I don't know what to say. So I'm hoping that the tone of my voice makes you think that I do. Okay, sweetie? Thanks, Tais. On this episode of the Commercial Break. A little dark nome, Keeping you from bad things or keeping you from good things. I'm not really sure, but it was really fucking weird. Keeping you from Raphael. Keeping me from Raphael is right. Yes. Maybe I was having a moment of interlockery, sexual, whatever they fucking call it. Maybe he's like, Don't go out there. You'll be filled with sperm. Your life will be changed forever. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now. Oh, yeah, cats and kittons. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is the pence to my Harris, Chris and Joy. Hold lay best to you, Chris. Best to you, Brian. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. I think an appropriate opening for the show today is the Aliens. Aliens. The Aliens clip or the Aliens drop, because we will be talking about Aliens most of the episode. Yay. You know one of our most popular episodes by views and by downloads is the guy from ITV.

Remember the... Remember the morning show, ITV? I love that crew. Holly and what was that guy's name? That morning zoo crew. Holly and what was that guy's name? Holly and whatever his name were. Until he got... Until he started dating a 17-year-old intern and forgot, failed to tell anybody about it. But anyway, so one of the morning show clips that we did from ITV was a guy who had sex with aliens and then claimed he had millions of space babies, and he was visiting them all on a regular basis. They were in pods. They were in pods. We wondered, Is he saving for college?

He better have started early.

That's right. Anyway, he enjoyed going to the tree, going to the Wackin tree down by the Cric and fucking space alien.

He just never happened to grab a picture.

Yeah, he never No. When asked if he had ever gotten a picture, he said, Well, I never really thought about it, to be honest with you. I'm like, You never thought. You never thought in the two decades you've been fucking space aliens. You never thought for one second to take a picture of the tits of a space alien. Like, come on. Yeah, why would you?

Why would that?

It's not like cameras are readily available. You got to go down, run to your local Walgreens and get rolls of film. Put it in that Canon 350. Anyway, later on, we're going to review. Lest we think that we're being sexist about it, that only guys have sex with aliens. That's not true. Women apparently do also, and we have found one with Holly and what's his name? Why can't I remember his name? Anyway, The Morning Show, the original crew.

He's so funny. I know he is. Because he gets so serious about things.

Well, they both do. They both take it way too seriously. But I guess that's the joke, right? The joke is we think it's serious or we want you to think we're serious. But they're always giving sly looks on the side. They're really good at what they do, actually. I'm sad to see them go. But I guess at some point you got to bring in the new blood. I've watched the new blood. But listen, maybe it just takes time. You and I, it only took us 500 episodes to figure out what was funny and what was not. I think some people would argue that we still haven't gotten it. That's right. But when you... Listen, you do 6 to 7 hours of content a week, and then you tell me how easy it is to be funny. That's my favorite thing when people are like, Oh, you do a comedy podcast? Yeah. We're going to get a comedy. You tell a joke? I know. I'm like, Yeah, I can tell a joke. I'm grandpa. I'm grandpa Jokemaster.. I'm the same way.

I'm like, It's not a stand-up comedy podcast. No, God. It's just improv. We're just ripping off each other.

Well, we'll see when we stand up to do our show. Well, that's true. Live in Dania Beach Improved.

But we're going to have a lot of crowd interaction.

And Orlando Funny Bone. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We're going to have crowd interaction. I'm actually going to ask the crowd to do the show on our behalf.

Exactly.

I get why people do crowd interaction. It kills time. It just All the time, all I got to do is talk to people. Listen, love or hate Matt Ryfe, and I stand on the fence about it. I've seen a lot of stuff where I do laugh out loud. I think he's pretty funny. He's obviously got a great sense of humor and very quick at it, too. Then I've seen some stuff where I'm like, You're just trying a little bit too hard. But he's a young kid and he's trying to make his way in the comedy world and whatever. Anyway, I did see a crowd interaction that he did. It's a five-minute TikTok video where he did, and it had me laughing so fucking hard. Two people in the front of the crowd. Let me just give you the specs on Two people right in the front. You jump into the video and he's already asking them questions, and he's like, So is this your wife? And they said, Yeah, we're recently married. And he goes, Oh, they're recently married. The whole crowd goes crazy. How long you guys been married? And he said, This time, 10 days.

He goes, This time, 10 days? What do you mean this time? They're like, Oh, we used to be married, then blah, blah, blah. I've got divorced. It's like your parents. Now we got remarried. We've been together again for two years. Just got recently married. Then he says, Well, what broke you up the first time? The lady goes, Ask him. And he goes, Well, we went to a high school. I went to a high school reunion, and I ended up fucking one of my old flames. And then he's like, You fucked the old flame. And everyone goes crazy. And then he goes, Yeah, but ask her what she did. And she goes, I fucked my divorce attorney.

Oh, I heard that happen.

