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Host should we just check in with each other first? Just like, as friends? Like everybody. Okay. I'm pretty bad. Keith's definitely not good.

I didn't sleep at all.

I'm not great.

Like, bad today or just bad in general?

No, no. Physically, we all feel like shit. I felt good yesterday, for the record, and then today I didn't sleep and I feel like shit.

I got super sick yesterday and was in bed all day.

Oh, you throw up?

No, but I got really nauseous at the end of the day and thought I was going, going to, and I was worried I was going to have diarrhea, and I didn't either, but my stomach feels like stabby pains.

Wait, wait. Save that for the pod. Seth started out well.

We're recording.

Okay, great. Great.

Yeah, don't worry.

What do you call it when you think you're gonna have diarrhea but then you avoid it? I don't have the answer. I'm just saying. Let's pitch on it.

Oh, what is it called when you think you're gonna have diarrhea?

A misdirection.

Misdirection. That's right. Diarrhea another day. Live to diarrhea another day.

Oh, it's like a movie.

It's really good. Yeah, it's really good.

All right, you won. Great. Well, that could be definitely in the professional podcast.

Well, I think that's the open. I think that's what we like to call the cold open of the podcast.

Mm hmm. Then we go into some hot track.

We talked for a long time, and then we came to that. And that means that if you heard this, it's time once again for the Seth Meyers and Lonely island podcast. The Lonely island and Seth Meyers podcast. Gentlemen, we have actually not taking a break from doing this, but in a way, the work, your work at SNL has taken a break because as we've established, you go on hiatus, you make the film hot rod. It's gonna be a full twelve months before the world gets to see hot rod. So you're still maybe flying a little high, but you're very tired. I'm assuming you've come back to work very tired.

We wrapped on a Friday and we started SNL on Monday.

That's crazy. It was very uncalled for.

The only thing that beats that is coming back from Magruber. We literally flew out and went straight to 30 Rock.

Save it for the Magruder summer.

No one's fucking talking about MacGruber York, God damn it.

And we're not gonna talk about it. So. So I gotta talk about it now. I gotta get it in.

Hey, man, my dad died. Fuck. I remember when I was shooting McGruber, a dad died.

It's September 30, 2006, and Dane Cook is back as the host. And I would have guessed. We're now entering a time which is very exciting. I don't remember the order of digital shorts to much accuracy. I had an assumption that you guys would have hit the ground running in your second year with digital shorts. And we sort of talked earlier today. Maybe not in any way, shape, or form. Was that the case?

We needed the pressure of Christmas.

Oh, so Christmas is really when you guys find your way back?

Well, that's when we were like, man, remember Christmas last year? Everyone was all excited. We haven't done anything like that.

Cause you really don't do anything like that in the Dane cook show.

No, we limp in, but that's fine. We are exhausted.

No, you're right, though. We had just come from hot rod. We were exhausted. Right?

Burnt out and so grateful to have someone else have an idea.

Yes. I should say to our listeners, like, if you decide it's time to listen to this podcast, and maybe you open up one of your podcast apps and you scroll to this podcast and you hit play. In doing that, you've put more work into the preparation of the podcast than we have. About 30 minutes before we record each podcast, we all start texting. Wait, hold on. Who wrote this? What is cubical?

I would say 2 hours before we.

Watch some videos for this.

2 hours before?

2 hours. Tough.

We then ask people to send us links of things that exist on YouTube. Yeah, that's where we're at.

That's right.

And cubicle was the title of the Dane Cook digital short. But I believe this is the first Don Roy King episode.

That might be right.

New director Don Roy King, who then goes on to win, I wanna say nine or ten emmys. It basically just cleans up the director for Variety talk.

And he always said that he wanted to win as many emmys as he had vests, right?

Oh, you beat me to it. I was gonna say, were they all for best vest?

Do you look up pictures of him?

Yes. Don Roy King, the incredibly accomplished and well awarded director of SNL, wore a lot of vests. And now, you know, biggest change though, is we have a massive cast departure and no additions. Tina Fey leaves finesse Mitchell leaves, Chris Parnell, Horatio Sands, Rachel Dratch, all people who added a lot to the previous season, they all leave. Nobody new joins. Everybody who is new is full cast. Now, obviously we know that featured player is just a name means nothing, right?

Yeah, depending how you're doing.

But it mostly is, I think, a way to signal to the audience, don't expect too much from this person yet they're new. Other than that, your responsibilities are the same as any other cast member.

Oh, yeah.

Yes. And you're getting paid significantly less, but.

Yeah.

Yes. Right. It's a nice way of saying you were paid less, but the usual run of business is you are a featured player for two years and then they bump you up. And I think that my first year. Cause I started with Amy Poehleregh, she, because she had more credits going into her time at SNL than I did, had managed to negotiate that after Christmas she was full cast. But I did go the full two years. And I don't know if this happened for you, Andy, but when you get full cast, your friends think you have accomplished something other than just the passage of time.

Yes.

Did Amy Lord it over you, the fact that she was cast and you were just like a peon?

You know what, it speaks to the kind of character that Amy Poehler has. She came and told me, she said, hey, I just want you to know I'm gonna be full cast. I have better credits than you. Basically everything I just said to you guys.

Yeah, so, yeah, so she was kind.

She had already made an entire sketch show, right?

Yeah, she had done an entire UCB sketch show. But now I think that Lauren had no choice but to make everybody full cast because otherwise there were basically been seven cast members and four featured players. And instead we have an eleven person cast. We are now in two. Maybe my favorite run of things, just because of how lean and mean it is. And I wish, my wish for every SNL cast member from here until the end of time is that at some point they're lucky enough to be on an eleven person cast because you just get to try everything.

Yeah.

So everyone got bumped up, Seth, is what you're saying. I didn't actually even remember this.

Everybody got bumped up.

Got it.

So we go into the season. Here's your cast. Armisen forte, hater. Hammond Myers. Poehler. Rudolph. Samberg. Sudeikis. Thompson. Wiig.

Oh, man. Hitters.

All hitters.

Heavy hitters.

Hit ters.

Well, you really see it in today's short. Actually, it was one of my takeaways watching it was seeing all the nice young faces around the cubicle and seeing that everyone is a hitter, as Jorm would say.

A hitter. Yeah, he said it.

Yeah.

It's a lot of hitters being lovingly supportive in a sketch where they don't have much to do. But that is a really cool thing about the start of the season, is we are very lean, we are very mean, and it forces, especially when you lose someone as utile as Chris Parnell, who would play a politician every week over the course of a season. Now you have to go elsewhere for it, and sometimes you're lucky enough that it lands on Sandberg.

Yes.

A lot of joy.

His true calling, the political sphere, known.

For his political impressions.

Yes.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. We'll get there.

We'll get there. So let's talk a little bit about cubicle.

Yeah, I noticed you're calling it cubicle, not cubicle fight. Is that what it was on the rundown?

