is then I was reading the news because I couldn't go to sleep because I'm coming from pacific time back to eastern time, and so my body thinks when it's eleven, well, it's actually two here. So I couldn't go to sleep. And I'm reading and I see this whole new thing about a new variant. Of course there's going to be different variants of the COVID Of the vid? Yeah, of the vid. And so it's all about the stomach flu like symptoms.

Well, this is crazy.

That's when I was like, Brian.

I know.

Do you have the COVID Yeah.

Cause you're concerned now. You're like, I don't want that shit. And that was the concern. But I think had it been contagious, everybody would have gotten it. Like, if it was that violent and that quick and it came on that fast, I think it was something contagious. I think this is food related or McDonald's play.

Exactly.

Or lake related. You know, a lake is a. Is a pond. It's like a.

And it's been so hot.

Yeah.

It's just warm bacteria just sitting there.

Yeah. Oh, God. I didn't want to think about it making me sick. Yeah. Honestly, I'm too close.

Too soon.

Too soon.

Yeah. I'm so sorry.

Yeah. But, you know, I want to say this. When I called the doctor, at some point, I called the doctor. We were obviously, I was getting concerned. Right. I'm not holding anything down. I haven't peed in 36 hours. You know, I haven't done that since I was taking acid. I haven't peed in 36 hours. What's going on? You know, we take acid, and then all of a sudden, you don't defecate or pee for days on end. And you're like, is this supposed to happen? I don't know. You don't care when you're tripping, but when you're coming down, you're like, should I be peeing? Do I have to pee or don't I have to pee? And then you remember you didn't do anything but noodle at the Dave Matthews concert and talk with the girl you like about, you know, celestial beings. So anyway, so I called the doctor, sat alight, flying in the. And your ass is a big old gaping hole. Oh, no. Who knows? Good old Dave Matthews.

We riff on him.

I see more. I see because we're talking about him. My phone's listening, and then I get more and more reels about Dave Matthews and that guy, however old he is, 53, 54. He is out there doing it. Dad bod and all, full long sleeve shirt, jeans, completely soaked from head to toe, and he is just baffling around. I say, good for him. But when I called the doctor, the nurse who answered the phone, like, the nurse line, she said, okay, I want you to. You have a COVID test? Yes, I do. I want you to take a COVID test. I'll call you back in 15 minutes. And I said, COVID test? And I said, is this, like. I thought Covid was, like, chest related. And she goes, not anymore. We're seeing a lot of people in here testing positive for Covid with very similar symptoms. And I said, oh, okay. But I was negative for Covid. So, anyway, I want to talk to you about some things that happened while we were away, because I think it's hard to ignore. Okay, first, I know we don't. We don't talk politics, but let's talk about the reality of life in America right now in July of 2024.

Oh, this was why I liked escaping to Canada.

Yeah, I know. You should have stayed there. You should have stayed there.

We all thought about it. There was in this group for a minute.

Wow, was that debate a holy fucking hot mess. Yeah, we knew it was gonna be, but I didn't realize what a bad mess it was going to be. It was a hot mess. And now I'm. I'm just wondering, like everybody else in the country, who leans a certain way, or anybody in the country, actually, are these two guys way too old. I mean, one is a rambling hot mess and the other one can't even get his voice. Can't even project his voice enough for a microphone to pick it up. Hi, I'm Joe.

Did you see that? He was like reading the teleprompter words too. Like where they say pause.

Oh, he was, he read the words during the debate.

No, this was not the debate. This was like a speech he was giving after the debate.

Oh, my God. Yeah. And then that George Stephanopoulos, we're talking about Joe Biden, of course. I mean, that's all anybody talked about after the debate. There was no focus on Trump or some of the stuff because he did.

Exactly what was expected.

Yeah, you know what, I said this.

Months ago, confidently saying crazy things.

Careful when you set expectations for something like this, because if you don't meet them, then you're going to lose. If you don't set any expectations, like, we're just glad Joe can walk on stage. Then if he talks, you're like, woohoo, it's a win. All Trump had to do is show up and talk, apparently, and it's just such a hot mess. And now everyone wondering whether or not Joe should be our, you know, president, Joe Biden should be our president or candidate or anything. And I think it's a really valid conversation and I think it should be. I just don't know what, I just don't know what to do anymore, Chrissy. It's like that. You're damned if you do, damned if you don't. I feel really bad.

Choices are not good.

I feel really bad for the Biden's. I feel really bad for Joe because it's obvious he's just an older man and he's struggling like every other person in their eighties that we know. Yeah, right. Everybody that we know that's turned a certain 80 age has some kind of mental decline, because that's what happens when you get old. You turn back into a child.