And he goes, That's one way to get the house in the divorce? Yeah. It was pretty funny. It was good. But it made me feel like it had to have been a plant, right up front. Really? That story right up front, you just happen to talk to those people. Anyway, that right, rather funny. I want to thank very much Gina Gershon for coming in earlier this week. I said it on the show when we were talking to her face, which I'm sure she didn't appreciate. I said, You're a living legend. And Esther goes, Does that mean you think she's old? And I go, No. But it might sound like I think she's old. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say it like that. But Gina's- I thought it was a compliment. It was a compliment. It was the highest compliment that I could pay. I really do.

I mean, it's not like she can get away from her age. It's all over the place. She's been in so many movies, so many great movies, and that was part of the legend part.

Yeah, that was part of the legend part. She's been in her body of work is literally... Her Her body and her body of work have literally been in so many movies, and she's not only, to me, physically gorgeous, but then she is whipsmart, and I really enjoyed the conversation. She's got a lot of substance. Gina is one of those people where I We've done not a lot of interviews, but we're getting there. We're building up a nice little rapport of interviews, and I'm feeling more comfortable talking to whoever comes on the screen. But you still get a little nerves around individual personalities because we've had a few people come in and what you saw was what you got, but not necessarily in a surprising way. Like, Oh, okay, that's where they're going to go with this. It's not a, either it's not a, or the, continues, one of the two. But Gina I built up a little bit of nerves feeling like every single... Not every single, but 90% of her characters are sultry, sassy, smart, but smart assy also. I felt like, Oh, is that like the... Could that be her personality in real life?

It was not. She was very pleasant and really easy to talk to. So thanks, Gina, for coming out. I just wanted to mention that because Borderlands comes out today. Borderlands, based on the best-selling video game series, Borderlands, Kevin Hart.

There's so many people.

Gina Kershaw. Jamie Lee Curtis, Kate Blanchette. Kate Blanchette. Jack Black, and so many others are in there. There's a lot of folks in that movie. So if you're interested in that thing, go watch it. It's in your movie theaters. Thank you very much. We're coming to the end of the Olympics, sad to say, because I've really been enjoying all of this.

Oh, God, I know. It's so entertaining.

I'll probably be watching this for months to I'll probably be turning on that Peacock since now I'm paying for it and watching all of the replays. I watched the other day. Did you see that guy who did the... I think he's... Is he Canadian or is he... No, he's Swedish. The Swedish Pole who got the world record at 6.25 meters. I did.

I saw a replay of that.

Un-fucking- I know. Believable. I remember people doing pole vaulting in high school, and it looked like a fucking shit show to me. There were broken arms and broken limbs and shoulders and knees wrapped up in ice because no one seemed to know how to do it very well. They all just fell backwards.

Here's a stick. Now go.

Yeah, exactly. They weren't doing like six meters. They were doing like a meter and a half, like three and a half feet. They would try and plant the stick and it would break or they would fall backwards. I thought to myself, I'm never doing... Fuck that. That just looks like an accident waiting to happen. When I can see somebody doing it at that level, it's unbelievable. The reaction to me after he did it was unbelievable. It's obviously just like, testosterone filled, screaming and yelling, bouncing around. Let's fucking go! Runs up, gives his teammate, who is his girlfriend, but that wasn't known until like days ago when some investigative reporter uncovered it or whatever, runs up, gives her a big fat smack on the lips, and everybody in the stadium is going bananas. It's so fucking loud in there. Then one of his teammates comes up to give him a hug and gives him one of punches in the chest that guys do that would probably break my ribs, but okay, that's a thing, I guess. Gives him a punch in the chest and is like, Yeah, man, you fucking dead. You fucking dead. And then the Paul Vauld filled with adrenaline, testosterone, whatever else courses through your body after you go 18,000 feet in the air on some skinny little toothpick, he punches him back and the guy falls back and then runs off the stage.

He walks away from him like, Oh, man, that really hurt. That really hurt. You started it, you bitch. That's amazing to me.

Congratulations to him. There's so much good stuff going on.

So much good stuff. The swimmers are doing well, the divers. Well, we're not doing all that great in diving, but there are divers that are doing well.

No, I know. I saw this one this morning, actually, and she was doing her own diving, which I was watching, synchronized diving the other day, and that was amazing. You have to practice with that person for so long to be able to even think about being in sync. But this was a on their own, and she got up on her hands and did the... She stood on her hands. Yeah, that's the thing. Other people were just doing it where they were just standing and then diving. But this girl, I mean, she just got on her hands on this little ledge and put her feet directly up.

They body walk their hands and then stand on it. It's wild. The commentator was saying, and I've seen- I mean, people who do yoga can't do that.

I know.

This is the thing that they do to add a degree of difficulty, obviously. Try to jump off a three-meter diving board because you say to yourself, Oh, that's not... Fuck, no, you can't do that. Go up to a three-meter diving board, especially if you have any fear of heights. Go up on a three-meter diving board and tell me it doesn't look scary looking down at that water. I have dove off of three-meter diving boards, and it took like minutes for me to get up the courage. I was just scared shitless. I have been up to the top of a 10-meter diving board because, again, someone challenges Brian's fear of I have to show everybody that my balls are bigger than my fear. I didn't even get halfway out to the ledge, and I turned back. I was like, no fucking- Because in your head, you know if you hit the water the wrong way, it's like cement. Yes. Controlling your body all the way down to the bottom is not as easy as it seems.

