Good morning, millennials.

Welcome back to The Toast, and happy Wednesday. Feeling very humpy today. That's right. It is Hump Day, an amazing, ground-breaking day here at The Toast, and at weeks all around the country.

It doesn't feel like a Hump day. I know the facts and my feelings not aligning, but until you said that, I hadn't really realized that it was the day of the Hump. I guess because this week is just a bit It's better for me, and tomorrow's my husband's birthday. So I guess that's Hump Day.

So it's just ruining your week.

No, because that's the Hump day of humping.

Oh, Jacqueline Follet. Okay, Follet.

Just when you think you have it figured out. It's so true.

She doesn't stop evolving. The evolution of Jacqueline Folle knows no bounds.

Yeah. So the latter half of my week is busy. Got to do a do a do a do a do This weekend, we're doing a meet and greet in Austin. The IRL, we're just booked and busy swirlies.

For the Austin girlies, Jackie and I are doing a Spritz meet and greet because Spritz just launched in Target, which is so major for us. We do meet and greets all the time, but we've never done one at Target, so we're going to do it while we're in Austin, right before our panel at your media's event. So we have such a fun weekend planned. We're also going to a concert afterwards. Did I tell you that? I got us tickets to a concert?

Yeah, I'm excited for that. I also am just catching up on some of the drama that we found ourselves in.

Let's talk about it.

And I'm feeling relief because yesterday, Claudia called me to say that people were theorizing that Kristin Cavalari and Justin Anderson were talking poorly of us on their podcast. So we went and we listened. And it was about the episode was about pop culture, and then they just talked about how they don't like talking about pop culture, and people who make a living talking about pop culture, yucky. There are these two sisters who are just like-No, let me say something.

Let me say something. The descriptors that were given, sisters who talk pop culture. Like, literally, there are no other sisters who talk about pop culture.

I'm sorry, they just aren't. When I listened to the clip, I was like, I feel in my heart that this isn't about us, but I don't know who else it could possibly be. Correct. But I came away from it like, just holding space for the fact that there are sister pop culture podcasters that I don't know that they are talking about because I didn't feel like that was us, especially because they were like, They said such gross things about Kate Middleton, which if you know me, the only thing I said about Kate Middleton was like, I'm waiting till Easter. If I don't hear from the palace, I don't believe it.

Yeah, no. Aside from being sisters and pop culture, nothing else was a descriptor of us. He said, These sisters are so dorky. And honestly, once I heard that, I'm like, That's literally not us. There are valid criticisms of us. People say, We're annoying, vocal I. I know that when someone's saying that, I know that they're talking about me. Dorky? We are a lot of things, Jaquie. We are not dorky.

So I really thought in my soul, it wasn't about us, but I had to acknowledge that maybe it is because Seriously, who else could it be? Then this morning, Justin Anderson, on his Q&A, cleared up that it's not about us. Claudia found the page of the people that it certainly is about. Oh, I said it to you. You did. I just saw it. It's about them. It's not about us. I feel good because I really like Justin and Kristen, and that would have hurt. It's hard to have beef with someone when you're like, damn, I like you.

Oh, yeah. That's happened to me.

Yeah, it's happened before, and it stinks.

It does. When somebody hates you, and honestly, you know that they're so great that when somebody hates you and you still like them.

Yeah. It's like, okay, well, I still want to follow you. Sorry for what happened.

Talk to you later.

Yeah. So at least this wasn't that. We've emerged. We're good. Be free.

And also, It just wasn't us.

It just wasn't us. Factually, it wasn't us. And that's really good. We lived to see another day.

We lived to see another day. I almost didn't live to see another day because after watching yesterday's episode and seeing my posture, I was floored. I never wanted to leave the house again. I was literally concaving into myself. I don't know. I feel I need to be more conscious of my posture. I looked seriously like Nostradamus. What's that?

The hunchback. The hunchback of Notre Dame.

I was giving hunchback. Please keep me accountable.

I will, but the way I see you is not the way that the camera sees you. Sometimes, the other day, I didn't even see what pants you were wearing. Then I saw them in the episode, and I was like, Oh, I didn't realize she was wearing those pants. That's a nice pair of pants.

Yeah, no. I feel like, for me personally, there's just nothing uglier than me slouching. It ruins my whole... I spent so long getting ready today, and if I'm just slouching, it undoes it all. And so I'm super conscious of my posture. Please hold me accountable.

As I said, I'll try, but I have a different angle.

I have a different perch. Just keep me accountable, okay?

Happily. You need to be held accountable, and you'll stay accountable.

And I'll do better, and I'll listen, and I'll learn.

Listen, that's where you struggle. Big time.

I'm pretty much just learning. Okay, wait. I wanted to tell you that today is Wednesday, and we have Dear Toaster, and we have an update from a two-year-old submission that took The Community by Storm. When this girl wrote in, people were freaking out. Do you remember that girl who her and her husband got a dog, and the dog turned one years old, and she was obviously going to neuter the dog, and the husband was so against it to the point where he literally took the dog for a walk and came back without the dog, and he was hiding the dog? Yeah. We have a two-year update from that girl. Cool. What?

You know what I'm going to say?

Okay, I want to talk about something because I think a lot of people, after we were talking on Monday about the stories, or maybe it was even yesterday, being like, Please don't get rid of the fast five. We're literally not. We just complain. The fast five is never going away. Deer Toaster is never going away.

It's never even been accepted. It's not up for debate. It's not a consideration whatsoever to ever get rid of the Fast Five. No.

Or Deer Toaster. Sorry, Jackie. It's not happening. No, no.

Or Deer Toaster. No, that's not what I was going to say either. What were you going to say? I was just going to say, I just don't have the energy for Deer Toaster today. The thing is, Is- And I watched Vanderpump Rules last night.

I watched Vannerpump Rules, the two episodes I was missing out on, and not the new one, because I figured you weren't watching it because you were recording the redhead. I was trying to... I literally had the time and I didn't watch it, but I did watch our episode, which was really exciting because I have some thoughts about Lisa Van der Pump watching The Toast. They were debating whether Jack called her superfluous or a prop. In the clip that they played, he does call her a prop. If my memory serves me correctly, knowing how much I love the word superfluous, I was actually the one who said Lisa was superfluous, and that was at the time how I felt.

Right. But if he even agreed, then he's saying she's superfluous.

Then he's guilty by association.

Yeah. It's like there's no way that Lisa heard that episode of The Toast on Her Own. I feel like someone fed it to her and was like, Here's what Jacks is saying about you. You should be mad at him.

I just want to say I'm loving having these former cast mates back on the show, like Brittany and Jacks. From the second he... Same as you want to buy Jacks, he's a professional reality star. And the second he started filming, he was starting fights. Like, obsessed.

Yeah. So I am all caught up. I think next week is the finale, this big San Fran, Kyle Chan party. Okay.

I'm so glad you brought that up.

It's Kyle Chan and Sam Fran. And by the way, and if it's not the finale, it should be, I'm good on this season, and I really want to get to the reunion, which is making a lot of waves.

I want to talk about Kyle Chan. Great. What body did Kyle Chan bury that every castmate is like, Why do I know the name of this random LA jewelry brand? They prop him up so much. It's a Kyle Chan this, Kyle Chan that. I feel like all we talk about is Kyle Chan. I don't understand. Like, Sheena, will you perform in my party? What is going on?

Maybe he gives him free jewelry.

I feel like maybe they invested in his company, for real, because they're acting like shareholders.

Yeah, and that would explain where all the money went. People are starting to, and by people, I mean nick Vial, because he talked about this on his podcast, and I saw it in a clip, and it's something that we've been saying. The Vanderpump rules cast members talking about how they have no money. Where is the money? There's so much money that they've made that they can make. They've been on TV for so long. And where did it go? And he was saying, they obviously weren't financially responsible, but seriously, where did they even spend it? I don't see.

They don't live lavishly.

