Good morning, millennials. Welcome back to the toast and happy Friday. An amazing day always. Not that we needed a reason, but today especially is so sick. It's so twisted. You guys are gonna choke when you see who's joining me in studio today. Yeah, that's right. The kind of the ic girl of the moment. And I didn't even know when I was. I'm before everyone. I knew I wanted you on the pod even before. Everyone is, like, obsessed with you now. It's Nikki Glaser, everyone. Whoa.

Yeah. You booked me before everyone got on board. You were in on it. You got it. So I showed up. Thank you for having me. I'm so glad to see you again. It was so fun to hang last time.

I have loved you always.

Really? Always.

I don't even know if you remember this, but our first ever interaction was you sent me a DM when all that stuff with Cuba gooding junior was going down. And you just were like, oh, my.

God, what stuff was going down? Please remind me.

When I was 16. And by the way, it's the craziest thing ever, and I'm completely healed, so feel free to say whatever you want. When I was 16, I grew up in New York City. When I was 16, I used to go to clubs in high school and stuff. And literally, one time, I'm sitting up on this thing, and somebody sticks their finger up my ass, and I turn around and it's Cuba goody junior. That was me. And so this was a million years ago when it was all in the news and stuff. Cause I was talking about it on my podcast. Good question. And you just reached out to me, and you sent me such a sweet note. Like, out of nowhere. It was so nice and so unnecessary. Like, I didn't know you. And honestly, it hadn't affected me. Like, I was really okay with it. I was, like, making jokes about it. It was really fucking crazy.

Yeah.

And I have loved you since that moment.

Aw.

And now everyone sees what I've been seeing, and I'm obsessed.

That's so nice. That's my favorite thing in my life, is when I'm told a story about myself. I don't remember of a kindness where I'm like, she sounds so nice. I'm like, oh, that was me. Okay, good. Cause you never know what you're gonna hear about yourself. And you hope you behave in a way that comes back to you in that way. That's so nice. God, I'm so nice.

You are.

Holy shit.

No. I love you.

Why would I just go out of my way. No, I probably was just wanting to be friends with you, and I obviously had compassion for whatever you were going through at the time. I don't remember the details of which I found out about it, but I definitely, like. Yeah, like, well, that's. We were just talking about, like, you're brave. Like, you say things that maybe. It maybe takes you a while to get to a place where you can be funny and, like, open about it, but you eventually do.

We were talking offline about the thing. I exclusively talk about ozempic.

Yeah.

And how I've really had, like, the most amazing experience. And I know you. Cause I actually just watched you on Howard Stern, and you spoke a lot about your eating disorder when you were younger. And have you ever really spoken as deep as you did with Howard?

I think probably. I'm really open about it. People just don't really ask because it's awkward. And he was willing to go there. He sensed that I was comfortable with it, so it wasn't like he. It just flew out of me. But, yeah, I'm so. I'm not detached from it. I'm actually more connected to it than ever. And I understand it in a way that I can talk about it without feeling, like, guilty about it or, like, shame about it anymore.

But I think someone. A lot of people who have, like, an experience like you did, like, you had a really bad, severe case of anorexia feel very triggered by the ozempic conversation.

Oh, yeah, I absolutely was. And that's why I, like, I figure out the feeling. Like, what's my initial feeling is like, no, stop doing this. You guys. Stay fat. Because that's how I. If I'm thin, that's how I have value, is that there are fat people that I'm better than comparison. That's literally the sick thought, and that is true. That is the shaming that happens with women who work out or just naturally thin or have genetics that don't lead them to have an eating disorder that could give them, make them overweight, a thyroid issue, loads of issues. Why someone is overweight that have nothing to do with the fact that they're lazy or want.

Of course.

Of course.

Or wanting to bitch.

You're just lucky that you got your genetics and that you, like, listen, if you work out and you're like, no, I work out for my buddy. You're lucky you got a brain that likes to work out. My brain doesn't do that. Or whatever it is. You're not better than anyone because you're thin. And I think thin people have that there is a privilege to being thin. That is without question. And I think when thin people started seeing a way for everyone who's fat to kind of. Not everyone.

Not to join them, but a lot.

Of fat people to suddenly be thin. Oh, how threatening is that? Especially if you've prided yourself on part of your identity as being thin and that's how you value yourself. You don't have to work on other things. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

And if you're fat, you gotta work on. Especially in the show business. You better be talented, bitch.

If you're fat.

So now that girl, that talented girl who was fat, who only got through because she's talented, because showbiz doesn't like fat people.

Uh huh.

Now she's gonna be thin. Uh oh.

It's over for you bitches.

What do you got, bitch? I think that's what it is. Like, I do a joke about it on stage, but I'm like, you're not upset that these people are stealing medicine from diabetics who need it? You're upset that Mindy Kaling's gonna have a thigh gap.

A hundred percent.

You want Mindy to stay? She's a writer, she's talented, and we love her, but we like her fat style. Say fat because that's the way I feel better than you. Even though I'm saying this is like. It's a cultural feeling. They feel that thin equals good, which is a myth.

I, as someone who was so fat for so long, I used to look at someone like Mindy Kaling. And whenever there was a fat, not notorious someone who was always fat, and they were famous, and then they go and lose the weight. It does. It feels like a betrayal. I used to get so sad when someone would leave us.

Please come back.

Cause they were just proof that it could be done, that you're a failure.

You'Re not doing what they're doing. You don't work hard enough.

Being on the other side of it, I realized, like, that's such an immature way of looking at things. Like what? What the fuck? Are my feelings relevant in someone's journey to, like, bettering themselves?

But you get jealous. You want them to. Don't do that. But there is an acceptance in, you know, thin people can't get mad at fat people who work out to lose weight. Now, if you're working out and you're starving yourself all day, which that's somehow admirable. That's really. Yes, exactly. We want to see you on TikTok, hold your fat and go, I want to change and go in the gym and do this with ropes and sweat and look all. We want you to look, but we want you to. And then we're like, you lost the weight. That's the real way to do it. But just don't keep doing it. Like, just stay kind.

Just.

You can be, like, a former fat person, but you'll never. But it was them. Because maybe people look very thin, and it's. And why. This is the other angle. I don't like. It's like, it's cheating. How is it cheating? To get a shot in wherever you have to take shots are not pleasant, and you have to do it. If you don't do it, I hear it comes back. So it's something you have to do forever. And also, you lose your hair. There's side effects to ozempic that aren't easy. It doesn't sound like a cheat to me.

I hate when people say it's a cheat because it definitely helps. But, like, I don't think we would say someone, you know, taking antidepressants is cheating. Depression, crazy. Like, it's medicine. Obesity is a disease, and ozempic is a medicine. And when people refuse to see it from that angle, it bothers me so much. Like, I get so much.

You're so right. It's like, people think they're thin because they are. It's a virtue to be thin and that you can't buy virtue. You have to work for virtue. And it's like, it's not that it's genetic, and it's like, well, for sure.

But, you know, that also makes me think. Cause one of the questions I'd wanted to ask you about the roast, which we're obviously gonna get into, is, you know, it was amazing. You were incredible. You're such a star. And I wonder so much. Cause I'm, like, a sensitive person. I love to make jokes. I'm the type of person, like, I can dish it, but I really can't. I can't take it.

Oh, no. Dear God, no.

And there was a joke made about your eating disorder.

Oh, yeah. I didn't care.

You didn't?

I was like. I was like, thanks. Like, I still am part of the fucking. It's still in me to, like, value thin when people are worried about me, like, when I know that I'm doing okay, when people are worried about me and I'm not doing well. Embarrassing.

Yeah.