Yeah, it's very seamless with the…

There's a tight little splash. They're getting like deducted points because there's a little tiny splash. And those Chinese divers, they make the water disappear like you're going into one of the commentators said, you're going into quicksand. It's fucking weird, dude. It's just weird. But then add on top of that that you're doing it upside down while you're doing a handstand and add three double twists in a turn or whatever the fuck it is. And add on top of that, you're in a thong and all the camera people are taking a picture of your ass. It's all the fears together. All of them just jumbled up into one. And these girls, some of them are only 17, 18, 19, 20 years old. They're incredibly young to be doing that. I guess you have to do it when you're young.

You just made the point. When you're you have something to prove and no fear.

You also have knees and joints that aren't yet broken. Yeah. Because you see some of those divers, they're all taped up. Oh, I know. It's like, it's insane.

There's a lot of tape going on.

Yeah, man. God bless. God bless. I really am enjoying the Paris Olympics. Me too. I got to say Paris is putting on a show and the athletes are putting on a show. And thank God for it. It's going to occupy most of the summer. I can otherwise not be depressed about everything else in my life because I know.

I thought the same thing the other day. I was feeling a little melancholy about something, and then I was like, Wait, let me turn on the Olympics.

Turn on those Olympics. Get in a good mood. See what it's like to actually have a body that works. Not a body that fails me after 15 minutes of sleep. I wake up and I'm like, Oh, my back. Oh, my hip. Oh, I got to pee for the 15th time. Oh, one of my kids's knees is in my balls. Oh, These people are like highly, finely-tuned machines.

Even if they hurt something, they get right back out there.

That's right. Yeah, the doctor shoots them up with something and they're right back out there.

Yeah, they're a little tape and a shot in there.

Doctor shoots me up with cortisone the other week. I feel like I have to take a nap for five days. I know. I do. It's crazy. But you were saying about the synchronized diving, and I think I said this on an episode you may or may not ever hear, but those synchronized divers are insane. Astrid and I cannot hold hands together walking down the street without changing position four times because we can't figure it out. How are they doing that? They talk to each other under their breath. They're like, Ready?

Yes. They do the count.

One, two, three. But it never starts on three. Then they take a beat, and then there's four bounces, and then they do it. It's like, What clock are they using? Because on mine, if you go one, two, three, you just bounce on three. Yeah, but no. It's like a song going on in their head that only they understand. It's really quite It's really quite fascinating and amazing. I'll be sad to see it come to an end, but at least I got it forever and ever. I haven't watched half the sports I want to watch. What is that breaking? Come on.

It was this weekend.

It was this weekend? Yes. I'm already queued up for that. I'm already queued up for that. It's like a short competition. It's like a test trial. Why?

And apparently, they're not going to have breakdancing in LA. Why? I didn't know you could choose. I thought once something's in, it's in.

I thought so, too.

Yeah, not so.

Why wouldn't the Olympic Committee be the ones who choose that?

I don't know. I guess it's Per City, and I did not know this, but they were doing a whole thing on the breakdancing this morning while I was watching one of the news things, and they said, Yeah, LA is not going to have it.

I thought, Well, that sucks. So you just pick and choose which ones you want to have? Yes. This doesn't sound like very much fun. And why wouldn't LA choose to have breakdancing?

La has got a great street scene.

Isn't LA where breakdancing started?

I mean, New York, LA, yeah.

What the fuck? Come on, LA. You're already disappointed. Come on, get it together. I better see a horse riding down that Rain channel you got down there Terminator film? Oh, that's right. I better see a silver horse with that fucking big eagle riding down that for 58 minutes before you light that thing, or I'm going to fall asleep on you. It better be as crazy as Paris. It better be twice as crazy as Paris. It has been crazy. And I don't want you to just fill it with a bunch of celebrities saying things and doing acting pieces or rap video, whatever. I want true batshit crazy bullshit. That's what I want from unknown artists.

I know Paris has up the ante.

Yes, they have. When China did theirs in Beijing, we all went, Oh, shit. But then Paris blew it out of the water. China did the precision. They had a precision show with thousands of drum and flag wavers and fireworks and all this. But then Paris just took some acid and decided to go crazy. I'm here for it. I love it. Me too. I think it's great. Loving it. I know a lot of other people are loving it, too, from our audience because we're getting a lot of feedback on the Olympic content. It's not my Olympic content. There are the ones actually doing it. I'm just about it. It's the Olympic of the Mouth here at the commercial break. All right, when we get back, we're going to be introduced to a lady who claims that she has been having sex with aliens for many years, giving her incredible orgasms. Holly and whatever his name is, will bring us... I can't remember his name. Alex or something. Mike, Paul, John, Joe. We'll find out.