No, they don't drive insane cars, carry insane bags. Where is the money? Maybe they sunk it into bad investments like Bruno. But that's something they should share with us because they're always saying they can't afford this, they can't afford that. And how is it that Tom Sandoval is the wealthiest man on the show that can just buy you out of this, buy you out of that, pay for Sheena when she's pregnant and unemployed. But Sheena, who's been on the show just as long as him, doesn't have that money.

Sheena, Tom Sandoval, Katie. Are those the three... Tom Schwartz in the very first season wasn't a full-time cast member, and neither was Ariana. The three of them, there is no way they're making less than $40,000 an episode.

Even- Way more than that turtle.

No, I think I had heard from somebody legitimate, and this was four years ago that they were making 30 grand an episode. But I don't know if they've had a contract renegotiations since Scandable.

That seems so low. I was going to say 250 grand an episode.

No fucking way. I think probably now it's 50.

I'm going to say 100 grand an episode. I think they're making just over a million a season. For 10 years on reality TV.

I don't know because no, you have to think about how there was a time a couple of years ago where the show was in a lull, and they were probably just taking what they could get. And that's the contract they're working off of. I don't believe their contracts have come up since Skandival happened, which sucks because if it literally... If they all had contract negotiations- No, but even before Skandival, the show was in a low.

Okay, that doesn't mean they got pay cuts. They're still on the up, up, up, up.

I don't know. I actually don't know about that.

I think they're making a lot of money from the show. And it's not like Sheena lives ever in a crazy house. I know she had to give half her money to Shay, so that definitely- Oh, right. Set her back. But Katie Maloney, I guess she doesn't talk about the fact that she doesn't have enough money. Okay, so that makes sense that then Tom Sandoval is the wealthiest.

It does because also Tom Sandoval didn't go through a divorce. Katie did. Sheena did. Not Tom Sandoval. It does make sense why he's... But yeah, it's also it's like tiny violins. I can't keep hearing about these people's money problems. When you open your Instagram, they have a million podcasts, a million brand deals. It's like enough.

No, and it's like, if you want to make more money, you could do more work. There's plenty of opportunities.

Yeah. But so I'm not fully caught up on... But if next week is the finale, I will fully catch up. And you're right, I do just want to get to the reunion.

Yeah, because I keep seeing stuff, very titulating. And this episode, whatever. It was whatever. So anyways, all that to say, I was going to recap Banner Pump Rules, which pushes dear tosters off a bit. But what I also did last night was record The Redheads, which this might be my favorite episode of The Redheads of all time. Laughing so hard. It was just it was cathartic after reading a really bad book.

For sure. Whenever we have a book club in real life and the book sucks, it's the best meetings because we're just laughing about how stupid it was.

Yeah. And It's like, I felt rewarded for finishing the book that we could have that conversation. It was so funny. And all of us were just picking out the parts that stood out to us for being the dumbest. Oh, my God. We were wheezing. So that episode drops tomorrow, and I'm really, really excited for that.

Everything's coming up red heads.

Ain't that the truth?

I can't believe there are people out there who think it's pronounced read heads. I get it because read and read are spelled the same, but don't be dumb.

No. Yeah. Just take it one step further.

Yeah. Just keep thinking. Keep thinking.

What's also exciting is that today is May first. Happy May.

Oh.

I feel like while you were focusing on the fact that it's Wednesday, I was focusing on the fact that it's May.

Yeah, you're right. And please, anyone who sends me, it's going going to be May meme, you are seriously being blocked. People I know personally. You send it to me. There are a few things that happen in meme culture in the meme calendar. April 25th, it's not too hot, it's not too cold. All you need is a light jacket. Everybody posts that Miss Congeniality thing. October third. On October third, he asked me what day it was. I told him it was October third. May first, it's going to be May. Wake me up when September ends. That is, to me, the lowest form of comedy. I used to participate in it. The people who haven't evolved past that type of humor, I can't.

I think it brings us together. It's going to be May. Dana is someone who really participates in a couple, not all of them. She doesn't participate in May, October third, or April 25th, but she does Wake Me Up When September Ends. And then October first. Nobody woke me up.

And of course, April first.

Of course, April first. And then also Pi Day, 3.14..

And then her birthday.

Those are the big days of the year for her.

I would hope her birthday would be one of them.

Oh, Dana is crazy, Stasi season one about her birthday.

Yes, she is.

Yeah, it's so out of character.

I know, because she's not an attention-seeking whore.

No, but I think it has more to do with her love for Astralogy, which is also out of character for such a learned girl.

Okay. She's really like...

Okay, Ali. No, yeah, she's not like Ali, but she needs to know everyone's horoscope just to put them in a box and understand them.

I just want to say the Van der Prump rules producers are so shady with every time they film at James and Ali's house, showing the airplane above. I just want to say it is really weird to live five minutes from the airport when you make a lot of money. That's not really where people, if you have choices where you would choose to live. It's very bizarre. Also, which airport? Because they live near your LAX. That means they're over an hour away from everyone. I really don't understand that house thing. But they're obviously- I think so. They're so proud to be homeowners, and it's such an accomplishment to buy a home, and they're so proud of the outside. They keep filming there. They keep hosting there. They obviously love it. And the way the producers are not letting anyone forget that they live by the airport is actually nasty.

No, it's really true.

It ain't right. We got it.

Yeah. Yeah. Also, did you see- I guess if you're used to it, but it's funny. You get used to anything. Ali was saying, she grew up near an airport, so this is like nothing to her. For James, it's different. But you don't even realize how much sound you live with every day. I guess if someone who comes from a quiet place lived where you live, they would be like, How do you live like this?

That is true. That is true. Did you also see James Kennedy DJed at Stage Coach, majorly at the Diplo Honky Tonk. No. Yeah.

I love that.

Everything's like, DJ James Kennedy.

As it should. He's one of my faves. Did you feel like this year Stage Coach is bigger than Coachella?

No, but I felt like for the first year, they were definitely on the same level.

I really feel like it was bigger. Well, I guess I follow more people. More people that I follow went to Stage Coach than Coachella is how I feel.

Same, but I do think that might be an us But if you know the landscape and you know how many influencers get paid to go to Coachella, how many brands go, how many brands throw parties. Then if you went to Stage Coach a couple of years ago, there's none of that. There's no revolved parties. There's no nothing. There's no house. This year, I saw a couple of pretty decent brands. Tarte Cosmetics was there. A couple of big brands. I think Revolve also did something little. People are now allotting, I think, some of their Coachella budget to the Stage Coach budget, which is so crazy. That means it's going to get ruined soon, but it's interesting to note. I agree.

Yeah, it felt really big this year, which I'm happy. Do you feel protective over Stage Coach? A thousand %. You were like, He's in us, Graves. You guys weren't here. Yeah, a thousand %. When there were no brands, and there was no money to be made, and you actually spent your own money. Oh, thousands. Yeah.

No, I do.

Yeah. I guess I feel that way, too. Yeah. Do you guys even know country music?

Right. Don't come for me if you don't know Snitchal Tenpenny. Okay? Yeah. Some of us are deep.

Yeah. Some of us have been deep.

Some of us have respect for Alan Jackson. And some of us don't.

Some of us don't. That's okay.

And that's okay. So we've got a great show. I feel like we should dive in because we've got some things to attend to, if you will.

We do. So without further ado, here are the Fast Five stories that you need to know.

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Com for your ideal hotel or vacation, no matter where you're going in the US. We are actually planning a summer trip right now, and Booking. Com has been amazing for that, too. And I just feel like with all these things coming up, summer's coming up, plan the trips now so that you're not left behind, you're not being scrambling for the weekend. Like, Oh, what should we do? Plan a nice week and get away with the girlies. Do it at Booking. Com. You can book and become whoever you want to be on Booking. Com, Booking. Yeah. Today's episode is also brought to you by sacks. Com. Jackie and I are saying yes to the warm weather this year, and that means we're stepping up our wardrobes with the help of sacs. Com. I feel like everyone's talking about everything they have going on this summer. Weddings, business trips, work trips, travel. It's really overwhelming when you think about all the things you have to do, because if you don't know what you're going to wear, you just feel dreadful. But until you have your outfits on lock, then you can feel excited. And sacs. Com, placing an order is so easy.

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Thank you, La.