He's been in politics for so long and been a part of so much stress, stressful situations, including being president for the past four years. It's like, well, that ages you.

Look at that fucking Obama. He went into office at like 22 years old or something like that. He came out at 67. He was like a handsome guy from Chicago, and he came out with gray hair and wrinkly skin. I mean, it aged him so much. Clinton the same way, George Bush the same way. It ages you because you don't go to sleep. You have to worry about everybody and their mother 24 hours a day and making decisions on the fly. That's the part that makes me a little bit like, okay. And I understand there's a team of people around him, but they're not going to just, like, let the world blow up and nothing. And, you know, Joe's taking a nap, but I hope. But at the end of the day, there are certain things that only the president could do, right? And if he's taking a nap, what are we gonna do? Don't wake Joe. And so I'm not saying he can't do the job. I don't know. The only thing I saw have seen of him is the debate in this George Stephanopoulos interview that he did.

Yeah. He hasn't been redeeming himself quite, not really since that.

When George Stephanopoulos asked if you saw the interview, he goes, I don't think I did. You don't think you did? It's the only thing anybody has talked about for four fucking days. But here's what I have to say to kind of like, put a cap on it. I see all this vitriol online and, you know, on the news stations and everyone's yelling at each other about, you know, back Joe, you know, we should get another candidate, blah, blah, blah. I think it's all a very valid conversation. These are all, you know, these are all conversations that should be had. And we shouldn't, like, attack each other for having different viewpoints. We should try and find some consensus here. You know, I just. But I worry a little bit, like, is, is Joe gonna get better over time? Is that gonna happen? I don't know. I'm not sure. I don't think so. But I haven't seen my, I haven't seen my grandparents or people that I have known that are in, you know, an advanced age, late seventies, mid, early, mid eighties. I haven't seen them get smarter over time. That's not what's happening because, yeah, they haven't fast faster than I used to be.

Look at me now. I can jiv and jab. When I saw Joe walk out on that stage with an eye half closed, I was like, oh, we're fucked.

Well, I know there was all that talk beforehand about he's gonna be on stimulants.

Well, he should have been. Where was the cocaine? I said this before the debate. Who cares? Give him the coke, whatever. If he dies, well, we got a plan. The constitution wrote it out. There's a succession plan somewhere. Somebody's got it. Put that in order. I mean, I don't want the guy to die.

No, no.

That's not what I'm saying. But I'm saying, like, okay, give them a little pepper. Like, a cup. Tasty tater. What's the big deal? Give them a mountain dew or two. Give them that. Like, Mountain Dew, you know? Yeah, yeah. Baja. Baja butter blast. Here's Baja butter blast from Mountain Dew. It's got extra caffeine butter in it. You know, like, what do they do the. What's that? Pot butter or whatever it is. THC butter. Yeah. Put some caffeine butter in there. Shake it up and say, hey, Joe, take this on stage with you. Trust me.

Just take little bites.

And I wonder if, like, anybody on his team thought maybe this isn't a good. Like, he's sick. Sorry, guys. If he had a cold. Like, he's sick. Sorry, guys. We'll do it next Tuesday. Yeah, give us. Give us some time to figure out what's going on. Anyway, since it's what all the world was talking about, I have to share that. I also saw the same thing. You did. Yes. And I also am going, huh. Well, that's interesting. How's that gonna work out for everybody? But, you know, to be continued, for sure.

Yeah.

I watched the most, like, timely, interesting and fascinating documentary. Astrid got me roped into this three part series on Netflix. Do you know what I'm talking about?

Oh, my God. I watched it while I was on vacation.

So did I. And I want to tell you about this because it connects to something we have been talking a lot about. And I don't know if you picked up on this, but I certainly did. I want you to listen to what I have to say. But let's take a break real quick and then we'll talk about the man with a thousand children. If you have more or more, but some, by some estimates, 4000 children. And if you don't think that. That if you're like, well, whatever, who cares? Wait until we spell it out for you. And then you. And wait until you hear who else is involved in this and you're gonna understand why Brian got a little bit more than creeped out about this. All right, we'll be back.

What's up, haters? Now, let's get down to business. If you've got something to say, say it to our faces. And by that, I mean text us or call us at 212433 TCB. That's 212-43-3822 you can and should also find us on Instagram, hecommercialbreak, and on TikTok, unless you want to fight me, in which case don't. And if you're just desperate to see our shining faces in person, keep your ears peeled for ticketing information about TCB live. As always, don't forget that you can find everything you could possibly need to find on our beautiful website, tcvpodcast.com. bye.

