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They have a real... Estonia? Yeah, so the comics there. It's called Humor Clibi, I think. Every show done in Estonia is only produced by these comics, so no one gets a piece of it besides comedians. Oh. Yeah, so they've totally collectivized comedy in Estonia.

Oh, so they developed their own scene, just the comics. So there was no Comedy Club that was available, and they created something?

Well, Estonia has been a country since 1994. Yeah, super real. It's all brand new, and I think free speech was just legalized last year or whatever, and they brought me over. But the crowds, bro. I did a show in the college town there, and I was like, I watched the first two comics, Ari, very funny, not getting big laughs. So I went out there and tried to tackle this crowd. And at one point, I was like, Where do you work, ma'am? And she went, No. That was the amount that they wanted to connect, and they don't laugh audibly. But afterwards, I'm out there selling merch, and they're all like, That was a pleasure. It was a time of my life. Thank you. It's like, Okay, well, in America, typically, we smile, at least, if we're having the time of our life. It was like someone's going to throw a rock at them if they made any noise. Wow. They're probably shell shocked. Oh, for sure.

Yeah. Oh, you got to like that, what the fuck are you doing? I don't know. We always knew we were getting robbed, right?And we were like, Hey, thank you for robbing me. Thank you for the opportunity.I'm a club owner now, so I'm like, I know we were getting robbed, so I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to have it. But it's funny how many club owners get mad at it.Oh, dude. I mean, I'm finally selling tickets now after fighting it out for 20 years. And the independent clubs will give you every penny that they I can give to you. Whereas the corporate-owned clubs, they have the exact spreadsheet. Oh, they're brutal.They're so brutal. I don't want to say who it was. Oh, my God. I just got a hot sauce in my eye. Oh, no. Fucked up. I was eating something with ghost peppers today, and I forgot I had it on my hand. I just wiped my eye.At least you didn't touch your dick.Wow. I did touch my dick. That's the worst. It's not that bad.I did a jalapeno, and then I touched my dick, and then my wife came home, and I had the tip of my penis in a saucer of milk. She was like, What are you up to? I'm just crying with my dick and cream.That's like that old Eddie Murphy bit about putting the aftershave on his balls. Oh, yeah. I have a clear eyes if you think that'll help at all. Yeah, throw that over here. God damn it.Capsaison is a hell of a drug, man.Ghost pepper, baby.I'll wake you up. Oh, my God. It's like those smelling salts you have in the green room. Oh, yeah. I fucked around. Dude, I dipped my toes into those waters.The ones we have at the green room are bullshit compared to these.Hey, I'll take your word for it. Come on, bro. You got to take one last. I'll blast one. One blast.Chuck that sucker this way. Maybe that'll clear up my eyes.It's going to clear up something.You psycho.Definitely going to forget about your head.Oh, my God.Oh my God. What a glowing endorsement of this product.Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, dude. I think you went too deep there. Yeah, I went too deep, too. I felt it in my lungs.Oh, man. It really hits the reptile part of your brain. Yeah, exactly.God, I can't believe I did that.Let's podcast.Let's fucking go.I'm going to go fight Bruce. I'll be right back. I did it to impress Ron White in the green room, and he just laughed. You idiot.Ron's done it. He's full of shit. He's done it, too. Ron's taking quite a few hits, but none of these guys know about that one. That's the real one. That's Juju Mufu, this bodybuilder dude. He's got this brand that sells them. It's called Ah. That's the real one. That one is above and beyond anything I've ever tried. It's like multiple magnitudes.Are there individual capsules in here? You're supposed to break.What the fuck's in there?Oh my God. It looks like crystal meth.Yeah, it's just rocks and ammonia. My right nostril is still on fire. Do the left one. No, we're good. That's what Joey did. He's like, I got to clean up my left one. He went in with the left one, too.He's had a lot of stuff up that nose.Yeah, I'm amazing. He could smell anything. It's He doesn't have holes in that thing. Yeah.Well, thank you for having me back. My pleasure, brother.My pleasure. So what's the road been like? You're all over the place, man. I follow you on Instagram. You're in all these crazy countries, and Did you just decide to see the world? Is that what the plan was?Standup is a pretty good sheet code to travel and experience the authentic version of a place because you get to hang out with people from that place while you're there that weekend. Right. So, yeah, I did like every state in America by the time I was 30, and then was like, Well, maybe I'll go abroad. And standup is so new in the rest of the world that you feel like you're in the ground floor of... All I can really approximate it to is the early days of hardcore, like punk rock when Black Flag and Minute Men were out there. And I feel like I'm doing shows like that when I go to Estonia or Bratislava. And everyone's so happy to have you.Was there any place that was really fun, where they laughed really loud and they got the jokes, or was it every place a little disjointed?It's different because the more it used to go into Europe, the more they watch it like theater. But I remember I was in Hungary, in Budapest, and that show was awesome, and it shouldn't have been. The host went up and ate it, and he was getting all sweaty up there, and he had to take off hisYeah. I'm all for that stuff.Me too. I like freaks. I love freaks. I like freaks of all time. I mean, here's the thing. A lot of people are upset about the pride parade because they're like, Oh, they're doing the pride parade, and they're doing it in front of all these children. Hey, don't bring your kids to a fucking pride parade. I know you want your kids to be tolerant. Is that him? Simply marvelous. Chris Condi, queer, conscious rapper. Is that him? Boy, it looks a lot like him. Oh, those are different tattoos, I think. No, it's queer on his belly. That's him. He's based in Austin, it says. Oh, hey, fella.Whoa, he has a song called American Faggot.Well, there you go.That's hard as hell.Yeah. That's just talented. That probably was in Austin then.Oh, for sure. It looked like it was at a farmer's market based on the crowd.There's this thing that people are saying about the pride parade because all these people are walking around naked at the San Francisco Pride parade, and so they were interviewing these people, and they have their dicks out. Listen, if you don't want your kids to see gay guys being sexual, that's what Pride Parade is. It's not like a bunch of 40-year-old gay engineers holding hands, like married guys who are just holding hands like, Hey, we're proud. It's different than anything else, like any other pride thing, because it's not just It's like, We just happen to be gay. It's overtly sexual, always. It's guys with fucking ball gags and dog leashes.Pissing on each other.Yeah, it's nuts. I'm not against it at all, but you can't complain that that's happening because you brought your kids.You can't take your kids to the cage fight and complain about violence.Exactly. Don't take your kids to pride and complain about the gays.They're having a blast.They have a good time. I used to do a bit about how I would always think, Am I exaggerating about the gay neighborhood? In LA, they have Boys Town in Santa. It's so crazy. I always say to myself, Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I need to drive through again. Every now and then, I would take the right turn and go down Santa Monica Boulevards and head towards the ocean. It's five blocks of no one saying no. It's just wild madness. It's dudes with cowboy hats and G-strings on poles, guys making out in the middle of the street and humping each other. It's crazy.Having the time of their life.Having the time of their life. All Yang, no Yin, and no one can get pregnant.I'm all for it. You wrestle, but everyone wins.Well, also, those guys have their own neighborhood. The difference between the gays and lesbians, unfortunately, never developed us because I have a theory. I think that straight men find out that lesbians move next door and they go, I'm an ally, and then they become their neighbors. Whereas straight men never move into a gay neighborhood. Very rarely. You can't straighten up a gay neighborhood. No. But They've figured out a way to make a whole area all gay. Only gay guys can do that. It's admirable. It's great. It's wild. But it's just wild that they can pull it off in almost every city.Well, and also they can go into places and then they gentrify these places on the margins of the city. And the next thing you know, all the houses are worth so much money because they invest so much in their properties.They invest so much in their property, make things more safe, and they keep a lot of people from moving there. Oh, yeah. It's a good move. If you can tolerate a lot of techno and dudes walking around on Mollet, for sure. Yeah, for sure.Fucking live there. But also offering you Mollet, typically. They're very generous people. Oh, yeah.When I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco. I lived in San Francisco from age seven to 11. I lived in a fully gay neighborhood.Yeah, the city of San Francisco.Yeah, but we were in Haight-ashbury, that area. We were right off of Lombard Street. We were in there in the mix of the whole thing. I could walk to Fisherman's Whar from my house. My neighbors were gay, and my aunt used to... She would smoke pot with these gay guys, and they would get naked and play the bongos. They'd be like, Oh, she's over there playing the bongos with the gay guys. It's like, Okay. It was so normal to me that It wasn't until I moved to Florida that I even realized that people were homophobic. That was when I was 11. I had no idea that people had a problem with gay people.I mean, it was just normal for you as a boy to understand that your aunt had these gay friends, and it wasn't made strange or they weren't othered.No, they were just normal guys who just happened to be gay, and they were everywhere, too. It's like you became normal because you just saw them everywhere. There was guys holding hands everywhere. This was San Francisco in the 1970s.That's what you want, right?I want people to... Yeah, I want people to be themselves.I want liberty and freedom for all.Yeah, that's real freedom. You want America to be this fucking land of the free, home of the brave? You know how fucking brave you have to be to be holding hands with a dude and walk down a major street? What are the possibilities of running into homophobes? It's pretty fucking high. For sure. Pretty sure. If you're going to walk down any major Metropolitan for any three or four block stretch, the odds of you running into a homophobe is very high. Someone is going to be violently angry that you love another man. Right.I think that the young people now, they want to be homophobic, but I think that most 18 to 23-year-old dudes have probably sucked a dick or had their dick sucked by a fella. Really? I don't know. I'd venture to guess that they're- What do you think is happening today? Well, It's a mist.They pump it in the classrooms. It's like the gay bomb they tried in Iraq. Do you know about that story? No. Oh, my God. You don't know that? Oh, my God. What? The United States spent millions of dollars trying to develop a gay bomb. Wow. It's based on this hormone and this chemical, and they would detonate it above a city. Apparently, it'd make men so randy that they wind up fucking each other, and it would demoralize them. This was the supposed idea. No way. Yeah. This is how goofy our fucking government is. Not knowing anything about the Spartans who are gay as fuck, who are one of the greatest armies the world has ever known. Yeah, they could comfort each other. They were so gay. Not just that. But when you fought next to someone and they were your friend, that was one thing. But if it was your lover, you would protect them to the death. That's so smart. Yeah, man. Well, they just also, I think people were just gay then. I think people, back before they realized, Hey, you probably shouldn't fuck kids, they just everything. And then the kids started writing down, and once my uncle fucked me, all life was downhill.And you read that like, Oh, that's probably stopped fucking kids. It took forever before they figured that out. Because if you think about it, Aristotle, Plato, soccer You go back in time. All those guys had young boy lovers.It was just accepted, and it was part of passing your philosophy forward. Because you would take an apprentice, and he'd also fuck his thighs from behind, but then he would tell the world your story. Yeah, that was totally normal.He was fucking writing everything you were saying. He was dictating.Yeah, and dictating. But there was that thing with the philosophers. Some of them thought that it was low-minded to actually have sex with the children's butts, so they would just bang their thighs from behind, and that was cool. Low-minded. Yeah, I think so.So they just titty-fucked their thighs. Exactly. Yeah, that's a good move.It's a real soft part of a body.Yeah, you don't get that hurt from it. I wish that didn't happen, but at least he didn't fuck my butt hole.I'm still tight as a drum.Yeah, it didn't make me walk around uncomfortable. What the fuck did he do to me?Yeah, I don't have to use a diaper now.You just feel weird. Like, Oh, that guy just jizzed all over my thais. Whatever, whatever.What are you going to do? At least they know about geometry now.Bro, they didn't know any better. Isn't that crazy? But just think about how much murder took place back then. If you got to be our age back then, let's just say you got to be 30, how many people do you think you saw get murdered? Probably dozens. You probably saw people murdered all the time.Over very small things.Over almost nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Disrespect. I mean, look, when this country was founded, one of our presidents, I forget which one, engaged in a duel while he was President.I think Andrew Jackson doing a lot of people. Was it Andrew Jackson? A lot of people. Yeah. That was like his whole thing. He just liked to shoot at people?Yeah. From 10 paces? Mm-hmm. Which is the dumbest fucking thing to think. If you hate someone, you don't like him, why don't you guys agree to fight or something? Why you got Dueling so dumb.With pistols that...Yeah, there we go. Many people think Andrew Jackson fought hundreds of duels. He did have a temper. He was challenged, and he was challenged other several times, but only one duel resulted in shots fired. In 1806, where he killed Charles Dickinson. That's good.He was a terrible shot.How far away did he shoot people from? Those guns suck, too. They're shooting people with muskets.Right, and it shot like a marble.Yeah, it shot a ball of lead, and not very accurate either.You probably didn't die every time. No. You could take one of those.You're fine. Yeah, you could take one in the shoulder, especially if they're not accurate. But a lot of guys are probably crippled from them.Oh, for sure, because it would crack your bone. It would hit the bone and bend it in half.And then they never knew how to fix bones.They just have to chop it off.They probably didn't even know how to get the lead out.No, that's a good point. I bet lead poisoning.It gets deep in there and just stays in there.You should have the door guys duo for stage time with period type guns.Right. They just paintball guns. Did you ever see that scene in that Mel Gibson movie, The Patriot, where the guy gets hit in the face with a cannonball? Oh, yeah.Yes. Where Napoleon, where that horse gets exploded with a cannon ball in the first three minutes.I didn't see Napoleon, but I heard about that.The first three minutes is all you have to see. Really? Because you see a horse take a cannonball on the chest, and then the rest of it's just him simping for someone.Oh, I heard they cucked him out.It wasn't the best movie. It was pretty. It was like a lush film.What a waste of Wakeem Phoenix. Yeah, he's the man. That guy is so good. He scared the shit out of me in the Joker. And then the riots happened like a year later.Yeah, I know. I was like, Oh, my God. Predictive programming.How much is he responsible for this? I don't want to sidetrack too far, but this It's just saying that duels back then were not exactly what we think they might have been. Oh, yeah? It was more of a test of courage. It says people didn't just take 10 steps and shoot as quickly as possible. Most of the time people would stand and fire their guns in the air, purposely miss their opponent, making a more or less a test about courage. However, there are plenty of real life examples where people would try to kill each other in a duel, for example, Hamilton and Bur. People involved in duels also chose seconds or people to accompany them to the duel to make sure it was legitimate. Oftentimes Sometimes the seconds found themselves acting as pacemakers in a duel, making sure if shots were fired, they weren't fired at other people. So it was a lot of playing chicken, I guess.I think so.Making them flinch.Casually.They shot each other. Yeah. What the fuck? They probably had-John Wick was like that at the end, right? Didn't the guy try to get a spoiler alert? No, spoiler alert. John Wick pretended he shot, but he didn't. He held his bullet to take a shot. I was thinking the other guy. Didn't the other guy want to get a replacement or something so John Wick wouldn't kill him?Oh, yeah. On the steps of Montmartre and Petterie.The last one, as much as I love those guys, the last one was just so cartoony. It's so hard to take seriously.I'm okay with it. You turn your brain off and stare.I love the first one. The first one is the best one because the first one, all the motivations are clear. Oh, my God, they stole his car and killed his puppy.Let's go. Let's do it. Then they build this world of the continental and stuff, which was cool. There was lore. I like those movies are the best.You see Furiosa? No. What is Furiosa?The new Mad Max?No, I haven't seen it. Bro.Is it great? You need to treat yourself. Really? Did you see the most recent Mad Max before this? Yes. Remember how great it was? And you left the theater going Movies are the best? It's that again. But they figured out how to do Warf or with kites and stuff as well. Oh, nice. It's so good.Nice. Okay, I'm in.The whole movie was storyboarded, too, so it looks like a graphic novel. Yeah, it's like the best graphic novel I've ever seen. Oh, no kidding. It's a movie.I haven't heard anything about it.It's so badass, dude.I think there's too much content today. For sure. It's very difficult for people to pay attention to everything.Right. But there's very few movies that are actually something you need to see in the theater. Right. I think this is one of those things.I heard Dune 2 is one of those.Yeah, if you can stay awake. Oh, really? I took so many edibles, went to Dune 2. I didn't make it past the I ate all my Reese's pieces, and then it was just zonked, and my wife's punching me in the stomach. Oh, no. That's the worst. Yeah, dude.Well, you get them comfy chairs like Sanopolis. You lean back and it's got the cup holder there. You're like, Oh, you find yourself snoring.Yeah, and you can vape in there now? You have your weed pad. Oh, really? You can vape in there? I mean, you can't vape in there, but you can vape in there. Yeah, you can.Yeah.I'm just smoking live rosin and trying to stay alive. Oh, that's hilarious. I