We'll find out. Let's all find out together.

We'll all find out together when we come back.

You already know who it is. Christina here to keep you actually informed, unlike some people we know, Brian. I've got certified, verified factual information about our Florida shows, so listen up. We are coming to Dania Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, and The Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. And links to those tickets are in the show notes, so go get them. In other completely new and interesting news, you should follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok talk at TCB podcast. And of course, go to our website, tcbpodcast. Com for all of our audio and video content. And finally, if you want to tell Brian and Christie that I am a pretty, pretty princess or that you hate me, text us or leave us a voicemail at 212-433-3TCB. That's 212-433-3822. Bye. No matter what you're going through, you are never alone. Join me on my podcast from From the Heart, with Rachel Brethen every Friday. Each episode is like sitting down with your best friend for a cup of coffee. From self-care tips to inspiration for healing, this podcast offers the chance to return to nature, return to community, and return to who you are at your core.

Straight from My Heart to yours. Listen to and follow From the Heart with Rachel Brethen on the free Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcasts.

All right, so let's just get right into it. Here is ITV Morning Show. This is a one, I think this is from the '90s, if I'm not mistaken.

Yeah, they don't have the beautiful view of the city.

No, it's like a weird ET tent behind them. Remember an ET when they covered everything in plastic? Yes, it does. That's what it looks like. I think that's for effect. Either that or they're really literally doing renovations on the set and just decided to leave it alone. All right, here they are. Let's listen in and see what's going on.

Stephanie Cohen. Stephanie claims that she is often visited by aliens who help to guide her through life. Not only does she claim aliens sneak into her room at night, she also says that she has sex with them and has out-of-this-world orgasms.

Professor Chris Menter.

Out-of-this-world orgasms.

I see what you did there.

He says it so politely. Out-of-this-world Orgasms. He made a joke there. He slidded in. You see, Out of this world, orgasms. By the way, the woman that they're showing is lovely.

Yeah, and she just laughed while he was saying it.

She's heard it all. If you're claiming you're having sex with aliens and you're willing to go TV about it, you've probably heard it all.

I believe there is a rational explanation and a welcome to you.

Oh, good. We brought a doctor on set to talk about the alien sex.

What set? I do have to say this is wild. It looks like a video. I don't know. From an '80s video.

This looks like a Liberace sex room or something.

Smoking and laces and mirrors.

It's weird. Yeah, there's a bunch of clear plastic around them, like saran wrap. I don't even know. You got to go to the youtube. Com/thecommercial, but I could I'm going to take this one out. It's utterly fascinating.

We should say, Stephanie, we're glad to have you here this morning because as you've been in this morning talking to us, last night, did you- You got bound by a big fat alien dick. Just last night, they came.

Just last night, they came, I came, we all came. Traveled out to the solar system. Where did you go? And how did you get there?

She travels out.

Oh, she goes there. Well, yeah, it makes sense.

They come and scoop. They pick her up for the date.

When you're making the booty call, you got to do the drive. You know You know what I'm saying? That's what I've learned in my life. If you pick up the phone to make the booty call, you better be ready to get in a cab in Uber or drive yourself over there.

Well, my group, I call them Team spirit. Oh, what a cute name.

It smells like team spirit's been jizzing all over me.

We have a UFO, a flying saucer. And we've got a photo.

No, it's not a photo.

It's a picture I drew. This is a drawing.

I was about to say, Why don't we have a I was got excited. No, it was a picture I drew.

You know that if it was an actual photo of this, this lady being way more famous than ITV. It's a picture I drew. My kids draw pictures of UFOs all the time. They draw pictures of something. I just call them UFOs. I think you've done it. This is the UFO that you went in. Yeah, sure.

That looks like a big like marshmallows. It looks like a cake.

It looks like it's about to be on a cake contest.

With rainbow lights coming Yeah, rainbow fire coming out. So they got some French double doors there.

Well, you got to make it nice. A couple of windows. Designed by Joanna and Shipp.

That's really funny. I didn't know you could make- That does look like you could draw that.

Yeah, that looks like Disney World fireworks to me. You remember when they could do those cake competitions, they always draw what they're going to do first, but they're not artists in that way, so it always looks very childlike. That's what this seems like to me. Why not the photo? That's what I asked.

We to planets within our own solar system, but also to way out into the solar system.

Do you go in mind or do you go in body?

Are you fucking crazy?

This is your head. You're fine.

Are you fucking crazy or are you on some absolutely spectacular, iconic?

In mind because it happens when my physical body is asleep, but my spirit will then leave.

Could it be That's called a dream. Exactly. That's called a night night. A dream?

I mean, would that be what most people call a dream?

A dream is a friendly way of letting you know what you've been doing without scaring you. That's what dreams really are.

That's interesting way to look at dreams. A friendly way of showing you what a murderous asshole you are.

Because people would be afraid to actually...

Yes, I would be afraid to travel to other planets in or outside of our solar system to have sex with large slimy-like creatures. That would be a definite fear of mine.