It is, but I guess a more accurate description of it is cubicle fight.

Yeah, that was probably our way to not try to ruin the surprise that it was going to be a fight, even though it says cubicle fight in huge yellow letters right at the beginning when it starts.

I have a dumb question about the title, Keev. Is that impact as a font? It looks slightly different to me. Or is it that you crushed it together? Sorry, this is very nerdy that I would ask that.

No, let's take a look. I'm going to pull it up.

It looks like impact, but then, like, squashed to fit in the screen.

Save it for your font podcast.

Not interesting. But isn't it funny that I would ask that?

I think it is impact and I might have just stretched it. Interesting for no reason.

Not 100% lonely island of a choice.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it had to be a little.

Different because this is not a short.

Yeah.

So, you know, it does have the car, doesn't it?

It does have the car. So at a certain point, we instituted a rule on the SNL digital short card because we decided it really was ours and it meant that it was a lonely island production and we stopped putting it on ones unless at least two of us had worked on them. Is that fair to say?

Yeah. So Andy's in it and you directed it. I don't even know if I went to set.

I'm quote unquote in it.

You're in it, but you're in it.

But technically, none of you were behind the idea of it. That's what we figured out today.

Correct.

John Lutz wrote it at the table.

But it's Dane's idea. Dane Cook came in hot. He came in hot and had this idea. That's why his name is first on the list there. And I remember him having the idea, and it was a good idea. And then because of that, it got assigned writers in a more traditional way.

Yes.

So Lutz was the main point person. John Lutz.

John Lutz, who, of course, went on to 30 Rock and is now a writer for late night with Seth Meyers. That's my show.

That's right.

Yeah.

I asked John Lutz to record a voice note. He said, I'm on a train. Let me know if this is okay. And I wrote back, haha. This is terrible. Sound quality.

Okay, great.

But then he said, I'll record another one when I get off my train.

Hello, this is former SNL writer John Lutz calling in. Just wanted to give my opinion and say that I believe that a cubicle fight was one of the best digital shorts ever made during my time at the show. The reason it was good, I thought, was because it really featured Jason Sudeikis and Bill Hader. I feel like more digital shorts needed Hader and sudeikis. I just feel like the other ones were missing that. I also will say it was written by me, which is something else they could do more of. I think the lonely island seemed to write a lot of those things. They could have spread it out a little bit and gotten some better quality digital shorts, but that's just my opinion. So thank you for your time and thank you for your consideration.

Yeah, that's very sweet of him.

I love it.

He technically works for my show, but I do not consider myself John Lutz's boss. I've known him for too long. Came up in Chicago together. He's a colleague.

That's how Akiva talks about me. But I still consider him my boss.

There you go.

We're colleagues.

I will say Akiva has a real boss energy. And even when he started at SNL, I felt like he might be my boss a little bit.

I mean, Akiva kept screaming on hot rod that he was gonna fire up.

A lot of hugs. That's my main thing.

Yeah.

Oh, no. He's a little handsy.

A lot of hugs.

Too many hugs.

Let's talk Dan cook for a second.

Yeah.

Did we already talk about that? We were fans of him.

We've talked about how he hosted twice in a calendar year.

That's why I was like, why have we already talked about this guy?

It was his, like, boom time. He was the biggest comedian in the world for two to three years.

Yeah.

Didn't Dane have some other pitches, though, too, for other shorts?

This is my memory of it that might be really wrong is that he came in with this one, and I was so relieved because, again, we had flown out on Sunday, and now it was Monday. And then in comes a funny host who has his own idea for a short. And the idea that we could kind of, you know, I'd still have to do the work, but we could just relax and not have to kill ourselves. To try to think of something was a huge relief to all of us. And then watching this short, it feels like something we would have written. That's kind of the most surprising part about it, but I guess not, because Dane's comedy, he seems so different from us. But a lot of his comedy was surreal. And the builds it had, they were very similar to the kind of things we liked, so it shouldn't be that surprising. Also, we had done enough shorts that people saw how they were working, I think. But the fact that it just sets up a very simple idea and then just is trying to do. Do you want to describe it for a second, Seth?

The very simple idea is Sudeikis is a boss showing new hire Bill Hader to his cubicle. He gets to his cubicle, which is tiny, and Dane Cook is already in that cubicle. Sudeikis leaves, and there's basically two men enter, one man leave energy. We splash cubicle fight over the frame, and then the two of them have a very sort of like, almost like Jackie chan, Jason Bourne type fight with the things you would find in the cubicle.

Hey, Steve O, I'm gonna need that Higgins report on my desk by three. You got it, mister Kelly.

Sure. Gary.

Settling in?

Oh, yes, sir.

And there's some good, I would say, zucker, Zucker Abrams style surreal jokes, like opening up the hole punch thing, where it has all the little confetti of paper that you've hole punched and blowing it into his eyes. And he reacts the way you do if you had, like, acid spilled in your face.

Yes. Because then moments later, Fred is hit with a coffee in the face.

Correct. And then there's a nice one with the pencil where he's trying to attack him with a pencil, and it's being held back the way you would a knife in a saving private Ryan style scene. But then he comes up with the electric pencil sharpener and kind of blocks the pencil with it. But then when Bill pulls out the pencil. Now, it's very short.

Oops. Forgot to mention bathrooms down the hall.

I had to watch it twice. Cause I was so confused as to what Bill was reacting to. And then I realized, oh, he's now reacting as though the pencil was part of his physical being.

It had been shortened, gruesomely shortened.

And again, we talked about the tight cast, and there is something fun about the fact that everybody's head sort of pops up from the adjacent cubicles. And the first round is really fun because people are sort of underplaying it. They're popping their heads up. Nobody is overenthusiastic one way or the other.

Yeah. It implied to me that that's how they all got their cubicles right, that this is a normal thing. If you show up at this office and get hired, you have to take a cubicle from somebody.

I think that logic holds. Yeah, I think that comes through now.

Seth, you're nothing in the cast anymore.

Well, this is a real gray area. I mean, I'm not in sketches anymore.

Well, that's what I mean. Cause when I look at the list that you just went over of who's in the cast, they're all in this short, except for Daryl, I think.

Me, Maya, and Darrell are not.

Oh, Maya's not there.

Yeah, I didn't see Maya in it. Cause I did, actually, while I was going over the list as well. I thought, oh, is this everybody? And we're gonna get to other things in this show because we now have the kind of cast where you can do a full cast sketch and almost get everybody out there, which is a blast.

Yeah. Everyone shines in this one. So I would say this.

Oh, yeah, absolutely. I mean, they're all hitters.

It's also. It's also very. It's a very goofy sketch with goofy stuff. And then it ends, though. What is the actual murder weapon?

Letter opener.

Letter opener. Dane takes the letter opener and just off camera stabs bill and blood splattering everybody.

