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Listening to DraftKings Network.

This is the Dan Leviton Show with the Stugats Podcast.

We have a Cuban Santa to get to. We have a Miami Sequarium Dingle to get to. We've got a couple of enormous football games this weekend between some of the very few teams in football that we know or think to be good. We think there are seven of them. Four of them play each other, two of them, and not everyone is.

Sure about. The rare weekend, Dan, with two, not one, but two Super Bowl previews. How about that?

Is that right? Yes. So you've got 49ers, Ravens, you've got Dolphins, Cowboys, and Detroit, Minnesota can't be a Super Bowl preview.

Same.

Conference, Dan. Cleveland, Cleveland and Houston can't be a Super Bowl preview. Jacksonville and Cleveland can't be a Super Bowl preview.

You identified the two. You did. You got them.

A lot.

Of people have- Big weekend.

-have doubts about the Cowboys and the Dolphins. But I wanted to ask you guys because I think I feel it on me differently as somebody who is now self-employed and is running a business versus when I was an employee. Right. We are right now smack dab in the middle of America mailing it in at work week, correct?

This is- Wall-wanting bonuses.

But this is right here. This is where salaried employees and people who have the comfort of health care and don't have to be at work every day so they know they're about to get a week off. And is this it right now, though? Because I didn't feel it as much on Monday and Tuesday. Mike took the day off today because he just wants to be obsessed with signing day.

Right. He's dropping off bags of cash. What is he doing? In a sweatsuit, like the guy from Blue Chips?

We got to stop the sweatsuit. I got to tell Mike, it's either one or the other. You can wear the top with something different or the bottom.

With something different. Well, he's not here right now.

I'm saying I'll tell him when he's here. You can't wear the full thing. The full outfit is just goofy.

It's dad style, right? It's Bob Huggins style. -huggy Bear. -you've given up once you've done the whole sweatsuit, you've given up as someone who cares about anything.

Hard disagree. -hard disagree. -put it on the pole, please, JuJu. -he really loves comfort wear.

Put.

It on the pole, please. It really loves...

Put it on the pole, Juju, at Levitard show. Once you've gone full jumpsuit as an adult male, have you given up on all things?

Dan, we were talking before the show, and I'm wondering if you're as worried. I don't know if the word is worried that we're feeling about Mike, and it would be funny if it happened. We think that Mike might be U. M. 'S Connor Stallions. We think that Mike might be the guy that's on the outskirts that they keep around. We're like, Oh, yeah, here's a little bit of information. You're a big shot. Then when something goes down, he's being poised to be the fall guy. He's the one that you see the movie about where it's like, Oh, the President of the company isn't actually the President of the company. It's the President's wife that has all of these accounts in this other country that we were laundering money through. It seems like that may be what's possibly happening here with Mike, and I don't know if he's aware of that. But I think that we all came to the same realization today because he's sending out tweets where he's hinting at things like if he's wheeling and dealing, making all these big moves, and we're like, buddy, you're going to be the first one to go down, I think, if something happens here.

We gave as a company, Tyler Van Dyk, a bunch of money. I don't know if I'm implicated in whatever it is you've created as a scenario for Mike being a fall guy.

But you could see that that might happen, right? Can we warn him that this may happen? Tread lightly, be careful.

So they're giving him a couple of crumbs just to keep him happy. But he's the fall guy. When stuff goes down, Mike's going to prison. Is that what you're saying?

I think prison is a little strong.

I mean, the fall guy usually goes to.

Prison, I think. White-collar.

Put it on the pole, please.

He'll be playing tennis there.

Does the fall guy usually go to prison? I don't know how to properly assess the lane that Mike Ryan is keeping with the University of Miami, but I've never seen anything like it. And it could end with him being Nevin Shapiro, I suppose, if he's doing secret fraudulent things.

I can assess it. We have a tweet that we can show of Mike Ryan this morning. National Signing Day, whispering talent acquisition and chills. I think Connor Stallions is a proper comparison. You see.

This paper trail, though, that's being left? This is not smart.

