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Draftkings Network.

Welcome to.

The.

Big Suie.

Presented by DraftKings.

Why are you listening to this show? The podcast.

That seems.

Very similar to the other Dan.

Levitard podcast. I'm sorry, I'm not going to apologize for that.

In fact, the only difference.

Seems to be this imaging. I have been tempted in restaurants just walking past tables to grab somebody's fries if they're just there. That hasn't happened to.

You guys? I've done it.

And now here's The Marching Man to Nowhere, Fatface, and.

The.

Habitual.

Liar. All right, we need to get to the polls here. We will get to those in just a second. We have Thursday, Thunder as well. I'm not here on Thursdays normally, so I don't know what that means, what we do, how we do it. I'm not here on Thursdays.

Good. I just say we're going to do it and toss it.

I was just saying for you guys, I was telling you that I'm not normally here, so I don't know how we do this.

You sent it to us off air.

As well. Yeah, I did. Well, I wanted to say it again in case you weren't listening.

It's a Thursday parlay that we do Stugat. It's been decent recently.

I don't know.

There's a big prize at the end. Oh, no, that's the other one.

We should do poles, though, first, I think.

You want.

To do poles? Poles are more feeling like the show.

Let's do it.

And the poles are brought to you by dollar-shave-club. Epic Razors, epically affordable. Find them in stores or online.

Okay. You got the poles? Yeah, you want me to do them?

I'm here. Billy's like, I'm not usually here. I don't.

Know how this works. I'm not here on Thursdays. I don't.

Know how the poles are. I understand that.

I'm not either. Well, you historically are the one that read the poles, but I'll read them, yeah.

But you said before the segment started, you got the poles. Yeah.

What's in Brox? 70.5 % of the audience said yes. 29.5 said no. Our polls are wacky. That seems that way. Does Josh McDaniels always go back to New England with Brian Hoyer? What a great question. 95.7 % of the audience said yes. Really? Yeah, same thing that's in the Roths. That high, okay. Does Mike McDaniel look too cool for school? 71.6 % of the audience said yes. What game should Lucy go to this weekend? Oregon versus Utah, Georgia versus Florida. Georgia versus Florida won 57.9 %.

Nice. At the landing.

Who do the Philly hate more? Mad Dog or David Samson? Oh, this.

Is a good one.

Mad Dog wins, which is weird because the Diamondbacks were the ones that hated Mad Dog. I guess they would hate Mad Dog because he inspired the Diamondbacks? It was a weird poll. I have no idea. Anyways, did Chris Cody play center for the Dolphins last week?

This is a biggie.

78.6% of the audience said yes. You did play. Congratulations. Congratulations. Yeah. How's that game, Chuck? Big one.

My man.

What's the matter with you?

I have two more Billy clips that just-Get out of here. Why?

I don't know. All right, Billy was on the call for the FIU game last night. They lost. They haven't scored a point in the first quarter of either of the games that Billy has called.

Here's another clip.

First in 10, Jenkins.

Steps up in the pocket, floats it, intercepted. Oh, no. Oh, dropped at the final moment.

My goodness. Don't worry, I did that last game.

He yelled interception. And then it was not... That was Tarnew, the junior defensive back.

It should have been intercepted. It makes you feel any better.

It was on a platter for him.

You know what? Maybe the weather conditions.

Came in a little later. Slippery football. It was raining half an hour ago. So that certainly.

Affects it.

Unlikely. Oh, no, a trip here from Lawrence.

What's the weather?

I.

Don't know.

I think it's.

So silly.

-you said it.

Might be something's.

Going on here. -yeah, something's happening.

We have a dropped interception and a turf monster.

Why are they entertaining you?

The old turf monster. That one felt good because I botched that interception. Just to see someone like a professional could do a tee felt a little good.

I love you as the cage event who has called so many games. You're in the broadcast booth and you're soothing them when they make a mistake.

Well, we're a team.

We're a team. Right. You're a team player.

Well, it did look like it could have been an interception, but it fell. Last time, there was a ball that looked like it was intercepted, and it wasn't, and.

I botched it, yeah. But that was nice of you to say, Hey, don't worry about it. I did it last game.

He.

Wants to do that for a living.

You realize that, right? What are you saying I don't?

Yeah, that's right, stew. Billy's true calling is being a color commentator.

Yeah. Maybe it is. He's great.

Well, I actually went yesterday and I tried to print out because I noticed that when they call the games and I've seen it on the pictures that the football broadcasters have this empty grid where they have the number in each position and it's like depth charge. As well as going in a suit yesterday, I was going to print out one of those grids all filled out to show them, but I couldn't figure out where to get a blank one, and I didn't want to ask them and be embarrassed by that. I actually almost reached out to Gojo, Hey, Gojo, you know this thing? I don't know what it's called, but you guys that do it for real. Where do I get one of those? The charts and stuff. Yeah, but I don't want to bother him.

Do you have a guy spotting for you in.

