We have some new, new tour dates to announce. Bloomington, Indiana, on November 13th, the Indiana University Auditorium. Columbus, Ohio, November 14th, at the Shottestein Center. Champagne, Illinois, up there on November 15th at the State Farm Center, and Grand Rapids, Michigan on November 16th at the Van Andel Arena. We also have shows in Bend, Oregon, Spokane, Portland, Oregon, Vancouver in the Canada, Oklahoma City, North Little Rock, Springfield, and Kansas City, Missouri, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, La Crosse, Green Bay, Moline, Colorado Springs, Casper, Billings, Missoula, Lafayette, and Beaumont, Texas. Get all your tickets at theovan. Com/theovan. Com/theovan. T-o-u-r. Make sure to buy through that link so you aren't visiting a secondary site. Thank you so much for all of your love and support. Looking forward to seeing you there. We've got new merch. Check out the new Return of the Rats at tie-dye tease in green and purple. We also have the Be Good to Yourself collection, Gang Gang, hoodies, and much more, baby. I'm upstairs at theovanstore. Com. Today's guest is a comedian. He's an actor. He's my friend, and you know him from Tiger Belly and Bad Friends and from all of his entertainment contributions over the past 20 years.

Okay, wait, my cross off.

You look like Mike.

Enough. Don't start. Don't start with Mr. Bobby Lee. Shive that light on me. I'll sit and tell you my stories. What? What you said to those girls I was with last night. What? Is that what you're going to do? What you did to those girls last night I was with?

That girls, they seemed like nice girls. Yeah. I was going to say you look like my science teacher, Mrs. Hayes.

Dude, she was a Creole. I'm tired of you right now, dude. No, I'm serious. Your attitude right now.

What? We just got in here. She was a Creole woman. She's a Creole woman.

Okay, so there's some brown in her.

Yeah.

There's a lot of mixing that-If I'm with a girl at the comic store and you walk up and you see something like, Hey, you hang out with a boiled egg, and then you walk away giggling, it don't make me look good. It don't make me look fine, and it hurt my feelings. You know what I mean? That's not a layup. You know what I mean? You go up there and you go pop, pop, pop, pop, and then you just walk away. Nothing. I get nothing from you.

Yeah.

But you know what, dude? She laughed, and that's good.

Well, I didn't mean it. I wasn't trying to throw you under the rickshaw or whatever. I thought a boiled egg was important in your community or whatever.

I mean, a boiled egg It's important in many communities. The Irish do it. Oh, yeah. Probably Africa. They do probably have ostriches.

Yeah, a potato is just a fucking gay boiled egg. You know what I'm saying? That's all it is.

A potato, yeah, that's true. It's like, come on. Another thing is-She was cute. Thank you.

Is it a girl you're dating?

No, it's just somebody I was trying to hit on, and I lost the momentum, and she'll probably never see me again because of the boiled egg comment. That's not true. Yeah, 100% true. You seem to do that a lot.

Do I really?

No. My bad, man. That was the one time. But here's another thing. I have some problems I have with you. I'm not going to write it down, but I'm going to show you this.

You got a JPEG of No, it's a text that you gave me.

Secondly, do you think I genetically know where the fuck this place is?

Yeah, I was supposed to tell you.

I'm in the car driving like, I don't know where this place is. All right? Number three, this. Okay, so a couple, maybe two weeks ago or last week, you go, Bro, I need podcast guests next week. Can you help me? Which I'm your friend, dude.Thank you.Right?

Thank you.

But Then you also say, Also, I don't know if you've heard, but I'm by. Then I didn't know how to take that, so I just said, I'm down. I said, I'm down, and we moved on from it, right? That I didn't concern you because apparently you were joking here.

Well, when you said, I'm down, I'm like, Is he showing up to a podcast?

Oh, I see.

Is he showing up to a podcast? For me to fuck.

Yeah, I should have said, I will do your podcast. But even if you thought that, You would go, No, dude, I was just kidding. But you never did that.

I didn't get time.

You threw it out there as a truth, right? Then I don't know what the thing. If you're by, dude, I'm good with it.

If I was bi, I would know, I think. You know what I'm saying? I know. You would have an inkling or something. Like your ears would ring when you got around a gay dude or something. But yeah, I didn't know if you were coming to pot or coming to let me poke that yoke, homie. You know what I'm saying? I think that we've known I've known each other for so long.

I don't think that we would ever poke, even if there was sexual attraction.

Oh, yeah, we would.

No, there's no way. Bro. No, bro. What? Yeah, you know.

You were definitely... You were... Yeah.

If we both had sexual attraction with each other?

Or to men?

To men. I don't think that you would find me attractive.

Yeah, I would, brother. Really? 100%, man. Okay, dude. I mean that, dude.

I want to say to you.

I promise I would take you out.

I want to say to you, ditto. Nice. Thank God we don't.

Yeah, thank God. But if something happened, say something happened to all the women, there was a big sink hole and all the women were there and all the women disappeared, or there was a big sail, and then under the sail, there was a sink hole.

So all the women- They were on a ship?

No, a big clothing sail or jewelry sail.

I thought you were like Noah's Ark.

They're all just on a gigantic ship with a sail. Two of every-Yeah.

You get a pair of red heads, a pair of chinchongs.

What? We don't use that type of language on the ship. Okay. Chinese then. The better? Yeah, that's fair. Yeah, or chops.

We call them. Yeah. Also, another thing I want to say because I have a lot of gripes.

But we would have a date, though, dude. Bobby, if we look at that.

Yeah, but those are just friends hanging out.

Is that? I mean, one of us is hanging out.

Santino just keeps fucking FaceTime. I just got to pick it up. What's What's up, man? Yeah, you're pitching the cubs? You throw the pitch. Did you throw it? I threw it the first pin. Oh, fuck, yeah, man. Congratulations, man.

Let's go. Dude, congratulations. All right.

I'll see you later, dude. Okay, congratulations. Why would you text me for that? Or call me for that?

But at least he cares.

It's so dumb, dude. You think?

He grew up a Cubs fan, though. I know.

It's just like you fucking FaceTime me. I threw a ball at Andre Agassi.

Yeah, I threw a plum to a…

Anyway, let's go back to fucking. Let's go back to fucking.

Here it is. Wow. Wow.

They have it on the thing. He doesn't even get a real human being. He gets a bear. That's so sad. He hugs the bear. For comedy. He does it for comedy.

It's so cool, bro.It's.

So cool. I'm so proud of him.

Have you ever thrown one out?

Yes. I don't think I've ever thrown a baseball in my life. Really? Yeah. I've seen them in museums.

What about throwing a hot bow or something? Bow bun.

I've done that many times. Grandma check catch. Whatever the language is. But my last gripe is this, and then we can talk normally. All right.

I'm sorry about that, man.

About what?

Whatever the first gripe was.

Okay. Honestly, you don't remember? I had a couple of gripes.

Yeah, but you didn't want to date with me. Tell me the two gripes.

Okay, that's good. Here's another thing. I don't know what happened to you. And congratulations, by the way.

For what?

For being white?I.

Don't know.It's messed up.

I don't know. I don't know. Ms. Hayes. Congratulations for being so white. No, but your success and stuff. But something happened where a lot of times you and I share the same people, fans, but you've I'm tapped into a fan base that doesn't like me that much. No way. I'll tell you who they are. Supermodel gypsies. Really? They have Hannah tattoos on their necks. They look at me like... At the store last time, they were like, Can you hear me? You know what I mean? They wanted to say ching-chong. Yeah. And guess what, dude? You know what I want to tell them? If Theo is the Beatles, I'm definitely Yoko Ohno. I'm a part of the... You know what I mean? I'm I'm a part of the ecosystem of the Beatles or whatever. But they looked at Yoko and went, Are you a part of it? You're just a fan. I'm like, We call, we're friends. You know what I mean?

You're at leastchingo star. Yeah, you're a chingo star, dude.

Come on. Yeah.

I'm sorry, man. Really, I feel like everywhere I go, everybody wants to ask me about you. It could be anybody, construction workers, people inside of a building. It could be somebody that's a businessman A woman at a counter. Everywhere I go, hospitals, people are like, Oh, tell me.

Wait, stop. I don't get it somewhat. People say-No, no, no, no, no, The construction workers, the nurses, the hospitals, are they all Asian? Because you just made a voice.

No, they're fans of yours.

I understand that. But are they all Asian fans or just are they're Whites, too? Because when you did the accent, it wasn't clear.

I think they're Asian curious.

Tell me how you... This is what you did. Tell me about what you know about the Bobby Lee. Is that what you want to say? No. Did you not go into an accent, though?

Did I?

Maybe you didn't. Do it again.

A lot of themDo it again. Okay. A lot of them will be like…

I'm Theo. Okay. I'm walking. Hey, man. Hey, man.

Hey, are you Theo?

Hey. Oh, you said no accent.

Tell me about Bobby Lee.

The Mexicans. Yeah.

Fuck, yeah. Tell me about Bibly.

Tell me about Roberto Leo. How did you tap into this new fan base?

I don't know who they are. You're talking Wimum and Hannah tattoos? I didn't see them. First of all, they sound like witches. I don't even believe in them. They sound white as fuck, dude. Also, you're probably going to be fine. They sound white, bro. I don't know, man.

But do you want to...

I'm concerned. But your fans are all over, Bobby. All over what? Everything. Every time I meet somebody, they're like, Tell me about him. Where can we get him?

Oh, like a porg?

No, like you're one of those.

You know what a porg is?

Uh-uh. Okay. You're like one of those little head dolls that comes in that box where those things called. Bubbleheads. No, it's…Funko pop? Yeah, Funko-pop.

Oh, Funko-pop. Yeah. I'm like a funko pop. They ask as if I'm something that you could buy.