When they're worried about me and I'm like, eating normally and, like, have a good relationship with food. I'm like, okay, look. Like, I like, okay. And I still value being thing. I'm not gonna, like, lie. Like, I feel better about myself when I am on the thinner side of things. And so those jokes, I was there. It's so funny because at first I was like, oh, they think, like, no, they're just making the jokes. Cause I've talked about my eating disorder so much. They're not, like, just, like, assuming they're not, like, making. That's the story. And then I also was like, they were making jokes about bulimia, which is what I've dabbled in, but not. Is not my, like, not your thing. I do overeating and, like, exercise bulimia, and then I do anorexia, but I've not really bulimic. I did for a minute, but they were making jokes about that. And I go, well, maybe they're saying that I, like, fluctuate too much like that. Then I start going, like, maybe it's a. Maybe it is a fat joke. Like, I don't. That's how much I don't perceive myself. Like, I literally could think.

And I've never been a person who could call themselves fat, but I feel. I was questioning. I was questioning if I was old. They made a joke that I should be dating Bill Belichick, who's in his approaching 80. They were like, you're dating. You know, the women you're dating are too young. You should date someone your own age. Like Nikki.

That's absurd. I have to say. You looked so insane.

You look sick.

And you have a new special coming out. And I've been seeing clips all over you wearing this tiny, tiny dress.

Tiniest dress.

And even when you and I did that Cynthia Rowley event together, you were wearing these sky high heels.

Yeah.

I go on stage always in pajamas and shorts. I mean, and sneakers. Excuse me. Comfort is so important. That's such a cool look. You crush it, but then you're also wearing, like, the most painful looking outfit.

Yeah, I really like. I like dressing up for things. I like feeling like a pop star. Like, I think that's always what I wanted to be. So I kind of like leaning into dressing up and feeling, like, really girly and really, like, sexy, even though I don't really, like. I like being looked at sexually by, like, people I like, of course. But I don't want to be, like, a sex symbol.

Yeah.

I just am trying to look. I'm trying to make women go, wow, she's you know, serving cunt or whatever. The thing is, they're just like, a.

Woman in this industry trying to survive. So, like, do you feel sex sells?

Like, right, I was talking about, like, my pursuit is being fuckable, but I wanted you to know, like, being fuckable is what I want to be. But the worst part about being fucked is the worst part about being fuckable. All the other things are great. Oh, my God.

Make a court car.

But none of us are doing it. We don't. Men, listen up. Don't be threatened when your girlfriend's trying to be fuckable. She's just trying to get a door held for her and get a better job or to get asked on that podcast. Whatever it is, like, whatever it is, it's not about getting penetrated. Ugh. No, no.

It's about attention. Everything is about attention. Yeah, I love attention.

Attention. And because that might be. That's such a vapid thing. Fame is such a vapid thing to pursue attention and love from strangers. No, it's not. It makes complete sense. We are. We used to live in tribes, and if you were valuable to as many people in the tribe as possible, that's a good chance everyone's gonna try to keep you alive. It's a survival thing to want to be famous. And yes, it does not equal real love. And I don't need millions of people to know who I am to survive. It doesn't make sense that I want it, but the instinct is not vapid, I don't think. Or, like a soulless pursuit. It actually has a lot of soul in it. Like, you want to survive, of course.

But it's also, at the end of the day, a job. And so you wouldn't think it's, like, very shallow of somebody who works in marketing to want to be successful, climb the corporate ladder, make new introductions, get new promotions, and at the end of the day, like, you going on podcasts, you doing a special, you doing all these things are in pursuit of success as well. And fame equals.

Which is all success equals. Money equals survival.

Right?

I want to be able to get in a good bunker when the apocalypse comes. I want to get my. I want my parents to be well taken care of and not be in a nursing home that's state run like I work for. If me showing my tits is going to make me more money so that my parents can live better, live better, I'm going to do it. I don't care.

Did your parents like being reality stars?

They did at first. They were like, my mom panicked. Like, I think a couple days before and was like, they're hanging cameras. This is way more invasive than I.

Thought it was gonna be.

Nick, I don't think I can do this. I'm pulling out, and I go, okay. That's okay. I go, we'll. I think it'd be funny. We'll just cast someone as my mom.

Love.

Like, I go, we'll address it. We'll say that you don't want to be a part of it, and we'll just. We'll have this actress playing you. But it'll be funny, and it'll be totally. It won't make it look like you're a pussy or whatever. Like, I was, like, trying to. And she was like, I'm not having some girl come in and be your dad's wife. I'm not doing that. And I go, well, we. We need the family aspect to the show, so it's that, or you have to be on it. And she was like, I'll do it. And then I talked to my producer, and they go, every time we shoot with a family, whether it's the Kardashians, when they started out, the fucking. The stallone living Lohan, any of them, they always. This always happens right before taping. Is the peripheral family that's not the star who wants to be a camera freak out. And then she said, don't worry. They'll be begging to do a second season. And everyone that resisted and my family, my boyfriend were all. They all changed their tune because they were like, now we get what it is.

Yeah, now we know what it looks like. And I I had had that experience. So it was baffling to me that when I told my family I was pitched a reality show without their permission, that they were like, we don't want to do that. I was like, how could anyone not? I do not want to be on tv. You don't want to be on tv. You don't want me to star. It just did not occur to me. But now I realize a lot of people don't crave that, right?

So I relate to you on that level in such a deep, profound way. And I would love to get into the mind of someone who's, like, currently having a moment. And, of course, the timing, you know, for my own podcast, couldn't be better. But, like, you are five days out of this, like, major, major global moment where you were the star. And my question for you is, first of all, while you were doing it, did you know, like, you were killing.

I didn't you know, it's like I'm really comparing it to a gymnastics beam routine. Like, yeah, I've killed it, but I still have that dismount. I still have, I still have to nail the dismount. Like, no point did I get relaxed. I was having fun. I was like, that went well. That one hit. That was a moment. Oh, shit. Okay. But I still had that last line until the last line that could have just, if the last thing you note, you leave them on, that's what you'll be remembered for. I literally be in line with the rest of it, so I'm not comfortable to. The last line.

I wrote it down, that last line, obsessed.

Thank you.

Something he sets his mind to do, he's gonna do, and I bet he can't make me come. So fucking funny. Like, I was screaming. My husband was like, are you okay? So good. And I also wonder, like, about the lineup. Like, you knew you went on pretty early.

Yeah.

Is that ideal or.

It is. I requested, like, put me at first, like, right after Kevin, because I've done three roasts before, and you think the first spot is like, no, no one's warmed up and they don't know, but it's like, I used to fear it, but it's called the Geraldo spot, because Greg Geraldo was like, is the best roaster, in my opinion, is someone who I would aspire to be and is to be even mentioned as, like, one of the best roasters I know. He's up there. He's, he's the one I watch and I go, I want that kind of rapid fire, well written jokes. But he would always go, that was the spot he would take. Always the first one. And you, oh, you just break it open. You bust it open. Like the host sets the stage, which Kevin Hart did perfectly. But then Jeff took that spot, which I was so glad because it was even more of, like, setting the stage and the audience kind of learning the cadence of the jokes and how the night and what the caliber of joke was happening. Then another football player came in who did a really good job, but, like, took it down to a different, like, like, lowered a little bit because he was an athlete and, but killed it.

Like, a plus plus for what he was capable of. Knocked it out of the fucking park and then, so it was perfect. It was perfect timing.

I would have thought, like, that. That would have been, like, a bad spot. And then watching it after, you were so killer, I almost felt I was getting fatigued by the end. Cause nobody, nobody met you. Where you were. There were good people, but nobody was as cutthroat as you are. Except Tony. Tony was right behind you. Tony was amazing.

Transcendent.

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I did Rob Lowe.

That was, like, the first thing I ever did. I was in the audience. You were killer. And that one was so, like, you know, full of suspense and tension because Ann Coulter was there, like, yes.

It was like, a weird vibe.

It was like a.

It was.

And that was pre recorded, so they cut out, like, so much crap.