The booth? No, we didn't. Last time Taylor actually was acting somewhat as a spotter, and we had a split booth where we had the opposing teams radio broadcast, and we had a divider in between us and they were really loud. Sometimes the call would pick up their call. It was really easy because we would just overhear everything that they were saying. There was.

A guy calling- He's repeating stats.

That you hear someone else say. 100 %, yeah. The guy was calling his 500th game. They were super professional about it. They were like, Oh, it looks like blah, blah, blah. I was injured. I'm like, Oh, I don't know if you guys caught on, but it looks like blah, blah, blah. I was injured. I would just.

Repeat everything they said. Did you repeat if the meals there eat?

I made that one up. I made that one up.

I'm a fighting for real estate. That's a.

Great term. They asked me for my keys to the game and I just looked up football cliches, and then I made up the- You don't say it. They made up the meal on the plate to eat.

Wait, you didn't know? Yeah. You're going to let that port out? Yeah. Can we hear the keys of the game first again? No, it was a lot. I just want to hear the keys. No, you can't go back to that.

I got one more here. Let's see.

This one. All right, give me the final clip.

That cubie sneaks so tough. Officials can't actually see anything. They're just guessing. And the benefit of the doubt was given there to Jack State, who's run the ball well enough.

It's quite the accusation.

Second intent, Lewis.

I'm noticing a theme here. It's just they do it, and then Billy gives a snarky remark.

Not.

Always.

You just noticed.

You hear a bunch of broadcaster and they're just like, man, I'm not so sure.

About that. No, Taylor's picking and choosing.

No, he's not.

Yeah.

Every single one is what you said you didn't do that much of. But it feels like every time you send.

Something, if you do it-Well, it's a three-hour game. There's hundreds of calls.

Right. Stugat's hot off the press. I'm being told we have good sound of Don La Greca ripping.

Mad Dog.

For his retiring, un-retiring thing. Really? I feel like whenever that happens, we have to stop everything and play the clip.

Get to it now.

Why can't we be critical? If he was right here, we could be critical of him. I've lost a lot. I did. I can't lose respect for somebody. I know the guy personally. I lost some.

Respect for him.

That's your elder.

It's not his elder. He's not my elder. No, he's my colleague. He's a contemporary. I'm sorry. No, I don't kneel and beg. He's a human being. I don't have to bow down and kneel to anybody, David. Get lost. Here it goes. Go scratch. Give me a break. They opened the door, we kicked it down. That was then. This is now. Enough already. Don't sit there and bow down to anybody. I like him, but I lost some respect for him. By the way- Let me ask you this. Go ahead. Why would this deity, this god that we got to break to have to do a stupid little college gimmick to get attention? Why? He's Chris Russo. He's God. He floats on air. Why would he have to do something stupid, like guarantee he's going to retire and then rescind it immediately like a weakling? Why would he have to do that if he's Christ? Why?

Break it down, Billy. Let's go.

Yeah.

Yelling in.

The.

Background, Let's go.

It's so great.

People getting mad at him and wanting him to retire is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard. He should retire. He said it. He should retire. It's like, Yeah, okay, so he's going to just pass up millions of dollars because the Diamondbacks made it to the World Series. That's one.

Of the dumbest things. I mean, he did say he would.

Do that. Who cares? But he was clearly a thousand times a day.

But he was clearly a thousand times a day. Chris, who cares? You do sports radio long enough, and he's done it for 30 years, 40 years. Eventually, what you're going to say is, Hey, if this happens, I retire. Okay.

Right. Do it this weekend for something.

Okay, let.

Me.

Think. It's like you sending, Hey, should I bring my kid in? You know you're not going to do it. You know our response is going to be no. Russo put out something where everyone knew he wasn't going to do it. The fact that Don La Grecas thought he actually was, that's on La Greca, not on Russo. I lost respect for LaGreca.

Wow.

How about that?

Enough for him. But the funny thing.

Is-hell, yeah. Don, please.

Let's go. I lost respect.

Like a.

Dogie alone. Okay, well, Mad Dog is going to be really sad now that you've lost respect, or maybe he's going to go back and retire so that he gains respect back. I mean, get out of here.

Who cares? Why does Don care so much? Does Don care that much?

Don did not like the idea that he was called his elder, and that Don-.

That's what set.

Him off, Billy. -he really didn't like that.

He said, Bow the knee. I don't do that. He's my colleague, my temperary.

Floating on air. -all right, I got.

To think of something here. -he's Christ.

He said.

What's the biggest spread in the NFL this weekend?

Oh, some...

Do you guys know? This is.

When we all look.

At our phones.

I'm trying to think of something where I could say, if this happens, I'm going to retire.

How about this? We have Thursday Thunder. Why don't you say if Thursday, Thunder doesn't hit.

You'll retire. Dolphins minus nine at home against the Patriots.

Thursday Thunder hits not very frequently. I would say don't hold it to that. It's hard. Betting is hard.

Well, thanks for that set up, Billy, because it's time for Thursday Thunder. We're going to Tony this week because we trust Tony.

