Evening falls on the lush grasslands of Croydon, as the humble tortus gently mount his chosen mate. And in a dance as old as time itself, it rears its head and emits the mighty mating call. On this episode of the Commercial Break. When that shit happens, I just pray for justice in some way. I pray that I come up on an accident, like all of a sudden we're in stop and go traffic. I come up on an accident, and that guy is on the side of the road with his legs sticking up, sticking through his anus or something. I mean, I'm serious. I don't know where this monster comes from, but I have a monster. I'm praying for someone else's dismemberment. I'm like, I fucking hope he flipped that truck 75 times. The next episode of The Commercial Break starts now. The 30th of the morning. Oh, yeah, guys, the Kittins. Welcome back to The Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green, and this is my dear friend and the co-host of this incredibly mediocre podcast, Kirsten Joye-Hotley. Best to you, Chrissy.

Best to you, Brian.

And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Thanks for joining us hanging out here on a lovely, what is it? Friday afternoon?

I'm not even sure what day. I don't know what day it is. I don't know either.

Who fucking knows?

It's a revolving travel door for me lately. Who fucking cares? I for me lately. They have this term that they use, some moms and teachers and stuff.

They use it, call it Maycember. Maycember? Yeah, because May seems like the second busiest month of the year behind December. With Christmas and all the jazz. You know that thing about Jesus being born and shit like that. Who determined his birthday was on December 25th? Did they have a calendar back then? December 25th? I don't. I know the Romans were using calendars long before Jesus apparently appeared.

Yeah, isn't there? There's the August or something calendar. There's a couple of different calendars.

Yes, the St Augustine calendar, which is where nobody keeps track because we're all at the beach drinking ourselves silly. Exactly. That's the St Augustine calendar. But anyway, May, December is in full effect because the kids are getting out of school and there's just a lot of things to attend to. They have a field day, Graduations. The traffic is crazy on the streets because everybody's running from here to there. But I look forward to the summertime when traffic dies down a little bit because there's no school. Those fucking busses, I'm telling you right now, I dislike school busses with a passion. It's not because I don't like the kids that are inside of those school busses, although I don't like those kids that are inside of the school busses because they're always giving me... If I'm behind them, there's always some smart-ass kid like, Hey, fuck you. I'm like, Where did you... Did you live in a barn? Who raised you? Who raised you? Anybody who's at the back of the bus is bound to cause trouble. And how do I know this? Because I was at the back of the bus. Exactly. The one year that I the bus.

I remember that that bus driver on multiple occasions, stopped the bus. It was back in the time when kids weren't bringing AK-47s to school and bus drivers had some authority. That bus driver, she was mean as a witch.

I had Herb, and he was mean.

You had Herb? Yeah, I forgot her name. He was real mean. Oh, man. What would Herb do?

Oh, he's yelling. Shut up. Sit down. Yeah. He was just a dictator, which, looking back, It makes sense.

Yeah, it does. I mean, there's only one way to rule that roost, and it's just to fucking get control. It's like an army lieutenant. You just have to have total control from the moment.

You can't have chaos.

You can't show weakness. Do not look at the tits of the Sphinks. I'm telling you right now, they will open up and they will shoot lasers out of their eyeballs and kill you. You can't let those little nightmares take over.

No, because I mean, it'll be, like I said, chaos. Kids running around, back of the bus, to the front of the bus, to this, that, the other, shooting paper straws.

I don't know. Listen, I tried to go the easy-going philosophy with Blue, and look how she turned out. No, no with the children. I mean, I am the fun guy. Esther always says I'm the fun guy. She has to tell the kids what to do all day and sit down and shut up and don't do this and stop doing that. Then you come out of the studio. I come in and I'm like, Hey, let's play.

Kids.

That bus driver, though, I remember a number of different occasions pulling over to the side because there was one kid, Eric, I won't say his last name, but I still remember him this day. Fucking Eric was a terror on feet. He was like Satan incarnate. He would cut holes in the back of the seat. Oh, yeah.

I remember those tall seats, the leather.

Yeah. With no seat belt. No. I mean, what was anybody thinking back then? I don't even think they still have seat belts on school busses because they figured you're dead anyway.

They had the tall seats. That's why they had them. I guess if you slap, you would just slam them into the seat behind.

Yeah, but all they were was a piece of leather with these iron bars in the I know. If you hit that seat, you were going to hurt. Eric, he would trip people and grab their bags and take their hats off their head and flick people off while he's driving down the road. I mean, this kid was a redhead, and he really lived up to the stereotype. You know what I'm saying? He went all in redhead. I get it. You're angry. You're a redhead. You got right to be angry. You didn't choose. That just came to you. But Eric got us stopped multiple times, and that bus driver would come back, and she was big and burly and nasty. I think she had a mustache, and she'd be like, You know, she sit down, Eric. You're going to stay right here until you sit down. And we were all like, Oh, man, it's a standoff. Eric. Eric. And I remember one time it got stopped in my neighborhood, like half a mile from my stop. And this went on for like a half an hour. Eric and the bus driver were just at an impasse. And I don't know what was going.

Some negotiation was going, like hostage negotiation was going on between Eric and the bus driver. And she was like, I'm going to call your parents. You never... And he's like, Go ahead, call my parents. They don't give I said, Shit. And I'm like, Oh, God, he said shit. Half an hour. I think in my brain, it felt like a half an hour. And then finally, I just raised my hand and I was- Can I get off? Yeah, I go, Can I get off because I can walk home, and Eric turns around, he goes, Now I'm getting off this bus. And I was like, Uh-oh. Wow. I sat right back down.

What happened to Eric?

Eric's probably in jail. That's probably where Eric is. Eric's dead or in jail. I don't think he Turn around, make a turnaround. From that. Yeah. If you're 12 and causing 50 people on a bus, a nightmare because you just decided to be a shithead that day, it's not like you wake up one day and you're, I don't know.

I think it'll be nice.

