This podcast is marked Explicit intentionally because some of the topics may be difficult for some listeners. We've provided resources and more information in the show notes. This podcast is a true story. Some names and details have been changed to conceal identities of those who wish to remain anonymous.

I believe everyone should have the opportunity to tell their own story. It's the worst way to meet an incredible group of women. You probably think this story is about you. I'm Brittany Ard. This story is theirs. Once I started connecting with these women, it was very clear that we had a lot of notes to compare and receipts to exchange as we tried to understand who it was that we had been with. I created a private Facebook group that was just the women that I had connected with. We shared stories and compared notes. I met with some of the women who felt open to talking in person. Some of the women have chosen not to. All of them, including myself, have been scared to have this conversation publicly. The biggest fear for most of women was that he'll know who it She's a mom of two, school teacher and all around badass.Right now, I teach first grade, and this is my first year teaching first grade. I was married for a second time, and we are divorced. I did stay at home with my two children and then went back to teaching. Things had gone pretty sour with my ex-husband for quite a while, and he had told me for a long time he was divorcing me. I'm just saying that because letting you know, it was only a matter of months after I moved out on my own with my two children that I decided I just wanted to know if I was as horrible and annoying and dumb and ugly and fat as my ex-husband thought I was. I was looking for validation when I got on the apps, and I know now, I think I knew then, but the need for validation was stronger than my wisdom for knowing that that was not a good place to be.She's had a couple of I've had relationships that have left her feeling like she's less than, and she's not. Every interaction I've had with her and every time we talk, she continuously shows me how strong she is.I saw an ad for Hinge on TV, and I downloaded it. A lot of swipes left, like no thank you's, a lot of no thank you's. A lot of no thank you's? Yes, a lot of no thank yous. Yes, a lot of no thank yous. Then when I came across his profile, he seemed so charming, even just from the few things that he said on his post. The things that- His dimples, though. I know.His main picture and there's a sparkle in his eye on his profile picture.So he was just patient, kind, funny. He never pushed himself on me or at me. And I mean, physically, but also verbally. He always seemed to, when we were in conversations, to put things out there. The first thing that he said to me when we were on Hinge and I was going through all of the messages, and he and I were going back and forth, and I knew that I really liked him. I needed to get to bed. So I was getting ready to go to sleep, and I was like, Well, maybe we can continue this conversation tomorrow. And then I put my phone away, woke up the next morning, and his message was, I really enjoyed our conversation. I'm just going to leave this right here. And he put his phone number. When we first met, I remember seeing him in person for the first time, and I thought, Oh, my gosh, he looks so much better in person I offered to go over to his house and cook dinner for him. He seemed to be like a big foodie, and that is how I spoil my men. Typically, I remember it was chicken because he was funny about that.He said, I see you judging me taking a second piece. Everything he said was funny. I felt validated with I know it's dumb, but just cooking for him. He was so excited about cooking for him, and I would leave leftovers for him. I'd bring him treats. In fact, he still has my casserole dish.Fun fact number one. All of my bakeware and Tupperware are the results of me not returning it to the original owners. He still has one of my little coolers because I would also take him food and lasañas and things and drop him off, and I lost that. I'm sure She has a whole collection of random women's dishes in his house. Because same thing, he's always like, Oh, I just don't have time to cook, or, Oh, I'm just eating chicken and rice. He'd send a picture of some lame meal. I also cook for people. It's how I show love. When you got there, did he tell you you were the second woman to ever become? Oh, yes. Because that's his famous opening line.He told me I was the first woman, and then he corrected himself and said, Actually, there's been one other and she accused me of being married because I know how to decorate. I looked around and I said, Well, I guess I can see that, but I don't know that I would jump to accusing you of being married simply because you know how to decorate. I had to slow myself down because when I first met him, I was like, Oh, I'm just going to take it easy and get to know him. Then I found myself like, grabbing his face and kissing him because I just thought he was so charming and so funny. I told I said, This is embarrassing to say, but I will say it. I told him, I said, You're just so delicious in every way, emotionally, intellectually, physically. I just really, really liked him. Perfect first date. More than perfect. I went home, I was humming all the way home and singing. So happy. And yeah, Of course, he smelled really good. So good.So good. I used to make him put his cologne on sweatshirts, and I would take them with me. I was like, I just need this smell all the time.Well, apparently, he understood that that's something that females enjoy. And so he sent a sweatshirt home with me after he did that because I was like, Oh, you smell so good. And he goes, Hold on. And he sprayed some stuff on it, sent it home with me. He's like, I want this back. He must have a room