For this type of thing.

Our gambling expert.

Gave us a winner last night.

And Thursday Thunder is brought to you by DraftKing sportsbook. Use code Dan when you sign up on the app for a limited time offer for.

New customers. All right, gang, just came out of the kitchen, hot and fresh. This Thursday Thunder is ready to go. We learned our lesson from last week. We love QB rushing overs. Their cars over yesterday or last week on Thursday was one yard. He hit it. Now we're going back to the same well, Josh Allen, over 21 and a half rushing yards for Josh Allen is the first leg of our part of it.

Second.

Leg.

This game, sneaky shootout. I think both teams are ready for offense. Interesting. I think Josh Allen, embarrassed from last week, is going to put it on the Bucks.

-sneaky.

Shootout. I didn't know you knew the game yet. I didn't know if he had given the.

Game yet.

He did. Yeah, it's a Thursday Night game.

Tnf.

Anyways, back half.

That's right. Back half of the secondary for the Bills hurt. A lot of guys injured there on that defense. We're going to go over Bills, Bucks, 43 and a half. Third leg of the parlay. Dawson knocks his out, wrist injury. He's going to be on IR. He's going to have wrist surgery. That means, Dalton Kinkade, their first round draft pick, is stepping into a full-time role for the Buffalo Bills. Three and a half is his reception total. We're going to go over three and a half for Dalton Kinkade. The boy, those are our three legs. Josh Allen over, Bucksbills over, Dalton over. We're having fun tonight.

If Stanford beats Washington, I'm going to retire. What?

Washington almost lost to Arizona State last weekend.

They did? Yeah, it was really close.

I lost money.

On it. Can I take it back?

Yeah, sure. Michael Pinnock, he had through four interceptions, I think.

Really?

It was not good. If the Patriots beat the Dolphins in Miami, Dan will retire. Okay.

Good. I mean, good.

For-yeah, wait, what?

I didn't mean good.

Well, you.

Said good. Well, I meant that's a good one by Chris. It was a good game to choose. It's what?

Kick, save, and abuse.

Yes.

Right. That's a weird-Danny's to get some rest. He's stopped to rebound, too. We're here, why not? Danny's to rest. I mean, Jesus, that's all. That's what I meant by good. Two-week retirement.

He's resting in L. A. He is? I think, no. I just.

Called rest. They had to sit down, though.

They had to sit down. That's a weird Sedano. Not to make it super sporty, but that's a weird spread, right? Dolphins nine and a half over the Patriots. That seems big.

No, Dolphins are great at home.

Dolphins have been really good.

At home. Look at the scores of the Dolphins games at home.

I've.

Watched the games.

But I know-It's a division game. That's a lot of points for a division game. I'm with Billy on that. And the.

Patriots looked good last week.

Dolphins did-They won a game last week. You keep saying they look good. They did? I know, but body of work has been bad.

Nobody is looking at that Patriots team and thinking that they have any offense. Also, if Mac Jones is fine, their offense is okay.

Also, the Dolphins score 70 in the.

Game this season. Yeah, but against the Broncos. Broncos are terrible.

He's like, Billy's.

On the Patriots. I'm just saying.

That-he's on the points. What is Vegas trying to trick us about? Because that's the whole game. It's us versus them.

It shouldn't be the biggest spread of the weekend is what I'm saying. That seems weird to me. What should be? Okay, well, let's go.

No, but, Billy, they won all their home games by 21 plus points. You realize that.

Ravens at Cardinals, minus eight and a half. Should that be bigger?

Okay, well, Chris says that Tyrae Kill might not even play.

Last time I said that I was wrong. This one I feel better about. What was the one last week?

You said you confirmed that Trevor Lawrence would not play, and then he started that game. Then he started.

This time I was smarter. This time I was smarter. I said that he's questionable and likely not to play.

Can I ask you guys a question?

If he's not playing, I would take it right now on that risk.

I honestly might take it right now just because it'll move if he gets ruled out.

That's what I'm trying to do.

You take the points-We're.

Taking the pass right now.

-if you're expecting Tyreke not to play and that hasn't been.

Announced yet. It goes.

Like plus six and a half. Plus nine and a half.

Take it right now. There's no way that that line moves three points with a Y receiver. -but it'll move.

Down a little.

-zero chance. What if Waddle is not there?

Because he hurt his back last week? It could go down to seven and a half, eight.

All the top guys in sportsbooks say the biggest line movers are quarterbacks, obviously, but that a Y receiver, offensive line man, defensive line man, those kinds of things don't.

Move the needle.

-offense and line man don't.

Move the needle?

-they don't move the needle.

They really don't. Tony, this is the best non-quarterback division, best player in football. -yes, agreed. -like everyone's saying that.

I'm with you.

Take him out of the equation. That offense doesn't seem to be nearly.

As high.

Power as it's been. Still got Waddle. I know, but Waddle's banged up too.

He is. How much did the line move with Purdy?

I don't know. We were getting into.

