Those who eat the devil's corn will choke on his cob. There's a lot of people choking on that cob out there, and it ain't going to end up good for them. Not in the end.

They're going to regret that cob and choking on it.

You know what I mean? On this episode of the Commercial Break.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

It's like they're a military regimen.

Yeah. Every military in the trains their special forces in making as much noise as possible when coming up on the enemy. Now, by repeating, Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Every 5 to 10 seconds, you're certain to surprise your enemy. The next episode of the Commercial Break starts now.

Yeah, boy.

Oh, yeah, cats and kitts. Welcome back to the Commercial Break. I'm Brian Green. This is the lovely co-host of the show, Brian And my dear, dear friend, Kristin Joy-Hodley. Best of you, Kristin. Best of you, Brian. The best of you out there in the podcast universe. This fucking microphone. Hello. Hello. It's always something. Bivis? Bivis? It's always something. I don't know what's going on with this thing.

I know. It's been acting up.

If I don't press record, it never acts up. Once I press record, it acts up. I know. But I know that can't be the reason. The record button can't be the... Whatever. Who fucking cares? No one wants to hear about it. Okay, Storytime with Brian. Check your panties. Check your panties. That's awesome. Check your panties. Where did that come from? I don't know. I didn't even know who put that in there. All right, Storytime with Brian. Years ago, I was dating a woman, and we decided to go to a animal safari, local here in the state of Georgia. I think, have we been?

No, we talked about going. You told me about it. I think I shared this. But I think I decided not to go. Yeah.

I'm You told me that. Wisely. Well, I think you decided not to go because of the person that was going. Oh, that could have been- You didn't want to go with the girl I was dating. Yes. You wanted nothing to do with her. Yeah. And you made no bones about it. No, thanks. Not if she's going to be there. Rightfully so. Only took me three years to listen to you. Yeah. Well, better late than never. Thank God. Thank God for small favors. Yes. The type of person who always needed to be doing something, there was no sitting at home just chilling. It was always something. Let's go do something, something, something. Just that type of personality. There's lots of people out there that are like that, and that's fine, whatever. But I was running out of ideas after three years. I'm like, What do you want to do? We can never do the same thing twice because that was boring. Then we were on whatever. We decided to go to this. I find this safari that I had been to previously. But when I got there, there's two ways to do it. It's a drive-through safari.

There's lots of different animals. You can buy a huge buckets of food, and you can do it in one of two ways. You can either spend an extra $25 and rent one of their vehicles, which was usually a broken down van from the '80s with jail bars on them so the animals couldn't actually get in and eat you, except for you could roll down the front windows. No air conditioning, probably stick It was a terrible situation. Disgusting because animal slobber is all over the cars. They don't clean them. They're just these shitty vehicles that sit out in the hot sun all day, and you can rent them for $20 if you want to. I'm like, Why would you?

Because you're driving down there to get there.

So that the animals don't slobber all over your car. Got it. Because these animals, like bison and whatever they call, wooly mammoths. I'm not even sure what the fuck is down there, but whatever is down there, you don't necessarily want to tussle with those things and your brand new shiny car. At the time, I had yet to lose my left front headlight and most of the hood. So it was like that was my baby, right? Yeah. Well, I get down there, I said the same thing to myself. I'm like, Well, why the fuck am I going to use their car when I got my own car? Save myself 25 bucks, right? Let's go. Come on. It's what could possibly happen. Yeah. What could possibly happen.

As soon as you say that.

As soon as I said that, I know. As soon as I'm thinking that, I knew that there was a small possibility that some damage could be done to my car. But what I didn't realize was the animal that was going to cause that particular damage to my car, what they were going to do. At the time, back in 1922 or whatever it was, satellite radios that were not installed in your car when you bought it means that you had to buy the satellite radio, you had to install it into your car, and then you had to have a little antenna that looked like a magnet, a small round black magnet that got stuck to the top of the car. If you got it done professionally, they would wire it such as, you didn't have wires hanging all over the place, you just had one tiny little wire that was on the driver's side on the top of your car, and then there would be this little black round thing on the top, and that would be your satellite radio receiver, the way that the satellite would actually send the programming to car. I had Sirius satellite installed in this car, and it had that little black receiver.

We're driving and we get in. It's very long, especially if it's crowded. People go very slow. You can try and go around them, but it's usually just like a one lane.

I tried.

I did. The dirt ball blowing behind. Just dirt blowing behind it. It's just dirt. There's no grass left anywhere because the animals have eaten it. It's like a miserable Sahara is what it looks in the middle of Georgia. Big, rolling mountains, nasty pools of water everywhere, just with all shit in it. I mean, it's not the most pleasant place in the world, but it's fun to interact with the animals. So we buy a couple of these big barrels of food, and we're out there and we're giving it to the bison and the cows and the wooly man, whatever the fuck they have, the lamas and the oestages that will attack you for the food. It's like some of the animals get really aggressive. But we managed to get through most of it without any damage to the car. A lot of slobber everywhere, but not damaged to the car. So I was thinking to myself, great, this is the right choice. Winning. I'm saying myself, winning indeed. And I have this little tiny Honda Accord is very low to the ground, right? And so the animals are having to bend over, put their heads all the way in the car to get the food.

Imagine, like a bison head, like a full-grown male bison's head just stick. I'm in the driver's side, and that thing would just stick its head right into the middle of the car. With just fucking flying everywhere. Like, Okay, here's some food. That does not sound fun. Yeah, and you can't exactly push them out of the car because they're huge animals. They're not getting out until they're ready to get out. And when they start to get out, that's your time to drive away. So the one thing that we were all, that her and I were really looking forward to was the Giraffe Exhibit because occasionally- I love girafes. They were known for their girafes. They'd have 10 girafes, including a couple of babies that were taken from wherever. It was like a rescue place. They were taken from wherever. If you could catch them on a good day, the girafes would be out there and they would grab food from you. But not always because girafes are shy and they stay in the corner or whatever. The girafes were out and we were driving around a corner, we could see that the girafes were out. I got really excited.

