Ted and I are always so nervous about-We're ducking under the table.

Everything. Can you believe Dax and Mary are talking about this?

Or did the waiter like us? I don't know. I don't know.

Welcome back to where Everybody knows your name. And today is a Woody day. For this conversation, I got to introduce them to a dear friend of mine, Kristen Bell. That's It's a euphemism. I love this woman so much. One of my favorite people in the world. You know Kristen Bell from her iconic starring roles in TV and film. Think Veronica Mars, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, frozen. She also played Eleanor Schelstrup in The Good Place. And you'll hear all about this special bond we made while making that show. Once again, a euphemism. I truly have so much respect for this person. I really adore her. We also wanted to talk about how she managed to prioritize family in this crazy business because she's doing so many things and raising kids. Anyway, we even got to talk about how she and her husband, Dax Sheppard, also one of my favorites, how they met. That's a good meet. Trust me. All right, so let's begin. Here's one of my favorite people in the world, Kristen Bell.

Can I just say, because you had said something that people always consider Are you 10 years younger?

Oh, yeah.

Which I thought, oh, that's interesting. And now meeting you, I swear to God, I would mark you around 28 years old. You have defied aging. I'm blushing. Do you think it has to do like, vegetarianism, yoga, exercise? What's your secret? I'll do it. I'll start eating meat, whatever you're doing.

I'm going to do it. Well, I will say I did start eating meat recently, and I think this is- Dax got you into the meat, didn't he? Let me tell you something.

God damn it.

I have readily admitted that I have Stockholm syndrome for him, and I'll do anything that he tells me. No, I mean, I was a very happy vegetarian for 30 years. I started when I was 11. I stopped when I was 41. And I don't know why it came about randomly and in small increments. And now I will do it once in a while. Although I do find I call myself an ethical of where I pay attention to where it comes from and how it's harvested and to try to avoid factory farming, all the things that just help me sleep at night, personally. But I don't know. I mean, I guess my family is small. My voice is high. I think that has more to do with it than you think.

Yeah, it's true. He knows because he- But I'm just talking visually.

You really look young. It's amazing. I've seen you a lot, but I never saw you in person. You've seen all my stuff. I can't say I've seen all your stuff because I was looking through all the things you've done. It is a lot. Settle down, Rudy. Settle down. I'm excited.

I'm so happy you're excited.

I've been so glad to meet you.

I've heard so much about you because we have so many mutuals. But I don't know. I will say one thing that's pretty consistent in my life is that I try everything for wellness. I'm like a wellness junkie. And so I'm learning about heat shock proteins and trying to go in a sauna, and I take different supplements. And I'm thinking about, do I stretch before or after the workout? I guess body and health awareness is very high on my list, as is neuroscience. I love reading science books, and a lot of the neuroscience is directed toward longevity. So maybe I'm doing things that are helping me, or maybe it's just my DNA. I don't know.

I find that I'm not in touch with my emotional life as much as my body is. So my body will hurt and it'll be, Oh, I see. I'm scared or I'm angry or something.

You'll suppress your emotions and your body is not suppressing. Yes.

You think everything's fine and then your body's like, It's not. Body Keeps the score. Did you read that book? No. One of the best that I've ever read. It's all about... It's the guy who wrote it was the one that put PTSD into the DSN, into the medical field.

What's DSM?

The Diagnostic System of Statistical manual. It's the- Wow.

Okay.

We're dealing with a lot of smart, but go on.

This is good to fact check, though, because I say a lot of stuff that doesn't check out. So you got to... Thank you.

Did I meet you years ago with Shonna Robertson?

I'm sure.

At a party somewhere?

I'm sure. Maybe. No. Yeah. No. I have almost no memory of party interactions, I disassociate because I get nervous in big crowds. Probably. But it's one of those things where clearly I've seen your stuff. I'm like, well, have we met in human form or has it just been through the airwaves?

Airwaves, man.

Well, you're in for a treat.

Three-dimensional. Kristen Bell.

He's a good one? He's a magnificent beast.

I've heard that from everyone. Also, we were absolutely obliterated by Triangle of Sadness this year. I watched it twice and I was I was just beside myself at the Metaphors, and I could not get enough. When you guys were on that mic and the boat was sinking, I was laughing so hard.

Did you watch it? I did.

It's brilliant. It makes you uncomfortable a little bit being an elite myself.

That Ruben's good at making you uncomfortable. By the way, billionaires love that movie more than anybody. It's like they didn't- Do they get the joke or did they just enjoy- Well, I think they understand that he's right.

They do. Because I was with Wallace Annenberg the other day at a lunch, and I said, Have you seen Triangle as that? She said, It was my favorite all year. It was brilliant. It really was. And she's a billionaire, so she certainly got it.

Who is that?

Wallace Annenberg. I should know. The Annenbergs... Can you look at how they made their money? Big in Los Angeles. Huge family in Los Angeles. The fund, the foundation, which has a billion and a half dollars, was passed to her about 40 years ago from her father. I can't remember how they initially made their money publishing. Okay, but she's a huge philanthropist. She just built the Wallace Annenberg Bridge that P22 and other animals can cross the wildlife Bridge now that crosses the freeways so that they're not going to be hit by cars anymore.

Where is that?

That's on the 101 Agour Hills. Oh, really? She She has the Gen Space, which she was looking into research a couple of years ago about how isolation and loneliness in the older population because we're around the corner from more people being over 60 than under 18 is a real problem. So the Gen Space is like, you can go there and work out. It's basically not a nursing home, but a place for older people to come and learn and hang out and not be isolated. She has a beach house where people can come for free and hang out on the beach in Malibu. She has a space. She has done so much for this city.

What a cool person.

The arts and crafts.

The arts.

Photography.

Yeah, she's obsessed with documentary photography because she feels like it's the only way we can really experience someone else's situation. She has these documentary photography exhibits.

Now, how do we get to her? You were making a point.

How did we get to her?

No, how did you in this conversation?