The X's.

But I want to ask you.

Guys a question. Purdy is in concussion protocol. He is, yes.

It's three and a half right now. It's going to go three and a half. We moved down from five, I think it was five and a half earlier when it opened.

My question for you guys is I'm staring at the topic sheet that we have here, and I did not listen to anything that was said in the meeting.

Yeah, you're not.

Great at those meetings. Why is there a question that says, Should Brock Purdy retire?

I would assume that's probably a joke someone maybe, because of the fact that when two have got concussions, they said.

Twoa should retire? That was a sarcastic question of-Who asked that? -our people. It was Jeremy, who's not here today. It was basically a sarcastic question of, Hey, why aren't people telling Purdy to retire? Because he's had three injuries in five. It, granted, not a head injury.

Should he? Sure. Where do we land on that?

We're just asking the question.

We're just workshopping. Did he ever get Tommy John to fix his UCL or not?

Tj.

Did he?

I saw on Bo Manning's podcast.

That's all he had for you.

He just gave me a shrug on radio.

I saw nick Wright and Bo Manning Jones doing the... They proposed the trade in the NFL, Brock Purdy for Kurt Cousins straight up.

Niners would do that? Nine-niners would be unbeatable.

The Nine-Niners were the ones that they said wouldn't do it because of how much money, because of how cheap Purdy is and how not cheap Cousins is. The Vikings would do that because then you get a younger guy who could be.

Your next guy. I'm not sold on Purdy, though. I'm sold on Kurt Cousins. He's the first ballot hall of fame or according to Billy.

But all of a sudden, Cousins has in a sweet spot right now where he's the good quarterback on a team that's bad. So people are like, He could be-Sneaky good, by the way. But if you threw him on the Niner all of a sudden, is he a Super Bowl winning quarterback?

Multiple Super Bowl. Yes, 100 %. If he goes to the 49ers, he will be a first ballot Hall of Famer. Right. Wow, at 30? It's fair. Yeah, because if he goes any... Let's say he goes any...

Guys, he gets two.

Super Bowels. If Kurt Cousins wins two Super Bowels in his career, which is unlikely because of the fact-First ballot. -he probably has five or six years.

Left, maybe. -we've seen Kurt Cousins on good teams, though.

No, not a team like that.

Not like that. -13 and a 1.

Last year. -not the.

Niners, Chris. Obviously not the Niners, but good teams.

Well, the question, though, with Kurt Cousins on the 9ers, and it's something that Chris Sims has told us is, Kyle Shaneyhan doesn't want someone that wants to be the guy. He wants someone to fit his system. So if Kurt Cousins wants to be the guy, he may not fit that system.

Right. He wants what he has now in Purdy or Garapolo-type guy. He doesn't want a great quarterback.

I just love this conversation. It's so weird.

I was talking football.

No, but it's so weird.

If Kurt Cousins wins two Super Bulls. He's the first battle of Hall of Famer, no question in my mind.

Yes, agreed. Oh, isn't our most quarterbacks?

Eli won two Super Bulls.

He's not first ballot, though.

Yes, he is. Eli is a first-ballot Hall of Famer.

Check the score.

Take it away, Dan. Dan Levitard.

We like to call this one a chorus of Owen Wilson.

Ready?

Stugats.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

This is.

The Dan.

Levitard Show.

With the Stugats.

Brad Williams makes me laugh all the time, but rarely as much as when he's greeting Mike Golec, and they are doing that shoulder handshake and Mike Golec has to get down and Brad Williams has to climb up. Why didn't you just go in for a straight handshake to.

Say hello? Because then I nut tap him. Because if I go straight handshake, there's the possibility. By the way, how much, Gojo, were you just holding back? You're like, if I go full shoulder into the sky, he may evaporate into Skittles.

I was more thinking on if I went to pull in because we went the dap with the hug. There's that pull in the middle, and I was like, Are we going to airlift, Brad, right now? Is this going to end up being like a swinging situation?

Did you go football mentality? Low man wins. I'm not going to let this guy.

Beat me. That is true. I thought about just getting all the way down.

You got down pretty low. I thought you were going to.

Throw at your back. I was Jason, Kelsey, Tushpush, trying to get down on all fours there.

It was good. Now I'm realizing that I missed my calling as an O-Lyman.

God, could you imagine?

Low man wins.

Brad Williams led Tushpush?

Unstoppable. Well, not only was it funny because visually that was funny, you were also interrupting a story of Brad Williams kicking a one-legged man out of his last show. That's the story that you interrupted.

I did. There is no love lost between people who share parking in the handicapped space. He was gone. Get out of my show, sir.

Now, did you know he was one-legged before you kicked him out?

I did not. I did not. When he gets up. I was in Bridgeport, Connecticut, and we're all the one-legged people hang out. The guy was talking way too much. It's the worst heckler to me. I will gladly take a heckler that yells out, Fuck you, more than a guy that loves me, but is just talking too loud and commenting on every joke and be like, That's so true. When you did that.