Keith, do you feel like this was, like a precursor to you doing naked gun? Do you feel like that this is gonna be a lot of, like, stuff that you learned in cubicle fight is gonna end up, and why are you always bringing up naked gun? Am I right?

This is what the. This is what the Zucker brothers. David Zucker watched this sketch and went, get me this guy for the next one for the reboot.

However long it takes, bring this guy in.

He gets what we do.

Kev, I actually have a director question. You're doing a blood spurt obviously, when you blood spurt a cast, you're going to ruin their wardrobe, ruin their makeup. Ideally, you get it the first time.

Yeah.

Now, of course they're going to have doubles of everything. Do you remember shooting the blood splatter twice?

I am guessing this was a one time thing.

Got it.

Especially because it's also getting on the walls and the cubicle. That'd be a big reset.

The Lonely island podcast is supported by Airbnb. Hey, Yoram. Hi. You know how last summer my family and I circumnavigated the globe?

I do. And I was jealous, took a balloon.

Went around the world, took somewhere between 79, 81 days. And while I'm doing it, I'm thinking I should Airbnb my place. Right? I would be nuts not to look into it. You know how expensive it is taking a balloon, just the propane to keep it aloft.

I know you spent an arm and a leg on that trip, and I commend you for wanting to chip away at that nut that you, of course.

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I doubled over. Hit me right in the face, and then, oh, it was, like, in the stomach. After that, I hated it.

Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with game time. Download the game time app. Create an account, and use code lonely for $20 off your first purchase terms. Apply again. Create an account and redeem code l o n e l y for $20 off. Download game time today. Last minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Later era. After you guys are gone, I wrote a sketch where Melissa McCarthy was a girls basketball coach who was very abusive towards her team. And I think we're in New Jersey, and she was shooting a t shirt cannon at them while they were running along the bleachers. And the stunt guy told me very confidently he had a bunch of c four s, and so did the first one. I would say the first one was b. And then we went to do the second one, and f barely left. The t shirt cannon just, like, shot out a little bit and fell. And he was like, ah, I think. I think that c four is out. Don't worry. I got a rig where I can load it up. And immediately, it wasn't that he had a second c four canister.

He had some weird version of, like, getting c four.

Oh, he had a refill.

Yeah. And then he just kind of messed around with it for five minutes, to his credit. Didn't make us wait an hour. Walked over and said, yeah, I don't think it's gonna work. And I'm like, all right, we'll just use the first one. And by the way, it was a perfectly usable shot. An observation I made. Sudeikis has always been a very good food actor. Very good gum chewer.

He's working it.

Yeah. Oh, my God.

He's, like, bored line pitting it, you know?

Yeah, there's a Brad Pittian quality. Now, again, we've seen him at this point chew gum in a holes. We know he can do that. But when he returned the second time we see him, he's back, I think, with, like, baby carrots. And just a fistful.

A giant fistful of baby carrots.

Yeah. And a very fun using exactly half of his face to talk, chewing with half and then talking with half. And it's really a delightful performance.

Now, the report he keeps asking for is the Higgins report.

Yes.

Which is not only Steve Higgins, one of the producers at SNL at the time. I mean, still is now, but was even then. So we knew it. And Higgins was going to see this and there was going to be a Higgins report. But then it's also the character on Ted Lasso is named Higgins.

So is this technically the prequel to Ted Lasso? And we should be getting cut in?

That's what I'm wondering.

We should talk to lawyers.

I mean, one, Sudeikis has a mustache.

Yeah.

Two, Higgins.

And he's a boss and kind of with a jolly disposition, one might say.

The coach of the cubicle team.

And it seems like a very similar character. It's a very light and smiley. Now, you keep saying that the cast is all hitters. Jorm, do you think it is a coincidence that when I look at the show intro, it says right after everyone's name, you know, Kristen Wiig, and then it says the killers?

Oh, yeah.

Now, does Lauren put that together? Does he go, so I've whittled this down to eleven cast members. They're all killers. Let's get the killers on here. To kind of just conflate the names.

I think that Lorne said hitters, but that it was interpreted as killers. And then that got put in.

Oh, the talent department got it wrong.

You're saying Lorne asked the music department to find him a band called the Hitters?

Yes.

Yeah. They were like, hey, we got the goo goo dolls. And he was like, are you kidding? If people see the whole cast introduced and then hear the word goo dolls, they're gonna think we're a bunch of nuts.

We're begging the New York Post to write the headline, goo goo Dolls ruin SNL?

Yes. And they're like, get me something with balls, you know?

Yeah.

These guys are sharpshooters of comedy. It's a murderer's row.

Seth, how does that killer song you like go again? Sing it out as that is.

You humans are we dancers? Yeah.

That's strange.

They chose the hardest one I did.

It was not quite my register.

I was just remembering when Seth was singing that at the top of his lungs at Andy's bachelor party. Front row of David Copperfield.

Can we get through one of these without giving, like, great detail about my bachelor party.

Spoiler alert, David Copperfield.

You know what? I'll definitely bring up your bachelor party again when we get to a certain digital short.

I wonder which one.

Well, at least twice. There's at least two digital shorts that are going to lead to a bachelor party story.

Oh, I can't wait.

Yeah, but I'm not going to get ahead of ourselves.

Okay, guys, for me, you twisted my arm. It was Mister Bright sides.

I was like saying Mister bright sides.

Oh, what a side. I don't know.

That's how I sing it.

By the way, Sam's town, I believe, is that album. Great album. That album's all hitters. Yeah, but you have to remember, Andy, it keeps coming up because it was also basically my bachelor party.

Yeah.

So it's like two of our bachelor.

Party and kind of mine in a way.

Keev never had a bachelor party. Hey, we basically. Now, I should say it hasn't taken us a long time. We're basically through the first episodes digital short, which is cubicle worth watching. Certainly not going in the criterion collection. I have a quick question. Dane has an idea for a digital short. Dane writes it with Lutz. Is there any reason why? Cause you would think Dane, seeing the digital shorts, loves the digital shorts. Why is it Dane and Bill and not Dane and Andy?

Well, you heard from the horse's mouth, right? Lutz hates Andy.

Oh, yeah.

I'm gonna just guess because I look too young.

Yeah, that's true. It was still before a time where it was believable you'd have an office job.

Yeah. They are supposed to feel like square office cubicles.

I would work there, but I wouldn't have my own cubicle.

Yeah, you're the cubicle next door.

Of peeking over. But I like to think I was more of, like, mail room, you know, passing through.

I also have a clue. It's on the script. The writers credited are cook Lutz, hater Meyers.

Ah, so Bill fucked me.

No, he did the work.

No, he fucked me out of my own enterprise. All we ever do is put him in it.

This is very similar to how he got to be Barry.

He was in the room.

Right.

Because you were supposed to be Barry, right.

He got in the room.

He was there, and he's like, guys, hear me out. I'm in here writing. Why don't I just do it?

Should I be Barry?