You afraid if they were face to face with, say, an alien.

The different species, let's talk about them.

The different species, yes. That's more than one alien.

These different beings. You say that there are cat people, there are reptilians. They're not part of the same race, so these are separate entities.

No, they're very separate, but they do come from the same-They work together on the gang bang.

That's right, Christie.

We have, if you will, an intra-web dating site where we can all swing around with cats.

They work together on that.

Yes, stick figure, whatever alien you're into. Oh, do I love the reptilians? Well, they have multiple penises to hit you in all the right spots, Chrissy.

The solar system that they come from, which is within the Cannis Major.

The Cannabis Major. Oh, I go to that solar system a couple of times a week.

So that's where they originate.

They're different planets within the Cannis Major system.

So you, I assume, have seen-Wow, she takes this very seriously.

She looks like she's fully convinced of her own story.

Life and other civilizations on other planets. Yeah. And how prolific is life in the universe?

When you look up at the stars at night, that's how prolific it is.

Who is Ian, the Octopus Man?

Ian, the Octopus Man.

He just jumped right in.

He's a new cartoon character on Disney Junior. Ian, the Octopus Man.

He's an octopus man. He stays- He's an eight-pean-eye reptilian.

It's what he sounds like. He's an octopus man. That's right.

What do you mean? It's pretty self-explanatory.

His name's Ian. Yes.

He stays quite close to me, like a spirit boyfriend, but not really boyfriend. I don't call it boyfriend.

I don't want to be tied down like that. I mean, there are also cat penises He's got alien penises I like to have sex with.

Good spirit friend. He happens to be from the octopus race. I mean, all of them indulging insects, but particularly the cat-Incest or insects?

I think she said insect, but we might want to replay that.

Let's see if we can hear what she's saying, and maybe we'll get some clarification from Holly, but probably not.

Optimus race. I mean, all of them indulge in insects.

Insects. Insects.

Insects.

They all have sex with each other. Oh, okay.

I think. I think. Yeah. Incest, insects. Or maybe that's just like you... Instead of having a phallus, you're going inward. I don't know. Let's find out more.

Particularly the cat people are extremely highly charged sexually.

Fucking cats. I knew it. They could kill me and they're highly charged sex creatures.

It's part of the cat people culture.

There's a doctor on set, by the way.

He hasn't said anything yet, but he's very much calculating in his head how crazy his client is.

What do you make of You're not convinced, are you?

I'm not convinced, no. I think the viewers at home will make their own mind up about what they think about what we just heard.

Do you think the viewers are going to make their own mind up? Thanks, Doc.

The obvious question is, where's there any external proof for any of this? I mean, there's lots of claims being made I think Doc wants to see her undressed.

That's what I think, Doc. Is there any external proof? Come to my office.

She already said it. It just happens in her mind.

Well, she said it happens in her mind, but that is- Her spirit. Yeah, the dream is just an of what's going on with her body.

Various expeditions to the solar system and elsewhere in the universe, but it's all happening in Stephanie's head, basically, as she admits it.

It says Professor Chalmers, supernatural skeptic. Professor.

Now, there is this thing about the orgasms. That's clearly a very physical event, which we wouldn't choose to, but one could actually observe that.

Oh, doctor, professor, you're such a naughty man. Let's see what he's suggesting. By the way, the professor looks like right straight out of casting for an English professor at like Cambridge or something. He's got glasses on, the gray fading sides. Yeah, he looks like he's never actually seen an orgasm in person.

It's been a long time.

It's been a while.

Again, there are alternative explanations. There is a disorder known as persistent genital arousal disorder. It's quite interesting.

Oh, I've got that.

I can interview someone on here with that.

Absolutely. Very often, usually people don't find it very enjoyable. Good luck to Stephanie that she actually seems to enjoy the whole experience.

Good luck. Cheers to you. We've got a little trophy for you behind stage.

Alternative explanation is for absolutely everything that Stephanie's mentioned.

But it's a lovely thing to imagine, though, isn't it?

No, it's not. What are you talking about? Getting abduct by aliens and having sex with cat people?

But we happen to have this flesh aspect that there's a spiritual side to us that could travel the universe.

It's not a new claim by There have been claims like this for centuries.

She's getting irritated because she's like, No, this shit is real. If my fruit loops color hair doesn't tell you how serious I am. By the way, the woman has dreadlocks, and the dreadlocks are really fruit loops- They're wrapped with a different rainbow color. Or died or something.

There were claims back in previous centuries that people had gone to other planets and observed things. But of course, now we've actually been there ourselves and we can see what is actually there. We know that all All those claims were wrong.

Are they with you all the time? I mean, are they here now, for example? Yes.

What is the reason for them being- I've got one under my dress right now.

Yeah, she's very matter of fact said, yes or no?

Why are they here? Why did they choose to come in today?

