You can take my ears, but you cannot take my liberty. They want to cut off my ears like the Taliban, but what they don't know is my ears can grow back like SpongeBob through budding. By the way, hit me with your best shot, why don't you? Because if that's the best you got, you're a loser. You're such a loser. You missed so bigly, by the way. You had a big opportunity. You could have made my head blow up on tv, but you didn't do that, did you? Now my ear is going to grow back bigger and better. It will have better hearing. I will hear like an owl.

On this episode of the commercial break.

But luckily, you know, I have very good genetics. I have a lot of stem cells. And quite frankly, it grew back bigger and better. And, you know, you look in my ear now, it's quite frankly, one of the bigger ears, and it even has echolocation now. They, you know, they gave it an enhancement. It can. Now I'm walking around, I hear all this buzzing. They're telling me it's electromagnetic waves like a bat. President Trump, all of a sudden. All of a sudden, you know, first my ear is shot. Next thing I know, I'm catching bugs at night.

The next episode of the commercial break starts now. Welcome back to the commercial break. I'm Brian Green. This is the jojo to my chapel. Chris. Enjoy. Ozdev. Bestie, you best. See you and bestie you out there in the podcast universe.

I have to say, when you did the.

Yeah, yeah.

I've been doing that, like, all around my house.

Yeah. I get into election season and I'm.

Like, are they our Olympics?

Yeah. I love it. Thanks, everybody, for joining us today. We're very excited because I do believe, Chrissy, that we probably have reached the pinnacle of commercial breakdom here at the commercial break as we have.

Commercial breakdown.

Commercial breakdown. The commercial break. Summer is on. TCB Summer is on.

Yeah.

And I believe. Yeah. Yeah. It really does. It's everything.

Yeah, boy.

Yeah. Those two even go together because I believe we probably have managed to score the best guests, the best phone interviews were ever going to have on the commercial break today in one day at one time. Right now, you are in for a treat. And let me tell you who we've got coming up. Former President Donald Trump. Current President Joseph R. Biden are going to be here with us this episode. So you do not want to miss it. It's going to be an amazing and exciting opportunity to talk to two political heavyweights.

Yeah. I mean, you really scored that.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks, Astrid.

Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Thanks, Astrid. It's all Astrid's fault. And so we're very excited to talk to both of those folks. Love them, hate them. Whatever you think about them, you know, they're former. It's a former president.

They're big deals.

Yeah.

You got to accept the invitation. When. When we come a calling and they say yes, we have to then follow through because, you know, we'll try to get to overly politically, you know, how the commercial break rolls. But we do have to ask them a few questions. Maybe I'll ask some heavy hitting questions. Probably not. But we'll let them do the talking for the most part. How's that?

That sounds good.

The Olympics continue. Very excited. Probably be talking about this for the next couple of weeks because let's face it, that's what's going on, is the Olympics. And Chrissy and I, we're both big fans. We're both big fans. And one of the things that I did not know was in the Olympics that Chrissy shed some light on is break dancing.

Yeah.

Breaking. What they call it. Breaking. So how do they score that?

I don't know. We're about to find out.

Well, I mean, I guess they do do like interpretive, like gymnastic dance with like, you know. Yeah.

We think how hard something is. How many times you, you know, can.

You put together tricks? Yeah. Difficulty level, all that stuff. Yeah. I was watching to see it. I know, me too. I was watching Miss Biles last night. Badass biles. She's back, baby. I mean, she is.

And she's just incredible. But I mean, one of the best of all time or not the best of all time.

Yeah. I think we can officially put a cap on that. She's the best of all time. Not only has she won gold medals, been in multiple Olympics, won multiple championships, done is do national championships, world championships. Has done things that no other gymnast, not even male gymnasts have attempted. But she does it over and over and over again. And then had an undoing in Tokyo, but came back from it to win another world championship, national championship. Doing some of the same stuff that kind of did her head in a little bit over in Tokyo. It's just. It's like an amazing story that you can't get over. And last night, the arena packed with celebrities watching. And when we're recording this, obviously earlier in the week, but packed with celebrities to see her do her thing. And, man, did she kick some.

She does. And. And she even has a hurt foot. I know she has a hurt.

She went 13ft, seven inches in the air on one of her, like, they call them tumble passes. One of her tumble passes 13.7ft in the fucking air that is higher than a basketball hoop. I mean, and they're, you know, you imagine Michael Jordan flying from the, you know, from the free throw line and doing a. And doing a slam dunk. It seems like Simone could probably do that while flipping in the air.

Yes. And doing multiple twists and put the ball in the basket.

Yes. I wish I had any physical acumen whatsoever, but my saggy man boobs and dad bot ain't gonna get it done.

There's still time, Brian, for breaking.

Oh, no, no, no. Could you break?

I want to see. Do some breaking.

Like actually breaking a hIPAA break points. For breaking my hip. I'm breaking. One of my daughters is, like, super into gymnastics and dance, and she's way too young for me to even start talking about what the next step is. I just enjoy it, have fun. But she wants me to help her do flips and flip overs and she needs.

She's getting really good at it.

She's getting really good at it. And, you know, there are, like, the teachers at the academy or whatever, she's at the little studio that she goes to. They're already. They're already pushing the money buttons, you can see.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, we've. We haven't seen a young lady like this in a long time. She needs four days a week at a special camp where it costs twice as much money and you have to go twice as many times a week. And I'm like, what? Really? And I see how they get you. Cause you get that pride. You're like, you do it.

Yeah, for sure.

I knew it.

I always knew it.

But so, you know, I talked to her. She's not even old enough to understanding this. And I say, listen, some of the girls, some of the older girls invited you to go to, like, a different kind of camp where it's more. You're doing it more times a week. And of course, the first thing that comes out of her mouth is, yes, I want to go. Like, of course I do. I want to learn how to flip and twist and spin like Simone and all this other stuff. And I'm like, but Daddy can't afford it. So I am going to buy an extra area rug and we're going to put some double padding on and just. That's your tumble exercises. Just do it there. And she's like, no, Danny, I want to get in the five times a week. And I'm like, oh, five times a week. Now I gotta do two commercial breaks, one here and one over at the gym. Like, I don't wanna do that.

