Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? With 24/7 US-based live customer service from Discover, everyone has the option to talk to a real person anytime, day or night. Yes, you heard that right. You can talk to a human on the Discover customer service team anytime. So the next time you have a question about your credit card, call 1-800-Discover to get the service you deserve. Limitations apply. See terms at discover. Com/credit. Com. Credit card. The Pink House is sponsored by HopeLab. Most conversations and headlines about social media and youth mental health focus solely on the harms, portraying young people as passive consumers. That's why HopeLab recently released a report detailing how young people use social media and how it impacts their well-being, both the benefits and the risks. If we truly want to improve the well-being of young people, we need to listen to their experiences and ensure that we don't inadvertently remove access to crucial positive benefits. This is especially important for Black, Latinx, and LGBTQ+ young people whose experiences are often overlooked. Be part of this important conversation. Go to hopelab. Org to learn more and download the report.

That's hopelab. Org. Lemonada.

Picture this. It's 2016. I am 23 years old. We're in New York, and it's night time. I've just finished a writing session, and it's nearly midnight, and my friend tells me about a place called Paul's Baby Grand. It's a night that's put on in the basement of the Roxy Hotel. I go there and it's a cocktail setting. I remember seeing lots of pink and everyone dressed beautifully. Everyone's drinking and getting a little bit drunk and tipsy. And around midnight, a man comes out onto the dance with a ladder, and he steps up on the ladder, and he has a disco ball in his hand, and he hooks the disco ball to the top of the ceiling, and then he gets down the ladder, and that's when the disco begins. Welcome to the Pink House. I'm Sam Smith, and this podcast is about the people and places that make us who we are. It's based on my own childhood home, set back in the woodlands of a small English village. My house was quite literally a pink house. It was a space of total warmth and love where I was safe to find my voice. It's the place I still think of when I hear the word home.

And speaking of home, today's episode is about another home. It's about a safe space in a wild city. This episode is about the dance floor. That night, during this disco, I am dancing and feeling free. My friends have gone home, and I turned around and I saw a vision. I saw one of the most beautiful people I've ever seen, and I'll never forget the sight of this. There's They were 6'1, 6'2, covered in faux fur, huge, massive glasses, twirling on the dance floor. I immediately had to go up to this person and just say, Who are you? That person was a wonderful friend of mine who I've now known for nearly eight years, who I'm honored to have here today on this podcast. This is my friend, Dante. Hello, Dante.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. It's me.

It's me. Hi, guys. How are you? It is she, the, they, them, your friend.

The countess. Perfection.

My first question for you, my love, is what do you remember from that night?

How do you remember it? Because you went to that party more than I did. Yes.

Okay. I remember I was talking to my friend, and my friend I was like, Oh, that guy over there looks like Sam Smith. And I turned around and look, I go, Oh, yeah, he does look like Sam Smith. And then my friend was like, Wait, he's walking over here. And I was like, Oh, okay. So I just stood there. And then you tapped me on my shoulder and I was like, Hi. You were like, Hi, I'm Sam. I was like, How are you? And then literally two seconds later, you just dragged me into the dance floor. And then that's when the guy came out on the ladder, and then the disco ball came up, and we just dance the night away. No, what's also funny is I went up to you, it was like five in the morning. I was like, Okay, nice to meet you. I'm about to leave. And you go, Are you mad? Are you not going to give my phone number? And I was like, Oh. And then after that, we literally saw each other every day for two weeks.

It's mad, isn't it? Yeah. Thank gosh. I'm so thankful for that. Same. What brought you to the Roxy that night? Do you remember?

I would go out every night. At that time, I was like the queen in the scene. At that time?

At that time, well- You're still that.

But no, but I was more on the scene, so I was more like that disco girl. I was living my life as if I was in the '70s. When we used to go to Boom Boom and they used to play the disco music, that was my Studio 54.

I think that's what drew me to you, honestly, is that I felt so, I guess, inexperienced in my early 20s in queer life. And there was a certain type queer life that I wanted to experience, and that was the disco.

Yeah, it was a very bourgeois scene. And then the electric room was just like, we live in the '80s. It was amazing. So I transformed throughout the night. So the whole night, I'll be playing this character.

I've never thought about this, about you, actually, in that way, that you see the night as a performance.