He was in the writers room and he kept doing, they kept reading scenes, and he'd be like, I'll do Barry again. And at a certain point, they were like, you're really doing it well.

And I remember Andy was like, out getting a smoothie and he came and he's like, hey, how's that Barry script coming?

Yeah, the one we're on with this last one.

I like to think that Andy refused to cut his hair for this.

Oh, I see. But also, Barry would be a worse show if it had Andy's 2006 hair.

Definitely.

Yeah. Noticeably agreed to agree. Military or something.

Right. Agree to disagree.

Before we move on to the second show of the season, can we pop over to Seth's corner real quick?

Yes, absolutely.

Yeah.

It's happening right now. Take it with.

All right. It's two things I want to get down for everybody here. First was the cold open and the joke in the cold open, which I really enjoyed. It didn't quite play red hot, but I thought it was a very nice observation, is that it's 2006, the early who's going to be the republican candidate to run in 2008? And it was the idea that nobody wanted George W. Bush to campaign for him because he was very unpopular at the time. So it was a local comptroller election, and the comptroller was thanking everybody for coming who'd spoken ahead of him. And it was just local official. Local official, local official. And like, the 7th person was Forte as George W. Bush, President George W. Bush.

Bush made it down from DC to help the campaign. That was awful.

Nice.

And last but not least, Danny Pendleton from this very school's republican club who organized a top notch car wash operation that raised $500 for the campaign. Danny, stand up.

Stand up.

I don't know if we've talked about. Forte got put in the unenviable position of playing George W. Bush. He was one of the many people who played it after Ferrell.

Ferrell.

Tough road ahead.

Yeah, that's a rough assignment.

And by the way, a lot of talented people tried. Nobody ever broke through. I think if you go through the order, it was Forte was maybe first.

No, Parnell. I think was first.

Maybe Parnell, then Forte, then Sudeikis for a while. Right?

Yeah.

Did Daryl ever do it?

I feel like Daryl had one, but maybe didn't do it as something we should have done a little research for. But the reality is, I should note, Forte didn't like doing it. I thought he was really good.

Yeah, so did I.

But I think he as anyone would be. They knew you were aiming to be everybody's second favorite George W. Bush ever.

Right?

Good point.

But I remember this at dress and it was a line I really liked because it was a good George W. Bush's dumb line. He's sort of talking about everything that's going on in his presence of accountability.

Lots going on in Washington. It's good to.

Good to get out of there.

Got an nie leak.

What we are trying to accomplish, I'd.

Be more angry about it, but it's.

Hard not to think it's one of my guys who leaked it.

We do that, we can find consistency in our own behavior. Taliban's back.

That's a burn.

For the last seven years, the private sector has been shaken by numerous financial reach to torture. Compromise. That's good, huh? Public sector has similarly.

You know what constitutes torture?

Listen to John McCain talk about torture.

That should be against the Geneva Convention.

Convention. When is that guy gonna realize no one blames him for getting caught?

Oh, wow.

I really like that line a lot. Yeah, it played to silence. Yeah, it played to silence. Address. I cut the line. When is that guy gonna realize no one blames him for getting caught at air? I'm with Lauren. The line with the cut happens. Lauren turns to me and says, you cut the line? And I said, yeah, I cut the line. It played to silence. And he said, that line was the only reason I picked that sketch.

Oh, wow. Whoa.

I love hearing Lorenz inner workings like that. I'm like, oh, interesting.

Yeah. Now, I should know. I think Lauren is right. Whether it worked or not, there was a nice craft to it, but I took it out because it really did play to silence. And I just remember that I always think highly of Lorne. I mean, I think I would have said it a little bit nicer than Lorne said it to me.

Do you think Trump was in the audience so that ten years later, he could be, like, constantly blaming McCain for getting.

Well, that's the really funny thing, is the GOP did find their way to a candidate who did blame him for getting captured. Yeah.

Yeah.

Seth's corner. That was Seth talking about stuff that he did that week.

Oh, Yoram called it. I guess you're done.

You're done. Unless you're not done and you want to continue.

Oh, the song kept going, but there.

Is more Seth Corner, guys, because one of my favorite sketches of this era that I wrote.

Please continue.

TSA meeting.

Welcome, everybody. Welcome. My partner and I here we are from the department of Homeland Security, and we want to start by saying that those of you gathered here today, America's last line in the defense against terrorism. The decisions you make affect the lives of millions every day. You are vigilant, precise, and qualified. Every one of you has a a high school equivalency degree, and not one of you has ever been convicted of a felony. You are the cream of the crop. You are elite. You are America's airport security. You are the TSA. Give yourselves a hand.

Give yourselves a hand. It's Jason and Dane speaking to the TSA. And then it's just the TSA being dummies. It's a full cast sketch, and it's so much fun. And it made me happy to remember everybody. A lot of questions about the 3oz of liquids or gels.

That was frustrating. I remember that.

Let's just start with a quick security refresher. Let's name some liquids and some gels. So just yell out some liquids. Wanna name some liquids and. Or some gels. Liquids and gels. You got.

Water?

Water. That is a liquid.

Good. Toothpaste.

Bingo.

That is a gel shampoo. Wow, you guys are doing great.

Turkey sandwich.

Nope, nope, nope, nope.

And Forte says, what if I'm a passenger who does not have 3oz with me, but is confident I could produce three plus ounces on the flight? And Jason says, you mean producing a liquid? And Fuerte says, or a gel. Jesus.

Oh, this sketch has got my number.

You're gonna love it.

I'm offended.

Oh, where is I love it. And, kev, I imagine you're somewhere in between.

Yeah, you know, it made me laugh, but I didn't like myself for laughing.

It's really good.

That's. Yeah, that's where we differ. Everybody's got their own lane now.

There was a cut on air quado.

This might be the most. I diverged with the Lonely island over their course, the run of the show.

Oh, don't, Seth, just come back to us on this one.

I'm just saying, I feel like you have to first explain the inspiration for the character Quatto.

Absolutely. Quatto is a mutant who lives in the stomach of a character that you've seen for most of the movie in the resistance on Mars, in the film total recall, starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. Based on? What is it based on? Sorry, I don't think it's based on anything.

Probably a hallucinogenic fever dream.

But anyway, the whole movie may or may not just be digital program that he goes into. Have an exciting time.

Spoiler.

There's a resistance on Mars, and a lot of it has to do with mutants. But Quatto is the leader of the mutant resistance, and you don't know who he is and you think it's going to be a guy. And then at one point, it's revealed that Quatto is actually a mutant who lives inside the stomach of one of the guys. So he opens his shirt, and his whole belly is a little mutant dude.

It's a wonderful reveal.

And also, when he does that, he kind of goes limp. Right? The dude who carries quad around his belly.

Yeah.

The host body.

Yeah. His eyes kind of roll back like he's, like, busting.

Oh, I'm sorry.

You took that as being in pleasure.