Okay, do you know how we have been talking a lot about, or have been talking about this newest 90 day fiance the other.

Oh, yeah. That made me think of that when I was watching that.

Well, here's why.

The live sperm donation.

Live sperm donation. So I been sharing that. The newest one of the iterations of 90 day fiance, of which they have 30. And I don't watch many of them anymore. Cause I'm finding it to be rather, like, formulaic at this point. And I think that all of these people are really probably in it for the fame which happens with every reality show, so. And no reality show is really reality anyway. But there is a guy who has traveled to Malta. His name is Kyle Gordy. I think he traveled to Malta, a very beautiful woman that he met who already has a child. He is a quote unquote live sperm donator. That's his words. And what he does, he travels all around the world, and he does live sperm donations, meaning he does insemination by penis. So he's just essentially having sex. That's all he's doing. So he's going around screwing these women and then trying to get them pregnant at their request because they don't have a partner. They have had trouble with pregnancy before, whatever the reason of which I think that's a noble act to donate sperm. But I'm not sure that it's a noble act to insist that it be done live because all you're doing is just having sex with tons and tons of women.

Well, does the live part mean, though, too? Cause, you know. Well, are we gonna talk about the show? Cause.

Yeah, we'll talk about that. Go ahead.

He does where he goes to their house.

Yes.

And deposits sperm in a cup, and then immediately they insert it. Okay, so I had no idea all these people really wanted sperm.

This is insane. So the man with a thousand children is on Netflix. And if you'd want to watch this without any preconceived notions, then turn off this last half to this last segment of the show, because I'm about to talk about it probably in more detail than you would care to know, if you want to watch it without preconception, no pun intended. Preconception so this guy, man with a thousand children, they're talking about one man who comes from the Netherlands, who started a website. Website. And that website was supposed to be a place where multiple men and multiple women could come together and connect with donors outside of the normal sperm bank donation system, which they say is just a money grab. Right. Or.

Well, their main thing was that the women were saying that they wanted their children to know who the father was.

I was talking about what the guys were saying.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Okay. That's why he started the website. Right outside of the cause, I guess.

There'S like a time period, 18 years, where you can't know who the donor is.

Yes. In most countries, if you get a sperm donated, if you get sperm donated from a sperm bank, there is laws in place that the child cannot try to contact the father or they cannot give them the name for 18 years, if that's what you choose to do. So a lot of women say they want the father to be a part of the life in some way, small or big. So they go to these private websites where they connect these donors. Well, this guy from the Netherlands set up this website, and then he supposedly had a bunch of other guys that joined that were trying to connect these women. We're talking about hundreds if not thousands of women. This guy is handsome. I mean, I don't think he's handsome, but some people think.

But he had, like, the look, I guess, the traits.

Beautiful hair, chiseled jaw. Yeah. Like, husky. He was smart. Yeah, yeah, he was that.

He was.

He said he was. He had a YouTube channel where he would talk about all different kinds of things, so he was accessible. You could see his personality by going on his YouTube channel. He traveled all around the world, supposedly for just whatever. Yeah. What he was doing. He said he was in tech or something. I don't know.

Of course, crypto.

Crypto. Of course crypto. Soon as you say crypto, I'm out, bro. Yeah. If you're crypto and you don't work at, like, Smith Barney, I'm out, bro. Okay, so here's so surprise. These women start to find out, not because they read it on a website and not because they hear about it in the news, because they meet each other in their same neighborhoods.

Yeah, we're like the one. The two women were teachers together.

They were working together in the same building. They were working together. They got sperm donations from the same man on this private website that then that started to spider out and they realized there might be 20 or 30.

The Facebook group then other people said, yes, well, wait, I've gotten. That's where my child came from.

So even before that Facebook group, they were just connecting because it was, like, this small neighborhood in the Netherlands where they might have 20 or 30 siblings. And I didn't like, at first, I was like, okay, well, the guy's just donating sperm. But then I started to realize the problem. The problem is there is something called genetic sexual attachment. And that means that brothers and sisters who do not know each other, who have the same DNA, or some of the same DNA and do not know each other and meet each other, become sexually attracted to each other because they mistake their genetic connection and their likeness for sexual attraction, especially at younger ages. So now imagine that you're growing up in a neighborhood in the Netherlands where you may live the rest of your life and your family may have lived the rest of your life like a lot of other places in the world. And all of a sudden, you start meeting people, and you meet a girl, and you go on a date with her, and you find her, like, for some reason, you're like, oh, wow, this is instant connection. This must be love.

This must be attractive.