Yeah, it's a performance. It's a movie. It was everything that I thought about with New York was. And my first time ever coming to New York, my friend, he was like, We're all going to Leban tonight. And I was like, Okay. So I get dressed, I go. And at Leban, there's a little pool. Now, no one would never get in that pool.

Yeah, don't get in that pool. I've never been in that pool without a tetanoshot.

But at that, literally, at that time, though, people were doing it. I'm in the band and I'm looking around. I'm like, Wow, am I in a movie? There's the dolls, there's drag queens, on the stage, topless. Everyone looks fabulous and glamorous. I met this woman named Sonja. You ask her her name, she goes, My name is Sonja. Where are you from? She's like, I'm from Germany by way of Ethiopia. I looked down in a pool and the lady Sonja, she goes, Don't just stay, get in. I strip and I get into this pool. Amazing. Me and her would take the night.

You were baptized.

I was baptized in cum, sweat, and everything else that was in that pool. Oh, my gosh.

I love it. That's amazing. Okay, so this this goddess that was born in New York way before that, but this goddess that was When it came to fruition in New York, this goddess that I met on the dance floor, you come from somewhere, okay? I want to know where you come from, and I want to know everything about it. Okay. I want to take you back to your childhood. I'm talking before the age of 10 years old. Okay. Okay. So, Chartered, where were you born?

I was born in Providence, hospital in Washington, DC. Amazing. I was the second born. Mother pretty much didn't know what to do with me. From the beginning. From the very beginning. But apparently, I used to cry a lot. I wanted my way, period. But when I was young, I used to always seek out... I didn't like what what I was doing around me. I liked my friends, but they weren't like... Nothing intrigued me about them. But what intrigued me was older people. So I would latch on to older people. So I had older cousins who I would just latch on to. Their life was my life. They'd go to a club. I wanted to go to a club.

But before this, when you were young?

Yeah, when I was literally six.

You were clubbing since you were 6.

No, no, I'm kidding.

Were you a kid that had a lot of friends, or were you in your own little world a little bit?

I had a lot of friends, but it was weird. In preschool, my mind was already advanced. So I already started living in this third-person realm where I would already narrate my life when I'm silent. So if you're watching a movie and the person is telling their story, but they're older now, but you just hear their voice reflecting.

So you were already the main character? I was already the character.

But in preschool, you really don't learn anything. You just play. I would play, but I would be so bored of it. I would like, what else is there to do?

You were restless. Yes. You were restless. I'm the opposite to you because For me, preschool was this sanctuary of a place for me as a kid because I loved it. I loved the whole, let's just play the whole time. I felt for my creativity, I think, being an artist, singer, all this stuff, I felt really free in preschool. For me, everything started to get tough when I got into elementary and middle school. That was the time for me where it hit me. The coldness of this world hit me. It hit you. I have this clear memory of being in secondary school, which is elementary school for you guys. I'm 11, 12 years old, and I was I was being bullied. Before I even properly came out as gay, and I came out very young, I was always being called gay because I was very femme and camp, as they would say. But I was always being really, really... I was being bullied constantly. People shouting things at me in school from the age of 11, 12, constantly walking down the hallway. It was just something when I left my primary school in the safety of that really childhood space.

Because children weren't children anymore. They started thinking for themselves and they were like, Oh, what's that? That's it.

I became a target. I remember very clearly being 11, 12 years old in the playground, having no Friends. I remember having my little iPod, a little green iPod, and I put on Mariah Carey, Always Be My Baby, which was shown to me from someone in a class. This girl was playing it and I heard it. That song became my safe place to go to. It became my little place that I could go to when this teenager world, which is actually incredibly adult It is. I think secondary school and what we all go through in school is incredibly adult. Music became my safe space. Music became my place to go to. I want to know, as a teen, for you, leaving that preschool and going into the big school, what was that like for you? And what was your safe place to go to? Was it your mom? Was it your family home? Was it a certain friend? Was it a song?

So going into high school, I would say my safe space was... You're going to laugh, but it's... My safe space was the bathroom.

Okay. I'm not laughing. That means it was mine, in a way.