She liked a triangle of sadness.

She loved a triangle of sadness. I think she's like one of my mentors.

There were a lot of I love it. I love your turns in this conversation. I'm sorry.

Edward, as you know with me, I'm the most nonlinear person ever. My words and ideas come out like fireworks. So try to keep up.

But you know what you did for the four years that we worked together, plus the movie? Not so much the movie we did.

You mean the show?

Chris and Bell.

We also did a movie together where I super fanned him, and it was a little much.

No, it wasn't. No, it wasn't a little much.

I still have you in my my in my in my in my I love that. From Damages, my favorite show ever. Yeah.

But you would take care of me. You literally made me an honorary father or something. You ended up always... She She'd look at me at the end of the day and come over and just rub my back. She really, literally took care of me during those four years.

My father and my baby. Because I know you're sensitive. It works for me. I know you're sensitive on your spine to energy vampires.

Did I tell you that story? I know it. There are energy vampires that- I got some energy vampires in my life, but what do you mean? I mean, don't let them touch your fucking spine, literally. There are people Because that's where you have your energy. I'm not talking silly vampire-looking people. I just mean people who know enough that you can drain people's energy.

Someone comes up and goes, Hey, what's up? How are you? And he turns into one of Ursula's plants in the Little Merme.

Just like…

You got to give it, and I can push it out. I'm the opposite of an energy vampire. I know that I can fill him up, so I'll come up and say, How are you doing, buddy?

But then does that drain your energy?

Slightly, but I'm so caffedated.

You got a lot of- I train your energies? Oh, yeah.

I train your energies. No. I voluntarily gave you some because- You did. I love you.

You see how he takes a thing and he'll turn it around and he'll make it self-deprecating toward himself? That's not the way to be, Tee. Let's shift that.

Okay, sorry. Mary said, Stop the self-deprecation.

Self-deprecation.

No one believes it, and she's right.

And by the way, there's got to be 99 10% of this planet would love to be Ted Dantzen.

And I know it.

I'm going to go ahead and say 100. 100%.

Yeah, it's false. It's false humility. I got that from my mom. It's bullshit. It makes people around you work harder. When you're pretending to be self-deprecating, the truth is you have an ego the size of an elephant.

It's like, really, you got a little lure in the water and said, That's the self-deprecation. And once someone gets a hold of that, bing, they're going to I'll say you a compliment. Yeah.

Yeah.

Thank you. Just like you just did. I want to say you're a great guy. You're an incredible guy. Anyway, back to her.

Back to you and some of your flaws. Give me a flaw because you seem perfect to me. You really, truly do.

I know. She really No.

I mean, you worked with me. I can get snappy. I'm allergic to two things, penicillin and inefficiency. If you're on my set and you're all scatty wampus about what your job is, there's going to be some attitude. And you saw it.

I got some of it every once in a while because of that exact... I knew you loved me, but I knew I better not fuck around with you getting home to your kids.

Bingo. Were you being scady wampus or what?

I was, which is hard for me, but I was.

Well, it was not. No, because you always came very prepared. You were very, very prepared. But it was sometimes... One of my flaws is that I have a tendency to think lightning fast in regards to blocking or the setup of a specific scene. And so when some people maybe want to work through it, and I think, well, look, we're not doing life as beautiful. Just stand there. And so I'll definitely be arrogant enough to grab Ted's arm and just go, no, he's just saying, stop talking to him. He's just saying, walk over here and then sit down on the word the. And then Ted will go, oh, okay. Okay. He'll put his hands up.

I love that.

I want to be Yeah. I want you to go matriarchal with me, too. Okay, I will. I'm doing anything scanty wampus. I want you to just go totally.

I'm really good at seeing the how many lanes are in the highway and just making sure everyone is there so that we can get off.

I'll give you another one. Another one I noticed about you. I love you so much, by the way. I love you so much. This is so sweet to be able to hang with you and share you with Woody. I learned very quickly not to approach you before you were halfway through your hair and makeup because it was like a different person.

I don't talk to people before double digits.

I mean, that's a literal- I'm not interested.

I have nothing to exchange with you before 10:00 AM.

I truly- Like 9:45. Don't even bother.

No, don't.

We're inching towards a sense- Transitioning. Yes, transitioning at 9:45. But I have a lot of trouble waking up in the mornings. I'm trying not to, again, my ego is like, oh, I'm such an enigma. I'm the only person on Earth who can't wake up. I'm trying not to do that, but it is really, really hard for me to even be nice to anyone, myself, my kids. And I've even told my kids like, Hey, before you see this touch my mouth, don't talk to me. I'm holding a coffee thermos. Before this is here, don't. And because I'm trying to set some boundaries that will protect everyone, I guess, even though what I should say is I need to either wake up earlier or figure out a system where I'm not crabby. But yeah, I walk from my car to hair and makeup in the morning, and all I'm thinking is, if anybody fucking says hello to me, I swear to God, I'm going to say exactly what I'm thinking. I'm going to say, You know what, Dan? I'm fine. I'm exactly like I was nine hours ago when you saw me last. Same.

I only answered that once, and that was what you said.

Ted, I saw you 10 hours ago. We don't need to do how are you again. I become this completely different person, and then I caffinate myself, and I wake up, and I'm fine. But I've been cold plunging in the morning recently. That's different then.

But it has- You start with a sauna or you go straight to the cold?

In the morning, straight to the cold. I will say it changes my mood. I'm not as crabby. If I can get up and I walk, I walk as a loose term, I like, stumble downstairs. My eyes aren't even... My eyes are blurry for the first five minutes. I truly like, hibernate every night. If I can get right in that cold plunge, even before any tea or coffee, I can be simply- Is this Jerry Riggs or is this a real ice thing that you bought?

It's an ice bath. You just go up, just waking up, and just walk right into that thing.

For the safety of those around me, I feel like I have to.

But what's Is it crazy shock first?

Yeah. But after 20 seconds, it's fine.

And how long do you do it then?