You're welcome.

Speaking of our favorite sponsors, Spritz Society, major news coming out of Spritz Society. Which is that Pickle Spritz, our collaboration with Clawson Pickle Spritz is back on spritzedsociety. Com. Available to shop now.

It's giving restock.

It's giving drink of the summer.

It is giving drink of the summer.

So So what's exciting for me is that I missed out on all the pickle excitement because I was pregnant. And I have some in my house still, but now I get to drink it with everyone.

You don't have to hide it.

Yeah, and make people jealous. Like, Oh, I'm drinking this Spritz that you can't have. Is there anything worse than that?

And I'm pretty sure Code Toast is always and forever active at spritzsociety. Com.

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There'll be mutiny.

There'll be hell to pay. Yeah. I'll storm Spritz HQ.

Spritzsociety. Com. Get your pickle.

Oh, Sunday Night. Oh, my God. Speaking of sports, I totally forgot to tell you this. So the Knicks are pretty good this season. And I know that because Ben is obsessed with the Knicks lifelong. And I've been getting into it because they're actually not embarrassing. So it's the first round of the playoffs. They're obviously going to win. They're the number two seat, and they're playing the number seven. Philly. Two is smaller than seven.

Who won last night? Okay.

So it was, I think, 3-0 in the series. You have to win four games. Okay. Philly has won the last two games. The Knicks literally just needed to win one more game. They've lost two games in a row.

So it's three, two. Not to be a conspiracy theorist, but the way I feel about that is like, why would they have four games when they could have seven and sell ads against seven games as opposed to four?

Oh, wow. Oh, wow.

Not to say the whole thing is scripted, but seriously, that financially, that doesn't make sense. It's millions of dollars on the table.

Okay, but the thing is, is that the Knicks... Okay, so they let Philly win It was at home in Philly. Last night, they came back to New York. Obviously, they were going to win and go to the playoffs. No, they lost again. And now the next game is in Philly, and I feel like they could lose again. And now I have to go to Philly tomorrow. I literally spent four hours in the car with Ben. He bought tickets the second the game. He was like, They're going to go up. They're going to go up. I was like, Okay, okay.

I didn't realize this was affecting you on a personal level.

I only bring up things on the show that affect me in a personal way.

Well, I already thought it was affecting you because your husband's watching, but not because you have to go to Philly.

No, I'd say, Cancel dinner with my high school friends and go to Philly. How stupid.

No, that's seriously insane. Last night on the Redheads was getting a little contentious because Dana is a lifelong Knicks fan. Absolutely loves the Knicks, and Rebecca is a Philly swirly. So they were budding heads.

No, it's been really awkward with Taylor Donahieu and Ben, two same energy.

Oco-taco.

So I'm ready for this series to be over because it's ruining my life.

And by osmosis, ruining mine because I feel turdy's energy. Yes. When I take that on as the empath that I am. Of course.

Just a little bit about me.

We stand with Turdy, all that to say. Our first story in some PR, puff piece of the day. People's Most Beautiful Issue has arrived. They're still doing that. The female version of Sexy as Man Alive is called The Beautiful Issue by People, and their beautiful woman-Let me think. The shoes for the Beautiful Woman belong to.

Somebody lied to her several times and told her she was fly, hot, and sexy, and beautiful, and she's nothing like that. She's nothing of the sort. Pretty much, I would let Gemma know that she is a fat cunt, and the shoes that she gave me were not type of shoes that I would wear. They were old maiden type of shoes. She said that those shoes were meant to be worn on a beautiful woman. If that's the case, she should have put them back on the rack because she was unqualified to own those shoes. I think Gemma's just a disgrace. She's a disgrace to women who are actually beautiful. Who is people's most beautiful woman? They always make it an older woman because they're afraid of being called ageist.

Check.

Who's someone who's obviously doing press right now? Is it Anne Hathaway?

No, but that would be a really good guess. I haven't seen this person doing a lot of press. She's always around. If I gave you enough guesses, I think you would guess it. But are we going to sit here all day?

No, you can tell me who it is.

Okay. Well, actually, sorry, they don't say Most Beautiful. I feel like the language around their beautiful issue is incredibly tight. Sensitive. I want to see the way that they call her.

All right, please just tell me who it is, Phil.

Beautiful Issue, Beautiful Woman, Sofia Vergara.

Oh, well, she is a beautiful woman.

Yeah.

No No lies detected.

No lies detected. Exactly. I feel like this tracks knowing who they've had in the past. Of course, I need to now pull up a list of people's most beautiful women throughout history and famous couples throughout history.

I do like that they always make it an older woman. Hollywood and the tabloids and magazines, it's a young girls game. Maxim Hot 100. I appreciate that. I do.

Are you ready to hear historically who the most beautiful have been?

Julia Roberts, Julia Roberts, Julia It's always Julia Roberts.

Yeah, it really is. I wonder why she got snubbed this year. They haven't done it since 2022 when it was Helen Mirren. Okay. 2021, Chrissy Tegan.

Okay.

2020, it was Kate Hudson, Kate Hudson's daughter, Roni Rose, and her mom, Goldie Hawn. Love that. So it was like, generational beauty.

Multigenerational.

I like that. Me too. 2019, Jennifer Garner.

Classic.

Classic. 2018, Pink.

Obsessed.

2017, Julia Roberts.

Do you think that there are actresses out there who haven't gotten it, and it's their Roman Empire? Why haven't I gotten it? It's such a classic. I feel like they rotate the same couple of people.

No hate, no shade to People magazine. But no, I don't think that anyone is kept up at night trying to get this award. And if they are, that's incredibly losery.

I don't disagree. Happy for Sofia Vergara. It's not a really hot take. Yeah, she's a beautiful woman. Yeah.

And even if she weren't, no one's going to say. It's funny how sexiest man- No one's going to say, Yet ugly. With sexiest man alive, every year, people are disappointed. Like, He's not sexy. This guy's sexier. It's like, It should have been this person. If anybody did that about people's most beautiful woman, seriously, jail.

Do you also feel like it's a weird thing that they do? When you just boil it down?

Yeah, it's It's the Hot List, right?

Yeah. No, it's giving all those collegiate. Remember Sydney White?

Hot or not. Yeah.

Sydney White, where she was number two, and then she was number one. It's weird.

Yeah. Well, they also have a list of beauties of the year in 2024.

They're beauties with yellow hair, beauties with dogs, beauties who are working cooking.

This list is from Oscar winners to a basketball sensation. These stars triggered all the feels. Yikes.

Who is this for?

Maybe it's time to let AI do the writing.

I don't disagree.

I think that's really AI's best use, I feel. It's like writing nonsense jargon. Copywriting.

Copy that really nobody reads, but if you were to read it, it would be fine.

Yeah. And that, what I just read, which I probably wasn't going to read, but I was just trying to explain what I was about to get into, that wasn't fine, what I just read. I just want you to know. I agree. I actually hope that it was AI. There's authors here. There's names. Skipping over to the list. Are you ready for a batch of beauties?

A batch of beauties.

One, Emily Blunt.

She is quite beautiful.

Two, Emma Stone.

Also beautiful. Stunning.

Three, Ariana Grande.

Gorge.

Four, Julianne Moore.

Ugly. No, I'm kidding. What are we supposed to say?

Five, Jody Foster.

Gorge. What?

Six, Annette Bening. Beautiful. Seven, Sydney Sweeney Sweeney.

By the way, is there a black person on this list?

Oh, eight, Lindsay Lohan, 9. Kristen Stewart, 10. Devene Joy Randolph. So yes, there's one.

That's just interesting.

Eleven, Caitlin Clarke.

Okay.

12, Lily Gladstone.

Okay. It's just like, here's a list of women who are popular this year. The list makes no sense. Everyone's beautiful.

No, this is some serious nonsense.

Also, here's what's not being said. There are women... Beauty is subjective, of course, and I'm sure everyone has their own opinion, but there are women who are more beautiful than others. I would say, celebrity A is more beautiful than somebody, and that would be my opinion.

And you wouldn't even say a name because she doesn't want to go to jail either.

