People always ask me, Are you an extrovert or an introvert? Actually, I'm a pervert. On this episode of the Commercial Break. If you're ever in that situation, you need to have a line ready to go. That line needs to include what car you look like and what car you fuck like. For me, I would say my old Honda Accord is what I look like. For me, I would say I also fuck my old Honda Accord. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. It's 30 in the morning. Oh, yeah, I guess it gets us. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green, and this is the Notorius, K-I-G. Chris, enjoy it, only best to you, Chris here.

Best to you, Brian.

That's to you all there on the podcast. K-i-g. K-i-g. Kitty Cat in Charge. K-i-c. That's what I said, actually. Did I say G or did I say C? I can't remember.

It threw me off.

You're the Kitty Cat in charge here. How's your sex life? How's your sex life with Jeff? How are you guys doing over there? I need a check-in. I need a check-in from the cameras. Then I pretend they're at your house. What are you guys doing over there? Romping and rolling. Well, he's doing a lot of traveling right now. Yes. So what is it? So are you guys doing sex messages and stuff? Like, Hey, titpick. Hey, dickpick. Yeah. Yeah? That's cute. Tell Jeff forward me Jeff's dick pics. I just want to see what's doing over there. I got to compare. I got to compare. I want to see what's going on with Jeff. I want to see what he's working with.

It's all for the show, Jeff.

It's all for the show. Jeff's like, I swear to God, talks about my dick one more time. We're going to have to have a tough conversation in this house about who actually makes money and who doesn't. In that In that size competition, I promise you, I'm not winning. That's okay, though. Never been particularly good with business. Here I am today. It was funny because Odecy is our network. Yes. We've said a lot on... We always talk about how we're broke as a joke and all this other stuff, and that is true. I'm not exaggerating in any way, shape, or form about that. But we've had a couple of podcast networks now, and they've all been wonderful in their in our own way. But Otis really has been good to us.

It's a... It's an upper echelon. Yeah.

They're a big company, and they really know how to tackle things in general, like business. They get the business right. They got stuff and things that I like.

They're professionals.

They are professionals through and through. The other day, I get onto a sales phone call. It's like a meet and greet. It's like, Hey, how are you doing? How's everything going? Here's the sales team that's out there trying to get people to jump on your podcast. Here's the people who are mysteriously slipping in the commercial break on the invoices. Hey, what's this? Bundling. Bundling. That's right. Save 30% or more when you bundle. The 30% you save is the commercial break. Hey, it's Jenny over here at the podcast agency. I'm just reviewing these last Q1 invoices, and I see something called TCB minus $1,000. What does that mean? It means we're giving you a discount for running on the commercial break. Yeah, I think we'll save the discount. Go ahead, charge is full. If you could take us off that, we'd appreciate it. But there are like number three comedy podcast in Atlanta. Yeah, we're really not. We're not interested. We're not interested.

Thanks, though.

As a matter of fact, pull all our business. If they're on your network, just go ahead and pull all the business. So great group of people. But the question is, it's a meet and greet. So it's like, Hey, how did you and Chrissy meet and become a podcast? And so then I got to go through the embarrassing conversation about how we met at your competitor. And so I make this really I have this really bone-headed line that I say, and it's been with me all week, and I swear to God it has been. What did you say? I said, I got into radio because I wanted to be in radio, not because I wanted to do radio sales. And then I realized I'm sitting in front of 30 radio sales people. Oh my God. That's not how I meant it. You know what I meant. So I said, Because I'm not good at radio sales. But I just felt like all weekend I was like, God, Brian, if there's an open mouth, you sure do know how to stick a foot in I mean, honestly.

I didn't want to get into radio sales.

Yeah, but they were great because they're really good to us and they're really smart about how they go about selling the show, which is just don't mention the commercial break.

Like I said, bundle it.

Just say, We got a Great Cromody podcast. It's Cromody. It's crap. Cromody. It's Cromody. Cromody. Yeah, they have a whole new way of doing things. They've got a new Apple category called Cromody, and it's just got the commercial break.

Crappy We're at the top of that chart.

We're at the top of the Cromody podcast chart. And we have been for years. I will have you know. So then I say this, and this is something that is true. I'll share this with you. I say, What is the podcast all about? That's a pretty typical question and a very difficult one to answer. It is, yeah. I don't know, Mountain Monster, Serena Caputo, Brian washing his ass, Leg Soap. I don't know what it's about. Chris and Jeff sex Chrissy and Jeff's Sex Life. Chrissy and Jeff's Sex Life. I'm not even sure. But I did get an interesting text message from someone months ago, probably late last year, and they said, I've come to realize that your show at the end of the day is really about friendship, and that's why I like it. It's about friendship. It's like me and my friends sitting around shooting the shit, and it reminds me of that, and that's why I like it. I feel like you're my friend, and we're just having a rap about whatever. That's how friendship goes. It is, yeah. You just sit down, you have a beer, whatever it is you like to do.

Bier, an eight-ball of cocaine, heroin. Then you just have a ketchup, a quick ketchup while you're nodding out or your nose is bleeding, whatever it is. Whatever. It is about friendship. I repeated this. I've started to tell people that the show is just about friendship. That's really what it's about. It's about Chrissy and I's friendship, and as weird as it may be in the stories that we have. Then I said, then I go, No, it's about whatever you want to talk about. Weird internet oddities, timely topical stuff, news articles, things you did in the past, that one time you threw up in the garbage can. Then I go, Don't pretend you didn't throw up in the garbage can because you work in radio and I know you did. Everybody was like, swear to God, it was like this.

Crickets. Yeah.

Anyway, you probably won't be hearing many sponsors in the show from now on, but I just wanted to thank you for your patience.

I wonder if we were on the tail end of the wild and crazy radio sales partying. Do you think so?