Broadcasting live from. Broadcasting live, local gymnastics.

That's right. Broadcasting live from the local gymnastics channel is right. It just seems like they know how to get you. So Astrid was saying, what? She goes, okay, let's just play what if for a moment, what if our daughter is really good at gymnastics? And what if she does have, like, a God given gift to do this? Or universe, whatever you want to call it, mother, I don't even care what you call it. What if she has that gift? What if. What does that look like? How much money would we have to spend? How much time do we dedicate? And I said, oh, Astra.

All of it.

All of it.

All of it.

All of the money, all of the time. Hundreds of thousands of dollars. And they said, then when they get to a certain age, which I think for gymnastics, like, twelve or 1311 1213, if they're, like, really exhibiting signs that they can do this very well, then you start getting some breaks. Like they'll. You'll go to a special training camp. They may live there. They may go, you know, they may do school and gymnastics at the same place, at the same, like, facility that the national gymnastics associate, whatever the fuck. And she's like, they live there. And I'm like, yeah. And it's not, like, convenient places, downtown Atlanta. No, it's like central Iowa. That's where you go to get away from all this. She's like, my daughter would go and live somewhere in central Iowa. I go, no, we would go live in central Iowa so that she could do it or commute back and forth or whatever. And she's like, oh, that sounds like. And I'm like, yeah, that's why we don't want to, like, press her into it quite yet. Wait till she's 21. She's got a job, and she can fend for herself.

And then if she wants to go to central Iowa, you know, Simone is 28, I think. So she's still got time. She'll get to one. Olympics, maybe. Listen, I'm not trying to knock on the girl's dreams, but I feel for those parents to get all caught up in this kind of stuff. And I know way too many of them. I know at least four parents, at least four in my personal life, who got told the same thing when the kids were very young about baseball, because baseball is big fucking money. But baseball is not always a clear cut road. You don't go to, like, college, and then there's a fun. You can be either drafted out of college or you can go to a farm team, or you go to, like, a double farm team, or you can putz around for years. But it's ultra important that they be part of the superponies. Right now, superponies travel all over the world, and it's $10,000 per trip. And you gotta have special uniforms. You gotta go take tests and physio and. And cardio and all this other stuff they got all wrapped up in it. Let me tell you where two of those children are right now.

Surgeries already. Surgeries already. They aren't even 25 years old. Surgeries already. Zero prospect of playing professional baseball. And the other two kids, at some point when they got into college, they said, never mind. Yeah, they turned into fish heads. And now they're traveling around taking acid. Right.

Well, that's the thing, too. I think when you force something on, not force. You think they want. And they want to do it right now. But, yes, when you have too much of, then I think at some point there's kind of a rebellion. Like, wait a minute, I want to try something else. Well, in my life, I don't know if I want to dedicate. Especially when you start getting into middle school, high school.

Yeah. I'm just wondering if, like. Yeah, listen, I don't knock any parents choice. I know now, as a parent, never knock another parent's choice unless hitting them is one of those choices, right? Or torturing them or bullying them or whatever.

Anything bad.

Anything bad. But I'm not knocking another parent's choice. I don't know that I would not have done the same thing. Faced with the same choices and same attention given to my kid about a particular sport or talent or whatever it is. But I'm just sharing, like, maybe let's suss it out just a little. Let them tumble on the floor in the living room for a while before we get them into 17 days a week, you know, 17 practices.

Like, bouncy house out in your yard, you know, where you can have those pad.

One of my brothers. One of my brothers bought this daughter, bought her a balance beam that sits on the floor. It's like a soft balance beam. And so now. But. And now every time I walk, I know it's gonna be requested me. Every time I walk into that playroom, she said, daddy, help me do the flip overs. And I'm like, the flip overs look are fun for her, but kill my back because I'm like, oh, again, again. Oh. Hundreds of times in a row. But I'm a dad. What am I gonna do? Of course I stand there and I take it I'm gonna have to. I'm gonna have multiple surgeries. That's what's gonna happen. Dad's gonna have multiple surgeries. Oh. I think it might be time for President Trump to call in speaker two.

I see the red light.

I see the red light. So let's do this. Let's take a quick break. I know it's short, but this is going to be a longer episode. Don't worry. We'll get. We'll get lots of action in today. So let's do this. Let's take a quick break. When we get back, we'll see if this is President Trump. We'll get him on the phone. Sound good?

Sounds like a blam.

We'll be back.

Hi. No, you're not dreaming. And, yes, this is a new promo. See, I made you wait, and now look how happy you are. I know, I know. You're smiling. Anyway, since we're here, why don't you just hop on over to Instagram and give us a follow he commercial break? Seriously, please. It's getting hard for me to listen to Brian and Chrissy Begg, so just follow us on Instagram again. That's the commercialbreak. You can also follow us on TikTok, ecBpodcast, and of course, you know where to go for all things TCB. That is tcbpodcast.com, baby. And of course, you can always text us or call us and leave us a voicemail at the 212433 TCV. Yep, that phone number is no longer new, but it is still around, and that's a win. 212433 TCV. Love you. Bye.

Hey, I'm Rhett. And I'm link. Maybe you know us from our daily YouTube show Good Mythical morning, but this is a little trailer for our podcast, Ear Biscuits, where two lifelong friends talk about life for a long time and nothing is off limits. We talk about our sex lives, our mental health journeys, but we try to never take ourselves too seriously. So we invite you to not do the same or to do the same. We invite you to listen, follow, and listen to ear biscuits now for free on the odyssey app and everywhere you get your podcasts. Oh, okay. I got in a little bit early there. Okay. Very excited. The commercial break has managed to score a short, but hopefully sweet interview with Mister former President Donald Trump. Let's see if Mister President Trump is on the phone. Speaker one okay. Good afternoon, President Trump. Thank you for joining us very much. We really appreciate it.