You're not Mother Teresa. When you turn 21, it's just a life of misery. I don't think Eric had a great home, so I think he had... He actually lived down the street from me. I'll tell you something about Eric. When we moved into this house here in Atlanta, my dad built the house. He had gotten a job. We stayed in an apartment for the first two months. Then we moved to this brand new house that he had built. The house was in... Atlanta blew up really around the '96 Olympics, and we moved here before the '96 Olympics. We're in a nice suburb, but it wasn't as populated as it is now. The area around us, it was a neighborhood behind my house, another neighborhood. But then there was this dirt road on the side of our house, and that dirt road ran about a mile go back to a house on a creek, like a beautiful house on a creek. But it was a dirt road and it had do not enter, private property on it. It said that dirt road sat right next to us. In the exploration of my new neighborhood, one day, I'm on my bike and I'm riding around and I'm like, Let me go give a gander to what's going on up on that trail.

Yeah, exactly. I'm a kid. I don't know. I just want to find out.

I would have done it, too.

Yeah, it was like pretending I was a BMX superstar or something. I don't know.

It's fun to go and explore.

Kicking jumps and all this. I barely knew how to ride a bike anyway. I take my little BMX and I go and I decide just to go down the path a little bit. As I get, it was this dirt road that went up and took a left-hand turn down toward the house that was way back in the woods. But it was downhill. I took the turn and then I'm going downhill. Where was the creek? The creek was... The creek literally ran- The Cribs? The Cribs ran literally the length of the neighborhood. But they had the house built like one of those beautiful houses just sits on a ledge on rocks over this beautiful creek. It was gorgeous. I take this left-hand turn. I'm gaining some speed. Now I'm really into it. Now I'm really a BMX biker. I'm like, Yeah, and in my mind, my imagination is going crazy. I can do this. Yeah. Now I'm Bruce Willis from Die Hard. I'm going to get the bad guys. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm just daydreaming, as I always do. Riding down this- You're in BMX Bandits.

Oh, I remember that movie?

Oh, yeah. Bmx Bandits. Sure do. Radical. Rad, dude. A Teenage Mutant Ninja turtle. I'm not sure what I'm doing. But anyway, I'm riding down, I'm picking up some speed, and then all of a sudden, out of nowhere comes a German shepherd running after me. I mean, this German Shepherd meant me no good. He meant me no good.

He was a guard dog.

He was a guard dog for this house, and he was after me. I'm pedaling, pedaling down the thing. The dogs barking right behind me. Of course, the German shepherd, I'm sure if he had wanted to, could have caught up with me. But I think he- He's going to chase you out. Yeah, maybe he was- He's going to chase you out. Yeah, or chasing me out or whatever. I kept going down the hill, down the hill, down the hill, past the house, through this little creek, riding through the creek, back up this little hill. All of a sudden, out of nowhere comes this older teenage kid, and he's got a bat in his hand, and I thought he was coming after me. I'm like, Oh, my God, what's going on? I fall off the bike. The dog is probably 10. It's like a horror movie. It is a horror movie.

Drip in the woods.

Yes. You got to understand that this really is I had PTSD over this for months and months and months afterwards. I never even looked at that fucking dirt road for months afterwards. This older kid with a bat is running toward me and I'm like, Oh, my God. I fall off the bike because I don't know what... I almost purposely fall off the bike because I don't know what to do. Now, I have to defend myself from a dog and a teenager with a bat. This kid has got bright red hair, bright fucking red hair. He runs past me and then he's swinging the bat wildly toward the dog. He's like, Get away. Get away. Get away, get away, get away, Rofus or whatever. Rofus. Yeah, the dog, bark, bark, bark, bark, This kid comes by and he goes, You shouldn't fucking ride your bike down here, man. I'm like, Oh, I'm new to the neighborhood. Whatever. I just saved your life. You owe me. I'm like, Okay, all right. Thank you very much. Or you go to school. I named the school. He's like, Yeah, my little brother goes there. Fuck, man, you almost got killed.

I was like, Thank you very much. He's like, If I were you, I'd follow me back to the street and get your ass back to your house and never go down this path again because that dog will eat you alive. He was scaring the shit out of me.

Was it their dog?

No. It was somebody's... Because eventually this little path ran out just into the woods and then into someone's backyard, into another part of the neighborhood. Oh, okay. Into a cul-de-sac. And his house was in that a cul-de-sac. And he must have heard the fruckus or saw it from his backyard and came running to my aid, but then scared the holy fuck out of me by telling me I was about to get eaten alive by this guard dog that killed people in the woods. I was like, Holy shit. Oh, my God. I rode my bike when I was riding through the back, or carrying my bike through the backyard, and I got on to ride it in his driveway, I saw Eric. Eric goes, he says this to me. He goes, You picked the wrong day to go Biking in the woods. And I was like, Okay, thanks. I think I know you from school. He's like, Whatever. Two red heads just scaring the shit out of me down the street. But I will say that they did probably save me from at It was at least a very scary event. Bad bite. I'm sure the dog could have called up with me if it wanted to.

It was a fucking German Shepherd. You think me riding a bike is I'm going to get away from the German Shepherd? I think it's just there to scare people away. But man, I'll tell you what, thank God for Eric and his bigger brother. But that was seared in my brain for years. I mean, even as I was an older teenager, like 15, 16, 17 years old, I would still be scared to go down that dirt road. I would have, too. I never went back there. Never, ever went back there.

Did you know the people that lived in the house?

No one knew the people that lived in the house. We only saw the cars coming at night, actually. Maybe they came during the day and we just didn't hear it. But my room, my bedroom, had two windows on the side of the house. So I was at the end of the house, right? So these two windows overlooked the a small amount of woods between us and the dirt road. When it was fall or at night, you could see the car lights coming in and out. To me, they only ever came in and out during the night time. Maybe that's because I just noticed it. Notternal. But we never met those neighbors. They never showed their face. They weren't even spoken about with other neighbors. Like, who lives back there? Don't speak thy name.

Don't look in the direction of that.

He's a man, Eita. I was like, Don't look at the direction of the dirt road. It really was scary. I mean, Oh, yeah. I was just a little bri. I was just a little bee.

You need to ask your dad and mom about that.