God.

Damn it.

That's a.

Great joke, Brad Williams.

That's a great joke.

You're killing it, Brad. That's what I'm doing. It's like he's encouraging me, but it's like your mom clapping too loud in the stands like, Mom, shut up. I can do this. I talk to him. He's like, I paid good money to get in here. You got to shut up. I finally had to kick him out. He stands up and he does the walk. When he walks, the pant leg goes up and I see the shiny metal underneath and I'm like, Oh, no. Then because I can't filter thoughts, I go, You have one leg, sir?

You just decided to play with the cards up. Let's go.

Then he turns and goes, Yep. I was like, Am I kicking out a soldier? Did you serve? He goes, No, car accident. I'm like, Okay, get me down. If it's a soldier, then yeah. But I actually kept talking to him. Then because I felt bad, I invited him back. I invited him back, and he sat down, and we proceeded with the show. But then it just kept going. He got his second chance to the point where now I see the faces of the people around him being uncomfortable. I'm like, All right, well, now you're... I kicked him out again. I kicked him out again, and he gave me the whole like, Well, do you know how much I paid for these tickets? I go.

An arm and a leg.

We kicked him out.

Yeah. Congratulations. I had my first one. Congratulations.

The most memorable days of my life. When my daughter was born, my wedding day and my first Hakeem Nix left.

Yes. I want to talk to you a little bit about comedy because you went and saw John Stewart and Jim Mulvaney, as I like to call him.

Jim Mulvainey is a very good comedian.

But before we do that, in general, I see that four of the top five Netflix movies are now R-rated comedies. There's a hunger for it. The audience is rating Bill Burr's old dads very well, but the critics hate it. Perfect. Yeah, that's where you want to-.

That's a good sign.

That's where you want to be if you're Bill Burr. But what did you get from watching? I didn't know that John Stewart was doing a lot of stand-up these days.

I didn't know either. The tickets went on sale. Thankfully, I have a live nation rep who's doing my theater tour, which you can go to BradWilliamsComedy. Com and get your tickets all over this great land of ours. Okay, there's my plug. Then I have the same rep, so he got me tickets and I got to sit down and watch John Stewart and John Mellaney do stand-up. I'm just going to say this, I'm not good at comedy. I'm not good. They're very good. But the thing that made me happiest watching them do stand-up is in the middle of John Stewart's set, a siren started going off in the lobby. I don't know if it's a fire alarm or some siren went off in the lobby. It made me so happy because I'm like, You're at the highest level of this and you're still dealing with that.

He's just like me for real.

Yeah. That has happened to me at a comedy club at Standup Live in Phoenix, Arizona. Sorry for my cough.

Let me get you water.

That's okay. Let's get Bradson water. I'll fill a Buster for you.

Let's get him water and a COVID test.

Yeah, I.

Got it. Close the door.

By the way. Let's get some fans in here circulating.

The air. $15 in fine. You're going.

To have to leave here. That's what it costs to do a damn Hakeem Nix laugh. But yeah, so I had a fire alarm go off once during a show. Nope, it's back. But I dealt with it the whole show. The whole show I was dealing with the fire alarm.

I was curious when Brad gets his coughing fits under control here when he mentioned he had that same sensation that I had certainly as a player, which is one thing when you look and watch someone do something so much better that's technically the same skill set as you. But even now in doing the broadcasting job, I have such a vivid memory since I call college football games in the analyst role of driving home one night from ESPN. I was listening to Doris Burke on the radio call of an NBA Finals game, and I'm listening to this and I'm going just the way that she explains certain situations down the stretch. There were technical things in addition to her just her general thing where I'm like, I'll never be that good at this thing that we're both technically the same job title at, but she is so infinitely better at. I was wondering, as you're watching John Stewart and John Mellaney, is there something technically as a comedian outside of just great punchlines as Brad pays off, thankfully, many dollars of fine, as he owes, is there something technically when you're watching them that they do from a comedian standpoint that maybe inside that fraternity would be the things that you notice?

Just how they construct the bits. You can tell they're well written. There's callbacks, there's set ups. Once they hit a... Mellaney hit some punchline where I'm like, He set that up 15 minutes ago. He planted that seed that then that line came back. So, yeah, just seeing all of that and the fact that Mellaney just did a special. And so... And it was a widely regarded, highly touted special. And the fact that he's already got about 35 minutes of great stuff already that's brand new, that's what angered me where I'm like, Oh, my God.

I felt something very close to awe the other day watching Neil Brennan, co-creator of Chappell's show, go into the comedy store one and a half minutes before his set, pull his car up, go on stage, crush for 16 minutes, 90 seconds after pulling up, and then leave because he's just sharpening material for a special. And one of the things that he did, Gojo, is that he was talking about mental health and athletes and took it to a place that I hadn't thought of, which is you do realize that the very best of athletes, all of them are deeply mentally unhealthy, that they can't be as great as they are and keep competition of other crazy people down, unless at the top of the food chain. Obviously, it was funnier, but I hadn't even considered the idea that you almost have to be a little bit imbalanced in order to be excellent at sports.