I'm like, This is fantastic. But everybody's just stopped trying to get the… Here, giraffe, giraffe. He's throwing food out. Mr. Giraffe, come this way. Well, girafes don't listen to you. They're not dogs. They're not coming to you. The girafes are standing near the driving lane, but they're not actually taking food from anybody. I pull over and I park next to this tree, and I'm just watching this all go down because I'm like, Well, they're not really eating for anybody. Let's just enjoy the animal. Let's just watch and we'll enjoy. Until one of the larger girafes starts heading in my direction, eating leaves as it goes along. Then the giraffe all of a sudden is really close to the car. But I can't see it because I'm at its toe level and this Honda Accord, I'm looking at its knees. I don't want to stick my head out because I just don't want to interact with any other animals like the ostrage that's been following me for two months. That is a deadly animal. Like, those things, they will peck you to death, right? Yeah. So I'm just got my window rolled down. I'm just enjoying the fact that these giraffe feet are, I don't know, let's call it 10, 20 feet from me.

And then all of a sudden, the giraffe head comes right down to my level and she, I'm assuming, because I didn't see a penis, sticks her head inside of the car. I have pictures of this. Sticks her head into the car with the tongue that is about two and a half feet long. Oh, yeah.

Their tongues are really long. Yes.

She starts grabbing food out of this girl's bucket of food. She starts grabbing it with her tongue. Then I'm now grabbing food out of my... The head is right near me. We are looking at each other eye to eye. That's crazy. It was insane. It was a wonderful experience. It was like, wow, I've never been this close to any wild animal for a dog and a cat, maybe, and my mouse, and that one snake that I lived with for a minute that I woke up with. It's got its head in there, and I am now handing her food, and she is taking her tongue, and she is wrapping it around my hand and grabbing the food. Disgusting and slimy as it was, it was very cool. Sure. Okay, this is awesome. This giraffe spends five minutes in the car. I mean, it's just like you're moving its head around. It's like rubbing up against my face. It's taking the food. I'm like, This is incredible. Oh, Oh, my God. Pictures are being taken. And then she takes her head out, but she's still standing in the same location. And I'm like, We're freaking out. Oh, my God.

That's crazy. Can you believe that just happened? That's insane. People are like, honking. They're like, That's crazy. That's so cool. Because the giraps were not going in anybody else's car. So I was like, This is amazing. This is great. Until I start hearing a couple of minutes later on the top of the car, like a... Like sandpaper on the top of the car. I was like, What is going on up there? And so now I have to stick my head out a little bit to look, and I see that she's got her head on the top of my car. On the roof. I'm like, What could she possibly be doing? Maybe she's licking the top of the car or something. That's really weird. I don't understand that. Then all of a sudden, the wire to the antenna of the Sirius satellite radio starts coming out of the molding of the car where they had hidden it. It's like, Ripping out. I'm like, What is She's going, What? I stick my head out again to look to see that she has her tongue wrapped around that little black thing, and she is like, yanking it. I'm like, Oh, my.

She took that thing off the top of the car. I couldn't take that thing off the top of the car with my hand, and now she's doing it with her tongue. It's amazing. She managed to rip out the entire wire. She basically took the serious satellite radio and just snapped it in half. I mean, not the radio part, but the wire part, snapped it in half, and she dropped it, and we told the people that she dropped it, but she caused a bunch of damage to the top of the car. Not that that was adding any allure to the already shitty Honda Accorda. But at the end of the day, that's what happened. Their tongues are very powerful, right? Very powerful. I say all this to say. I just read a story. Texas Drive-through Safari, the Giraffe Grabs Toddler Out of the Car: Encounter Caught on Video. A family in Texas got more than they bargain for when they took their two-year-old daughter to a drive safari because a giraffe snatched the kid up, quite literally. The wild encounter from over the weekend was captured on camera, showing the moment the little Paisley got lifted up and dropped by a hungry giraffe while she and her family were visiting.

Picked up the toddler with the mouth? Yes.

Paisley was riding in the truck bed with her mom when her dad stopped so they could feed the giraffe. That's when the giant animal reached down for a bag of food the kid was holding, grabbing a hold of her shirt. The giraffe lifted Paisley in the air with its mouth, frightening the girl's parents. Fortunately, all it took to get the giraffe to let loose was Paisley's mom shouting. Paisley fell back into her mother's arms, somehow wasn't harmed by the animal. And her dad said that my heart stopped, my stomach dropped. It literally scared the F out of me. Exotic and endangered animals roam free at this facility. That's why there's a bunch of animals out and about. And visitors can drive down the path and feed the critters. Obviously, things can get a little hairy, though, just like it did here. Paisley holding the bag of food down by her chest when she was snatched by the shirt. It's best to hold the food pellets above your head when trying to feed girafies, says TMZ, like they're giraffe experts. But you can see an actual picture right here of the giraffe lifting the girl out of the truck bed.

That's unbelievable. Yeah, that is scary. They're very strong. It's very scary. Are you kidding me? That's terribly frightening. Wow. Yeah. Never again. Never again. Listen, I took some of the kids down there one year. It was 170,000 degrees outside. We, of course, rented the van because I wasn't going to play that game twice. We, of course, rented the van. That van was a nightmare in and of itself. It was basically like solitary confinement. You know what I'm saying? It was hot. It only blew hot air. It was stuck on heat, so it was blowing this hot air. It was like, and the Buffalo would scrape against the car and make it move.

Sounds miserable.

It only caused my children to scream and In a terrified way. And they were literally taking the pellets and throwing them out of the window. Yeah, get it out. Get it out. Get away. And when the ostrages came, forget about it. The llamas, the ostrages, the limus, the whatever the fuck they call the emus, limu emu. They were just scared shitless of this whole situation. Because wild animals are wild animals. They're like, they don't have any... There's no control over them. No. They're just doing what they know to do.

Maybe you and Blue should go on a little road trip down to this safari.

I now sacrifice you to the Jiraf. Mother Jiraf. Hold on, let's see if we can do this. Mother Jiraf, I now hand you a sacrifice. Blue.

Maybe she would do well down at this safari place. Oh, she's going to be perfect. She could keep some of the animals in line, maybe.