You know, it's so great to be here, by the way, on the commercial break. What a, what an incredible honor to be here. They do podcasts. We love, we love to see it. We love it very much.

Thank you very much. We often say that you're either on your way up or on your way down when you join us here at the commercial break.

That's true. That's true. I'm doing very well, by the, the way, I have a lot of friends.

A lot of friends. A lot, a lot of friends. I see you made a lot of friends at the Bitcoin conference this last Saturday. Former President Trump.

Speaker one, you know what, bitcoin, a lot of people, they say it's imaginary, the money. They say it's not real. But we know it's real. We know it's real. And we want to make the United States the capital of bitcoin. We're going to have the apes and the Degen, some of them, I don't know if I could say this, but they call themselves, as they say they are retard. I don't know. That's what they say. They say that they call themselves that. And we're going to make America the home of the bitcoin and the, also the ape. And they're doing meme, meme coin and Doji. Dog with an e. They spell it dog with an e. Are you familiar with dog with an e, Doji?

Yes, I've heard Doji coin. I think I stayed away from it, luckily. But President Trump, let me ask you a question. It's my understanding that you don't really even email or use a computer. Do you have any bitcoin?

You know what?

It's fake news.

Because I know I use computers more than anybody. And quite frankly, I have a very good computer. It is a, an apple. They call it the Apple to what they call it. And it is, it is as big as a living room. Did you know that?

I do.

It is so big. And it adds these fans. They're roaring. Roaring. It has 1000, I think it is kilobyte. Kilobytes of memory. More memory than most people.

Speaking of memory, Mister Trump, I understand we've all been hearing the news. It's hard to ignore, really. Quite frankly, your former opponent, President Joe Biden, has dropped out of the race. How do you feel about that?

You know, it makes sense he dropped out. And the question is, was he even ever in it? You know, you have a man running a race, he can't even run or walk or crawl. You know, it's so sad. You see a man and he falls up the stairs more times than he can count. Should he be running for president? We don't know. We don't know. Little Joe, he's probably going to bed early. He is. Night night. So night night.

He's doing night night.

But President Trump, you really aren't that far off the mark either, because you're going to be Joe Biden's age in just a couple of years. So if you were to win the election, than you would, you know what?

I am a young, I'm like a spring chicken, you know, 79. I'm very young. I'm younger than most people. I don't know if I have grandchildren. I'm younger than them. I'm also younger than my, I'm younger than my dad. He is dead, but I'm younger than him. I'm younger than, and, you know, here's the thing. Here's the thing, Brian. There's a lot of people, and you don't know this, but they're very, very, like most people that have walked the earth, you have billions of people. You know, there's 8,000,000,007, 8 billion people on the planet that are alive. But you know what? They're not talking about? How many people are dead? How many people are dead. You have 8 billion alive. How many dead? 100 billion, 200 billion. So quite frankly, I'm younger than all those people, and they don't want to talk about that. Well, I'm younger than all those people who have died thousands of years ago.

Well, I do understand you believe that some of those hundred billion people may have voted for President Joe Biden in the last election. Speaker one.

You know, I don't believe it because he's doing these, doing a fake election. It's rigged. He wants to do, he wants you to be able to mail in letters and vote. Who knows? I don't even know about, they want you to do the mail. And, you know, it's all, it's a criminal activity. It's a coup d'etat. Coup d'etat. And I don't believe it. I think that, quite frankly, I won the election fair and square. And, you know, I would love to challenge him to maybe an arm wrestle to see, quite frankly, who should take the throne.

Well, President Trump, Joe Biden, has not challenged you to an arm wrestling match yet. But he did challenge you to a round of golf. Do you still believe you could beat him in that round of golf?

You know what? I'm better than most people at golf. And, you know, I'm only a little with the handicap. They have the handicap system. I'm not that handicapped, by the way. I can do golf very well. I'm a minus one.

Minus one on the handicap. That's, that's incredible. That's a YouTube close to professional. Mister Trump, if you. Yes.

You know, I'm, I'm the only american president who has competed in the PGA and won, quite frankly, every time. You know, Tiger woods, he was a, my protege.

Oh, wow. I did not know that. Tiger woods and you have played some golf together. I have seen pictures of you and Tiger woods playing together. Tiger, of course, a legendary coxman. And you got, that's what they call him.

And you know, to me, I call him Cubwoods because he's like a little cub to me. I can beat him. I can beat him with a blindfold.

On little cub woods, certainly. President Trump, tiny tiger.

Tiny tiger woods. Come on, tiny.

I understand, former President Trump, that I get concerned about you a little bit because I see what you're eating on those airplanes and photographs and your, famously love your big Macs and your KFC and your pizza slices. You think maybe at your age you should slow down a little bit on the fast food and get, I love.

McDonald's, McDonald's, Kentucky fried chicken in a pizza hut. McDonald's, McDonald's, Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut. I love it very much. I love it a lot. And, you know, it's very healthy. You look at, we built the, I don't know if you know this, but we built the food pyramids ourselves, the Americans. We built it. And at the bottom there is Wheatley and there is meat and there is McDonald.

Wheat and meat and McDonald's. Very interesting.

President Trump, meat and wheat and McDonald.

Does Melania get on you about this? How does Melania feel about your general eating habit, your habits in general?

You know, Melania, she's doing very well. We're very close. We, I can tell we're very much in love, madly in love. And you know Melania. She has a lot of thoughts and I know them very well.

President Trump, beautiful woman. We were all very sad and dark day to see what happened at your rally a couple of weeks ago when you were shot in the ear and apparent assassination attempt.

What a shame.

It was a shame.

A sham.

How is shame? How is your.

