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The Pink House is sponsored by HopeLab. Most conversations and headlines about social media and youth mental health focus solely on the harms, portraying young people as passive consumers. That's why HopeLab recently released a report detailing how young people use social media and how it impacts their well-being, both the benefits and the risks. If we truly want to improve the well-being of young people, we need to listen to their experiences and ensure that we don't inadvertently remove access to crucial positive benefits. This is especially important for Black, Latinx, and LGBTQ+ young people whose experiences are often overlooked. Be part of this important conversation. Go to hopelab. Org to learn more and download the report. That's hopelab.

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I felt the butterflies in my stomach. This was a massive deal for me. I was only 23 years old, and I was nominated for an actual Oscar. It was for my song, Writings on the Wall. As our car pulled up to the red carpet, there was a long traffic jam, so we had to wait a little bit before I got out of the car. And unexpectedly, to my left, there was a large group of anti-LGBTQ protestors. They all had banners and signs, and they were yelling horrible, violent, anti-gay stuff. Now, I'm not usually one to retaliate, but this was my red carpet moment. So without telling anyone in the car with me, I rolled down the windows and I turned up the stereo and I blared Gloria Estefan's song. Conga, as loud as I possibly could. This song brought me so much joy and celebration as a kid, and I needed that in that moment to get past this crowd and onto that red carpet. And that is what Gloria Estefan's music does. It brings joy, it brings safety, comfort, and it brings celebration. Welcome to the Pink House. A podcast about the people and places that make us who we are.

It's inspired by my own childhood home, which was quite literally a pink house, set back in the woodlands of a small English village. It was a space of warmth and love where I was safe to find my voice. It's the place I still think of when I hear the word home. And speaking of home, today's episode is about the room where loved ones gather, sometimes to unwind, to share stories, to celebrate. But sometimes it's a place to gather when you need to have the hard talks, to move through the moments of tension, to share what's really on our minds. And no room better represents that, like the family room. Gloria Estefan has been an icon in the queer community since the '80s, when the disco beats of Miami Sound Machine started playing in gay clubs. She often credits her band's early popularity to the queer DJs who embraced her music. And since then, our admiration for her has only grown. While she's no ballroom mother, she is certainly standing in as a mother figure for the queer community. She's even been given awards for being such an important ally to us, and we love her for it.

Gloria Estefan, I'm honored today to welcome you to the Pink House.

Thank you so much. I love being in the Pink House with you. Wow. I've been blessed. What can I tell you to be able to express myself musically? And the fans have been there along with me. And yes, absolutely. The queer community, they were on the cutting edge of everything, music, specifically. So they understood my music before it was ever understood by radio or anything like that. But they really did open their hearts to us and broke us through in a lot of places. So it's wonderful.

There is something about the DNA of your music that even at the youngest of... First memory of listening to music was You'll be mine.

Oh my gosh. Party time.

That's crazy. My mom would play that when I was three, four years old. It's crazy how your music... Look, it It's not be queer people, but it's people. It's people.

It's people. It's humans. It's people. All ages, by the way. All ages. I've been very, very lucky.

I want to take you back to your childhood a little bit and just talk a bit through your life, if that's okay. Absolutely. This podcast is about safe spaces and the things in your life that made you feel safe throughout your life. Oh, wow. That's a tough one. I know, but it doesn't have to... Don't worry, we're not going to go too tough.

I know, but that's okay. But I'm saying it's tough because the life that I had as a kid was anything but safe because of the situation when we left Cuba. My dad was a police officer in Cuba. He was very good-looking guy and very trusted, very moral, wonderful man. This was in Havana? In Havana. They chose him to be a police escort to the first lady of Batista. So on that night of December 31st, from '58 to '59, the year coming in, he was stationed at the presidential palace, and he came home to my mom and he said, The President just left the country. We're in trouble. We're in big trouble. She told him, Don't go back. He goes, I have to go back. I'm a police officer. I have to help the people in the streets. All hell was breaking loose. So he went back and he did get jailed with my grandfather, my mom, and my grandma, and I would go visit him there, take him food and whatnot. But then they let him go. And he told my mom, We have to get out. I have to get you out. And Glorita.

