I have some new tour dates to tell you about. These are new. I'm going to let you know Colorado Springs in the Colorado, October 23rd. Casper, Wyoming, October 24th. Billings, Montana, October 25. In Missoula, Montana, on October 26. Looking forward to getting into that beautiful part of America. Also, we have shows this week in Las Vegas, August 30th and 31st. Then Bend, Spokane, Portland, Vancouver, Oklahoma City, Northern Little Rock, Springfield, Kansas City, Sioux Falls, La Crosse, Green Bay, Moline, Lafayette, and Beaumont, Texas. Get all your tickets at theovan. Com/taur. Thank you so much for supporting Live Comedy, and make sure you go through that link. Otherwise, you'll end up on a secondary site, and those aren't the prices that we are charging. Gang. Hope everybody's well today. I was touching my legs earlier. I never touch. I realized as I get older, I never touch my legs. I'll touch the top of them a little, but rarely do I just put my hands just along my entire leg on each one. I enjoyed it. I enjoyed Good to be here, and I hope you're having a good day. What's going on? We just did a run of shows up through Connecticut and Maine, and then out to Moncton, which is in New Brunswick, which most people didn't know existed, to be honest with you.

Against them. Nobody knew. Then we went out there to Halifax. Just beautiful. Beautiful in the summertime, that whole stretch. People like lobster out there. I noticed that. People like lobster. At first, you get like... It's interesting because as you go along that Coast up there, it gets... How people communicate about lobster, it changes. I noticed that for sure. If you're in Providence, Rhode Island, a guy will run up with a gun and be like, Hey, you want some fucking lobster? But as you get fur, it gets less aggressive and just more like end of the word as you get up towards Maine. They're like, lobster. You want some lobster? Then, Balthta banger Maine, you want some lobster? They just keep saying, I don't care if you say it or not, but everybody you talk to wants to talk about lobster. Then you get further out to New Bronzewick and Halifax, and they're just like, Yeah, I want some lobster. You want some lobster. I'm amazed how… I guess I'm amazed how much people love lobster. Just that it's involved in every conversation as you go up that stretch of the country and of the nation and of the world.

We'll put some of it on a map so you can see where I'm talking about. But everybody, it's just like, you want some lobs there. No matter who you're talking to, they're like, Yeah, we're going to have some lobs there. Tiffany's having a baby, and so somebody's cutting up a lobs there over there. Just fascinating to witness that. We were really up on that lobster trail up there. But beautiful to see in the... God, it's just like nature is just showing her cuda up there. It is that whole area. It's just like, God, dang. Mother Nature got some new tits. You feel me? It's just like that, that vibe up there. That was beautiful. We got to do that. What else? Went to a farmer's market. Yesterday, I don't know if you've been to one of those recently. It's fascinating, the whole culture. I got there, there's a mime who's flying a kite or whatever. I'm like, What is it? Why? I don't like a mime. You're already a mime. At least get a job. At least have a job, I feel like. Those are the mimes that I respect. The ones a who has a shovel or something, and we're like a wood chipper.

I don't like the mime who's just doing... Just playing Connect 4 or something. We don't even... I don't know. I guess, I don't know, maybe even mimes are out of work or whatever. I don't know. But I don't like the mime that juggles or whatever. I like the mime that is employed. If I see a mime, I want him to be at least... Because he doesn't even live in the regular universe, wherever he lives in a silent mystery cage or world or something. At least he can be doing… He's employed. I like to know that a mimes are employed. Yeah, but farmers might just… We get there, there's a guy selling a mitten. He had one mitten whatever. He was saying, Well, if you have once the one hand is warm, then you put it on the other hand. I'm like, If I'm doing mittons, dude, I'm doing both mittons. I'm not trying to be a creep or whatever, but I want to do both mittons. I don't want to be some guy who's just swapping, changing his mitton onto a different hand each day or each 40 minutes or whatever. So that was a concept that guy had, this guy, like One Mitten Andy or whatever his name was.

He had a little booth in that. But at that point, you could just use an oven mitt or whatever. It'd be a little big or whatever. But so that was something. They had a guy. They just had the weirdest shit. They had a guy selling second-hand tomatoes. And I'm like, Dude, I just want I want my own tomatoes. I want tomatoes that have no mileage on them. When I get that bitch, I don't want a bunch of old fingerprints on it. I don't want the I don't want to look at the tomato and it remembers its old family or whatever. I just want the tomato for the first time. I feel like at farmers markets, that's the stuff you get. You get a lot of You just get a lot of crazy stuff at farmers markets. They had a dude with a bunch of lamb eggs or whatever. He had 11 lamb eggs, and I'm like, How do you even egg a lamb? How do you even get an egg out of a lamb? You'll see some dude who had the freshest milk or whatever. It's like fresh milk is so fucking fresh. There's The most naturous dude has milk just pouring down his fucking chest, and it's just like thick milk.

If you put your ear up to the little jar of milk or whatever, you can hear the cow wisp. It's that fresh. You can hear the cow just being like, This is my milk, or whatever. Just real super fresh stuff over there. They had everything as farm to table. They had farm to table tables. They had actual tables. I was like, Damn, that to table. Then there's little tents where there's like, bitches, selling whispers and shit, and you're like, What? Yeah, for like $3, some bitch will whisper to you. What else did they have? They had a guy doing foot massages, dude. If you think I'm driving over to a random field, it's basically an empty children's ballpark, and letting them Some dude touch my feet for 25 bucks for 15 minutes, bro, then don't think about that, bro, because I'm not doing it. I'm not doing something like that. That was crazy. They had everything there. They had Paleolithic eye drops or some dude with a baby bion with a doxon in it or something, and he's just giving him just fresh milk, boy. He just bottle feeding a fucking doxon, some dude. They have real farmers and stuff.

