Hey, everyone. This is Lewis Howes, and I am so excited to invite you to the Summit of Greatness 2024 happening at the iconic Shrine Auditorium in Los Angeles, California. This is more than just an event. It's a powerful experience designed to ignite your passion, boost your growth, and connect you with a community of other inspiring achievers. Join us Friday, September 13th, and Saturday, September 14th, for two days packed with inspiration and transformation from some of the most incredible speakers on the planet. Don't miss out on this to elevate your life, unlock your potential, and be part of something truly special. Make sure to get your tickets right now and step into greatness with us at the Summit of Greatness 2024. Head over to luishouse. Com/tickets and get your tickets today, and I will see you there. For people who might feel stuck in their life, might feel some type of brokenness, whether it be emotionally or physically, and they say, I don't know how to go after my dreams, what advice would you give to people who are struggling to figure out what their dreams are and also how to go after them?

First and foremost, we have this constant pressure of overachievement, thanks to social media. Why? Because everybody's posting about something great. I achieved this. I achieved that. Oh, my God. #globaltrotter. Wait, I cannot afford to buy a ticket. I cannot go anywhere. What am I supposed to do? When you see people posting rather bragging about what they have done in their lives every day, projects after projects, you question yourself, Am I doing enough? Am I good enough? Is my life meaningful enough? But let me tell you something. Social media is all about the good stuff. Nobody is going to post about their daily struggles. When I try to sit every day in the morning because my back muscles don't work, I fall back. When I try to get up, I fall back. And it happens. It continues. Basically, I start my day as a failure because I just cannot sit on my own without the help of my mother. But my social media doesn't I'm sure that. It's all about inspirational things, right? So please, you don't have to be an overachiever every day. Sometimes just waking up in the morning and not giving up on yourself is a huge achievement.

Absolutely.

And I do it every day. You do it every day. We all do that. So appreciate it and be kind to yourself. And you were talking about people dreaming. I always say one thing that dreams don't work unless you do. There is no such thing as overnight achievement. No. If it comes easy, it goes easy. I can sit in the corner of the room and they dream all day long, but nobody's going to come and serve success on plate. So I have to be optimistic But I have to be realistic, too. I need to work to get my dreams. And that's it. And what I've learned so far, Luis, is the attitude of gratitude works wonders. Just be grateful because you are way, way better than many. It is so powerful that gratitude has the power to turn what you have into enough. Gratitude will never let... It will never turn your pain into suffering. It will never. So be grateful for all the things that you have, for the things that you don't have or you have lost. Just be grateful.

For many years of my life, I would get frustrated when things would happen. I remember having a dream of being a professional football player, and I got injured, I broke my wrist, and then had a surgery and had to recover for about a year and a half, which kept me from playing and living my dream of playing sports anymore. And then I went through multiple breakups, so I had to learn the lesson the hard way many times in relationships. Just lots of things happened where I was like, Why is this happening? Why? Why is this breakdown happening? Why am I in pain? Why did this happen when I was a child? All these different things. And then I finally learned a strategy where people always say, When you look back, you can connect the dots. Hindsight is 2020, they say. You can look back and you can see why that needed to happen. Then when bad things started to happen, I said, You know what? I'm going to look forward. I'm going to have future hindsight. I'm going to say, You know what? This needed to happen because it's helping me become a new person.

It's helping me let go of toxic relationships. It's helping me get on a different path that will serve more people in my life and bring me more joy. When you had this accident, did you think about yourself in the future? Or when did you realize, I should say, when did you start to realize that, Oh, this is happening for me because it's going to benefit more people. It's going to bring me closer to my mission, or it's going to help me bring myself more joy. When did that happen for you?

It's rightly said. Nothing is happening to us. It's happening for us. It's all about perception. It's all about your perspective. I cannot relate to that 21-year-old who used to walk around. I don't even remember, Luis, how it feels to stand on your legs Wow. I just don't feel it. And if you can feel it, you're very lucky. Health is such a big blessing. And when I say that health is a blessing, it does not make me unlucky because I'm not healthy that way. But all I know is that when I say rebirth, it was a completely new me. It was a totally different person. And yes, there are lessons, there are mistakes. And I always say that even wrong people in your life They become lessons. Bad times become lessons. Your mistakes become great lessons. You learn, you grow, you improve. That's what life journey is all about.

I'm curious, what is the difference between self-acceptance and accepting where you're at, but saying, But I want to improve and get better, not just saying, I accept myself and I'm going to not do anything about how to improve. Is there a difference there? And what is that?

I think self-acceptance is the first step. Then comes self-love and loving yourself. I have always said this, that love yourself, but don't fall in love with yourself. And there's a huge difference between the two.

What is that?

When you fall in love with yourself, you are unable to see the flaws, the problems, the toxicity, because you're so deeply, madly, blindly in love that you just cannot see the problems. But when you love yourself, you want to improve, you want to become a better person every day, you don't love yourself blindly. You will question your problems. You will try to improve. So love yourself, but don't fall in love with yourself. And that starts the minute you accept yourself the way you are. Then you come to become better. Then you try to become better.

Love this. Why do you think Why people struggle so much with loving themselves and with self-love?

A lot has to do with social media, especially in today's time and age. We are a generation obsessed with perfection. We want everything perfect. Everything has to be Instagram perfect. #couplegoals. #beautiful. Let's redefine the word Let's redefine the word perfection. I've always said this, and I'll say it again, that I'm perfectly imperfect, and that's perfectly all right. I have accepted myself with all the imperfections. Things The things that I cannot change, the deformity that I have in my body, I cannot fix that. The scars that I have on my body, even though I'm healed, wounds and scars are still there. I'm not ready to change that. I'm okay with that. I've accepted. But what really makes me perfect is how I communicate with people. Am I kind enough? Am I compassionate enough? Am I considerate enough? That makes me perfect. That makes you perfect. And that's what it is.

What would you say is the biggest challenge you face today, the biggest struggle that you're trying to overcome? Maybe it's something internally or externally. Is there anything that you're facing with now?