I will tell you what, all of those animals, it's like, I don't know, a thousand this whole thing, right? They have a zoo in the back also. That's the saddest thing you've ever seen in your entire life. But okay. It's just a big pasture where all these animals, they haven't some of them separated for whatever reasons. But I would imagine Blue spends a day there and all those animals gather together and they're hidden in a corner somewhere. They're like, No, not that thing. Exactly. Blue's just barking at the people driving by. I like it. Blue's not scared. I'm telling you what, for her size... No, she's not. You know, there's like this. I had a dog therapist tell me what dog therapist. A dog therapist. A dog psychologist.

That's how far you would take it with Blue.

You don't know how many people we've been in here. I've told the stories. I'm telling you, it's an unbreakable dog. It's like that horse from one of those movies where they try and break them. You're like, horse whisper or whatever. I'm telling you what, this is the dog that cannot be broken. She can't be trained either. There's no training. There's no breaking. There's no breaking of this dog. No, it is what it is. We took it so far that we did not have One, we had two dog psychologists come into the house to help us, both of which left not helping us. One of them actually said, Don't even pay me. Don't worry about it. But this particular one said that they think that there is some psychology in small dogs, that they imagine themselves. It's like a dysmorphia. They imagine themselves to be big dogs regardless of what size they actually are. So he said, I think Blue just thinks she's like a big German shepherd that's going to take over the world or whatever. She is such a little bully, such a little shit.

I know. But then she also can be so cute.

Yeah, she slept with me last night. I was like, Well, whatever. I guess.

And it's still rolling her back.

I know. She came popping up on the bed last night. Her little head was right there. It was like 12:30. I could hear her scurrying around on my wood floors. And then she popped her head up above the bed and she was just looking at me and I was like, All right, I guess. You want to watch the West Wing with me? You want to catch a rerun of Mr. D? What are you thinking? Baby Reindee? What do you want to watch there, Blue? Let me know. So then I woke up this morning and she had pissed.

Of course.

She had pissed in the bathroom. I'm like, Well, at least she got it in the bathroom. At least it was in the bathroom this time. She's so terrible. You sure you don't want a dog?

Oh, I'm sure.

You're like, Jeff doesn't want a companion when you're here recording. We're good. No? Yeah. Are you guys going to get any pets? Yeah. Yeah? What are you thinking?

I think we're going to do a dog and a cat at the same time. You're crazy. You're crazy. So that they love each other and are raised together.

A kitten and a puppy? Yes. Are you going to go to the rescue? Yes. Okay. Be careful about that rescue. I mean, I encourage you to get a rescue dog, but just make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. Oh, well. I got a pointer one time that it was just emaciated, and within two weeks, it turned into a pitbull. It was like, here's a pointer. And then when it grew, when I actually fed the thing, it was a pitbull, and I was like, oh, a bitey pitbull at that. It was not the best experience in the world. And then a cat, like a little tabby cat? Yeah. Wow. You guys are going to have a little family over there. I know. How are you going to intertwine them with your naked cooking and stuff like that?

I don't know. We'll have to figure that out.

I don't know either. Yeah. Watch it. I have to go to another room. Those little puppy teeth are sharp. I don't want... I don't want Jeff's Jingle Balls getting bitten by the puppy or the cat. You got to get that thing declawed, please. We'll be safe. Do you declaw or do you not declaw?

You don't declaw anymore. I think they put these little rubber tips on their claws if you want to go that route.

Oh, really? Like nail job? Like do a little nail? Are they permanent rubber tips? Oh, really? Oh, very interesting. Science has come a long way. I remember when we had two cats, even though I was deathly allergic. That's where I learned I was deathly allergic because my dad brought home two cats that all of a sudden went to the farm after three weeks. But they were declawed, and so they had no claws on them. But then the conversation has evolved. People think universally, that's pretty mean. What about taking a dog's vocal box out? Is that universally, you think, thought of as mean?

I think there could be a case.

I actually inquired about this. There could be special circumstances. I actually inquired about this. I wasn't going to do it. I just asked. I was making a joke to the I just wanted to see. I wasn't going to do it, but if I was going to do it, how much would it cost and when was the next available appointment? That's all I was. I was just feeling it out a little bit. I asked the vet. I was like, Hey, Doc Colley. His name is Doc Colley. I said, Hey, Doc Colley, what do you think? A vocal box removal, they do that anymore? And he goes, They do, but only under really the most dire of circumstance. A dog just never stops barking. I'm like, Here you go.

Yeah, this is a candidate.

Hey, Doc, right here. And he said that it's universally understood to not be the best thing in the world. He also goes, It doesn't work because they will find a way to make noises regardless. And so now what you'll have is a dog that's making a twice as obnoxious bark because it doesn't have any vocal cords. So now it's like, God. If we think we have trouble now with Blue in these episodes, just imagine I get those voice box removes.

Yeah, you just got to go with it at this point.

Yeah, I think I'm stuck with it. All right, so listen, it's Friday. We've I've had a request from one of what I would consider a great fan of our super fan. I hate to say that word because it sounds so weird. Even the word fan sounds weird. A listener, a super listener who I like very much. Josh has been texting, and he says, Love, love, love the Mountain Monster episodes. I think it's been a minute since we've done a Mountain Monster. Yeah, it's been a minute. It's Friday. I thought we'd go ahead and do a Mountain Monster breakdown. I found the most recent one where they are chasing the blood-sucking vampire a cobra, which, of course, who wouldn't want to chase the blood-sucking vampire Chupacabra.

Do they have to come up with a new monster each time? Oh, yeah, of course they do. We're just making things up at this point.

I think they're like, favorite. It's like us. Sometimes they go back to Frankie B. They go back to the wood wolves or whatever they are. I don't know what they call them, the dragon eaters, whatever they are, whatever mythological creature in that part of Kentucky that they happen to be chasing. They're our favorites, and they'll go after them. But I think in general, yeah, there's new mythological creatures, cryptoids, what they call them, that they'll go out there. Cryptoids. Cryptoids. There's a whole thing going on, cryptoids. There is actually a Bigfoot camp somewhere that I would maybe like to attend at some point if we can convince ourselves to get out of the studio.

How do you mean like a convention or a camp?