Well, I mean, even if I asked my dad to this... A couple of years ago, I was doing some reminiscing, and I'm like, What? Remember that time we went here? Remember that time? As a kid, so I don't remember all the color clarity that my dad probably did. I did ask. I was like, You remember the dirt road over there? He goes, Yeah. I go, Who lived back there? He's like, I don't know. I met the guy once. He was trolling around outside, cutting the weeds down off the dirt road. He said he was never very pleasant. He never really said anything. He goes, But he also never bothered me. I go, Dad, his dog almost ate me. His dog didn't almost eat you. Stop exaggerating, Brian. No dog almost ate you. What are you talking about? I'm like, Dad, there was this whole incident. He's like, I don't remember that incident. I'm like, You're such a good father. You don't remember the incident that seared your child's mind forever. I think I mentioned it in therapy one time. I'm lucky I don't have a fear of dogs. I do have a fear of dogs.

That's why I got blue because she's not a dog. She's a very loud cat is what she is. Bitch. That bitch. That bitch. Yeah, so there you go. There's the story of Eric and the bus driver. Anyway, summertime comes. I don't have to deal with the busses anymore. Back to summertime. Yeah. Well, listen, those busses, they're just ridiculous these days. I remember when I was a kid, there'd be miles in between a bus stop. You would have to get dropped off, and then you'd have to walk a mile and a half home because that's the way it was. The bus stop wasn't stopping every 50 feet at your house. Now, these kids are so pampered, they literally stop at every house. So they pick you up. Do you see this? I do. All driving decorum has gone out the window here in Atlanta. I don't know if this is happening in your town, but red lights no longer mean shit in this town.

No, I just thought that on my way over today. It was, imagine, it completely blew through it.

Absolutely. Where are the fucking cops?

I guess I need to stop and look even when it's a green light. You do.

I have noticed this, especially since probably the pandemic, maybe a little bit before that, 2017, 2018. I noticed that people got... Listen, in Atlanta, it's always been a rule that yellow light means go faster, right? It means speed through. But now it's the red light. Literally six or seven seconds after a light turns red, people will still drive through the intersection. It's incredibly dangerous and scary, and especially when you got some youngsters in the back of the car. Listen, if just me and Blue hit the passenger side, I don't care. But I got my kids, all 30 of them in the back of this family roadster, and I don't want to be killed. It's as if everybody has just lost It's all fucking common sense and decency. I'm not saying that I'm a prude. I'm not a prude. I get it. Yellow light, go fast. Make that light. You've been sitting in traffic for an hour. All you want to do is make it home a little bit sooner. Yellow light, perfect. Go. But when it's red and you purposefully run through it and you know, it's ridiculous, especially when they're in the turn lane.

The turn lane is the worst. Turn arrow comes on, turn arrow turns yellow, then everything turns green. They don't give a shit. They'll just keep on riding through the intersection.

Stop signs can be the same We have a stop sign right outside of our house, and people just blow through it all the time. Oh, yeah. Stop sign, please.

That's just a suggestion. Stop is a suggestion. It's not an actual law. By the way, I would have been afraid just 10 years ago to run a red light that I would get pulled over, but I'd never see anybody getting pulled over. No. I can't hardly blame the cops. The cops get killed for pulling somebody over for a little bag of weed or whatever, and vice versa, by the way. People get killed for having a little bag of weed. There's a little tension I don't know if you've noticed, between the cops and civilized society. But at the end of the day, isn't that the job of the police officers to keep everybody in a little bit of check? Make an example of one person that runs the red light so the rest of us knew. Well, they kept you in check. Oh, they did. Oh, shit. I'm telling you what?

It's a texting.

Yes, they did. The kids. Yeah, as the kids are admitting that I was texting. He's like, Were you texting? I was like, No, I don't think I was texting. I was checking the map or something. Yes, you were, Daddy. Yes, Daddy, you were texting somebody. The cop was like, Well, guilty as charged. I got to give you a ticket. But he gave me a ticket for a phone in my hand. He didn't give me the actual texting one. It's like looking at the phone, distraction while driving or whatever. But also when I got my license, which wasn't until I was 22 years old, when I got my driver's license, I was on the straight and narrow. I wouldn't go five miles per hour over, mainly because I had so much drama around driving in the police that I was just so scared that I was getting anything wrong. But I just remember 10 years ago, it seemed like, okay, yellow light, all right, I get it. But everyone generally followed the rules of the road. There was always one asshole. But now it's everybody's an asshole. Grandma's an asshole. This guy's an asshole. That guy's an asshole.

Kids that just started driving our assholes. It's fucking ridiculous. One of two things happens when I'm driving around this town. Either everyone's driving like an absolute maniac and you got to drive like an Indy car racer to get around, or people are purposefully going exactly the speed limit to piss you off because this is my neighborhood and I'm going to make sure no one's going fast in my neighborhood. I'm Mrs. Nancy Patrol officer. Fuck you. Fuck you. Stop it. Stop with your pious bullshit. There's a medium there.

I've also noticed a lot of road rage, which you- Not me.

Not this guy. I am two different human beings. I am one person outside the car, and I am a different person inside the car. I'm trying. I'm trying my best. Listen, I don't want to get killed over some silly incident.

No, and that will happen.

It will. When we were driving to Charlotte, 85, which runs all the entire length of the country, I think, up and down the East Coast. 85, it's terrible because it's two lanes. Oftentimes, it's in the middle of nowhere. And those trucks, they play games.

Up to the Carolinas.

Yeah, for sure. They play games. They play games with you and your time. They They get next to each other, and then they just ride for 30 miles next to each other, pretending as if they're trying to pass each other. But we really know what's going on. They're on that CB like, Let's fuck with them today. See the guy on the gray family roadster without a headline on the left-hand side? He's driving a little fast for my taste. I'm going to pull over here and I'll get next to you. Yeah, big buddy. We'll keep them in check. And then you know that they're just talking to each other while they're driving right next to each other. I know you got to pass slow because of the whatever you call the aerodynamics or whatever. But it gets a little ridiculous. We're driving back from Charlotte, and I love to take the backroads, but on this particular occasion, I decided not to get in an argument with my wife and just go on 85. Well, here we are. No, behind two trucks, just being assholes. I'm not the one right behind the truck, but the traffic is slow, go, slow, go, slow, go.