You can also see the rest of the paper trail with 2.99 a month by going into his secret Twitter account for only exclusive members so that you can get the real secret information because he is plugged in on what it is the University of Miami is doing.

That's unquestionable. To answer your original question, it's tomorrow. Today is the last day of productivity. Tomorrow, everyone is just, I am done with this shit.

Every single day for the rest of the year.

Okay. Tony says he is here.

Okay, started today. I'll do a live show next week, too. I'll just do a live show.

We're going to get.

Tony's top- You had a live show on Sunday you canceled, so you won't.

I didn't cancel. The fiber optic cable in my building snapped underground. What do you want me to do?

I didn't have enough five days.

Our family, our people made a boat cross the ocean to get, a truck cross the ocean to get here. Here you're talking about a little cable was broken. Go to the public library.

You gave too much detail on.

The cable. Go to McDonald's, where the.

Internet is free. A fiber.

Optic cable.

I do that, buddy. I can solve any problem. Oh, the internet didn't work. I can fix it. Do you want it or you want it?

They sent two Cuban guys to fix it. Not one, but two.

Neither of them fixed it.

The second.

Guy did. You have family? Go to your family's house. Their internet cable broke, too. Everybody's internet cable got cut. Everyone's just running around cutting all your internet cables.

Get out of here. It's always the second guy that.

Fixes it. Do you want it or do you want it?

It is just funny how helpless we feel when we lose internet. I just can't do anything. I love it. I need to sit in a dark room. If internet's gone, I need to sit in a dark room.

Well, put it on the pole, please, at Levitard Show. Do you feel at your most helpless when you've lost internet? But I will say I had a remarkably helpless experience the other day, Stugart, that I wonder if this way has happened to any of you listening, because I've talked before about the one place where pain takes a second to get to your brain. You stub your toe, you know something bad is coming and it takes a second. It doesn't get there immediately, but you know it is coming. The other day, I guess it was probably a month ago, I'm driving through a light, and I'm caught right in between. And as I've made the decision to go and I'm going to be pretty close to running this red light, I see out of the corner of my eye that it says, photos are taken here for people who run red lights. What are you shaking your.

Head at, Chris? I'm saying that I don't believe those anymore. There was a time a few years ago where I was getting, I got a few tickets with that. I haven't got one of those in.

Four or five years. It happened to me coming right off the causeway. They took a picture, they got me later. Dan's right. He has every right to be concerned. It was, I don't know, one of our last days as the Clevelander.

Every patriot knows that those are unconstitutional.

That's the thing. There's some places that they've outlawed them, but the cameras stayed up. They're disconnected, but they're still there. Effectively, they're doing the same thing and causing fear.

Like security at your house. A lot of people, well, maybe not for you, but some people will put up cameras or things like that that aren't actually connected just to scare people away a little bit.

All right, you guys are doing this, but this is not the story. Oh, they still work, and they got me. But what I'm telling you is that as I'm going through, I've now caught it out of the corner of my eye. I see the flash that takes the picture of it. I feel violated, but now I have to wait.

You put up a middle finger.

I have to wait for the mail to get there and completely violate me and wait till I tell you. You say that I committed the violation. The government violated me because the ticket was $158.

$158.

I'm like, I didn't even know there were tickets that ran that high for something that wasn't a major infraction.

That's low.

$158.

For run not low. Yeah, I.

Think ticket's good out there.

Were you speeding?

No, it doesn't measure speed. It just takes a picture of you. Wait a minute. You're telling me that I've got an unconstitutional $158 fee that has nagged at me since I ran that light a month ago because I knew as soon as I ran it, now I've just got this general haunting around me. I've done something wrong. I've been caught by the government. I feel like if democracy falls, it's going to be our entire life in about 20 years.

Damn, I saw Leave the World Behind last night. Oh, buddy.

Oh, buddy.

Stugart- We're in for it. Stugart didn't like that one. Stugart didn't like that movie. He wants to be told at the end what to think. Even though I thought at the end, they pretty much told him.