It's a camp, but they do hold a convention there. But it's like a camp. You can go there anytime, and then it's a whole thing. You go overnight and you chase Bigfoot, you make noises. I did a little investigating. Find out more. I did a little investigating, and it sounds very fascinating. You're my ride or die. So I thought, well, maybe we could do that together.

Tell me more.

Not sure I want to, but if I decide to, maybe I'll do that. So let's do this. Let's take a break, and when we get back, we'll break down a Mountain Monsters.

Sounds good.

We'll be back.

I know you're already on your phone, so pull up Instagram and follow us at the Commercial Break, and then follow us on TikTok at TCB Podcast. Done? Perfect. Thank you. Since you're at the ready, why not text us hello at 212-433-3-TCB. Or if you've got some drama in your life, a little fun story, or anything really, we're desperate for content, call and leave us a message at 212-433-3TCB. 4333-tcv. And don't forget to check out tcvpodcast. Com because that's got it all. Speaking of having it all, let's listen to our fabulous sponsors and get back to the Commercial Break.

It's the most anticipated WMBA season in history. So you know what that means. Court is back in session with Queens of the Court, a WMBA podcast. I'm your girl Sheryl Swoops.

And I'm Jordan Robinson. All WMBA season long, we'll bring you interviews with star athletes, analysis on your favorite teams, and lots of hot takes.

Order in the Court. Follow and listen to Queens of the Court, free on the Odyssey app or wherever you get your podcast. Okie doke, smokey-poky. We're back here with getting ready to tee up a Mountain Monsters for Everybody. This one's for Josh. Josh, thanks for being such a great listener of the show. We really appreciate it. And this one's for you, buddy. Here we go. Mountain Monsters are chasing the vampire bloodsucking chupacabra. We'll find out more, obviously. So I was strolling on the internet. As you do. As I do like to do. And here's our boys, the Mountain Monsters.

We just heard Bigfoot tree knocks. That Bigfoot's in the area. Where are you guys at? A mile and a half east of the trap. You drive, Willy.

They're going Bigfoot.

A mile and a half east of the trap.

How is that a direction? A mile and a half east of the trap. I mean, I guess if you know where the trap is, then you can just figure it out a mile and a half east of the trap. But why are they so far apart from each other? I don't know. Shouldn't they all be gathered? And by the way, we're now looking at the unsung hero of the Mountain Monsters. There's a guy, I can't remember his name. Willy, I think it is or something like that. That's not Huckleberry? That's not Huckleberry. Okay. No. But he looks like Huckleberry. He looks like a young Huckleberry. He's being groomed to take Huckleberry number 7's place. He's Huckleberry number 8.

Yes. Huckleberry in training.

That's right, guys. Huckleberry number 8. I'm his personal assistant. Huckleberry number 8 here, the younger version of Huckleberry. He says very little in any of these shows, but he's the trapper guy, I think. But when When he is on camera at night, look at his pupils. I know. He is all pupils. All pupils. It really is. I don't know what's going on with him. It's just black. Yeah, it's just black. His eyes are black. It's really weird. I've noticed every time they show this guy, it's the exact same thing. Really weird.

Putman County, West Virginia, and we're going after the Chupa Cobra. Trap already over.

Oh, my God. The picture of this Chupa Cobra. Look at that.

They did like an animated- It looks like a possum.

It's a possum with things. It looks like a boar type thing. Oh my God, that looks weird, huh? Yeah. These animations, who did they get to do these? I know, I don't know. Three-year-olds? I mean, honestly, guys. I mean, you're obviously a popular show. You've been on for like 10 years. You got to have some budget for the creators. Yeah, it's all going to crass services.

It's all going to I'm ready to go to Mountain Dew and taco bill, baby.

He believes he heard some Bigfoot tree nogs. We need to hurry up, get over and give them some backup.

So wait, we're chasing the- Some Bigfoot tree nogs.

Yeah, we're hearing Bigfoot's dry humping a tree, but we're chasing the vampire Chupa Cobra. Can't you just see a Bigfoot just rubbing up against the tree?

Chupa Cobra has got to be near. I'd say Chupa Cobra is right there with that Bigfoot.

Oh, they're together. How do you know that?

I'd say.

I'd say Chupa Cobra has got to be near. I got done. Smaled his ass. I smell Chupa Cobra ass. How do you know that? You've never found one of these creatures. No, but they're together.

How are we supposed Probably together.

How are you supposed to trust each other? They run around in a pack, these Crivoids? But the mountains, the smoke wolves, and the timber lions, and all these other, they all just hang out together? Apparently.

Apparently so.

Bigfoot's running around following those Chupacoppers. Getting a free meal. That's what we need, boys.

They're getting a free meal.

Forget about Bigfoot. Forget about Bigfoot. Let's just follow Bigfoot because he's trying to get the other thing.

Have you ever had fried chicken chopra? Oh, Oh, man. Fried chowra. It's delicious.

They need to be off.

Oh, my God.

They did show a monster.

They did just show a monster. That is insane. Look at that. Yep. Wow. That definitely looks like Sesame Street circa 1983.

Snuffleup again.

That is Snuffleup again. So just to give you some who's listening, if the people are listening, just to give an idea. They're riding down on one of these four wheelers that they're always driving in because Huck's too big to walk anywhere. It is a mile and a half east of the trap. I guess that's a fair distance. And they start screaming, and then the camera quickly pans behind them to see a Snuffleupigus The Puffing his puppet behind the black and white. Quick. Yeah, quick. Oh, it's a two-second capture. We've actually got it stopped right now.

It was like the safari. I know. With the animal coming up to the car.

I think I can actually see the end of the hand going through that puppet.

Stop, stop, stop. What's wrong? Stop in the back, in the back, in the back.

Stop, stop. It's a man-eating monster. We got to stop and let it take a bite out of our legs. I know. We've got to sacrifice our penises to the snuffle up against puppet.

I had big fangs of whatever it was. We're in the side beside going to meet with Trapper. Then I feel the side beside shake. I hear a loud noise. I turn I can see his fangs right in my face.

The sound effects.

Hold on one second.

I want to do something. Hold on.

It's coming for you. Roar. Roar. Is that scary enough? You like that noise? Roar.