Well, they want to be on TV. Everyone wants to be famous, right? Hello, Ian. Hello. Ian, the Octopus. I want to bring out Ian. What if she just lifted her dress and out came an octopus? Started talking. He was like, Let's see, what What would he sound like if he was- I mean, I think he'd be British.

Hello, my name is Ian the Octopus. I am a multi-penist, multi-orgasmic giving octipi.

Chrissy, what are you doing for the next 10 to 15 minutes? Would you like to travel to Jupiter?

Yes.

I'll give you eight boners at a time.

Let's go.

Okay, now.

Because I'm here. So they follow you wherever you are. They've been coming all week, actually. Yeah. Just keeping an eye on us. My grand has been sitting on the sofa over there doing her knitting. My cat grandmother.

What? Your cat grand? Cat grand? Is also having sex with you? This is getting a little weird for my taste.

Wow, it's hard to keep up.

Hey, listen, I got an open mind about anything, but having sex with cat grand.

My grand is just right over there. My cat grand.

Cat grand. Forgot to mention you're related.

Well, she takes on the human form. She has been in human incarnation.

Why don't they show themselves? If they're here now and one of the greatest things, one of the greatest revelations for mankind would be one of these beings to manifest themselves right behind me now, why don't they show themselves?

Because then they don't really... They're not into showing off their genitalia, which is huge.

Rock on.

I'm picturing a little cat grandma knitting. Knitting?

Yes. With a big boner, like a big cat boner. Well, they do show themselves, actually. I don't know if you know of the Olympic Polevolta, but he's a cat grand also, and he's got a huge member.

They're very quite reserved in themselves.

Well, they have sex with you at a bus stop. That's not very reserved.

Oh, my God. Well played, sir. Well played.

No, no, no.

What I mean is they don't- Philip. His name is Philip. Philip and Holly. I just thought of that. I don't know why.

They don't show themselves to the world like that. They tend to deal on a personal level with individuals because we all have guides, our own guides, and they are my guides, and so they interact with me.

If you wanted to- They just... Hold on. Did you see that? I did. In the middle, they've got a TV set up, wheeled out, and they just had an alien face on it.

Yeah, like a kid drew an alien. The alien face you know and love. The big eyes and the weird cone shaped head.

They would do that through your guides, or your guides would allow them to come through so that you can see.

I do have to say this. I think this might be a time now to admit something to the audience here. There was a night, and I Maybe I've shared this with you, maybe I haven't. There was a night many years ago when I lived in an apartment by myself. My best friend Raphael had come in from Costa Rica where he was living at the time, and he was spending a couple of weeks with me. He was on the couch, and I was in the bedroom, and we went to sleep. It was one of the nights we decided not to drink and drug ourselves to death. I was in the bedroom, we had fallen asleep, and I got sleep paralysis. I had this a number of times before. I haven't really had it since, but I had it a number of times before. I really chalked it up to drugs and alcohol is what I chalked it up to. But I floated out of my body and saw myself sleeping, as some people do when they have sleep paralysis. But in the corner, there was a strange alien-like, short, tiny little dark-skinned man, I can only describe, that was telling me that I couldn't go outside the door.

He's standing by my bedroom door, and he was telling me, You can't go out this door. You can't go out this door. I tried to scream for Raphael because I was getting scared that I was dying. I thought maybe this was it. I was consciously aware of what was going on to the point where I can think about it right now and still remember that feeling. I fought and I fought and I fought to either get myself out of the door or back in my body. After what seemed like 20 minutes, I finally fell back into my body. I woke up, I took a huge breath, and I picked up the phone to call my mother to tell her that I thought I had just had a heart attack. It was one of the scariest I have ever been through. I know that sleep paralysis is very scary. There's lots of people who have it and lots of people who describe what I'm describing.

I've had it once or twice before. It's terrifying. It is.

Yeah, you can't move. You can't move. Sometimes it's described as an out-of-body experience. Oftentimes, people will include small, dark-skinned creatures in these sleep paralysis moments, in these episodes.

Had you guys just come back from the party in the woods? No. Or were you on your way there?

I actually reconsidered.

That's what it was. Raphael came in town, so you guys get off.

I might have been at the party in the woods and just not remembered it. My memory of it was just that 15 minutes. But I do have to say this was a rather strange and odd experience, and it happened as if it was real. I swear on all that's holy. I am not hokey-pokey in that manner. I don't think that I don't see ghosts, and I don't have visions and all this other stuff. But I tend to be a very spiritual person. This was one of the most intensely scary moments of my entire life. I remember it clearly and vividly to this day, and I only afterwards did I learn out sleep paralysis and understood what I had gone through. But many people describe this same woodland-like creature with fucking dark skin warding you off in some direction or the other. Lots of people describe that. There's no conclusive, no not that I've ever read, no psychologist, therapist, sleep specialist, whatever, has ever been able to conclude why so many people have seen the same type of... Describe the same type of creature. A little dark gnome. A little dark gnome keeping you from bad things or keeping you from good things.

