You're barely able to open an envelope, your character, right? You're being a dumb motherfucker.

I think- Naive. Naive. I always preferred naive.

Okay.

Welcome back to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with me, Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson, Sometimes. Today This is a Woody day, and we're talking to my buddy Dax Sheppard. Dax is married to Kristen Bell, also one of my favorite people, and he has all the things that I really admire in a person. He's incredibly intelligent, funny, charismatic, and probably due to his dedication to sobriety, one of the most truthful people I've ever met. He is an actor, comedian, filmmaker. He's hosted the hit podcast Armchair Expert since And the truth is, we probably invited him here because we need to figure out how to do this, and he's one of the best. I have to preface this conversation with a warning. Dax's mind moves a mile a minute, so So buckle up. You're in for a treat. Ladies and gentlemen, Dax Sheppard.

We'll be honest, we're nervous.

Wonderful. I'm sure Ted told you, but when he asked me to do it, I said, I'm happy to come interview you two. So if at any point we want to just 180 this, I'm happy to do that.

We don't have to 180 it. It's happening right now.

It already seems so much better to me to answer questions.

Yes, right? A lot of experience, a lot of practice. So my first thought when I learned of this. He's gone for it. No, I need to get some perfunctury things out of the way. Because when I first heard you guys were doing it in order, great. I'd love to hear these two. Second thought, well, they must really have been friends. That's really comforting. Third, isn't Woody banging back edibles and vapes by 11:00 AM? By his own declaration? How will you manage that? And will the recording times reflect his imbibing period? This is literally my thought. Right when I learned of it, I was like, how's Ted going to navigate that aspect?

All of those things you just mentioned are true. Okay.

I I did a little LSD before this because I just wanted to get in the right head space. Wonderful. But I don't think I did too much. No. But it's just coming on.

Your face has an openness that only was lesergy Aslin 22 can give a host. But you sound great.

But to answer your question, Woody assured me that he does not work stone.

Oh, that is true.

Really, even when you're acting, you don't.

Especially. Well, I mean, even doing an interview, anything, I do not work Stone because it does not work for me.

You must hate working.

I go straight to paranoia.

Okay.

We were talking yesterday with Georgie. That was the first time I experienced where I thought the show was over and then we're up smoking, and then they're like, Would he come down for your monolog in See & See? I'm like, What? Then came down and what would have taken one, took 10 takes, and Jimmy Burrell I was like, What the hell?

Where did Woody go? Could you go back up to the roof and bring Woody back down with you?

It really is. It's a difficult thing for me. All the things that make pot great for me, just the relaxation and the communal aspect, they just all go out the window, and it's pure paranoia.

The dampening of the monkey brain, is that what you get from it? The little organ-grinder monkey. So who pitched this to you guys and what are the fears?

Oh, I'm glad you're saying that. Yeah. He pitched it to me as an idea, and I just immediately said yes because I get more Teddy time, which I would like to have. Yeah. Georgie was the one who said, The only way you're going to spend time with people because we're all so busy is if you work with them. So now we're getting daily encounters.

I had the same about hanging with Woody. But before Woody came into the picture, it was like, Yeah, I would love to celebrate. Cheers. It's worth celebrating. I wouldn't be here talking to you if it weren't for cheers. I'm very happy about that. I would like then when Woody came on board, it was like, I also want to meet Woody's friends and introduce my friends to Woody because I don't get out much. This is a great way To spend time with people.

You got it. It's embarrassing that we all have to work together. We have to figure out a way to work together to see each other. I'm a little disheartened by it.

No, you're right.

I'll have someone on the show, someone will come to my podcast, and I'm like, Oh, that's right. This is my favorite person to spend two hours with. Why on earth can't I figure out how to do that if it's not under the guise of work?

Because you're married, you have 400... You're juggling a lot of stuff, and you have two kids.

Yeah, I guess that is the explanation. Yeah, it really is.

But there is something to- You look great with a beard.

Sorry, I'm laughing.

Yeah, you really do.

Oh, my gosh. Thank you, guys.

Please. But your point is well taken in that, why don't we spend time with people? There's been so many projects I've done at the end of it, I'm like, this family, I will never let go of. I will see them all the... It just happens that you go your way and you're not in the same town or whatever.

It's particularly brutal when you're young and you have this job. I definitely remember leaving my first movie. We were all in New Zealand for four months together making this movie, and I thought, Well, I found my family, finally. Then, yeah, you don't ever see it again. But it's truly heartbreaking at the beginning of it before you get accustomed to it. Then you almost feel, too, was that fraudulent? Weren't we all in love? Then just all this time passes.

