Hey, everybody. Jon Stewart here. I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. It's gonna be coming out every Thursday. So exciting. You'll be saying to yourself, tgit, thank God it's Thursday. We're gonna be talking about all the things that hopefully obsess you in the same way that they obsess me. The election, economics, earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're gonna be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. And I know that I listed that fourth, but in importance, it's probably second. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? I mean, talk about innovative. Listen to the weekly show with John Stewart. Wherever you get your podcasts, you're listening to Comedy Central. Welcome to the Daily show. My name is John Short. We've been gone. We just got back and we've been gone like. Like a week. It's been a week or a decade or what the. Like. Oh, my God. So much. So much has happened in that week. In fact, I believe perhaps it's best to describe what's happened through a short one man black box play, one that I truly hope will be Tony eligible.

Can I get a little. Give me a little, like, shtetl music? Oh, I am a democrat. So sad. So cold, so hungry. The world is dark. The world and the future. She is bleak. The president's ditch has gotten even deeper.

There's no path to victory.

The worst nightmare kind of scenario. It's a doom loop. We are trapped in a doom loop.

That's the worst kind of loop. How could it have been one of those loops made of fruit? But alas, my bowl is empty. Condemned to a life of misery and minority status in key subcommittees. Oh, nothing will ever change our sad fate. Breaking news. President Biden dropping out of the 2024 race. Say that again. But who will guide us out of the darkness? Who will take us to the promised land? I'm coming home. I want the world to love it. I feel alive. Tonight, breaking news. Vice President Kamala Harris, now the presumptive democratic nominee.

A political earthquake.

There is a new pep in everybody's step. In the span of a week, Democrats have gone from the despair of a certain Trump presidency to the joy of a statistical tie, which right now, that feels like victory. Already, the prospect of her candidacy has injected enthusiasm and energy.

She's received a tsunami of grassroots support.

And cash, a staggering $200 million since.

President Biden dropped out.

It's a Zoom world record. More than 100,000 white women mobilized for.

Vice President Kamala Harris.

100,000 white women. That is a giant group. White women. I believe the scientific term is actually a goop of women. That is called a goop of women. $200 million. They've raised a united, enthusiastic democratic party. A huge reversal in one week. And they said it couldn't be done.

Joe Biden is going to be the nominee.

This is fantasy stuff. This is good for tv. But Biden's not going anywhere.

This is not an Aaron Sorkin west wing episode here. This is real life.

Joe Biden is our nominee, and he.

Will be our nominee. We literally have three choices as Democrats. Either you vote for Donald Trump, you vote for Joe Biden, or you stay on the couch. I think we know which one of those options JD Vance would opt for. Even I don't feel good about that joke. What do I know? Grandpop, let me explain very quickly that a reference to being a chapel roan fan, which I totally am. Now somebody in the audience, we have young people coming up. Listen, man, the pundits all said it couldn't happen, but it did happen, and the Republicans are not very happy about it. They just steamrolled democracy. The Democrats are trying to hijack democracy. The ultimate election interference.

This was a coup inside the democratic party.

A coup detat.

A bloodless coup. But I get it. If I thought I had this thing in the bag and you were gonna be going up against old Joe Biden and then they pull this, I'd be like, ref, raf, open your eyes. How can you not see? They're cooing. They're cooing. And by the way, I love that guy's disappointment in the phrase bloodless coup. This is a. This is a bloodless coup. What kind of fun is that? At least we brought bear spray and nunchucks. But you know what? I do understand that they're upset. It makes sense. So how about we do this out of fairness? I'm a fair person. You can replace your old guy, too. That's every palace. Boom, boom. Even Steven. By the way, speaking of your old guy, he responded to the change to Harris in the trumpiest way possible.

Donald Trump posted this on his true social account, quote. So we are forced to spend time and money on fighting crooked Joe Biden. Now we have to start all over again. Shouldn't the republican party be reimbursed before?

Do you have any idea how much money on. Let's go, Brandon. Ear bandages. I've spent made in America. Via Bangladesh. My Trump is too Jerry Lewis. Well, what's done is done. You're going to have to shift gears, recalibrate. You've had Cookie Joe and sleepy Joe on speed dial. You're gonna need a new line of attack.

She doesn't like jewish people.

Join the club. We're getting crushed out there right now. I'm not even sure how much we like ourselves. It's not like the old Seinfeld days when we were riding high, you know? Da dum dun dun dun dun. You can get a bagel in Iowa. Yeah, give me a shmear. Name's Iowa. Of course, that attack may ring hollow, seeing as Kamala Harris's husband is. Let me check my notes. Jewish. Do you have anything else that could denigrate all of Kamala Harris accomplishments by suggesting it's merely the power of the jezebel?