love movie theaters.Yeah, movie theaters are great, especially for a comedy, because it really is like the thing about comedy clubs. Like last night, I went to see Kill Tony, and I like watching shows now more than I ever have before because you don't get a chance to do that when you're performing a lot. You watch your friend do a set, but I sat and watched a show, and I've done that a bunch lately, watch a show. It makes you appreciate it from an audience's perspective. Because I think we get too wrapped up in… I think it's good to see it the other way, too. See it as an audience member, just get a different perspective on what you're doing up there, too, and how it feels to be in the audience. Just to inform yourself.That's valuable. Yeah. And also that show's perfect because you're not worried about maybe someone's bit worming its way into your brain, and then you Robin Williams it later. You know what I mean?That's why Norton doesn't watch The End-up.I can't watch it either. Really? Yeah, because when you rift a lot, I like improvising a lot on stage, every now and then you'll tell someone's joke. And then it's that moment where you're like, I'll ask my feature, is that someone's bit? Because you don't want to be that guy.Yeah, that definitely can happen. But the thing is, it's like integrity. Does it happen on purpose? Does it just happen? If it just happens, maybe you should figure out why, maybe work on something for your memory or maybe just don't leap. The problem is some ideas that you don't steal almost feel stolen. Because this is the problem with creativity. Because this is the concept of the muse, right? That doing it.I've talked about it too many times, but have you read Pressfield's War of Art?No, I have not.Oh, we have a copy of it for you then. He sent us a box of them because I used to give it to comics or any creative person when they came on the podcast. But Pressfield wrote this book, and he talks about the muse as it's as if it's a real thing. Pressfield was like a neerdo well until he was 40. He was half-assing it until he was 40. Then somewhere along the line, he realized that it's just about being a professional and showing up. And so he started addressing the muse as a real thing. And then he wrote The Legend of Bagger Vance, and he wrote some great screenplays and books, and just became very prolific.Well, it's like we always count on inspiration to come into our lives. But if you can create a situation where that inspiration is more easily available to you, whatever that is, it's playing It's good that they have a place to have these insane conversations where it's also saved for everyone to watch forever.I read them when everyone in my house is asleep. When everyone in my house is asleep and I'm procrastinating before I write, one of the things that I do is I'll go on Facebook and just read people's rants. What the fuck are you angry about?The Derry and Sturgis. You have just fucking people married.They need to fix these potholes. Like, what? The problem is the money is all going to the immigrants. I heard Trump say they're bottoming out our Social Security.They're just chronicling the decay of middle America.Here's going to be a civil war in this country. I'll tell you what.A rain is going to come.Let's hope not, you fuckheads. Jesus Christ. Don't be summoning that shit like a demon. I know, dude. I'll be out there. How about we all figure out that we're being played and come together on important issues. What's real freedom? God damn it. Be whatever the fuck you want to be. Leave everybody alone. Be nice.Everybody. You do it over there. I'll do it over here.Yeah. Bring me a jar of pickles. If I want to go over there and watch, let me watch a little bit of that. For sure. Let me see that fat guy dance around.Exactly. I'll teach you how to clean a gun. I'll show you how to shoot a bow and arrow.Let's have fun. We're way more connected in this country than we are separate. Everybody Everybody wants the same thing. It's just we need to get that in our head, and no one's telling us that. Everyone's telling us that there's these battles for our existence.The very soul of this nation.Yeah, the soul of democracy. The democracy, democracy. This isn't even a democracy. It's a Republic.It's an oligarchy, really. Yeah. It's just corporations on the country.It is now. The money, it's just people lost their way. The guys who founded this country, they did a great job of preparing for the worst. Oh, yeah. But they didn't understand how big it was going to get. How could they?Also, if you love freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom to gather, you also then have to love the Second Amendment. That's the big thing that divides me from my more liberal friends is they're into all freedoms except for the one that allows you to protect yourself and your family. You know what I mean?Well, I understand why they do it. I do. I understand why they feel that way. It's because gun violence is abhorrent. It's a horrible thing. It's bad. You hear about gun Violence is terrible.It's an American problem.It is an American problem. But the problem exists. We don't live in a utopian world where people don't try to impose themselves on you, especially for someone who's not physically strong or large. It's the great equalizer. If a woman is being attacked, the great equalizer is a gun. It's not karate. It's just not. As a person who's a martial artist for their whole life, I'm telling you, it's not the move. The move is a gun. Some fucking asshole breaks into your house and wants to rape you when you're a woman, the answer is a gun. And the cops take too long to get there. For sure. Then you defunded the cops because you thought you're being cute because you wanted to show you weren't racist. And now, guess what? It's way worse for everybody, including the people of color, including the people, especially the people that live in bad communities, because the cops are never going there now. All the people that wanted to avoid all that shit and the cops were the only thing keeping the wolves away from the door, now you're dealing with it head on. Those are the people that are calling for the refunding of the police.The people in these fucked up neighborhoods.That's why you need guns. It's not like the argument to have guns to protect yourself against the government. The government will nuke you. The government can send in drones. I don't think that a bunch of people that are capable with the subm Machine guns are going to be able to defend against the fucking all time greatest army in the world. But it is like you have a little peace of mind and you can sleep a little bit sounder knowing you got that nine millimeter in the drawer. It helps.It's also the idea that the government... Here's the problem. The government is people, right? So the military is people. The people that are in the military are the least likely to go along with this idea because most of them are blue collar. Most of them are lower middle class, lower class. There are people that are struggling in this world, and they don't have trust in this fucking institution that's telling you to attack their neighbors because the neighbors are not compliant with some evil dictators. Good luck pulling that shit off.That's where civil war happens. That's where civil war. That's when the army has to turn its guns on their friends and family. That's going to be a real tough sell.Yeah. I think the ideological civil war is much more likely to take place. That something, some existential notion, something that we all agree is the end of our society, our civilization, as we know it, if we don't do X, Y, or Z. Then on one side, people oppose it, and on one side, people support it. Then they start stripping rights away, and they start fueling the flames to get this done. It's really possible that we could have a civil war in this country. The way people are so divided left and right today is bizarre. Fully accentuated by not just social media, but social media that's being operated by other countries. We talked about this before, but 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages are run by Russian trolls. Wow. 19. So there's 20 of the top Christian sites on Facebook. Millions of people are interacting. 19 of them are run by Russian troll farms.The other one is the Westborough Baptist Church.You would hope that one would be legit. One would be legit, but there's a lot of bullshit online, and it's because we're so susceptible to bullshit. We love it.Yeah.It makes sense.It's an easy solution. This quotable thing that I read on my aunt's Facebook.You Do you think that comedy is going to be affected by AI?No, because comedy is one of the only live things that you have to do. You have to see it live for it to be very good. You can watch comedy specials, but they're not as good as being in the room. I think that we're protected by that.An AI comedy special, as of lately, and again, it changes so fast. It's so quick, but the ones that I've seen, like the George Carlin one, they made up and they suck. They just feel fake. Yeah.It lacks the human heart. The soul of the thing isn't in there.It lacks the signature of the individual, an actual soul.And you can't teach timing. Is AI going to learn timing? I wonder. All these little intangible parts of being a good stand-up?I think it ultimately will.Will AI go and start doing crowd work when they're bombing?No. I don't think so. I don't think it's going to be able to perform in front of a crowd. I think, but AI specials might be a thing.Well.Because they've already got really good AI rap songs. For sure.Yeah. And AI deep fakes. The crazy pornography you can see. Oh, yeah.Crazy shit. Everybody's fucking.Yeah. Putin banging Marilyn Monroe. Oh, yeah. It's good stuff.Yeah. It gets me there. Imagine if that's what porn becomes. Instead of, you're like, Oh, it's taking advantage of these people. No, no, no. These aren't even real people. This is a fantasy. This lady gets stuck in the dryer, and she's asking you to pull her out with your cock, and it's the only way.It's also your ex from college. You can upload her Instagram into the matrix, and then next thing you know, you're jerking off to this unrequited love.Then the government finds out that you're doing that, and then stormtroopers break down your door and find her and you with your pants down on the computer. Then you go to thought police jail.Hey, man. That's one of the better jails you can go to for mind crimes, as opposed to violent crime jail.Probably cool neighbors. Oh, for sure. You're in jail with thought police people.Curious people?Yeah, interesting people.Just asking questions.Just trying to find out.Yeah, inquisitive souls.I just want to know, why can't I jerk off to this deep fake of my high school sweetheart?What am I doing? What's wrong? Am I hurting anyone. What's the argument for give pedophiles AI porn of children? Because then they can satisfy their terrible urge.I've heard even worse. I've heard give them robot dolls.Of course, I've heard that, too. But I think that's a bridge too far.It's all that's a bridge too far. It's all fucking weird because so many people trying to equate pedophilia with what they're calling minor-attracted persons.I know. They're trying to rebrand it.How weird. How weird that they would give that one a go.The ultimate evil? Yeah. Let's put a new spin on this.Why would you want to give that one a go?Remember New Coke? We've got new pedophiles.But isn't it just indicative of this thing that we're talking about, that most people aren't even really thinking about things clearly. They're just subscribing.Well, it's easy. If someone you think is smart tells you what to think, then you are unburdened by having to make your own decision.Especially if it seems compassionate. You're being kind to these people that are just minor, attracted persons. I know.It's not their fault. They're born that way. It's great. They're born that way. But if they act upon it, they should be beheaded.In this Times Square.Oh, yeah. For all to see. For all to see.Make an example of it. Yeah, make an example.Cover them in honey, feed them to ants.Problem is the media is completely full of shit, and so does the government, and they would decide, Sam Talent has been making a lot of noise.I don't want to be the face of this movement show.Let's upload some fucking nasty shit onto his computer, which they definitely have done before to people. And then you have to defend it. And so then all of a sudden, there's newspapers, Sam Talent in jail for porn, child porn. Like, Oh, my God. Yeah.That's all I need.And then the people are out there, Hang him, hang him, hang him.Well, no news is bad news. Don't be selling certain markets.It probably would. Certain places, they were like, I like that guy.The great pedophile comedian.Yeah. Yeah. Like New Mexico, where they used to send the pedophile priests. Yeah.What was that about?Well, they send them all over the place for sure. But there was a few states that had very suspect laws.Were they sending them to the reservation and stuff?They definitely did that, too. Yeah, I know that. One of the things But some states, and I think New Mexico was one of them, had bizarre laws. Like the age of consent for a girl, for a man to be with a girl was like, the girl would be 16. But the age of consent for a boy and a man was 13. What?Yeah. That's some creative accounting. Right. They're cooking the books.Where did you come up with that? Yeah. I think the reason being was to exonerate pedophiles. Oh, that makes sense. That were It was really religious pedophiles.It was consensuble.Did you ever see Hear No Evil? Or is it See No Evil? I think it's See No Evil. But it just is really essentially a documentary tracking how all these different pedophiles got moved in the air as they follow this one specific one where this guy had molested who knows how many fucking kids. One of them was a guy, and this was what made Ratzinger have to step down when that Pope stepped down. He was responsible for sending this one guy. He got caught being a pedophile, so they sent him to a new location where he molested 100 deaf kids.That must have sounded terrible in that room.Yeah, and no one knows. You're screaming. The The fact that you think Catholic priest, you think pedophile.Like that. Yeah, they're synonymous.Instantaneously. How many did there have to be before that became completely It's not like occasionally the UPS driver is a car thief.You know what I mean? When I think UPS, I don't think Kiya boy. Exactly. When I think priest, I do think, in a boy. Yeah.But their laws were set up, I think, in some states. I think that's the suspicion.That's a very good hypothesis. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're never going to get rid of it.Just make it so it's not too illegal.Yeah.Oh, he only missed the age by a year.Come on. The kid was 11.He was really grown.He was a tall kid.He was a tall kid. Pupes already.He's precocious.What's the big deal? He likes candy.I really... New Mexico is so weird, dude. It's a weird place. Cockfighting was legal until eight years ago.It's still legal in some places. I think cockfighting is legal in multiple states.It was Louisiana and New Mexico were the last holdouts. Were they? Yeah.Is this for sure?I think so.What states have cockfighting still legal?I don't think any are legal, but I think those were the last two.I had a gardener that used to cockfight. I went to his house once, and he had snuck over from Mexico, and he would go back and forth. And one time, he said, I'm going to be gone for six months. I'm like, What are you doing? He's like, I'm going back to Mexico. I go, When are you coming back? He goes, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back. I'm going to try. I go, Well, when you try, you know where I'm at. Let me know. I go, I'll just get somebody else to take care of it while you're gone. Just holler at me when you got back.Did he go back to cockfight?No, he went back just to go back to Mexico for a little bit. He eventually went back to Mexico to move. He eventually gave up on America one day. But he was my gardener for 10 years. Cool guy. But he goes, Do you want to see the cog fights? I was like, Yeah. Of course. Let's see what that's like. So he took me to a neighborhood in Los Angeles that I might as well have been in Mexico. There was no non-Mexican people there in the neighborhood. Everybody spoke Spanish. All the signs were in Spanish. It was like, wow, this is a whole little area that I wasn't aware of. So we go to his friend's house and we go into the backyard. And his friend had stacks upon stacks of chicken coops. Just everywhere. Roosters everywhere. I was like, this is nuts, man. I go, what the fuck is the morning sound like here? And he was like, but everybody has chickens. It's no big deal. I was like, everybody has chickens? And there was this guy over there, you go to his backyard filled with roosters. This guy over there, his backyard filled with roosters.And they would get them together. Everybody would get together and gamble. They would all drink. They'd have the chicken fight. One chicken would lose. They would boil them and eat them. He's like, We're going eat them anyway. This is the way we gamble.Yeah, and then one will die with pride. I mean, it's barbaric, but it's a hell of a show. They put lasers on their claws. That's where I lose interest.Well, that's the only way to get them to kill each other. Really? Otherwise, they just peck each other and fucking get tired. Got a couple of fun facts here for you. I got an article from last year, New York Times, about cockfighting. According to some rooster men, the gamefow or fighting chicken was almost chosen to be the national bird of America. It should have, a breeder once told me, an eagle ain't nothing more than a glorified buzzard. That guy's an idiot.The eagles are majestic.The eagles are fucking amazing. They catch salmon with their feet, you fucking retard. They do war in the sky. Such gamefow lure and sentiment abound. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were devouted rooster fighters. They were devouted rooster fighters? Keep going. George Washington, Union and Confederate soldiers, put aside their differences on Sundays during the Civil War to pit their chickens against one another.This is the solution to that partisanship that you've been talking about.Abraham Lincoln was given the nickname Honest Abe after he displayed imparciality as a cockfighting judge.Usa. What?They fought them on the White House lawn. They fought them right on the White House lawn, says David Thurston, President of the United Gamefow Breeders Association, a national nonprofit dedicated to the birds' preservation. Wow. Wow.Wow. Man, this country. There's so many different stitches in the fabric of this place.Let's end on that high note, Sam Tauent. Tell everybody where they could see your special.You can see it on Matt and Shane's YouTube page.What is it called?The Toad's Morral.I mean, their YouTube page.I think it's called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast YouTube.Okay. It's called The Toad's Morral. Yeah.I have a new travel show on my YouTube. If you want to subscribe to my YouTube, that'd be huge. Come see me live, Pittsburgh, Detroit, coming your way. Nice. My podcast is good. There is?Yeah. This is the Travel Show. This is the Travel Show. Worldwide Tour.Yeah, Sam Talons' Wide World, man. Super proud of this. Nice. Me and my boy Patrick. Beautiful. Yeah, dude. Shut up, Jack.You're doing fun stuff, dude. It's been cool to get to know you, and you're a very funny guy.Thank you, dude.A cool guy. It's been a lot of fun.I.Appreciate you, man.I appreciate you, too.I'm happy you're out there.Thanks for helping me change my life.Oh.Please.thank you. More to come. You're going to feel weird about being rich.I can't wait. All right. Bye, everybody.