Then they have just lesbians that get up early or something that saying that they're farmers or whatever. I don't know. It was a farmer's market, man. You've been there, they got carrots, they got fucking… You can get your name carved in a carrot or something. Scotty was here or something, 1997 or something. Just shit like that. They'll do that shit, like carrot carvings. There's people, they'll fucking There's some girl with big lips, and she'll just suck ear wax right out of your skull for fucking nine bucks, that stuff, man. So that was that. That was Yeah, that was, I guess, some of what's been happening. A lot of touring. Thank you to everybody that's come out recently. I'm a little tired today. I'm going to a wellness retreat for a few days, so I'm looking forward to that. What else? Well, there's more. We'll talk about it, man. We'll talk about it in just a second. I want us to get into the episode. I feel a little all over the place, but that's okay. That's sometimes how we feel. I wanted to just spend time today, baby. Praise God. Let's get into it. Gang, This is There is a Light.

Whenever you're down, out in the cold, faithless and dark, your story's untold. Come take my hand and walk there with me. I know a place where we can be free. There is a light, shining for you, guiding your way, helping you through. Shadows and gloom are all that you see. We'll find a place where we can be free. Gang, baby. That is There is a Light by the Stone Keepers featuring David Manuel. If you like that music or that style of music, then you like it, and that's okay. What's going on? Yeah, been quite a time. I went to professional bull riding the other night, and I've been involved in some pretty… Some naughty stuff, baby. You know what I'm I've done some things with some ladies that you definitely, you'd cover the kids' eyes type of behavior. But I've never seen any of the I don't want to call it romance or whatever that's going on, but they just… Because they get these young fellows, a lot of them, and they put them on these animals' backs. I don't know if the Bulls are male or female. That's the part that… Because I'd ride a…

I've been on some thick things, baby. But that's… Hell, that's even If you can't afford heat, baby, that's what you got to do, baby. A thick girl, baby, that's just that wiener mitten, baby. If it's winter, it is what it is, baby. That's love. That's the dang Lord's freaking love, baby. What was that saying? Oh, yeah. I don't know if there's any... I guess there's no eroticism in it, but I'm sure for some of the fans there is. But watching That was fascinating. My buddy Matt West, he's been on this podcast before. Him and Jess Lockwood came on. He invited me over there to PBR to watch the games go on. It was fascinating, man. It's great. If you get to go do that or rodeo, I talk about that a lot. I love those events. I'm surprised that there's not more gay men watching rodeo, I think. Especially for the times when it's a male rider on a male animal, because you can't see that. You got to pay a lot of money to watch some illegal shit, some illegal streams, probably to see some of the stuff that you can almost witness or imagine when you see some of these fellows just I mean, just riding these animals.

God. Yeah, it's like, I don't know. Some of it's a lot. But what else, dude? We went to interview Donald That was crazy, bro. I'm like, Yeah, I couldn't even believe that we got to do it. I'd had a long week. It was a long week. Everybody has a long week, blah, blah, blah. But I'd had a long week. Then we go up there, and there's a lot of secret service getting into… It was at Bedminister Golf Course, so there's a lot of secret service getting in there. You got to see to stop here, and this guy touches your pockets or whatever, and this guy, somebody's reading your ribs or whatever. They got a mystic out there reading your ribs. They got people patting you down, people patting you up. One dude's patting you up. I'm like, God, this guy's obviously doesn't have a wife. You stop. There's a couple of locations you got to stop and get frisked and patted and wanded and wizarded. They just ask you craziest questions. They'll be like, What's your middle name? Then they'll be like, Oh, does your mother fuck a lot? You're like, What? But they're trying to see where you're at and see if you know anybody from Russia or whatever.

I get there, and I had 40 minutes from when I got there to when it was time to do the interview. I only had a limited amount of time, and I had my clothes with me. I had my suit, coat, and I had two shirts. I had one pair of boots, one pair of regular shoes, and bathroom kit, hairspray, just to look the best that you could. I was super nervous to get in the room, and I'm just making sure the producers, Zack and nick, are there. My tour manager, Bizzle, is there, my right-hand man. We were just getting everything organized and making sure it all looks just like we normally do, making sure everything is legitimate. Then they had the flags in the background. I'm like, Holy shit, bro. This is like the damn pledge of allegiance came to life, bro. It just felt super real at that moment. There's There was a secret service guy over just in one corner of the room, I believe it was. It was just a guy. He was near the restroom, and he was in the I was afraid to go piss or whatever because I didn't want...

I don't know if they're listening to you piss or whatever. I don't know what their... Everything that they do or whatever. If he thinks I'm using PP or piss or whatever to do Morse code into the water or something. I don't know all their training or whatever. I'm super scared in there. I ended up just peeing in. They had a cup, a red solo cup that I brought in there with me. I peed in it and then just poured it into the toilet, dude, along the side of the toilet wall, so it would be real quiet. I think I was getting super paranoid. Then Anyway, it starts to get like... We talk with his advisors. People start to come in just to make sure everything's cool. This room has all been Searched or whatever, and drug dog, bomb dog, sword. I think they had a sword dog come in. Two dogs just came in. We're like, Who the fuck are these dogs, dude? One None of them ate a thing of peanut butter crackers that my buddy had. Anyway, we're sitting there and I'm going through my questions and my thoughts. Yeah, I was just nervous.

Mostly, I was just nervous, I think. I'd met Donald Trump before a few times at UFC, and I'd met his son enough so that right when I saw him, I could say, Hey, I met you with Dana White. Yeah, so he comes in, and I walked over after he came in because he was not in the little place where we were shooting yet, and just said, Hey, and just let him know I was thankful for his time. Then we sat down and... Sorry, if this is getting boring, I'm just trying to think. We sat down and then we just went through the interview. I thought one thing that was nice. I thought it was nice that he said that his son, It had been the plug to have me come in. I know Dana White had obviously helped a ton and made it happen, but that he'd asked his son, Is this a guy's podcast that I should do? I thought that was neat just to know that he checks in with his son, Darren, or whatever, about different stuff. That was cool. It just went so fast. I only had a a limited amount of time, and it went so fast.

Then next thing you know, we had to wrap it up. I wanted to ask one more good question, but I didn't know what to ask. I know that… Sorry, I'm saying um a lot, guys. I think I'm nervous even reciting this for some reason. I think I just feel... Yeah, I just feel like I think I just feel like a lot of energy or something. I'm not sure. I feel activated, I guess. That's where I'm at today. I had one more question, and I wanted to ask him. Michael Jackson used to live in one of the buildings that he owned. I wanted to ask him about that because we've been trying to learn about Michael Jackson. Yeah, that was it. Then it went pretty quick, and then he had to go do something. There was the next thing that he had to go do. Then some of the workers came up that worked at the golf course, and we walked around and took some photos. I got to meet Ivanka Trump and her husband, Jared, which was pretty cool, and it's rich there, dude. They got a nice pool where all the umbrella are nice.

