I want to announce that we have a show in Cork, Ireland now on June ninth at Live at the Marquis, New York City, New York, May 31st, Belfast, London, Idaho Falls, Salt Lake City, and Las Vegas, Nevada, there. Fourth of July weekend, we'll be there in Las Vegas, Nevada for two nights at Resorts World. You can get all tickets at theovan. Com/taur. Thank you for your support. If tickets are too expensive, make sure you're not buying them on a secondary site. You got to do that. That's why we suggest go through the website. If they're sold out or something and they're expensive on secondary sites, just hold the line. We'll come back through some other time. I love you guys, baby. Thank you. All right, check, check. Chicken. Check your chicken, baby. Check your chicken. God, how do you know if a chicken is a woman? I guess if it has an egg, huh? But now there's definitely, there's got to be a lot of dude chickens that will just hide an egg under their little chicken arm or whatever it's called, little flat, feather chicken arm. There's got to be a lot of little...

And then when they Then they sneak over by the women chickens and then just sneak it out. A lot of dude chickens trying to get over there and just hang out with the babe chickens. There's got to be a lot. That's the thing. It's like you don't even know a man chicken. Maybe you just look it in its eyes, say, Are you a man chicken or not? But yeah, I think there's got to be a lot of female chickens that are men that are closeted men or whatever, or that are just hiding an egg. Then when nobody's looking, they just just lay that bitch down and then pretend that they're women and sit over there with the women chickens and watch my 700-pound wakeboarder or whatever. I don't even know what some of the shows that women are watching now. I think my 600-pound dental assistant or whatever. There's a show the other day, it was my 440 pound mailman or whatever. You're never getting your mail if that's who is helping you out, that you're not getting any male. But that's the thing now. A lot of chickens, you don't know if they are real chickens.

You don't know who's being a woman chicken, who's being just a sneaky man chicken hiding an egg under its little wing or whatever. That's the word wing. You don't know who's hiding a little egg under its wing, and then it just sneaks over there by the women and it's just like, and just drops that bitch off, baby. They're one of Easter's little hitmen, baby. There's a lot of men in disguise being women nowadays all over. So It's like that trans swimmer at the Penn State or whatever, or University of Pennsylvania. It's like that trans swimmer. That's the chickens they have nowadays. A lot of men chickens are sneaking in a women's chicken world and being women's chickens because it's easier, probably. That's why I would guess. Maybe because they get a little bit more attention. Some of that makes sense. It's like if men don't get any attention for being men, if they're not rewarded anymore for being men, then some will slink over to a woman to being a woman just to still get attention. Because even as creatures, I believe that we need attention as male or female creatures. What's up, guys? Welcome to the podcast.

Sorry, it's been a while since I've done a solo episode. There's a couple reasons. One, it was just we started getting more guest opportunities, and so that was nice. Then two, I was just exhausted, I think, burnt out. It was hard for me to get into a space where I just felt like I could just have a fun normal conversation or where I could just drop into my thoughts or feelings easily. Every week was just... Everything was just a lot. I honestly want to apologize for that. Not like I need to apologize for it, but this is the stuff that's most important to me is having episodes like this and just solo episodes. I'm going to do a better job of that. I'm not going to put a number on myself or anything, but I'm going to do a better job of keeping that going over the rest of the year. I'm looking forward to that. As As always, you can hit the hotline if there's something going on. 985-664-9503 is the hotline number. Yeah, we hit 500 episodes. That's Fuck. I can't. That's 500 episodes, dude. That's unreal. Let me look back at one of the first episodes.

Here we go. Let's listen to the beginning of the first episode. Wow, dude, it was seven years ago. This past weekend is the first one I ever done. The first one. I'm seeing how it goes. I'm literally sitting in my closet right now in my apartment in Los Angeles. I hung some blankets up on the walls. I don't even know if that's how you make a sound area for recording. I have a luggage bag laying on its side like it was a casualty of war. And then I have this microphone sitting on top of it. Yeah. Wow. That's wild. That's wild, man, just to think that we got to 500 episodes, and you just said that that's how it began was in that closet. Just a little fella in the closet, dude. And that is not a euphemism, bro. That was just audio documented the fact that it was actually a man physically in a closet. A straight man. I turned over a piece of luggage and I set the audio mic up on top of it. It was just an audio podcast. Then there was a I remember we had the first jingle. If we can play that, the intro.

Let me find it here. At the beginning of this episode, this was our early intro right here. Welcome to this past weekend. This past weekend. Welcome to this past weekend. Let's connect that boom boom. What's up, you Chinchillerellas? Bienvenidos este fin de semana pasado. This past weekend. At some point, I started taping in my kitchen, and And that was for six months. For six months, I was taping in my kitchen, and we had some producers that I met online. I don't even remember. I don't think... Did you come help me in my kitchen, nick? Yeah, one time. Oh, you did? Mm-hmm. Wow. Thank you. We did it in the kitchen for about six months, and I remember I would stay up for a while. In the beginning, I would just edit it myself and put it up. And then I would keep my girlfriend up. She's like, What are you doing? And I'd be sitting there just making sure everything made sense online. That was pretty wild. Then there was a guy, there was a company called Greyblock Pizza, and I met the owner, Thomas, and he started advertising. He was our first advertiser on the podcast.

This was the ad read right here. This week's episode So brought to you by Greyblock Pizza at 1811 Pico Boulevard in Los Angeles on the way to the beach. You headed to the sunshine, you want some sand in your feet on the way there, stop in. Get that Italian mouthful. You know, Greyblock. Get that hitter. And he said, You should get a studio. He said, With the ad money, you should get a studio. And then that's what we did. So the fighter and the kid had an old studio. We took their old spot. They We had moved to a bigger one next door. Then we started getting more regular guests. We got Chris Ryan came in, and Jay Moore, Jeanie Buss, Dustin Poore, D We had Eddie Bravo, Jamie Kennedy. Yeah, a lot of just early heroes that showed up. Uneven Steven, he was a homeless guy. It just continued to build from there. We had a blind person come on. Michael Bisping came in there. Jordan Peterson came in. Who else? Bobby Lee. It just kept going, or we just kept doing it. There were times when it was good and times when it wasn't going good.

