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What's up, zach?

What's up, brother?

How you doing, man? What's cracking?

Nothing. Thanks for having me, man.

My pleasure. What are you doing out here, man? What are you doing in Austin, Texas?

I got a. My special comes out today, actually. Oh, shit. Special? Terrified.

What's it on?

YouTube.

That's the move.

Yeah.

Yeah. I'm very happy when guys do that. Makes it easily accessible. It's the best thing for, like, distributing your stuff. People share it easy.

It's nice that that's a, like, a good option now, because when everybody turns you down, it's a great option.

I would think about it even if it, you know, even if I had other options. It's like the best distribution plot. As long as they don't fucking suck. Censor you, which is a little bit of an issue, you know, thrown by Google. And it's just like whenever you're dealing with these giant corporations and there's all these fucking woke kids working for them, it's a lot of sketchy things happen.

Yeah.

But as far as a platform, it's the best.

It's great, right?

Oh, it's so good.

I, um. I don't really, like. I'm not, like, edgy like that, so I don't really have anything. My edgy stuff is not that edgy.

That's good.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's lucky. Yeah. Because, like, Ari Shafir, when he was putting his out, I was like, sure.

He executive produced it.

Oh, he's yours?

Yeah.

That's nice.

We're really tight. Yeah, yeah.

Someone we were just talking about. Someone gave him shit for releasing his on YouTube. I'm like, you're so short sighted. It's so stupid.

I'll look at it now.

Yeah, it's fucking huge. What does it have, like, 7 million downloads or something like that? Yeah. People are stupid, man. They just have this silly idea of, like, these gatekeepers, these fucking institutions, which, you know, look, you get a Netflix special. It's great. Like the Tom Brody roast. Great. I'm happy Netflix is doing cool shit like that. It's awesome.

But do you watch it through 3 hours?

No, I watched Tony Hinchcliffe set and Andrew Schultz set. That's it.

See, Nikki's.

I heard Nikki's was awesome. I heard Nikki killed it.

Yeah, she killed.

Yeah, she goes hard.

Yeah, Tony was. She does it. She does. She kills those roasts, man. She kills those roasts.

She's really good at roasts. She's strong. She's got strong delivery, you know, she's good. And even, like, when she was shitting on Jeff Ross, I did see that part when she was apologizing to, which is so Nikki Glazer.

She's so sweet that that hinge click. One with the liver king, is it? You look like the. I'm gonna fuck it up. But the liver King and the Tiger King had a baby that looked like Martin Luther King and bit by the Lion King. It was a ride.

It was such a ride.

By the time he finished it, it was just like, when I tell you, if he was one king shorter, I don't think it would hit as well. But that king was the perfect.

It was a monster.

It was five kings.

I think it was a monster bit. And then the other one. But Jeff is so jewish. He only watches football for the coin.

That's great.

I fucking love a roast. I'd love a good roast joke.

You know what's so funny? It's like this. You know, the Jewish. It's like you know where you're going with Jeff or, you know, or Jewish or whatever, but it's like you still. It's still like you still find a new way to be. Like, you watch this for the coin toys, you know what I mean? It's like, you tell that joke a million ways, right? Yeah, but you still. I'm still like, oh, my God, that's such a good way to tell it.

It's just, it's. I think people have relaxed more with comedy over the last year or so, for whatever reason.

It feels, like, dipped a little bit. That whole, I feel like people are.

Tired of it all. They realize that it's all just fucking sanctimonious horseshit.

Mm hmm.

You want your coffee? Got some coffee if you want some.

Maybe after this throat coat.

Oh.

Been doing a lot of shows, actually, I have. You got the COVID No, I'm all, my babe got me. My baby got me sick.

Yeah, that'll do it.

Yeah.

Those little kids get sick a lot.

Yeah. I was, like, fighting it for a while, and then a few days ago, it just took a dive.

Do you take vitamins?

Every single day, and I get mocked for it.

You should not get mocked.

My dad, growing up, he used to take, we had one cabinet in the kitchen. One. And we opened it, and it was basically a mini GNC. Not like GNC, but it was like, just. And every day my whole life, I'd watch him throw down, like, 30 you know, pills and just swig it, you know?

Yeah.

And. But me, I just. I feel like I have a weak immune system. I got a weak constitution. So, like, I try to take, like, the, like, the. I take, like, the liposomal. It's all like, I take a d, a b, a c. I was taking like, a multi. And then you start hearing, oh, it doesn't absorb. And you got to take this one and that one.

Hmm.

So I take all immunity stuff, echinacea, elderberry. What the fuck else do I think?

What do you think causes your weak immune system? You ever thought about it?

Yeah, I think about it my whole entire life.

What do you think it is? Genetic thing?

I don't know. Cause no one else in my family is like that, so that's what led me to becoming, like, a little bit of a germaphobe, because you wanna call it germaphobe, but I just know that if I put myself in the way of, like, if someone sneezes, if I put myself in that, sometimes I can get a common cold. How long does it take you to get rid of the common cold?

Like a day.

Yeah, but you're. Yeah, you're, like, you eat elk and.

Yeah, just, you know, I've had a few that last a couple of days, but it's usually one day before I don't feel good. But I've only had a couple of those recently, and I assumed they were the new Covid.

Oh, really?

Yeah, I assumed you got it today. Yeah, I assumed this last one I got was the new cove. This last one I got. I didn't even do the iv vitamins. I was just too busy to sit down and just.

What are they calling it? New coke. Like, new coke.

There's so many strains, dude. Yeah, I think we did a thing where they were trying to. We were reading about it online where they were trying to document all the strains and how many were they up to? Jamie, it's a crazy number. There's a lot of strains.

I thought there was, like, four strings.

There's a. No, no, no, there's dozens. Yeah, they keep coming around. New ones come around. New variants come around. You know what they're saying is, like, this is just how we're gonna be forever. Yeah, that stuff's just out there in the wild now. Yeah, those little gremlins.

So that doesn't bode well for me, but I. Common cold one, two weeks min.

Really?

Yeah, I've had. I've had a cold, like, five, six weeks at many times, lingering not like.

You ever do iv vitamins?

I, uh. I've only done it twice in my life. It's so funny. When we. I shot the special in December in Chicago, and, uh, the day of, I woke up and I was. Had a cold. I just. Because I was just running myself into the ground, right? So I woke up, my throat was like. It was hurting me. It was, like, scratchy. My voice was raspy, and I had, like, no energy. I'm like, oh, freaking the fuck out, right? So I get to the theater and I'm telling them, like, I don't know what to do. Like, I feel so weak. I gotta do something. So Ari's feeding me these all day long. He's feeding me these Baroka tablets. They're like these vitamin dissolving tablets that I just.

Right? He's into those?

Yeah. They're like a hundred, you know, billion percent, whatever, right? So he's feeding me those. And then I get to the place and they get me the iv, and the guy gives me a b twelve shot. And then I had just started Vyvanse.

What's that?

It's for ADHD. So it's like an Adderall almost.

Oh, no.

And I had just started it a few days earlier, so I'm like, not really. It hasn't really, like, I'm not really regulated to it yet. And I just didn't realize that his. The tablets Ari would give me, I looked back afterwards and they were like, they all had caffeine. And then I got this b twelve shot 20 minutes before the first show, and I was on the vivance, which is Adderall, and it was the highest dose. I didn't realize that this was all happening to me. And, like, three minutes before I went out, I was the most wired I ever was in my entire life of 40. Like, I just was. I was like, literally. And then I had the adrenaline just. Cause it was my first taping, you know what I mean?

Oh, my God. I ready to stroke out.

I was holding my hand that it was doing this.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

You gave me three of these fucking things today. Every one of them, 200 milligrams of caffeine.

Oh, my God.

He's like, I didn't give you three. I'm like, you gave me three. You didn't give me. You get. How do you look me in the face? We were both there. It's not like I'm tough to hear the second hand. And then the beat. I think the b twelve shot, just put it over the top.

Oh, my God.

And it was like, what?

Accommodation time was bad.

I didn't use 1 second from show one.

Oh, my God.

So 1 second. The.

Is it, like, an Adderall or is it because it's Adderall? It's basically Adderall.

Yeah. It's, like, same exact thing.

And why did you think you needed that? Why do you think you needed Adderall?

I mean, I suffer from ADHD and little OCD for, like, my whole life.

And so what does that mean? Like, when you say ADHD, how does it manifest itself in your life?

So many ways. Mainly the thing that affects my life as I can't focus. I can't focus on something for, especially fm. Like, there's up and down days, but, like, I can't. I can't focus on something for more than, like, if I'm trying to complete something, I will complete it.

Like, what kind of stuff?

Like, if I'm writing or if I have just stuff to do, pay anything at all, paying bills, this, that. Anything that. Where I have to use my mind, like, you know what I mean? I'll be. I'll plant my ass down, and I'll be trying to, like, write or send an email or whatever. My leg is shaking like crazy because I don't want to sit there. I just, like. And I just. It's helped because I can multitask, like, 500 things at once. But it also hurts because it's really hard to get something done. I can't remember anything, so I only. I have, like, 50 lists in my phone. They're all labeled and prioritized. That helps me, but I have to use that. Otherwise I won't remember anything.

Right.

I have trouble reading. Like, I'll read a page, and then I will. Like, I have no idea it was on that page. I have to read the page again, so I end up reading really slow.

Is it with everything you read or is only so stuff? Is there anything that you read where that's not a problem.

Books are tough.

Like, long form reading, like, fiction or nonfiction.

Just, like, just a lot of pages in between two covers. The genre doesn't play into the fact.

So not even, like, a really. Like, there's not one book that just captivated you and you, like, easily could read it?

Yeah, I mean, that's. I mean, when I'm really. I mean, like I said, there's good and bad days. So, like, if I'm reading, like, a biography or I'm really into it, I don't really read fiction.

Oh, okay.

Yeah. But I like, biographies, really. So if something like that, you know? But honestly, it's really tough. I actually. That's. I really don't read as much as you. How many books I've bought. I have a lot of books, but I just. So many aren't open.

Like, one day I'm gonna read that.

I have this guilt that I think about that I'm. When I. I know I'm not gonna do it. I'm like, I owe it to myself to read all these books. And I just keep picturing myself, like, on my deathbed, being, like, the books I got just. I just wanted to read that book. You know? It's wasted money.

It is. But it's also. It's nice to have books in your house.

It is.

I have this weird theory about books that I haven't read that are cool. It's like, at least they're near me. At least I'm getting the energy off of that book, that really good book. Like, whoever wrote it, whatever it is.

Yeah, I can see that. I know.

That book's awesome. It's sitting right there.

Yeah. I can't even listen to audio. You think audio books would be to solve it? Doesn't help, but I can't listen to someone unless it's really, really good. But it's, like, hard to listen to someone drawn on, you know?

Like, it's hard. But a lot of them are really good at it. Some really good voice over actor guys.

Yeah.

And including they do fiction, so they do a bunch of different voices. It's a real art form now. It's almost like old timey radio stories or something.

Yeah, that I love. I mean, I love it. My buddy, I'm on. I do a show with. He has a bunch of books out published. And one of the things we. When does this come out? He's gonna. I don't know if I'm supposed to say so. We do a lot of. Keep a lot of secrets from each other, right. And then surprise each other on the show. The show for. If you don't know, if people don't know. It's just called impractical jokers. Me and my buddies of 35.

Fucking huge show, dude. It's gigantic.

It's crazy.

Congratulations.

Thank you so much. Thank you.

I remember when guys were talking about it in the parking lot of the store when it was just blowing up and people were talking about your shows that you were doing. You guys were doing shows. They were just mobbed. And everybody's like, that show is huge.

Yeah. It was wild. Not expected or anything. It was on true tv, you know?

Yeah. Which is like a. Not a network where people really blow up from. Right. There's a few of them, but it just shows you. If something's fun, people find it.

Yeah, well, there was nothing. Like, they only did. They had no joke. They had two different pawn shows. This is when we got on. They had two different pawn shows. Three. Three different towing shows, and two storage shows. That was the whole. And then they showed, like. Like, the stupidest criminals of all time. Like, and that was it. So we were first comedy. So I guess it kind of resonated on the channel because we were, like, alone in that manner.

I heard a lot of those storage shows are for gazing.

So much of all the reality stuff is.

Oh, so a lot of it is. Yeah.

I mean, I'd say 95%.

There's a lot of finagling going on behind the scenes with the truth just for narratives.

If you pause the credits, like, there's always, like, that fine print in the credits.

I think they have to say that they're allowed to. Like, they use it to create a theatrical piece that's not necessarily representative of what actually happened. I mean, bro, they've been looking for Bigfoot for nine years. Well, no, it's more than that. Right? How many ghost is finding big versions.

Of the show that are, like, refinding them or research, refining, refining again?

So many.

So many fucking dorks in the woods looking for nothing.

Even ghosts. It's like, I mean, people.

I'm more interested in ghosts than I am Bigfoot.

Me too.

Because the thing about Bigfoot is, like, I think it was probably a real animal, and I think there's some ancient stories that are passed down for thousands of years. I think. I think that's probably what it was. But ghosts are weird because they're in every culture, right? And I haven't experienced a ghost, but I imagine if I did, trying to explain it to someone and not sound like a fucking maniac, like, just a crazy person. Oh, I saw a ghost.

Let me try.

Okay. You seen one?

Didn't see one. But here's the thing. I don't believe in ghosts.

Oh, okay.

But then I had this happen to me, and now I don't really know what to like to what to feel.

Cue the spooky moods. Any spooky music over there, Jamie?

My family believes in ghosts. They're like. They're all for it. My sister had a thing. She lived at home, and she came home one day and she opened a door to her room, and every single one of her closet drawers were open. Every. Every single thing that could be opened in the room was open, and it freaked her out a little bit. And she asked if anyone did it, and it was just my stepmom, my dad, they said no. And she was, like, felt uncomfortable about that. And then she closed everything. And then, like, whatever, she used to lock it after that. And then she locked, and one day, like, months later, she had locked it. She came. When she opened it, they were all open again. I tell her I don't even believe. Like, I don't. I don't know what I. She's not lying to me, but I don't know what to make of it, but I don't think it's a ghost. But my grandparents, that's, like, the hulk. I was about to get a massage.

Yeah. That was, like, I was waiting for the candles to be lit.

But my grandpa, my grandfather died in the house. But, like. But this is not. That's not what I was saying. One night, I was home.

There we go.

It was foggy out, and so I'm just. I used to live alone, and I'm just. I'm in bed, and I'm getting, you know, I'm laying in bed at. My television is on, and I. I do lock. Even when I live alone. I lock my bedroom door when I go to sleep. I lock my bathroom door when I'm taking a shower. I always have. Right. So my door is locked, and I'm laying there, and I'm watching tv, and I sleep with a cpap, right? So what's good about that is, like, I can go all the way under the covers like a cocoon, and I still have a form of. To breathe. So I, like, wrap myself up like a fucking burrito, for real. It's so delightful. You're breathing.

You're scuba diving. There's just a host coming out of scuba diving. Your sleep.

Yeah.

That's so crazy.

So. So I, um. I love it. So I wrap myself. I. Over my head and everything. And what I really do, like, what's really fun when you're in there is to, like, just poke out a foot or just. Or a hand and just get, like.

A cool breeze and then wonder about what's under the bed. It's gonna bite your feet.

Sure. A little bit. It depends on the night, right.

But, like, you know, I was dangling.

I don't like haunts. I will tell you that. I don't believe in ghosts, but, like, haunted houses and scares, we can get into that later.

Wait a minute. What's the difference? What are they haunted by?

Well, like, you know, like fake ones, even. I'm saying I don't even like. I don't even like the go through the.

Oh, okay.

No, I don't like that shit. But it's not that.

It's less about funny because a guy likes to play jokes on people. You would think.

Yeah, I mean, well, do I really play jokes? I don't know what I do, really.

It's like pranks.

Yeah. It's like the four of us.

It's fun.

Yeah, it's crazy shit we did.

But you don't like a good haunted house. Like, ah, they jump out of nowhere and scare the fuck out of you.

I'll tell you how much I don't like that. We went on the show, they know I don't like it. So they created. One time they put me in a cornfield and they made it haunted, and I had to navigate it. And then the next time they upped it, and they got an old mansion, and they completely built it all out and made it haunted and just put me in there, locked the door, and made me alone in the mansion.

Did you want to really see a collection of shit that'll freak you out? Go to Zach Bagan's thing in vain.

Oh, is that that, like, thing where they get really weird with. You got this, like, it's a visceral thing. Like they put a gun in your throat and stuff?

No, no, no. He's got this crazy mansion in Vegas that's like a museum of haunted shit. A museum of, like. Like, they have Doctor Kovorkian. The van where he killed people. They have the van. Yeah, they have a bunch of stuff that Ted Bundy owned and a bunch of stuff that Ed Gein owned. Yeah, it's. It's a. It's a creepy fucking place.

This is the one I had of the thing on my. This is the. Yeah, I mean, look. See, now I know what I had to threaten that girl because I know. Look, here's the deal. I'm not a ghost. I know she's not anything like that. I'm not crazy. I just mean, I just don't like be the jump scares. I don't like it. Like in the cornfield, they had a little girl, right? And I was 20 minutes into this cornfield where there's little labor laws here, this girl's just standing there waiting for me. She's in, like, a dress. She's a little girl with pigtails and I see her in the distance and I go, is that a little girl? And then she just raised her hand and pointed at me. And I had to follow this path that they laid out and it went past. It had to go past the girl, right? I don't know how to explain it, man. I know that. I know that they did this to me, right? But yeah, I was like, I will. I know you're a little girl, but I will fucking punch you. I told her, I think when I went past, I'm like, I know you're a girl.

I was like, look, I know I can beat you up. Don't jump, scare me, because I'm liable to punch you. I'm letting you know right now. But um, wait, so I'll double back on this one.

I saw this fucking scary to get lost in corn maze.

Yeah, it's terrible.

It's really weird. Like there's a mate, there's a place in California where they have a farm and they have a corn maze. You can walk around this maze. It's fun because you know you can eventually get out lost in this maze. You get really lost and it's kind of confusing. And now imagine this is thousands of acres, right? And you're in the center of it with no water and you have no idea. You might be walking around in circles. You really have no idea.

You may as well be on like, the mountains when people die.

Yeah, people die in cornfields, man. That's a real thing.

I mean, I feel like. Yeah, it depends how dense it is. I mean, if I was ever in that situation, I just go straight and not stop.

I wonder how many people over in history have died in cornfields. Just heat exhaustion.

Eleven.

Get lot eleven.

Yeah.

That's what you think.

We had looked it up.

For real?

No, let's guess. Let's say yes, I want to guess.

But then I think eleven is a solid number. I think eleven is like a good guess. Like eleven people over the course of America have died in cornfields.

No, back in the day, a lot think about that.

But they didn't have monocrop agriculture back then.

I don't even know what that is.

That's like these giant cornfields.

Okay?

We're like in this country right now. Look this up because I think it's true. I think 5% of the land mass of the United States is being used for cornfields.

That's still. That's crazy.

That's fucking wild. That's so crazy. I think that's correct.

The guy on my show, by the.

Way I just read the headline of that, I'll be real clear.

Yeah.

I didn't even read the whole article. I just read the.

Okay. Okay. Well, this guy, he might not be. He put a cornfield in his yard. He has five acres. He built a cornfield registered as a farm. So we get tax breaks. He has to sell $50,000 worth of corn in order to get it. So trying to do that right now.

How much corn is $50,000 worth of?

No clue. It feels like a lot to me, isn't it?

Because government subsidizes corn.

It's wild.

Well, you know where it all came from? Came from World War two. So during the war, like, people need food, and they wanted to make sure that in the future they would have stockpiles of food. You know, like, the war just ended. But who knows what's going to happen now with Russia? We could be into it again. Let's prepare. And they started subsidizing corn production. Then they just started using corn for all kinds of extra stuff.

Right.

That you're not supposed to use it for, like oil.

Yeah.

You know, or, you know, corn syrup. That stuff's fucking.

I can't find the percentage, which I'm trying to get to, but I've got 97 million acres, which is about the same size as California.

What?

Wow. Oh, there's no shortage of that then.

There's so much court. Okay, so, like, what percentage? That's. California's got to be more than 5% of the country, right? You think so?

Because.

A lot.

I mean, they're not counting Alaska, right?

Alaska. So big doubles. Alaska is, like, way bigger than Texas, and Texas is enormous. I think Alaska is like, three. Texas.

Really? What percentage of that corn you think we're consuming and what's going to waste?

I don't know if it's a waste thing. It just goes because you can use it for so many different things. You can use it to make alcohol. You can use it to make corn syrup. You can use it to make oil. I think they're just. It's like a money racket. It's like they've cornered this market, and people were better off when they were using actual sugar, and people were better off when they weren't eating corn syrup and fucking everything. It just got good for you. And then, you know, what people think is corn or canola oil? That's not canola. That's rapeseed oil. That's an industrial lubricant that they figured out a way to refine. Down to the point where human beings can eat it, not die immediately. People put it on everything.

