A cast recommends, Podcasts We Love. This is not Without My Sister. The podcast where two sisters from Kildare, Ireland, now live in Fort Wayne, Indiana, and have lots of things to do with their time, but decided to do a podcast instead. We talk about the time Beatrice got kidnapped by a man who looked like Santa, and then tried to squeeze her into his ex-wife's poochy pants to no avail, and not to be outdone the time that Rosemarie dawned her best Game of Thrones larping costume, and showed up on some unsuspecting handsome boy's doorway.

It was not even that handsome. I'm trying to woo him This and more can be yours, not without my sister.

Acast is home to the world's best podcasts, including In the News from the Irish Times, Irish History podcast, and the one you're listening to right now. This podcast contains content that may be upsetting to some listeners. Before continuing, please prioritize your own wellbeing and mental health. Please check the show notes for more detailed descriptions of the episodes, and a warning, strong language is used in this episode. July 2011, three months before her tragic passing, Louisa made a diary entry into her journal.

ninth of July, 2011, Sunday. Hello? Anyone there? Sometimes I scream just to see if anyone will hear me. But nothing. No one's there. Left here on my own with no one to talk to, ask advice, or listen to what I have to say. I want to feel safe and loved. Oh, well, what can I say? I think God wants me to be like this. Don't know why, but I guess I just have to deal with it. And in a way, I've learned a lot that no one can be trusted, fending on my own, controlling my brain, and reassuring myself that everything's going to be okay, tackling one thing at a time.

Episode 5, State of Mind. Louise's journal was not the traditional diary you might imagine. It's more of an A4-size workbook, which at one time appeared to be used for notes and homework from her high school days. Looking at the baby pink vinyl cover, it's playfully adorned with cute smiley-face stickers and a quirky black cartoon fish. In the bottom right-hand corner, there's bold block lettering stating Louise's notes with yet another smiley-face sticker next to it. She's also used a marker to write 2011 in quotation marks, a haunting tribute to her final year. As I flip through the pages of this journal, an insight into Louisa's life in 2011 begins to unfold. Her journal contains a trove of emotions, capturing her day-to-day struggles and aspirations. Amid entries about missing her mom, arguments with Joe and her ongoing serious financial issues, there are glimpses of resilience and determination.

Mom, I miss you. Rip. God, help me be strong and let no one bring me down. Amen. April 21st to 26th, worst time. Fought with Joe. He disappeared. He used to break. If your plans have failed, ask yourself if there's a better plan waiting to be discovered.

From April onwards, she had been crossing off each passing day on a small calendar inside the front cover. These markings suddenly stopped on September the ninth, a month before her death. What else was happening in her life and what had caused this abrupt halt? We can gain some insight into this time frame as she was also leaving somewhat sporadic notes each month about what tasks asks she had completed and what she still needed to do.

19th of April. Call Cash Converters about loan, library, use internet and apply for jobs, clean car and sell, Cash Converters' loan must be paid in one day. No more time, $280. 21st of April. Find assistance with financial help in rent and utility bills. 29th of April. Call places for financial help. Rental areas, Rent Advanced. 10:00 AM, Contact CenterLink, Must Attend. 2:00 PM, Northern Community Church of Christ for Food. Start putting pure vitamin E oil on for 100 days. Scar should be gone, apparently, on the seventh of August.

In one of her many April to-do lists in her journal, there's a task she needed to find a pet shop for some of her animals. There There was a note next to it saying, urgent, can't keep them here. On another page, there's a list of perhaps 30 phone numbers, some of these with crosses next to them. Researching these numbers, they all belong to pet shops, and there is a tick mark next to this task, suggesting she must have been successful. Given how much Louisa loved her animals, we don't know why she decided to rehome some of them. There are many possibilities. Her The answers seem to be an obvious one, but again, police have honed in on the option that this could have been done with foresight that her mental health was declining. Whatever the case may be, it's very clear she took time in finding a solution to rehoming these animals. We also know that despite her financial situation, she didn't try and rehome her mother's favorite talking parrot, Gina, or her dog. Then in July, she wrote down her horoscope, pondering the significance of facing both good and bad days in life.