It was always going good. It was just going. That's really the truth. We just kept doing it. We just kept doing I've had a great group of producers over the years that have helped. Nick Davis was really the starting producer, and he's back with us now. Zack powers is one of our lead producers now. Colin Reiner, Ben Becker, Ari Manis has stepped in to help produce episodes when we're traveling on the road. This guy Chris, Shy Chris, we called him. Really amazing dude. My buddy, Sherb, there was this dude for a little while. We were in between studios, and I would tape at his studio at night. He overdosed a few years ago, but I keep him in my heart, man. He's a guy that helped me get through weeks where there wouldn't have been an episode. There was times I remember I did it in my car a few times, Sometimes in the middle of the night in a driveway somewhere in Illinois, one time I needed to get an episode out. All right, I'm coming to you live from a Nissan Centra, about 20 miles from the nearest Internet. It is dark out here, dude.

I mean, you can't see nothing. I mean, the devil could be just smelling the cinnamon stains on your skin, and you wouldn't know he's right next to you. Then just people would make beautiful art. It's just been a really amazing world, and I'll have to go over some of that in the future. There's a guy that made these really cool cards, and whenever we would do an episode he would do an outline, like a sketching or whatever, a sketching of the guest who'd been on. He made a great collection of those for us. I'll make sure to put it in on the YouTube so you can see it. But we moved into another studio, and we were there for a few years. Then finally, we're in even a new studio now. It's been an evolution, and it's been really crazy. It's something that really started like just it was just talking about stuff and then guys connecting about things, a lot of fellows, and sometimes even women were connecting. I remember one woman called in once and a man had touched her. They were dating, and some fellow had touched her vagina in an empty refrigerator box.

That was just... That's when I knew we were definitely on to something. We were doing something right because there was an element of mystery there. There was a missing appliance. There was sexual touching. There was sexual tension. I think she was even a redhead. I remember that moment was pretty solid. Other moments, the fellow that got hit by the train, Dalton, I think was his name. I remember that, baby, two trains. He even said, he said, Look, if God wants that train to hit me again, I'm ready. I'm ready to be hit again by a locomotive. And I knew that's how I just said, Damn, we're really doing something here. And it's just been a special time. It's been amazing to have this opportunity. And I don't know if I'm just I'm just like a mechanical bull or whatever. It's just given me so many more opportunities than ever thought. It's given me opportunities to talk with with strangers about stuff that's real. It's given me the opportunity to talk with people I really look up to and admire with stuff that's real and not real and fun. It's given me a chance to learn a lot about myself.

And yeah, that's what I wanted to be moving forward. I wanted to do a solo episode sooner for episode 500, but it just didn't shake out that way. I didn't stress myself about it. I didn't go over like, I got it. I just said, look, when the time is right, you'll get it right. And even today, we started out an hour and a half late because there were some technical issues here. But That's okay. Here we are. I just want to say thank you to everybody for just listening, contributing. So many people I run into, they're like, Man, I sent in a voicemail, or I did this, I did that. I try to get back to as many as we can. It's just been a lot. It's been a lot to learn as things have gotten busier and just some of the fun moments we've gotten to have and some of the real moments. This podcast has just given me a lot of life. It's given me a job to go to every week, which I think has probably kept me off of probably using drugs sometimes because I knew I had to be here the next day, or I knew I had to be ready for a guest.

Just thank you for tuning in, man. You guys, I think, honestly, at where you guys have saved my life because I know that just having that one thing on the docket like, Okay, I'm going to be able to... I can't go out. I can't do this tonight. I got to work tomorrow. Looking forward to my work, looking forward to being able to meet up and be here. We want the show to evolve and be different. Worked really hard in the last year, too, to try to spend my spare time going to meet guests and have conversations, get to talk with some of my heroes as they've gotten older. It's just, yeah, just thank you. Thank you to everybody who's contributed in some way, whether it be a call or listening or a message or just being a human being and letting me just exist in your ears at some point. Whether you liked what I had to say or didn't, just thanks for letting me visit with you for a little. I mean that, man. I love you guys. Yeah, that's how I feel. I don't want to make a crazy thing out of it, but everybody kept saying, It's 500.

Who are you going to have on? People were like, Who are you going to have on, dude? Teddy Ruxpan, right? Pikachu. But yeah, you should have Theodore Roosevelt on. You should have Amelia Earhart on. You should have on Jack and Jill, Rob Ford, Ponsetani Phil, Uncle Phil, Frederick Douglass, right? Who are you going to have people? Everybody, who are you going to have on? The Aurora Borealis. Everybody just had a different idea. Have on a Trank dealer. Have on Elon. Have on Da Baby. Everybody had a different idea. Have on Kaisana. Have on Kaisana. All of them, get them all on, they said. I said, Well, I don't know. Then it came and went, and then now here we are. I don't even know what episode it is, 500 and something, but I'm grateful to be here with you guys, man. I'm grateful to be here, maybe just a gaggle of pigeons. That's what I am sometimes. Dude, I looked at a damn pigeon the other day, and let's be honest, bro, these bitches are They don't have any shoulders, bro. Right? So right out the gate, they fucking probably... They're lying about a lot of shit.

They just They look like they've been smoking, too. A lot of pigeons are just doves that smoke. That's it, dude. If you want to know what smoking will do to your lungs, look at a dove and then look at a pigeon, baby. Look at a fucking pigeon, dude. Pigeons are just doves that probably were raised in Philadelphia or something. Dude, don't lie to me that pigeon Pigeons aren't from Philadelphia, okay? And New Jersey. You could look at a pigeon easy, dude. There's like 70 videos of pigeons trying to smoke online. You telling me that's a coincidence? Get smacked, homie. Them bitches are from Jersey and Philly. They can't even fly. Some of them walked down to New Orleans in Houston, and they're down there sipping out of puddles, eating gum. There's a picture of a pigeon eating gum online. There's a video of a pigeon eating gum. They don't give a fuck, dude. They can't fly. Imagine watching a pigeon walk. They walk at night because they're, I think, ashamed of how their body is. But a lot of them walk at night down south to fucking party. Because you know every puddle in New Orleans has booze in it.