This is the first time I've really. In the last ten, whatever. When I was a kid, we didn't eat it. I mean, like my parents, like I love them, but like we didn't eat fresh vegetables. We got canned. Everything.

It says about a third of America's corn crop is used for feeding cattle, hogs and poultry. In the US, corn provides the carbs in animal feed, while soybeans provide the protein. Takes a couple bushels of american corn to make corn fed steak. By some estimates, a beef cow can eat a ton of corn if raised in a feedlot. Both dairy cows and beef cows also consume silage, which is fermented corn stalks and other green plants. So a third of the corn crop is used to make ethanol, which serves as renewable fuel additive to gasoline. The rest of the corn crop is used for human food, beverages and industrial uses in the US or exported to other countries for food or feed use. Used to make breakfast cereal, tortilla chips, grits, canned beer, soda, cooking oil, biodegradable packing materials. Have you ever watched that documentary king corn?

No.

It's great.

It's king corn.

It's a good one to watch. That's. It's a giant industry. That's not good for us. It's like all the things that it does. Like you can do with other things and you'd be better off.

Right, right.

It's captive.

It'll never change.

Also corn on the cob is fucking delicious.

That's the best corn. That's the best form of corn.

There's nothing wrong with corn.

I love corn.

Corns, great. I like why so much cream of corn soup? Cream of corn soup is.

I haven't had that. Maybe had that three times.

Cream corn vera. Cream corn steakhouse.

Yeah, yeah, got it.

Corn's great, don't get me wrong.

But on the cob it's like.

It's the best.

The sweet corn. That sweet corn with butter.

When you take the butter and the butter like takes on the shape of the corn cob. Cause you just reckless. You run in a hole, stick a butter around that.

Feel the whole. That's how I do it. You hold the stick and go like this.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Fucking a. Sweet corn fresh off the grill with butter. Oh, one of the best.

Just like a typewriter.

Oh my God. So delicious.

Three, four of those things.

So delicious.

I don't know why they're better. And you take that same exact. And you like kind of put it. Just take it off. It's good, but it's just better on the cob.

It's also you're getting the melted butter in all the kernels in your mouth while you're biting into it. Oh, yeah.

You know what else they use corn crops for?

What?

In the 18 hundreds?

Pipes.

Popeyes before toilet paper.

Whoa. Jesus Christ.

To wipe their asses.

Can you imagine how rough their assholes were back then?

Because it catches. Why? Because of the shape.

Because they had it.

I think because they just were just dummies. They were living in a dumb ass time.

Early north american sellers used corn cob. They were abundant, soft, and easy to handle. Look at this. Sailors used something they called a tow.

Rag, by the way. Back then, they didn't even run in water, so it's not like they're washing these things off. You're a sailor with a corn cob, you're gonna use that corn cob over and over again. You're gonna be smearing new shit over the area where the old shit dried up.

They dangled it in the water to clean it off.

A dangle.

You ever think about, like, how, how we got, like, how people would have sex back then? Like, how would people still fuck back then?

They were disgusting things.

Think about how many years. It's only like, the last hundred years that people aren't disgusting.

Yeah, we were talking about St. Agnes, who went his whole life. Was it St. Agnes? Yeah.

I mean, back anyway.

His whole life without having a bath. His whole life.

He copped to that.

If there wasn't even that, it was like, you were supposed to do that. Oh, yeah. Like bathing was thought of as, like, a ridiculous thing to do.

I mean, day three, it starts to be a problem.

How long did he know what happens? I wonder what happens? Like, what just happens if you never bathe? We just assume that you have to bathe. Maybe that's the source of a lot of our problems. We're not, like, covered in dirt and bacteria all the time. Like, we're supposed to be like a normal animal. Maybe that warded off.

Maybe that warded off. Like, I bet it.

Nah, didn't, did that stop right? No, you got, you don't think a.

T. Rex would be like, uh.

I don't know how we made it so far. Yeah, I really don't. I really don't. I don't understand it. I mean, I know is the invention of weapons and tools and stuff and building houses, but God damn, we're so weak. Like, how much different were we back then? We are so fucking weak. I just can't imagine us without the houses and the weapons. Like, how did we even make it that far? And how much of a change was it once we developed the houses and the weapons? Because we are so bitch ass. Like, as an animal. Even if you're fit and in shape, even if, like, you're a UFC fighter, you're like Islam Akachev. To compare to the nature world, our animal species is so bitch ass.

We're so bitch ass.

It's insane that we made it this far.

Yeah, it is. I guess just like, just the fact.

That we even survived to the point where we made, like, a bow and arrow. Like, how. How did everything not just run up on us and eat us?

I don't know. I don't know. And it's like, the day, like, I always think about this, too. Like, the. The first. There's always the first time. First person. Like, there's the. There was one person who was like, oh, shit, hold on a second.

I guess.

And now I guess they probably, like.

Stepped on things and cut themselves with it and then realized they could pick those things up and cut other things with it and then they figured out how to make those things.

Yeah. You know, and then we got email.

Then we got email.

Fast forward.

Fast forward. You got AI.

Yeah, fast forward.

Yeah. I mean, could you fucking imagine being born, you know, in Africa 500,000 years ago?

Just. If you put me in Africa now. If you put me in the. In the. In a forest, right?

Congo.

If you put me anywhere right now, I'm done. I don't know any. I don't know how to make a fire. I don't really. I don't know how to. I don't know anything. I can't explain anything. I can't explain how mirrors work.

There's some places, like, I was reading this thing. No, it was actually Paul Roseley. Paul Rosely was talking about this. They're like, if you get caught in the Amazon, do not try to make a fire because you won't be able to, and it'll break your spirit. Like, you're not gonna be.

I didn't think that's where you're going with that.

If you're lost in the Amazon, forget a fire. It's not gonna happen.

Your broken spirit will kill you before.

You will realize how hopeless your plight is when it is impossible for you to make a fire. So now you're gonna realize that everything that you eat is going to be raw and you're going to have to catch things and eat them raw to stay alive. And now you're an animal.

No. I don't even know. Like, I'd be on the. Trying to catch a small animal and strangle it. What am I going to do?

The likelihood of them finding you is so small. If you just go on a walkabout, if you're, like, some wacky dude who goes off his meds and decides to go on a walk about in the Amazon, they're not gonna find you.

So many walkabouts just turn. Don't turn out.

Well, a lot of them don't. Why?

Why keep walking about it?

Why are walkabouts so romantic to us? You know, like that movie with a kid who. What was the movie called? Where you lived in the bus in Alaska? Yeah. Into the wild. Oh, yeah, into the wild. Like, why is that so romantic to us for someone who just goes out into the wild and even if the dude dies out there like that guy.

Did, maybe there's some type of, like, whether it be just finding yourself or, like, just being at one with these elements as much as possible feels like something romantic, I guess.

Yeah. It feels like this understanding that we're disconnected from the rest of the world gives you perspective.

For sure.

It does give you perspective. It's also, like, the more disconnected we are, the more ridiculous we behave. Like, where do people behave the most ridiculously in big cities, they're the most disconnected from nature the most. You're living in concrete jungles. Honk, honk. Fuck you. You live in New York City like, you're disconnected from nature, period. Fuck your park. Parks. Cute. Yeah, that park's cute. It's surrounded by New York City. Like, that is. It's so unnatural. It's so contained.

Yeah.

It's actually contained by the city. The park is contained?

Yes.

It's not peaceful. It's peaceful enough.

Right.

It's a nice park. It's a lovely park.

But you've been through it all. You've been through it.

Yeah, I've been through the park.

I mean, lovely because it's like, I thought I went to it, but then one day I, like, really went to it. It's like I went to, like, every area, which is. There's so many things I didn't know.

There's, like, really big.

There's, like, 50 things, like places.

It's a beautiful thing about New York City that they have that park in the center of it. It really changes the dynamic of the city.

It does.

I think it makes the city a more. More livable place, a more friendly place.

Absolutely.

I mean, it's crazy that you have this insane urban environment, then inside you have this massive park.

It's like another world in there. It is.

But the difference between that and the woods, the actual woods, like the Colorado Rockies, the difference being out there in the eye, waking up and just looking, and all you see in front of you is mountain Peak after Mountain Peak after Mountain Peak, and it just goes on. That is a different feeling. That's the real feeling. And that feeling is. I think that feeling is like a thing we're supposed to get. I think that's a supposed to be. It's. I think it's a part of our requirements of being a human being, that we connect with the earth, that the earth sees us. We see it, we're out there in it, and we realize our actual place. We get all cocky in our fucking Uber in New York City, getting out, buying a slice, and you think you're all disconnected.

We think we're better than, we're just.

Trapped in our own little fucking zoo. The little zoo that we've created. But when you go out in the world, you feel so vulnerable. You go out into the woods, you feel so. So minuscule and. But connected.

Connected. But you're right. You start to feel where our place is.

Yeah.

We are not as. We are bitch ass. Yes, that's right. That's a bitch. That first wave that comes over you is a bitch ass wave.

Bitch.

Right.

Compared to all the other things. Bitch ass.

I don't think I'm catching anything. I don't think I'm gonna kill any. What do you think you feel like when you. You're not even at a point where, like, it just happened, but you know, you ain't getting out of it, so it's like your survival mode is gonna kick in. How long you last? I don't know.

Probably go into shock. Like, bear grabs you. You probably could just go into shock.

Well, I had this conversation yesterday, actually. So would you be able to play dead?

It depends on what the bear wants, man. See, there's two types of bears, black bears and brown bears. Black bears. Or more likely, this is two type of bears in North America, the black bears. They're also brown, too. A lot of black bears are very even blonde. They look blonde sometimes. They're called color phase bears, but they're more like. Black bears are more likely to try to eat you. Oh, I thought that more likely. No, they're more likely to try to bite you and kill you to eat you. Whereas brown bears, for the most part, when they're killing people. Grizzlies. Yes. Brown bears are. The big ones, are the ones that are the coastal bears because they have access to all the seafood. That's why those are like those kodiak bears, enormous, enormous grizzly bears. But there's the same bear. It's the same species. It's just you have the inland one, which is eating mostly animals and berries and shit like that. And they have the coastal ones just gorging in salmon. And so they're fucking huge.

Yeah. They put me in a cage with two of them.

They're actually less likely to try to go after you because they have an abundant food source. Like, there's people that, like, camp out by the river and watch these enormous fucking bears just eat salmon. But the bears don't want to have nothing to do with you. They're just eating salmon.

But, like the revenant, right? I don't care what kind of bear it is. If there's a bear coming at you, the bear has bad intentions. Black, brown, white. And they tell you to lay down and just stay there. Like, I know that, like, the bear's gonna catch you if you keep running. But you could. You think that you could play dead in that moment?

No, it doesn't matter. It'll just start eating you. Why is it. Because if it's a mama bear. So if a mama bear goes after you because her cubs are there, if you stump and you scare her, like, if you come too close and she doesn't know you're there, she thinks you're a predator, she may charge you.

She's taking a.

She charges you and bites you, and you should play dead. You should play dead with her because she's not trying to eat you. She's just trying to protect her cuss, okay.

She wants a knock.

It doesn't mean she won't eat you either.

Yeah. Dead. When she this.

Sometimes she just wants to eliminate the threat and then get her babies to safety.

Yeah.

So that's why playing dead works with mama bears. Sometimes you just hope, but it's a big sometimes. It's a big sometimes because sometimes they just eat you like they're bears.

Yeah.

We don't have, like, a fucking, like, treaty with them.

Right. That's why my strategy is just not to put myself in a place where there are bears. That's a good move, you know? And it's worked so far.

That'll help you a lot in this life.

Yeah.

If you want to avoid getting eaten by bears.

Have you come across one like that? Like in. Just in the wild?

The scariest thing I came across, I've talked about it too many times on the podcast, but to tell you, I saw a big mountain lion from about 30 yards away. But I was inside my friend's truck, and he spotted it. It was about dusk. It was in Utah, in the mountains. And we were taking this corner, and he hits the brakes. He goes, look at that cat. And we look, and about 30 yards away, under a tree is this enormous, enormous mountain lion with, like, a head like a pumpkin, dude. And these giant forearms. And just sitting there, we're like, holy fuck, man. And I had binoculars, so I pick up the binos. So I have these ten power binoculars. So I'm looking in its face.

Oh, shit.

But I'm protected. I'm inside the car. We have a gun. I'm protected, and I'm.

Did you still.

That's crazy. Like, it. Like, it. Some primal fear.

Yeah.

Some primal recognition of an actual monster.

Yeah, yeah. That. That kicked in from the inside.

I mean, that's from inside. Truck with a gun.

Doesn't matter.

With the binoculars.

Yeah, yeah.

Dude, you look at the shades because it's dusk. The eyes are kind of glowing a little bit.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, thank you.

That's. Those are the real monsters.

And I had a collie dog bite me once, and I was that scared. So it's like, I'm not gonna.

Bro, if your cat wants to fuck you up, that's a real problem.

Yeah. You know, I don't do cats, but.

Imagine a cat that's 170 pounds.

Yeah.

Dude, it's so scary.

This is so big. You ever see these guys on, like, instagram? Like, they live with lions?

Oh, those guys are like.

They just, like, on the couch, and they're like, come over and they just feed them like a sandwich.

You know, Melanie Griffith grew up with lions.

No.

House was filled with lions. Yeah.

How do.

How does.

How is that something everybody knows? Houses.

No, no, they had pet lions. I mean, enormous pet lions.

What did she.

All these photographs of her as a child in California, but. Right. Wasn't it.

Which. But what was.

Her family was kooky. Just.

This was your lion pets? Yes. It wasn't like. Like they were like carnies or something.

No, crazy lion people. And they did a movie with these lions, and the movie supposed to be, like, the dumbest movie of all time.

Illegal. It. Was it illegal to do.

This is the movie. What's it called again? What is it, Jamie. Roar. So these are all their lines. And a bunch of people got fucked up in the making of this movie, too, by the way.

No shit. I don't believe it.

Because they used actual real lions, man. And so, like, if we. Fucking seeds. Melanie Griffiths is in this stupid movie.

All these clips of these actors right now. Yeah.

With their pet.

Those are real lions. Every one of those people, yes. How was that? What was the insurance for that insurance.

You know, in order.

They locked me in a motel room with a tiger, a bangle tiger. And our movie. In our. And then jokers movie. I. What? They pushed me into a hotel. Roadside hotel room. Close the door behind me. I turned around. There was no knob on the inside. And I just was like, what? What is this for? And I heard a grump, like a rumbling.

Oh, my God.

And then literally, I was like, guy, I plastered up against the wall. Because I was like, yeah, dude, it's just a white tiger. Just.

How can you predict the behavior of that thing?

Yeah, that's what I fucking said, bro.

That's so dangerous. And if you want a chain, it's.

On a chain, which is.

What are you talking.

It's chained to the. To the pole in the shower, bro.

I also want you to look at that bitch ass chain.

I thought, you look at that picture.

Look at that chain. You don't think you can break that chain.

I know he could. I was saying, that is so crazy.

Yeah, that's such a crazy thing to do.

I was. I just forgot about that until this moment.

To fuck those things.

I said to them, this isn't funny. It's not me funny. So how to make the movie? Like, I. The first thing I said on camera is, do we have insurance? It's in the movie. I. I couldn't even, like, play it up, and I just. It stayed in the fucking movie, dude. Yeah, fuck that. But Roy. Roy, look at that guy that got that secret and Roy.

Yeah, same thing. Like, he raised that right tiger from the time it was a baby and he was. Know why it had. There's all this speculation there was a lady with, like, some crazy hat on, apparently. And they think that, like, maybe the tiger was agitated by the lady, but it's all just. The tiger just decided to bite him.

Yeah. If that's all it takes. Is that tiger to get agitated by a lady.

Yeah.

I mean, you're playing with your russian roulette your whole life. I mean, like, he would tell you a billion times over, it's safe. It's safe. And then he gets. He gets his throat cut out.

I don't think it tried to kill him, though. I think it was carrying away like a cub.

Mmm. Yeah, I think his limp body. Did they show that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't think they showed it, but I think they have it. I don't think anybody.

He didn't die, though, right? Oh, he died.

He died eventually, but he was paralyzed.

Like, a few hours later or.

No, he was paralyzed.

Yeah, but. And he kept the tiger, right? He was like, I forgive him. He's the lady's fault.

You can't trust those things. I was just kidding, because when it goes. You saw the one where the guy was. He had a trained grizzly bear for a movie. It had been in a few movies, and it just. He's doing this thing with you and it just bites this guy's neck off. Just. Just jumps on this guy's neck and tears it apart in front of everybody. And nothing anyone could do about it. The bear just jumps on him for no reason. Dude's just standing there, just totally standing still. And the bear just decides, I want to bite you.

Imagine what you feel in that moment. Knowing. Knowing that you're going to die. Knowing that it's going to be this way. Knowing that people are watching and can't help, and you're going to die in front of, like, your whole life. When am I going? How's it going?

It could have all been avoided. Like, don't do that. Don't get out there. This is just not. It's not 100% kids, even if it's 99.9%, that little tiny one that when the bear decides to just do what nature wants it to do.

Yeah. Yeah.

They want to kill things, man. It's part of the fun of being a bear. It's part of the fun of being a tiger. It's part of the fun. They like to kill things. That's how they survive. There's a reward system that's built into their DNA. And we have this stupid belief that we could just slide stakes under the door and they'll be cool with that.

Yeah.

And then eventually they just won't. I want to get my own meat.

Yeah. Like, you're not the boss of me.

So the tiger never attacked him during the Vegas show? He saved my life.

I don't know, Roy. I don't know if we're picking it up.

Why does he think the tiger saved his life? Instinctively. Oh. He said he might have been having a stroke. Hold on a second. Roy maintains that Monica was really trying to drag him to safety after seeing him felled by what he thinks may have been a stroke. He said he instinctively saw that I needed help and he helped me. Oh, he was taking medication for high blood pressure for years. Said he recently began to suffer dizzy spells. And this one spell unfortunately occurred in the presence of a very large tiger. He said, I started feeling weak, still speaks slowly, but has recovered most of his german accented speeches. As I fell over, Montecor saw that I was falling down. So he actually took me and brought me to the other exit where everybody could get me and help me. He knew better than I did where to go. So he's saying that the tiger fucked him up accidentally while it was dragging him to safety.

That come out right away. I mean, that's amazing if that's what happened.

But they don't. Tigers don't understand. You can't just drag a dude by his neck and not, like, break it.

Yeah, exactly.

Cause we're bitch ass.

He's like Lenny from vice versa.

You could do that to a puppy. Two gaping puncture wounds to the neck. Before passing out, recall said, leave Montecor alone. Bring him back to his brother and sister. Let him be happy. These guys are so crazy. I picture Roy zombie from severe blood loss. Like, just blood sports.

Leave him alone.

Bring him back to his brother and sister. Oh, my God. Suffering from severe blood loss and shock, he was considered medically dead at one point when his heart stopped. He also suffered the stroke that would ravage the left side of his body. So was the stroke before or was the stroke because of him getting bitten? He might be rationalizing.

Yeah, yeah. He could have just had the stroke and that would be bad enough, but he could have just had a stroke.

Do they know when he had the stroke? I don't see what he's saying. Makes sense, though. If that cat loves him and the cat sees him faint and the cat wants to drag him to safety, it's just, they don't know. They can't just bite you.

You ever see the reunions with these. The reunions of, like, the trainers and they gotta see him in years, like these, like, zoo guys. Oh, yeah, that raise, like, tigers and set them free. And then they reunite them in the wild. They reunite them and these tigers just come true, charging out. The guy jump up and just start licking him. Oh, yeah. You see that? And I think that's bad press to put out there. Really? I tell you the truth.

Why?

Because it's making them. It look like a domesticated house cat. The thing looks adorable. It's licking it. I'm like, maybe I could raise a lion.

Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, that's a good point. But it's like, if you raise one from the time it's a baby, it realizes, like, oh, my God, that life is so much better than this bullshit life of chasing gazelles.

I know, right? And this guy's like, leather sectional in his house, and he's feeding them. He's just throwing the meat, and he's like, playing DJ Khaled. I'm like, how? This guy's going to die. He has, like, 30 lions free roaming the house. Yeah, he's got, like, a billion Instagram followers. I had to. Everyone's following, waiting for the.

Waiting for the post tiger scene in Houston neighborhood found after week of searching and legal wrangler. A week? Oh, my God. That's so crazy to have a tiger.

Rolling around for a week, just dodging for a week.

How is it hiding? Yeah, how are they so bad at.

Finding anyone who lays eyes on that tiger is calling it in?