of sweatshirts. He He must.You were his Penguin?Is that right? Oh, my goodness. Yes. And that was early on where he's like, I think you're my Penguin. He just had this huge realization that I was his Penguin. And do you know about this? Let me tell you about what penguins, they mate for life. And he just seemed to be so struck by meeting his Penguin. And I'm not going to lie, where I was in life, I was a little terrified. I'm like, I don't want to meet anybody's Penguin. I'm going to waddle away. Yeah, I still hadn't gotten completely divorced. My ex-husband was fighting me for everything. And thank goodness, we didn't have children together, so we didn't have to argue about that. But he was still stalking me at that point. And Ted even said protective things like, I don't think he's going to want to deal with me. He would say things like that. And I was just a little bit mortified because I didn't want people to know where I came from and how sick my relationship was with my ex husband. I just really wanted it to be over. And now I'm learning it takes years and months and more years of getting over it.But at the same time, if I'm going to be anybody's Penguin, it's this guy because he seemed so amazing and perfect. But I was a little upset that I had met him at this volatile period of my life. But I was also trying to make sure I was open to good things. But then I started seeing the red flags and realizing maybe this isn't as good as I thought it was. He complained first saying that he wasn't important enough to me to make time for him. And then literally, only four or five days later, he said that I was being clingy. So obviously, I recognized that as gaslighting, which was my first red flag. We didn't discuss being exclusive. My understanding was that we were, I guess I presumed incorrectly, that I was the only one. He never spoke about anybody else, but he did talk a lot. And so because he spoke a lot about his work and family and his son, he also spoke a lot about a lot about being a twin, about his sister.Kanan had sent Danielle a photo and said that it was him and his grandma and twin sister. His twin sister, who had the same name as his wife. He sent me the same photo and told me that it was a picture of his grandmother and his stepsister.So on one hand, he would celebrate, Oh, I have this sister. She's amazing. We talk all the time. And then the very next moment, he would be telling me, Well, I haven't spoken to her in three years or something. I guess he had been arguing with her and had fight with her and was telling me about how he didn't agree with what she was doing. I tried to clarify, and he would be flippant about it and dismissive. And because he He's so verbally astute. I don't know if there's a better word for that. It's like verbal gymnastics. If you try to pinpoint a truth with him, it felt as you were attacking him.Story with me is that he had a brother and a sister-in-law, and they had, I think, four girls, and they lived in Texas. And same thing, they would have conversations all the time, but then he'd get mad because they kicked him off as Hulu or things like that. The sister-in-law's name was-Tasha. T-a-s-y-a.And no one spells it like that. No one spells it like that.When When I started talking to Tasha, it was very clear that the sister-in-law that had made his dating profile didn't exist. He had used his ex-girlfriend's name in place of that.My name's Tasha, and I dated... I A lot of people call him Chris, but he told me his name was Chris, so I called him Chris.Kanan's full name is quite a mouthful, and he has two first names. He uses one of those names on the app, but once you get to know him, he'll tell you what his real name is. Red flag.And I dated him from probably 2019 to, I don't know, middle of 2020.He told me that his brother and sister-in-law lived in Texas and had these kids or whatever. Her name was Tasha.And he had her Hulu account, right?Yeah. And at one point, did you kick him off? Yeah. There was one time I went over to his house and he was in a salty not a bad mood, but just he was complaining about how his brother and sister-in-law had kicked him off of Hulu. They told him that he needed to just pay for his own Hulu and had this whole big dramatic story and was all butt hurt that his brother had kicked him off of Hulu. And so when I first saw your name, because that's how he spelled it, I was like, this motherfucker.We went to Ikea for our first date. He was saying, I need to furnish my house, and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, Where have you gone? He didn't really know. And I said, You live out there and you haven't gone to Ikea? That's literally where you should... Who doesn't go to Ikea to furnish an apartment, right? And he was like, Oh, my God. I've never been to Ikea Ikea. So I was like, Oh, my God. It's my most favorite place. I could live there. So he was like, Would you be willing to go with me? Sure. Let's go. That sounds fun. Yeah. And so we go. We walk throughout the entire Ikea. We get some stuff. Stuff, get some book shelves and a dresser and all this stuff. And I had told him that my favorite pizza was cheese with a ton of pineapple on it. It was just like, that's just a weirdo like that. And so we get back to his house and he had ordered my favorite pizza. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, that's so sweet.He listened to me.Yeah, he remembered. That's such a random thing to remember. We put together a bookshelf by we, I mean me, and opened a bottle of wine and thing led to another. The next morning, he gives me the gate opener for his gated community and says, I really want you to be able to come whenever you want. I'm thinking like, No, I'm Okay, I don't really need that. He's like, No, I want to this podcast right now. And also, give us a rate or review on Apple podcast or Spotify.