You know what I'm talking about? The umbrella are nicer than... It's the umbrella where they take it away when the rain comes. You ever been in somebody's place like that? When it rains, they put the umbrella away because they don't want them to get It's like, Well, that's its job. They had nice umbrellas. They were probably 200 thread counter, 700. The umbrella, I think, had a special pattern on them or something. This was what somebody was telling me, one of the security guys was telling me there's a special pattern on the umbrella is where birds will not defecate on that umbrella if they're passing by because it's like an optical illusion or something. I thought that that was pretty cool, man. When you got enough money or enough nice stuff where the birds aren't even shitting on you, you're like, damn, that's nice. That's crazy to know that just because if you're poor, the birds shit on you. That blew my mind. I was like, damn, I want to make enough money one day where I'm free of these chains of bird shit or whatever that bind to. Us. What else was interesting about it?

I'm not trying to brag about it. I just think that some people would think that it's interesting. I wanted to talk with him. I wanted to learn more about just his family a little bit, if I could. I wanted to ask that Michael Jackson question, and I forgot. I wanted to ask if he thought that he had a better chance of running against Biden or Kamala. Yeah. Then I just wanted to talk to him. I wanted to... I know he had a brother that passed away from alcoholism, and I wanted to just to talk about that, just to learn about it a little bit. And see what that was like because I know that a lot of times we talk about that stuff on here and if there's a way to talk about it with people. But yeah, I was super nervous. It even makes me nervous, I think, even thinking about it. I wore a suit, coat or something. That just makes you fucking nervous. You just feel like a damn stuffed animal when you put those things on. You feel like just a little Teddy bear or something. You feel like you're just supposed to get angry at your secretary or something and then cheat on your spouse or whatever.

You just feel like you just can't handle it. Kind of shit. Those jackets make me feel like that, too. But I wanted to be respectful. It's definitely a respectful environment. I've never gotten to talk to a president. I'd gotten to see one in passing, but it was just fascinating. Yeah, that was fascinating, man. Then, oh, this was one thing that was really cool. Afterwards, there's a restaurant at the golf club in Bedmanster. It's really beautiful. But the grass all looks like it actually went to super cuts, not like just somebody did it with a mower. It's like somebody… The lawn looks like it waited in a chair for its appointment with a barber. It's just nice. Oh, and there's secret service. This is the craziest part. There's people playing golf, and then there's just little setups of secret service people with… I don't know if they're cannons or whatever, hand cannons or something, artillery just placed in different spots. I think you just got to be careful where you hit your ball over there. There's a restaurant. We go up there and I'm sitting and I'm eating dinner. Before I have to leave, I'm getting dinner with one of his staff members, and we're sitting at a table.

It's just me and him. The guy I've been communicating with, his name is Alex. Nice guy. Really creative guy. Then Trump comes up for dinner at some point. I didn't know this, and they play the song, Proud to be an American, when he comes up, which is crazy. It's a vibe, but they play it. The song, everybody's standing up clapping. You think the song's over, right? It's a a long song. Then you think it's over, and then it's like, And I'm proud. It does it one more time. You're like, All right, let's go for this ride again. Then he sits there. At his table, he keeps the iPad with the Ox cord or whatever. So throughout the meal, he's just playing songs. He played... What did he play? He played some I think Unskinny Bop at one point, I think. Trying to remember. During soup, they played Trick Daddy, which I thought was… That was awesome. I've never had soup to Trick Daddy. Then Baby 'cause I'm a thug. Then, oh, at dessert, during dessert, they played Smooth Criminal, which I thought was the best thing ever, bro. Anyway, the whole thing was just interesting.

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Today's episode is brought to you by Better or help. We all know what's going on. We all know that people are suffering from depression and people are having tough moments, and sometimes they don't get through them. That's the truth. I've had friends that have chosen alternative routes instead of getting help. It's heartbreaking. If something's bothering you or there's a moment you're not understanding in yourself or you're feeling different, it's normal. What's not normal is not getting help. Better help, that's who you can call. I'll let you know that better help, if you're thinking of starting therapy, that's who you should try. It's entirely online. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist and switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. That's right. Never skip therapy with Betterhelp. Visit betterhelp. Com/beterhelp. Com/beterhelp. Com. Today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp, betterhelp. Com/theo. We thank Betterhelp for supporting this podcast. Yeah, and that's what went on, man. That was the interview. What else? Something great that happened recently, we got to go over to Stowe, Vermont, and go swimming.

They had They had a beautiful town. If you've never been there, it's really great. Even in the summer, I think it's a skiing place. But apparently the skiing, I think it's East Coast skiing, whatever that means. I'm not sure what it means. But during the summer, it's nice. They have all these places you can swim and cliffs. We went fishing up on this small mountaintop or this really high hill. Yeah, that was pretty magical. I'd never gotten to be in that area. That was pretty stunning to be up there and just be even close to where people start talking about. Yeah, it's like however you can say, whoever says, The deepest, the deepest is the best person in town or whatever. It gets to be the mayor. Once you get in a Maine and up there out in that Eastern Canada, it's like,. Like, lobster. Every now and then there'll be a Mexican guy and he'd be like, Loves the dirt. He'd be like, Hey, love the dirt. He'd be like, Ha, ha, ha, this guy. He's doing it differently because there's the old-fashioned white guy who's like, Loves. Then you'd have the Mexican guy that's like, Hey, lobster.