So much mood music on these things. I know. Look at that. It's clearly a puppet. Clearly.

Something was just in the back of the side beside. Did you see which way it went? Which way to go, buck? No, I just turned and looked in the back glass and it was right there just seeing fangs. Holy shit.

That one guy has an old camera, a video camera out.

Yeah. So now they're out of this. He's calling it side by side. Why he's calling it a side by side? I have no idea. Maybe that's a proper term for it. Side by side? Side by side. Oh, side by side. But I think it's called a four by four is what it's actually called side by side. Maybe that's because you sit side by side. You do that in a car too. Not with buck. But I call it a Honda, not a side by side. Not with a buck. That's right. But they're now out of the side by side because clearly that's what you do when something with fangs is chasing you. It's attacking you. You stop and you let it eat you. But one of the guys has a video camera that my dad used to film our 1988 Disney vacation. Get out the It's right here.

You may not believe in Bigfoot, and you may not believe in Chupacabras, but you tell me what in the world was in the back of that side beside?

What does that have to do with me believing in Chupacabras or Bigfoot? That's so weird that he asked those two questions, and then he said, But you tell me, what was that? Let's listen to that. He's a lizard with words, Kirstie. He is.

Let's listen to it again. Bigfoot, and you may not believe in Chupa Cobbers, but you tell me what in the world was in the back of that side beside?

A puppet.

Yeah. A trapper. Your production team.

Yeah, Buck. Hey, listen, we was on our way to you and something jumped in the back of the side beside and tried to attack us. I think it was the Chupa Cobbers.

Well. I think it was that Chupa Cobra.

Well, I done lost my teeth again.

Yeah, he really does not have teeth.

He looks like someone you'd see sitting in front of a cracker barrel on one of those porch swings. He's got the old- Unruly beard. He's got the old Hatfield and McCoy hat on, the floppy hat. Not a cowboy hat, a floppy Kentucky hat. He's got a beard that has not been shaved or cleaned for decades, maybe. And then he's got not a tooth in his mouth. And he's got that... People don't have teeth in their mouth. They play with their mouth. They're dumbing it. My down love, my dancers. Over here, I think the big I took it, took it. So you guys got good luck with the Chupacabra. I'm going to find some dentin. I'll be back.

Big things. Beat you over here, trapper. Is everyone okay? Yeah, we're all right. We just need some backup.

Yeah, we're all right, but I done worked up an appetite. I got to get back to craft services quickly. Back to the toothless wonder. I know.

Okay, we're coming to you just as quick as we can get there. Damn. Trooper.

Well, damn. We're going to get there.

We're going to get there, punitive can't see from my teeth.

Then he turns around and he goes, damn, well, we should talk about it for a few minutes as quick as we can get there.

Well, that other guy, he's the other guy that's the Yeller.

Oh, yeah. Yeller. I hope he starts yelling. I hope he does because I really am in the mood to do my yelling impression. No, it's good. It's good..

Come on, Trapper. Holy cow. What are you doing? I'm ready. Let's go. We know there's a Trooper. Oh, my God.

I got down down. I was he in feet? He was in teeth. Then over there was all a Trooper. We got two fangs in my Muppet Puppet makes you know Big Bird.

Let's get there.

A Chupacabra there now. Over here.

Hey, it's us. It's not a Chupacabra in a side-by-side. It's me.

With the lights on.

All these cameras over here indicate that it's us. I love that. Don't shoot. It's us. You don't say. The ones with the cameras?

Yeah. Everybody all right? Yeah. What's it at? I don't know which way it went. I bet he linked down here. Take a look right here.

Did he just shoot the gun? I think he just shot the gun. In no direction.

No, I think something dropped out of the sky is what happened. Let's check that out again. What is that? Now there's total chaos, by the way.

It really is.

Everybody's running around. There's two side by sides, whatever that is, parked in front of each other with their high beams on. Every one of them has a miner's light on their head. They're all carrying guns in no particular safety direction. No. They're all just swinging them around wildly. Everyone's bumping into each other. This is a classic Mountain Monsters episode. There is no safety involved whatsoever. Something literally just tried to eat you with large fang. I mean, clearly it was a puppet, but let's say it was real for just a second. Something just tried to attack you while you're driving down the road at 28 miles in your side by side. What you do is you stop so that you can investigate, and then you call other people with guns who swing them around wildly, and they don't even know who you... You have to identify yourself.

No, wait. I want to hear if it was a gun Okay.

Which way it went. I let him link down here.

Take a look. No, that's just sound effects. That's just them being silly. That was stupid.

Right in there. Drapper and the rest of the guys just showed up. I don't know which way the Chupa Chupa Cobra went, but we got to get back hot on this trail. I know it left some sign around here somewhere.

I'm not sure which way it went, but what do you say we… Drop a Bigfoot.

Boom, boom, boom.

We thought we were out here trying to get a Chupa Cobra. What ended up happening is we're in a party in the woods. We're in a rave. Sweaty, sweating trailer. It's everywhere. I just saw 16 Chupa Cobbers having a moon circle over in the corner. There's two Bigfoots doing ayahuasca over there. Don't eat the brown acid.

They come off or they got them where he hit or something. Something told him to death. All right, here it is. Oh, yeah, right here. Weeds broke all over, trapper. Okay, here's what we got. Here's what we got. Here's what we got.

Here's what we got. We got no teeth. We got 12 teeth between the four of us. We got four teeth.

Here's what we got. Here's what we got.

We got four teeth. We got five shotguns pointing in every direction. And we got a tipped over weed. I'm pretty sure we're in trouble now. Oh, my God. We got a tipped over weed. That's their big break in the case. I know. That's a tipped over weed.

I think Buck just stepped on it. I think. And turned around and said, Look.

I think Buck could step on a redwood and it would tip over.

Bill, you're our tracker. You take that track. Willy, you back him up. All right. Good deal. You Sir, how can I want you to go?

Good deal. No problem. I'll volunteer to die. No problem. You go follow him. The guy without the gun, you go follow him.

All right, boss. He's the only one that doesn't have a gun. I know.

He's like, All right, boss. Good idea.

You're our best shot with security, okay?