Them fucking puddles are twelve proof, homie. Dude, you hit a pothole, bro, and your fucking... Your tire will be like, Your tire will want another sip. Your tire will cruise into another pothole just to get another little slurp off that twelve proof water, baby. It everything down there got booze in it. Yeah, every pigeon should have to wear an eagles's jersey. That's a fact. Every pigeon should have to wear an eagles's jersey. Dude, I was at the doctor the other day. I saw a pigeon there. What bird goes to the doctor. Not one of God's birds, buddy. Pigeons, dirt birds, dick chickens. That's all they are, bro. That's all they are. Pigeons, menthol-spunk hens, park oysters, dude. That's all they are, is damn land oysters. That's what they are. So we got to recognize that shit. So you just got to recognize if you... Some guy the other day was showing his... He was showing his son a pigeon. I was like, You don't show your son a pigeon, okay? You don't show your son a pigeon. You show your son a damn E an eagre or an eagre or a flamengo, dude, a gay eagret.

But you don't show your son a pigeon unless you're lazy. You take your son to the damn dove park, take him, drive behind a church. When the doves get off work, introduce your son to a decent bird, you piece of shit. Sorry. I'm sorry about that language, but I saw some guy the other day introducing his son to a couple of pigeons in a park. A lot of pigeons are bookies. Look under their wing. Jets minus seven, it'll say. What's been going on? Hit the hotline, man. Let me know. I want to know who listens. I want to know who listens to the show. We had a call that came in right here. Hey, me, my twin brother, and my cousin are all mailmen, and you've been doing the series where you did the Garbage Man, a police officer. If you want to do a mailman, let us know. We're more than welcome. We come down, we'll take care of business. That's all I'm saying, okay? Listen, I named my son, my second son Theo, after you because you are just the funniest person I've ever heard. Well, I'll say it is, brother. Thank you, first of all, for delivering mail, right?

Delivering mail. And it used to be, actually, a lot of mailmen were really tough men. You would see them with knee pads on, elbow pads, eating creatine. And they would roll into the neighborhood and really deliver some mail. That's back when there was tons of mail. Every mailman looked like Santa. Every one, and they'd roll up and they'd knock on the door and the women would be home. They'd say, You want some of this mail? It was a euphemism. It could have meant, Do you want some of this masculine energy? Do you want some of this man to come in with this little man wand on him and just hog warts that freaking little kucha, that little kuda, that kuda, that stay at home kuda. Or it also meant, do you want some mail? Do you want information from the outside world? Do you want perfume samples? Do you want the government to be harassing you? Do you want a, you're late for your Verizon bill? Do you want mail? And there was a lot of options through the mail at that time. Thank you. I'm glad to know that you guys are mailmen, and I love that.

I love that, dude. This is almost the saving private Ryan of letter carrying right here, that you don't let your brother go out into that communication war zone alone. That's what I love about it. Because a lot of people, they're like, Yeah, my brother's a mailman. Like, your brother's a mailman. And what? You're not out there with him? You're not out there monitoring, working the flank, seeing if dogs are attacking him. You're not out there helping? Giving him guidance. There's a ring camera. There's a bee's nest. There's an angry resident. You're not out there. We got FedEx on the left. Fedex on I left. You know what? Ups just rolled in. Abort. Mayday, mayday. We got you. Oh, my God. Dhl is here. Who the fuck are they? You got to be out there with your brother. You don't send your brother to do mail by himself. So I love that. But I want to know who listens to the podcast, 985-664-9503. As always, you can hit the hotline and just say, Hey, my name is blank, and I am a blank, and I listen to the podcast. That's all you got to say. I just want to know who's out there.

If somebody's out there, if you're a door-to-door salesman, if you are a preacher, if you are someone who carries children for moms that can't, if you are a electrician, if you're an arborist, like my brother, a tree climber, a tree cutter, if you are a nurse, like my sister, if you are an Amazon delivery person, like my mother, yeah, just what do you do? I would just like to know. Sorry. I don't know if I've seen all over the place, dude. I just haven't done this in a while. It feels new. It's almost like wearing a condom, dude, to be honest with you. I don't know who said that. Damn AI. What else do we have going on? I thank you, Ian, and thank you for delivering that mail, and thank you for not letting your brother go out there alone. Thank you for not letting your brother go out there alone, dude. Today, Today's episode is brought to you by Better Help. If you struggled with mental health and you've had moments where you're not sure of yourself or you can't figure a certain moment out in your life, maybe you're having problems at work with your spouse or with a Even with a child or with a parent, cousin, anybody, anything.

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That's right. Their coaches are in long-term recovery, and they will be your partner, mentor, and spiritual guide to transcend problematic There is zero commitment if you reach out to them. It's just the first step in trying to figure out if you may need some help, if you can get some help. To learn more about Valor Recovery, please visit them at valorrecoverycoaching. Com or email them at admin@valerrecoverycoaching. Com. The links will be on the YouTube. Again, there's no commitment with the When you reach out to them. But I promise you, only something positive will come from you reaching out and figuring out what type of help, if any, could benefit you. Thank you. What's been happening? What have I been doing? A lot of stuff, man. I'm going to Europe coming up to some shows. Some people are upset, You're not coming here. My friend is getting married, and so I'm going to his wedding. Then I'm just trying to put some shows over while I'm over there. Just say, I'm excited about it. What do I feel? It'll be good. Just to get some different spots over there. There's still a lot of spots to go.

I'm happy to be here in Austin this week, working on some material. Well, let's get into a call her, too, and I'll share in between. What up, Theo? It's Elijah from Indiana. I came on a hotline. I have a little problem. See if I can get a little bit of advice. I've been seeing this girl for a little bit. We're dating now. You know we're dating type shit. Dating type shit? Homeward? We've been going out for a minute. And when you get to know somebody, you get to know everybody they've been with. And she's been with quite a few people, a lot more than me. And when she told me, my heart just broke, man. Driving home that night was the worst feeling I've ever had. One of the worst days of my life, man. Some of the people she told me were just outrageous, man. Some of my homies, people I fuck with, and then just some I'm like, What the fuck? So, man, I just need your advice on how to take care of that as a man because I'm really struggling to try to get past it. I know that it's something you can definitely get past.