like that, what the fuck are you doing? I don't know. We always knew we were getting robbed, right?

And we were like, Hey, thank you for robbing me. Thank you for the opportunity.

I'm a club owner now, so I'm like, I know we were getting robbed, so I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to have it. But it's funny how many club owners get mad at it.

Oh, dude. I mean, I'm finally selling tickets now after fighting it out for 20 years. And the independent clubs will give you every penny that they I can give to you. Whereas the corporate-owned clubs, they have the exact spreadsheet. Oh, they're brutal.

They're so brutal. I don't want to say who it was. Oh, my God. I just got a hot sauce in my eye. Oh, no. Fucked up. I was eating something with ghost peppers today, and I forgot I had it on my hand. I just wiped my eye.

At least you didn't touch your dick.

Wow. I did touch my dick. That's the worst. It's not that bad.

I did a jalapeno, and then I touched my dick, and then my wife came home, and I had the tip of my penis in a saucer of milk. She was like, What are you up to? I'm just crying with my dick and cream.

That's like that old Eddie Murphy bit about putting the aftershave on his balls. Oh, yeah. I have a clear eyes if you think that'll help at all. Yeah, throw that over here. God damn it.

Capsaison is a hell of a drug, man.

Ghost pepper, baby.

I'll wake you up. Oh, my God. It's like those smelling salts you have in the green room. Oh, yeah. I fucked around. Dude, I dipped my toes into those waters.

The ones we have at the green room are bullshit compared to these.

Hey, I'll take your word for it. Come on, bro. You got to take one last. I'll blast one. One blast.

Chuck that sucker this way. Maybe that'll clear up my eyes.

It's going to clear up something.

You psycho.

Definitely going to forget about your head.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God. What a glowing endorsement of this product.

Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh, dude. I think you went too deep there. Yeah, I went too deep, too. I felt it in my lungs.

Oh, man. It really hits the reptile part of your brain. Yeah, exactly.

God, I can't believe I did that.

Let's podcast.

Let's fucking go.

I'm going to go fight Bruce. I'll be right back. I did it to impress Ron White in the green room, and he just laughed. You idiot.

Ron's done it. He's full of shit. He's done it, too. Ron's taking quite a few hits, but none of these guys know about that one. That's the real one. That's Juju Mufu, this bodybuilder dude. He's got this brand that sells them. It's called Ah. That's the real one. That one is above and beyond anything I've ever tried. It's like multiple magnitudes.

Are there individual capsules in here? You're supposed to break.

What the fuck's in there?

Oh my God. It looks like crystal meth.

Yeah, it's just rocks and ammonia. My right nostril is still on fire. Do the left one. No, we're good. That's what Joey did. He's like, I got to clean up my left one. He went in with the left one, too.

He's had a lot of stuff up that nose.

Yeah, I'm amazing. He could smell anything. It's He doesn't have holes in that thing. Yeah.

Well, thank you for having me back. My pleasure, brother.

My pleasure. So what's the road been like? You're all over the place, man. I follow you on Instagram. You're in all these crazy countries, and Did you just decide to see the world? Is that what the plan was?

Standup is a pretty good sheet code to travel and experience the authentic version of a place because you get to hang out with people from that place while you're there that weekend. Right. So, yeah, I did like every state in America by the time I was 30, and then was like, Well, maybe I'll go abroad. And standup is so new in the rest of the world that you feel like you're in the ground floor of... All I can really approximate it to is the early days of hardcore, like punk rock when Black Flag and Minute Men were out there. And I feel like I'm doing shows like that when I go to Estonia or Bratislava. And everyone's so happy to have you.

Was there any place that was really fun, where they laughed really loud and they got the jokes, or was it every place a little disjointed?