Sir, give him that rate. Best shot with security? You guys have a security team? After all these years, we're just learning about this? No, it's not true. I don't believe it.

Yeah, so we can keep in contact. All right, guys. We're going to cruise out this road, run the thermal. This is a big cove in here. Maybe we can head him off on the other side of this cove, okay?

I'm circling. This is a cove. How can you see shit? You're in the middle of the fucking dark.

They're always showing weeds. I know.

It's just all tall weeds. They're in the same place they were in last episode, which is the same place they were in the other episode.

At least they're not in the cornfield.

Yeah, that's true. The cornfield episodes get dangerous because they're pointing guns all over the shooting in random directions.

Contact with it. Yes, sir. Me, Wild Bill and Huckleberry is going to lead off on the trail. Trapper and the rest of the team is going to head out around the cove and see if we can't catch this guy.

And while I'm wasting a bunch of time here talking to you, people are dying over there getting eaten by the vampire bloodsucking chupacabra that's friends with bugfoot. I know.

I'm telling you, Trapper, that was way too close. Too close. Which way to go, Bill? I'm looking, I'm looking, brother. Right here. He look here, well, right here. Yeah, yeah. Right on down through here. Right on down.

Yeah, right on down here, there. I think these are five older guys who are all slowly getting dementia. Right over here. What? What did you see that made you go down that way. You're not really investigating, are you?

He went closer than the wheel. He hit this log right here.

He hit this log right here, then up to the left, then he put a Y formation, then defensive lineman came over to the ride and sacked him. It's like they have a whole playbook for what this animal did.

I know. And is he walking over the log? Is there a big hole underneath that?

Yeah, because look at the tree. There's a top of the tree over there. So this is for the security lead, he's not being very safe about anything. First of all, second of all, how do they know it went this way? There's no signs of anything. It's the middle of the night. They can't see shit.

I'm coming, bro. I'm coming. Watch your back, guys. Be ready. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Like they're in a military regimen. I know.

Yeah. Every military in the world trains their special forces and making as much noise as possible when coming up on the enemy. Now, by repeating, Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Every 5 to 10 seconds, you're certain to surprise your enemy. Is a military 101.

Right there's more things. Right here. What was that? Say it.

Holy shit. What was that? It There's a tree.

I know.

I see it. I see it. I see it. I see it. I see it.

Where it goes, man. Right there it goes. Nope, just my dentures claquing around. Those fake teeth. They go...

I know.

We're going this way. I can see this black shadow.

Did you hear him? They just said, We're going this way. We're going that way. Great directions.

Listen. We're going this way, in our cabaret. No.

I can see this black shadow. I'm going this way. You're going that way.

Going through the weeds. Me and Wild Bill looked up and took for hot after his ass. Right there, Bill. Hold up, hold up. Where are you? Where did he go? Right there. That tube will come. The run through them woods faster than a teeter on wheels.

A teeter on wheels?

A teeter on wheels.

Or a cheeter on wheels.

A cheeter on wheels? I don't know what that means. That's a new one. That's a new Southern slang I hadn't heard before. Like a cheeter on wheels.

Right there. We got it. We've saved it. Careful, damn it.

Mom. Careful, damn it. Here's an idea. If you want everybody to be so careful and you're all worried about your safety, get back in your four by twos, side by or whatever they are, and go somewhere else. Why are you chasing this thing? What are you doing? You're putting everybody in imminent danger for no reason whatsoever. For one shot of a puppet? Come on, get it together. Poor guy doesn't have any teeth. He doesn't have any teeth, and you're running them around in the middle of a nightmarish scenario with cryptoids. All right, more fun to come. Let's take a break. We'll be back.

What? Oh, hi, it's Christina, again, here to remind you to go to tcbpodcast. Com for all things audio, video, and T-C-B-D-O. Give us a follow on Instagram at the Commercial Break and on TikTok at T-C-B podcast. And guess what? We have a new phone number. I know what you're thinking. But I promise this is the last T-C-B phone number you will ever have to remember. So call us and leave us a voicemail or text us at 212 433 3TCB. Once more for the people in the back, that's 212 433 3TCB. Oh, and check out our YouTube channel at youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. That's all for now. Let's listen to our sponsors and get back to the show.

Okay, back here with the good old boys of the mountains. The Chupacabra. The blood-sucking vampire Chupacabra, and somehow Bigfoot has also showed up for the special occasion. All we've seen so far is a bad puppet and a lot of guys running down, swinging guns wildly.

All over the thing's fast. Hey, trapper, can you hear me? Yeah, go ahead. We just picked up this trail and we come up to this high point. And I actually got to see it, and it took off through the brush. Whoopie.

I actually got to say it. Whoopey.

Okay, we're up on the other side of the cove. I'm going to turn around and head back.

Why? I was actually traveling in the opposite direction, hoping to end this nightmare and get back to the-I'm here, and I'm getting ready to turn back around.

That's right.

I was hoping to get back to the Marriott in my courtyard, quickly, but I guess we're going to stay here for a while, do some more filming.

The Chupa Cobra out in front of them. We got to get this side by side, turn it around, get back with the team, and get this thing pushed towards the trap.

Okay, so instead of then doing a cutaway- Pushing forward. You actually took the time to do that cutaway. Found it.

Now go back. That's right.

Found it. Now, let me stop, tape some, and then I'll be back, and then I'll turn it around.

I got some more weeks right here, right here, right here. What was that? There he goes, man. Where did he go? Right through there. I see him. I see him up ahead there. There they are. There they are. I tell you, we're right there. I said it. And we're right across the road right there. Me and Wild Bill, hot on his ass, had a clear back up through. He crossed the road, and the rest of the team met right up with us. You said it. I said it.

We were hot after him. His ass. Like a college girl's on a barstool. I mean, we were so close. And then, unfortunately, we just lost him again. I don't know. I don't know what happened.

Guys, where was it? He crossed right up through and went right up through that. He's coming right there. Where Jay is.

I've learned that I think the key to a Good Mountain Monsters episode is a lot of cameras shaking around.

Yeah, all directions.

Yeah, just moving around in multiple directions while the certain noises come through.

Like, Oh, yeah. That's the formula. Yes, Chrissy.