Right now, not really, I think. But when this happened 14 years back, a wheelchair is always, I don't know why, but it's always been a symbol of pain and suffering and weakness and, Oh, my God, poor girl. I've heard this so many times that she's too pretty to be in the wheelchair. I was like, What are you trying to do? Are you trying to praise me or are you trying to make me feel bad? Then, and in the worst case scenario, I've heard people saying that she must have done something wrong. That's why God punished her. But wait, I was just 21. What did I do wrong to deserve this? It took me a while to let the world know that this wheelchair is This wheelchair is not adversity. This wheelchair is not weakness. This wheelchair is not suffering. It's the part of my body now. This wheelchair is not an accessory anymore. It's me. Wheelchair alone is nothing. But when I sit in the wheelchair, that's the package. Talk to that package now. Talk to that human being now. Yes, I have problems. Yes, I cannot walk. I know that. But then there is so much more that I can do when I'm doing in my life.

The biggest challenge was to change the mindset, which I think has changed with time because it's been 14 years now.

What was the biggest thing within your mindset that shifted?

In my mindset? You know what? I have made peace with the fact that no matter how amazing you are, no matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how cool you are, there will always be haters, there will be naysayers, there will be disbelievers because you cannot be liked and loved by everyone. Some people will hate you for some reason, some will hate you for no reason. Appreciate it and acknowledge just the way appreciate all the love, let's acknowledge all the disliking to.

How do you manage that when people discount you or maybe talk negative about you online or wherever? How do you personally deal with it?

I've always prayed for those who see their failure in my success. Those who hate you today, they were once dreamers who gave up on their dreams.

Oh, wow.

Right? Haters were once dreamers. They just gave up. So when they see a woman in a wheelchair doing something, they have to hate me. Because a lot of people said that, Oh, just because she's in the wheelchair, she got the chance to do all this. Dude, you are walking around. You had the chance, too, but you were too busy hating on people. You missed the chance. I understand. I'm an empath. I understand why is that hatred coming? Again, pray for those who see their failure in your success. Hating is not easy.

It's exhausting.

It's exhausting. I mean, imagine every day. I mean, I will be posting all the good stuff on my social media. You will be posting all the amazing stuff you're doing on social media, and they're just sitting in the room doing nothing and just hating. Who is the sufferer? We are not suffering. They are. So they need empathy and kindness.

Did you always have this belief for the last 14 years, or when you started to put your message out there and share your story, was it painful and hurtful for you at one point, or were you always have this perspective?

I think perspectives change. I was always a very grateful person. Not before the accident. I used to crib a lot because I was too young and I was too nice I believe. But with time, I realized that everyone is fighting an unseen battle, Louise. Everyone. And we are so good at the art of concealing the pain that we are in, all of us. The methodology changes. There are certain ways that we conceal pain. Sometimes we share, sometimes we don't. But we all are going through something in life every day. And I realized that if I think that I'm the one who's the most This broken one? No. I have traveled around the world. I have met so many people, and they had shared their very personal stories of how broken they are. Let me tell you, none of them were in the wheelchair. There are so many people who are walking around who are perfectly fine. They are running their businesses. They are so broken from within. All they want is to be understood. They want someone who can understand their pain. I feel so blessed that when people look at me, when they see me in the wheelchair, maybe they just think that because she is in pain, we can talk to her because she can understand what we are going through.

Why do you think so many people are broken in the world who maybe aren't in a wheelchair, who have able-bodied, let's say, don't have a disformed body or something, but they're broken? Where do you think that brokenness is coming from for so many people?

Too many expectations from people. Too many expectations. We want to get into a relationship because we want happiness. We want to feel complete, right? Soulmates. No, you are your own soulmate, period. If you are not in a good relationship with yourself, you will be miserable, even if you in a relationship with someone. That's why people are broken. My happiness cannot be taken by someone because my happiness does not come from someone. Nobody is giving me my joy. I am the reason of my own joy. If we manage to understand this tiny little truth about life, we will heal. And time doesn't heal you, you heal you. You need to sit down with yourself and think, do you love yourself enough? And if you love yourself enough and you believe in self-love, no external force will ever be able to break you.

How do we learn to love ourselves if we have been telling ourselves for so long, I'm not lovable, or I had this accident, or I went through a breakup in a relationship and they left me or they abandoned me or whatever it might be? How do we not let outside factors dictate our feelings about ourself and not let the fear of abandonment of people or people's love hold us back from loving ourselves.

Yes, the fear of abandonment. We all have that. We need to overcome this fear. I always say, When wrong people leave, right things start to happen. We all are living a life story. You have your own story. I have my story. My brothers have their story. My mother has her own story. When you find yourself in the wrong story, just leave. If someone is not adding value to your life story, or if you are not adding value to someone's life story, leave. Sometimes it takes letting go to realize we're holding on to nothing. We are too busy clinging on to those relationships which are not meant to be in our journey. That's why I say that these people are so toxic. With time, they become so toxic for you that you know what? Your presence in their life is their only definition. And they will never want you to leave because they're so weak, they want to stay in your shadow. So you need to pick and choose. This person is toxic. Leave. Liberate yourself by setting all these extra Those are people free who do not belong to your journey. And these people will always wear you down.

And if there's something is weighing you down, how will you fly high? And fear of abandonment, if you can manage to overcome this fear. Again, when you are on your own completely, that is where you will understand that solitude is very powerful.So powerful.It's very powerful. Because even in that silence, you're having a conversation. I mean, there is no energy vampire around me. I'm on my own and I'm manifesting the best things for myself. I would never trade my solitude to anything. Because when I am alone on my own, I am the best version of myself. Really? Because I'm kind to myself. Yes.

You're kind to yourself?

Yes.

How much time did spend alone after the incident?

I have this really cool habit. I switch off. So even when I'm surrounded by a lot of people, I'm actually not there most of the times.

Really?

Yes, I'm just thinking. Do you know what? Recently, I was thinking about something that when I was talking about how this beautiful balance of strength and vulnerability makes us who we are. I was thinking about it the other day that I experience this balance on daily basis. When I see my social media, when I read emails and people sending beautiful messages, how your words have empowered us, because if you, we're never going to give up. It gives me so much strength. And I say to myself, Oh, my God, I'm so strong. And then at the night time, when I'm thirsty, I'm unable to get up and get a glass of water for myself. That's my reality. And how vulnerable I am at that moment. So this strength and this vulnerability makes us who we are. So I need to have my own moment with myself where I am willing to understand myself better. That if I am vulnerable, that's okay. I'm strong, too. I'm the perfect balance of these two things, make me who I am.