No, of course not. But I don't know, it's just giving like, we're all winners.

Yeah, seriously, what's the point of this issue? It's like they can't even talk about... Listen, I'm going to read the paragraph that is the top of the article before they get into each person. Whether they're winning Oscars or conquering the court, our roundup of the awesome women who inspired us this year proves that beauty comes in many forms. Read on for the stars who staged incredible comebacks, set records, excelled in their fields, and were just downright radiant inside and out.

Okay, saying like, Beauty comes in all different shapes. What did they say?

No, they didn't say shapes.

They wouldn't ever. That's not an approved word.

Many It's giving like, get ugly.

It's just, it's giving, get ugly. It's literally, if somebody wrote that about me. I'm like, Oh, so you think I'm ugly?

Yeah. No, I feel like the language around this, maybe back in the day in the '90s, which is like, She's beautiful. She's radiant. Every man wants her. Every woman wants to be here. It would have been fine. It was probably fine then, and they were saying something. Now it's just like, we don't know how to talk about a woman's physical appearance. No. However, we're going to do an entire issue about it.

I feel like they also don't know how to stop doing this. It was really popular in the '90s, and then it became something that's not okay. But then if they stop doing it, it's like, what? So you don't think women are beautiful? It's a hamster rail. They don't know how to stop.

Yeah. And they couldn't stop this without stopping sexiest man alive. And clearly, they're struggling because they didn't even have someone last year. But it's like, because we're no longer objectifying women, but we are still objectifying men. But then if you take away the most beautiful issue, well, it's like, well, then only the men get an issue. It's a Caz 22.

Yeah. I don't like it. I just want to say.

However, I feel for People magazine and this conundrum they found themselves.

This hamster wheel they can't get off of.

And so they will forever be just choosing beautiful women and just women because all women are beautiful, no? Well. Jail? You want jail? Lock her up. Get the handcuffs.

Take her away, boys. No, everyone is beautiful for sure. Period. Period. Now, there are a couple of lists that come out every year, and I feel like when they come out, it's a big deal here at the show, the Forbes list. And this is one that we talk about every year. And I just want to say, I'd like to stop. I don't like it.

I don't like the list itself, but I like contextualizing the list in the greater conversation.

Actually, though, I do like the men list because I can be completely honest. I can be like, he's ugly. Yeah.

No, that's what I'm saying. Even the copy for the men's list is probably like, the sizzling abs. And Yeah. Hunker, hunker, burning love.

Literally.

So we're stuck. And what do you think is the way forward? I think we should keep the most beautiful list, but I think they need to go all in.

How so?

Hot or not, let's rank them.

Oh, wow. Yeah, like Yic-Yac. What was that app people used to use in college?

College ACB? Yeah, shit like that. That was a discussion board. Forum Spring. Yeah, stuff like that.

We should have the Yet ugly list.

Yeah. That list would be so long, though.

Yeah. Just pictures of me, you, me, you, me, you.

Oh, my God. Literally, no. No. We're beautiful.

It would be people who are the Yet ugly list because really everyone is beautiful. Beauty really truly is subjective. But it would be people who are ugly on the inside.

Yeah, because for me, when someone's ugly on the inside, they become ugly on the outside. I actually really like that about myself. I really don't care about physical looks. Once I know you, you only look like who you are.

I completely agree. To me, your outsides are reflective, but actually in a literal way, of your inside. If you're amazing and I love your personality, I will think you're hot. If you're dreadful, I don't care how traditionally good-looking you would be, you're heinous to me, and I can't get away from you fast enough.

No, in a genuine way, not just saying it.

Not just saying that. Seriously, people, I I think someone who I would find really handsome because of their personality, someone might say he's ugly.

Yeah, or when a friend is dating someone that she likes and she'll be like, But I'm not so attracted to... He's not the most handsome. I'm like, But you like him.

You are what you see.

Yeah, that's incongruous to me.

Yeah, I agree. So my list would be Yet ugly on the inside.

I love that. Let's get to work.

People's Most Yet ugly.

Are you ready for our next story? Mm-hmm. Switching gears to one pop icon, giving advice to another. So there has been much of people talking about Brittany Spears as she spends a lot of money, and people are concerned that she's draining her $60 million estate on getaway. And Jessica Simpson was spotted by TMZ and asked about Brittany's alleged spending problems while leaving LAX. So Jessica Simpson said this, You can blow all your money on vacation if you're not careful, but memories are worth more.

She didn't want to It's not going to be shady, but she also was speaking from a similar experience. She was one of those teen... And obviously, the way her pop star career and just career in general, turned out was totally different. And now she's literally a billionaire. The two couldn't be more different. But it is interesting that because I feel like we've been saying for a long time, the Brittany money thing. Everyone was talking about free money. I'm like, What about the finances? And also the fact that her estate was $60 million feels so low to me.

As we've discussed via the Forbes list, making music Music. Music isn't going to make you a billionaire. It's so true. It's going to make you at best, 100 millionaire.

Yeah, but I feel like having a residency, it's a different tier of musicians. Oh, for sure.

But when people are vampire, sucking you dry, I'm shocked she's left with 60 million.

I do worry about her financially. It's interesting that people are having that conversation, but what is she to do?

I feel like if she ever wants a big payday, someone would pay her. I feel like she got a lot of money for her book. If she said, I I need to make a couple of mail, I'll do a documentary.

I feel like there's things that she could do. But do you feel like she's well enough? A book you can work on, but a documentary being camera-facing.

I think if it's friendly team. It would be okay. She could always do more music.

She likes music. She could. She actually did do a song.

With Elton John?

Yeah, that was a good song.

It got popular. Isn't it just his song that she recorded with him?

Yeah, they did a revamped version, but it didn't go by the wayside. It was popular.

Yeah, but I think it's hard to make money that way when you're just recording someone else's song with them. They're like, Well, you could skedaddle and get 1%.

How does that sound? It's not a It's not a big money-making excursion. How does 1% sound? How does literally $1 sound?

But yeah, I think right now she's taking a break from working, period. But I think one day, if she wants to keep living at this level, she loves going on vacation. She could do a residency. She likes to sing and dance. I feel like she... I'm not so worried about her.

I don't think she's even really perhaps ever going to be well enough to do a live show again.

I don't know. I think it wouldn't be like what someone else's might be. But she did it for so many years. She knows it down pat.

Yeah, that's true. Also, I just love Jessica Simpson, and well, just Jessica Simpson, acknowledging Britney Spears. She talked about her in her book a little bit, how at the time, all those girls were so competitive, Christina Aguilar, because they literally were doing the same thing, Southern girls with blonde hair being pop stars. They all ended up so differently. I honestly feel like the two could really benefit from maybe perhaps a friendship. They've been through so much.

Yeah, perhaps. I don't know.

Okay.

I don't know why. I just don't see them being friends. Same with Christina Aguilar, same with Pink.

Definitely not Pink, by the way.

And Pink read them all to filth back in the day. I think Jessica Simu was in her song.

Yeah. The thing is with Pink is that she was... You see how I just named all those girls, and I didn't name Pink? We didn't loop her in with that group, literally because she had short hair. That's literally why. She was this badass alternative renegade. Whereas the other girls were like, America's Sweetheart. Exactly, renegade. Honestly, in terms of music and career and performing, pink outlived them all. Then I would say Christina Aguilera. Maybe Christina Aguilera and Pink are... They hate each other, those two. But I would say they're maybe on the same level. Christina doesn't release new music.

Shame, crying shame. Crying Shame.

Crying Shame. But her previous catalog puts her at icon status.

Oh, yeah. But just like, Britney Spears. But I wouldn't say Britney Spears and Pink. I think Pink musically is- No, Christina still performs. Yeah. She's doing her residency in Vegas It looks really good.

It looks amazing.

I'm sure it is.

What's your favorite Christina Aguilera song? For me right now, it's Spider because it's a good running song, but not overall.

Overall? I don't know. Maybe something from Lotus.

I think, honestly, something from Burlesque.

Of course, Burlesque. What a slay. We don't have time.

Okay, but I just want to say Berlask deserved an Oscar.