Yeah, but don't you have helicopters and shit?

Like, yeah, you don't let that go for a week.

How do you get that? How's it. Where's it going? Where'd it go?

Nobody gets lunch until they find it. It's like, you can't just let it go.

It's overtime, boys.

Come on.

Every night.

Every night. They were like, all right, let's go to bed. Tomorrow we'll wake up early.

It's not a tiny tiger.

So it came right up to people. Is that what it's doing?

Says, this is an off duty police officer points a weapon as the apparent owner retrieves the tiger that had gotten out.

Oh, my God. So this dude can just grab it. That's kind of cool, though, that they just let the guy grab his tiger instead of shooting it until they find, like, a bunch of dead dogs and cats.

You think that that's a small tiger? I went to the Nashville zoo. I got, like, a backstage whatever tour, whatever. They had baby cloud leopards that were just born. I held them in my hand and fed them with a bottle, right? They were this big. I mean, you could have crushed it, right? And a year later, I was back there on the road. I went back and they said, do you want to see the baby cloud leopard you fed? And they build these outdoor structures, these cages. So they're living outside, but they're in outdoor cages. So they bring me in the cage, and we're with a few people. And they're like, that's the one that you fed last year. And it's like, now it's like, it was this big one I fed them. Now it's probably, like, big, but it's lean. It's lean. Like, this big, like, bigger than any house cat you've ever seen. But, like, not. Not like you'd still think, like, you know, it couldn't hurt you. So they tell you, whatever he say, whatever you do, just don't turn your back to it. So I was like, okay. And I was.

I was like, can this thing hurt me or not? Like, why are we in here? You know what I mean? And at one point, I turned around like we were gonna walk out. Turn around. It swiped at me right here. I still have a mark for it. It swiped at me right here and sliced me and drew blood. It wasn't a deep cut or anything. It just, like, missed.

It only did it when you turned your back.

It's. When I turned it, I was like, oh, my. It fucking did it. And it's just one. One line right here. It was. It wasn't like I didn't need medical attention. It thank God. But it got me and it broke. Skin.

Deep predatory instinct just turning around.

I fed you as you. Yeah.

It's something that's not looking. Anything that's not looking, it's gonna get. It isn't that scary, like, built into its hard drive.

Dude, can't lay. They got a face ripped off by the chimp.

Oh, just reading about that.

Oh, my God.

Did some.

They have a picture, I think, of it and. Don't do it. Yeah, don't do it.

Yeah. That's a terrible story, man.

That's terrific. And, like, I think they have, like, audio of it or something, like, where.

She'S just like, this 911 audio.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Oh, I mean, those chimps, they, like, dismount, like, dismember you. Like, they. He ripped her entire face off.

Yeah. They try to ruin you. They try to bite your fingers off. They go for your genitals.

Yeah.

They tell your feet off.

That's how, you know they got a. That's a odd handbook for them. That's like, what's. Let me tear his feet off first.

I don't triple you. Yeah, they're not even trying to kill you. They're trying to cripple you.

Is that what they're doing?

Yeah, they try. They're smart.

Cripple you and wool and smart.

They're trying to ruin one of your bill more fingers, bitch.

Just cripple you and walk away and be like, now live like that?

Yeah. They don't just want to hurt you. Like, they don't have any morals. They're just these wild, intelligent things.

Why do they have a breakpoint then? Why did one thing, I don't know.

Why they do that to people, but if they wanted to kill you, they could kill you really quick. They just bash your head against the ground. You'd be dead in a second. But they don't, I don't think they want to kill you. I think they want to fucking hurt you. You know, they punish you. They have, like, one of the more horrible stories was this guy had a chimp that he raised for a while, and then it got big and it became a bit of a problem, and he had to give it to a rescue center. And he would go back with his wife and they would visit the chimp. And one time he went back and he brought the chimp a cake because it was his birthday. And the other chimps were so angry that they didn't get cake.

You gotta be fucking kidding.

And someone fucked up and left one of the doors open. And the chimps got out. They figured out a way to get out. They opened the door, attacked the guy and just tore him apart. Tore his hands off, tore his face off. The guy who raised, uh huh. It wasn't him. It wasn't the chimp he raised that did that. It was the other chimps. So the other chimps were jealous that they didn't bring them, that he didn't bring them cakes for everybody. They're evil. They can be evil. Like, they, they don't care. That's not like a proportionate response.

No, I think that's a, you know.

They overreact a little bit so that they're intelligent, but they're also, like, ruthless in this crazy way that is incomprehensible. Like, the worst, worst possible characteristics you could ever imagine happening in human beings are just common. Yeah, just common with chimps. Commonplace, man.

That's, that's another thing, like the explaining these deaths, like, you know, like his family down the line. He's like, oh, he brought an angel food cake to, he didn't even kill.

Him, just torment kill him. No, he survived.

And then does he have a life after that?

Or what is how much, you know, his face is gone, his hands are gone, part different. Its body's all fucked up, and they just tear you apart. Go for your jokes, Jack, for your dick.

I wonder how it feels about cake.

Now, the guy there probably doesn't. It's got bit of a. Maybe brought four cakes.

Yeah, it's probably a cookie guy. Only now. Well, I wouldn't, I wouldn't look a cake. Too traumatic. Even has the eyeballs.

And it's not like, yeah, I had a chimp.

I saw a chimp bite somebody. I. When I was little. Yeah, when I was little, we went to, you familiar, like New York, like upstate, like, um, like, what do they call it? Like George and stuff like that.

Sure.

I know. Up there. Or even the poker, like the Catskills.

Beautiful.

Yeah. So we would go up there, and I remember we were at this, like, little resort or whatever, and they had, like, entertainment, and they had, like a daily show, and it happened every day. And we were there for a few days. So I would go to the show every day. It was in this little, like, cabaret theater. And this guy would come out, a cowboy in all sequence outfit, and he hosted the show. It was full of kids, and there was all different acts, and he would bring them out. So he brings out one of the acts, he brings out the stage, becomes a little ice skating rink. And the ice skating rink, I'd say, is maybe twice the size of this table. It's just for them to do little twirls. And the guy comes out and he has a chimp dressed as a cowboy in ice skates. And he's dressed as a cowboy in ice skates. And they start skating together and doing, he's holding the chimp, and they're twirling and twirling and everything. And then the chimp loses control. Flies. He lets go of the chimp. The chimp flies off the stage.

And the woman at a little cocktail table in the front, he landed on her and bit her right here. As he landed, bit her right here. And she. I mean, she was bleeding everywhere. She started screaming. She was like, it bit me. It bit me.

Oh, my God.

And she's screaming, and the guy didn't know what to do. And he got the chimp, and they got back onto the ice, and he, like, he was like, okay. He took a chunk, you saw, like, chunk of flesh out. I was like eight. You know, I was like, I was. I couldn't believe, like, it was, and it was. No one really there. There was like 15 people. The place was empty. It was like a weekday chimp ice skating show. No one was, no one wanted to see it. It was like at lunch, and it was all dark in there, like, it was all moody and everything.

Oh, my God.

It was surreal experience. And this guy just was like, all right, that's a. That's gonna be the show for today. And the next day they did the show with the chimp. The next day they did the show.

With the same girl.

No, no, the woman was a patron.

Patron, yes. Okay.

I don't know what happened.

Did.

What.

Did you sue back then? Whether the suing days.

I mean, did you hear anything about it? I. I mean, I was eight. I kept my ear to the streets, but nothing came over my desk. I mean, I got to imagine it was some type of lawsuit. I can't believe, though, that, like, there's.

A chimp didn't get put down.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, maybe it did. Maybe it did. I don't know. It was wild, though.

They started, like, clamp down on that. They're trying to. They're trying to pass laws in place.

I skate.

Chimp can't have chimps.

Yeah, ice skate. Or just.

Just regular. Can have regular ones, because, like, this lady in Connecticut just said, like, it was legal what she was doing. I think they've changed those laws, though. You shouldn't be able to have them.

We can't wear shoes on a plane because one time. One time, one guy failed at doing something with his shoes.

Right?

This lady gets her face ripped off to the skull. Still can have chimpanzees still climbing. Not a big deal.

I don't know if you can anymore after her. Yeah, I think they.

She was the woman that did it.

I think. Well, there was those two different stories that were both in the news around the same time. And one of them was the guy that brought the birthday cake to the chimney. And the other one was this lady whose friend was visiting her and just got the chimp tore apart her friend.

That was a bad time for Chimpson.

Okay, under CT is this Connecticut? It's illegal to import and possess all primates in the family. Homemade gorillas, chimpanzees, bonobos and orangutans. Zoos that are accredited by the association of Zoos in Aquariums or the Zoological association of America are exempt from the ban. So they passed a ban after she got tore up. But that's just Connecticut. But there's places you could have them. I guarantee you could have them right here.

People. Crocs. People have crocs. They. In their apartments. There's people.

Oh, yeah.

In fucking New York City.

In New York City, there's a guy that had a tiger in his house, in his apartment, and the cops are like, there's a very famous photo of the cops going up the fire escape, and you're looking in the window, you see a fucking cat. I mean, big tiger, dude.

Yeah.

Just like this, like, bear in its teeth. It's the nuttiest picture.

Yeah. What is he supposed to do, shoot it with a dart or something? Right?

I think you have to shoot it. Shoot it?

Yeah.

I don't think a dart. You're not. I mean, I don't know what they did. I don't know how they did it. Well, good lord. Who's gonna be close enough to a cat in an apartment to shoot with a dart? Are you fucking sure you're gonna hit it?

Yeah, I'm not going. Are you sure? You only get one shot.

What are you talking about? You're gonna go in the apartment and shoot it with a dart? Are you out of your fucking mind?

And he's. He's the guy that, like, gets the call. He's, like, going to the fire escape.

Right?

What? A dart?

He's used to, like, dogs. Yeah, a dog. Yeah. I'll shoot a dog with a dart.

Yeah. I'm surprised that tiger just doesn't live there till it dies, because who's extracting that thing and then.

Yeah. Well, what if it gets out? Yeah. Figures out that windows are like. You just go right through them.

What about fire escape? People, the kids and dogs, everything get eaten by fucking crocs and alligators every single day.

It's like, every day, Joe.

It's every day.

Yes, it does. It's, uh. They don't have very many crocodiles.

More than I would. More than I think should happen. I mean, people have their houses, like. Like, blocked off so that crocs can't get in there.

Yeah. It's alligators mostly.

Oh, alligators. Yeah.

Yeah, there's a difference. Like, crocodiles are way more dangerous. They're way more aggressive.

But did they cohabitate?

They do in the everglades, apparently. Now, not a lot, but. But they have had more than one sighting of Nile crocodiles in the everglades. And there's some. Some of the biologists have a speculation that there might be a breeding population.

Really?

Not because there's so many assholes who just release things in the everglades. I mean, you know the python situation there, right?

No.

You haven't seen it?

No.

Nothing?

No.

The everglades are infested with giant pythons that are all invasive. They're all pets or from research.

Yeah.

So they're either from research place where people were working. There's. Some of them definitely got released there, but other ones are released just because there's people's pets. So. Assholes. Some fucking dudes in a death metal has a python. It's like, you know, I can't feed you right now, but I'm gonna let you go. And in two years after my album hits, I'll be back. Remember, he lets his fucking monster loose in the swamps. And it just. They've decimated the swamps. So the everglades is missing, like, 90% of all of its mammals. Everything. They're eating alligators now. The pythons are eating alligators.

There's this crazy photo, I guess. Yeah, right.

Well, they died doing it because the alligator, like, worked its way partially out of the python's body with its tail. It's like, that's the most wild, fucked up photo.

They threw me in the swamps in the bayou in New Orleans where alligators were for the show.

Jesus Christ.

Yeah, man.

Why? You could die, man. Yeah. Like, real. You could die things.

I know they dressed me as a bog. The ghillie suit is like a bog monster. And they put me in the swamp, and I had to hide behind this thing. I mean, dude, the swamp. Swamp. Not like what I was. We took a fan boat. The water looked like chocolate milk. If you put your hand under the surface, so dangerous. I know. If you put your hand under the water this. This low, you couldn't see your hand, right. It's about 110 degrees. That day they put me in this gillies. I was nervous. I'm about germs anyway, so I actually literally wore a condom to go in there because I was afraid of stuff going on. My pee hole dick. No, no. Parasite.

Oh, right.

Yeah, yeah. I just, like, I don't know if it was gonna help, but I was like, why not?

Right? You know, like wearing a mask. Yeah.

I just was like, I'm just gonna put it on my soft dick. I mean, I just tried, you know, anything that could help me, really, because I wasn't allowed to say no. You can't say no to these things. That's the whole point, like, of the show, when you lose, you can't say no to whatever's coming to you. So there was a fanboat tour that passed the route, and they wanted me to come out during the fanboat tour so the guy could be like, oh, the lure of the bog monster. Like, just fuck it with me. Not to scare the people, to make me look like a moron and just.

Yeah. Do they know for sure. Okay. This is fine.

No, so they didn't tell me that that was happening, but so that's my friend just attacking me. But so they. I had to hide behind that area over this. Me just getting into it. Yeah.

Dude, what I would worry about doing this in Louisiana is someone who's got a gun and is like, I'm gonna finally kill me. A bigfoot.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know, well, they want. There's people that are not smart.

Yeah.

And they are armed.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, I didn't think of that. I was worried about that.

I'd be worried about them more than there would be the alligator.

Yeah.

Scaring white people.

In that moment, though, I actually, I was so, got so nauseous because it was 105 degrees, the smell. And I don't want to. I threw up, and I couldn't leave the. Where I had to stay for the bit. So I was just standing, sitting, like, in my own throw up.

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Jesus Christ. And then.

And then, like, about 15 minutes in, they go, oh, salsa. Get back. And they. And they point. There's a. There's an alligator, and it's coming at me, and I. I think it's even. And I go, ah. And I turn and I run toward the boat screaming. And it was a fucking remote control alligator that they got that I didn't even know existed, but it was an alligator. And I. For. For a good 10 seconds, my reality was that an alligator was coming at me. I wasn't mobile. Look at the outfit I was in. I couldn't really move. That'd be the end of the show.

Yeah, and then the end of the show. But you were thinking about the show, right? Yeah.

I mean, I was like, I cannot. What about all the basic cable people.

That work behind the scenes, the real heroes?

Yeah, yeah, it's.

But don't do those things, dude. You know, don't fuck around with nature. You want to do silly things with humans, that's great. You start getting swamps, get few and far between.

It sounds like we do it a lot, but they're few. And probably.

Imagine my python just clamped ahold of your leg and start wrapping around your body, and you realize you're trapped. You're trapped in this stupid fucking swamp where you can't see anything. You don't know how to get out. And this snakes trying to kill you. You don't even have a weapon. You have nothing to fight it off.

I hope I go by surprise.

That wouldn't be much of a surprise. It would. The beginning would be a surprise.

I don't want to go in that way. I don't want to know that imminent this death eminent in the next 1 minute to hour, whatever the fuck it is.

When a python wraps around you, I'd imagine it takes a little while. I bet the fear of it taking a while, it constricting you is probably fucking just numbing. You probably can't think. You're probably so overwhelmed with fear this thing's constricting your body and literally breaking your bones as it's like crushing you.

I'm so scared of death already and I think of death all the time and never have I thought of it in the light that we've been talking about tonight. So we just added a whole nice new bucket for me.

Yeah. Animals are things you really need to worry about. My friend Paul Rosalie, he lives in the Amazon and he got on top of a anaconda that was so big he couldn't get his arms around it.

Yeah, why?

He was seeing this thing slither through the water and it was kind of dark out and, you know, you'd have to go listen to the clip on YouTube to get the exact wording of how he said it. But he essentially wanted to try to hold on because it wasn't gonna try to come back. He, he took a chance that it wouldn't attack him. So he just.

Why?

I don't know. He's just fucking insane. Big dude.

Like why? I don't sound like it's so big.

That he couldn't get his arms around. Is that what he's basically like my size? Maybe a little bigger than me. He couldn't get his arms around it.

Does he work with.

Well, he works with the rainforest. He works in the rain cafe? No, no, no. His whole thing is saving rainforest land and what they do is they take these people that were hired as loggers and they pay them more money to protect the rainforest because it's basically just poor people doing that. They've saved like millions of acres of rainforest and he's worked, so he actually lives out there. So he sees these things and he said this is the biggest one he's ever seen. So they don't even know really how big the biggest one is. Yeah, it's just like the limited number that they've measured and come in contact with. Right.

So what was his end game?

He just wanted to like experience it, I think, like just grab ahold of it. He didn't think it would bite him.

I don't remember him talking about this. He tried to get eaten by a snake. At one point, about ten years ago, he tried to. They tried different. They filmed it for a show. They tried. He tried to get eaten by the biggest anaconda they could find.

What were they gonna do? They were gonna kill it. When did he have like some kind of crazy suit on?

Yeah, he had this suit on here.

That it prevented him from dying. What the fuck is he doing?

Just looks like Mortal Kombat.

Carbon fire. Oh, God, that's so ridiculous.

Yeah, I don't know how I get mean. Look, it's got its head around him.

Jesus Christ.

Wait, what?

Yeah, that's hilarious.

So that. So.

So that dumb idea, Paul.

So that suit is preventing the strength of that snake from crushing him.

That's. How did you see, Jamie, see if you could find that video of the largest anaconda ever discovered. These guys are swimming under the water with it in this river. Insane.

That's what I was trying to get to.

Insane.

Really?

These guys are swimming down there in the water and this thing's moving along the bottom of the water and its head is like this big. Yeah, it's like a crocodile or something. It's so big. It's head is like way bigger than you think. A snake's head should be like bigger than a human head.

Underwater is scarier to me than the forest. Even underwater it's another planet. It's alien. They're aliens.

They are aliens. And there's no doors. No doors. You never lock yourself in a room, like, whoo. Finally I'm home.

Nobody gets wild. It's unobstructed.

Yeah, there's no doors.

Yeah.

Look at this forever thing, dude, look at this thing. It's 26ft long. Look at these guys swimming by it.

And what is that eating every. Sustain that size. To sustain that size. What is that thing eating?

Everything. Look at his head.

He goes right to it.

Look at the fucking.

He's got on a Fisher price goggle set from cv's. What is he doing?

He's being a dork. Look at his outfit.

He's got his watch on. He's got a.

He might be one of them influencers, but whoever this fella is, or maybe he's just a scientist, that's a young kid, but whoever this fella is, like, you got balls. Just assume that thing doesn't want to just eat you.

But it's not even balls, though. It's like. It is balls.

His name's doctor Freak.

So you still don't know if he's a doctor or an influencer.

That means freak vonk. Is that what it said?

Doctor freak dies fucking with a boa. I could see it.

What a great name.

Doctor Freak.

He sounds like he should be like. Like one of them DJ's at an EDM show.

Yeah. Doctor.

Oh, yeah, Doctor freak's here.

What's the best name?

Marshmallow Freak. The best name?

Solid. It's a great friggin name for, like.

What, for a human.

As a human name? Yeah. Like, just as someone's first and last name.

I never even thought about that. That nothing comes to mind.

Yeah.

How about you?

Someone just said something deal to me a couple days ago and I was like, that is the fucking coolest name I've ever heard. But I don't fucking remember it. But, like, it was something like Enrico Palazzo. Something was like, something like, you know.

Like a good flair full.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Name is. If you. If you have a flair full name and you're a fucking loser, that's got to suck.

Yeah.

You know, you got some beautiful name, but you turn out to be a loser.

Yeah.

He's a Dutch wild by presenter.

So he's like, oh, so he's a presenter, but he's. Is he also a doctor?

Wait, that was.

I want to talk. Call him Doctor Freak if he's not really a doctor.

Was that. That's a real bat thing. That's. That's real. That's a bear with wings right there. That thing.

Yeah, but that's a perspective thing. If you got to look where his feet are, he's standing behind it, the bats in front of the camera still. No, it's not. It's not as big as it looks.

Still? Yeah, still.

I mean, it's probably kind of big.

It's. He's only not that far behind this.

He's far enough.

It's a. It's a. I mean, yeah, but if.

He got, like, right up to it, it would be about that big. No, the brat body. The body part.

I don't know.

You got close to it. I don't. Which gun is it, by the way?

Those things exist and we don't talk about them. We'll see them more.

Or.

Wing length is five.

Wing length is 5ft. Okay.

Like foxes fox size.

Oh, fuck.

Oh, really? Like fox sized? Yeah. Oh, God, look at this lady. Oh, God, dude, a lot bigger. That one's fucking crazy.

God, look at that.

Nightmares. That's like Bram Stoker's Dracula, where Gary Oldman turns into one of those. That's what it looks like.

Who's even going near those things. What are they?

Bali. There's a large, I guess, fruit bats.

We're so lucky. They just like fruit. Oh, you know?