No, I'm just saying that's what it looks like on his face.

By the way, I just say moments ago, you were grossed out by my gel joke.

That was fucking disgusting. Also, there's kids watching us now. Total recalls. Rated R. It's totally above board. Anyway, he looks like he's busting a fat load, and Quado comes out. He's not enjoying it in that way. It's just the way his expression looks. Anyways, so we were all, what if Quatto was, like, at a house party or something?

And, Seth, if I'm not mistaken, you loved the idea right off the bat.

Well, here's the thing. Everything you've explained about Cuato, like, you put a lot of backstory into it, none of which actually comes to play in the quado that you chose to show to the world.

Well, why would it? Some of it is he's at a house party. Like, why do you need to know anything?

I mean, I feel like in the film, Cuato was not a fan of Molson beer or smints.

Oh, no.

Which was basically all he talked about in the sketch.

Okay, that's not all he talked about.

It's sort of peppered in.

Yeah.

Lovingly sprinkled Quado aired once or twice. Twice.

Well, it's different, Seth, because we felt great about Cuato, but it felt like at the time that you thought it was weird to bring up a movie that was 20 years old and actually made us put the line in about how it didn't make any sense to reference a movie from 20 years ago.

So he says the movie from 20 years ago.

Yeah, that's your line. Cause you were so horrified that we were making this reference. So I don't know. It's a little hard to say how we felt about it because I still feel great about it. And it's possible that Quatto liked Smith's and Molson's. We never got to that part of the movie that might be canon.

I want to open up Cuato. That might be canon in Quatto and Dane Cook.

This is the one from dress.

You do it at dress legitimately.

I have a question for you, Seth. At the time, I completely understood your point of view of, it's a 16 year old movie that hadn't really stuck around that much and we weren't doing any explaining, et cetera, et cetera. But now, in a culture that's saturated with nostalgia and IP, I wonder if it'd be different now.

Well, I would like to point out that if you did it now, there would have been less time between now and the remake of total recall than there was between yours and the first total recall.

Yes. Yes.

I don't think Quado is in the remake, though.

No way did they leave Quatto app. Probably because you guys at their own.

No wonder I didn't watch the remake.

I mean, I will give you credit for this. Usually sometimes people will bury the premise of the sketch. The 6th line of the scene has the word Quado in it. Yeah, this is the lonely island. Keeps things moving. We have that opening scene. Sorry, guys, I gotta grab this. Work never ends. Jamie. Wow, Danny's really sweet. Is he single? Oh, he's single. But trust me, you do not want to get involved. Jason, he's got a quado.

That's fucking good. That's good writing.

And by the way, also I want to note, I think this is all added between Drez and air. I think that this is good writing that somebody, aka me. No, maybe you, maybe.

I don't think that. I think that line seems like quintessential us.

Jason, a quato, you know, a little mutant guy who lives inside him and comes out of his stomach. It was in that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, total recall. Oh, no. Now this is the write in. There's this virus from like, 20 years ago. That's the write in.

Yeah. Not explaining is us explaining is you.

Yeah.

And by the way, if someone crossed that out, that line was going to get cut for air. Cause this got cut for time. It was in the rundown.

That's from Quato dress for Dane Cook. So it got added between dress and air, and then things have been polished for Jamie.

But by the way, if it's written in for Jamie, that means it was in Dane. You guys took it out the next week. You tried it again without it.

Wait, can I continue to be offended? Because obviously, like Seth, not liking some of the logic, but, Keev, how are you not on this? I'm looking at the names on here. Like, did you not like this? Cause I feel like you may have.

No, I don't know. I don't know. But I do know that quattos were always your guys thing. Yeah.

We didn't always write everything together, but.

I'm surprised I'm not the third name on it just from being sitting in the room.

Yeah, you were probably working on a cubicle fight when we wrote it.

Oh, that's true.

Can I just mention something real quick? I feel like my hatred for quatto is a little bit like Andy's hatred of my dog Frisbee.

Right. I don't know if you can compare at this point.

It's kind of just my thing. I don't even know if I have any emotional feeling about it, because reading it now, I'm pretty psyched. First of all, I'm psyched. I think it worked because you guys put back my line from, like, 20 years back. By the way, while they're fighting me for it, this is how they wanted it to be. It was in that Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, total recall. I don't think I saw that one. Why would you guys fight me on, like, from 20 years ago?

That's a good question. I think it's a little hateful on our parts. I would say it's like being mean to the audience. Take it out.

All right. Anyway, now Cuato shows up. But here's the first big difference between Cuato in the movie and Quatto as Andy plays him. Andy, your Quaddo is sort of a fun party. Quatto.

Yeah.

Yeah. Well, the resistance from the mutants or whatever is already done.

I see.

So now he's just kind of a party guy.

Yeah. This is just a normal life.

So, movie Quado, can you even give us a sense of what movie Quado sounded like?

It was kind of like this. Open your mind, Quaid.

Okay. Quaid was the character that Arnold Schwarzenegger played.

Well, can I say that that was one of the crown jewelry of writing this sketch was that I really thought it was possible. Our version of Quatto calls everyone Quaid. Like, calls him a dude. Like, he just refers to everyone as, like, Quaid's.

Let me just say. Can I jump in real quick? I now want to take full response. I cannot believe I asked you guys to put in the line from, like, 20 years ago, when immediately Quatto starts calling everybody in the scene a Quaid, which is the name of the character that goes unexplained. I don't know what I was trying to fix. Like, you're right. I now fully will take responsibility.

What I'm still bummed about is that I thought it was possible for us to bring that into the lexicon of the english language and then people would actually start calling each other quades just because I think that's a cool substitute for dude. Or if you got a bunch of your Quaddos together and you all had a pool party or whatever and you're like a bunch of quatos. We're going to bring the Molsons because they forgot.

Wait a second. Now. Your argument, Andy, was that I said that you guys talked about spins too much and you said it was peppered in. I'd like to just read quite as opening to dialog. What's cracking, y'all? Quado in the house. Oh, my God. That's disgusting. What is it? Oh, no. Is it my breath? Oh, man. I knew it. Any you Quaid's got a cement. Great one. That's one great writing sure thing, buddy. I got one right here. 2006.

And Jason does have one sure thing, buddy. So this is a world where people carry smiths.

Yeah.

So it's not weird.

By the way, shout out to our sponsors. We love you guys, and thank you so much.

Andy, keep them coming. Oops, you missed. Thanks, Quaid. My breath is kicking like Bruce Lee. Jason, he's really into smints. Jamie, I think I'm going to be sick. Andy, what's wrong with this quaid? That's a third quade. She's never seen a quadda before. Andy, that's weird. You're a weirdo. The smint falls out of his mouth. Oops, my smint fell out of my mouth. Can one of you quades put it back?

Cause you don't have hands. So Jason had to throw the smint into your mouth?

He did have hands, but he couldn't manipulate them.