I think that in any industry where there are people, 20 20 to 60, where there's close, intense working going on, especially in sales, there's always going to be that bit of I have to let loose. The pressure. Yeah, the pressure. It builds and it's got to let loose somewhere. I think that lets loose when you go out at night. At a bar. Yeah, at a bar. 3:00 in the afternoon on a Monday. I don't know if it's anything like where we work. 1:00 PM on a Sunday, we'd all be in the office. But just because someone happened to get a grand of cocaine. Rochambeau, buddy. Rochambeau. I do think that to a certain degree, I think everybody has experienced this in some way, shape, or form. If you've been in an environment or a restaurant or a place where you work closely with other people, if you're the social type, you want to get out there and talk about the manager that sucks.

You have to be the social type to be in sales.

Yeah, that's true. Well, I don't know. A couple of people we worked with. I think they were in the social type like, Let me go meet somebody I can chop up and bury in my basement later.

Yeah, that's true.

Do you remember... I'm not going to say the name, obviously. I did end up liking him. But do you remember the older, weird gentleman that we worked with that had all the strip clubs as his- Yes. Okay. As his client. As his client. He loved me and I loved him eventually. But at first, I didn't know how to take him because he was really an odd character. Very odd. He had weird mannerisms. He spoke in a weird way, and he would come in and be like, he would twitch.

I never formed a close bond with He'd be like, Hey, the Purple Elephant wants $50,000 worth of advertising on the internet.

What can you put together? I was like, I don't know. I don't even know what we're selling yet. What are we doing here? What are we doing here? I thought I was going to be on radio. Sure. Take that 50,000. Put that on the projection. Double it and put it on the projection. Exactly. The first time he invited me out, he invited me to the Purple Elephant or whatever it was. Let's go to the Purple Elephant. They're my client. They'll take care of us. My wife and I go there all the time. I thought to myself, that's a pretty liberal relationship. Good for you. He's an older gentleman. He's probably in his late 50s when we knew him. He had been in radio. He was the one who would tell us the stories that there was a fax machine at some point in the '90s. I keep on throwing my pen across the room, and I really don't know why. It's like I have tardy dyskinesia or something.

Yeah, there was a fax machine where orders would just flow. The money was flowing.

Yes. He said there was a time when he would get there at 9:00 AM, there would be orders already on the fax machine, and it would not stop rolling. People would just be faxing PO after PO. He also said there was- We missed those days. We We missed those days. We missed those days, and now we had to beg people to advertise on this medium. He invites me, and I said, Yes. I don't think you and I were quite like BFFs yet. Right. Because I'm sure you would have been there with me. Have you been? I actually think I was still married at the time, and he said, Come with me. It's going to be a fun time. I talked to my ex-wife who had also, at the time, been to strip clubs with me. I said, Hey, let's go to the Purple Elephant. This guy's got a VIP treatment the whole nine yards. For whatever reason, she was like, No, I don't want to go. Probably because she was with a divorce attorney planning the paperwork.

I can't make it.

Can't make it. Got to sign the divorce paperwork. Don't worry. I'll send it to you just as soon as I can. Okay, I go, I show up, no shit VIP treatment. He's in the VIP booth. All the girls are around. Drinks are flowing. The whole whole shebang. I thought to myself, wow, he was not lying. Yeah, wow. I've never been treated. The last time I had this many people around me in a strip club, I was getting thrown out. Because of the change. That's right. Because of the change that my on this date. I got excited. I'm sitting there and I'm with him and his wife and the girls are dancing and they're dancing with his wife and they're dancing with him. Even that was a weird... That was a weird thing to think about in your mind if you knew who this guy was. But anyway, he's having a great- This is at three on a Monday, right? Yeah, this is noon on a Thursday. Not even kidding. It was like lunch hour. That's why everybody's getting the royal treatment. But it doesn't matter what time you go to a strip club, there's always people in there, at least in Atlanta, at least in my experience.

We're all sitting around, and then I get the weirdest request that I had heard up until that point regarding my sex life. He said, You No, me and my wife are swingers. I was like, Oh, no, no, no, no. In my mind, it's like, Abort, abort, abort, abort. That's what's going on in my mind. I'm like, Oh, no. But I said politely, Hey, thanks anyway. I'm married.

Did he say, Would you like to join us?

No, he didn't have to say it. It was implied. Because in the declarative sentence was also a question you just had to read between the lines, or at least that's where my mind went. I used my wife as a convenient excuse. First of all, no fucking way. I mean, there's just no fucking way. We are all getting older. We're all going to be there at some point, but this was not the point at which I needed to go there. Right.

Going to take the next step.

I am not in the... What's that place down in Florida that we're going to go retire? The villages. I am not in the villages quite yet. So I say, Hey, thanks, man, but I'm married and that's not in the program. Well, at least it wasn't in my program. At least I wasn't aware it was in the program at the time. So I said no. And so afternoon goes on. Now we're shift change, five o'clock. Now I'm nice and saucy, right?

Of course.

And all of a sudden, his wife, we were sitting next to each other at the table, girls dancing. And while this girl was dancing in front of me, I'm not a huge lap dance guy. I don't need you to get on my lap and everything. I'm not sure if you wash your legs or not. But the wife starts sliding her hand into my inner thigh. For the first time and the last time, because now I'm in an age where I would welcome that attention. But I took my hand and I was like, Oh, no. And she leans over and she says this, I may not look like a Cadillac, but I fuck like a Ford Ranger. And I had no idea what that meant. None. It made no sense. And I'll never forget the line, and I'll never forget how quickly I asked if I had a tab, if I needed to pay it. I excused myself from the glitter-soaked, wonderfully-smelling woman that was in front of me, and I left the building, and I was so... I remember, I got a cab. I left my car there, and I had to get my ex-wife.

