You're listening to Comedy Central live from Chicago, a city with a history as deep as its peak. It's the Daily shows indecision 2024, the democratic National Village, Swan Ferris with your host, Jon Stewart.

My name is Jon Stewart. And once again, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to Chicago. We are live right now. We are live. The democratic convention is wrapping up maybe hours from here. We don't really know where it is. It's far from this theater. What a night for Kamala Harris, by the way, the anticipation was high tonight, and not just for Kamala Harris. Speculation was running wild today that there would be a surprise guess. Boy, did they deliver.

Please welcome Michigan Representative Alyssa Slotkin.

Freedom. Freedom. I am in the slot hive. You thought it was Beyonce because everybody thought that it was going to be Beyonce coming out there, but it was slotkin all along. Everybody knew tonight was the final night for the DNC, and they did it all. They spoke in support of curbing gun violence. They spoke in support of investing in our schools, fighting climate change. And upside down drumming, a remarkable story. Born conjoined. They didn't let that stop them from upside down drumming. But it was Kamala's night and her opportunity. She's not here either. No. Beyonce? No comment. Hey. Hey. Tickets are free.

Mother.

Kamala's life. And it was Kamala Harris's opportunity to be introduced as a presidential candidate to America.

Growing up, we moved a lot. I will always remember that big Mayflower truck packed with all our belongings, ready to go to Illinois, to Wisconsin.

Just name swing states. Just say. Say that you moved to swing states that you. You moved to Michigan, to Georgia. You moved to Arizona. Just make it up. But this is great. We finally get to meet communist Kamala, the radical that we have heard so much about.

I believe everyone has a right to safety, to dignity, and to justice. A harm against any one of us is a harm against all of us.

Okay, Stalin.

This is one of the reasons I became a prosecutor, to protect people.

Doctor Donia.

Comrade, I stood up for women and children against predators who abuse them. I fought against the cartels who trafficking guns and drugs and human beings who threaten the security of our border and the safety of our communities. And I will tell you, these fights were not easy.

Why are you doing the thing that they told us that you were going to do with the hammer and the sickle and the bandolieros with the Jello shots and the why are you doing this?

Have everyone whose story could only be written in the greatest nation on earth, I accept your nomination to be president of the United States of America.

By the way, how funny would it have been if at the end, she was just like. But seriously, though, not for me. This has all been great, but I've been thinking it over. By the way, if I was Donald Trump right now, I don't even know what. I'd probably just be tweeting nonsensical shit to distract from the fact that she doesn't faintly resemble the caricature that's been painted, by the way, that is what he was doing. These are his real tweets. In all caps. In all caps. Where's Hunter? I swear to God, the guy running for president on the republican ticket has morphed into a poor man's cat turd. Of course. Of course. An important part of tonight was familiarizing people with the democratic nominees biography, a hallowed walk through the trials and tribulations that formed the ethos and spirit of the democratic nominee. Because up until tonight, they didn't have a lot thin on the anecdotes, quite frankly. I mean, I know they didn't have much time, but this is what they were running out there.

Vice President Harris came and visited my restaurant.

You know, I know you only had four weeks to put this movie together, but come on, you gotta do better than I was working. And she walked in. I drove her in an Uber. Come on. The big movers and shakers of the democratic party must know her well. She worked at McDonald's, and she greeted every person with that thousand watt smile and said, how can I help you? I think you have to say that when you work at McDonald's or really any point of service occupation, how can I help you? Is kind of the thing. I don't know that the transaction can really take place if you do not acknowledge that delicate dance of whether or not they will. Supersonics. Are there less professional, more personal stories?

My phone rings.

It's Kamala Harris. She called me. My phone rang again, and it was Vice President Kamala Harris. If you're lucky enough to be her friend. She calls you on her birthday. Wait, she calls you on her birthday? That is very. On her birthday, she calls you. Hey, girl, it's Kamala. Anything you have to say to me that you should have said hours ago? This is like night three informa. We're three days into the convention, and we're like, so she has a phone. Which, by the way, is literally one of the only things we knew about her before she took office.

We did it.

We did it, Joe. She told people, credit where credit is due. The Democrats, on short notice, exploited their newfound momentum and enthusiasm with a display of the breadth and width of this diverse, often contradictory party of Roosevelt. At their convention, they had union leaders and CEO's. They had democratic party icons and lifelong Republicans. They had a guy yelling, screw the billionaires, followed immediately by a very happy billionaire. It's all okay if it's our billionaire. I don't like. I don't like billionaires, but he's all right. They had guys making fun of people for going to Yale and a bunch of people who went to Yale. They had Barack Obama and jewish Barack Obama. That's always good for politics. You know what really works? A jewish guy that sounds like a black guy. The Democrats had people who prosecuted sexual predators, and there goes that booking. They had black Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, gay Americans, Jewish Americans, Palestinian ame. Oh, well. Oh, to be fair, it was only four nights, 8 hours a night. But really, it's best not to think about the consequences of our actions over there, especially given the theme of the week.