Yeah.

Or they just- If you mass-produce me, then you can Can you make money.Oh my God.If you had a cloning technology?

Bro, if we had here, put one of your hands up right now, like that little cat that's for magic at the Korean salon or whatever you're even talking about. I know what the cat is.

I know. The good luck one. Yeah. The good luck cat. Oh, yeah, it's that.

Yeah, that's it. That's cool.

All right. Well, I mean, thanks.

But no, man. If somebody was rude to you, man, I'm sorry, dude. No, not just rude.

It's just like they don't know who I am.

That's not true, Bobby.

No, those henna tattooed, Gipsy witches that like you now, they're all beautiful, by the way.

I don't know them.

You do.

What's that? You're talking about Kat Von D, dude?

No, I love her.

Bro.

She's the best. I've worked with her before. You have? A long, long time ago, yeah.

She's very white. She's like a creature that's like a... She's almost like something that happens at midnight for 40 minutes. She's very effervescent. You know what I'm talking about?

What do you mean? At midnight for In 30 minutes, what happens?

It's like a dry...

Yeah.

The vagina opens. No, she's married. Like a mirage or whatever.

Yeah, but that's also vagina opening.

Oh. Yeah. Well, apparently.

If you have to do this with a girl, do you think the vagina's too big?

You've been in some coochy tunnels, I'll say that. You've been underground in Vietnam.

What kind do you like? Do you like the ones that stick out or are you tucked?

I like the ones that look like they have a little bit of lip I have a liner on them.

I like the combination of both. When one lip is sticking out and one's tucked in.

One of them, it's like that bond me. I don't like if there's too much Bon. What do you mean, Bon? If it's a bond me vibe.

Oh, yeah.

If there's too much bond, I'm out.

Yeah. I don't know, when's the last time you hooked up with a girl? Is this too personal? You don't want to talk about it?

I don't talk about it. Let me think. It's probably been-What we even don't know I think that you are very picky.

I have to get this off my chest, man. I told you about this last night.

What did you tell me?

But I've been dating this person, and every time We, and rarely do we do this, make beautiful love. Oh, God. Yeah, the sacred rituals of love. She goes, Yeah, when I was eight years ago, yeah, I hooked up with Theo.

No. Yeah.

But she says it every time we're naked, and it hurts me. That's all. I want to share that with you.

Fuck, dude. That's crazy, I think. I don't believe her.

You don't believe that you did hook up with her? No.

I don't believe her at all.

You know what? I don't believe her either because I know that you are very picky and you take your time.

El tiempo, they call me.

You do long strokes.

I When I do strokes. I say it's long, even though it isn't. I'll be like, Oh, that's long. You know what I mean by long strokes? Uh-uh. I'm thinking you're assuming sexual.

Here's what I don't like.

People that are fat. You're not talking about somebody with aorta issues or whatever, huh?

Sometimes.

Somebody just... Stroking for distance. He strokes for a quarter mile.

Yeah. It's like in the Olympics. Women in the Maybe they do the breast stroke. But if you slowed it down and they... You know what I mean? You don't do those? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I do some of that.

I do long, right? I take a nap. Then I do short. Oh, yeah. Then I rest. Do you take breaks?

You're almost like a stanza of music, with a half note, quarter note.

You know what you're doing here? Whole rest. You know when you do this, that's It's a Asian vagina. It is? Yeah. It's lenti.

Is it really? That's a lie, huh? No, it's a lie.

It's all folklore. Is it? It's regular like everyone else.

For years, I remember I almost made love to a Korean woman one time years ago, and this was in Idaho, and her legs didn't separate. It was almost like, do you ever get really strong chopsticks or whatever, and you can't open them or whatever? Wait, wait, wait. It was just like that, bro. I swear to God. No offense to that lady.

Maybe it was a mermaid. Was it a mermaid? I I don't know. I don't know. Are there Korean-Asian mermaids?

There have to be. Bring that up. Bring up an Asian mermaid or something beached Asians or whatever.

Because if there were, they'd probably eat their own because they love sushi.

Oh, here we go. Wow. Yeah, there are. I'm the buy one. Dude, this dude will swim through West Hollywood, brother.

I was in Hawaii that day, and I saw that at a store, and I bought it immediately, and I ran to the beach. I go, take this photo. Dude, I'm telling you right now, Little Mermade would be better with me in it, no? Yeah. It wouldn't be Little Mermade. It'd be Fat Mermade.

But they'd have like, Up where they walk, up where they roll, up where they play all day in the Zoom.

The music would change.

Wondering free. Yeah. We, I could be out of that world. Bobby Lee, man. Good to see you, dude. Good to see you, man.

Those are my gripes. We're good. I appreciate it. You've been going on the road, my boy Emir K.

Yeah, he's wonderful.

He's a wonderful man, dude. Very funny.

We're going fishing next week up in Oregon, actually.

Yeah, he loves fishing. He's good at it. Yeah, and you're doing shows up there? Yeah. He's a good dude.

You don't tour as much. People want to see you in more places, but you don't like leaving home as much. Is that true? Yeah, that's okay.

I don't go out at all. In fact, I'm going up to Vancouver on the 12th, and I'm doing it with Sigurra, and Sigurra is like, Well, can you do the day before and then the day after, too? Because I'm playing Eugene in some place in Colorado, and I just do Vancouver. You know what I mean? You don't like being away from home? Well, I mean, just truth of the matter is that I like doing stand-up and spurts. I'm not addicted to… I see Santino and all these guys, they're all addicted to the… They're dopamine hits. Not dopamine. Wait.dopamine.dopamine hits, yeah.Dopamine hits, right? Doing shows. I've just never been addicted to that dopamine hit. I love being at home. Yeah. I I don't know how you do it because every time I'm online, I see you're in Australia or wherever, whatever, and you're killing it. It's like, I'm happy for you, but I just never had that addiction to it. I think because of the fact that early on, I had just so much trauma from it.

From being on stage?

Yeah. One time I was at... It's a casino gig in New Jersey. I forgot what it was called. It's a casino gig that everyone played.

Montenegro?

I don't know what it was, but it was like... I remember they had this red curtain behind the stage. I remember one show, I bombed so hard because this is before... I think now, because I have fans that get me, you know what I mean? But before, when I was just on Mad TV and stuff, my fans, they knew me from sketch, and so they wanted to see me do my catchphrases. Like, Sometimes I do, or, Oh, oh, hot dog, or whatever.

Home alone or whatever. You know what I'm talking about? Why don't they have Asian Home alone? Why don't you all make a Home alone?

The Home is made out of rice paper, aren't they? Yeah, sure. It's like, and they could get in quickly. The burglars, they could just run through the Hulk. Maybe that's why. I think it'd be a 10-minute movie then.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Gabby.

Yeah. I'm home alone. I dying. Or whatever. That's very good clever, dude.

Well, I think different cultures should all have their own films.

Okay, let's talk about it. I think that there should be a castaway, right? But an Asian guy. Instead of him talking to the volleyball, what they call him?

Wilson.

Wilson, right? Instead of that, he makes a volleyball factory. He's a sweatshop. He He's a sweatshop. It makes monkeys and stuff work. You know what I mean? You do a little twist like that.

I think it's more about the industry or something.

It's more about work ethic. You know what I mean? And resilience in that way. You know what I mean? He could have a couple of stores going on, factories going on. You know what I mean? You could be making fucking volleyball. They should remake, I know, Wizard of Oz. All Asia. What do you think?

Wizard of Asia.

Excuse me?

Asia or Asians. Some people say... People aren't saying Asians as much anymore.

A lot of people say-Oh, that's what you're saying. Who are saying it like that? Asians. Who's saying Asians?

I was at a hotel, actually. I was in Australia, and the lady said, We have a lot of Asians here. I was like, Who are-Oh, Asians?

Yeah. We have a lot of Asians here.

I was like, Who are they? I was looking online and I couldn't figure it out.

Were you in Australia? Where were you?

Yeah, I was in Australia. They said...

They say a lot of things weird there.

Yeah, but they said, We have a lot of Asians here.

But let's talk about the Asian was a reliant. Let's see if we can I'm good with that. The Tin Man.

Yeah, the Tin Man, yeah.

You could put a little thing on it that says made in China. Oh, yeah. That's why he's broken. Am I right? No Toto.

If I only had some bolts. Yeah.

No Toto, why? Tell me why there'd be no Toto.

Because somebody's in a clean plate club.

Yeah, so Toto would be eaten. Yeah.

I'm not going to say eat.

Yeah. Toto's gone. Okay. Yeah. Dorotee. Yeah. We'd have Dorotee. Dorotee?

Yeah.

That's the main lady.

Oh, yeah. Dorotee. Yeah.

She doesn't want to go to Kansas. She wants to go to Tokyo. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. What's the thing they say when they click the thing?

Somewhere. No, no.

That's not the… Somewhere, over the rainbow. Is that from The Wizard of Oz? Yeah.

It is? Somewhere. Over the rainbow roll.

Oh, yeah. Over the-Bring up a rainbow roll. The Rainbow Roll. Yeah.

Somewhere over the Rainbow Roll.

That's it, dude.

We just made it. Those are beautiful. I remember seeing one of those for the first time.

We would have the Cowerly Panda.

Yeah, the Cowerly Panda.

Yeah. The Wicked Witch of the-Yeah.

Who would she be, though? We need a cast her.

I know who it should be. Ali Wong. No.

Is she wicked? She could play it good. Well, she's a good actress. Yeah, she's good actress. If she needed to be wicked, she could do it. But is she wicked, though?

If she needed to be. I I think she could be.