The thing is, like, these roasts edit down so beautifully, and so you kind of look at. And you're like, everyone kind of kills. And this roast, you kind of saw what it actually tapes. Like, because I left all the roasts feeling like I did. Like, I had one of the best sets, and it was, like, extraordinary. But in the edit, everyone kind of raises, like, the curve of the class.

Yep. Everybody's best jokes make it.

Yeah. And the laughter gets pumped up. So, like, you are influenced by that, as. Even if a joke isn't as funny, and, you know, it just. So everyone comes off looking great, which is something I wanted. I wanted an edit. I did not want to do this live, but I ended because I like an edit.

Yeah.

Like, I look better. And one, of course. But I just wrote to this of, like, okay, I have to do my own edit. Like, I just have to make this so tight that there's no. There's no room for. Because when you do the other roast, you're like, let's put this joke in if it bombs, they take it out.

Exactly.

It's like, I don't to worry about. It bombs in the room. Who cares? Like, no one. Literally no one would ever notice. But this. There was no chance of, like, this might not work, or there was that chance, and it was like. It was just because the payoff would be so high, and you're like, I guess I just gotta risk it and see what happens.

So only your best jokes made the cut like, you had?

No, there was some. There were. There were tons of jokes that were, I thought were the greatest, but couldn't make it because we decided either not to talk about his kids or it just that. To set up that feeling I have about that person. I have to get the audience to understand my perspective on this person. So there was one joke about. And I don't believe it now, but it was about Tom Brady's diet and how he doesn't eat anything. His fridge is as empty as. Or his fridge is, like, Kevin Hart empty inside. And it's a funny joke, but you have to, like, think Kevin Hart's kind of soulless. Like, so I was like, we have to build this narrative. We have to get people to where we are, which is, like, Kevin Hart says. Yes, everything. Yeah, he would sell his soul if he had one.

Yeah.

Like, so there. There have to be three jokes to get to that joke. So, like, even though that's a joke that I really liked, I couldn't use it because that would have taken up another 30 seconds to 40 seconds of jokes to explain it. Or I didn't have time to write those jokes. Cause those have to be fucking nines or tens as well.

Is there a level of approval? Like, is there, like, from Netflix, like, saying, oh, you can't say that.

No, no. There was, like, a soft agreement between everyone that we wouldn't do jokes about his kids, especially, like, the kissing incident, but not. Of course, I wrote so many fucking jokes about the kissing thing because I judging. Yeah, I had one that was like, maybe we can make it out of the after part. You can pretend I'm your son. Like, it was like. That was one. There was one that was like, you know you. Like, do you remember the kissing scene that he.

Oh, my God. Of course. It's my personal roman empire. He's laying down on his back.

I'm kidding you. Like, I watched. That's the most thing I knew about Tom Brady. So when I got booked on the roast, I was like, oh, great. I have a perspective on this. And let me just say for the record, I think he is an amazing father. I made jokes about his family, him losing his family. I know from watching and studying about him, he is such a present, great dad, especially because he made it clear, like, my family, it matters to me. And, like, the jokes, like, he didn't say explicitly, don't do jokes. But we caught the vibe like he was protecting his family. He's a good dad. And so for us to say that he lost his family, like, he didn't. He lost Giselle like that, it was just a joke. But the kissing thing, like, my dad kissed me on the lips my whole childhood. Not in that way, but I can see how that is. And the kid did not seem victimized by it. It was just a weird scene. If you're not a kiss on the lip family like I am, even to me, it was a little longer than usual, but that's like, there are people that probably go longer than him and they're in Italy or whatever.

It was completely.

It's cultural, and it was. It was his culture. I don't know what that is, but in their bubble with Giselle, brazilian, like, they're kissing on the lips, and he does it with his dad on the field, too. So that's just. There's nothing. I literally have no judgment of it. It did fascinate me, though, when I first saw it, and I think I judged it a lot more back then because I didn't have perspective and I was a little younger, but I remember being obsessed with it. So there was one joke that was like, you know, you retired and then you came back, and then you retired again.

Wait.

You know, you retired and then you went away, and then you came back and played for three more years. That's like, let me do the wording right. Tear Tim, that's like, you gave us a kiss goodnight and then you tried to leave, and then you came back and gave us an even longer kiss goodnight. It was something like that. That was just like. It made me laugh. So one of my friends, like, kind of came up with it, and I thought it was just so funny that even that joke that I think is the way I butchered it. Cause it's been a long time since I cut it. But the way that that joke made me laugh in a way that was like, oh, even if I have permission to talk about the kissing thing, I have to make sure someone's brought it up before me, because that joke doesn't work. If it's just. If you aren't familiar, if you're not immediately familiar with it. So there's a lot of, like, considering that about where you place jokes and which jokes you choose.

And also, like, in the zeitgeist. So much has happened with Tom Brady since. I think for a while, the kiss was a big thing, but then, like, Giselle and then leaving and retiring, it's not the most top of mind thing. That's a good way of thinking of it.

You have to really. You have to remind them of things constantly. That's the part about joke writing that I like when you are, when I'm working with writers on this, and they'll suggest a thing, and I go like, okay, I'm in a more advanced stage of, like, how to do this. We can't tell this joke because what this joke says is that Kevin Hart, it has empty inside. No one knows, like, having breaking that. And people are still teaching me about those things, but there's all those, like, little tricks. And you can make an a plus set by considering all those factors. But it's really scientific, actually.

No, no. The way you're describing it, it's like giving mathematician energy.

That's what I like about it. I've never been really, like, great at math, but I do like looking at jokes as math problems. Like, okay, I see there's a giselle in a jujitsu world. Okay, how do I relate jiu jitsu to him retiring? Okay. Then I think of retirement things, and then, like, you, whatever you do, like, you, you. Yeah. It's all about, like, lists of things and just connecting things.

Like tetris, it sounds.

Yes, it's similar.

You were the only girl up there.

Well, sam jay.

Oh, correct. Excuse me. I'm so sorry.

Yes. She identifies as a girl.

So two out of what? Were there 15 people up there with all the football players behind you?

Yeah. I mean, there were so many men on stage. It was insane.

That is really, really insane. Did you feel.

What?

How did that make you feel, period?

I literally didn't think about it, okay? It didn't occur to me. It are. This is so true. Sam, Jay and I shared a green room or a dressing room, and everyone else had dressing rooms as well, and we're sharing them, but all of their.

Names are in the rooms.

Ours just said female.

That's funny.

It literally was a sign that they made that said female. And so I didn't feel it, though. Like, I just. I just don't think of myself as, like, a female stand up. Like I do. I, like, pride myself on it, but I've never been like, I'm different than others or like, they're somehow. I I do look at male comics sometimes. I feel like I'm. That's a club I'm not a part of and that I kind of want to be, but not really. Like, I feel, especially now, I feel a lot of acceptance from the male comic club. There's lots of clubs that are accepting me, you know, in a way that I never have felt after this roast. Like, there's a level of just, like, respect, like, from, like, Chappelle. Even though I did meet Chappelle the day before the roast, and he said he was a fan, so it was like, I met him. I would have thought Chappelle might just be not a bandwagoner, but, like, oh, I finally noticed you. But Chappelle was already on my. I met him, so I was like, good on you. But I saw him after it as well, and he was really nice.

But there's just like, yeah, there's. Yeah, there's a new level of something going on that's going to last for a while.

Well, it's so interesting to me that. And this might render my question useless if you say you really don't identify so much. Cause to me, you feel so accessible. Like, sitting here in your Taylor Swift shirt, you seem very normal and, like, the way you talk on your specials and your podcast, like, about sex, I think a lot of people find so relatable. And you would be sort of like a go to, I hate to say, like, female comic, because comics are comics, but it's really, like a male dominated space.

Yeah.

And so. And I think you're at the top of the game when it comes to women in comedy. So to hear you say that, I find so interesting.