It's a shame. It's a sham. It's a, you know, first, I have one, one thing. If I could say to him, I don't know if he's listening, he might be dead. We're looking into it. I would like to say this to the people. They wanted to kill me. Miss me, miss me. And now you have to kiss me.

How is your ear feeling? How is your ear feeling? How are you doing?

You know, quite frankly, it's an incredible thing.

He.

They tried to kill me. They wanted to blow me up on tv. They wanted to make my head pop. And, you know, they couldn't do it. He had a great opportunity. Could you imagine that in the history books? Greatest president of all time had pops on tv? It would have been so fantastic for the, for the people that hate me, it would have been great. And, you know, he had a great opportunity and he squandered it. He really squandered it. And he hit my ear. And now my ear will grow back stronger and better than ever before. I am like a sponge, like SpongeBob. It will grow back from budding.

So SpongeBob got square pets. But I just want to ask you this about your, your ear. It seems that when you, when you took the bandage off, it didn't look like there was too much damage to your ear. So has it regrown already or is.

You know, if you had to see it after it was shot, because there wasn't much of an ear. I wouldn't even call it an ear. I would call it a, a nub that can hear audio. I would call it more of a. An audio hole rather than an ear. That's what it was. If you've seen, I don't know if you've seen the Shrek ears and they're like the long noodles with the hole in it.

I have.

It looked more like that. And I didn't want the world to see what it, the truth they did. But luckily, you know, I have very good genetics. I have a lot of stem cells. And quite frankly, it grew back bigger and better. And, you know, you look in my ear now, it's, quite frankly, one of the bigger ears, and it even has echolocation now. They, you know, they gave it an enhancement. It can. Now I'm walking around, I hear all this buzzing. They're telling me it's electromagnetic waves, like a bat. President all of a sudden. All of a sudden, you know, first my ear is shot. Next thing I know, I'm catching bugs at night.

President Trump after the assassination attempt, shortly after the RNC convention, of course, President Biden announced that he would not run for re election due to all the concerns around his, his age and his appearance at the debate. And now it appears that we have Kamala Harris. Kamala Harris is going to be the next opponent you're going to have to face in this election. How do you feel about Kamala?

You know, Koala, the Ferris wheel, by the way, you know, she means well. She's trying her best. But, you know, we know the truth. She, she puts a lot of people behind bars. She wants to turn our country into, into a communism. She wants to, she likes, she's a Soviet, by the way.

Oh, I did not know that she's a Soviet.

Let's see the birth certificate. We know you were born in Soviet.

Kazakhstan, President Trump, if you're reelected, I know that there are a lot of trimmings that come with the office. And so what are you going to do? What is going to be your favorite part about being back at the White House if you should win this November?

Decorating? We're going to make it very pretty. We're going to change the color scheme. We have a beautiful baby blue and a gold color scheme. We're going to add some mahogany shelves and cabinets. We're doing a full renovation. And we are changing the whole thing. We are going to remodel it. New cabinets, new floors.

Wow.

It's going to be beautiful.

One more question for you. I know your time is limited. Former President Trump, if you should be back in office, would you agree to meet the north korean dictator Kim Jong un one more time? I know you met him a couple times when you were in office previously.

You know, a lot of people, they look at Little Rocket Kim and little rocket boy and they say, you know, they think so badly of him. And quite frankly, you know, I see a poor boy, a poor man. He was probably bullied a lot growing up. And I feel bad for the guy. My heart goes out to him. And, you know, quite frankly, we're very good friends. We play Xbox live every night. We play Call of Duty. Call of Duty. And, you know, he's very good, by the way, I have to give credit where credit is due. He's very good at call of duty. And I want to play with Kim. We're going to probably have sleepovers and maybe play Twister. And, you know, he's a good friend of mine and we're friends. And I don't care what they say because he is my best friend.

Well, President Trump, best of luck to you in this upcoming election. It's going to be a tight one. We all know that for sure. No matter who wins, going to be very tight.

And, you know, at the end of the day, whether who wins, I would like to remember this, that you should remember that I won. Regardless of who wins, I won, and I'm the emperor.

Well, that's what you've said. President Trump. And to you, I say, good luck, sir. And what an honor to have former President Trump here on the.

Thank you so much.

And I would like to say thank you to Elon, my loyal steward of darkness.

Elon's an interesting character, and I see why you're friends. President Trump, thank you again. Thank you.

I'm going to Puerto Rico.

Wow. Former President Trump, how about major score? That was a big score. So open and honest about everything. I'm not sure I agree with everything he said, but what, you know, part of the problem in America right now is that we can't have a civil disagreement. So while I don't agree with President Trump on everything, it was nice to have him here. It was very nice to talk to him. I do think he should cut down on the KFC, Big Macs and pizza. What he say? Big Macs, pizza. McDonald's. Big Mac, pizza, McDonald's.

And I was very informative about the, the food pyramid. I had no, yeah. I mean, I knew that the Americans was on there.

Yeah. Meat, wheat, meats, Big Macs. Wheat, meat and Big Mac. Very good. Very nice. Well, as you know, Chrissy, we can't have one without the other. We wouldn't do that to you. I think it's only fair that we talk to the current president, President Biden. So let's do this. We'll take a short break. I see that phone ringing again. Right on time as everyone so lighting up. Yes. I think we're getting a call from the operator at the White House as we speak. So let's take a break, and when we come back, we'll answer that phone call and see if we can't talk to President Biden. We'll be back.

What's up, haters? Now let's get down to business. If you've got something to say, say it to our faces. And by that, I mean text us or call us at 212433. That's 212-43-3822 you can and should also find us on Instagram, hecommercial break and on TikTok TCB podcast, unless you want to fight me, in which case don't and if you're just desperate to see our shining faces in person, keep your ears peeled for ticketing information about TCB live. As always, don't forget that you can find everything you could possibly need to find on our beautiful website, tcp podcast.com. bye.

I don't think it would be fair for us to have former President Trump on unless we had an opportunity to speak with current President Joe.