I can feel the excitement in this arena. It's filled with energy and with joy.

The air of joy. Joy, joy, joy.

We will be joyful warriors. The president of Joy. Let us choose Joy. Yes. Yes. Yes. Oh, it was joyful for a convention. I know what real joy looks like because I've watched Oprah on her show. You thought people were happy to see her endorse Kamala Harris. You should see what they do when she gives them lip liner.

People want this. It's the Sony voice.

That's Joy. Pretty good. The Democrats are about joy, and they are about excitement. Oh, and one other thing.

I was a paratrooper and an army ranger. I flew in the navy during the first Gulf war. I enlisted, fought alongside my brothers with Lima 325 in Iraq.

I gave the order directing our special.

Operations forces to fly two helicopters 150 miles into Abbottabad at night.

And by the time the sun rose.

Osama bin Laden was dead.

Proud to be in America. That's right. These are the new Democrats, man. They lead with joy and compassion and acceptance and, oh, yeah, we will.

You, up.

Listen. Listen to me. Whatever you're feeling, go with it. Whether that feeling is joy or perhaps relief at having a chance when you had none is exhilarating. And the Democrats were hitting all the right notes. The cameraman, not so much. When a house is on fire, we.

Don'T ask about the homeowner's race or religion.

No, we just try to do the.

Best we can to save them. And if the pays. Place happens to belong to a childless cat lady.

I love that. The camera just stayed on her. She literally turned around like, are these mother? I am now. Is this, hold on. Here's the crazy part. After this gotaway, the woman was interviewed. She is childless and has two cats. And you know what that means. A C span don't play. C SPAN does the research. But ultimately, look, Democrats have already drank the Kool aid. It's very difficult when you're inside that convention environment to know if this has been a successful endeavor. Perhaps the best way to see how well it actually went is through the eyes of a more objective observer, a fair and balanced organization that will give you a more clear eyed perspective. How did Fox News experience this convention at the beginning? I've got to be honest, I'm not sure they cared for it.

There's not much joy in this convention hall.

There were empty seats here even as late as when Joe Biden is speaking.

The vibes are off. No one's talking to each other. This is probably the most boring scene I've ever seen in my entire life.

Ooh.

So boring I forgot what a daredevil like you, I forgot your life is a never ending joyride of talking to Brit Hume in between catheter ads on pop. Ooh, you're a man mur. What? What? What? But unfortunately for Jesse Knievel over here, the next night, even Fox had to acknowledge. Fire emoji. Fire emoji, fire emoji. People are having a great time down here. Stevie wonder just performed and there's more.

Electricity in this room.

Good vibes. And you'll never guess what. They had a problem on this night as well.

No one's talking about the actual issues that matter.

All about fuzzy puppies and little kittens. All the joy, all the vibe, all the emotion is nothing but empty calories. They burn fast and make you fat.

The good vibes aren't gonna, you can't.

Eat good vibes, right? Oh, so which is it? Did the vibes fatten you up or are they emotional Ozempic? Which one? But I guess you're right. You can't feed your family on vibes. You can only feed your family on immigration fear mongering. You can't eat good vibes. I think you might be confusing vibes with the tomato infused soup adjacent fondue, the weapon of mass lactation that this city call. I'll tell you that much. Yeah, that's right, mother. Come on. Come on. You want a peace? You want a peace? Hey, hey. I want to order a pizza. Oh, yeah. You want a personal or backyard poolside fuck? Let me tell you this, all right? I will say this. The bar pies are good. All right, I am ended. The point is this. By the third night of the convention, even at Fox News, the walls came tumbling down. Tim walls.

I said earlier tonight he had to do fine, and that would be enough. He did great for him, for the crowd. I even followed the football metaphors. He'll be a great wingman for Kamala Harris.

Yes, Fox News now knows the experience of being a Mets fan, watching the Yankees always win the World Series. Yeah, that's Derek Jeter. Very talented. Most of Fox News was admitting defeat, except for young Jesse Waters, who bravely continued the pretense that the convention was going badly. Even when the footage right next to his head disagreed.

Last night wasn't as jubilant as the media tells you. Seats were empty. It looked like there was a formal dress code. The lines to get in the stadium were long and silent. The only joy in the building was Joy Reid, who nobody even recognizes. You see these liberal media anchors walking around and no one even stops them for selfies. Actually feel bad for them. Last night felt like a funeral.

End.

It was.