She would be good. Oh, Ali is hot. Is it Whitney coming? Let me see that. Oh, that's damn Whitney. Yeah, that's damn Whitney. Whitney would be the Whitney witch of the West or whatever.

Yeah, but we have to have a witch of the East. Oh, Ali then. For sure. Ali for the East. Yeah. Then who else is in the Wizard of Oz?

They had Calvary Lion.

We did Panda there. What about the scarecrow? Do we change that up?

The scarecrow is... He was full of hay or Hey, yeah.

Rice, maybe.

Yeah, maybe dried rice.

That dried rice.

Yeah. It's dried, right? Yeah, long green. Yeah, long.

We do long green rice.

If you had an Asian poor name, it would be long green.

That would be good. That would be good. Yeah, long green, though.

This episode is sponsored by Prizepicks. Indeed. Do you love firing on sports? Well, Prizepicks is the best daily fantasy sports app for you. Sign today and get $50 instantly when you play $5. You don't even need to win to receive the $50 bonus. It's guaranteed. You can fire on all your favorite sports like NFL, college football, MMA, UFC, many more. What I love about Prize picks is instead of choosing teams, you choose individual players. Each player has a set projection, and you choose either more or less than that set projection. One Caleb Williams passing yard gets you one win on prize picks every week in September. That's right. Only one yard gets you an automatic win every football Ball Weekend in September. That's four weeks of free Ws. Don't miss this deal on prize picks because it's gone when September ends. If you are smart with sports and you know what players are going to on what nights, Prizepicks is the best app for you. First-time users download the Prizepicks app, use code Theo, and prizepicks will instantly give you $50 on your first lineup of $5 or more. No strings attached. Put in $5 and instantly get a free $50.

Sandals, sunscreen, snacks for the kids. What do these have in common? Well, you're probably buying a ton of those again this summer. But don't stress about the cost. Use iBada and get cash back on all your purchases when you stock up on all your summer essentials. Ibotta iBoda is a free app that lets you earn cash back every time you shop. Learn on hundreds of items, from groceries to beauty supplies, even toys, so you can make sure you're beating inflation no matter what you're purchasing. The average iBoda user earns $256 per year. That could cover the cost of an entire shopping trip, that flight you've been eyeing, or the fancy dinner you've been craving. Right now, Ibotta is offering our listeners $5 just for trying Ibotta by using the code Theo when you register. Just go to the App Store or Google Play Store and download the free iBotta app to start earning cash back and use code Theo. That's I-B-O-T-T-A in the Google Play or App Store and use code Theo iBotta. You're heading to an event, you're taking your spouse or your friend to see a game, to see a ballerina or go to the dog track, and you might need tickets.

Well, the only ticketing app that gives you complete peace of mind with your purchase is GameTime. You heard me. Game time. You love going to concerts, you love going to shows. Game time is the way to do it. Game time has a new feature called Game time Picks that makes getting tickets for concerts and events even easier. Game time Picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats, so you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. Take the guesswork out of buying concert tickets with Game Time. Download the Game Time app, create an account, and use code Weekend for $20 off your first purchase. Terms apply. Again, create an account and redeem code W-E-E-K-E-N-D for $20 off. Download Game Time today. Last minute tickets, lowest price, guaranteed.

Can I just say something about you? Is You are one of the nicest guys I think I've ever met in comedy.

Really?

Yeah.thanks, man. Can I give you my list? Yeah. You'll I don't really know. We'll talk about men. Okay. I'll talk about women, too. But I think, aside from you, let's grade them from 1-10. Niceness.

I'm guessing it in well, but let's do it. It is.

Okay. Because I'm only going to give you names that are nice. Greg Fitzsimmons. Oh, my God.

Nine.

Out of 10?

For sure. He has a new book that just came out. What's it called? It's a special. He has a new video book that just came out. It's special. On YouTube. He was just on your podcast about it, wasn't he? No. Greg Fitzsimmons, You Know Me.

You know me. So check that out. I love Greg. I love him. All right, so let's go. Fihima Anwar.

Nine.

Nine? Yeah.

I don't think anybody wants to be a 10.

Right. They have a little bit of thing that makes them not be a 10.

Yeah, they're sick perverts.

Yeah.

So that keeps everybody a little lower. Nikki Glacier. Eight or nine. For men, six. If she's supposed to be male, then she's doing a bad job. Yeah, bad job. Female, nine.

Yeah, for a female, I think she's a nine.

Yeah, she's nice.

Let's try to find a 10. There's no 10?

The nicest?

The nicest guy in comedy. I don't think I can find a 10 then because if fucking Greg Fitzsimmons is a nine.

Maybe Jolly Roll.

Sebastian.

Sebastian's a nice guy. A nice guy. For a busy guy, he always tries to communicate and stay tapped in.

But he's only... Oh, my God. I don't want to get in trouble. I got to edit my shit now, man. So I got to think clearly, dude. What? But I want to say something. I believe If you're in his visual range, somebody that he has a relationship with, that he's a 10. I think he's a 10. But I don't think that if you're not in his visual range or in his ecosystem, it's hard to get in because he's so elusive. He'll park his car, he'll do a set, and there's no way of going, Yo, I'm a comic, too, or whatever, and developing a relationship. I think the people he knows is who he knows, and that fucking roster is filled.

Yeah, that's what I think. I think at a certain point, you've done all of that, and it's like you only have so much bandwidth. He have children, he have a wife and parents. I think it's just... I don't know if doing a lot of that fucking glad-handing and shit. It's not his shit, really.

Yeah, but you're good at it.

Well, I feel desperate, probably, to be a people pleaser.

No, because the truth is last night when I was with those two girls- Three girls you were with. No, the other one was a stray.

Well, whatever, dude.

She knew that I was going to probably go say hi to you, and she went to your show.

But it's funny that a stray went missing her man, an Asian.

Yeah, I like it.

Yeah, yeah.

I knew that I'm like, Yeah, come meet Theo. I don't have that thing Oh, this could backfire. Sometimes people are like that where a girl would go, Hey, can I... Okay, so my friend Alan Meadows, I went to high school with him. He was at the store maybe a month ago, and he's never been to the store. He's one of those high school friends that is just so stoked for you. You know what I mean? I love this guy. We're at the store and he sees Mark Maron and he He goes, Can you introduce me? For a split second, I was like, I don't know. I did it. Mark was also eating pizza, which I've never seen him do.

I never seen him eat anything. I know. You know what I'm saying? Me either. It's scary to introduce- But he was nice.

He was, yeah. But you don't know.

You know what I mean? Well, Mark doesn't pretend a lot, I don't think. I feel like you're going to get the real Mark. It's like Bill Burry. You're going I get who they are at that moment. Okay, do you get scared around him? When you walk up to him. Bill? Yeah. Bill Burry. I feel bad. It's just me. He came on the show last night, dude. He jumped on the show. Yeah, I know. It was fucking awesome, dude. I stood on the side and I was like, I need to go home and work right now. I did not want to tell a joke. I mean, he is the best, maybe.

I think he's the best, but there's just something about... Me and Andrew were doing Bad Friends. He was upstairs, I guess, as an editing place, and he was editing a special. We didn't know that. We're just doing Bad Friends. He just walks in. We had no idea. It was almost as if I was tongue-tied. You know what I mean? He's done Tiger Belly a bunch of times. I've been to his house. I'm friends with him. I love the guy. But every once in a while, I get tongue-tied. I don't know what to say. I'm always like... He's one of those guys where it's like, You let him talk. Yes. Then you go, Yeah, man, that's cool.

Dude, that's how I was last night. I was all embarrassed. It was almost like a hot chick was there.

I know. Yeah, he's a hot chick.

You're like, at the certain points, I couldn't even look at him. I just looked at my other friend, and we were both supposed to be listening to him. We were both looking at each other.

Yeah, he He's also a super nice guy, too, which is also rattled. I wish he was a dick.

Well, I think his material is so like him that there's something that's intimidating about him, but I don't think he means it to be that way. No. I think his material is just so- It's in our heads. Oh, totally. It's so funny you said that.

It's in our heads.

Because he left and we were all like, Dude, are you feeling like- When I went back there, the residual of him being there was still around.

People were like, Oh, Bill was just here.

I was like, I don't care.

Fuck.

It was like the Wizard of Oz when that storm hit. People were like putting their windows back together and shit. Maybe he could be the Wizard in our Asian Wizard of Oz.

Anyway, I'm going to tell you something that happened the other day. What would you do in this situation?

But do you think it's because we're intimidated of his talent? Sorry, I want to go back to what you're saying. I'll go back to what you're saying. I just wanted to- No, it's good.

We can just cut. That's fine. Okay, I'm going to tell you, like we did with the nicest, I'm going to tell you who, just in my opinion, when they're around, it has the same vibe. Okay? So Chapelle, obviously. Chris Rock. Chris will go, What's up, man? You You know what I mean? I'm always like,. I like you. I get really tongue-tied with that dude. That dude, One Christmas dude? I don't know if I told you. Have I told you about this?

That's his movie, One Christmas? Yeah, it was such a great movie. Is it really?

No, man. One Christmas, dude. I was on a date. I watched a movie with this girl. Have you been to this Third Street Promenade? Yes. Right. Then I went to this date and I held a She tried to hold her hand in the thing, and she screwed it away. I couldn't get no vibes from her. And afterwards, the Brooklyn... Well, not Brooklyn. What's the bookstore? Barns & Noble.

Barns & Noble.

Dude, all right, there's a better way to say that.

Her Borders books, which Kamala Harris hasn't visited the whole time she's been in office.

Yeah, Barns & Noble, dude. You know how they had the magazine section? Yeah. Me and her wandered in them. It was just during Christmas. We wandered in the magazine section.