I made a movie and the director said, If the movie makes over $60 million, you and I will be having dinner and hanging out a lot. If it's under $60 million, we won't see each other ever again. It made $60 million. On the dot. Yeah, on the dot.

So it was a push. What have you done? Never saw them again. Well, that'll explain probably why I haven't stayed in touch with many of the directors I've worked with, because I've only gotten a few over $60 million in the last 20 years. So that explains a lot.

Hey, so you asked us about this podcast. Who asked you? Did you say, I'm going to do this, or did somebody ask you, or how did that start for you?

Well, what's funny is that gets said, but I felt very late. Mark Maron was already incredibly huge. There are many others that were really successful at the time. What led me to it was, you guys had been on late-night talk shows, I mean, really, probably 75 times, maybe more. So many late-night talk shows, which are fun. I really like them. We're in the house at a late-night talk show, Bill. I would go on other people's podcasts, and I would go, Oh, my God, I don't feel like someone shot a starter pistol, and I've got to be brilliant in eight minutes. If I'm not, there's no going back. It's bid after bid and so fast. I did a few podcasts, and I was like, Oh, my God, I can chill and breathe. I can be all of me. Maybe there'll be some bits in there, but maybe there'll be a lot about fucking trauma and sobriety or whatever else. I would leave these long-form podcasts and go like, I love that. That is really enjoyable. I would like to do that more often and with people I know. And so that was the impetus for it.

It's just I had been a guest on many and always really, really loved it. I had never had a bad experience.

But did you go, I've got a garage or a room up above this little shack here, and I'm going to just do it and see where it goes, or did you have- That's what happened.

Yeah, we had bought this house that we've been renovating for five years, and with it came above a garage, this old attic that was 100 years old at that point. We weren't doing anything to the attic. The house was going to be under construction. I was like, Okay, that's where I'll go record this thing. Kristin was like, This is so adorable. You're going to have a little radio show the attic of the new house. She was very supportive, but also very like, Isn't this cute? Then through, I guess, the combined interest of her and I. I don't think if I had come out with the podcast, it would have broken through. But the very first episode was her and I, and also it didn't go well, which- A little argument or? Absolutely. She wants to be at Michael's buying yarn. That's what her day was going to be about, was going to Michael's and going fucking nuts. Any yarn she saw, she was going to buy. She was like, When is this a thing? Then she sat down and she had it in her mind that I was going to I had to trick her into really revealing something.

Which, of course, then I sensed that and then I was annoyed. I was like, Well, don't you fucking know I'm your protector? I would never... So now I'm triggered. It's just a total locking of the antlers for 90 plus minutes, and then we somehow navigate out of it by the end. I heard it, and I was like, This is terrible. This can't be released. It'll I suppose, that we often can't stand each other. I really sat on it for a minute, and then ultimately I was like, No, this is great. This is great. You don't see this.

That's what you dream of as a listener.

And that weirdly set the tone going forward, which was like, well, because I was, to be honest, very embarrassed how I sounded in a bickering match with my wife. I thought I sounded one way. But when the audio evidence was presented to me, I was like, oh, boy, buddy, you're a little controlling and you got to fucking clean up your act. I was embarrassed by how I was acting. So my own vanity They didn't want me to release it. But we did, and people really liked that. In fact, that's what they liked about it. I thought, that's weird. I guess that's the lane I'll stay in. So most of it was about my failures. Then it became about the guests' failures and the guests' challenges and hurdles and the times they were defeated. Not the time they held a fucking statue above their head, but the time they were lost.

That's why every time you interview me, we I'm not going to talk about my psoriasis.

We got to get into our... It's not often. What's the saying, a fisherman always sees another fisherman at sea? You and I are the only two people I know is psoriatic arthritis, which is grossest unsexy a sounding condition. But we're brothers in that, aren't we? Yes, we are. That's a bond, psoriatic arthritis. I've reached a... Speaking of our condition, I've reached a phase where...

Sit back, Woody.

I'm loving this. Now, Woody would never have to worry about this because what I know about Woody is he eats completely- He eats air. Perfect. Yeah. He'll put any other thing in his fucking body. Drugs. Just drugs. But if you got to chew them, they got to be organic. But My skin started revolting. It used to just be my joints would hurt really bad if I had a flare up, but then it started being, oh, my eyebrows would flake, my skin would turn red. Have you had that side of it?

I could have made another Ted with the amount of The amount of flake I had.