Wrap it up with a bow, please. I mean, seriously.

You did speak to a rush that I love because at this point in my life, how many rushes do I get where I feel alive? When I'm approaching a yellow light and it's about to turn red and I'm about to run a red light, that's a rush. I love that feeling, and I turn into a baseball umpire. If I get to the line before that turns red, I'm safe. I turn into like, I'm literally in my car driving alone, and I'll do this motion if I make it. If I don't get to the white line by the time the red hits, I bang myself out. You're out of here.

Dan, I will tell you this. Your $158 ticket gets bumped up to $262 if you fail to pay the ticket on time.

It's standard in the state of Florida.

Call Alex, Hannah.

No, get Barry. Here's your option, though. Pay $158 to the government or pay $170 to a lawyer to take away your $158.

I believe the lawyer is cheaper than the 158. I think that's where-.

Ticket wizard.

I've heard his new ad. I think that is where they make their money by being cheaper than the ticket.

We used to be Hunger and Coet. Now we're the ticket wizard.

But you generally need a police officer to not show up. In this case, they've got photographic proof that is unconstitutional. They do.

Not have photographic proof of anything, Daniel. That is not you driving that car.

Well, but that car-.

That's your defense.

-is my responsibility. They don't have proof of me driving the car, but they do have proof that it is my car. It'd be worse if it was.

Somebody else. Now would.

You know? Which you can prove in a.

Court of law. I think I've told this story before, but I one time drove to Central Florida to fight a speeding ticket in a city I never visited. And the cops- I think.

You have told us this.

The cop showed up, and I went with evidence that I was never in that town and I couldn't even show up before the cop was like, Never mind.

You just slinked out of the courtroom.

I can.

Picture you having a briefcase.

Of material. I was so ready. I watched suits for a week beforehand.

I imagine you being super eager and disappointed that the cop just feared you and walked off that you were.

Ready to-I had sun pass receipts that showed I was by the airport in Miami that day. It was so great.

Yeah, John Morant ran off the court last night yelling, I kept receipts, too. That was you walking into that courtroom.

Is anyone else waiting for him to celebrate with a gun this week?

He did a post yesterday before the game, Good vibes only, where it was just him in a car dancing, and I just put my hand on my head. I was.

Like, Oh, no. You started looking around. You're like, What can I see you're waiting for? It's like a hidden picture and highlights magazine. Where is it?

I know this isn't a surprise to anybody, but he makes a huge difference. They win at New Orleans. They win last night. They've been totally irrelevant. And the only reason they matter is because he exists. And furthermore, Stugart, very rare is the player of that size in the history of the sport that could get the game winner at the rim. That is not like, Jimmy Butler doesn't get those. Jimmy Butler doesn't get them at the rim. Jimmy Butler's got to get jumpers and stuff that's further away from the rim. But Jimmy Butler, I've seen precious little from much of anybody. I'm just bringing up Jimmy Butler because he's much bigger. Anybody in the history of the sport that's slight. It's basically Russell Westbrook and this guy in terms of you're more athletic than everybody else, even though you weigh 185 pounds.

He's so much fun to watch. They were down big after the first half in that game. But to see him hit that game winner, the way he hit that game winner, the game he had, the coolest part was a celebration. He just stood there, arms folded, waiting for his teammates to come and hug him. It was a really.

Cool moment. He's spectacular. And when you talk about getting game winners at the rim like that, my first thought of a smaller guy being able to do it would be Dwayne Wade. But John Morant is two inches shorter than Dwayne Wade. To be able to do that at that size with that level of leap, he is a spectacular player. It's no wonder that Memphis has been largely awful without him for most of the year.

Dan Levitard. Kenzly Jensen. I got to be careful here. What did I just do there? Let me start again. Stugats. He's the closer. Comes in ninth, inning, closes the game out. His name is Kenley Jensen. He has blamed his recent….

This is the Dan Levitar Show with his two gods. We will get.