I I'm so fascinated by your story. Every time I see your content, it makes me smile. Every time I see you post a video or a photo, I'm always just rooting for you. I'm so excited for you and your life and the impact you make. You are so much more talented than just an artist. At first, you wanted to be an artist, and then you thought you couldn't be. You were like, These don't look good. But now you're selling your art, your arts and galleries. It's really inspiring. But you're also a massive activist. You're a TV anchor, model. You did modeling, you sing, and you're a speaker, and you motivate millions of people around the world. You could have not done any of it. You could have said, I just want to be an artist and just go after that one thing, but you decided to go for more. When and why did you say, I want to start sharing the story and start putting this message out there in a bigger way and revealing these things about yourself that maybe you were scared to do?

I remember when I gave my very first talk, that was TEDx. And it actually happened when I decided and I manifested that I'm going to overcome the fear of facing people. That's so ironic that a public speaker was once scared of facing people.

I was for sure. Yeah.

I know. So what happened was I gave my very first TED Talk, and after my TED Talk, a girl from the audience, she came to me and she was crying and She said, Can I give you a hug? I said, Sure. So she gave me a hug and she said, Your 10-minute TED Talk has solved 10 problems of my life. And she said, Today, you made me realize that those 10 problems never existed. They were just in my head. I was overthinking. Because of you, I'm never going to give up. In that moment, in the flashback, I could hear my mother saying, One day God will show you. How did he choose you out of so many for this test? And that was the moment of realization that, you know what? If my words can change someone's perspective, maybe this is my true calling in life. And as they say that in the end, what matters is how many lives you have touched. So art is my comfort zone, Louise. I can sit in the corner of my room in a cozy environment, have a cup of coffee and paint and sell the work, make both ends meet, pay the bills, raise my son, and live.

But I mean, is that enough? It's not enough. Because comfort zone is a good place to be, but nothing ever grows there. So if you really want to grow as a person, if you really want to learn and unlear, We need to tap on all the abilities that we have. We are so blessed with immense potential, which remains untapped because we are too busy doing 9:00 to 5:00. We are too busy paying bills. And we live the same routine routine for so many years, and then we end up calling it life. It's not life. It's not. I realized later that I was labeled as the first wheelchair-bound model, the first wheelchair-bound singer, the first First wheelchair bound anchor, first wheelchair bound. And it was so much rubbed in my face that I said, You know what? I might be the first one to do all this, but I wouldn't be the last. I had to pave path for so many people who are supremely who are differently able, who are supremely talented, but maybe they were just a bit scared to take the first step. I took the first step. I broke those barriers. At least I tried.

And now I I see a lot of young boys and girls doing amazing work. Why? Because now it's normal. It's normal for a wheelchair user to smile. It's normal for a wheelchair user, may it be a boy or a girl, to look good, to wear lipstick, to look nice, to face the world. It's normal now. Even right now, when being an anchor person, I'm working for the national TV of Pakistan, and when I'm doing my show, I'm always thinking about that little boy or girl sitting in a far-flung village watching my show, and I think about them that they might be thinking that if a girl or a woman in a wheelchair can do this, we can do that, too. And that's what it is. So one day I feel, Louise, that the day I will leave the world, a lot of people will see my reflection in these young boys and girls who are unique, who are different, who were scared once, but now they're not anymore.

Yeah. Speaking of young boys and girls, in your videos online, you talked about how after the accident, the doctor said that you wouldn't be able to have kids. Isn't that right? Yes. Was that really a shock and very devastating for you? And if so, why was that so devastating? And what did you do about it to change that narrative?

It was devastating. Yes, definitely it was. We live in a society where if women… It's a bit of truth. A lot of people will hate me to say that, but I have to say it because I've experienced that. If a woman is unable to reproduce, if a woman is unable to be a mother. She's labeled as a useless woman. Oh, she cannot give birth to a child. She's incomplete. And this is not changing. I hope one day things will change, but it's not changing for women. The first thing that came to my mind was that, Oh, my God. I loved kids. I will never be able to have a child. But people are not going to accept me because at that point, I was married, and I cannot have kids. Disaster. How will I tell the world that even if I cannot give birth to a child, I can still love a child unconditionally? You don't have to give birth to a child to be a mother. So what happened was, again, that was my biggest fear that I wanted to have children. I wanted to have at least one child. So what I did was I adopted a child.

And that baby was... My son's name is Niall. He was a few days old when I held him for the first time in my arms. And now he is 11 years old. I mean, he is so amazing. He's such a bundle of joy. When I held him for the first time, it actually made me feel that he was the fruit of all the pain that I've been through.Wow.Yes..

What's been the biggest lessons he has taught you and motherhood has taught you?

Motherhood is all about unconditional love. It's all about that. A woman in a wheelchair can be a mother. A woman who cannot see her child can be a mother. You cannot define motherhood in words. It is just all about being unconditionally in love with a child, whether you have given birth to that child or not. I mean, probably my eye color does not match my son's eyes, but I see my reflection in his eyes every day. And this little boy who is now 11, he is such an inspiration. I have learned so much from him. So much from him. One thing I've learned from Niall is that kids don't judge. They don't. I've shared this many times. I'll share this with your audience also, that he was about four years old. He's obsessed with soccer. He loves football. So we got him his first football, and he was so excited, so much so that he actually forgot that I'm in the wheelchair. So he said, Mom, I got my football. Let's play football. And I said, Yes, let's do it. So he kept the football in my feet, and he said, Mom, kick the ball.

And I looked at him and I said, Nail, my legs don't work. I just started crying a little bit. And I was acting all cool, but he could sense that, You know what? My mom is hurting. And he looked at me and he He said, It's okay. Your legs don't work. Your hands are working. Let's play catch the ball. In that moment, he made me realize that when we are busy thinking about the glass is half empty, he made me realize that, No, think positive because your glass is half full. That's how we play. Instead of playing football, we were playing catch the ball.

I love this. I love this story. Can you wheel the wheelchair and kick it with the wheelchair? Can you turn it and hit a little bit?

No, I'm too scared. Honestly, sometimes it tips over and it just scares me so much. So yes, no adventures on the wheelchair for me.

Oh, man. It falls over sometimes.

It does.

Really? What is that like when it falls over?

You have to be in the wheelchair to understand how it feels. Oh, man.

That's scary. Oh, man. One of the One of the things we talked about before we started this was the power of identifying your fears, creating a list of your fears. You talk about this in one of your videos where there was a point of your life where you were just afraid of everything, lots of different things you're afraid of. Can you talk about the importance and what you did to just overcome fear after fear and what that did for you, that exercise of overcoming them?