How old were you at this time?

I was two. Yeah.

Do you remember it now?

I don't have memory of that night. I do have memories because music was part of my soul. I learned just by listening to it in the street, the Revolutionary Anthem, and I would be outside in the sidewalk singing it. What was that?. It was the Fidel anthem, like the Antike. And my dad is pulling me off the street going, Mama, don't sing that out here, whatever.

So music was a safe space for you throughout that time?

When I spoke, I sang. It came with me. My father's family was very musical. There was a classical violinist, classical pianist, a salsa flaures that had his own band that was famous there, and then came famous in New York, Fajardo y sus estrellas. That was my maiden name, Fajardo. My mom sang. She was going to be Shirley Temple's double in Hollywood. She won a contest worldwide. She was all psyched about going, but her father, he said, no, this isn't happening. So she never got to do it. But my mom was the true diva of the family. She triple threat, dressed to the nines, fashion plate. She was insane and beautiful. My mom looked like Liz Taylor.

I I love that you use the word diva. My mom was a diva, too. I think that's why she loved your music, and that's why I became a bit of a diva, too.

Maybe she indoctrinated you. Yeah. So he told my mom, I have to get you out. So he took the ferry from Cuba to Key West. He found a job, which poor thing didn't understand English well because he thought he was going to make $50 a week. It was $15 a week, parking cars. We had come here, too, for a few weeks. And then my mom I found an apartment, and then my dad disappeared and couldn't tell us where he was. And he was training for the Bay of Pigs invasion. So he left a note to my mom and said, I can't tell you where I am, but you're going to be receiving $150 a month from the US government. And on his 27th birthday, he was in Bay of Pigs doing that anti-revolutionary thing, Castro. He was jailed. He was a political prisoner for two years. I was with my mom alone here. And my mom And made a commune because all these women that were her friends, all their husbands were also participating in this thing. So it was basically women and little kids in these two little strips of apartments across from each other and one car that they bought for $50.

And we would go everywhere together and from church to church, praying for the dads, the husbands, whatever.

Because church was a big part of your childhood.

Well, my mom would take me. She was praying constant, prayer circles for the men. And she was going to be a nun. So she at that time was very religious. She was going to be a nun? Yeah, she was six months in the convent trying to... But she couldn't do it. She said she couldn't divorce herself emotionally. They would put her to take care of these little babies, but you couldn't hug them or kiss them. They didn't want you to form attachments, and she couldn't do that.

So how old were you when your dad came back?

I was four, four and a half, maybe five.

By the time you'd reached your being 10 years older, things calmed down a little bit.

Was the family back? Not really, because then he went... The happiest years of my life, Texas. My dad was stationed there. My sister was born. I'm six years older than her. But then we went to South Carolina for two years, and then my dad went to Vietnam. And he was there 18 months. And when he came back, he had Agent Orange poisoning, and he went downhill very fast. Then we moved back to Miami, and that was it. My dad got... Poor guy. He died at 47. He got sick at 34. I think back now, and he was a baby. I'm so sorry to hear that. It was rough.

Was music... Music was something you turned to to feel good in hard times. But did you dream of being an artist when you were in school in your teens? Or was that something that just fell into your life?

I never dreamed of being an artist because I don't like being the center of attention.

Which many artists feel, actually.

I feel the same thing in a minute. The music, it was my escape, and it got me through my toughest times. When my dad got sick, I would lock myself in my room and just sing and cry. I didn't want my mom to see cracks in the armor. It was my escape. It was my happy place.

Can you tell me about your... Because you first sang with the Miami Latin Boys, you were all guests at a wedding, right?

Well, they were performing at the wedding. I was a guest. In the middle of the summer, my mom goes, Your dad's army buddy is getting married. Your dad can't go. I want you to go with me to represent him. I'm going, Mom, at that time, I had two jobs, a full-time job teaching community school guitar, and I was about to start college. I go, Mom, please. And she guilted me into going. I walk in. My My mother was late to everything, so we missed the ceremony at the church. We go into this little banquet hall in Hialeia, and I walk in, and there's twinkle lights, and it's magical. I never went anywhere. I had to be with my dad. I look and I see this guy. They're all in tuckses in the band, but there's a guy in a tux playing Do the Hustle on the Accordion. And I'm going like, That's very brave and charming. And then I look at him closer. I go, Wait a minute. I know this guy. And I recognized him. And it was Emilio, we used to play guitar in the masses. I went to an all-girls school, and there was a brother's school, and there were friends of mine that would play in church with us.