. Then you'd have a brother in there and be like, Lost at all. Lost at all. Loaster. Where'd he's hos at? Loaster, loaster. Anyway, that's what's going on over here. You ever had a lobster? Reilly Mow, you ever had any lobster? I have. Nice, brother. Where'd you have it? Is that a traditional food in your aquarium or whatever? It is not. Okay. Where'd you have it at, Buddy Bear? I had it up in Boston. Oh, yeah. That's where they'll punch the fucking lobster to death. They fucking fist cook it. They'll be like, Yeah, get it, get it, get it, get it. They hit it 45 times in a row. That's where some girl up there will give a lobster, freaking B. J. Wearing a Kevin Eucalus jersey or something, or a Dustin Pedroia jersey, and she's up there, B. J. In a lobster. Was it good up there, buddy? It was. Nice, man. What's been keeping you busy, Raleigh Mou? Just working. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You're feeling good. How's your health and your body and everything? Really good. Really good. How do you know if you're healthy? What signs do you get from your body?

If I feel good, then I feel good. All righty. Anything new in the dating world? Kind of. Yeah, what you got, your little squirrel, buddy? What happened? Well, back in March, I had a little incident with a girl. You had an incident? You mean was a cop involved or it was... No, it was more I met her at a bar and then went home with her that night. Whoa, bro. Where was the Lord, brother? That's what I want to know. He was up there. Wow. Okay, bet, man. All right, we'll come back. I want to talk to you about it in just a minute, man. I want to take a couple of calls. I want to look through a little bit of news here. What happened? I see, Trump brought out RFK Jr. In Arizona. We got to have Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump come on. I loved Bernie Sanders. I felt like he got really just screwed over by his party. I thought that that was really messed up. I'd always hoped that they would have had a Trump and Sanders ticket. I thought that that would have been interesting. I know people don't like politics and stuff, and I'm not.

I don't really care who people support. I think it's good to vote for sure. I sometimes wonder what our vote means anymore, but that's out of our control right now. You just do the best you can and you go vote. That's what I feel like, or for me. I'm not telling anybody to do. You do whatever you want. But I thought this was interesting, though. Because I always thought it would be interesting if you had whoever didn't win the presidency should be the vice president. That way, you have to have, not an enemy, but somebody who has different views in your same thing so that you guys have to negotiate and figure out the best thing for everyone. That's something that I always wish that that's the way that things were. If a Republican won, then the Democratic nominee was the vice president, and if the Democratic won, then the Republican nominee was the vice president. I always thought that that would be interesting because then it creates constantly where it would seem like you're having to work together to get a solution on different topics and stuff. But I'm novice in things like that.

I don't know. But yeah, getting to meet with Bernie was amazing as well. I'll talk more about that next week. What else was I thinking? Oh, but Trump brought out RFK Jr. I love Bobby Kennedy. He and I have been friends for years. People can think whatever. He's an awesome guy. He's just a good guy. I feel like he's just dedicated. He cares. He's smart. I think he wants wellness for people. That's why I think it was pretty fascinating that Trump offered him a spot if he gets the election. The Democrats shot themselves in the the wiener or the trans wiener or whatever people have to have. Now, I'm not claiming anybody has anything, but because they didn't really make it. They made it so hard on Bobby to get on the ballots that he didn't really have a choice except to join aside with the hopes and the promise, it seems like, that he will get to be in charge of or the things that he cares about most, which are people's health and getting big pharma out of our bodies and out of our influence and everything, I guess. I don't know. I'm rambling.

I'm going to get off politics now because people have different thoughts about it. But anyway, I just thought that that was interesting. It's funny because it seems like Trump is just being different. Even when you saw when he brought out Bobby Kennedy, he was like, It felt more thoughtful than he had spoken in the past. I don't know. Just seemed interesting. But I thought that that was super. That Bobby has a chance to get a job, or not a job, but a... Because he doesn't need a job, but that he has a chance to do what he really cares about. I thought that that was pretty super. Then people say, Oh, well, Trump. People often refer to Trump as a shady businessman. But it's funny because politics now, it's not like who's the best person or anything anymore, really. Politics, the whole thing is a shady business. It's a dirty fucking business that's compromised at every corner. It's not about who's the best. It's about the... So you need a dog in there, I think. That's one thing I'm realizing. You need a dog in there because, yeah, politics is just a Dirty business. You don't hire a peacekeeper to do a thug's job.

I know that. Anyway, what else happened? There's a US pilot, it says here, who took magic mushrooms and tried to cut the engines while they were in midair, I guess. Oh, this is pretty interesting. An Alaskan Airlines pilot who attempted to shut off the engines of a passenger plane mid-flight after ingesting magic mushrooms said his actions were unfathomable in some of his first public remarks after he was indicted on 83 counts of reckless endanger. Wow. Unless he was listening to that song, I just want to fly by Sugar Ray. If he played that while he did it, that's I don't know. I've never been a pilot on drugs. What else? The Taliban says it wants people to visit Afghanistan. I'm good. I'm good. Yeah, that's what we got, man. We're going to get to some calls here in just a second, and then we'll check back in with Raleigh Mao and see what's going on, baby, and seeing if that little bust guppy If he's been churning that butter, baby, you know what I'm saying? If he's been buttering that We'll be right back. Man, when I put my Tommy John's on, I feel good.

I feel comfortable. I feel it almost feels just almost athletically emotional in a way. I feel calm and capable. That's what Tommy John does for me. Tommy John fabrics can keep you 2-3 times cooler and then dry 4-5 times faster than regular cotton. That's right. That's what Tommy John can do for you. Tommy John is different from other men's underwear that I've worn because it feels, I guess, a little more designer, more like it cares that it's comfortable. No questions with Tommy John. God, it's comfortable and it's warm and cool. It's whatever you need it to be. They have different layers. You can put it together yourself, man. Make your body mean something to you, God. When you show up in that bed, if it's just you or if it's somebody else, you look good. Shop Tommy John right now for huge summer savings. Get 25% off your first order at tommyjohn. Com/theo. Save 25% at tommyjohn. Com/theo. See the site for details. When I started podcasting online, the furthest thing from my mind was having a shop. We have a shop online where we sell different shirts and merchandise that relates to the podcast.