Three minutes. Yeah, I do between one and a half and three. I read somewhere that I can't cite, and I need to do way more I'm going to do a research into it. I read somewhere that 11 minutes a week is the sweet spot. A week? Yeah.

This don't sound like Wim Hof because I don't think he's going to say 11 minutes is the sweet spot. For him, it would be more.

No, but he's like a cold water addict. So I'm not trying to live in the Arctic. I'm just trying to use it so I'm nice to people in the morning.

The health benefits come after 11 minutes.

The health for the people around her.

The safety for other people around me comes.

Maybe we should stop and ask. Did you cold plunge this morning? I did. Good. We're good to go. We're good to go. Turn the mics on.

All right, here we go. You'd know. Because, yeah, so that's a major fault of mine is mornings are not my thing.

I'm the opposite. I walk into sets babbling I know. By the way, she had her makeup. I'm like, Oh. Her makeup chair was separated from the Riff-raff, meaning me and the rest of the cast.

Just for their own safety.

But for a good reason. I get it now. I get it. Can't do it. Save some lives.

Now, she's going to have up in Up next to her makeup chair, she'll have just an ice bath. She'll plunge in that, then in the chair.

Get out and go, Morning, Ted.

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You told me once that scheduling was the secret to you being able to do so many things in your life. I'm not fluffing up. You do so many things, including raising two amazing daughters, being home for dinner with them. Then you have a million charities, you have a million businesses, and you have your own acting gig. And you said, when I couldn't believe that you could pull that off, it's all about scheduling. Anything more on that, or is that just Was that it?

I still believe that because I think, well, A, I can admit that I thrive a little bit in that chaos, like the idea. And that's why I'm all up in the AD's business when I'm on set. If the AD schedule the day and tell everybody basically where they're supposed to be so a film or television set can operate. And I'm all up in their business because my brain just sees five minute increments throughout the whole day. And so if I can get the most impeccable family calendar and the most impeccable work calendar. And then what I've also tried to learn to do over the last 10 years is delegate when I don't have to be involved in something. And I really think that mathematical problem allows me to stay efficient and get a lot done. Because the thing is, I'm like a little Jack Rabbit. I see a ton of ideas. I want to accomplish all of them. I have things I want to be involved in. And I'm not yet willing to give any of those wants or desires up. So I just keep a real tight calendar.

More responsibility. So if the AD calls you in like eight minutes before they're ready to share. We're going to have a Oh, there's going to be an issue.

We're going to have a problem. Not as big as if he keeps her later by eight minutes.

That's true. Getting home to my kid. But also, though, there are ways I get around that. I haven't taken work outside of Los Angeles in And since my kids were born. Well, that's not true. I did Bad Moms in Atlanta, New Orleans. But beyond that, I tell my agent, Don't pick up the phone and call me. I don't want to go to New Zealand. I don't care who's on the other end. Of the call. I don't want to go to Atlanta. I want to be with my family. My number one priority is being there for them. So I don't even allow myself to have fantasies about being involved. Creatively with something that doesn't take place in LA. And then when we met on the Good Place, I think you and I had a similar conversation with Mike. We were like, we are here for this. And also my youngest was when we started, 18 months. Delta was 18 months. And I said, I've been waiting for a phone call from Mike Scher my whole life, but I will not sacrifice her upbringing for this. So as long as we're going to be in the midst of a French hour situation, which is 10 hours, I can do it.

But if you think you're going to shoot super wrong. And he said, We can accomplish that. Let's find the right DP. And then I wrangled, blessed David Miller. Yeah.

Yeah. Got us home on time.

Can I interject here about French Hours? The French never worked those hours. I just want to say it's odd. They call it French hours. The French don't work. The French have an hour lunch and drink wine, and then they go back to... The opposite. It's not French hours. Everything you said, I listened to, but I just had to.

I'm glad that you correct me.

That's always bothered me.

What do you think about my work since you've seen the last? All right, never mind.

Edward, you know that your work is my favorite work, and I'll tell Lydia's story that I don't know if you've mentioned, but when when binging first started like streamers, my husband and I, prior to having kids, one of the first shows we binged was Damages. Oh, yeah. I thought, what a ride. Yeah. Whoa. And the entire first season, they're talking about Arthur Frobischer, the Frobischer case. Is he guilty? Is he not? The Frobischer case. They kept saying this word Frobischer. Dax and I were obsessed with it. We decided to change our mailing address to Holly and Arthur Frobischer. For years before I met Ted, I got mailed to my house. We got mailed to our house as Holly and Arthur Frobischer. Then When we were both in the movie Big Miracle.

Big Miracle, it ended up. Yeah.

That was the final title. Yeah. Do you remember when we met in the lobby?

No. You told me the story. Oh, maybe I missed that. I remember coming up to a dinner that you were having with the producers, and I walked in, or no, vice versa. I was having the dinner. You walked in, you had just arrived and told me that story. That's when I remember it. Did we meet in the lobby? Wow.

That's sad but true. I'm uncomfortable right now.

What happened was you were checking in, and I got really excited. I walked up to you and I was sitting in the lobby. I walked up to you and said, Excuse me, Mr. Danson. Hi, I'm Kristen. I'm playing whoever I played in the movie. I'm so excited to meet you. This is funny. I'm checked into this hotel as Holly Frobischer. I thought that was going to be so cute. You were like, you did that thing that you do that I've seen you do with other people who come up to you where you're still… You give so much grace to people that come up and say hi to you. He forced the smile.

I go, Hey.

A hundred %. He disassociates and he just… You can see this light go on in the back of his head that's a little bit like, safety, safety, safety, safety, where is it? Because this person is not it. Then you got into the elevator and I was like, damn it.

Damn it. Oh, shoot.

But then, look at us now.

Oh, man. Madly in love with you. Madly. I get it. I think it's a good time to say that Mary sends all her love to you because it's true.

Mary and I have been texting a lot lately. She's been helping me with summer plans and she's been lovely. She texts back a lot faster than you do.