They're like little T Rex ends.

Seth, it's not peppered in retrospect so.

Far, it's the main thrust of the.

Scene over and over again.

But now, by the way, we now get off smince because you say, any you quades want to see me eat my own fist? Now, by the way, I should know, too. Then Jamie says, why does he keep calling us Quaid? So you guys do explain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You waited until the the fifth quade to do it. Now, this is a line that I will say will never be forgotten in the hallways of SNL from 2006. Colin, Jos and I say this to each other almost every time we're out enjoying a drink. You guys are so molded. That's what Andy says. Is quite. Hey, what Quade does a quado have to blow to get a Molson around? It still makes me laugh so much. I mean, it is music.

It's true.

Thank you.

I'm also so mad that right before you say Molson, you go, you guys are so molded. Which sounds like Molson when fucking quado.

Saying, yeah, so it's messy. It, like, reminded him of Molson's.

By the way, neither yorm or I had ever even drank a Molson's beer at this point.

I don't know. We had just spent the whole summer in Canada.

Oh, that's right. Maybe we had never.

Although we like the kokanees.

Okay. To be fair, Keev, I don't know if you remember this, but when we were in high school, you and I tried to write a featured script, and I came what it was about, but there was a canadian mountie in it, and we were obsessed with Molson beer saying Molson.

Oh, really?

Yeah. Molson was our go to joke beer. And I don't know why. Because it also made its way into MacGruber. Right?

Oh, yeah, he's a big.

Stop talking about MacGruber.

He was always talking about it. He, like, any excuse.

And. Yeah. And I'm gonna get it into naked gun.

Bill wakes up you guys.

Sure.

And he says, what happened? Wherever I am, I. Jamie said you blacked out. Bill picks a smint off his lap. Oh, no. Smint's Quada was here, wasn't he?

So that's.

Yeah, that's a fucking detective story right there.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's good.

Do you remember how this sketch ended?

Yes. And it got a big laugh.

Yeah.

Daryl Schwarzenegger steps in front of the camera.

Bill exits. The group freezes. Daryl as Arnold Schwarzenegger appears in a spotlight downstage, completely written between just and Aaron.

Hello, I'm California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. You may remember me from my films like the Terminator, and hopefully total recoil out there. Tonight, I want to talk to you about the important issue of immigration. Many of us react emotionally to this issue, much like all the people in the scene reacted to the cuato over there at first look, the Cuato is repulsive. It is slimy, and it smells bad in there.

But if we give the cuato, it just might help our economy.

To conclude, open your mind, queen. Yes, that's me out there. Good night out there.

Support for the lonely island and Seth Meyers podcast comes from LinkedIn. Hey, orm. Hi. When you're hiring for your small business. Where do you go?

Usually I just walk around the streets and, like, shout out stuff like, hey, like, anybody have, like, a dog walker?

It's a massive waste of time. You have to check out LinkedIn jobs. Yorm. LinkedIn jobs has the tools to help find the right professionals for your team faster and for free. LinkedIn. Yorm. It's not a job board, and I'd love for you to stop telling people it is. LinkedIn helps you hire professionals you can't find anywhere else, even those who aren't actively searching for a new job that might be open to the perfect role. In a given month, over 70% of LinkedIn users don't visit other leading job sites. Sites like yormfindsyoujob.com dot. How's that been going?

Well, mine's a job board. It is a job board, which is different.

Okay.

But, you know, it's not working good for me.

So on LinkedIn, 86% of small businesses get a qualified candidate within 24 hours. Hire professionals like a professional on LinkedIn. Post your job for free@LinkedIn.com. resource. That's LinkedIn.com resource to post your job for free. Terms and conditions apply. The Lonely island and Seth Meyers podcast is sponsored by help Yoram. Do you feel like the year is going by quickly?

It's so fast, Seth.

And sometimes you think to yourself, man, back in January, I had all these big plans, things to accomplish. So many plans, things to be proud of. Mmm. I was gonna make some adjustments to my life. Well, you know what? It's not too late. And one of the best ways to make adjustment is therapy.

Oh.

You know, take stock of your progress, set achievable goals. And now if you're thinking about starting therapy, which has been very helpful for me in my life, give better help a try. Highly in line, designed to be convenient, flexible, suited to your schedule. You got a busy schedule, right, yorm?

Yeah, and I just got rid of my therapist, so my ears are perking up.

I can see it. And the crazy thing is you're wearing headphones.

Yeah. And you can see them enlarge.

You can see the perkage of the ears.

That's right.

Tell me more to get started with. Betterhelp. Just fell out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. Take a moment. Visit betterhelp.com island today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp help.com island. What else what else? Hold on, I'm going to look at the rundown.

Yeah. So we've switched shows. We're in the second show, still exhausted from Harrod.

Yeah. Because there's still no digital shorts. And once again, you guys this time are bailed out by Fred and Amy, who do New York stories. And you go out and shoot these.

Yep. This is another one where it's just me going out as a director to help do something.

These don't say SNL digital short on them.

They do not.

They just say New York story.

Exactly. There were three kind of little interstitials that played throughout the show that were Fred and Amy as various New York icons paired up.

And I think the most memorable for me is they are just Lou Reed and Patti Smith standing in front of CBGB's. And you can just tell there's a very loose script, but it mostly feels improvised and it is shot in a very guerrilla style.

We're gonna talk about CBGB's jeebies.

You see this place? Last great place in New York City. They're shutting it down. Gonna turn it in.

Shut up. And I remember at the time thinking it was cool as shit.

I really like in hindsight, having just watched that one, you're saying, I remember being out there and we just had one camera. They just got dressed that way. We just ran out. And I loved how simple it was. Basically.

It's funny that it's making fun of the idea of putting New York on a pedestal and how punk rock it is, yet it also is accomplishing that it's pretty punk rock and you're actually in front of CBGB and it's not there anymore. So it's weirdly historical.

Yes. Fred does a Fran Leibowitz that also seems like a. Again, Fran Leibowitz has been, I would say, ringing this bell for a long time, but it does seem like Fred is doing an impression of Fran Liebowitz's documentary with Marty Scorsese as he pretended to city, but like 15 years before. Are you ready?

Are we all springed up? This is my favorite street in all of New York. I grew up all along here. And this hydrant used to be the best jewish deli. Pastrami sandwiches, this big, $3.

You kill your mother for it.

The bus boy was Bobby Deniro.

You kind of can't believe how keyed in Fred was. Of course, to Fran Lebow, it's Lou Reed, Marty Scorsese.

It's the things that he loves and then finds the little kernel of putting it on this, like, exponential plane of, like, look at this tiny little aspect. And now I'm gonna blow it up like a thousand times.

Well, that's what Fred and Bill do. And it got to the point on the show where they had, like, a one sentence impression of everyone who worked at the show and they would reduce you to rubble. And they'd just be like, oh, yeah, don't do them. And they'd be like. And you're like, oh, fuck. You just destroyed their whole personality. Laugh super hard. Like, that is what they sound like. Oh, fuck.