To this Cuban Sant in a second, but Chris, Cody, would you do me the favor for the national audience and the max audience that might not be familiar locally the way we are with the Miami Sequin commercial or the Miami Sequin in general? The Miami Sequin is a profoundly sad amusement park for dying animals who are encaged and should be free. And we pay tickets. We pay tickets, we pay money to see a manatee or a whale in a tank that isn't kept very well. It's just a sad place that is stuck in the 1980s and smells like it.

Great gingle, though.

But here is a portion of the gingle. Let me see what there is to see at my energy barrier.. And kids love it because they don't know that the mildewy, cages of death are terribly sad and lacking in freedom for animals that would prefer to be out in the wild. But we have produced a new commercial for the Miami Se Aquarium a new gingle. Hurry up. There's not much left to see at Miami Sequin. You'll see orcas in cages, pools of steel.

Tears.

Learn.

About.

Cruelty as we take off their ears.

Time's running out to see these animals alive at Miami Se Aquarium. Get a lifetime guilty conscience with every regular admission of complicity. This offer lasts until the authorities come splashing in.

I am a secretary of... Taking off animal ears, your ears. What goes?

I think it was years.

What's flashing in?

While they take off their ears. All right, let me hear it again because I felt like I felt something.

Actually, it adds to it. Don't they live longer in these things? Anyways.

Do they? I don't know. I don't know.

They definitely do. But that's.

Not the end. It's a sad, longer life.

They are certainly prey on less. Because in the wild, they get eaten. That's right. And in the wild, they have to kill what they eat as opposed to having a hopeful trainer just come over and give them some sardine.

Imagine if we had human zoos or it was just like a human that's just been in captivity. We're on our way.

Sounds like feed me.

Every day. If there's a TV with Red Zone on, I'm okay.

It's prison.

Hurry up. There's not much left to see at Miami. You'll see orcas in cages, pools of sealed tears. Learn about cruelty as we take off their ears. Time's running out to see these.

Animals alive at Miami C. Quaireom. Get a lifetime guilty conscience with every regular admission of complicity. This offer lasts until the authorities come splashing in.

Miami C. Quaireom. I still don't know. I still don't know. I heard ears. I still don't know as you say it, whether you're saying ears or ears.

How.

Are you guys? All of you have young children here other than Jeremy and Tony. How are you with Santa? Do the kids still believe in Santa? Santa!

What is happening? What's happening right now?

Don't do this.

Princess Claire?

Santa's real. A much too late spoiler alert for everyone watching live in their car.

I'm just asking the question.

Yes, my daughter does. My daughter is six. It's a dangerous game because she's in school now, so she comes home and talks to kids. And it's just, yes, I'm getting to that point where I'm trying to protect the sanctity of Santa.

So am I. I wish it was the opposite, but so am I. I'm trying to protect it.

But it's still working is what.

You're saying. Unfortunately, yes.

Why unfortunate? What are you guys.

Talking.

About real? No, not really. Santa is real, but I just don't want to, man.

I'm sorry. I just saw him yesterday.

Sounds like we're surrounded by a bunch of little boys and girls who got coal for Christmas because they're just bad. What a terrible attitude, boy.

I can't.

Allow her to believe that some white guy is coming into our house leaving presence.

I'm sorry. He's my best friend. He's my mentor.

He doesn't have to be white.

Tony- But that's what the media is saying.

Can you.

Introduce us? Fake news media.

Learn about cruelty.

Can you introduce us to Cuban.

Santa, please? Here's the thing, Dan. Here in Miami, obviously, you go to different places when you're a kid and you get to see the mall Santa somewhere. In Miami, it's totally different because it's our culture. Our Santa is represented by our culture. Roy's culture should be represented by his Santa. Everybody gets to have their own Santa. This right here is my Santa.

That's your Santa?

That's.

My Santa. I mean, he should be able to speak the language that your kids are understanding best.

What he said there is they want a cookie tour or whatever, and he said, which is it's done. I got it. Don't worry about it. Does it fit in a box?

I got you.

Let's play it one more time.

Cookie.