In the beginning, we sold one shirt, and we sold it out of a basement near Akron, Ohio, and there were some alcohol issues or whatever, and then we had to change speed. Now, years later, we've evolved into a full-blown store, and I can give a lot of that thanks to Shopify. Shopify, from the launch your online shop stage to the first real-life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million orders stage? Shopify is there to help you grow. Shopify powers 10% of all e-commerce in the US. Shopify is the global force behind All Birds, Rothies, and Brooklyn. Because businesses that grow, grow with Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at Shopify. Com/theo, all lowercase. Go to Shopify. Com/theo now to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in. Shopify. Com/theo. Theo. All right, let's take a couple calls here. As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503. Yeah, and sorry, I'm all over the place today, guys. Last week was just crazy, man. It was crazy. Yeah, everything's good. I'm just looking forward to having a break. Here we go. Hi, Theo. I am calling from Nashville/Frankland, Tennessee.

Nashville, Tennessee. Baby, beautiful area. Small city, big town. Can't cheat on your wife. Not that place. Somebody will know. Onward. I have a little story/issue I wanted to get your thoughts on. I have a friend who has been dating this guy for three months, and she already doesn't have a whole lot of security, not a whole lot of money. Now she's just revealed to me that this guy is homeless. I just wanted to get your thoughts on that. Yeah. Well, guys are homeless. There's guys, sometimes you see them, and they don't have a home around them. That's the guys we're talking about. Yeah, look, first of all, if she's dating a homeless guy, and I'm guessing they're probably making love. If they've been dating for three months, then a vagina is just a little home, bro. You know what I'm saying? It's just a studio apartment for your wiener, baby. It's a start. It may not have the square footage that he's looking for, but I think it's a start. I'm just glad to see that. I mean, nothing will make that dude want to get a home more, probably. I mean, definitely. Dude, I touch a nice tit.

I want to make sure. I want to buy a damn Jeep Cherokee or something. You want to get something It makes you want to keep trying. So praise God to that. And I'm glad that she's out there servicing those boys. I see some homeless guys. A lot of times I give them a dollar, but I'd love to give them half a can of or something that they'd really enjoy or something. They should have a damn can. So you could just crack open a can and give it to Big Samuel or whoever who's over there just nibbling on his own sweater and hoping God sees him. Praise God, baby. Let's take another call here. Great to see you. First-time caller to this podcast or any podcast. Thank you for the call, brother. As always, the hotline is 985-664-9503. Onward. I wanted to call in and say I thought you did a really good job with the Bernie Sanders interview. I thought your questions were well-prepared and smart. I thought that you raised good counterpoints to some of Bernie's ideas that I feel like people might want to hear addressed. Overall, just a really strong interview. Thanks for doing it.

Thank you, man. Yeah, I appreciate it, dude. I was so excited. I mean, I was... Yeah. Yeah, I'll talk about that a little more next week about what the exact experience was like. But yeah, it was crazy because here's a figure that I thought was really neat, and I admire some of his policies. Some people can say, Well, these guys are all shills for this, and I don't know about all that. I know that politics is very dirty, and I know that even these men will say that democracy is money-based. So it's bought and paid for. Some stuff that I learned from talking with Bernie, I was able to ask Trump about. So it really helped me. But I just like his vitral. My dad was really old when I was a kid, so that's my reference for… I mean, Bernie's the age. How How old is Bernie Sanders, Raleigh? He is 82. He's 82? Yeah. When I was 12, my father was 82. I see him just like… I think there's… I don't know. There's something about… I don't know. I can't explain it exactly. But to see those men still going and doing things and having determination for things that they believe in.

Then I choose to believe that they believe in them. I don't know. There's something about it that's awesome to me. Yeah, thank you, bro. It was definitely... What was that like? It was so... I'll talk about it next week. I'll talk about it next week, man. Next Tuesday's episode, I'll talk about it a little bit. But yeah, I can't even believe I got to see these folks and have them come on. The simple fact about the health care, it's just it's sick. It's a huge scam. We're all just living in this scam, and our politicians aren't protecting us. It's unbelievable. That shit gets me activated, bro. When people are sick and you take advantage, it's just… But thank you, bro. I'm not trying to get in a policy. I don't know about policy. What else? Let's do one. Here we go. Hi, this is Richard Aiton from Mississippi. Hey, Richard from Mississippi, brother. Welcome, brother. A long-time fan, first-time collar. I just had a thought yesterday. I was on the lake. I was surfing, having a good old time. We're driving by, and I see this woman on this pontoon boat, and I'm telling you, she may be weighed a buck fifty, but those breasts probably took up 125 pounds of it.

And I looked at her, and I didn't even get aroused, per se. I just thought, I was like, Man, you need to get on my credit score. Have you ever seen a woman that's so beautiful, a rack so nice? Whether it be a man, a woman, or hell, if you're into it, maybe a damn animal that just makes you want to feel It's like you got to better yourself and seek opportunities in life. Something that makes you know that you want to go for that promotion. Amen, man. Yeah, thank you for calling, especially from out on the water. We're just talking about We're not talking about this. We're just talking about something that just keeps you in the game. Raleigh, what were we just saying about... I'm talking about correlating something with this guy's I'm not sure. All right. Shit, I can't remember. But yeah, dude, sometimes you see that... One... Sometimes you see that some girl had that ding, Mount Chesmore. She'll just have a... She'll have damn four presidents in two tits. And you're like, God, for those about to rock, we salute you. It's just that's a thing, boy. She'll have those fucking peanut butter falcons on her, baby.

God, baby, she'll have those fucking land bears. You know what I'm talking about? Just huddled up in herbernation, baby. Them things just staying warm for winter, boy. She'll have them fucking milk lobsters. God, baby. You just want to fucking baptize a mule in the milk of those things, brother. You just want to fucking wash a little, just wash a little man's ass with the beautiful splash that comes out of those bad dogs. God. All right. Sorry, I'm falling apart here, but everybody's okay. Let's take another call here. Hey, CEO. This is John from Kansas City. Hey, John. Thank you for calling. Kansas City. We got a show coming up there, I I believe, and I'm excited about that, but I've spent some time over there. You know, it's one of the largest land cities in America. I'll say that right there. Raleigh, look it up. What cities have the largest land in America? I believe the first one is Anchorage, and the second one. I've got New York, No. No. No. New York. No. What cities have the largest geography land? All right. Hey, just chill. I'm going to look it up, okay? All right.