Burlesque deserved a Tony.

I wasn't eligible, but I agree.

Burlesque deserved an Egot.

Berlask deserved a Pulitzer.

Burlesque deserved a Broadway show.

I love that idea. B-e-x.

P-r-e-s-s.

And the casting, that, honestly, make a list, because what do we talk about is the most perfectly cast movie of all time.

Hairspray.

Honestly, Burlesque is number two.

Okay.

Let me see if I have a list for that. I wouldn't change a hair on the head of Burlesque.

Well, except for that scene where Cher sings her song.

Oh, agreed. The Cher solo. I love Cher, but it wasn't the vibe.

Perfectly cast movies. I do have a list.

You do?

Yeah. Hairspray. Of course. Beauty In The Beast, live-action unique. A greening. Live action movie. Sleepover. A Greening. Burlesque.

No, burlesque. I wouldn't touch a hair on the head. Who is the actor who plays the mean developer? What's his name? He's so classic.

Eric Dane.

Yes. Oh, yeah. He's super famous now because he's in euphoria.

And Grey's Anatomy.

Oh, yeah. That's just something about us is that we don't watch that.

And we never will.

And we never will.

Every day, we get further away from ever watching it.

Yeah. I feel like I'm close now to getting to a place. I'm going to watch the Sopranos. It's been on my list. Claudia, I was just about to say that.

Really?

Yeah. Me and Ben have been talking about it for a while, and I started episode one a couple of years ago, and I didn't like it. And it's not fair to give a show only one episode. And also, maybe I just wasn't mature enough to appreciate, even though I know how it ends, which is so annoying because I saw TikTok about it.

Okay, don't say it. I won't. But Zack and I are going to watch together at some point Sopranos and Breaking Bad because I never saw that.

That's really crazy that you haven't seen Breaking Bad. I also feel perhaps this autumnal chilly season, maybe the spirit would move me to watch Gilmore Girls. I also watched the first episode of Gilmore Girls, and I didn't dislike it.

I have no desire to watch Gilmore Girls, except for the fact that everyone, and mostly a person that I really trust, who I have so much in common with, Stasi, says, I would love it.

Really?

Yeah. Love.

Those two shows are on my upcoming watch list. Also, I never really updated everyone, but I did not finish watching The Océ because it's actually a bad show, and that's what I've learned.

Rip.

Gossip Girl, with the test of time. Desperate Housewives, with the test of time. The Océ It literally didn't.

Yeah. Damn. Yeah. Well, are you ready for our next story? I am. Something else had fizzled out. Odell Beckham Jr. And Kim Kardashian's relationship has fizzled out. After less than a year of dating and following months of speculation about their relationship, the two are no longer doing whatever they were doing. This update comes just one month after they were spotted hanging out at the Vanity Fair Oscars party.

Crazy how low-key this was. When it was announced, there was speculation. I feel like nobody cared. I feel like nobody cares now that they're broken up. I don't know if that's reflective of his celebrity status or the Kardashian's generally, I think, being in a little bit of a flop era right now. But just interesting to know when you think about all the hype for her and Pete.

I just still don't really see that they were dating.

Oh, you think it was a conspiracy?

I think it was just much a do about nothing. I don't think they were dating, honestly. I don't know why I just don't believe it.

Okay. She's doubtful.

I'm glad that the jigg is up, and they're going to stop with this, and I don't have to keep seeing stuff. I just feel like if they were dating, we would have known. How do you date someone for just under a year, and you actually are really never seen together when you're the most photographed woman in the world?

There was a photo of them in Vegas at the Super Bowl.

Yeah, and they were in a group setting. Yeah. He's at the Super Bowl because he's a former football player, and Does he still play?

I think so. Remember they were saying he might have been being traded to the Kansas City Chiefs, and people were like, Oh my God. Right.

And she never went to a game? I'm sorry. They're not dating.

The thing is she couldn't have gone to a game.

Okay, I know because games are Taylor's thing now. But Kim doesn't give a rip the way. And Kim is older, she's mature. If she wants to go to a game, nothing about what people are going to say is going to stop her.

I guess they both were at the Super Bowl.

Right. And if that was Taylor's domain, she wouldn't have gone. She was not dating Odell Beckham Jr. Seriously.

I agree with that. I don't think he met the kids.

No, sorry. She was not dating Odell Beckham Jr. Period. Seriously, period.

Oh, not in a serious manner.

Definitely not in a serious manner. But you don't date someone for, say, it's eight months, 10 months, and stay at that level of non-seriousness where we're just spotted out here and there for 10 months.

Yeah, it's long.

It's long in the tooth.

Who We'll add her to the list of eligible singles.

On my way.

Is there anyone we could ship her with?

Let's go to the list. There is. Jason Momoa.

Perfect.

Kim Kardashian. Joe Manginello.

Okay. I just want to say I do ship Joe Manginello and Chloe Kardashian. I think I've said that previously on the show. They're both eligible singles to my knowledge. Actually, no, he's not single anymore.

Take him off the list. Yeah, no, he's not. No, he'll stay. Until you're engaged, you say.

I agree, actually. Who else is on the list for Kim? Michael B.

Jordan.

Okay, I do think he's a little young for her, but I like it.

Pete was young. Right. Trevor Noah.

No. Shaq. No, actually.

I ship so hard. I don't ship. I seriously ship so hard.

What other women are on the list for Shaq?

Women for Shaq. Let's see. Chloe.

No, I like her better with Joe Manginello.

Women for Shaq. I don't really have anyone that I could see other than- It's hard to visualize someone with Shaq just because he's so enormous.

Yeah.

And he's older. I think we forget Shaq is in his 50s. Most of these women are- That's crazy. 20, 30s.

It takes a whole lot of women, I think, to handle a man like Shaq. Honestly, I don't know who could handle it, honestly. Do you think his penis, seriously, is 12 feet long? Statistically, it has to be. He could kill someone.

Yeah. Back to the- Drawing board. Pool for Kimberly.

Remember when they said that she was dating Brad Pitt, but also Courtney was, too?

Courtney was. You know who's not on the list that needs to be on the list?

Who?

The most eligible bachelor in the world.

Gary?

No, Gary is over partying.

A thousand %. The most eligible bachelor in the world.

Who do you think globally... Who would you say is the most eligible bachelor in the world? Don't even try and guess what I'm thinking. Who would you say?

Okay. Who do you think is the most eligible bachelor in the whole world, globally? Like Glenn Powell?

Totally. Second to Elon.

Oh my God.

Okay. No, not even because I love Elon, but I think of the top 10 of the richest men in the world. He's one of the few that's single.

Yeah. It's hard to picture someone with eight kids as a bachelor, but yeah.

Yeah, I think it's more than eight kids at this point.

That's so fucking crazy.

Yeah.

I guess when money is not an issue, neither is tuition.

Neither is what?

Tuition. True.

But I don't know what's up with him, who he's seeing.

But all I know is it's not you, and that's wrong.

Are you ready for our next story?

What number?

Four.

Yes.

Kyle Richard's daughter, Farah, had $1 million in goods and heirlooms stolen from her Hollywood home. Okay. Have you seen in the last... I saw a few, like a week ago that Kyle Richard's daughter, Farah, her home was burglarized.

I didn't see that.

Now it's come the out that more than $1 million worth of luxury items were stolen, including precious family heirlooms from her Hollywood home last week. The star was not at home at the time of the robbery, which saw brazen thief gain access to her LA pad around 1:00 PM on April 23rd. Not in the middle of the day. The middle of the day, among the pricey items snatched from the property were Air Maze bags, luxury watches, designers' suitcases, and high-end jewelry, law enforcement sources told TMZ. Other items that carry sentimental value included heirlooms passed down from her stepfather, Mauricio Umansky's family, before he passed them down to Farah. That's fucking terrible. Her high school and graduation gifts were also stolen from her home, as well as expensive presents from past birthdays. It's understood that the burglar shut They shut the WiFi down at the home upon entry. They both spoke with LAP... I mean, Farah and her mom both spoke with LAPD investigators at her West Hollywood property after the break-in. Law enforcement sources told TMZ that she wasn't targeted, and the burglary, well, I guess not targeted specifically, but obviously, she was targeted. The burglary is just one of several that a group in the area has carried out recently, and no arrests have been made.