Toy.. I don't know what...

This is honestly the Santa we need. I had a total opposite situation at the mall where my daughter this year is asking for a puppy. I'm like, All right, you got to go ask for Santa. She went up to Santa. She asked him for a puppy, and I see him. I'm like, How is he going to play this? He's like, I'm Santa. I do toys. I can't do a puppy. I'm like, so now I can't give her... You just affect... Hey, shut your mouth, old man. Nod your head and say, Hey, have you been good this year? And nod your head. You're affecting the way families do things. Play the part. He's like, No, you know I can't make a dog. I only make.

Toys with my own. Santa does have a workshop. You can build a puppy in a workshop.

You can't build a puppy in a workshop. Santa, you can produce anything.

It's a grand workshop. Santa could go and adopt a pet on your behalf and then take it to your daughter but Santa can't build a puppy. I'm assuming Santa said that because Santa has to check the availability. Lots of people like puppies this time of year.

I just need a lot of nodding from Santa. Have you been good this year? What would you like for Christmas? Okay, on your way, Missy.

You want a bunch of yeses. You don't want nos.

I don't need all that's funny.

I.

Can't do that. Claire has seen six different Santas in the past month. Oh, boy. Six.

Like speed dating with Santa? What's going on there? Yeah, that's.

Basically it. Isn't she suspicious?

No.

Of what? Has she seen a cubie of Santa yet? I don't.

Know yet. I think so.

What do you do? Chris, what do you do? Because you don't know what Santa is going to bring your daughter. Do you get the things a puppy might need just in case Santa does bring the puppy? Because then if Santa is not able to procure this puppy, then you have all of these things and you're in a.

Weird spot. No, I had to call an audible because she came running up to me afterwards, and she's like, Santa doesn't do puppies. I'm like, Oh, I guess Mommy and Daddy will get that for you. Now it's not going to be from Santa. Santa ruined that.

Guy was looking out for you because he doesn't know if you really want to get a dog or if you don't. He's like, Hey, buddy. I don't do that. You'd be different.

You're like, Oh, we'll see.

Pretty girl. He was looking out for you.

So Santa was looking out for mom and dad. Exactly. Interesting twist.

Put it on the pole, please, JuJu, at Labitard show. Does Santa got a zippet and nod at the mall instead of giving away anything in the way of.

Family secrets. I will also tell you guys that you want to break the news to your kids.

About Santa. There's no news to be broken.

I've just said you don't want them to find out from anyone else. Stay ahead of it. I'm telling you. I'm-i mean.

This place reminds me of Santa's workshop. I'm too ish. Except it smells like mushrooms and everyone looks like they want.

To hurt me. This place reminds me of they want to hurt me.

I never told my kids anything about Santa. Yet here.

I am giving you guys- They still believe they're in college and they still believe in Santa as you should, kids, as.

Everyone should. Tony, did you ask Santa for a fiber optic cable or what?

No, the Cuban guy brought it for me.

How does this work, Tony? You were supposed to be on Sunday. This is an avenue here. Have you noticed? I told you that Shannon Sharp didn't need Skipp Baylor, and he doesn't. He needs to get Baylor. And Shannon Sharp has climbed into a rarified air here with just a handful of podcasts that we're lucky enough to be among because he's occupying the space immediately after football games. He's doing something out west after football game that's entertaining with Otrosinco, and you're competing against that, Tony, and he buried you on Sunday. You're competing in that time slot with Juju for that space. And he had the fiber optics he needed. All we got from you was silence and not the appointed rounds. Can you imagine tuning in on your football Sunday for just about anything? The pregame show, the post-game show. Shannon Sharp was hurt, man. They put him on that stiff, starched, old personand set on CBS a long time ago that he couldn't fit into. That pre-game show hasn't changed any. It's old people television.

And Nate Burlson.

Well, Shannon Sharp was doing what Nate Burlson was doing.

Nate is so good.

Trying to fit in. That's what I mean. He's so good, and the rest of that show is so not.