I think my ex-wife drove me the next day, or maybe it was you. I don't even know. But it was the weirdest. I may not look like a Cadillac, but I fuck like a Ford Range. Okay.

Like power?

Is that what you meant? Yeah, like power, eight cylinders, all wheel drive, comfort seats. Back to truck Yeah, massaging seats. Christie, I'm telling you, I don't know. If you were a car, what would you fuck like? That's the question. Here's the question I pose to everybody out there. If you were a car, what would you fuck like? Because you need to apparently have that line ready if you're ever a swing. Yeah, you do. Yeah, for sure. Unfortunately, I wasn't a swinger. I missed that one. That's another one. Remember telling the chiropractor story about how I was in a room full of crystal meth smoking chiropractors who were very attractive. They were like, Hey, get in on this action. All of a sudden, the women were nude and the guys were looking at me and they were like, Hey, you want to hit this pipe? You want to hit this pipe and then lay some pipe? What are you thinking? Hit this pipe, lay some pipe. I'll suck some pipe. What do you think? What are you thinking? What are you thinking? I was like, I'll pass. But do you have any cocaine?

But looking back, we discussed this, looking back, you might have just gone ahead and gone for it.

Looking I think that might have been the one-up. Not the one, but that might have been the orgy that I could have taken part in, and I didn't, and maybe I should have. I'm not saying I should have. I'm saying maybe I should have. Maybe. If I had been more clear-headed or wasn't at the age where I was scared of pussy. Maybe I would have gone for it. But at that time, I was scared. That's just the reality. I was just scared. I was scared of what was going to come, and was I going to come, and was he going to come, and where was his come going to be around me? Those were all the questions running through my mind. But if you're ever in that situation, you need to have a line ready to go. That line needs to include what car you look like and what car you fuck like. For me, I would say my old Honda Accord is what I look like. And for me, I would say I also fuck my old Honda Accord.

With the bashed door.

Yes, with no left-hand side of the car. The driver's side just completely gone. I I literally would drive and there would be no door. I'd be like, Hey.

Speaking of, I remember I had bashed my side of my car, too. Oh. Remember? Yes, I do. I did that pulling in to work with. At the radio station.

Well, to be fair, that was the most ridiculous parking lot I've ever been in in my entire life.

I remember that last turn, I made this sharp turn around this pole.

Yeah, like the foundation post. It was underneath the building. I got it too close. I know.

You're like, Oh, no. Yeah. Hopefully, it's not as bad as it sounded, but it was.

Listen, they had a lot of parking in there. There were probably, I don't know, 250 spaces, plenty for everybody, but they were all bicycle parking spaces. It was like being in Spain. I had a Honda Accord, and I couldn't fit into it.

It was crazy.

It was crazy. All right, more talk about car fucking to come.

I'm going to think about that.

Yeah, think about it and let us know when we get back from the break. Okay. We'll be back. Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB, and you can text us anytime you want, or you can call and leave us a voicemail, and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast. Com. Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G, and here they are. All right, what car are you in? What car would you fuck? What car do you look like? What car would you fuck?

I don't know. What's your fuck like? I don't know about the look like part, but I feel like a Jaguar is maybe somewhere in there.

Yeah. Yeah. Smooth. You break down a lot, but it's smooth driving. Smooth driving when you get out of the shop.

That's right. A purr.

Oh, you purr. My aunt, my deceased aunt, who I loved very much, Auntie Sandy. Auntie Sandy was a cabillionaire in my mind. And Auntie Sandy made a lot of money in her lifetime. She lost a lot of money in her lifetime. She was one of these that risk. Risk was an adrenaline rush for her. I believe, this is my take on it now that there are many years of past. She would risk everything, and she won a lot. She won a lot. She had a huge pharmaceutical company, all this different stuff for my aunt Sandy, but she also lost a lot. She had some issues with... I'm not going to get into all the details, but she had some issues. She lost a lot of money. She was gay. She had a girlfriend that I also loved, was part of the family that no one acknowledged No one acknowledged that this woman she lived with for the entirety of my time alive was her actual partner. No one. Because that's the family I grew up in. Catholic family that just ignored the fact that every time we went over to aunt Sandy's for a party, this woman who had lived with her for 20 years in the same house was her roommate, quote, unquote.

Maybe they just didn't want to have to explain it to the children. I'm not sure. But at the end of the day, I knew the gig from the moment that I was able to understand what was going on, I remember knowing in my mind that those two were together and good for them. Never cared in one bit. I loved, loved, loved my aunt Sandy and her partner, for that matter, still alive. I won't mention her by name. But here's the thing. Auntie Sandy used to shower us with attention, love, and gifts. Oh, yeah. One time for our birthday for Kevin and I.

That's what that aunt does. Yes.

One time for our birthday, aunt Sandy came to the house in Chicago, and she looked at Kevin and I, and she says, Toys are us. Let's go.

That's fun.

Anything you want. Anything you want. Now, I believe my- That's so exciting as a kid. My mother was with us, and so she limited... Remember, I forget the show, but there was a show in Nickelodeon where if you won, you could run through the Toys R Us and grab whatever you could into a cart. Yes. This is what happened to us for real because of A. And Sandy. But it was only one cart. I really wanted to get everything. But anyway, Sandy Daddy always had a Jaguar. Always, always, always had a Jaguar, as did my grandfather. He had a Jaguar, too. They drove Jaguars. Even when probably they couldn't afford to, they drove Jaguars. But I will never... Let me back up for a second. I will always be a Jaguar fan. It's imprinted in my head, in my brain, in my mind. I have a Jaguar dealership a couple of miles from my house. I love the Jaguar.

I love it. I love those older ones, too. Oh, all of them?