Yeah, and writes in complete sentences.

Yeah, Mary. You know when they say better half, it doesn't it seem like better two-thirds or three quarters or something?

Mary is really, really something. When we've ever dined together, we've noticed because Mary Definitely she has this air of knowing, usually what she wants, but definitely being able to articulate it and say it. She doesn't have a fear of major conflict or anything. Ted and I are always so nervous We're ducking under the table.

Everything. Can you believe Dax and Mary are talking about this?

Or did the waiter like us? I don't know. I don't know. Mary and Dax are so confident. It does feel like we have a parallel relationship.

Yeah, we do.

The other night, oh, my gosh. Dax just interviewed Jane Fonda, and almost ran away with her. I mean, he came home walking on sunshine. He was I swear to God, Kirsten, if you weren't around, I'd spend the rest of my life with her. I was like, I would do. I mean, of course. Me too.

I'm the same way. Mary and she are great friends, but she changed my life.

Yeah, she's phenomenal. In anticipation of that movie because Book Club, the next chapter was coming out. It was four days before he interviewed her. The girls and I were sitting on the couch, we're like, What to watch? Dax had just mentioned he was interviewing Jane, and I was like, Oh, my gosh, let's watch Book My daughters are 8 and 10. From the poster, I think this can be cute. They're all going to eat, pray love. This can be so cute. They're going to find themselves. The plot line of the movie is 100% sex.

Yeah, the first book club.

I had so much explaining to do to my daughters because the plot line of the first one is that they are reading- Fifty Shades of Gray. Fifty Shades of Gray, and they are coming online, these women, right? And there's... And one is on a... Candice is on a dating profile, and there's just there's so much sex talk in a great way, in a very female positive. Maybe, maybe not the movie I would have chosen for my 8 and 10 year old, simply because there's so many questions to answer, the amount of times we had to pause this movie and I had to explain what words meant.

Mom-splaining.

Big time. Then Cut to They Loved It. We watched it that night. Dax interviewed Jane. We're driving home from school. They see a poster for the second one.

They're like, Oh, my God! Oh, how wonderful. Book Club, the next chapter. That's such a cute pun.

We're going to watch it. They're in the franchise now.

I'm going to send an audiobook of Fifty Shades of Great to your Kids.

To my daughters. They'll love it.

You met Dax in 2007. I got a little man crush on your hubby. He's fantastic.

Getting in line.

Yeah, getting in line. Tell me about it. He's incredible. You guys met 2007, what was the circumstances?

Shana Robertson. Shana. She introduced us.

She is like the center of the universe. She's like that 6 degrees, 2, 3, whatever.

You got it. She's a good friend. I feel like that should be said on her tombstone. She is like a good nurturing friend. She's just there for people. Shana had produced Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Oh, my God. That's right.

I saw you Jason Siegel.

You were in Hawaii. Jason Siegel. You were in Hawaii.

From a distance. But I went to the set. Anyway, go ahead.

Okay. Shana produced Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Shana had also had a ton of interaction. I can't remember how just the comedy world with Dax, and they were very close Because at one point, Dax had to have a little kitchen renovation. So he stayed at Shana's for two months or something. They were very close. And at Shana's birthday party in 2004, it must have been. 2004? Yeah. She had it at a little sushi restaurant on Melrose, and there were eight or nine of us there. And it was like, I didn't know. Well, I knew Jona. Jona was there, but I didn't know anybody else. And all I remember from that night was that guy from Jackass talks so much. Whoa, he's chatty. He didn't know who I was either. Obviously, he was not on Jackass. He was on Punks, but I didn't know that at the time. Then we had no chemistry that night.

But you did feel he's a handsome guy.

Oh, yeah. Well, yeah.

Oh, he's very- I think that's important to say that.

You didn't just think, oh, he's chatty. He's handsome and chatty.

Of course. Well, yeah, he has a- A manliness about him. Yes. He has a presence. A virility. A protectiveness. He was very broad shoulders. He's like an upside down triangle. But my main takeaway was that he was chatty. Is this Sober Dex?

This is sober Dax?

This is sober Dax. Oh, yeah. He was sober when I met him.

So you got full-blown magical Dax? Well. Come on.

There's something in sobriety that I'll say as a person, a witness who has a qualifier, that the first five years are a little bit different than the rest. I remember we went to therapy a lot our first and second year because we're Both really stubborn and stubborn. We're both very- Enjoy your opinions. You mean couples therapy? Yeah, couples therapy right off the bat.

In your first five years, you were going- Oh, for six months. What?

First six months.

I've never heard. I've only heard of people together 11 years. Let's do the couples therapy.

Well, I think what happened... If I'll finish the meeting story. After the Shauna dinner, we then met up at a Kings game. We were both at a Kings-Red wings game, hockey, because we both are from Detroit.

We love- Separately.

Separately. He was, funny enough, do you want me to get real vulnerable? Yeah. I had just gotten out of a relationship. I was fresh on the scene. I was ready to mingle. He was with my friend Michael, another mutual. I saw Michael at the hockey game, and I was like, Okay, we're back. I was like, tonight- After Michael or Dax? After Michael. I was like, Great. I didn't I really know Dax.

Oh, I thought you. Okay.

But I knew Michael, and I was like, All right, we're back on the... We're single. We haven't been single in years. It's going to be great. I'm going to go over and flirt with Michael. Thank God, Michael... Because it made the rest of my life. Michael had something else to do. He was talking to someone else, and Dax came up to me and I was like, Oh, you were at Shauna's dinner. He was like, Yeah, that's right. I remember you vaguely.

You're like, You're the chatty one. Yeah.

He was like, You were the girl that was bragging about something you just got from Target, which I was. I had gotten some really good deal that night. I don't know. I like coupons. Then we started talking. Again, I was open to mingling. I was chewing gum, and he said, Do you have any more gum? I said, No, just this. I like, coyly took it out of my mouth like this. Oh, nice.

Nice move.