I want the flaky Ted.

You work hard for your money.

So in a cup... Well, you do. Okay. You have to deal with me on a daily basis.

I work for my money hard.

But you're saying that because you enjoy your work, so it doesn't seem hard.

That's what I'm saying. Yes. Let's go with that.

All right. You work hard your money, nick. So when it comes to your wireless plan, why would you give away your hard earned money to big wireless? It's time to make the switch to consumer cellular.

I feel like you're talking to me, not the listener.

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I can feel the conviction.

I know. It's really true. It's really coming across the table. It's genuine. People would have believed it if you hadn't pointed that out. Now it seems like you have to point it out because they don't believe it. Now it seems fake.

We can redo this.

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See, here's one of the things I love and admire, and I'm not in this place myself, but you, because of your sobriety, you seem to be, not seem to be, you're willing to go anywhere, and you go with truth and humor. That, to me, is so attractive that you will go anywhere and you don't have to worry about hiding some part of yourself. So all of you is available. I hide still. I do hide stuff.

Well, first of all, thank you so much. And also, no, I still have secrets. I will say that really I do owe the credit of it from going to AA for 20 years, which is I entered that situation. A, it's fucking awkward. B, I'm an atheist. C, I hate cults. D, I don't join clubs. Every reason I would not be there. But I'm going to die if I don't go there. So it's It's a good motivator to embrace things you don't believe in.

Do you have a certain group that you attend or do you go around a different?

I don't dance around that much. No, I've been going to a house meeting for 18 years. I host one.

It's the same people, mostly.

Largely. I like a little sprinkling of variety because we all end up just someone needs something new.

What about when someone comes in and it's their first meeting, and they got to be quite That's the best thing that can happen to us.

Because it rejuvenates your- You're reminded.

Now look, I've relapsed in the last 19 years, but it has been 19 years since I drank alcohol and did cocaine. All the stories now are funny because I lived. As is everyone in AA, their stories are funny. But it's really helpful for someone to sit down on day one and look at their face and go, Oh, no, no. That's right. You're close to suicide or you're close to just died the night before. You're fucking miserable. You don't wander in an AA meeting because you've had a great day. No one wants to join AA, but was immediately blown away by hearing men tell on themselves about things they've done or that they were wrestling with. That would have, A, you're not supposed to say that stuff out loud. You're supposed to keep that inside and let them eat away at you, and then you die, and no one knew. And observing the reaction like, oh, people weren't like, Oh, what a scumbag. They were like, Oh, fucking A, do I know that? Like, what just happened? And just over time, I thought, Oh, this thing we were told is a total lie. If you own all your shit and talk about all your failings and your desires and all these ways you're a shitty dad, it does not make people judge you.

It makes people relate to you. I have said some stuff in the last six years that I was certainly scared to say. There are even moments where I'm like, Well, now that'll finally be the time I said something too much. And it just, to this point, that's never happened. It's always been more I just hear like, Holy shit. Thank you. I was in that same spot last week or whatever it is.

The will that would make it all go away instantly would cut you without sounding sacrum out of a, I will call it a spiritual trip, you call it whatever you want, but of self-knowledge that makes you so much stronger and empathetic and with yourself and others around you. It's a gift. Well, thank you. My favorite people are people who are sober and still find joy and excitement in life without whatever it was they did.

Oh, yeah. The sober people who are Debbie Downer's, my God. But I was thinking about it just feels like a lot of people are saying, Okay, well, you can take mushrooms, or you can take LSD or you can take these things that will liberate you and you will cure your depression. They've been talking a lot about mushrooms and curing your depression.

Rewire your neural pathways.

But it's like, you can take that, and it can bring you up to the elevator to the top of the mountain, but you still got to take the elevator back down and walk up, right?

Yes. Well, what they're seeing now- That was good. That was really good. Let's take a moment. You're right. I was about to blow that, and that was disrespectful. I'm on your show. Thank you for- That was a wapper. You wouldn't be offended if I had that tattooed on my arm, would you? You won't claim trademark or anything, will you? They're doing a ton of work right now at Johns Hopkins, studying the effect of psychedelics on people with PTSD, on addiction. Super promising stuff. Genuine. Yeah, really good science that really is just picking up where they stopped in the '70s once it became schedule one.

Which was also about PTSD back in the '70s. It was about dealing with trauma.

Vietnam, all these young guys that were coming back. So yes, in theory, it will form connections in that state that otherwise you really aren't going to be able to do. So I'm a big proponent of it. I think we're even in a really interesting place for sobriety, people in sobriety, people in AA. Bill Wilson, the founder of AA, famously, was doing LSD therapy while sober and writing this book. That's curious. That's in the Michael Pollon documentary.