Two Asians, a couple of periodicals. No, she was white. Oh, she was white? A couple of one Asian. Yeah, a couple of one. She was white. Yeah, a couple of one. And a honky. Meeting over some freaking Southern living. I like it. Yeah.

Chris was there. What? Yeah. I swear to God, dude. My relationship with that dude is just pound, say a couple of words, and you're out. Yeah. He comes out of that and he looks at the girl. I swear to God, and he goes, This guy right here, one of the funniest in the business. Wow. He goes, Merry Christmas. He walks away. I hooked up with that girl that night. Fuck, yeah. That was a layup, but he's one of them. You know who's another one? For some reason, Sarah Silverman.

Very sweet.

She's so sweet. But there is a little bit like, I want to watch what I'm going to say. I'm a little self-aware of how I'm behaving. But then there are people that I don't give a shit.

Like Santina.

I don't give a shit. He's my friend. I mean, that's what it is. A real friend?

Bad friend.

Yeah, done.

That's what he is.

Yeah.

He's a BLM guy, he said. Bobby Lee matters, he said.

Are you intimidated by Joe Rogan?

I think maybe less and less over time. He has such a good memory. It's almost like something like-Dude, he is a computer chip.

He is.

People don't realize it, dude.

He knows everything.

He just has a really good memory. What was I going to ask you about? Oh, dude, where were we? Where was I? No, you just been looking more put together, I feel like. I feel like you're in your Fisherman era. You know what I'm talking about? No, I don't. Explain. Like, Boat Bobby, like live bait Bobby.

I've gone through some things.

Yeah.

I've evolved.

Well, that's okay. Yeah.

No, it's a good thing.

That little yellow bad boy, that Piss Scalop. You know what I'm saying? That fucking hero.

Piss Scalop?

Oh, this must be... Did you hear that? Yeah.

But you call me Piss Scalop.

I didn't say that, dude. Yeah. That's something that they said on... That's something somebody... Is this broken? I can't even hear correctly.

You made me my ears, dude. Yeah, my ears, dude. You didn't say that.

Dude, let's change something. Dude, where were you when Trump got shot?

Let's talk about something else.

What do you mean? Where were you when Trump got shot, man?

Where was I?

The President got shot.

I don't really remember where I was. I was at home. I was at home. When I wake up in the mornings, I have a coffee, and I bust up my iPad, and I just start like... I just got a I just want to see what's going on. Then I remember just watching it going, What a sad day for our country, man. What was he like? Donald Trump? Were you nervous?

I mean, he's- Were you nervous? Yeah.

More nervous than you've ever been in your life?

Yeah.

Yeah, I would be, too. I got to know. When he walks in, right? Do you have things planned?

Yeah, I had some ideas, but I think I was super nervous. I had a long week, and it was like, you ever have a date you're excited for, but you've had a craziest, longest week, and it finally Friday night comes or something, you're like...

Yeah, that's what it was.

Yeah, that's what it was. It was like, I knew I had a limited amount of time. What was the time? Probably 52 minutes we had.

Fifty-two minutes? Yeah. That's a long time, though.

Yeah, but I know it can go fast, and he gets on some tangents, and he'll go.

Tangents, right.

He goes in and out. I was like, you have to curtail them a little bit. I tried to do that.

With the clips I've seen, though, I think that you were good.Thanks.

Man.yeah.

You were good.

I tried my best. I thought it was interesting. I thought he was nice. I got to meet Avanka and her husband. That was cool. Oh, that's cool. Yeah. There's a lot of Asians for Trump out there. Do you know that? How do Asians feel about Trump? Let's say it, man.

Can I say something to you? Yeah. I'm not the President of Asians. You seem to think that I'm their leader. Every month, there's a gathering, and I get all this information from people. Then I go out to the world, I'm their spokesperson or something. I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

You're like Kim Jong Un.

No, I'm not Kim Jong Un.

You're like a smaller... You're like Skam Jong Un.

I think that Kim Jong Un and I come from the same body type.

I would say that.

If they made a factory of Asians, I'm the same mold as Kim Jong Un and Benedict Wong. You know Benedict Wong?

I don't think so.

You ever see Doctor Strange?

You have the very Emperor's body.

That's Benedict Wang.

Oh, you guys. Yeah, that's the era you're in right now, Bobby.

Yeah, so that's the same mold. He's a great guy, by the way, Benedict. Wow. Yeah, but it's like, and he just went more action with his body.

Good for him. Yeah, you have very like the Emperor that inherits the castle type of…

Thank you, dude. That's the best. But I want to say that I don't know if there… I know Stephen chunk. You know him? Yeah, he's, I think… Look up Stephen Cheung. I think he's an attorney for Trump. Is it?

Stephen Cheung, a Republican?

Yeah, he's with the Trump campaign. Yeah, so if you want to ask about Asians and Trump, ask Stephen.

Yeah, that'd be cool to meet Steven Chung. To get him to fuck. Did you see that Asian guy? Look to the Asian guy at the Trump rally. You see him? No, tell me. Bring it up. Oh, yeah, this is it. Oh, this guy.

Okay, what happens to this guy?

It's like gays and Asians meeting or whatever. This Asian guy meets this woman. Let's see what I like to smile. I'm serious right now. I don't know. Guess how old I am? 22. 16. You're 16? But if you want to kiss me, I will kiss you. Don't act scared.

Come on. This is my first kiss.

Come on, bend over. I can't reach you. I came through this jump really to find love. I wanted to find me a good American woman. I'm not a woman. I'm not a woman. Wait, what? He keeps thinking I'm a woman. I'm a man. Yeah. That kid kissed that man. What's his name? For Trump, bro.

He kissed a dude for Trump, bro. That's a geisha, dude. That's a geisha right there for sure, dude. Wow, bro. That was fucking weird. It's almost as if it's like AI or something. Wow.

G-a-i. Brian. Yeah. Wow.

His name's Brian. Brian. Yeah, I I don't know what went wrong with him, but you know.

Yeah, play that last part again. Yeah, tell you. I'm really going to find love. I wanted to find me a good American woman. I'm not a woman. Oh. I'm not a woman.

Wait, what?

He keeps thinking I'm a woman. I'm a man. Yeah. That's Elton Yung. Yeah, dude.

Wow.

Are there more Asians than Trump? Because do Asians support Trump or not?

I think some do.

Yeah, I'm sure some do.

When it comes to the economy, probably. You know what I mean? What is this one? This is a Trump country. We live in the Southeast. We drink sweet tea We don't drink socialist coolade. Wow. So they're out there. This is a sweet tree country. We don't drink the Trump coolade. What does he say? Socialist Socialists with the Kool-Aid. Wow, dude. I wrote that speech for him. Did you know that? At the meeting, I did. You're the speechwriter. Yeah, I'm the speechwriter, dude. He said it perfectly the way I wrote it.

He did, yeah.

The Kool-Aid, Socialists, all that shit was in there, dude.

What a great guy. What % of Asians are supporting Trump, though, do you think?

Let me ask you something. With this line of questioning, are you trying to get what my political affiliation is? No. I ain't going to tell you, dog. Okay. Yeah. I have to say this, I'm in the middle. Who are you?

I am... It's a good question, man.

Because obviously, there are things that I like I like both sides. A woman's right to choose. I don't give a fuck. I want them to have the right. It's not me. It has nothing to do with me.

I just think... I'm in the middle of one I'm on the side, a little bit more.

What do you mean? So you're in the middle of one side?

Yeah.

I love the fact that Trump brought over RFK Jr.

I'm still pissed that the Democrats railroaded Bernie I like Bernie Sanders. I like Four and Eight. Me, too. That fuck. It's like, is democracy even real in this country anymore? I don't know. That's what I don't even know anymore. I don't even know if all of us are just being played. That's what it starts to feel like.

I generally don't like talking about politics, but I'll say this. I'll say that one side is more supportive of what I do for a living.

What do you do? Okay. You mean- Comedy. Okay. You mean so freedom of speech or whatever?

I think one side is a little more sensitive than the other side, and so I struggle with that fact.

Look, man, I've voted for Obama and I've voted for Trump. I am open to anything.

Yeah, I've never really voted. Really? No, I voted for Obama one season. You did? One season, I did.

But are Asians- Can you go back to the- You see, here's what you did.

I want to go back to my... Remember the original question I had from 15 minutes ago? Then you were like, Oh, I want to go back to that, and we never did.

Oh, about what? I forgot. Being bisexual or whatever?

No, after that. I didn't even explain it to you. Something happened to me the other day. I was going to ask you, what would you do in that situation?

Yeah, what was it?

I was at a gas station, right? I'm pumping gas, and there's a guy right in back of me pumping gas. He looks at me and he goes, Yo, dude, can I get a photo? That day, dude, I went through it. I was beaten down. I was tired. I was in a really bad mood. I go, Yeah, okay. He goes, Never mind then. Because I wasn't enthusiastic about the photo. What does one do in that situation?

I think you just got to respect it because I think it played out like it was I'm supposed to.

But then I go, I'll take a photo. He's like, No, man.

Now, you're the bad guy.

No, I'm the bad guy. He's like, I don't want a photo with you because... You know what I mean? What he's basically trying to say is because I wasn't like, Yeah, let's take a No, no. You and me? Forever. You're right? He wanted that reaction. When I gave him an organic like, Yeah, dude, I didn't say this, but it's like, I'm fucking tired, but I'll do it. Because I've never said no to anybody.

Well, that's part of problem. Sometimes you have to... Because I would be like that forever. Now I started to set my own boundaries. Sometimes I was like, Hey, man, I'm having a bad day. I don't feel like it. I'm at the gym. I'm just trying to work out, or little things like that because you also don't want to interrupt your train of thought sometimes, your imagination or whatever, because every time you… Sometimes that can be a bit overbearing. You killed it in Sweet Dreams.