It is relevant when a young candidate tries to sleep her way into politics and into power. And that is what it appears Kamala Harris did.

She never earned or won anything. She was legitimately handed her original post in California state government because she was sleeping with Willie Brown, and then he backed her in her race for San Francisco da.

Okay, squeaks, listen, I don't know, guys. You're being awfully subtle here. Isn't there a grosser way you can say that?

Camilla Harris, she's the original hoc to a girl. That's the way she got where she is.

That's what I'm talking about. That's the, that's the kind of substantive and elevated take from a guy who looks like he's won Mike's hard lemonade away from getting in a fight at his sister's wedding. You. You little tough to hair under. You're not fooling anybody, baldy. So sexist saying Kamala Harris slept her way to the top. Joe Biden and Donald Trump literally slept their way to the top, and we never heard a beep about it. Does anybody have a substantive critique? Her record is extraordinarily radical. Let me say at the outset, Kamala can't have my guns, she can't have my gasoline engine, and she sure as hell can't have my steaks and cheeseburgers. Sir, I don't want to be rude, but it does appear that you could at least share some of your cheeseburgers. Mm hmm. Mm. Looks like you'll still be okay. Is that right, Tubs? Mmdh. Good to see you have mutton chops in case you get hungry, but is Harris really that radical?

If you combine Bernie war. Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, you get Kamala Harris.

If you combine Bernie Sanders and Elizabeth Warren, you get Kamala Harris. That can't be too. You know what? There is an app that actually does that. Neil Patrick Harris. Oh, my God. It's Neil Patrick Harris. I love that guy. He's the best. Come on, guys. Nobody believes Kamala Harris is the second coming of Karl Marx. And even when they get substantive policy critiques, they undercut them immediately.

Even when she was in California, she was very soft on crime.

The same Kamala Harris who, as a California prosecutor and attorney general, put people in prison to use them as cheap labor.

She's too soft on crime. She's too tough on crime, people. We open in three months. You're flailing. Dig deep.

There's one final thing that nobody talks about. She's hated by people who work for it.

Oh, my God. I. Are you kidding me?

Everybody that worked for Kamala quit the very aggressive, angry, bullying boss.

She's not a nice person to work with. She's a terrible boss. Your candidate's Donald Trump. His catchphrase is literally, you fired. He's the Anna Wintour of authoritarian wannabes. Donald Trump hired 44 cabinet members. 75% of them want nothing to do with the guy. His secretary of state called him a fire. His chief of staff said, he's the most flawed person I've ever met. You know why? He needs a new vice presidential running mate. I'll tell you what. He tried to get the last one killed. That's right. No, terrible. They're flailing. You know what? If you want something done, do it yourself. Donald, you're gonna have to hit Kamala with one of your magic nicknames.

Laughing Kamala. L a f f I n apostrophe. Laughing so now we have a new victim to defeat. Lyon. Kamala Harris. Lyon. L y I n apostrophe.

Okay, you know what? I hate to say it, guys, but you tried. You gave it your best. I kind of think you're gonna have to go back to your classics. It's worked for you in the past. It's your comfort zone. I think you're gonna have to play the hits.

I think she was a Dei hire.

100% she was a Dei hire. She would be the queen of dei if she were elected. She is Dei.

I think that this whole De and.

I token hire of Kamala Harris has already been exposed woman this disaster whose only qualification was having a vagina and the right skin color. So I guess she's black. Or is she?

She's not african american. Her mother's from India. Her father's from Jamaica.

She grew up in Canada, and she married a white jewish guy.

So she has no common experiences with black Americans.

She's not one of you. She's not even married to one of you. She's also about as black as Rachel Dozel.

This is how desperate they are. Is she black?

Is she indian? Nobody knows. Two races in one person. Now I've seen everything. I heard she sent a DNA to 23 andme and it broke the computer. I don't know what to do. Goodness gracious. If these people ever saw a pizza hut slash taco bell, they'd lose their minds. What is this, a Dei restaurant? For more on the republican response to Kamala Harris, we go live to Washington, DC, with senior political correspondent Josh Johnson. Josh, thank you so much. Thanks for joining us. Josh, you've been down in DC. Everything is flying around. What is the latest, Josh?

This is a tough one for them, John. Kamala Harris is a confusing candidate for Republicans. They feel she's too young to be president, but too old to be a woman.

Right.