Which is almost godlike. That book is like, wait, where did that come from? From one man? Who was a repeat failure at everything and insolvent and all these other things.

Yeah, it's spooky. A is fascinating for a trillion reasons. One of them just being there's no organization. It's an organization organization that has stayed together and grown year over year, and there's no leader. You can't call anyone to complain. No one's got the money. There is no money. All that is worth studying as far as just an organization.

There's enough money for the coffee.

Just enough for the coffee, and clearly not enough for the coffee because it's terrible. There's no Starbucks being brewed in the church basements, at least not the ones I've gone to.

You That is amazing that it's like there's no leader of it. It's just like a chapter of it will sprout up and it's just sustained by the people who attend it.

I can't tell you you're doing it wrong. No one has authority. There's no deity. There's no prophet.

Just keep showing up.

Yeah. It has yet to get corrupted, which is, I think, almost impossible for any organization to exist and not get corrupted.

Any organization, especially the spiritual ones that have a spiritual message, all of a sudden, the survival of that organization becomes more important.

Yes. In fact, it seems like almost all of them. In fact, I have crazy theories. You look at any organization like this that has a leader that is male, very soon after, part of the spiritual experience would be fucking the leader of the cult or the religious organization. That seems to be the sacrament always lies within the somehow. All roads lead to that.

So just Mary, my wife, had the best phrase for you. I said, What do you like about Dax? And the sobriety and the honesty and all of that stuff. And then she said, your sense of humor is dazzling.

Oh, my God. What a wonderful... Dazzling. What a great word.

He is so fast and dazzling. I find it very sexy. I just I just want to put that completely out there.

She said sexy. That was the word?

Yes.

Peace out, guys. That's it. That's the end of the road for me.

We've done it all. In everyone, I mentioned that you were going to be here today. They're all blown away. They all love you. Every single... They're like, Dax, are you kidding me? And yet, if my wife said the sexy part, I don't know. I don't know if there's trouble after that. I mean, I should be- No, I respect that. I'm okay about that. I mean, you are a sexy man. I can say it. I just don't want her saying it.

Listen, I understand that point of view. My wife worked with Ted for five years.

Who's dazzlingly sexy herself.

I told her right out of the gates, If you don't bag Danzen, you ain't working hard enough. I'll be disappointed if you don't take the chance, if ever, presented to lock lips with Sam Malone. You're a coward, and you have my permission. I think Mary's only meeting me a quarter of the way there, to be honest. But Mary has such an X-Factor. When you meet her. She is incredibly sexy. There's something very sexy about her. But what I'll say is curious, and this is a peak behind the curtain. We've spent a lot of time socially together, not as much as I'd like, but enough. And funny enough, she She's the me in my relationship, and you're the Kristen. So generally, when we have a double date, you and I pair off because you're like Kristen. I'm like Mary, and Mary and Kristen pair off. And of course, I just want approval from all females. And I'm like, I like Mary, but it's a bummer we're the same person because I would like her to get my approval instead of Kristen's, but it's not what she's in the market for. So you and I, you're stuck with me.

Have you felt that Is that what I'm talking about?

Yeah, I love our psoriatic conversations.

Yeah, we can get talking about gluten, guys. Well, let's quickly talk about cheers for one second.

Your turn. Cheers.

Okay, I imagine the people you will talk to will have very specific memories of cheers. Certainly, I was born in '75, so it really, to me, it was something like 60 minutes. It just This is a sitcom. It's on every day, I think, and it's been on forever, and it will be on forever. It was like the standard I was born into. I didn't know anything about show business. I since got into it, and I recommend the pilot of Cheers nonstop to creative people and directors because, and I have watched the pilot of Cheers probably 15, 20 times. It's the best pilot of all time. There's an efficiency to that pilot that is impossible. You're maybe there first. We're just introducing one character after another into the bar. And by the time everyone's there, we know everybody. We know exactly what they're going to do. It's the best setup I've ever seen. It's so worth studying. And I'm sure there's a bunch of people responsible for that, but obviously, Burrows has got to be one of them.

Well, Burrows as the director, but the Charles Brothers wrote that. Yeah.

Yeah, I guess they would have designed that way.

We reshot the last scene like two or three times because we had time before it air. So they'd go back and we'd shoot a show and then reshoot just to get it perfect.

Really? Yeah. I didn't know that.