It does do that. It does do that because the trucks do that, and they're doing it on purpose to piss you off because they have a lot of time on their hands, and they don't give a shit. I love my truckers. I love my truckers. A lot of truckers listen to this show. I love you guys, and I know the games you play, and that's okay. You want to have some fun? That's fine. Just don't do it with me. Anyway, so we're driving fast. I'm looking in my rear view mirror, checking all my mirrors, my three points. Bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, bink, always looking in my mirrors. I could see miles behind me because it's up a hill. I can see this guy is riding on both shoulders to get around people, and he's going 100 fucking miles per hour. He is coming so It's crazy. I'm watching him, watching him, watching him. People are swerving out of the way. He's causing chaos, and he's going to cause an accident. He's going to kill somebody. I'm like, Holy fucking shit. Well, the guy finally gets up toward me. He's in the right-hand lane.

I'm in the left-hand lane. He goes around on the shoulder, and the truck pulls into the shoulder to block him. Oh. So he cuts behind the truck, and then he cuts in front of me. Chrissy, I've had lots of people cut me off. I have never come so close to getting into an accident. Never come so close to getting in a terrible accident. That's so scary. Well, when that shit happens, I just pray for justice some way. I pray that I come up on an accident All of a sudden, we're in stop and go traffic. I come up on an accident, and that guy is on the side of the road with his legs sticking through his anus or something. I'm serious. I don't know where this monster comes from, but I have a monster. I'm praying for someone else's dismemberment. I'm I fucking hope he flipped that truck 75 times. And the answer is like, I'm about to buy it. Settle down. She knows when I'm getting worked up, too, because I'm like, I hate this guy. She's like, Just let it go. Let it go.

Yes, let it go. I got to let it go. Rev down.

Oh, I can't rev down. That guy's revving up and almost killing everybody. Leave us alone. All right. Well, I guess that's enough complaining for one day. I guess that's enough complaining for one day. No, it's not. I'll complain I get in the car later. Yes. All right, let's take a break and we'll be back.

Well, thank the baby Jesus. Brian took a breath, and now I will use this opportunity to let you know that we've got a brand new phone number. That's right. It's 212-433-3TCB, and you can text us anytime you want, or you can call or leave us a voicemail, and we might just use your message on the show once Brian gets through all the messages he missed last year, of course. Anyway, you can also find and DM us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and TikTok at TCB Podcast. And of course, all of our audio and video is easily found on tcbpodcast. Com. Now, I'm going to thank G one more time that we have sponsors. So thank G, and here they are.

Oh, my God. I saw this story on Instagram. Let me play it for you. Hold on. And I'm just trying to... Okay, ready?

I'm ready. Blue is ready, too.

Yeah, why is it not playing? I don't understand. It has nothing to do with- Okay, here we go. Particularly- The craziest story in all of baseball. It has nothing to do with Shoé O'Tani, and nobody is talking about it. What if I told you the New York Mets added a pitcher to their opening day roster who literally cannot throw a strike? Meet Marv McGillicuddy. This guy had a disastrous spring, yet the Mets who were starving for wins added him to their opening day roster, and he's set to come out of the bullpen. Why are they adding Marv, you might ask? Plane and simple. He has a massive dog. Marv is so terrible, he I literally can't find the strike zone. Yet people are coming far and wide throughout spring training to see Marv Dong, thanks to the see-through pants provided by the MLB. Marv Dong. The in-seam fastball, Throb Gibson, is attracting fans far and All right. Mlb and Mets owners are thinking this guy could be the Taylor Swift for baseball. This is fucking insane. Now, to be fair, Marv BigDong, Mets. Bigdong. Long.

Long duckdong.

Long duckdong. This is a crazy story, but I have been unable to verify this through my internet research because he says the name of this guy, Marv McGillicuddy, which to me sounds like a made up name, but this reel is getting a lot of traction. A lot of people are saying, Yeah, yeah, yeah, but I can't find this guy anywhere on the internet. But they do have pictures in this reel of a guy named Marv with You can clearly see how big as Johnson is through his pants. It's unbelievable. Remember we were talking about Mr. Garth or the amazing Garth God or whatever his name is? This guy has a dick that I have a hard time believing that anything is that big in life. Really? I've seen skyscrapers that are less tall.

It might not be real. They use the prosthetics in movies now. They do.

But what this guy is saying is that there is chatter on the internet, chatter in the Met's front office, that Marv McGillicuddy is going to bring people to the ballpark to see his big schlong, and that will bring people to the ballpark to see the Mets.

People have been doing it with girls for years. Oh, yeah. Why not? Oh, yeah.

They've put beautiful women with big... Listen, I'm not arguing the marketing strategy here. I think it's a good one. And I don't disagree with the Mets front office. If you're not going to win games, might as well let people come out to see a big dick. I mean, let's have OnlyFans night where we just show 18 and over, but we show Marv having sex with people on the on the big screen. That's what I think needs to happen. I want to find Marv McGillicuddy, and this is why I'm making a call to the podcast universe. If you know if this story is true or not true, please write in, let me know, and send me a link to where I can find him because I didn't find him on the roster. I didn't find much information about him. It doesn't even seem like there's someone named Marv that's ever been with the mess.

Well, then it's probably not true.

Well, but this guy is a legit sports guy.

I think this guy just was pulling a prank.

I I put in Marv. Oh, Met's Marv McGillicuddy. Here he is. Oh, well, there you. Okay, here. Let's see. I love Harry Potter, and this turns into a Harry Potter character. No, that's not him. I have to know whether or not this guy exists. Is Marv McGillicuddy real or not real? My Internet research, and my very Internet savvy brain, tells me that it's probably not real, but it's coming from a very legit source that knows a lot about baseball. So I'm just wondering, did he fade off into the distance? They decided maybe his dick wasn't as big as they thought it was because the pictures are amazing. He's probably got two feet of dick, two feet of dick. And unbelievably, the guy with the longest dick in the world was at one point a huge Mets fan. And so what he used to do is he used He's a huge Mets fan. He's a huge Mets fan, and he used to be on public access in New York, and he would do this vlog or whatever, this show on talking about the Mets, and people would call in and be like, Show me your dick.

I think he might have been a little autistic, so he'd be like, I'm not showing you my dick. Back to the Mets. But he was on the Howard Stern show once, and he showed his dick, and apparently it was three and a half feet long. So Marv McGillicuddy and this guy should get together, do a little porn, and then throw it on the screen and have Marv McGillicuddy night. That's what I'm saying, Chrissy.