It's different because the more it used to go into Europe, the more they watch it like theater. But I remember I was in Hungary, in Budapest, and that show was awesome, and it shouldn't have been. The host went up and ate it, and he was getting all sweaty up there, and he had to take off hisYeah. I'm all for that stuff.Me too. I like freaks. I love freaks. I like freaks of all time. I mean, here's the thing. A lot of people are upset about the pride parade because they're like, Oh, they're doing the pride parade, and they're doing it in front of all these children. Hey, don't bring your kids to a fucking pride parade. I know you want your kids to be tolerant. Is that him? Simply marvelous. Chris Condi, queer, conscious rapper. Is that him? Boy, it looks a lot like him. Oh, those are different tattoos, I think. No, it's queer on his belly. That's him. He's based in Austin, it says. Oh, hey, fella.Whoa, he has a song called American Faggot.Well, there you go.That's hard as hell.Yeah. That's just talented. That probably was in Austin then.Oh, for sure. It looked like it was at a farmer's market based on the crowd.There's this thing that people are saying about the pride parade because all these people are walking around naked at the San Francisco Pride parade, and so they were interviewing these people, and they have their dicks out. Listen, if you don't want your kids to see gay guys being sexual, that's what Pride Parade is. It's not like a bunch of 40-year-old gay engineers holding hands, like married guys who are just holding hands like, Hey, we're proud. It's different than anything else, like any other pride thing, because it's not just It's like, We just happen to be gay. It's overtly sexual, always. It's guys with fucking ball gags and dog leashes.Pissing on each other.Yeah, it's nuts. I'm not against it at all, but you can't complain that that's happening because you brought your kids.You can't take your kids to the cage fight and complain about violence.Exactly. Don't take your kids to pride and complain about the gays.They're having a blast.They have a good time. I used to do a bit about how I would always think, Am I exaggerating about the gay neighborhood? In LA, they have Boys Town in Santa. It's so crazy. I always say to myself, Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I need to drive through again. Every now and then, I would take the right turn and go down Santa Monica Boulevards and head towards the ocean. It's five blocks of no one saying no. It's just wild madness. It's dudes with cowboy hats and G-strings on poles, guys making out in the middle of the street and humping each other. It's crazy.Having the time of their life.Having the time of their life. All Yang, no Yin, and no one can get pregnant.I'm all for it. You wrestle, but everyone wins.Well, also, those guys have their own neighborhood. The difference between the gays and lesbians, unfortunately, never developed us because I have a theory. I think that straight men find out that lesbians move next door and they go, I'm an ally, and then they become their neighbors. Whereas straight men never move into a gay neighborhood. Very rarely. You can't straighten up a gay neighborhood. No. But They've figured out a way to make a whole area all gay. Only gay guys can do that. It's admirable. It's great. It's wild. But it's just wild that they can pull it off in almost every city.Well, and also they can go into places and then they gentrify these places on the margins of the city. And the next thing you know, all the houses are worth so much money because they invest so much in their properties.They invest so much in their property, make things more safe, and they keep a lot of people from moving there. Oh, yeah. It's a good move. If you can tolerate a lot of techno and dudes walking around on Mollet, for sure. Yeah, for sure.Fucking live there. But also offering you Mollet, typically. They're very generous people. Oh, yeah.When I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco. I lived in San Francisco from age seven to 11. I lived in a fully gay neighborhood.Yeah, the city of San Francisco.Yeah, but we were in Haight-ashbury, that area. We were right off of Lombard Street. We were in there in the mix of the whole thing. I could walk to Fisherman's Whar from my house. My neighbors were gay, and my aunt used to... She would smoke pot with these gay guys, and they would get naked and play the bongos. They'd be like, Oh, she's over there playing the bongos with the gay guys. It's like, Okay. It was so normal to me that It wasn't until I moved to Florida that I even realized that people were homophobic. That was when I was 11. I had no idea that people had a problem with gay people.I mean, it was just normal for you as a boy to understand that your aunt had these gay friends, and it wasn't made strange or they weren't othered.No, they were just normal guys who just happened to be gay, and they were everywhere, too. It's like you became normal because you just saw them everywhere. There was guys holding hands everywhere. This was San Francisco in the 1970s.That's what you want, right?I want people to... Yeah, I want people to be themselves.I want liberty and freedom for all.Yeah, that's real freedom. You want America to be this fucking land of the free, home of the brave? You know how fucking brave you have to be to be holding hands with a dude and walk down a major street? What are the possibilities of running into homophobes? It's pretty fucking high. For sure. Pretty sure. If you're going to walk down any major Metropolitan for any three or four block stretch, the odds of you running into a homophobe is very high. Someone is going to be violently angry that you love another man. Right.I think that the young people now, they want to be homophobic, but I think that most 18 to 23-year-old dudes have probably sucked a dick or had their dick sucked by a fella. Really? I don't know. I'd venture to guess that they're- What do you think is happening today? Well, It's a mist.They pump it in the classrooms. It's like the gay bomb they tried in Iraq. Do you know about that story? No. Oh, my God. You don't know that? Oh, my God. What? The United States spent millions of dollars trying to develop a gay bomb. Wow. It's based on this hormone and this chemical, and they would detonate it above a city. Apparently, it'd make men so randy that they wind up fucking each other, and it would demoralize them. This was the supposed idea. No way. Yeah. This is how goofy our fucking government is. Not knowing anything about the Spartans who are gay as fuck, who are one of the greatest armies the world has ever known. Yeah, they could comfort each other. They were so gay. Not just that. But when you fought next to someone and they were your friend, that was one thing. But if it was your lover, you would protect them to the death. That's so smart. Yeah, man. Well, they just also, I think people were just gay then. I think people, back before they realized, Hey, you probably shouldn't fuck kids, they just everything. And then the kids started writing down, and once my uncle fucked me, all life was downhill.And you read that like, Oh, that's probably stopped fucking kids. It took forever before they figured that out. Because if you think about it, Aristotle, Plato, soccer You go back in time. All those guys had young boy lovers.It was just accepted, and it was part of passing your philosophy forward. Because you would take an apprentice, and he'd also fuck his thighs from behind, but then he would tell the world your story. Yeah, that was totally normal.He was fucking writing everything you were saying. He was dictating.Yeah, and dictating. But there was that thing with the philosophers. Some of them thought that it was low-minded to actually have sex with the children's butts, so they would just bang their thighs from behind, and that was cool. Low-minded. Yeah, I think so.So they just titty-fucked their thighs. Exactly. Yeah, that's a good move.It's a real soft part of a body.Yeah, you don't get that hurt from it. I wish that didn't happen, but at least he didn't fuck my butt hole.I'm still tight as a drum.Yeah, it didn't make me walk around uncomfortable. What the fuck did he do to me?Yeah, I don't have to use a diaper now.You just feel weird. Like, Oh, that guy just jizzed all over my thais. Whatever, whatever.What are you going to do? At least they know about geometry now.Bro, they didn't know any better. Isn't that crazy? But just think about how much murder took place back then. If you got to be our age back then, let's just say you got to be 30, how many people do you think you saw get murdered? Probably dozens. You probably saw people murdered all the time.Over very small things.Over almost nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Disrespect. I mean, look, when this country was founded, one of our presidents, I forget which one, engaged in a duel while he was President.I think Andrew Jackson doing a lot of people. Was it Andrew Jackson? A lot of people. Yeah. That was like his whole thing. He just liked to shoot at people?Yeah. From 10 paces? Mm-hmm. Which is the dumbest fucking thing to think. If you hate someone, you don't like him, why don't you guys agree to fight or something? Why you got Dueling so dumb.With pistols that...Yeah, there we go. Many people think Andrew Jackson fought hundreds of duels. He did have a temper. He was challenged, and he was challenged other several times, but only one duel resulted in shots fired. In 1806, where he killed Charles Dickinson. That's good.He was a terrible shot.How far away did he shoot people from? Those guns suck, too. They're shooting people with muskets.Right, and it shot like a marble.Yeah, it shot a ball of lead, and not very accurate either.You probably didn't die every time. No. You could take one of those.You're fine. Yeah, you could take one in the shoulder, especially if they're not accurate. But a lot of guys are probably crippled from them.Oh, for sure, because it would crack your bone. It would hit the bone and bend it in half.And then they never knew how to fix bones.They just have to chop it off.They probably didn't even know how to get the lead out.No, that's a good point. I bet lead poisoning.It gets deep in there and just stays in there.You should have the door guys duo for stage time with period type guns.Right. They just paintball guns. Did you ever see that scene in that Mel Gibson movie, The Patriot, where the guy gets hit in the face with a cannonball? Oh, yeah.Yes. Where Napoleon, where that horse gets exploded with a cannon ball in the first three minutes.I didn't see Napoleon, but I heard about that.The first three minutes is all you have to see. Really? Because you see a horse take a cannonball on the chest, and then the rest of it's just him simping for someone.Oh, I heard they cucked him out.It wasn't the best movie. It was pretty. It was like a lush film.What a waste of Wakeem Phoenix. Yeah, he's the man. That guy is so good. He scared the shit out of me in the Joker. And then the riots happened like a year later.Yeah, I know. I was like, Oh, my God. Predictive programming.How much is he responsible for this? I don't want to sidetrack too far, but this It's just saying that duels back then were not exactly what we think they might have been. Oh, yeah? It was more of a test of courage. It says people didn't just take 10 steps and shoot as quickly as possible. Most of the time people would stand and fire their guns in the air, purposely miss their opponent, making a more or less a test about courage. However, there are plenty of real life examples where people would try to kill each other in a duel, for example, Hamilton and Bur. People involved in duels also chose seconds or people to accompany them to the duel to make sure it was legitimate. Oftentimes Sometimes the seconds found themselves acting as pacemakers in a duel, making sure if shots were fired, they weren't fired at other people. So it was a lot of playing chicken, I guess.I think so.Making them flinch.Casually.They shot each other. Yeah. What the fuck? They probably had-John Wick was like that at the end, right? Didn't the guy try to get a spoiler alert? No, spoiler alert. John Wick pretended he shot, but he didn't. He held his bullet to take a shot. I was thinking the other guy. Didn't the other guy want to get a replacement or something so John Wick wouldn't kill him?Oh, yeah. On the steps of Montmartre and Petterie.The last one, as much as I love those guys, the last one was just so cartoony. It's so hard to take seriously.I'm okay with it. You turn your brain off and stare.I love the first one. The first one is the best one because the first one, all the motivations are clear. Oh, my God, they stole his car and killed his puppy.Let's go. Let's do it. Then they build this world of the continental and stuff, which was cool. There was lore. I like those movies are the best.You see Furiosa? No. What is Furiosa?The new Mad Max?No, I haven't seen it. Bro.Is it great? You need to treat yourself. Really? Did you see the most recent Mad Max before this? Yes. Remember how great it was? And you left the theater going Movies are the best? It's that again. But they figured out how to do Warf or with kites and stuff as well. Oh, nice. It's so good.Nice. Okay, I'm in.The whole movie was storyboarded, too, so it looks like a graphic novel. Yeah, it's like the best graphic novel I've ever seen. Oh, no kidding. It's a movie.I haven't heard anything about it.It's so badass, dude.I think there's too much content today. For sure. It's very difficult for people to pay attention to everything.Right. But there's very few movies that are actually something you need to see in the theater. Right. I think this is one of those things.I heard Dune 2 is one of those.Yeah, if you can stay awake. Oh, really? I took so many edibles, went to Dune 2. I didn't make it past the I ate all my Reese's pieces, and then it was just zonked, and my wife's punching me in the stomach. Oh, no. That's the worst. Yeah, dude.Well, you get them comfy chairs like Sanopolis. You lean back and it's got the cup holder there. You're like, Oh, you find yourself snoring.Yeah, and you can vape in there now? You have your weed pad. Oh, really? You can vape in there? I mean, you can't vape in there, but you can vape in there. Yeah, you can.Yeah.I'm just smoking live rosin and trying to stay alive. Oh, that's hilarious. I love movie theaters.Yeah, movie theaters are great, especially for a comedy, because it really is like the thing about comedy clubs. Like last night, I went to see Kill Tony, and I like watching shows now more than I ever have before because you don't get a chance to do that when you're performing a lot. You watch your friend do a set, but I sat and watched a show, and I've done that a bunch lately, watch a show. It makes you appreciate it from an audience's perspective. Because I think we get too wrapped up in… I think it's good to see it the other way, too. See it as an audience member, just get a different perspective on what you're doing up there, too, and how it feels to be in the audience. Just to inform yourself.That's valuable. Yeah. And also that show's perfect because you're not worried about maybe someone's bit worming its way into your brain, and then you Robin Williams it later. You know what I mean?That's why Norton doesn't watch The End-up.I can't watch it either. Really? Yeah, because when you rift a lot, I like improvising a lot on stage, every now and then you'll tell someone's joke. And then it's that moment where you're like, I'll ask my feature, is that someone's bit? Because you don't want to be that guy.Yeah, that definitely can happen. But the thing is, it's like integrity. Does it happen on purpose? Does it just happen? If it just happens, maybe you should figure out why, maybe work on something for your memory or maybe just don't leap. The problem is some ideas that you don't steal almost feel stolen. Because this is the problem with creativity. Because this is the concept of the muse, right? That doing it.I've talked about it too many times, but have you read Pressfield's War of Art?No, I have not.Oh, we have a copy of it for you then. He sent us a box of them because I used to give it to comics or any creative person when they came on the podcast. But Pressfield wrote this book, and he talks about the muse as it's as if it's a real thing. Pressfield was like a neerdo well until he was 40. He was half-assing it until he was 40. Then somewhere along the line, he realized that it's just about being a professional and showing up. And so he started addressing the muse as a real thing. And then he wrote The Legend of Bagger Vance, and he wrote some great screenplays and books, and just became very prolific.Well, it's like we always count on inspiration to come into our lives. But if you can create a situation where that inspiration is more easily available to you, whatever that is, it's playing It's good that they have a place to have these insane conversations where it's also saved for everyone to watch forever.I read them when everyone in my house is asleep. When everyone in my house is asleep and I'm procrastinating before I write, one of the things that I do is I'll go on Facebook and just read people's rants. What the fuck are you angry about?The Derry and Sturgis. You have just fucking people married.They need to fix these potholes. Like, what? The problem is the money is all going to the immigrants. I heard Trump say they're bottoming out our Social Security.They're just chronicling the decay of middle America.Here's going to be a civil war in this country. I'll tell you what.A rain is going to come.Let's hope not, you fuckheads. Jesus Christ. Don't be summoning that shit like a demon. I know, dude. I'll be out there. How about we all figure out that we're being played and come together on important issues. What's real freedom? God damn it. Be whatever the fuck you want to be. Leave everybody alone. Be nice.Everybody. You do it over there. I'll do it over here.Yeah. Bring me a jar of pickles. If I want to go over there and watch, let me watch a little bit of that. For sure. Let me see that fat guy dance around.Exactly. I'll teach you how to clean a gun. I'll show you how to shoot a bow and arrow.Let's have fun. We're way more connected in this country than we are separate. Everybody Everybody wants the same thing. It's just we need to get that in our head, and no one's telling us that. Everyone's telling us that there's these battles for our existence.The very soul of this nation.Yeah, the soul of democracy. The democracy, democracy. This isn't even a democracy. It's a Republic.It's an oligarchy, really. Yeah. It's just corporations on the country.It is now. The money, it's just people lost their way. The guys who founded this country, they did a great job of preparing for the worst. Oh, yeah. But they didn't understand how big it was going to get. How could they?Also, if you love freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom to gather, you also then have to love the Second Amendment. That's the big thing that divides me from my more liberal friends is they're into all freedoms except for the one that allows you to protect yourself and your family. You know what I mean?Well, I understand why they do it. I do. I understand why they feel that way. It's because gun violence is abhorrent. It's a horrible thing. It's bad. You hear about gun Violence is terrible.It's an American problem.It is an American problem. But the problem exists. We don't live in a utopian world where people don't try to impose themselves on you, especially for someone who's not physically strong or large. It's the great equalizer. If a woman is being attacked, the great equalizer is a gun. It's not karate. It's just not. As a person who's a martial artist for their whole life, I'm telling you, it's not the move. The move is a gun. Some fucking asshole breaks into your house and wants to rape you when you're a woman, the answer is a gun. And the cops take too long to get there. For sure. Then you defunded the cops because you thought you're being cute because you wanted to show you weren't racist. And now, guess what? It's way worse for everybody, including the people of color, including the people, especially the people that live in bad communities, because the cops are never going there now. All the people that wanted to avoid all that shit and the cops were the only thing keeping the wolves away from the door, now you're dealing with it head on. Those are the people that are calling for the refunding of the police.The people in these fucked up neighborhoods.That's why you need guns. It's not like the argument to have guns to protect yourself against the government. The government will nuke you. The government can send in drones. I don't think that a bunch of people that are capable with the subm Machine guns are going to be able to defend against the fucking all time greatest army in the world. But it is like you have a little peace of mind and you can sleep a little bit sounder knowing you got that nine millimeter in the drawer. It helps.It's also the idea that the government... Here's the problem. The government is people, right? So the military is people. The people that are in the military are the least likely to go along with this idea because most of them are blue collar. Most of them are lower middle class, lower class. There are people that are struggling in this world, and they don't have trust in this fucking institution that's telling you to attack their neighbors because the neighbors are not compliant with some evil dictators. Good luck pulling that shit off.That's where civil war happens. That's where civil war. That's when the army has to turn its guns on their friends and family. That's going to be a real tough sell.Yeah. I think the ideological civil war is much more likely to take place. That something, some existential notion, something that we all agree is the end of our society, our civilization, as we know it, if we don't do X, Y, or Z. Then on one side, people oppose it, and on one side, people support it. Then they start stripping rights away, and they start fueling the flames to get this done. It's really possible that we could have a civil war in this country. The way people are so divided left and right today is bizarre. Fully accentuated by not just social media, but social media that's being operated by other countries. We talked about this before, but 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages are run by Russian trolls. Wow. 19. So there's 20 of the top Christian sites on Facebook. Millions of people are interacting. 19 of them are run by Russian troll farms.The other one is the Westborough Baptist Church.You would hope that one would be legit. One would be legit, but there's a lot of bullshit online, and it's because we're so susceptible to bullshit. We love it.Yeah.It makes sense.It's an easy solution. This quotable thing that I read on my aunt's Facebook.You Do you think that comedy is going to be affected by AI?No, because comedy is one of the only live things that you have to do. You have to see it live for it to be very good. You can watch comedy specials, but they're not as good as being in the room. I think that we're protected by that.An AI comedy special, as of lately, and again, it changes so fast. It's so quick, but the ones that I've seen, like the George Carlin one, they made up and they suck. They just feel fake. Yeah.It lacks the human heart. The soul of the thing isn't in there.It lacks the signature of the individual, an actual soul.And you can't teach timing. Is AI going to learn timing? I wonder. All these little intangible parts of being a good stand-up?I think it ultimately will.Will AI go and start doing crowd work when they're bombing?No. I don't think so. I don't think it's going to be able to perform in front of a crowd. I think, but AI specials might be a thing.Well.Because they've already got really good AI rap songs. For sure.Yeah. And AI deep fakes. The crazy pornography you can see. Oh, yeah.Crazy shit. Everybody's fucking.Yeah. Putin banging Marilyn Monroe. Oh, yeah. It's good stuff.Yeah. It gets me there. Imagine if that's what porn becomes. Instead of, you're like, Oh, it's taking advantage of these people. No, no, no. These aren't even real people. This is a fantasy. This lady gets stuck in the dryer, and she's asking you to pull her out with your cock, and it's the only way.It's also your ex from college. You can upload her Instagram into the matrix, and then next thing you know, you're jerking off to this unrequited love.Then the government finds out that you're doing that, and then stormtroopers break down your door and find her and you with your pants down on the computer. Then you go to thought police jail.Hey, man. That's one of the better jails you can go to for mind crimes, as opposed to violent crime jail.Probably cool neighbors. Oh, for sure. You're in jail with thought police people.Curious people?Yeah, interesting people.Just asking questions.Just trying to find out.Yeah, inquisitive souls.I just want to know, why can't I jerk off to this deep fake of my high school sweetheart?What am I doing? What's wrong? Am I hurting anyone. What's the argument for give pedophiles AI porn of children? Because then they can satisfy their terrible urge.I've heard even worse. I've heard give them robot dolls.Of course, I've heard that, too. But I think that's a bridge too far.It's all that's a bridge too far. It's all fucking weird because so many people trying to equate pedophilia with what they're calling minor-attracted persons.I know. They're trying to rebrand it.How weird. How weird that they would give that one a go.The ultimate evil? Yeah. Let's put a new spin on this.Why would you want to give that one a go?Remember New Coke? We've got new pedophiles.But isn't it just indicative of this thing that we're talking about, that most people aren't even really thinking about things clearly. They're just subscribing.Well, it's easy. If someone you think is smart tells you what to think, then you are unburdened by having to make your own decision.Especially if it seems compassionate. You're being kind to these people that are just minor, attracted persons. I know.It's not their fault. They're born that way. It's great. They're born that way. But if they act upon it, they should be beheaded.In this Times Square.Oh, yeah. For all to see. For all to see.Make an example of it. Yeah, make an example.Cover them in honey, feed them to ants.Problem is the media is completely full of shit, and so does the government, and they would decide, Sam Talent has been making a lot of noise.I don't want to be the face of this movement show.Let's upload some fucking nasty shit onto his computer, which they definitely have done before to people. And then you have to defend it. And so then all of a sudden, there's newspapers, Sam Talent in jail for porn, child porn. Like, Oh, my God. Yeah.That's all I need.And then the people are out there, Hang him, hang him, hang him.Well, no news is bad news. Don't be selling certain markets.It probably would. Certain places, they were like, I like that guy.The great pedophile comedian.Yeah. Yeah. Like New Mexico, where they used to send the pedophile priests. Yeah.What was that about?Well, they send them all over the place for sure. But there was a few states that had very suspect laws.Were they sending them to the reservation and stuff?They definitely did that, too. Yeah, I know that. One of the things But some states, and I think New Mexico was one of them, had bizarre laws. Like the age of consent for a girl, for a man to be with a girl was like, the girl would be 16. But the age of consent for a boy and a man was 13. What?Yeah. That's some creative accounting. Right. They're cooking the books.Where did you come up with that? Yeah. I think the reason being was to exonerate pedophiles. Oh, that makes sense. That were It was really religious pedophiles.It was consensuble.Did you ever see Hear No Evil? Or is it See No Evil? I think it's See No Evil. But it just is really essentially a documentary tracking how all these different pedophiles got moved in the air as they follow this one specific one where this guy had molested who knows how many fucking kids. One of them was a guy, and this was what made Ratzinger have to step down when that Pope stepped down. He was responsible for sending this one guy. He got caught being a pedophile, so they sent him to a new location where he molested 100 deaf kids.That must have sounded terrible in that room.Yeah, and no one knows. You're screaming. The The fact that you think Catholic priest, you think pedophile.Like that. Yeah, they're synonymous.Instantaneously. How many did there have to be before that became completely It's not like occasionally the UPS driver is a car thief.You know what I mean? When I think UPS, I don't think Kiya boy. Exactly. When I think priest, I do think, in a boy. Yeah.But their laws were set up, I think, in some states. I think that's the suspicion.That's a very good hypothesis. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're never going to get rid of it.Just make it so it's not too illegal.Yeah.Oh, he only missed the age by a year.Come on. The kid was 11.He was really grown.He was a tall kid.He was a tall kid. Pupes already.He's precocious.What's the big deal? He likes candy.I really... New Mexico is so weird, dude. It's a weird place. Cockfighting was legal until eight years ago.It's still legal in some places. I think cockfighting is legal in multiple states.It was Louisiana and New Mexico were the last holdouts. Were they? Yeah.Is this for sure?I think so.What states have cockfighting still legal?I don't think any are legal, but I think those were the last two.I had a gardener that used to cockfight. I went to his house once, and he had snuck over from Mexico, and he would go back and forth. And one time, he said, I'm going to be gone for six months. I'm like, What are you doing? He's like, I'm going back to Mexico. I go, When are you coming back? He goes, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back. I'm going to try. I go, Well, when you try, you know where I'm at. Let me know. I go, I'll just get somebody else to take care of it while you're gone. Just holler at me when you got back.Did he go back to cockfight?No, he went back just to go back to Mexico for a little bit. He eventually went back to Mexico to move. He eventually gave up on America one day. But he was my gardener for 10 years. Cool guy. But he goes, Do you want to see the cog fights? I was like, Yeah. Of course. Let's see what that's like. So he took me to a neighborhood in Los Angeles that I might as well have been in Mexico. There was no non-Mexican people there in the neighborhood. Everybody spoke Spanish. All the signs were in Spanish. It was like, wow, this is a whole little area that I wasn't aware of. So we go to his friend's house and we go into the backyard. And his friend had stacks upon stacks of chicken coops. Just everywhere. Roosters everywhere. I was like, this is nuts, man. I go, what the fuck is the morning sound like here? And he was like, but everybody has chickens. It's no big deal. I was like, everybody has chickens? And there was this guy over there, you go to his backyard filled with roosters. This guy over there, his backyard filled with roosters.And they would get them together. Everybody would get together and gamble. They would all drink. They'd have the chicken fight. One chicken would lose. They would boil them and eat them. He's like, We're going eat them anyway. This is the way we gamble.Yeah, and then one will die with pride. I mean, it's barbaric, but it's a hell of a show. They put lasers on their claws. That's where I lose interest.Well, that's the only way to get them to kill each other. Really? Otherwise, they just peck each other and fucking get tired. Got a couple of fun facts here for you. I got an article from last year, New York Times, about cockfighting. According to some rooster men, the gamefow or fighting chicken was almost chosen to be the national bird of America. It should have, a breeder once told me, an eagle ain't nothing more than a glorified buzzard. That guy's an idiot.The eagles are majestic.The eagles are fucking amazing. They catch salmon with their feet, you fucking retard. They do war in the sky. Such gamefow lure and sentiment abound. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were devouted rooster fighters. They were devouted rooster fighters? Keep going. George Washington, Union and Confederate soldiers, put aside their differences on Sundays during the Civil War to pit their chickens against one another.This is the solution to that partisanship that you've been talking about.Abraham Lincoln was given the nickname Honest Abe after he displayed imparciality as a cockfighting judge.Usa. What?They fought them on the White House lawn. They fought them right on the White House lawn, says David Thurston, President of the United Gamefow Breeders Association, a national nonprofit dedicated to the birds' preservation. Wow. Wow.Wow. Man, this country. There's so many different stitches in the fabric of this place.Let's end on that high note, Sam Tauent. Tell everybody where they could see your special.You can see it on Matt and Shane's YouTube page.What is it called?The Toad's Morral.I mean, their YouTube page.I think it's called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast YouTube.Okay. It's called The Toad's Morral. Yeah.I have a new travel show on my YouTube. If you want to subscribe to my YouTube, that'd be huge. Come see me live, Pittsburgh, Detroit, coming your way. Nice. My podcast is good. There is?Yeah. This is the Travel Show. This is the Travel Show. Worldwide Tour.Yeah, Sam Talons' Wide World, man. Super proud of this. Nice. Me and my boy Patrick. Beautiful. Yeah, dude. Shut up, Jack.You're doing fun stuff, dude. It's been cool to get to know you, and you're a very funny guy.Thank you, dude.A cool guy. It's been a lot of fun.I.Appreciate you, man.I appreciate you, too.I'm happy you're out there.Thanks for helping me change my life.Oh.Please.thank you. More to come. You're going to feel weird about being rich.I can't wait. All right. Bye, everybody.