I've always asked the question of, would most people consider it worth it? When you really see that up close and personal, what it takes from someone in order to achieve at that level. When you've seen a great player like that who has that obsession that clouds the rest of their lives sometimes, affects the way that they are post-career, the way we all think of Michael Jordan, would most people, if they got to see that up close, look at all of what they got as a byproduct of being that great at the sport and say, Is it worth it? Because there's just so much life after sports that can seem largely miserable sometimes when you've got that as.

The background. What are you making faces about? Because every time I have the algorithms get me and are always showing me, Would you do this job for $50 an hour? And then it's somebody on the side of a skyscraper. Almost everybody listening to this thinks they would take the trade of whatever the money and.

The glory is. No, I was making that face because you said the words, Was it worth it? I know a famous comedian. I won't say his name, but he got some death threats and they knew that they were possible. It was definitely something that- Credible. Credible. That's the word. Thank you, journalist. The FBI was called in. I was searching. I love.

How you mentioned that you're never going to be as good as John Stewart and John Mellaney, and you spent the next seven minutes proving it.

I.

Wanted to make sure you knew I was correct. That's how good they are, as opposed to... That's how not good you have to be to be a professional comedian. The guy got credible death threats. The FBI was called in, and the FBI had to tell his children that your dad might get killed. There's a credible death threat against your father. They were explaining it to him. The daughter turned to the comedian, her father, and went, Was it worth it? Was it worth it? For all the stuff that you've done, for all the work that you've done, all the success that you've had, was it worth it? He told me that story. I've got a four-year-old daughter, and I'm just like, Oh, my God. That was a gut punch. So whether it be athlete, whether it be a comedian, I'm sure there's many other, whether it be stripper, are you willing to dedicate that much of your life to something?

Well, comedy is so competitive, too, though, famously competitive, cruelly competitive. One of the reasons I admire Neil is because he's doing at the comedy store five nights a week so that he doesn't get flimsy, so he doesn't get a lack.

Of sharpness. Name one other dwarf comedian. Ha! That's how competitive it is, and that's how good I am that I'm keeping other dwarves down. I'm successfully stopping all of the dwarf comics from succeeding. Shout out to nick DeVicky and Tanya Lee Davis. Is it.

Like Highlander?

Yes.

There.

Could be only one. There could be only one. We play King of the Ant Hill, and right now I'm on top. Let's go.

You don't think that the average excellent athlete would tell you in retrospect that it was always worth it? Almost every one of them?

I think when you say average excellent athlete, that's where I draw the distinction because I'm not even saying in terms of consequence of fame. That's what Brad's talking about there is the invasion on your lifestyle. That's like the Taylor Swift problem with what we're seeing with Travis Kelsie, where so much of your life gets picked over. I think this is what you're talking about, just the mentality of like, I know what it took to be an average college football player, and that's a lot that goes into that. I had a great time with it. It afforded me a lot in my life. I got a ton of good out of it. There's a ton of guys that do that at the NFL level. But then there's the guys that do end up being the future Hall of Famers. Based on the way, the prism through which they see the world, that's so much defined by competition and they're obsessed with it, those are the guys that seem to have the most struggle reintegrating into normal life because once the world is not structured in terms of, Result that I know how to achieve and that I've put my whole life into achieving, you see it become so hard for them.

I guess that's the part I'm talking about when you're retiring at the average age of like 30, 33 if you're lucky in that sport or in any sport in your mid 30s, and then you see your friends that were achieving at that level struggle so much because of what it took to get there. That's the part there. And maybe it's the benefit of hindsight, the benefit of age where you go, Oh, man. Would it have been worth it to be that much better at the thing I was already pretty good at and got a lot from with knowing what it costs on the back end of that from the mental side.

Don Levitard. He said while you were off there, while the connection was bad, he had mentioned that you have lost a lot of weight and that he admires that. What got into you? Why did you decide? I thought we enjoyed being about the munchy.

Oh.

It's slurring again. Okay, the connection is bad again, unfortunately. Back to Magness. Okay, back to Magnus for Magness. This is going about as well as it could go. Thank you, Billy, again for laughing in my face. Stugats.

Magness is the.

Worst here. Can you guys hear me?

Yes, we can hear you. Hello? Yes, sir, action.

Hello? Action.

Man, I'm really sorry. This is literally the worst way to ever do this. This is burning my heart that this is happening.

But if you.

Could hear me, just understand I'm sorry.

This is.

The Dan.

Levator Show with.

The Stook Gats. I'd like.

To ask this group a question. Mike Ryan, Mike Golec, and Brad Williams. If right now I put you in a hurry outside to get from one place to the other that's not within walking distance, and you can- Two blocks. -you cannot get your Uber working or your Internet working. I've become so reliant on this that what I'm about to tell you about what happened next will not surprise you at all, but did surprise me as someone who recently called 411 when his internet wasn't working and expected that- Who answered me?. No, I expected the help of an operator and there was no one there to.