Have to. We're fair and balanced.

Fair and balanced here at the commercial break. So here he is. He's on the phone with us now. President Biden, such an honor to talk to you this afternoon.

Hello?

Biden, I told you, stop calling this number.

I apologize. Hi, President Biden, it's Chrissy and Brian from the commercial break. I'll speak up so you can hear me.

Oh, it's Chrissy and Brian. Whoa, folks, pleasure. Commercial break. First time my career commercials are calling me, man. Look.

Well, it's such an honor to have you on, sir. First of all, how are you feeling? I understand you just got over a.

Covid, folks, look, just got over. I just got over smallpox. Where I was sitting, they put me in an infirmary. I was in a hospital bed and man next to me was dying a gangrene. Boys, vaccine fascinations are key. Get vaccinated, get oscillated. Look, fact is, I was not bad cover case. It was a little baby cover case. I got a little small. I got a little, I got chicken.

Pox, chickenpox and small chicken box.

My arms were itchy.

My voice is late 19, early 19 hundreds. They gave the native Americans smallpox blanket. Not the right thing to do.

Not the right thing to do at all. President Biden, you shocked a lot of people a couple Sundays ago announcing that you would not run for re election. You're one of three or four presidents who have nothing, sought the incumbency. How did you come to this decision?

For the sake of american people, for a sake of democracy, folks, I had a fantastic term. I did a lot of great work, folks. For example, I. Anyway, look, we're saying I deserve a run again. I know I run again, folks, for the democratic party don't want me. But look, fact of the matter is, I had a great term. I had a great season. Season tickets, folks. Tis the season to be jolly. Here's the thing. Here's the thing, man. Look, when I was, when I was a little boy, I was 47 years old, playing in a metal scrap field in Scranton, Transylvania. We had train coming one way, train coming the other way. They were about to collide. I was sitting in the middle of train tracks, dousing myself in oil. I said, and that's all we had back then. We didn't have toys. We have anything. And then we had kids that were climbing my leg here like the vineyard vines, folks. Fact is, that's what America's about. That's what it is. It's about american people. It's about building, scratching your back with a hammer, hit them hard, starting a popsicle stand.

President Biden, you grew up with a stutter. You. And you overcame incredible odds and tragedy to get where you're at today. 50 plus years in public service, and I think you probably end on, on any high note. And almost anybody would be proud of, which is to be the president of the United States. It's hard to give up power like that, sir.

I had an honorable career. Just a little boy with stutter born in the early 16 hundreds. Folks. You know what they were back in the day. They would get those kids, they'd throw the babies off the mountains. Really, if you had a stutter, they throw you right off the mountain. Look, folks, not the same. I have 575 years of service as american democracy. Look, I. Everything happens for a reason.

It does, sir. It does. And I think, I think most level headed people would consider it an act of patriotism to decide to step down, not seek the. Seek reelection. At your age, sir, all of us are going to get there.

I am not an old man. I'm not.

I passed a very, very. Folks, they can be very challenging tests, cognitive tests. I tell. I could tell the difference between cow and chicken. Folks, look, I know the difference between the word egg and the word stove. Fact is, if I could describe America in one word, one word only.

Stop it. Stinging it. Pop up.

Boop bop, dabbity babity.

I think I heard some David Lee Ross in there.

I know. Or at least the music that was playing when you did the famous dance at Juneteenth.

Oh, skinny Marinky.

Dinky dink.

Look, Scooby Doo.

Scooby Doo.

Drinky Scooby Doo.

Some people have said. I don't know if I agree with him. Some people have said it might have been challenging for you to win against President Trump, especially after the assassination attempt. He had a lot of momentum going into that. I understand that you felt strongly you could win the election. Do you agree that it might have been a challenge to beat President Trump?

Folks, look, fact of the matter is, we missed. I mean. I mean, folks, folks, look. No, no, that's not what I meant. Look, anyway, president, horrible travesty happens in american politics. Not don't assassinate president. Look, you gotta win fair and square. You do have to win it. We gotta win with the ballots when we arm wrestles.

Tussle child.

I challenge Donald. Donald Duck.

I challenge you to a tussle.

Well, we just had him on, sir, and he said he would arm wrestle you anytime. I'm sure we could make that tussle happen if that's what you're. If that's what you're.

Behind the pub in the town square, and we'll have a little. We'll have a jig in the alleyway. I'll show you the old two times, too. Come on.

President Biden, you know, a lot of people at your age, they decide to settle down and pick up a hobby, maybe go on a cruise or two. What do you think you're going to do once you retire the office?

Die? Joking around. All jokes. Look, jokes aside, fact is, I'm going to probably run for senator.

You're going to run for senator? You're going to go back to the senate?

Probably. Senator, the great state of. Great state of China.

I think your age would be more appropriate in the senate. I think most of those people are in their eighties, actually.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to run. President Putin.

I'm going to be Putin.

Oh, you're going to beat Putin? I think Putin is the president of Russia, sir.

Folks, I'm gonna beat. Poo porn has to be stopped. He does, folks. Putin's a great friend of mine. President Ukraine.

How does I run it for?

I'm running for senator of Ukraine.

Senator of Ukraine. Sir, there's a lot of drama going on over there, and you've steadfastly believed that the ukrainian people should be. Should have their own freedom.

And people have freedom.

People should have freedom. Let me ask you something, President Biden. What does Doctor Jill Biden think about your retirement? Are you concerned that the two of you will get on each other's nerves?

Folks, look, doctor Seuss, he's a good friend of mine. We have, folks, we have red chair, blue chair, green chair, yellow chair, big chair, small chair. We got enough chairs to go around.

I think we got the chairs covered.

Look, fact of the matter is, everyone deserves freedom.

I agree with you, President Biden. There's a big election coming up. I understand. And now you say folks a lot, President Biden. But so does the actual President Biden.

Of course.

You have. Now, who am I throwing your support behind? Kamala Harris for president, which I do. You believe care Bear. What it takes to beat President former President Trump.

