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You're listening to Comedy Central from the most trusted journalists at Comedy Central and actually live. Special reporters. The Daily show presents indecision 2024, the Republican National Convention. Donald Trump fists America with your host, Jordan Clapper. Welcome to the nail and show. I'm George Clover, and we are live, everybody. Dear Lord, they're wrapping up the Republican National Convention as we speak. The excitement is palpable. Or is that soul shaking fear? They feel eerily similar. And if that wasn't enough news to cover in a day, there's another gigantic story brewing. Keep your news alerts on because the Democrats might be recasting a very big role. Breaking news about President Biden's candidacy. The New York Times sources close to President Biden say he's beginning to accept he might have to leave the race. Axio says he could drop out as soon as this weekend. It's reached almost a fever pitch. Chuck SchumeR, Hakeem Jeffries, Nancy Pelosi have all had very direct conversations with President Biden.

His political fate more precarious than ever, an increasingly dire moment. His fate now hanging in the balance.

Nearing the point of no return.

We are close to the end of his candidacy.

To be clear, when you're talking about an 81 year old, you gotta be clear about that. Think about how strange this moment is. In the span of one week, one candidate got shot and the other guy might drop out. I mean, years from now, children will be reading about this in history books. I mean, not in Florida, they won't have those, but everywhere else, and on top of that, all of that, Biden has Covid, which is no joke for a man of his age, especially because this is an unusual strain where the brain fog hits you three weeks ago. Now for more insight on the quickly evolving state of Joe Biden's candidacy. We got full team coverage. Let's first go out to DC with Michael Costa. Michael. Hello, Michael. Michael, what's the latest? Jordan, I'm here outside Chuck Schumer's office as he tries to push Biden out of the race. But it's a very difficult, delicate situation because don't forget, he's the president, which means he holds all the keys, right? The metaphorical keys to power. The rain. No, no, no, Jordan. The actual White House keys. Yeah, they're on one of those big key rings.

And he has a. He has a clip to his belt. There's a key for the oval Office, a situation room. There's one key that just says room. We don't even know what that is. Have to convince Biden to give up the keys or wait for him to fall asleep and try to snake it off his belt with a broom handle. Is that really the only solution? Why can't they just get a locksmith and get new keys? I mean, I guess they could, but he's also the only one that knows the White House Amazon password. So what's the point of being president if you can't watch the new season of the boys? Am I right? Well, if Joe Biden's an old man, his password is probably something like Joe Biden 123. Jordan, this man is the commander in chief. I'm sure he has access to better. Oh, my God. That worked. That was it. Great. We're in great shape. Thank you. Thank you, michael. Let's go now live to Nancy Pelosi's office with Desi. Live at Desi. Desi look, Desi, we know. We know Chuck Schumer's trying to be sensitive. What's Nancy Pelosi doing? Well, she's playing a lot more hardball, Jordan.

She had a meeting with Biden where she just stared at him while doing that five finger knife thing. Very intimidating. She's also trying to mess with his head. She threw a pair of sneakers over a power line outside the White House. Is that a threat? Well, I don't know. But if there's one thing that freaks out old white people, it's sneakers on a power line. How'd they get up there? Is it a gang sign? Is it a drugs thing? Is it hip hop? Either way, it's time to move to Florida. Very fluid situation. Thank you, Desi. Let's go out to the Capitol Hill with Ronnie Chang. Ronnie, Ronnie, talk to me. Who are you talking to? Jordan? I'm talking to an opposing faction that is standing behind Joe Biden 100%. They're telling the president to ignore the haters, stay in the race, and do as many public speaking events as possible. Wow. Which Democrats are telling them that? No, no, no, these are the Republicans. They are gung ho for Joe Biden. Biden. Jordan. This must be the unity thing that they're talking about. Okay, Ronnie Chang, everybody. Look, look. Whether or not Biden's candidacy is live, we are.

And the reason we're live is that it's the last night of the Republican National Convention. And while most GOP conventions are about nominating a candidate and crashing the grinder servers. This one, look it up. This one. This would seem to have a higher purpose. This convention is happening, frankly, by the grace of God. It is a divine intervention by God that President Trump is not dead right now. This is divine intervention. The bullet pierced President Trump at 611 pm. Ephesians 611 tells us, put on the full armor of God. Take your stand against the devil in his schemes. This was providence, God's divine providence. A millisecond before he fired the shot. A goddamn little tilt. Yeah, a God given tilt. If you didn't believe in miracles before Saturday, you better be believing right now. God, Lord, a shill of protection. God has put an armor of protection over Donald Trump. God is not finished with him yet. I believe we all witnessed the miracle, literally, from, you know, before it happened. The flag above got blown in the wind, and it got tied into literally what looked like an angel. Divine origami. That's what we're going with.

I mean, you see an angel. I see the g string from the COVID of that Black Crows album. You see what you want to see. I don't mean to nitpick God, but if God did save Trump from that bullet, he kind of procrastinated to the last second, didn't he? He could have stopped the gunman at any point during the day, but instead, he waited until the bullet was in the air and went, ah, shit, shit.

Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.