Yeah, all The ones from the '80s and the '70s, they're beautiful cars. Yes, they are. Now they're beautiful cars again. But my aunt always was complaining about how much that Jaguar was in the shop. Always complaining about it. Every other week, that Jaguar went to the fucking shop. I don't know. Why can't they get that right? You would think if you spend $100,000 on a car that you'd get it right. You'd figure it out. That's always made me shy away from buying a Jaguar. That and because I could never afford one. I would walk into the dealership. That's the main barrier. They'd probably have a... You know, like one of those Chinese surveillance detection systems. It would be like...

Facial recognition. Yeah. Facial.

317 credit. Not a Jaguar owner. It's like a club you have to belong to to own a Jaguar. But I do love those cars because of Auntie Sandy, and I really wish that I could afford to have one. Maybe one day. Maybe one day. But then you have to afford to be able to maintain them, too. That's the other thing is that if they really are in the shop. I do remember both my grandfather and my aunt complaining a lot about how much those cars were in the shop.

Maybe they've improved now.

You have to imagine. I don't see a lot of them on the road. You know that I was just thinking about this about Atlanta. Atlanta is a Mercedes town. Everybody has a fucking Mercedes. It doesn't matter if you can afford to have a Mercedes or not have. Well, they moved their headquarters here.

They did.

Their USA headquarters are here in Atlanta. Therefore, they put a lot of newly used, I say newly used, right? Newly used, meaning the people who work at the headquarters, they're always turning in the cars before 10,000 miles, so you can get a good deal. I think that Atlanta, because of the big RBM dealerships that we have here, has really papered the streets with a lot of Mercedes. But I was thinking about this the other day. I was at the Little and walking through the shop. I probably counted, just out of curiosity, counted 13 Mercedes Benz in the Little shopping in the parking lot. Well, it's a little. You know what I'm saying? It's like, known for discount foods. Everybody is driving a Mercedes because this is a Mercedes town, it's Mercedes-Benz Stadium. We have the USA headquarters here. We have three really large dealerships that pump out vehicles. Maybe I don't see as many Jaguars as other places do, but I don't see a lot of them on the road. No, you're right. I really don't. If you want to give us one, I'll be happy to take it for a ride. Absolutely. I always thought, and one of the questions, too, that the salespeople often ask you is, what do you think are the best brands to buddy up to your show?

I'm always going like, Walmart, sweat pants. Yeah, Walmart, sweat pants, and Little. But maybe I should aim higher. Jaguar. Jaguar.

Why, Brian, 3000?

Why, Brian, 3000? That is the perfect... If there was ever, ever a sponsor that would be good on our show, Why, Brian, 3000?

It's the Gas Station erectile pills.

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Yes. Oh, yeah. The Ford Ranger.

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Yes, that is the perfect fit for our show.

Pun intended. Pun intended.

What did you say? What did I say? When they asked what- I left.

I just left.

You left the sales meeting?

Oh, no. I thought you were talking about when she asked me if... When she was giving me this whole thing in my ear. Back to the strip-up story.

No, I was thinking about the advertising.

That's a problem with ADHD. You can't remember the first or last thing you said. I said lots of things.

I like that you just left the conversation. What brands do you think would be good for the commercial break?

Got to go. Got to go. One right, three thousand. See you later. Zoom over. End meeting for all. End meeting for all. See you later. I basically said anyone who's willing to be on the show.

We're not, Vicky?

No. No, I said, I felt... I don't want to name the brands here because, whatever. We We may or may not be in conversation with them about sponsoring the show. But I said nice things about certain brands, and then I said other things about other brands. That's what I said. Okay. I did share with them that... I'm not even going to say. I don't want to get into it. Can we... Well, let's leave this conversation. End meeting. In meeting. End meeting for all. Leave meeting, end for all. End for all. Quickly. That's probably what the guy who brought me on to the conversation I wanted to do. The second I opened my mouth, he's probably like, End meeting for all. End meeting for all.

Okay, but going back to the strip club talk, was there... How was that then the next time you saw this gentleman?

Well, the funny thing about this gentleman is that he was just odd enough that you could get away with it and it would be as if it never happened. Okay, yeah. But I did get many, and I say many more invites to come to the Purple Elephant or other strip clubs with him. It wasn't the first time or the last time I had gotten an invite. As a matter of fact, one Halloween, there's a strip club here called the Pink Pony, and the Pink Pony is legendary. It's like where everybody goes, right? There's all the clubs that everybody goes to. The Gold Club used to be a huge famous until everyone learned it was run by John Gotti. Now it's like a club for hire. You just rent it out or whatever. We went to a party there one time with Scambadia. We did. So I ended up going to Pink Pony, too, was another location that they opened.

Right. Well, there was the East and West one or something. South?

North and South one. Yeah. I ended up going to the South one.

You and I went to that South one one time.

Yeah, but we went for the grand opening, didn't we? On Halloween?

It wasn't Halloween. This was just one night.

Well, I went for Halloween, right? It was like their grand opening, the grand opening week or whatever. They had this big party and it was Halloween. I went with a couple of other people that we worked with, and he was there also because of course he was. He had to be there. He's like, I don't know. Who's somebody who's always showing up on the red carpet that maybe they shouldn't be showing up on the red carpet? I don't know. I can't think of anybody, but you know what I'm saying. Like, hangers on. Like, Andy Dick just shows up out of nowhere for no reason. And you're like, Well, he's famous, but should he be here? Probably not. So that was this guy. Okay, he's strip-code famous, but should he be here? Probably not. But he was there on Halloween, if I remember with his wife, and there was also an odd interaction there. At the time, I was with one of our coworkers, and I asked that coworker to buddie up to me a little bit. Like, get a little close, let's pretend, so I don't have to deal with any weird questions or anything like that.