Answer my phone, obviously. We did say who ended up answering was a slightly.

Racist Joe Zagaki that had been through the ringer. That's the old guy in the room.

What's your last name?

Levitard. But what do you guys do? French. What do you do? It's not working and you need a car.

Okay.

I just walk until I get signal, man.

Pretty much.

That's about the only thing I got.

I called the taxi.

You called the taxi? You called for.

A taxi. Listen, Itried. Yes, because the phone was working, but internet was not working. And so I called a taxi. But this is what happened. Not unlike 411 rings.

Forever, I.

Have to call again. Then I'm talking to someone. Hello, cab. Then I'm talking to someone whose English is not quite that good. I'm having trouble understanding them, and they're having trouble- I'm a wheel, cab. They're having me. I don't think it was Hispanic. They're having trouble understanding me as well. What ends up happening is that on Sunset Boulevard, 15 minutes later, when I'm calling back again because they said they were sending a cab, and now I'm talking to the same person.

Surely your internet has to be working by now. No, it was not.

By the way, you're not in rural Iowa. It's Sunset Boulevard.

No cabs.

None.

There's a million hotels. You all have Wi-Fi. I don't know why it wasn't working. I don't know why it wasn't working. It wasn't working. Philip, please forgive me. 15 minutes later, I'm calling back and they're saying to me, Sorry, can't help you. None in the area. Same person. I'm now yelling on Sunset Boulevard. Is this how you guys are keeping up with Uber? This is how you guys are staying.

You're.

Getting.

Mad at them.

Because you can't get your internet to work. It's a.

Phone call.

You made a.

Phone call. I should be.

Able to get.

A car when I call in order… The Uber was frozen.

This is you.

Wait, this is you. I also have a question. Is there just a defined number 4-1-1 style that I've been missing that you can call for a cab?

I think it's 4-4-4-4-4-4. I would just.

Say, You just keep hitting 4 and eventually they hand you a cab?

I thought that was some lawyer because I see that advertised on the back of busses all around L. A.

Mike's got a better story involving an Uber driver. L.

A. I've found is a pretty terrible rideshare town. You're better off scheduling. I had to catch a movie, and I was in a bit of a rush, and I know it takes about an hour to get anywhere, so I'm running out the door. I got my Uber. Thankfully, I had luck there. I'm watching the Cessna cyclones on my ESPN app, keeping to myself because I don't like talking to people generally. And I sit back there and the guy hears the highlight going on, and he's like, Going to the movies, huh? Because I had the location put in there. I'm like, Yeah. He's like, You in the industry? No way. This is LA. I imagine everybody that's driving Ubers is industry-adjacent. I'm like, I'm in sports media, so not really. I just want to see this movie. Why do you.

Tell the truth?

I justI.

Figured you would have a pretty tried and true lie at this point.

I'm a little surprised. But I'm just keeping myself blasting the highlight. As he's talking, I'm just putting the sound louder on my phone. And there's a two-wall by Manu. You would take the point. But no, this guy clearly wanted to get somewhere, so a little bit more silence. It's only filled by the Cessna cyclones dominating the Wall Warriors. And he's like, Have you seen the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie? Which is also, I haven't mapped out a top 50, but that's up there on things I don't want my driver to be just asking me. I'm like, Where is this going?

What time of day was this at? Hopefully, it.

Was daytime.

Okay, I was going.

To say. Wait until you see where this ends up.

Do you like Haley Lewis in the news? He's got.

Some- You've never been inside a Turkish prison.

He's got sunglasses on and prescription eyeglasses over it. He's got long, gray hair. He's a big guy. I'm like, No, I haven't seen the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre because I've seen them all already. I'm like, Is this just to get another remake? He's like, No, this one's a direct sequel. It's on Netflix right now. I'm like, Oh, okay, cool. He's like, And leather face is driving you. Again, having mapped out the top 50 things, I want my ride share driver to be telling me, but I don't know where this is going.

To a basement somewhere.

Yeah, exactly. I hear him talking more and more. I'm like, Wait, is he actually Leatherface? And so as he's talking, I Google IMDb Texas chainsaw mask, and I see the photo for Leatherface is very similar to the one for my driver. And I'm like, It's a different name. And he's like, I'm only doing this because the strike is going on.

He's about to.

Say, yeah. And it was legitimately Leatherface who's been making money during the strike, driving ride shares and going to horror cons, and I guess promoting rider by rider, the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie. He was a really nice guy, a little chatty, especially for Leatherface, because that is a non-speaking role. I mean, he's got a lot of.

Things to say. One, got pent up speech from that role, and two, out here slinging it out the trunk. However, he's got to at this point.

No wonder he's chatting. There's a couple of welcome to LA moments. Usually it's like, Wow, I can't believe this concert's in town. But also it can be like, Wow, the guy who made a leatherface reference was actually Leatherface.

This time. What were the seats in the car made out of?