We think a lot of the same things. We kind of look alike.

And now you start to inbreed. Right? And that's the issue. Not to mention the psychological damage that this can cause long term. If you fall in love with a sibling, that's a whole nother level, right? And you don't know that she's your sibling until years later, decades later. It's crazy. So go watch the documentary, because it really does a good job of, like, taking you through the timeline, spelling it out. But just know this, at the end of it, there are thousands. And that not only was the guy on the website had his own website.

There were other men that were doing the same thing.

There were other men. There were, like, three other men.

Well, because they were also just to get thrown out the wrench in the situation, they were also going to regular sperm dance banks.

That's what I was gonna say. Yeah, they were going to other sperm.

Banks around the world, maxing out their donation and going to another country, maxing out that donation, going here, and then also doing private donations.

Private donations. And donations where they would they like. Some of these women met the guy, like, in a public bathroom. Outside a public bathroom. He would jerk off in a public bathroom and then hand him a cup of sperm. They would have to put it in between their legs, rush home to get a turkey baster, or I syringe to put it inside of their vaginas. It's insane. And these women were, like, so desperate to have the love of a child, to be. To have that child, that they were willing to overlook this. And you can see how this would happen. You can see. This is easy to understand how this would happen. Well, it's weird, but it's the circumstance that we're in. I want this child. Let's do it. But here's the craziest thing. It turns out that there weren't many other guys on this website. He started. There were three. And those three guys, at times, supposedly were interchanging semen. So when the women thought they were getting it from guy a, it was really guy b. That was handing them a. Handing guy a. A sample of a sperm sample, and then handing that cup to the women.

So they didn't even get the DNA that or the genetics that they were requesting. It was creepy. It was weird.

It's so weird.

They were trying to populate the world. They were trying to have one genetic code around the world. This was much more than just a. A weird fetish. This was like a competition. This was something.

Yeah. Then racism got involved, too, because they were going to Kenya and trying to donate as much. Because these guys are white.

Yes.

And they were trying to go down.

They were trying to dilute the genetics.

Awful.

It was awful. But here's where we wrote back in to the beginning of this conversation. The third guy on that website was Kyle Gordy.

That was him.

Kyle fucking Gordy. And if you watch it, they don't spend a lot of time on him, but he certainly takes up a good, like a good seven minutes. His presence takes up at least seven minutes of the last episode of this. Kyle Gordy is featured in this. He is one of the guys that was part of this group that was running around, you know, impregnating women all over the world in South Africa doing this. He. So this guy that they portray as just kind of this nudnick, which he is. He's a total nudnick. He's dumb as dirt on this 90 day fiance. The other way was actually part of this. Like, this. I don't know, this ring of human beings, men, three or four of them, that were trying to fertile, fertilize the entire world with their genetic string. It is fucked up.

It really is fucked up. I watched it. Oh, my God.

I knew that guy. Kyle was up to something. I did.

You have been saying it.

I've been saying this is not normal. I don't know why women are going for this, but this is not normal. This is a guy just looking to get his dick wet. But it's so much more than that. Apparently, he wants to actually make the entire world his children, which is weird. And I understand that people have God complexes and certain things happen, and all this. You hear about doctors having God complexes, who lives and who dies. And it's a weird psychological trait that I'm sure very few people have. But these guys managed to get together on one website and do it. And now I'm thinking to myself, like, this Kyle Gordy guy, he just got a platform on 90 fucking day fiance. Fuck 90 day fiance. You should have done your homework.

Yeah, they really should have.

How did this. How did this season of 90 day Fiance come out and the Netflix documentary come out almost at the same time? And those producers not know about that. How did they. They did no homework. You did zero homework. That makes me a little sketched out about the whole 90 day fiance thing. I mean, as if I shouldn't have.

Done from the beginning, but I didn't hold them in high regard before that.

No. I didn't hold any of these people in high. I don't care. Like, live your life. Do your thing. It's entertaining sometimes, but, like, I don't look down on you either, but at the same time, like, this guy was extra weird. And, you know, the last episode of the season, they broke up because she just found him to be too weird for her liking. And good for you.

Yeah, thank goodness.

But, you know, he. They had sex one night. They had sex. I think I told you this. Did I tell you this?

I can't remember.

Okay. They have sex, and the next morning she gets freaked out because they did not use protection.

That's right.