Oh, in the movie?Thanks, man.Killed it in that.Thanks, dude.Yeah.

You're I wish they had more…

I want to say, sex in it. Okay. Maybe that's Sweet Dreams, too.

Yeah.

Me and our characters.

The sweetest dreams.

Yeah. But I'm telling you right now, if you wanted to, which I know you're not going to want to do it. I know you. Why do you look at me like that? Why are you looking at me like that?

That's how I look. You're like, Oh, am I?

Yeah. If you wanted to, you could be an actor. I know you don't want to, though. You were just so natural up there.

Well, thanks, man.

It was cool. I know you don't want to talk about it, but...

No, I appreciate it, man. I think I would like to make something. I just want to make something of my own. You will. That's the only thing. I don't want to be a part of something anybody else is doing.

I understand that, but the test is, and you passed it, I think, is to do a project that you have nothing to do with, show up and saying other people's words. You're doing it with real actors and people that have been doing it for years and just holding your own and being natural and being good. I just wanted to give you those props because you really did kill it.Thanks.

Man.all right, you're welcome. You always do a nice job, man, of saying nice things about people. Where'd you learn that, I wonder? Where'd you learn that? You always do that where you say something nice about people.

I'll tell you why. Because I hate… This business is… Dude, back in the '90s, I just put out this fucking-Who was you?

You got in a fight with your Sinbad or something?

Yeah, no. But check this out, dude. Check this out. This right here, I just posted this. It was a 1998 original room lineup. Wow. Okay.

I can't wait to see this, actually. Yeah.

Look at it. 1998. When I saw this lineup, it brought me back to that time. In that time in comedy, look at who's in it. They're still around. Schubert's still around. Johnny Sanchez, Argus is still around. Dice is still around. Rogan, Brian Holtzman. Wow. This is 26 years ago. Wow.

The whole lineup, this is July July second, 1998. Jonathan Gotsick.

Okay, Jonathan Gotsick, one of the funniest guys I've ever met in my life. He still does it? No, he quit. Wow.

Dave Pierre.

One of the funiest guys. I'm looking at it from 1998, Bobby Lee, but I just remember watching those films and going, Wow, they're funny. Maybe I've evolved or whatever, but love those guys.

They don't get here by not having that in them. I don't think. Jason Galern, hilarious. Bobby Lee?

Me.

Oh, sorry. E. L. Gregory.

No, don't know who that is.

Jimmy Schubert.

Love him. Hilarious.

Hilarious. Yeah. Argus Hamilton.

Around. Yeah.

Alive, still. Alive, camp. Rip, but still here.

Yeah. But still here. Still RIP.

Yeah. Franky Pace, Pace.

Franky Pace.

Franky Pace, Luke Torres, Andrew Dice Clay, Joe Rogan, Brian Holtzman, and Rick Wright.

Back then, I just remember being a kid I did. You know what I mean? Because I'm in my early 20s. Yeah.

You're right. You were the talk of the town. People said when you came out-No, they hated me.

Are you out of your fucking mind? They fucking hated me back then. Really? Yeah. It was, dude, I would have... Dude, I would have white dudes literally walk out to me and go, Hey, man, Asians aren't funny.Wow.Yeah..

I was like-Because of the war or whatever?

What?

Is it because of the war or whatever?

Which war? Korean.

No, whatever the latest one was with you guys. I don't know.

You guys keep- The latest one would be in Vietnam.

You guys keep starting shit, dude.

I'm just saying- And we also won that. We won that one, dude. I agree, bro. Dude, why does everything have to be a war with you, dude?

Bro, I'm happy to go over there and fight for you guys. Next time, I'll fight for you guys, dude.

Yeah. Dude, Vietnam War, you did fight with the south, I think, against the North.

I want to fight for you guys.

Yeah, I know. You did the Southern part of whatever. I'm not even Vietnamese.

In the South one?

I'm not Vietnamese. All right. But in Korea, you guys fought with the South.

All right.

Yeah.

Okay. Oh, God, dude. This guy.

I know, dude. Every time I'm with you, dude, I sweat.

Well, you got to give a pamphlet or something whenever you see people.

I know. But anyway, let's go back to this lineup. Back then, it was fucking... People were so mean back then. Yeah.

What would they do? They would write stuff on your car or whatever?

No. I mean, what do you mean?

Or graffiti or whatever?

No, they wouldn't do stuff like that, but it would be more like... One time I had a list of jokes I was going to try, and a comic picked out out of my hand. He goes, Seen it, seen it, done it, done it, seen it, seen it, done it, and just headed it back to me. You know what I mean? Just flat out fucking rude for no fucking reason because it's like, But now, because of the internet or whatever, it's just like you can't afford to act like that. Because it's like everyone has a shot. I remember back then going, if I'm ever in a position where I can be nice, I'm just going to be.

You do it all the time.

I feel like I think I am.

You do it well, man.

What do you mean doing nice? Well, you're nice, too. What the fuck are you talking about?

You do it now.

Are you good at intros?

I don't know.

When you bring people up on stage?

Oh, you're pretty good at it.

Are you good at it?

I like going up after you.

I know, but are you good at it?

I think I am.

All right, so if I'm about to go up, give me an intro.

I'm like, Ladies and gentlemen, this next guy, I'll drop him off at a VFW and see how they treat him over there. He is a true hero. You know him from bad friends. It's okay. You know him from different places on the internet.

You guys- It's enough. It's not good.

You guys give it up. It's enough.

Sorry.

Can I teach you how to do it? You guys give it up for Ken No.

No. Can I teach you how to do it? Yes. All right. I think I know.

Because you're a master at it. I agree.

All right. My theory is this. It's just like, if you do this next guy Clubs and colleges and just something that's not specific. It's just the audience can tell. There's no relationship between the two people. You put in personalized things. I remember when I first met this guy, him and I had coffee. You personalize it, and then you give him specific credits. Instead of clubs and colleges, you go, Dude, I saw him in an episode. For me, if I brought you up, I'd be like, Dude, I did a movie with this guy called Sweet Dream. This guy I killed it in everything, and he's killing it on his day. You personalize it.

To let people know that you have a real relationship.

Vietnam, V-A-W, whatever the fuck you were saying. V-f-w. Whatever you were saying. I wouldn't do that.

Well, yeah, okay. I'm just saying if I took you to a V-F-W and dropped you off in there. What is a V-F-W? Veterans of Foreign Wars.Oh.

That's right. That's right. What do you think? If I dropped me off in a V-F-W?

If we dressed you up in a Civil War I dropped you off in a VFW.

I have a musket, right?

You're like, We're going to kill these guys. Yeah.

Then I have one of those mustaches, like curl.

One of those round bugles.

Yeah. What do you think that would happen? Yeah.

I think they'd be like- They'd call the FBI.

Yeah, I don't think that'd be good.

A lot of white guys be like, And I walked in.

Wow, okay. You Yeah.

Does Blue Chew work? If you're asking that question, well, we want you to know that Blue Chew is putting their money where their mouth is by giving you a month free. Blue Chew is an online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Lovitra, but at a fraction of the cost and in chewable form. The best part? It's all done online. Online. That means no visits to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, and no waiting in line at the pharmacy. Blue Chew wants men rock hard. They told me, That's the mission. They will not stop until every man is bricked up like a brick house. Hey, bricky. Until every tent is pitched, till every rod is raised. What are we talking about? Discover your options at bluechew. Com. We've got a special deal for our listeners. Try Bluechew free when you use our promo code, Theo, at checkout. Just pay $5 shipping. That's bluechew. Com, promo code, Theo. To receive your first month free, visit bluechew. Com for more details and important safety information. We thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast. This show is sponsored by Better Help. If you've ever considered therapy for yourself, or if you think a loved one is struggling and could use someone to talk to, Better Help is a great option.

I've used them. I enjoy it. What I like about Better Beterhelp is you can switch therapists at any time. I encourage you to do that. Don't feel like, Oh, the therapist is going to be upset if I can't see them again. It's all about you getting better. It's entirely online, Beterhelp is, and it's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Rediscover yourself, get comfortable with who you are, have someone to help you feel better or talk to. Visit betterhelp. Com/theotoday to get 10% off your first month. Rediscover your curiosity with Betterhelp. That's better, H-E-L-P, betterhelp. Com/theo to get 10% off your first month. Dude, did you see that pull up? There was one lady that covered the Trump thing. I think it was an Asian lady. Do you see the thing? That time that we interviewed Trump, this is self aggrandizing or whatever. Oh, here we go. But that's not even all. Trump has wooed this hyper-masculine online culture deeply. During a recent podcast with the comedian Theo Warn, instead of talking about economy or immigration or health care or the global conflicts, they discussed cocaine addiction.

No. Cocaine. Did you really? Yeah. What'd you ask him? Cocaine. Have you ever asked him if he did coke? He doesn't do coke, right?

He's never done drugs. He doesn't drink. He doesn't drink, doesn't smoke. Don't drink, don't smoke. Cocaine addiction. What did you ask him, though?

What's up with cocaine addiction?

We talked about addiction. His His brother died from addiction. Oh, wow. From alcoholism, I'm sorry. We talked about that, and then we talked about why he never drank or smoked. He led on that he thought there could be some tendencies that he could have the same thing his brother had. I think he didn't want... He I fear about that.

Do you understand that or no?

What? Your brother having something you have, you mean?

No. Because I remember Dane Cook was like that. I don't drink or do drugs. Carlos Mencia for a while was like that, too, where I was like, I don't touch that stuff. To me, it's like, I love it. You love it?

Yeah, because I think over time, my natural state, I think, wasn't my favorite throughout my life, probably. That's how I felt. If I could change that in some way, then I want to do that. Those are the things you change it with either stuff like that, I think.