Yeah.

So, like. So the same way cows feel about vegans, like.

Yeah.

So happy.

You ever go over here to see bats?

Oh, yeah.

Is it really 1.5 million?

It. I didn't count.

No. That's the stat they give you? Yeah, that's.

That. I don't know, but it's an insane amount of.

It's. It's a sight to see.

Oh, yeah.

I see it from a distance, but I've never gone and stood there.

Cloud of bats.

You get shit on.

Well, you probably would if you were under them. You know, like the. Where it is is like where the bridge meets the water. So I imagine when they're flying out, they shit on the water. You know, there was a couple doctors died because they were standing in front of this cave in Africa where bats. It's like fucking millions and millions of bats in this cave. And every night they would come out and they wanted to get photographs of these bats coming out of the cave. So they're sitting there waiting. The bats come out of the cave and just drench them in shit. Millions and millions of bats just shitting in their face. And they didn't think of that. And they got some crazy hemorrhagic virus and they were both dead in, like, a matter of days.

Again, I'm just thinking of the obit for that. Or, like, you know, you tell them, like, the great grandkids, like, your great grandfather got shit on by too many bats at one time.

Yeah.

And it just went south from that.

He was a bat scientist that didn't think about this one thing.

Yeah, like what? You know, how do you not know that's about to happen?

Or maybe they just didn't think it would be the volume. It would be. See if you can find that case I found it.

Sounds different.

How did it come to be down here? How did it. Why is that? Why are they all here?

Good question. I don't know, but apparently they eat the mosquitoes.

There's more in Houston.

Oh, really?

Yeah, that there. It's a migration in a mixture of two different colonies from, like, they fly from Mexico.

They're so cool when they come out at night and you hear.

Yeah, that's the sound they make.

You see him fucking flying over. Like, whoa, look at them all. They're cool. And they apparently do just fuck those mosquitoes up. Imagine the bats weren't around. We had like, way more mosquitoes, because apparently they do.

Yeah. You guys don't have a mosquito problem down here that I'm.

So we do. We debt, we have. No, I wouldn't say it's a mosquito problem. Like, Alaska has a mosquito problem.

Yeah.

You ever been to Anchorage in July? No, bro. You get out of your fucking car.

But it was August 1.

You get out of your car. It's like a scene for. From the birds, like that. The Alfred Hitchcock movie or Albert Hitchcock.

Yeah. No, I went to Australia in the, you know, the desert and stuff. And they give you. We had to wear nets because they just let, like, did the bugs just land on you and just stay there?

Is it Alfred Hitchcock or Albert Hitchcock? Alfred, right.

Yeah.

Once you say it wrong, your brain goes, wait, which one's the right one? Yeah, those words that you don't hear Alfred or Albert anymore. Kids these days.

No. There's so many times you don't hear.

You do not get called Alfred. Alfred's dead. Yeah, that names Alfred. I've never heard that name.

I think Alfred is probably more named. It is. And I think it's probably. That's probably more Alfred's than other names, though.

Adolf's gone.

Yeah.

That's a rap.

Yeah. Just.

You can't name Adolph. You know, you can name your kid Genghis. Nobody would fucking flinch.

Yeah.

Dude killed 10% of the population. I know every, like, wow, what a cool name.

Cool reference.

Virtual. Do you feel connected to the Mongols? Like, everybody really cool with that name.

Is this, like, as in Khan?

You could call him Temujin, which is Genghis Khan's real name, because it really. Yeah, that was.

Genghis Khan was a stage name.

No, it was, like, on. He was a con. Khan is the ruler, and I think. I don't know what it means. What does Genghis mean?

It's crazy.

I think it has. It's something about who he is as a ruler. But his name, he was born. His name that he was given at birth was Temujin, and he became a con. So you could call your kid Temujin, and you'd be naming your kid after someone who killed 10% of the population of earth while he was alive.

You think Genghis ever thought his ancestors would own the Jacksonville jacket? It was.

It says, temujin formally adopted the title Genghis Khan, the meaning of which is uncertain. At an assembly in 1206, carrying out reforms designed to ensure long term stability, he then transformed the Mongols tribe structure into an integrated meritocracy. Dedicated to the service of the ruling family. After thwarting a couple attempt from a powerful shaman. Oh, what a wild time to be alive. Warlords and shamans are trying to get a coup on you. Genghis began to consolidate his power in 1209, he led a large scale raid into the neighboring western z, who agreed to mongol terms the following year. Yeah, he did a lot of wild shit. We could go on and on for that. He killed a lot of fucking humans, man.

Dan Carlin probably had the answer in his podcast about that, pray, right? This is just from the Wikipedia.

Yeah, yeah. Dan Collins podcast is the best source of that, if you want to know. Like. Like a cool story that's entertaining that you could follow along with. It's the wrath of the con.

The wrath of con.

It's all about that. Duo is live. But my point is, like, you can name your kid Temujin. Nobody would freak out. Name your kid Adolph. And he can't hang out with my kids.

Yeah, right.

You can't bring Adolf over the house.

Give me.

He's four.

That doesn't know. That's the number one name. Right, but what's the number a? Two? Adolph is a layup.

Right.

And there's no. No. Everyone knows no Adolf.

Right?

Is there a. Is there even a two? Is he alone on his own?

I think he's alone on his own. Yeah, right. Because, like, Joseph Stalin existed before I was born. I'm Joseph Rogan. Like nobody lynched on Joseph.

Yeah.

Such a piece of shit. But yet you can still say it. Osama bin Laden. Oh, yeah?

Well, the rest of these are not real.

Yeah, Osama would be a hard one.

Yeah, it's a hard one.

Hussein would be a hard one.

Illegal baby names in the United States.

Illegal.

What?

What? Jesus Christ. You can't name your kid Jesus Christ. You can't name your kid king.

You're kidding me. You're kidding me right now. You can't get against the law.

You can't name your kid Santa Claus.

You can't name him the at symbol, bro.

You can't name your kid Matt. These are.

It says they were ruled illegal, but I don't.

You can't name your. Your. Your kid majesty. Why not?

Why can't you name it 1069?

Wait a minute. You can't name your kid Messiah, but you can name him Muhammad, right? Help me out.

No, doesn't make any sense.

Help me out. Because a lot of kids are named Muhammad.

Yeah, yeah, of course. Yeah. But why? But why 1069?

What the hell's that robocops illegal in Mexico? No, no, my friend. No, my friend, no. We draw the line, my friend.

You know, it's funny. It's not like, it's not like they getting caught in the hospital, so it has to get worse. So there's a knock at the door one day, it's the police. Like, we got to rename your son. Right?

Robocop.

Certificates.

Robocop Martinez.

Oh my God. Oh my God. The n words on there. Yeah, there's a lot of them. A lot of illegal names. I didn't know. I didn't know you couldn't name your kid Jesus Christ. But I know a dude named Jesus.

Sure. This is Jesus. I mean, it's just right Christ in them.

What if your last name is Christ and you want to name your kid Jesus? I mean, there's some christs out there. Yeah, dudes. Their last name is Christ.

Yeah.

What are they supposed to do? They're limited. You can't. I can't name my son Jesus?

Yeah, right.

You know, you can't do that. How come you can name your something. How come you can't name your son Jesus?

Yeah.

Think about how many Muhammad's there were. Think about if it was like the.

Most popular name in the world, if.

It was in vogue to name your kid Jesus. Right, right.

Just millions of Jesus.

So many Jesus. Because if you think about how many muhammads there are, why are there not an equal number of jesuses?

Right.

Because we don't allow it. It's a weakness in our religion that.

Would become meta Jesus would be really omnibus present.

Yeah. The Christians should get together and say, guys, it's a weakness in our religion. We got to let people name themselves Jesus.

Yeah, I mean, it's encourage it.

I'm a change walking billboard.

You know what I mean?

Jesus Robinson.

Yes.

Everybody just comes Jesus. And then whatever your last name is.

You know, I knew it. Jesus. And as I'm thinking of this, I I was able to compartmentalize it. I didn't think of Jesus every time I called him Jesus.

Was he actually Jesus? He was called Jesus. Jesus.

We called him Jesus.

Yeah, but was he mexican?

He was of some, like hispanic descent. I don't know.

What did his mom call him Jesus.

He was my nephew's friend. I didn't know him like, but everybody called him.

Did they call him Jesus because they couldn't say Jesus? Or was his name actually Jesus?

I think his name was Jesus.

Really?

Yeah. Well, what about Jesus, the comic, there's.

A dude that's Traco right. Oh, Jesus. No, that's Jesus.

I call him Jesus.

Okay. Yeah, right. But he's mexican. They don't say it that way.

They don't say it that way.

Yeah, it's a different thing. But how do they say Jesus, though, in Spanish? Isn't it Jesus Christe?

It is, but we.

So it's Jesus.

Everybody called the guy Jesus.

Ain't that wild? Stop for a second. So if you're spanish of latin descent, it is really popular to name your kid Jesus because Jesus is a super common name.

That's what it is.

It stuck up white people in America won't name the kid Jesus. It just takes a courageous person, right now, listening to our voice, just a courageous person out there to name your kid Jesus.

If you name him Jesus, that second name, that last name has to be. It's got to go with it. I think a lot of things won't go with Jesus.

You know what goes best with it? Fucking Jesus. Jesus fucking Robinson.

Can you do that? Can you name your middle name fucking? That'd be so great.

I don't know if you can, but I think you can legally change your name. More likely then you can be, like, naming a baby that way.

Okay. Yeah.

You name it like, you rude asshole. You're gonna name your kid this little beautiful, innocent baby you're gonna name Jesus fucking Rob? No, you'd have to. You'd have to. But if you were an adult, you're like, look, I'm 38 years old. Things are not getting any better.

This is just.

This is life for me. I want to be Jesus fucking Robinson.

Yeah.

That's what I want to be. Leaving?

Yeah.

So the very least, I pull my id out. What's your name? Jesus fucking Robinson. It's good.

It says it on the wallet.

It's a good name. Solid name. Especially if you could do something real good if, like, that's your actual, real birth name. And you're really good at, like, fucking fixing cars.

Yeah.

You know, I mean, you're gonna get your car fixed, but Robinson.

I was almost a Steve. My mom told me I was almost a Steve, but my dad's sal, so thankfully, I got his name.

That's a better name for an Italian. Steve is.

You know, I'm half.

Yeah, but you look italian.

Yeah, I actually just did 23 andme, like, all the extended package, genetic thing. I just got my results back a couple days ago. Pretty crazy. Did you ever do it?

Yeah, I've done it.

Did you do, like, what? Did you, like, did you. Did you, like what you gleaned from it, like, was it interesting or.

It was pretty much what I thought it was. Yeah, I'm somewhere in the neighborhood of three quarters italian and one quarter irish, and there's. There's, like, percentages less because there's, like, 1.6% african, 1% asian, and that's. It seems to be mostly just italian, though.

Yeah. It all goes back to the same mine where they were able to connect me to it. Said in there, there's, like, about, like, 100. From the woman, it was 150,000 units. For the male, it was 275,000 years. They said if you trace everyone back, it'll go to one person. Because even though there were a few thousand those. A lot of those, that DNA in that lineage died off. And this is, like, there was this one that, like, just ended up getting through. Like, I literally just read it. Like, today I took a picture of my phone, actually.

Just the unlikelihood of you making it to 2024. Like, your genes. If you were a person that lived 50,000 years ago, your kid had a kid and kept going. No, they had a kid. Someone had a kid. Kids, kids, kids, kids, kids. Here we are, 50,000 years later. Your genes are still popping.

It's insane. It's just wild to me. So the first man to carry likely lived this gene that I have likely lived in southwestern Asia or the Caucasus. Between 46,050, 4000 years ago, his male line descendants appeared to remain rooted in the region for tens of thousands of years while the ice age was in full swing. Then, around 11,500 years ago, the ice age finally gave way to the warmer climate. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But hold on. This is the guy. The human species was confined to a relatively small range in eastern and southern Africa. Over time, members of this gene pool migrated. There was one that said you could trace it, right? If every person living today could trace his or her maternal line back over thousands of generations, all of our lines would meet at a single woman who lived in eastern Africa between 150,000, 200,000 years ago. Though she was one of perhaps thousands of women alive at the time, only the diverse branches of her DNA have survived. To today. The story of your maternal line begins with her.

Holy shit.

And for the guys, it's 275,000 years ago. Current evidence suggests he was one of thousands of men who lived in eastern Africa. However, while his male line descendants passed down their y chromosome generation after generation, the lineages from the other men died out. At the time, he was the lone guy. And this is they told me I'm related to this dude. You ready? Literally a known guy ot the ice man.

No way.

Swear to God. Let me reach.

I. I've seen that story a hundred times.

Have you?

That story's crazy.

Is this is what. This is what it says about this dude. Hold on. It says, ot the ice man was discovered in 1991 protruding from a snowbank. Yeah.

We'll get Jamie to show some pictures of.

Yes.

We've shown it before.

You have? You know.

You know, I know the exact story. So that's it right there. Look how dope it looks. They. They found him as the glacier melts.

That's.

Had an arrowhead stuck in him.

That's like my uncle.

That's nuts, dude. Yeah. You're related to that guy. Holy shit.

I mean, isn't that. I mean, probably a lot of people are.

Oh, he had tattoos.

Did he really?

Yeah, tattoos. Really? Yeah. Looked like. Had the world oldest tattoos. It said, see if you can go back to that thing that you were reading. Just there. Right below that. Right there.

That.

That's it. Had the world's oldest tattoos. How are they made? The oldest tattoos that we know about. Right. See, at 61 tattoos, he had like a tramp stamp. Yeah. A bunch of lines carved in them. Interesting. Look at that.

All those lines, even back then, they're like tattoos.

Yeah. No. Wild.

Yes.

Might have been a part of ancient healing technique. Hmm. That's just guessing.

Right? It said that he was murdered. Do you see that? Oh, the arrow. But it said he. He. It might have been from someone or might have been someone that he knew. Chemical analysis of his teeth indicate he came from the italian side of the alps. He suffered during the year before his death with whipworm, a stomach parasite that was found in his digestive tract. Yet he was fit enough ailing with whipworm for a year to climb 6500ft in elevation during the day or two before he met his end in a rocky alpine hollow. Apparently was murdered, struck by a stone arrow point that was found lodged in his left shoulder. The twisted position of his body indicates that the murderer or one of his accomplices pulled the arrows shaft out of his prone body. Whoever killed him didn't want his valuables because he had a wrought copper ax still with him.

Wow. They just wanted to kill him.

Wow.

And you're related to that dude? That dude jizzed in someone.

Literally.

Yeah. Before he died by an arrow, he jizzed in someone. And that made it to 2020.

I'm not here if he's not there.

No, you're not here. If he didn't get that nut off, that's fucking. Yeah, probably some tattooed up crazy cave lady. Two of them just grunting, smelling like shit. I mean, nuts. She screams, what's a baby? Can we have fucking baby?

And fucking 50,000 years later, I have a show on truth. We're on TBS now, actually.

It really is kind of crazy if you think about how the timeline of people goes. I mean, it's. We can't imagine living back then. It's just unimaginable. I can't put it in my head. How long ago? What is the exact thousand years ago?

That guy said 50,000. I mean, who can wrap 5300 years ago? Okay, but the first man was 200. That they have DNA from is 275.

So he's from 5000 years ago. Just imagine 5300.

He's a kid.

Imagine 5000 years ago, you just get dropped off and you gotta just exist.

Yeah. I mean, like, even imagine, like, language, right?

Yeah.

Even the primary language is like, it still was secular. Like, even if you had to travel somewhere and you had some type of language that you kind of rooted with, who you were with, that didn't translate when you came across someone that you didn't know.

Yeah. You go to Vietnam. Good luck talking to people.

So, yeah. Was it just. I guess, like, you know, were they. Was it killing people on site, or did they kind of go by, like, body language?

I think people who traveled had to learn languages, for sure.

Yeah.

You probably had to have people help you or work with somebody from that. But how many of them can you learn? And where, if you're living in somewhere in North America and you go to China and, like, the 18 hundreds, like, yeah. How much communication can you do? Like, did you.

Oh, did you see that new. That new thing they're working on, the AI earpiece? It's fucking nuts. Is it?

Which one?

Ted. Talk about it. So this guy, he's like, okay, this is an all new thing that they're doing. It's like he's in a restaurant. He goes, my friends, across the other end of the restaurant. Did you see that? Then he isolates his voice, and then he speak it in Spanish, and they do real time, not translation. His voice is reinterpreted in his voice, in English, as he speaks Spanish in real time.

Yeah.

And he's hearing this isolated from across the room.

Yeah.

That's fucked up.

It's crazy.

I mean, in one respect, you eliminate. You literally eliminate every single language barrier across earth with this technology. Yeah, but in the other. You're Superman. You can listen to a comic. It can isolate a conversation from a. You know, it's.

I think it can only isolate that conversation if those people have those things on, too.

But why would anyone where, like, well.

You would have to let someone use it. You know, I'm saying, like, if you were talking to someone through that on the other side. Am I wrong?

No, they weren't talking. He was listening to his conversation.

He was just listening.

Just.

I thought it was the people in the room having the conversation. This guy was in a room doing.

This guy was in the room with the earpiece on. He's looking to clear across the room at two people at a table talking, and he's just listening.

So he said, isolate. Oh, I misunderstood. I thought when I saw the narrating, that what they were saying. What he was saying was, you could do that if you were those two people. You could isolate. Oh, you could just listen to them?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, that's fucking creepy.

But he wasn't pitching. Like, this is a TED talk. So it's like, I don't know what the technology. Yeah. Hey, can you enhance the sounds that are right in front of me?

How far away is he from them?

I think he says in the beginning they're across the room or something. Oh, I guess he's. And can you turn that baby down? That's better. You know, I'm still having a little trouble hearing Pedro.

Can you isolate Pedro for me?

No, he's on stage right now for the TED talk, so he's not with them. That's perfect. And, you know, my spanish is a little rusty. Can I hear Pedro but in English? And at the end of the trip, we came back to the city to visit the historic center.

That's insane. That's insane. What, you just let it go. Heard was a beamforming app, the computational.

Auditory scene analysis app, a machine learning denoising app, an AI transcription and translation and text to speech with style transfer app.

So these are not just fancy looking earbuds.

They're an entire computer. And we think they're going to replace some of what we do with the.

Visual computers that we're used to. Right.

It cuts off right there.

Here's the thing, though. What was he watching? Was he watching a video of people talking? That. Because that makes more sense. I don't think he's actually eavesdropping on people across the room. I think what he's doing is watching a video of people having a conversation and tuning in to those people and taking all the outside noise out and then translating those people in that video in real time.

But was he watching a video of.

Those people think he's watching a video.

Okay.

Which makes more sense.

Okay.

Is that right? No. Am I right there?

Well, that the problem is, is that they're showing something that probably doesn't work that way.

Also, they're bullshitting. But when they're showing it. Or they're. What? He's watching a video though, right?

That's why I'm trying to show you what they're.

Cuz he's on stage.

Yeah, he's on stage.

Not like it just happens to be a cafe in the room where no one's noticing.

Correct. But he. That's part of why it's just a weird tech demo of showing, you know.

What it can know what they were.

Doing and how much work was set up to do that specific very. Like, did it just translate the sentence they wanted it to translate?

And was it all planned in advance?

And then they show, like they did do a setup here. So I'll let him explain what they did.

So.

It'S actually impossible to demonstrate this experience until you hear it with your ears yourself.

But to give you an idea, we.

Have tried to simulate it for you. Oh, okay. So imagine that you're sitting in a noisy restaurant. Oh, okay.

Okay.

So it doesn't. It.

So. Yeah, but it's gonna be able to do that.

Yeah.

If he's doing a TED talk on it and they're getting this far along with it. Unless he's like, what's that crazy lady? Elizabeth. What's her name? What's her name again?

Elizabeth Warren Theranos.

Theranos. Yeah. But was her last name the crazy lady from San Francisco with the blood company. You know the story. Theranos.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Blood testing company. That just was straight bullshit. It was a whole.

It was a trial.

Elizabeth Holmes. Oh, yeah. She just lost. Yeah, I mean, the story behind it is crazy. It's like some people were testing them and they're like, hey, this doesn't work.

Like, get out of here.

Like it was just this wild scam.

I have my DNA saved. DNA and sperm. Yeah, yeah, I got. I had the option. I was like, let me do you might as well.

You got all the way from the ice man to today. Be shame if we lost, you know, if it died here.

That's it about the cryogenic people. You know, like, they started cryogenically freezing people.

Yeah. They actually thought out.

Yeah, some of them. Like, it didn't work. No, the one, like, headline was like, yeah, they script. They were scraping goo off the bottom.

Yeah, yeah.

The, like, if it had the power goes out and you thaw out. That's.