She's a mom of two, school teacher and all around badass.

Right now, I teach first grade, and this is my first year teaching first grade. I was married for a second time, and we are divorced. I did stay at home with my two children and then went back to teaching. Things had gone pretty sour with my ex-husband for quite a while, and he had told me for a long time he was divorcing me. I'm just saying that because letting you know, it was only a matter of months after I moved out on my own with my two children that I decided I just wanted to know if I was as horrible and annoying and dumb and ugly and fat as my ex-husband thought I was. I was looking for validation when I got on the apps, and I know now, I think I knew then, but the need for validation was stronger than my wisdom for knowing that that was not a good place to be.

She's had a couple of I've had relationships that have left her feeling like she's less than, and she's not. Every interaction I've had with her and every time we talk, she continuously shows me how strong she is.

I saw an ad for Hinge on TV, and I downloaded it. A lot of swipes left, like no thank you's, a lot of no thank you's. A lot of no thank you's? Yes, a lot of no thank yous. Yes, a lot of no thank yous. Then when I came across his profile, he seemed so charming, even just from the few things that he said on his post. The things that- His dimples, though. I know.

His main picture and there's a sparkle in his eye on his profile picture.

So he was just patient, kind, funny. He never pushed himself on me or at me. And I mean, physically, but also verbally. He always seemed to, when we were in conversations, to put things out there. The first thing that he said to me when we were on Hinge and I was going through all of the messages, and he and I were going back and forth, and I knew that I really liked him. I needed to get to bed. So I was getting ready to go to sleep, and I was like, Well, maybe we can continue this conversation tomorrow. And then I put my phone away, woke up the next morning, and his message was, I really enjoyed our conversation. I'm just going to leave this right here. And he put his phone number. When we first met, I remember seeing him in person for the first time, and I thought, Oh, my gosh, he looks so much better in person I offered to go over to his house and cook dinner for him. He seemed to be like a big foodie, and that is how I spoil my men. Typically, I remember it was chicken because he was funny about that.

He said, I see you judging me taking a second piece. Everything he said was funny. I felt validated with I know it's dumb, but just cooking for him. He was so excited about cooking for him, and I would leave leftovers for him. I'd bring him treats. In fact, he still has my casserole dish.

Fun fact number one. All of my bakeware and Tupperware are the results of me not returning it to the original owners. He still has one of my little coolers because I would also take him food and lasañas and things and drop him off, and I lost that. I'm sure She has a whole collection of random women's dishes in his house. Because same thing, he's always like, Oh, I just don't have time to cook, or, Oh, I'm just eating chicken and rice. He'd send a picture of some lame meal. I also cook for people. It's how I show love. When you got there, did he tell you you were the second woman to ever become? Oh, yes. Because that's his famous opening line.

He told me I was the first woman, and then he corrected himself and said, Actually, there's been one other and she accused me of being married because I know how to decorate. I looked around and I said, Well, I guess I can see that, but I don't know that I would jump to accusing you of being married simply because you know how to decorate. I had to slow myself down because when I first met him, I was like, Oh, I'm just going to take it easy and get to know him. Then I found myself like, grabbing his face and kissing him because I just thought he was so charming and so funny. I told I said, This is embarrassing to say, but I will say it. I told him, I said, You're just so delicious in every way, emotionally, intellectually, physically. I just really, really liked him. Perfect first date. More than perfect. I went home, I was humming all the way home and singing. So happy. And yeah, Of course, he smelled really good. So good.

So good. I used to make him put his cologne on sweatshirts, and I would take them with me. I was like, I just need this smell all the time.

Well, apparently, he understood that that's something that females enjoy. And so he sent a sweatshirt home with me after he did that because I was like, Oh, you smell so good. And he goes, Hold on. And he sprayed some stuff on it, sent it home with me. He's like, I want this back. He must have a room of sweatshirts. He He must.

You were his Penguin?