I distinctly remember Fred's version of me because I was like, oh, he's going to do my voice. And then he was just saying, I'm Yarmo. I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it, I'll do it. And I was like, it's so accurate.

I once saw Fred. Oh, by the way, first of all, Fred just left me a voice note today where he said, I was just watching September 22 rewrite run of our show, and the drums were a little hot coming out of the third commercial break, and I just wanted to apologize and let you know we're going to fix it for the repeat.

God damn it.

Marty Short and Steve Martin asking me if I'd seen Fred's impression of one of Lauren's friends, like somebody they'd known for 40 years. Fred had found a one word impression of. And they were so taken aback by how good it was that they were making Fred do it for other people. Anybody who walked by that they thought knew Lauren's friend. And I just thought, God, that he can blow their minds.

Yeah.

Couple things from the Jamie Presley show. There was the first John Bovee sketch. John Bovey was a Forte Sudeikis. They were a Bon Jovi opposite band.

So you're the great Jackie Downs, huh?

Yeah. And who the hell are you? We are your next hit record.

Record.

Great. So I hear you're a rock band. Something like Bon Jovi.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You take that back. We are nothing like Bon Jovi.

We couldn't be further from Bon Jovi. God.

Okay, fine. So what is your band's name? John Bovey. See, now that sounds a lot like Bon Jovi to me.

Yeah, well, the similarities in there. Jackie Downs.

Yeah, you do. You do not even mention Bon Jovi in the same sentence as Jon Bovey. It is insulting to us and all the Bovey fans, but much like Stefan, it lived it as a sketch first and only once in the Jamie Presley show, right right.

That did air. Did the first step on air.

It was with Ben Affleck. I feel like it maybe aired. I think it did air.

I'm not sure.

Well, it at least went to dress.

I know that it definitely went to dress.

How did they queue up the sketch? Was it they were selling an album so they could do a bunch of songs or what were they.

I remember they were trying to sign a record deal.

Oh, okay.

Because they kept saying, one of the catchphrases was, we brought her own pens.

And I'm unwanted.

Unwanted.

Alive and dead. Alive and dead. Alive and dead.

Boom.

Now where the f do we sign?

We brought our own pants. There was a sketch, James Anderson sketch that I feel like it was too hard to maybe stage, but it made me laugh so hard at the table and it did go to air. NASCAR dancers. Do you remember NASCAR dancers?

No.

Think of cheerleaders. But they're at a NASCAR race and they have to run out and do a routine and then get off before the cars come back around. Another sketch that I feel like maybe not remembered by the audience but certainly remembered by me. Big wigs. Where Jamie and Poehler. I think maybe it was just the two of them had very big wigs.

No, there was a third at least. Maybe wig. Maybe that one was infamous.

That was infamous.

But why?

I remember that was the photo used in our first Saturday night dead headline.

Was there a Simpsons episode that did that too? Or like as I'm making fun of SNL, or am I just making that up?

No, no, that's the cresty big ear family.

Right. But it's basically the same thing.

Yeah. Just taking the idea that people call bosses big wigs and went, what if they actually had big wigs?

You guys, they're here.

Who from?

Corporate.

The bigwigs.

Houston, we have a problem.

But lucky for you, we're the problem solvers.

C I d. Wigs.

Here you go.

When the numbers are down, the corporate messes all over town. Big winks. Big winks.

It was a little meta.

It was a little meta.

A little winky.

It was very fun to look at. And they were goofing so hard.

Yes. But I also get why you can make fun of it at a distance.

If you were looking to hate on SNL, it was a very easy way to hit on it. I will say that I carry a photo around of that sketch on my phone and send it to hall of Fame sketchwriter Emily Spivey probably once every six months. Because I will always say I can't hear big wigs. It completely worked. It worked in the way that yarma wanted Quaid to take off. When I hear big wigs, I think those ladies in their big wigs, I.

Will say I remembered the week of being like, this is so goofy and enjoying it, and then being kind of shocked that there was anything about it.

Late in the show. That's where it's supposed to be. Oh, I should note, it was before Quatto in the show. I mean, this was a good time. Let me just say, this is everything about the end of this show. Show is why I believe we are in a golden era.

You think the best cast ever understood.

You got bigwigs, Quado. And then on the porch was a great sketch with wig. And then Jogger. We had another jogger.

Oh, really?

Added on air, so it must have been an old one. And now a moment with the out of breath jogger from 1982.

Oh. Oh, man, this recession is the worst, huh? Oh.

Woo.

Gorbachev really has Reagan against the ropes. Oh, man.

Oh.

I'm so tired. I feel the way the world champion St. Louis Cardinals must have felt right after they won the World Series this year. Oh, man. Pet rock can't get away. Can't wait to get one of those new ataris and play it. 1982.

Wait, that's how long it is under two pages.

That's how long it is. That's perfect.

Oh, that's fantastic.

And I mean, again, you guys never overstayed your welcome. Jogger's the final sketch of the night, out of breath jogger from 1980. This is an Andy Samberg audition piece. And this is, I think, maybe Andy, certainly early era Andy Samberg in his purist form. Can you explain out of breath jogger from 1982?

Out of breath jogger from 1982 is something I did in my audition. However, I was not preparing to do it in my audition until the night before my audition, my second one, I went out in New York, York, with one of the only people I knew there, Keeves, then girlfriend, now wife, Liz Kakowski. And we went to the Chelsea flea market, and I found these incredible early eighties Adidas running shorts that were far too short. And we went back to where I was staying, and I was like, all right, Liz, check them out. And I came out wearing them and just started doing it. And she was like, you should just do that. And I was like, okay, okay. So I, like, wrote up him just saying things from the year 1982 very specifically so I could say that was the name of it and did it at the end of the audition. Had to pull off my pants to be in the shorts. Cause, of course, that's comedy. And I think I was told later that that was what sealed it for me with Lorne was out of breath Jagger from 1982. A thing that just sort of, by chance, goofing around the night before, is what made Lauren laugh.

Throwing it in at the last second. Which makes sense because that's kind of how SNL works.

Yes. Also, I love that basically a costume item spoke to you at a flea market.

It didn't change at all between audition and air, too.

No, it was basically as written thought times.

People build a whole sketch around something, but this was just the classic, like, title card.

So maybe Lauren just ordered it up based on the audition. He was like, hey, we need that right now, stat. Go get those shorts.

Yeah.

The coolest part about it for me was it's that level of stupidness, which is basically me dicking around in the mirror kind of thing. Thing. But it's super short. So low stakes late in the show, and you're just out there and it's just you and the SNL audience and.