Folks, care bear is the greatest president in world. What I remember I first built there. I was inside the mall on the second floor. I sewed the heart right in. I said, I love you. Kanban belong. I sewed it right into the care bear. I said, one day you're gonna be a president of the United Grapes of Australia.

Well, President Biden, I do have to applaud you, sir. I think you did an honorable thing stepping away from re election seeking re election. And I know you're very busy back at Camp David. Probably taking a nap.

Yeah. Ryan, jet skis.

Hey, listen, at your age. Yeah, stand up jet ski.

All right. I can still do it.

I still got it.

I still got it. Right at stand up. 170 miles an hour. Tony, tube behind me.

That gimpy leg. You shouldn't be standing up at all.

Take my great grandchildren tubing.

Oh, you did put the little baby.

In the back of the tube. Take it for a whirlwind.

It sounds dangerous. President right?

Little baby in a basket and tube.

President Biden, I really appreciate your time today. It's been such an honor to have you, sir.

Boys, look, same fact of the matter is we're going to do better. We got to do better. We got to do.

Yes, I think I'll let you go now.

Thank you for being here.

Who am I?

Thank you very much. President Biden, folks. Joseph R. Biden. President Biden, what an honor. What an honor. No, I'm not sure I understood what he was talking about.

I could feel the aviators through the phone lines. He had to have those on.

Yeah. I wonder if his dog was chewing on his leg. He's like six dogs over there and they've all bitten somebody.

Yeah, I do remember one bite.

Yeah, well, I think there's been multiple menace dogs under the Biden administration, which is just so funny to me. Like, keep the dogs, you know, what is it blue? You got blue up there in the White House. What's up? Don't you think you'd have the best dog trainers in the world available to take care of? I should have asked them about that, but I was having a hard time.

Understanding the questions I was asking.

It was folks. That folks gets me every time. All right, so let's take a, let's take another break. Sorry about this, guys. It's just a long episode today. Let's take another break and then Chrissy and I'll be back. Yeah. To wrap this whole thing up. We'll be back.

Look, I spend all day, every day listening to Brian and Chrissy, so the least you could do is text them and tell them how much you love me. Okay? So text us or leave us a voicemail at 212433 TCB and follow us on Instagram hecommercialbreak. And don't forget TikTokcvpodcast. And if you want to show us how much you really love us, come to our live shows. Any and all information about TCV live will be on tcvpodcast.com. and then we can all giggle together in person. Yay.

And we're back. We just had a chance to talk to President Trump. Former President Trump.

That was incredible.

President Biden, that was incredible.

What an opportunity.

However, that wasn't the real President Biden or Trump. Yeah. Chrissy, sorry to break the fourth wall here, but it was our guest today, Austin Nassau, who. Thank you, Naso. Excuse me. I keep on saying NASA. It's Nassau. Austin, thank you for joining at the beach. I got my beach on. Hey, Austin, how are you?

Thanks for having me, guys.

No, thank you so much for, for being here. You really are spot on with nailed impressions.

Thank you.

Yeah. So tell us a little bit about yourself. You're a stand up comedian. You've been doing this for what you told us, a decade and some change. Yeah.

I can give you my whole life story.

This is your life.

Here's my life story. I've been doing stand up comedy for, I guess, eleven years now. I started when I was 18. I'm 29, and I'll give you the backstory and the impressions in college. Me and my roommate at the time would do, I would always do impressions growing up. But then in the 2016 election, me and my college roommate would do, like, trump impressions to one another. And we would always, like, do it at parties and stuff and compete. And it's funny because we both went on to, like, have top, like, I don't know, like, really viral Trump impressions on TikTok.

Right.

He did it first, and then I started doing it honestly. And I think it's just a voice that came naturally to me because I was telling you earlier, but my mom kind of, like, sounds like Trump in a way. Like, the specific way she nags me. She'll just be like, she'll call me and be like, Austin, what's the matter? You don't call your mother? You don't love your mother?

What's the matter? You hate your mother? Why don't you call your mother? You hate her, don't you? You know, your mother is so good to you. She's so good to you.

Like, the way, like, I made a.

Connection earlier that I didn't get, but now I understand. It is kind of like a naggy jewish mother. Like, that New York, you know, kind of thing going on, and, like, I.

Don'T know what you're talking about. What? Like, I don't have even know what.

To call that kind of perspective, but just, like, sarcastic and, like, I don't know, like, naggy.

I don't know.

Yeah.

But, like, so that kind of came naturally to me.

Yeah.

And I was also a software engineer, but I had quit. I was a software engineer at Microsoft for four years.

Oh, wow.

Oh, well, this has got to be much more fun. And so now you're touring around, you do I see on your, at least instagram you've done some club dates, you're working the room.

Yeah.

And so your virality, I mean, I was telling the story to Austin, but it was Astrid who actually found you. She'd been following you for a while, and every once in a blue moon, she would stick you in my face. Stick her phone in my face. You gotta watch this guy. He's like, his funny. And then I said, oh, we gotta get this guy on the show. I had no idea, no clue that you've also. This has really taken you places. Like, you've been on Stern. Is there any, any place else? You've been showcased with these impressions.

CeRN is the biggest one, probably, like, they reached out to me beginning of.

Last until now, until the commercial breaks a little bigger.

And then. Yeah, they hit me up, and I was doing, like, Joe Pesci and, like, trump and DeSantis even. Other than that, what other big. Yeah, honestly, I think Stern was the. I mean, that's obviously.

I don't think.

Yeah, not any other. I mean, I'd like to do more, like, tv thing.

Sure. I think it's right. I think they should use you on tv. I think it's an election season. There's got to be some shows out there, like, I hope so.

We'll see.

Yeah, I hope you're. Hope your agents working on that for you, because they really are incredible impressions. And then at times, there's even. Is that makeup? Are you doing, like, a filter sometimes? My wife has shown me a few where it looks like you put some, like, actual gear on.