Yeah. Yeah. Last night felt like a funeral. And we all know funerals always have a dj. Goodbye, dearest grandfather. When we come back, we check in with our correspondents. Stick around, everybody. Welcome to the Daily show. All week long, the best team has been on the convention floor. We're going to check in one last time before we leave Chicago to get their final takeaways from the week. Let's start with Jordan Klepper. Jordan. Talk to me, Jordan, any moments, any moments in the convention that really resonated with you?

Well, John, I have to say the moment that resonated with me the most was Tim Wall's speech about small town America. Now, I grew up in Butte, Nebraska.

A town of 400 people. Growing up in a small town like.

That, you learn how to take care of each other. That family down the road, they may not think like you do, they may not pray like you do, they may not love like you do, but they're.

Your neighbors, and you look out for them. And they look out for you. Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes. Wow. Nice. That really got me.

I'm from a small town myself, only 300 people, but we shared common values, faith, friendship, baking pies for our neighbors. 1020, sometimes 30 pies a day per neighbor. And everyone came out to support our high school football team. We were small and scrappy. But with our beloved coach and small town values, we led our team to victory in Super Bowl 41.

It's quite a story, Jordan. That's.

John, if I may.

Yes. Desi Leydig. What about you? What was the name of the view?

Well, John, I agree with Super bowl champion Jordan Klepper, because I, too, came from a very, very small town full of God loving patriots who patriotically loved our goddess.

Small, like Jordans. How many people were where you grew up?

Four. Yeah. And we took care of each other, John. If one of us needed salt, someone would pass them that salt.

Your town had four people, and you took care of each other by seasoning each other. Desi, how many stoplights were in this town?

Mm, no stoplight. Just a dishwasher and a sink.

I think you're just describing a house.

A townhouse.

Oh, a townhouse. I get that. That makes sense. All right, well.

She'S right, John.

I'm sorry. Josh Johnson. Yes. Let's go to Josh Johnson. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna take a wild stab. You are from a small town.

That's right, John. Very small. Teeny, tiny. I could fit it in my pocket. And what I loved about my perfect small town was a sense of community. I used to walk down the street and total strangers in pickup trucks would make sure I was from around these parts.

I have to say, that actually sounds like a dark undercurrent of racism ran through your small town. What? No, no.

They were friendly. They looked after me by telling me, you better be inside by dark or else.

All right, Michael. Casa you. Michael, I just want to ask you. I'm just going to go way out on a limb here. I assume you. You, too, were raised for small town, real american values. I sure was, John.

And the Democrats really nailed it. I watched the convention from my hotel.

And to me, they highlighted the best of what makes small towns so great. Coaches who love their kids slogans like.

Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose, smoke.

Shows like Kyle Chandler and Connie Britton in a weird subplot where Landry killed a guy. Yeah. So just very quickly, Michael, you are not watching the convention. That is a show called Friday Night Lights. Well, whatever it was, I'm excited to vote for Coach Taylor. Oh.

Oh, my God.

Hey, can we. No, no. Can we please stop? It's a small town rock star.

John. I'm sick of this, okay? The Democrats need to stop adopting this republican fiction that american values only exist in small towns.

Ronnie, thank you, thank you.

I agree.

People in cities also have good values. No, we don't.

We're all godless heathens with no values and bedbugs.

Okay?

And we like it that way. We don't bake each other pies. I don't take food from a stranger like a psychopath. And I have never talked to my neighbors, ever. I just scream at them through my wall to keep it down when they're having sex. I never even met them. From what I can hear, their names are oh, God.

And harder.

But we have to remember that we are all Americans. Whether you're from a city or small town, whether your name is Smith or Chang or. Oh, God.

Harder, harder. More, more, more. No, I think I get it. I think I get it. No, no, I'm not done. I'm not done. Harder. Harder. No. Yes. And that's team, everybody. When we come back, I'll get you over. Welcome back to the Daily show. Obviously, this week's convention is really all about introducing Kamala Harris to America. And as part of that introduction, the Democrats produced a special film to make the case for a Harris presidency. Now, luckily for us, we stole it. And we are going to show it to you now.

America is a land of people, people who are normal. And America used to have presidents who were normal. Sometimes they were good. Not singing, but they could always finish their sentences and not start civil wars. But after eight years of this and this and just generally feeling like we're trapped in a sadistic circus in the 8th circle of hell, it is time for America to return to normal. It's time for Kamala Harris. Just now, narrated by Jason, a normal guy. Kamala Harris checks all the boxes for what Americans are looking for in a normal president.

I'm Kamala Harris, wonderful president of the United States. We are a nation that was founded on noble ideas.

But where did this unicorn of the kingdom come from? Kamala Harris was born in 1964 in Oakland, California, a year that puts her squarely in the normal age range of american presidents. She was the daughter of two academics who met at school a way that normal people meet their spouse as opposed to a party with sex ring billionaires. Her mother was from India. Her father was from Jamaica. And that makes her both black and south asian. Normal people understand this.