Ah, that was close. I gotta stop looking at my phone all the time, huh? All right, fine, fine. Okay. Every cult needs a leader who was chosen by God and has taken multiple wives. I get it. All right? Plenty of people stepped up this week to sing his praises. Now, one of the most fiery speeches was from Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, although that's an old picture of Matt Gaetz from a long time ago. A whole week. Because when he came out to speak yesterday, he looked a little different under Trump. We prospered, we were richer, inflation was low, and there were two genders. And introducing the third. Wow. Wow. It looks like his eyebrows are reacting to a picture of his eyebrows. You can see why they chose him to make the case against Joe Biden. Inflation is so bad, his forehead is now a six head. And I can make that joke because I've been battling inflation for years. But last night's big speech was from Donald Trump's new running mate, JD Vance, who wanted to introduce himself to the world. And this is what he went with. And while we're on the topic of grandparents, let me tell you another mama story.

Now, my mama died shortly before I left for Iraq in 2005. And when we went through her things, we found 19 loaded handguns. They were stashed all over her house, under her bed, in her closet, in the silverware drawer. This frail old woman made sure that no matter where she was, she was within arm's length of whatever she needed to protect her family. That's who we fight for. That's american spirit. That's the american spirit. Unhinged paranoia. You know what I love? How gun nuts in this country are always like, we're responsible gun owners. Anyway, here's a glock I taped under my baby's crib. And let me just remind everyone, five days ago, their nominee was almost taken out by an assault rifle. And I thought that might lead to a moment of introspection. But you guys are like, you know what's hilarious? How guns are everywhere. But outside of his anecdotes about Grandma John Wick, the fact was that discount Ulysses S. Grant did not exactly set the room on fire. But the good news for him was that the crowd was so amped, they were happy to chant no matter what. Oh. Oh, I o.

You guys are a great crowd. Wow. I've never seen a crowd so pumped that it started to engage in conversation. Yes, we are. Let's order food. How about thai? By the way, if you're wondering why the Ohio chant is o h I o, it's because it's the only word people from Ohio can spell. Go blue, you hillbilly. But tonight was the final night of the RNC. It was the last chance to address the events of last Saturday. So, to heal a herding nation, the RNC brought in their most dignified voices to deliver their message with gravity and respect. What happened last week when they took a shot at my hero and they tried to kill the next president of the United States? Enough was enough. Elastin. Like Trumpamania. Run wild, brother. Whoa. Thank you. The healing has begun. He's going to make a great energy secretary. Now, you can laugh that one of the keynote speakers on the last night of the Republic convention is a washed up fake wrestler. But I'll tell you what I think Trump just locked up the vote of every teenager in 1992. Okay, we heard a lot of talks.

Now it's time to bring the nation together with a sober message of unity. Who's next? Everybody get em fished up in the air. Now follow me. Say fight pipe. Say fight pipe. Say butt. Butt. Butt. Watch that angle, Don Junior, watch that angle. Yeah, that's how you achieve unity. By making our ears bleed together. Nothing riles me up like a 50 year old man yelling at a bunch of 60 year old men in suits to fight. Ooh, I'll be pounding the Lipitor tonight. Okay, then it was a big event. Finally, it was time for Donald Trump to come out. And in case you weren't sure who he was, they put his name in big, bright lights like he was the world's most famous circuit elephant. That's right. Trump's going to be president of Broadway. Once the cheers died down and the speaking began, Trump made some big promises. Four months from now, we will have an incredible victory. And we will begin the four greatest years in the history of our country. Oh, I. I don't know. Best four years? What about 91 to 95? Wu Tang, Nirvana, unironic fanny packs, Michael Jackson. Before it got too weird.

You know, I'll put those four years against any in history. Now, all week we heard Trump was going to come out with a new message of unity and you know what he delivered? As Americans, we are bound together by a single fate and a shared destiny. We rise together or we fall apart. I am running to be president for all of America, not half of America, because there is no victory in winning for half of America. Which is why I'll be deporting the half that doesn't like me. Problem solved. You know what? You know what? No. I'm being a hater. There's a changed man up here. He's calling for an end to discord. Let's hear how we can bring about this unity together. If Democrats want to unify our country, they should drop these partisan witch hunts, which I have been going through for approximately eight years, and they should do that without delay and allow an election to proceed that is worthy of our people. Oh, how convenient. So the key to unifying the country is absolving Donald Trump of his crimes. Anything else Democrats should do? America? Just think about how united the country would be if Chuck Schumer punched himself in the dick.

Think about it. Come together. But then Trump went on to tell the story of his near assassination on Saturday. And for a moment, they started to feel like maybe this was a different Trump. Someone somber, reflective. But then he slipped in just a small nod to the Trump we've always known. They knew immediately it was a sniper and then began pointing at him. You can see that if you look at the group behind me. That was just a small group compared to what was in front. That's how you know Trump is going to get through this. Even in the middle of a story about almost being assassinated, he felt the need to reflectively brag about his crowd size. I suddenly realized how insignificant we are, except by crowd size. Very significant. We're all just grains of sands on a beach, although my crowd is more like a coastline. Big crowd. Big crowd. There was one other thing that made me realize this is the same Trump Wisconsin. We are spending over $250 million here, creating jobs and other economic development all over the place. So I hope you will remember this in November and give us your vote.