I'm not really sure, but it was really fucking weird. Keeping you from Raphael. Keeping me from Raphael is right. Yes. Maybe I was having a moment of interlockery, sexual, whatever they fucking call it. Maybe he's like, Don't go out there. You'll filled with sperm. Your life will be changed forever. But it was weird. That is. I do have to say that ever since then, I thought that there might be something a little funky about sleeping and dreaming. But I don't know because I'm not a scientist. I can't conclude that, nor am I going to go making some big grand claim that I don't really understand. It's not that I 100% disbelieve her. It's that I find it hard to believe that you're having sex night after night with aliens and they're sending you in a spaceship that you never took a picture of with multi-colored flames on the bottom. But hey, listen, to each their own.

Exactly. Everybody's got their own experience, their own energy, their own mind. That's right.

Have you ever experienced sex with an alien? Call now. All right, let's take a short break, and we'll be back.

Hello, my fans. I mean, Brian and Christie's fans. Boy, have I got news for you, we are officially coming to Florida for TCB Live. That's right. You can come see Brian's bald head shining under the stage lights at Daniel Beach Improv on Tuesday, September 24th, and at the Funny Bone in Orlando on Wednesday, September 25th. If you can't make it to see us in person, text us or call us at 212-4333-TCB, and leave us a little love note instead. As always, please, please, please follow us on Instagram at the Commercial Break, and on TikTok at TCB podcast. Our content is shockingly good, so get after it. And you already know, I put every single one of those links in the show notes. You're welcome.

All right, back with the ITV crew, Philip and Holly on The Morning Show, talking to a lady who claims to have sex, a lot of sex with a lot of different alien species. If these spirits are actually here, that would be a very easy way to test that.

If we could get the spirits to go into another room just outside the studio and tell us what... Come back in and tell you what's in there, and then you tell us.

By the By the way, the alien picture is back on the back of the TV, and all of a sudden, he's a very handsome man with a weird-shaped head. That's great.

That would shut me up. That's all it would take.

Tell him to go into my dressing room right now and tell me what's in my briefcase?

Is that you? This poor lady. Tell me what's in my briefcase. Tell me what's in my briefcase. Tell me what a couple of boxes of what. What is in your briefcase, Philip? I don't know. Apparently, Kelly, a young intern.

I don't know. I'm trying to myself to look into a briefcase myself.

No. I'm trying myself.

I'm trying myself.

I've been looking at briefcases on Amazon for weeks. I'm trying to look into one.

What do you see?

I see papers.

Green sticky notes.

Pencils, lube. She's gone into outer space. She is.

Her eyes are fluttering.

She's got rapid eye movement. By the way, is there water running in the background? What is going on in this set? It's so weird. Or is it all the plastic crackling? This lady is.

The professor is just looking over at her like...

I know. You want to cut the bullshit now or should we keep it going?

I can stay here all day.

I think you've paused for effect. Do you think we should just keep going? Wow, she's taking up two and a half minutes of air time. I tried. It didn't work this time, but if you invite me back, I'll do this weird eye thing again, and we could try. Oh, it's a staring contest.

Yeah, everybody's looking at her.

I don't know. I just see the briefcase, but I'm not- What color is the briefcase?

He's about to ask her.

I'm seeing a briefcase. I'm seeing- I'm seeing a briefcase, but it's colorless.

It has no properties whatsoever. Lady, I would not have even gone here. I just been like, listen.

No, yeah, they can't do it.

Do what the other dude did. Been like, I'll try and get a picture next time. I'll let you know.

It's dark in color with a silver strip. I'm seeing a briefcase. I'm not necessarily saying it, but I'm not actually going into the briefcase.

I'll let you. You're allowed.

You can snooze. I give me permission.

What do you like? I'm not actually... I don't know why. Maybe later on, they will show that to me. I'm not claiming that I-So give me your number, and I'll send you a text message when I get that info.

Okay, cool. Can we move on with the interview? Back to the sex with the cat people.

And actually-Again, we fall at the final hurdle, where proof was possible right here on the telly.

I know. They fail once more.

I know. But I am psychic and I am mediumistic, and yet I am actually saying it doesn't always work when you want it to work.

Which one's that one?

No, it's just a- No, it's just a copy from a book about alien.

They're showing that they're pointing now to the alien in the screen.

Yeah, they're pointing to pictures of the alien, and they're asking her, who's this from? It looks like half man.

That doesn't look like Ian.

No, definitely doesn't. It's not Octopus. No, it's not Octopus, Ian. That's for sure. Image of- It's not octo-orgasmian, that's for sure.

When the Grays first came to me, that was how they appeared with the large dark eyes.

That's quite an established view of the way aliens have been visualized on this planet.

This is how Grays look.

Grays. That's what they call them, the Grays. There's different types of aliens. I know about this because I spend way too much fucking time on the internet.

Is that we look slightly different in color?

It struck me when I was on on Monday, actually, and you were saying, why is it that they keep on abducting people and putting probes here, there, and everywhere? I mean, what they need.