He grabbed it from me, and he goes, I'll take it. Then he put it in his mouth, and I was like, This guy wants to fuck me. It's on.

I wish I hadn't taken what he's come out of his mouth.

Then truly, beyond that, I was absolutely smitten because he's such… There's so much to Dax, Shepard. He's so much deeper of a well than anyone realizes. He's so protective. He's so loyal. He's such a wordsmith. He's so curious. He's constantly researching things. He's got new perspectives. He's challenging himself. He's self-critical. He makes easy amends. Every discovery I make about him is just more and more impressive. I was smitten with him right off the bat. And as evidenced by our experience in the lobby, maybe in the beginning, he was like, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Really? I can't see. Will he cop up to that? Is that his side of the story?

I can't see any guy going, whoa, whoa, whoa to you. I don't care what's going on. I can't see that happen.

I appreciate that. But here's another great thing about Dax Sheppard, that he knew that he was new to the dating scene as well. He had gotten out of a relationship when we met. We were both in the same situation. He was dating people. He was going on dates. We started hanging out, and I, like a light switch, went, this is it for me. I can't imagine. I just want to keep going deeper and deeper into this person. It's so fun. He's so fun to be around. And he was still going on dates with people, and he knew he could sense that I was monogamous or however you want to say it, that I wanted just him. And he wasn't ready to make that statement yet. Mind you, we were a month in, two months in. So it wasn't like we was dating people for years. And so he said, I think we need to take this a little slower. I think we should break up for now because I know I can tell that you're into this, and I'm still looking around.

And I was- That must have been- Devastating?

Yeah. I was devastated. But I said, You know what? There's nothing I could respect more than someone who has the authenticity in their heart to say that honestly to someone else and not just keep dating me and then other people. Because he could have. I didn't know that. I'm not a person who goes through someone's phone. I didn't think he was dating other people, but he knew that. He's very protective and good to the women in his life. His respect for me, his mom, his sister. You guys, anybody messes with me or his mom or his sister, good fucking luck. That's all I have to say. See, that's Mary.

Yeah. That's Mary. She'll rip your heart out if you go for someone she loves. Whoa.

I've never seen her angry, but pretty serious.

Yeah, cutting. Wow. And truthful. Anyone.

Then what was the transition from after that?

What happened? Well, this is where I get a little arrogant. It was four days later. Damn. He called me and he said, Hey, I think in the four days, he had gone on a different date. And he said that he had been sitting there with another girl and just going, What am I doing? What am I doing? She's here. I've got her. I just wasn't able to say it at the time. And he called me four days later and he said, I made a big mistake. I'd like to try again, and I would like to really... I'd like to go for this with you. And I was like, Oh. Well, well, well. And I think that what I had said in… I said to my therapist at the time because I had told him this story, I'm in my 20s, and I'm crying to my therapist in Hollywood about my dating life. And the first thing he said to me was, That's a really good guy who does something like that, who says to you, I can tell that you're in this to win this. I'm not there yet. I don't want to disrespect you.

But my therapist also said, Well, if he comes back, let him earn it.

That's fair.

And I did. And I did.

So this is your therapist who gave you this advice? Yeah.

Who was also our couples therapist.

And then how did you go about letting them earn it?

Well, what had happened was it was around November. And he had gotten a phone call that was like, do you want to go to someplace in the Bahamas for New Year's? And it was one of those things they used to do where you go to this party and we'll cover the cost for your hotel. And he was like, oh, that'd be great. And he said to me, hey, I got this thing. We can go to the Bahamas for... I got this call. We can go to the Bahamas for New Year's. And I was like, oh, cool. And I was just very ambiguous about it. And then he mentioned it two or three more times. I want to book those flights for Bahamas. And I said, I think you should go. And I think he didn't... He brushed that off like, What is she talking about? And that happened like three or four more times.

But hold it. Did you end up going or not?

Yeah, I'm going to get there. And finally, he said, Look, I don't know what... Are we going to the Bahamas for New Year's or not? We got to make the flights. And I said, if If you would like to take me to the Bahamas for New Year's, you can ask. Because he had simply been assuming since we got back together that we were just going on this trip he was invited to, and I wanted something formal. I thought that was my way. So he said, Would you like to come to the Bahamas with me for New Year's? I'd love to take you. And I said, Yes, I would. And that was really the extent of me making him earn it.

But for Dax-It was a lesson learned.

It was a good lesson. That's a big deal. He's not a formal person at all. I forced him to formally ask me, and I felt very good and respected, and I felt like that's the extent of it. And then we were just love birds forever beyond that.

Thank God.

Wow. That's great. I love that story.

Me too.

But we're polar opposites.

You know that. I saw you in the little research thingy here, how you have been quoted saying, We are exact opposites.

Yeah. Well, he likes to explain it, where if we're walking down the street and someone passes us, my first thought is, that might be the person that cures cancer. And his first thought is, that guy might have stolen my wallet. We were born those people. I grew up with a lot of sheep. He grew up with a lot of wolves. Sheep? Yeah. He grew up with a lot of wolves. And we act accordingly. But that's why we know to meet in the middle.

It's true that you and I do hide under the table while Mary and Dax talk. That's so funny. I'm very much that way. Okay, you to me, are sparkling. Anything you want, you go get. I don't know if that's really true, but you are so positive and you do so many things. What are your dreams that you haven't realized yet? Do you have dreams?

I I think becoming more artistic for the sake of my own gut instincts or intuition is something I've been wanting to explore because I do feel like I have for a very, very long time... I don't know how you guys feel if you're choosy with your projects. I feel like there have been very few things I've said no to. If it's come up and I've booked it, I've done it. And that's why My resume looks like an EKG, right? So I just am like, I can find the upside of this. Yeah, it's a silly script. The people are wonderful. Yeah, it's going to be a hard shoot, but it's a great script. I'm so optimistic that I can make any situation great. But lately, I've been painting a little bit again, and I've been really enjoying it. And so I want to find something that's just for me. And it It's not a big dream. It's a small dream. I would just want to get to know myself better because I know I'm the type of person that is drastically impacted by the energy around me. And so I can ebb and flow with anything.