Oh, my God. First of all, crazy that it's happened to both Kyle and her daughter. The way the description of the incident that you just read reads just like Kyle's. She lost, of course, the Birkins and stuff, but more importantly, her mother's jewelry and heirlooms. Oh, my God. I don't know She probably wasn't targeted in the sense of... Because you wouldn't look at her social media and be like, That's someone I want to rob. But she probably just lives in a neighborhood, and she was just the unlucky one.

Yeah, but I think it's also been happening in her area. Also just Los Angeles in general.

Yeah, lawlessness energy.

Yeah, I feel like so many of the celebrities and then also reality stars that we talk about, this is a story very frequently.

Yeah, it's crazy. It's just a rite of passage as a celebrity to be robbed.

And it's crazy that no arrests have been made.

Like, hello. Do your job.

Yeah.

Well, sending her well wishes, that's so scary, first of all. Like, freaks in your house. Oh, my God.

Are you ready for our fifth and final story?

Oh, such bitter sweet sorrow. But we still have dear toaster. So, yeah, I am.

You're ready? Mm-mm. Okay.

No, I'm not. Oh, my God. I totally forgot to tell you. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. My table of things next to my microphone, which is just filled with necessities for the show, it's become chaos.

Things in which to podcast with.

Things in which to podcast with. But major is that an Ogie iconic sponsor has returned.

I don't want to guess in case I'm wrong.

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. When you get a new car or a new home, the first thing you might find yourself saying is, literally what? Or, Okay, how is this real? It's giving homeowners vibes. But really, the words you need to be thinking or singing are, Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. State Farm is there with the coverage you need for your car, your home, even boats and motorcycles, RVs, and other things that matter to you. With the State Farm agent, you know someone is there to help you choose the coverage that you need. With so many coverage options, it feels good knowing that you can find what fits for you. When you need ways to get help, State Farm gives you options there, too. Obviously, moving up in this life is amazing. Getting cars, homes, things we should be so proud of, growing your family, growing up. But there are things you need to do to protect yourself, and State Farm is one of those things. When you need help protecting the things that matter most, remember just to sing it like Jackson Claude. Hit it, Jackson.

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Critics are calling it sexy, witty, darkly rewarding. They're obsessed with it, as are we. Love a period piece, especially about a unique story in time perhaps you hadn't heard of. Then you find yourself googling during the entire show. Watch Mary and George only on stars and in the stars app. Jacks and I are truly obsessed with period pieces. Is, Mary and George is no exception. The character is played by Julianne Moore, and Mary pretty much finds herself at this place where she has nothing to her name. She's feeling desperate, needing to elevate her social standing. I feel like we've all been there at some point. Mary takes a radical route. She has her son become lover to the king. It was definitely giving creative. She pulled herself up by her bootstraps, and she did what she had to do. So watch it now on stars, and in the stars app, that's The A-R-Z. You can download the app or just watch it if you have the channel stars. It's called Marion George. Again, it is starring Julianne Moore and Nikola Scalatein. You're going to love it. We have been loving it.

Thank you, La.

You're welcome.

Our fifth and final story, which was going to lead into a bit of a TV recap is that Vannerpump Rules is pausing production and won't film this summer to give cast members a break. So fans will have to wait a little longer than usual for the next season of Vannerpump Rules. An insider told Page 6 on Tuesday that production for season 12 was put on pause despite typically filming in the summer months. The network felt like the cast needed a break from the cameras in the wake of Skaneval, which resulted in additional filming over the last two seasons. The source said, Everyone needs a moment to decompress after two very rough, intense seasons. The cast is looking forward to a break from filming the show.

Yeah. I think that sometimes when things like this come out, you're like, Oh, my God, the show is getting canceled. It's always red flag. But I actually think it'll serve the show better if everybody... Sometimes I look at Ariana on the show and she doesn't even say much. I'm like, She looks so tired. I think everybody really does need a break. I also think it'll help the drama for them to live their lives normally.

Yeah. I feel like when people want to do something maybe salacious or whatever, they'll do it when they're not filming. I think also we always talk in hindsight, the Jersey Shore kids needed a break, and we It's like, learn from that, but then nothing ever changes in the moment when the break is needed. I don't know who actually allowed for this break to happen, because I feel like it's always like more, more, more. No, the views are so high, we have to keep filming. But I think in the long run, it will be really good for the show. I I feel like as viewers, we can tell that the storyline has run dry. They need a break. I'm fine with a break. I'm here for a little fall VPR. I feel like summer, filming in the summer, it's just like summer vibes are nice and fun, and everything's lit and crazy. But I'm here for fall, fall trips. I agree. Let's see what they do in the fall.

You just reminded me of... Because I was thinking about how Sheena also feels like someone who might need a break. She's obviously going through a lot, talking about postpartum OCD. I didn't know that was a thing. She seems like someone who's on the fritz. It's not just Ariana. Of course, Sheena makes everything about herself. But I do feel like a lot of them could benefit, especially Lala now getting pregnant. I think it'll be really good for everyone.

When they resume, hopefully, people will have new things going on, just feel refreshed. I think this is really for the best, and I'm impressed that they can recognize that.

Same. Now, speaking of Sheena, because when I was watching last night, it's so funny to me because Even though I think she's going through a lot, I think her life and her relationship with her husband, a lot of it is so relatable. They're not fighting about anything monumental. I don't think they have marital problems. I think they fight about the dishwasher, things that normal couples fight about. Honestly, I find it funny when she was yelling about him about the laundry in Tahoe. It makes me like them so much. It's so relatable. But every now and then, I remember that Brock has those two other kids. It's like anvil on my head. I'm like, Oh. Because he seems like such a good dad and husband. I'm like, How can you be both? Somebody who literally abandoned two kids, but also was this amazing dad.

Well, maybe he sees this as a second chance.

That's what he says, like redemption.

Even if he lived in Australia, where he's from, does his ex allow him to be around his children?

I don't know. At first, they had said, when this story first came out, that he wasn't allowed to be around his children because he was behind on child support. But I believe he's gotten that taken care of. He sold his gyms or whatever.

Yeah. If it's out of his control that he can't be with his kids, the only thing to me, it's like, how does that not just weigh on him? Yeah, daily. That he has two kids that you can't see.

Yeah. I think that he chose to leave the country. And that's why people say he abandoned. And yeah, he went for a better life or whatever. He lived in Australia, not the desert. But it's weird. It's the one thing that holds me back on fully standing. I literally forget about it. And then it comes up on the show, I'm like, oh, my God, right.

I forget about it. Not saying that's right, but I fully stand and ship. No, and when you say that, it's hard for me to hold space.

I know.

And so I've chosen to just not hold space because it was getting too heavy. Okay, that's fine. I don't know what that says about me, but it's a show.

It's so important to remember it's a show.

But it's there, realized. It's true. Also important to remember.

So what happened in the episode that I watched? Well, tell me what happened. You can spoil the episode from last night for me.

Okay. Well, they go to San Fran. They took a very, very choppy, windy boat ride. That was really freaking me out.

Boat?

Yeah, they went on a boat because they cruised under the... They didn't cruise. It was chip, chop, chip. But I think that's part for the course in San Fran. They went under the Golden Gate Bridge, and they drove past Alcatraz. They were just taking in the sights on a boat.

I didn't know you could take a boat from LA to San Francisco.

No, they got to San Francisco. They went down to the docks and took a little cruise.

I thought you were saying their means of getting to Sanfran was a choppy cruise.

No, they took a plane to San Francisco. Everyone's excited for Kyle's party. Oh, what I wanted to post on my story and take a picture of my TV screen, but my media console beneath was too messy, so I didn't.

Oh my God, that's so fucking relatable.

And so I never do because my media console beneath my TV is always messy with no laundry.

No, I put the text box over the clothing.