In a hallway, he says, Wait a minute. I know you. You're that girl that sang. I go, Yeah. He goes, Why don't you sit in with the band, do a couple of songs. I go, Oh, my God. I hadn't sing for these people since I was a kid, and I got up there and I sang two songs, and he loved it. At the end of the night, he goes, Oh, I don't have a singer. I think it'd be a really good idea. There's no girls singers in any band in Miami. You sound great. I go, My mom's going to kill me. Number one, I go, I really can't. I'm starting school. I have two jobs. But thank you. It was really nice.

You were training to be a psychologist? Yes.

Psychology, communications, majors, and a French minor. I had been accepted to the Sorbon in Paris, so I was going to be a diplomat and go there. But Emilio and I, we fell in love. I didn't think I'd get married, and then I was getting married the day after I turned 21. But I had no doubt in my mind.

The music was what you wanted to do.

The music was what we both wanted to do, my husband and I. But we both are good business people, and we both also understand that you have to be ready for anything. We both sat down and we said, You know what? Let's go for We'll be hearing more from Gloria Estefan after this super quick break.

Stay tuned.

Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? With 24/7 US-based live customer service from Discover, everyone Everyone has the option to talk to a real person anytime, day or night. Yes, you heard that right. You can talk to a human on the Discover customer service team anytime. The next time you have a question about your credit card, call 1-800-Discover to get the service you deserve. Limitations apply. See terms at discover. Com/credit card.

This show is brought to you by HopeLab. Social media can be a double-edged sword for teens and young adults. While it offers emotional support in the sense of community, it can also bring stress and anxiety. Hope Labs research shows young people aged 14 to 22 have varied experiences online, especially for the LGBTQ+ community and youth of color. While they are more likely to encounter harmful content on social media, LGBTQ+, Black, and Latinx young people are also more likely to protect themselves by using feed curation tools or to seek balance by taking breaks. Many conversations about social media and young people focus only on the harm to their mental health, depicting users as passive consumers. This research shows that it's actually more complex. Teens and young adults bring their own unique lived experiences to social media spaces and have different experiences with the content and communities they find there. That's why Hope Lab advocates for more research, like this study, which was co-created directly with young people. If we want to improve the mental health of young people, we need to listen to their experiences, especially as they navigate these complex topics. To learn more about the research, go to hopelab.

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When you were pregnant with your second child, Emily, you weren't able to perform in your music video for Everlasting Love. Right, exactly. So you decided to hire Drag Queens instead, right? Yes, absolutely. That video is incredible.

Open up your eyes, then you realize, here I stand with my ever-lasted love.

Where did this idea come from?

Because they do me better than I do me. It's the bottom line.

Oh my God. It's true. It is. No, it's not true. No, but come on. It is. It's absolutely not true. No, but come on. It is.

It's like they take it to the- Nothing but the real thing. To the nth degree. But I didn't want to be in the video. I was really big by the time we did the video. I said to Frank, the President of our company, who is also gay, and I said to him, I want to get the boys that That I know do me out there because there were a lot of people and we had this whole contest, and there was Viva from LA. So we narrowed it down to a certain number. There was one girl in amongst the Glorias there. That's amazing. But it was fab.

I thought it was-It's such an incredible video. It was a beautiful idea.

I loved it. And then I took them on tour with me, three of them. Oh my God, you're so powerful. And I used to love it because when we did Everlasting Love, I had this stage where it had three elevators, one in the middle and one on either end. I'd start singing Everlasting Love off. I was off the stage, and one of them would come up and everybody would think, Oh, there she is. Then the other one would come up in my metier, and I'd say, Oh, no, there she is. Then I would come up in the middle. Oh, my God. We used to have such... You know how it is on tour that usually on the last day, you play tricks on each other? Yeah. Okay, well, my son was on tour with me for that gig. One of the gags was they put dildos as microphones for the Queens when they came out.