Yeah. I don't know why. I just never considered it. And I love being a female comic. I think in my favorite comedians, most of my favorites are females.

So it's like, you're number one right now.

It's Rachel Feinstein. She has a new special coming out on Netflix May 21. She's a great friend of mine, went to dinner with her last night, but I am like, I'm like, get, don't open, don't put out a special the same month I am. Bitch. She's so amazing. She's truly one of my favorites, but, like, Ellen was one of my first favorites. Sarah Silverman, Ali Wong, I think, is fucking killing it. Schumer, Taylor Tomlinson. Catherine Blamford is a new one coming up. There's countless ones. They're coming up too fast. Seriously. I want less women to do comedy because it's threatening to me.

I think you told me something that I thought about that I always remembered that I thought was so funny about how you were in the bathroom, correct? I might be if I kept the story. You were in the bathroom at a comedy club, right? Where, like, the green room for the performer doesn't have its own bathroom. So you go to the bathroom like that everyone's using, and you hate doing that because you hear what people are just saying about the night and they're.

Like, ranking the show. I liked her, but I didn't like him. And you just hear their thoughts because that's what you do in a bathroom after a movie or after concert.

And that's sort of just what it's like on social media.

Yeah. And I just plug my ears and I go, because I learned the hard way in that bathroom that a girl was. I remember them being like, the last girl. No, this girl on stage now. And my friend Lisa Traeger was on stage, and I was like, I'm in here, I'm in here, I'm in here. I didn't even. I was just. And they go, you could tell they were just both, like, they're at the sink talking, and I'm in the stall and they're just looking at, oh, shit. It's okay, it's okay. But we walk among you.

Yeah.

And I came out and they were like, I'm so sorry. And I was like, it's okay. That was not a good set. Like, I did not try. So I can tell myself that that's why it didn't go well.

So that sort of feedback, like, okay, that's obviously an extreme situation. But, like, on social media, it's tenfold.

People feel like, I don't get any of it. I don't read a single comment.

You don't?

I don't read literally, it's like, honestly, I'm as proud of it as quitting booze. Like, are you sober? I smoke weed, but I don't drink, and I haven't for, like, twelve years.

And the decision behind that is it's.

Just like, it runs in my family. I see what it. I was getting blackout drunk and, like, hangovers. I can't work when I'm hangover. And work is my drug. Yeah. I was like, I can't do both my drugs.

Do you feel like your life has improved so dramatically? Yeah.

I mean, there's just no question. Yeah, like, there's no question. But you're in, your relationships are more difficult because you have to, like, make intimacy and be more vulnerable. So it's harder to get, like, physically intimate with people or even emotionally intimate. But then you. Then when you do find it, it's actually real. It just takes longer. Like, I want to have sex with someone. I have to, like, like them a lot because I don't have alcohol to make me like him sooner as, like, a lie to my body.

Yeah, right, right.

So that's. That sucks. And. Yeah, and, like, it took me a while to learn how to dance without booze, but now I can dance. Like, I don't care. I don't need those things to, like, be myself or feel comfortable. Yeah. Or, like, feel. I get socially anxious sometimes, but then I just leave if I don't like booze. When you stopped drinking, I, like, I don't know if I came up with it or I read it somewhere, but, like, it's so. It rings so true. The people you hang out with, people that you used to drink with. And then you start to go like, oh, this isn't fun. Like, you just see it clearly and you realize, like, you were never having fun. It was just alcohol making you stupid. So you didn't know that you weren't having fun.

And do you think, like, you know, in the comedy space, it's really easy to slip into, like, unhealthy drinking habits? Like, if you perform all the time.

And then you get paid in booze. Like, you get drink tickets when you first start out, and it's like. And it's a very social thing in the beginning. Like, you need to make friends and network. So drinking is a huge part of it. And thank God it was. I had so much fun. If you still drink and you relate to anything, I'm saying keep drinking until you can't. Like, it is fun. There's no question. I miss that feeling of, like, that first sip and, like, just feeling, like, loose and, like, whoa. And, like, music sounds better. And you're like, girls over here. Like, I will never once in the rest of my life go, the girls are here. The girls are here. I'll never, like, walk up to a table, like, yeah, like, ever. And that's a fun thing to do. So, like, it is. Embrace drinking. Don't shame yourself for it. Like, you'll quit when you're ready. Um, but, yeah, I. Not looking at comments. Quit that shit fucking now. Yeah, don't wait on that one. It is reading anything about yourself, and this isn't to most people, because most people aren't getting comments.

But, like, any celebrities watching or people that have a social media following, like, if you can divorce yourself from that and post freely, what could you do if you didn't care about the feedback, the productivity? I mean, I still care about even though I don't look at it. Yeah. Worry what people are gonna say, but like, to not read any of it because it's just. There's nothing good there. The good isn't good enough or there's not enough of it. And the bad is it can be the smallest amount and it can wreck you.

No, it's like, what's. What's.

What's there for me? Literally nothing but pain.

But you did just have, like, a major review of your special in the LA Times, correct?

I didn't read it.

Okay. I did. It was major.

Oh, well, it does say, well done, nikki, as the headline on the front page of the LA Times, like, creative art section. And I've never. I've never have been like, all I want to do is be a good girl. I just want people to be like, we like her and she's likable, and we just want the best for her. And it feels like it's happening. I think people can get famous and culturally significant for myriad reasons, but so few of them are this kind of adoration and love that I'm getting right now. That just feels like the way Dolly Parton, people like Dolly Parton or even Taylor Swift gets more back. Like, as much backlash as, like, I'm not saying as much, but she gets so much love the most. But there's also. No one's really hating me right now. It's all love, and it could be fleeting and it could be. I'm just embracing. I'm just like, this is so crazy because I did not even know I was in line for this roller coaster. This is not something that I thought was possible with my career as a stand up comedian.

But I think it's also rare that to experience such a high high and be present, you seem so self aware. Usually I feel like you can look back on things and be like, wow, that was so big. But you are excited experiencing a high and you are aware of it. And I feel like that must be so fun.

Oh, it's so fun to be married. Like, this is. It's kind of crazy to know. It's, like the best time of your life. Like, I could not be more beloved by culturally. Like, I don't want it to get bigger. This. I wouldn't want anything more than this. It's the best. It's like, the idea of getting married or, like, having a baby or, like, having anything else. Like, well, I'm looking for a feeling of a lot of attention. I got it. Like I was saying today, like, there's a tiny part of me that's like, oh, there might be some part of me that's like, I want to be a mom just for the identity shift and, like, the attention of, like, I'm a mom now. Like, I can see that being, like, a reason you do it and not a vapid reason, not a dumb reason, like, an actual reason. But I've tasted this, and it's like, I don't think I will ever. This drug is the best thing ever, and it might go away, but I just know that this, like, that feeling that I might have wanted sooner or later is not gonna be for a while.

And in that case, kids will be out of the picture for me. Anyway.

I don't think I'm gonna miss anything. I would be saying the same exact thing if Travis was talking about me on his podcast. Like, he was. You like, are you okay, Travis?

Kelsey, are you okay? Nikki Glazers. I haven't memorized it. Nikki lasers. Fucking hilarious.

He, like, quoted one of your jokes.

Did a roast. We gotta have her on it. I'm just like, Netflix. Did you hear that? Like. And you can tell he wants to do a roast. Yeah, he's saying that, like, he's so down. He's so funny. I worked with him on a show that he hosted, and so I met him weeks, like, a month ago, I think I did this show.

Oh, wow.

And he's so cool. Doesn't think he's hot shit, hardworking, funny, good host. Like, just fucking professional. And, like, obviously, as a tan, I'm just like, this is my best friend's boyfriend, and he's awesome, and I'm so happy for her. And, like, this is the coolest. And so the whole time, I'm just like, he doesn't know it, but I'm like. It literally felt like you were seeing your, like, friend's boyfriend kill it. And you're like. Like, we wanted to tell her.