Yeah. And Sherry Long was... Let's toot Shelle's horn. I don't think the audience had seen that character since Lucile Ball. She was an amazing character, and she did it beautifully. I think she really, along with everybody, but she was what put us on the map, I think.

Well, when you're trying to think about why things work, there's so many aspects. One of them is that. She was the engine in a sense, right? It allowed Sam Malone to be a counterpuncher. Right. Yeah. That's what you, Ted Danza, need to be doing, to be perfect at being… It just lands perfectly into your skillset to be a counterpuncher. It's like, we don't know that Sam works without that.

When Sherry I think we all, I don't know if you did, but I think we all wondered, Uh-oh. My dance partner just left. Is this going to work?

Yeah. On a car, you can lose one wheel. We can maybe limp at home on three. But when the motor gets it out. You start wondering.

Well, we're in the middle of a writer's strike right now, but it's time to toot writer's horns because we had nick Colesanto who played the coach, and he was the heart and soul of Cheers. In the beginning, people adored his character. Nicky died, and along comes Woody Harrelson. Within the end of the first episode he was in, people were madly in love with him. Yes, you're great and I wonderful actor. But the writing, the writing just went, Here, love this person, too.

That was Rea Perlman's sister wrote that. Heidi. Heidi, yeah. Yeah.

No kidding. Heidi Perlman, yeah.

Pretty cool.

But thank you for saying that.

What's interesting, too, is that I would compare, not as much, bear with the analogy. Yes. But when you meet Henry Winkler, he's the sweetest man to ever walk on Earth, and you go, How ironic he played the fawns. He was fucking, motor cycles, leather jacket, snapping his fingers, not Henry Winkler. And you're playing like a fucking jock alpha male bar owner. Yeah.

And I couldn't be further from that.

Yes, but it works. It's really incredible. As I got to know you, I grew up with you as Sam Malone. You were first Sam Malone before you were Ted. I told you this story when I interviewed him. You'll like this. Ted was one of the first celebrities I ever saw in my life. I was in Beverly Hills. I was a motorcycle messenger in '95 when I moved to LA. I'm at a crosswalk. I looked to my right. There's fucking Ted. Ted just standing next to me. He said, he sees that I see him, and he says, Beverly Hills, everyone's so rich. Wouldn't you think everyone be in a better mood? I'm like, God, God, did this guy just deliver? I didn't even engage him. He gave me this thing. The light turned green. You walked on your way, and I thought, That guy's awesome. He just stopped and said that to me. That is so cool. And then I learned who Ted is, and he's just not Sam Malone. It's fascinating. Then I'd say for you, similarly, you're playing a functional... You're barely able to open an envelope, your character, right? You're playing a dumb motherfucker.

I think.

Am I theory- Naive. Naive. I always prefer naive.

Okay.

Well, sometimes you play naive and it reads as dumb.

Sometimes you play in love, at least. But I do wonder, as you were moving through the world in that time frame, because I, too, played a very popular dumb dumb in this movie, Idiocracy. It is a peculiar existence when people know you for being a dumb dumb and they meet you. Then what you're hearing most often is like, Well, you're not dumb. It's a It's the way to move.

It's like the kindest flatter. You're not dumb.

Then you realize, Oh, everyone thinks I'm dumb. Of course they do. I'm playing a dumb dumb all the time.

Well, it was a thing for quite a while. I noticed myself when I meet people for the first time, and I'd try to really show them how smart I was. That was not me either.

I have a theory about that. I think that if you're going to play, in my case, a womanizing bar hopping, da da da, Sam Malone. If you were that in life, I don't think you would get the joke. It's too close. You can't do it justice, I think. I agree. And the same with you. If you were a Woody and not someone so bright as you are, then I don't think you could play it as well.

Yeah.

Thank you for saying that, Tee. You're welcome. I needed that 30 years ago, but it's fine now.

I owe you so much, buddy. I'll make up for it, I promise.

Really let that one ripen on the vine before I gave it to you. Is it as sweet as I would think after 30 years? I guess I'm curious, having been on a couple shows that did well, but I, of course, did it in the 2000s.

Parenthood.

Parenthood was pretty popular, yeah. I was on the show Punk that was really popular.

You made him cry. That's just wrong.

You got to do what they tell you to do. Yeah. You're not there to make friends. You're there to break out and tell America, you should buy tickets to see me do things. He's got to go down.

That show made me so nervous.

If it's me or Timberlink, it's going to be me walking out of there.

I couldn't do that. I could not do that.

I didn't like it.