I am trying to buy your vote. I'll be honest about that. He's trying to do a quid pro quo in the middle of his convention speech. Slow down, my man. You don't get total immunity until after the election. So that was Trump's speech. A changed man who is basically the same man as before. So what do we learn from the RNC? Well, the campaign for president is basically one big job interview. The convention is where America checks the candidate's references. And to be sure, there were plenty of people willing to vouch for Donald Trump. You got ex cons, domestic abusers, fake wrestlers, fake friends, his children, people sleeping with his children, and of course, the esteemed mayor of Whoville. But, but if, if this is a job interview, it's worth noting who we didn't, most of the people who actually worked with him in the White House. And if America's gonna do our due diligence, we might as well call our references to hear what they have to say about him. Anyone who puts themselves over the Constitution should never be president. I think he's unfit for office. Richard Nixon looks like a choir boy next to Donald Trump.

The gravest threat to democracy that we've ever seen. He failed at being the president when we needed him to be. That doesn't like to read. Doesn't read briefing reports. Absence of leadership. Really? Anti leadership, wannabe dictator shouldn't be anywhere near the Oval Office. Nothing but contempt for our democratic institutions.

Our constitution, and the rule of law.

The president has the understanding of a fifth or 6th grader, Rex Tillerson, saying this about the president, quote, he's an effing moron. Okay, okay. You know what? You know what? Good point. But did you see that flag? It looked like an angel. When we come back, voters tell us about their priorities. Don't go away.

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Welcome back to the Daily show. We've been talking about Donald Trump and the RNC all night, but did you know there are people who are completely sick of this shit? The Daily show news team hit the streets to find out more. We corresponds are tuning into the conventions because we're getting paid to do it. But does the average american voter rather just tune it out? I'm a little election burned out. I want to talk about the election. I would rather do anything but talk about the election at this point. So we gave people a choice of topics to see how badly they don't want to talk about the election. The election or shoelaces. Okay, so the vibe I'm getting is we're not talking about the election. So we can talk about the election, or you can help me decide. A bookcase for my bedroom. Let's go to the bookcase. Do you like this one? No. Would you rather talk about the election or discuss if we think orcas are still mad at us? Discuss about orcas. Like, do you think they're mad at me personally? If you could choose, would you rather talk about the election or why ties exist?

But you'll know where I will. Yes, I am. We have two options. Would you rather talk about the election or do calisthenics? Let's do calisthenics. Feel that? Yep. Feel it. Yeah. Would you rather talk about the election or listen to me read through this manual? Read from the user manual. It might take me about two and a half hours to get through, but I'm still gonna go with the manual. Yeah? Yeah. Okay. All right. Exciting. How do I find my preferred cycle and vacuum levels? Every. Every mom reacts differently to cycle and vacuum levels. This is about breastfeeding. Start low and work your way up to a comfortable and productive level. What do I do if milk gets in the tubing? Shit. Luckily, I have this manual, so it may cause harmful interference. You're still listening, right? Yes. Okay. Because it's so much better than the election. Still. Yeah, about the election. Or you could describe to me what shrimp tastes like without saying the word shrimp. Wet and veiny. All right. Oh, okay. I don't really like shrimp. Fair enough. But then again, it's better than talking about the election. So if you could choose, if we were having a conversation.

Talk about the election or listen to me. Read a list of all the lakes in Minnesota. Oh, I totally would love to hear about Minnesota bats, bad acts, bad medicine, badger. Bakers. Bakers. Bakers. Yes. Bakers. Bakers. This is better than talking about the election. 100%. Would you rather talk about the election or give me five compliments? Give you five compliments. All right, hurry up. Otherwise I'll think that you're lying. Okay, well, you're very pretty. Shut the hell up. I love your haircut. Oh, my God. You dress very. Thank you that I didn't do it myself. I love gold jewelry. Me too. And it's actually real, if I'm being honest.

It's just very nice.

That's so nice. I can really flip on people, by the way. Okay, we can talk over the election, or you can put your hand in this mystery box. I'll put my hand in the mystery box. Okay. Oh, my goodness. The election has been hard and I just wanted to hold someone's hand. Not over yet. Thank you. Two more months. So we could talk about the election, or we could do three uninterrupted minutes of eye contact. Let's go. Eye contact? Really? Yeah.

All right.

That was, uh. That was intense. Uh, it was a lot, but it was better than talking about. Talking about the yoke. Grade school has been Troywada and Josh Johnson. We'll be right back. Don't go away.

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A that's our show for tonight. The Daily show will be off next week, but will return on July 29, right around when Trump finishes this speech. Now here it is, your moment of end. Well, let me tell you something, brother. You know something? When I came here tonight, there was so much energy in this room, I felt maybe I was in Madison Square Garden getting ready to win another world title. Explore more shows from the Daily show podcast Universe by searching the Daily show wherever you get your podcasts. Watch the Daily show weeknights at 1110 Central on Comedy Central and stream full episodes anytime on Paramount plus.

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