And I see you with your tTpd earring. I see you with your Taylor Swift t shirt, and today is such a great day for you to be on the show, because there's so much going on in the eras universe that I want to talk to you about.

Hold on. Okay. I was just in a podcast. One before I left here. I saw Paris getting posted and I did not see the TTPD.

Okay? Let me tell you, actually, I took screenshots for you. I gotta hear.

You were so busy. Eras tour twelve times. I've been to twelve shows in one year.

Well, is it not an exaggeration?

It's not an exaggeration. I saw her twelve times and I'm seeing her again six times this year already. Like, have the tickets booked. Probably more because I'm going to do doubles in the cities. Once I get there, I'm going to, like, find a fucking way. And then I'm going to her final show in Vancouver. Like, I'm obsessed. It's my favorite thing.

So the TTPD set list.

Okay, hold on. Can I guess? Because I literally have no idea. I.

This is seven songs.

Shut the fuck up.

Yeah.

And.

Yeah, you got.

This is so exciting. Okay. I literally. This might be the second best part of my week.

I know.

It is. It is. This is. I'm feeling such elation. Okay. But, daddy, I love him. Of course. Definitely. Fortnite. Yep. Who's afraid of little old me?

Yep.

Oh, God. Okay, this is. This is the wild card. I can do it with a broken heart.

Yeah.

Shut the fuck up. Okay, so I'm four out of four for four.

Yeah.

I'm gonna say. Oh, God. What is my. What's my second favorite song right now? Oh, wait, no. Okay, yeah. Hold on, hold on. I'm gonna get it. I'm not gonna say. There's a part of me I just is thinking about. I'm just gonna talk through this like I'm on a game show. It's thinking tortured poets department, and. But I just don't feel like that's an eras performance. More of an acoustic set number she would do. So I'm gonna. What has been my. What's numbered? What's track two? That's torture port spreader. What's track three? Down bad. No. What's track three?

Hold on. Yeah, take it in.

I'm sorry. Swifties that are, like, do it from memory, bitch. I can't.

No, no. I can't either. It's such a long album.

It is.

Okay.

Oh, my boy only breaks his favorite toys.

No. Do you want me to tell you the remaining three?

What? Wait, wait. Hold on. I'm get the. Oh, I'll get the other ones.

They're not, like, crazy shocking, but they're not, like, the most obvious.

I would say the smallest man who ever lived.

Yes.

Interesting. So high school.

So high school.

Yes. And I'm gonna say I want it to be. Be the bolter.

No, not.

Thank you, Amy.

No. Down bad.

Down bad. I was gonna say down bad. I know that one.

I'm not, like, obsessed.

Cannot believe my boy only breaks his favorite toys. It's not on there.

And so to make space for this new era, she combined Fortnite. I mean, that's what I heard. And she got rid of evermore. She got rid of Archer. She got rid of. Tis the damn season.

Okay, smart.

She got rid of a bunch of stuff. She also moved stuff around. Speak now. Got moved. She's wearing new outfits for every era except for reputation, because that's, like, the one she hasn't rerecorded yet. Oh, my God. She's so. I mean, and I want to. And we're gonna get into TTPD and everything, but for those who may not know, something happened to you in regards to Taylor Swift that, like, I'm sure is your roman empire of your entire life. Can you tell the story from the beginning, like, where you were when the entire Miss Americana thing happened?

Yeah. Okay. So I was. I. I had been a swiftie since I heard blank space in my bedroom. Like, I had been aware of red. I went to see her at the Red tour, and I met her backstage at Red Tour.

You did?

And I was, you know, just marveling at her. But I wasn't a swifty yet. I was a fan. But it hadn't, like, sunk into my bones.

Yeah.

And then blank space just sunk into my bones, like, that song just. And I was. And I did. Made, which I really do, with, like.

The artist that I've been obsessed with.

And she's the one that's lasted the longest and will be, like, my forever favorite. I just made a decision, like, this is my identity. Like, I want to absorb everything this person's ever done, and I shall. And so that was, you know, whenever 1989 came out, and then total swifty, then reputation just, like, helped me through a breakup. And then lover I was fucking obsessed with. And then Miss Americana documentary is coming out, and I am on the e. It's like, the trailer is coming out, and so I am, like, watching it. 12:00 at midnight, when that. When the trailer drops. Can't wait. And I hear my own voice in the trailer as, like, you know, I haven't watched it again, you know, traumatizing, but it's just, you know. And then I had to go away for a year. It was too much. And then it was, like, showed all the cacophony of, like, talking heads talking about her and being just catty and shitty. And I said something about her body, and I said something about her friend group. Like, she's hanging out with all these models. She's just skinny. It wasn't funny. It was just, like, a jealous, mean, like thing I would say behind someone's back.

Because I literally thought of it that way, you know? And the kind of thing I'd say, someone behind someone's back when I'm in a really ugly place of my mind, which I was at that point, I was, like, dealing with my own eating disorder shit. Like, I was just like. And I was feeling so far away from ever looking like that and ever having a grasp on how to look like that again. I once had it. I could have been in her squad. I was thin enough. And now I'm literally. I can't get that eating disorder back, even if I try to have a new one that makes me fat. Just, like, feeling that. And then I. And I did an interview one day. Someone asked me about her, and that's what I said. I don't even remember. The interview is a blip in my life.

Yeah.

And then suddenly I hear my voice, and I send it to my friends who are awake, and they're like, that's not you. And I'm like, yes, it is.

Was it just your voice or was your voice.

It's my voice in the trailer. Okay. And I was like, yes, it is me. And they were like, you would never say that about her. Like, we were, like, concerned about how much you love her, like, and I'm like, yes, I would. And they're like, you love her? And I go, bitch, I'd say this about you too, right? Right. I'm not in a good place.

It's not a love hate thing.

No, it was just like, I'm jealous, and I want to be friends with her, and she doesn't look like she'd be friends with me. And I'm just, you know, whatever. Just me being an asshole. And then the doc, and then I wrote my agents about it being like, can we figure out, like, how much is this is gonna. Like, where is this from? And what did I say? And are they gonna use my face? Like, I can't handle, like, does she know this is me? Like, is she gonna say, it just all felt so awful? Not about, like, the swifties are gonna come after me. It was more like, I'm gonna hurt Taylor Swift's feelings if she finds out this. I just wanted. I know. She's gonna see the trailer. So I hope I'm just a voice to her instead of a face with a voice and a person. And then the thing came out and my face was in. It didn't say my name, but my face was in. It was just like, oh, fuck. And I literally couldn't listen to her music anymore because I just felt like.

Like, ashamed, almost.

Yes, exactly. I just felt like I had hurt her and she doesn't like me. Like, I wouldn't like me. I know she's seen this documentary. She wouldn't have seen that clip otherwise. But, like, it's out there. She said it and it made it. She definitely watched it. She's. And it just felt, like, so bad. And not being able to listen to Taylor Swift because of the shame, I felt, like, hurts my life.

Yeah.

She's a big part of my life. Like, especially walking around New York City six months into lover, I'm still. It's like a brand new album.

Yep.

I need Cornelia Street I need death by a thousand guts I need, like, I was bopping around town London, boy it was like my soundtrack. And then suddenly it was just, like, literally, like tumbleweeds in my ears. I was just having my headphones and I couldn't listen to any, like, you know, I don't have other music I listen to, really. Especially when I'm really that into Taylor. And so I felt so sad. And I was, like, getting my hair done. I had a date that night and I was just like. I asked my agents if I could write a letter to her or something, just to apologize. And they were like, yeah, yeah, we'll get it to her. And I'm like, they're not gonna do fucking anything. I know that they're scared of her camp.

Yeah.