Yeah. I'm all for that stuff.

Me too. I like freaks. I love freaks. I like freaks of all time. I mean, here's the thing. A lot of people are upset about the pride parade because they're like, Oh, they're doing the pride parade, and they're doing it in front of all these children. Hey, don't bring your kids to a fucking pride parade. I know you want your kids to be tolerant. Is that him? Simply marvelous. Chris Condi, queer, conscious rapper. Is that him? Boy, it looks a lot like him. Oh, those are different tattoos, I think. No, it's queer on his belly. That's him. He's based in Austin, it says. Oh, hey, fella.

Whoa, he has a song called American Faggot.

Well, there you go.

That's hard as hell.

Yeah. That's just talented. That probably was in Austin then.

Oh, for sure. It looked like it was at a farmer's market based on the crowd.

There's this thing that people are saying about the pride parade because all these people are walking around naked at the San Francisco Pride parade, and so they were interviewing these people, and they have their dicks out. Listen, if you don't want your kids to see gay guys being sexual, that's what Pride Parade is. It's not like a bunch of 40-year-old gay engineers holding hands, like married guys who are just holding hands like, Hey, we're proud. It's different than anything else, like any other pride thing, because it's not just It's like, We just happen to be gay. It's overtly sexual, always. It's guys with fucking ball gags and dog leashes.

Pissing on each other.

Yeah, it's nuts. I'm not against it at all, but you can't complain that that's happening because you brought your kids.

You can't take your kids to the cage fight and complain about violence.

Exactly. Don't take your kids to pride and complain about the gays.

They're having a blast.

They have a good time. I used to do a bit about how I would always think, Am I exaggerating about the gay neighborhood? In LA, they have Boys Town in Santa. It's so crazy. I always say to myself, Maybe I'm exaggerating. Maybe I need to drive through again. Every now and then, I would take the right turn and go down Santa Monica Boulevards and head towards the ocean. It's five blocks of no one saying no. It's just wild madness. It's dudes with cowboy hats and G-strings on poles, guys making out in the middle of the street and humping each other. It's crazy.

Having the time of their life.

Having the time of their life. All Yang, no Yin, and no one can get pregnant.

I'm all for it. You wrestle, but everyone wins.

Well, also, those guys have their own neighborhood. The difference between the gays and lesbians, unfortunately, never developed us because I have a theory. I think that straight men find out that lesbians move next door and they go, I'm an ally, and then they become their neighbors. Whereas straight men never move into a gay neighborhood. Very rarely. You can't straighten up a gay neighborhood. No. But They've figured out a way to make a whole area all gay. Only gay guys can do that. It's admirable. It's great. It's wild. But it's just wild that they can pull it off in almost every city.

Well, and also they can go into places and then they gentrify these places on the margins of the city. And the next thing you know, all the houses are worth so much money because they invest so much in their properties.

They invest so much in their property, make things more safe, and they keep a lot of people from moving there. Oh, yeah. It's a good move. If you can tolerate a lot of techno and dudes walking around on Mollet, for sure. Yeah, for sure.

Fucking live there. But also offering you Mollet, typically. They're very generous people. Oh, yeah.

When I was a kid, I lived in San Francisco. I lived in San Francisco from age seven to 11. I lived in a fully gay neighborhood.

Yeah, the city of San Francisco.

Yeah, but we were in Haight-ashbury, that area. We were right off of Lombard Street. We were in there in the mix of the whole thing. I could walk to Fisherman's Whar from my house. My neighbors were gay, and my aunt used to... She would smoke pot with these gay guys, and they would get naked and play the bongos. They'd be like, Oh, she's over there playing the bongos with the gay guys. It's like, Okay. It was so normal to me that It wasn't until I moved to Florida that I even realized that people were homophobic. That was when I was 11. I had no idea that people had a problem with gay people.

I mean, it was just normal for you as a boy to understand that your aunt had these gay friends, and it wasn't made strange or they weren't othered.

No, they were just normal guys who just happened to be gay, and they were everywhere, too. It's like you became normal because you just saw them everywhere. There was guys holding hands everywhere. This was San Francisco in the 1970s.

That's what you want, right?

I want people to... Yeah, I want people to be themselves.

I want liberty and freedom for all.

Yeah, that's real freedom. You want America to be this fucking land of the free, home of the brave? You know how fucking brave you have to be to be holding hands with a dude and walk down a major street? What are the possibilities of running into homophobes? It's pretty fucking high. For sure. Pretty sure. If you're going to walk down any major Metropolitan for any three or four block stretch, the odds of you running into a homophobe is very high. Someone is going to be violently angry that you love another man. Right.

I think that the young people now, they want to be homophobic, but I think that most 18 to 23-year-old dudes have probably sucked a dick or had their dick sucked by a fella. Really? I don't know. I'd venture to guess that they're- What do you think is happening today? Well, It's a mist.

They pump it in the classrooms. It's like the gay bomb they tried in Iraq. Do you know about that story? No. Oh, my God. You don't know that? Oh, my God. What? The United States spent millions of dollars trying to develop a gay bomb. Wow. It's based on this hormone and this chemical, and they would detonate it above a city. Apparently, it'd make men so randy that they wind up fucking each other, and it would demoralize them. This was the supposed idea. No way. Yeah. This is how goofy our fucking government is. Not knowing anything about the Spartans who are gay as fuck, who are one of the greatest armies the world has ever known. Yeah, they could comfort each other. They were so gay. Not just that. But when you fought next to someone and they were your friend, that was one thing. But if it was your lover, you would protect them to the death. That's so smart. Yeah, man. Well, they just also, I think people were just gay then. I think people, back before they realized, Hey, you probably shouldn't fuck kids, they just everything. And then the kids started writing down, and once my uncle fucked me, all life was downhill.

And you read that like, Oh, that's probably stopped fucking kids. It took forever before they figured that out. Because if you think about it, Aristotle, Plato, soccer You go back in time. All those guys had young boy lovers.

It was just accepted, and it was part of passing your philosophy forward. Because you would take an apprentice, and he'd also fuck his thighs from behind, but then he would tell the world your story. Yeah, that was totally normal.

He was fucking writing everything you were saying. He was dictating.

Yeah, and dictating. But there was that thing with the philosophers. Some of them thought that it was low-minded to actually have sex with the children's butts, so they would just bang their thighs from behind, and that was cool. Low-minded. Yeah, I think so.

So they just titty-fucked their thighs. Exactly. Yeah, that's a good move.

It's a real soft part of a body.

Yeah, you don't get that hurt from it. I wish that didn't happen, but at least he didn't fuck my butt hole.

I'm still tight as a drum.

Yeah, it didn't make me walk around uncomfortable. What the fuck did he do to me?

Yeah, I don't have to use a diaper now.

You just feel weird. Like, Oh, that guy just jizzed all over my thais. Whatever, whatever.

What are you going to do? At least they know about geometry now.

Bro, they didn't know any better. Isn't that crazy? But just think about how much murder took place back then. If you got to be our age back then, let's just say you got to be 30, how many people do you think you saw get murdered? Probably dozens. You probably saw people murdered all the time.

Over very small things.

Over almost nothing. Yeah. Yeah. Disrespect. I mean, look, when this country was founded, one of our presidents, I forget which one, engaged in a duel while he was President.

I think Andrew Jackson doing a lot of people. Was it Andrew Jackson? A lot of people. Yeah. That was like his whole thing. He just liked to shoot at people?

Yeah. From 10 paces? Mm-hmm. Which is the dumbest fucking thing to think. If you hate someone, you don't like him, why don't you guys agree to fight or something? Why you got Dueling so dumb.

With pistols that...

Yeah, there we go. Many people think Andrew Jackson fought hundreds of duels. He did have a temper. He was challenged, and he was challenged other several times, but only one duel resulted in shots fired. In 1806, where he killed Charles Dickinson. That's good.

He was a terrible shot.

How far away did he shoot people from? Those guns suck, too. They're shooting people with muskets.

Right, and it shot like a marble.

Yeah, it shot a ball of lead, and not very accurate either.

You probably didn't die every time. No. You could take one of those.

You're fine. Yeah, you could take one in the shoulder, especially if they're not accurate. But a lot of guys are probably crippled from them.

Oh, for sure, because it would crack your bone. It would hit the bone and bend it in half.

And then they never knew how to fix bones.

They just have to chop it off.

They probably didn't even know how to get the lead out.

No, that's a good point. I bet lead poisoning.

It gets deep in there and just stays in there.

You should have the door guys duo for stage time with period type guns.

Right. They just paintball guns. Did you ever see that scene in that Mel Gibson movie, The Patriot, where the guy gets hit in the face with a cannonball? Oh, yeah.

Yes. Where Napoleon, where that horse gets exploded with a cannon ball in the first three minutes.

I didn't see Napoleon, but I heard about that.

The first three minutes is all you have to see. Really? Because you see a horse take a cannonball on the chest, and then the rest of it's just him simping for someone.

Oh, I heard they cucked him out.

It wasn't the best movie. It was pretty. It was like a lush film.

What a waste of Wakeem Phoenix. Yeah, he's the man. That guy is so good. He scared the shit out of me in the Joker. And then the riots happened like a year later.

Yeah, I know. I was like, Oh, my God. Predictive programming.

How much is he responsible for this? I don't want to sidetrack too far, but this It's just saying that duels back then were not exactly what we think they might have been. Oh, yeah? It was more of a test of courage. It says people didn't just take 10 steps and shoot as quickly as possible. Most of the time people would stand and fire their guns in the air, purposely miss their opponent, making a more or less a test about courage. However, there are plenty of real life examples where people would try to kill each other in a duel, for example, Hamilton and Bur. People involved in duels also chose seconds or people to accompany them to the duel to make sure it was legitimate. Oftentimes Sometimes the seconds found themselves acting as pacemakers in a duel, making sure if shots were fired, they weren't fired at other people. So it was a lot of playing chicken, I guess.

I think so.Making them flinch.Casually.

They shot each other. Yeah. What the fuck? They probably had-John Wick was like that at the end, right? Didn't the guy try to get a spoiler alert? No, spoiler alert. John Wick pretended he shot, but he didn't. He held his bullet to take a shot. I was thinking the other guy. Didn't the other guy want to get a replacement or something so John Wick wouldn't kill him?

Oh, yeah. On the steps of Montmartre and Petterie.

The last one, as much as I love those guys, the last one was just so cartoony. It's so hard to take seriously.

I'm okay with it. You turn your brain off and stare.

I love the first one. The first one is the best one because the first one, all the motivations are clear. Oh, my God, they stole his car and killed his puppy.

Let's go. Let's do it. Then they build this world of the continental and stuff, which was cool. There was lore. I like those movies are the best.

You see Furiosa? No. What is Furiosa?

The new Mad Max?

No, I haven't seen it. Bro.

Is it great? You need to treat yourself. Really? Did you see the most recent Mad Max before this? Yes. Remember how great it was? And you left the theater going Movies are the best? It's that again. But they figured out how to do Warf or with kites and stuff as well. Oh, nice. It's so good.

Nice. Okay, I'm in.

The whole movie was storyboarded, too, so it looks like a graphic novel. Yeah, it's like the best graphic novel I've ever seen. Oh, no kidding. It's a movie.

I haven't heard anything about it.

It's so badass, dude.

I think there's too much content today. For sure. It's very difficult for people to pay attention to everything.

Right. But there's very few movies that are actually something you need to see in the theater. Right. I think this is one of those things.

I heard Dune 2 is one of those.

Yeah, if you can stay awake. Oh, really? I took so many edibles, went to Dune 2. I didn't make it past the I ate all my Reese's pieces, and then it was just zonked, and my wife's punching me in the stomach. Oh, no. That's the worst. Yeah, dude.