But they do have some very promising areas of attack. Um, she's too short. She's bad at video games. All of them.

All right.

Grand theft auto, Mario Kart, Mario party. Super Mario party. Mario party. Superstars, grand theft Mario party. Oh, oh. And she laughs. Funny. You know, the laugh of a drunk girl who lost her purse and then realized she actually was wearing her purse the whole time. America hates that kind of laugh. It's not that funny, Stacey.

I mean, where do you think the attacks are gonna land?

Well, as you mentioned earlier, I really think the winner is gonna be.

She's black. Oh, okay.

Sorry for yelling. That's how it was said to me.

Just yelled, she's blah.

No, no, they have all kinds of attacks. Ready?

All right.

I'm seeing black, black, um, black woman. I got this one american African, which sounds scary when you flip it like that.

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. I can see that. That's a tough 1000.

They were looking at me when they said this one like you. But lady also got some more black blackity. Black is urban. Doesn't crack. At least they know. Ooh, I can't even say this one. Oh, my lord. From Kenya. I think that one is left over from the last time someone was, you know, black. You said it, not me.

So black on every page.

It's most of the words.

It's tough.

Yeah. Black to you, John.

Thanks, Josh. Josh Johnson, everybody. Hey, everybody. Jon Stewart. Here I am here to tell you about my new podcast, the weekly show. Coming out every Thursday, we're gonna be talking about the election earnings calls. What are they talking about on these earnings calls? We're going to be talking about ingredient to bread ratio on sandwiches. I know you have a lot of options as far as podcasts go, but how many of them come out on Thursday? Listen to the Weekly show with Jon Stewart wherever you get your podcasts.

Let's kick things off with Donald Trump. He was doing really well with black voters when he was running against Joe Biden, probably because black people don't with ghosts. But Kamala Harris is now stealing back some of Trump's black support. So today, Trump sat down with an interview with the National association of Black Journalists, and things got off to a rocky start.

A lot of people did not think it was appropriate for you to be here today. You have pushed false claims about some of your rivals, from Nikki Haley to former President Barack Obama, saying that they were nothing born in the United States, which is not true. You have told four congresswomen, women of color, who were american citizens to go back to where they came from. You have used words like animal and rabbit to describe black district attorneys. You've had dinner with a white supremacist at your Mar a Lago resort. So my question, sir, why should black voters trust you after you have used language like that?

Tough question. But, hey, at least this is a good chance for former President Trump to address the concerns of black voters by answering with civility and grace.

Well, first of all, I don't think I've ever been asked a question so in such a horrible manner. First question, you don't even say, hello, how are you? Are you with ABC? Because I think they're a fake news network. A terrible network.

Okay, okay. Not a great start talking to a room full of black journalists, but you can still recover.

I think it's a very rude introduction. I don't know exactly why you would do something like that. You invited me under false pretense, and then you were half an hour late. Just so we understand, I have too much respect for you to be late. I think it's a very nasty question. I have answered the question. I have been the best president for the black population since Abraham Lincoln. That's my answer.

Better than President Johnson, who signed the Voting Rights act, for you to start.

Off a question and answer period, especially when you're 35 minutes late because you couldn't get your equipment to work in such a hostile manner. I think it's a disgrace.

Wow. Trump was like, listen up, black people. You're always late, your microphones are ghetto, and I'm Abraham Lincoln. I mean, I think he just won the black vote. For most politicians or anyone else on earth, that would have been a low point of the interview. But because it's Donald Trump, it somehow got worse.

Do you believe that Vice President Kamala Harris is only on the ticket because she is a black woman?

Well, I can say no. I think it's maybe a little bit different. So I've known her a long time. Indirectly, not directly, very much. And she was always of indian heritage, and she was only promoting indian heritage. I didn't know she was black until a number of years ago when she happened to turn black, and now she wants to be known as black. So I don't know, is she indian or is she black?

She is always identified as a black.

When she went to black college, I respect either one, but she obviously doesn't, because she was indian all the way. And then all of a sudden, she made a turn and she went. She became a black person.

Just to be clear, sir, do you believe.

I think somebody should look into that, too, when you ask, continue. In a very hostile, nasty town.

I don't know what's worse. That he thinks she turned from indian to black or that he thinks someone should look into that. Who should look into that? Like, does he think the FBI is the federal black investigators? I don't think she turned from indian to black. Okay, she's indian and black. Like, what does he think happens when the time is right? Indians going to a cocoon, and they play some drake, and they come out black. It's very clear that Trump doesn't quite know how to handle Kamala Harris right now. He's trying to find the angle of attack. And today he was hitting her race. Yesterday he was hitting her age.