Well, there was recently I did one with makeup.

Yeah.

Because I was, like, filming a YouTube sketch. So then I just did a TikTok while I was on set, but usually I'm just, like, not doing any makeup.

And I'm just like, yeah.

Doing the faces and stuff, actually.

You got the face.

Yeah.

Closing your eyes with the Biden clinching.

It's so good. So have you been doing club dates and stuff like that?

Yeah.

So I'm going to soon announce fall dates for my stand up, and then I also tour around with tech row show. I'm one of the co founders of that, where we go around the country and we roast tech people.

Now, do you roast them to their face? Like, are they, like, a reference?

Yeah, like, they're all tech people that buy tickets on their own volition.

Oh, okay.

Yeah.

So my next ones that I'm doing are August 8 in New York City, tech row show. Oh, I'm doing. August 7. I'm doing August 7. And September 12, I'm doing stand up in New York.

Okay.

Producing a stand up slash character show. And then. Yeah, August 8, I'm doing a tech row show in New York. August 9, doing a tech row show in Chicago. And then, like, the week of the. August 19, we're going to Seattle and San Francisco for tech Row show.

Oh, that's awesome.

That's a big one.

Yeah.

I don't know if we're announcing yet or by the time it's out, we'll have it. We're going to India in October for tech Roast.

Oh, yeah. That's going to be a, that's going to be a fun one. And so give us the premise of the show. Like, you set up on a dais and people come up and then you roast them. Or do you pick people? Yeah.

So it's sort of like a three person crowd work show.

Okay.

Where we'll, everyone who's, like, most of our fans are, like, engineers or PM's or, like, these people in tech, but you don't have to be in tech to enjoy the show. A lot of CEO's will come, so we'll, like, call on founders and make fun of their startups, and then we'll leverage our screen behind us, do a deep dive on them to find information about them, and roast them. We'll do, like, games we made with AI, where we'll put the, like, software engineer, like, awkward tech people against an AI to see who could be more empathetic.

Wow.

It's a really fun show.

And then you also have a podcast, right? That's. That you started?

Yes.

Tech row shows, a podcast that I'm on and a host of called a visionary billionaire genius podcast.

I love that name.

We get tech people, people who we've never met before, like CEO's or founders, and they tell us their company and we just make fun of them.

Oh, that's, that's brilliant. Crowd work is some of my favorite type of comp. When you do it well, if you do it well, it's really fucking funny. And I know a lot of people are into crowd work, but there's some folks who are into crowd work, but I think that it's like very hit or miss, but if you can do it, you can do it funny. And I think you have a focus. So that may make it even more like funny is that you specifically roast tech bros. Right? Tech, tech geniuses that are out there.

That'S, that makes it really fun to roast it. They're like just the air of deck people is just so like everyone's so privileged and like has so much money and honestly people are like, it's almost a delusional environment.

Right?

And you were in it for four years too.

So, yeah, I was merely a little cog of a, you know, in the system as a software engineer at Microsoft. So I wasn't in like the startup part of it. But like there's, yeah, there's like the big tech side, there's, yeah, there's like the, the traditional, like slower paced monolith organizations that you could just be part of and those are more like you get a high salary and it's like some what, stable of a career and like the professionals are there and then you have like these startups where like early twenties something, people will get millions of dollars from venture capitalists and kind of just wing it and it's like a really fast paced, chaotic environment. I wasn't part of that, but it's interesting to see them and laugh at them and they're all in like building AI companies now of course, pivoting from.

Web three to AI, it's just an influx of cash. I was part of a startup company, it was like seven of us and we got funded. We got like round a angel seed investing type stuff and it had to do with fantasy fucking sports. This is like the early two thousands when all of this stuff was just kind of coming online, right? Yahoo. And all these players were getting into the game and there was a fantasy sports company. And I'm telling you what, the guy who ran the company went from like struggling to pay his rent to like buying the, the walkie talkie that captain Kirk used in the original Star Trek episode for Like 35% above asking overnight. It was unbelievable. The amount of cash these guys were burning. This guy specifically was burning through with no intended purpose for the company.

Yeah.

Like, the company was flailing and he was like, I got a brand new way.

Was he using the company funding to get rich?

I don't want to say that on air, but I can only assume his fortunes changed really quick. He probably gave himself some huge fats.

This is what I've note.

I've observed that it's like most businesses, you think, like, if you're like a person getting into business like a sane, regular person, you're trying to start, like, a profitable business. Like, all right, how can I make a business, like, what is it called? The business design business? What's the business strategy? What's the thing plan?

Oh, business plan. Yeah, yeah.

Business plan. Wow. Yeah. Business blueprint.

Yeah.

You're like, let me make a business plan. Let me think it through. I'm going to figure out how to make this thing profitable in like, you know, a few months. But, like, in Silicon Valley, it's like, all right, I have this, like, ridiculous idea. Let me get funding based on, like, having this network of people I know and, like, this skill set.

Yes.

And then you get, like, a shit ton of money. You raise a lot of money on an idea, and then you, like, start building out an organization, hiring people. And then you, like, don't even have, like, a profitable thing. You just have, like, this idea and a hunch that it might work. And then you just, like, keep raising investor rounds, and then you'll skim some percentage points off the top each time.

Yep.

So you're, like, personally accumulating millions of dollars, and then meanwhile, you have this big bloated organization with a ton of cash in it that doesn't necessarily reflect the reality that people want to purchase this thing.

That's right.

And then you're just. And then it'll collapse. But you've already skimmed your money off the top in the investor rounds. So you could be like, a completely failed founder who's never made anything meaningful or had a product that was widely adopted and just like, keep rinsing and repeating of getting it like, 80% of the way and just like, making money from, like, investors.

Yeah.

And I imagine that's, like, how a lot of, like, tech entrepreneurs are making money.