List of largest cities in America by land. The first one is Sitka, Alaska. Well, the first four in Alaska. The first one in America is in Tribune, Kansas. The land area, 778 miles. The first large city, Jacksonville, and then Houston. Never mind. Kansas City is not even... Never mind. Sorry for interrupting your call. Let's hear more, brother, onward. I got a question for you. My dad is currently doing that powder, and And he's been doing it for a while now. He'll get these episodes where he's just angry, and I don't know what to do about it. So I want to try to figure out how to help him get back to normal, get back to being the dad that I remember because it's scary. But anyways, I wanted to see your thoughts about it, see if you could maybe give me some insights on what I should do. Gang, man. Thanks for calling, dude. Yeah, I'm sorry that your dad's going through that. I don't know if he's an addict or if it's just something that he's doing for fun, but obviously, it's affecting you. I think, yeah, maybe just try to sit and talk with him and say, Hey, dad, I feel like...

Don't accuse him, but say, Hey, you know what? Maybe I feel like this is something that's going on. Do you feel like that's something you want to be doing, or do you feel like it's a problem? I don't know. The only way that I have had success is through a twelve-step recovery. That's the only way I've had success. I've had some relapses, but that's the main way that I've found sobriety in my life. They have N. A, Narcotics Anonymous, for drug use, and there's probably even a CA for cocaine use. There is. I don't know. Maybe you could offer to go to a meeting with them. Maybe you could go to a meeting and ask some people there if they had any suggestions. But yeah, just letting him know that you care. Then you could even ask ask him if he doesn't want to talk about it, you could ask him, Hey, is it okay to ask you about it again in a few weeks or something? Is it okay if I check back in with you about this? Because even then, you're opening a little bit. If he's willing to say yes, you're opening a little bit of a door because people have to be willing to get help for themselves, I think.

I'm not preaching. This is just some of my own experience and things that I've seen. We have to be willing to get help for ourselves. But sometimes I'll notice. I have a friend that's used that trick on me before. It's a trick, really, but it's not really. He'd ask me about something. If I was having a problem with something, he's like, Do you want to talk about it? I'd be like, I don't want to talk about it. But then he'd be like, Hey, is it okay if I ask you about it again sometime? Can I check back in with you about it again in a few weeks? I want to make sure you're okay. And by saying, and I would agree to that, and by agreeing to that, it's slowly making me a little bit willing to hear something different, right? Because that's all your That an addict needs is willingness. They just have to get a little willing, and then willingness will grow, right? Sometimes that's a way that you can maybe… I'm not trying to trick your dad, but it's also a way where you can create a way, Hey, I'm going to check back in about this.

Then when you do check back in with an addict, it reminds them, Oh, this person cares. Connection is one of the biggest remedies for addiction is connection. Anyway, I'm not sure if some of that makes sense, but you want to get a little bit of willingness out of somebody. Sometimes if you get a no, it's like, Hey, can I check back in with you about it? But I'm sorry you're going through that, man, and I'm happy that you care about your dad. I bet he's not happy about it. He probably doesn't know where to start. But people have to want to help themselves, but sometimes we can help a little bit of seat of willingness by creating some patience and a chance for a little bit of mild accountability in the sense like, Hey, can I check back in with you? Anyway, man, I love you, brother, and hang in there. We'll holler, man. I'm coming to Kansas City, and if you want to bring your dad out to a show, I'm happy to get you guys some tickets. We don't have to say anything about this, but that'd be my treat, man. Let's see if we can get one more more call.

Hey, Theo. This is Alex. He from Little Olina, Wisconsin. Hey, Alex from up there in Wisconsin, brother. And glad you're here with us today. Hey, brother. Onward. I'm calling here with some good news today. Today, at the date of this call, at this exact time, my mother is 100% cancer-free. She texted me. She said she rang the hell out of that bell. I thought I should just- Let's go, baby. I'm upstairs. Gang, dog. Congratulations, man. Wow. I can hear the relief in your voice, man. I'm going to play it again. I want to hear it again. Today, at the date of this call, at this exact time, my mother is 100% cancer-free. She texted me. She said she rang the hell out of that bell. Let's go. I thought I should just bless your day with some good news, just as mine was. Yeah, man, I just want to say I listen to your podcast every day at work. Get me through it, man. I appreciate what you do. Me and my girlfriend are going to see you in Green Bay. Come to Green Bay. She surprised me with tickets, which I was very grateful for.

She's amazing. I will praise God, baby. Gang, gang. Gang, gang. Wow, dude. That's awesome, man. Wow. It sounds like you got two really great women in your life, man. It sounds like you choose well. Man, that's so cool. Man. Yeah, I can't even imagine. God. Yeah, the peace you all must be able to feel for a little bit. We don't know sometimes the stresses that are going on in the back of our head. Man, it's like... Yeah, one day, a friend called me and he said, Man, I'm finally getting in a recovery or in a rehab. Man, I just suddenly just started breaking down. I didn't realize that a part of me, it was almost like having a browser window that was open on your computer, but that you're not on the page. I had just been running or just worrying. The same things that we all have. Just a part of me had been invested there, and to get to have some peace there, just to feel a little bit of hope, a little bit of hope for relief and a little bit of relief. That's beautiful, baby. Gang, son. Let's go, boy. B9, homie.

If I'm playing Bingo, they call him B9. I think benign means... Does that mean the tumor is okay, Raleigh? Yes. You sure? You think? I think. All right. All good, brother. I think it is. And no judgment, man. Who knows? Alex's mom, baby. She's off that chemo, baby. That's cool, man. Thank you for sharing that, bro. When you share that, it just put something in me. It makes my eyes get up. It makes my eyes create a little bit of weather in them. That's all right, Daddy. That's all right. I got these transformer shades on today. Hair is doing good. Let me see what's up. Hair is doing good. I'm I'm not going to fucking thug Amish today, dog. You know what I'm saying? Where the butter at, babies. Gang, dog. Let's raise a barn, homie. I'm about to raise a barn in my pants, dog. You know what I'm saying? Because we seeing big, big, big teets out on the water and cancer-free on the land, baby. Raleigh Mell. Let's get into it, man. So what's going on? You had some romance or take You said you met a girl, and where'd you meet her, you said?