I remember that particular night evading any odd questions. But of course, when someone propositions you for a threesome or whatever was intended, and then you just leave without saying anything, you do an Irish goodbye, got to go to the bathroom and never come back, maybe she got the hint. I would think. Maybe that was it. I guess if you throw it out enough, though, there's going to be some takers. I do believe. This is true. I do believe if you're a swinger, it's all about batting average. It is, yeah. It's like that. You throw it out there. It's like that John Anthony lifestyle has got 100% closing rate or whatever. If you're a swinger, you just don't know how many people are going to be receptive to your conversation unless it comes up in conversation and they say they're receptive. If you're out there cold calling dicks to come to bed with you, then it's really all about averages, isn't it? You got to approach enough people that someone says, yes. It's like that Seeking Sister Wife that I'm watching right now.

Oh, you're still watching that?

God, it's just such a fascinating show. It's a fascinating show for one couple and one couple only. I mean, there are other couples that are fascinating, but there's two I'm fascinating with. One is that Garrix guy who his wife is obviously and desperately trying to keep his attention, keep him married.

That's the one you told me about how they flew down to the place with the younger girl and her mother was there? Yes. Her mother showed up?

Okay. Now, so let me catch you up to speed. Okay. Yeah, please. Just real quick. Okay, please. Garrix on the show was married to a beautiful woman who agreed because it was God's plan. God told them, in quotations, God told them directly with his mouth, God's mouth, that they should have more wives. She seems to be just going along with it. Garrix is saying, God told me one afternoon that I'm supposed to have multiple young, beautiful wives that don't speak my language. It's so obvious to anybody that's watching this show that Garrix wants to get his dick wet, and this poor woman that he was married to is just going along with it because she loves Garrix. She thinks the world of Garrix, and she doesn't want Garrix to leave. Well, guess what? On season number 2 or whatever it was, when we first got introduced to this couple, they got a divorce so he could legally marry his South American girlfriend and bring her back to the United States. That means she doesn't have rights to alimony, parental rights. I mean, so many reasons not to get a divorce, but she went along with it.

She was crying at the divorce hearing, and it was taped for TLC. Oh, God. I felt so bad for this girl. But at some point, you got to say, What's wrong with you? Get out. So that relationship falls apart. Within a month, he's virtually dating other beautiful young South American women. They pick one, they go down there. This woman is nothing like the other woman. She is really just paying attention to Garrix, the first woman, the first Latin American woman, was at least into both of them. The ex-wife, now ex-wife, felt good that she really wanted to be in a communal marriage.

A sisterhood.

A sisterhood. A sisterhood. A sisterwife. They call each other's sister. It's so disturbing. Sister. Some people don't like the word moist. I don't like when you say sister when you're referring to another adult woman that's not blood-related. Anyway, or brother. It's just like it's all a little bit disturbing. But anyway. They go down there, they go to Mexico, they all meet in Mexico in this beautiful location, and Garrix is desperately trying to get the ring on this woman's finger so he can get in bed with her. Well, it doesn't happen the first trip. So guess what he does a month later? He takes off by himself to go back down to be with this woman, and he leaves for a fucking month. And during that time, Danielle, who is the ex-wife, finds out she's pregnant. What? Now, Garrix is running around South America trying to get a marriage license so that he can marry his young, beautiful Latin American fiancé. And he's barely talking to Danielle. He's not telling her anything. And so Danielle says to the camera, I don't even think they want me down there. I don't think this woman wants me down there.

Yeah, that's the way it seems.

So she decides to get on a plane, flies down there. I know. So she decides to go down there, right? If it was me, I'd call a divorce attorney. But, no, she goes down.

They're also already divorced. Yes, they're divorced.

They're not even married. Now, listen, I'm not saying marriage is right for everybody. The piece of paper doesn't mean a lot to a lot of people, and that's perfectly okay. I don't care. It's 2024. No one gives a shit whether you're married or not. If you're together, you're together. If you're not, you're not. There's good reasons to have a marriage license. There's other reasons you shouldn't. But if you have children and the life that you've built this entire time and the thing that's giving you legal cover is that marriage certificate, don't give it up. Don't give it up. But she did to please her fucking nudnik husband who uses God as an excuse to get more twing twang. And listen, I just got to say this. Just have an open marriage. Yeah. Just let him go fuck other people. This is not about God. This is about Garrix getting his fucking knocks off.

Rocks off, yeah.

So Where we ended it this last episode is that Garrix is trying to... The people down in... I can't remember the country they're in. I think it's Brazil. The people down in Brazil found out that Garrix is on this TV show, and they found out that he has multiple wives, and they denied him a marriage certificate because they said it's illegal to be married to two people.

Picturing the stamp.

Denied. Denied. That's not even a Spanish word, but I made it up, and it sounds cool. Danielle is now down there with him, has told them that she's pregnant, and you should have seen the look on this woman's face, the other woman, the Latin American woman. She was like, Oh, shit. Now it's not going to be about me and Garrix. This woman is just... It seems, it appears, and also it could be TV editing. You never know, right? But it appears that this woman just wants Garrix to herself. Danielle is rightfully upset and worried and concerned. I don't know how these things work. I really don't.

I don't know either.

Okay, but now let's circle back so this all makes sense in the conversation. The The second couple that I'm interested in is a couple where the wife is encouraging. When I say encouraging, I mean, get out there, little buddy, like a soccer mom on Saturday afternoon. She's like, get out there, little buddy. Get your dick wet. Time to go. Time to go find some pussy. Come on, let's go. She's approaching other women on his behalf. Yeah, he is like a child. I don't know how he survives in life, but he's like a child. He has to have everything done for him. She folds his clothes, she makes him long, all this other stuff. She goes and she finds chicks for him to fuck. It's really weird. That's the other couple that I'm interested in because what we were just talking about, batting averages. Yes. She says the same thing. It's about batting averages. You got to get out there and talk to enough women that someone will eventually take you up on the offer. I thought to myself, it's so much fucking work. It's so much work for what? For an extremely jealous spouse that's going to clearly is going to blow up?