I don't know, is she indian or is she black?

Again, normal people understand this. Kamala's parents wanted the best education for them. But because they weren't absolutely loaded in a way that would make them believe they could live outside the laws of man and nature, young Kamala had to be bussed to a desegregated school an hour away. It was an experience that always stayed with her, but not in a way that made her thirsty for revenge. And you're obsessed with leaving a legacy that would outlast the universe. Just a normal, I'll put that into my autobiography kind of way. Kamala was admitted to Howard University, where she made lifelong friends like any other well adjusted person you can feel comfortable trusting with nuclear codes. And she made ends meet working at McDonald's, a typical job held by millions of people. And just to be clear, she was working to register nothing, starring in bizarre fever dreams with grimace and stealing jobs from hard working professional actors who honestly could have used the gig at the time. After college, Kamala went on the normal trajectory for president. Law school, San Francisco district attorney. Attorney general of California. Yes, early on, she had a boyfriend help her get a job on the state unemployment insurance appeals board.

But that's a very normal type of cronyism. And besides. Besides, it was an unemployment insurance appeals board. Do not act like you wanted that job. Roll up. Kamala wrote her success to the US Senate, where her time was mostly unmemorable, which is normal. Do you know what kind of freak you have to be to be a memorable senator?

Machine gun bacon.

Yeah.

No.

Kamala just did her job, including a famous grilling of judge Brett Kavanaugh.

Can you think of any law that give the government the power to make decisions about the male body?

I'm not thinking of any right now. It was a brilliant performance that didn't stop Brett Kavanaugh from overturning Roe v. Wade, but a politician offering stirring rhetoric with disappointing results. Very normal, guys. After a respectable two years, Kamala decided to take the next step.

I stand before you today to announce my candidacy. The president of the United States.

Yes. A run for president in 2020. A decision so normal that it was done by over 70% of the Democratic Party. But despite showing voters her personal side by listening and reacting to music like a regular human, as opposed to freezing in place or yanking off a pair of dicks and stepdaughters, Kamala didn't resonate with voters. And she dropped out before voting even began.

I'm not a billionaire. I can't fund my own campaign.

It was a move that exhibited her remarkable skill to view reality and react rationally. Wouldn't that be great? Reacting rationally to an electoral defeat? Wouldn't it? But before she quit, Kamala did have one great moment.

You know, there was a little girl in California, and she was bussed to school every day. And that little girl was me.

It was a takedown of Biden's support of school segregation so brutal that he reintegrated the White House and made her vice president. Kamala Harris became the first black vice president, the first asian vice president, and the first female vice president. And, yes, maybe that is a role for America, but did you know that in the other parts of the world women are allowed to be leaders, like, all the time? So that's not on her. What are Kamala's actual policies? Just the vague ones you'd expect from a normal Democrat trying to get elected.

Our fight is a fight for the future, and it is a fight for freedom.

Yeah, great. Sounds good. But at least they're gonna be normal policies. You won't have to learn about project 2025 or great replacement theory or whether a president concern about his term while I. What the hell are we doing here, gang? I've been in episodes of Ozark less stressful than this. Of course, like any person, Kamala has her personality quirks and her time as vice president brought them all front and center.

I love Venn diagrams. Do you know the three circles? Who doesn't love a yellow school bus? You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?

Oh, yeah, the coconut thing. Super kooky, right? So what? America has presidents with fun and energy all the time. What about Abe? He wore the big hats. FDR stamps. Reagan. Jellybeans pounded fistfuls of them. And they were all presidents who didn't cause Americans to shit themselves every five minutes. And that is the promise of a Kamala Harris presidency. A president who will not fall in love with a north korean dictator or have a family member whose dick pics end up on a congressional hearing. A president who won't clear up their Covid with horse dewormer and a spritz of Clorox. And one that can stay up past eight. A president who will eventually leave office. A president who won't have to flee to a non extradition country if she loses. In other words, Kamala Harris will be a normal president, just a normal person.

Look at them all, folks, under your show for tonight. I do. Before we go, I just want to thank. Hold on 1 second. I want to thank the Anthony Theater here in Chicago. The hospitality that the theater has shown us throughout the week and the hospitality from the city of Chicago and all the great people has been fantastic. What a lovely time we had. What a lovely experience. But most of all, I want to thank the staff, the crew, and the cast of the Daily show. The production team here that brought everything out from New York City and gave us an absolutely flawless week of production. Best staff and crew in the business couldn't be happier with how they pulled this thing off. And thank you guys for watching. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast Universe by searching the Daily show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus Paramount podcasts.