Yeah, so it's like a- But for what reason? Okay, no, not for that reason. But just for... It's an emotional reason. But basically, in high school, I wasn't forced into sports. My father didn't make me play sports, but I sought out the approval of him, so I played them. I was really good at basketball, football, and baseball, and they made him happy. And I was like, okay, if I make him happy, then he wouldn't look at the fact that I might be a little bit more feminine than everybody else, and I might sound a little bit more feminine or act a different way. He would accept you for being queer. Exactly. If you play sports. If I play sports. Never came out. I have not out yet. At that time, it's like I've been caught playing with Barbie dolls. My father, literally, tornado.

So you're still not out to him now?

Still not out. Okay, at this point in time, I have girlfriends and things like that. So in my household, all my troubles or anything that I dealt with with myself, I didn't have an outlet or a place to go. So me and my little brother shared a room. So anytime I needed to cry or I needed to think or I wanted to get away from everybody, I used to go to my basement bathroom and I would lock the door and I would be in there. Okay. Yeah, for a long time. And it's so funny because in that bathroom, a lot of thoughts, a lot of cries, a lot of just emotional things, being accepted and going... And listen, don't get me wrong, I was a popular kid, but they knew someone else.

Yeah. And also you can be the most popular person in the world, but if you come home and you can't fully be yourself and you don't feel like you have a safe place to be yourself, that must have been so horrible.

No, it wasn't. I had a great home to come to, surface level. But if I needed to talk about anything that was really troubling me or any thoughts that I had or whatever the case may be, I would just go to the bathroom. And that's why I appreciate the movie, call me by your name so much. Because the best scene ever in history of movies to me was the scene at the end when he's staring into the fire and he's displaying 10 different emotions, and that will be me. I will cry, and then I'm like, I'm okay. I'm okay.

I used to actually do the same thing. I used to call it a mirror montage. I was probably a bit more narcissistic than you, but I'd stare at myself in the mirror. When I was upset and I would watch myself cry.

Yeah. No, same. I would watch myself cry, and then I will go through these emotions and I'll be happy. I'll be like, Okay, no, I'm good. I'll get them.

Do you know You know what? My heart breaks for you thinking about you as a child having to do that. But at the same time, it's also so beautiful that you always had your back. You know what I mean? In a situation where you're feeling lonely and you're feeling lost, it's so important to remember that you had you at that time. You went into that bathroom and you dealt with it head-on, and you followed your emotions, and you allowed yourself to feel those things, even if your parents weren't allowing you to do that for yourself. Even if your friends at school weren't allowing you to do that, you did that for yourself. I think a lot of people look at us and maybe think that we're weak, but we are strong. We are so strong. We are unbelievably strong. We can withstand great, great things.

Because we've already been through it.

Yes. That's also why when we get to our 20s, we deserve to celebrate.

And When I got here- We deserve to dance. When I got here, it was a fucking celebration. I was like, it was no turning back.

More with my good friend, Dante, in just a few moments.

Tired of not being able to get a hold of anyone when you have questions about your credit card? With 24/7 US-based live customer service from Discover, everyone has the option to talk to a real person anytime, day or night. Yes, you heard that right. You can talk to a human on the Discover customer service team anytime. So the next time you have a question about your credit card, call 1-800 Discover to get the service you deserve. Limitations apply. See terms at discover. Com/credit card. This show is brought to you by HopeLab. Social media can be a double-edged sword for teens and young adults. Results. While it offers emotional support in the sense of community, it can also bring stress and anxiety. Hope Labs research shows young people aged 14 to 22 have varied experiences online, especially for the LGBTQ+ community and youth of color. While they are more likely to encounter harmful content on social media, LGBTQ+, Black, and Latinx young people are also more likely to protect themselves by using feed curation tools or to seek balance by taking breaks. Many conversations about social media and young people focus on the harm to their mental health, depicting young users as passive consumers.

This research shows that it's actually more complex. Teens and young adults bring their own unique lived experiences to social media spaces and have different experiences with the content and communities they find there. That's why Hope Lab advocates for more research, like this study, which was co-created directly with young people. If we want to improve the mental health of young people, we need to listen to their experiences, especially as they navigate these of complex topics. To learn more about the research, go to hopelab. Org. That's hopelab. Org.

You go through school You haven't come out yet. What age were you when you left? Where's the first place you left after your family home?

I was around 17 years old, and I moved to Vegas. I got a job opportunity, and I was tricked into the situation. My mentor and boss at the time was like, Hey, do you want to come to Vegas for the week? We're opening up a store in Vegas, and I just want you to see it. She basically brought me out there to test me if I liked it. What store is it? It was a designer vintage store called Annie Cream Cheese.