I was wondering if you had any advice. Gang, baby, I appreciate that call, Elijah. Dude, I'll tell you, bro, I dated a girl who... She worked over at Charlie Queso's, Baby Chucky Cheese. She had racked up with everybody in there. She had racked up with the waiter, the near-sighted chick that did the tickets she hooked up with her. The boss. I didn't even know there was a boss at Chuck E. Cheese's, bro. She hooked up with the chef, Pasqualey, that's in the band. Not even the lead not even the rap, not even the mouse, the dude that's playing the triangle and stirring the pot or whatever. She hooked up with that guy. It was tough. I'd go meet her for work or pick her up, and it was like, I would go in there and feel embarrassed sometimes. But she was actually a really cool girl, man. Sometimes I regret that I wasn't brave enough to just let it be her past. I kept holding her past against her, and it made it miserable for her. It made it miserable for, really, just for us. We couldn't. It was tough. Because she could never... I never gave her really room to...

First of all, I shouldn't have done it. I shouldn't have held her past against her. And then I never gave her enough There was never a way that she could make it up to me because it's impossible to make up a past. And she shouldn't have to make it up to me. She doesn't have to. I made it. Everything was always at a deficit. I had an unrealistic expectation. I wish that maybe I had done that different. Maybe I'd been the dude that rolls up with her and just rocks with her and just respects her more. Here's what I'll say, man, you can miss the good ones. If she's an awesome girl, then that's just be awesome with her. The other stuff will go by the wayside. Because when you get older, too, that shit doesn't matter, bro. Everybody's dated or everybody's trans or whatever. You don't even know what's going on, bro. You're reaching somebody's pants and there's just a damn scratch off ticket in it. People don't even have crotches anymore. It doesn't even matter. People are nearsighted, farsighted. People People don't even know what's going on. I think if you got a cool check, lock it down because it gets...

There's not that many great ones out there. If you got a good one, lock her down and just be proud. That's my girl. But yeah, holding that resentment, dude. If you hold a resentment against somebody that there's no way they could... Holding that resentment is miserable because you're never going to let it go. I think you got to deal with that on your side and then just show up to her like a a second man. But I say, yeah, you can be the dude that rocks with her and respects her. You could be that dude, bro. You could be that dude. Because I believe that women are a reflection of the men in their life. I really believe that. So if you show up and you really lift a lady up and you make her feel like something good and you make her feel value and you make her feel important, If she's somebody you care about, then that's how they will be. I believe that. I believe that women are a reflection of men, of the men in their life. Now, I'm not saying I've had the best luck or the most ability to be a good boyfriend or whatever.

I don't even know if I would listen to me, but I appreciate you asking. If you love her, love her, bro. Don't miss the boat, homie, because the marina only gets smaller. You feel me? Don't piss where you fish, homie. You feel me? I don't know what the second one means, but the first one, I think, is important. What else? I'm trying to think of things that happened. Oh, we got to do the Morgan Wallen walk out at his show. That was really interesting. I was so nervous, dude. I go. It was nice. And Morgan, he texted me and asked me to go because it's a thing that's just a strange thing, but it's a thing that everybody loves. It's like that hype when they're doing Broadway Girls in the beginning. So I go and I get there and I asked more and I was like, Do we practice? And he just looked at me like I was out of my mind, bro. Out of my mind. So we don't practice. We're just all backstage. It was like his band, me, DeAndre Hopkins, one of D-Hops boys, my friend Zita. A little group was just back there just vibing, man.

People were just listening, I don't know what it was, listening to music and just dancing and having fun. Then they're like, Okay, let's go. Morgan is just real casual about it. It's just him just walking into work. But we And D-Hop was cool because he works at the stadium. He's an NFL athlete, so he comes out all the time of the tunnel. But I'd never gotten to do it. Something back there, I'm stretching and just looking in the mirror to seeing how I look when I walk. I had a baseball bat at one point. I had a guitar. And then I was like, What if I hit somebody on accident or something goes wrong? What if I go crazy and just run out on the stage and just start damn playing some George Strait or something? I just didn't want to freak out or do something because I can't always rely on myself. I just took it easy. I didn't want to try to… It's Morgan's show, so you don't want to try and be too cool for school. You're just happy to be there just to be just supportive. It was interesting, man, and it was really fun.

The craziest part is you get to the end and he gets to go perform. Me and DeAndre started walking up the ramp with him. We were like… Because it's like, this is as close as I'm ever going to get to being a musical star, this moment. It's not close at all. It's really just helping a guy walk. But for me and DeAndre, it was as close, bro. We were like, we were We started walking, and then they're like, No, no, you, too. It literally just security shows up and just sent us to the back and just made us stop. I don't think Morgan would have cared. I think he's just having a good time. But, dude, it was just a bummer. You want to go out there so bad. You just want to be... Everybody wants to be a rock star. That was something interesting that happened recently. What else? I'm trying to think, man, I know it's It's been a while. I am sorry. I do want to say I'm sorry about not doing more solos. I have missed some of the connection. Just a lot of things have been happening on my own side of stuff, and it's just been a lot.

Let's get another call that came in here. What's up, Theo? Man, this is Vlad. What's up, Vlad? Thank you for calling, brother. Vlad, I believe, is Serbian. Onward? Man, I took this girl home on the bar the other night. Something caught me. It was just different, something different about her. She was shy, but I liked her. But I got her home I got her home, and something happened. It was just- I got her home. You sound like a serial killer, but let's hear more, brother. Sorry to interrupt you, but just got scared for a second. But let's hear more. Onward, brother. I got her home, and something happened. It was just, man, when we pulled her pants off, she had nipples on her butt cheeks, man. It was so strange. I didn't know how to feel about it. Nipples on her butt cheeks? Wow. Oh, my. How to feel about it. Feel about it with them hands, baby. What are you talking out. Those are extra tits, bro. Now, I wouldn't motor boat them, or you're going to end up in some dirty oil. You feel me? But those are extra tits, brother. That's those bumper lumps, homie.