22nd of July, 2011. Horoscope for Aquarius. Sometimes people say to me, Please tell me what my horoscope says. Then they add, But don't tell me if it's bad news. I understand this. Of course I do. But it's not necessarily a very helpful attitude to adopt in life. If there is bad news, aren't we better off facing it than ignoring it? Not, I hasten to add that there's bad news in your outlook now. Au contraire, as they say in Quebec. But to take full advantage of the opportunities that arise for you under the forthcoming full moon, you'll need to keep your eyes wide open.

Louise's journal clearly reflects her dire financial struggles with reminders to curb spending to make ends meet, but also to visit the nearby church for food donations. It's her choice of words in some entries that were later highlighted by the police, suggesting signs of ongoing in an untreated depression.

Spending for this week, 25th of July to the fourth of August, 11 days to survive plan. Total $140. Have to spend $10 or less a day to get by the fortnight.

Another notable statement stands out, boldly written in large black text, Fuck the World Before It Fucks You, and ending with, Never Give Up. The police appear to have interpreted this statement as a sign of her declining mental health. But to me, it reveals Louise's defiance and unwavering spirit, even in the face of serious setbacks. We cannot forget these are the musings of a 24-year-old who has lost her mother two years earlier, was struggling financially, and was in a deeply troubling relationship.

She was trying to hold it together. She was trying to work and pay the bills and try I had to look after her younger sister. But it just got very, very unpleasant for her because all she ever wanted from Tessa and myself was money. Then Tessa and I said, You're hungry? We'll buy you food. I will do grocery shopping, and I'll leave it there, but I would never give her money unless there was a particular reason, like to pay a bill or something. That's when she wasn't really angry. But I can see she was frustrated because her needs weren't met. In a nice way, she'll tell me, I have to go now. You have to go now.

Both the police and the coroner would later place significance on the contents of her journal depicting a downward spiral in her mental health. This is interesting as her last confirmed entry was on Saturday, the 23rd of July, 2011, which was 72 days or over two months before she was last seen alive. A lot can change in two months, good or bad, particularly when it comes to mental health. But even looking at one of her final entries, it just contains seemingly mundane tasks.

Saturday, 23rd of July. Finish school yesterday. Three-week short course. Placement acceptance at Age Care. Waiting on police check to start. Went and had an interview. Waiting on someone to contact me and let me know. Money transfer, ANZ. Pay rent, call Yaya. Get foundation, laptop charger. Service the car and pay for a license, get a haircut, break light mirror on the side, connect house phone, get letter or document stating that sister doesn't live here.

This entry actually provides no clear indication of her mental state or emotional well-being. If anything, it sounded more positive than some of her previous entries. So as July came to a close, things seemed to be improving for Louisa. She had completed her short personal care attendant course and secured a placement at an aged care facility. There was a problem, though. Her job prospects were hindered by the results of her police check, which revealed some minor interactions with the police in the past. Though she was open about these during her job interview, the unfavorable result led to the decision not to employ her. Louise's earlier assault charge also makes Tess think about whether that had influenced the investigation into her death.

That's what sometimes runs through my mind with the police investigation that happened. Is it because they saw that she had a record and she was known to police, that they just didn't half-ask investigation? Is that why? I don't know. It just runs through my head, though. Is it a possibility? If she was a young girl without any trouble, would things have been different.

We will be back after a short break. As a side note, it would have been these same assault charges that would play a role in identifying Louise's body through her saved fingerprints on the police database. Regardless, these charges prevented her from pursuing a career as a personal care attendant, which would have been a devastating blow for her. With no alternative career plans at that time, it's possible that this explains the absence of further journal entries. With her work options dwindling, by August, Louisa was entirely dependent on her Centrelink payments. It wasn't much, and by now, she had again fallen severely behind in her rent and was back to obtaining food vouchers through various community support organizations. Failing to find work, Louisa found herself with increasing the amounts of spare time. Spending more hours at home, it appears she occupied herself by using drugs such as cannabis, and as it would transpire, with methamphetamine, commonly known as ICE.