It was leather. What kind?

And also.

Something that he said at the very beginning of the ride. He's like, You're one lucky rider because this is one of the best Ubers in town. I'm like, okay, it's an okay car. And then three minutes later, he's like, you're being driven by leather face.

I thought for sure, because usually when I think best Uber in town, you got a bunch of mints in the back there.

Or- Chargers.

I prefer charger. I like the charger tree that lets me know you're cognizant.

Of everyone's needs. Maybe a white cloth if you're feeling fancy.

Or water. Water, because you never know. It could be late at night. I could be really using this water. But I'll take leather faces on the board now in terms of, I'm like, Thank you for the cocktail party.

Sorry. I was waiting for Mike to pull up his shirt and show us the scar from where his newly removed kidney is or was.

Right now, I'm trying to think of a top five. You do not want that actor or that part.

Driving.

You in your Uber. And Leatherface, I think, is on there.

Leatherface is pretty high. When he first mentioned it, we were talking about the movie, and I thought it was a plot point like, okay, the movie opens and you're in a car and Leatherface is driving. I still hadn't pieced together, but apparently this is something that happens in.

Los Angeles. That's legitimately horrifying, though, to get from your driver in a strange car. That movie and the question, the random... But the randomness of have you seen the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Obcure and weird enough to really.

Frighten you. Is that the worst place to encounter this guy? Or does he use the same line at a bar? Like when he's trying to pick up chicks.

He's using that line all the time. Have you.

Seen the new-.

100 %. But at least in the bar, you've got company. You've got exits. You've got other people around here. It's Mike and dude, and that dude is quite literally in the driver's seat.

Of this conversation. Have you seen the new Texas Chainsaw Massacre? Hits the button, click.

I got to tell you, wearing sunglasses with prescription eyeglasses on top of it is a bit of a startling look. When someone starts talking to you about the Texas Chainsaw Massacre, you start being very perceptive.

That looks like and sounds like a description of someone who has taken their work home with them.

Yeah.

Oh, he's Method.

He's definitely Method.

What else makes a great Uber ride? We have, I believe Miami, because of the humidity leads all of the world in Ubers that smell like cheese and feet. But on the positive end, you guys have noted all of the things where you're like, Okay, I'm giving this person the highest of ratings.

In Miami, my bar is very low to just get me there in one piece. Oh, something else that happened to me last week. I didn't tell you guys. I was in a rideshare that got in an accident.

Oh, see, that's by far to me, the worst. If you're talking about the polar opposite, Dan, that's the worst outcome. Accident in a.

Ride-share, right? Yeah, he merged lanes, and I was in the back seat. I hadn't put my seatbelt on yet because I don't actually do that when.

I'm in a ride-share.

I'm like, Did we just hit that car? And sure enough, they pull up and they're... I'm like, This is actually happening right now. They went at it for a good 15 minutes. I didn't step out of the car because if a cop pulled up, I didn't want to be questioned. I thought I could hide because they were tense on the car. As they're wrapping up their conversation, the lady that was in the other car comes up to the Uber that I'm in and just starts peeking in like this and doesn't see me because the tints are that dark, but it was mad, creepy. I didn't know what I was supposed to do, so I went on the interface. I'm like, Hey, car got in an accident. Can I get $13 back?

As you do. Immediately went for the refund. You didn't check on anybody.

You didn't check. You would.

Admit that that requires some time.

I was waiting for you to just order the other Uber to your crashed Uber and Uber away from that.

I was thinking about it, but also I'm in L. A. I'm like, Wait a second. The time that it will take for me to get a new Uber is probably greater than the time it takes for them to settle their differences and exchange information. That was literally my thought process there. But I just put in a claim and I put, Oh, I was in an accident. Then the legal department steps in and, are you all right? Are you all right? They're following up like crazy. And I keep it going for a little bit because I'm like, I want to maximize whatever I can get. Maybe I get $50 in credits.

Nah, my back's a.

Little sore. And I mentioned, thankfully, no one was hurt, and I haven't hurt back.

First mistake.

That's.

What you would have heard me shouting on Sunset Boulevard, I should get a.

Discount.

For this. What are you going to do with $50 in yellow.

Cab rebates? I'm not going to.

Mail it to you. When I asked the three of you the question, you were all buffering like, What do you mean? What do we do if the Uber doesn't work? There are no other moves.

Also, you're on Sunset Boulevard. I want to see Dan Levitard on an E-scooter. I want to see.

You on a levitard. I thought about that. I saw one of them and I.

Thought about that.

You had to realize how you had to pay.

For one. He couldn't get to an E-scooter from the payphone he was.

Calling on. I couldn't scan it with my phone.

The internet wasn't working. I couldn't have.

Scared it. You made a call. The internet was working.

It was working. I love writing an E-scooter because it makes my day because of the convenience, and then it makes the day of anyone else who happens to see me riding an E-scooter. They're just like, Well, I was having a bad day, but there's a dwarf on a scooter. I'm good.