Yeah, but I have this new media console that I want to show off. I feel like I can't just ignore the fact that it's new. Anyways, all is that to say, I never post my TV thoughts because my media console is always messy. That's so funny. And that's why I'll never be a successful influencer because I can't clean off my media console.

Literally just put it on the floor.

No, it's so true. All is that to say. Yeah. What I would have posted about was there was a conversation between Brock and Ariana. That was so funny to me because it was Brock trying to talk to Ariana about how she needs to let go of her anger towards Sandoval for her own betterment, for her own betterment, and how sheena is in the middle of it, and it's hurting Sheena, and Ariana is like, Oh, Sheena, the person I love the most in this world, who Tom Sandoval just yelled at last week. No, I'm not going to forgive him when he's hurting her, too. He's hurting everyone, whatever. And then they got into a conversation about male and female rage. Ariana is just going off about why is it that females aren't entitled to rage? And just talking like that in proc, you could just See, Barack is just regretting ever. Yeah, bringing it up. These two people are speaking two different languages, and he just ends with like, Oh, well, I'm not a woman, so I guess I can't say. And it was just like, he was shut the fuck down.

That It was so funny.

It was so funny to me.

I find the most interesting part of the season, and tell me if you agree, to be the relationship between Katie and Lala. They fought a couple of times, and I find it to be so... They're not fighting about nothing. I feel like so much reality TV is fighting about nothing. The way they both see each other, I can see how they got so far apart from where they were because they used to be so tight. Katie really resenting this soft era that Lala's in. Lala really wanting to shake Katie and being like, Come join me on the soft side. You don't have to be angry all the time. It's so true how two people can go through similar things. Both of their relationships fell apart and come out of it so differently. I never would have guessed that Lala was going to come out of it as a sensitive, soft It's a loved person.

Yeah, it's really- It's so interesting. It's true. And yeah, you can see the friction. But they also, I think, look back on those days when they were so close, at Tina's wedding, they used to do everything together. And they'll go back to that and be like, Oh, I miss you. I love But I feel like they're really every day getting further and further apart.

There's love there, but they can't- Katie and Ariana are so bonded.

And what's so crazy is when they were the Tom's wives and girlfriends, the Tom-Tom wags, they never really got along.

They're bonded- No, they became friends because they had to, because of their husbands. They didn't just like each other, but there wasn't a deep friendship or connection there. And it's really so crazy. I think they were such an unlikely duo. But now their levels of rage have matches each other. When you're in that space, you want to be with somebody who matches that.

Yeah, and now they're business partners. We did get us something about her update in last night's episode. Basically, it's gone to shit because they had to demolish their front patio. They have a bunch of codes that they need to get up to code on. The woman who they brought in, that food chef lady was doing interviews, they reach a sticking point with her because she wants to be partner. She wants a percentage of the business. They're like, No, we're not the three musketeers. This is our business, and we'll pay you a salary, and then you can get 10% of profits from this restaurant. That doesn't work for that lady. I guess if they don't move forward with her, she was doing really everything, running back of house, COO, whatever.

Got it. That's why she wants to be a partner.

Right. She works with Lisa, too. I wonder if she gets percentages of if this is what she does as a restaurante. It's giving Greg from Schwartz and Sandy's and how they clowned on Greg so much because Greg's telling them to do this and Greg. And it's like, Okay, but they have a restaurant with Greg. Here, if they don't do what she wants them to do, then she won't work there, and then they don't have anything.

I do feel like they should abandon ship, for real. Like, cut their losses. Really? They're so close. I do. They're not, though, because this is what, a year ago, and nothing has happened since then. There's still no front porch. I feel like there was a lot of momentum. I read a rumor. If they could have gotten it up at the time, it would have been worth it. Now, I feel like they should cut their losses.

No, I think they should keep going. I saw something that it's opening up May 24th or something, and then I went to the something about her page, and still there was only the one picture from a few years ago about like, shop something about her. The merch. Com or whatever. I guess what I read was wrong, otherwise would be on the page.

They said I'm watch your happens live last night. That it opens May 22nd.

Oh, okay. So what I read was right. Why isn't it on the Instagram?

Literally.

It's exciting. I think that once it opens, if it's really good and people are excited about it, we'll forget how long it took, honestly. And it'll be on the next season. And then if they start filming in the fall, they'll have had five to six months of sales, and it'll be really Bussinga. Okay. I'm an internal optimist, Herbie Lou.

Yeah, she's talking about sex, and She's an eternal optimist. It's crazy.

I wouldn't say I'm a pessimist, though. I wouldn't say I'm an eternal optimist. I'm a realist is what I am.

I'm such a realist. But I come to that realist view with an extremely negative outlook on life. So that's important to note.

Yeah.

Okay. Speaking of things Jackie's negative about, let's dive into Deer Toaster, which I'm super excited about.

Our weekly advice- What is Jackie's real about.

I love our weekly advice segment, Deer Toaster, where you can write in if you need advice from your girls. Anything, marriage, work, whatever it is, it's totally anonymous. You can email us, deerteosters@gmail. Com, or you can head over to our website, thetoastpodcast. Com. There's a submission box there. Both are totally anonymous. If you've written in and it hasn't been read on air, there's still hope. Maybe it was too long. We don't like to read submissions that are too long. This is like a podcast, not a regular reading.

Claudia was literally about to say that.

Our first submission is actually an update. In 2022, we had this submission from a girl, and I will read her her original submission, and it really took the community by storm. People couldn't get over the level.

The community or the community?

At that point, it was the community.

Okay, but today, it will take the Humunity?

Humunity. This is what she had written in. Hey, Jackson-Claude. I'm desperate in need of advice urgently. I don't want to get my friends or family involved in this mess, so I'm running to my cyber friends for help. I've been married for seven years. We got a dog a little over a year ago. My husband didn't think it was a good idea to get a dog. He said, I would have to take full responsibility of the puppy if we got one, meals, walk, training, etc. Fast forward a year, of course, he's in love with the dog and has been helping me out here and there. Let's say the dog's name is Theo, she said. Since I got Theo, I'd planned on getting him fixed, neutered. As soon as he turned one years old, my husband is now feeling really strongly about not fixing him. We've been talking about it for months in hopes of convincing him, making lists of pros and cons, etc. But still, neither of us was budging. I went ahead and made an appointment for Theo to get fixed today on Tuesday. Last night, Monday night, my husband said he was going to take him for a walk and came back without the dog.

He said he wouldn't let me, quote, mutilate Theo and would rather give him away than let him go through with the neutering. He said he won't tell me where Theo is, and I'm heartbroken, so much so that I packed a bag and left our apartment for the night to stay at What do I do? I'm sure Theo is fine, and I'll see him again, but this is crossing a line, right? Divorce is not going through my mind, but a simple fight and giving up sounds wrong, too. As much as he is helping out, Theo is my dog, and I feel powerless. What should I do? I don't even know what options should be on the table. Police report, divorce, folding, and just not fixing Theo. Am I being overly dramatic? We said she was not being overly dramatic, that this was a seriously serial killer thing to do. Also, where the fuck is the dog? You need to find out immediately if he's okay. Did you leave him chained up on the street?

Right.

Everybody was theorizing about this man, and everyone pretty much agreed that this wasn't a normal thing to do in a vengeful or spiteful marital spat. This was really serial killer. Okay. Update. Boy, do I have an update for the girlies? Besides being a dog kidnapper, it turns out my husband was a big-time cheater as well. The first time he got caught was when this poor idiot with the worst luck ever actually butt dialed me and left me a three-minute voicemail where I heard him with a girl. I finally came to my senses and filed for divorce a year later. No, I'm ready to let you know because I'm seeing someone new, and he just surprised me with a Toast sweatshirt this week. I'm absolutely in love with this Pja. I'm so excited for what life has in store for me. It's never too late to join the Redheads, and it's never too late to find happiness. And about my dog, I told him, I'm keeping the dog, dumbass, literally. But I did keep the dog. Thank you, Jackson turd. So I don't know where the dog was, but she found the dog. The dog is in a new, loving home with this man who obviously respects the toast, respects his lady.

Respects women.