Oh my gosh. That's a great drag name. Yes.

Basically, long story short, I went to Vegas for a week. She sits me down, Do you want to live here? I go, I don't care. I moved. Right. Okay. I moved because I was like, I hated Vegas, but I was like, I can be myself here.

Yes. I realized that about Vegas is a weird place. When I first went there, I arrived there hungover When I was like 21 or 22 after a Coachella weekend where I performed with Disclosure. And we arrived hungover off of a tour bus, and I was like, This is the worst place I've ever been in my entire life. I was like, I hate this city. I went back to England. I told everyone, I hate Vegas. It's not for me. I'm not that type of person. Fast forward, four, five years later, I got taken to Vegas to see Magic Mike, and my life changed. I had a night that changed everything for me. And now I love Vegas. I think Vegas is such an incredible... It's a dangerous place, and it's a dark place. It's a dark place. But it's a beautiful place It's for adults to go and have fun.

It's an adult playground. It is. At the time, which was crazy, I wasn't an adult yet. I was still a kid. You were 18. I was 18. And one of my first queer stories in Vegas. It's my first queer story at all. Like, ever. It's an epic story.

I want to hear about this because we've gone through school and I want to know what is that first moment where you found yourself as a queer person? It was epic.

Basically, Basically, okay, so next door to my store was this store called Billion Dollar Couture or something like that. So in and out all day, there's like Saudi Princes and all this stuff. So right across the street was this Sushi Samba. And I would go at Happy Hour, and I would have a salt pepper octupus and I'll have a cocktail.

Why am I seeing Samantha Jones?

Literally. Okay, so in my hair, mind you, since a child, I've been narrating my life third person. So I'm sitting there and I'm just playing this damsel in distress role, right? And I don't really know how to play it because I haven't tapped into my cuntiness yet. So I haven't been touched yet. So the lady puts another drink in front of me. I was like, Oh, I didn't order a drink. And The other one, she was like, No, it's on the house. I go, Oh, thank you. She's like, Oh, no, not for me. The guy down there. And my heart started beating fast. I was like, A guy just sent me a drink. And I was like, Oh, my gosh. I was like, Oh my gosh. I looked to the right, and then this guy just does his hand up like, Yeah, it was me. Oh my gosh. It's just middle-aged, man. I just said, Come here. I was like, Oh. In my head, I'm like, so bad.

So confident of you.

So young. But I had to tap into it because here was this man. I was like, Okay, Samantha Jones reporting live and ready. We're chatting. We have a bunch of laughs. He goes, You know what? I want to take you out for dinner. Oh, that's beautiful. At the time, The Hills was on TV. He loved that. And they always used to go to this place called Ketchup in LA. So I'm just joking. I was like, I want to go to Ketchup. And he goes, What's Ketchup? I go, No, I'm joking. He goes, No, we can go. I was like, No, Ketchup is in LA. I'm just being funny. He was like, No, let's go. And I'm like, Okay. He goes, Here's what you do. Take my car home, get dressed, and then my driver is going to bring you back to me.

Oh, my gosh. So I'm like- Overwhelmed.

Overwhelmed. Mind you, no one knows I'm gay. No one knows anything. So I'm dealing with this on my own. I can't call my best friend and be like, Ah. You know, whatever. So I go, I get changed. I'm in the car. We're driving. I fall asleep. I wake up, we're at an airport. And I'm like, What is going on? And I started getting nervous. I started sweating, and I started hands We drive past the airport, pull up into where the planes are, and the car stops. And I'm like, Oh, my. I'm like, What's going on?

And he was taking you to LA.

Yes. The steps come down. He gets off the plane with a rose in his hand. Oh my gosh. I swear, it was like a movie. It was a movie. And I'm like, so he comes to the door.

It sounds like an opening sequence from The Bachelor.

It literally is. So he comes to the door. I wouldn't unlock the I kept locking it because I was like, There's no way I'm getting on that plane. I'm nervous now. I'm scared. So I'm like, sweating. I'm sweating. So I call my mentor and I just give her the phone. She goes, Do it. I go, Okay. I get on the plane. The man makes a couple of passes at me, and I'm like, The nigger's hoping he's chasing me around the plane. I'm like, I'm so nervous and I'm so scared.