These things don't work. You know how I know this? Look at the other fucking TLC show that's on Sister Wives. None of them are married anymore. All it took was nine years and it all fell apart for that guy. God bless America because he's an asshole. Anyway, there's your TLC update for the other month.

Yeah, okay, good. Thank you. How are the Little Johnson's?

Little Johnsons are not interesting this year, I got to say. It's very formulaic. It's a little uninteresting. I'm just, I listened to it in the background. In the background, yeah. But know that something interesting is coming because one of the little people, the little children, is pregnant with her average-sized boyfriend's child. Last we heard, they had broken up. Now Well, this episode coming up, they have to tell her parents that she's pregnant. I just can't wait to see how that goes. They, quote, unquote, were broken up. But obviously, they weren't broken up because he's fucking her and she got pregnant. That's the other thing. Is anybody worried you're going to get pregnant or STDs? Is anybody thinking about this? Now, if I was to say yes to the pony threesome or the elephant, the Purple Elephant threesome, I wouldn't be so concerned because I think that that woman was probably out of birthing age. But is anybody concerned about what's going to happen with all of this?

Yeah, you should take precautions. Then again, they're on a TV show. Well, this is true. What's the fun in that? What's the fun and precautions? Yeah, that's true.

If you get pregnant, that's just a spinoff show. Exactly. My Seven Little Threesome Johnston. That's a show I'll tune into for a fucking sure.

Yes, 100%.

You know I got you back, TLC. Go for it. You keep sending the United States down some morality fucking pitfall, and I'll follow you right behind going, Yeah. Tlc, the Jerry Springer of channels.

He's riding the echo horse.

Go, go. Milf Manor. Yeah, we need more Milf Manor where you fuck your son or whatever it is.

That was bad.

It's on for season 10. Oh, it is. Who's watching this? Fuck you. If you're watching Milf Manor, turn off my show. I'm not interested in knowing you. That's too far. You took it too far, TLC. My seven little threesome Johnson's, I'll take that all day long. But Milf Manor, where you're fucking your best friend's son, that is It's weird. That's just weird. All right, we'll be back. I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the Commercial Break, and then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3-TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content, call and leave us a message at 212-433-3-TCB. And don't forget to check out tcbpodcast. Com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the Commercial Break. Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Didn't mean to cough in your ear, everybody. I really apologize. I wanted to ask you, Have you been keeping up with the Madonna concert drama?

A little bit. I've heard a little bit about her going on late, right?

There's a class action lawsuit by people saying that they misled them. The show was The ticket show was 8:00, and she didn't start till midnight or whatever it was. That lady is notoriously fucking late to every show. It's insane. I got to say, I think I'm on the side of the ticket holder here. I know Madonna's She got to get prepared. She got to do her vocal training. But do you even think it takes four hours to do your vocal warmups?

We'll plan ahead on that.

Yeah. Okay, get started at three o'clock in the afternoon instead of nine o'clock at night for your show.

I know. Well, speaking of, we just did the Riverbeat Music Festival, and the Fugees were there, Lauryn Hill. Oh, tell me about this. We were all thinking, How late is it going to be? What's going to happen? She was prompt? 20 minutes after.

20 minutes late? Yeah. Not bad. No. That's It was perfectly expected. I go to any concert.

It was a great show.

Yeah. The only concert that I've ever been to where it started exactly on time, Taylor Swift. That's the only show because they have a big fucking countdown clock, so you can't be late. It's part of the show, right? Plus, Taylor knows what's doing. She's got to make the next show. She wants some sleep. She's got to get it. Let's do it. Let's get it over with. Let's go to the next show. That's professionalism at the highest order. Because when you have, like where we were in LA, when you have, I don't know, 80,000 people sitting there waiting for you and they're all getting wound up about seeing you, you need to be on time because that energy has got to go somewhere and it can turn real fucking quick. You don't want a bunch of 12-year-old girls trampling themselves or getting... 12-year-old girls, first of all, they can't be out till 3:00 in the morning. You know what I'm saying? Their parents brought them there. They went there by, they got dropped off or whatever. You got to be prompt. Be respectful of your audience, who they are. She was. Astrid dragged me to that fucking...

Who are those guys? The Jonas She dragged me to that Jonas Brothers show. They were on time, I got to say.

Yeah, it's courtesy to the people who paid money to go see you.

Thank you. I go to, I don't know, you go to a Fish show or a Pearl Jam show or whoever, music Midtown, Shaky Nees, whatever you're going to. A festival like that, you got to be primed.

They're on a schedule.

Yeah, you're on a schedule. You can get fined big money or lose big money if you're not on that schedule. In that sense, I think there's a lot of pressure to get you there on time and to cut off the schedule. Set on time and all that. But I fully expect there's going to be an hour delay from the ticket time. Ticket time says eight. I expect they're going on at nine. I know that. It's built into my brain. Midnight? Not built into my brain. One o'clock in the morning? That's fucking insane. If you're starting at one o'clock in the morning.

She's going on at one o'clock in the morning?

She's going on at like, midnight, like 11:45. I think I read somewhere she went on at one in the morning, but I believe that was the concert in Rio de Janeiro. Did you see that? She gave a free concert on the beach at Copa Cabana Beach. She gave a free concert there with the help of the city or Rio de Janeiro, whatever. One million people showed up. One million. Now, I know if you're going to do it in any city and get a million people to show up, it's going to be Rio de Janeiro because there's 600 million people that live in that one city. But that's fucking insane. That is insane. A million people come to see you, and I can't imagine how big your head must be after that. You're like, holy shit, I just got a million people to show up to my front door and listen to me perform.

And hence now that's why she doesn't care about being late.