That's them rear milk veneers, baby, you feel me? You might be back toce-intolerant if you can't handle them. Come on, baby. The bear went over the mountain to see couple more mountains, dog. You got to get back there, bub. Extra tits. And you're complaining? Let me hear what else you have to say about this. I can't even believe this is a problem for someone. Finally, our prayers get answered that a woman has tits on her butt. You know how many men have prayed for a woman to have tit on butt? You know how many men have prayed for a woman to have tit on butt? And you're crying about it. Let's hear more. So strange. I didn't know how to feel about it. So, man, I was just curious, how would you feel about that? Well, I'll tell you this, dude, I would feel very gracious about it, but that's what's going on, bro. It's all merging now. Everything is a merger. Even the bodies, the people, the animals. That's why you have male chickens dropping off an egg, sneaking over. Trans birds, trans... Every business is a... It's all mixed. Buy, try, whatever. Everything is mixed.

You got butts with nipples on them. You got Wieners with milk in them. You got Cankles. You got Vajacles. It's like when you see a taco Bell that is merged with a Baskin Robin or Long John Silver's and A&W Rootbeer, you're going You're going to have iHoppelbees. You're going to have Wells Fargo, North Dakota. You're going to have Madison Square Olive Garden, Fud Rucker Park. It's all business. It's been bought and sold. It's not real anymore. It's a male chicken walking over and dropping off an egg. That's what it is. The female chicken is too busy on OnlyFans to do the eggs anymore. It's a weird world. It's a wrap on the world that we knew the final morph has begun. That's where we are. Charlotte's Web, they couldn't even write it. They couldn't even write the book again because the animals, a lot of them are boycotting. Their animals are boycott. Like, what the fuck are you talking about? Animals can't read. It's a lot, guys. Let's get another call that came in, man. I do want to say this. I want to say Happy Blated Mother's Day. I got to surprise my mother, which was really cool.

I got to go to Tucson, Arizona, and she didn't know that I was coming, so I got to knock on her door, and she wasn't answering. I'm like, What is going on? Then I'm like, Oh, my God, What if something happened? I looked through. Finally, I looked in the window because I didn't want her to see me. I didn't want to give it away. I looked through the window and in the shades through there in the backyard, I could see her laying out in the backyard and probably having a cold beer back there. My mom would like to lay out. She'd get in that Polkadot bikini over there and lay out a little. If we came by her, she would curse at us. When I was a child, anyway, the chair, she would always put it... Part of our apartment complex was sinking in the mud. It was just over time, it was fucking... One of your legs didn't even get a lot of use because there was the My downhill leg had most of the traction on it. But mom would be out there in that mud, and after about a half hour, her chair would have to sunk halfway down in there.

And so we try to go help her, and she would just curse at us sometimes and yell at us and stuff. But she was having some beer, and you had to just be supportive at those times. What else? Let's take a couple more calls that came in. Oh, but yeah, so we got to go. We went out to lunch in Tucson. At a place, we got to go to two places. We got to go to a place called Hacienda Del Sol, which was really just a really nice staff, beautiful people, and just peaceful, beautiful. And so that was nice. And then we got to also go to Wildflower, which is a restaurant I used to work at a long time ago when I lived in Tucson. Out there, I went to Santa Rita High School out there, and it was a lot of Mexicans basically just beating each other in abandoned car washes and stuff like that after school. But beautiful area, though, otherwise, outside of that. Even some of the gangs, they're not bad. I wish gangs had more mascots. I wish gangs went the extra mile sometimes to create more of an ambiance, like a T-shirt canon or something.

At least then, it would be like the people in the area could have more fun. What else? A lot of breast calls and stuff. Let's see what else came in. Here we go. Hey, Zio. I'm calling to ask for some advice, man. Call him and ask for some advice, okay? Onward, brother. Thanks for the call. I broke my sobriety of four months. Broke your sobriety of four months, okay. Let's hear more. I'm not proud about it, but it was so… I just found myself using again. What's it called? I'm a little disappointed myself, but I think I just found myself addicted again and falling back on using drugs to cope with things. Falling back on using drugs to cope with things. Yeah, man, I can certainly... Well, once you relapse, or people use the term a lot, then, yeah, it's hard to get back on the horse. But let me hear a little more. I don't know if I'm coping with things or if I'm addicted. I don't know, man. Man, that's a great question. Am I coping with stuff or am I addicted? It's It's hard to know if you're... That's a great question.

It's hard to know if you're just coping or if you're an addict. I guess if I'm just coping... Well, I think the thing is, if you're using drugs and alcohol to cope, then some of that's fine. But if you're overdoing it, then it's not fine. I think if you start to wonder if you're an addict, then... I'm not saying you are an addict, but I remember one time I was driving around AA houses, around the buildings, and I was talking to my My brother on the phone one time, and he's like, What are you up to? I was like, I'm just driving around this AA meeting. He's like, What do you mean? I said, Well, there's an AA meeting by my apartment, and it's really cool. Sometimes I'll come and drive around it. He goes, Well, I'm not trying to label you or call you out. He goes, But... I said, You know who's not... He goes, You know who's not driving around an AA meeting? I said, Who? He goes, People who are sure they don't have a problem. And he was right. I mean, I'd go over by and jump down, peak in the building, peak in the windows and shit.

At that point, for me, it was like, I just had to look at my actions and not my thoughts. I was like, My actions, if I'm driving in a circle around an AA meeting in its parking lot, out to the street, back around in the parking lot, out to... Then that's my action. And it's a little... It's a lot, but it's giving me some signs. I wouldn't be hard on yourself, though, man. Give yourself some grace, brother. You had four months sober. That's incredible. Four months? Have anybody do anything for four months. Anything. Extremely hard. Extremely hard. So give yourself some grace. But I think you just have to ask yourself, and you'll know the answer. And then I think you have to make a choice. Some guys will hit me up and be like, I can't quit. Do I need to go to AA meetings? If you actually have a dependency on drugs or alcohol, then you probably have to go to a detox, and then you could get into maybe a sober living or just go to AA meetings. But I'm not a doctor. I just know what works for me. I never had to detox.