She was honest. She told me she was on substances. But the last time I spoke to her when she asked me for money I told her she was on substances, and she told me no, she wanted to complete a course. I said to her, Okay, give me all the paperwork, and I'll pay it. She goes, No, I need to go and pay it. You don't trust me. I said, It's not that I don't trust you, but I'm not giving you any money. I said, But if you really Really want to know, yeah, I don't trust you because so much things have happened, and I'm not giving you the money.

One person we know Louisa was obtaining drugs from was from a guy called George. We'll learn more about him later. But while some may have assumed Louisa's continued substance use was due to boredom, when given a listening air, she would usually open up and provide a more detailed explanation for her choices.

She told me that she used to take it to numb the pain. I said, What pain are we talking about? She goes, All the pain, the emotional pain, the physical pain, the heartache. She goes, I just want to forget. She used to smoke a lot of marijuana, which I knew for a fact. But then I think towards the end, we're seeing how thin she got. We knew that it had gone to another space. She used to wear singlets sometimes, and you could just see bruises, and her arms were so thin. She goes, I just don't care what I look like anymore. I said, This isn't you, Louisa. So, yeah, She told me she used to take drugs.

What was also becoming evident to some of those closest to her were the bruises they observed on her small frame.

I saw bruises on her arms, on her neck. If it was a grab mark, like Sometimes I could see really vivid fingerprints on her, down on this side of the side of her arm. Didn't see anything else on the rest of her body because she was wearing long pants or anything. But yeah, definitely saw neck, shoulders, arms, wrists, It's just bruises, and very big bruises. So that would take so long to heal if there were no new ones on top of it.

The alleged bruises on her neck are of particular concern.

She told me he would beat her, and you could hear it. I said, Where have these come from? He choked me.

Domestic Violence Expert Betty Taylor. Sometimes the signs are very subtle, and they're very hard to miss.

Even for a victim, they sell them.

It's very easy for them to say, No, I'm fine, because the only 50% of a strangulation victim will have external signs of injury. A word of caution here. We're relying on Caz's recollection of a conversation with Louisa, in which she claimed to have been choked, and there are no sources we can rely on to independently verify it. And a reminder, Joe refused our request for an interview, so we can't put this allegation to him. There were also other requests she made around this time to friends she hadn't spoken to in a while. Some friends received calls from Louisa asking if they wanted to purchase drugs from her. It was very out of character for her to do this, but when friends questioned her why she was doing it, she wouldn't respond. As a mental health clinician, Nurse Helen could tell Louisa was struggling.

She was very, very paranoid. She was very unwell.

In terms of the paranoia, did she express what she was concerned about?

I was just really concerned. I was really concerned because I knew she was using substances. Being a clinician, I can see that she wasn't well at all.

Did she speak about being depressed or ?

Yes, in a lot of ways. I said, You can only change things. But at the same time, she'll always reflect on Joe, But I know Joe loves me. I would always say to her, If someone does love you, they don't treat you this way. The day she asked me for money, and I said no, and she got really snappy. She rang me a couple of days later and apologized. And then I spoke to Ingrie, and I said to her, Look, let's meet up. Let's talk about you moving forward, leaving Don't worry about him. Concentrate on you because I know. How do I get myself out of here?

As August arrived, less than two months before her tragic death, family and friends began to notice a change in Louise's behavior. She was actually reaching out. It was difficult to know what Louisa was reaching out for, though, as she would quickly stop talking if she realized she wasn't alone.

At later times, when she finally, Jerry, that this bloke's no good for her, she was in a situation that she couldn't get out of because he was so possessive, so protective. She couldn't do anything without him. Towards the later times, the later years, that even when she came to visit me, she couldn't come by herself. She came with him. A lot of the times that I saw her when I went to visit them, he was there. We couldn't have that one-on-one moment, discussion, conversation.

This was also a sentiment shared by Kez.

In the moments when she did talk to you. You just had to be really quiet because you didn't want to cut her off. You wanted her to be able to talk about however she was feeling, but we knew she wasn't happy.

Taz wasn't the only person Louisa had been reaching out to. Even though Louisa had become distant from her long-term friend Indigo, she would still reach out to her sporadically.