I think that's it. I think she knows that people who like her- She's like, I'm going to do what I want to do. People who like her, they love her so much. That I think she can get away with basically murder. I think that's true. But I still believe that you need to be somewhat respectful of the audience. I agree. An hour late, okay, we get it. You're back there doing whatever. You got to meet and greet celebrities. You got to do your vocal warm yoga, tantric sex, whatever Madonna is doing back there. But you got to show up within a relatively decent amount of time. These people who bring in this class action lawsuit say we had babysidders, we had plans, we have work the next day. We cannot be out until 3:00 in the morning because you decide- Are they bringing the lawsuit against ticket master or just everybody? There's an old saying, When you sue, sue everyone. When you sue, you sue anybody you think could ever be potentially liable for this happening. It's like management, ticket master, LiveNate, whatever it is. And Madonna herself, of course. I don't know. I'm interested to see how this one plays out.

Yeah, exactly. Because I think if I'm a juror, I'm saying, Yeah, get your point. Now, I'm not going to award you $200 million because Madonna was late by an hour, two, three, four. But I'll give you your money back, a couple of thousand dollars for the inconvenience. But enough of those people get together and do that, then that's a big deal and you get a judgment. That would be industry changing. Yeah, I think so. Now, speaking of industry changing, Congress is looking into Live Nation and Ticketmaster as monopolies. I think this time has come. We did this back in the '90s. Pearl Jam was the only band that would publicly say Ticketmaster is a monopoly, and they are bad for live entertainment. They took a stance. They went up to Congress. They talked about it back when Pearl Jam was the number one band in the world. Everybody said, You're never going to play this town again without Ticketmaster. What are you doing? Why are you standing out? The truth is, they lost that battle because three years later, they were back with Ticketmaster because that's the way that Ticketmaster monopolizes this industry and charges ridiculous fees and makes you wait in line, then resells tickets for thousands of dollars more than they should have originally been for.

Now, they have this surge pricing or whatever it is. It's all insanity. They're trying to act like concert tickets are airplane tickets, and The more demand, the higher you should pay, which I get it, supply and demand, but it really ruins it for everybody who is not in the upper middle class or millionaires. The divide between the have and the have nots gets further. Ticketmaster is one of the companies that is putting a wedge in between those. Kids want to go see music. Adults want to go see. Everybody wants to go see live music. It's one of those things. The truth is that live music in 2024 is starting to take a little bit of a hit, not as many concerts are being sold out. Many people are having to cancel shows because of poor ticket sales, because I think people are sick of it. It was all fun and games and shits and giggles in 2022 and 2023 when all that pent-up demand was there. But now people are like, I don't know if I want to go pay. $78 to go see the commercial break at some comedy club. Do you know what I'm saying?

Are we going to use Ticketmaster, do you think?

I think we have to. Or maybe not anymore. I don't know. I think that's part of the gig. I don't think we have... I think it's Live Nation. It's hard to get around. I don't think we have any other choice. I don't think we have any. I don't know that for sure. But I believe, having done some research about a few of these clubs that we would play, that's part of the gig. That's who you pay. But I would love it if you could just go to the Comedy Club website, buy it directly, and then save everybody the... Save your $50 in ticketing fees. I mean, what could we possibly charge? Five, 10, 20, $30 for a ticket? I think $30.

I mean, we might I have to pay.

Well, we're going to pay in some way, shape, or form. Perverbially or actually, we're going to pay in some way, shape, or form. That's for sure. But I mean, how much could we chart? $30 a ticket? Okay, that sounds reasonable. $30 a ticket for a couple hours of low-brow entertainment. Thirty bucks. Sounds like a great price for me. Dial me in. Keep me posted. But then you add on all the service fees. Well, I know. It ends up being I mean, if you're using one of the big ticket brokerages, like ticket mass, and that's what they are. They're just brokers. They're just in the middle between you and I. They have the technology and the platforms to make that work. I applaud them for making that technology so good because it is so good. But when you charge exorbitant fees and drive ticket prices higher because of manipulative practices, it makes everybody dislike the experience. So your wonderful technology really gets overshadowed by the fact that you're highway robbing everybody by the time they get to the continue screen pressing a payment. It's ridiculous. Now that Congress is looking into this, I really hope that they can do something about this.

I don't know what it is. Break up the companies, allow for other companies to get in and use technology for a fee or whatever it happens to be. I think they need to do something about it. I saw a meme the other day, and I thought it was great. It said, Congress is looking into Ticketmaster and Live Nation. It It was like a congressman or whatever, like this. Then on the bottom, it was one of the guys from Pearl Jam. It's like, Pearl Jam, be here. He had his hands like, What took you so long? I agree with that. I think it needs to... I think things need to change for sure.

I agree with you.

Jeff uses Live Nation and Ticketmaster because he has to, right?

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the thing. Yeah, you have to. There's a lot of different companies, too, that fall under the umbrella of Ticketmaster. So, yeah.

I knew. I'll tell a story because I always do. Story time with Brian. Everybody calm down. Get your chai tea. Settle in. Get your chai tea and let's have a conversation. When I was a teenager, I met a guy at a restaurant, and he owned what is now one of the very popular, visible ticket brokerages. We're talking about places like StubHub, Ticks, those places that resell tickets. He owned it, and it was a little shop here in Atlanta, office in Buckhead, and they would basically broker any popular tickets across the nation, but they were really focused on what was happening here in Atlanta. Here's how it worked. He would pay people to go stand in line because that's when you had to stand in line, or pick up the phone and call, use his credit card to buy tickets, and they would get a payment for doing that. They would get whatever it was. Let's just call it $10 an hour, for however long it took them, or a fee, 50 bucks a ticket, 20 bucks a ticket. They would bring the tickets back, and he would send out 50, 60 scalpers to go out and stand in line.