Yeah, bobble heads abound. Bubble dicks.

Bubble dicks. Bubble boners. What about a bubble boner night? I know. I like it. I went to the Braves game last night, by the way. I know. I saw the Braves, Trounce the Cubs, 7 to nothing. That was a lot of fun. All right. That was a lot of fun. Yeah, Braves games are fun. They are so fun. Everybody's into it.

They are so fun. I'm going to win in a couple of weeks.

My twin brother has season tickets, and I think way back when the show first started, I had an opportunity to go to... Or not when the show first started, 2022. I had an opportunity to go to the playoff games and then a World Series game, which I have never been to a baseball game like that in my entire life. It was fucking insane. So loud, so boisterous. Every pitch was- The energy. Yeah, and It was a good game. It was a good back and forth. This was not. By the second meeting, the Braves are up seven to nothing. It didn't matter anyway. So we just sat there and talked. But Kevin has season tickets, and he's had the same seats for a while. So I hadn't been there since the World Series game. Hadn't been to these seats since the World Series game. Kevin points out, Oh, yeah, that's this guy, and I know that girl, and these people have season tickets.

Yeah, you get to know people around you.

You get to know people around you. He points out that these two brothers are sitting in front of us, in front of us a little bit to the right. He's like, Oh, yeah, those two guys are brothers. They're probably in their 60, these brothers. He goes, They have three seats, but there's only two of them, and the only two of them ever come. I said, Why is that? He goes, Look at them. These guys are the epitome of, I don't know how to say this, Old white man belly. Do you know what I'm talking about? Where you could literally lay a plate of food on the belly and it would stay perfectly still. It goes over the pants. It goes all the way over the pants, and then they got tiny, skinny little legs, but they're huge. These bellies are huge. So both of these brothers are sitting one seat away. There's a seat empty in the middle. They're lazying over the chair. I don't know these guys. They're probably very nice people. But my attention gets focused on them because both of them have earphones in. Not uncommon. A lot of older people like to listen to the game on radio.

They like to listen to the color commentary on the radio. That used to happen all the time. I've seen that.

Yeah, I've seen that before.

Back before iPhone, you would have your FM AM. I had one of those ones.

Yeah, it was like a can type thing.

Yeah, cans, but then they had little dials on the side of them. You could dial in FM AM. Little antenna. Yeah, little antenna sticking out. I had one of those. For years, I would walk around the park with one of those, and it was long after iPhone were around. I was such a dips shit. But I did it for the same reason, listen to the Braves game, because I didn't want to stream it on my phone because back then it wasn't like it is now. Anyway, so I noticed they have their ear buds in and I'm like, okay, cool. Then I'm just keeping an eye on what's going on in this guy's phone. I swear to God. At first he's playing some game, Dungeons & Dragons, not really sure. Then he's checking Instagram. His Instagram account looks a lot like my Instagram account. It's all boobs and butt. It's just girl after girl after girl. You could tell this guy is just maybe lonely. I don't know. But I always put a story to someone when I don't know them.

I give them a story. Create them, create their life.

I have to give them a backstory. I feel like there has to be a plot line in everything that I do in my life. So I create a plot. He's lonely. His wife probably left him. Maybe he has a kid that doesn't talk to him anymore. He comes in the brains game out of habit. He's been doing it since he was five. Whatever. Anyway. So these two brothers don't say a fucking word to each other the entire time. The entire game, they didn't say a word to each other, both on their headsets and on their phones. But I can't see what the other guy is looking at. I can only see the guy closest to me is looking at. At some point, let's say around the sixth evening, all of a sudden, he starts watching, I'm assuming it's Japanese television with subtitles on it, and it looks like a show, an hour long show. I'm like, Oh, okay. There's a nice, handsome young guy dressed like a student talking to a girl in a little skirt. They're maybe at school or whatever. I'm like, Wow, that's cool. What? But at some point it turns into like, hentai?

All of a sudden it turns very sexual. And he's like, What? He's putting his phone closer to his face and then going like this. Meanwhile, 30 rows behind him. We're sitting right in front of the press boxes, and everybody could see this guy's phone. He's just like watching this soft core porn Japanese movie on his Japanese show on his phone at the ballpark. Kids and everybody could just see it. And he's just enjoying himself. I mean, he's not really enjoying himself, but you could tell he's into it. He's paying no attention to the game. That's okay, seven to nothing. I'm not paying attention to the game either.

You're paying attention to him.

I was paying attention to him. I was so fascinated with what was going on. I'm like, This is fascinating. Look at this guy. Just pulled up his Japanese porn while we're sitting here at the Braves game. You do never know what people are up to. It just goes to show. Remember that guy, Jeffrey Tubin? It was whacking off during the Zoom phone call? I thought of during that moment. I was like, Hey, it's just easy to get caught up in stuff and not really realize that everybody else is watching you. He had no clue. I thought to myself, Wow, that's interesting. I didn't even point it out to my brothers because I was like, I just want to enjoy this for a moment. Because if I say something to Kevin, he might say something. Kevin might say, Hey, hey. Cut that shit out. Because Kevin's one of those guys. Sometimes he likes to get loud at the baseball game. Come on, ump. You're like, All right, dude, settle down just a little bit.

Well, that's part of the fun of the game. I do.

I do agree. I do agree. He's calmed down quite a bit. Back in maybe his 20s or 30s, I mean, he would really get into it. He'd be like, Go fuck yourself. That was a strike. People would be like, Huh? Now, he just occasionally makes the off-hand comment. For a while there, I was like, Kip. It's still in. Either you're way too excited or you're trying to get attention, but either way, it's not a good look. Let's calm it down a little bit. But I went with Danny and Kevin. It was a good game. It was a lot of fun.

Oh, nice. Atlanta. Little brother time.