It's a whole cyclical thing. It's a, it's an ecosystem over there. It's a write off. They understand the investors understand the investors who are billionaires many times over, have hedge funds that are just dumping money into them. Understand, if it doesn't win, it's a tax write off. If it wins, a. On the small, tiny percentage that win cover almost all the losses. Amazon and Netflix are examples of companies that for so many years were completely unprofitable, brand new ideas. But the people who ran those companies were really good at raising money and keeping people interested in their idea. But there are millions of companies that never. Their idea never went any. They never even made a product. Right. And they just keep on sucking up this money. But it's part of the equation. It's part of the ecosystem. It's how they live. And it's a world that I can only imagine or dream. Most of us can only imagine or dream of living in or roasting the people who do.

Yeah, I like the roasting part.

It's really a really fascinating environment. Definitely.

Yeah. I actually think that's a winner of an idea. I think that's like a winner of a podcast, a winner of a lot of money. Yeah. You should go raise your money.

Thanks. Yeah, I'm not sure what we would do with it yet, but you make your.

Probably make the show bigger, make it better, make it more fun.

Walkie talkies.

Star Trek. Walkie talk. There's, like, a famous episode of Star Trek, which I have not, you know, the original. I've seen some episodes of, but there's a famous episode, it's called the Tribbles. And it's like these little, tiny little fuzzballs in the show where they just kind of start, like, multiplying. And so every scene, there's more tribbles, just like these big, fuzzy stuff. Animals, essentially, but they're worth, like, hundreds of thousands of dollars if you can find an original one. And this guy was like, he was trying. He was on a mission to find as many as he could. I'm like, hey, should we actually try and make this company work? We need customers. And he's like, I need trebles. And I'm like, trebles, what are you doing over there?

So it's still around, right?

Yeah. What's that?

It's still around, right?

It closed nine months after it opened. It just became another right off. Austin, you are brilliant, brother. Your impressions, I mean, obviously, they've gone viral all over the place. Did you expect this to happen, really?

I mean, I always thought I was a funny fellow, but I never knew if I would go viral. I always wanted to because I thought that would help jumpstart my comedy career. And I'm grateful that it did. Yeah.

Your old college roommate also do comedy as well, or the one other one that went viral?

Not really.

Yeah, he's in tech.

Yeah, he's kinda.

Yeah, he's in tech. He is actually.

Austin's got more skills. He's got a better skill set. He's got something to fall back on.

You need to come down to Atlanta, do a show down.

Do a showdown in Atlanta. Have you done one yet?

Yeah, we're actually probably going to next year.

Well, yeah, we will for sure if you come. We're going to see you. So give out your personal social so that people can. Can see you.

I am at Austin Naso. A u s t I n a s s. Okay. And then check out tech roast show. At Tech roast show.

Yeah. Please follow the podcast. We'll put all of the links in the show notes. We'll talk about this probably tomorrow and forever and ever. Amen. Also, Austin, would you come back to the show? Because we. I feel like we're gonna need more of your. Your on the spot. Yeah, I'd love to learn.

Let me know.

You gotta learn a Kamala voice now.

Oh, yeah. Kamal's up next. Let me know. I'll do some Zuckerberg and Elon. I'll save some more for next time.

Zuckerberg and Elon.

So let me know. I need to, especially because we're the. We just recorded a bunch of video episodes of our new podcast, and they said we need to, like, go on podcasts. Well, then I have no idea what I'm doing. I will happily give you any impressions you want.

You're welcome back anytime. We will set it up, and I promise it won't be long. When you get those videos out, we will be here for. You're here for us. We're here for you. That's the way it works. Austin. NASA, very talented young man making waves out there on social media and now live. Thank you, Austin, for joining us today.

Thanks, Austin.

Thank you, guys. Appreciate it.

Yeah.

Wow, what a talented guy.

Oh, my God. I love the man behind the voices.

Man behind the voices. We got it captured.

Well, that was really fun.

I know that there's a lot of headless voice stuff that goes on and, like, you know, radio and stuff like that. And he was telling us he's been on stern for a while, and they never, like, talk to Austin, the actual guy.

No, I wanted to talk to him and hear his life story, but then.

What, you know, what are you doing it for if you're not coming on to promote yourself. You know what I'm saying? Like, I want to give the guy some promotion, too.

Yeah.

Plus, I'm sure Stern paid him and that's just not something we're prepared to do. We can't afford all those luxuries. No way. Austin Naso, very good at what he does. Very funny on the social. You got to follow him. I'm sure a lot of interesting stuff coming up in the election season that you must follow. So please do that at Austin, mass. So. And then go check out his podcasts, too. Put all the link in the show notes. Christina will do that for you because she is good at her job. That's what she will do. Also 24th and Daniel point, 25th in Orlando, Florida. Christie and I are going to be down there doing shows. Come on and come see us doing our thing. I think we should have links.

We don't know what that thing is yet.

No, we have no idea. Yes, we're going to need to take a break and figure that out, actually. So Daniel point Improv, funny bone in Orlando. Come see us. Tickets should be available now on the website or on social media, and if not, they will be over the next day or so. So please do us a favorite and see us. We would love it. Go to tCbpodcast.com for all the updated information, audio, video, get your free sticker, hit the contact us button. Send us a line. Get the drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address. We'll send you some stickers for free, no questions asked. If you're going to be at Daniel Point or Orlando, please let us know and we might bring something special for you. You can text us. 212433 TCb. That's 212-43-3822 questions, comments, concerns, content, ideas? We take them all. Voicemail or text messages. Want to thank Brian Moses for being here this week? Stay tuned. You want to see Chrissy and I roast? Let us know. Also add the commercial break on Instagram. You can dm us there. YouTube.com. the commercial break for President Trump and President Biden sketches.

So go there, follow us, subscribe to us. Okay, Chrissy, that's all I can do for today. But I'll tell you that I love you. I'll say best to you and best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time. Christy and I always say we do say, and we must say goodbye. Goodbye. I take a dick and keep on licking.