As they shouldn't be because she. But it's hard to get something to her even through the means I had. So I just was like, I'll just. I had just done this photo shoot and I had a Taylor swift shirt on and I just posted that picture. And I was like. I forget what I even said, but I was just, like, pretty much said exactly. Like, I was jealous. I was projecting.

Projecting? Yeah.

I dealt with an eating disorder. I hate that I ever made someone with one feel bad about them. So, like, I said it all and I said, you know, I don't know. I forget what I said. I probably said something like, if this could get to Taylor, I would love her to read it. And really was not for. I wasn't getting a lot. I wasn't getting, like, people abusing me. It wasn't like me trying to, like, not get canceled. Like, no one would have noticed it was me.

Yeah. Cause you were one of, like, a million.

Yeah, it was a blip on the thing, but I just needed her to know so I could, like, have her back in my life. Like, I missed my friend.

Did you ever have any sort of confirmation that she read it or did you ever hear from her?

So I was on a date that night, and as soon as I sent it, I could listen to her music again, because I was like, I feel free.

Yeah.

It was a message in a bottle that I sent out. And maybe she'll read it, maybe she won't. But at least my conscious is clean. Like, I really felt the way I knew I was sorry, and I knew that if she did read that, she would accept my apology. Let's see if she does. Who knows? And I went on this date, and I had my phone away all night because I was trying to pretend to be someone that's not addicted to their phone. So this guy would like me more, and then finally he goes down to do a set. I was at the comedy cellar. He's a comedian. He went down to go do a set, and I was like, oh, I'll just read my phone. I had, like, the most messages I've had since, you know, the Tom Brady, same level, like, 81. And people are like, holy shit, she wrote back. Holy shit, she wrote back. And so she commented underneath it, oh, my God. I just remember reading, oh, my God. Like, exclamation marks. I don't remember. I read it once, and I never read it again. A lot of emojis. Thank you.

So I'm thinking it's something like, thank you so much. This means so much. It's an example of how we can change or something like that. It was, like, totally got where I was coming from. Totally accepted my apology. And for someone who never. Who does forgive and doesn't forget, I hope she does forget.

Yeah.

You know, like, we're just happy. Yeah. Like, I know at this point, I have put in my. I feel like there have been swifties that are like, she bad mouthed Taylor, and she'll never be a true swiftie. And I'm like, you don't know my love. I'm very secure in how I feel about her, and I've proven it. I can front row at so many. I spent so much money. Not that that's, like, I would do it 100 times again, and I am going to.

I remember when that happened. And I remember we spoke about it on the show. Cause it was like a huge, you know, story in pop culture. And I remember saying, and I feel the same way now. Like, first of all, like, such a mature way of responding. Like, to be able to identify your own feelings, like, how you got to a place where you would say that.

Because we all say some of the.

Shit the fucking comes out of my mouth, especially when I think nobody's listening, like, is absurd. And if anybody were to ever, like, hold my feet to the fire, I would be like, um, no, that literally wasn't me. I don't even know what you're talking about.

Yeah.

And I thought your. Your way of addressing it head on, and I felt like your. Your letter slash caption was so personal. Like, I could envision you watching the trailer, hearing your own voice and just, like, completely shutting down.

I really. My phone dropped out of my hand when I heard my voice. Like, it was that moment of, like. But it was on my bed, so it was only a couple inches. But I literally did, like, I remember, like, kind of, like, going, oh, and you're like, did it. Like, you just don't expect. I'm watching it as a fan, and I'm hearing my voice. Be that.

The nemesis. Yeah.

The ant, the antihero or. No, she, you know, in her story. It was so ironic. But I think we're good now.

I think so, too. I mean, Travis is obsessed with you.

I mean, that everyone's like, you know, that they both watched it together. They at least sent it to each other. And, like, that he. And. And he knows who I am. Like, I worked with him for two days on set, so he's like, how.

Did you work with him? Like, how did you not combust? Like, I would.

Everyone was like, Nikki, are you gonna be okay? And I was like, okay, I'll just like, I don't want him. I had Taylor Swift as my face plate. Or, like, you know, my fun of my phone at the time. I was like, but I was like, I'm not gonna change it. I'm not gonna try to adapt to make him feel like if he finds out I'm obsessed with her, it's like, I'm okay with my obsession. I still think I could be friends with her and have her not be. Like, I'm friends with a lot of people that started out as fans of mine. One of my best friends is like, she always is. Like, you know, I started out as a fan. Like, when I met you, I was shaking, and I was like, yeah, but you, like, got me, and so instantly, and you were. You calmed down almost immediately, and then. I've never felt that sense from her of, like, a sycophantic thing, and I feel like I. That's. But I did not tell him. I was gonna make a joke about it, but I was just like, did.

You wear your TTBD earrings?

That would have been the best. I didn't have him at the time. It was before. If it would have been post TTPD, I would have been, like, had to quote so high school to him in some kind of ways. I did say he, like, I had, like, a lavender suit on one day, and he just goes, dig the lavender. Like, he's just nice. He's trying to make everyone feel comfortable, so he's, like, given just compliments to people and just being so charming and nice and, like, I've worked with a lot of hosts of things on game shows where I'm the celebrity on this game show, and the host is, like, I'm a bigger celebrity and kind of stays aside. And he was, like, talking to all of us, and we are, like, literal nobodies compared to him. Like, it was pretty fantastic that he was so cool, but he goes, dig the suit, and I. And I go, I think he just goes, dig the suit. I go, lavender haze. So I was like, did a little nod? Like, that doesn't make. That doesn't out me as a huge fan.

No. That's so normal of you.

So there are little things like that that I was like, also, Taylor.

Like, she obviously is, like, always having new friends, old friends, and if she were gonna limit it to people who weren't fans of hers, like, she would have no option. So I think it's totally fine.

I watch Gigi Hadid at her shows, and I go, she's one of us.

A thousand birds.

That girl knows every lyric is a.

Who's a bigger 50 than Kelly Teller?

Yeah, exactly. Oh, my God. She is us.

She is us.

And that's the way my friends are about me. Like, my friends come to my shows and are, like, so excited to be my friend and their fans, like, it's like, that's what you want in a friend. So I don't feel there are times where I feel like I don't want her to meet me until she wants to meet me, and it's like, I want to be friends with her because I'm already on board, but I don't want to convince her, and I definitely don't want to bother her. I would probably cry in the first meeting. Not necessarily now. I think now I feel like the way I've envisioned us meeting. I think I'll be cool enough, but I would eventually cry to tell her how she meant what she means to me. And I just don't want to be that fan. Even though I love the fans when they come up to me and do this, that's like, because I have one of those fans every, you know, once a month at my show. Not even once a month. Like, probably once every show I do, I meet a fan that's like, cries and it's so sweet, and that's enough.

I can do have that, but every person does that to her.

I know, but, like, how do you not, like, I always say I would be.

So that's why I'm like, I'll leave. Let keep her away from her.

Come.

She needs to write music. She needs her brain for, like, relaxation. Like, she works so hard for us. Like, I don't want part of her day being like, it's okay. Like, no, she doesn't need that shit.

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Taylor are, like, I love them so much, and I'm just like, you know, it's really hard to be that successful of a woman and find a man who can handle it, even though it seems like such a glowy thing that every man wants. Believe me, it ain't men like, a girl that is a trophy, but isn't, like, out earning them or isn't out shining. Shining or, like, just more successful. I mean, being successful is a masculine and trait that men pride themselves on more than women do just by nature of how we're made. And so I think it's. Although guys want to be close to it because it's gonna elevate them or because she is glow, and she is beautiful and she is talented and all these things. I think that he's just the first guy, and I'm not the first to say this, that is secure enough and in what he does to be totally on board with what she does and support her. And it's. He's so different than the other guys. And I think that a lot of times, who knows? But it's my inkling I shouldn't even say this because it's speculating about her life.