You're just too sweet, Tee.

No, I'm too chicken. I'm too... Really? Yeah. I lack courage, guys. Let's call it for what it is.

Anyway, Anyway. But can I ask, that show, to my knowledge, was the biggest show on television. What was the light switch like and what were the '80s like?

The light switch? Do me that. What do you mean the light switch?

I'd imagine, Woody, you weren't on that show one week, and you went everywhere, and you're anonymous. Then I imagine within a couple of weeks of being on that show, everywhere you walked, people knew who were.

Yeah, that was quite a shift.

Like a dramatic- Yeah, from poverty and anonymity. Turnkey. Yeah.

But it really ultimately felt right.

Wonderful.

That's great. That thing of, I can't get a table at the restaurant. Here's the best table. Just felt like a nice transition. Yeah.

I try to explain that to people, and it's a very gross topic to explore, which is like, some people transition into it quite effortlessly, and some people never really can embrace it. I guess for me, I took to it pretty well as well. Then I wondered why. I think for me, and so I want to know really bad about your high school and junior high, I had a phase in junior high. It was the only time in my life where I was cute as hell. My brother was five years older than me. He put me in the right clothes. I had the right haircut. He's like, You're a skateboarder. I'm like, Okay, let's do it. Showed up at junior high, and every older girl was like, Who is this weirdo? I'm in. I had three years of my life where I was Brad Pitt in my small town of Milford, Michigan. It sounds crazy, but it did prep me because when I'd walk down the hallway, some people were pretty pumped. I just sound so We're good to admit, but I did. I had a little three-year window where I was hot shit. When it happened again, 20 years later, I was like, Here we go.

We're back in junior high. Took me 20 years to get back, but we're here.

Get back to what feels right.

Now I can buy shit. Can I ask what hole it left in both of your lives? Because it went on for what, a decade or so?

It was 11 years, eight for us together, right? You were on it for eight. I'll tell you, there was no hole for Woody. Woody, you went squirting out the door and did- Natural born killers. Natural born killers, which was huge. I don't think you were thinking loss.

Well, Natural born killers became huge, but it was huge in a bad way at first because at the time, it was used as a model of how much Hollywood has infected the country with violence.

It was NC 17 as well. That was a big story point.

Was it? Actually, I don't want to disagree with you.

I'm not sure. I'm not either, but I feel like it had that.

But I know that there was a lot of censoring before he could... He had literally 150 cuts that the- MPA. Yeah, MPA. Our own governing board, our own censoring board that we created, so it was not to have the government do it, might as well have been the government.

Because it felt like a roadmap to doing bad things or because it was identifying? Why? Why do you think?

Well, because what it decided seems sometimes pretty random and also really worked to the detriment of the artist's vision, which is really the main problem with it. But anyway, I just wanted to say when it came out, it was blasted by the media as an example. But what was ironic was it was really more satirical than it was meant to be satirical about that very thing.

What's funny is, what they were protesting was also the point of the film. That's what was weird about it was saying exactly what they were saying. Yeah.

Intentionally. For a long time and for years, I knew when there'd been a school shooting or something because I'd be walking to the airport and I'd see on the TV's images of natural born killers, and I'd be like, Okay, something happened. They always would use it as the example of the most heinous crime in terms of violence in a movie. Anyway, but then ultimately, it's accepted as a really good movie.

But I'm just remembering, you actually did White Man Can't Jump before that, right? Yeah. Was that the first off of Cheers, Big shot you got?

Was it during Cheers or Taylor?

That was during Cheers. But just before that, I did Doc Hollywood with Michael J. Fox. Hey, you know what? Fuck you. That did pretty well.

Fuck you.

Sorry, Teddy.

Want to tell that story?

What do you mean? What's the story? I don't even know.

Was that your role that he stole off from under you?

No.

Oh, you were going to do that?

No, no, no. Oh, you've forgotten. All right, here it is. I'm getting angry just all over again.

Oh, wonderful.

Okay, so he was very sweet.

Should I get your Zelle jans? Is this dress going to create an outburst of Sorry.

Okay. So Woody comes to me and says, Teddy, the show has a premiere, and it would mean so much to me if you came. I was so touched and so sweet. And the evening, I I walk in and he says, It's right here. I've saved seats for you. Right here. I go, My God, the kid loves me. He really does. This is astounding. Going through the movie and it's all sweet and wonderful. And towards the end of the movie, Michael in the hicky town that he brings them all, including Woody's character, to Hollywood. And they're sitting in a drugstore fountain area, looking at, being excited about the Hollywood figures they're seeing. The line was, Oh, look, there's a movie star. Then what he says, No, that's Ted Danson. The entire audience roars with laughing. I had to sit there going, Oh, yeah, that was a good one. Stab, stab in the heart.