I just don't like feelings.

Yeah. Wow, that's interesting.

I I don't. I'm sober now, and I've been able to… What my therapist says is to just identify what you're feeling and feel it. But I never liked them. I never like depression or sadness or trauma or anything. It doesn't sit well in my body. You know what I mean? I always consume things, but it's But that's more destructive. That's why I'm sober. I feel pretty free now, and I think I can handle most emotions.

Were you take it on a lot more social? You've been a lot more social, I think, in the past two years, it seemed like. Social? What do you mean? Just trying to stay busy, do more things, actually put yourself out into situations and stuff. Dude, I think I never... Like you said, I didn't ever like having feelings. No matter how I felt, I felt ashamed of how I felt. That was weird. Yeah. A lot of times I wouldn't feel good. I'm not getting in self-pity. I'm not saying this. I feel fine today. But sometimes I wouldn't feel good, and then I would feel ashamed for not feeling good. That's the part that I didn't understand sometimes because that made it so hard to figure out the first part. Does it make any sense or no?

It makes a lot of sense. It just struck me that… I don't want to get too sentimental with you. But there are times where I really believe this, that I feel concerned about you.

Really? Yeah.

Because I don't know really what's going on. I feel like there was a time where we talked more and there was more communication. But let's face it, you've risen a little bit. I know it's hard to hear. It's hard to It's hard to hear that you've risen, but you have.

Well, things have worked.

Things are so good for you. I think with that rise, there's more of a disconnect with your friends because you're so busy and you're doing other things. I get it. But I'm always concerned about if you're sober, is he going to meetings? Is he talking to people about things that are going on? I I always feel like things are probably good with you, but it's like, I have to admit that there is a concern. I don't know why. Because I love you. No, I appreciate it. I love you. Love you, too. You know that, right? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah, I think it's been…

I know this is a comedy podcast, but it's like… I don't care. I just have to say that because I've seen it. I've seen people rise and then they get lost. Then also there's people around them that don't necessarily care and they're just in it for the ride. I don't know who you're surrounding yourself with or whatever. You're probably healthy and doing well. I don't know. But it's like there is a concern that maybe… It's alone at When you get higher up. There's more loneliness. How are you doing? I don't know.

I think podcasting makes me feel pretty connected to people. I think me not living here has been… That's a good thing. It's been good, but it's also been I don't get I don't get to see a lot of people as much. I don't get to see a lot of my guys from AA. I think, yeah, my sober program hasn't been that good the past month for sure. I think really two months, or probably the past month, but just, yeah, not being able to… It's like, I'll work late, and so then I don't want to make the morning Zoom meeting or make that... And then I'll get up late, and then it's like, I try to go to the gym, then I'll miss the noon in-person meeting. Yeah, I got to touch base with some people.

Dude, I was in Butte.Get.

Honest and get I was in Butte for a month, Montana. For a month? For doing what?

I did a movie. Butte, there's nothing to do. One day, I was in my hotel room, there was nothing to do. I called one of the guys that lives there, and I go, Can you give me an A schedule? I tracked a couple of times all the way in the boonies. Oh, yeah. I walked into the school and there's old white people with oxygen tanks. You know what I mean? Obviously, they-Drug mules. Yeah, drug. I Most of them have never seen an Asian walk into an AA meeting there. I never saw one black person in Butte. When I walked in, it was just like, Charlie. You know what I mean? They get Vietnam flashbacks. You know what I mean? You're like, Get down, get down. You know what I mean? No, I'm in AA, too. You know what I mean? When I'm sitting there, even though we don't have the same lifestyles as these people, at least I can say to myself, I'm trying. I'm trying to take care of myself on a daily basis. Dude, I went to a meeting because there's only two Uber drivers in Butte. This guy came, this guy just sitting next to me and goes, Hey, man, my name is Derek.

I go, Thank you. He goes, I'm a fan. He goes, You want a ride home?

A fan, you mean? Yeah.

What do you mean?

Like an Asian?

No, not a dad fan.

Oh, okay. It wasn't a dad fan.

It wasn't a dad fan.

I didn't know.

It was just a fan of... You know what I mean? Of mine in my comedy. Yeah. Then I get in the car with his wife, and we go the opposite direction. No. Of the hotel.

They want to watch you fucking throw that little yavelina.

Long strokes? Yeah. Then I go, Hey, my hotel is that way. We know, man. Where are we going? You're going to our house. Wow. Right? So I go to this house, and they want me to meet their kids.

Nuh-uh. Yeah. How old were the kids?

I don't know, but they were little white kids. Too young. They came out. There's these two dogs that fucking jump on top of it.Oh.

Yeah.i.

Walk in the right. Then there's these white kids that come out of the room, right? Wiping their... You know what I mean? They're not crying. They're just when they wake up.

Yeah, like that.

They're like, Yeah, our mommy took us to Missoula and gave us $300 for school clothes.

Fuck. I got to beat their ass.

You don't even know. You can't beat their ass. You can't, dude. Fuck you, bitch.

They have $300, dude? To split amongst them. My mom gave me $30 from the time I was aged five to the time I was aged 18.

You're right. You're right. You're right. Yeah.

So 300. But I was in that house for like 45 minutes. Yeah, it sounds like you're... It sounds like you're wasting your time. No, but I'm not.

What I'm saying is I'm willing to go to these lengths.

Any length, I see.

To just Whatever. You know what I mean? They're super sweet. I didn't think I was going to get... Imagine if I was in a well in the basement. Yeah.

You're like, What would you have to throw down? You get two things thrown into the well.

Oh, shit. I would lube? No, that's not good.

I mean, if you're going to also use it as a beverage, I think it's fine.

You're right. Two things that water. Yeah, that's good. Then food. Oh, yeah. Jersey Jersey Mike's.

Or seeds. Plant your own plant. Oh, yeah. But it depends on how long it takes to grow.

Or you could also eat the fingernails that are in the fucking... That's protein, right? Is that protein? Yeah. I would just... The fingernails, right? And eat them. You know what I mean?

A little bit of wall caviar. Yeah.

I would be so... Would you be frightened?

I would be so scared, dude. I would probably... What would I do down there? Sing a lot. You'd have to hold your PP or There's an echo, so what song would you sing? I would sing- I know what? A Little Town of Bethlehem.

That's a good one. For me, Edovice.

Edovice?

Imagine, I'm in a well and I just go, Hey, device. Hey, device.

You get a shrimp.

What's your shrimp, tell me? They catch it like a fucking warmer.

There's drugs, dude. Is there a lot of drugs right now? I've been here. There's a lot of drugs in the Asian community, a lot of Trank or whatever. I've been hearing there's a lot of... I've been hearing that Trank is the big thing in the Asian community. Is that true? Are you going to get Shanks for Trank or whatever?

It's like, just hear me out. It's like if I said to you, Man, I heard there's a lot of shoelaces in the white community. Does that make any sense to you? No, Why would... Honestly, man, I heard there's a lot of fucking glitter in the black community. I mean, it doesn't make whatever you're saying, I feel like you're just coming up with Asian shit. What? Yeah. You're just like, I heard there's a lot of... You know what I mean? Google. No, no, no, no, no, don't Google. What I'm saying is that you make me so mad sometimes, dude. Really? No, I'm fine.

I'm sorry. No, no, no. Google Asians for trend.

Google Asians and drugs.

Asians for Trank. Dea reports widespread-Wait, it's purple?

So you've looked it up before.

I haven't.

Why would you look that up already?

These guys... But some of these guys live here all night.

Dea reports a widespread threat of fentanyl mixed with xylazine.

That's Trank, Daddy.

Where does it say Asians on that?

Well, let's see. It's going to get there. Xylazine is making the deadliest drug threat our country has ever faced. Fentanyl even deadlier, said Administrator Milgram of the DEA. The DEA sees xylazine and fentanyl mixed in 48 to 50 states. The system is reporting that in 2022, approximately 23% of fentanyl powder and 7% of fentanyl pills seized by the DEA contained xylazine.

Okay, I know where the Asian comes from. Can I tell you where they are? Yeah. This is what you read. Xylazine is making the deadliest drug threat our country has ever faced. Fentanyl, even deadlier. Said administration, Milgram. It says right here… No, up there. It says, also known as Trank. You think that's an Asian word?

Trank?

It's not.

But Trank is obviously an Asian name.

Yeah, I know, but you can't…

You know what I'm talking about?

I know what you're talking about, but I'm just saying that's not what it's referring to. I think it's referring to tranquilizer.

Oh, I see what you're saying.

Yeah. What I'm saying is this like… Oh, yeah. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah.

Tranquilizer. Yeah. I thought it was like… Trank seems like a Vietnamese or Korean nickname. You agree? I'm trying. Trunk? I just… Matthew Trunk? I know. Matthew Trunk. Yeah, I know. Graduate.

I know.

Graduate, sociology, major.

Yeah. So, dude, I want to let you know, dude.

But That is Trank. That's Fentanyl.

I understand, but that has nothing to do with Asians. Okay. Okay, let's just move on.

Google, go to Images then. See if we get any.

Okay, here we go. Yeah, you're right, maybe.

Right there. You tell me that face is an Asian?

I think you're right.

Asians for Trank?

Yeah, I think you're right. Well, you know what? I learned something new. Thank you. I'm sorry for attacking you.

It's okay, man. It breaks my heart, though. It's just sad. Is this someone on Trank right here? Look at her sneaker. She has a brand new druggy. This is somebody on Trank, dude.

On Fentanyl. Dude, can you pause that for a second? Dude, sometimes people that are on fentanyl, it's almost as if they're doing yoga, but then they freeze. I want to do downward dog.