There was another time she rang me and she said, I need to get out of here. I need to leave. And I said, I think she was itching to come stay at my place. And at the time, I didn't want her to come stay with me because I was scared of him. And I said, Look, well, you tell me when. I'll pick you up. I'll take you to the airport. I will pay for your ticket to Greece. But a one-way ticket, Louisa. You go, you don't come back. And she goes, I'll get back to you. I'll get back to you. Naturally, hung up the phone. Didn't get back to me. But she He messaged me. It was a couple of days before I'd seen the message saying, Hey, girly, are you alive or what? And then I came back and said, Yeah, girl, I'm alive. Do you want to catch up? No, I said, Here's my number. If you need to speak to me, call me, because I couldn't call her because if he picked up the phone, I was scared that she would get bashed.

Considering Indigo had presented the offer to Louisa of a one-way ticket to Greece, it's reasonable to assume that this idea must have lingered in the back of Louisa's mind. However, a significant challenge arose. How could Louisa possibly make an escape to Greece a reality when at this point, she had already confided in friends that she no longer had control over her own finances phone, internet, or personal documents?

He was always like, I control you. I own you. I heard him say that all the time because he wasn't quiet. He wasn't trying to hide what he was doing or saying I could be sitting in my kitchen, I'd hear them in their kitchen. I'm like, Oh, my goodness. So, yeah, even at the front of the units, he'd scream and yell, Come out. Just profanities.

On the 26th of September, the week before her death, Louisa called her brother Tess and told him she needed to see him. It was around lunchtime when she turned up at his house. She didn't come alone, though. Joe was also with her.

She tried to tell me within present that I need to leave this guy. I don't want to be with him anymore. It was quite awkward because her just springing all this, just there and then in front of him. It was difficult to accept. And so I do recall telling him, Listen, you need to separate in front of him as well. You got to get her in separate. You just got to leave her and then just go your own separate by her. She's not happy, doesn't It didn't look like you were happy. And sure enough, they left thinking that they were just going to agree to that and separate. But not long after is when Louisa went missing. That was the last encounter I had with Louisa.

After leaving Tess's house, Louisa and Joe returned back to the unit at Seston Street. That night, Joe alleged Louisa was upset but wouldn't tell him what was wrong. According to Joe, when he went into the backyard, he saw the bird cage containing Helen's prized parrot, Gina, wide open and the bird gone. Again, according to Joe, he knew Louisa was unwell as she would never let her mother's bird free. That bird was special to her. But this was also the same bird who could repeat things it heard.

They had a cocky, and this cocky repeated everything that you would say. Helen had taught it to talk. When I went to the property, all the arguments that they had, the names that Joe will call the girls, vice versa, the cocky will say it. I would go out to the cocky, I can't remember his name, and I'll talk to him in Greek, and he'll say, Slut, slut. Then really bizarre, when Louisa was found dead, the cocky disappeared.

There's no further information to confirm exactly when or how Louisa is alleged to have released Gina the bird. This is a mystery, particularly since according to Nurse Helen's recollection, we were missing one important fact.

I still ask myself, what happened to that cocky? Because that cocky, you'll let it out, it will fly around the neighborhood. You'll know all the neighbors, but you'll always go back to the cage, and then Helen will shut the cage.

Did you witness that yourself?

Yes, many times. I used to say to Helen, She's not going to come back. She goes, I cut its wings. It doesn't go far. But he comes back. Helen will say at the front and call him, and he will come back.

Given that other people only realized the talking bird was gone after Louisa went missing, it makes you wonder if there's another reason why that The Bird was never seen again. Still to come on Troubled Waters.

I collected a female from the Melbourne airport. She was upset and crying. She told me she didn't have any money and I'll use my phone to get someone to pay the fare.

Hi, Jules. Thank you so much for ringing me. And what do you think?

Well, I was thinking, why hasn't this come any sooner?

Casewell presents Troubled Waters is written and produced by Julia Robinson and Claire McGrarr. Audio production by Mike Migus. Audio editing by Anthony Telfer. Voice actor is Taya Nicholas. Special thanks to Betty Taylor. If you need any support regarding any of the topics raised in this podcast, please reach out to services such as Lifeline on 13114, 1800 Respect, or the Men's Referral Service on 1300, 766 491. Listeners outside of Australia should refer to their local services.