I thought you might think it was funny, but I guess not. No, you left out one more. That's just Ted Danson. That's so is the line.

That's just Ted Danson. Even worse.

See?

Even worse, yeah.

I did get you back. I don't know if it made the cut, but Seth MacFarlane's film, Ted, they wanted me, Ted Danson, to be interviewed about the Cheers years. The funny thing was I was all coked up and whatever. They're watching it on the TV, and I got to say something like, Oh, and Woody, Woody Harrelson, smallest penis I've ever seen on a man.

No, I didn't see that, Teddy.

Well, it's in the podcast now, my friend.

I'm good to know, dude.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm walking. We're out. You can admit that you're just joking about that now that we're on the subject.

Well, actually, I have, haven't I? Never mind. Moving on.

Ted said, I see that's just Ted Danz, and I raise you micropenis. I'm all in, in fact, with this micrope, it might end everything. But doesn't that go to say, even on your watch, how that would have been a huge burn It was a huge burn. It was a huge burn in the '80s. That's not a movie star, that's a TV star. The irony now that no TV is where all this amazing work is being done. Everyone recognizes actually how challenging it is to be on something that runs. You You do a movie, it's one of 30. You do a show, it's one of 350 pitches they bought that month. It's one of 35 pilots that got made. It's one of four that got picked up, and it's one of a thousand that went season two. The triumph of that now is understood, and there isn't that chasm. But then that was a real thing. You were probably actually embarrassed by that.

Did you hear that, Woody? Did you hear that? The whole movie star thing is really blown out of proportion?

I'm still not talking to you. Micropenis.

Smallest penis I've ever seen.

Now, you know that's not true. Now, granted, I'm only... Talk about microdosing. I'm a middling. I'm I'm in the middle of the road type of guy.

The things you do with it. This is awkward. The things that you do with it are far from mediocre. Thank you. Yeah, it might be middle of the road, but you're on a country back road.

When we get to ask you questions now for our benefit, which is...

Let me tell you one funny story that is about me. I was reminded of it because of this little snafu. Please. Yeah, that mean joke that your friend Woody made about you. Very mean. Kristen, I think you were there, Ted. You were probably there. Either Kristen was nominated for a Golden Globe, or Mike Schur was, or the show was, something to do with Good Place, the Gold of the Golden Globes. And part of your monkey brain is like, We did it. We're at the Golden Gloves with everybody. We left our small towns. Here we are at the Golden. We're dressed up. You're feeling pretty good. You're walking around, you're like, Oh, wow, some people know me here. I actually belong here. Right when you're feeling it, the show starts, and Jim Carrey's up there, and he starts doing a bit about how he's no longer sitting on the floor because he's now on TV, and the TV people sit way in back. And now the camera is following Jim Carrey through the audience, and you realize, I think Jim Carrey is coming to our table to make fun of us sitting up here. Oh, it's never too late to be the freshman not invited to the party.

All these layers within layers. And all of a sudden, we're all just smiling along. But the bit is, here's where the fucking loser said it, and he came to our table.

The movie star want to be- This thing flipped on a dime.

We were just feeling really radical about being here. And now we realize, no, we're in the nose bleeds.

I always feel like you've got a numbers, Scotch tape to your back that you can't see, but it's your ranking. You walk in the room.

But it is It's over there. All glory is fleeting. That's for sure.

Can we sincerely pick your brain? Yes. What's a couple of genuine things to remember as we embark on our podcast journey?

Well, One thing I can at least pass on, and this came from Chris Hardwick, who, again, another pioneer, someone who had really been already doing it six years when I got in and was already hugely successful and sold a company. I interviewed him and very uncharacteristic of me because I hate availing myself to help, or I can't ask for help. I have a very hard time. I said to him, Do you have any advice? And he said, Go ahead and research, but you really got to throw that away. Because what inevitably happened is you'll have discovered a few stories about the person that you want them to tell. And then when they tell it, all that will happen was you'll get to check that off your list because you knew it was coming, you orchestrated it, and it's like, check. He's like, What you really want to do is stumble into a story you didn't know was coming because your reaction will be that of a new novel story, and you'll be engaged in a way. He's like, and mind you, I have not accomplished what he advised, but it did. I still research like a motherfucker, but I really in my mind, that thing's just this safety net that's way below us.