As we're walking out of the stadium, most people stayed till at least the seven-in thinning stretch. Then it thinned out a little bit, but it was Certainly full in the stadium. It's a lovely area over there now. I do have to say that even though they're the Cobb County Braves now, they're not really in Atlanta. They did make a good move. It's a beautiful ballpark. It's a wonderful area. There's a lot of entertainment and restaurants, as is on trend right now for all of these ballparts. They just make a whole district out of it. But as we're leaving the game, game's over, we're leaving the game, and it's the crowd, the rush, everybody. Everybody is so calm and polite and nice. I do have to say something about Atlanta. I'm really proud of Atlanta in that way. This is not Philly, this is not Chicago, this isn't the New York Jets, this isn't the Raiders. People aren't just beating each other up in the parking lot for no reason. It's just a very chilled, relaxed, warming. Listen, I get it. You love your sports.

They just turn into crazies on the road.

Yeah, they're just idiots on the road. They're all running the red light.

They go from nice and polite to the ballpark.

Yes, literally, they have all the roads blocked off in different ways. Who knows how they do that traffic pattern? It all seems very confusing to me, but whatever. They have a plan. I guess just follow the lines. But there's all these cones that are set up in one of these access roads to the back of the stadium where I believe probably the players are parking. There's this guy in this beat-up old Ford Taurus, and he's just standing in line for traffic, sitting in line, we're walking to the car, and he just takes a ride, rolls over a bunch of cones, and just starts driving down the road. He has no clue. I'm like, Hey, dude. That's one way to do it. Yeah, I wanted to see if he was going to get arrested.

Yeah, exactly. He did. He might as well try.

But I say this to point out that it's such a cool town. Everybody's just like, Yeah, cool, whatever. Braves I mean, I guess there's no stakes in the game either. So it's not like we just had a hard fat fought battle with the Phillies or something like that. It's just a regular game, and we won seven to nothing. And I love the Cubs and I love the Braves.

I know Jeff's a big fan, too. And I used to be like, Oh, sorry, the Braves lost. And he's like, yeah, there's a ton of games.

200,000 games a season. If you lose one, it's not that big of a deal. I mean, honestly, baseball is the most ridiculous sport. I love it, but it's the most ridiculous sport. But they added that pitch clock. You know You know what that is? Yes. All right. So for those of you that don't know who aren't into professional baseball, it used to be that you would go to a game. And depending on who was pitching, it could be two and a half hours, three hours, or it could be five hours long. And that had to do with a lot of different things. But the main cause of the drag was who was pitching on the mount. Because some pitchers pitch out of the stretch. That means it takes them a long time to get ready. It takes them a minute and a half for each pitch. They're cooling down their arm a little bit. They're thinking about what pitch. Adjusting their package. Yeah, adjusting their package, spitting some stuff on the dirt, making sure that the plate is clean. Because the fuck if the plate is clean? We need to slip off. What is that?

An oil slick? Are we in a cartoon? Are you going to slip off the mound? Fly across the stadium? No. It's a little bit of dirt. You're on a mound. Who cares? It's like, whatever. Then check the first... Whoever's on first bait. Come on, guys. Let the catcher worry about that. You pitch the ball. But it was incredibly painful and long process, and a lot of people liked it because it was part of the tradition of the game. It kept things the pace slow and methodical like a chess game. But it's not a chess game. It's a professional sporting event, and you can't spend five and a half, six hours. I mean, Christie and I went to a ton of Braves games, and we worked.

That would last for so long.

We go to a businessman special at 3:00 in the afternoon. We get out of the stadium at 11:15. Swear to God we would because it'd be a five and a half hour game, followed by two and a half hours of throwing up in the chop house.

Because we'd take shots.

Yeah, we would take shots after...

That our manager gave us.

Chat, chat, chat. That our manager put on his tab, his never-ending tab. Braves up by 35 runs, middle of the third ending. It's 9:00 PM at three o'clock game because Smulsy has taken seven hours to get his bag ready or whatever he's doing, his bags ready. I don't know. That pitch clock, they did a trial run last year with the Minor Leagues. What they did is they give everybody, I think it's 20 seconds, 20 seconds between pitches. As soon as the pitch is thrown, as soon as you start the stretch, meaning you start to make a motion toward the bag, then they stop the pitch clock. Most pitchers take all of that 20 seconds. They really have it down to a rhythm, but it keeps the game moving. It does. I do have to say that watching the games on TV and watching them in real life now feels better to me. It's like, I didn't know if I'd like it or not. I love it. I think it's great for the game. I do, too.

That's what I always liked about going to soccer games, too, is they were quick.

Oh, yeah. It's always quick. It's fast action always going on. It's only 90 minutes, too. It's very quick. They got to do that to golf, too. We got to get rid of some of these golfers who take seven hours and are talking about the wind and which way the grass blades go. I love golf. I really do. I'm all about it. But fuck, man, if I have to dedicate an entire weekend, I mean, an entire weekend from 2:00 in the afternoon to midnight to watch this fucking shit because tigers, worried about which way the wind is blowing the pine. It's like, come Does the wind really affect your ball that much? Yes, it does. It does. But can you really accurately predict which wind is going to happen when you're standing in the middle of a big field? No, you can't. So take your best guess and throw it out. That's what I have to say. We should have a pitch clock on most of the things that we do in life. That's my opinion. A pitch clock on putting the kids to bed, a pitch clock on the bathing, on the bathing, the bathing.

What was that, Brian? The Bathing. The Roman bath. On the bathing. If we put a pitch clock on the commercial break, that might be a good thing, too. 20 seconds to get from commercial to commercial. Three segments, that's it. Minute long commercial breaks. Oh, man. Anyway, had a good time at the Braves game.

I'm so happy you had a good night out.

It just reinforced that everyone who lives in a city knows that you love the city, but you hate the city. I forgot who told us that. Was it Leslie? Leslie Leal said, I think everybody feels the same way about their city. They love it, but they hate it. I feel the same way about Atlanta. I love it, but I hate it. I've been here for a long time, probably longer than most. But the truth I do love our city. I think our city is just a group of cool people. Drive like a bunch of assholes. You drive like a bunch of assholes. Yes, that's true. But they're also driving like assholes in North Carolina on 85, too. So much more dangerously, I might add. Anyway, thanks, Atlanta, for being a cool town. I really do appreciate it. From my heart to your heart. We love. I love you. Now watch, we're going to do a live show in Atlanta and six people are going to show up. I know. They're going to be like, The feeling is not mutual. We, as in Atlanta, have gotten together and decided, Leave our town.

We don't like you.