But even with the amount of time I spend alone, which is a fair amount. I love alone time. I don't feel like there's a ton of self-discovery in that alone time yet.

When I look at you and one of the words that Mary taught me was a sister. Some women aren't sisters. They don't get along well with women or they don't whatever. You, to me, are a sister. You love women. Is my impression of you. Is that right? Yeah. What do you look for in a friend? What it makes a friend for you?

A friend for me? I'm trying articulate it.

That's a heavy, serious question.

It is. Well, and I want to answer it seriously. So someone who is jovial, I guess, doesn't need to be the funiest joke writer or deliverer ever, but can see the funny in the world, someone who doesn't mind embarrassment. I find people that take themselves very seriously might not be my people. I think everything deserves to be loved and everything deserves to be made fun of. I find that's a really comfortable lane for me. That's great. Okay, here's another great thing in a friend. I need someone who's curious. I like someone who's curious, open to debate. Obviously, I married Dax Sheppard. I mean, all we do, it's like our bedroom is a judge's chamber. It's just debate after debate after debate. I'm like, sometimes I'm like, I need to go to bed. His podcast The podcast was the best thing that ever happened to me because I didn't get so much of the energy at night because he loves to debate. He's so fueled by it. People who are not open to... I'm hesitating right now because I don't want to say just the negatives because I believe in the Brené Brown thing where if you meet someone based on something you hate, where's the depth?

Like, oh, we met because we both hate Metallica or something. And then that's our relationship. No, meet someone because you love something together. But I don't like righteousness at all. I don't like people that don't listen to others' points of view because there's a balance to this world and there are things you can take even from a point of view you think is so wrong. Curiousness, comedy, and an ease of friendship. I think with-Yes.

Meaning, Why haven't you called me? Is not a good friend.

You don't want the energy, vampire.

That's going to get you blocked in my phone before anything is why haven't you called or texted? My friends, the ones I've kept close and the ones that I thrive with are ones that we could go every day for six months and then not a single day for six months. Then when we start again, it's exactly like it was.

Just want to reach over there and squeeze you like I did.

Because we haven't talked in a minute, but we used to Marco Polo a lot.

That's true.

We fell off of Marco Polo. I like seeing your face.

I think I offended a couple of times. There's a great app where you take a video of yourself and talk to people and then hit it and boom, it goes through their phone. It's like an audiovisual text message.

Yeah, it's a video text, basically, but it's in an app, so you're sending video. Rather than taking a video and going, Hey, Woody's Kristen, here's the thing for today, and then sending it.

Let me explain something about Woody. He doesn't have a phone. He's one of those bullies in life that make other people carry his phone phone.

Well, now that's not exactly true.

Hey, we need to know something immediately. Call Woody, and I just laugh at whoever says that to me.

Well, I just don't like to be readily available to any human being at any time.

It doesn't feel good.

No. And plus, that's not the reason. I like to be in touch with people in a way, but I don't like the appendage on my appendage. I made a thing where I'm like, okay, I'm going to set a two-hour limit on my phone because I've given it up now. Three, three and a half years. But back then I was like, okay, I'm going to set this limit. Two hours. It's like 9:30. I've already hit my limit at 9:30. So I woke up and I've on it two hours already because you know how it can just keep going and going. There's no end to it.

Is this like phone calls?

No, I never used it as a phone ever.

Just for texting or apps?

Yeah, texting. Well, I don't know about apps, but texting and also whatever. So finally, I wanted to be able to be in this. If I were out to dinner with you, right? And there's just a lull in the conversation. Oh, I'm on the phone. Oh, yeah. And I look, I'm back down to the device. But I think once you recognize that, it reshapes, at least it did for me, my whole perspective.

I think my kids had a lot to do with that, too, where I realized they were talking to me. My kids are also very emotionally articulate. If I'd be checking something, even if it would be the most valid thing ever, like, Oh, her jiu-jitsu class is changing times tomorrow. I need to tell the other moms, whatever, like a valid thing. And one of my kids would look at me and go, I just feel like you're disconnected. I don't have your whole attention, mom. And I'm like, oh, fuck.

What a healthy comment.

I love that.

It's wild. They're like, they are... Yesterday, Delta said they had gotten into a fight about something. Their reset time is getting astoundingly quick. So they were fighting about something. Delta is the younger one. She had said something to the older one that made her cry. And the older one runs out of the room crying. Delta sits there and squeezing her eyes shut. And within two seconds, she went, I just bullied my sister. I tried to make her feel small because I wanted to feel big. I should not have done that. I looked at her and I looked to Dax because we weren't paying attention to this fight they were having. I looked at Dax and then Delta ran out of the room to go apologize to her sister. Dax looked at me and he was like, I don't we've ever said an apology that clear and concise to each other in the 15 years we've been married.

That is wildly impressive. How old? Eight.

Eight? That's unbelievable. But they will call me on it, and it has actually made me voluntarily, I almost feel like I'm over the hub of addiction with my phone because when they get home from school, I do put it down. I put it upstairs. It's not in my Ether when we're bopping around the house at night. I really enjoy being less connected to it. It's such a trick.

Yeah. I admire what you do with phones, by the way, Woody. I need to emulate that more.

Let's chew them. Hey, I wanted to ask you about that jiu-jitsu thing.

Yeah, me too, by the way. We're all into jiu-jitsu.

I started doing jiu-jitsu with my daughter, but then I got injured, not from that, from something else. Then I got out of it for a while, and then she stopped doing it. But that's such a great thing. Amazing. Because it's nice to know the jiu-jitsu. One of the worst things you can imagine is someone being on top of you. On the mount.

I can get out of it.

But jiu-jitsu, no, It's not a problem.

No problem. Hop on. I'll break your arm.