It's only there if I need to dig it out and the person is not that engaged. But I think the whole thing is very similar to acting, which is you learn the lines, but then you somehow have to do this mental trick where you ditch them and you pretend you don't know what you're going to say for the next four minutes. And it's a little mental trick. But I think in doing that, you'll discover way better stuff than you were hoping to pull out. I think that's the best advice he gave me.

Which I wonder also if you're making that analogy to acting, it's also like in acting, you never really succeed at what you're doing, if that's even the right word, or do a good job at what you're doing unless you can relax. And so there's all these obstacles in the brain. I don't have a podcast. I don't have an interview. I've never done it. I don't know. And so all these things that create fear in you. I know Teddy can relate to this, even though he's going to just be quiet about it. But there's this fear that you somehow have to just- Step over. Yeah, get around that.

Yeah, you want to walk over there and you're going to have to step over some things. And one of them is imposter syndrome, fear, whatever. But then you have to remember, I've been at many parties with you. I've been on a set with you. You love shooting the shit. You have that curiosity about other human beings, and you are fascinated by other human beings. You study other human beings. So you already have everything you need. I'm not shocked that you said that for you, relaxing is the number one component because I put you in a category with Bill Murray. Try not to fucking collapse from that compliment because he is the North Star of all things, in my opinion. He and Letterman, lights out. Those are the guys. When I was born until now, those are the two. Those are my heroes, right?

And Bert Reynolds.

Fucking love Bert Reynolds. Did a movie with him, got to be friends with him. Yeah, he's who I wanted to be. I wanted to drive a fucking and run from the law and drink cours and fuck Sally Field.

You did.

I did marry Sally 2.0. Yeah. Kristen's very much Sally, in my opinion. But just who I respect. I was watching Letterman interview Bill Murray, and Letterman said, both guys hate compliments, as we all do. It's funny. He said, You've got to recognize, Bill, that you started a comedic paradigm that is still going on. People are still doing what you invented. How do you explain how you're able to do that? And of course, he's not dying to admit he invented a fucking comedy paradigm. But he goes, I guess the only thing I figured out is if I relax, it'll all happen.

Wow.

And I was like, thank you for that. That might be the most powerful thing I've heard about acting or anything, really, podcasting Anything.

Yeah.

Fucking trust that the fight will come to you and you'll know how to counterpunch and it'll all be there. For me, I'm sure other performers need other things, but for me, that's it. Take a breath, do your mantra, chill the fuck out. It's always happened. It'll always happen if you just chill out. I'm delighted to hear that's your main thing.

We're having trouble with our outros because it feels scripted and we're asking people to rate the show.

Rated and subscribe to Apple, whatever.

How do you do your... Give us a hint on outros.

That's a good and a hard question. Do you guys have written outros? Let me read it. This is great. Now we're really trying to find out how the sausage is made.

That's fine. You're a written outro.

Oh, even I have some dialog. I didn't get these sides.

You're doing the outro. I wasn't given my grades so far. Okay, great.

I'm going to do Woody, and then I'm going to do Ted. Okay. Let's see if you can tell the difference. I don't do an impression of either of you. Well, that's it for this week's show. That's Woody. Special thanks. That's Woody. Again to Dan Shepard for joining us. We had a great time going deep with him. We'll see you back here next week. If you love the podcast, tell a friend, subscribe on Apple Podcasts, and give us a five-star rate. This is a terrible Ted, but here we are. Rating and review, it'll really help us a bunch. Love you all. Back to Woody. Thanks, Dan, for coming in.

Well, Dax, thank you. I love you. And I love you too, Woody, and thank you for being here. Listeners, please go back and listen to our previous episode with Kristen Bell. You'll get her side of their relationship, including the story of how they met, which is a good one. That's it for this week's show. A special thanks to our friends at Team Coco. You know the drill. Tell a friend if you like the show and give us a great review on Apple podcast if you like. I find that when you rate, I don't know, a delivery service or something, it's so much easier just to hit the five stars all at once than to try to figure out if you want to do a one or two or three. So just I'll nail that five. What the heck? Why not? Back here with you next week, Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson, Woody Harrelson, Sometimes. The show is produced by me and Glea. Executive producers are Adam Sacks, Colin Anderson, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our Supervising Producer. Our Senior Producer is Matt Apodaka, and Apodaca. Engineering and Mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Graal. Talent Booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Genn, Mary Steembergen, and Jon Osborne. Special thanks to Lily Navar. We'll have more for you next time where everybody knows your name.