So I'll tell you something. I'm talking about self-acceptance. Accept yourself the way you are, it's never easy. I think the biggest obstacle is a long list of fears, all sorts of fears, known, unknown. My biggest fears were three. They were my major fears, so I wrote them down. And I said, You know what? I'm going to overcome these fears one at a time. My biggest fear was facing people. Now, when I say this to the world that I was scared of facing people, people think I'm being funny. But no. And It's not the fact that I did not want to see people or I just hated people. That's why I didn't want to see them. I was tired of those remarks like, Oh, poor girl. I was tired of being treated as a patient. Oh, how do you feel? I feel the same. Ask me more about what I'm doing in life right now. And this mercy in their eyes that, Oh, poor girl. That was killing me from within. And I said, You know what? I'm going to overcome this fear of facing people. And maybe one day, they will understand that I'm okay.

I'm okay the way I am now. I've accepted myself, so please, you need to accept me, too. And as they say that when you think about doing something, the universe conspires. While I was thinking constantly about, how can I overcome this fear of facing people? How can I do this? I was going to the malls, I was doing groceries, but that wasn't enough. Out of the blue, I got a call from TEDx. And the guy said that, We really want you to come and share your story. And without missing a second, I said, I'm doing it. So that's how I gave my very first TED Talk. And in fact, while I was giving the talk, I was sharing my life story with the world. There I was sitting in front of so many people and sharing my story thinking, What am What am I doing? I'm literally becoming an open book, and everybody can come and say things to me because here I am.

They can judge you. Yeah, they can do whatever.

Of course. But then I realized that maybe someone somewhere in the audience needs my words. I'll do it for that one person. Then later, that girl came from the audience. In that moment, I realized that probably being speaker is my true calling in life, maybe. Then the other biggest fear was the fear of not becoming a mother. I was constantly thinking about it, How can I work? Then I sat down with my mother one day and I said, Mama, I want to adopt a child. But I was scared. Being a wheelchair user, I said, Maybe it will be hard. And my mother said, I'm with you. We'll raise him together. I said, Can we do this? She I said, Yes, let's do it. And that's how. So I applied for adoption. I waited for two years. And then one fine day out of nowhere, I got a call. The lady said, There is a baby boy, and would you like to adopt? I said, Is that even a question? Of course, yes. So that's how Niall came in my life. And then the other biggest fear was abandonment. As we were talking earlier, what happens when people leave?

Trust me, nothing happens. We are so scared of abandonment that, again, when you let go of all the extra people, you realize that you never needed them. You just never needed them. Have a good relationship with yourself, and you will never be scared of abandonment. When I overcame this fear of facing people, I became a speaker, or whatever things I'm doing. When I overcame the fear of motherhood, I became a mother.

That's what it Why do you think so many people are afraid to be alone? This is like this fear, I don't want to die alone. I can't go day by day without having friends around me all the time. I can't be alone. I can't go to dinner by myself. I can't go to the movie by myself. I can't walk down the street alone. Why is there this insecurity or fear that so many people have?

Because we forget that we came in the world with nothing and we lived with nothing. We came alone, crying. When we were born, we were in pain, and we were crying. That was the sign of life. Oh, the baby is alive because the baby is crying and the baby is in pain. When we leave, we are alone. So many people have left. Life does not stop. We are designed because we are social animals. We human beings are social animals. We need to socialize. The problem comes. Problem is not with the relationship. The problem is the expectations that we have with our partners that my spouse has to make me feel good. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't. Your spouse is a human being, too. Fighting battles. You are doing, too. Again, if you two are not complementing each other, your life will become miserable. Also, there's one thing that I've noticed. People are competing. I mean, two people in a relationship are not complimenting each other. They're competing with one another. This is so silly. Yes. I mean, you are supposed to compliment each other, but you guys are competing with each other. No wonder why so many people are so broken, so broken.

Either they switch to the new relationships like that because, oh, my God, what will happen if we are all by ourselves? Trust me, nothing happens. This This global pandemic has taught us a lesson. And that is by the end of the day, we are all on our own. So if you want to heal from COVID, you have to live with yourself. And you know why people were so scared of being on their own? Because they have never spent time with themselves for so long. And they were just so scared. But let me tell you something. Being a wheelchair A future user, I have spent so much time on my own, and it did not kill me. When you sit with yourself, you realize, Oh, I'm actually a good company for myself.

Yeah. And that's it.

So you go, you meet people, you socialize because it's fun, but not because you need to do it, but because you want to do it. That's what it is.

I think There's this thing where we shouldn't be abandoning ourselves. We don't need to be at an event or be in relationships with people if they are constantly toxic, like you said, or if they're making us wrong or bad, or if they're not accepting us. That's really a form of self-hatred if we keep putting ourselves in those situations and we abandon the love for ourselves, the boundaries we need to create to have the environment of peace and love and joy. So I think it's important for us to remember that. We don't have to keep showing up in situations where people are trying to hurt us. We can protect ourselves and not abandon ourselves.

Yes. Like Maya Angela says, When people show you their true colors, believe them.

Yeah. I Absolutely.

Do not justify their toxicity. Oh, my spouse is being overprotective. You know what? Because she's so much in love. No, that's toxic. That's bad. It's only going to get worse. So Be aware. When people show you their true colors, believe them.

Yes.

We run from these impermissible feelings from our past. These are emotional disturbances from our childhood, traumatic events, trauma with a big T, trauma with a small T. A big T trauma is being sexually abused as a child, having some violence, living through a catastrophic event, growing up in an alcoholic home. A small T trauma is being bullied. A small T trauma is being told you're stupid by a teacher. But the traumatic events from our past are the ones that are so impermissible Because inside those experiences, particularly childhood developmental experiences, is the shame, the impermissible rage, the feelings feelings of inadequacy and feelings of being unlovable. We build up all these different protection mechanisms around us to avoid ever having to face those impermissible wounds. Those protections could be achievement. They could look good on the outside. That's the scary thing. Workaholism can be really praised at times. It can look like alcoholism. It can look like drug addiction. We just create all these forms of protection around ourselves to never have to go there. But what's happened recently is when we've been struck with feelings of not being safe, feelings of being out of control, a lot of our typical coping mechanisms won't work anymore.

What are typical coping mechanisms for most people?