No, he didn't come my way. He had to go right through that way. He had to go right through that way. He had to go right through that way. He had to go right towards the trap. I'll be damn.

The one guy, he got the camera. He's just got it. I know. Meanwhile, they're filming them.

There's twelve different camera angles, yet one of the Mountain Monsters has his... It's literally a video camera, like the kind where you would put a VHS cassette in. It's 10 pounds. It takes three people to hold it. And he's just pointing it into the darkness. Isn't that why you brought the camera crew? No.

Misty. What? That's the son of a bitch. He's right in the trap. He's smelling that blood? Let's get out of here. Let's go. Load them up. We just heard Chupacabra up on the rig. We got to get after him. We got to put some heat on him and get him going towards that track.

We got to put some heat on him. That's right. I brought I'm a flamethrower. We're going to set half of Western Virginia on fire, but we're going to get that Chupacabra. If it's the last thing I do, can we find them a denture, too? Yuppie.

He was got his dad blood-sucking vampire from a bit.

A vampire.

They're all stuffed into one side-by-side. Side-by-side. Yes. Driving out of control at seven miles per hour. Guarantee they crash. When all else fails for the mountain monsters, fake a crash scene because that's what's happened a lot.

We got right up to the trap, and just as soon as we got there, the door goes down. I know one of them least hit the trigger off on it.

Go, go, go, go, go, Yeah, well, they had time to stop and talk to the camera before catching their big find.

If they had caught a blood-sucking vampire Chupacabra or Bigfoot, they would be the most famous people in the world. But they did not, and they're still on Travel channel. Yeah. Nbc would call with a $45 million a year deal, but that didn't happen.

We got that, son of a bitch. Wow.

They are really excited.

There's Huckleberry's security.

I got a boner for the first time since '72. I'm Uncle Barry number seven.

They've caught something in a storage container.

Yes. I think what they caught is Billy with a big snuffleuphagous puppet. Guys, how long do I have to be in here.

It's hot.

It's hot and I'm tired. I want to go home.

If the Ames team catches any damn thing, they can kiss my damn hillbilly out.

Oh, why are they so angry? Oh, there's two of them. Oh, what are they? They look like dogs. Yeah, they're pigs. Pigs. Yeah, that's who they are. They're pig.

The tub of cover is busting up against the wall. It tried to bite Willy's flashlight. It's mad.

It tried to bite Willy's flashlight.

Look at Bugs' face.

I know.

He's so happy.

I done stick my dick in there hoping to get me a Chupa Cobra handjob. They call it a Chupa Job. And I got a nasty little scratch on my PP. Look at him. He's so happy. He's like, Can we get a taco bell now?

Yes, we're jumping in the back beside beside. It scared me after death. It feels good to get the Chupa Copper in the trap.

You guys made me happy, man. And now they're just They're just patting each other in the bag, milling around. Yeah, they're just patting each other in the back, milling around. Got it.

No calling scientists. Got it. Yeah, got it. Don't call the police or, I don't know, some secret NESA facility where they investigate blood-sucking chupacabras. Don't worry about that. Let's all give each other high fives, and Billy will give us all nummies with his- Oh, all in the night's work. All in the day's work. Well, I guess we can go back to the hotel now, boys. We caught two chupacabras. Hey, Billy, you don't mind cleaning up the mess, do Just go ahead and let them go. No further investigation needed. We now have proof on our thermals. By the way, they're not even showing a picture of it. They're showing thermal imaging from inside this wooden trap. It's all wood. It's like sighting on a house. So you know what? We don't see anything. There's nothing to see. It's just like you can- There's some animal in there.

Some animal in there.

It looks like a wild hog to me.

That one's for you, Trevor. That got to look like it.

This one's for you. Go fuck it. That's for you, Trevor. You get the first fucking. You go break it in and I'll be right behind you. We're going to make Chupa-Humans. I smell trouble.

That was what the hell went back there. We might not have all of them in the cage, guys.

Why did that guy cock his gun five separate times. I'm pretty sure you only have to do it once. I'm pretty sure you only can do it once. I don't know. Let's go. That's the tail of the tape. Let's see how many times he cocked that gun.

Look like that one.

One, two, three, four.

You might not have all of them.

By the way, this is so funny. If you were watching this, it'd be so funny. They make the cocking of the gun noise, but he doesn't even move his hand.

No, that was the sound effect. Just the sound effect.

A little too eager on the gun clicking.

Listen, listen, listen. That son of a bitch knows we got his mates. Listen, he's coming closer, guy. You got my face. That's my woman.

I'm coming after you.

Real close. You ready? You ready?

You ready? Get ready to kill the one thing we've been looking to get alive for For years.

Quick.

That sandwich is right out there in front of us. In front of us, trapper. Holy shit. What the hell was that? What the hell?

The Chupa Cobra had guns, too. It's a shoot out at the okay crowd. It's a shootout at the OK Corral. It's a shootout at the CK Corral, Chupa Cobra.

Get around there, Bill. Come on, let's go. Hey, if we're here. They busted out the trap. There's a guy, there's a guy, There they go, there they go, there they go. They're going over the hill, guys.

They're going over the- They busted out of the trap. Chrissy foiled again. So close. Foiled again.

Scooby-doo.

I don't know Adam this time, boy. I guess we can't have extra We're in or not. We're no steak dinner for us, boys. There'll be no Chupa Cobra fucking tonight. So we're meant to believe that these things got trapped into this wooden encasing, and we're there for a good 10 or 15 minutes just running around going crazy because they had been trapped. But luckily, while they had their backs turned, the Chupacabra managed to escape by cracking through the walls.

We need the thermo.

We need the thermo. Bust it out.

Look here. Look here. Look right here.

Oh, sorry. There's a little hiccup. There we go.

Look at the size of it. It's a damn Bigfoot. Look at my foot sitting in there.

Bigfoot helped him bless that.

Oh, yeah.

Five, six inches longer. You know what they say? If you ever You need help? Call Bigfoot. He'll be there for you. I've got his number memorized for jail.

Where'd you go? Come on. Right there, Bill. Hold up. You're on her. You're on her. Get up. Get up. She's on his death row.