What'S missing, of course, and why I do encourage everybody to go back and watch it. I think, Andy being out of breath and tired is a super funny move. And I will also say, I think you did a lot of leaning over. And also, in my memory, you're also doing a lot of leaning back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

There's also something nice about a sketch that doesn't have any cuts in it because then you're just watching the performance timing. It's like watching an update feature or something where you're like, I'm just watching this person do their thing, whether it's funny or not.

And update features, I would say, feel very intimate. And it's how the audience gets to know cast members a lot.

And this is basically served like a update feature. The only reason it probably wasn't an update feature is you wouldn't have seen the shorts, which were the money maker.

But it really could have been. And you would just do that thing where you stand in front of the desk.

Yeah, that's true. But you did out of breath daughter a couple other times, right?

I think one more time.

Nineties. Is it a nineties look?

Yeah.

Just think, if you hadn't bought those shorts, Andy, it's possible that we wouldn't be doing this podcast.

That's right.

You wouldn't got hired. They definitely wouldn't have hired me and Keith after that. We wouldn't be doing this. It's possible.

Yeah. And I think we can agree the best thing that came out of all of it is the podcast.

Are you saying, andy, that maybe we have been focusing on the wrong kind of shorts with this podcast?

I was not saying that. I like it. I will now.

All right, so we're two episodes into the season.

Season two. We have not done a short yet, but killing the live game.

You did a short. It just wasn't written by us.

Right.

And Keith has knocked out two pre tapes that were both great.

That's true. And edited them and stuff. So I was still working really hard. And if I recall, you guys were, like, just recuperating.

I was definitely feeling very sorry for myself.

Quatto, you think that that's fucking working? Not hard? I mean, you know how long it took us to come up with some of those lines?

I hope we haven't missed them yet, because who was always sick? Which character was always sick? Andy.

Gerald.

Gerald.

Gerald. And then who was the worst dude ever?

Gerard.

Gerard. Very different characters, but neither ever went to dress.

Oh, really? No, I think gerard was the year before. Cause he wrote it with murray, and he's gone now. But Gerard, the worst dude ever.

Gerard maybe went to dress.

Is it called a recumbent bike? Is that what he was on?

Yeah, he was the worst dude ever, Gerard. He smokes a whole lot of beef.

He went, and what the hell for gerald? Because it was the most obnoxious thing that we ever did. Gerald at the table read ever. We made a title song. Gerald, he's always sick. That lasted a minute and a half, and we made everyone listen to him.

It's a lot of hacking costs.

It was horrible.

We did it over the knife, that song by the knife.

Yeah, it was a nightmare.

The thing I remember about Gerard, who just came to a party and was the worst dude ever, referred to Jameera Kwai as the kwai.

The kwai. He's a kwai head.

He's a quiet. And that's another one that stayed with me a long time.

Yeah, he's. He followed the kwai on tour.

Yeah, he was following the kwai der. He kept saying dir.

Yeah, the kwai. Jamiro kwai der.

So, like, this is the sort of stuff that wasn't even good enough. I mean, it couldn't even crack the roster we had.

Well, that was the year before.

That's true.

So it was more of a big cast. That's what I blame it on.

Oh, right, right. I think this year, if you'd either Javard or Jerry. Gerald. That made me so mad. They're both of us.

They probably were put to the table at some point this year, so.

That's true. Yeah, probably multiple times.

That's why we all remember them so fondly. We got multiple.

Oh, no, actually, we didn't do that.

Gerald was so painful. You were so adamantly against us doing that, Keev. Like, you're like, this is a massive waste of time. They're gonna hate it. And then when it played, you were right. A minute and a half theme song for a character that no one liked was a bad idea.

I do think during the theme song was one of the first times we saw Lorne actually put his face in his hands.

He was so disappointed.

Yeah, he was super annoyed.

He was so mad and disappointed. And me and Andy, I do remember thinking it was pretty funny.

Do you remember he held his edamame to the side of his head like a little pistol, and he squeezed it.

He squeezed it.

One soybean, three little soybeans popped against his head.

That's what it's like.

I wish these were bullets.

If only.

I think in time, Lauren probably found means to be angrier at you guys than he was at this moment. But this is the first time Lauren was really mad at the Lone island, whereas I had already had that moment when they fought me on the clarification line in Quato.

Yeah.

Yeah.

20 years. Which I think really cleared it up.

So Gerard says things like, I'm already so full from Noshin on Gorp al Dizze. Oh, he's about to slam a Mike's hard lemonade. Hey, kids. Can you believe I'm about to slam this mics? I'm already so full. From Noshin on Gorp al Dizze.

And then read the line about how he's painting the bowl, please.

And then he opens it and says, and twins.

He'S the worst dude ever.

You forgot his first entry line. Hey, don't you wish they made a candy bar that was just all nougat?

Hey, don't you wish they made a candy bar that was just all nougat?

That's the first thing he says.

Yeah, but my favorite thing in the whole sketch might be before he even comes in, where Maya says to Scarlet, wow, great party, Claire. Oh, thanks. And then Amy. Yeah. You know what my favorite thing about this party is? Nobody weird is going to show up.

Deep dong.

Oh, I'll get it.

That was what we wanted every sketch to have. I hope weird shows up.

It might as well be Quato's. Entrance.

You guys, you were also. You were a former didgeridoo player.

Hey, Gerard, what are you doing in town? Oh, only following the kwai. What? Following the kwai? I'm sorry, I don't understand the kwai. I'm a kwai head durr. That's how many times we're gonna. What is the kwai? Then he finally says, oh, jameeraquai.

He stopped playing the diddredu. His words. The didj was called it a didj. The didge was player Hayden. On my avisilines invisaligns.

This should have aired.

Oh, my God.

And then I guess in singing the praises of it, you can't even tell they're there.

Hope you don't mind. I parked my inlines on el Porcho.

He says that he's following Jameer Kwai on tour. And then he asks Scarlett Johansson, what are you guys doing in town? And Scarlett says, we live here. And andy's response is, sweet. Doing the Bart man, right? And then her reaction is, yeah, I guess.

I'm so thirsty.com. what.org right.net dot.

Oh, fuck.

Here's Amy describing him in case the audience didn't know he was the worst dude ever. Guy is the dude has a tattoo. The tasmanian devil dressed, like, crisscross on his lower back.

That would actually be pretty cool these days.

Yeah.

Will you read your exit line, Andy? Just scroll right to the bottom. Just read your final line for us in character. This is how you leave the scene.

Hey, can you space cowgirls point me to El Bano? It's time to give the bowl a fresh coat of used Gork.

Oh, my God. I forgot the word used. That's such a bigger bummer.

Used.

Gorp. Oh, don't eat that. That's used, Gord.

You ate it, and now it's used.

Hopefully next time we see you, we'll have an actual digital short to talk about. Oh, we do. The next one is, again, not criterion collection. I can't wait. Harpoon man? Is that what it's called? Harpoon Man. John C. Riley. We'll see you guys next time. Thanks for listening. Love you guys.

Love you.

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