Typical coping mechanisms heading to the fridge, over eating, over working, not working, like numbing out, vegging out the sofa. A coping mechanism. I refer to coping mechanisms as protector parts. I am now trained in internal family systems therapy. And so in IFS, we talk about these protectors. And what are they protecting us from? Those exiled child parts, those impermissible parts that we don't want to ever touch, don't want to go into.

Protectors are the coping mechanisms, the addictive or non-healthy coping mechanisms, let me hear you say.

Correct. Yeah.

Those are called protectors.

Totally. Exactly.

The things that we don't want to go and face, the pain, the shame.

Sometimes we don't even know that they're a problem. A workaholic may not yet know that that's a problem for them, or codependency, so they're constantly protecting themselves by finding relationship, or for me, there was the controller. You were in studio with the controller many times, and you also even went as far as to almost pick up on that early in our relationship where you were like, It could be a little easier. You noticed it for me. There's I have one that's called Knives Out. She's not out anymore, but she was like this, If you fuck with me, you fuck with death row. I am done.

Were those your two main coping mechanisms, I guess?

Well, there was my 25 year old cocaine addict. And then there was the... Another interesting protector part is even spirituality at times, because while it's a beautiful practice to be on a spiritual quest, and it's what I've been writing about for over a decade, We can, at times, use our spiritual practice to get above the pain. Give me an example. You're newly sober, and you're in every meditation class and you're doing your Kundalini yoga, and you're getting high on your own supply, which is excellent. It's much better than drinking, and it's a beautiful pursuit. But it's also another of protecting what is deeper. Frankly, that spiritual bypassing, as we would call it, is actually a tremendous gift at times because it's too painful to go to those places. So if spirituality is what you've got, that's way better than the drugs and the alcohol. But you're still masking in a sense. But it's still another way of masking. It's still another way of getting above what is so uncomfortable to face below.

What were the two or three biggest things that you weren't willing to face for so long? For the reasons why you had these.

I didn't even know what they were. I got clean and sober at 25 and became extremely fascinated by my spiritual practice and became a spiritual teacher and started writing books on spirituality and personal growth. And then all the while was writing books on Oprah and friends with guys like you and moving my career forward and helping a lot of people and losing it on the inside, just cracking on the inside. By the time I was 36 years old, this is about probably maybe six months before that interview I referenced between you and I, I was just completely overwhelmed with my reality that I had created.

What reality?

The extreme control. Oh, okay. I had authored maybe six or seven books. I'd had all this busyness happening. And you remember, I had no team. I had one virtual assistant running this business that could have had 20 people at the time. I just kept just pushing, pushing, pushing, and all because I was trying to control. I was trying to stay safe. I was trying to stay safe from feelings that I didn't want to feel, but I didn't know that. I kept looking back saying, Why was I a drug addict? Why am I such a workaholic? Why am I codependent? Why am I why, why, why, why, I remembered being... I remembered I was an adult addressing that I had been sexually abused as a child. In the dream? Yes. I woke up and I was like, no way, never talking about that again. I had to talk that night. I was like, No, down. Get down. A few days later, I was in therapy, and my therapist was asking me a few leading questions. One thing that she said in particular just catapulted me into the memory. And not visual or details, but just the acceptance that this indeed did happen to me.

And so it turns out that for over 30 years, I dissociated from a childhood memory because it was so extreme. I ran from it in all the same ways that we run from trauma with the workaholism, the cocaine addiction, the love addiction, all of it.

What's the root of the shame? Or what's the In terms of hiding or overworking or controlling, is it shame that I'm not enough or that it's just too hard to face this pain or that if people knew this about me, no one would love me? What's the core fear that a lot of us face when event occurs?

So I don't think it's necessarily a logical fear that we have in our conscious awareness. It's a sense. It's an underbelly. And the more personal growth work we do, we can see, Oh, okay, I worked so hard to be seen, or you can start to see the map. But when we're in it, it's really hard to recognize. So much so that in the book, I write this chapter about shame. I tell this whole story about how I'm in this training where I'm teaching, but I'm also with two other teachers. So when the other teachers were leading the workshop, I was in the audience just like, Oh, let me hook up my friends. I'll sit and listen. Check it out. Yeah, check it out. The whole workshop is on shame. I'm thinking to myself, I don't have any shame. Thirty-six years old. I'm succeeding.

I'm driven.

I'm this. It's the most difficult emotion to face. Being in that room, that one exercise, I was like, Oh, my God, this is what I've been running from. This is what I've been hiding from. This is a decade into my sobriety, and I'm just touching into this now.

What was the exercise?

I think it was about witnessing how you respond to things and-Being aware of how you react. Becoming conscious of what it feels like.

If someone is a triggered human being in life, maybe not every day, but something happens and it triggers them, what is that saying about the person? That they haven't healed something that's allowing the trigger, that those events have power over them, that they have negative coping mechanisms. What is that reactiveness or shutdownness and not standing up for yourself? Whatever it is that people do, an unhealthy reaction, let's say.

The trigger, I'm going to speak to this in IFS language. Internal Family Systems was founded by my new friend, Dick Schwartz, and it's just the most beautiful therapy.

Internal family systems.

Yeah. I now did the level one training. I'm going to carry on and continue training in this. It's the most incredible practice I've ever used. I've been in that type of therapy for a decade, and then I most recently got it under my belt. What it is, and I could do some with you, too, today. What it is, is the premise that we have these exiled child parts, that the young boy who is sexually abused, the little girl who is sexually abused, or just the kid that was bullied, or the kid... I don't want to just say just because people are committing suicide over this, or being told you're not good enough or whatnot, or just a little bit of neglect or whatever it is. Those experiences from our childhood just get so pushed away I locked under lock and key, never to be spoken of again. Then the protectors show up from a very young age.

Protectors meaning coping mechanisms.

Exactly. The protectors actually have two different forms. There's managers, which are just like, workaholic, working. Then there's these firefighter protector parts that are like, F this, cannot go any further. I am going right for the drink, or I got to go right for the fridge, or just the addiction, the addictive parts. Those are all known as protectors. When we get triggered, when there's a moment where that child part gets activated, your father just passed, there's probably a lot of triggers that came up around that. Without any deep awareness of our system, our internal system, we'll get activated. The young part might get activated because we feel out of control, we feel unsafe. Something activates that part. When that feeling starts to creep in, the protector comes right in. The protector is going to work, going to eat, going to run, going to run, run, run, run, run Binge on television. Anything that that part can do to anesthetize the voice of that or the presence, even this tinge of feeling sensation of that exiled child part. Then the beautiful good news is we all have what's known as self. For years, as a spiritual teacher, I would have called this higher self or God or universe.