Oh my gosh, babe. This sounds fabulous and terrifying. No, it was terrifying.

And then so we started making out, and mind you, I've kissed people and I've made out with people, but this is a man kissing me. So this man taught me how to kiss. He goes, Slow down. He's kissing me. I'm like, Oh, my God. And then so- So you get to LA Okay. Yeah. Some things happen. Okay. Things happen. Things happen, but not all the way.

Okay. There's turbulence. There's turbulence. I get to LA, we go to catch up.

We're having fun. He wants more fun. We see these two, I would say, of the night. So they come over. We're all having fun. We're all drinking champagne, blah, blah, blah. We leave. He's like, You're ready to go? And I'm like, Oh, we're not staying for the night? He's like, No, I'll take you. I promise your mentor, I'll take you back. So we get on the plane again, and he chases me around again. Turbulence. But not all the way because I was petrified. And then he dropped me off.

Wow, babe. That is an unbelievable story. It is also just so perfectly fitting with who you are in your life. It's absolutely amazing. The first city you move to when you leave home is Vegas. The first man you meet and have your first queer experience with gets you on a private jet and takes you to an incredible, incredible. So fitting.

It was the best. I was like, I'm never being straight again.

It's beautiful. Your safe space, babe, it's coming clear, is living in the fast lane. I absolutely love it. This is your first experience romantically, okay? I would love to know as well because I-Well, that was my first male queer experience. Well, that was my first male experience. I know it was exhilarating and terrifying, but what was that whole experience What did it mean to you?

That experience to me was the beginning of my life. I was like- Did it set the tone? It set the tone. I was like, This is a dynasty. This is a dynasty. This is You got a taste. I got a taste. And I was like, Wow. It made me feel a little bit more secure about myself because I was like, this man saw something in me. He wanted to treat me to this, the height of luxury.

Was this... You found your love language. Yeah, luxury. Dimons and jets.

Literally, Dimons and jets, baby. Caviar.

I love it.

But you know what's crazy about this story? It taught me another lesson because it humbled me right away. Because next day, call the number, phone doesn't work. It was like a burner phone.

I'm happy you say this because the whole thing sounds fabulous. But my mother's voice in my head is, Baby, be careful. Be careful. Don't get on the jet.

No. I learned about the world so fast because I'm like, Well, why would his phone work? And why would he leave? And all these things.

Did you feel used?

No, I didn't feel used, but I felt woken up.

Nice. Because I go- You turned it into a positive.

Yeah, because I go... It humbled me because I was like, I need to know that everything that has this... Everything that's fabulous that happens, something else is coming and it's not going to be as fabulous. And you're going to have to learn how to roll with the punches. So I woke up thinking, I'm going shopping, and then reality hit, and I'm like, Okay, this man is probably married. This man is probably a diplomat. This man had a burner phone for a reason. And there was all these worldly things that came into my head, and I'm still young, and I'm like, Oh, this is the real world, baby. Because I could have been sex trafficked. I could have been hanging in the basement by my nipples, child.Thank.

God.that didn't happen. That didn't happen then. But we know you love a lot of that now.

Hanging on my thread.

It's time for a quick break, but don't worry, we'll hear more from Dante in just a bit. I grew up in a village, and when I was 18, 19, similar age to you, I moved to London. You moved to Vegas, I moved to London. At some point, you must have come across the community, the queer community, what we call the queer community, the gay community, which was called at that time. I wasn't using the word queer at that age. It was just the gay community. The gays. It was... When I say the gay community, it was white gay men. That was my experience of the gay community. When I was 18, 19, well, actually, when I was about 17, me and my friend Mariella at the time, I remember she was so wonderful for doing this with me, actually. I was living in about an hour and a half outside of London, and I wanted to go to a gay bar. I was just so desperate to go to a gay bar because I came out when I was 11 years old. I'd been out in school, and I was so visibly gay, but didn't know any gay people.

Were you the only gay person in your school?

From what you knew. From what I knew, I was the only gay person. The only gay person that was really out in that town at the time. I was wearing full makeup to school. When you met me, I was in all mask clothing. My life has been a bit of a reverse to yours. But When I first went to that first gay bar when I was 17 years old, I remember it's called the Village in Soho in London. I genuinely thought that I was going to walk into a room and I was going to see my people. I thought I was going to walk into a room and there would be a tribe of humans with their arms open.