Another gun cocky noise. And no one cocked a gun. What do you think goes on in the production booth? I think we need extra gun cocked noises. Add to the suspense. Don't worry about where you put them. I want gun cock all over the place. If I don't have at least 12 guncocks in this scene, you all are fired.

What? He's got one tooth probably right behind you, right over there.

Oh, yeah. That looks like a doll. Get up on the thermal.

We got something on thermal. Come on, let's go.

Just check him out on the thermal.

As he walked at the slowest pace ever. I know.

Buck is huge.

Well, the other one was walking really slow, too.

Yeah, there's no sense of urgency here. We got them. I know. If I had gotten a Chupacabra, it would be the only... If that was my life's passion and work, and Travel channel had paid me millions of dollars over 30 seasons or whatever it is, and I finally got something to show on camera, I would be going as fast as I could. But these guys are just... They're yelling a lot, but they ain't going anywhere.

Found up there, a damn Bigfoot track. That's what tore the hell out of the trap. You want to hear this one? I've seen the Bigfoot going into the big forest. The Chupacabra was right behind it.

Going into the big forest?

You want to see this one? I done seen Bigfoot going to big lots. Did you know it's two furs on organic pineapples at big lots? Oh, Yeah.

I got it recorded, though. You got the Bigfoot and the Chupa Cobra together? Chupa Cobra was right behind him. They went over this hill into that big forest, and I lost him.

Holding hands. Yes.

I saw Bigfoot get down on one knee, and then he took out a big rock, and I'm talking a big rock, and put it right on that Chupa Cobra's finger. They ran off together. And they ran off together to the sounds of Taylor Swift.

What does that Right through that field.

That's what that- Just throw another one in there. Just throw another gun cock in there. No one's even holding a gun at this point.

Call what? That damn Chupacobra made that distress call. He wasn't calling those. He was calling that damn Bigfoot in to get him out. A distress call.

A distress call.

The Chupacopra did to call Bigfoot.

Is this Bigfoot? Is this Bigfoot?

Yeah.

Hey, it's me, Choupy.

Hey, Choupy. What's up? I'm just over here stringing up some humans upside down by their feet, scare some people. Sounds great, but I got a real problem. I'm stuck in a trap that doesn't really do anything, but I need your help. Oh, yeah? There's no masses for Mountain Monster?

Those are the guys.

All right, well, I'm going to come up over this here, Ridge. I'll go down by the hall and just go ahead and have them scream a bunch, and I'll break you out while they're not looking.

Sounds like a plan. Thanks, buddy.

No problem. What do you think about a blow job later on tonight?

We'll talk about it. Get us out of here first.

All right, Chupy. See you soon. Bye, Bigfoot. Bye.

Dumbasses.

Bigfoot is using that Chupacabra the same way we use hunting dog. Yeah. Wow. He went right in there and saved his hand. Wow.

That's how it works. I've heard a lot of things in my life, but this one is outrageous. Small The broke wolves almost got me, but you're telling me the Chupacabra has a seeing eye dog?

They're loyal to him, and he's loyal to them. When they got in trouble, they started yelling distress. He came and busted them out, just like the jailhouse break. They drink the blood, and he gets the purpose for food.

And they're both happy. They got the puzzle solved, at least. Here comes the funny music. Here comes the joke somewhere.

This team made a great discovery tonight. We I know that this Bigfoot is communicating some way or another with these chupacobbers and using them to hunt. Those chupacobbers in that trap, they looked exactly like the stories I heard in the '90s.

I'll tell you what, they're also look I heard. They looked exactly like the stories I heard in the '90s.

Was '90s a big chupacobber year, decade? I don't know. I was too busy with LSD, to remember.

Listen, Bill, they ain't so awesome looking when you're staring at their teeth six inches from your neck.

Oh, yeah, that's true. Hey, listen. All's well that ends well.

They were close. They were real close.

They almost got them, Chrissy. This time they filmed something. This is the first time we've ever seen a thing being filmed. Unfortunately, it was a hand puppet, and it was clear that it was a hand puppet. But hey, listen, A for effort, boys. A for effort. That's true. All I got to say is just do me a favor. I think we could add to the realism is more gun cocking. If you could get more gun cocking.

More cowbell. More cowbell.

More gun cocking. I think I would be a little bit more convinced. Just a little bit. All right. What I want to see him do, really, is start hunting possums. There you go. Right in. The O'Possum. The Lord TCB possum. That's everywhere. All right, if you have a possum-related question, let us know. We'd love to hear how much you hate possums. Tcbpodcast. Com. That's the website. You can drop us an email there. You can get your free sticker by hitting the Contact Us button, drop down menu. I want my free sticker. Give us your address and we'll send one-off to you. You can also watch all the video and listen to all the audio right there from the website. We would also like to let you know that our phone number is 1-212-4333. Com. 433 TCB. That's 212 433 3822. We take comments, questions, concerns, content ideas. If you'd like to be on the show, we'd love to hear you. You got a story to tell, got a question to answer. Ask for TCB's advice. We call it Ask TCB, Ask Brian's mom. Mom has been under the weather for the last month or two, but she's feeling better, and I think she's ready for a visit.

I talked to her this morning. My mom will be back on. If you have a question for her, she will answer. It doesn't matter how nasty or disgusting or weird it is. My mom will figure it out. She will give good advice. I promise you, she's good at that. So hit us up on that line, 212 4333, T-C-B. Also, if you could please do us a favor, go to the Instagram, follow us at the Commercial Break, T-C-B podcast on TikTok. I should start posting there. I don't think we made a post there in a year, and we still get followers. It's good. I think we're up to seven followers now on TikTok.

Yeah, yippie.

I actually saw a or on TikTok. And then, unbelievably, we've got three people to follow us on youtube. Com/thecommercialbreak. You can find all of our guest interviews and selected episodes on that YouTube channel. We sure would appreciate it if you would follow us. Okay, Christie, that's all the excitement I can handle today. I think so. But I'll tell you that I love you. I love you. Best to you. Best to you. And best to you out there in the podcast universe. Until next time, Christie and I always say, we do say and we must say goodbye.

A cow killing bastard.