In this case, I would call it self with a capital S. Self is the compassionate calm, courageous, curious, creative part of who we are that has always been there. It's the truth of who we are. It's the soul of who we are. It's a non-physical energy that is us. When we learn to connect to that self-energy and let that self-energy relate to and support the protectors, then our entire system can relax.

You talk a lot about practicing meditation and also prayer. You say something that was interesting that you said about using silence to hear in between the lines. So can you share what that means to hear in between the lines through prayer, meditation, mindfulness, and what this all means? How can we understand this? There's a lot of noise about it, but what does it really mean?

When I hear the mindfulness, to me, what it really means is intentionality. What I mean by that is, are you crafting, designing, and intentionally creating your life, or are you just coasting in the passenger seat of your life, which is just dragging you and driving you wherever it's taking you? And so it's the difference between being the driver or being in the passenger seat. And so to me, living intentionally is what allows you to live a life of by design. And so I'll give an example of what mindfulness can look like. There's something in the book that I talk about called the three S's, which are sight, sense, and sounds. Now, if you think about that, we're exposed to sight, sense, and sounds every single day. Every single day. But how many of us have crafted those to be sight, sense, and sounds that we want in our life? So this is what I realized. When we were monks, one of the most important things was, what was the first thing you saw, the sight, when you woke up?

Right now, most people are probably seeing their screen.

Yeah, I think 80 % of people look at their screens first thing in the morning and the last thing at the night. So you're seeing your screen first thing in the morning. But what are you really seeing? You're seeing everyone else's priorities. You're seeing everyone else's issues and challenges. You're seeing everyone else's messages to you, which means you're already starting your day off reactively. But what if you started your morning looking at a painting that inspired you or a A picture of a loved one that brought joy in your heart, or your favorite quote by Lewis or by anyone else that when you read that in the morning, you were like, Oh, yeah, I feel in charge today to make a difference in the world. Imagine the first thing you saw in the morning was something inspiring. How much would your day change? That's mindfulness. Mindfulness is being intentional and mindful about what you are exposing yourself to. Let's talk about sounds next. So sounds was something that I started to study, actually, much later from a modern life perspective. But when we When we were monks, we would wake up to birds, we would wake up to water, we'd wake up to gongs or cymbals.Chants.Chants, exactly, which are all beautiful sounds.

Now, the crazy thing is all of us wake up to something called an alarm.

Right.

Just like... I don't know why anyone would want to wake up to an alarm. Why would you want to wake up alarmed? It means now your system is alarming. Why would you want to do that? Why would you want to wake up in shock, in a state of a jolt. I don't think that's a positive way to wake up. So changing the sound that you wake up to. Now, I'm not saying that everyone can wake up to nature sounds. Maybe you're one of those people who just hit the snooze button again. But what if you woke up to a sound or a song that brought you joy? Now, when I lived in New York for two years between 2016 and 2018, I started to feel quite exhausted by the end of the day, and I was really looking into why is it that I feel tired? And I started to realize I came across this term called cognitive load. And what it means is that a lot of the sounds that you hear in New York City are sounds that are insignificant for your mind to process: drilling, construction work, taxi's honking, driving, car screaching, scratching.

People yelling at each other in the street.

People yelling at each other on the street. All of that sound is called cognitive load, where your brain is now trying to make sense of meaningless sound.

Or it's also just like, should I be afraid? This is a loud sound. It was my your brain go into fight or flight like, I need to protect myself. So you're always being alarmed.

Yeah, exactly. And you hear sirens. The amount of sirens that I remember hearing on the streets. Now, when you hear sirens, sirens have an emotional trigger, and they have an emotional response to them. So think about your day. Think about when you come home from work, or now you're working from home, what sound do you want to hear when you're working? What sound do you want to hear at the end of the day? When you sound design your life, that's called mindfulness. That's being intentional. And then finally, scent. Scent is such a powerful sense that we're not even aware. How many of you, when you smell your favorite food, can't already wait to eat it? You can almost taste it. Salivating, right? Yeah, you can taste it already just through scent. Why is it that every time you walk into... Yeah, I think pizza has one of the best sense.

Well, your wife, Roddy, has got some amazing food. That was amazing. When I walked in the kitchen last week, I was like, This is amazing.

That was That was for you. That was special. That was for you. That was for you. That was a good meal. That was a really good meal. She really appreciated that you love to eat, too. She was happy. Her heart was full.

Exactly. Bring a former jock in your house and you'll clear all the food out.

She was like, I've never seen something like that. Someone eat that much. I was like, This is a big American dude. I was like, This is like, he can eat. No, it was great. She was so happy that you appreciated it so much. For sure. She really appreciated that.

But the sense was important in your life.

When you walk into a massage space It's the spa. It's the scent, the eucalyptus, the lavender, the sandalwood.

It puts you in a peaceful state.

Dude, scent puts you in Zen without trying. And so mindfulness is intentionally creating a life that makes you feel what you want to feel without having to just create the feeling from inside. You may say, Jay, I really struggle trying to be positive. I struggle trying to deal with anxiety. I struggle trying to be focused. Your sight, sense, and sounds can help Hope you do that. And you start creating an environment where you naturally feel that. Like today, when I walked into your studio, I saw your books, I saw these motivational quotes, I saw a boxing glove. And it's like all of a sudden you're like, Oh, I'm in an uplifting environment. So you already get triggered.

Exactly. I think a friend of mine mentioned one time on the podcast, Chris Lee said, You want to create an environment like a rainforest where things can thrive and grow, as opposed to having an environment like a desert where things go to die. That's beautiful. If you have sights, sense, and sounds that are like a desert for your life, for your heart, then it's going to be hard to grow those things from your heart. But if you created an environment of a rainforest where things can grow, water, nature, cool air, things like that, then you can really start to cultivate that growth. You mentioned about creating and designing your life. How much of the world do you think we receive by being here? And how much of the world do we create ourselves?