Well, you get them comfy chairs like Sanopolis. You lean back and it's got the cup holder there. You're like, Oh, you find yourself snoring.

Yeah, and you can vape in there now? You have your weed pad. Oh, really? You can vape in there? I mean, you can't vape in there, but you can vape in there. Yeah, you can.

Yeah.

I'm just smoking live rosin and trying to stay alive. Oh, that's hilarious. I love movie theaters.

Yeah, movie theaters are great, especially for a comedy, because it really is like the thing about comedy clubs. Like last night, I went to see Kill Tony, and I like watching shows now more than I ever have before because you don't get a chance to do that when you're performing a lot. You watch your friend do a set, but I sat and watched a show, and I've done that a bunch lately, watch a show. It makes you appreciate it from an audience's perspective. Because I think we get too wrapped up in… I think it's good to see it the other way, too. See it as an audience member, just get a different perspective on what you're doing up there, too, and how it feels to be in the audience. Just to inform yourself.

That's valuable. Yeah. And also that show's perfect because you're not worried about maybe someone's bit worming its way into your brain, and then you Robin Williams it later. You know what I mean?

That's why Norton doesn't watch The End-up.

I can't watch it either. Really? Yeah, because when you rift a lot, I like improvising a lot on stage, every now and then you'll tell someone's joke. And then it's that moment where you're like, I'll ask my feature, is that someone's bit? Because you don't want to be that guy.

Yeah, that definitely can happen. But the thing is, it's like integrity. Does it happen on purpose? Does it just happen? If it just happens, maybe you should figure out why, maybe work on something for your memory or maybe just don't leap. The problem is some ideas that you don't steal almost feel stolen. Because this is the problem with creativity. Because this is the concept of the muse, right? That doing it.I've talked about it too many times, but have you read Pressfield's War of Art?No, I have not.Oh, we have a copy of it for you then. He sent us a box of them because I used to give it to comics or any creative person when they came on the podcast. But Pressfield wrote this book, and he talks about the muse as it's as if it's a real thing. Pressfield was like a neerdo well until he was 40. He was half-assing it until he was 40. Then somewhere along the line, he realized that it's just about being a professional and showing up. And so he started addressing the muse as a real thing. And then he wrote The Legend of Bagger Vance, and he wrote some great screenplays and books, and just became very prolific.Well, it's like we always count on inspiration to come into our lives. But if you can create a situation where that inspiration is more easily available to you, whatever that is, it's playing It's good that they have a place to have these insane conversations where it's also saved for everyone to watch forever.I read them when everyone in my house is asleep. When everyone in my house is asleep and I'm procrastinating before I write, one of the things that I do is I'll go on Facebook and just read people's rants. What the fuck are you angry about?The Derry and Sturgis. You have just fucking people married.They need to fix these potholes. Like, what? The problem is the money is all going to the immigrants. I heard Trump say they're bottoming out our Social Security.They're just chronicling the decay of middle America.Here's going to be a civil war in this country. I'll tell you what.A rain is going to come.Let's hope not, you fuckheads. Jesus Christ. Don't be summoning that shit like a demon. I know, dude. I'll be out there. How about we all figure out that we're being played and come together on important issues. What's real freedom? God damn it. Be whatever the fuck you want to be. Leave everybody alone. Be nice.Everybody. You do it over there. I'll do it over here.Yeah. Bring me a jar of pickles. If I want to go over there and watch, let me watch a little bit of that. For sure. Let me see that fat guy dance around.Exactly. I'll teach you how to clean a gun. I'll show you how to shoot a bow and arrow.Let's have fun. We're way more connected in this country than we are separate. Everybody Everybody wants the same thing. It's just we need to get that in our head, and no one's telling us that. Everyone's telling us that there's these battles for our existence.The very soul of this nation.Yeah, the soul of democracy. The democracy, democracy. This isn't even a democracy. It's a Republic.It's an oligarchy, really. Yeah. It's just corporations on the country.It is now. The money, it's just people lost their way. The guys who founded this country, they did a great job of preparing for the worst. Oh, yeah. But they didn't understand how big it was going to get. How could they?Also, if you love freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom to gather, you also then have to love the Second Amendment. That's the big thing that divides me from my more liberal friends is they're into all freedoms except for the one that allows you to protect yourself and your family. You know what I mean?Well, I understand why they do it. I do. I understand why they feel that way. It's because gun violence is abhorrent. It's a horrible thing. It's bad. You hear about gun Violence is terrible.It's an American problem.It is an American problem. But the problem exists. We don't live in a utopian world where people don't try to impose themselves on you, especially for someone who's not physically strong or large. It's the great equalizer. If a woman is being attacked, the great equalizer is a gun. It's not karate. It's just not. As a person who's a martial artist for their whole life, I'm telling you, it's not the move. The move is a gun. Some fucking asshole breaks into your house and wants to rape you when you're a woman, the answer is a gun. And the cops take too long to get there. For sure. Then you defunded the cops because you thought you're being cute because you wanted to show you weren't racist. And now, guess what? It's way worse for everybody, including the people of color, including the people, especially the people that live in bad communities, because the cops are never going there now. All the people that wanted to avoid all that shit and the cops were the only thing keeping the wolves away from the door, now you're dealing with it head on. Those are the people that are calling for the refunding of the police.The people in these fucked up neighborhoods.That's why you need guns. It's not like the argument to have guns to protect yourself against the government. The government will nuke you. The government can send in drones. I don't think that a bunch of people that are capable with the subm Machine guns are going to be able to defend against the fucking all time greatest army in the world. But it is like you have a little peace of mind and you can sleep a little bit sounder knowing you got that nine millimeter in the drawer. It helps.It's also the idea that the government... Here's the problem. The government is people, right? So the military is people. The people that are in the military are the least likely to go along with this idea because most of them are blue collar. Most of them are lower middle class, lower class. There are people that are struggling in this world, and they don't have trust in this fucking institution that's telling you to attack their neighbors because the neighbors are not compliant with some evil dictators. Good luck pulling that shit off.That's where civil war happens. That's where civil war. That's when the army has to turn its guns on their friends and family. That's going to be a real tough sell.Yeah. I think the ideological civil war is much more likely to take place. That something, some existential notion, something that we all agree is the end of our society, our civilization, as we know it, if we don't do X, Y, or Z. Then on one side, people oppose it, and on one side, people support it. Then they start stripping rights away, and they start fueling the flames to get this done. It's really possible that we could have a civil war in this country. The way people are so divided left and right today is bizarre. Fully accentuated by not just social media, but social media that's being operated by other countries. We talked about this before, but 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages are run by Russian trolls. Wow. 19. So there's 20 of the top Christian sites on Facebook. Millions of people are interacting. 19 of them are run by Russian troll farms.The other one is the Westborough Baptist Church.You would hope that one would be legit. One would be legit, but there's a lot of bullshit online, and it's because we're so susceptible to bullshit. We love it.Yeah.It makes sense.It's an easy solution. This quotable thing that I read on my aunt's Facebook.You Do you think that comedy is going to be affected by AI?No, because comedy is one of the only live things that you have to do. You have to see it live for it to be very good. You can watch comedy specials, but they're not as good as being in the room. I think that we're protected by that.An AI comedy special, as of lately, and again, it changes so fast. It's so quick, but the ones that I've seen, like the George Carlin one, they made up and they suck. They just feel fake. Yeah.It lacks the human heart. The soul of the thing isn't in there.It lacks the signature of the individual, an actual soul.And you can't teach timing. Is AI going to learn timing? I wonder. All these little intangible parts of being a good stand-up?I think it ultimately will.Will AI go and start doing crowd work when they're bombing?No. I don't think so. I don't think it's going to be able to perform in front of a crowd. I think, but AI specials might be a thing.Well.Because they've already got really good AI rap songs. For sure.Yeah. And AI deep fakes. The crazy pornography you can see. Oh, yeah.Crazy shit. Everybody's fucking.Yeah. Putin banging Marilyn Monroe. Oh, yeah. It's good stuff.Yeah. It gets me there. Imagine if that's what porn becomes. Instead of, you're like, Oh, it's taking advantage of these people. No, no, no. These aren't even real people. This is a fantasy. This lady gets stuck in the dryer, and she's asking you to pull her out with your cock, and it's the only way.It's also your ex from college. You can upload her Instagram into the matrix, and then next thing you know, you're jerking off to this unrequited love.Then the government finds out that you're doing that, and then stormtroopers break down your door and find her and you with your pants down on the computer. Then you go to thought police jail.Hey, man. That's one of the better jails you can go to for mind crimes, as opposed to violent crime jail.Probably cool neighbors. Oh, for sure. You're in jail with thought police people.Curious people?Yeah, interesting people.Just asking questions.Just trying to find out.Yeah, inquisitive souls.I just want to know, why can't I jerk off to this deep fake of my high school sweetheart?What am I doing? What's wrong? Am I hurting anyone. What's the argument for give pedophiles AI porn of children? Because then they can satisfy their terrible urge.I've heard even worse. I've heard give them robot dolls.Of course, I've heard that, too. But I think that's a bridge too far.It's all that's a bridge too far. It's all fucking weird because so many people trying to equate pedophilia with what they're calling minor-attracted persons.I know. They're trying to rebrand it.How weird. How weird that they would give that one a go.The ultimate evil? Yeah. Let's put a new spin on this.Why would you want to give that one a go?Remember New Coke? We've got new pedophiles.But isn't it just indicative of this thing that we're talking about, that most people aren't even really thinking about things clearly. They're just subscribing.Well, it's easy. If someone you think is smart tells you what to think, then you are unburdened by having to make your own decision.Especially if it seems compassionate. You're being kind to these people that are just minor, attracted persons. I know.It's not their fault. They're born that way. It's great. They're born that way. But if they act upon it, they should be beheaded.In this Times Square.Oh, yeah. For all to see. For all to see.Make an example of it. Yeah, make an example.Cover them in honey, feed them to ants.Problem is the media is completely full of shit, and so does the government, and they would decide, Sam Talent has been making a lot of noise.I don't want to be the face of this movement show.Let's upload some fucking nasty shit onto his computer, which they definitely have done before to people. And then you have to defend it. And so then all of a sudden, there's newspapers, Sam Talent in jail for porn, child porn. Like, Oh, my God. Yeah.That's all I need.And then the people are out there, Hang him, hang him, hang him.Well, no news is bad news. Don't be selling certain markets.It probably would. Certain places, they were like, I like that guy.The great pedophile comedian.Yeah. Yeah. Like New Mexico, where they used to send the pedophile priests. Yeah.What was that about?Well, they send them all over the place for sure. But there was a few states that had very suspect laws.Were they sending them to the reservation and stuff?They definitely did that, too. Yeah, I know that. One of the things But some states, and I think New Mexico was one of them, had bizarre laws. Like the age of consent for a girl, for a man to be with a girl was like, the girl would be 16. But the age of consent for a boy and a man was 13. What?Yeah. That's some creative accounting. Right. They're cooking the books.Where did you come up with that? Yeah. I think the reason being was to exonerate pedophiles. Oh, that makes sense. That were It was really religious pedophiles.It was consensuble.Did you ever see Hear No Evil? Or is it See No Evil? I think it's See No Evil. But it just is really essentially a documentary tracking how all these different pedophiles got moved in the air as they follow this one specific one where this guy had molested who knows how many fucking kids. One of them was a guy, and this was what made Ratzinger have to step down when that Pope stepped down. He was responsible for sending this one guy. He got caught being a pedophile, so they sent him to a new location where he molested 100 deaf kids.That must have sounded terrible in that room.Yeah, and no one knows. You're screaming. The The fact that you think Catholic priest, you think pedophile.Like that. Yeah, they're synonymous.Instantaneously. How many did there have to be before that became completely It's not like occasionally the UPS driver is a car thief.You know what I mean? When I think UPS, I don't think Kiya boy. Exactly. When I think priest, I do think, in a boy. Yeah.But their laws were set up, I think, in some states. I think that's the suspicion.That's a very good hypothesis. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're never going to get rid of it.Just make it so it's not too illegal.Yeah.Oh, he only missed the age by a year.Come on. The kid was 11.He was really grown.He was a tall kid.He was a tall kid. Pupes already.He's precocious.What's the big deal? He likes candy.I really... New Mexico is so weird, dude. It's a weird place. Cockfighting was legal until eight years ago.It's still legal in some places. I think cockfighting is legal in multiple states.It was Louisiana and New Mexico were the last holdouts. Were they? Yeah.Is this for sure?I think so.What states have cockfighting still legal?I don't think any are legal, but I think those were the last two.I had a gardener that used to cockfight. I went to his house once, and he had snuck over from Mexico, and he would go back and forth. And one time, he said, I'm going to be gone for six months. I'm like, What are you doing? He's like, I'm going back to Mexico. I go, When are you coming back? He goes, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back. I'm going to try. I go, Well, when you try, you know where I'm at. Let me know. I go, I'll just get somebody else to take care of it while you're gone. Just holler at me when you got back.Did he go back to cockfight?No, he went back just to go back to Mexico for a little bit. He eventually went back to Mexico to move. He eventually gave up on America one day. But he was my gardener for 10 years. Cool guy. But he goes, Do you want to see the cog fights? I was like, Yeah. Of course. Let's see what that's like. So he took me to a neighborhood in Los Angeles that I might as well have been in Mexico. There was no non-Mexican people there in the neighborhood. Everybody spoke Spanish. All the signs were in Spanish. It was like, wow, this is a whole little area that I wasn't aware of. So we go to his friend's house and we go into the backyard. And his friend had stacks upon stacks of chicken coops. Just everywhere. Roosters everywhere. I was like, this is nuts, man. I go, what the fuck is the morning sound like here? And he was like, but everybody has chickens. It's no big deal. I was like, everybody has chickens? And there was this guy over there, you go to his backyard filled with roosters. This guy over there, his backyard filled with roosters.And they would get them together. Everybody would get together and gamble. They would all drink. They'd have the chicken fight. One chicken would lose. They would boil them and eat them. He's like, We're going eat them anyway. This is the way we gamble.Yeah, and then one will die with pride. I mean, it's barbaric, but it's a hell of a show. They put lasers on their claws. That's where I lose interest.Well, that's the only way to get them to kill each other. Really? Otherwise, they just peck each other and fucking get tired. Got a couple of fun facts here for you. I got an article from last year, New York Times, about cockfighting. According to some rooster men, the gamefow or fighting chicken was almost chosen to be the national bird of America. It should have, a breeder once told me, an eagle ain't nothing more than a glorified buzzard. That guy's an idiot.The eagles are majestic.The eagles are fucking amazing. They catch salmon with their feet, you fucking retard. They do war in the sky. Such gamefow lure and sentiment abound. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were devouted rooster fighters. They were devouted rooster fighters? Keep going. George Washington, Union and Confederate soldiers, put aside their differences on Sundays during the Civil War to pit their chickens against one another.This is the solution to that partisanship that you've been talking about.Abraham Lincoln was given the nickname Honest Abe after he displayed imparciality as a cockfighting judge.Usa. What?They fought them on the White House lawn. They fought them right on the White House lawn, says David Thurston, President of the United Gamefow Breeders Association, a national nonprofit dedicated to the birds' preservation. Wow. Wow.Wow. Man, this country. There's so many different stitches in the fabric of this place.Let's end on that high note, Sam Tauent. Tell everybody where they could see your special.You can see it on Matt and Shane's YouTube page.What is it called?The Toad's Morral.I mean, their YouTube page.I think it's called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast YouTube.Okay. It's called The Toad's Morral. Yeah.I have a new travel show on my YouTube. If you want to subscribe to my YouTube, that'd be huge. Come see me live, Pittsburgh, Detroit, coming your way. Nice. My podcast is good. There is?Yeah. This is the Travel Show. This is the Travel Show. Worldwide Tour.Yeah, Sam Talons' Wide World, man. Super proud of this. Nice. Me and my boy Patrick. Beautiful. Yeah, dude. Shut up, Jack.You're doing fun stuff, dude. It's been cool to get to know you, and you're a very funny guy.Thank you, dude.A cool guy. It's been a lot of fun.I.Appreciate you, man.I appreciate you, too.I'm happy you're out there.Thanks for helping me change my life.Oh.Please.thank you. More to come. You're going to feel weird about being rich.I can't wait. All right. Bye, everybody.

doing it.