It's an old-person show. Cbs goes for that demo. But Shannon Sharp's career at that point was pretty dead, and now he has resurrected it because people like Tony can't keep up with their fiber optics. All they need to do is get on the air and you couldn't get on the air.

That is true, and I'll take the blame for that, even though the building was to blame and the fiber optic cable was to blame. But more importantly, we've beaten Shannon Sharp for 14 straight weeks. This week we let them have them.

I don't believe that. By the way, if you want to beat Shannon Sharp, Godless Football is actually competing against Shannon Sharp in the category of the sports podcast awards for the best American football podcast. You go to sports podcastgroup. Com and vote for us there.

You could vote for nothing personal as well there. David Samson is going to join us next to give you a little taste of sports and business. Samson, up next.

Don Lebertard. I think Larry Fitzgerald is on the green right there.

Spugots.

That's Alfonza Rivera. How do you think that.

Larry Fitzgerald is on the... The sun. The sun.

Oh, the sun.

To be fair.

To be fair.

Alfonza Rivera has.

A great ass. This is the Dan.

Lebertard Show.

With the Stugats.

Stugats. Last night I sent Erling, Cody, Chris Cody, and Greg Cody a text in which I said that Greg Cody's grace in defeat in the turkoff is one of the great surprises of my entire lifetime. That he did not go down swinging, yelling, screaming, infuriated.

He just took it.

He said.

Royce was just better.

Chris Cody says he wrote back, Truly surprising, but I actually believe him. Roy's turkey was that damn good. Then Cody himself wrote, I just texted Roy that I would have been almost embarrassed to win. I thought my deep fried cage and bird was really good as usual, but he hit upon a recipe, well executed, and nailed it. Somebody writes in here, Roy, saying of me, Dan's disrespect of Roy's turkey process was mildly infuriating.

It was.

It was me as well. I mean, I think, Roy, you would agree the first segment, we didn't start with a bang.

Okay, yes, I can agree with that. Yeah, sure.

But.

He stuck to landing. That's all that matters.

Here's the thing. I got to get the turkey from the butcher. It needs to be a fresh turkey. I bought a store-bought turkey, which was frozen and had to be defrosted. Just the facts. Then I had to brine the thing. All that takes days. Then I have to prep the turkey the night before so I could bring it in here to actually cook. That's the process.

Roy, my apologies. I am wrong. You cooked something that if it did indeed deserve to take a week to cook, it was worth the weight. It was well made. You showed great care. So thank you. I'm sorry that I mildly infuriated both the audience and cooks everywhere. I can basically only make eggs and grilled cheese sandwiches. I know nothing of cooking.

Oh.

Jesus Christ.

You voted for Cody's turkey, though.

I.

Did. You did? I'm not entirely too sure that you gave him Greg.

I did.

You gave him the dried turkey, that was Greg's.

I gave him a bite of yours and a bite of Greg's. He chose Greg's. And you throw.

My turkey dry. I'm sorry for everything, okay? You win. It was a big win, and my apologies. David Samson is with us now, and there are a number of things that I want to talk to him about. Nothing personal, as I've told you, is the name of his podcast. It, too, is up. What are you smiling about, David Samson? Is he frozen? What's happening? What is happening with David Samson?

Okay. The same thing that happens.

Every week. Fiber, optic cable.

Samson, why are you laughing?

I'm.

Laughing. It's unbelievable. It really is. This is wild.

I don't understand. This time it seems like Wi-Fi.

I don't understand. Say it again. I don't want Wi-Fi. Say it again, David, and I'm going to let you go if it happens again. Go ahead.

All.

Right, you're out of here. Right now. I don't know what to do about that.

David, we're really not messing with you. We're not doing this on purpose.

David.

We're not. It's not a general metal lark and confidence. It's just happening only with you.

No.

All right, I think we're back. Let's try it again. Honestly, David, I know this looks like we are messing with you right now. I swear to you, we are not.

The number of shows that I do per week would blow your mind.

All right, we're back.