That shit's fascinating, isn't it? Only like one company or something that's doing that.

Imagine if you're in heaven. Okay.

Yeah.

And you died. You went to heaven, and you're like, God, I'm free of all my earthly pulls and I just feel one connected. And all sudden, you get sucked back to life again. And they're stitching your fucking head on this new body. And you're alive now, but you're paralyzed. But with new technology, they can keep you alive forever.

And what year.

Congratulations.

Walt Disney's back.

No, imagine if you were in heaven. Yeah, but imagine if during the process of reattaching your head, it made your mouth paralyzed so you couldn't even talk. Hell, yeah. That's how.

It's like the fucking movie where they eat each other, so to each other's ass.

Could you imagine if you're. You're dead for like a hundred years and a hundred years of heaven? Like, so much nicer than being alive. Oh, my God. Everyone's just. There's no arguments. It's just love and beauty and just the expression of love and geometric patterns and it flows through you, and we all bathe in it. No one needs to eat, no one needs to sleep.

I've arrived.

It's just love. And all of a sudden, like, a funnel, clear, sucking you back down. Fucking head. You can't talk. Is your mouth paralyzed?

Yeah. And they pay for that.

A lot of money, too, probably. Also, I think it's more money if you want the whole body.

The one thing I was, like, thinking is, like, let's say. Let's just say, right? It works the way one day, the way that they thought it would work. What are you coming back to? Everybody that didn't do it is dead. You know, no one. You probably are not going to be able to adjust to whatever society they're in. Who knows how people would treat you. Like, what you're really signing up is something like. It's like, what are you signing up for?

I think they're signing up for the hope that if they do get reincarnated, it's like space 2001. You get reincarnated to this crazy futuristic world where they could. Welcome back. Welcome back. How was your trip, sir?

You think they're trying to preserve consciousness? Their consciousness?

I don't know what consciousness. Consciousness is really here's the question. I mean, I know I'm conscious. I know you can have this conversation. I think, therefore I am. I know. I get it. I don't know if consciousness is something the brain tunes into or whether the brain is conscious. I know if you damage parts of the brain, it damages parts of your consciousness and damages different things that you can do, and they're pretty clear on what parts of the brain and are responsible for different things. But I'm not sure that consciousness is something as simple as neurons firing and your brain interfacing with the world and using all its senses. I have a feeling that we might be short sighted because we can't. And again, this is not scientifically provable, so you have to be just speculative about something like this. But I have a feeling there's probably quite a few things that we're not. Not totally in tune with to the point where we can measure them. And I think consciousness might be one of those things. I think. And I also think we're. We are all weirdly connected in some strange consciousness web, some strange net of human beings.

I think we're all connected, all of us. It's just the further those people are away, the less you feel that connection. But I think we're all oddly connected already. Before we get to, like, the cellphones in your head and everybody being telepathic, I think we're already oddly connected. We just don't necessarily feel it all the time.

Yeah, I hope it's something. I mean, I really. Do you ever think. Did you ever have a moment where you think I might die? Like, did you ever come across, like, did you ever have that feeling?

I was a kid. When I was, like, 14, me and a few friends were playing around in this place where they stored these, like, enormous concrete, like, sewer pipes, like, these big fucking pipes. And there was this giant metal thing that I guess it was a part of what they were attached to a crane so they could move these things, and it slipped and hit me in the head. And I didn't go unconscious, but I grayed out. Like, grayed out, and my head was pouring blood. I still have a big ding on the side of my head from it. And I went to the hospital, and, like, I thought it was gonna die. I did think I was gonna die at that point, but I was also 14, so I was probably just freaked out with the fact that I got hit.

Sure.

You know, like, this thing hit my head, and it only fell, like, a certain amount because there was other concrete things in the way. So it banged me in the head, and then it didn't fall on me. Like.

But you're, like, in the hospital, like, thinking you had the feeling like I was.

I got it so hard. It hit me so hard. It was so big. I was like, this could be a real problem. This could be a real. I was like, I could be dead right now for sure.

So you haven't. Those thoughts are running through your mind.

Yeah, I was okay. I went to the hospital. I'm sure I had some sort of a concussion. They. They treated me. I forget what they did, but then they just let me go home, you know, and I was just. They were like, oh, he's okay. Because I don't think they understood head trauma back then. I don't think people really got it, and I don't remember really suffering any, like, serious consequences of it. I was never, like. I never had a problem, like, looking at the light. I never had a problem with loud noises or anything like that. Yeah, but it was spooky. That was probably the closest I've ever come to just really worrying about being dead.

I had one, but it wasn't in that. It was in on a plane. Yeah, it was bad. To this day, like, I. If I think about it, I actually will have, like, a little bit of an anxiety attack. We were. It was a pride. It was a small plane. We had to do a show in the middle of nowhere on the road, and they offered a plane, so we took it, and. And we were flying back home, and it was like a eight seat flight. Plane, whatever was. And I don't like flying at all anyway, never mind. People like, oh, cool, you got to do that. I'm like, yeah. I mean, I don't. It's like, you see everything. There's no door in the cockpit. You see, like, all the motion, you know, me. I mean, like, I. It's just like, I. This feels unsafe. It's like I'm flying in a toy airplane, you know? I mean, any gust of wind, that's normal, we'll just. We'll kind of glide with it, you know, and it's like, I don't want to feel like we're up there, like, surfing, you know, I mean, and we were going in land, and we're just bullshitting them with the guys, my guy, my friends, and we're talking.

Then the guy, right before we land, he starts to go back up again, and I look at them, and I go, what just happened there? Like, why are we going back up? And the guy, the co pilot comes back, he goes, guys, we have a little bit of a situation. And he goes, what? He goes, so we were about to land just now. You might have noticed. Like, yeah. He goes, well, we were talking to air traffic control, and our panel appears saying that the. One of the wheels is not coming down, the left wheel or whatever. And so what we're gonna do is it could be a broke. The panel's broken, and it could actually be down. We don't know. So we're gonna go flying around again, and we're gonna ask him to look again just to make sure. He's like, so it'll just be a couple of minutes. So we made this big turn, and we go down to land again. And again, we're getting down, like, low, low, low. They pull back up, he comes back out. This is what this motherfucker says. Says, okay, so they can't tell it was at night.

I don't know where. A small plane, maybe it's like, bullshit airport. He goes. So they can't tell this is what he says. He goes, but we don't have enough fuel to get anywhere else, so we're gonna go around a third time, and this time, we're gonna land the plane no matter what. So I'm looking at him. I immediately just crying. I'm like, not crying, like. But like, I'm just welling up with tears. Like, I'm going to die. My biggest. One of my biggest fears is dying in a plane crash. I just. I don't even like to think about it because I don't even want to put it out there. And I'm like, oh, my fucking God. And I'm like. And I'm like, what's going to happen? And he goes in, all serious, he goes, don't worry. If the wheel doesn't come down or if it does isn't down, the wing will act like a wheel. That's what he said to us. He goes, the wing is made to, like, kind of act like a wheel. It didn't give me any comfort in the moment.

It does. It slows down the plane.

Yeah. But we're still.

Yes.

Spinning out and sparks flying. It's a little plane, you know?

Good.

Yeah. And, um. Oh, actually, no, that was the night. At nighttime was the, the. It was the same exact trip there and back. The nighttime trip, we were. It was like a storm, and we're flying all over. This was the daytime because they had fire trucks and ambulances lining on the thing. Because by the time, the third time, we went down. They were there. So they were there with a waiting. That's another scary thing. I actually took out my phone and I wrote a text to my entire family. I have, I saved next. I'm just like, there's a problem with the wheel. I don't know exactly what's gonna happen. I'm literally like, my love, you send that.

Okay, now, as you hit, I I.

Literally wrote it in full as I was.

Crunch.

I wrote it in full as I was crying. And I had it open with my hand right on the thing.

Oh, fuck.

So I was just gonna wait and if, if it just, I felt like I just hit it. I have, I have the text that I see.

Oh, my God.

And my friend's such a fucking asshole. Like, I'm ner, everyone's really nervous, but I think I'm showing it the most. My buddy's a nutcase, so he, he looks at me and he goes, yeah. He's like, he's trying to calm me down, you know? And he goes, just calm down, calm down, calm down. And I'm like, he goes, just relax. And then he starts going. And he starts singing fucking la bomba. And, you know, it breaks the tension, everything. And I'm like, dude. And I'm crying and laughing so hard because when you're in that heightened state of emotion, dude, I'm laughing as hard as I'm crying. Like, now I'm like, I don't, I can't even, I'm laughing so hard I can't breathe. I can't tell him to stop doing it because I need to be focused right now on the end of my possible life. And, you know, and I'm holding my thing and I'm laughing, I'm crying. And then he goes, hold on, let me call my wife. And he goes, hello, babe. Because the big popper fucking died for Richie Valens. So he goes, hello, babe. And I am literally can't breathe. And I'm holding my stuff.

He's like, will I what? And then I'm just like, dude, I'm begging him, please stop. I'm, like, laughing and crying. Please stop, Joe. And then we went to land and the wheel was out. The wheel was out, man. We got out of the plane and everybody was, like, in good spirits. And I was still in that place. And the fireman came over. The first thing that happened was the fire guy opened the door and looked at, he goes, oh, shit, can I get a picture? And we get out of the plane, and it's the four of us. And him take a picture. I have the picture. Everyone's smiling. I'm on the end like this. Just pale white. Just not. No smile, just like.

Oh, no.

Yeah. Like, I couldn't even turn it on for the picture.

Oh, no.

It was my biggest fear coming true. Like, you know, like, you go there. You. You literally go there. That's what I was saying. Like, I. I was thinking, this could be how I die right now. And I. Man, where it takes you is nuts in your head.

Have you seen this new plane that they've developed that doesn't have wings? And it's gonna be able to fly to London from New York City, like, super quick. Like, way, way faster. Like, less than half the time.

UFO.

It looks like a spaceship, man. And apparently it's got. Because it doesn't have a traditional shape, there's a lot more room inside of it, so it's fucking huge. What? Yeah.

What's the technology?

I don't know. Know. I was just looking at some article about it, and it's. It's a new supersonic craft that looks like. Instead of, like, it looks like a. Like a giant arrowhead or something.

Okay.

It doesn't look like a regular plane. Like, that's.

Oh, like, that's it right there.

Oh, that's not it. Oh, so that's. You fly from New York in 3.5 hours in this new supersonic jet. Can I see what the images look like?

Oh, so this is going to be commercially marketed? I thought it was, like, military.

That one seems like it. That seemed like a military jet. The one that I saw looked like that thing. That's it. That's it. 90 minutes. Look at that fucking thing.

That's ridiculous.

Look at that thing. It looks like same thing. Yeah. Okay.

It looks like.

That's just a view from the top. So you can see it doesn't have, like, a regular wing. It just has this crazy immense space in the back. And you're gonna. You're gonna have room to, like, stretch out. They'll just stuff it with humans, but probably not, because it's probably going to be super expensive.

It's only got room for one person.

That can't be the same thing. Is it a passenger one?

It's an expensive ticket.

It was talking about one that could seat passengers, commercial routes, but. Hmm. There's, like, one dude. No, but I think there's one that they were working on. Maybe I'm conflating two different stories, but there's one jet that they're working on that. That is not does not have wings. And they were talking about it being able to have more space inside of it because of that.

Who's, who's going on that? Like, who's going like, once it's like, approved is the first flight. This is the first commercial flight is.

That's it. That's the thing. Look at that fucking thing. Look at that thing.

That looks like a UFO.

Wingless supersonic jet could transport pastures from London to New York in less than 5 hours.

How long does it take?

Wait, what?

I don't know.

It's like 6 hours.

That's an hour faster. But you get to fly in a spaceship. That's not fast at all.

An hour faster, that's crazy.

But it's supersonic and it doesn't fit.

In the airport.

Bro. How dope is that? Look. Futuristic spaceship like aircraft capable of transporting back it up a little circular, transporting 300 passengers at speeds of up to 1150 miles an hour. That's like double the speed of a regular jet.

Even more. Right?

A little bit more.

Yeah.

Look how dope it looks, though.

Bedrooms, bathrooms, suites.

Yeah. See, so the inside of it is so different because it doesn't have that tube that it's got like, space.

Yeah, but how are we, how are we commercializing that? Like, that cabin is gonna be comfortable. You're not gonna feel 1100 miles an hour? I guess not. I mean, we don't feel 5600. Right.

Well, once you're up, up. Once you're up and moving, what you feel is the resistance of, like, getting off the ground. Right. You feel like this pull. And then once you level out in, you know, whatever the height that you're going to achieve is, whatever the altitude is, it doesn't feel like you're moving at all.

Yes.

And you're going 500 miles an hour.

Made by a designer. It's just as. It's a concept. I don't know, that's just like private.

Rooms for two travelers with a bedroom living room and an en suite shower room. In the living room, leather double seat sofa, complete with dining tables, a 32 inch flat screen tv, noise canceling headsets, a comfortable double bed, a full height shower, vanity unit, bathrobes, and an inflight chef at your service.

I gotta. I gotta tell you, the flat screen tv, it really, it really gets more credit than it is. But that's a jet that goes 1200 miles an hour that has a. It's a home in the air that goes 1200 miles an hour. And they're like. It boasts a 32 inch flat screen tv.

When was the last time you saw a screen that was up bubble. Can we stop saying flat screen?

But it's like, what do you. It's like. The thing is, who is it for? Who can purchase that ticket? And you're like, one of the things I'm dangling in front of you is a 32 inch flat screen television.

It says right here, nobody has shown interest in building the sky ov evo yet, but Oscar said he is offering his expertise to engineers, helping them in other projects. So this is just an idea, bro. You can easily get ahold of them. Saudi arabian dudes.

That's who. That's it.

Guys with all that loot.

That's it.

They might go, hey, how much to fix? Make it work. Yeah, how much?

I like a guy who's like. They're like, how much is like, all right. It's 2 billion. He's like, all right. You throw in the 32 inch flat screen, you got a deal.

I want a bathrobe.

We can't do it. I can't do it.

Make sure I get.

My hands are tied, man. Let me go talk to my manager. Let me go talk to my manager.

We never do this.

But it's December to remember, and you gotta, you know.

Yeah, it's our fucking. I'll tell you what. It's the end of the month. It's the sales push. He's gonna let it go. He's gonna give you the flat screen with your fucking spaceship.

Saudi wife walks outside our house on Christmas. Is one in the driver with a bow on it?

Yeah, they probably be like this. Stevie's bullshit. Look how small. Look at the revolution. This gets rid of this tv. I want a big 132 inch.

Just say flat screen.

That is not the big.

Yeah, why not? Just say, why not? Put. It's 85.

There's like a hundred flat screen. Why say that?

Yeah.

Doesn't everybody know?

Can you pull up the other and.

Then say, hey, your car comes with four round tires. Yeah. Oh, round tire.

Oh, it's a flat screen.

Round tires, right. Hey, what kind of tires do you have? Does everybody have round tires? Why they keep calling them round tires?

Super fun flight thing would be twelve rows of 33 people each. Imagine being in the middle.

Oh, God. If you have to piss. Oh, my God.

You didn't get a bedroom seat.

Oh, my God.

What were the other things they boasted about?

A shower, a tv. 32 inch flat screen tv, noise canceling headset so you can't hear the other people in the poor section scream, double seat sofa.

What?

Imagine someone fucking going ballistic while you're going a thousand miles an hour. Because people go ballistic on planes now. It's kind of a new thing. Yeah, they go crazy. See aliens, they start screaming. They're gonna take the plane out. Like, it happens. It seems like once a month there's some new video of some guy going bonkers.

Some guy just ripped all his clothes off and ran up and down the aisles. They had to land. I just saw that.

Oh, God, just read it. Imagine the fear that you would have if you were on a plane and you saw some guy going bonkers. You're like, God damn it. The anxiety. You would have like, fuck, yeah.

As soon as you. As soon as you hear it start, you're like, what's this gonna be? What is this gonna be?

What if it's like a new disease? What if it's like that? Did you ever see that movie 28 days later?

Yeah.

When they shot the chimps up with this thing called rage? Rage gets that dude. And then the fucking, that was like.

Was that the first zombie we like? They were like, super fast. Yeah, that was Hilly Murphy.

Yeah. That, in my opinion, is the best zombie movie.

I saw that two days in a row.

Fuck.

That's one of, like five movies I've seen two days in a row.

The second one's good, too.

I did. I would. I didn't let. I went to it opening night. Cause I was like, this is amazing. And I didn't. I didn't like it as much.

Well, the first one was so revolutionary. You know, it was just. And it was a different concept. Like a man created zombie virus that just infects everyone immediately, instantly turns you into a fucking monster. Yeah, but the thing is that that virus is kind of like what rabies is, right? Rabies isn't as effective because it does. Doesn't turn you into a screaming, running maniac trying to bite people. But the reason why animals with rabies bite you, they have no fear of you, and they bite you to give you rabies. They're trying to give it to you.

Really?

Yeah.

You're saying that something in the composition of rabies elicits the need to pass it on 100%. How does that. How does. I don't. I can't compute that.

There's a lot of examples in nature of viruses and parasites sites tricking organisms into doing things that are not in their best interest. And I think a virus could easily find a way to hijack the way an animal's mind works and to force it to be aggressive if it wanted to be transmitted a lot. That's the only reason why it would make sense that they would want to be. Cause if they're so aggressive, they could risk death like an animal. Being recklessly aggressive is not good for its longevity. You could be recklessly aggressive with a wolf or something that could kill you and you run up on it, just eats you. But if you could bite it first, then you can give it rabies, and then that thing's going to bite a bunch of other things, especially if it's big enough to kill you now. It can bite everything. Like, there was a bunch of travelers that went across the country, like, during the Lewis and Clark expedition, and a couple of them, I believe, got rabies. I think more than one of them got raped. See if we can find what everybody.

It's not. Now. It's not. I know they have rabies shot, but let's. Yeah. Without the shot. Is that fuck certain death? No.

Yeah, it was like, certain. It's like 99 point something percent certain death. There's a few people that have survived. Now they're figured out a way to put people into medically induced comas. And the problem is, this is obviously coming from someone doesn't know what the fuck they're talking about. But what I understand is it's a very, very old virus and a dangerous one, because what it does is it works faster than your immune system can fight it off. And so your immune system is fighting off rabies, but it can't win rabies. Just. It just hijacks everything and makes its way through. And by putting someone in a medically induced coma, they've found a way to reach equilibrium where the resources of the person's body are not being required anymore. And the immune system could fight off the rape. And with medication, they were able to do it. But they also, like, can get you if you just got bit.

Yeah. How much time do you have?

You have, like, very little time. Hours. Oh, shit. You gotta get to the hospital. And they'll test and they'll. Hopefully they'll. If you have the animal that killed you, they want to test the animal, but they'll give you these shots that are apparently, like, brutally painful. I think they go into your stomach. What did I ask you to google right before that?

The Lewis and Clark thing. But I haven't. I didn't see that. So I'm now digging up, like, maybe it's another traveler.

But the Lewis and Clark thing. You didn't hear about a guy getting rabies?

Didn't see anything with that I might.

Have been another one of them dudes making it across the country stories which I've read a lot of. They're fucking terrifying. Those days were terrifying. But it's just like a virus like that that wants to be transmitted and then tricks the animal to being aggressive. That's one of the weirder things about viruses. They're so sneaky and how they evolve, like these new Covid strains, they realize the best thing to do is be like super transmissible, but not that bad. That way you stay alive.

Right. Right.

You don't kill the host, you know? And like, there's so many instances in nature of things like tricking things into doing stuff. You know, like parasites that take over an animal's body and force it to do stuff.

Yeah. Bleak.

It's weird. The weirdest one is, we were talking about this the other day. Grasshoppers that get this aquatic worm, this aquatic worm climbs inside of it, hijacks its brain, and when it's ready to give birth, tricks the grasshopper into drowning itself so that it could be born. So it just takes over the grasshoppers brain and then leaps into the fucking water so it can be born. And so the grasshopper just drowns and it just slithers out of the grasshopper? Yeah.

That's wild.

Tricks it into committing suicide.

What? The evolution of that?

Exactly.

You know, like how did.

How the fuck.

Yeah.

And how is it so common? It's so insanely common, apparently.

That's wild.

Yeah, that's fucking.

So grasshoppers, like, they have a number one look out for this fucking thing.

I think they just have. I think a lot of them have it. I think they've done studies on grasshoppers, and I think they've done this on praying mantises, too, but a lot of them have these worms in their bodies.

How often do you see a grasshopper?

All the time.

You do? Yeah, man, I haven't seen one in years.

Where are you living?

I live in New York.

What do you expect? Yeah, I know, but you gotta go where grasshoppers live. They don't come visit.

But where do they live? Is it just grass?

I mean, they live in open fields.