Yeah, you can continue to record here, but just mention somewhere else, like Huntsville or somewhere like that. Can you pretend you're in Huntsville? We would appreciate. All right, let's take a break. We'll be back.

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the Commercial Break, and then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212 433 3TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content, call and leave us a message at 212 433 3TCB. And don't forget to check out TCB podcast. Com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the Commercial Break.

Okay, and we're back. Hey, did you… I want to talk about this disturbing trend that's going on in New York about people getting randomly punched.

Have you heard this? Oh, God. Yeah. Well, I just saw the thing about Steve Buscemi.

Steve Buscemi. Yeah. It's like a national treasure. I know. I know you may not know who Steve Buscemi is when you're walking down the street. You could probably walk by him a million times and never recognize that it's Steve Buscemi. But what a terrible, terrible thing to be… Two things in New York that are going on right now that are really unnerving to be. Number one is the random punching in the face. Now, it's happened Bethany Frankl and some other people.

Yeah, it's crazy. I don't understand why.

I don't know. It's like a game people are playing, or I don't know if they're just getting their aggressions out on random human beings because the guy who supposedly punched Steve Bush, I mean, looked like a perfectly normal dude. He didn't look like he was crazy or anything. He was wearing a jogging outfit, and he looked buff like he had been working out, and he had a bag on his shoulder. It looked like any random person you would walk by on the street. Apparently, he just knocked the shit out of Steve Buscemi for no reason while Steve was on his phone. Apparently, that's the common denominator amongst all of these is that it's people on their phones. People, when they have their head down on their phones, are getting punched randomly. Why? For what reason?

There is no reason.

There is no reason. Punch a punching bag. Punch a wall.

I know. Steve had to go. I saw you had to go to the hospital and have a whole eye situation going on. I mean, it's terrible.

Steve is not exactly a spring chicken. I mean, he's got to be in his '60s, mid '60s, if not late '60s. The guy has been around forever, and he's been in a lot of things that I just love. I do, too. Big Lubowski, all the Coen Brothers movies, I think, maybe except for Fargo. Boardwalk Empire. Boardwalk Empire was so fucking good. Anyway, you know Steve Buscemi. You know what he's been in? He's walking down the street in New York, in an upscale part of town down in Lower Manhattan, and he just gets knocked down for no reason by a guy who's just walking by him randomly. Steve's got his head in his phone and just gets knocked. That apparently happened to a number of other celebrities, but probably more disturbingly to just random human beings. Women, mainly, but a couple of guys, apparently, have had this happen to them, too. What the fuck, guys? Rev down. Rev down. Rev down. Guy in the Ford F-150 driving like a fucking idiot in North Carolina and people who are punching people randomly in New York. Can you guys just give it a break? The world is tough enough right now.

It really is. Living in 2024- Buy a freaking punching bag.

Yeah. Get your aggression out on Punch a wall.

Punch your own dick. I hear some people get off on that. That's right. Why are you punching random people who are undeserving of it, at least from your perspective, because you don't know them? They're undeserving of it, and quite Frankly, it's just highly disturbing. It is. It's scary.

It's mean and dangerous.

It's mean and dangerous. Listen, I think the crime is everywhere in the big city thing is overblown. Crime is actually lower than it has been since the pandemic started. But the truth is that just makes things very scary for everybody that wants to just walk around un molested. I mean, that's the truth. So, fuck, leave it alone. But here's the other second thing that I think is disturbing that's going on in New York right now. Did you hear they put a portal to Dublin in New York? No. Do you know what I'm talking about? No. A portal to Dublin. In Times Square, let me explain for those of you that don't know, and you can go Google it and see it. In Times Square, they put up an art installation. That art installation essentially looks like a portal, right? A big portal. It's got a huge bubble, like a bubble donut thing around it, and then it's got a screen in the middle, and it's huge, right? It's probably 10 feet tall, 10 feet wide. It's a big circle screen. That screen, that art installation, is in Dublin also. They have two of them, and the screen shows the other one.

When you're in New York, you can see straight into downtown Dublin. When you're in downtown Dublin, you can see straight into New York. People have been going by, waving to people. Yeah, that's cool. Apparently, there have been a couple of people who have connected romantically because they saw each other on the New York, the Dublin portal. Yeah.

So- Saw you on the portal.

Saw you on the portal. Loved your tits. Calling me up. What's going on? Hey, saw you, Mr. Mcgillicuddy on the portal. Thought I'd call about that two-foot dick.

Meet me at the portal.

Meet me at the portal. Let me tell you something. We can't have nice things because after two weeks, it turned into total fucking debauchery.

Let me guess.

People flicking each other off. People pissing on it. People flash. Onlyfans models going out there and flashing people, sexually suggestive stuff. People holding swastika flags. People showing hardcore graphic pornography on their phones, going right up to the camera and showing hardcore pornography. So they had to shut it down. They had to shut it down. Something that apparently everybody really thought was a cool idea. Then a few jack holes decide they got to ruin it. Now, I get it, you troublemakers. I'm just like you. I have been just like you. Thirty years ago, I also would have had similar ideas. But can we have one thing nice? Can we have one thing nice? One thing that's untainted by absolute drama? Like swastikas? Really? Swastikas? Is that how we want to let Dublin know that we're good? I don't know if it's coming from Dublin or to Dublin or whatever, but it doesn't really matter where it's coming from. Swastikas are pretty much a universal... There's a universal agreement that swastikas are a bad sign of anything. Nothing good ever came after a swastika. I'm just letting you know that right now. You can think of something, text me, but I don't know.

I don't think so. Then hardcore pornography. People are in Times Square, their children are around. It's just like, shitty altogether. It's just shitty. Why are you doing that? Like the random occasional flashing if you're at night and there's adults around. Okay, cute, right? Yeah. Funny. You did it. You showed some tits. That's great. Or you mooned the camera. I get that stuff. Okay, everyone's going to act out a little bit. But all the like, violence and weird and sexually explicit bullshit. It's like, Come on, guys, let's not do this. No. Let's not do this. Dublin has one of the best television shows I have ever seen, Dating Naked. Yes. Why are we going to fuck with Dublin like this? We need that portal. If they would show Dating Naked on their 24 Hours a Day, that is like a clinically, scientifically unsexual show. It really is. It's hard to get worked up when you literally have a closeup of someone's genitalium where they have pimples and stuff on their leg. I know it's crazy. We should review it again. I know. It's on HBO Max now. Yeah, I know. That's great. I saw it. We talked about...