In fact, take the mount, and in three moves, I'll have you in an arm bar and I can snap your elbow. I could break your arm. Edward, I could break your arm.

I know. Can you kick me in the and break my nose?

That's not jujitsu. We're just starting to re-break it. We're starting to work. No, push kicks are jujitsu, but they're more- But yeah, that's just pain compliance holds. Yes. They're also... Jujitsu is so about defense and de-escalation. So Wait, where were you taking jiu-jitsu?

That was in Hawaii.

Oh, okay. Because you know the Gracie family? Yes. So that we're- Brazilian. Yeah. So they invented jiu-jitsu. Hoi Gracy holds the record for, I think his fight was like 39 hours or something. But they invented this style of connection distance leverage, where you can be small and use the connection between your body and the other person's, your body in the ground, the leverage you have and the distance between that you're holding, whether it's close or far. Because a lot of times, jiu-jitsu is counterintuitive, where if you come to attack me, all I want to do is get you as close as possible to my body, because then you can't hit me in the face. So the granddaughter, Cecilina Gracey, is who teaches us. And she is the closest thing to Wonder Woman walking around I've ever seen. She's like 6 feet tall. She's a 12.

She-brazilian? Yes.

The first thing, the first class, because we do it with moms and daughters. It's three moms, three daughters. And the first class is all about posture of the champion. You tie a string around your heart and you lift it up. And the first class is all about using your voice. That's your first line of defense for anything. I don't like that. I don't like that game. And then you use these hand signals. She teaches you how to get out of hugs. And now we've been taking for a year and a half or so, a lot of the lessons are about de-escalation, never giving someone your back, maintaining that you're asking them throughout the fight if they were to attack you. Are you going to stop? Are you going to stop? And if they say no, you know you need to go one step further. Snap. Bingo. But we've learned chokes. I mean, my 10-year-old, they passed their second belt, and she was like, We're ready for a choke. All the little girls started crying because this day and age, it's very scary. But she spoke to them about it. She said, It's like 6 to 9 seconds when someone passes out.

Here's how you do it. We're going to talk about it with your mom's first. She enlightens them in a way that empowers them. Oh, it's wild. It's wild. It's so fun. Now, we've taken for a year and a half. We've all gone up a stripe on our belt, and I love it.

Wow. I love it. That's great.

Now, we spar.

Yeah.

Which is really wild.

It is wild, especially if you start on the ground. If you spar and you're up, you can get hurt if you're not pretty good at it.

Yeah. Well, there's different also releases is depending on how they grab you. But then there's... I could take someone down. If someone were to grab me, I could take them down and mount them in an instant. I feel really confident. I don't know that I could win the jiu-jitsu fight, but that's called the Oso to Gari, where you're wrapping your leg around. I know that in muscle memory. I'm starting to apply all these things she's taught us to complete muscle memory so that if I ever get attacked, it's lights out.

It was so much fun. I had a trainer who is Brazilian and was good at all of it. He worked with Jean Jacques. I can't remember his last name. I'm sure the Gracie family. If you ask about Jean Jacques. Jean Jacques Cuso? No.

I tried.

But it was the most fun I ever had. To feel when you're in the midst of it. To feel, Oh, if I do this, it will lead to that, and then I'm screwed. How to pivot. Yeah. I also love tapping. That's a big thing. You tap.

Oh, yeah.

You could hurt me now and you tap. That's what life needs. You need to be able to tap out.

That's true. That's because everybody has different thresholds, right? So if someone taps, you know they're a little bit more sensitive.

Can I ask you guys a question on this score? You're talking about we need tapping in life. But also, suppose you had a little device, your remote, like you have for your TV. And you have a little button where you could just vaporize a person. Now, no one's going to even know that it had anything to do with you. It's not like a bullet where they can trace. No No trace. You vaporize, but they're gone. They're just not on the Earth anymore. Would you find yourself ever using that?

I'm not sure. Probably not, Woody.

Can we talk afterwards, Woody? No, I'm not saying... I know it doesn't sound weird. Okay, now I'm a weirdo, sinister.

No, it's a great question.

Okay.

It is a great question. Answer it. You're our guest.

It's a great question because I have a very utilitarian outlook on the world. I find that to be my gut instinct. To vaporize someone, asking a follow-up, they then vaporize in relation to the rest of their family. Their family doesn't know where they are.

They're gone from the Earth.

They're gone from the Earth, so they don't come home that night, and their mother worries. Ever. Couldn't vaporize them then. What I will do is go ahead and buy that remote from you if there's a mute button. I would mute everyone. Mute, mute, mute, mute, everyone.

I love that.

Woody, I have something like that.

I've done that with people. Mute.

Mute.

It's like, Are your ears just monumental or do you ever actually... But what?

I have something like that that serves me well, and I do it on a daily basis. It's a little bizarre, but if I have a fantasy that goes bad in my head and all of a sudden it's violent, I will implement this. If there's a real situation that happened and I can't let it go or a person, it's my way of vaporizing. I will eat it. I will eat that image, that fantasy, that thought. I will chew on it. I will digest it. This takes about two seconds. And then I fart it out. Fart. Fart out that whole bad incident. And the process of eating a bad incident and then farting it out is so satisfying. First off, it makes you laugh because it's really stupid, and it's gone. I can literally get rid of all my bad feelings about somebody or some moment by farting them out.

So there's a little bit of vaporization going on.

Yes, that's why I thought about it.

Really new meaning to silent but deadly.

Wow, that's impressive.

I like that. Try it. You try it. It's great.

I like all those tips and tricks. Fart it out. Thank you. Those little mental tips and tricks you do for yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, I'll try it. I'll fart someone out. I'm going to fart you out as soon as I leave.

A couple of questions. Do you sing at home on your own?

If I'm not silenced, yeah. My kids have no respect for me. Yeah.

Because Delta is a little Ethel Mermon in the making, if I remember.