Oh, my God.

That's so great. Then I had these plexiglas things on the stage. When I was walking down, my son had plastered his naked butt on the thing. Then at the end, they all came out in drag. My son was in the little skirt. My bodyguard was in my Tierra dressed. They even got the crew, guys. He's all made up, the ones that couldn't put the clothes and make up. It was such a blast.

I need to see pictures of this.

It was great.

Within your Cuban community, how did your family react to all this? How How does your family react to your embracing of gay culture and advocating for the queer community like you did?

My dad's family, when he got sick, they abandoned him to a degree. So my dad's family was out of the picture. So it was my mom, my grandma at that point had passed. But my grandma was very inclusive of a very human being known to mankind. It wasn't ever talked about when I was a kid because it was just not talked about. They would always say, the Cuban says,. Like, he's very well-educated, was how they referred to a gay guy in the family. It would be,. He's very Very well-educated. I love that. It wasn't something that... But in Cuba, for God's sake, Cuba was like crazy. Cuba was a port. Sailors went there. And I remember my mom would tell me a story that Right when they got married, my dad says, I'm going to take you to a place where respectable ladies wouldn't be shown in Cuba. And they went to the docks and all that area. And he took her to this club. And there's this woman singing, phenomenally beautiful, operatic and lyrical and all that. And at the end, when she takes a bow, she rips off her wig. And it was a man, and it was my dad's cousin, Omar.

Oh, my God. And my mom goes, oh, my God, that's my cousin Omar. I want you to meet him.

So the culture is ingrained in your family, really.

Absolutely. And it was like no big deal. I don't think they ever talked about stuff because for Latinos, particularly, it's tough because Latins don't like to talk about anything. They just don't. We all have gay people everywhere in our lives and in our family and everything. But to talk about things, anything, really, sex. My mom, you couldn't even say that word. She wouldn't talk about it. And we would kid her because my sister and I are very sarcastic, and we would love to bug her. And we would say, Mom, but you never gave dad a, You never played the trumpet? And she's going, No, don't talk to me about those things. And I'm going, But mom, you're a fajardo. Flute, nothing? Now, what did I... Don't talk to me about those things. She was like, adamant. She got on her soapbox.

But it's beautiful. It's rare because I was brought up in a Catholic household, and there was definitely a heaviness within that topic at times, not with my parents, but I think with their parents at times. It's beautiful that you were able to have this church background with music and stuff, but then also embrace the culture that you did.

No, absolutely. Listen, To me, people are people. I think we all... That spirit doesn't have sex. It has to include everything. We're having a physical experience now, but you can be attracted to or love anyone.

We'll be hearing more from Gloria Estefan after this super quick break. Stay tuned. You have two kids. Yes. Your son, Naib, and your daughter, Emily. Yes. At the end of 2017, Emily probably came out as gay. Yes. If you don't mind me talking to you about this, just because I find your- We did a show about it.

Welcome to Red Table Talk. Yes, Stephans. We're always going to talk about real stuff, but today we're going to bring our iron hearts. Yes. We actually went to therapy to prepare for this. We're going to heal together. We're going to grow together. By the end of this, we're going to be ready to go, girl. Yes, let's go.

With the red table talk, what were the things you wish people saw that wasn't in that final edit?

I just wish that the whole process could have been seen of the two and a half hour conversation. The final edit, they told me it had to be 24 minutes, which is stupid because people wanted more. And you know how television works? They have to edit to make things very... Not that it wasn't dramatic enough as it was.

Yeah, but like a trailer, almost, right? Exactly.

When I was finally ready to come out with this information, I was really nervous. You're Gloria Estefan, you're a gay icon. I really didn't want to let you down. I was like, Hey, I'm in love with this girl. The first thing you said was, If you tell your grandma and she dies, her blood is on your hands. What we try to do sometimes to protect you ends up hurting you, which kills me. And believe me, I'm sorry if I did. And I'm sorry, too. And that missed a lot of the actual conversation. People were dying for more, especially in the Latin community Oh, my God, that was crazy. We were headline news in every show, but that was the point. I got so many incredible messages and letters and people saying, Oh, my God, your show, I played it for my mom. You helped me come out to her.