It's so sad.

I shouldn't even make a joke like that. Well, it's sad that it's just like-Have you ever done fentanyl?

No, I hope not.

Yeah, me either. Because I remember years ago, Viking really fucked me up.

Really? I was addicted to Viking. Would you take it at night or during the day?

All day long. From like, dude, I got... Dude, Drew Barrymore, I swear to God, I think still hates me because of that.Wow.I'll.

Tell you why.Purdu and Vicodin?

No, because I used to have a bowl of Vicodin in my fucking dressing room at Matt TV, and The Strokes played one night. Oh, wow. I guess the drummer was dating Drew Barrymore. He was trying to get sober or something like that, but they all ended up going into my room and eating all my pills because I'm generous. Yeah. Fuck it. Go I said it, right? Then I heard that she was mad at me.

Because it's not your fault.

That's true.

It's not your fault that you had them. I know. That's true. It's weird to blame the dealer unless the dealer was pushing them on you. Were you pushing them on them?

Yeah. I was.

Dude, I'm sorry if I'm being rude. I feel now am I being like-What are you talking about, dude?

All right. Listen, guy, What? What? Okay. Listen, guy. What are you doing?

I'm listening. Oh, that's you? Yeah, I'm listening.

If I'm really mad… Well, you know because you didn't give me your number for a long time. But you know that when I have a resentment- I didn't know it also. Yeah, you did. Fuck off.

All right.

Yeah. Fuck you, dude. You're right. Yeah. If I was mad at you, I'm very comfortable of going, Listen, I have an issue. Have you ever had an issue with me? Be honest. Have you ever had a resentment toward me? I wish he didn't do that.

No, sometimes I feel like it's a little tough to try and get to know you, but I think it's tough to try and get to know comedians.

Yeah, but that being said, I'm a comedian, right? It's hard to know any comedian.

I think everybody love you so much that it's like you want that guy to know. You want to know that guy better, I think.

Dude, out of all the comics I know, I feel like you're one of the closest ones to me. I'm trying my best. You know what I like you. I like Bird. I like Whitney. I love Andrew. You know what I mean? Tom,. You know what I mean? But it's like, I try, dude.

And you're busy.

Yeah, I'm pretty busy. You know what I mean? But it's like, we do the best we can with what we have and I don't know what's going on. You are a... You are a... You are a... You are a... Baby. Baby. Are you a gun owner or not?

You're a gun owner?

No. You don't have a gun owner?

Numchats.

Numchats, dude. Chinese stars, dude. Yeah. I do the Chinese stars. Yeah. Have you used Chinese star?

No, I never use it.

What the fuck? What the fuck? Well, Yeah, I lie. No, that's not a real gun, dude. Yeah.

Or is that one of those guns that starts a race? You know what that is?

You're kidding. Ready set, go. The burglar just run off when you fire it? Yeah. That's a plastic Bibi a gun. What's the other one? It's still a gun?

That looks like a gun.

Yeah, but that was on a TV show. Yeah.

Wow, look at that acting.

That's Miami Vice.

Fucking terrible.

No, isn't it? It was Magnum.

On what? Have you been dating a lot or not?

All right, you want to get into it?

Yeah, because it seems like a lot of stories you tell have had dating in them.

I'm trying to find the love of my life.

Are you really?

I think I'm ready.

Okay, Bob. You look like Stevie right now.

How are you doing? Listen, I like some of the girls that I'm dating now, but they're flaky. I won't call in on a Thursday because I know… Because I've said, Let's go to dinner and hang out. Then Thursday will come around like, No, I don't want to do it now or I'm busy. Bitch, I sacrificed stage time. You know how You know how valuable stage time is? It's that shit. Then it's like, Yeah, I just… Do I fully trust them?

You know what I mean? I think so, man.

No, I want to be able to find somebody that I fully can confide in and go, This is how I feel. You know what I mean? I want somebody to also give me suggestions or feedback that I honor honor and respect and go, Oh, yeah, that's a good angle. You know what I mean? It's just like... But then also I want somebody hot. To define that combination. You know what I mean?

We want somebody you're attracted to.

Yeah, somebody I'm attracted. What I find attractive isn't necessarily what you think. I think so, though. I think you and I like the same, maybe.

I don't know. You don't? No, I never…

The couple of girls I've seen you with over the years are people that I would be like… I mean, there's this one girl that you used to see that I just thought you should marry, but…

Yeah. I remember.

I love it, dude. Because I just saw regret there. I just saw regret there, dude. Yeah.

I just couldn't get it.

But That's the thing. I think you and I have the same issues. I think we have intimacy issues. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and I think that it's hard for us to get really vulnerable. I mean, I had that with Kalyla for 10 years, but she was the first one in many, many years that I could do that with. There's It was just something about her that I was able to… We were able to do that. But it's like…

But did the intimacy freeze up after a while? It was hard to be sensual or whatever?

The truth is, I think that… God, I can't fucking… I think it's this.

You want me to say, F it or not?

No. When I want to say that… Don't say that. I want to say it. Yeah. But what I want to say is the problem with us because Number one, we go up on stage. What's more exciting than that? The business inherently is super exciting, and there's dopamine hits.

I'm going to get a lot of feeling from right there.

Then also, you and I are also recovering drug addicts, so we like excitement. We don't like the same old thing. There is something about meeting somebody new It's almost like you get that, yeah, you get that forgetful syndrome.

It's like you-Right.

But at the end of the day, and I've never said this out loud before, and I think I fucked it up with Kalaila. I think that I wish I would have done it over again because I would have changed something. At this point, it's too late. We both have moved on, but there's a lot of regret there. I swear to God, dude, I will, the next girl I meet that... There's a couple of girls that have potential, I'll be honest with you, right now. But the next thing, I'm going to do it differently. Number one, I'm going to get rid of all my machines.

Wow, really? Yeah.

I have a vacuum cleaner.

What is that? A sex thing or something? You mean an actual carpet cleaner?

No. Dude, I showed up at Bad Friends one day and somebody had sent me something that, I swear to God, is the size of a vacuum cleaner. It was this big. With all these tubes and stuff, it was a sex toy. No. Yeah. Of course, I took it home. And you used it? I plugged in it. I have so many of them. I have so many of them. I stick it in.

What does it play? It just Beethoven here or whatever?

Yeah. Yeah. It's a… Right? And you… What?

Hey, put it on Christmas. I swear to God, these new machines, dude, it sucks you in, dude. See, I don't do any of that.

They never let go, dude.

I'm 80 days off pornography right now. Wow.

I'm going to give you a machine, may I?

No. Please. I don't want anything like that.

I know, but you got to try it.

What does it do?

It does three things.

Okay.

Not just one thing, dude. Okay. All right.

Is it gas power?

Or you plug it in? No, it's not good. The vacuum cleaner, I will probably not use again because I had to grab parts of my penis inside the fucking little filter there. It took stuff out. It was too powerful. But I want to say this. I have one that I bought at the Hustler store. It does three things. Really, just two things. It vibrates and sucks. Wow. Right? You know what I mean?

Does it sort coins?

I think it might. Hell, yeah. Yeah, I think it might.

How long do you have to stay on it for eight seconds?

No, what I do is it's also waterproof. That's a key.

Yeah.

I know. The next relationship I had, that's what you do?

It makes me just-No, Daddy, no.

Stop, don't touch me there, Daddy. Who's Daddy? It hurts, but it feels good, too, Daddy.

Daddy sounds like a man, dude. What? Daddy sounds like a man, bro.

Yeah, dude.

It better be a check named Daddy.

Yeah, don't do. Do you miss your dad?

Yeah, I miss my dad, dude.

When did you die? What year did you die?

Bring up a picture of my dad. He died in 1996.

Do you miss him, though? Yeah. I don't know because I didn't like...

Yeah, I miss him. I just wish that I knew him better. Do you miss your dad?

Yeah. Dude, you just hit it on the fucking nail on the coffin. Is that the wrong way to say it? You hit the nail. Here's the I don't know nothing about him. Really? Because my dad didn't speak English, and I barely spoke Korean. Everything was like, for instance, when you're in high school, for instance, and you're going, let's say I was a white kid, I was going out, and your dad gives you a little pep talk like, Don't drink and dry. Also, if you're in trouble, give me a call, or whatever they say. You know what I mean? But my dad didn't do that. He would just go, I go, Goodbye, dad. He'd go, Don't do. That's I go, I won't do. That's it. If I asked my dad, Tell me about how you feel. I don't know. You're good, but they don't like. You're like, What the fuck are you talking about? What's your favorite pasta? Oh, I like. It's very good.

Dude, bro, he never...

Bro, he didn't know what music was. No, he didn't know what music was. Yeah, dude. Right? So he had a stroke, right?

Oh, gosh, I didn't know that. I knew your dad passed away. I don't know if he had a stroke though.

Yeah, he had many strokes. He had two major strokes and a couple of media-Different strokes.

Have you ever seen that show?

Yeah, I love it, dude. Yeah, he had two Willises. What you talk about Willis? You know what I mean? Anyway, great show.

Oh, yeah, and one Mr. Drummond. That's the one that really shook him.

When I was like, Oh, what I was saying? He had a bunch of strokes, and I had Airpods. I was at his house in Phoenix. I go, Dad, you go, Yeah. I go, Will you listen to music for the first time? Obviously, he's been in a little mall and he's heard it. But he doesn't know. He doesn't have a fanfare band, or he doesn't know what Beethoven is or whatever. I put in Eric Clapton's, what's it? Tears in heaven. It's tears in heaven. I put it in. My Steve was there, too, my brother. We pushed play, and tears came down my dad's face. No way. It was the first time He goes, That's beautiful. It was incredible. Then he died. Damn. I didn't learn anything from the dude.