Oh, yeah. Well, we call her Shirley Farley. She's a perfect combination of if Chris Farley and Shirley Temple had a baby, that's what she is. The comedy, everything you're picturing is that. They both like to sing, but it's been a very long time since they've ever let me sing around them or sing them to sleep. They just find it nauseating.

But when a job comes your way- I would say, fine, well, you can't afford it anyway. You love to sing, though. If you get paid to go sing someplace, on it. Yes.

I'll do it when I'm not paid. I love it so much. It's why I sing when Mary writes. I'll do I've laid down some tracks for Mary when she writes, and I love it. I'm in a different world. There's a different level of my brain that is activated and things make sense when there's a musical element to them.

That's great.

Can I ask you? I wanted to ask you about because I was so pissed that I missed the Crucible that you did with Liam and Laura Linnie. What was that like, that experience?

Age what?

Was it intense?

Very. Age 19 or 20? I want to say 20, maybe. It was the most heightened excitement I had experienced at that age. Like, oh, my gosh, I I booked this Broadway show, and it happens to star these two people who I think are doing some of the best work out there. I just left NYU at the time, so I was very, very into like, Lankston Hughes and Qs All sorts, like a ton of playwrights and really studying. It was nerve-wracking. I met one of my best friends of all time, Jennifer Carpenter, who I don't know if you guys saw Dexter. She was on Dexter forever. There were five of us girls, and it was an eight-month contract. Usually in New York, it has to be a year, but I think Liam and Laura had said eight months. It was exhausting.

Were you Abigail?

No, I was Susanna, and I understudied Mary Warren. Jennifer was Mary Warren. So it was exhausting because the girls parts in that show are so frantic. So there was this energy that I had to carry around with me during the show and on stage that even if I wasn't moving or talking, I had to appear like I was about to bubble over. And then in the second act, we all had to go crazy, basically. And I remember, I have this fear of eye drops now because prior to the second act, we'd have to go out on stage during the witch trial, and we're all looking up at the lights and pretending like we're being exercised. Our eyes were so exhausted from looking up at the lights, and they'd go along the line with all the girls and give them eye drops right before they went out. I absolutely hated it. But I think I learned so much from the actors in that show because it was like John Benjamin Hickey. It was like, really, really experienced New York people. Laura was so generous with us girls in her time and her advice. And then she also said, If you guys have any questions for me, she just made herself available.

So it was an exhausting eight months, but it was like a work study that I'd never known. And I remember she said, If you ever get into film and TV, the number one thing you need to remember is you need to learn every camera guy's name, every lighting guy's name, and respect everyone on set because you can fail if you don't have those friendships. It's like, you can do the best acting work in the world. If you're not lit, nobody cares. Right. So have respect for those around you.

And they're your audience.

Yeah.

Why would you- And they're your team.

Yeah. It was wonderful, but exhausting.

Well, yeah, I envied that experience. I bet. Yeah.

Because it was a heavy, it's heavy play. Yeah, heavy. It's a heavy, heavy play. More weight. Yeah.

It's- Who was talking to recently? He's going to do once. They're I'm going to do Long Day's Journey and Tonight. I can't remember who it was, but I'm like, Why?

I think in it, do you find in your older age, you keep asking why? Because now I'm like, if I'm not going to be laughing on set and I'm going to be home by dinner, I don't really care. Oh, my God. Am I not an actor anymore? Do I not? That's why I'm looking for other creative outlets because I don't have the fire I used to have about finding the depth and darkness of a character. I'm just like, I really want to go home and do a puzzle and play Uno with my kids.

I like my pillow.

Yeah, me too.

I like the bedding we sleep on.

Some of the heavy stuff I really do have a lot of admiration for the actors that take it on and live in that for months at a time. Me too.

I don't know if I'm that person.

Yeah.

I have guilt, a little from all the theater training and all the actors I respect. Not guilt, but I do question myself.

But there's a place for everyone, I guess. A good place. Give us the light. A good place. Give us the light stuff. Did you ever find you were a person that wanted the heaviness, that take on a really… Like damages.

In the beginning, but damages was funny.

It's funny to be such a narcissist. You don't realize there's a giant woman called Glenn Close that's about to lop your head off. Anyway. Okay, enough about us. I love you so much, and thank you for coming in and talking to us.

I'm so happy I got to see you.

Yeah. Well, thank you. Sorry, go ahead.

You ask about whatever you asked about. But what came to my mind was this podcast. I am loving sitting, talking to people, and getting to know them. I'm getting to know more about you because we were there to do a job together. So you chat, you give a hug, and you admire and you love, and you let that person know it, and then you go to work. It's fun to know more about you and talk to you.

Sitting here and talk to you instead of bringing you your apples and peanut butter.

No, that was good. That was better.

Well, it has really been a joy getting to hang out with you. I think you're awesome. You're a fantastic actress, but the way you're living your life and raising your kids and schooling your husband, I really want to... I just tipped my hats off to you.Thanks. Although it's actually on. This is fun.

This is fun, guys. Yeah. Thanks for having me.

That's our show for This week, sending so much love to Kristen for being here. Hi, Dax. Maybe we will see you soon. Thanks to Woody and also our friends at Team Coco. If you're loving this podcast so far, please tell a friend and subscribe and leave us an Apple podcast rating if you're feeling up to it and in a good mood. We're a news show, so it really does help. Thank you. Really appreciate it. See you back here next week, Where Everybody Knows Your Name.

You've been listening to Where Everybody Knows Your Name with Ted Danson and Woody Harrelson, Sometimes. The show is produced by me, nick Liao. Executive producers are Adam Sacks, Colin Anderson, Jeff Ross, and myself. Sarah Federovich is our supervising producer. Our senior producer is Matt Apodaka. Engineering and mixing by Joanna Samuel with support from Eduardo Perez. Research by Alyssa Graal. Talent Booking by Paula Davis and Gina Batista. Our theme music is by Woody Harrelson, Anthony Genn, Mary Steembergen, and John Osborn. Special thanks to Willy Navaray. We'll have more for you next time for Everybody Knows Your Name.

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