I mean, I encounter grass. You know what I mean? Yeah. Residential. That's what I've seen them in the past I haven't been in.

Yes, there's probably a few.

I bet you I've seen less than ten grasshoppers in front of my face in my life.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

No, I've seen a lot of them do praying mantises. You mentioned that they. I don't like them at all. They freak me the fuck out. One time I was getting gas and there was one on the. Right, on the thing, and I was a road trip. My friends were going to DC, and it was like, in the middle of the night, and I'm getting guessed, my friend. It was back in the days when you had the handheld camcorders and we're like, oh, look at that thing. And I'm like, dude, just like. I'm like, right here. And he goes, kid, take that. Take the camcorder. I'm gonna get the guest. I'm filming the thing, and it just turns and lunges at me. And I. It literally looks like a. That fucking, like, what's that movie?

That alien?

No, no, the movie with a starship truth or the person standing in the corner. It was like that horror movie that, like a handheld camera.

Oh, Blair wish.

Because when we watch the footage, you just hear me go, yeah. Like, my voice got so high, and then the camera just drops and it just goes, like, to static. But you see it lunge at me first.

Yeah. We're lucky they're little, huh?

Why do they rip? What is that about the ripping of the head off?

What do you mean?

The praying mantis. The female rips the male's head off after they have sex, but she's just a bitch. Is that it?

That's. That's a lot of. A lot of it in the insect community.

Is that true? Right.

No, the. One of the worst ones. Ones is ants. Some ants will take the male, and the females will take the male and cut all his legs off and just drag him to the colony. It's got his legs on one.

This is like a history of rabies. And I got to this part of the hair of the dog.

What is that?

And work your way back to get this how they used to treat rabies before they understood what the fuck it.

Was, that what that reference is from?

It was recommended to salt and eat the flesh of the offending dog. Oh, my God. Another strategy included drowning a puppy of the same sex as a dog who had bitten the person and having a human victim eat the liver raw.

What? I don't know. I lost. What? We're talking about rabies.

Rabies. How to get rid of it. Because they had no idea. They knew that it was coming from canines. They kind of got that.

So then you locate a puppy and just kill it.

Wait, what year was this, Jamie?

This. It doesn't say cuz it says we're the 1982. We're in the middle of like Rome, the Greeks.

Wow. I wonder if the dog thing worked. Like if you get some of the rabies virus through cooked meat, burning hair.

Picked from the tail of the dog and inserting the ashes into the wound.

What?

Whoa.

This treatment lives on today in a name and spirit. With the hair of the dog. Whoa. Hangover cures, which calls for alleviating blood and alcohol induced symptoms with more alcohol. Alcohol consumption. Holy shit. That's what the hair of the dog comes from.

That's wild.

That's crazy. Why do you guys, why do you.

Gotta salt it for taste? He's like, you get bit, do me a favor. You gotta just bite that thing, eat it, put some salt on it for taste. But you got to get in here.

You gotta salt up the meat.

Who do you think you have salt on you? Like what? You know, it's like.

But it's probably how they ate.

Preserve it or something. Something.

Maybe. I mean, maybe they thought like salt was gonna kill salty. I mean, that's how they preserved stuff.

Yeah.

Back then they'd cover meat with salt. They'd cover everything. Like they had wars over salt. Like salt was like really important. And now they get away for free.

Yeah.

Imagine being someone from the salt war days.

It's all like the most. Yeah.

Going into a restaurant.

Family died for this.

Well, you just twist it whenever you want.

Who the fuck is Salt Bay? This fucking asshole.

What does he do with the salt? Can you imagine how they would freak out if you took them to Salt Bay? Like, what the fuck are you doing? Especially if you get the steak covered in gold. Like, you fucking asshole.

I love salt gay. Salt bay gets bit. He's like, ah.

How many villagers I slaughtered to get that much gold? What the fuck is wrong with you, you animal?

That's it.

They lost the thread on how they got it. This guy wrote a book, early 19th century on causes of rabies. Ooh, there's an interesting one when you get to like the fourth cause.

It says the bite of a rabid animal was named first. It was picked. It was quickly followed up by a cold night air, eating beechnuts, a fall and the involuntary association of ideas.

Can I have some more of the weed that we were smoking? Just because I need to understand. Understand that?

Yeah. I don't know what that means.

This guy was smart and bright for his times, but it's like just proof that they didn't know. What, rabies.

What does that mean?

So you don't know what it means.

Voluntary association of ideas can cause rabies.

To give this guy credit, he is, I think, one of the first people to accurately describe it as a disease of the nervous system as opposed to bloodborne.

What do you think that means? An involuntary association of ideas. What does that mean?

Isn't that just life?

Involuntary association. Like, someone can get some wild ideas in your head and those can cause rabies? Is that what it means?

Did you want me?

This seems so good. It seems so ridiculous.

I didn't. I didn't really understand what the sentence meant.

What does that mean? Clinical features of rabies. Patients with abnormal sexual behaviors as they're presenting manifestations. Abnormal sexual. So the rabies wants to be transmitted sexually? Yeah.

What does abnormal sexual behavior mean?

A 32 year old man with frequent ejaculation as the initial symptom of rabies was first reported.

Chops a lot of guys with rabies.

Then a literature review was conducted using databases including CNKI, sinomed, VIP, Wang, fang data science Direct, ProQuest, Ovid, and pubMed. In addition to our case, 54 other rabies cases with abnormal sexual behaviors are. The presenting manifestations have been reported since 1970. Among 55 cases, 51 were male der.

Wow.

And three were females. Unknown gender for one case. Oh, God. Even back then, with ages ranging from six to 71 years. Wow. All cases were reported in developing countries. 46 in China. Dog bites were the major source of infection and extremities were the main exposure sites. Wow. That's crazy. 83%. 83.6% cases had abnormal sexual behaviors as the initial symptoms. Symptoms? The major presenting manifestations were. What is that word? Preappism. What does that mean? Preappism?

Am I reading this right? You get bit by a dog in China and you just start ejaculating it.

A rare condition, a prolonged erection of the penis. That's right. The full or partial erection continues hours behind. It isn't caused by sexual stimulation. So that's what this is. Is like they're so wild and randy that they have a constant hard on and ejaculation in males and hypersexuality in females. All cases were clinically diagnosed based on medical history and clinical manifestations. Given no standardized post exposure prophylaxis, all cases died with the survival time between one and 15 days. Yeah. Most people who get rabies die.

Do you think that that jizz had rabies in it?

Like you could, let's hope, make story more fun.

All right, let me take out the raby part of it, right? Just. You catch that, you get something where you. You have that disease you got the heart on, you can't get rid of. You just keep ejaculating. Ejaculating is fun. How long before. It's not like, how is it? Like, in 20 minutes, you don't like it anymore? A couple days? Like. Like, if you're. If you're just constantly feeling the feeling of climb, of ejaculation, is it like, can you perform your regular tasks?

It's another level of health. Just like that fucking head getting sewn back on the body.

It's hell, right?

And, like, in 20 minutes. 20 minutes, you're exhausted. You just keep coming.

I can't take this any.

Yeah, imagine, like, never not being horny. There'll be hell. Was this guy.

He's got it.

He has 100 orgasms a day.

Well, there you go.

Yeah. And zero friends.

Like, he was having a.

He's faking it.

Maybe he's got rabies.

He's faking it. He's not. Nobody comes that hard. After 199, there's 100 orgasms. That's the 100th one. He's like, I'm sorry, babe. No way. If you've ever jizzed more than three times in a day. The third one is dust. The third was just a promise of future jizz.

So that's 97 blanks.

All right.

That this person was. Came out as transgender and suffers from persistent genital arousal syndrome.

Is that the thing?

Mmm.

What's. Is there a cure?

Yeah, but, I mean. Prove it, bitch, you got your pants on.

That's an HR. If I'm being honest.

I want. I want you to really show us. We're just gonna keep you and keep you in an aquarium and really show us that you're always hard and this isn't just an actual for attention. Yeah, you might be kooky. You always got to throw that in. But anytime you add some gender thing into, like, any kind of possibility of someone being kooky, everybody. How.

Well.

Can't do that. Yeah, it's genders involved gender. Just like, who wipes the sweat clean?

Yeah.

What a time. What a time, Salvatore. What a time.

I can't imagine. I can't imagine that. So let's say he does have it. What is his life for real?

It just nuttin'all. The time, constant nuttin'but. But he's not enough time to call the news. Tom, come watch me come. Yeah, he's a freak, you guys. A freak. This is my 34th time of the day. I mean, you have to document these things. If you're a journalist. Otherwise, what are you doing? Why are you there?

But so can he not work? Can he not be in a relationship? Can he not be.

I can't work. I need money. I just need money from the government. I can't stop coming. I'm coming now. Coming.

Does he go to Easter with the family? Like, what is he. Oh, my God. It's really. He's really sitting there just orgasming. Is that real?

When was the last time you bent over like that? When you came for the 80th time of the day.

He's just so dehydrated.

He's kid's fine. Meanwhile, he's losing weight like a pro wrestler.

His face was purple.

That's got to be all things nonsense.

Blood pressure.

You think I'm spending too much time on this? Yes, I think he's full. Shit. I'm just guessing. I mean, look, if he really does suffer for that, you gotta imagine, like.

Imagine several that no one believes.

You're right. I have to take it back. And I apologize, because imagine, because you gotta imagine, some people are definitely hornier than other people. Some people are actually asexual. They're like, you can keep it.

Sure.

I don't want it.

Keep it back to our rabies case. It says that this happened to someone up to 40 or 50 times a day. By the fourth day, old man in China.

God. 32 year old chinese man began to have frequent ejaculation. How are they coming out, buddy? They just shooting out? Are you touching your dick? Like, what does that mean? Frequent ejaculations. Telling you, like, you're passing the buck.

Do you ever help one along or hit all solo? Is it all hands free? He's like 45 or hands free. Five were him.

The wildest is the chimps at the zoo just jacking off in front of any touch, any touch, any touch. Ow. When frequent ejaculations increased to 40 to 50 times, on the morning of day four, the patient went to a local clinic. He's like, not on the third day, 50 times a day. This dude was nutting. And he's like, maybe I need to get this looked at. Traditional chinese medicine for the treatment of imbalance of yin and yang. You're telling me, are we right? However, symptomatic, treatment to rebalance the yin and yang had no effect. Effect. Crazy. In the same afternoon, he was sent to the community hospital in Beijing with the following symptoms. Headache, dizziness, nausea, malaise, fever of 39 degrees celsius, irritability, tachyophrasia, speech difficulty, hyper salvation. He was subsequently transferred to a territory. What was that word?

Tertiary.

Tertiary hospital, third hospital. Sorry. In Beijing for further diagnosis and treatment, but the etiology remained unidentified. At around 10:00 p.m. on day four, patient was sent to infectious disease department of Peking University third hospital and was transferred to emergency department due to tachycardia and dysphemia.

Oh, shit.

Dysphenia. His complaints included high penis sensitivity, painful erections and ejaculations 40 times a day, triggered by any touch or ejaculations without erection and release of the semen, as well as headaches, nausea, chest. Conjecture and fever. There was no significant improvement after fluid infusion. Symptomatic treatment, other supportive therapies, no diet. This is how we're all going to die, Sal. This is what's going to happen. Someone's going to hear about this and go, okay, so what you're saying is a little rabies is really good. What we need is an inert form of raisins. What we need is a rabies vaccine that gives you just constant rock hard boners.

Yeah.

For guys who like to party.

You know, when blue choose not enough.

Yeah. When you just want to be a different thing than a person. And you also don't want rabies. Yeah, well, we've got the. Imagine if, like, every guy starts doing it. Just like, how many women have fake boobs now? Quite a few. It'll be like, what if, like, most.

Guys, it'll be like baseball.

They want to.

Everyone's got to do it. If you want to compete, you got.

To get the rabies.

Yeah.

Did you get your rabies shot? You're 16. You can get a rabie shot. 16. Don't listen to those Robert Kennedy Junie pussies. There's no fucking side effects. Just get your rabies shot. Get your fucking dick on you. Imagine if, like, something switched, we kind of do it. I mean, well, if you think of animals. So, like, tigers. Tigers can breed 50 times a day. When a female tigers in heat, the tiger just keeps fucking. They fuck to the.

Yeah, it's literally that where easy tiger comes from. I don't know.

I don't know what that term is.

An easy tiger?

Oh, no, I don't think so.

We just found out that hair of.

The dog, you might be right.

Maybe.

But that's for a short period of time when the female's in season. If she's not an estrus, he won't do that. But if a person has sex for fun, like, if a person could be as horny as a tiger all the time. What a terrifying world we would live in.

Someone's working on that.

That's what I'm worried about. Like if someone just said, look, there's certain medications that get created that are essentially performance enhancing medications that you can prescribe to people for stuff, you know, like when they first. I think this is true. Provigil. I think the initial idea behind. Check to see if this is true. I think the initial idea behind it was using it as a performance enhancing substance. But then they could. You couldn't do that because you can't just prescribe something to help people perform. You have to have a sickness. And so they went with, I think it was insomnia. No, not insomnia. What's the other one? We just pass out when you faint. What's that one, Jamie? We just. Narcolepsy.

Narcolepsy.

So I think they use it for narcolepsy. And have you ever taken provigil or new vigil?

No.

It's a weird chemical. And I think Tim Ferris, when he wrote one of his books, he decided to not put it in there because he was worried that people would just eat it, like can, if they knew how effective it was.

Really?

Yeah. But he and a lot of people are of the opinion that there's no such thing as a biological free lunch. There's no such thing as one thing that turns on that much of your brain that's probably not doing something that we don't know about yet. You know, it could be like fucking something up long term. Like, who knows? Let's get some studies done. Yeah, but I've taken it before on trips. Like, if I had to go somewhere, like, say, if I had a draw, like if I did a gig in San Diego and I drive back home to LA. The gig's done at like midnight. You know, we grab our shit, we throw it in the car, and it's 2 hours of driving.

Yeah.

And you're fucking tired at like, one in the morning if your head starts nodding out. If I take one of those, no worries, no sleep. Not happening for how long? But not. Not speedy. That's what's weird.

Really?

Yeah. No, no. It doesn't increase your heart rate. It doesn't make you like, a blabber mouth. You can't shut the fuck up. It's not like that. Yeah, it's like a weird, sort of like. Like the idea of being sleepy just gets erased.

Is it crash? Is there a crash?

That's the problem. That's why I think Tim Ferriss was worried about putting in the book. It doesn't seem to have much of a crash.

Really?

I didn't. I didn't feel it. I mean, everybody's different, right?

Did you sleep when you get home?

Yeah, yeah, I slept.

You also slept?

Yeah, I went to. I went to bed when I got home, which is like two ish, 230 ish, whatever. It took us to drive back, drop everybody off. I think I was, like, maybe a half an hour later, I was asleep.

Wow.

Yeah. It didn't stop me from sleeping, but it stopped me from falling asleep at the wheel or being drowsy at the wheel. You know those moments where the fucking road just starts hypnotizing you, the white lines, and it's like, oh, no.

And you're literally like, what am I gonna do? Like, am I gonna pull over? I'm gonna push through this? It happens a lot for us. I'm driving a lot on the road all the time.

My manager, Jeff, he gave me the best advice. It's the best advice. I do it every time. I know I have to drive, and I'm tired. You get ice cold water and a rag like a bat, like washcloth.

Sure.

That's the best. If you have ice in the washcloth, that's the best. And a little bit of water and put it. Just get a little tupperware thing of ice and water in a washcloth. And when you feel tired, you just take that washcloth, you rub your face real quick. It goes away.

Really?

Yep. Goes away. And then five minutes later, you might need it again. But you got it right there. You rub it in your face. Goes away.

What happens if you don't like, it gets. The ice is the factor, not the water.

Yeah, you need cold water. The cold water wakes your face right up. And it works.

It works. Stimulates.

It does whatever it has to do to snap you out of this cycle of droning and just. People fall. Kid I went to high school with fell asleep behind the wheel and died. It happens.

Me, too, actually.

My friend Tommy had an accident where he blacked out behind the wheel and crashed his car.

Yeah. I think about this often now because my parents, they live in a different state, and it's like, I'm only, like, 75 minutes away, but they come to visit me, and then when they both visit each other, and then they go home, and I'm like, I'm just getting there. Recently, my mom told me, she was like, I don't want to. I have to get a coca Cola or something, because I get. Sometimes I start to fall asleep, and I'm like, what? I'm like, don't make the drive. She's like, no, I'll be all right. I'm like, but you don't know that you will. I couldn't believe she told me that. Like, she sometimes, like, doze a little. It's like, mom, jesus. You know? So she's like, all right. So now it's like, I don't know if we get to that point where it's, like, limited, that she can't come to me anymore. I don't know.

Just gotta get her a Tesla. Yeah, put that bitch on autopilot.

She's like 70, like, four. She asked me for a mountain bike for Christmas.

So here it does. It enhances cognition, too. The drug modafinil was developed to treat narcolepsy. Kinda excessive sleeping. But it's widely used off license as a smart drug to promote cognitive enhancement. Enhancement. Where qualities such as alertness and concentration are desired to assist someone with, for example, exam preparation. I bet they give that shit to fighter pilots, too. Don't you imagine?

I need laser? I mean, the focus that's required is, like, unhumanly.

They don't. I don't think they think about laws. Like, whatever the fuck is the best thing for them. Yeah, give them that. What are we, stupid? Something's written down on paper. You can't give them that. Give him whatever the fuck he wants, right? He's flying a goddamn fighter jet. Yeah, you want those? Dude tuned the fuck in. You don't want him sober. You want him on whatever. Adderall, whatever the fucking mixture is. That stuff and adderall together just like, fucking load them. Discipline.

Pump them up.

Yeah. Disciplined fighter jet pilot with a little bit adderall, a little bit of that stuff. Just locked and fucking loaded just in there. There. You don't want any distractions. You want hyper focus.

It's your ass. What do you think a fighter pilots, like, regiment? Do you think there's, like. They keep a certain regimen or something?

They're very fit. At least the Blue Angels are. I flew with the Blue Angels once.

Yeah?

And the dude that flew with me was jacked. He was. And he was telling me that you really need to be physically strong to overcome. They don't wear a g suit. They just use this method called hooking to, like. You go like this hook. So as the G's here, hitting you, you're forcing blood into your brain. Yeah. And you. You have to be strong to do it. So, like, you go where the Blue Angels are. They have weights all over the fucking place. These guys are always working out.

I'm thinking cognitive. What about cognitive?

Oh, you have to be a fucking genius.

But they have to have a routine, though, where they keep themselves sharp, right? I mean, like, that's part of probably their daily lifestyle.

I'm sure, I'm sure there's constant assessments. Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure. There's probably, like, a lot of drug testing. There's probably making sure you're getting sleep. I mean, they're putting you at the helm of something that. What do those things cost? Like, what is a, what is an f a 18 cost?

Yeah.

Let's take a guess. Is it $100 million?

What are.

One of those things cost 300 million? What is, like, our top?

That's if it's fully loaded.

What's our top of the food chain jet right now? Like, what's the best jet the Americans have? Because the one I flew in, I believe, was an f a 18 with the blue Angels. It was. It's insane.

Yeah, it's insane. They wanted to put us in one of those. I didn't do it.

It's going through the fucking canyon sideways. You, like, a couple hundred feet off the ground. Yeah, I did throw.

We put, we put the guy in the show on one, and he went, and he went up and he had all the stuff. And they say, this is what's gonna happen. You're probably gonna get nauseous and throw up and black out. And, you know, and that's exactly what happened. And we had all the cameras in it, and when he got back, we couldn't see it. Like, we couldn't see him. So he just took off on the thing, and there was cameras in there. And then when he came back, we were gonna just be like, how'd it go? And he came back. He got the thing opened. He looked, like, absolutely horrified, ill, sick, like, traumatic. He threw up, he passed out. He woke up, he threw up, he passed out. He came out, he was crying, and he goes, that wasn't because the guy was just, like, unmerciful with him.

Oh, boy.

Yeah. And he was like, it's not funny. I'm not. We shouldn't. We're not even gonna put on air.

Did they teach him how to, like.

Yeah.

Consciousness. They teach him how to do the hooking?

Yeah, we did. He got a little. He got the briefing, you know, I.

Got it through the harder part, and then I got cocky and another part, and I didn't do it quick enough, and I blacked out. The part that I blacked out in was way less G's. The part that I didn't black out was, like, seven G's, which was crazy. And then I think the one I blacked down was, like, four or four and a half. I blacked out. I just didn't hook in time. I just. It wasn't sure if I should be doing it now. Like, when to do it.

Yeah.

And the pilot. When you hear the pilot hooking, that's what's really scary. I hear him going, hoot, hoot. I'm like, oh, shit, he's blacking out, too. Like, he's experiencing what I'm experiencing.