Let's just write this. David, I don't care whose fault it is. It just keeps happening. So why were you laughing? Why are you laughing at us as I get.

To the topic of the day? I know.

Why he's laughing at us. Go ahead. Somebody answer my question.

I'm laughing because I'm picturing you cooking eggs and cooking grilled cheese, and I, too, am the same way, except you have a different personal situation than I do. So I'm laughing that it doesn't matter if you're married, if you're divorced, if you have the most amazing wife. There are people who cook and people who don't, and it's totally binary. And that turkey cook-off didn't interest me because it's not something I could relate to because I can never do it.

You might not be interested, but one of the great things always in television is the show that debuts big and loud with a giant famous guest on day one. And then by day three, it's a local chef and a recipe because of how popular on television anything being cooked is. This is an enormous economy. It might as well... I'm going to... It's not as big as sports, but cooking as entertainment is pretty giant. People who like cooking like it the same way people who like sports like sports.

But it's like looking at a commercial for a restaurant and thinking that if you make it, it'll look like it does on the box. If you knew the way these cooking shows, it's not actual food, I don't think, like the commercials for a quarter pounder. That's not how quarter pounders look in real life because they're not using actual food.

That's true, actually. Stugatz, I don't.

Know if is not true. It is true. That is true. It is true. That is true. The cooking challenges, they're not cooking fake food.

They're cooking real food. The part about.

The quarter pounder, he's right about that.

No, yeah, that is fake so that it looks esthetic. But the cooking challenges, they're making real meals.

Yes, but on your fast-food commercials, when you're watching them, those are all things that are not edible. The whopper, the sandwiches, those are all made artistically, and you cannot eat them. They're made to look better. No one can make them to look.

That good. Those dishes have to be cold by the time the judges get them in all these cooking competitions. That's my only beef with all this stuff is they'll be trying stuff. It's like, you know that thing's been sitting there for seven minutes and it's not hot anymore.

David, you don't like cooking shows because you don't cook because you don't bake. You can't do it, so you don't watch them. Because I feel like you can get something out of just watching people that are great at what they do and find entertainment in it and almost admire it more because I can't do that.

This person's great at this. Yeah, so to me, it's like watching paint dry. So I don't watch top America's next model or next top chef. None of those shows do I watch.

I.

Watch survivor, though. Tonight's the survivor finale, which is always a bittersweet night for me in the calendar.

You could really do that either, though.

I absolutely did that. I just got voted out.

Very quickly. A week.

Or two. I mean, you were out very quickly. You didn't-As quick.

As possible.

I believe.

That's true. No, I could have quit day one. I got voted out day three.

-take.

Us throughWhat is -Couple of coffee. -take us through.

What is-Couple of coffee. -take us.

Through what is-Something going forward, if you don't mind.

Take us through what's happening, please, with Yamamoto.

Oh, I would like to talk about Yamamoto, but can I teach you one thing first about your yellow lights for the audience? I think they'll be happy. Sure. So the yellow light, when you know a yellow light, the length, it's about one second per 10 miles per hour that the speed limit is on the road that you're driving. So if you're on a 55-mile-an-hour road and there's a light that's turning yellow, it'll stay yellow for about five, five and a half seconds. If you're on a 25-mile-an-hour road, it'll stay yellow only for about two and a half to three seconds. So it's about one second per 10 miles per hour. So that's how you can judge whether you should floor it or stop.

Dave, I can't do math while I'm driving that fast, knowing where I'm going. So all I do is I look at the pedestrian sign, it usually has a countdown, 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I know one. There's about a three-second one where I can speed through that.

He's talking about once it's yellow. You're talking about before it's yellow.

Once it's yellow, I actually judge it by the turning lane. If I'm at the turning lane, I can easily pass that light.

Tony's actually right. Pre-yellow, just look at the countdown clock. Then once it gets to five, you should be probably slowing down. But most of us turn into like fast and furious. We start hitting nods, buttons in our car and we're going as fast as we can to get through.