There was the whole ovulation test. Yeah. And she gets, like, a faint look, so she gets freaked out. She tells him to bring a morning after pill. He shows up to her house, does not bring the morning after pill, and then tries to convince her that he knows when she's ovulating better than she does because he does this for a living. And by the way, he really finds it kind of weird to go buy a morning after pill when this is what he does for a living. So he doesn't know if he wants to be a part of it. He's not only trying to get women pregnant, he's trying to get them pregnant by hell or high water. Bye, force. Or by fucking. It's really weird. It is really weird. Someone get on that Kyle guy, by the way, still on Instagram. I so desperately. And now that I've said this, he's never going to come on, but I so desperately wanted to reach out and be like, will you come on my show? Because I find you to be really interesting. And then just take him to task because. What a jerk off. All these guys.

What jerk offs. And in the end. Yeah. And you can figure out what happens in the end. Some. There's some consequences, but it's not really much.

Yeah, well, I guess there's no true policing system, you know, that is around the world. And there's. It was like a. There was no precedent.

Yes.

Before, like, with the court.

No, there's no precedent. And most countries have a limit to what you can donate. You can have 21, I think is what it was. 21 sperm donations that end up in pregnancy. And that's it. You can. You can have no more because of this problem. Right. And so I still think 21 seems like a lot, if you're asking me, but I get it. I understand, you know, whatever. Anyway, here's so the weirdest thing that happens. Astrid and I watch this in, like, one sitting.

Oh, yeah.

I walk in right at the beginning.

Oh, I couldn't stop.

Oh, yeah, we couldn't either. It's one of those where it's like the bachelor sometimes. Like, I walk into the room, I'm doing something else in the studio. I walk into the room, three and a half hours later, I'm still there. So we go into the bathroom to, you know, brush our teeth and do whatever, and we have two, like, you know, two different. Like, two different vanities. And so Astrid's looking over at me, and she's looking over me. I could tell. She's looking over at me and she's like, you haven't ever done sperm donation, have you? And I'm like, yeah, everybody does it. Like, I go through this whole joke. I'm like, yeah, everybody. Of course, guys do it. We all did it. I mean, we all. It's $250 you wouldn't have. You wouldn't die for $250 at 20 years old. And she's like, what? And I was like, yeah, I think I did it, like, three times. And she's like, oh, my God. She's freaking out in her head. She's like, what do I do? And I go, astrid. No, I did that. Do you think anybody wants Brian green sperm? Do you know what I was doing at 20?

Ecstasy. That's what I was doing at 20. I'm sure they do. Tests for that kind of stuff. I'm sure they do.

Oh, my God.

It almost caused marijuana.

It's a wild documentary.

So it took me about 30 minutes to talk Ashley off the ledge, and I still think she thinks. She thinks somewhere in her head. It's a wild one, kidde. It's a wild world. It's a wild, wild word. It's a great, great show. So go ahead and watch it. You should. It's an uplifting show. Watch first, watch that and then go to 90 day fiance. Watch Kyle's story. You're gonna feel real great about the world that we live in. Between the debate, Kyle Gordy, and man with a thousand children. I don't know what else we got left. There's not too many more bridges to cross. No. All right, well, listen, you know what bridge you can cross? You can cross the. What is it? The Tampa Bay Bridge, Florida Bridge. Come see us live in Florida. More about dates and tickets will be live performing. We're live donating our comedy right in your mouth, right in your ear balls. We're the Kyle Gordy of comedy. So, yeah, we're gonna have more information about that. We'll have it on the socials and have it on the website where and when you can buy tickets. We'd love to see it.

If you're gonna be there or if you just want to say hello or if you want to tell us we're doing a good job or a bad job, go ahead and text us. 212433 TCB. That's 212-43-3822 for those of you that don't have numbers on your dials. I was telling somebody about the phone number and they were like, so what's the that? Numerologically. And I was like, you don't have numbers. You don't have letters on your phone. And they didn't know they had letters on their phone, which I found to be very strange, but that was my mom, and so.

Oh, okay.

Wow.

All you had to say was your sweet mom.

Yeah, she is sweet. Tcbpodcast.com. that's where you go for more information about the show and Chrissy and I and all that good stuff, all the audio, all the video right there from one location, tcbpodcast.com. also, you can get your free TCB sticker by going to the website. Hit the contact us button, drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us your physical address, any special requests you might have. Like, if you want us to sign, say something. We'll do that. No problem. And we'll send that off in two to four months.

Turn that around real quick.

That's right. At the commercial break on Instagram. Thank you so much to everyone who has followed us upon our request. Please do us a favor. If you haven't followed us on Instagram yet, do it now. Lots of exciting things coming up. All right, Chrissy, I guess that's all I could do for right now.

I think so.

But I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you.

I'll say best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christy and I do say, we will say, and we must say goodbye.