I've talked about it too many times, but have you read Pressfield's War of Art?

No, I have not.

Oh, we have a copy of it for you then. He sent us a box of them because I used to give it to comics or any creative person when they came on the podcast. But Pressfield wrote this book, and he talks about the muse as it's as if it's a real thing. Pressfield was like a neerdo well until he was 40. He was half-assing it until he was 40. Then somewhere along the line, he realized that it's just about being a professional and showing up. And so he started addressing the muse as a real thing. And then he wrote The Legend of Bagger Vance, and he wrote some great screenplays and books, and just became very prolific.

Well, it's like we always count on inspiration to come into our lives. But if you can create a situation where that inspiration is more easily available to you, whatever that is, it's playing It's good that they have a place to have these insane conversations where it's also saved for everyone to watch forever.I read them when everyone in my house is asleep. When everyone in my house is asleep and I'm procrastinating before I write, one of the things that I do is I'll go on Facebook and just read people's rants. What the fuck are you angry about?The Derry and Sturgis. You have just fucking people married.They need to fix these potholes. Like, what? The problem is the money is all going to the immigrants. I heard Trump say they're bottoming out our Social Security.They're just chronicling the decay of middle America.Here's going to be a civil war in this country. I'll tell you what.A rain is going to come.Let's hope not, you fuckheads. Jesus Christ. Don't be summoning that shit like a demon. I know, dude. I'll be out there. How about we all figure out that we're being played and come together on important issues. What's real freedom? God damn it. Be whatever the fuck you want to be. Leave everybody alone. Be nice.Everybody. You do it over there. I'll do it over here.Yeah. Bring me a jar of pickles. If I want to go over there and watch, let me watch a little bit of that. For sure. Let me see that fat guy dance around.Exactly. I'll teach you how to clean a gun. I'll show you how to shoot a bow and arrow.Let's have fun. We're way more connected in this country than we are separate. Everybody Everybody wants the same thing. It's just we need to get that in our head, and no one's telling us that. Everyone's telling us that there's these battles for our existence.The very soul of this nation.Yeah, the soul of democracy. The democracy, democracy. This isn't even a democracy. It's a Republic.It's an oligarchy, really. Yeah. It's just corporations on the country.It is now. The money, it's just people lost their way. The guys who founded this country, they did a great job of preparing for the worst. Oh, yeah. But they didn't understand how big it was going to get. How could they?Also, if you love freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom to gather, you also then have to love the Second Amendment. That's the big thing that divides me from my more liberal friends is they're into all freedoms except for the one that allows you to protect yourself and your family. You know what I mean?Well, I understand why they do it. I do. I understand why they feel that way. It's because gun violence is abhorrent. It's a horrible thing. It's bad. You hear about gun Violence is terrible.It's an American problem.It is an American problem. But the problem exists. We don't live in a utopian world where people don't try to impose themselves on you, especially for someone who's not physically strong or large. It's the great equalizer. If a woman is being attacked, the great equalizer is a gun. It's not karate. It's just not. As a person who's a martial artist for their whole life, I'm telling you, it's not the move. The move is a gun. Some fucking asshole breaks into your house and wants to rape you when you're a woman, the answer is a gun. And the cops take too long to get there. For sure. Then you defunded the cops because you thought you're being cute because you wanted to show you weren't racist. And now, guess what? It's way worse for everybody, including the people of color, including the people, especially the people that live in bad communities, because the cops are never going there now. All the people that wanted to avoid all that shit and the cops were the only thing keeping the wolves away from the door, now you're dealing with it head on. Those are the people that are calling for the refunding of the police.The people in these fucked up neighborhoods.That's why you need guns. It's not like the argument to have guns to protect yourself against the government. The government will nuke you. The government can send in drones. I don't think that a bunch of people that are capable with the subm Machine guns are going to be able to defend against the fucking all time greatest army in the world. But it is like you have a little peace of mind and you can sleep a little bit sounder knowing you got that nine millimeter in the drawer. It helps.It's also the idea that the government... Here's the problem. The government is people, right? So the military is people. The people that are in the military are the least likely to go along with this idea because most of them are blue collar. Most of them are lower middle class, lower class. There are people that are struggling in this world, and they don't have trust in this fucking institution that's telling you to attack their neighbors because the neighbors are not compliant with some evil dictators. Good luck pulling that shit off.That's where civil war happens. That's where civil war. That's when the army has to turn its guns on their friends and family. That's going to be a real tough sell.Yeah. I think the ideological civil war is much more likely to take place. That something, some existential notion, something that we all agree is the end of our society, our civilization, as we know it, if we don't do X, Y, or Z. Then on one side, people oppose it, and on one side, people support it. Then they start stripping rights away, and they start fueling the flames to get this done. It's really possible that we could have a civil war in this country. The way people are so divided left and right today is bizarre. Fully accentuated by not just social media, but social media that's being operated by other countries. We talked about this before, but 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages are run by Russian trolls. Wow. 19. So there's 20 of the top Christian sites on Facebook. Millions of people are interacting. 19 of them are run by Russian troll farms.The other one is the Westborough Baptist Church.You would hope that one would be legit. One would be legit, but there's a lot of bullshit online, and it's because we're so susceptible to bullshit. We love it.Yeah.It makes sense.It's an easy solution. This quotable thing that I read on my aunt's Facebook.You Do you think that comedy is going to be affected by AI?No, because comedy is one of the only live things that you have to do. You have to see it live for it to be very good. You can watch comedy specials, but they're not as good as being in the room. I think that we're protected by that.An AI comedy special, as of lately, and again, it changes so fast. It's so quick, but the ones that I've seen, like the George Carlin one, they made up and they suck. They just feel fake. Yeah.It lacks the human heart. The soul of the thing isn't in there.It lacks the signature of the individual, an actual soul.And you can't teach timing. Is AI going to learn timing? I wonder. All these little intangible parts of being a good stand-up?I think it ultimately will.Will AI go and start doing crowd work when they're bombing?No. I don't think so. I don't think it's going to be able to perform in front of a crowd. I think, but AI specials might be a thing.Well.Because they've already got really good AI rap songs. For sure.Yeah. And AI deep fakes. The crazy pornography you can see. Oh, yeah.Crazy shit. Everybody's fucking.Yeah. Putin banging Marilyn Monroe. Oh, yeah. It's good stuff.Yeah. It gets me there. Imagine if that's what porn becomes. Instead of, you're like, Oh, it's taking advantage of these people. No, no, no. These aren't even real people. This is a fantasy. This lady gets stuck in the dryer, and she's asking you to pull her out with your cock, and it's the only way.It's also your ex from college. You can upload her Instagram into the matrix, and then next thing you know, you're jerking off to this unrequited love.Then the government finds out that you're doing that, and then stormtroopers break down your door and find her and you with your pants down on the computer. Then you go to thought police jail.Hey, man. That's one of the better jails you can go to for mind crimes, as opposed to violent crime jail.Probably cool neighbors. Oh, for sure. You're in jail with thought police people.Curious people?Yeah, interesting people.Just asking questions.Just trying to find out.Yeah, inquisitive souls.I just want to know, why can't I jerk off to this deep fake of my high school sweetheart?What am I doing? What's wrong? Am I hurting anyone. What's the argument for give pedophiles AI porn of children? Because then they can satisfy their terrible urge.I've heard even worse. I've heard give them robot dolls.Of course, I've heard that, too. But I think that's a bridge too far.It's all that's a bridge too far. It's all fucking weird because so many people trying to equate pedophilia with what they're calling minor-attracted persons.I know. They're trying to rebrand it.How weird. How weird that they would give that one a go.The ultimate evil? Yeah. Let's put a new spin on this.Why would you want to give that one a go?Remember New Coke? We've got new pedophiles.But isn't it just indicative of this thing that we're talking about, that most people aren't even really thinking about things clearly. They're just subscribing.Well, it's easy. If someone you think is smart tells you what to think, then you are unburdened by having to make your own decision.Especially if it seems compassionate. You're being kind to these people that are just minor, attracted persons. I know.It's not their fault. They're born that way. It's great. They're born that way. But if they act upon it, they should be beheaded.In this Times Square.Oh, yeah. For all to see. For all to see.Make an example of it. Yeah, make an example.Cover them in honey, feed them to ants.Problem is the media is completely full of shit, and so does the government, and they would decide, Sam Talent has been making a lot of noise.I don't want to be the face of this movement show.Let's upload some fucking nasty shit onto his computer, which they definitely have done before to people. And then you have to defend it. And so then all of a sudden, there's newspapers, Sam Talent in jail for porn, child porn. Like, Oh, my God. Yeah.That's all I need.And then the people are out there, Hang him, hang him, hang him.Well, no news is bad news. Don't be selling certain markets.It probably would. Certain places, they were like, I like that guy.The great pedophile comedian.Yeah. Yeah. Like New Mexico, where they used to send the pedophile priests. Yeah.What was that about?Well, they send them all over the place for sure. But there was a few states that had very suspect laws.Were they sending them to the reservation and stuff?They definitely did that, too. Yeah, I know that. One of the things But some states, and I think New Mexico was one of them, had bizarre laws. Like the age of consent for a girl, for a man to be with a girl was like, the girl would be 16. But the age of consent for a boy and a man was 13. What?Yeah. That's some creative accounting. Right. They're cooking the books.Where did you come up with that? Yeah. I think the reason being was to exonerate pedophiles. Oh, that makes sense. That were It was really religious pedophiles.It was consensuble.Did you ever see Hear No Evil? Or is it See No Evil? I think it's See No Evil. But it just is really essentially a documentary tracking how all these different pedophiles got moved in the air as they follow this one specific one where this guy had molested who knows how many fucking kids. One of them was a guy, and this was what made Ratzinger have to step down when that Pope stepped down. He was responsible for sending this one guy. He got caught being a pedophile, so they sent him to a new location where he molested 100 deaf kids.That must have sounded terrible in that room.Yeah, and no one knows. You're screaming. The The fact that you think Catholic priest, you think pedophile.Like that. Yeah, they're synonymous.Instantaneously. How many did there have to be before that became completely It's not like occasionally the UPS driver is a car thief.You know what I mean? When I think UPS, I don't think Kiya boy. Exactly. When I think priest, I do think, in a boy. Yeah.But their laws were set up, I think, in some states. I think that's the suspicion.That's a very good hypothesis. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're never going to get rid of it.Just make it so it's not too illegal.Yeah.Oh, he only missed the age by a year.Come on. The kid was 11.He was really grown.He was a tall kid.He was a tall kid. Pupes already.He's precocious.What's the big deal? He likes candy.I really... New Mexico is so weird, dude. It's a weird place. Cockfighting was legal until eight years ago.It's still legal in some places. I think cockfighting is legal in multiple states.It was Louisiana and New Mexico were the last holdouts. Were they? Yeah.Is this for sure?I think so.What states have cockfighting still legal?I don't think any are legal, but I think those were the last two.I had a gardener that used to cockfight. I went to his house once, and he had snuck over from Mexico, and he would go back and forth. And one time, he said, I'm going to be gone for six months. I'm like, What are you doing? He's like, I'm going back to Mexico. I go, When are you coming back? He goes, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back. I'm going to try. I go, Well, when you try, you know where I'm at. Let me know. I go, I'll just get somebody else to take care of it while you're gone. Just holler at me when you got back.Did he go back to cockfight?No, he went back just to go back to Mexico for a little bit. He eventually went back to Mexico to move. He eventually gave up on America one day. But he was my gardener for 10 years. Cool guy. But he goes, Do you want to see the cog fights? I was like, Yeah. Of course. Let's see what that's like. So he took me to a neighborhood in Los Angeles that I might as well have been in Mexico. There was no non-Mexican people there in the neighborhood. Everybody spoke Spanish. All the signs were in Spanish. It was like, wow, this is a whole little area that I wasn't aware of. So we go to his friend's house and we go into the backyard. And his friend had stacks upon stacks of chicken coops. Just everywhere. Roosters everywhere. I was like, this is nuts, man. I go, what the fuck is the morning sound like here? And he was like, but everybody has chickens. It's no big deal. I was like, everybody has chickens? And there was this guy over there, you go to his backyard filled with roosters. This guy over there, his backyard filled with roosters.And they would get them together. Everybody would get together and gamble. They would all drink. They'd have the chicken fight. One chicken would lose. They would boil them and eat them. He's like, We're going eat them anyway. This is the way we gamble.Yeah, and then one will die with pride. I mean, it's barbaric, but it's a hell of a show. They put lasers on their claws. That's where I lose interest.Well, that's the only way to get them to kill each other. Really? Otherwise, they just peck each other and fucking get tired. Got a couple of fun facts here for you. I got an article from last year, New York Times, about cockfighting. According to some rooster men, the gamefow or fighting chicken was almost chosen to be the national bird of America. It should have, a breeder once told me, an eagle ain't nothing more than a glorified buzzard. That guy's an idiot.The eagles are majestic.The eagles are fucking amazing. They catch salmon with their feet, you fucking retard. They do war in the sky. Such gamefow lure and sentiment abound. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were devouted rooster fighters. They were devouted rooster fighters? Keep going. George Washington, Union and Confederate soldiers, put aside their differences on Sundays during the Civil War to pit their chickens against one another.This is the solution to that partisanship that you've been talking about.Abraham Lincoln was given the nickname Honest Abe after he displayed imparciality as a cockfighting judge.Usa. What?They fought them on the White House lawn. They fought them right on the White House lawn, says David Thurston, President of the United Gamefow Breeders Association, a national nonprofit dedicated to the birds' preservation. Wow. Wow.Wow. Man, this country. There's so many different stitches in the fabric of this place.Let's end on that high note, Sam Tauent. Tell everybody where they could see your special.You can see it on Matt and Shane's YouTube page.What is it called?The Toad's Morral.I mean, their YouTube page.I think it's called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast YouTube.Okay. It's called The Toad's Morral. Yeah.I have a new travel show on my YouTube. If you want to subscribe to my YouTube, that'd be huge. Come see me live, Pittsburgh, Detroit, coming your way. Nice. My podcast is good. There is?Yeah. This is the Travel Show. This is the Travel Show. Worldwide Tour.Yeah, Sam Talons' Wide World, man. Super proud of this. Nice. Me and my boy Patrick. Beautiful. Yeah, dude. Shut up, Jack.You're doing fun stuff, dude. It's been cool to get to know you, and you're a very funny guy.Thank you, dude.A cool guy. It's been a lot of fun.I.Appreciate you, man.I appreciate you, too.I'm happy you're out there.Thanks for helping me change my life.Oh.Please.thank you. More to come. You're going to feel weird about being rich.I can't wait. All right. Bye, everybody.