When she first came out to you, what was your initial reaction?

I wasn't surprised. But like anything, her and I have gone through a lot of therapy, and we're still trying to find the best ways to communicate. Thinking back, I think there was a lot of miscommunication because Emma was trying to sit down to talk to me about it. And I would say, Okay, how about now? No, I can't now. And then she'd say to me, What about this? I go, No. Tell me what it's about. What are you going to talk? Mom, please. I wanted to be in person. And what ended up happening is we couldn't get together, and she sent me a text. And the problem with texts is that you can't read emotion or subtext. So I thought I was being, Mama, it's no big deal. And she read it in a different way because I think that a lot of her internal struggle got projected in a way, which tends to happen.

Of course. And it's like when you're coming out, I remember my parents were so good with coming out. They were amazing. It sounds really odd to say this, but I was almost a little bit disappointed.

You wanted a fight?

I wanted drama. I did because it was such a tumultuous time for me because I was being called gay at school. I was seeing all this hatred. I was starting to understand that what I was about to say to my parents was going to change the course of my entire life and change the way that people treat me forever all around. Absolutely. I think that when I told I called them, I wanted more of a reaction. All I got from my mom was, I know. Exactly. I've always known. Then all I got from my dad was a fear for my safety. For your safety. Of course. As I've got older and I've spoken to more queer people around me who've had parents that have dealt with it really, really badly, it just It's so clear to me that a parent's job is to protect their child and to keep them safe. Absolutely. I think that when someone comes out queer in a certain time period in the world, where you live, all these things, it all depends on that. You might exude a little bit of fear at first for them because you know that their life might be a little bit more difficult.

That's a hard thing. But it It sounds like you dealt with it in a wonderful way. I did. But it sounds like you had fears for your mother, right?

And you had fears- Well, later on, when she sat my sister down, she told her she sat her godmother and told her, and my mother was going to love and adore Emily no matter what, but my mom had ulcerative colitis. And even if I just asked her about a bill, Hey, mom, this bill, because I took care of my mom with everything, she would get very flustered, very upset, and then the bleeding would start. And we had been at the hospital five times that year. And I said, look, when you go to tell grandma, why don't you first just bring your partner, introduce her so she sees she's very special in your life and just give her a minute. Don't just sit her down like, I have to do this thing. Don't make a big thing about it because she's going to have a reaction. And I told her, what I would hate to happen is for you to sit her down like you've done with everybody Then something happened to her, and you then might believe that her blood was on your hands. But she heard, Don't tell her because her blood will be on your hands.

It's going to be on your hands, of course. But you're talking about the nuances in what people say. You're trying to protect her. The one thing I could say from watching your red table talk, which I thought was so beautiful, is you just see the love.

No, there is love.

There is so much love. We know that we love each other. But it's about the fact that maybe sometimes I haven't liked you or I haven't liked the way you've angered me, you've upset me, you've hurt me. You can still love someone deeply, everlastingly, and still have these issues. Absolutely.

It comes with the territory because you can't love so deeply and not care about certain things. It's just impossible.

My mom was so amazing with me coming out. But I had a moment a few years ago where I turned to my mom and I said, You were okay with me coming out, but I wish you read some more gay books and I wish you watched some more gay films so that you could have protected me a little bit from the dangers that I was exposed to in the gay community. Because the gay male community, when I walked into that at 18 years old in London, I felt very unprepared. I saw things and was a part of things that, looking back, were a little bit damaging. I said, I wish that you... Instead of just being okay with it and saying, It's fine, it's fine, I wish you would have got involved more.

But how could you have reacted then at that time? Exactly.

I probably would have been like, Leave me alone. Get out of my business.

Exactly.

You can't do everything right as a mom, right? No, you can't. But it sounds like you did a beautiful job. How old is she now?

She's going to be 30, December.

So things must have all settled and she's...

Yeah, she We're working on a musical together for Broadway, and it's a joy and a thrill for me because she's a beast. She's the best of all of us.

It sounds like you've passed on that safety of music for her as well. In her life when things are hard, that's what she turns to as the music.