Yeah, that's a beautiful question. It's a complete dynamic dance between what the Vedic tradition would call fate and free will. So fate is what is already created for you And a good example would be the place you were born, the type of family you grew up in, the socioeconomic background you had. It was already there when you walked into the world. But within that, you had choices where your free will Will came about. You had the choice to either do what everyone in your neighborhood did or to do something different. You had the choice to have a relationship with a particular person or not. So what happens is that we're constantly creating new spaces from which we have another choice. And so you see as this dynamic dance between, okay, now I'm in this situation, and now what is my choice in this situation? So I'm not saying it's equal. I'm saying it's a dynamic and a switching process where you're constantly creating a new level, and then now in that level, you have a next choice.

Because we didn't have the choice to be created here. We were here, and that wasn't our choice. Now, everything after that is our choice, right? Yeah.

And obviously, there are some traditions, and I'm a big diver into reincarnation and past life. So according to the beliefs of reincarnation and past lives, you have at some point made a choice to be here. But taking it more simplistically, the truth is that when you're brought into a situation, the best analogy that I've heard, and it's been told for years, is of a father is an alcoholic. One of the sons that he has decides to become an alcoholic because his father's an alcoholic. The other son decides to never drink alcohol because his father's an alcoholic. So they were exposed to the same situation and same scenario. Same environment. Same environment. But they both made different choices based on their experience. And that's the That's the element that we should be trying to empower in our lives because we can constantly say, I'm limited by my environment, or I've been restricted by my environment. And hey, it's true. There are so many of us that have been limited and restricted. But by now, you repeating that, you are going to repeat that restriction in your life.

How much of a positive environment supports us in our growth or holds us back? There are some people who have the perfect family situation situation, resources, beautiful backyards and nature who are lazy. And there are others who have divorced parents, abusive parents, abusive friends, an environment of a desert, and they figure out a way to thrive. Totally. How much importance does our environment play in our overall success?

If you look at the examples that you just shared and you really analyzed life, you'd see very little because you see people people craft their own life. So a good example for me is that when I came back from living in the ashram, and there were other people who may have been monks who'd also left the path, and I came back to a not financially successful or supportive family. So my family doesn't have abundant wealth and couldn't necessarily have taken care of me or paid for me forever. And I had to figure out my own life. And that, to me, was a great sense of impetus and incentive to go and figure it out learn new skills and network and meet people. And I saw other friends who parents had a property portfolio with 10 properties ready to hand them over. They had a BMW the second that they came out, whatever, from their own life. Or I even have friends that had all of that and didn't become monks and didn't even find careers. So I've also got friends that I went to school with that today don't even have careers, even though their parents were really well established.

Which all of these examples have continued me to believe believe that we truly have influence in more than our environment. Our environment affects us for sure. It plants seeds and weeds into our life, but there is still a choice. And I think even if you feel there isn't a choice, simply by accepting that there is, it means you have a chance to get out of there.

And I think that's what-Because if you don't accept that there is, then you're just going to stay stuck.

Correct. There's been so many times in my life, and there's a beautiful quote from Edison. I don't think I said this last time, but if I did, it's worth repeating. He said that, When you believe you've exhausted all options, remember this, you haven't. And the reason why I love that is your mind continuously feels stuck when it's tried the obvious. And that's why a lot of creativity and focus studies say that the first 10 ideas that come to your mind are never the most interesting. It's when you get into the 11th idea that you start breaking the pattern. And so if someone asked you, Oh, what's your best business idea? Your first 10 ideas are probably not that innovative. And so the mind constantly gets stuck on that train, and you've got to keep reminding yourself that there is another door. There could be another pathway. I was thinking about a piece of advice. So one of my closest spiritual mentors who is in London, I knew him since I was probably I was 12, and probably since I was 18. He passed away this year from stage four brain cancer. And he had brain cancer for about, I think, three, four years now.

And so I hadn't really had a real interaction with him for the past few years because every time When I saw him, he wasn't fully functioning in his short-term memory. His long-term memory was there, but his short-term memory wasn't. And I remember speaking to him, probably about seven, eight years ago, and asking him the question. I said to him, You know what? I've got so many ideas. There's so many things I could do. Where do I start? And he said this beautiful thing to me. He said, You know what? Your role should be to open up every door possible. And he said, Let the world close the doors you're not meant to walk through and walk through the ones that remain open. And what I realized is most of us are just not opening up enough doors because we think we only have the option of two doors. We look at life as binary, zero and one, zero and one, right? It's just this or that. I think you'd say this, too, about you and every guest you've ever had on. I don't think life is ever this or that. It's like this, that, and that, and maybe that, and that.

And there's always a gap.

Of course. The challenge that people have that I've sensed a lot is the fear of criticism when you go after something that you weren't supposed to do or that people don't think you're supposed to do. Why do so many people fear criticism from peers, family, friends, the media? Why is that such a big fear? And how do we overcome criticism from others?

Psychologically, we feel a sense of safety and security when we think people agree with us. That is just psychologically true, that we would rather avoid conflict and We sit in a space where we agree, and therefore, we have something called confirmation bias and the echo chamber, where we keep surrounding ourselves with thoughts and ideas that are similar and reaffirm our beliefs. Now, I think that you can have that and at the same time entertain ideas that you're not sure about yet. One of my favorite examples was MIT did this study where they asked people which person was more creative and innovative, and they showed two charts. One chart was Employee A, and the other chart was Employee B. The chart for Employee A, all of the people they knew, knew each other and knew them back. So it was almost like a closed loop. And Employee B, they knew lots of people who didn't know each other. And they found that people who have more people in their network who don't know each other are more likely to be creative and productive. Really? Why is that? Because they expose you to opposing ideas, and they may counteract how you think.

So one One of my favorite examples of this is a conversation between Mark Zuckerberg and one of his mentors. So Mark Zuckerberg told this story at the Facebook headquarters a few years back. I wasn't there. I've seen it on video, and I'm sure it's available. And he talks about how when he was struggling with the direction of Facebook in 2009, he approached his mentor, and his mentor happened to be Steve Jobs.Wow.Pretty cool.Wow.Pretty cool.I wish.That's really cool.Yeah, it's so cool, man. Anyway, so Mark Zuckerberg goes to Steve and he says, I'm struggling with the direction of Facebook. Remember, at that time, Facebook was five years old.

There was no fan pages, I don't think.