I mean, not that we did anything. I had to do anything.

No, but it was after we talked about it.

Yeah, it was three months after we talked about it.

It was then on Max.

Yeah, for sure. But now everyone's running around like, flashing. I just find it just feels so shitty to me. Life is so tough as it is. People are punching each other for no reason and showing cum shots on the Portland, the dumb. But listen, cum shots look the same all around the world. You don't need to show them. They know. They get it. They go to what a come shot looks like. The money shot looks the same anywhere in the world. You don't need to show that stuff to prove a point or to make yourself cute. By the way, who fucking cares? Like, does anybody really care that you show? I mean, yes, people care. But what I mean is, is it important? Did it do anything? Did it further any conversation? Are you helping anybody in any way? No, you're just being an asshole. That's all you're doing. Leave it alone. Honestly, leave it alone. Can we pull ourselves back together just for a minute? Can we sit down and take a deep breath and pull ourselves together for one minute? I wish. I felt like when I first saw the portal to Dublin, I thought, what an interesting idea.

What a cool idea. I mean, I realize it's not like groundbreaking technology to have a video camera somewhere and a television screen. I realized that. Live streaming has been around for a long time. This is nothing new, but it's just a cute idea. It is. I like it. Have the kids wave to the other kids and say hi and show your breasts. That stuff I think you can get away with. But all the other stuff, it's just too much. It's too dramatic. What's going on?

I wish I knew. I wish you knew, too. It's disturbing.

You know what I think of stuff like this, I think Christie's going to have an answer for me. She's going to understand.

I just go back to my nice news in the mornings that I read and think about all the nice things.

Christie has all the happy articles sent to her. She's like, Morning affirmations. Meanwhile, Brian's like, Swastika's in Dublin. I know. Money shots in the Dublin portal.

I'm going to start sending you the nice news. So it's a good balance.

Yes, go ahead and send it to me. I'll be happy to take a look. There's some interesting things. You know, I would think it would be interesting if someone actually came on the camera. Like, that would be something I would say, Hey, well, it's art. It's modern art. Because I look at some of these- No.

Well, speaking of comeshots, did you read the story? It happened here in Atlanta at the Whole Foods. There was a Whole Foods where a woman was bending down in the Whole Foods, like middle of the day on a Saturday, and all of a sudden felt something on her back. She said that she thought it was coffee had been spilled on her. She turned around and the guy was pulling up his pants and ran outside and got in his car. Everybody's trying to figure out where this guy is, but come.

It was jizz?

Yeah. She got jizzed? Yeah, she was disturbed. She's like a plastic surgeon in Atlanta.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it was bad.

Oh, my God.

It was on a WSV.

She got a come and go? You know what a come and go is? I come and then I go. I guess that's it. Yeah, that's the definition. She got a come and go at the Whole Foods? Oh, my God. What's wrong with people? Really?

Seriously? Yeah. No, It's in the news. I just read it yesterday.

Where did this happen?

At the Whole Foods in Atlanta.

Downtown? The Ponce de Leon one?

No, I don't even know if it said exactly which one, but I think it might have been in this area.

Oh, my Christ. For God's sakes, come and go is strictly reserved for a one-night stands. That's a come and go, guys. I just made that up, by the way. Feel free to use it at your house party, at your house warming party. Hey, are you here for the come and go? But that's terrible. That is terrible. That is highly disturbing.

Yeah, she was. Yeah, somebody got a picture of the plate and the store had cameras. Oh, good. I think they're going to find this guy, but that's just awful.

Yeah. This is going to be on some fucking porn channel eventually. One of two things. I don't even find that as No. But some people are into that. They're into that voyeuristic, crazy crap. And listen, whatever you're into, cool. But when it includes not telling another human being you're about to jazz on them, it's like, Hey, come on, guys. You can go on chatter bait and do the same thing with some random stranger that's expecting it, by the way. That is expecting it. This is insane. That someone would just jizz on you and go, Yeah, send me the story. I'd like to read about that. I'd like to see if they got my license plate right. Bing. Oh. Yeah, I don't know what's going on in the world, but it's sad. Come and goes. It's all sad. The Come and goes. The good old come and goes.

Come and run.

Yeah.

The hit runs the come and run.

Was that the Dine and dash? Yeah. Now it's the D and dash.

Yeah. Come and dash.

All Well, if you want to come and go, let us know. 212 433 3TCB. That's 212 433 3TCB. If you're here in the Southeastern United States, Tennessee, North Carolina, Florida, Georgia, maybe even Alabama. Let us know because we- Huntsville, specifically. Huntsville, specifically, because I think that's where we're going to be banished to after the come and go story. Let us know because we're putting together some live shows, a little tour, if you will. I don't know if I want to call a tour because I don't think that's the accurate word for it, but some live shows. We'd like to know who's interested in coming and going. So 212-433-3822. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas. From anywhere in the world, soul free. Just give us your... What am I saying? Don't give us anything. Just write us. We love you. Write us. Yes, please write us. Yeah, leave us a message. What you can do is you can get your free TCB bumper sticker at tcbpodcast. Com. All the audio, all the video, all the show notes. You can put it anywhere.

It doesn't have to go on the bumper.

No. I've seen people send us pictures on the refrigerator, on the backpack, on their computer, whatever. Put it anywhere. But you can get your free sticker by giving us your physical address on the website, on the Contact Us page. Drop down menu says, I want my free sticker. Give us that address and away it'll go. You can also send us an email through there. And we would additionally like to let you know that you can find us on Insta. Now on Insta. Now Now. At the Commercial Break. What's that? What's that? Insta. Back in my day, it took 72 years to get film developed. You take a picture as a baby, you'd have it by the time you were 90. What's that? Tcbpodcast. Tiktok and youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. Thanks, Dr. Phil. You're welcome, Brian. Today is going to be a changing day in your life.

You've got the voice down.

I sure do. All right. I guess that's all I can do for today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there on the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I will say, we do say and we must say goodbye.

I get ass.