Absolutely. Everything in life is a process. I think we all... And I told her, I go, Look, we continue to learn until we die. But it is different in many ways. These conversations we could not have had 25 years ago.

But honestly, it's wonderful hearing you talk about your daughter and about your life and also about... We use the term mother a lot in the queer community through history for all different reasons. But you are a mother to your daughter, but you're also partly a mother to the queer community. That makes me happy. You really are. And even to me, your voice and your music has been motherly to me throughout my life. And it's, to hire queer people and have them on your stage is one thing, but to celebrate them in the way that you have is just incredible. And my last question for you as a mother of the queer community and a mother to a queer child, what advice do you have for parents who want to advocate for their kids?

I would say, just really listen. Just sit and listen. We're all human beings. We all want love. We all want acceptance. We all want to be fulfilled, to have our families, to feel free, to be who you want to be.Not.

That easy.Not that easy. But you're doing it. We're doing it. When I came out to my parents at 10 years old, they reacted with a lot of love. It was around Christmas time. My parents were hosting a dinner party. I was in my room, and for some reason, I felt like I couldn't keep the secret any longer. I burst into tears. My little sister, who was seven or eight at the time, saw me crying and went to get my mom from the party. As I waited for my mom upstairs, I felt horrible guilt, guilt for ruining the party, but more so because I thought it was about to ruin my parents' lives. My mom came upstairs, and she sat on my bed and asked me what was going on. And I very bravely told her I'm gay. To my surprise, she said, I know Sam. I've always known. I was just waiting for you to tell me. You're so young, so I didn't want to force anything upon you. She said we would tell my dad in the morning, and I barely slept that night. I was feeling so nervous about the next day. But when I woke up, I went to our family room and I sat with my dad.

I prepared myself for an awful outcome, but he turned to me and he said to me, Of course, I have no issue with this. I love you all the same. I just want you to be safe. My only worry when it comes to this is your safety. I felt a huge sense of relief. I'm so lucky that my house and my family were so full of love. What my parents gave me was uninterrupted time. They listened. So I want to take you into the pink house. Through the front door and past the playroom, we are headed to the family room where that conversation with my parents went down. As we settle into the chocolate brown sofa, I want you to think about someone in your own life who you care about deeply, someone who needs you right now. It doesn't matter if it's a family member or a friend. How do you want to show up for them? The best way we can show up for our loved ones, especially those in the queer community, is to listen. Imagine. Imagine you are with this loved one of yours right now. Picture their beautiful or face the mannerisms you've come to read and understand, their familiar voice.

Imagine that as they begin to confide in you, you turn to them, make eye contact, and you give them your attention. As they speak, don't worry about what you're going to say next. Instead, notice their body language. Maybe they're speaking with confidence but shuffling nervously on their feet. Mostly, give them the space and the time they need. When my parents gave me that, it made me feel heard, which ultimately made me feel seen. Thank you so much for visiting me in the Pinkhouse today, and thank you again to my gorgeous guest, Gloria Estefan. See you next time. There's more of The Pink House with Lemonada Premium. Subscribers get exclusive access to premium content with more stories and funny tidbits from the queer icons you hear on this show. Subscribe now in Apple Podcasts. The Pink House is a Lemonada original. I'm your host, Sam Smith. Our producers are Claire Jones and Rachel Leitner. Izara Aceves is our Associate Producer. Kristen Lepore is our Senior Supervising Producer. Mix and Sound Design by Rachel Leitner and Ivan Koryev. Editing by Jackie Danziger, our Vice President of Narrative Content. Executive producers include me, Sam Smith, Stephanie Wittelswax, and Jessica Kordova-Kremer.

Production support from Method Music, Cherry Create, and Jessica Maya Jones. Original Music by APM. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing a review. Follow the Pinkhouse wherever you get your podcast. Or listen ad-free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. In addition to this podcast, I'm in the process of establishing The Pink House as a charitable foundation. Named after the home I grew up in, The Pink House Charity is intended to provide support for people within the LGBTQIA+ community. The Pink House is about building a better, safer world for all of us. I can't wait to share more with you. Thank you so much for listening. See you next week. Bye.