It was expected, yay, it was anticipated that these Brokers would have a certain amount of the business. Let's call it 2 or 3% of the tickets in the room would be owned by brokers. They would then resell those tickets. At that time, you would actually have to call them, ask them if they had these tickets available or they could get these tickets, and they had a network of other brokers around the country, and you could get tickets to them. They would charge you whatever the going rate was. But it was never, and I mean never, not in all the years I knew this guy, it was never more than 100% of the ticket value Unless it was the Super Bowl or the National College Football Championship or whatever. This guy made lots of money, and in my opinion, he was a stand-up dude. He was just found a way to make a little extra cash for rich people who really wanted to pay extra to go see the concert. That was it. Then, of course, there were the scalpers on the streets who would sell the tickets that they had bought and all this other stuff to make a couple of bucks.

That's always been going on. Ticket master and Live Nation have now, I guess, made this into an industrial practice. Now, Ticketmaster is one of the largest brokerages out there.

I know. It's so crazy to think about that.

The The secret about all of this for you out there listening that may not know this is that artists will often be in cajoots with Ticketmaster and Live Nation, and they will share, they will dedicate a portion of their tickets for what they call resale. Here's how it goes. In the contract, I'm just going to use Toby Keith as an example. I don't know that he does this, but let's say Toby Keith. Toby Keith signs a contract with a promoter that's going to pay him to do a show. In In that contract, the promoter gives Toby Keith 2,000 of the 70,000 tickets available, or 10,000 of the 70,000 tickets available, whatever it is. Toby Keith then sells those tickets right back to Live Nation where Live Nation or Ticketmaster will put them on their open brokerage site. We've all seen it, official certified resale tickets in the red dot. Then they're 180, 200, 300% more than the other tickets around But because the show is getting sold out and he has the really good tickets, they resell them, then they give a cut, they sell them on consignment, they give a cut back to the artist.

That is the sad and terrible truth of this, is that the artists are also now in on the game. My belief is not because they necessarily want to be, of course, that's more money in their pocket, but because they have to be. That's the way the game is played. You want to maximize how much money you take out? Instead of playing a really good show at a reasonable price and making $100,000 in a night, I can make $180,000 in the night if I just sell some of my tickets back. And that's what happens time and time again. If you are the only one doing it, I'm not saying Tobi Keith does this. I have no fucking clue. But if Tobi Keith is the only one doing this, then we can point to Tobi Keith and say, You're the bad guy. But he's not. Almost everybody does it because that's part and parcel of the promoter game right now. This drives tickets artificially through the roof. Now with surge pricing, it drives them up even further. That's why people are paying $25,000 to sit in the nosebleed seats at a Taylor Swift show. It's fucking insane.

It's fucking insane. I understand Taylor can only play so many shows, and there's many more people that want to see them than seats available. I get all that. I'm not saying Taylor does this either. I have no idea. But it's all a part of artificially inflating the value of the tickets. That's why you pay so much fucking money to see a live show these days. Everything from the Comedy Clubs to the biggest of the Taylor Swift events are handled by Live Nation or Ticketmaster. It's one of the few that have the technology and the ability to handle the traffic and get people in seats in a way that makes sense. But with those two companies working together to corner the market, 99% of the venues are booked and sold by them. Oh, by the way, Dirty Little Secret number 3, Ticketmaster Live Nation are often the promoters of the show. They promote it, they manage it, they make the money, they resell the tickets, they give you ticket fees.

I don't even know. They're involved in everything. Yeah.

Here's what I'm saying. All I'm saying is, tickets on sale soon to our live shows, $30,000 a pop, 40 seats available at Yuckle's Comedy Club. Old Yuckle. In Jacksonville, Florida. Can't wait to See you.

Story time with Brian.

Story time with Brian. I love that guy. Bill. Bill was his name. I loved him. I loved him.

Is it past tense?

Yeah. Well, now he's dead. He moved. He sold the company like a lot of... He sold the company to a larger ticket broker.

Probably Ticketmaster.

I know who it was. I'm not going to say it, but yes, essentially somewhere along the line, Ticketmaster probably was involved. I'm not 100% sure, but yeah. But Bill moved to California when he did. I lost touch with him. Yeah. Good for him. Yeah. But man, did he get me a lot of good concert tickets? I bet he did. Yes, he did. He was your guy. He would oftentimes just gave me free tickets to the shows that weren't selling. The shitty shows that no one wanted to go see. I'd have a ticket. He'd give them to me across the bar. But a few times, he got me into some really good shows in really good seats for almost nothing. It was like, he was such a good guy, such A good guy. Anyway, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it. All right. Tcbpodcast. Com. That's where you go. You find out more information about Christie and I, all the show notes, all the links to our guests. Thanks, Mo Gilligan, this week's guest. Go check him out. Tuesday's episode. We love it if you would give him some love and support, even though he doesn't need it.

He's blowing up everywhere. So good for Mo. I love Mo. Don't say no to Mo. Got to go. Okay. Or you can get your free TCB bumper sticker by going to the Contact Us page on the website. Drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and away we will send it. Most importantly, 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Text us. Let us know how you're feeling Ask us a question. Talk about the show. You want to come to one of our live events in the Southeast? Let us know you'd like to come and where you're at because we would love to... We're going to tour every city in the entire Southeast. So eventually we'll get to just to pay our ticket master fee. So dial that up. 212 433 3TCB. Questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas, all that stuff. You know how to do it at the Commercial Break on Instagram. Tcb podcast on TikTok and youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. All right. Well, Christie, what an eventful episode of the- That was. Of T-C-B. That was. That was. That's the best of the best. We covered a lot of things. I can't get any better than that.

All right, so I'll tell you that I love you.

I love you.

I will say best to you. Best to I'll tell you best to you out there in the podcast universe. We just love you to death. So until next time, Christie and I always say, we do say, and we must say, goodbye.

I get ass.