It's good that they have a place to have these insane conversations where it's also saved for everyone to watch forever.

I read them when everyone in my house is asleep. When everyone in my house is asleep and I'm procrastinating before I write, one of the things that I do is I'll go on Facebook and just read people's rants. What the fuck are you angry about?

The Derry and Sturgis. You have just fucking people married.

They need to fix these potholes. Like, what? The problem is the money is all going to the immigrants. I heard Trump say they're bottoming out our Social Security.

They're just chronicling the decay of middle America.

Here's going to be a civil war in this country. I'll tell you what.

A rain is going to come.

Let's hope not, you fuckheads. Jesus Christ. Don't be summoning that shit like a demon. I know, dude. I'll be out there. How about we all figure out that we're being played and come together on important issues. What's real freedom? God damn it. Be whatever the fuck you want to be. Leave everybody alone. Be nice.

Everybody. You do it over there. I'll do it over here.

Yeah. Bring me a jar of pickles. If I want to go over there and watch, let me watch a little bit of that. For sure. Let me see that fat guy dance around.

Exactly. I'll teach you how to clean a gun. I'll show you how to shoot a bow and arrow.

Let's have fun. We're way more connected in this country than we are separate. Everybody Everybody wants the same thing. It's just we need to get that in our head, and no one's telling us that. Everyone's telling us that there's these battles for our existence.

The very soul of this nation.

Yeah, the soul of democracy. The democracy, democracy. This isn't even a democracy. It's a Republic.

It's an oligarchy, really. Yeah. It's just corporations on the country.

It is now. The money, it's just people lost their way. The guys who founded this country, they did a great job of preparing for the worst. Oh, yeah. But they didn't understand how big it was going to get. How could they?

Also, if you love freedom of speech and freedom of religion and freedom to gather, you also then have to love the Second Amendment. That's the big thing that divides me from my more liberal friends is they're into all freedoms except for the one that allows you to protect yourself and your family. You know what I mean?

Well, I understand why they do it. I do. I understand why they feel that way. It's because gun violence is abhorrent. It's a horrible thing. It's bad. You hear about gun Violence is terrible.

It's an American problem.

It is an American problem. But the problem exists. We don't live in a utopian world where people don't try to impose themselves on you, especially for someone who's not physically strong or large. It's the great equalizer. If a woman is being attacked, the great equalizer is a gun. It's not karate. It's just not. As a person who's a martial artist for their whole life, I'm telling you, it's not the move. The move is a gun. Some fucking asshole breaks into your house and wants to rape you when you're a woman, the answer is a gun. And the cops take too long to get there. For sure. Then you defunded the cops because you thought you're being cute because you wanted to show you weren't racist. And now, guess what? It's way worse for everybody, including the people of color, including the people, especially the people that live in bad communities, because the cops are never going there now. All the people that wanted to avoid all that shit and the cops were the only thing keeping the wolves away from the door, now you're dealing with it head on. Those are the people that are calling for the refunding of the police.

The people in these fucked up neighborhoods.

That's why you need guns. It's not like the argument to have guns to protect yourself against the government. The government will nuke you. The government can send in drones. I don't think that a bunch of people that are capable with the subm Machine guns are going to be able to defend against the fucking all time greatest army in the world. But it is like you have a little peace of mind and you can sleep a little bit sounder knowing you got that nine millimeter in the drawer. It helps.

It's also the idea that the government... Here's the problem. The government is people, right? So the military is people. The people that are in the military are the least likely to go along with this idea because most of them are blue collar. Most of them are lower middle class, lower class. There are people that are struggling in this world, and they don't have trust in this fucking institution that's telling you to attack their neighbors because the neighbors are not compliant with some evil dictators. Good luck pulling that shit off.

That's where civil war happens. That's where civil war. That's when the army has to turn its guns on their friends and family. That's going to be a real tough sell.

Yeah. I think the ideological civil war is much more likely to take place. That something, some existential notion, something that we all agree is the end of our society, our civilization, as we know it, if we don't do X, Y, or Z. Then on one side, people oppose it, and on one side, people support it. Then they start stripping rights away, and they start fueling the flames to get this done. It's really possible that we could have a civil war in this country. The way people are so divided left and right today is bizarre. Fully accentuated by not just social media, but social media that's being operated by other countries. We talked about this before, but 19 of the top 20 Facebook Christian pages are run by Russian trolls. Wow. 19. So there's 20 of the top Christian sites on Facebook. Millions of people are interacting. 19 of them are run by Russian troll farms.

The other one is the Westborough Baptist Church.

You would hope that one would be legit. One would be legit, but there's a lot of bullshit online, and it's because we're so susceptible to bullshit. We love it.

Yeah.

It makes sense.

It's an easy solution. This quotable thing that I read on my aunt's Facebook.

You Do you think that comedy is going to be affected by AI?

No, because comedy is one of the only live things that you have to do. You have to see it live for it to be very good. You can watch comedy specials, but they're not as good as being in the room. I think that we're protected by that.

An AI comedy special, as of lately, and again, it changes so fast. It's so quick, but the ones that I've seen, like the George Carlin one, they made up and they suck. They just feel fake. Yeah.

It lacks the human heart. The soul of the thing isn't in there.

It lacks the signature of the individual, an actual soul.

And you can't teach timing. Is AI going to learn timing? I wonder. All these little intangible parts of being a good stand-up?

I think it ultimately will.

Will AI go and start doing crowd work when they're bombing?

No. I don't think so. I don't think it's going to be able to perform in front of a crowd. I think, but AI specials might be a thing.

Well.

Because they've already got really good AI rap songs. For sure.

Yeah. And AI deep fakes. The crazy pornography you can see. Oh, yeah.

Crazy shit. Everybody's fucking.

Yeah. Putin banging Marilyn Monroe. Oh, yeah. It's good stuff.

Yeah. It gets me there. Imagine if that's what porn becomes. Instead of, you're like, Oh, it's taking advantage of these people. No, no, no. These aren't even real people. This is a fantasy. This lady gets stuck in the dryer, and she's asking you to pull her out with your cock, and it's the only way.

It's also your ex from college. You can upload her Instagram into the matrix, and then next thing you know, you're jerking off to this unrequited love.

Then the government finds out that you're doing that, and then stormtroopers break down your door and find her and you with your pants down on the computer. Then you go to thought police jail.

Hey, man. That's one of the better jails you can go to for mind crimes, as opposed to violent crime jail.

Probably cool neighbors. Oh, for sure. You're in jail with thought police people.

Curious people?

Yeah, interesting people.

Just asking questions.

Just trying to find out.

Yeah, inquisitive souls.

I just want to know, why can't I jerk off to this deep fake of my high school sweetheart?

What am I doing? What's wrong? Am I hurting anyone. What's the argument for give pedophiles AI porn of children? Because then they can satisfy their terrible urge.

I've heard even worse. I've heard give them robot dolls.

Of course, I've heard that, too. But I think that's a bridge too far.

It's all that's a bridge too far. It's all fucking weird because so many people trying to equate pedophilia with what they're calling minor-attracted persons.

I know. They're trying to rebrand it.

How weird. How weird that they would give that one a go.

The ultimate evil? Yeah. Let's put a new spin on this.

Why would you want to give that one a go?

Remember New Coke? We've got new pedophiles.

But isn't it just indicative of this thing that we're talking about, that most people aren't even really thinking about things clearly. They're just subscribing.

Well, it's easy. If someone you think is smart tells you what to think, then you are unburdened by having to make your own decision.

Especially if it seems compassionate. You're being kind to these people that are just minor, attracted persons. I know.

It's not their fault. They're born that way. It's great. They're born that way. But if they act upon it, they should be beheaded.

In this Times Square.

Oh, yeah. For all to see. For all to see.

Make an example of it. Yeah, make an example.

Cover them in honey, feed them to ants.

Problem is the media is completely full of shit, and so does the government, and they would decide, Sam Talent has been making a lot of noise.

I don't want to be the face of this movement show.

Let's upload some fucking nasty shit onto his computer, which they definitely have done before to people. And then you have to defend it. And so then all of a sudden, there's newspapers, Sam Talent in jail for porn, child porn. Like, Oh, my God. Yeah.

That's all I need.

And then the people are out there, Hang him, hang him, hang him.

Well, no news is bad news. Don't be selling certain markets.

It probably would. Certain places, they were like, I like that guy.

The great pedophile comedian.

Yeah. Yeah. Like New Mexico, where they used to send the pedophile priests. Yeah.

What was that about?

Well, they send them all over the place for sure. But there was a few states that had very suspect laws.

Were they sending them to the reservation and stuff?

They definitely did that, too. Yeah, I know that. One of the things But some states, and I think New Mexico was one of them, had bizarre laws. Like the age of consent for a girl, for a man to be with a girl was like, the girl would be 16. But the age of consent for a boy and a man was 13. What?

Yeah. That's some creative accounting. Right. They're cooking the books.

Where did you come up with that? Yeah. I think the reason being was to exonerate pedophiles. Oh, that makes sense. That were It was really religious pedophiles.

It was consensuble.

Did you ever see Hear No Evil? Or is it See No Evil? I think it's See No Evil. But it just is really essentially a documentary tracking how all these different pedophiles got moved in the air as they follow this one specific one where this guy had molested who knows how many fucking kids. One of them was a guy, and this was what made Ratzinger have to step down when that Pope stepped down. He was responsible for sending this one guy. He got caught being a pedophile, so they sent him to a new location where he molested 100 deaf kids.

That must have sounded terrible in that room.

Yeah, and no one knows. You're screaming. The The fact that you think Catholic priest, you think pedophile.

Like that. Yeah, they're synonymous.

Instantaneously. How many did there have to be before that became completely It's not like occasionally the UPS driver is a car thief.

You know what I mean? When I think UPS, I don't think Kiya boy. Exactly. When I think priest, I do think, in a boy. Yeah.

But their laws were set up, I think, in some states. I think that's the suspicion.

That's a very good hypothesis. Yeah. Yeah. Because you're never going to get rid of it.

Just make it so it's not too illegal.

Yeah.

Oh, he only missed the age by a year.

Come on. The kid was 11.

He was really grown.

He was a tall kid.

He was a tall kid. Pupes already.

He's precocious.

What's the big deal? He likes candy.

I really... New Mexico is so weird, dude. It's a weird place. Cockfighting was legal until eight years ago.

It's still legal in some places. I think cockfighting is legal in multiple states.

It was Louisiana and New Mexico were the last holdouts. Were they? Yeah.

Is this for sure?

I think so.

What states have cockfighting still legal?

I don't think any are legal, but I think those were the last two.

I had a gardener that used to cockfight. I went to his house once, and he had snuck over from Mexico, and he would go back and forth. And one time, he said, I'm going to be gone for six months. I'm like, What are you doing? He's like, I'm going back to Mexico. I go, When are you coming back? He goes, I don't know if I'm going to be able to get back. I'm going to try. I go, Well, when you try, you know where I'm at. Let me know. I go, I'll just get somebody else to take care of it while you're gone. Just holler at me when you got back.

Did he go back to cockfight?

No, he went back just to go back to Mexico for a little bit. He eventually went back to Mexico to move. He eventually gave up on America one day. But he was my gardener for 10 years. Cool guy. But he goes, Do you want to see the cog fights? I was like, Yeah. Of course. Let's see what that's like. So he took me to a neighborhood in Los Angeles that I might as well have been in Mexico. There was no non-Mexican people there in the neighborhood. Everybody spoke Spanish. All the signs were in Spanish. It was like, wow, this is a whole little area that I wasn't aware of. So we go to his friend's house and we go into the backyard. And his friend had stacks upon stacks of chicken coops. Just everywhere. Roosters everywhere. I was like, this is nuts, man. I go, what the fuck is the morning sound like here? And he was like, but everybody has chickens. It's no big deal. I was like, everybody has chickens? And there was this guy over there, you go to his backyard filled with roosters. This guy over there, his backyard filled with roosters.

And they would get them together. Everybody would get together and gamble. They would all drink. They'd have the chicken fight. One chicken would lose. They would boil them and eat them. He's like, We're going eat them anyway. This is the way we gamble.

Yeah, and then one will die with pride. I mean, it's barbaric, but it's a hell of a show. They put lasers on their claws. That's where I lose interest.

Well, that's the only way to get them to kill each other. Really? Otherwise, they just peck each other and fucking get tired. Got a couple of fun facts here for you. I got an article from last year, New York Times, about cockfighting. According to some rooster men, the gamefow or fighting chicken was almost chosen to be the national bird of America. It should have, a breeder once told me, an eagle ain't nothing more than a glorified buzzard. That guy's an idiot.

The eagles are majestic.

The eagles are fucking amazing. They catch salmon with their feet, you fucking retard. They do war in the sky. Such gamefow lure and sentiment abound. George Washington and Thomas Jefferson were devouted rooster fighters. They were devouted rooster fighters? Keep going. George Washington, Union and Confederate soldiers, put aside their differences on Sundays during the Civil War to pit their chickens against one another.

This is the solution to that partisanship that you've been talking about.

Abraham Lincoln was given the nickname Honest Abe after he displayed imparciality as a cockfighting judge.

Usa. What?

They fought them on the White House lawn. They fought them right on the White House lawn, says David Thurston, President of the United Gamefow Breeders Association, a national nonprofit dedicated to the birds' preservation. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Man, this country. There's so many different stitches in the fabric of this place.

Let's end on that high note, Sam Tauent. Tell everybody where they could see your special.

You can see it on Matt and Shane's YouTube page.

What is it called?

The Toad's Morral.

I mean, their YouTube page.

I think it's called Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast YouTube.

Okay. It's called The Toad's Morral. Yeah.

I have a new travel show on my YouTube. If you want to subscribe to my YouTube, that'd be huge. Come see me live, Pittsburgh, Detroit, coming your way. Nice. My podcast is good. There is?

Yeah. This is the Travel Show. This is the Travel Show. Worldwide Tour.

Yeah, Sam Talons' Wide World, man. Super proud of this. Nice. Me and my boy Patrick. Beautiful. Yeah, dude. Shut up, Jack.

You're doing fun stuff, dude. It's been cool to get to know you, and you're a very funny guy.Thank you, dude.A cool guy. It's been a lot of fun.I.

Appreciate you, man.I appreciate you, too.I'm happy you're out there.Thanks for helping me change my life.Oh.

Please.thank you. More to come. You're going to feel weird about being rich.

I can't wait. All right. Bye, everybody.