She is younger. I mean, she's 60 years old. A lot of people, I didn't realize she was 60. I thought she was a little younger, but she's 60.

I guess Trump just discovered that black don't crack. I mean, this is gonna be the first time he does birtherism as a compliment. Like, show us your birth certificate, because you don't look a day over 50. Okay? So just drop the skincare routine, girl. I bet Trump spent the rest of the day just googling how old other black people are. Like Morgan Freeman, 200 years old, question mark. To be fair, Trump does have some substantive criticisms of Kamala, but he can't seem to say them without making it gross and personal. Like, when he was asked about how she would do in negotiations with foreign.

Leaders, how would they consider a Harris presidency just in geopolitical.

I think they'll walk all over. If you look at her, I think they'll walk all over. She'll be so easy for them. She'll be like a play toy. They look at her and they say, we can't believe we got so lucky. They're going to walk all over her. And I don't want to say as to why, but a lot of people understand it.

He's like, I don't want to say why. She'd be a bad president. But, you know, the he, he and the hoo ha and the fellas get it. I'm pretty sure Kamala can handle world leaders, okay? I mean, she did just overthrow the president of the United States. And also, nobody was easier to manipulate than Donald Trump. Like, foreign leaders just had to roll out the red carpet, and Trump treated them like a best friend. I mean, Saudi Arabia. Bone sawed an american journalist, and Trump was fine with it because they let him touch an orb. I mean, I'm pretty sure none of this is getting to Kamala right now. She's on top of the world because she's enjoying life as the Democrats. Democrats new Messiah Atlanta turned up and.

Turned out for Vice President Harris. And a rap star came with a new slogan for campaign merch. MeGaN Thee stallion and others made this the largest crowd of Harris young campaign. More than 10,000 people filled the downtown arena.

Well, Donald, as the saying goes, if you've got something to say, say it to my face.

Thousands waited hours to see Harris speak. Does she make it easier for Democrats to win Georgia in November?

Yes.

Yeah. We're so excited, we don't have to vote for Joe Biden anymore. Boo Joe Biden. Bill, you know, I do feel bad for Biden. Like, everyone's going crazy for Kamala, and he's at home with COVID going, who is Kamala? And I've never seen so much joy for a statistical tie. This is like when people cheer after their plane lands. It's supposed to land. Okay, that's the bare minimum. For more on the enthusiasm around the vice president Harris, we go live to one of her rallies in Houston with Michael Costa.

Thanks, Ronnie.

Thank you, Michael.

Michael, what's the feeling down there?

It's electric, Ronnie. I haven't seen Democrats this excited since they came out with that fifth Covid booster.

Okay. Wow. They do sound pumped. But can the Democrats build on this momentum.

They definitely can, Ronnie. And there's only one way to do it. Kamala Harris has to drop out.

Wait, what? What do you mean she has to drop out? Why? Everyone's enthusiastic about her.

Well, the excitement's not about her. It's about the newness. You know, when that new kid comes to your school and everyone's like, oh, what's his deal? He's not actually cool. He's just new. He's just another loser whose dad happened to get a job near your school. So quit fawning about him, Becky Sullivan. Look, the point is this. Nunes goes away, as will this enthusiasm for Kamala. It's not gonna be Meghan thee stallion at her next rally. It's gonna be Katy Perry and not teenage dream Katy Perry Eevee. It's gonna be her new album, the one that the gays won't even listen to.

Okay, but if Kamala steps away, who will replace her?

Who cares? The new nominee doesn't matter because the Democrats should replace them too. Every week, a new candidate, new excitement. Republicans won't be able to keep up. Oh, you think Gavin Newsom is unfit to be president? Who cares, bitch? We're with Pete Buttigieg now.

Okay? I mean, I do like Pete Buttigieg.

Yeah, well, too bad he's out, because now the candidate is twisters.

Wait, the movie or, like, the actual tornado?

It doesn't matter, because now it's Gretchen Whitmer.

Okay, Costa, when does this end? Okay, who's actually gonna be the nominee on election day?

Well, after Whitmer and Shapiro and Tom Hanks and that Palmer horse guy, they're finally gonna reach the last possible nominee, Joseph Robinette Biden.

Wait, Biden again? That's why this holding started.

Yeah, exactly. And as soon as he takes the oath of office, he resigns in favor of his vp, Kamala Harris. And the excitement loop begins again. Ronnie.

Wow. How very buddhist. Michael Costa, everybody.

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