It was important that I brought up. Whatever situation you're in right now, I know it seems so dire. I mean, look at this girl. Her dog was literally stolen from her.

And her husband was cheating on her, her husband of seven years.

And she literally ended up happier than ever, and so can you. So that's just proof listening to The Toast is going to make your life immeasurably better.

Yeah. Wow. That's really, really positive news. I'm so glad to hear it.

Do you remember the impact that that submission had on the community or no?

Yeah. Everyone was thinking about where he could be. I feel like she had given us an update shortly thereafter that the dog dad booked a rover and dropped him at a sitters. Yes.

Oh, my God. You're right.

That's what he had done.

We were like, Who is this stranger? Right.

Nutty. Nutty.

Nutty. It really was a red flag. It was just a tip of the iceberg for that freak.

Yeah.

Good riddance.

Bye, loser.

All right, next up. Hey, Jackson Claude. I love The Toast. I listen every day, and I'm really in need of help. I slept with my best friend's brother. It was a drunken night, and we've known each other forever. It was about a year and a half ago. My sister has been dating him for the past year, and now they're engaged. She has no clue that we slept together, and I feel like it may have meant more than just a drunken hookup. Do I tell her or let it be, 'Sincerely a toaster who slept with her best friend's brother and soon to be brother-in-law?

' Okay, it didn't mean more.

Maybe it did-Yeah, calm down. He's literally engaged. No, no.

Maybe it did to you. But it didn't to him, and he's engaged your sister. Therefore, it's not going to mean more. We're going to nip that in the pud. And we're going to take that out of the equation. You're going to let that go.

By the way, the best advice ever given onto your toaster is right there.

Even if you're holding a candle for him, drop it. Stop. Drop it before you burn it down, okay? Extinguish the flame, okay? Okay. Now let's deal with the matter at hand. You have secretly had sexual relations with this man who is engaged to your little sis. I don't know how close you and your sister are. If we were in this situation, we are so close, I could not hide anything from I talk to you every single day. It would be at the forefront of my mind. We cannot have a real and honest relationship if this big secret is looming. Do you have that relationship with your sister? Or is she... Some people see their siblings when they see them, and we don't talk every day, and we live in separate states, and that never stopped us. But I think you need to think about to what degree is it really affecting your relationship, if any.

The thing is, is that I would say, yes. If you can go to your grave, both of you, ensuring that the secret never If you're not out, then do that. But secrets have a way of getting out. They just do. I also think it's wrong to let your sister marry someone without knowing this big secret. That's not very sisterly of you.

However, it shouldn't change her decision to marry him. It won't.

No, but it's important that she has all the facts.

Yeah.

To let her make this big life decision while withholding something pretty major.

It's not going to change. It's not like something she needs to know about her husband.

He's allowed to have had sex with whoever. No, it's something she needs to know about her life.

Yeah, it's something that's going on that she needs to know. But I don't think... It's not like she needs to know everything about him. It's not one of those situations. It's just like... She should know, just so that she's not the fool for the rest of her life.

I know two sisters who both slept with one of the husbands. Or maybe not slept, maybe made out, whatever. They're all completely fine.

Yeah, but did they know it before they got-Yes. Right. It's always been the truth as opposed to being a bombshell.

There's just no way to guarantee that this doesn't get out one way or the other. Who else knows? Obviously, does your best friend, whose brother it is, know?

Yeah. No, I don't think it's going to... My issue isn't that it's going to get out, and she'll be mad that she didn't hear it from you. It's just a dishonest thing.

For someone you love.

For someone you love. So if it were me, I would have to tell If it were me, I also wouldn't be waiting till they were engaged, right?

Yeah. No, you've waited a long time.

Why did you wait so long? Why not tell her when she started dating, maybe like, Oh, I'm so happy for you. Just so you know, though. Just so you know.

The age-old proverb applies here. It's not the crime, it's the cover-up. Now you act like you're doing something wrong, and it's the fact that you've lied for over your-You didn't even commit a crime.

You guys are totally fine to have had sex when you had sex.

A thousand Unless was he dating your sister then? No.

No.

He was just your best friend's brother. Yeah.

That's why they didn't tell at the time. Now, it's like, you can tell her when they're engaged, because if you wait even longer, then they'll be married. It's like, why didn't you tell her any time before they got married? So tell her now.

Agreed. It'll shake her.

And that flame that you're holding for him.

Oh, girl, you sound crazy.

Yeah.

Goodbye. I'm really very curious about our third and final submission, what your thoughts in particular are. Okay. Jackson-claudey needs some advice. My husband and I just bought a condo. We live in a two-unit HOA. The couple below us had a baby about a month ago. At our last HOA meeting, about two weeks ago, they handed us a schedule of their baby's nap times and asked us to only vacuum/work out and limit our walking during those times.

Okay, wait. Question for you. A two-unit HOA means there's two apartments, and they meet with each other? They have A meeting of two people?

I'm not entirely sure.

But doesn't that sound like that's what it is?

What's a two-unit HOA? Hold on. Two-unit HOA. I never heard of that. Hoa in a two-condo unit building. We're considering buying one of the two condos in a new unit. The listing doesn't list HOA, so I'm guessing... Yeah, it's like you self-govern.

You and your neighbor just get together and call yourself the HOA.

I guess. Got it. It's just the two of you. Okay, great. So they handed out a schedule. What did she say? No walking. Their baby's nap schedule asked us to only vacuum/workout and limit our walking during those times. Is that crazy or am I being dramatic?

No, that's extremely extreme. They should be a little more self-aware to not look like so It's so crazy. And I guess if you guys are... It's two people, if you're close enough where it's like, Hey, can you just not vacuum? That's fair. It's not something... Walking? I agree.

I didn't think it was so crazy until The Walking. That's really nuts. Also, babies sleep with sound machines. It's also on these people to build a safe sleeping environment for their kids. You can't control whether a siren is going to go off outside.

People get really crazy about the sleep environment and we can't have any noise. I think that's a little bit extreme for The Walking.

What I would do, I think this is actually an amazing idea. They just had a baby, so you got them a baby gift. You should get them the best sound machine. No, seriously, I got your letter. We'll do our absolute best, but on the off chance, I happen to have a work meeting or whatever, here's a sound machine. It's a solution. I'll do my part within reason.

Yeah, you could be accommodating. You obviously don't have to be. It's not your problem, but you want to be neighborly and say, of course, I will mind the vacuum and stuff, but definitely a sound machine aces.

Also, when you live in a two-unit building, this is your only neighbor. This is the person you're going to rely on. If they hear something in the middle of the night to call the police, there are many situations where a neighbor has literally saved a life. You want your neighbors to... You do not want to have crazy hatred with your neighbors.

You want to be neighborly.

Doing the bare minimum within reason. The walking is absurd. I think coming over with a gift and just being like, We'll do our best, but in case we fuck up, here's a sound machine. I think that's super nice.

Yeah, I agree.

I don't think sound machines are crazy expensive. A good one. I use a sound machine on my phone. Oh, get a hatch and use code toast.

Yeah, you could get a hatch. You could just get a hatch.

You could get any sound.

What if he just got a hatch?

So thank you so much to everybody who wrote in. And thank you, Jacks, for another amazing hour and 15 minutes. I loved it with all my heart. Me as well. To me, you are people's most beautiful woman.

And to me, you are people's most beautiful woman.

And you're always right. So I guess I am.

And I just feel like we're all people's most beautiful women because what are they going to say? We're not.

I dare them to.

They want to go to jail? Lock them up. Throw away the key.

Thank you guys so much for listening to The Toast, the Millennial Morning Show, where we deliver the fast five stories. You need to know every Monday through Friday on YouTube. So if you're watching us on YouTube, please feel free to subscribe and give us a video, a thumbs up. We are also available as a podcast. Anywhere podcast can be found. So that's Spotify, iTunes, Stitcher, Public Video, IRR, Radio, Castbox, all the places. Whether you listen to podcast, find us a toast. Leave a five-star view about how beautiful, how stunning, how wickedly talented we are. Have an amazing Wednesday, and we'll see you tomorrow for the latter half of the week. Latter.

Love you. Bye.