I met her at a bar. Oh, okay. Did you just meet her point blank, or you had arranged to see her? No, I just met her there. Did you make eye contact? Was she wearing anything? Was she eating anything? Yeah, she was wearing a dress and eating wings. Damn, boy. You said, damn, baby, I know what will go with them wings. Baby, this little banana pepper. And so what happened then? Did you approach her? Did you bring her some of those little wet napkins? What happened? Yeah, there's an open chair next to her, so I sat right next to her. Wow. Did you have a wing? I did. Okay. Now, you guys have something in common. You both are enjoying a wing. Then, I guess, what occurred from there? Because it sounds like things escalated. Yeah, we just kept talking for about an hour, and then she wanted to- Hold on a second. If you had to use four words to describe this one because we want to get a visual picture. Four words, right? All of them don't have to be the most positive. They can just be general words. Some of them, obviously, should be positive because she seems like a special...

She seems like a neat girl. Yeah. Blonde. Okay. Cute. Female. That's all right. That's good. That's good. Three is good, man. You have one more in you, or what do you think? Nope. All right. All right. Put that one down, actually. Okay, man. So blonde, female. What was the third one? All right. What else happened, man? Jesus. Yeah. I was talking to her for about an hour, and she wanted to get in my car and leave. No. Now, did she say it or you said it? She said it. And what did she say? She said something like, Hey, did you drive? And I said, Yeah. Good answer. And she was like, Cool. You want to leave? And where'd you all go? Back to my house. No. Now, Raleigh, at this point, you're ejaculatory promissory note with the Lord is still intact, right? Correct. Okay. So you've never ejaculated. You have a woman now at your house. Right when you bring her inside, what do you do? Are you playing any music or anything? No. No, it was all quiet. No. You're a fucking... You're one of those silent guys, bro. Put a song on, dude.

But that's okay. That's okay, man. And so what happens then? You guys come in the house. Where do you sit down at? Well, we didn't sit down yet. You didn't sit down yet. So you walk in? Yeah. And what happens? You guys- Just started kissing. No. And was she taller than you a little? A little bit. So you have to go up on the feet, up on the toes a little to kiss her? A little. That's okay, man. That's fine. A lot of that's gravity. In space, everybody's the same height. That's something that's... So who even knows what's happening? But okay, so you guys are smooching in the living room, and where are the roommates? They were both gone. Wow. And? And so then after that, we just went upstairs to my bedroom. No! Wow. And now, were you starting to get nervous or how were you feeling? It's got to be It was crazy for you, right? Yeah. No, I was pretty nervous. And what were you wearing? Shorts or pants? Pants. Fuck, yeah. A move, dude. Okay, so you get upstairs. You And then what happens? Do you go in your room? Yeah, go in my room.

Pervert. And then what happened? Did you guys lay down or were you listening to any music or it's still silent? Still silent. Oh, my God, bro. Why is it so silent, dude? Are you all fucking sneaking up on someone? Are you guys playing Hide and Ghost? Why is it so quiet? I don't know. I just didn't think of putting any music on. Do you have any pets or was there anything moving around in the distance or anything? No. Okay. What happened, Raleigh? Take us there, buddy. Yeah. Then we just started doing a lot of things. No, you guys laid down on the bed or just standing up? I laid down. Okay, so you lay down on the bed. Were you closer to the wall or on the outside? I was on the outside. Wow. I think sometimes you're supposed to be closer to the wall so that the woman doesn't feel like you're trying to capture her or something. I read that somewhere. Okay, and what now? Were you guys nude or whatever? Kind of. She had everything off. What? I still had my pants on. Oh my God. Is she from freaking New Jersey or something?

I don't know where she's from. And you still had your pants on? Yeah. No shirt, huh? Yeah. Wow. Like a fucking '70s actor, dude. Okay. And then What starts to happen? We just kept kissing. And then, I don't know, I just started doing things to her. Oh, my God, little buddy. Were you touching her body and everything? Yeah. Okay. And that was your first time ever touching a woman's body like that? Yeah. Wow! You're going to hell, buddy. I'm joking, man. That's a joke, dude. And did she touch your body as well? Yeah. No. So what happened? How did it end, dude? You know what I'm saying? Did you end up creaming that little nugget or what happened? I did. No. What? Reilly Mell. Wow. It's still coming out of your nose sounds stuffed up, actually. Wow, brother. I can't believe it, dude. You've been Europeing that little freaking pants pencil, huh? God, baby. You've been bocking that little choi, huh? Yeah. Wow, dude. You've been burping that little yellow Muppet, homie. Gang, gang, dog. Good God, boy. Was it like, did you let her know as a first time? Yeah, she knew. She knew?

How did she know? I think she has watched the podcast before. Oh, wow. Oh, man. Damn. So you really got compromised then? Yeah. Do you feel a little bit taken advantage of? No. Respect. Wow, buddy. Damn, boy, that 11th toe, baby. That'll get you, dude. That 11th toe, baby. That Asian wiener, baby. Praise God. Wow. That... Wow. Wow. And so what I mean, did it seem like a lot? Because you... What part of her body was she? Did you have sex or no? Yes. You what? Oh, my God, bro. I thought you said you were waiting till you were married. Things change. Not in the eyes of the Lord, that home, brother? Wow. You had freaking SCX, dude, with a woman. Yep. Way to go, man. F, bro. That's crazy, dude. How many times did you guys engage, or what did you do after? Did you hug after? No, we both fell asleep. Oh, God. That's romantic, dude. Then what happened, you all engaged in the morning again? No, that was it with her. And has she ever come back around? No. No. My God, brother. I can't believe she snuck in and stole that freaking batch, baby.

Stole that first picture of Kool-Aid out of Mom's Christmas closet, dude. I can't believe that. And did you try to engage with her again? Not with her. But You've been talking to other women? Yes. And you haven't engaged in sex with other women? Yeah. What? Bro, I feel like I don't even know you anymore. Sorry, man. That's guilt-tripping you, dude. I don't mean to be like that, bro. It's just crazy, dude. I just can't believe that you've been out there just nutting all over and everything or just meeting people or whatever. Gosh. Yeah, because I noticed you look a little different, man. You got more like... I know you had some necklaces and stuff on. Do you feel different? Yeah. What do you feel like? I don't know. I just feel more alive. Do you feel now when you're talking to a woman like they know that you are about that, you know what I'm saying? You're about that fucking that hot pocket, homie. You You know what I'm saying? You're about that fucking, that third smile, that you're about that fucking low smile. Yeah. You do? Yeah. So you feel more of a sense of bravado?