It actually is pretty easy math if you think about it. But the other thing you have to do when you're going through a yellow light, if you're thinking of stopping, make sure you look in the rear view mirror because the guy behind you may think you're going. That's how a lot of people get rear ended.

Yamamoto.

So Yamamoto is a pitcher who is a Japanese pitcher, 25 years old, wins the Japanese version of the Sae Young every single year. He's got four plus pitches. He's got seven teams after him. And someone's going to pay this guy $300 million, like a Garrett Cole-type contract, and he's never pitched an inning in the big leagues. And I'm realizing the reason why this is happening, the desperation for pitching is so significant in a sport where starting pitchers don't even go three times through the lineup. They don't go eight, nine innings anymore. But baseball is trying to get back to starting pitching mattering. So they're loving the fact that this could be an ace in the making. But for me, were I to be in position to sign a player of that stature? I'm not giving him a 10-year deal for $300 million because what if he becomes Dice K?

You don't believe in can't miss, but people are behaving as if this person is can't miss. And all you need is two bidders in a non-salary cap sport, and everything will go crazy there.

Who are the can't miss? I'm trying to think in my lifetime. Lebron James, Bryce Harper. Who were the other absolute can't miss people?

I mean, Shaq. It doesn't matter, though, David, whether you think can't miss, can't miss, or can, this person is going to restructure the way salaries work. Is he not?

Well, he's restructuring only in that he's getting an amount of money without having proved anything. And it's great for the Japanese professionally because what players do who are here playing an MLB when they don't make it, like if you remember a Marlin named Dan Strayley, maybe a name you don't remember, but he was a pitcher for the Marlins, and he went over to Korea and he has continued to have a career there. So people play overseas and you can sometimes come back like a Miles Nicholas with the St. Louis Cardinals. He came back and then got a huge contract for being good overseas. So it's a whole new world. We never really looked at it that way 25 years ago. We were much more suspect about the ability to move one lead to the other. But I guess starting with Itro and going through a bunch of those Yankees, Tanaka, Metzouie, etc, then it's possible this guy is the love of God.

Oh, man. All right, get rid of him. That's it. What were you going to ask him. I'm going to be so upset. What were you going to.

Ask him? Well, I'm just wondering who he's blaming in that scenario. The pitcher, yes, he hasn't proved anything, but there are two teams, more than two teams, who think that pitcher could be really, really good. So how do you prevent it.

From happening? Everyone thinks. Everyone thinks that pitcher.

Is good. Well, and he's pitched in professional baseball, where he was dominant. You have teams right now all across the league buying out their top prospects out of arbitration. We saw it in Milwaukee. They paid their top prospect eight years, I think $82 million. He hasn't done anything on a Major League field. So to take a guy who's a 25-year-old professional who seems like a can't miss when you have all these different bidders, it just makes sense at market value to me.

We have to stop with David Samson during the max hour. That's it. It's over. That's the last time that we're doing that. I don't know how many times we have to stumble over the same mistake. How many Cuban engineers and fiber optics people we have to send to his house to jerry-rig it with an assortment of toilet paper and wires.

It's one of the crazier things I've been a part of because we are working on this outside of the show. We're like, We have to test this. It works perfectly. He does other podcasts, and then he joins this hour and it goes quiet, and I have no.

Explanation for it. He thinks we're sabotaging him. I mean, he does.

It would be funny if we just started doing that from now on because our best joke is incompetence. And you guys have heard me for a while say the problem with your best joke being incompetence is if you don't have any other jokes, you're just incompetent.

I wanted to ask him about Tommy DeVito's agent just getting the boot after.

This bad PR.

He didn't get the boot. He didn't get.

The.

Boot.

He got the blame for it. And he's essentially, Hey, you're not handling my marketing anymore.

Did you do... Did you do the boot because Italy is shaped like a boot? Is that what you.? That's right.

No chance. There's no way he did that.

He did not make that connection.

And.

Somehow I just heard Samson.

I'm still here, baby.

Oh, Jesus.

The shadowy, haunting remains of Samson.

All right. Levitartaf. Com. I'm still here.