So it's.

This is just my thought that. And I probably projecting, but I think that sometimes you will say something about your relationship that really the other person's choosing where you go. I want to keep this private. Mm hmm. We want to keep it private. And it's really not your. I've done that before, and I'm not saying that's what she did at all, but I think that having a relationship that is so showy and so is so in your face and PDA and stuff like that is really, like, that's what you want? That's what I want. I know that I'm proud of Taylor, and I, like. I like seeing pictures of myself canoodling with a guy. Like, my dream is for paparazzi to see me, like, on a street corner waiting for an Uber. And, like, the guy has his hands, like, in my pockets.

Yep.

And we're just like, this, like, in a moment. Like, we're not posing. It's not Spence, Spencer, Heidi.

Yeah.

We truly don't know.

And we're so. We're looking so in love and, like, we don't even know.

Coming out of Sushi park, holding hands, laughing, like, I saw Bill Hader and Allie Wong the other day, like, holding hands, laughing about something. And I'm like, I know, Ally. So I was like, I know she's not posing. She do not set this shot. That's like, they're so in love. Like, I love that shit.

And that's what Jackie and I say. Like, thank God I'm not that famous, because literally, if they. If paparazzi ever followed me and my husband around, I have such a fucking mug on my face. I'm so nasty. I'm always on my phone. We're always looking mad. We always look like Miz. We love each other so much. We spend so much time together. Like, we're not always walking around the city holding hands, smiling and kissing. Like, we have places to be.

No. It's hard to keep up. And that's like, even. I was walking in the Kimmel the other day, and there's always paparazzi walking in.

I saw TMZ. Gotcha.

Oh, yeah.

They did a good question for you. And I thought your response was so.

You're so quick.

Like, you're so.

Thanks.

She was like, you know, do you feel bad about anything you said about Giselle? And you were like, no, Giselle should feel bad for making me feel bad about myself my whole life. Like, it was such a good.

I didn't mean it. Obviously, I do. If, of all the people I looked at growing up and thought, you're not good enough, Giselle tops them. Like, I'm not good enough compared to her. Aniston, Giselle and Britney Spears, they owe me, man.

Yeah, they.

Like, I. They didn't know it, but they were bullying me my entire high school career. But. So, yeah, that was a funny response. But, yeah, walking into Kimmel the other day, there's always paparazzi there. And thank God my stylist reminded me because they were like, when you're walking in, don't have bags with you. Have someone else carry your bag, and, you know. Know that you're being. Cause they're far away.

Yeah.

But then the shots turn out great. Usually I'm walking in on, like, frumpy, like, of course.

A thousand shopping bags.

And, yes, I look, and I'm wearing, like, a hoodie over my cute dress. But this time, I'm like, back arch. Like, all my friends are like, we need to do whatever Nikki's doing. I need to do pilates. I'm like, literally, I look at my spine after I sit down after the roast, and there's, like, clips of it. That is my natural spine. It's a bad curvature. I look like an armadillo who's threatened, like, me and those camel shots. I was like, girls, my back hurts from doing what. I was going to look hot in that dress. Like, I was aware. But most of the time, I am like, yeah, I would be the same way. I would be horrified by what people would catch.

Zachary, what were your thoughts on TTPD? And ultimately, like, not really being that much about Joe. More so being about Maddie. Haley, kind of like the bait and.

Switch of the century, wasn't surprised. And by the way, we did get a Joe album. Maddie is a response to Joe. So if anyone's saying, like, we didn't get a job. She was so hurt by the Joe thing and so rattled by it, she jumped into something that was totally crazy. It was a response to Joe. Joe did mean a lot. It's Joe's everything we wanted him to be for her. He's not the villain. It just didn't work out. We really don't know why. How did it end? What?

You don't know on why it ended? You think it's a success.

Total? I think it's a bunch of different shit. You know? I just think that two people grow apart after that long.

Yeah.

And the world, COVID, was a nice time for couples like that to get cozy and feel like this is gonna be it. And then the world starts opening up and resentments are built. And I think that. That it's just most things don't last. That's a really fucking. That's a very successful relationship. There's no part of me that was, like, it failed. Like, that's really, really long. Especially for Taylor Swift. Not because she dates so much or whatever, just her level of fame.

Yeah.

To have that long of a relationship is a fucking huge achievement. And so I don't really. I don't think anyone was, like, really to blame in that. But the Maddie thing, who wouldn't do that?

No, I was.

In fact, I. I was there. I'm trying to get clips made because all my podcast listeners are like, girl, you predicted this? Because I was like, lay off of her with the Maddie thing. When people were, like, writing an open letter, I go, you are just jealous. She is getting laid, and she's having fun and she's having. You're jealous.

People are so lame. That was such a. And that's why I love the song. But, daddy, I love him. I feel like it's.

It's my favorite song of all time.

It's a statement on toxic stanhood, and, like, somebody needed to make the song and the fact that she did it, you know, filthy. I'm obsessed.

Like, and sandals and Harris. Sorry if that's your name, because that sucks. I would hate it if it was Nicki's. I really would. But we've all been. I've been. As I was being a. Sarah and Hannah that day, I mouthed off, like, shut the fuck up. Clutching my pearls. Oh, my God. We're worried about her. So my boyfriend, we went to the Chicago show, and he made a Taylor swift shirt that. Because I was, like. Because I explained to him, like, all the. Lots of fans are, like, upset about this guy, Maddie, that she's dating right now. I love it. She just mouthed I love you the songs about you. Like, I was filling him out on everything and a lot of swifties. Like, I think he's bad news. I think he's great. He's just a cool, like, serious kind of a rock star that she admires. Who admires her? Like, yes. Get it? Is it gonna last? Fuck no. It's like a fun fling. Who gives a shit? Who gives a shit? This isn't meant to last. This is a snack.

But also, it's literally not your life. And that's my favorite line from but, daddy. I love him. I'll tell you something about my good name. It's mine alone to disgrace.

Amazing.

I just. The bullets I would take, like, seriously. I would lay my life out on the line for her. I love her so much.

Same. I feel. I know exactly that feeling that you have because I remember just saying, she owes us literally nothing.

Nothing.

She doesn't owe us the kind of album that we think she's gonna drop. She doesn't owe us a cohesive album. She doesn't owe us an album that sounds different enough, by the way. Church department, they all sound the same. Well, last time she made an album that sounded different. Midnights. You said it wasn't cohesive, so you can't. She can't fucking win.

So true.

And, oh, Taylor Swift sounds like Taylor Swift.

Oh, really?

She's Taylor Swift. She should sound like fucking Taylor Swift. I'm so sick of it.

So sick of it.

And even if it was an album that I didn't like, I still am so happy, or that it is. It doesn't appeal to me, which it did. And I love it so deeply. And by the way, I'm gonna have. I'm gonna have, like, a Joe, like. Like, romance with this. This is a album that burns bright for me. It's like a simmer for a long time, as most swifties have understood of, like, initial listens. Like, I went through and rate all the songs, what I think they're gonna rank for me in terms of. And then I looked back at my rankings, like, whoa. Other ones have emerged. It's so interesting, the relationship that you. I have relationships with her song and.

Her music is so timeless. Like, I feel now I'm at a place in my life where I have fully unpacked evermore. But, like, it took me all this time, like, now. And now. It's so funny. Whenever she releases a new album, I end up hyper fixating on the previous album.

Yeah.

So I'm spending so much time on midnight.

What are you going through with it?

I love midnight. I really do. And I think when it came out, the place I was at in my life, I was, like, reading a lot. I was in, like, a very sort of slow pace, and it's like a pop, pop, pussy popping album.

Yeah.

And I didn't find there was a lot of places for me to listen to that music.

Interesting.