Is that right? Oh, my goodness. Yes. And that was early on where he's like, I think you're my Penguin. He just had this huge realization that I was his Penguin. And do you know about this? Let me tell you about what penguins, they mate for life. And he just seemed to be so struck by meeting his Penguin. And I'm not going to lie, where I was in life, I was a little terrified. I'm like, I don't want to meet anybody's Penguin. I'm going to waddle away. Yeah, I still hadn't gotten completely divorced. My ex-husband was fighting me for everything. And thank goodness, we didn't have children together, so we didn't have to argue about that. But he was still stalking me at that point. And Ted even said protective things like, I don't think he's going to want to deal with me. He would say things like that. And I was just a little bit mortified because I didn't want people to know where I came from and how sick my relationship was with my ex husband. I just really wanted it to be over. And now I'm learning it takes years and months and more years of getting over it.

But at the same time, if I'm going to be anybody's Penguin, it's this guy because he seemed so amazing and perfect. But I was a little upset that I had met him at this volatile period of my life. But I was also trying to make sure I was open to good things. But then I started seeing the red flags and realizing maybe this isn't as good as I thought it was. He complained first saying that he wasn't important enough to me to make time for him. And then literally, only four or five days later, he said that I was being clingy. So obviously, I recognized that as gaslighting, which was my first red flag. We didn't discuss being exclusive. My understanding was that we were, I guess I presumed incorrectly, that I was the only one. He never spoke about anybody else, but he did talk a lot. And so because he spoke a lot about his work and family and his son, he also spoke a lot about a lot about being a twin, about his sister.

Kanan had sent Danielle a photo and said that it was him and his grandma and twin sister. His twin sister, who had the same name as his wife. He sent me the same photo and told me that it was a picture of his grandmother and his stepsister.

So on one hand, he would celebrate, Oh, I have this sister. She's amazing. We talk all the time. And then the very next moment, he would be telling me, Well, I haven't spoken to her in three years or something. I guess he had been arguing with her and had fight with her and was telling me about how he didn't agree with what she was doing. I tried to clarify, and he would be flippant about it and dismissive. And because he He's so verbally astute. I don't know if there's a better word for that. It's like verbal gymnastics. If you try to pinpoint a truth with him, it felt as you were attacking him.

Story with me is that he had a brother and a sister-in-law, and they had, I think, four girls, and they lived in Texas. And same thing, they would have conversations all the time, but then he'd get mad because they kicked him off as Hulu or things like that. The sister-in-law's name was-Tasha. T-a-s-y-a.

And no one spells it like that. No one spells it like that.

When When I started talking to Tasha, it was very clear that the sister-in-law that had made his dating profile didn't exist. He had used his ex-girlfriend's name in place of that.

My name's Tasha, and I dated... I A lot of people call him Chris, but he told me his name was Chris, so I called him Chris.

Kanan's full name is quite a mouthful, and he has two first names. He uses one of those names on the app, but once you get to know him, he'll tell you what his real name is. Red flag.

And I dated him from probably 2019 to, I don't know, middle of 2020.

He told me that his brother and sister-in-law lived in Texas and had these kids or whatever. Her name was Tasha.

And he had her Hulu account, right?

Yeah. And at one point, did you kick him off? Yeah. There was one time I went over to his house and he was in a salty not a bad mood, but just he was complaining about how his brother and sister-in-law had kicked him off of Hulu. They told him that he needed to just pay for his own Hulu and had this whole big dramatic story and was all butt hurt that his brother had kicked him off of Hulu. And so when I first saw your name, because that's how he spelled it, I was like, this motherfucker.

We went to Ikea for our first date. He was saying, I need to furnish my house, and blah, blah, blah. And I was like, Where have you gone? He didn't really know. And I said, You live out there and you haven't gone to Ikea? That's literally where you should... Who doesn't go to Ikea to furnish an apartment, right? And he was like, Oh, my God. I've never been to Ikea Ikea. So I was like, Oh, my God. It's my most favorite place. I could live there. So he was like, Would you be willing to go with me? Sure. Let's go. That sounds fun. Yeah. And so we go. We walk throughout the entire Ikea. We get some stuff. Stuff, get some book shelves and a dresser and all this stuff. And I had told him that my favorite pizza was cheese with a ton of pineapple on it. It was just like, that's just a weirdo like that. And so we get back to his house and he had ordered my favorite pizza. And I'm thinking, oh, my God, that's so sweet.

He listened to me.

Yeah, he remembered. That's such a random thing to remember. We put together a bookshelf by we, I mean me, and opened a bottle of wine and thing led to another. The next morning, he gives me the gate opener for his gated community and says, I really want you to be able to come whenever you want. I'm thinking like, No, I'm Okay, I don't really need that. He's like, No, I want to this podcast right now. And also, give us a rate or review on Apple podcast or Spotify.

to this podcast right now. And also, give us a rate or review on Apple podcast or Spotify.