But that would be questions that somebody else could help you with. But I always say, go to three or four meetings and see how you feel and go to different ones if you can just to get a real idea of what they're like. Don't go to one and be like, This sucks, or whatever. Yeah, but that's a huge progression, man. I would be proud of yourself, and I would just give yourself some grace, man. You're trying. You're a human that's really making an effort. And that's really... That's beautiful, dog. You got that shit, baby. Praise God. What else? Here we got another call. A lot of breast calls, and this is something that's okay. We do want to ask people to hit the hotline. Let us know the first time somebody touched your genitalia and what that experience was like. Was it scary? Was it exciting? Take us back through some of that. 985-664-9503. Once a year, we like to tap into the memories of memories and that thing. And that's how the lady they got touched in that refrigerator box. That's where you get to really interact with folks like that. So beautiful stuff.

We want to explore. Got a call that came in right here. Onward. Hey, Theo. Man, I was wondering. I was swimming at the lake one time with my cousin, and we were jumping off the dock. Just a beautiful day. It was gorgeous out. She came up out of the water and one of her titties was out. Oh, yes, buddy. Yeah, brother. That's breaching, baby. That's what they call it. That's breaching, baby. That's nature, daddy. You can watch that on damn Shark channel. Let's hear more. I sat there looking at it, and I didn't really know what to do or say, really. So I just didn't say anything. I just took it in. I don't have any regrets. I don't think that I should have said anything in that moment. It would have just made it too much in that moment. Look, brother, I think that there's... I think those are second-tier tits, brother, on a cousin. That's second-tier tittery, baby. That's nothing. First-tier tits, that's mom tits. If you stare at your mom's tits for more than two seconds, you will be absorbed off of the face of the earth by Satan. So that is hands down, no pass, go, or whatever, straight to hell.

So that's the first rule. Second, that mid-tier tier is sister. Mid-tier is sister. That's sister's breasts. I think you can look at them, probably maybe 6 to 8 seconds. You know what I'm saying? Just enough to place first on a bull. You don't want to get crazy. Because first of all, you're making sure everything's cool, but you don't want to drop in on them. You want to keep your mouth closed when you look at them. That's normal, I think. Now, if you look your sister's breasts and it doesn't feel like they're your sister's breasts, then one of you all's parents is lying, I think, about something. Then there's the cousin breasts or tits. Some people call them tits, and I don't. Actually, I do a lot of times. Now, cousin breasts, I'd say 30 seconds Twenty-five to 30 seconds, 28 seconds. Be cool. Keep your sunglasses on. That is a major no. Taking your glass. Keep your glasses on. One guy. Then just offer to get everybody something to eat or whatever. Be totally cool, helpful. Don't be weird, brother. But yeah, I think it's okay. But that's it. That's it. What else do we got, man?

Some of this I forgot how to do, I feel like, but I'm going to get back in the swing of it. My brain's starting to get a little tired. I got a call right here that came in. Hey, Theo. My name is Wade. What's up, Wade? Man, thank you for calling, man. Excuse me. When I was a kid, they had a kid in my class named Wade, and he was a ginger. I don't think they even allowed a lot of gingers in our area, but he had gotten in. He was a neat guy. He had a beautiful sister, or she could have just been a sister. It could have just been his sister. I was at that age where if a dude had a sister, it was like, She's beautiful. I remember I just got at that age. I was the worst at talking to women. I mean, and I still am, but at that time, I had really My buddy would... If I had a friend who was like, Hey, man, you should go talk to that girl. I would immediately, not only would I not walk over and talk to the girl, I would run 15 miles in the other direction.

Then when I got there, I would start writing letters to the girl and telling her how I missed her and I wish things could be different and all. I've always been a bizarre relationship In a way. I'll be like, Dude, that girl's looking at you. She should go talk to her. I will fucking take one step towards her, then 7,000 steps the other way. Then when I get over there, I'll start drawing paintings of her. I'll take art classes, all that shit. But I always had trouble talking to women. Anyway, but now it's not as bad, but it's still not cool. But Wade had a sister. I don't remember her name. I think she damn looked like him. I don't even know, bro. But it didn't matter. It didn't even damn matter. Wade was cool. He was interesting. Pale, too. God, so pale. You could fucking see his heart I'm trying. Damn. Some days you just be like, damn, you better pluck that thing a couple of times. Wade, we're about to play basketball. You're going to need it. But anyway, go on, man. I'm sorry to interrupt your call with my bullshit. Let me start your call over a little.

My name is Wade. I'm a college student. You're a college student. Okay, onward. I don't mean to bring you down or anything, but you You were pretty real about your mental health and stuff. I'm just calling to wonder if you ever felt like you were just always fighting yourself. You just don't know why. But I just know I'm losing, or you know you're losing. If I was always fighting myself and I didn't know why, but I was always losing. Let's hear more. I I just feel like I'm failing all the time. And it's not that I don't talk about it, because I do talk about it and people just tell me that I should go to the gym or I should try harder in school, or I should do all this other stuff. But I just fail all the time. I don't know, man. I just don't feel good. Yeah. Thanks for the call, man. I appreciate it. Yeah, I can relate in the way that I just appreciate you caring about yourself enough to call and see what's going on and just share it. Neither one of us probably has an answer, but we can share about what's going on.

Then at least now, both of us If you're carrying a burden by yourself, if you share it with somebody else, now two people are carrying it, and it's lighter. I was always in conflict with myself. Always. If I was working, I wasn't I should have been having fun, or I wasn't working hard enough. If I was having fun, I'm like, God, I got to go to work. I never let myself win. That's what I realized. I never let myself win. So I was always in conflict. Always. I was never doing anything right. And then I realized that my perspective was off. I had made unrealistic expectations for myself. And I made unrealistic expectations for myself because if I could never get things right, then that means that I'm always wrong. And if I'm always wrong, then that attaches to whatever my core belief about myself, one of my core beliefs, like something I think real deep down inside myself. One of the things I thought was that I'm always wrong. I can't do anything right. I'm never enough. Those were core beliefs that I had for me. And so by having unrealistic expectations, I set myself up always to fail because I never could achieve my own expectations.