I don't think there was no creators. I don't think there were fan pages. It was very much used by university students at that stage. I think it was mainly Ivy Leagues College kids. College kids. And I don't even think it was international in a massive way. Very early days, and now we can't even think of that. But 2009, you just about had the iPhone and just about had Instagram and YouTube. So he went, I'm just I came to Steve Jobs and he said, I'm struggling with the direction of Facebook. What do I do? Now, Steve Jobs, at that time, obviously, was already the founder of one of the biggest brands on the planet, and obviously, the brand still is. He had access to investors He had access to business coaches. I'm sure he had access to life coaches.He had access toHealth experts and everything.He had access to anything.I don't think there was anyoneScientists, whatever you're at.Scientists, PhDs. I don't think there's anyone in the world who Steve Jobs couldn't have called up at the time. And Steve Jobs said something amazing. He said, You know what, Mark? I think you should go and live in an ashram in India.He did not.He did.No way.It's a true story.

He goes, And when you go to live in the ashram in India, if you spend some time there, that's where you'll find your answer. Shut up. And Mark did it.No way.Mark went to the usher. This is a true story.For.

How long?

I believe he was there for... I've seen two online. I've seen two versions of the exact time he was there. I've seen some people said it was a couple of days or a week, or some people said it's a month. So I think it's hazy how much time he actually spent there. But he went. And he says that based on that experience, that's where he found the direction of Facebook to be connecting people. Now, the reason why I love that story is because it's the unobvious alternative, randomized It's a random connection. And when Harvard did a study of 3,000 executives, they looked at and asked them, what's the number one skill for being a good leader? And a lot of people would say communication. A lot of people would say vision, strategy, strategy, humility. And the number one answer that they got from 3,000 executives was the one word which is called associating. And what that means is the ability to spot patterns where everyone else doesn't see them. And that's the connect that real leaders can spot patterns and connections in anomalies. So most people be like, what has an ashram got to do with a tech platform?

But that is where you expand your mind to find answers that you never expect How important is creating alone time with noises, people, busy work to allow your mind to expand?

Is that the only time in that silence? I think you mentioned it, silenced Silence to hear in between the lines. Is that where we start to hear what we're supposed to be creating, where we're supposed to be heading, our mission?

I'm really glad you brought that back. I wanted to get back to that. So when we talk about... There's a beautiful statement by David Lynch, who's a movie producer and a deep meditator, and he says that prayer is how you talk to God, and meditation is how God talks to you. And whether you believe in God or the universe or spirit or divine, whatever it means, the point is that there is a dialog and a conversation.

So prayer is like you're speaking, you're saying, Here's what I want. Here's how I feel. Help me. Help me, yeah. And meditation is more receiving.

Receiving, yeah. And so I love that statement because I think it makes it very clear that we have to have a We have to have a dialog with the universe. We have to have a dialog with people in our lives. We have to have a dialog, and there's both giving and receiving. So when I talk about hearing in between the lines, the best example I can give you, Lewis, is let's take a look at you and your relationship, and mine and my wife's relationship. One of us is always traveling. So you travel, your partner travels, I travel, my wife travels. Sometimes we're missing each other. Imagine you've got really busy and hectic. Do you think, and anyone listening or watching, you can ask the same question, if you were really busy and hectic and stressed out, do you think your partner feels comfortable to tell you how they feel and get your attention?

If I'm busy, stressed out, overwhelmed, would my partner tell me how I feel about themselves or about-Yeah, do you think they would feel confident to be like, Lewis, I need to tell you something really important?I.

Don't think they would.They wouldn't. They really wouldn't because-They don't want to stress you out more.

You're not present, all these things.

Exactly. Exactly. So exactly that. And so what happens is when you're still, your mind and body actually get to speak to you and give you signals of how they feel. And so when you're still, that's when you notice that ache in your foot that you haven't noticed for a month. Sometimes when you slow down, that's when you get sick because your body wasn't allowing itself to be sick because you were pushing it to get through stuff. Just like your partners can't communicate with you until you slow down, your body and mind can't communicate with you until you still. And so there's a beautiful Buddhist teaching that says, what movement does for the body, stillness does for the mind. And so when we find that space, stillness, and solitude, you really are able to hear your deepest desires and challenges, your physical pains and areas of growth. It's one of the reasons why when people meditate, they feel sleepy afterwards, and they think they're doing it wrong. But actually, they're doing it right. Meditation just I told you you needed more sleep. You needed to rest. Yeah. Meditation was just a signal. So sometimes when I meditate with people that I'm coaching-It's like pass out.

Some of them will be like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, Jay. I'm just feeling so tired. And I'm like, No.

Then sleep, then rest.

Yeah, that's what your body is telling you because you finally listened. And some people are like, Oh, Jay, I feel so energized. And I'm like, Yeah, because you allowed yourself to be in line with your body. I know your body is saying that you feel energized, and that's great. You've got that energy. Go work out, go build something.

Or you've cleared out those negative thoughts, or you've let go of those distractions, that resentment, and so you're not feeling this weight, so you feel lighter. Correct.

And so that stillness and silence is one of my favorite ways for you to actually build that relationship with hearing your inner voice.

Is there too much silence? If you say, Okay, five hours a day, is there a tipping point when you're like, Okay, I think you do two hours every morning, but a lot of people say, Well, I've only got 20 minutes, maybe. Is five hours too much? Is it an hour? What is the maximum or minimum sweet spot you think for people to be silent every day to live a great life?

I think 20 minutes is a great starting point because 20 minutes is significant enough time for your mind to switch off. So we hear that study I know that we have 60 to 80,000 thoughts a day.80% are negative.80% are negative. I'm guessing a lot of them are repeated. And so if you're only going to say, I'm going to do five minutes, it just takes five minutes to switch off. It takes five minutes to just overcome that noise. And so I'd say that 20 minutes is a good amount of time. And hey, you're not trying, and I think this is the challenge with meditation mindfulness, you're not trying to empty your mind. You're just trying to be present with it and listen to it and experience it.

I hope you enjoyed today's episode and it inspired you on your journey towards greatness. Make sure to check out the show notes in the description for a full rundown of today's episode with all the important links. And if you want weekly exclusive bonus episodes with me personally, as well as ad-free listening, then make sure to subscribe to our Greatness Plus channel exclusively on Apple podcast. Share this with a friend on social media and leave us a review on Apple podcast as well. Let me know what you enjoyed about this episode in that review. I really love hearing feedback from you, and it helps us figure out how we can support and serve you moving forward. And I want to remind you, if no one has told you lately that you are loved, you are worthy, and you matter. And now it's time to go out there and do something great.