Yeah, I'm laughing so hard because I can picture this.

Saying, Welcome, welcome. You are beautiful. Then I thought I'd meet the love of my life that very same night, my first boyfriend. But I walked in the door, and I'll never forget it. I walked in the door and I opened the door. To the right of me, there was a man in his 50s, and he looked at me and he went, What the fuck is that?

What the fuck?

I was in full makeup and he went, What the fuck is that? I remember in We left after 20 minutes and we went back to the house. I think we started drinking on a bench outside the house because I was like, I want to get drunk. I want to experience this day. I was so sad. My friend Mariella, bless her, could not understand the depth of despair and pain that I was feeling because I had waited. My mom had told me my whole life, It's going to be okay. You're going to find your people. You just need to be able to go to gay bars and meet people, and you're going to find those people. Obviously, I stay long enough to find anyone because I was so distraught. But my first, and this really led into my life, even to who I am today. Because for me, that gay community that I walked into, I want to say this without judgment, I understand that our community is a community that holds a lot of pain on our shoulders, so I understand why it can feel cold. But I just, going back to that 17, 18-year-old I was, I'll never forget that pain.

I've brought that with me, and that's why I walked up to you on that night at the dance floor, because I don't feel as safe as I do with people that look and sound and express themselves the way that I did, which was really a queer, femme, trans, non-binary person. I just want to know what your first impression was of the gay and queer community, and where have you landed within that community, and where do you see yourself?

Okay, well, of course, the intimidation is there. When I would go to... I had one of my first gay friends, his name was Delante or Roger, and I admired him so much. I wasn't attracted to him, but I admired him because I I hired these people in high school because I was like, Wow, you're actually gay. You're living your life and everyone knows you're gay. You don't care. In middle school and high school, I wouldn't say bully, But I would make fun of gay people, just to get the heat off of me, that self-hate thing. I mean, not recently, a long time ago, I apologize to all those people that That's great. I reached out to them and I was like, You knew what the team was. And I was just scared that my team was going to be clogged.

Well done for doing that.

Thank you. And so I'll never forget this day. One of my coaches, his son went to my school. And one day we were in the parking lot. I was with all my friends and all my teammates and things like that. And he comes up to me. He's like, I want to ask you something. And I was like, What? He was like, You ain't on that gay shit, are you? And I was like, What? And I was so embarrassed and shocked and whatever. And at that point in my life, I had so much confidence in myself. I I went home and I was like, one of the bathroom moments. And I came out of it like, I'm about to start being who I want to be. So I started taking small steps.

So you came into the queer community not necessarily, obviously, looking for friendship and a safe place, but also a little bit hesitant to who are these people?

I had no clue what to do, how to act.

A little bit homophobic, maybe. Exactly. A tiny bit, right?

Which we all are. Because I thought gay people was just all flamboyant and all this other stuff. But I was flamboyant in my own way. So I met this guy named Roger. He was in school. We were in drama class, and he was so funny. And one day, he asked me to hang out, and I was like, Really? We hung out. I was like, This is the best time I've ever had. And we did nothing. We just talked in whatever the case may be. But he never forced me to go to a gay club. He never forced me to go out with him on the weekends. He understood where I was in my transition of life. That's beautiful. And he respected it. Even though I saw it from afar- You had that first initial gay friend that eased you into it. That eased me into it.

But it takes a brave heart to live in New York City. Oh, it does. It does. And what age were you when you came here?

I was like, 2021.

2021. And you'd had some experiences. You came to New York. What was your first memory of the queer spaces here? What was your first safety space here in New York?

The disco.

The disco? Straight in.

Straight in. The disco, when I'm on a dance floor, I feel That's where I feel the community. I feel the power of everyone. And even the people that came before us. I feel that that disco ball just says something.

That is so beautiful. I actually agree with you. As much as I had such a hard time getting into the community and figuring out who my friends were and who my tribe were, that is where I feel the community. In the In the middle of the dance floor, that is where I feel it.

We don't even have to talk.

Yeah, that's why. Yes.

That's why. But we're expressing ourselves through our emotions and emotion. You know how we are when we go out and we hit the dance floor. Oh, my gosh.