They were always impossible. So then once I fail, which is all the time, it attaches back to the old feeling of, well, I'm not enough. So then it's like almost a self-fulfilling prophecy in a way. So I'm not saying that's what's going on with you, but if you're never enough for yourself, then you might want to talk to a therapist about some of what your core beliefs are and how do you find out what those are. Because that's where I've had to start looking for myself. Then also, I think stay in action. Stay moving, whether it's that you jog or you go for a walk or if you like to go to the gym. Those things are important because otherwise, Otherwise, your body is sedentary. If it's sedentary, you're going to be even more glum and depressed. It's so much easier for depression to grow on you if you're not a moving target. Staying in motion, I think helps. Not all the time. Don't sleep on a treadmill or anything, but just stay busy, keep your blood going. I don't know if that's helpful or not. But then It was like I wasn't always in conflict with myself because I would never let myself win.

That was the thing. I was never good enough for myself, and no one else was ever good enough for me. I just had unrealistic expectations, man. I'm not feeling bad about it or anything. I'm happy that I'm able to see it. I haven't cured it for myself or anything like that, but I at least have a look at it now, and I'm at least now able to... When I pray, I'm able to ask God, say, Hey, God, help me to See my unrealistic expectations. Help me to make those more... Bring those into the light for me so that I can see where they show up. Yeah, that's all I got, really, on that, man. And give yourself some grace, too. Just don't be so hard on yourself, man. I'm sure you're doing a lot. And don't get caught in self-pity. That was something that happened to me for a long time. I was in self-pity. I always had a problem. And if I always have a and everything is wrong and everything, then that's self-pity because that's not the reality of things. The reality of things is that there's possibility everywhere somehow. But if I'm always playing the victim of myself and stuff, and when I'm talking with people, then it's like I'm getting into self-pity.

I'm not judging you with that. I'm just saying, just look out for it. I fell into it for a long time, and fuck. I was a fucking... I had this shit all over my fucking knees, dude. I was in self-pity so much, bro. Damn dummy. But it's okay. I didn't know. I'm just grateful now that I have a little bit more wherewithal when I see it. What else, man? Can we get anything else? That might be a lot for today. Yeah, some of this is sold up. I almost have to learn how to do it again. I'm sorry that I took so long off of it. But we just There was just some other things to get in a row. We've been able to have more guests, and I want to be able to have people that I can learn from. Sometimes it's nice to have people that I can laugh with, and sometimes it's nice to have people that I can learn from. So that's been cool. We have an anger guy coming up. We had this episode with Tim Fletcher that was really interesting. And then there's just been a lot of stuff going on in the background of just trying to figure things out.

Trying to grow up. I've always been a late bloomer, I think. Just finding out, how do I get to... One day, I'd like to be in a successful relationship, and it's something that I've always struggled with. I'm okay. I'm not complaining about it. I'm just looking at it. I'm looking at it, and I'm looking to see, do I want to really do the work that it's going to take to get myself into a place to be good at something like that? Because it's practice. It's all not actual practice with someone, but it is some of that for me. But it's just creating a level of integrity with myself so that I'm only putting myself in scenarios that have a lot of upside and value. You can't always know off the bat, but sometimes you know like, Oh, this isn't really... This isn't going to make me feel anything but maybe bad. What else? Anything in the news? They just had the Kyle They were trying to have the most Kyles ever in Kyle, Texas. I want to jump on the line with... I want to get on the line here with a Kyle who was there.

Apparently, they came up a little It's short over there. Let me see the number they were trying to get. Well, I guess we can learn it all about here from this Kyle right here. I want to talk to this Kyle, and this is a Kyle, and he was at the Kyle Fest 2024 over in Kyle, Texas, which is only about 20 miles from here in Austin. I'm really interested in seeing how that went and what went on down there. This right here, we have Kyle Garcia. If he's available Kyle Garcia. Hey, Kyle.

Hi.

Hey, brother. Can you see me?

I can see you.

Nice, man. Thank you for your patience.

And I can hear you, yeah, for sure. No worries.

Excellent. And so you attended the Kyle Fest over there in Kyle, Texas?

Yeah, it was the craziest, most Kyle-charged weekend I've ever spent. It was really cool.

And what was the goal of the festival, just so we know. For sure.

I think there's a current world record of the most amount of people with the same name in Bosnia with the name Ivan. And that's like something in the 2100, 2200, something like that. So in order to beat that record, we needed 22 something, 100 Kyles. And we fell a little short, but we had a lot of fun.

And this was the second year they did it?

I think they've been doing it for four or five years now. And from what I understand, the last year was their biggest turnout. And that's actually the year that I found out about it. Last year's turnout was 1400, and this year's turnout was 706, officially. Oh.

Yeah. So not as many, Kyle. Were you expecting a larger amount of Kyle's?

I was thinking When it was going to happen, I didn't really... The reason I went is because the place I work at, there's three Kyles of us together. So I felt emboldened. I felt like, all right, we might actually get this done. Might be part of world history to some extent. So I didn't think it would be half.

Did you go as a group, you three Kyles?

Oh, I solo-tripped. The other Kyles couldn't make it, but I knew about it for a while. I knew about it since last year. And I feel like I was the only Kyle that was eyeing it.

Wow. Okay. And so what were some of the festivities when you got down there? Was there a pledge of allegiance? Were you guys doing a pickle ball or any The coolest thing, there was a drone show on the final night.

That was my first time seeing a drone show. So it was really cool to go out and see that. Actually, from Friday to Sunday, there was a live music. There were two stages, which I thought was pretty cool. It was all free. Free to attend. You didn't have to be a Kyle to participate, to take part, to get food and drinks, to have fun. It was really cool.

Someone said Kyle Rittenhouse was there. Was that?