Yeah. Dang, baby. Praise God. Wow. And did you have to pray about it or talk with your pastor about it? Because I know you were intent on waiting for marriage, man. No. Yeah, no. I haven't talked to them about it. Have you even e-mailed your or whatever? Nope. What? But you said you were waiting for marriage, and now you're out here just nutting around the town or whatever, large town. Now you're out here getting people to pet that baby. You didn't even email the church? Yeah, I know. Damn, boy. You've been squirreling around that young gravy, homie. Dude, if you never ejaculated it, the clarity, the post-nut clarity must have been insane, huh? Yeah, a little bit. I mean, you must have just been like, What the fuck, dude? I'm a little Asian guy. You must have been just mind-blown, brother. Wow, man. Congratulations, man. Thank you. Congratulations, dude. I don't see a lot of that. Come over here and shake my hand real quick. I just want to shake the hand of a man that's come recently this year. Congratulations, man. Thank you. Good to see you, brother. All right, go back. Wow. Oh, dude.

And was there anything afterwards? Did you sit in silence after? Do you bow or whatever? What do you... No. Did you tell your parents? No. Who was the first person you told? My... Who did I tell? I don't remember. Wow, man. That's crazy, brother. People are beating cancer. People are beating off Asians. People are The world is blossoming. Our lives are blossoming. Yeah, I guess they are. I don't know. Did you wear a condom, brother? You know what I'm talking about? Or the Lord is your condom? I did. You wore a condom. What type of condom did you get? A special kind? I just got one of those, I don't know, regular Trojan ones. Okay. Just the regular? Yeah. I think it's... I don't know if it's pleated or whatever. I can't remember what some of them are. That's crazy, man. Did you feel like it was romantic at all? With the first one, no. Okay. But the second one was romantic? Yeah, that happened to be last week. Wow. Where'd you meet that girl at? I've been in front with her for a while. Finally, you guys just took it to another level? Yeah.

Is it you guys still talking to each other? Yeah. Okay. There's something there? Yeah, we're still in each other. Damn. Yeah, dude, I can hear your nose has even stopped up with all of that. I think when there's so much in your system, I can't believe you didn't just lose weight in your legs, bro, because if you'd never ejaculated, that's just God is with us here. Gosh. I feel like it's the day after Christmas now, man. Are you relieved that the journey is over? Somewhat, yeah. Do you miss it a little? A little bit. Yeah. There's something... It's always like... People always say it's about the journey, not the destination. I think thinking about sex sometimes is exactly when you think back on after you've had sex for the first time. Sometimes, some of that's like that. It's like the not knowing, the curiosity, the uncertainty, all of that. That's That's where the story is. The other part is the ending. That sounded like I was preaching there. I was reading out of a damn readers' digest or something. Man, well, I'm happy for you, man. They're welcome to be in a biological male or whatever they call it.

I can't believe you didn't play any music, bro. Bro, if you're putting on some sex or something, dude, you got to play something romantic, bro. Play some ZZ Top, play some Usher. Well, I didn't know about the music, but after I found out what she does as a job, I figured she would have. Does she have a specialized job? Yeah, she's a stripper. Oh, so she's a dancer, evening dancer, they call them somewhere? Yeah. Or sometimes they call them Pole babies or whatever. Whatever it's called. Candy Cane, Hussy or whatever. I don't know what they even call it. Okay. Wow. Do you think she just came down, slurped you out because she knew about it and wanted to just get that gomption out of you? I think so. God damn, dude. Was she Vietnamese or something? No, definitely white. Wow. And did she keep the… I'm not sure what it's called, sebum or whatever? Or did she keep the Frosting? I don't even call it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. The Unjackable, the Titanic has sunk. They freaking came in and they freaking Somebody came in and just permed that little baby corn on Raleigh Mall.

Yeah, and I noticed you just came in with more swagger. I see you got some jewelry on. What is all that? Yeah, just a couple of new things I've got. Yeah. Just a couple of new things I've got, baby. Just a couple of little... A couple of little arguments on this lobster. I love you guys, man. Thank you for supporting me, and thank you for supporting yourself. Thank you for just letting us be a part of each other's worlds. I don't know what exactly we're supposed to be doing, but I feel like we're supposed to do I just don't know what it is yet sometimes. But yeah, just hang in there and give yourself some grace, man. If you're being hard on yourself, if something's bug, give yourself some grace. That's something recently that I've just like, Man, it's like, look, man, give yourself some grace, Theo. You're trying to Give yourself some grace. I'm not preaching at you. I'm just sharing, I guess. Sometimes I'm just sharing things that I need to hear. But yeah, I can't believe we got to go interview some of the people we did last week, and that was exciting.

I'm just excited. Football's back, and there's exciting things to think about and be a part of. Make sure to just be good to yourself, baby. Because you deserve it, baby. Gang, gang. Raleigh Mou, man. We thought that nut would never get out of you, brother. You have any final words after all of that? No. That checks out, brother. We'll go out the way that we came in here, man, with There is a light right here, baby. There is a light by Stone Keepers featuring David Manuel. Whenever you're down, out in the cold, faithless and dark, your story's untold. Come take my hand and walk there with me. Raleigh Miles. I know a place where we We can be free. There is a light. Raleigh, did you make a sound or whatever when it happened, finally? No. Nothing? I mean, just breathing out. Savage. All that you see, we'll find a place where we can be free. From the mountain tops, up to the deepest valley. Hear a voice calling you. It's the rising sun, shining the darkest valley. Can you see, you can be free. I have been found, I had them wide, searching for peace, somewhere to hide.

Now I am free, open and pure, fealess and bane. I am secure. There is no dark that can be lived. Gang, gang, baby. You guys be good to yourselves, baby. You deserve it. And love you all. Praise, baby..