Can I just say to anyone, listen, into this. You want me and Dante at your party. Oh, yes, you do, baby. We have an amazing time. It's in that dance floor that we free ourselves, that we feel safe. We do. That we feel truly safe. Yes.

It's no judgment.

By ourselves or with each other. Yes. Which is so beautiful. That's amazing. I love it. Just one last question for you. Thinking about all the times that you have felt on the outside from everything you've learned and everything you know, what would your advice be, as Dante, if you were sitting in front of a young queer person who's just like you, feeling a little lost in their teens, hasn't found their safe space yet, hasn't found their people, hasn't found their disco ball, what would your advice be?

My first advice, additional advice, would be patience. Because if you go looking for these things, yes, you will get it, but you won't get what's organically meant to come for you. I will teach patience. I will also say, you're going to go through everything. You're going to go through every motion. You're going to hate your group of friends. You're going to find yourself in sticky situations, all of the above. But I would say life is a roller coaster and believe it.

To have patience. Have patience. That's beautiful. You have made gold, babe, from your life and from all the things you've experienced, and it's really inspiring. Thank you.

It's really inspiring. You are inspiring. You actually do inspire me a lot. No, I swear. I swear. I always tell people that, they're like, How is Sam? Who is Sam as a person? And I go, Honestly, sometimes I think the white version of me because we are very similar in ways, especially when we We first started hanging with each other because we both didn't really know the queer space, and you've graduated more in the queer space than I have.

No, not true. We graduate in different ways. I do think we're very similar in terms of we don't actually have as many queer friends as other people that we know. I think me and you love to dance around into different sections. I feel like we have friends, we have people we love, we have family, family. But ultimately, we are alone dancing under a disco ball. Oh, my God. Oh, I love it. I love you.

I love you.

Thank you so much for being here.

Thank you for having me.

We love you.

We love you. We love you.

From this chat, I can't help reflect on Dante's advice on patience. In the community, we hear a lot about how we need to have courage, strength, pride, all of these big actionable traits. But remember what Dante said, Sometimes you just need to have patience and let the good things come to you. So in this moment, let's just accept ourselves exactly where we are right now. One way I like to process my big feelings as a kid was through mirror montages, what we talked about, me and Dante. And I'd love to show you what I mean by that. So come on down with me. Down the hallway of the pink house. We're going to go past my mom and dad's room, past my sister's room, down the hallway. On the wall, there's all pictures of the family. It's a big, beautiful bookshelf and a clock ticking. Right here at the end of the hall, opposite my bedroom, is that underrated little sanctuary. The bathroom. Imagine seeing yourself in the outfit that you dare and you dream to wear. I want you to think about the person you are and to know that you are safe and alone here to do whatever you want in front of that mirror.

And please remember the importance of patience. Patience in life, patience in any practice like this. Because when we obsess over seeking acceptance or approval or perfection, we risk overlooking what is meant to organically come to us. Or worse, failing to see the value of what is right in front of us, staring back in the mirror. Thank you so much to my guest, my dear friend, Dante, and Thank you for listening. I'll see you next week on The Pink House. There's more of The Pink House with Lemonada Premium. Subscribers get exclusive access to premium content with more stories and funny tidbits from the queer icons you hear on this show. Subscribe now in Apple Podcasts. The Pink House is a Lemonada original. I'm your host, Sam Smith. Our producers are Claire Jones and Rachel Leitner. Izara Aceves is our associate producer. Kristenristen Lepore is our senior supervising producer. Mix and sound designed by Rachel Leitner and Ivan Koryev. Editing by Jackie Danziger, our Vice President of Narrative Content. Executive producers include me, Sam Smith, Stephanie Wittelswax, and Jessica Cordova-Kremer. Production support from Method Music, Cherry Create, and Jessica Maya Jones. Original music by APM. Help others find our show by leaving us a rating and writing a review.

Follow the Pinkhouse wherever you get your podcast or listen ad-free on Amazon Music with your prime membership. In addition to this podcast, I'm in the process of establishing the Pinkhouse as a charitable foundation. Named after the home I grew up in, the Pinkhouse Charity is intended to provide support for people within the LGBTQIA+ community. The Pink House is about building a better, safer world for all of us. I can't wait to share more with you. Thank you so much for listening. See you next week. Bye.