Were you ashamed of him? It feels like you were embarrassed by him for some reason.

I hated him. I've told this story before, but not on this, I don't think. I've told this a couple of times. You mind if I tell the story?

Yeah, no, I haven't heard it. I don't know it.

Who do I live with?

Your friend.

Noah. I have cats.

Oh, yeah.

I have three cats.

I think you have a couple of cats. Yeah.

When I was a kid, I loved them. Something about them.

The cats?

Just cats in general. When I was eight, I go, Can I get a cat? They got me a cat, a kitten. I named him Tommy. They wouldn't put him in the house. We put him in the garage. We had a little fence thing in the garage. That's fair. Yeah, good compromise. Then over the summer, every day, I just sat with Tommy, eight hours a day, however long. He was the My love of my life. Then one day, a couple of months later, three months later, I go to the garage. He's completely gone. I go, Mom, dad. They came in the garage. I go, Where's Tom? My dad goes, Mommy, she allergic. I go, . He's like, Tom gone. He goes, Stop crying. Then he just left the garage. There was no room for compromise or Anything like whatever he's… That's why I hit authority figures. There was no room for discussion. I didn't know where Tom went. Stop crying. Shut the fuck up. That's it. That was the day where I looked at my parents and I went, Okay, it's war. It's war. I started doing drugs.

You know what I mean? Raising hell.

Raising hell, lighting things on fire.

I didn't go fuck. Embarrass the family. Yeah.

It's like, that's why if I had a kid, I mean, how would you approach that? I was a kid. Your wife is allergic to the fucking cat, and I'm your kid. Be real. Don't do comedy. Don't do comedy right now.

I would probably get a shit.

I'm your son. Hey, Dan. No, you don't have to.

Sorry, just do it like me.

Wait, you don't have to have an Asian accent.

I don't know what country we're in.

No, you're you.

Okay, got it.

I didn't know what country- I don't know where you're going to have an Asian accent.

I don't know what country we're in.

No, we're in America.

Who the fuck? Well, give me a setting there. Yeah.

I have to be that specific?

Yeah, you're just okay.

You live in Nashville. Okay. Your wife is white.

You're my son.

Yeah, I'm not Asian. All right. Make believe that I'm your biological son. Okay. Right? Yeah.

Hey, Daddy. Hey, Chucky, what's up? How was school, buddy?

Chucky's good.

Daddy. Yeah, Daddy. How was school, huh?

School It was great, Daddy.

I hear they're holding you back again.

They're holding me back. Like father, like son, Daddy. Yes, sir. Hey, dude. You know what I mean? Gang them up.

Gang them up, boy. I love you, Chuckie. Hey, Daddy, gang them up. I know we had a cat here yesterday.

Where's Tommy?

Your mother's allergic to cats.Oh.

So where's Tommy, Daddy?Mum gets sick. I understand.

If we have a cat, mom gets sick.

I know, but where's Tommy now?

Tommy is going to be at your aunt's house, and you can go play with him in the afternoon.

That's Dude, that's it. That's what you're supposed to do.

Now, your aunt drinks a lot of wine, and she gets a little handsy with the kids. She gets what they call franzy of hands.

Yeah, Daddy, I don't need to know the specifics of what my Auntie's behavior is going to be like. When she gets drunk, is she going to hurt Tommy?

No, she just might love him as much as you do, Chuck.

Because I know that my cousins have all black eyes because- Your cousins are black.

That's why.

They were adopted, dad. I forgot, Daddy.

You just got to roll with me here.

Yeah, I love black people, Daddy. You taught me that.

Amen, brother. I'm going to go inside now.

Can I come inside today?

You relax out here.

Daddy, can I come inside today? You relax. I know. Why do I have to sleep outside?

All right, Daddy. You don't just wait till the sun comes down. You come in. I'll sneak in again?

Yeah. All right, Daddy. But I wish I could just have my own room and stuff.

No, we're going to put some treats right up by the door for you, all right? We're going to put a craft single out here. I love you, Daddy. I love you, too, boss. Gang, I'm dead. Gang.

Gang, gang. Pretty good. Yeah, pretty good, dude.

Good dad, dude. Pretty good, dude. You're a good dad.

How long have we gone?

We'll finish up in a second. Halloween's coming up.

Can we cut this part out? Yeah.

How's it going, this podcast? Yeah. I have no idea. It's very funny. We're laughing.

No, honestly, how is it going? I feel like I've been the worst I've ever been on the show. No, I swear to God, this is awesome.

It's been fun, man.

Do you ever get that, though? Because, dude, you have to understand, Monday, I did two hours with Bert. Then I did three fucking Tiger Bellies, which is like over an hour a piece. You talk so much. You just fucking don't know at one point. Dude, you and I have talked, think about it, thousands of hours of nonsense. Yeah. Fucking nonsense.

Crazy, huh?

There's times where, I'm sorry, you just go, I don't even know what else to say anymore. Yeah. You know what I mean?

That's why we got to have experiences in the world so we can have more stuff to talk about, or we have to talk about people that we can learn stuff from that have had experiences.

George is here, my producer from Tiger Bell. He's great. He's okay.

George, he's changed a lot.

Oh, too. So much. But George, dude, it's like, I've talked so much. Are you trying to bleed me dry? No, you're doing great.

This is the best ever.

Now, that sounds condescending, dude.

Yeah, it sounds like something to somebody… He's the only guy that killed Elvis. Remember his manager or whatever? Snow cone or whatever that dude's name was?

What was his name? Snow cone? Yeah. You mean Tom Hanks' character? Yeah.

Would you fuck- You're doing great.

Would you fuck Austin Butler?

Would I fuck Austin Butler? No, I'd fuck Elvis, probably.

Would you have fucked Elvis?

I don't know. Would you have?

Cleopatra.

Who was that?

In the history of... She was the Egypt queen.

Oh, yeah. But it's hard to know what she really looked like.

Yeah, that's true.

But if you're going to travel all the way back in time, you got to smash. You feel me?

I think you'd have an easier time smashing than me.

What about Frederick Douglass? The black guy?Smash or past?Smash for sure.

Although he is probably...

Oh, look at him.

Do you think he has a gayby butt hole or no?

I don't know. I heard he's got an underground railroad. That's insane. That's insane what you just said there. We're going to hell. No, but I did hear that he was gay, but I don't know that.

They should bring that hairstyle back.

A lot of my black friends are told that he enjoyed the pleasure of men.

Dude, that hairstyle has to come back. Oh, yeah. What What is that? It's like an afro, but conk.

Conk?

Conch? Conch? Yeah.

Conch? What's that hairstyle?

Yeah. That's interesting. It's not really straightened, but he combed the Afro.

What is a conk hair style? What is the conk hair style? Yeah, there it is. It's the conk hair style. A conk is a hair style that was worn by some African-American men between 1940s and early 1960s. The name comes from the Congoline, a lie-based gel used to chemically straighten or relax hair. Once straightened, people styled their hair into Pompidours or wore it slick back. It has a look that maybe Bruno Mars would be doing. Malcolm X did it a lot in his book.

Bruno Mars is a Filipino, though.

In the Malcolm X book, there's a lot of Kong hairstyles. I could see Bruno having it, rocking it, though.

What a talented man. Yeah.

Let's look at a couple of TikToks, and let's get Bobby on the road. Anything new that's happening in TikToking? Yeah, we got a couple.

This stuff? Are you good at this stuff?

What is it? Looking at things?

Looking at stuff and then commenting on it? Why do you do it?

I like to show things that I'm amazed by.

I want to be amazed.

This is a deaf rapper. Oh, shit. Mc Baba..

We're going to hell, dude. We're going to hell, dude. We're going to hell, dude. We're going to hell, though.

What else we got, man? What else we got? Hit me one more off of my faves or that I starred in Massey.

Yeah, look at us. Oh, yeah. Look at this.

I'm not saying they're taking our jobs, but look at it again, dude. Smoking. Bro. What is going on?

What is going on, dude?

Yeah, fumar. Fumar-ky mouse.

Yeah. I mean, dude, there should be a rule.

Yeah, dude, there should be.

What do you think the rule is?

I think I want many in the costume to be a woman.

That's the number one rule. Yeah. What about a Mexican woman?

That's fine. That's fine with me, too. Me, me.

Yeah, but with a Mexican man who looks like the guy that works for Jimmy Kimmel, what's that? Security Guard?

Oh, a Hortensio or whatever?

Yeah, that's him, dude. Yeah. I don't want that.

Yeah, that's like a tall Hortensio. I don't want that. They don't have that. One more. Bring it up. Oh, this This is a marriage proposal. This is crazy, bro. This is what you got to do, Bobby, if you're going to meet someone. It's a car jacking, right? Wow. Take the husband. They take the husband? Yeah. Break all the car windows.

. Fucking- That's insane. Imagine, dude.

You know what? Love is love, man.

Love is love, dude.

Wow. It's good to know. You know what's funny, dude? One time whenever we do this, we'll both be married. We will. We have to start to believe that, Bobby, because if we don't do it, then we never will be, man. It's going to get weird, bro.

Can we promise each other this? We can do group vacations, like couple of vacations. Yeah. If we're married. Then when they're like, girls are surfing or doing their little thing, you and I can get together.

Yeah. Hit a meeting, chat, do something.

Yeah, that'd be fun. Anyway, it's really nice. I'm going to see you soon, right?

Yeah, I got to do Bad Friends. Yeah. All right. Thank you. I love you, man. I love you. Yeah. Thank you.

Now, I'm just floating on the breeze and I feel I'm falling like these leaves. I must be cornerstone. But when I reach that ground, I'll share this peace of mind I found I can feel it in my bones. But it's going to take.