Yeah. What happens if he doesn't? The hoots don't work.

He's gonna work. Those fucking dudes. Those dudes are a man, Eric. And, yeah, if you want. You want the rest of the world to be worried about America, you want to be worried about fighter pilot guys.

Yeah.

Real american men.

What did you say?

Know how to fucking pilot that.

God.

Shit.

What did you see in there, though? Like, what did I say?

What do you mean?

Like, you're sitting in a jet, right?

I see, I'm. That's. I mean, I'm behind him, so I'm sitted. Seated.

Can you see?

Oh, yeah, I can see everything. You have this fucking glass around you, man.

No, no, seeing up. Right. But. So I'm just thinking. You're just looking into, like, you can't. Do you have any sense of scale? Like, do you. Are you looking like you don't see anything? You're just seeing blue sky?

No, no, no. You do that, too. Like, we did a flip where you do the thing all the way around. We did that.

So.

But he's also going through the canyons at low altitude.

Oh, like in top gun, too.

Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. No way that we did that. Yeah.

Was that just, let's do it, or did you have to get yourself there to get in that?

I mean, I said, whatever he wants to do, I'm gonna do. That's the thing they do do. Yeah, they take you on this run. They, like, have a route. They take you.

I don't trust it, dude.

Well, these are. These are the crazy ones when they fly next to each other. Fuck all that.

Yeah. In the canyon.

It's my friend Mark Smith does that. He did that with the Thunderbirds. He's a referee for the UFC.

I.

You have to be an exceptional human being to be able to pilot one of those things. I mean, you have to be. Be on your fucking P's and Q's.

Yeah. Like superhuman, basically.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What was that jet you were showing us? It just lifts up off the ground. That's our top of the food chain.

Within 10% of the.

Right guess, 109 million per aircraft. Show a video of that thing. That thing is nuts, man. This thing is nuts. Watch how this motherfucker takes off, first of all.

Looks badass.

You see that thing coming at you like, oh, we should have signed a treaty. Look how it takes off. Look how it points down at the ground. Yeah, look at its asshole.

Shit on you right now.

It asshole tucks down on the ground. Look at that. That's insane, dude. That is literally insane. Yeah, the asshole tucks at the ground and it just lifts up in the sky.

This looks fake. Surreal.

That looks like. Like the lunar orbiter getting pulled from the surface of the moon by special effects.

That's wild.

Look at that thing.

Oh, and that's how it lands as well, bro.

Are you fucking kidding me? That's insane.

That's the.

That's ten years ago. So this is.

Oh, yeah. Now. Now it goes like the speed of light. That's visible.

The old model?

Yeah, that's like an iPhone. Someone pulled out an iPhone once. The fuck is that? Right? Like ten years ago in jets.

That thing has a cigarette lighter in it. Are you kidding me?

With all the money that these dudes have to make these fucking things? I mean, I guess they're just limited by physics, right? They're just limited by propulsion systems and the metal and the g force and the pilot being able to stay conscious.

Take the pilot out. We can do better. Shit.

A hundred percent.

They're addicted.

They're gonna do that.

You have. They're addicted to this. Right?

I would imagine you have to be addicted to. I mean, do you. What kind of car do you drive?

BMW suv.

They're nice. That's a nice car. Like, don't you enjoy driving it?

Yeah, I do.

It's enjoyable, right?

If you're listening, BMW, I like to.

Get in a car and I. Feels good. Yeah, it's enjoyable. Imagine flying that fucking thing. You ever know a racetrack?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I went to the Indy 500.

Look at this fucking turn. That is so insane. It's just so insane that these things can do that. This. Look how it just, like, hovers. Like. That's a nutty craft. That thing's nuts.

Yeah, it's like, it's at. It's so agile. It looks like a bird.

I wonder how long it stays in the sky, though. I bet it ain't long. I mean, where's all the gas? That must be eat and gas, you know, like, I have a ram truck, TRX gets like 9 miles to the gallon.

No fun.

Really? Yeah, yeah, imagine what that gets.

That's. I mean, how. I mean, you just fill in that thing. It's probably got a 25 gallon gas tank.

Yeah, giant gas tank.

How much. How much of a fill up? You don't get to eat on that thing now, right?

You get to eat, yeah.

I mean, you have a reserve tank, right? Probably.

No, I don't have a reserve.

Oh, my dad had a reserve tank in his pickup. Yeah, a whole second tank.

Oh, that's a dude worried about the future.

No, there was a dude that got a lease at the right day.

Yeah, well, they do that with a lot of cars because a lot of those pickup trucks people have transport things over long distances.

No, this was like a Ford f 150 or whatever.

Yeah, Ford f 150 is probably the most popular pickup truck in the world.

Yeah, I think it is.

Probably next to the Toyotas, Toyota Tacoma might be number one. Like, what's the most popular pickup truck in the world? It's either an f 150 or it's a tacoma.

I think in my head, it's an f 150 is a name I always, always, always have heard.

You can't go wrong with an f 150 making those things. Just like Porsche 911s. They were making that same truck from the beginning of time. Just making it better every year. Ford F 150s are the shit. They're so durable.

My dad had them even growing up like we had.

They're fucking great. Is that the number 148 years in a row? That's it. That's it. Ford F series, most popular truck. Best selling truck in the US. It's been that way for nearly half a century. And they fucking deserve it. They're amazing trucks.

Now that you say it. I think they say that in the commercial all the time.

They say, I sab one. I used to have a raptor. The. The most recent version, the six cylinder one, was fucking great. Yeah, great truck, man.

32 inch television there.

No, no flat screen. That's the only thing that sucked. I feel like if you're in that plane, you need a 60 inch flat screen. Yeah, like we need to reorganize my room. I want to be in a theater. I'm in the sky. Spaceship. I don't want this bullshit ass. 30, 32 inches is like that big.

It should look like cribs.

That's not that big.

Yeah.

32 inches is not big.

That's like the first flat screen.

Do you think? I don't know how to count numbers. 30. Two's not big. What is that?

20,000 pounds of fuel.

20,000 pounds of internal fuel has a range of greater than 1200 Newton meters. I don't know.

It was about a thousand miles. It says it can fly for like 2 hours without needing refueling.

2 hours.

But they can refuel it in the air so they can stay up forever, essentially.

The point is, like, when they're on the gas, though, I bet it really fucking burns fuel. My point is, my truck. My truck. When I'm on the gas. Yeah, it burns fuel. It's a little gage on the trx that shows you if you're running out of gas. Yeah, it shows you what, like, your gas mileage is. You can leave it on, just cry.

Twelve gallons an hour when using the afterburner.

Dude, I want to see a mid flight referral refueling. Is that. I remember on original Nintendo?

Yeah.

Do you play, like, original intended?

No.

Top gun. On original Nintendo. You had to refuse one of the things you had to do in between this. They had to refuel in the air. And I was like, they really do do that. That's insane.

It's insane. I mean, again, like, those level of human beings that can pilot those things and keep their shit together like this. Flying two jets right over each other like that. Like what? Entrusting the guy in the bottom to stay still. Like, shut the fuck up, man. This is nuts. And you got gasoline. You're pumping gasoline with your robot dick into the vagina of this thing. Look how it clamps up. That's nuts, dude. See how it, like, clamped in place? Because if it doesn't clamp, then you got gas spraying all over your fucking jet engines that are hot as shit, dude.

I'm more impressed with the thing that has the gas in it. Actually, the dick, that was made sense, you know? Like, that's newer technology than the jet itself.

It's all nuts, dude. I mean, just the fact that they have this thing is nuts. Look at it. And it's. It's really kind of weird that it takes war for us to make something that's that cool, right? Like that amazing to look like if you're a guy. Like, what are guys? Guys love fast cars. We love spaceships, rocket ships. Like, I know a lot of girls do, too, don't get me wrong. But men generally design these things. I can the ultimate is that. And you only get that if you go to war. You got to kill people to get that.

Yeah. The best of the best of the best minds and the best of the best of the best people that can pilot that thing. All driven by war.

Like, if Bezos goes out, I mean, Bezos has like $200 billion. Because I want a fucking fighter jet, man. If he's sitting around with a super hot girlfriend with a shirt on button to the naked. You know what I want? I want a fucking fighter jet. He can't even have a fighter jet. That's bullshit. You could have the biggest yacht in the world.

Yeah.

You could have the most beautiful wife. You can have the fleet of Rolls Royces. No, fighter jet. Fighter jet is only for people who get to kill people.

Yeah, that's.

You can have a gun. We can let you have a gun, right? You could have a rifle. You can have a shotgun. If you want a short barreled shotgun, you got a. Get a tax stamp and got to go through the government. But if you want a pistol, you know, you can get a pistol. But no fighter jets, not a fire jet. You can't have a tank either.

You can buy one.

Shut the fuck up.

Well, they go.

That's a whole bullshit.

I was just getting through.

That's only 79 grand. You know why it's only 79?

Real plane?

Because it's only going to last for one flight.

I like getting in that thing.

You buy them? Yeah. Oh my God. That's a jet now.

Million dollars.

But you're not allowed to buy that new one. What?

Well, talk to Lockheed. And you have enough money.

Do you think they would sell you one of those jets? Do you think? I'm putting this in Jeff Bezos ear right now?

They probably have a contract with the government to not sell them the same stuff that they're selling the government, but they might be able to make you a slightly different.

So these are like 1990 ones. Scroll up a little bit. That one was like a little above that, 1992, but that's a propeller.

Think of the market that you're selling to, like, oh, look at that one.

That was like a jet. Illinois.

But no one's buying that unless they're a pilot. Right? I mean, or how small psycho demographic.

That could possibly leave. You could buy these. Now they have to be unarmed, right? They have to have taken, well, helicopters, different. Oh my God. You buy a black, how much is really? How much the black? It's a premium listing. Call for price.

They don't list it.

Translate this into rubles they don't list it.

Like, listen, the price there is going to shocked me.

110 grand.

Hello, I am calling from Illinois.

I seek to buy on the open up.

I want to know for sure how much for just. My children love black hawk down. I thought the fun thing. Buy a black arc. Okay? You buy a 92 jet for $3 million. $3,200,000. In Redondo Beach, California. Hey, look, it's got dope camo on it, too. Like, if you gotta fight Smurfs, you could blend in with them.

How inferior do you think that model is to a current model?

Oh, it has to be crazy inferior, but still insanely cool. But do you think you actually get those missiles? I want a missile.

What was that project? My manager.

Did you ever see that? The Netflix thing? It was Project Odessa, right? Where this fucking dude was a drug runner, and he bought a sub from the Russians, and they asked him if he wanted to buy nuclear missiles, too.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

And this is like, at the fall, the Soviet Union.

Right, right. Did he?

I don't think he did.

No.

No.

It just wasn't Netflix.

Yes.

I watch a lot of stuff high, and I think it rings a bell.

Yeah.

Operation Odessa.

Operation Odessa. It's fucking amazing. That's the sub. They sold him a sub.

That's crazy. That's crazy, brother.

The documentary is amazing. Cause it's all real, but it seems like a plot of, like, a guy Ritchie movie.

Yeah.

It's so nuts. It's so nuts.

A sub that's even. I wonder, you know what? I wonder if a sub, like, can almost go on. Do you. How. What level of pilot do you have to be to drive a sub, you think?

It's a good question. It's probably really hard because you have to do all by instrumentation, right? Because, like, what do you imagine how terrifying must be if you're in a place that, you know, there's rocks under the water and you're driving around with this tube compressed by a thousand feet of water, just hoping you don't bang into something. Hoping you're. All your fucking sensors work correctly?

Yeah, down there. I wouldn't get in one.

What the fuck, dude?

But I mean, like, actually. Like, actually piloting it. I know that. To read the instrumentation. So that's a lot of stuff. But, like, I wonder what it's actually like to, like, is he just like, you know, I would imagine. Is it just like, listen, that's it.

They must have so many sophisticated sensors. You know, the big theory about all this stuff is that we have sensors in the ocean and they're. They're all over the place. And that our government and our military set them up there. And that they knew when that that submarine with all those rich people oppressed and imploded, they knew that when that happened, they knew exactly when that happened. So all that shit about still looking for the people, it was all bullshit. They knew, those people are dead. But then. So then they released the fact that they had recorded this explosion that happened in the same area. But the real conspiracy is they don't think that they have those things under the water to detect submarines, that they have those things under the water for UFO's. And that a lot of the activity that we're seeing with all this UFO UAP stuff is things that are coming in and out of the water. That's why they're always near the water.

I have not heard that.

Yeah, that's the wildest one. You're like, what? The government's underwater searching. Like, they have, like, imagine there's a top secret program that's setting up these underwater detection systems and listening systems and videotaping things because things are going in and out of the ocean. So you have to figure out, like, where's their insertion point? Point where can we set up? And then just, like, setting up these monitoring stations to try to figure out what the fuck is going on down there. There's a place we can't even go, and there's a whole little village of these motherfuckers. Spaceships shooting out of the bottom of the ocean, off into the sky.

I have enough problems on my mind already. I don't need this one.

I mean, if they wanted to hide in plain sight, that's the place to do it. Hide right now. The ocean.

Have you watched a sugar?

What sugar?

It's a new show. Colin Farrell on, like, apple tv.

Oh, I saw the preview of that the other day. Is it good?

Yeah, it's. I've been watching it, and it's like I didn't know where it was going. And then it takes a real sharp turn and what you kind of thought you were watching you, you realized that maybe you weren't. It's like, I don't. I can give it away, but. Yeah, I was gonna say, if you.

If you're fucked it up now, I'm gonna be looking for that sharp turn.

Yeah, you'll never see it, though, so don't worry.

Okay, good. Also, my memory is shit. I'll probably forget about it.

Don't even. I was in what we talk.

What? Rabies you.

You think that alien. That they. Those alien matter they cop to like a few months back is real? Cuz back then I thought it was. Now people are saying it's bullshit.

What do you mean?

When they felt they. That alien. Like they showed the alien that they found. Found.

Oh, what is this one? Did I miss this one?

The government came out and said that they literally made a statement saying we have alien matter. Bot like matter.

Like actual biologics I think is what he's doing.

Oh, you talking about the whistleblower who got in front of. Was it Congress?

Yeah.

That he got in front of him? Yeah. See, those things are interesting because it's all just talk until they could show you something.

But they showed something, uh, didn't they?

No, there's no bodies. Maybe they have something around the same.

Time than that story hit of the Donald Schumann. Not only the Vegas.

Yeah, the Vegas story.

But like the mexican mummy that they had. That was like that little tiny.

Yeah, but that was bullshit.

I know, but I'm saying they all.

Yeah, it's the Vegas story. The backyard with the kid coles. And he's. I'm staring at something. He get frozen like in his place.

Yeah. And there's like some image in the backyard that you can see on film that they've run through like CGI. And to try to figure out whether or not it's fake. Run through AI rather. And they don't think it's fake. But doesn't mean that it's not like a dude in a costume or something. It's like you just. Fuck it. You're just hanging out your backyard and the aliens just happen to land there real quick and take off.

That one hit me. I was following up for days. And they didn't like follow up with them.

Well, the family's probably undocumented because it seems like they. Some of them at least are probably not documented. They weren't speaking English. Yeah, right. Wasn't that the case?

No, the kid. I mean the kid was. Because he called 911. They should. They play the call.

Am I thinking of the same one? Was there a bunch in spanish body cams? Maybe they just don't want the attention. Because then people are showing up at their house. Maybe they really legitimately did see it and they got freaked out. Out. Who fucking knows, man? But if like individual things that happened like that. If it did happen, nobody would fucking believe you. Just like a ghost story. Like if there was all sudden. If you went out to let your dog out, you're like, come on, buddy. Gotta take a leak. You take him outside and you're staring eye to eye with, like, this four foot tall creature with giant black eyes. And it's standing in front of this, like, transparent glowing orb that it just stepped out of. And you're sitting there going. Going, what the fuck?

Yeah. And you're now crazy.

And then it gets back into that thing and.

Yeah.

And disappears into the cosmos, and you're like, what the fuck, man? Yeah, and who do you even tell? If you tell me, I'll go, okay. What is that stuff you said you were taking?

Yeah.

How much do you take? That's a normal day. That person. What's. What was yesterday, like, that person would be deemed crazy, stressed out. Problem with your lady? What's going on? Yeah, you're seeing things. But if it is a thing that's just uncommon but happens, that's gotta be. That would be the wildest one of all. Of all the possibilities of all the things that it could be, the wildest one would. It would be. This is an actual life form that occasionally visits.

Yeah, I saw something. I didn't know what it was. Once I was driving at night on the highway.

Was it a vagina?

You got me.

Where were you?

I don't know. I was, like, driving home from a show. But I wasn't far from home. Maybe, like, less than 2 hours away. I know that. And I saw the light. The sky. I mean, a flat, not a. The sky didn't light up like a flash of light that lit up the sky, but it came from, like, as far as my eyes could think that believe that the distance of my eyes could see. It was. It came like, it was really far. I was like, oh, what was that? And then in, like, a fraction of a second later, it flashed again. And it was half the distance. And then one more time, like. Like. I mean, like, 1 second later, flash. And it was like the flash was where I was. And then there was no more flashes after that. Yeah. And my girlfriend. My girlfriend was in the passenger seat, but she was sleeping, and I woke her right up. After that, I was. I actually was looking around at other cars, see if I was going to pull over and say, like, did you just see what I just saw? But nobody, like, really stopped.

I didn't stop either, but I can't explain it.

How long ago was this?

I would say maybe a little less than ten years. Seven, eight years ago, maybe. Yeah. I can't explain it. I really can't. I know what it's not I know I wasn't seeing things. You know, it wasn't like, oh, there was a building or this light flash. It was distinct. It was something I hadn't seen before, like the way that the light came.

I think it's probably some kid on some planet somewhere with a drone, just having a good old time, like a laser guy. He's probably doing a reality tv show for true tv, an Alpha Centauri. I mean, imagine if, like, what we're seeing is just, like, kids toys.

Enough people say, yeah, right.

Kids toys. Like, you know, no one even cares about what the humans are doing, but kids do. Sometimes kids will send a drone down here, check it out. You know?

It's so possible.

It's so possible.

Yeah.

It's also possible. The more time goes on, the more I look at those little grays, I'm like, why are we even assuming those things are alive? Like, the way we're the gray aliens?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Why are we even assuming those things aren't some robot? Like, we're real close to making robots? Like, super duper close. And why would you risk sending a person or a living thing right across the galaxy at a fucking billion miles an hour when you can just use a little robot people? They're really good now. Like, giant heads. They don't talk. They can't fuck. And you get these little robot guys to go and collect sperm samples from people and fucking take them up into the spaceship and run experiments on them and then drop them back off.

Yeah, maybe they're all robots.

That could be true, too.

Yeah.

Yeah. That could be the future of intelligent species. They all become some sort of electronic thing. Yeah, that could be. That's. That sounds terrible for us, but if you were being objective, you go, I could see that. That. That could be possible.

I. I get if I start thinking about this stuff, like, you know, if I can't sleep or something, I start thinking about this stuff. I mean, I'm in the age right now where I'm having, like, that full on existential thing happening, like never happened before, but I can't. It's all the time now where I'm just like, what is going on here?

Yeah, that's. That's most people's lives. That's how most people think.

Just, like, it's weird just wondering what the future will be and just be like, someone will be around to see it. Someone in our lineage will be around to see, hopefully. Yeah.

Or not. Yeah, that's the thing. Eventually it's going to be not. I mean, everyone wants to look at, you know, look at big picture, but really look at big picture. Like, this sun is going to wipe us out. We're not going to make it. We're going to get to a certain point, whether it's a billion years from now or whatever they think it's going to be where the earth is no longer habitable.

Right.

That's just going to happen. Happen. So when we're like, oh, God, that's so far away. Well, so is 100 years, because you're not gonna make it to that either.

Right.

So let's fuck it. We got now.

We're in a weird.

We got now.

We're in a good spot right now, I think, because I don't know if this is, like, just historically this happens, but everyone feels this, but, like, I'm actually, like. I'm really nervous about the AI. I really am. It's like. I just. I just feel like this. This could be the precipice of the next. Like, just the next, you know, what life becomes.

Not just the next thing, but who takes advantage of it and how.

Right.

It's like this newfound power. It's gonna be so different than anything else you've ever experienced before and who. Who's in control of it.

And it's. The second most feeling of unsafe is besides war? It's up there with war, you know? Yes. It's like you feel unsafe right now. Like, unsafe, but not. I feel unsafe, like, in my lifetime unsafe, you know? I don't know.

Yeah. It's. It's very different than anything that's ever happened before, because within a short amount of time, it's gonna be a real problem. It's gonna be a real thing that's smarter than us. We're not gonna be the smartest thing now. We just stopped right now. Pulled the plug. Who knows? Maybe we'll be okay. We might not be okay if this thing keeps going. Or we might be. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's like, everyone says that.