Let's see. I didn't catch or hear any famous Kyle's come through. I wish there were more Kyle's. I think we just generally wanted more Kyle. Yeah.

Yeah. You have to feel like you want to get as much Kyle's as you can. And do you blame... Was there a reason you think in hindsight, Okay, this would have led us to more Kyle's. This is why we felt short.

Yeah, we talked about it. We discussed it, what we think is what happened. And I think the general consensus is maybe marketing had something to do with it. Advertising, maybe a certain amount of advertising was needed to get everyone's attention, to keep it on everyone's mind. Maybe a certain influencer probably could have pushed things along more. I know that the city put a lot of effort into it. I mean, with the drone show in two stages, it was really cool. But yeah, I feel like word of mouth really goes a long way in a sense like this.

Yeah. Well, next year we'll have to read some ads or do something we can to try to support these Kyles. And what type Was it all men or there are women Kyles allowed as well? Do you see any- There were women Kyles.

They were married Kyles. There were married, Kyle. There were Kyle's of all sorts. What was really cool was to see Really small, tiny, teeny tiny toddler, Kyle, baby Kyles. It was awesome. It was really cool. I never met so many Kyles. It felt like a kinship.

Oh, it did feel like that.

Yeah, It felt cool. The hardest part was hearing your name, you turn your head. That was the hardest part, the head-turning part. Someone says, a nice hat, Kyles, or I'm looking for Kyle, or, You're in big trouble, Kyle, and we're all like, Yes, ma'am. Or this is your baby, Kyle. Yeah. But that was part of the fun.

Oh, that's super enjoyable. Is it a place where is there a lot of Did it seem like a hotbed? I was reading somewhere online that it seemed like a hotbed of like men meeting men. Was there any of that energy there? Did you feel like any dating vibes?

I feel like I wouldn't want to find the love of my life with also the same name, Kyle meeting Kyle. And to be honest, yeah, I guess I definitely saw the I guess I saw more guy, Kyle's. To be completely honest with you, I wasn't really going. I was all by myself, solo trip, and it was my first time out in Texas.

Wow.

There was so much to do. And everyone was awesome. Everyone was really nice and friendly and welcoming, too.

Yeah. I was just wondering if it was a hotbed for gay activity or anything like that because it was all men I just sometimes wonder that. But yeah, I- Austin says, I met some really cool guy, Kyles, for sure.

I mean, there were some well-traveled Kyles. There were Kyles with three jobs. Las Vegas Kyle was really cool. Las Vegas, Kyle was trying to get people together for bar hopping in Austin. Really, really cool.

So they had party Kyles, they had busy Kyle, they had any wheelchair Kyle, any Kyles on crutches. I will say there was one Kyle in a chair being walked by his family, and that was really cool.

Yeah.

This was everybody was welcome. Everybody was- Every Kyle came through. Wow. What about the oldest Kyle? Did you guys find out who the oldest Kyle was?

Oh, well, you know what's funny is that while I was in Kyle, Texas, they had a a 5K going on, a free 5K going on. And I took part in that. And they did congratulate some Kyles over there. The fastest Kyle, I think the oldest Kyles. And we had some pretty senior runners up there, too. Yeah. It was a real memorable weekend. It's really interesting.

Yeah, because when is there something like this? That's what's so intriguing to me. Would you go back again?

Honestly, if I was more sure, if I was more confident that we would break a world record, yeah, I'd be down to go. But honestly, I had so much fun that I'd probably want to revisit Texas, revisit Austin again, and then maybe stop over in Kyle.

Yeah. Just to reminisce about it.

Yeah.

Wow. Where do you travel from, Kyle?

So I heard about this all the way from New York.

Oh. Yeah. Wow. And did you travel by plane or train, or how did you get there?

Plane. I think plane would have been the easiest thing just for this weekend. I'm currently back to work. So it was nice coming into Austin and leaving from Austin. It was smooth. The time difference wasn't too bad. The big difference was the heat, for sure.

Yeah. Yeah, it's hot down here. I'm in Austin right now. We just been here, and so I've been hearing about the Kyle Fest, and I've been on stage this week, and there's a lot of different Kyles popping up and non-Kiles and people accusing each other of being like, fake Kyle. There's all types of like... I'm with Kyle. Yeah, I'm with Kyle. A A lot, yes. A lot of stuff like that. Yeah, it's just been a fascinating week to be so close to this flocking of the Kyles.

Yeah. I I thought it was this funny little silly idea, and then I just chased after it and had the time of my life.

Good for you, man. It just shows, I think just going and doing something is really what it's all about. That's the big thing. Just saying, Hey, I'm going to try this. Yeah. Did you leave feeling like, I'm glad I tried it?

Come back with some stories. Yeah, definitely happy I did it. No regrets. Yeah. Traveling is really great like that.

100 %. All Kyle's welcome. They did the best that they could. Kyle Garcia from New York. Thank you so much for your time, man. I really appreciate it.

Appreciate you. Thank you.

All right, brother. See you in the future. Right there, you heard it. Even Kyle's can't even get on the same page, and it could be even a hotbed for a homosexuality over there. Everything in the world now turns into a Pizza Hut or a men's gay meetup, it feels like. That's just what's going on. That's time, brother. That's us traveling through time and experimenting with the buffet of existence. Something else, isn't it? Just remember, we may be in the time of the merging. If things feel weird, if things feel obtus, you don't know what's going on, we may be in the merging. Remember that when you see an animal with a sunroof, when you see a butt with some titties on it or whatever, when you see a goose that is working at a Chevron, when you see anything That's different. When you see a daycare suddenly selling is also a lens crafters. It's emerging, right? It's emerging. Just recognize we're in emerging. When you see one person that has three different sexes in them. It's emerging. I think that's what's going on. Just be cognizant. I believe that we're in emerging, and it's okay.

Just get a Shamrock shake or get a damn McDonald and just chill. We're going to make it. What else? That's all I got, man. I appreciate it. We'll do another solo episode soon. Thank you guys for all the support. Just Let me just try to get back on this bike again this week. Yeah. Love you guys, man. You guys be good to yourselves, baby. You deserve it. Gang..