Here, and there, and everywhere. Is that a medical term? Sounds like a children's rhyme.

A copy of Grey's Anatomy.

There you go.

Been waiting since Monday to say it.

Well done.

I'll be here all week.

It's absolutely fascinating.

It is fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. It's fascinating. Thank you. Thank you.

All right. Almost. Bring something back.

Yes.

I want to look at- I might actually tell you what's in the briefcase later, but for some reason they're not...

He's like, Yeah, you won't be here later, or I won't be here later. We're not going to be together later.

I'm not giving you my contact.

No way.

This moment. Well, you can forget the briefcase if you can bring me a little bit of Saturn, and that will be proof enough.

He just wants the Earth.

No, I've got that. I want Saturn. For further information on our Supernatural Week or anything we just discussed.

For further information on alien orgasms, give us a call. Sorry, I just turned off the camera. I can understand that some people go there in their heads. Yeah. Here's I'm like Philip on this one. Show me any evidence whatsoever that you were probed, that there were scars, marks. Can't you steal a piece of furniture or something? Isn't there anything that you can bring back from- If you can't, then maybe don't broadcast to the world that you can't. Yeah, exactly. Well, I can understand that if this had happened to you, you'd want to get the information out to the world. You'd want to let people know, This is happening. This happened to me. I really want you to know what's going on out there. But there has to be some... I mean, it doesn't have to be. Maybe the aliens are really good plastic surgeons and they can cover it all up, but it just seems unlikely. I believe in aliens. I a thousand % believe in aliens. I believe that aliens have visited Earth, and I believe maybe on one or two occasions, it has been caught on camera. We all know the famous Navy video or the fucking spacecraft or whatever it is flying a million miles per hour in multi-different directions, and it's hard to explain how that happens with the physics that we understand.

That's possibly one of them. I believe in aliens, and I believe that aliens probably are on Earth or have visited Earth. But if they are so advanced that they can get here undetected for the most part, don't you think that they can also probably blend in pretty well? Like, are aliens amoeba? Are aliens actually octupuses? Are aliens dolphins? I don't know. Are we aliens that have landed here on Earth from some ancient ancestry DNA or whatever the fuck? I don't know. But these really insane stories, I just have a hard time wrapping my head around because you don't have one bit of evidence. Like the guy who was fucking multiple aliens had thousands of alien babies. Could you not have... Honestly, he's... Philip was right on this one. Could you not have honestly taken a picture? We all have cameras on our cell phones. If you freely go back and forth to fuck hot alien chicks, then Can't you essentially just snap one photograph, have her text?

It seems like there would be something.

A sex message her or something. Could you get a Snapchat or something like that? Can Daddy get a OnlyFans account where I can go check out Alien, Patutang? I mean, honestly.

Maybe some people can just tap into another dimension of their brain or another universe type thing.

I believe that.

I do believe that. Like I think you said earlier, I'm not saying it's not true.

I'm not saying it's not true.

But it would be helpful if You could prove to anybody that this might actually be going on.

It would help us all. We would all feel better about it.

But hey, if she's happy, then that's why she's got a great sex vibe.

At least someone's giving her multiple orgasms. I know.

She's doing well in that department.

That's more than some of us can say.

She's got a grand.

She's got a cat grand. She's got a cat grand. That's got a nanny, I guess. It's over there knitting a dildo or I don't know how it works in space.

We didn't really get to the sex part.

Yeah. I bet if you're that advanced, you just have an orgasm on command all the time. You're probably in a constant orgasm state. Yeah, it's like the first time you took ecstasy. It feels really awesome all the time. I'd love to think there were aliens who would take me up and have their way with me.

Have their way, yeah.

Yeah, sure. Especially if it was pleasurable. Yeah. Why not? Yeah. They don't have claws for vaginas or something.

They're probing you every... Which way in that?

It This, that, and this way, and that way, and every other way. I do not like those aliens in my anus. I do not like those aliens on your anus. I do not, I do not. All right, hey, please come to our comedy show. We'd love to see you. It would just be grand. Dania Beach Improv on the 24th, Orlando at the Funny Bone on the 25th of September. Tickets now available on those websites. You can Google the actual Dana Beach Improv or the Orlando Funny Bone. Go to those dates on the calendar and you can purchase the tickets there. Or Astrid should, at this point, have those links available on our website and Instagram. So we'd love to see you. And if you're going to come, let us know. 212-433-3tcb. That's 212-433-3822. We'd love to hear from you. Questions, comments, concerns, content ideas, we will take them all on voicemail or text message. Also, tcbpodcast. Com. The aforementioned links should be on that website. More information about Christie and I, all the audio, all the video right there from one location. Get your free sticker. Contact Us button. I want my free sticker on the drop-down menu.

Give us your address. We'll send you a sticker. Please follow us on Instagram and TikTok. At the Commercial Break on Instagram, Tcb podcast on TikTok and youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak for selected episodes and interviews. Christie, that's all I can do for right now. I can tell. But I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye.

Tv, I have it.