In my day to day now I feel like in last year, I made a, you know, a commitment. I was like, this is my year of yes. And so I'm doing more. I'm going more. And so midnight is so there for me. It's in that way.

So I'm the same way. Like, I like listening music when I'm running or walking briskly around town. Like, I like having a bop.

Yeah.

So I want it to fit my mood or if I'm, like, going through, you know, Taylor stuff has music for all phases, and that's interesting. Yeah. Midnight is such a bopping around, like, active person.

Yes, it's an active girls album.

So good. I love it so much. I mean, you're on your own, kid. Like, is one of the greatest songs ever written. But. But, but, daddy, I love him is, I think, one of my top, top five favorite, favorite songs.

Give me your top three, TTPD before I let you go.

My boy only breaks his favorite toys is number one. Even though. But, daddy, I love him is, like, all too well levels of good to me where it's just, like, it just is cannon. And, like, my boy only breaks his favorite toys is, like, more like a cruel summer to me, of, like, it's the greatest pop song of all time. Like, I'm obsessed with, oh, oh. Like, I can't get enough I. But, so, yeah, it's. But, daddy, I love him. Sorry. My boy only breaks his favorite toys. But, daddy, I love him. I think, like, downbed, I don't. I'm not mad at. I really love the bolter.

I love the bolter. I.

It's so good.

I feel like dog, too.

Black dog is like, I haven't had a renaissance with it. I love that song, but I haven't had that, like, moment with it. I haven't let it in myself.

It's like, right now, I'm having such a moment with Peter.

Oh, Peter is so good. Love of my life.

I just had song tonight. Paris, of course, and love of my life.

Oh, Paris. That's fun.

Yeah.

That's when we thought of everything. She really has. And she's doing a couple nights in Paris, though, right? Yeah.

And it's her smallest venue.

Oh, my God. I'm so excited to go see.

I know. I can't wait for that bitch to get back to New York.

What's, like, the looks of the. It's all like this. All the. She's wearing the dress.

You're talking about TTPD.

Yeah, sorry for that, Eric. She wears.

Okay, so she wears, like, a. Kind of how she wore whatever award show Grammys, how that was, like, kind of in the fortnight video.

Like, the fortnight? Yeah.

White dress. So she's wearing that, and the. The skirt of the dress has, like, you know, script on it. It's really cool. And then she literally takes the dress off. Like, she does this little skit, and literally, her dancers, like, pull her dress off, and she's wearing, like, a sexy, like, bra and undies. She's being sexy.

Wait a second. I just got chills.

I feel like Travis is, like, very words of affirmation. You're so sexy. You're so sexy. I feel like she's really feeling herself.

She is so sexy and, like, oh, my. I have never, like, I think the sexiest she's ever looked. And there's. I could do, like, a top ten list for you, but is her archback sitting on that phone booth in the fortnite video? Like, that's like. I'm like. I take that to pilates and going, how do we make this?

I think a lot of people, the.

Hottest thing I've ever seen feel that.

Way about the vigilante shit chair routine.

I like, I'm excited to see vigilante post travis. Like. Like, what?

That? Yeah. Oh, I.

Like, I. I was even saying on my podcast back in, I guess, June after Maddie breakup, prior to Travis, I was like. I just have to say, I think there's, like, a sadness going on with her. Like, it wasn't, like, her performance did not change at all, and I made that very clear. She is a fucking pro, and you can't. But there I. I perceive something sad as happening.

I can do it with a broken heart.

And then I. My besties, my listeners were like, girl, you predict I could do it with a broken heart, which I cannot. How crazy is it that she's playing.

That it's such a good song. Like, it's the most pussy popping song on the album.

And we get to see as the crowd was shitting more, do we do it or not? Like, of course we do not.

Her making us feel guilty, like, no.

And the fact that she's playing it is telling us. It's okay, it's okay. It's okay. I love you.

You have so much going on. You have a new special coming out on HBO, literally tomorrow. Right? Well, when this comes out. Yeah, tomorrow. Tomorrow.

Yeah. Saturday.

So exciting. Yeah.

It's called someday you'll die. I'm in a very tiny dress.

You look so good.

I look so pretty. I mean, like, so much work went into it. I, like. You know, I really am happy of the look. Like, I was like, let me see.

The pretty girl before something major, like, filming a special.

Yeah.

What are, like, the five things you have to do wellness wise?

Pilates. Like, months out. Because I was just like. Like, you know, I'm approaching 40. The dresses are gonna start, you know, moving up my neck and down my arms. Like, let's just go big for this one. Like, let's try to be as, like, hot as possible without killing myself. Like, I'm not interested in that anymore. And all my friends dupilates, I've resisted it for years. Cause I'm just, like, tired of hearing about, like, it literally transformed my body, Nikki. Like, I can't even imagine not doing it. Like, oh, can you not look at me? But I decided to do it, and then it was great, you know? Like, it is everything people say it is. And I'm. I've had really healthy relationship with it, but it actually prepared me not to look hot, which it did. But I end up miming a gang bang at the end of it where I'm laying on this stool, pretending like I'm in a gangbang. Cause I'm talking about how I admire gang bangs. Cause it's this girl that's multitasking in a way that I kind of admire.

She's a woman in business.

Yes. And she's getting it all done. She's jerking this guy off, and then she's sucking this guy. It's just so much that I, and I acted out, which is not a normal thing for me. I don't really do act outs like that in my act, but for the special, I was like, oh, let's just go big. I'm in a tiny dress. This is, like, weird. And I'm, I'm even talking about how, like, I could never do porn, but then I end up literally acting like, you just AI easily and. But to hold that pose because it ended up being this bit where, like, us, this bit started out. Me just on the stool being like, you're multitasking, you jerk this guy and you're just like. And it's like, was 2 seconds. But then, you know, I was working with comedians on the road and they're like, what if you like, made it like a really long thing where you like, act out the whole thing and it's like a minute or two long? And I was like, that's a great idea. So I wrote all these jokes for like, all the dicks I'm sucking. Like, oh, it's like, you have to get your real id and you gotta, you know, put your eyelashes on and like, all the things you have to do.

So I'm making for each dick and it ended up me being balanced for like, so long. And thank God, because Pilates, I would have never been able to do it, but it all kind of like, worked out that way. But it's hilarious. It's weird. I'd say some really dark shit that, like, I didn't get permission from people to say that. I look back because I didn't think to even do it. Yeah, I say some things that I'm like, oh, I wonder how this is gonna be perceived. So I look forward to people seeing it because I think it is it. If you liked what I did at the roast and was kind of like savage while also being like, likable, I think that's what I did in this as well.

And you're still on tour so people can come get tickets, right?

Alive and unwell and you can watch my special and come see me on tour and you're not gonna see the same stuff cuz she's an original girl. I'm just. I can do it.

I appreciate that.

And I like, churn it out and I can do it. Tired. Like, I have a lot. I have a new. I was working towards being ready to, to put out a new, like, have a new hour to tour with. I taped this in December. So since December I've been working on new material, so I'm on tour every city imaginable. Nikki Glazer.com.

You work so hard and you do the Nikki Glazer pod.

Yeah. And I do a podcast two days a week that is essentially this more organized. Mine's like, literally, like, doesn't have an agenda and is just. Those are the best ones. Oh, yeah. But there, it's. I need to be reined in a little bit. But it's just. Yeah, if you liked me on this, you will love my podcast, Nikki Glazer podcast. And, yeah. Thank you so much for having me.

Thank you for doing this. Even though, like, you're so much bigger than us now. We appreciate you spending time with the little ones.

Thank you, everyone.

Follow Nikki on all social platforms. Go see her live and her special comes out on HBO tomorrow. Spend your Saturday nights watching Nikki Glaser's new special. Thank you so much for being here, guys.

So fun.

Thanks for a great week in LA. I'm going home. I cannot wait to go lay in my bed. I will see you on Monday. Bye.