Everyone says that, but, yeah, they still. I mean. I mean, they'll never stop.

Well, I think the problem is the chinese government and the russian government are not going to stop. And for us to stop right now would be very dangerous.

Right.

You know, if they become the first. If China becomes the first to be able to utilize this incredible power and just do whatever the fuck they want, whenever the fuck they want, and then it gets better and better and better under the power of this thing.

Right.

That's. That's not acceptable either. But then the problem is it's attached to weapon systems, and if it's attached to weapon systems and all it has is like, it has a desired outcome that it's trying to achieve. Right? And this desired outcome. Yeah, it's. It's not thinking about morals or ethics or how many people are gonna die and how many innocent people got what's the most effective way to ensure victory. And it's gonna just do that. That's gonna be. Be horrendous. And if someone from another country decides to do that first, that could be a giant problem real quick, because all it would take is dismantling our grid. That's it. All it take would that, and we're fucked.

It's funny that there's no, because, like, them turning. Everyone has knows the theory of turns on us. Even the people in positions that are racing to get this technology.

It's a dog eat dog world out there, man.

But it's like, yeah, that's it. I mean, it's either, I guess, don't be the one to get it or just, you know, in a way, this thing that could destroy everything there. I mean, it's for protection. Like, if you. If we don't keep doing it, we're unprotected.

It's basically the same argument that we have when we create the nuclear bomb.

Right?

Same argument. Right. We have to do it for the Nazis. Do the Nazis get this first? We're all fucked.

Yeah, this is what I'm saying. War. It's like a nuclear bomb.

Yeah.

Feels like a ticking time bomb. It really does.

I know.

I mean, everything you read, and it's like that, oh, Congress is not ahead of it. Like, that's what I'm worried about. Like, they. Any type of, like, regulations and stuff.

Well, we. I did a podcast the other day about it, and I think part of the problem is they can't really be. There's no way they can know everything about everything. Right. So many things going on in the world. You know, if you want to ask them about cobalt mining in the Congo, and also ask them about overfishing in the ocean, and also ask him about the negative side effects of oil spills. And also act what's going on with pharmaceutical drugs and what's. There's no way any congressperson. Yeah. Gun control. There's no way. There's no fucking way they're gonna be in charge of all. And what, what are your thoughts on the border? And also, what are your thoughts on, you know, what about seed oils?

It's just plugging holes.

Yeah, it's. There's no fucking way you can be really well read on all those subjects and be objective.

Yeah. So they can't keep up.

They don't know what the fuck is going on and it's happening and all these super nerds are out there coding and banging away at it and they're about to release chat GPT 5.0, which is going to be the craziest of all crazy ones. That's. Of all the ones that have happened before, like, each one of them is more insane than one before. And chat GPT four is pretty fucking insane. And then four o is pretty fucking insane, really. And when five comes out, 40 talks to you like a girl.

I have not interacted with it at all, not one time. So I don't really know. I see people making images and stuff and, you know, I'll write a joke and, you know, write me an email. I've seen that weird shit where it's like, no, but I love you. I saw, like, those stories that came out with, like, it was like, it was. It felt ominous, you know, like, with, like, the exchanges, like the emails or whatever. But, like, I haven't. I haven't really gone past that. Cause I'm like. And, you know, but it feels like you have to. It feels like you actually have to. You worse off if you don't kind of get acclimated.

I kind of get forced to pay attention to it because of this show and because my friends, like Duncan, who's, like, really, really into it. Like, Duncan uses AI all the time. Like, if he was hanging out with you, he would take your voice from a, like, record you while you're sitting there talking. Then he'd run it through AI and then he would type up a bunch of stuff for AI to say, like really embarrassing things. And then he would say, sal, why'd you send me this? And then I'll just start playing. Yeah.

Yeah, that's.

I mean, we did it to Tony the other day.

That's.

It was hilarious. That's.

That's. But that's ridiculous. Someone I saw in a forum or something, someone sent me. Someone took my voice and made me. And made it the Michael Jackson Bad album. So. And they sent it out and it's. It's. It's my voice singing bad by Michael Jackson, but good. But it's my voice and it sounds like me to me. And I was like, this is such a. I remember I was playing. I was doing laundry. I played. I hit play and I was like, this is fucking nuts.

And that is going to be a living thing soon. That's going to be another Sal, that's going to be another Bobby Lee. That's going to be whoever the fuck they want to make it. You're going to be able to make people that sound and look and behave exactly like that. But we're going to be able to bring Rodney Dangerfield back from the dead and he's going to go on tour as a robot.

I'd see it.

I'd see it for sure. Yeah, I would. I just want to see what it's like. That'd be weird. Imagine you brought Lenny Bruce back from the dead, but you didn't let him write new material and he just bombed. Like, this is, this is the guy. We'd all go to see him and, you know, he's like stuck in 1965. He still thinks he's, hey, Dick. You know, and he just gets, he's.

Getting arrested for those jokes that people like nowadays.

They just, like now it's nonsense.

My grandfather.

Yeah, it's so easy.

That's funny.

Yeah. Because in the context of like, his time, what are you saying was revolutionary? Like, what is this guy saying? Well, but it's hard for us to recognize that wasn't that long ago, man.

Not even at all.

Like 60, 70 years ago, that guy was getting arrested for telling jokes and then talking about certain things on stage. It's hard to imagine that society's changed that much in such a short amount of time.

Is it the fifties?

Well, he was around in the sixties too. Like, when did he start getting arrested is the good question.

I feel like it was sixties. I don't think so. He couldn't be still getting arrested then.

I think he died in the sixties. I think. I think he died of a heroin overdose. Who's arrested? The jazz workshop in San Francisco in 1961 for using sexually explicit language. Although he was acquitted, law enforcement agencies put him under greater scrutiny, resulting in drug arrests in Philadelphia and Los Angeles. So they just started going after him. And he did do a lot of heroin, apparently. I think that's also how he died. I think he died from heroin and I think he died in the middle of the trials. They were just constantly going after him.

Wow.

In the end, it was really sad because there's some recordings of him on stage where he's not even doing comedy. He's just reading from his legal papers and talking about his case.

Wow.

So people come to see him and he would just like, rant about his case. It was like sad.

I have a bunch of. You always see his albums in, like, the, like, the thrift stores and stuff. Or, like, when you go to the record store, the used ones, like, they're always, like, just a few bucks and, like, there's so many of them. Yeah, I always sweat everywhere on the road. If there's a record store, I'll swipe any comedy albums I can get. Whoever old. Not. There's that. And they're always just like, there's the same ones. You see all that are, like, readily available all the time. Like, no matter where you are, it's always, like, ten, you know, like Rapin Rodney's. You know what I mean? You know, or that Eddie. That Eddie albums that you see everywhere. You see Sunset Strip. You see that everywhere. Oh, yeah, but I got. I mean, I get Pat Cooper, Alan King, every. You know.

Oh, wow.

You know, I got. What's his name? Dick Gregory.

Okay.

Yeah, Red Fox. It's. Come on, put him on. It's like, you don't think to listen to these people. And it's like, it's out there, you know?

It's also like a time machine.

Yeah.

You get to peer into a time in, like, the 1960s where someone's on stage and some comedy club in a different universe. Like, the world's different. Everything's different. Then the reality is different. It's the middle of the Vietnam War. Everything's different.

Yeah.

They're on stage.

You kind of hear it in the recording. It's, like, baked into it. It feels. You know what I mean? Like, whether it's just what, you know, you're listening to or just the way they recorded it. Like, I like, I actually really like listening to the crowds on the records as well. It's different. It sounds and feels different.

Yeah, for sure.

Yeah. How they react and stuff.

And they're different people, man.

Yeah.

I mean, their context, the civilization they lived in was just so different. It's so little access to information. I mean, the difference between people then and now is so vast in terms, like, how much we know about stuff. How much information we have about stuff.

Yeah.

You know, and back then, it was wild. Like, that kind of comedy was only, like, a few decades old. It was wild, man. Like, nobody was doing, like, there's a great series of recordings from Richard Pryor at Red Fox's comedy club in LA. And I bought. I bought them once at a gas station. They just had them in, like, the cassette thing. Yeah, you could buy them. And they're fucking great, man.

Yeah.

And they're just these recordings of, like, Richard Pryor fucking around, making up material, work in the crowd. You hear like, ice and glasses. I love it.

That's exactly. I love. I love it.

So cool. Yeah. So cool.

Clinking in the clank and the shaking and stuff. It gives, like, it's like a. It's. It's its own thing. It's like a, you know, you've seen the priors tonight show, right?

Yeah, sure.

Yeah. It just like totally clean cut. Like. Yeah, it was like.

I know.

I was like, wow.

I know. It's kind of weird. It's kind of weird seeing that. Yeah. Well, that was also George Carlin. George Carlin's early days. He's real clean cut and clean jokes.

Oh, I haven't seen a top.

Yeah. See if you can find early George Carlin. Yeah. You'd look at me like, no way. That's the hippie guy.

Yeah.

Like, no way.

Yeah, I got. I don't. His material, though. I don't know what it was. Like, the early material.

Very clean, very, like regular comedy. Look at him.

For our entire lives and I've noticed something. Holy shit. When the westerns involve Indians, and sometimes they don't. Sometimes it's Brian Don Levy with a black, crooked card game. When they involve Indians. The big eyebrow thing. When the Indians finally attack the cowboys. We've been waiting for it throughout the entire movie. You can see them standing in the hill. And that's the big scene when they finally get to them. And you always see exactly how the cowboys prepare for this attack.

They're pulling wagons around the circle. Get them old ladies up there holding up the weapons. Come on, now.

Tear up their petticoats. Use your bandages.

Get that water up there.

Big hassle. We never see how the Indians prepare, and it's their attack right now. The Indians were good fighters. Just because they started in Massachusetts and wound up defending Malibu doesn't, you know, we really didn't play the game with them. As I say, the Indians were good fighters. And if this was so, they must have been well organized. There must have been a way to divide their manpower. It wasn't just one old chief.

Mini moon.

Come, Choctaw, a lot of guys running.

Get it? Not bad.

Yeah.

Interesting.

Yeah, it was. I mean, that premise was, you know.

Yeah, interesting. Interesting premise.

Did you ever see him, meet him, know him?

Yes, I met him at the comedy store and I saw him perform a bunch of times. Live.

Yeah, I saw him twice.

I saw him live when I was a kid, when I was 21. When I first started doing stand up, I saw him live in New Hampshire and he bombed.

Really?

0767 years later, seven years later, look at him. Dirty hippie found out about hippie pussy revolution. Hey, I'm playing the game wrong. Probably did a little acid. Like, what am I doing with this fucking stupid tie on?

I mean, that is a. That is a coast to coast transformation right there.

Real quick, too. Yeah, just a couple of years.

Yeah. Like, what did you look like five years ago? Pretty similar.

So that was 65 to what I.

Think it was August 3165 to march of 72.

That's crazy.

I mean, he's nearly unrecognizable. Yeah, he also looks way older. Like, he. Yeah, that doesn't look like a 70 acid.

That's all that acid eating you out from the inside.

Yeah. He aged hard, I guess.

Yeah, that's pretty nuts. One of the greats.

Yeah, man.

Yeah. I mean, without all those guys. I mean, that's what's really interesting about the art form. Without guys like Lenny Bruce and George Carlin. Just a few people. It's just a handful of people. Richard Pryor. Handful of people. Red fox. What would this be now? What would it be? It's kind of crazy. Yeah, rickles. Sure, definitely Rickles. Right? Rickles is like the original roaster. What an animal that guy was.

I have a photograph in my living room that he autographed to me. Right. It's like a prize. If there's a fire, it's the first time grab.

He was awesome.

Yeah, he was so nice. He was so kind to us.

Animal on stage attacks with jokes, attacking people.

Insane.

Yeah. You know, and for the time. And that guy was a murderer. Nobody was like him back then.

I saw him live, like, within the last, like five, six, seven years of his life. I saw him in Atlantic City, which was great. He came in from the back with the horns and everything before he even got to the stage. It was 20 minutes of insulting people before he got to the stage. It was great. It was amazing. Didn't hold back. And then I saw him again later. Like, I saw him, like, two years before he died up at Westbury, long Island, and he sat in a chair for this one, but he still did 2 hours.

Wow. Yeah, that's awesome. Yeah, that's awesome.

And then he. I got to go backstage, and it was like, frickin midnight, and he. With his wife and one other couple, and he let me come in and spend, like, you know, you. When the people come in, like, you got to leave, like, helping him out. Like, he kept waving them off and he, like, talked me for, like, good ten minutes.

Oh, that's great. Yeah, he was him live. There's a few guys who are like, damn it, you know, I miss him live. Shit.

Yeah.

Saw Kinnison live quite a few times.

Oh, wow.

I saw Kinnison live at least three. At least three times. I saw him once live at great woods, which is like, this outside concert area. And then I saw him live at this. I saw his career, like, start to slump. Like, I saw it in real time. Even though I was, like, still a huge Kensen fan. The second time I saw him, I was at this, like, shitty kind of casino ii place. It wasn't that good. It wasn't packed. And then the third time was kind of the same thing.

You were a comic?

Yeah, I was just starting out. But you went, like, me, I wasn't a comic yet. Like, maybe I was thinking about doing comedy. It was pretty close. It was like, right. Maybe right before I did comedy. Comedy. But he went from 86 where he was on top of the fucking world to, like, 88. It had already started to kind of fall apart. Yeah, it was wild how quick it happened. Yeah.

Wow.

Like, he had this one amazing album and one amazing HBO special and those two were, like, his best things ever. And then everything after that is just too much partying and blow. Just got caught up in the life and the material wasn't that well thought out anymore. He's just like, he wrote. His brother wrote about it in his book. If you read brother Sam, it's fucking great book. Bill Kinnison wrote it. Really. If you're a fan of comedy, it's a really good book.

Yeah.

But just tells you how this fucking wild man, like, how different he was just.

Yeah. Just plummeted. How long? How long was he at that height, you think?

Just a few years.

Yeah.

You know, I think before he got discovered, like, before Rodney to, like, so, like, I bet, like, from everything that I've heard from people that were around back then, he came a monster. He came. He was already a monster from the beginning. He had been a tent revival preacher, so he was a tent revival preacher who knew how to do stand up.

Wow.

I mean, what an advantage. What an advantage, you know? I mean, it's like. It's like teaching a gymnast jiu jitsu. Like, they're so strong already. They're so flexible. You have a giant advantage.

I wonder if he. How long it took him to get to that voice of it, like, you know, screaming and stuff.

I think he had it from the tent revival days because there's recordings of him doing sermons and he would do it like that. It's like really powerful stuff. And that's a form of show business, clearly.

Yeah.

And he was really good at it. And so he.

I've never seen an old set from him or anything like that.

You've never seen an old set?

No, I've only seen him. Trench coat guy.

Okay. But there's some that are online you can find on YouTube. But him with like, a leather jacket on and a comb over, it looks like shit. Wow. Before he started wearing the beret. Yeah, he's have a comb over. You know, shit. Wouldn't shave the head. Couldn't give it back that he bought. He wanted to be a rock and roll guy, too. He had long ass hair and, like, a bandana. It was ridiculous. So that was him in the early days. Wow. Last sermon. But he was in 82 something.

I was just reading. Said he was a door guy at the comedy store starting in 1980. 1980.

So he probably broke off to make a little money doing a sermon. But this is like, what it sounded like without Christ in my life. Get to the sermon. I don't want to hear any songs. It's got to be. There's got to be some script. Is it mostly songs? Here it goes. I feel like I have as much.

I feel so grateful.

You can't believe how much grateful I feel towards the spirit of God for what he's allowed me to be part of. And I know I wouldn't have had it without this church. Amen. Without these ministries that you see on this platform. Amen. And without yourselves. Amen. We've all played a part in each other's lives. We've given to each other. Amen. So that was him just preaching.

It's so wild to hear that voice attached to that context. It's wild. You hear him and he's here. I'm saying it's a mind fuck.

And by the back then he's already doing blow, going crazy.

Was he already.

Yes, he was already kissing. You know, Kinnison was a wild fucking dude, man. He was a wild dude.

Just threw and through.

Got hit by a car when he was five years old.

Me too.

Maybe four.

Four years old.

How bad?

Not too bad. I was playing frisbee with my dad and I went to the hospital, but I didn't break anything or anything.

Did you get knocked out?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We were in a parking lot. Hundred percent empty parking lot. Like a vw post. Like a veteran's post near my house. We used to play, like. And we just playing Frisbee, fully gated with the only two people in that thing. Only two objects in the thing. We're throwing this frisbee. And my dad's friend was walking down the block, so he went to the gate to talk to him. And I was little. I was like, I said, four. And he threw the frisbee and it went, like, over there. And I went to go get it. And as I'm going, I see, I was stationed wagon pull in. It came around the back, so it's not even from the street. It was like. It came in the back and turned around and it started driving that way. And I'm little, you know, and I'm going to get the thing. And I remember. I remember thinking, oh, it was still coming at me. And I get to the frisbee and I pick it up. I'll never forget this. I picked it up and I fumbled it and it dropped again. And I so vividly remember saying, do I try to pick this up again or do I get out of the way?

Because I just remember, like, this person has to see me. I'm the only object in front of him. And I went to pick it up again, and that's. I woke up when my dad was running and I was in his arms. Yeah, but it wasn't bad. It wasn't. It wasn't bad. I. I don't even know if I got concussed or anything like that.

Cold.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, that. That was. That was it. I got to sue. I got $5,000.

Nice to see.

And I couldn't touch it. Dolls 18.

Oh, yeah.

It was like a trust. Yeah. I don't know.

You don't remember?

Was like twelve five when I got it. That's what was left, 12,500.

Oh, oh. Because the five got done.

It was 14 years.

I meant 1200.

No, no, 14 years of. I guess, you know. Jesus, I'm sorry.

Oh, that's amazing. So all the interest.

Interest there. Wow. I have a bachelor's in finance. I couldn't just think of that word just now.

And you didn't go and buy a nice car or something?

No, I didn't buy a nice car. I don't know where it went. I don't.

Free money. I know it took the hit.

I wish I knew where it went.

I wish I had a nice story to cap this fucking.

I know I still have that. The book they gave me, it would. They would go and you'd have to take it. And they would, uh. They put it under a stamp and it would, like. It would put the new price, the interest you made that month, the new price, and it would add it, like, it would aggregate it. It's a red, like, staten Island Savings bank. Like, foldable thing. So I used to. All through those years, it's like pages and pages and pages of, like, the interest that I still have that.

Wow.

Yeah.

The old days, when you go to the bank, go to the bank.

Remember that?

Yeah.

Mom picked us up from school.

The bank cashed.

The bank was a knife through my heart, dude, because our bank was so fucking slow. Every time it was 40 minutes.

They have no motivation to move quickly.

40 minutes.

How's your day? How's your day?

Drive through. But you only the drive through. Oh, that's what. That's what I mean. Yeah.

That's even worse.

You see the line around your car starts overheating. You're like, no, it always did. She had. She had that car overheated. Used to explode. We used to drive down to the Jersey shore in the summer. We'd be in the back seat, bench seats, everything, like, right? It's just my mom. This thing's a fucking boat. It would pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop. And you're looking back and it's shooting. Black smoke shooting out of the tailpipe. And she used to pull over. Pull over on the. On the. On the turnpile on the parkway. Open the hood. White smoke pouring out of the hood. Stunk. She just get the coolant from the trunk. Just pour the coolant.

Careful when you're opening up the radio.

And, like, literally just kind of. Of alleviated the problem as we drove. But the worst part was, like, when she was like, pick us up and stuff, and it would, like, backfire. Because it was like, it backfired. Like, if you drove it, it was gonna backfire. So, like, coming to school and stuff. My mom said she didn't mean to embarrass me. Like, coming to school and that thing backfiring.

Yeah.

And then the smoke blowing out and then, like, having to get. Just having to get in the car. You know what I mean? Like, everyone saw it.

You know how many cars back then just fucking polluted everything they came in contact with?

Black smoke came out of every car.

Every car before they came up with catalytic converters. It was a disaster.

I remember as a kid smelling the exhaust all the time.

All the time. Which, like, lowers your iq.

It was a normal smell to smell it was.

That's why we're so dumb. It's part of it.

Yeah.

Yeah. A, thanks for being here, man. Appreciate it, brother. Was a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. Let's do it. Definitely do this again and tell everybody your story special. It's on YouTube.

Yeah.

Right now it's out.

Right now it's called terrify. Just search my name on YouTube. And also today my new tour went on sale. Everything's fine. Tour we started. The first leg is 30 cities, so it's savalcantocomedy.com.

Beautiful. All right. Thank you, brother. Appreciate it. A lot of fun. Bye, everybody.